Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Luke Kempner S10E37

Episode Date: September 14, 2020

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Luke KempnerLuke Kempner - https://twitter.com/LukeKempnerPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, and welcome to Beef Brothers Cold Cuts This Be Tom! This be Ben! And this be Matthew Crosby. I like that as well. It's something sort of slightly piracy about it, I think. You've got that kind of piratey style to you. Is this a pirate radio? Are we making pirate radio?

Pirate podcast. Can you pirate podcast? Is a pirate podcast a podcast? Well, isn't a pirate radio something that sort of hops on somebody else's signal? So if we could work out a way of just popping up in the middle of porno or in the middle of off menu or one of those, and then just need to pop up in the middle of porno or in the middle of off menu or one of those and then just pop up in the middle of porno. I love that one. It still seems like a surprise for you.

Oh, hello. There it is. I just idly watch you this but suddenly I've popped up. She thinks up right in the middle of this. She thinks there's a character. It's probably not. It's probably a short story character. Of a man who never fully understands what an erection is and just thinks it's a constant malfunction.

Is this a short story that you're going to write? I mean, I'm not sure what you're trying to ask us. Do you want us to be involved with it? The three of us get together. I mean, we've not, we've, we've, we've sort of not really even been in the same physical space for about six months. I mean, I'm happy this would be the thing to bring this thing in. This would be the thing to get us back together.

We all get, the three of us get together and we write a short story about a man who doesn't understand how his penis works. Yeah. I think it's good idea. Yeah, I think it's good idea. Yeah. I think it's a short story. I don't think it's, I mean, in your case, it is, but I think in, in sell, I think your, um, I think you're selling yourself short hair. I think this could be, this could be a mini series. Well, no, I think it starts as a short, one of those like odd,

little short stories that then will, you know, like Benjamin button and the short short redemption, like they all, they were all short stories really. And I think I think like you start, it's more like the short crank redemption. There you go. I think it's less about the size of his penis though. We have to move away. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

What it is, it's about the ever changing size of his penis. So you're saying he's got like a medium size or a large one? I think, Crosby, your short story about a man who never fully understands why he's penis is so small, it's a different short story. It could be in the same compendium, though, I think. I feel like what we're writing here is an anthology of stories. Crosby, we're not going to help you write your autobiography. Oh, he's flipped it around onto me.

How's he managing that? How has he managed to do that? He's absolutely 69, didn't he? He's right back on the other hand. Well, look, sorry, listener dear, to check some penis talk your way so early doors. But this is a beef brother's cold cuts. Whoa!

And you sort of said that, like, that was the justification for it. Yes. The beef does not, of course, relate to our knobs. It does relate to problems that listeners have with their flatmates, with their neighbors, and we are going to try and solve them. And today we're solving them with the brilliant Luke Kempner.

Oh, absolutely. The multi-talented Luke Kempner. Not only one of the best impressionists in the business, also one of the nicest guys on the planet. Yeah, he really is. He really is. He's just is. He's a lovely guy. He's a properly lovely guy. And it was a real pleasure to have him on the show. I did have to nipple away before the end of the recording, and I apologise to Luke for that. This will be a treat for you then, you can find out how it ends.

That's how the episode ends, yeah. We all popped up at the same time. Oh, he's it. Right, well, I'm sorry to miss it, really, but it will certainly be gr grist to the mill when I start writing my next short story So enjoy enjoy the episode and we'll see you on the other side Hey, Luke how you doing? I'm good. It's lovely to be here. A long time listener, long time want to be on podcast. Oh well. Well, you're very, very welcome because it makes a real change

because what normally happens is people come on the show and we say, have you heard the show before and then we start the show and they're like, what's going on here? What's this bit? So it's genuinely nice to meet somebody who actually listens. A couple of weeks ago, quite up certainly, you could see a looking Dara O'Brien's eyes thinking,

he shouldn't have said yes to this. This is to Goldsmith's Com Com pod, right? Oh, yeah, so yeah. We're about to ask if you're happy, yeah. You'll cry more on this. Yeah, okay. No, yeah, great, lovely to see you all. I haven't seen, I mean, yeah, I've seen,

seen Clark here a bit on Zoom, but I've not seen the other guys, but lovely, lovely to see you guys. Yeah, it's a nice excuse to hang out, actually, because we don't get to play football together anymore, do I know, I know. And I thought maybe that was gonna start up again, but a last knot, unless it's happening without me and this is the one finding out

I mean you've been playing poker with Clarky. Yeah, how'd you fare against Clarky at poker? Clarky plays about 50% of hands Which is quite a high percentage of hands he limps in lot, which means that he likes to see lots of thoughts. He's a very physical performer. He likes to see lots of thoughts. He's not about hands and feet. Yeah, and he flops in, and when he hits, he hits. But he's got to be, he's got to be wary of clock.

He's good player, got a good record of wins. Interesting. Yeah, we had our stats come through the other day. Yeah. Who does your stats for you? Racial. It's done. The website does it automatically and they sort of put like you get points for who's come first, second, third and how many times you get knocked out. You're playing online. You're not sitting around it because I was imagining you're sitting around a table. You know. You're playing online, you're not sitting around it. Because I was imagining you were sitting around a table, you're eating pizza, you're drinking whiskey, you're smoking cigars.

There's a pound of evidence on that. You're dogs. Yeah. You've really painted a picture with your words there across me. We all know which one we're talking about. No, no, it's all online, but we started it, you know, really early on in the pandemic, and it's stuck, and we've played, I think, for like 40 weeks in a row now or something

like that. That's amazing. Is it for you, Wigs? I mean, that's most of a year. That's most of a year for you, Wigs. We started it for the pandemic because we knew a pandemic was coming. Right. But no, no, it's definitely, yeah, it's been going on

certainly for like three and a half months. And it's like, it's actually a really nice sociable Tuesday evening. And now we keep on. Can you see each other when you're invited? No, that's mine. Yeah, that's absolutely. That's OK.

Because we want us to come along and do the stats. That was the Angoli saw for himself. Who do you stats? You can come and MC it. You can set it. Can you see each other? Are you like on Zoom doing it? Yeah, we have a Zoom up as well.

And then we play on a poker website. So you can see each other as well as the hands happening. And the thing is as well, because in real life, aches forever because you have to shuffle the cards every single hand Well, I play online you got a little computer who sure for the card for you crossby good Every day I'm shuffling Happy to do it So what's what's your what's your set up in lockdown talk us talk us through it? I live in a house with What's your setup in lockdown? Talk us through it.

