Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Lou Sanders S9E8

Episode Date: May 20, 2019

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Lou SandersLou Sanders - https://twitter.com/LouSandersPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her coarse debris and pat in love for it. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters for December 15th.

Greetings, listener dear. We are Pappies, I'm Tom. I'm Ben, And I'm Matthew. And welcome to the latest Papi's Flat Share podcast. This week it is a beef brothers cold cuts. Yes it is. Yes, Clarky. What's a beef brothers cold cuts? Ah, it's when we take a problem that one of you a dear listener has with a flatmate and we discuss it

with a very special guest and then we solve it. Yes, we try our level best to special guest and then we solve it. Yes, we try our level best to solve your flat share based beefs. You can email them to us at beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com and we will try and solve them on the show. And also our decision we've decided is legally binding. It is legally binding. Yes, our decision is final. Whatever we suggest, even if we suggest several different things that are conflicting. Which is often the case. You've got to do them.

Great. I guess this week, Matt Ow. Oh, I guess this week, Thomas, is the wonderful Los Andes. Oh, fantastic, standard comedian. One of my absolute favorites and a good friend to us. Love has always been a good friend to us. It's been a great pal. Yeah, do go and see her live if you ever get a chance. She's absolutely brilliant. I think she's also on Taskmaster as well. She's great. Great. Well, let's get into it, shall we? This is going to be absolute treat.

Have fun, everybody. No, let's start right now. Oh yeah, I'm not the president. Absolutely, so we welcome our guest, Lou Sanders. Thank you. How are you doing? And that's the thing every week you welcome the guest or you just traditionally. Traditionally we welcome the guest, yeah.

So we're not putting on any errors and graces for you being here. No. But it's lovely to have you. Do you feel welcomed? I feel, can I just say? You feel threatened. I know, I feel absolutely top of my game. Oh, broadcasting podcast wise. Great, fantastic. It's good to see you. You've got me peak talk. Is it peak talk? This is when we've got you. Is that the time of the day? The week. Cycle, very much. Very much. Very much. The older lunar cycle. Hmm, yeah. So. You've not had a period for six years.

So, we've caught you at the perfect time then, haven't we? Coming up to the seven year itch. As it's known, only fancy a period. I love one. I love one. So anyway, what's great to have you here on the podcast. Welcome to our flat. Thank you. It is very basic. Yes, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, there's more, there's more mics than pretty much anything else. Yeah. That's all we've really got. We've got mics than beds. There's more mics than beds. There's more mics than dicks. Yes, more mics than dicks. One more.

That, yeah. Well, well, there's something I can't tell you. We throw out everything that doesn't bring us joy. So black and grey stick. Marker threat is dick and we've got a man top. Crosby's dick's the only thing that brings us joy here, did it? Busy, busy boy. Not a bad dick.

So the reviews are in. If I do say so myself, I want to blow on Trump it on this one is not a bad dick I mean if you can do that then that's exactly why it brings me so much joy So we're gonna solve some of our listeners Flat share based beefs and they mysteries are they mysteries Would you try to turn this into a true crime podcast? So I tell you what why don't you solve them like their mysteries? And we'll solve them like their beef.

How's that look? So remember if you do want to, if you do want to send one in, it's beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com. E-mails. E-mails. Mystery. Mystery of e-mail. How do they work?

It's magic. Wow. Mystery. Mystery. This is exciting. This is good actually. You can just go. Nice. Mr. V's. This is exciting. This is good, actually. You can listen. Nice to have a little sting.

Done live. Mr. V's. Great. Great. We've got that. We've got that. What Mr. V's? So, who's got the most mysterious one?

Let's start with Clarkie. Do you want to start with yours? Alright, I've got one from... First name only? Front name only. Front name. Front name only, Clarkie. You're my front, my last way ever. It's Roger.

Hello, Raj. Great, front name. Really strong, front name. And a name that I think is probably dying out. No offense to Roger. But not on walkie talkies. But I mean, I think the reason. But I walkie talkies dying out. Yes, I'm categorically yes.

So, walkie talkie, it's quite a childish name isn't it? Oh yeah. I wish we started walkingie. But something the army I suppose to use. You're walking and you're talking, but stick early on to suffer there. Careful of my back and you shoot it. Can we stop talking about Dicks please? So yeah so I think Roger I think as a name unfortunately I can't imagine a little baby called Roger. Well you're gonna have a baby could you call it Roger? I could do it. It's going to be a little girl, but you know,

gender is a construct. Thank you. Little baby Roger. Oh, actually, now it's already worn my heart. Roger Crosby. Roger Crosby's everywhere. I think there's a bit of a dodgy assonance in the middle of that, isn't it?

It's a way to do list. Well, three things. Good thing we've put your dick away, isn't it? My bank of shoot, eh? Did was there a Roger? Was there a, when Roger started, was that guy called Roger saying, wait, how was that? Let's back up a second, when Roger started. On the walkie-talkie.

Oh, right, Roger. Not the first Roger. Roger that, Roger Wilkie. Roger that. Because no one's called Roger, so that's a very clever. Yes. You know, because if he said Dave, that, Dave, what? Dave, Dave, which Dave's a very clever. Yes. You know, because if it said Dave, that, Dave, Dave, what?

Dave, Dave, which Dave? Yeah, exactly. Do you think the first baby... Miss BABY. Miss BABY. You're not the first baby to be named Roger, it was named via Walkie Talkie. Is that what you're saying?

No, what I'm saying is... Okay, fair. What I'm saying is... Thanks for playing along. Is... I ain't got to gonna call myself over now. I've been to an improv class. Well, I was flipping that.

Was the first Roger that on a walkie-talkie? Because there was a guy called Roger using the walkie-talkie. So he finished his sentence by saying like, Roger that. That's why did they use Roger? It's a mystery. I never know. It's the first of many mysteries. Roger that.

So what is Roger right? He says, someone named me when I was talking on my walkie-talkie now. Looking forward to having you in my ears in my week. Yes, yes. Yes. My beef is with my son time. Wait, hang on a sec, son time.

Oh, that's what my dad does. My dad does that to my sister, because he's got three sons and a daughter. And so when Beth brings Daddy to a potato something, he'll go, thank you, son. Shine. Because like, he's going to his son. So Beth always has to be sunshine.

Because he really wanted four boys. He wanted the royal flush. The royal flush, yeah. That would be fine. Four King surely. Yeah he wants. I'm shaking my head. You can't see it. I'm sorry. I've turned to little cat, man. OK, so my beef is with my... ...some time flatmate. Ross, are you adding this pattern of... ...or is he doing this to the capitals or...? No, I'm just adding that pattern.

