Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Michael Fenton Stevens S13E33

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Michael Fenton StevensMichael Fenton Stevens - https://twitter.com/fentonstevensMy Time Capsule Podcast - https://play.acast.com/s/mytimecapsulePappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben, and I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Papi's flat share beef brothers cold cuts. Yes, as always, we have an esteemed colleague or guest, and we solve the beef of our listener deers. Can I ask Tom, when you say esteemed colleague or guest, what's the distinction you're making in your mind if there is anything? I hate to pick you up early doors, but I'm really excited to know which category today's person falls into because they're either a guest.

I don't think we, I think this guy is properly comedy royalty. So I think for us to call him a colleague even, we're not a peer, we're not colleagues of his, he is a legend and he is definitely our guest. Yeah, it's Michael Fenton Stevens, the brilliant Michael Fenton Stevens, from Radioactive, from KYTV, from Only Falls and Horses,

he is, he's just such a delightful man, a brilliant, brilliant guy. And if you haven't heard his podcast, my time capsule, it's really brilliant. And we'll leave a link to it in the show notes. And what else is there to say? Oh, just to say, I mean, apologies to people who've been sending us messages now. The Christmas show and the, yeah, apologies to all our colleagues and sending us messages now. The Christmas show. And the yes, yeah, apologies to all our colleagues. And some of our guests, the Christmas show and the show before the Christmas show,

they're all sold out now. If you want to get tickets, I would say the best way to do it is to just watch our Twitter, a Pappy's comedy. If you go to Twitter and look at our Twitter, like around the days leading up to it, because people always say, I can't do it on the day or they get sick or whatever.

So go along to, so we're not at Pappy's comedy on Twitter, we're at Pappy's tweet. Yeah, go to our Twitter, which is at Pappy's tweet, and we will be retweeting anybody who's said that they can't come along, and you can probably sort out tickets that way. That's the way to do it, or to join the waiting list on event bright, which will alert you if anybody can't do it and gets a refund. Oh, get a job at the Phoenix working as bar staff.

That's a really good point. Get a job at the Phoenix. You know what as well, I adore the Phoenix, but a couple more bar staff wouldn't go amiss, especially in the downstairs bar, especially when it's busy. So yeah, get yourself a job at the Phoenix guys. I'm sure they're hiring. Phoenix Camden Dish Square, I think it's, I think it's inquiries at phoenixcamden Dish Square dot codeyuk, but you could look it up yourselves,

get yourself a job down there and join the fun. One of the best seats in the house behind the bar. Oh, it's lovely. It's where the booze is certainly. So that's not bad thing. Yeah, so that's all sold out there and that is pretty much that for flat slams in 2023. What a year it was. What a year.

It's not getting to the end of year. Let's not get into the end of year of year. Let's not get misty-eyed and nostalgic about the year. Let's just look ahead. Sorry. Oh yeah. Let's just look at the finishing line and just thought, God's yeah. My natural broadcasting instincts kicked in.

Just thought, yeah, let's review the year right here right now. You've got to. You've got to. What have been your magic moments? Every episode from October onwards, it's going to be our review of the year. It's a giant cycle switch from to a gal. You're going to do it, Clarky, you're going to do it, mate.

I believe in you. Come on, come on. Any chance I can switch from a guest to a colleague? Come on. Here we go. Let's hear it, Clarky, you're going to do it, mate. I believe in you, come on, come on. Any chance I can fast switch from a guest to a colleague, come on. Yes, here we go. Let's hear it from Clarky. We'll get this. Guys, we're going to get this colleague to a guest. Do you know what?

That was my... I love the year, that was. Thanks for being late. I'm going to tie any 23-year bastard. Fine. Anyway, let's crack on with this beef, brothers, cold cuts episode. Just tighten that up in the edit if we could.

There's a problem with recording the intros after we've recorded the whole episode. We're Nackad, just enjoy the episode. Bye. Well, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem, if you've got a problem, call a bee. If you've got a B, maybe we can help you be from the sorting I can be. So Mike, we've got to ask you, before we get into the business of solving other people's

beefs, what sort of a person are you to live with? Well, I think I'm a very good person to live with. I'm quite malleable, which is good, isn't it? I've done that particular about things., which is good, isn't it? I've done that particular about things. That makes a difference, isn't it? If you're one of those people who just goes, no, we have to do it now. I always watch this program and I always watch it in this chair. I'm not the dad from the Royal family who sat there and went, you know, this is what I watch and this is my chair. Now Now I'm very movable in my life. And I'm almost like a piece of furniture.

Very much like a piece of furniture, yes. And almost as interesting. I sort of entertain myself as well actually. I'm quite happy to sort of something my father used to do, sit in the kitchen while my wife watches the television program, she wants to watch. Now you think, get another tele. Yeah. But actually, I'm sort of relieved by the fact that she says, well, I'm watching MasterChef, and I go,

I don't want to watch MasterChef. Why would I want to watch that? Why do you rely on their taste buds? That's what I always say to her. Why would I want to watch that? Why do you rely on their taste buds? That's what I always say to her. Why would you trust their taste buds? If you could taste it, I could understand you watching Master Chef, because you'll get to the end of it. Everybody tastes a bit and goes, they're the best.

But you're not, you're relying on somebody else to taste it and go, well, that is fantastic. Oh, my word. So do you go the kitchen and just taste everything in the kitchen? I just can't. I know my own food. I'm gonna taste, I'm not trusting him. You know, yeah.

So what I do is I do master beer drinker, the competition. Oh, there's no downsellers to test that out. And make my own bloody decision. So I don't need John Terrode to tell me what to drink. Thank you very much. But now I think I'm all right. I do snore, obviously.

It's a lot. My wife has suffered that for many years. Have you been together for a long time, your wife, and yourself? A long, long time. So what are the phases? This is my wife and I in the kind of the first phase of her realizing how bad a snorer I am. And so we're are in the kind of the first phase of her realising how about a snorer I am. And so we're still at the kind of waking up phase where she wakes

me up, cross, and I have to try and defend myself for something I haven't chosen to do. You know, you can defend yourself. You wake up on the back foot being like, I didn't know. I'm just wondering, are there more phases? Like, have you gone through that phase? Yeah, there is a room of, of, fuck off to another room. Right, I've got that to look forward to. I've got that to look forward to. Fuck off back down to the kitchen and have some more beer.