I live in a house with my lovely wife, Elana, and my little dog, Pongo. And we moved to Hartfordshire like in November. And yeah, it's nice, nice set up. And would Elana say, what would she say if I asked her what kind of a person you are to live with? Elana is luckily for me incredibly tolerant and doesn't she doesn't get annoyed living wise with that the only thing she gets annoyed about is me leaving the

bathroom light on upstairs and then you sort of go up at the end of the day and it's been on all day she gets annoyed at that fair enough. I'm a fan of the bathroom light being on just so it's inviting when you get there. I always try to leave the bathroom light being on, just so it's inviting when you get there. Yeah, I always try and leave the bathroom light. And I think you'll never know when you're getting there in a rush or something. I get told off about that as well. I get really, I get really,

getting there in a rush way. Like, as in like a toilet situation takes you by surprise and you're like, I need these lights. You don't want a guest being in a toilet situation, not being able to find the light switch. You don't want them to have to think about that when they're getting there. That's why I'm doing it. Yes, I'm on your page mate. I'm on your page. And I get very vocally annoyed at myself now. So I go out there and the lights on and I go, oh, fuck, oh, come on Luke, what's up

Matt with you? You dickhead. Because I don't understand why I leave it. I don't know why I forget. And I don't know where to put a note to remind myself because obviously, as I leave the bathroom, I mean, I don't know what to do to solve this problem. Do you close the bathroom door when you go to the, when you go to the Lou? Yes. Because you could put it.

I'm pretty sure. Well, it is a personal question, but there are households that do and households that don't. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I've got two questions for you, Luke. Like, as an impressionist, or certainly a man who's skilled with voices, you said you got annoyed with yourself there,

and that was like a bit of a character the voice that you're annoyed at. Do you ever get annoyed at yourself in other people's voices, and like, is it like, oh? Yeah, I sort of, I get out of the stairs, the bathroom's light on, and then Boris Johnson's and something like this. What are you doing?

You know, these are ridiculous. So you can't look, you must improve on this. We will get the bathroom light off quickly. That was very good, man. You just, you skillfully made me do some impressions. Just love to be able to do it. It's like it's not Tom's first time chatting to an impressionist. He's always calling up John Colchor and saying,

you see, yeah. If for example, Michael Parkinson was doing his shopping, what would that be like? LAUGHTER Colchor, loves it. Secondly, pongo, your dog. Do you think pongo's are where there's a lockdown on? Have they noticed the difference?

Yes. Yes. It must be weird for them. No, he loves it because we're in all the time. So for him, he's a big fan of pandemics always has been. And so he's loving it. Pongo's getting all the attention. Yeah.

And but can't understand. Like it was when it started to ease that he just couldn't understand like when we would leave the house at all. It's a wet your mask. Wait, you house at all. It's a wet mask. Wait, it must stay. You've left the light on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Have you got a voice for Pongo? It's good. Yeah, of course he's a Chihuahua, so he's Mexican, so it's quite culturally inappropriate. Okay. We'll just imagine it. Yeah, just imagine it. We'll just imagine it, that's fine, yeah.

We asked her, you're going, I'm going to do it. You're doing it. You did it. You did it. I didn't even get a lot of my own, you know, that sort of stuff. When it's bubble. Is that boran? So, shall we crack on it and solve some of our listeners beef?

We really should. We really should. I'm blessed to you. Thank you, Tom. It's very, very kind of you. In a... I'm allergic, accepted. In a rare move.

You're very welcome. In a rare move, I'm going to read the first beef today. Oh, coming out of Swiggy. Cosby's limping out. He wants to see the flop. The late late. I'm all about the flop. I'm a huge fan of the TV show Bing.

That's a joke for any parents. So this is from Andy Viapetrin. I wanted to contact you regarding a small beef I have with my housemate and wife. Right, I'm assuming that's the same person. Yeah, we have two young kids and as we expected it is extremely tiring. Parent crack is limited so naturally we're keen to maximize anytime we have to ourselves. Yes. As millennials we both have an unhealthy borderline, what's going on?

Are the millennials having kids now? Yeah, of course they are. Yeah, of course they are. I'm a millennial. You're not. I haven't had kids. But you're not a millennial, are you? Yeah, Clarky's very proud of this.

What's the cutoff for a millennial? Is it? You lost him here in Boasting, I believe. What do I think you are as well? I can't be. I'm classic Gen X. Not you. Tom that. Oh okay, so not. Tom and I were born in the same year, but it was the cut off midway through

1980. It's like 6th year of school. It's like September. It's like school years. So I'm one of the oldest millennials, am I? Yeah, exactly. That's the young off my bottom. You became 18 first and no one could go to the club with you. Come on, lads. You can lend my ID. I'll tell you, did a little voice there for yourself. That was young me. Can I shock you? It was Matthew McConaughey. Come on, lads. I'll end you my ID. It's not easy isn't it? It's not easy I do want to ask the parry do you know can you do any impressions? Can you do any any voices? Oh a dream? I'm sorry I'm a D-ream D-ream I can do a great Brian Cox playing the keyboard, can't you?

Surely I can't be a millennial and be making jokes about D-ream. I can do a great Brian Cox playing the keyboard, don't you? Surely I can't be a millennial and be making jokes about D-ream. Surely that cannot work. But then, you know, the same could be said of Clarky, like, you know, when he relaxes, he listens to sting. That's not millennial style, is it? Luke's a millennial, surely. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, really, a millennial.

Yeah, brother. And when you look at Clarky, do you feel like you're looking at someone of your own generation? I feel like I'm looking at my dad At the door can I come and hang out with you millennials? I'm a millennial too, you know Yeah, exactly. Look, I've got sting. I've heard about a poker game Luke It's very late. I don't think you'd be up for it. Can I... Is Clarky the oldest poker player? I bet he, isn't he?

Oh, shit. Oh, he is! I think you must be. Ah, okay. With all the young millennial comedians, Reese James is there, Ian Stirlings, they're all the young bucks. Here comes Oldman Clarky. In 2006, I was on the laughing horse.

I was on the laughing horse. I was riding the laughing horse to the end of the year's news. LAUGHTER Here's though, the old it. You are the oldest poker player. Is he the wisest? OK, let's carry on with the beef. Let's carry on with the beef.

As millennials, we both have an unhealthy borderline addictive relationship with our mobile phones. Uh-oh. I'm going to go ahead and say, if you're calling it a mobile phone, you're not a millennial. I don't think you need, like, do I let the millennials go?

Where's my mobile phone? It's such a, like, that's so true. Where's my mobile phone? Where's my mobile phone? Where's my mobile phone? It's such a like a like a cell. It's so true. Where's my mobile phone? Where's my mobile phone? All right, mom. He's not home phone. Where's your glasses on, mom? You can find it. I've left the house without the land line.

Yeah, and what? Matthew, was that Judy Dench? That was indeed. Yes, very good. Judy Dench. That was her last line in Skyfall. I don't know if you know, it's ever your film buff, you know. But just before she passes on the spoiler alert, she says, Let the house without the landline bond. And then she falls from the sky.