He's just adding a little bit of flavour. But a spice. What he don't realise is that Clark, he is not just doing this podcast. He's also recording a voiceover reel. He's showing the kind of variety he can give. A bit of musicality to proceedings. OK, so sometimes. Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes. Flapmate. Ross. Hello Ross. I stay with Ross for a few weeks every August during the Edinburgh fringe. We both love comedy and who doesn't?

Well, I love a laugh. We all do. I love to giggle. Absolutely. I'll go for a chocolate or a giggle. Our giggle month old you Friday. What do you do on the weekends? We get to the comedy store, right? With a dry eye. Sorry, carry on, please. We both love comedy and him living in Edinburgh makes life a lot easier. This is lovely. This is a lovely story. Where's the beef?

There's no sign of a beef. It's a mystery. It is a mystery. Anyway, thanks for writing in Roger. Remember if you've got just a bunch of sentences, you can send him into beef on the podcast. Adg email.gov. I'm not a friend called sentences, you can send him into me from the podcast at gmail.gov. You're not a friend called Ross,

and you're happy about it? Let us know. I also pop up. I know, he loves comedy. I also pop up a couple of times a year to see him and stay a night or two during non-festival times. It's a gorgeous city, Edin, wrote, to visit outside of the festival.

It's a lot of guests. Some people, by which we mean comedians, forget that it's lovely the rest of the year. I think it's better without the comedies. It's so much better outside of the festival. Boy, got the fridge. As a flatmate, he's great, an amazing host. I love this brilliant friend. It's like, he's great. An amazing host. I love this guy. Brilliant friend. It's like a children's book.

It's like, it doesn't, there's no plot here. It's just Roger and Ross. She's having a great time. Two nice friends. The GPH allegations are coming. Okay, here we go. Okay, here we go. Let's get to the stage.

We've hit the however. However. So an amazing host and a brilliant friend, however. Oh, I don't hear this. My problem lies with Ross's mouse. Oh, Ross is like a mouse. It is a churros' mouse. Are we a mousey?

It isn't a pet mouse. Oh. This is a mouse that lives in the walls of the flat, which Ross has not deemed a big enough issue to get rid of. Right. Tough. Not gonna talk about that, but cool.

Well, I was actually a little distracted there. Sorry, sorry, Clarke, because Thomas drawn what I think is probably the worst drawing of a mouse. Hey, I've ever seen in my life. Now, firstly, very long legs. Such long legs. I'll take a picture of that, and I'll put that up on our Instagram, because that is not. Are you sure you don't want to save that for the patrons?

Listen, if you subscribe to Patreon, listen to dear. You'll receive a t-shirt. You'll receive a t-shirt with our mouse painted on it. That's already going straight in the favourites file, that photo. Okay, there's Tom's mouse. Sorry, so he lives in the walls. Yeah, it lives mainly in the kitchen, stroke living room, classic nice, vintage nice.

Which is where my blow up bed is. In the kitchen? Where I bloody well sleep. He sleeps in the kitchen. Well, kitchen, kind of, a craving room, which I thought was weird, but then I think, it must be a kitchen living room, or a studio type, or a studio type.

The utopia starts to crumble. Yes. A lot of stars is a beautiful vision of friendship. You've got a kitchen living room, haven't you, Perry? I like to call it a studio apartment. It's a studio apartment, very much. You've got a bed living room as haven't you, Perry? I like to call it a studio apartment. It's a studio apartment, very much. You've got a bed living room as well, don't you? I've got an everything living room.

Yeah, basically, you've got a room. Yes. The only thing that's not in the room is the bathroom. I've got a little carton. I've got a little curtain that I draw to sleep behind. Do you draw it as bad as the mouse? Ha, ha, ha. It's got really long legs.

Lou. Yeah. You strike me as somebody who is at one with the animal world Yeah, you're very kind of spiritual person. I did waterboard a mouse once Talk to me about that. Well, I I know it no actually because we have clothes Moths to eat clothes And I won't kill them make that make us really annoyed. I will pick up by the wing and just pop it outside Probably finds it's my back in but I don't that's a lot of people for different moths

So they're living on the outside world now. Thanks to me. I thought if you touched a moth wings It couldn't fly any yeah crumbles. Oh, no, this isn't a moth like a butterfly moth This is like a little like an insecty like brown. It's like a it's called a Carpit moth. Oh, okay. I hate the carpet and I think they're fine because it flew away. Okay fine. But anyway, the point is once I had mice and my boyfriend at the time, he said, we were living together, he said, you just got to ask yourself why are you getting so upset? There was hundreds of mice all over the flat, stinking a piss, like crawling over everything. They do absolutely stink. They stink and they urinate over everything.

Yeah, yeah. I was going mad, I was like we've got to and we tried those different things and they were still growing and I was like this is unbearable, we've got to move out. And did you relay this to your boy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is why I'm getting upset. It stinks upset because we live in a flat full of pitch and he was like Anyway, but then we got desperate and we put I would never do it again I didn't really think through this was years ago And I didn't really think through the consequences, but that's sticky stuff and they get their feet get trapped on it And I thought you could save them.

And you can't, it's so horrific. And then I was like, what the fuck do we do with this one? It was half dead. And then we had to, like he had to hit it. It was so awful. But there is a humane way of getting rid of my, so I would never ever, ever recommend any other way because it's truly haunting.

And we didn't know what we were doing years ago. Oh God, I feel sick about that now. Anyway, you can put stuff on the floor, I think carpet as well. And it tells them to go away because it's hot on their pores, but it doesn't hurt them. And then they... Set fire to the carpet. No, it gets rid of the moss stuff.

It gets rid of the moss. And then it's at the carpet. This is actually really serious. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Yeah, this is the non-jokey section. Sorry, you're telling, you're telling us through. You're telling us through. I'm telling, I'm telling my personal...

You're true. This is my true. No, and then anyway, they go away. They tell each other and they, and the thing is like 300 pounds. Yeah, they tell you every year. They tell each other through mouse talk and then they don't come back and it's as simple as that I know mice get hurt.

By the way mouse talk is that our other podcast. Yeah, so it's weird that we do. We should invite John to mouse talk actually. It's about Sarah. It's a non-commony podcast. No, it might. So the other thing you can do is you can set little humane traps and then when they sort of arrive in like, you know, whatever the trap is, you have to like drive it through or

four miles away from your house and they just comes straight back in and let it loosen apart. But I don't think they really work on you've got so many. If it's completely overrun, then yeah. Maybe they're the hot sauce on the ground. What if you haven't got a car? What if you haven't got a car? Could you call a Luba? You can Uber it, yeah.

I would keep the mice in like a hold-all in the traps rather than just having them all in the Uber. You've got a hold all full of mice. Well, I haven't, no. Wow. I've taken somewhere nice. But, yeah, take a day of it. Take a day of it.

In fact, why not take them to the airport? Pop more of a plane. Nice on a plane. It's done. It's not a bad idea for me. It's not a great sequel. Not a great sequel. Anyone done it first.