It's, it's, it's stop drinking beer and farting and snoring. That's the three favourite things to do. I mean, I think that actually you can't possibly last that long without somebody's, you know, you being able to put up with the faults of the other person because everybody has that, you know, so she does put up with it. But maybe she does because there's not, I have never had a workman come in here and decorate this house. Not in my entire years, years and years we've been married for getting on for 45 years now, my wife and I, and I've always decorated

the house. Is that because you don't just around work, men? I'm not paying someone to move the paintbrush up and down. Surely anybody can do that. And I do it. And I have to say, I did it really, really badly. The only time my wife ever decorated our house was just after we bought our first house. I live in Tumberidge Wells and we were house hunting

in all over London, looking for somebody to live. And with the house prices were ridiculous. I'm going to make you really angry now. I was so ridiculous. I mean, we couldn't afford anything over 30,000. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. It's a positive day. I love it. You know, and so I then we went to visit a friend out near where I live in Tumberidge Wells and he took us to dinner in a house in Tumberidge Wells and we were talking about this quandary and the man we were having dinner with said, well, this house is on the market and we said, how much is it?

And he said 27. No. And my wife said, we'll take it. And I said, don't you think we should look around first? Honestly, genuinely. And so we did look around this house, discovered it had two more floors than we thought. It was a townhouse.

Oh, what? And I... It's been great having you on the podcast. I'm sorry, Mike. Thanks for having my list. It's been a real pleasure. Shall we talk about the other advantages of having been old and... About the fact that my pension is... It's, you know, triple locked. That's triple locked. It's just really make you upset.

Anyway, we did buy it. We bought it for 27.5,000 pounds. Wow. About three weeks later, I did a commercial for Guinness and they paid me 22,000 pounds. So you imagine how much that would be worth now. Unbelievable. And then I went to Australia on tour. And when I came back, my wife, I just

days after we'd moved to this house, all the things were in boxes all over the house. And I said, bye then. And I went to Australia for three months. And when I got back, she'd sorted all the boxes out. It's fantastic and had painted almost the entire house move Wow immediately devaluing it

Making it worth no more than 25 Did she miss here you when you said you may be in and I'll just I'll go to Australia Yeah And I'll just, I'll go to Australia. It is my remnant. I think she did it so that she would never have to decorate again, which has been the case. Why is woman or a kind of blind woman we don't have? No, one or the other. It was a strange house we moved into. These people had this, there was, the person who owned it before was a carnig Carnegie. And I said, a member of the Carnegie family, jokingly, and he went, yeah, yeah, I am actually. I mean, I really was sort of

a minor member. And he went, well, you know, I mean, I've never worked. I'm an artist. I said, right, have you two paint? No, no. Are you an artist? He said, well, have you paint? No, no. Are you an artist? He said, well, sort of, yeah. I mean, I don't like it. I've got a lifestyle. And he showed me one of his paint. He was a terrible painter.

Couldn't paint for a trophy. But every now and again, he would get an inheritance. Wow. Some bitty somewhere in the Carnegie family would pass on. And he'd be left some vases or something and they'd be worth a fortune And that's how he lived when somebody walks through your front door They're walking into what used to be the Carnegie Hall How do you get to the Carnegie Hall?

Practice Or move into one of the people's house Yeah. Or moving to one of the people's houses. From the Sonic I Am Beef! Shall we solve some beef? Shall we start solving some beef? Let's do it. Tom.

Hello. I believe you've got the first one for today. I have indeed. This is a... Oh, hello. This is great title. Domestic Sonic Beef from Charlie. Dear brief brothers and undoubtedly my favourite ever guest.

I don't mind that. Charlie's got a silver tongue. I present you a small niggle of a beef but I hope you can relate. My wife and I share a sonic toothbrush. Oh, um. Before we go any further, eh, yes we're doing pretty well thanks. And b, we have two different toothbrush heads and share the one sonic engine. Now are we imagining that there's two heads that attach at the same time at either end and they just have to brush their teeth with their arms around each other? In a romantic way. The couple that brushes together stays together.

Like the end of Requiem for a Dream only sweet. Oh yes, yeah. My beef is that without fail every night, my wife will try and talk to me about the news and tributes from the day. As soon as I have placed the toothbrush in my mouth, adjusted the settings accordingly and started the brushing process. Now a sonic toothbrush is loud when it is in your mouth.

Certainly to the point that I can barely hear anything else. So therefore what should be a two minute process, 30 seconds on each quadrant. Takes over five minutes if you have to pause and restart the brush over and over again to listen to and answer each moment all question from the day that you think you have heard over the worrying of the engine. How do I get my wife to realise that these two minutes are no talk zones and that I'm ready to be an excited and engaged husband as soon as this nightly ritual is complete. Yours in beef's charlie. My wife's got the solution, which is fucked up to another room. Pay the toothbrush move.

No, I don, oh my. Go ahead and have a beer. Have you got, so who here has a Sonic toothbrush? Well, I know Michael, you bought a Sonic toothbrush in 1973 for eight pens, didn't you? LAUGHTER It's still that it's a fantastic, increased in value, see?

But Sonic got a lot of research on it. I think everybody over there in the early 60 was given shares in something. I don't know why they just gave it to us as a present. You probably didn't want to. I did on the value yet. I'm sure a little bit. I don't really know.

Is a Sonic toothbrush? Is that one of those ones that buzzes so fast that it's supposed to knock the plaque off? Is that what a Sonic toothbrush is? Imagine. I don't, I've never heard of a sonic tooth. I think I might have one. I think you've got one.

I think Ben, yeah. Have you? I think Ben's got one and I think my wife has one. I can't use them because they are, they're like those, they're gonna go, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Rocked in like an electric one that goes, go, it's like more of a,

woo, woo, woo, yeah. Rather than like an electric one that goes, it's like more of a woohoo! And there's like an intense tiny vibration to them. Well, clearly, the vibration's so intense, it just rattles the memory of it out of my brain. It's clearly causing you some kind of damage. Is that the kind of toothbrush you have, Clarky? Yeah, that's the vibe. Do you understand what it's like to experience the Charlie in terms of you verify what he says about hearing and the focus that it takes when you're using it?

Well, I will say that actually Megan has like an adversion to people scrubbing the teeth. It goes right through her the sound of it. So she'll be as far away like if it comes out. That's why she fell in love with you. Isn't it? She found out you heard the rumours about your oral hygiene. I thought this is the guy for me. Whereas the halo sound of a So she's been called it's like a siren call Yeah, so she gets as far away from me as possible whenever I'm scoffing my teeth Or whenever I'm talking I do hope that these sim that they've thought of That you get other children's versions of Sonic? There must be surely, with Sonic the Hedgehog. Yeah, you'd think so.

The Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic toothbrush. There must be. I wonder if it's just too, I mean, I don't know what I'm talking about here, but that'll be true for the entire episode. Is it too powerful for a child's mouth? It's not a thing that you can lose all your baby teeth if you put in the kids mouth. You'd have to, you know, you'd have the most expensive day for the tooth fairy ever.

If you stuck it in the child's mouth, I'm sure. It feels like, you shouldn't really be sick in anything Sonic in your head anyway, but especially not if you're a kid. Yeah, you know what I say to you, you know, treasured three year old, come on dialing, approach the Sonic engine and open your mouth.

What? It doesn't feel, it doesn't feel like a responsible But you know, treasured three-year-old, come on, dialing, approach the sonic engine and open your mouth. LAUGHTER Well, it doesn't feel like a responsible parenting sentence, does it? No. Do you think that... So is it a vibration, then, that's cleaning your teeth? I think so. Yeah, at least so. So what it is.

So, in fact, well, they find eventually that this is rather like heading a football or something and brings on early onset dementia and you know Just brain being shaken by this thing. It would explain a lot about bear and action. Yeah Ben I tell you what go and get you're going to Sonic to brush. Let's have a yeah No, I know I mean like this isn't really the beef. This is this is three people Now, I know, I mean, like, this isn't really the beef, this is three people trying to get. This is such a kind of a nutty thing. What's the difference between those two talking about? Charlie's problem isn't, I don't know what my sonny is.

We'll get around to solving the beef in a second. In the meantime, I was surely, there's things to be pointed out to, because I wouldn't have thought that, I mean, I know it's, you know, environmentally maybe it's a good idea to use one toothbrush. But if you are able to afford a sonic toothbrush, then I would suggest you could afford to. And maybe your wife wouldn't have to stand there waiting for her turn while you're using it. That would be the solution, I would say. She had one as well. You both do it, she can't talk to you while she's on the other side of the matter. This is the talk of someone with a triple loctopension though. Yeah, 75 and 75. How many do you want? Come on. Just put some of your Guinness royalties to it. I think we get it with, I mean I think, you know, if we go into boots, because of the boot shares, we all got it.

Yeah. Oh, boom. But that was in the days when you could pick up boot shares for pennies. It went out of it. Oh. Right, Clarky. I don't think it's Sonic, mate.

Actually, this is, this is, I'm looking at that. I'm looking at that. I've had one like that in the past. You have, yeah. This one's Sonic, mate. Actually, this is... No, I'm looking at that. I don't think it's that. I've had one like that in the past. Yeah, you have. This one's normal, V. Pop it up to the mic, doesn't it? You don't grade it from the water.

Yeah. You definitely used to have one that would go with the wind. Yeah. I used to have one, yeah. Definitely that light that. Well, I can get my wife. We need this. So we need this.

If you come back with a vibrator with me. Yeah, we can. I'll be furious. She end, it's... If you come back with a vibrator with him, yeah, he comes up. I'll be serious. She told me, it's a toothbrush. That's a bad eater. We're all going to go. Just got something to tell you that is not

the son of toothbrush. And she's absent using it right now while he's recording. And I found out a fact about Sonic toothbrushes though. Yeah. We know they use sonic technology, but here we go. We've got a sonic toothbrush in from Tom here. Tom, very quickly, before we turn this on, before you've even heard the sonic toothbrush, how many times do you think the brush head moves per minute? How many times do you think the brush head moves per minute. How many times do you think the brush head moves per minute

on a Phillips electric sonic tooth brush? Anyone got any ideas? No, it's... Per minute, how many times? I'll tell you now, it's a while, not. So I'm gonna guess it does, it's 10 a second. So I'm saying 600 times. 600 times a minute.

I'm gonna raise you, I'm to say 1,500. I was going to go for 6,000. Oh, you've been fooled by the advertising and count. Yeah, that's it. Oh my god. They're playing a lot. How do they open their cat? Well, this is, I guess they film it and then slow it right down and have something there with a little ticker. But I can tell you now, Tom, Tom was the closest. Like record breakers. Yeah, I'll tell you the Norris Maguerto with a clipboard.

I can tell you, Tom, you were off to the tune of 90%. It's 62,000 times. I'm in it. And at that stage, you may as well say any number. I mean, no one's checking in that instance. So, oh, the this brush head moves up to 60,000 times per minute. I'm not putting that in my mouth. No way.

Oh, that's good, because my old one used to do 50,000, and it just wasn't quite cutting it, so that... I was just telling you, it's been a thousand times off. Yeah, that's ridiculous. By cutting it, you can cause me cutting straight to your guns with it. Ah, they are horrible. They are horrible. They are horrible. They make... It's gonna...

Oh! Oh! How is your wife feeling about you using it in your own mouth time? She doesn't know, but... She listens to the podcast, so she'll find out when she listens to this episode. Let's just leave her at that. Oh, it's very intense. and it is, can you hear that noise? It's like a lightsaber almost. Yeah. Yeah. And that, yeah. That's an annoying

mosquito isn't it? Yeah exactly, exactly right. So his case does hold up that it's probably too loud to hear what's going on, but I think it's... So we've got to be safe now where we believe him. We talk for about 15 minutes and we now Charlie don't worry, we believe you. That's where we are. So how are we into the podcast and we've... 80% of our listeners going, the fuck they don't know what a sonic tooth is.

So, I've got a suggestion which is, you know, when we had the whole Happy Birthday, what's your hands for Happy Birthday? What if Charlie comes home and says, oh, I heard a good thing on the radio today, it says, you know, to make sure you're brushing your teeth for the right amount of time, you should brush your teeth for the duration of, and then insert one of his favourite songs. Oh, that's good. That's good. Although the problem is not him brushing his teeth, it's her talking while he's brushing his teeth.

Yes, but if he says, I'm going to be listening to that song now whilst I brush my teeth. I can't hear what you're saying, darling. I'm just, I'm just, you're always really fascinating. Yeah, exactly. So it just means, well, you can give me your talk of the day later on. Oh, but only I could listen to you

because I do love listening to you, telling me all the things of the day, but I really need to brush my teeth properly, so I'm gonna have to put these very, very efficient headphones on. Is that what you're saying? She's going to fall for that. She's going to fall for that. 45 years of marriage tells me that she's going to fall for that. OK, I've got another one. No, Tom, can I just drill down into that for a second to use a dentist's parlance? Just blue. The idea that you could say to somebody,

I will listen to you after I finish listening to this song, is absolutely nuts, right? Imagine that outside of the bathroom. Imagine if Jane came over and what a day I've had. You went, oh, give me one second. I just want to listen to tiny dancer. If that's okay, just as soon as time comes over, then I am all ears, but Elton gets

first dibs on this. It's just, yeah. Okay, this is what this is one, then. We've all heard the sound. It's intense. It's unpleasant, right? So what if you start complaining about hearing loss and you start mishearing and saying, sorry, I didn't, and then say, right, I'm gonna go and see a specialist because my hearing isn't what it was. And then you go, you come back and you've printed off a little letter and it says,

oh, the sonic toothbrush is damaging my hearing. I'm gonna have to wear earmuffs while I clean my teeth. Therefor. Because we're dealing with 63,000 movements a second here, or a minute, whatever, whatever, you know, I think it's a minute or still. It may as well be a second. I don't think our schools aren't designed for that amount of movement.