Exactly. Yeah. He falls from the sky and Adele can't catch her. Okay. We both find ourselves glued to the screens while our kids watch Mr. Tumble re-write old classics. I'll all through the town, not in my name. I feel extremely guilty about this

and have brought it up with my wife multiple times, hoping to agree to a phone ban slash restriction when the kids are around. This is met with indifference and I haven't pushed it. I'll reiterate that I am as much in the wrong as my wife. I'm also acutely aware that she can do as she pleases, but it has gotten to the stage where my eldest son will have to ask her numerous times

in order to get her attention, especially since the start of lockdown. What can I do to improve the balance for my wife and kids? Cheers everyone by Andy O'Front names only. Right. Oh, wait, I've got to answer this. It's an interesting one.

It's an interesting one. Well, let's, let's, before we get to your answer, we do need to sort of examine Andy a little bit because what he's saying is, we do have to examine Andy a little bit here because he is somebody who clearly has a problem himself, but it's really doing a lot of kind of projection. A lot of projection. A lot of projection. He's like, I'm bad, but she's really bad.

Yeah. That's, to paraphrase Michael Jackson. Are you a mobile phone, kind of, do you spend a lot of time in your mobile phone, Luke? Are you a father? I am, I'm very guilty of that. And I do worry about when I do eventually have kids of sort of finding, you got to set those boundaries,

isn't you? Fones out the room. You don't, I'd hate for my child to be like, Daddy, daddy, and me be playing stick. You be cricket. You be texting the WhatsApp poker group. Yeah, exactly that they're going hook? Clarke's can't log in again

That improvisation Clarke's back I don't know what that is, that's one of them, I'll end you. That's just part of his bluff. I'm so old, I've got three hearts here. Alright, I thought, I for a second now, I forgot you were talking about poker and I was like, is that something that happens to old people? They grow up in it, it's a couple of hearts. Yeah, that's what a triple heart bypass is, isn't it? I'm just kidding.

Stick into more hearts, so you can want to leave aside. Want to give it a charm? Yeah. Share it, I won't. I won't have my heart, my sleeve, it's fast. It's like that scene in Total Reacle. You remember the one with the three hearts? Makes me wish I had three defibrillators.

That's what I'm saying. So... So... So... One-time millennials. Well, they did a remake. They did a remake. So there was a remake. Was triple boobs in the remake?

I think no. I didn't... I've seen it. But again, Clarky, you know, the old dementia's kicking in. LAUGHTER Luke, before Tom gives the definitive answer, yeah. What do you have any immediate advice for Andy or his wife? I mean, mainly for Andy. So, summarise the problem for me.

They're worried that the kids are trying to get the attention and they just want less time on the phone and he's trying to solve a solution. They think that they, as parents kids are trying to get the attention and they just want less time on the phone and need to find a solution. They think that they, as parents, are addicted to their phones, that even when they're parenting, that, sorry, even when they're parenting, what a judgemental thing to say, but I'm being them. Because I'm also terrible for checking my phone when I'm looking after Cleo. But while they're parenting, the kids are trying to get their attention, but they are still glued to whatever they're looking at on their mobile phone devices.

I mean, I think it's an important issue. I think it's an important issue in 2020, and I think you may be set at the moment. You're asking this like a politician here. Yeah, yeah. Which politician? Which politician? What would you say? I think you need to get rid of the phones. Yeah, man.

That's Theresa May. I think you've got to set a deadline. Yeah, friends. Yeah, man. That's the reason. That's the reason. That's the reason. That's the reason. That's the reason. I think you've got, you've got, you've got to set a deadline. You've got to think, well, it's kid time. Fones at the room, kid time, phones in another room, kid time. That's my, that's my opinion on it. Do you ever do that?

Do you ever put your phones like, when I'm watching the TV, I put my phone on the, on the other sofa. Yeah. I don't want them. So I don't check it. So I really want to, want to focus on the TV. Weirdly, I don't do that when I'm parenting. So maybe I should get my priorities

a little bit straighter before I start going, well I really want to focus on this episode of Bloodline. Yeah, I have to do the time if I'm watching a sport that is reliant on small moments. So things like a test match, cricket, or a snooker. I can't have my phone with me because you're waiting for those moments that might take an hour to come. So I'veooker. I can't have my phone with me because you're waiting for those moments that might take an hour to come. So I can't have your phone because

you missed the moment. So yeah, phone on the other sofa. I've got two sofas. Do you have to have two sofas to get off your phone just asking? Yeah, I think they should get another sofa. Yeah, that is an help. Basically, we never sit on that sofa. That's for the cat and the phone. The phone sofa, yeah. The phone sofa.

Yeah, the phone sofa. To be honest, we didn't need to buy a sofa that's a normal size sofa. We could have bought a small, you know, a double house sofa and left the two phones in it, but for some reason. Or you know, we should have bought those fucking massive phones.

That's the thing. That's the thing. And go on then, Pary, right? So we've got by another sofa. What do you suggest? Give the kid a phone. Give the kid a phone. Give the kid a phone.

Everyone's on their phones. You're all in contact, happy days. Yeah. Well, they don't specify, I don't think, and he doesn't specify here how old the kids are. 27 and 36. Hello. The millennials. I don't specify, I don't think, Andy doesn't specify here how old the kids are. 27 and 36. Hello!

The millennials. Are you giving me a mobile phone or a home phone? Give the kids a rudimentary mobile phone, with only yours and your wife's address, not numbers in, and then you're all in Communicardo. You can be parenting and on your phone at the same time. So you can actually, yeah, you get a little page you go phone, a little page you go burn a style phone for your kids, you know, like their drug dealers.

But all that, what they're decently craving isn't drugs. They're not moving drugs around. They're trying to score some sweet attention. Sweet sweet dopamine. Sweet sweet dopamine. I hit smoke that dopamine Yeah, absolutely so I think I think actually Perry Might be the right idea because I tell you what this is the thing. I call another sofa

Cleo loves Cleo loves the phone. She's obsessed with the phone Oh, there you go And I think that is because and again you can buy like you, like, you can buy a kiddie version of a phone, and she likes that. In fact, you bought us a very nice little, you bought us a very nice little, pull-along phone that's got like the big, the giggly eyes and like a,

like a rotary dial on the front. What's mad about that is she saw it, and she immediately picked up the, the handset and put it to her ear. Where the fuck has she seen a rotary phone? Yeah. How does she know what it is? I'm sure I'm a cocky.

Yeah. Hahaha. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky.

I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky.