It'd be a good solution, because snakes eat mice, don't they? So, maybe I'll just just be something for everyone. Something for everyone. I think I reacted very badly because I remembered about waterboarding the mouse. I don't think I felt good about myself. Listen, you've got to let that go. Yeah. This was a long time ago.

Yeah. You're good now. I was trying to kill the maiming mouse. You're good now. To be fair to myself, the maiming was the first problem number one. Then probably not to put it out for this misery. How best way to go? Drowning your famous mouse. Absolutely. You're far apart. Why, don't you when you drown? Do you? I don't know, no one's ever proved it, because everyone who's drown has never been around you. Oh, I need a drown and I didn't enjoy it. No, you didn't get to quite to that level. You didn't drown yourself hard,

not flu, quite frankly. That'd be, yeah. That'd be next summer. Drowning's a great way to go. Apparently drowning a very, very peaceful way to go. Really? Yeah. How we? I slept horrible.

But you're surrounded with shaking our heads going. That's not a guy that's right. I'm confused in drowning with peace for you in your sleep. That's what I was doing. I've got a guy that I always get the two mixed up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, Clark, we've all asleep in a swimming pool. Oh, that's the ultimate way to go.

The whole combo. How old with mice very quickly just going around the table? What about with mice or bad with mice? How do you mean good with them or bad with them? What do you mean? If you're in the room with mice, you've nice and you've nice and you've nice and you've nice and I'm still thinking about dying, and I think I'd like to go on a banana boat. I'd like to die on a banana boat. On the banana boat just sort of flying off it. Yeah.

Banana boats are ever so fun. I've been on that boat. And if you're going to die, at least you've had a whale every time before. Wow. Yeah. Although you presume you'd die by breaking your neck on your neck. Break your neck here. Which I suppose is instant.

Yeah, but you are screaming through the wind. I've been so much fun and then pumped. Dead. Yeah, which I suppose is instant. Yeah, but you are screaming through the wind Having so much fun and then pump dead lovely a mouse don't like them. Thanks. Good with mice bad with mice Good for mice like the mice. I like it I don't want it in my house, but I like my house. Thank you. It's the speed of the fuck of the game They full of her men. Do they I mean they are vermin? They're not they they they're full of themselves They are vermin. They're full of themselves. They're full of themselves.

They're full of those mice going out. Oh, puffing their chest out, shit in everywhere. So what's the problem with the mouse? He's not a pet. So yes, I won't sport a loaf of bread after being out all night. What? We all the darn it. What a life.

Taking in as much comedy as we could. Looking forward to bacon sarnies in the morning to find that during the night. Oh dear. The mouse had eaten its way through the whole loaf. Wow. That's not one mouth. Leaving a big circle in the middle of each slice.

That could be several minutes. Did you just buy a bag of bagels? Yeah. LAUGHTER They do seem like a prop party. Hands don't they? could be several months. Did you just buy a bag of bagels? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They do seem like a pro at parties. You know what I'm saying? Roger Ross, like open the life and it's got like a nice shaped hole.

It's got a mouth shape hole. Well, the thing about mice that I found when we had, because the reason I had mice, this is a bad story. It's so obvious. It's not as bad as loose. No, I didn't, I didn't murder them. I'm not monster. But we, I did an Edinburgh

show in 2015 that involved me doing a sort of strong man act where I had baby, baby bells on pencils like dumbbells and chopping riveeta like it was like I was chopping through wood, like a karate chop through wood. It was, it was good fun. So anyway, at the end of the festival, I took this big suitcase full of cheese and crackers and just left it under the house, basically. And the legendary crawl space under my house. And you're house in London. In my house in London? Yeah. So long as they improve, well, from time.

And I got a crawl space, yeah, I'm doing okay. You just don't have a standing space yet. No, no, no, I can crawl all over the house. But yeah, I'd thought I was sharing that crawling space with load of mice. And the reason I found this is because they've got into, first, they're eating all of the rye, feet, or cheese, but they also got into the Pappy's prop

box. And they're eating, we used to do a sketch where Tom played a vending machine. So they're like chocolate bars hanging off an old hoodie. Imagine being that mouse. The mouse found all these old chocolate bars and ate them. Imagine getting the three of them. And they eat till they die.

So that's what they're doing. So the reason the mouse is no longer there is because it's just 888 and then, so I would find all these dead mice like, you know, they're basically nexus and riveter, just on its back with the enormous big fat belly because they just eat and eat till they die. That's your humane way to get rid of mice.

Eat to all the mice. No, it's a rivet. No, it's a rivet. It's a rivet on the floor and say, have you a filled one? No, no, because the problem is, go with a smile on your face. They talk, as Lou said, it's a bit like they don't go loose flat. It's got hot floor. They go, go and crossbees flat.

Riveter, as far as the eye can see. They're not getting out, they're eating till there. No, they're sending it through. They're sending out the messages. They're sending out through my speak. Yeah. They've got their mouth full of rivet. They can't talk. They're chatting, babe. They're sending out the messages, they're sending out through my speak. But they've got their mouth full of riveeta, they can't tell. They're chatting babe, they're chatting out, do you think they're having babies?

They're eating and they're fucking and good luck to them all. What a life, what a good life. I know, a man called Barry who's eaten to lie dies as well. It's kind of like a friend of yours called Barry. Big Barry, big Barry, he's the eaten to lie dies of yours called Barry. Big Barry. Big Barry. You just see the Antony dies. You can't get out anymore. Oh, is he still alive?

You're not. You're not. You're not being Antony dies. Oh, for a Barry. That's Barry. You can't help them if they don't help themselves. Barry. I mean, we are.

We are taking the all eating till we die. Barry, if you're listening. Let's get back to Roger's beef. Uh, the mouse has also... I like that he knows he's a single mouse. He doesn't, he's off his bloody rocker. Okay, I think he means walked. The mouse has also walked through my cereal box before, charing down on some of the...

Walks through my cereal box. Well, like David Copperfield going through the, right on the china. But he put it as the mouse has also watered through my cereal box before. He could have watered through it. It's more like he watered through it. Chowing down on some naughty fringe next quick.

We've ordered some naughty fringe next quick. If you are at the fringe this year, go and see naughty fringe next quick. It's a mixed bill show, but they're really, really enthusiastic. I like to buy food knowing that it isn't going to have a mouse or mouse buy products in it's come the morning. Yes. So yeah go on. Is the beef is that the end of the beef? No. Okay so I was going to say is the beef with the mouse or is it with with Ross? I guess

it's with Ross. I think I think yeah please let me know if Ross is in the wrong for not dealing with his pest problem, or if I need to suck it up. Oh, that's one way to get rid of a house. Sack it up. Four miles and then spit it out. Oh, what, could you, could you, whover up, mice? Oh, you could.