That ratling. So I'm going to have to really focus in on, you know, the little bones in your inner ear must be clad together at some sort. You've got to think of my exact clear. And so I do daily. Where does he live? Look, I'm going to send him something from one of my pensions. Enough for him to buy another sonic toothbrush, because the solution clearly is for the two of them to say, so that we do it properly, let's start together, darling. Let's clean our teeth together. How romantic is that?

And they press the button at the same time, and they go through the whole process of 30 seconds, this side, 30 seconds. Who does that? Eyes locked. Eyes locked. And time. Dreams of this.

With the sound of the tinnitus that they'll eventually have. You've been ordering. LAUGHTER It spends dream to sit there and clean his teeth with his partner, but his partner leaves the house. His swim is on for some end on the bathroom door. A triple lock. Pretend you're having a shit. Hasn't it yet? A really high powered vibrating shit. That's what you need. A really high powered vibrating shit.

Oh my god. That's me straining, it's not too much. My inner anus can move at 63. It's a minute. It's an unrelated point. Could you put it back on to Charlie's wife and perhaps say like make it fun for her say look I love the movie love actually I'm a huge fan of that scene where Andrew Lincoln shows up at the front door step and has the big cards

message of the day just give me cards of the day you know that that's then at least it's a fun you know make you make it into a fun game. Or if that doesn't work, you could say, look, can you speak at a frequency that is higher than the vibration of the Sonic Toothbrush, you know, you can get like a dog whistle that is like at the highest pitch, you know, maybe just say, look, take Elecution Lessons and learn to speak at a higher pitch that's higher than the pitch itself. I don't know, I'm no longer going to listen to it. Listen to me. Can you any of options?

Can any of your updates of the day be more of a dog whistle nature to the updates of your day? Isn't necessarily. I'm not in a GB News sense. C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C- anything, just read my cards. I just want you to say that, today I met a man. He's the man of my dream. I'd like to divorce you. I'm taking the tooth brush. Yeah, to boy me. Another solidthbrush, a new time bastard. The thing that made me fall in love with him, the fact that he was willing to listen to me whilst cleaning his tears.

His name is Michael Fenton Stevens. He's showered me with toothbrushes. He's old, but he's rolling in it. He's old but he's rolling in it. So, yeah, so basically if you don't want this to end in divorce then DM Mike on Twitter and he will send you two Chris Psyfty Pound notes and you can buy yourself a new toothbrush. Beef solved. Be from a soning out your beef solved. I like the idea that all of our beef tonight are going to be solved by Michael to spending this big cap.

Don't worry, I'll send you some lovely food. I'll call Mike, yes, the checkbook out. Checkbook? You think I am. I have not had checkbooks since 1995. It's how you pay for your third house. I do know people with checkbooks though. I think there are some people who still have checkbooks. I found out the other day, somebody

told me that they went, had dinner with Paul McCartney, and at the end of it they said, well no, look, we'll pay, and he went, no, don't be silly, and he wrote a check. And they said, but come on, you pay for everything. He said, yeah, but they won't cash it. Amazing. Isn't that interesting? Wow. Yeah, of course you wouldn't. That's why you think, yeah. And there was a, anybody member John Ottway, John Ottway and Walter Barrett.

Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, John Ottway had a really free, really free, really free. He was a great, really free. He was a great song. He used to, my favorite song of his was something that meant he had a permanent scab in the center of his for it, because he used to do a song called Give It Ed Butts. I remember giving it, he was saying, I would be down the street, and I saw his boat and I thought, give it Ed Butts and he used to headbutt the microphone.

And that was his song, and he involved him doing it about 30 times a night. So he had this permanent Mark there where the thing is to make him bleed Anyway, he once said to me He I'm got him money Mike. I mean, he said no, do you want to drink? I'll get it actually Oh, I'm going to cash you couldn't cash a check could you and I said I've got some money. He said got 50 quid I went yeah, yeah, sure And I got a 50 quid out. He started

writing this thing. And when he'd had these hits, he'd become a member of Coots Bank. And they had special Coots Bank checks made for him. Well, he wasn't anymore because he didn't have any money. But he still had these checks. And he would write them on there for his deposit account. And it had a coot's bank and then his name underneath it and a photograph of him holding a guitar with his hand in the air with a spot by behind him looking really cool you know and I was about to and I said you don't think I'm going to cash this to you and he went what? I said you this is a trick you do this all the time because the checks cost you a pound and then you get someone

Did give you 50 quid for them and then they keep them and he went ah you busted he worked Really good So um have we sorted his beef I think he he solved, yeah, I think he solved. Would you like to do, would you like to do the beef that I sent to you, Mike? Do you want to just say a beef? Yeah, I'm happy to do that. This beef is called sneak beef, and it's from Ace. It says, dear Papis and guest.

Housemate, let's call her Pixie. I should imagine she is called Pixie. It came home one day having rescued, it inverted commas, and 11 foot Burmese python from a nightclub. The new addition brings the total number of snakes up to 15. The smaller ones regularly escape, and I'm told to keep an eye out. Now, it goes on. This housemate uses a medium instead of a vet to diagnose sickness in the snakes.

My favourite being, when the medium invoked the spirit of Steve Irwin, who told her her snakes are getting ill because she wasn't doing enough yoga. Oh my God. I should say that the place is a squat, but is blankly nodding and generally keeping my mouth shut about all this nonsense really worth not paying rent in London. Yours ace Ventura. If he was a pet detective, he'd have a lot less trouble. He would have that with Solve it, wouldn't it? That was Solve it, if it was Ace Ventura. Now, this very much is what your generation has done to the housing market.