I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. I'm a cocky. What's that? Can you connect me to the wifi? So, so is your theory were built within a night Knowledge of telephone it turns out parry that is my theory Yeah, I didn't know it until you told me but I think actually that is what I was saying Yeah, absolutely here for that. I think I think, you know, there are two things you're born with,

original sin and a night knowledge of the rotary phone. I felt the same way. My kids, this is bit, this is bit boring, sports chat, but my, my brothers' kids are like five and seven. Wolf got to Wembley two seasons ago. And they just knew that Wembley was special. Like immediately they were like, Wembley. We're going to Wembley.

They were counting down the days to Wembley. It's like Wembley. And it's like, do you think kids are born knowing that Wembley's a good deal? No. No, they'll have heard your brother talking about it in the house and they'll pick up on the earth. That's a hard piece of it.

No, no, no. Where did they hear it? Where did they hear the way? They didn't read it. They heard it from somebody else going, we're going to Wembley. And so therefore they know. No, that's the point. It's innate. It's just built in. You just know with Wembley. If you do look at someone's brain under a microscope, there is a giant arch over it.

And bow walk. Yeah. It's your Wembley strand. Everyone knows about Wembley. Well, I was tragically born with that Wembley strand. That's why I couldn't give a fuck about sports. Yeah. It's a real heartwarming story actually.

Yeah. You're so brave. So brave. Thanks. So our options are buy a sofa or buy your kid a phone right there. The two options. Yeah, you know what, the cheaper one is buy the kid a phone, right? Isn't it? Cause you can get a cheat. Oh, one gum tree. Absolutely. Yeah. You sell for so far. You gave me a sofa once. I did. Did you give me a sofa me a Tom Tom gave me a sofa once of what a perfect segue into this so you know I Tom Tom was given away a sofa. I needed a sofa and I went yeah, I'll have you sofa happy days

Play the bloke fur you quit you gave it to me for free cheers pay the bloke fur you quit to come and pick it up You went and picked up go around my house couldn't get it in the door And then had to pay the council to come and pick it up. So I ended up costing about 130 quid. Luke, just dispensed of my sofa for. Yeah, basically, I did you a favour. Luke, actually, I've got a, I've got an old mattress out for you. Yeah.

How many mattresses, yeah. Old man Clark, if you had an accident again, put the mattress outside, it's spoiled. I managed to go through the rubber sheets. So light was a dog's, I couldn't believe he would have done it. So Luke, is this your way of trying to get 130 quid off of Paris? Is that what you're saying, mate? This is, I thought, the only way I'm going to do it is come on the podcast and say, where's my fucking money?

You must've been delighted when you brought up Sofas. You must've believed it was almost out. It was almost out. It could be far. Man, what, that was nice Sofas, right? Yeah, I know. It was nice. It got soiled outside to be fair.

Well, that was me again. I was walking back. He just needed some rest to sit down. I missed my bus. I put my rotary phone on my monitor, but I need someone to sit down on the... I missed the bus, but got a bulls eye on this, not the mattress.

So, yeah, well, what are we gonna say? I think I think I think trial phones in a different room, trial phones on it, you know, doesn't any kind of soft furnishings really, try phones elsewhere and if that's not working if you can't be to enjoying them. Yeah. Be solved. I think be solved. Be from the starting I can be! You've solved! It's fall and you can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup and maple lattes.

Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See you at pre details. Look, do you want to do yours? I sent you one yesterday. Oh great, we've got Joe and a lovely here to read out.

Okay, okay. So, um, Dearest Pappies, the esteemed Emma and lovely guest. As a beef. I have a beef. I have a beef. I have a beef. I have a beef with my flatmate and lover, and you're the only ones who can help. So let's get straight to it. I like to read.

My boyfriend, let's call him Robert, because that's his name. Lovely. Doesn't. Doesn't like to read. Like many other book people, I have what some would consider many books. Recently I have been stuck inside, which has given me ample time to not only start going

through my pile of unread books, but also add to it. Yes, I admit it, I have bought too many books during lockdown, but that is not the beef. My books were overflowing and I needed another bookshelf. So Robert and I donned our face masks and headed to our local seller of cheap but practical furniture to get me a new bookshelf. And him various other bits of crap. We live in the north of Netherlands. Oh, we live in the north of Netherlands. We live in the north of Netherlands. We live in the north of what we're expecting that. I wasn't it. We live in the north of Nevelinch. We're in the north of Nevelinch. A pleasure of a problem. So our lockdown rules are a bit different.

Robert paid because most of the stuff was for him and I thanked him. So imagine my shock when he sent me a request that I pay for the bookshelf. Ffff. Hello. Normally I would eat you. They're in the right part of the world to go dutch.

I don't mind it. Sorry I really enjoyed that. His faculties may be fading but he is still pin sharp. Yeah yeah. Okay. Now, normally I would completely agree that I'd pay for my own stuff, but I didn't actually need to buy a new bookcase. I already had another one that Robb is using.

His argument is that I should pay for the new bookshelf because I'm using it. My argument is that as... My argument is that I could have just taken my old bookcase back from him. He should pay. I have suggested that we simply swap bookcases. That Robbock gives me my old one back and takes the new one which he then pays for but he wants my old bookcase because it is better quality and so better to keep his 3d printer on. That's a good old detail.

There's your answer. There's your answer. I'm probably not the fucking bookcase. There's another bookcase, mate. Just print, I mean, I mean, it'll take a while. But print, yeah, print but print yourself a bookcase. Oh my god, I've never had a 3D print once, you never have to buy anything else again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it goes fucking nuts with a 3D printer, I would be fucking great, wouldn't it?

You get a minute, like, like, stone hench, I'm sitting like, like, I'm little models of places, you know, a shoe, a clog. I don't know, like, you just go mad, wouldn't you? I can't like this. I remember my dad got a photocop, yeah, and the first thing I did was just get my head under it, and obviously, you know, like a photo, which I've seen lots of, so do that. So I think that's the same thing I do with this 3D printer, it's just this 3D model of the self really. A bust. Yeah. A bust for the entrance to your house.

Yeah. Yeah. Like the head from Art Attack. That's what you want, but it's just, it's just, it's just Kempner. Right on the front. I'm similar. I was going to go for a bust, but a different card. Did you know that head from Art Attack was actually Banksy? Oh my god.

True story. True story. True story. Unbelievable. And it's amazing you could paint with just a head. Yeah. A power of the mouth. Right. Can you paint, can you print food? You can, can you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? They're printing all kinds of shit, no? Yeah, but it'll be, it'll be a model of food, though. It wouldn't be edible. What? No, they're printing all kinds of shit though. Yeah, but it'll be a model of food though, wouldn't be edible. What? No, they're printing like steaks and shit though. What? Yeah, you have to get steak paper and then it prints steak.