A little mouse. I think the noise is going to make when it gets into the tub. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Actually, cheers everyone, bye. PS. Ross. Of course, PS. Roger Nate, brevity's the soul of wit. Ross will listen to this, and he should probably be told he's a top, top, top bloke. I mean, first of all, I love the bromance that's going on between Roger and Ross. I think they've played your lads, keep it up, keep spoiling live comedy, keep having a great time. Yeah, you keep giggling away. I love Roger and Ross.

Keep giggling, keep giggling. Keep I love Roger and Ross. Keep giggling. Keep giggling. Keep giggling. Absolutely. And you know what they say? The couple who nest-kicks together stays together. So they've got a lovely relationship. This is no denying that.

But the mouse. The mouse. The mouse. Regardless, I know what he means, because he's saying there as a favour, we're far. But the other guy, or is his name Ross? Ross. He needs to sort his life out. Is he ever going to have staying there as a favour, weftar. But the other guy, what's his name, Ross? Ross. He needs to sort his life out.

Is he ever going to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend? I don't think so, with vermin in this fact. Well, this is the thing. It's basically, it can, Ross, deal with the fact he lives, like, because Ross is there presumably 52 years, for 50, 50 years. I don't know how long is this, but 52 weeks of the year. So he's there most of the time.

Roger's only there for, say, maybe four weeks of the year. So he's there most of the time. Roger's only there for say maybe four weeks of the year. So it's unacceptable to buy food and share it with a mouse and all that vermin running all over the place. Get that man in £300, put hot pepper on the carpet, say no more. So you think actually that Roger shouldn't have to deal with my civil-tummy visits? You think Ross should be getting rid of that? Well I don't care about Roger. I just care about Roger. We care about each tremendously, right? Yes, I care about Roger.

I do care about Roger, but what I mean is this isn't an issue. This is Ross Nees, that's what he's like, regardless of Roger. He can't be having his snacks eaten by a mask. You save on snack money. If you pay up front for the man to put pepper on the carpet. Okay, so basically you're saying what you're saying is, don't do it for Roger, Ross. Do it for Roger, Ross.

Do it for Roger, Ross. Do it for yourself, a steam to give yourself a mouse, free flat. Not live in a bloody hovel. You're not a, you know, another mouse. Shape up, Ross. Or ship out. Or this. Or your own flat.

Yeah, shape up, Ross. Or ship out. Do you ever yeah yeah shape up Ross or ship out um do you ever want to get French kissed again yes please oh sorry I've got confused that I thought you're off into give me a French kiss oh yeah oh well I'm trying to turn it into him I'm done something around again I'm set again um so Clarkie howie, how do you feel about this? Yeah, I think Lou's pretty much hit the nail on the head there. But this hot pepper thing, that's what I'm talking about.

It's not actually hot pepper. It's a special substance. They put it all across the floors. The mouse ran away and they tell the other mouse never to come back. But it's amazing. What they sold out like shaken back? Yeah, you think so? I don't think or they got a

rags or is it a quid's quite a lot for years guaranteed to be free from vermin. Could but is it like is it dangerous to like little kids or pets or other pets. Have you tasted it? No. No. It's not hot on my own bare feet? Have you invented this? Is it Perry Perry Salt? My friend did it, he's never had Mars back again. Okay, I would help if I knew the name of it. You just Google Hot Feet Mouse. Hot Feet Mouse.

By the way, if you're going to see Hot Feet Mouse, they're following naughty fringe and S quick. It's a really good, really. They're following naughty friends and S-quick. It's a really good, they're really... They're really, really strong. They're just a bunch of lads from public school who just enjoy having a laugh, aren't they? And who can play them? They're really, really great.

It's great to see some bloats doing sketch-quick. Oh, it's lovely. And their dad's actually in the biz as well. It's really fun. They're dad's actually the Mayor of Edinburgh and the other side of their pleasant scrant every day 8pm. Perry, how do you like to play on this? I'm not a fan of mice. I once woke up in the night with a mouse running at my arm, my worst ever memories.

I was sleeping in bed and I felt something scurrying, it woke me up and I woke up and flicked something and I thought I dreamt it, I thought it was a nightmare and then it grew up from under the bed came the mouse and I screamed from the bottom of my visceral. Like up from my balls. I can scream. It's like my relation with myses. Can I, sorry, we have to do it off mic because it will be way too loud but it's sort of facing away. Can you give us as best you can the scream from within the testing? I can't because it's a gutter., but sort of facing away. Can you give us as best you can the screen from within the testing? I can't, because it's like, that's like,

whoa! Yeah. But it's kind of that pure fear. That's the one I do on roller coasters. They get me. And it's kind of like, my thing with my is proximity. So if I'm in my house and I see a mouse, if I'm in my room, I'll freak out.

But what I do have is this kind of relationship on the tube where they appear and I can kind of be like, oh, there I see you, you're all right. You're just a little dude, I get it. But then as soon as they're in my territory. In your dojo. Yeah, freak out. My friend Nikki Harris, once,

I'll be in the morning and see you. My name's only please. My name's Nikki. Nikki. Harris very much a back name. Oh, oh. Oh. You're going to keep that in, she might.

Gotta keep that in, lovely stuff. She, um, woke up in the morning and got up and the underneath her, been a squished mouse. She squished it. She squished it in the night. Oh, oh. And that's why this is beneficial to the mouse. It's not nice for the mouse to share a space of us. But this is what I was going to say is I have lived in a house

with a very gentle sweet guy who loves all creatures and he fed a mouse and kept it as like a little pet. And we kind of, we thought we had a mouse problem, but he was actually feeding it and encouraging it. Really? And there's something about Roger and Ross's existence. It has this kind of cartoon quality, this kind of like Disney kind of positive outlook on life.

And if this was a Disney film, that mouse, he's going to be a good dude, he's going to be a character. The mouse would be helping tidy up. The mouse is going to be a Harry Poppins style. The mouse is going to be a mouse. The mouse is going to be a mouse. The mouse is going to be a mouse. The mouse is going to be a mouse.

The mouse is going to be a mouse. The mouse is going to be a mouse. The mouse is going to be a mouse. The mouse is going to be a mouse. The mouse is going to be a mouse. The mouse isack in Mous. I mean, he's gonna be a fun guy this Max. And so there's probably a bit of the things, you know. Ross, get on board in Roger's world. This is Roger's, oh no, Roger, get on board in Ross's world. Sure. Ross loves his comedy, you're having fun, you're staying out late, jolly japes, this Max is part of the story.

So, well, what are we saying? We've got on one side because it means, Clarky, it's kind of like, you know, you know, you're like, I'm going to be like, jolly japes, this makes his part of the story. So, what are we saying? We've got on one side, because it means, Clarky, it's kind of the casting about his hours, really. Yeah. On one side, we've got Lou saying, Ross should have some self-respect.