Our generation is forced to live in squats with snakes. Well, you snipe them all the time. I didn't think people were force to live in squats with snakes. Well, you snuck all the gunpots. I didn't think people were allowed to live in squats anymore. I think all of us, second and third homeowners, made sure that that wasn't going to happen. That's a shame. He changed the law, didn't we, so that you couldn't have young people just moving into your London apartment? Yeah, he's not left in a dress.

No. It's a game. A little 11-foot Burmese Puython. What have you done? It's about the truth, isn't it? How are you with snakes? Have you ever worked with any? Yeah, I'm fine with snakes.

I don't mind snakes at all, actually. I'd quite like snakes, I've handled all sorts of snakes. My friend, who I started in this business with Angostitan, has a phobia about snakes. He's never seen Indiana Jones and the first film, he's never seen it because he was told there was a scene where he fell into the pyramid and there were snakes everywhere. He can't, I mean, he can't. Yeah, there's a few, I mean, there's a few, there's one in the third as well, isn't it, when the young River Phoenix falls into the, the, the snowy, I think, yeah, I think he

should watch it because he have a kindred spirit in Indiana Jones, because Indiana Jones has a face. He was down to the last two. He was down to down to the last two. It was, it was a face forward. So It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah. It was, yeah Well, he has that really slow delivery, doesn't he? So I'm not sure that was his perfect for delivering the weekly gags. Very true. You know, he just has a really slow way of talking. That's why those films are so long. Could be done in 10 minutes.

When he was in his obviously like 30 like, 30s, 40s, that gave him gravitas. But now the old regets... Now it's like... If he feels like he doesn't know how he's going to finish his sentence. But the publicity tour of The Last Ninja Jones film, it was slightly like... But it's obviously his...

It's always been his pace. But now that he's on a certain age, it does have a certain amount of jeopardy to it. He's going to forget where he is, doesn't he? Did I go for my walk? We made another film? What? Oh, OK.

Right. I hope I know bump into my dad. And then you did that in the last one. What? I'm the most worried for gets the gun. Yeah, good. I'm always doing that. And is that, yeah, was that joke?

As I get older, I become more existential. Every time I walk into a room, I think, what am I here for? Very nice. every time I walk into a room I think, what am I here for? LAUGHTER Very nice. Yes. I can't even begin to think how I would give A's advice here because the idea of living with one snake, let alone small snakes that get out.

Get out. The idea of just keeping eye out. Keep an eye out. I can't live. I couldn't live like that. It's not relaxing is it? No. I'm not bad with snakes either but I don't much fancy big in the house. And I don't think you do go into, I don't think you get into the squatting scene for relaxing purposes. I don't think, I think if you're into, if you're into the squatting scene for relaxing purposes, you know, I don't think, I think if you're into the squatting scene, you're not like, oh, this is a lovely cozy squat. And I can imagine

like, you know, the fact that the author's called Ace, you kind of think, there, you know, Ace and the Python's, it all sounds fucking cool, but it's so not for me. Yeah, I'm a beginner broach it. There is a possibility though isn't there that of course that he's that he's missing a trick here because I think I think clearly if you could get pixie if you could sorry I'm thinking this out as I as I say it. That's why I think it's exactly how we do it. Get pixie to go into the main room. This is me pitching from a new TV series. So I've had this idea.

You get Pixie to go and do her yoga in the main room with all the snakes in it. And you compress the air, so you fix all the gaps in the windows and you sort of really pump a lot of air into that room, okay? So creating an atmosphere in there that the snakes find enjoyable because it's full of oxygen. So they all gather, they're all the snakes that have escaped all creep back in again,

come on, and they get fascinated by this yoga, which is almost like a sort of a snake dance, a snake charmer. She's doing her yoga movements. At that point, you block up the door into the thing with all of her yoga equipment and any other luggage that might be happening to be around. That's trapping, although then you open the window suddenly, decompressing the room and all the snakes are flown out, and you sell the whole idea to Samuel L. Jackson. LAUGHTER And call it snakes in a squat. LAUGHTER

It could work. It's good. LAUGHTER Actually, I've just brought you to stun silence. I just... I'm just working out which is the best channel for it because I'm, we're absolutely nicking that idea. I'm going to pitch that to tomorrow morning. I, I, I, I, I think the problem we have with this is that none of us, I mean, I'm sure even, even in your, in your, in your your early acting days I can't imagine you're a

you're a squatter. I was getting 22 grand for the exact number of people. We don't need that. For any less, would you? Yeah, we know, we know. Which property should I buy next? You weren't one of these people doing like in your face theatre, were you doing Guinness Noverts? No, fair enough, and quite right too. Sorry, I just think we're just so out of our depth with this one. What is squat etiquette? Yeah, squat etiquette. What is it? Do you have squat rules? There's gotta be a limit. There's got to be an upward limit of snakes, you know.

In a flat shore, but in a squat, I don't know. Yeah. I think that's it because if, if, for example, it was, you know, you were all paying like a, it's just like a nominal amount of rent, then you could say, look, in the same way that I've got the big bedroom and I'd pay a bit more, you've got 15 snakes, you should pay a bit more, like,

and then at least it kind of like, there's a bit of yin yang to it, it balances out a little bit. But in this instance, no one's paying anything, so you just have to put up, don't you? It's either put up or start paying, or living in a place in London that charges you, which, that's just problem you see. I know, I do, as you know, as a squat,

you can bring any animal in your lake, then I would start buying mongoose. Yes, that's it. Yeah, mongoose or cats are very good with snakes. They're... There we are, you see. Just say, I look, I've got a whole new menagerie of animals that I've brought in.

Barricade yourself in your room with a cat and you'll be fine. You'll never see a snake. Are you sure cats can fight snakes? I don't know, yeah. How often does that get? Have you not looked at YouTube? Yeah, that's it. Cats are incredibly fast.

They can rotate at 62,000 per second. Have you ever watched Cat vs Snake? It's on right after snakes on a squawk. It's really good. It's on as a double bill. Snake's in a squat and then squawked. They do have those on the couch, isn't it? I've never watched them, but somebody told me that you have those, there's a big market for strange creature against strange creature fighting until like scorpion against tarantula and they put them in a thing and thousands of thousands of people watch the results. Watch the truth. Quite per death, that seems a bit for me that.

It's hosted by Craig Charles, it's on Channel 5. It shouldn't really be on, but you know it is. But no one knows it. It's a Bluger whale. It commentated a Bluger whale took out a rock whale last night. It was amazing. Occasionally, it's really unevenly matched. Did you see Young Grizzly Bear vs Stick Insect?

It was such a short bout. And then Bear, Grille, and me. That was one chance sticky pinnacle. Yeah, yeah, got Strape is nostril and that was it. That's the storm. LAUGHTER Craig Charles is nostril. Yeah, he called it up.