That's a pain. It's a pain of 3D. It's a pain of 3D. Always a pain, isn't it, when you think you're going out for full scap and you've brought back a load of sheets of carpachio. So wait, wait. wait, how do you chance to meet all the documents? Yeah, how does it work though? How does, how do you print? You're asking the wrong guy.

I'm just, I'm just telling you it, it's going on that you can, so you could, you could print like some beef, a sandwich or an app. We're on, we're on the way. We're on the way. We're on the way. We're on the way. We're on the way. It's nice to be up to print a steak, I think. Wait, well, wait a second. You said we can print a steak. And now we're on the way to print a steak. How far along the journey are we?

Look, I can neither confirm nor deny the rumours that steaks are being printed. All I'll say is it's in the mix. No further questions. Oh, okay. All I'll say is it's in the mix. No further questions. Wow, okay. Can I print a vaccine? No, sadly not just stakes. It's a vaccine for hunger I suppose. Got, she's got some final bits and bobs here. Yes of course of course. Okay, so he wants my old boatcase because it's better quality

and good place to keep his 3D printer and print some stakes. So what should we do? Who should have which bookshelf and who should pay for the new one? Additional points. I would prefer to have my old bookcase back because it's nice and matches the other bookcases in the room.

Robert earns quite a bit more than me. I could have gotten really, and therefore more expensive bookcase, but I didn't because I thought he was paying and I didn't want to take the piss. It's 2020 and I really want to be honest, am I the arsehole here? I await your wise decision, Jude. Complex. It is, it is, it is extremely complex because I think, I think once you, if you're living together as, as lovers, which they are, and it's, this is Jude, isn't it? Yeah, once, if Jude and Robert live together as lovers, you couldn't even commit to. But if you're living together as lovers, you've got to be a team, haven't you? I think you have to, I think you can't be tossing up

how much people are paying for, I mean obviously, if one person is paying for everything, that's a problem. But ultimately, you don't like, you don't get to, you know, say you do your big shop together, you don't go, well I don't eat cheese, so therefore you're paying for that, you're paying a bit more. You just gotta go.

I'm only there to say that. It's that I know, you love, you love, you love a bit of cheese. But I think this suggests a fundamental imbalance in their relationship that I think they need to address, it's not about the bookcase. Something's provoked him to say pay for the bookcase isn't it? Like look he's got a bit more, he's got more money than you. He's bought it in the shop, something in his head has made him go. You know what, you're going to buy that bookcase. Maybe what he's really saying to you is you stop buying books you're buying too many books Or like it's something else isn't it?

Print a rickindle print a rickindle print a kindle. That's a millennial phrase if I ever heard I can't come out to that print your kindle Is that Is that Dutch? Is that absolute science? Kindle, no idea. Absolutely science. This is absolute science to me. Oh, by the way, Paris just sent us an article over Zoom. Thank you.

The world's first 3D printed vegan steak is here. And it could be hitting restaurants soon. Oh my God, yeah, it looks like something you'd see at Lego lands, doesn't it? That's unbelief. Oh my God. It doesn't look good. It doesn't look good at all, but I wonder what it tastes.

I can't imagine it tastes good. It looks right in the grill. And then the other bit looks like a red velvet cake. Yeah, it's like a your-tide lock. So redefine meat, an Israeli company based in Revohot, has unveiled an alt-stake, which replicates the texture, flavour and appearance of real-life meat, all thanks to 3D printing technology. The new alt-stake is made of soy and pea proteins, coconut fat and sunflower oil, along

with natural colours and flavours. So are you not just cooking it? Is the printing like, the printing actually is a bit of a sort of red herring, because it's just a machine that's making it. Is that not fair, is fair to say? But then you, don't you say that about a 3D printer? It's just a machine that's making

a bust of Luke Kempner's head. I suppose that's true, yeah. It's a sentence I've used a lot of times. Are they scanning an actual steak? Is that what they're doing? So they get a real, because then if they are, then they still have to exist steak. Yeah, it's interesting, because they've got,

yeah, on the fact it's got like fat, blood, meat. Oh, oh. Yeah. So they're not scanning, they're not scanning. It's not like Donald Trump then clock that blood meat man T.V. Me must

camera Well look stakes aside the stakes are high in this beef I'm trying to get it back onto the subject. Yes, sorry. Sorry. Yeah What about if we're looking at a per shelf charge? Because he's started using her bookshelf. He's using all of the shelves. Maybe we could look at like dividing the price up with the amount of shelves that you're using.

Because a healthy bookshelf has a couple of shelves for you, couple of shelves for me, bit of balance, you know? A couple of shelves for PlayStation games, and a couple of shelves for you in your books. Yeah, exactly. I think I like that. And maybe rental, you know? Yeah, here we go.

I think this is hard. I think this is hard. I think this is absolute. So that non could reach it. Copper bottomed madness that you should be renting out things to your own partner. Well, if you can invite too many books, then that you apply, you shall pay.

Oh, my wife buys way more books than me. Most of the books in the house are her books. But at the same time, if I was to be like, when I paid for those shelves. Yeah, no, yeah, I paid for those shelves. So therefore, if you want to rent the shelves, I bought that, you know, when I paid for those shelves. Yeah, no, yeah, I paid for those shelves, so therefore if you wanna rent the shelves, I bought that, you know, when I paid for shelves for the house, I didn't think, you know,

like this is me's in now my shelves. There are everything is ours, everything that I buy to bring it to the house. I mean, I enjoy the fact there are books on the shelves that you have to be on the ones of the... I mean, let's face it say that's what books are for absolutely just by a picture of some books but then when people come over they'll know

but by the way speaking of a picture of some books I was at my I'm trying to move house at the moment I was at my solicitors the other day and he took us into the the meeting room to have like to sign some contracts and up on the wall, see if this makes you feel like maybe they're not real solicitors. Up on the wall, they had, you know those sort of canvas prints. It was like a canvas print of the spines of some books

on the spines of the books that you just said the word law cases. That to me, that to me doesn't sound like a real solicitor. That's like if I wanted to be a solicitor, what have we put on the wall? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ready for a mate. How are we going to sell this? Well, we can buy some books. That's a bit much.

Yeah. Let's just get a canvas, the sort of canvas print you might see in a premier in. Let's put that up on the wall. That'll be for us. Oh wow. Okay. Don't trust it, man. Have you given him all your money?

Yeah, it's too late now and it's too late now. Anyway. Paint the picture of your money. I will say this, right. I think what the guy needs to realize is, books, and you have. We're talking about my solicitor now, or we're talking about, right?

No, no, no, no. And thank you for hiring me just a list of yeah he can't afford some real books um having books in your house it's gonna stand you in good stead no one knows if it's your Mrs's books or your books people are gonna assume you're smarter than you are yes right so you should be happy paying for the shelves because she can pay for the books but you're both winning because whether you read those books or not, people are going to think they're a smart couple. Yes.