Clarky's already sorry, we're late. That's true. You have actually. What, I kind of have, but... Come on, man. It's an interesting point from Tom, actually. They do have like a nice kind of sitcom-y vibe going on these two. Cartoon's out there. And partly, it's like a part of the fun of it, isn't it? It's like, oh, we got that, we got that dastardly mouse. I think there's a fun middle ground where you can get into loads of scrapes and japes

trying to elaborate ways of getting rid of the mouse. Mouse hunt. Like the movie Mouse hunt, the... Yes. ...with Le Evan's never seen it. and japes trying to elaborate ways of getting rid of the mouse. Like the movie mouse hunt with Lea Evans. Never seen Lea. But it's great. Is it good? Yeah, it's fantastic. It's really good.

This podcast is brought to you by the movie mouse. Malmess Hunters. We'll be recommending other movies from Night Night 7 after the break. No, I think I know what you're saying, but I think lose point is true. That's my stink, they eat your food, they're incredibly unhygienic, you're not living in a movie, it's not voiced by Chris Rock, Ross have a little self-respect mate. And they multiply at an alarming rate, like a single, no, nothing.

I was going to say like a 17-year-old in Margate. Oh, I'm taking down your Kentish roots there. And why not? So can we all agree now that we should, the mice have to go? Yeah, all right. Sorry, Perry. That's the way it is. That's the way it is.

Sorry, Ross. Well done, Roger. Beef solved. Here from the sorting of your beef! Beef solved! You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats.

But iced tea and ice cream? Yes. We can deliver that. Uber Eats! Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See out for details. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom at in love for.

It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's a like theatre's December 15th. So Lou, you've got one you want to read out? Yes. Thank you. I'll show you a start, Lou Reed.

Now. Begin it. Hi boys. Oh. Oh dear. Thank you. I'll show you start the read now begin it Hi boys Oh, bad stop Who's this from by the way? Great grace front Great another woman my 24 year old brother and his girlfriend live at home with my parents They reside in a mini apartment on the bottom floor of the house that has its own separate kitchen Oh la la. Oh la la. Because I was going to say mini apartment on the bottom floor of the house is just a basement isn't it? But it's got its own kitchen.

It's its own apartment. That means that if my parents are way at night and we're making dinner at home, he'll make entire meals just for him and his girlfriend that I'm not invited to date part in. Because I'm away at uni most of the year and I only really come back as a visitor. I don't usually have any of my own groceries about in the house. Therefore I'm most at uni most of the year and I only really come back as a visitor. I don't usually have any of my own groceries about in the house. Therefore, I most likely resort to having instant noodles while here we're up a gourmet meal for two.

There have been occasions where I've endured the sounds and smells of grilling steak as I'm cooking my instant meals. And during the time. Literally, literally, yeah, it's got real beef in it. And during this time, he will only come up to the kitchen if he needs ingredients.

He also holds the kitchen utensils that I have to sneak downstairs to retrieve when he's out. I'd love for you to help me settle this injustice or give me a plan of action when I return home in a few months. Thanks. Grace, longtime fan, first time ever you met. Thank you very much Grace.

Now, this is quite a tricky one, isn't it? It's not dissimilar to Ross and Roger in that she's only a some time resident in the house. Yeah, but the brothers got the whole flat. He has got all the... Not very communal spirit when their parents have like, said, oh yeah, come, move in. And he sees his girlfriend all the time

and his little sister's home, like older sister come on make a third portion Okay, okay, well yes, this is a one side of it This is a real case of like a house where there's like upstairs downstairs things going on downstairs things going upstairs Yeah, it's a lot like Gossford Park. Oh This podcast is sponsored by Gossford Park Gossford Park if you haven't seen Gosford Park, it really is a wonderful movie. Robert Altman, 97 is probably a bit later than that. A little later than 97, I think.

I'm trying to go for a 97. Do you know what though? Really is a wonderful movie. Was it a Julian Fellows movie? Do you know what I think it was? I think it was. Please go and listen to Downton Abbey. Please go and listen to it.

If he's going to watch, in fact, don't watch it just with the text. Oh, we're live-oing in it. Was live-oing in Gosford Park. Listener, don't watch it just with the text. We'll just play Vowin in it. Was Clive Owen in Gospher Park? Listen, send in your emails. Was Clive Owen in Gospher Park? I love Clive Owen. It's beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com. If you want to tell us your beefs

or whether or not Clive Owen is in Gospher Park. We don't know the way of knowing. Clive Owen, if you're listening? Sorry, front name's only. Clive. Clive, if you're listening, get in touch. If you are a Clive. Another front name's only. Clive. Clive, if you're listening, get in touch. If you are a Clive. And in touch.

And in touch. Another dying name I would say. Okay, this is the- If you're a Clive or an Iron. Yeah, this is the official line on it. If your front name is Clive or Iron, then get in touch and tell us what's in Iron. Your bottom name. Clive or Iron in Gossard Park.

Okay, that's the hot take on this one. Yes, I think we've solved you. I'm going to call it. No, I think it's mean because I get, I'm really well, my brother, and I love his girlfriend as well. And if they didn't include me, I think it feel really left out.

And how have you lost a spirit of community? Okay, I'm gonna come in hard on a take. I agree. Okay, Harry's gonna hard take. It's not easy when you live at home. He's obviously living there. He's got a separate life. You've got to build a separate life for yourself.

Surely you have to respect that, let him get on with it. You can't have your sister come in down all the time. You're trying to blossom, you're trying to build a romance and relationship together. He's cooked a romantic meal. He's clearly trying to make this woman his partner for life. This is an exciting time for them. They're 24, you know?

Okay, he's getting off her diet and a car crash. Who's this? Oh my God. Whoa, whoa, Lulee up and dies in a car crash what then oh my god Lully I'm just saying you have to make sure everyone's happy Crazy actually to have you've got to make sure everyone's happy just to case one of the people dies in a car crash You need to be able to step over and go well. I haven't got a grampons. You're gonna sister There will be a spare portion at the table

Then she could probably come in if she dies in a car crash midway through her hook in a ball of nays, let's not, it's a what, let's move on to the next. You've got to think of these things. You've got the call. Ballonays tonight, it's her favourite meal. She's speeding home. I don't know, I understand a stake. Right, if you've got two, because you usually get two stakes in a pack.

Sure, don't invite your sister down for that one, but do come up with a creme brulee or something. Oh, creme brulee. Oh, creme brulee. Oh, creme brulee. Oh, sorry. Oh, creme. Oh, sorry.

So, so, so, do you see what I'm saying? Let them, let them live, you know, and, and look. Let them live. And here's the question, you're a student. You don't have to just eat instant noodles. Yes. I mean, I did the same thing. I went have to just eat instant noodles. Yes. I mean, I did the same thing. I went through university on pot noodle sandwiches. Yeah.