He thought it was a Friday. LAUGHTER One of the my concerns is, if you're the guy in the squat who's got a problem with the snakes, are they going to start thinking you're the undercover cop? Janana Meme. Are you the Nark? Are you the narc? Are you the narc? Do you know what I mean? It's like oh it feels like a test of how much how down you are with squat life

Right, maybe what were those police been doing that was an extraordinary period when they used that they actually form relationships with people And they were undercover cops because they thought these people were going to be subversive so they just followed them. They lived, they were people, years with people. Yeah, extraordinary. Mad. Imagine some of them even set up a podcast with them and did like a podcast for like 10 years just to try and you know, they had like a middling successful sketch comedian

breathed like the whole time they were in undercover cop and they never let on. Never let on. Even though they shared a sonic toothbrush. It's amazing. Triple Ender. Right, so is our best suggestion, Mongoose or cat

Which is also another game we're pitching Pitching that to ITV2 tomorrow morning Anton Deck present a member of the public with a barrel They put their hand in and have to guess if it's a cut of Ramongas And it turns out it's it's a great big blade that's swishing round That's the funny part of it. Yeah, it's cat on long braggers or Nutri-Ballets. Yeah It was another sonic engine. I'm afraid. Why does he pick the name pixie though? Why is he chosen pixie as Her nom de bloom

Do you think her real name's gonna be something like elf or something like that? He's just shifted a little bit to the left. I think the chances are, quite often when you've got a pretty nutty posh girl in a squat, she's actually lady something or other. That's how it sounds. She's one of the kind of eating. She's common people. I want to see what common people do. If I do more yoga, I'll charm the steaks.

Yes, quite. It's that, it's that old seismic, Conminjusa. Yeah. Well, I don't think we can rule out the fact that all of this scenario is a hallucination and the ace is squatting on his own and he's eating some bad beans. Ace has gone mad at the draft excluders again.

I mean, if you go down enough of an instant wormhole, are we maybe we're just part of ACI's hallucination. That's not scratch at that surface. But ACI's, there is a chance that he might think Pixie is an actual Pixie and that there are no snakes. I'm just saying we can't rule that out. It's squat life, anything goes. Yeah. So you're saying we've been wasting our time on an idiot? LAUGHTER Yeah, but that's just me.

LAUGHTER Sort of the theme of the podcast. Yeah, this is where we are on the podcast now. It's like a lot of the time is working out whether or not we believe the people have written into us. Right. This is what it is. This is what it's become. So, yeah, I think, I think think by a mongoose and beef solved,

indeed, this was a beef at all. Michael sent you 250 pound notes to buy them. Oh yeah, that's right. I will send you a mongoose at the top quality, or even a mink, you know, I mean, I've got, I can afford them. Just go on. I could just imagine, I just imagine Michael's wife,

where you're after darling? I've just got a pop to London. I'm putting a mongoose in a squat Try not to snore darling Beef solved Beef solved, I'm happy. Beef solved. We have a beef in from Honey. This is a honey, writes, dear puppies and lovely guests. My boyfriend has a board line obsessive hatred for flies. So far we have fly nets on the door, but not the windows.

No matter the heat, he won't let me open our windows for fear of a fly. I'm boiling. And this came in this week. So during a heat wave, basically, I'm boiling. And when they do get in, it's my fault. So far, he's hurt a plant and broken a lamp, trying to battle the intruders.

What? How can I get him to fucking chill? That was funny here like that. Thank you, honey. Wow. I like the phrase fucking chill because it suggests that the other person, the person who's saying it is not chill. So fucking chill like me.

Can you be a bit more fucking chill like I am? Good lord. I reckon this one's quite simple actually. You know those, you can get those kind of harmonious. You've seen a harmonious go after a fly. Oh my god. Look at this series too, we're crying John. I know you're completely wrong.

You need to get snakes. You need to contact Pixie. You need to get snakes. You need to contact Pixie. You need to get in touch. Basically you need to get an old woman. She'll swallow the fly. Now, why? I don't know why. I've got a few minutes left.

Just a minute, perhaps you'll die. Well, you know what, in the new version she doesn't die because my kids are starting listening to it and It's one of those, you know in the way that they've like you know sort of taken out the the the bits in in roll dial about people being ugly or fat or any of that Yeah, stuff Um, to sort of pretend to know an old lady who's full of the horse. She's fine And that is her choice is how that right? That solved it. Were we to criticise? Just let people be people, but good yes, sake.

We're all going through our own stuff, okay? You just don't know what's going on inside a person. There could be a horse inside there, so just let people handle it and deal with it in their own way. Okay, be kind of kind of conscious. You know, an old lady who was a vegan, who swallowed a flim, she was so upset, she swallowed some corn. Thank you. Thank you.

What, how does it end now, Matthew? I'm trying to think of what the final line is. I think it just goes to static on the video. I'm just panic. Yeah. I've gotten, I've got, I'll find out and we'll stick in the intro the next episode, I'll find out what's happening these days. But you can't be saying people are eating all,

you know, you're not scared kids are horses. I want my daughter to grow up to be a parallel player of course Mike's they're sitting here a bursary I've not I've gone quiet because I'm desperately trying to work out what that last rhyme would be Once you'll set that sort of thing you know I have a brain like that once you say yeah Well I think it must be something that makes and I go go, oh, what animal could it be that rhymes with, got better, or is no longer ill? And I'm trying to think, oh, I've got duck and bill, but I can't think of the rhyme that, you know,

she recovered, there's no animal that's gonna rhyme with that, no. Oh, shit. So, it caught the fly, and she's all right, now, there's gotta be a clean ending, and it's gonna keep keep me awake tonight that. Right, well when you get it, send it to me. I will send it to you.

Record it and send it to me. I'll write it on a £10 note and send it to you. Well, never spend it, you see. It's clever. It's clever, he's clever. He's got the genius ending to the end. He knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he flies, fucking chill, or we've got to get honey to understand her boyfriend's phobia. It is a bit lame, isn't it being scared of flies? Let's be honest, if it was a wasp. I'll tell you, because we have we have we have the the fly thing. We get flies enough flat and I'm not scared of them, but I hate it. But when you say the fly thing, do you mean you've got a filthy flat?