That's the thing about books. That's why books are so good to buy because you don't have to read them. You just have to show them to people and people assume you've read them. Absolutely. So what is a smart couple the same as a smartphone? Oh, put some of the pop up blanket over him. He's just, he's woken up early. Yeah, I think as, because what's, what effectively

Robert is doing is renting cashier from Jude. Exactly right. Cash for cashier. Exactly. Like, it's like what Facebook are doing. That's why they make their money. Yeah, that's how Robert makes his money. That's how he makes his money.

That's why it burns more money. Could you make in cash? Juice cash. Cash, exactly. Exactly. That's what's happening there. So, I don't. Don't be a skin flint, Robert.

No. Just pay for the shelves. Just pay for the shelves, but also, also Jude, you know, like maybe, maybe, but maybe buy the big shop for the next couple of weeks, just to sort of show that you're not just a, a, a free loader, you know, you're not just a gold digger. I'll just get a joint account. Not gonna miss that. Hang on a sec, clear, just working up. Give me a second.

That's right. Beef solved. That's right. Beef solved. Does that get us to talk if we solve the beef that we've got nothing else to talk about? Hi, so clear I was woken up and on top of that she needs an happy change. So unfortunately I think I'm have to bow out of loops. The next thing we do I have to bow out of Luke's what the next thing we do I have to bow out of the of Luke's problem. What's okay? But

Here's clear anyway say hello She's just right But as soon as I'm done your wife. Yeah, she does isn't't she? As soon as I'm done, I'll pop back in, but I'll be here. All right, see you in a second, babe. See you in a second, babe, all right? Well, look, we can put that beef to bed. I think we can safely say a beef close.

From the zoning I can be! Right, well, we've lost Crosby to change the nappy of his daughter, which means Luke you're flying with the West Midlands set of puppies. The first two of puppies that I sort of became friends with actually. Exactly. I'm still working on Matthew, let's face it. Yeah, you're cracking one day, he's a prickly customer.

I'm not all the way there yet. Let's be honest. That's really nice. Okay, I'm going to go. So I like the challenge. We tightly, we tightly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, thanks for the sofa. Yeah. As millennials, we tight.

Yeah. So, have you got a beef with either one of your housemates that you would like us to try and solve for you today? I do have a beef. I have a beef with my wife, Alana, because she... In my wife? My wife? Oh, is that your dog?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ponga, get out of here. Yeah. I've a problem, a problem with beef, because my wife invites her mates around, and they all come round and, you know, they drink wine, they have a nice time, they break some bread and but my wife is like, it's like comedian and they can't. And she wants me to stay down with her and her, you know, let's say five friends. She's like, she's like, why do you not want to spend time with us? And I'm like, I don't like any of this.

She's like, no, no, no, it's fine. You have a nice time with Garps stairs, I don't mind. And she's like, no, I don't like it. It's really uns sociable. You should stay with us. My wife's German. Yes, yes. So, but I want to go upstairs.

But then when I say to her, I'm like, no, I don't want you. She's like, and I'm like, I don't want you to say, and I'm like, I don't ask you to spend time with me in my match. She's like, if you're dead, I would, and I'd love to. Oh, no. So then she wins the argument there, because I can't say, yeah, you're right. Why don't you come and play Snooker with us?

You know, so it's a difficult thing. You know, I feel like, should I be allowed to just go upstairs and let her have her time with her friends? Can I ask, when you're playing Snooker, is it over Zoom? Can you see me joking? Who keeps the stats? It is. It's the only way we can get closer to play a game.

Barbillion, I remember as well. That's more like it. I have exactly the same issue. My wife is always. My wife with mates, we're the same person. We are in a very similar setup, I think, because, you know, and I keep, the lines I try and use are like, well, it's good for you to have a bit of a

line time with your friends or girl time. You can have a gossip. There's things that you need to talk about. She's not having any other. She's not having sexist there, man. I know. You have a little gossip. there's things that you need to talk about. She's not having any other sexist there, man. I know. You have a little gossip, you talk about your handbags. I don't know.

That's my only argument, mate. What I really mean is you can talk about, like if there's anything that's annoying you about me, the bathroom light, all those kind of things, this is your chance to chat to your friends about it. Because that's what happens when you go in, you know, we get to chat and be like, oh, well, this is happening, that's happening,

and you get, you know, you need that, it's healthy. I can imagine when you said, because what I do with my mates is I can, it's just like you often, I get really annoyed about stuff you do. That didn't win the argument either. No, that's what you go wrong. I keep losing this argument.

Yeah, you're absolutely right. Clarkie, how about you? Yeah, I have to say, I have had a very similar discussion recently. I mean, it's a very lockdown-inspired problem as well. Well, that's it. I think that's it. And at the moment, you go, well, I think

any opportunity for a bit of time apart is quite a good thing. Any well, I think any opportunity for a bit of time apart is quite a good thing. Yeah. Any opportunities. But why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, like, no, and she's like, why don't you love me? There's no, I'm just enjoying the house to myself. I'm presuming because of your house, you have got space to be able to retreat. Acres. I've got big an acre is, but there's acres.

No, this space I can go upstairs, I can go to the bedroom and they can have the lounge and enjoy some time to go. I mean, the trouble with this is, is I feel like we need a female's perspective on this, because we're all coming in on a male's perspective. Well, that's it. Get Cleo back and we need a review of this. Sadly, females don't podcast, so we just couldn't get them on. If they did we'd have them on but they just don't. It's, it is my get out if you want, if this is any use for you. I set myself up as the like drinks boy so I'll be like can I get you all a drink, take

the order then you're out of the room for a drink? Take the order. Then you're out of the room for a long time. You're popping. You know, everyone okay? Okay, I'll be back in a bit. And it's like, you let your presence be known. And every so often you come back in and go, can I top you up? But then you're upstairs. You're on your computer. You know, you're doing what you want to do. You come back down. You're dipping in and out. And then you're the guy that they're like, oh god time he's just so nice he's just all like your drink it's always full and he's like he's so sociable and you're not you're not you're a horrible miserable bastard you're buying yourself that sweet sweet me time away from the chaos okay

I would say as well maybe it's worth saying you know know, sometimes go this one, I'm hanging around for. Right, next time I won't be. Okay, so you're not. You're not. It's not always one or the other, sometimes you're there, sometimes you're like, yeah, not this time, I've got something else planned.

Poked. It's very difficult because I do like to waste money on online poker on my own upstairs. Hi, Matthew. I've got to go, I'm afraid. I'm so sorry. But it all sounds like Tom and Ben are solving this problem. You're saying it's quite tricky.