That was my meal of choice. What? Butter the bread, stick the pot noodle in, have it as a sandwich. That's actually really good, really, really tasty stuff. But does explain a lot towards your current physique. That's good. Let's go, bless you. Never lost the student weight.

Um, Grace, learn how to cook. Take it as inspiration. In fact, and here's a fun game. If you can smell them cooking bolinets, cook a bit of bolinets. Take a picture, just any down to the side. They can say one up to you. Now there's dialogue, you're into each other. There's conversation.

Yes, Paris, this is literally, they go low, you go low. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, another idea on the back of that. You could go and get some Chinese broccoli or something like this. And some other ingredients come down and say, Hey, tonight should we all cook together? What a film. No, you're not getting it. Stay separate.

Stay separate. Have a conversation between them. No, Lou. No, I'm not going down into theory. Sorry, did you hear me say Chinese broccoli? LAUGHTER You stay up. You cook the Chinese broccoli for yourself. You take a picture, you send it down and be like,

check out this, and they're like, oh, we've cooked that. OK, so division, yeah, division, yeah, division. Grace is learning. Grace is learning to cook for herself. She's improving. They're having a dialogue, so they're still getting along, but they're all still respecting each other. Her name is grace, okay? So let's act with some grace. Can you go down with the Chinese broccoli and a piece of

being the broccoli? The olive branch. The olive branch. And the noodle. The olive branch. Now is the problem as well for grace though? Now I absolutely think that's a great thing Lou and I think Perry your idea is fantastic as well. However, it does Now, I absolutely think that's a great thing, Lou, and I think, Perry, your idea is fantastic as well. However, is that, no, I think both the idea, I think they're both very easy to implement with the small exception of, if she is a student, is money the issue. I don't think when her parents have got a downstairs flat,

money is the issue. But, mate, but, mom, dad, can you get some Chinese broccoli? LAUGHTER It's going to all be solved with a little bit of Chinese broccoli, is what you're saying. I mean, once you get home, you're into the fridge of mom and dad, aren't you? And that way, then, she could treat it like ready steady cook, Watson the fridge, Watson the freezer, I'm gonna make a meal out of this. You know what, as well? Because if their parents like mine or like Clarke's, I know your parents really stocker,

they really stock a kitchen. You're supposed to as well do, Paris, but they really know how to stock a kitchen. And every time I go around and stay with the Clarke's, they always try and give food to you as you're leaving, like big packets of cereal, whatever, just try and give you food. And they always say, take this, we don't eat it. And you go, why did you buy it in the first place? But they love to buy food, they don't eat to give away, because they come back with arms for Chinese broccoli

I'm so so cute it's a way of showing love is cooking that's why her brother is brother is a downstairs cook but it is a way of like it's like community and celebration and love and so it doesn't feel very nice. I don't think you should cook for every night and sometimes she should cook for him because sometimes when you're the little younger sister

you have the thing of everyone to do stuff for me. Absolutely. So you don't have that you wanna like, if you're not getting what you want, then give what you want, that's a law of the universe. Thank you. Yes. That's a really nice way of putting it.

So you've got to put into the world what you want to get out of it. And what you want is Chinese broccoli. Well, I do that a lot because I put a lot of money into the world, but it's not going to back to you, is it? Going to a betting shop. I'm putting it out. I'm giving out what I want to give out.

You have to say this is one of spiritual things. When you pay for something, you say, I have to give this not out loud, because you look mad, but when you give part with big amount of money, you say, I get this back free-fold and you expect to get it back and apparently then it is delivered to you. Really? So what are we saying? Again, it feels like we've got power in low. I think, yeah, I think I do think the student thing is that it's a bit, she's coming back and kind of expecting,

expecting kind of her house. You know when you, you kind of revert back to your childlike form whenever you go home, it feels like a lot of that's going on. Yeah. She's coming home and expecting meals to be cooked for her. It's kind of arrested a lot more than that. She's not expecting meals to be cooked for her, she's making her own meals, they're just really nath meals of instant noodles. Yeah, but she's smelling the other meal. I'd be like, oh, why are I getting in on that action? At the very least, stick a couple of pieces of bread around those instant noodles. Stick a bit of white rice. You look back.

At least do that. You're not going to look back because your neck will get so wet. LAUGHTER I think, make a jealous with your meals, this girlfriend, and soon she'll be wanting to dine upstairs with you Suddenly you've got this interesting Quizine love triangle. Does that does that kind of love triangle?

Yeah, I love a food rather than a rather than a sort of an incestuous love Starts with a love of food and I see see what happens. Oh, no see what happens Maybe she hooks up with the girlfriend the The way to a girl's stomach is through her mouth. I'm glad you've ended up with the way it did. Her true. But she's throwing a shot at me so you look there. It's not the way to a girl's stomach is through her mouth. That's not a phrase.

It could be though. I think it's a medical one. I think the way to a girl's heart is through her mouth. No, the way to a stomach is through a stomach. No, the way to stomach is through a stomach here. But that's not keyhole surgery. No, no, no, so the idea being that if you... That's keyhole surgery. Uh-oh, I've lost my way here.

I think what you're saying is, if you cook people... If you cook for people. If you cook people... Oh, no. The way to eat a human stomach. Now hear me out. The way to make Hannibal Lecter's Haggis. Cannibalism, grace, that is your answer.

We've solved it. I think we can eat them both. There we go. We can eat them both. And I think we can officially say that is beef soft. It's not quite an open and shut closed beef case. It's not an open and shut closed beef case. I'll give you that.

But it is a mystery. Mystery. Mystery. Mystery. From the starting at your beef. It's served. So this is a very special beef. Yes. Because this is actually a beef guarantee.

We promise if you donate to our Patreon, $2 or above that we will solve your beef on the podcast. It's very much like the cash for questions scandal that have been in Parliament a few years ago. Very much is it. I like Neel and Christine Hamilton of podcasting. They're not a brown paper ever, though. Yeah. I imagine Neel and Christine Hamilton podcast, so they're probably the Neel and Christine Hamilton of podcasting. It's $2.00 a week or month or a month yet. That's very reasonable. Very reasonable. You've kept this very reasonable. We're a podcast of the people. Absolutely. And when you knock off the Patreon charges, it's basically nothing.

It's basically free. We don't get any of that to do all this. So, this is basically a free service we're not doing. So you can either get it for free, or you can give us some money and get it for free. So, let's go into this. I don't have... Oh, exciting. Oh dear. Oh yeah, up, we're going.

Okay, so that is the sound we give every time someone wants to answer the Patreon. Thank you so much. So this is from Ben, front name Ben. Ooh, I like the sound of this guy. So... Have you donated to our Patreon Ben, Ben, that's what you do. It doesn't work that way. I need the money, man.