Well this is the thing we've got the fly thing in that we're flat covered in shit. Listen, we've got the shit bucket, yes, but... It's awesome, right? I'm granted it. But then come on, which sitting room doesn't?'t yes and the rotting beef with the maggots Found it everybody's got else you're gonna put your rotting beef So you please please the number of times I've been asked that question Well, so you have a lot of flies clarky. Yeah, we get flies man. We get flies So you have a lot of flies clarky. Yeah, we get flies man. We get flies

And are you fucking chill about it or are you? We go after them pretty hard with the old fly swatter Do you know you can buy now? You can buy a shot a fly shotgun. I Have seen this and you like cock it and then it fires a and you like cock it and then it fires a jet of air that kills the wasp and you can shoot them out of the air or a fly. And so you have, I mean, it's kind of targeted at Americans really, you have all the fun of going out and shooting things

but you get to do it with flies in your own home. Wow, well maybe, you know, then he could learn to love it with flies in your own home. Wow, well, maybe, you know, then he could learn to love a fly coming in. You know, if he enjoys the idea of shooting something out of the air with a stream of air that's so powerful, it kills it. This guy, I know, I know. I'm not sure.

No, sure, I'm, there are, surely, you were talking about those electric things over there, they go in shops and everything, and they're attracted to them and they just get electrocuted or whatever. That feels... That seems also like an American thing. They love that.

Here, let's go watch the flies get electrocuted. Yeah. Yeah. You've got the part. But what it feels like is you want to get this guy to kind of come to terms with flies, right? Yeah. Yeah. You've got to get him to make his peace with flies because the other thing you could do

is you could get, I mean how is he around spiders? Yeah. Because obviously that's the natural, I mean, now is he around spiders? Because obviously that's the natural, I mean, now I know class. Is this anger stated? We're still asking about it. He doesn't know that, either. Okay, okay, so you are right.

In the end, you know, we've got a Mongoose getting the snakes, we should get the natural solution. This is an environmental solution. We're not spraying the air with aerosols or anything, and trying to kill the fly. We're just saying, well, actually, you actually, let's set up a whole ecosystem whereby fly is coming into your house is a boon. Go for the Venus fly trap. If you don't want it, if you don't want to get the spider, I mean, a Venus fly trap when you're a kid, so exciting. I mean, I haven't seen one in absolute, I'm sure they're still around.

I'm sure they still exist, they've died out. And also, aren't there sort of like much bigger ones? You know, you can buy the little ones in garden centres, but they're like, they're a big ones that look very little shop of horrors. This guy is probably going to be shit scared of a Venus fly trap as well, isn't it? He's scared of flies, you think? The guy is scared of fucking flies, man. He's going to shit himself when he sees a Venus fly trap and what they do.

Is the problem that the girl who's written this in is called Honey. Is that the reason the house is for the fly? I'm sorry, I'm going to fly. You think she is a jar of honey? We accept all this away from her. You've left the door of jar honey. Jarah honey. If in fact this whole thing is, there's nets up apparently, are there? Overall the windows, they put fine nettings over the door.

So she can't open the window, can't get you fresh air, air conditioning unit, that's another solution. I can get more money, throw more money at the problem. I've got several. You get one on the NHS when you're over 65. Is the answer, I don't mean to be brutal about this, but is it a boyfriend with a bit more of a backbone? Oh no, we can't do that. Oh man, it's on. I mean, let's be honest, let's not beat you around the bush here.

Do you think that if you've got one of those guns that fires out a puff of air, it might kill the boyfriend? Do you think that we your turn to say? Is there an immersion therapy type element to this? Where are these? Smear him in shit. That's not what I'm talking about. That's a deep protest.

They came down. Hang in from the ceiling, like one of those sort of sticky tape things that they've used to catch flies. Cover them in fly paper, yeah. Just. I mean, it's just not used to the idea. Open all the windows. I mean, the problem may well be that he won't open the windows and the bloody flies can't get out. I always find the solution with a fly is you if you've got a fly in the house, open the windows and they will come out. They buzz around the way out of your living room

and that's why they head towards the television when it gets dark and I think there it is, a light source, it must be the way out. So open the windows. Has that timber done a deep dive on flies? Because is there an element of if he comes to understand flies and appreciate them, then he might learn to get along with them? Well, he bought a planet.

Yeah, he could watch the fly. Yeah. It's a great film about that. A great film. I don't know if that'll give you more of an understanding. It doesn't it? It doesn't come from the fly. I won't with a fly. And it doesn't go great for him, does it for Brundelfly?

Doesn't go blum, spew on his own food and then eat it. Yeah, a lot. And his skin starts peeling off. Yeah, I mean, he kills himself before the end. He's probably a little bit stuck off. You just like the bit early on, when are you just be able to walk up a wall? Yeah, that's good. That's good, I'm not just be able to walk up a wall. Yeah, that's a good point.

That's good. That's what I'm saying and stuff. Fantastic. I read Balda, you should be able to arm wrestling. You can do, isn't there a way of, isn't there a trick that you used to talk about when you're a kid about putting a fly on a piece of string so that you could take it for a walk? That if you get away with it, you could take it for a walk. If you get a... Wait, how did you say that?

You used to talk about this. It was like all the talk in the playground. You put a fly in a jar, you put the jar in the fridge, and then a cold fly goes to sleep. No, you put it in the freezer, don't you? You put it in the freezer. I'm sorry, I was that correct, Tom, you were absolutely... It was all the rage in the back of the 18-E that corrected, you were absolutely right. It was all the rage.

It was like a joke to do. It was like a joke to do it. It was like a bit of a fuckback. Yeah, it tied me a cock to it. And then suddenly you walk around town with a fly on a piece of string. Like, is it worth getting to know one fly and then, you know, going, okay, this fly seems, I I mean I don't know how, our fly is okay?

Do you mean to have a pet fly that he's going to fall in love with? Possibly. Possibly. It could be a start. Yeah. Either that will just go to a fucking gym and get a guy with more backbone, Jon, I'm just kidding. I think I like the idea of him with, you know, with his little pet, Phyllis the fly. Oh, no, he's nice. You know, just buzzing around his head, tied to a piece of cotton. There's a Gerald Dulles book, my family and other animals. There was a man in there, the beagle man, who used to walk around from village to village,

selling flying beetles, which again, he'd attached to pieces of string. So he'd have them buzzing around his head all day long. I think there's something in it. Put that theory to the test, I've put in a fly in the freezer and sticking it on a lead. There you go. We're all going to do that in fact. I'm now looking around the room again. Are there any flies? The quandary of that is he can't catch the flies to get rid of them. So how's he going to catch the fly to put it in a freezer? Yeah, I think honey needs to do it.