I didn't really catch what the problem was. But it sounds like... Luke doesn't want to be present at the birth of his child. Anyway, it's been great having you on the show. I've loved chatting to you, but I've got to go down and look at my phone. Anyway, excuse me. Lovely. I love it.

I finally get on the Pappy's podcast and I don't even get one of them. Anyway, excuse me. I love it. I finally get on the Pappy's podcast and I don't even get one of them. Oh, almost. You almost made it, Luke. You almost made it. But listen, I have got some food in the oven. Oh, for the look. Like, honestly, I've just heard the time of ping.

So it has been lovely having you on. But I'm. Oh. Oh, mate. I can't believe it. This is the best, this is the best outcome. Absolutely, although my girlfriend's got her friends over and I really, I really have to get back to them, unfortunately. Okay, so sorry, but just for like five, yeah. But well, I'll see you soon. Okay, sometime, but just for like five. Yeah, but well I'll see you soon. Okay sometime. Yep

And here we are on the other side Safely safely landed the other side of the beef brothers cold cut and I'm back. That was your back I'm back I well you know what I still haven't heard the episode so I'm really really I'm back. Where did it go? Well, you know what, I still haven't heard the episode, so I'm really thrilled to be able to hear, do you know what, I want to know what you're like left to your own devices. That's exciting for me. I'm not going to level. I'm not going to lie to you, we panicked a little bit.

Yeah, I mean, you panicked during that sentence, just like, I'm not going to level with you. I'm not going to level with you. I'm not going to lie, I'm not going to live with you. I'm not going to live with you. I'm not going to live with you. I'm not going to live with you. I'm not going to live with you. I'm not going to live with you. Okay, fair enough. Well, I'll listen to the episode and I'll find out the layer of the land that way. Great. If you enjoyed the episode, please feel free to leave us a review on iTunes. I know. And if you haven't already, if you like that sort of thing, then why not join the Patreon because over at the Patreon, we have over. Can you believe this? A hundred hours of bonus content that we've been churning out since lockdown began.

And it's all yours for five dollars or more. Yes, that's right. For five dollars or more. Yeah, if five dollars in above, you get immediately the second you join, you get 100 bonus episodes and about 65 of those are flat share lockdowns which we recorded in lockdown. There's loads of them, I'm going to say about 65% of those. 65 of those are good. Oh, good. I can listen.

I make no promises. I can tell you quantity. I cannot tell you quality. That's the way it goes. 65% is quite generous. 65, yeah, we'll be lucky to get that. Anyway, patreon.com forwards the Hatch Pappy's flat share, get it? Yeah, get over there, all over there, we've surely sold it to you. All of that bonus content is available for $15 or less.

Absolutely. Find us on Twitter, at Pappy's Tweet, follow us on Instagram, at Pappy's Comedy, find us on Instagram at Pappy's Comedy, find us on Facebook. Or find us in our own homes. Absolutely. See if you can find us in our own homes. I'm moving home soon, so I'm making it extra hard. It's like celebrity hunted.

Celebrity. It's 65% celebrity hunted. It's 35% of liberty hunted. It's 35% of liberty hunted. Okay, well today's episode was produced as always by producer Emma Corsion. Corsion water. Man! Cheers everyone! Bye!

Wait, I- Oh, would you please- No! Oh, would you please be a full house? We be three billion, sorry poker are playing dogs. That's really pirate. Pirate dogs, pirate dogs. We be three pirate dogs. I am a full dog. Please be upstanding for this Patreon neighborhood watch roll call.

Me hearties are. I was playing poker on the ocean blue, I tell you. I was playing poker on the ocean blue. For'll tell you. I was playing poker on the ocean blue. For how's? I could tell I had a full house. I could tell I had a full house from looking at cards and knowing what they meant. I could tell I had a full house, but I knew that my opposing number, a little chihuahua, had a fucking my...

What am I saying here? Yes, anyways, I knew that the little chihuahua I was playing with had a fucking mile. What am I saying here? Yes, I knew that the little Chihuahua I was playing with had a royal flush because his eye had a glint and that Chihuahua's name was Jeff Lint. Yeah, I was playing poker. No, no, no, no. I know. I know. I know. I was playing poker on the ocean blue, and I had a full house I did. But it was a literal full house,

two wives, an uncle, and a child. Ah! I tell you! I tell you who else was in the spare room. I tell you who else was in the spare room. How's that? Harry Wile. Harry Wile. Harry Wile.

Oh. Oh. Yes, here we go, Kaji. Good, good luck to you. Oh, I was about to die, we should have tea. Yeah. Oh, oh. Oh, he was playing poker, I was on the ocean.

Oh, he was playing poker. It was difficult. He was looting.. I was playing. It was difficult. I was looting. So I must confess. I started to cheat. No. I was hiding cards under my thighs. No.

And they found me out. No, no, no. It was Lily and Harry French. Washed, scrubbed and star-eyed. Thou, thai, thai. Thai isn't staring at us. I think I'm gonna have a name there. I'm going to a lie, stand up my thai. Thai is staring at us.

Surely, surely, that's not enough. That's enough. Please, darling, please. Our, our meharties. I was, I was playing poker, or, oh, that's an eye. Please. Arrrr. Armi Harty's. I was playing poker. Oh, I was playing poker. On the ocean blue. On the ocean blue.

On the ocean blue. On the ocean blue. On the ocean blue. On the ocean blue. On the waves. They were choppy. Oh, they were coming over this side. It was a man overboard situation.

I'm standing there on the deck. Being tossed from one way to the other. Oh, it made me sick., but luckily I was given some travel sickness tablets by me old hearty, David Tick. Yarrr, errrr. Is it a sycsome erm, is it, be a ginger? Suck some ginger. Suck some ginger, my boy, he said, and have a drunk drink.

I was playing poker on the ocean blue. When I started to sweat, write down me thighs. Oh, your thighs, oh yeah. It was dera-lyzed those thighs. I was sweating on my thighs. I was playing against Stacey Breedy Mead. Yaaaah! Yaaaah! Yaaaah! Stacey Breedy Mead

It rhymes with everything He was playing bunker I will wear Is a good color for the ocean so it is oh so it is it's the finest color for the ocean if you see the ocean black There's been oil slick Was a briny blue I Was playing I was playing this guy I was playing I was playing this call yeah Oh, yes, I sure That guy was playing you I don't know he was playing right back

It was the first time I'd had a proper game of poker when I was playing someone who was playing TOSCHY NOT SULLITER! TOSCHY NOT SULLITER! TOSCHY NOT SULLITER! And guess what? What's going? Don't keep your tenter ox, you'll be here. Come on. Literally.

My cards started falling down, cascading all over my door. Oh no! He dropped his cards on his thyself. The first time I actually played another person, Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! He dropped his cards on his thies. The first time I actually played another person he was so good. He's not solid. Of course he was.