If I give you, and I get it back threefold, I've been told. No, no, you get a third of it. Oh, you've made a... I don't know what, I don't understand fractions. So Ben says, hi guys, I still owe you loads of money for all your years of great shows. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah. Keep of great shows. Oh, thanks man. Yeah, keep it coming.

Keep it coming, man. Thank you very much for joining up to the Patreon. He said, so he's talking here about his, he said, I asked my flatmate what beef she has about me and she said the most annoying thing I do is leave things out and not put them away, cover doors open. Apparently the kitchen looks like it's been visited

by a poltergeist, but that is not a beef we need to solve because that's his flatmate's beef, she's not donated to the Patreon, however here's his beef. Now I've got I've read this beef already and I've got some issues with it already, I love Ben because he's a Patreon subscriber, but I got myself a Hoth Rebel Snow Hat, right Ben. Now Hoth Rebel is presumably a character from that Star Wars. Anyone down with the Star Wars universe, Harry? Hoth Rebels? I've seen them, but I can't quite remember.

The Hoth Rebel. A Hoth Rebel Snow Hat, complete with goggles, radio and scarf. Wow. So I'm imagining some sort of steam punky type affair here. Okay. Hat with goggles attached. She won't be seen out with me while I'm imagining some sort of sort of steam punky type affair here. Okay, a hat with goggles attached. She won't be seen out with me while I'm wearing it unless it is actually snowing. She's refused to get out of the car if I'm wearing it. In fact, oh my goodness. She won't let me wear my pith helmet.

Budden Novka cap, I'm not sure what that is, we can look that up. Captain's hat or US Civil War cap with her, whatever the fucking weather. And it's not like she listens to me when I advise her and what to wear, i.e. low cut, etc. So Ben, hold the head, Ben, we can establish a bit of a character. So he has a series of, I'm assuming this is his girlfriend, rather than just his flatmate, that's why he put flatmate in a versus commas He's got a series of novelty hats and his girlfriend or wife or partner How have you on describe it has decided she doesn't like to be seen with him when he's wearing what a curse What a curse of a partner who's into novelty hats what a curse? What stage did he reveal to her that this was his ponch on this is all he's given us so far on?

I like it. I think he's a funky fun guy Okay, this is what we wanted to hear because I can't say the same thing Yeah, we need we need a counterpoint I think it depends on it's a context isn't it if someone who's fun and not Too attention grabby in other areas puts on a dumb heart. It's funny But then if it is someone who's a bit annoying, then it is a bit annoying. So you can't really tell without meeting him. He wants to go out wearing a pith helmet. I don't need to meet him. What is a pith helmet? A pith helmet is the hard helmet that you would wear like in safari.

Okay, I've got a good idea. I've got a good idea. He should go, he should stop wearing the hats and go to a clowning course instead. Go to Goliath. Go to Goliath. Because he clearly wants to express himself. And he needs, let's call it attention. He needs attention. Maybe he's a fashionista. Maybe he's kind of like, it works.

If he was of the Paris fashion show, people would be like, this guy's got it going on. There's no rules. There's no rules in fashion land. That's true. Maybe that pithel, it's the next big thing. Get out in shortage. land. That's true. Maybe that pithelm is the next big thing. Get out in shortage. No. That's true. I mean, I don't know.

Something about the fact that he starts with a hot rebel snow hat that suggests he's not a shortage hipster. It's like he could be a hipster. He could be a battery and actor. He could be a loo-the-t. He could be a wallet. He could be a fancy dress fan. He could be a fashionista.

I also start an Instagram account where you wear these hats for people to see and then you don't do it in your pillow. Exactly, hashtag hat a day. Hat a day. You wore a wig for a weekend, wasn't it? That was great. That was. That was really good actually.

That was a strong bit of fun. It was a really strong bit of fun, yeah. Where did we get the wig from? We found it. Oh, we were supposed to look like me, wasn't it? We bought a wig that looked like Clarke's hair and Perry wore it for a weekend at the Larmetry Festival.

And actually, it gave you, I mean, you've already a confident man, but it gave you a spring in your step. I hadn't seen since university. It was the first time I'd met Joe Lysit. And so we spent the day together and he kept on having to look at me being like, I think that guy's wearing a wig. That's what I was really enjoying. I was really enjoying just

being around people and seeing people were thinking, is he wearing a wig? I'd be standing in the crowd next to him and they'd be nudging each other. I think that guy's wearing a wig and it was like, is it a real insight into what it's like to be a wig wear? I had to say to Joe, I am wearing a wig, I know I'm wearing a wig, and he's like, thank God. Oh, thank God. I think we basically did it for the entirety of, like, the stupidity of the joke of, we went on stage, we were digging at the festival.

You performed the first song with the wig on, and the end of the song said, thank you very much, and raised the wig like it was a hat. Which I think is a good, just bit of business. I agree, much. So maybe, maybe if I identified here that hats are fun. Maybe Ben's I mean the good time. I mean, I tell you what, Ben, swap your hats for Wigs and you've got yourself an Instagram

account. There you go, that's it, we've sorted it. Do you think you could start a company of like Wiggy Rowan Hair, so you could do that where it has a little prank. You go to the place, they shave your hair off and make an exact replica of your hair as a wig. With your own hair. And then, and then, as a reveal to all your mates or whatever, you'd be like, guys, guess what? This whole time, it's a wig. I think you're sorry. I think you may be self-branking. I think you're sorry. I think you're maybe self-branking. Let's. I don't know. Actually, I think you're self-practicing.

I would love to see that company. I'm Dragon's Den. Weakie. So, our company is called Wigie Road Hair. And then you do the whole thing and they're like, I'm here. I'm here. And at the end you just go, well, thanks for your time. And the Wigzpop. And they're like, I'm in! And all the money's shown. It's something money falls down from the ceiling.

It's like, you just imagine. Well, oh. Yeah, so that's... Okay, Wigz your own hair. It's like you just imagine. Well, oh. Yeah, so that's OK. We've your own hair. Get your own hair. You don't have to wig your own hair, then. All you have to do, Ben, our Patreon friend, all you have to do is get yourself a series of wigs.

And you know what? Takes some photographs of yourself and stick them on the internet because everyone loves a wacky person on the internet. You could be a millionaire. You could be a billionaire soon. I love how you're speaking in euphemisms for Ben. He's a wacky person. the internet. You could be a millionaire, could be a billionaire soon. I love how you're speaking in euphemisms for Ben. He's a wacky person.

He's a character. He's a real one. He's got a like, he could be so diplomatic here, Matthew. Before I say the wrong thing, beef sold. From the starting I could be beef sold. So Lou, thank you for being a guest on the show. Now, we're gonna solve one of your beefs. Oh yeah. But it's not gonna be Tom who's gonna solve it. No, I'm off. Bye So Lou your beef is gonna be sold by Fancher standing the deep south southern lawyer from a John Grisham novel now

What is your flat? Who are you? Here he comes. He's got a new catchphrase. Who are they good? Is what you're doing. Fans you're great to have you here. Now Lou, what is your flat mate based beef?