Sorry, can I just stop you for one second? My headphone, my both of them have died now. And I'm going to have to go back and see if the other one is charged enough for me to use it for the rest of this recording but When I come back, I've got some absolute gold that wasn't able to say In the meantime of course you can't hear a word we say so anyway, he's a shit Because I'm The guy's a real like oh yeah, he's still set.

Tell you what. We should put him in a freezer. Tie a little rope on him. Oh, he's not big. He's got him. I thought Matthew was going to stop us and say, we finished guys that pretty loud. That's great.

That's good enough for me. He's cute. Hang on, I'm back, I'll say. He's going back to this gold. I've got, you're getting that gold. He's got gold, and we need it, let's face it, you can get any more. We were right.

I've been squeezed like a lemon. It's no more humor coming out of me. Finish on a high note. No. I've done all my anecdotes today, because I've spent the day with Tom Baker. So obviously, you know, that's panic don't happen. You're a husk. I am.

No offense, you know, but you've been an absolute husk tonight. Right. Crossbow. Are you with us? I hack on guys, I'll tell you. But don't you worry about this? I have on, guys, outside. But don't you worry about this. I'm back.

Oh, here he is. Yes, here I am. OK. OK. Now, the great thing about this is not had much of a build up. And. And.

But you know, it's funny, Michael. You were talking about the beetleleman and I had dinner with the Beatleman the other day and I offered to pay and then he wrote a check and said, don't worry, they won't cash it. If they hadn't been beatle. If they hadn't been the delay, you'd have to be a spot. Podcast solved. Well, podcast over, I would say forever. Have we in the interim while I was fiddling around my headphones?

Have we solved anything? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're here. Well, there you go, honey. Thanks for writing in. If you'd like to have your problem solved, just like honey, beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com, get in touch, or you can obviously call the hotline on this number.

Oh, two, oh eight, one, two, three, three, two, seven, two, oh two, oh eight, one, two, three, three, two, seven, two. Right, so we've come to the end of the podcast now. This has been a real pleasure. We could have taught for absolutely hours, but unfortunately my headphones keep giving out, so. I could have let you talk to charge. I could have let you talk to charge.

No, no, no. And come down to the crisis. We have to show the electricity off because we just can't afford to do anything. I'm sorry, I'm very annoying. No, you're not. You're an absolute gem. Thank you so much, come on. Would you like to tell people about your brilliant podcast? Yeah, I do a podcast. I'll have to ask a lot of men you with them. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm very annoying. No, you're not. No, you're not.

You're an absolute gem. Thank you so much, come on. Would you like to tell people about your brilliant podcast? Yeah, I do a podcast. I'll ask a lot of men you with them. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm very annoying. No, you're not. You're an absolute gem.

Thank you so much, come on. Would you like to tell people about your brilliant your brilliant podcast because it really yeah? I do a podcast Guardsman menu with them He just like crows it He pays for food Let the boys do it and I just take that I just take that dosh. I do, I do, I do a podcast called My Time Capture, which is really good fun. I talk to people about five things from their life that they wish they had in a

time capsule, four things that they cherish and one thing that they'd like to put in there and forget. And that's it. And we talk, talk about all the sorts of things. And we have sometimes a riotous time and other times really moving and extraordinary things happen. So yeah, I love doing it, it's great fun. So have a listen if you're over 50. are. So yeah, definitely we'll put a link in the show notes, but Mike it's been such a pleasure having you on. Thank you so much. Oh pleasure. No, my pleasure. Thank you very much. I did enjoy that episode. I enjoyed it so much actually. Yeah, it was a real pleasure.

And yeah, do listen to Mike's podcast. It's great. It's really fun. What did you choose to go into your time capsule? Well, you'll have to listen. I'm not going to give you that I'm not going to give it away for free Papi's t-shirt Let's not talk about the Papi's t-shirt, Tom That would be it. Yeah, I mean well, we could talk about it. Maybe we'll talk about that in a different podcast On the Patreon where I just say that in the time capsule that looks play more than I get in Centaur. No, it's a Clark, you sent out a couple of the other day, didn't you, Clark? You're doing my centaur addresses?

About that. Oh, you haven't, no, you didn't. I haven't technically left yet. How was that two months ago I sent this? Because of all the slides. It's because of all the mums. Yeah, well, there will be a long, so delivering those t-shirts to you,

if you're a member of the Patreon. And you know why not join the Patreon today? There's never been a better time. We've never been more on top of our game in terms of sending out the merch. So join the Patreon today at patreon.com, forward slash, Pappy's flat share. Do you think when we're old, we're a little bit at least,

think the world will be so bad that when we're old, this will feel good. Okay. And the award for bleakest statement of 2023 goes to Tom Perry. It really was. It's been a wonderful year, 2023. Let's just look back on Tom's bleakest bits. Do you think when we're old, Yeah, 2023. Let's just look back on some of Tom's blinkest bits

You think when we're old this will feel good Tom. I can tell you now we are old and nothing feels good right So please join the Patreon to pay for the are the the later life care that we already need I get the feeling the end of the care that we already need. I get the feeling... The end of the year care that we need to allow an end to full of care. Just cares to the care to the family. Just cares to the family. Oh boy, the boy not going to make it through. 2023. We're going to be the last ones out.

The last boys out, 23. Oh boy, oh boy. They didn't make it past Christmas. And Christmas for them was October 10th. That's the reason they brought it forward. Oh, they didn't put into their chances of getting to so bad. But by the way, guys, if you would like to send us a, if you would like to send us a,

or a question of any kind, for example, when we get an author, it's good. Yeah. When do, do, of course, use, use the hotline on O2O81233272 or to put it another way. And of course, the email is still there as well. Beef Brothers Podcast at Gmail is not done anywhere. The email is not going anywhere. Beef Brothers podcast at Gmail.gov. We might be getting some of it, but the email will remain. We're not going to make it to the end of this episode. Let me end it. Yeah.

But oh my god. That email address is locked in. It's not going to be going anywhere. Don't you worry about that. Thank you Tom. You can rely on these turbulence. Yes, absolutely. It's nice to have an email address that hasn't changed in the three years we've been doing Beef Brothers Goldcars. Right. Bit of stability.

Bit of stability. Exactly. Beef Brothers podcast at gmail.com. Get in touch today. Yes. Or if you want to, you can WhatsApp the favor. If you think, oh, I just want to write a couple of lines, they don't have to be great toms.

If you just want to write a couple of lines, you can WhatsApp us, you can WhatsApp us to the hotline, which is O2O81233272. And we'd love to hear from you folks. Tom, let's wrap it up. Then we've got to end it here, guys. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsion, Corsion team, and cheers everyone. Bye!