His name was Jaskay. Of course he was. Over his face. Yeah. All over. Yeah. I tell you now I was playing a poor cricket. No, no, no.

Oh no. Don't you? When the fun stopped stop. Gammel said, please. No, no, no, don't you, when the fun stop stop Gamble say please Gamble say fun radio x Fine is six from Persia I'd had, where are we wearing them along your thighs? I'm not gonna tell you, yes.

Yes, I haven't. I had them draped delicately over me thighs. The finest silk. I always have silk over me thighs to stop them getting sweaty. It's a little tip I got from Mimein Harty. Wetty. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, One wanted to play poker unless we were on the ocean blue, so I had to play Western Harbour Carp. Carp, carp, carp, carp. And some gravel it had worked its way between me thighs.

Oh, it is poor. One piece of gravel rubbing away, it's a good a chief. It was chief in so bad that I wore my hair in a quiff. Oh, here we go, It's always the quiff. And I have to ask the rules to play Wist from my friend, the pervert, Sam Smith. Ah, what a good friend.

A good friend and a pervert. I was playing Hold on, were you? Because I'm pretty sure it's my turn. Oh, I can, which case. Oh, this is your turn. Oh, you don't want to do the next one, I was playing hold on were you cuz I'm pretty sure it's okay which case is yours? Oh you don't want to do the next one fair enough I understand I was playing bunker no No I used to believe I was playing bunker

And I lost a dead man's hand A dead man's hand for A dead man's hand. A dead man's hand. For he made me walk the plow. Oh no. I was upset. What? He must have been upset.

He was terribly upset. Oh. He poor fella. Haven't a walk the plow. I. But I won't dwell. No. No.

I won't hold a grudge against my good pal, Rob, Suell. He can't argue with that. He can't argue with, he won't hold a grudge against Rob's soul. He never holds one thing I can never do to rob soul is hold a grudge Right I I had me thighs out and that can mean only one thing I was playing poker. I was playing poker It was as blue as my eyes as blue as my eyes. Blue as my eyes is blue as my thighs. As blue. As blue as the grudge I refuse to hold against Robso. You can't hurt do it! Many Freud!

Many failed! Ah, I'll be a pissing in the wind if you're trying to hold a grudge against Robso. You'll be taking a shit in David Jones' locker. Oh, you'll be fucking a crab if you try to bring a truck with you. You'll be sticking your dick into a ship. Absolutely. You'll be keel holding. You'll be keel hauling your own bollocks. If you try and hold a grudge against Robert's soul.

And you know who told me this? Sam. Oh no! It's the best one yet! Oh no! Oh! Hi! Hey come on!

We've got to move on to get through. We've got to do this here. Oh! I was presenting my thighs to some more people. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Hi Hi We've got a whole fight more to get through. We're gonna do this here. I was presenting my thighs to someone I know I know I'm in a war on a very large plate And the recipient was man of the year Nick late all right I see you're right all right all right I can't hold a critical for that matter rob soul I was I was sloping the deck oh Oh my god. Oh my god. It's the poker game at Nuttgun well. No. I still don't entirely know what it means, but I was doing it. He was slopping all over the deck. I was slopping the deck. Thighs out, sweating, holding a crowd. Now there's an image.

Thighs to the wind, ourahoy and thiesahoy But Oh he was late but oh he was late He's a tarotdy pirate He's got thies you can crack wall that's with but he's a tarotdy in the video My poor blue thighs Old blue thighs the pirate here is On the ocean blue on the ocean blue he turns the air blue when he gets his thighs out

He blew his nose He blew himself It's a hell of a skin He blew himself. It's a hell of a skin. He's got a peg leg. If you know what I'm saying. Oh, I know what you're saying. Don't play blue. Don't play blue. Don't play blue like one thighs. He's blew his old blue thighs his thighs. Oh, I was running late. I was running late. You were turning well. I know.

I was running late against the clock. Yes. So who finished? Who finished you off? I could friend. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut.

Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut.. Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut. Roll Laurie had to cut. Laurie had to cut it word Laurie and cock finished off old blue Oh, right. Oh blue size is black. Oh blue is his black It's a bold casting decision. They're like a plort Oscar's so blue Yeah Yeah Oh the wheels Well, that's good because it's a ship We should never put those wheels in the car

I would totally wish Never put those wheels on this gallion My favorite beautiful south b-size Oh blue fices black Yeah Right, let's blue for the night before the night before Right let's move on here. I I had me thighs out And let me tell you thank lord they'd been at sea so long. They'd turn green

Gangrene I had to have both me thighs off but luckily I get to cut to keep the lower part of me legs. So, yeah! It was wood from the waist to the knee and then real leg from the knee down to the foot. He paints an image with his words. I certainly do. Me green wouldn't thighs. They were glistening in the moonlight as I stood about

apart the deck and I said where's Catherine Connerton? Go away, get your thighs off my favorite primal screams. Get your thighs off, get your throes off any bad news everyone I couldn't fit my thighs into the crow's nest. Oh no So you had to go in head first instead. I went in head first and it wasn't very nice but luckily Look at it hold a grudge. Look I never hold a grudge Against rob still but I tell you who I do hold a grudge. Look at it, I never hold a grudge. I'm not a grudge about this.

Against Rob's soul. But I tell you who I do hold a grudge against. Ian Goody Sire! Armiarty. Jars. We fell. Overboard. No.

No. Into the briny blue. Into the briny blue. Into the briny blue. And the sag I did. For I was. Well thank you very much. But the shed wood. And wood famously sinks. We all know that.

Oh. Of course the woods. That's the reason we built. We built our ship out of concrete. All concrete messy. All concrete messy. All concrete messy. She never got out of harbor. The decks they need are swabbin' on old concrete messy.

She's still there in the car. The decks they need are swabbin' and my thighs they be a throbbing. And that's no worry because the person we're about to rhyme with is Robin. So we've just taken two rhymes away from all his clonkeys, but let's see what he comes up with. Let's see what he comes up with. Let's see what he comes up with. Let's see what he comes up with. Here we go.

Oh, the brainy blue there it was. Lion made a wood. And a sobbing. Oh, bolster than man. More bolster than man. Oh, I was more bolster than man, which is why above the sea I was a bobbin. Ha! See, you don't know me.

Below it I was sobbing thinking about the fair. Thinking about the fair. Listen you've got to, you didn't win that goldfish and you've got to let that gold. It's plenty more fish in the sea. Don't put the goldfish into the sea, it'll die. He's a very good sea, it'll die. He's a very good point, it's a fresh water fish. And on that note, we'll have to say that concludes today's neighborhood watch Patreon roll.

Ah! We hardly knew each other. Never a grudge! It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice drink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain ol' ice? Yes, we deliver those.

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