Oh, Carl. So I want to get a kitten and my flat mate doesn't want to because he says it's not good in London without a garden, we've got a balcony, but then we live right by park and he said it will get right as wished. Well you can get an indoor kitten. He says it's cool. No, getting indoor kitten with cat aids, they're not allowed to go out. Oh, it doesn't seem like my brand name.

Okay, well it's lucky that I'm not. I want my little kitten. It's lucky. No, what? Let's my lucky It's lucky What? Let's not chase that idea Let's not chase that idea down because we're not solving We're not solving the beef Luckily we've got Fancho here to solve the beef

Now Fancho Lou wants a kitten her flatmate doesn't A to A's free, I don't mind Well let's not bring the A's into it right now Oh, this is not a judge But Lou, that's her beef F fan sure, what do you think? Ladies and gentlemen of the podcast, all pleasure to be here. Get me out the house of a weekend. Don't tell me what day it is.

I'm in a diary now for 70s. We simple folk here. Sunrise, sunset, only waiter, only diary I know. Okay. God's diary. Golden orb. Reminds me here Lou, of a little story here. You're talking about for a friend's little strong little old strong I used to have a cat by the name of a little old strong kept it in the room below the kitchen the bedroom all right slept under the kitchen strange layout was a strange house. Yes, well, anyway, come, come, come, come here. I just said it was always your catchphrase, wasn't it? Come, come, come, come here, I'd say. Cat wouldn't come. Where's the cat gone? I couldn't find the cat. So, if you've been drinking...

Oh, I'm seeing these. Hard to find a cat these days. Hard to find a cat these days. Well, oh my god. Tom, I'm so glad you're back. How was that? I'm so glad you're back. How was that? Tom, I'm so glad you're back. I...

I'm really worried about fanship. Oh, yeah. I... He doesn't know what day it is. He's never worried about it. Yeah, I'll talk to him about that. His catchphrases were cats are bad. Oh, my God, he's really...

Yeah. He's not the way he speaks to a cat. He's not... He's not coming, he's not coming.. It's not come, maybe come back to the home. Absolutely. Lou, did he solve your problem? No. Oh no. If anything, I'm more uncle-in-el.

Yeah. It's not, it's not a help, though. It's not, it's not a help, or is he? Anyway, sorry about that. Lou, sorry we didn't get to solve your problem. We did get to solve a few beefs on the podcast. It's been so lovely having you on the show. Thanks a lot, I've had a whale of a time. Oh, did we solve the mystery for you?

Mystery. What was the mystery? Well, that's the mystery is. We don't know what the mystery is. It's the ultimate mystery! From the starting of your beat! Wowie, what an episode. Absolutely brilliant. So, if you have your own beef with a flatmate, We're from the Zoning at your Beef! We're from the Zoning at your Beef! Wowie, what an episode.

Absolutely brilliant. So, if you have your own beef with the flatmates, please email us at beefbrotherspodcast.com. And if you'd like to support the podcast, go to patreon.com, forward slash, papys, flat share, and sign up and become a neighbour today. Or if you'd like to leave us some money, go to shityearmoney.com and you can give a one-off donation. Why not? And as if you haven't got enough homework, get yourselves on iTunes and set us a bloody review.

Give us five stars if you like it and a little review challenge. Why not leave us your mouse story? We've all got a mouse story. If one's got a mouse story. What was your latest interaction with a mouse? Okay, let us know. Bosses five stars and we will be forever grateful. So is that nearly it from us?

We've got some live shows coming up. A live show coming up at the sixth of June, which I don't mind telling you, it's also my birthday. It's a piece of birthday. There you go, you say, if you want to come along, give me a present. Happy 42nd birthday.

Oh, come on down, that's not fair. 41st. So that will be at the other belly. We're also doing the 90th of June at the Phoenix. Come along to a live flagship slam down. That's almost it. Yes, safe to say that this episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team, a fantastic producer.

And please, dear listeners and stand by for our Patreon neighborhood watch roll call. We'll be reading out all the neighbors of our Patreon. Otherwise, have a great day. Cheers everyone! Bye! Well, be upright and standing and saluting for the Patreon neighborhood watch roll call. P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P Oh no, Clarke's had an early blank. Clarke's preferring to himself in the third person, commentating on his blank. Oh dear, Clarke, come on. Oh!

Come on, that's an absolute loss. It's Nicole Ramos. Their condition is pristine. It's Christian. Her condition is pristine. Yikes. He's one of my many friends who happens to be... Oh Jesus Christ, I'm lost again. He's not a crooks, it's Jack Brooks. Entering with an absolute flop, it's Richard Allsop. Hair of the dog, it's Andrew Hogg.

His pelvic floor is extremely tight because of all the kegels, it's Dr. Greggles! She doesn't weigh a ton, it's Vicki Baron. She can rise above it, it's Sassy Clove it! He's never a party pooper, it's Steve Cooper! What a fantastic look, it's Carla Cook. Always be farting. Dave Parsons. It's all about confidence, guys. I think the confidence is your problem. And for the listener at home, Tom farted all the way through that as well. He wasn't even doing a rhyme, he was just saying, I'm always farting by the way here's Parsons. Always farting it's David

Saunders. It's funny because it's true. I'm surprised she can't afford. It's Louis fell. Louis fell. Um, he's hungry like the wolf. Meet Tom Rolf. Go on, Clarky. You can do this, mate. Shhh. No one comes before. It's Claire McGregor. Hey, so he fell. Meet Ann Marie Bell. Oh, a double. A double, lovely. I love your backstory. There's too much backstory.

There's a lot of panic. Always a backstory. It's why you're lying to the police. And always panic. I'm like Tim Roth in reservoir dogs. I've worked out all of the angles. I know what the soap is like. I know exactly what happens when the police officer comes in.

It's all too much. Sorry Peter Smith. Ro, ro, ro, you're Ian Clithero. He's sitting on the Bay of Docs. It's my cocks. It's called my cocks. It's called the... I think we've had him before, haven't we? My cocks.

You've had my cocks before. Okay, let's do two more. One from me, one from Clarky, and then we'll wrap this one up because it's gone on too long. Why are being sensitive? I think you're going to make names up, mate. Why do I write these lines? OK.

I went. Why? This is like when I write a greeting card, and I'll write, I am so. And I got like no idea how I'm ending the sentence. I am so delighted that I am cut writing a card for yours just from a curse. I don't know what he just said to me, it's Scott Kennedy. He's a absolute fucker. It's Matthew McCusker. Sheepers, creepers, and they're concludes the strongest.

Possibly for the last time ever. The Patreon neighborhood watch roll call. Always be farting. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom at a lot for... It's non-stop bonkers brilliance.

I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.