Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Oli Labib S14E08

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

The Beef Brothers are here to solve your beefs with special guest Ola LabibOla's Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/theolalabibWe're live in London TONIGHT19th March - Joe Wilkinson and Humphrey Ker - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/flatshare-slamdown-with-joe-wilkinson-and-humphrey-ker-tickets-844799938357Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Download the app today and see for yourself why BetMGM is the king of casinos. Please play responsibly. why Bet MGM is the king of casinos. Please play responsibly. Greetings listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. I'm Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Shared Beef Brothers Cold Cuts. Absolutely right. That is where we have an esteemed guest on and we have your problems emailed in and we help you just discover an answer to your beef.

Yeah absolutely right. Tom's discovering the format it turns out. That's right. But that's exactly right. If you would like to send in a beef to be solved. We would love to hear from you. Send an email today to beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com or if you'd like to you can always WhatsApp or call the hotline. You can send a text message to WhatsApp or call the hotline on this number. 02081233272 what's your B? 02081233272 what's your B? So there it is. Yeah, we've got a brilliant guest today, Ola Labib, who I think is just absolutely wonderful. She's really funny. We had a lovely time chatting to her. And yeah, I can't wait for you to hear the episode. Just very, very quickly, if you're listening to this on the day it comes out and you happen to be in or around the London area, we've got a Flat Shed Slam Down happening tonight

with Joe Wilkinson and Humphrey Carr. So we would love to see you there. It's at the Phoenix Cavendish Square. It starts at 7.45 tonight, Tuesday, March the 19th. And it's 7.45 tickets from pappyscomedy.com forward slash live which is where you can get tickets for any and all of our live events. The next one after that we're not doing another live flat share stand down until the summer when we'll be at the Latitude Festival in Henham Park in Suffolk and that will be a real treat. What we're going to do though with the Latitude Festival is we're going to try our dandest to know what day we're performing and what time. That would be really good actually. It would be good. Because we didn't know that last year and it meant that lots of people who

wanted to see us weren't able to. Yeah. And it almost meant that we weren't able to perform ourselves because we almost showed up on the wrong day. But that aside, we'll find that out. But currently we know we're going to be one of the days at Latitude Festival. So get your tickets from Latitude Festival, wherever they sell their tickets. Lovely. Shall we crack on with the app? We must. We have to. We simply can. Well, enjoy Ola Labib here on Pappy's Flat Share, don't call it a problem. If you've got a problem, call it a beef. If you've got a beef, maybe we can help you.

Beef from the sorting out your beef. Hi, Ola, how are you doing? I'm good. I look hung over, but I'm not hung over. I just want to get that out there in case you are judging me by my image. No, no, no, we're not judging you in any way. And also, it's an audio podcast, So you could have styled that one out. You know, the fact that we can see you on a Zoom,

we're not the kind of people who are gonna go, welcome to the show by the way, you look like fucking shit. That's not our style. That's not our presenting style. People in glass Zoom houses. Exactly. Oh dear, I feel it, I feel it.

I'm good, I'm good. I was performing yesterday and the timings were just so off. I should have finished at 10. We ended up finishing at half 11 in London. And then I drove back to Portsmouth, got here at like quarter past two in the morning. And because it's Ramadan, we wake up before sunrise. So I woke up at like four o'clock in the morning and-

Whoa. Oh boy. I just feel really gangster today to be honest. What do you do from before sunrise during Ramadan? What goes down? What have you been doing since four o'clock? Since four o'clock in the morning? Yeah. Trying to go back to sleep. Oh right. So you have to get up and well you get up but then you can go back to bed? Yeah you can. The thing is I usually don't. That's the start of my day because we don't eat a lot. The whole point of it is people overeat during Ramadan which is very naughty but you're just meant to meet your satiety.

So I'll just have like a very small, do I have it here? No I don't. I have a small bowl of oats with fruit and like a cup of tea. And the thing is like the caffeine is already in my system. So I'm already buzzing. So I literally start my day at four o'clock, but yesterday just completely threw up my um, threw up my very organized pattern. But yeah, in this case I went, I tried to go straight back to sleep. That's not exciting.

I should have said something really exciting, shouldn't I? No, no, this is wild. This is wild to me because I assume that if you get up before the sunrise, that's That's not exciting. I should have said something really exciting, shouldn't I? No, no, this is wild to me because I assume that if you get up before sunrise, that's because you have to stay up. But if it's like you can get up, have breakfast and go back to bed, it's a bit like staying in a nice hotel, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Ramadan is just a very heavenly hotel. Yeah.

Sounds like an advert. I like that. Ramadan is just a very heavenly hotel. Yeah. Sounds like an advert. I like that. I hope there's branding deals listening to this podcast. You're the new face of Ramadan. Yeah. After they see my comedy, they'll take me straight back off. So am I pronouncing the hotel... The Ramada.

Have I been pronouncing it wrong the entire time? Is it the Ramadan? Yeah it is. It's a gorgeous hotel. Oh is it? Oh god. As long as it's more than three star I'm happy with that statement. Well listen my standards are pretty low.

Ordinarily, outside of Ramadan what sort of a person are you to live with? It depends who you ask. Well, we're asking you, so the ball's in your court. I think I give what I get with the kind of flatmate that I am. I'm living with my husband at the moment. It'd be a bit weird if I wasn't living with him. I like the way you're not treating this as necessarily a long-term thing.

You're keeping him on his toes. Currently living with the husband, but you know. Things might change. There's constant reviews, you know. You know, every six months in a job, you know, we sit down, we go, look, are we going to be living with each other for the rest of the year? Is this how we're going to do it? He's literally just had his two and a half year spousal extension.

Oh, congratulations to him. Oh, thank you. Oh my God, what a pain in the backside that was so out. But then I always, literally before the extension was proper winding me up. And I was like, listen, if you carry on like this, I'll contact the home office. I will. Good to have out your locker, isn't it really? It really is. This is probably what Suela Braverman feels like. Do the washing up, else I'll get you deported.

Yeah. But I'd say I'm good. Like there's, you know, there's certain get you deported. Yeah. It's brilliant. Funny. But I'd say I'm good. Like, you know, there's certain things that I do. I don't mind the kitchen. That sounds, oh God, that sounds so anti-feminist, but I do. I don't care what people say. I love cooking.

I love cleaning. But what I do hate, and I think this is like what makes me a bad housemate, if you like, I hate anything to do with clothes. I hate it. I hate laundry. I hate putting stuff to dry. I hate ironing. I hate putting clothes away.

I hate it. Like, I hate it. And I've got this really bad habit after I've had a really late night, like at a gig or whatever, when I take off my clothes, yes, I do do that sometimes. I just let it drop on the floor.

I don't pick it up. It's just on the floor. It's just there. Like a teenager. Yeah. And the thing is, my husband gets really pissed. And we had if I like broke our fast for my parents. And he was like, this is a habit. Oh, has and I just don't understand. Imagine slacking your wife off to your mother-in-law. Do you know what I mean though? And then my mum was like, she's always been like that.

She said the whole house can be spotless, but there'll just be like a pile of clothes on the floor in her bedroom all the time. She just doesn't pick up. I will eventually, obviously, once I like spiders and stuff crawling on it. Spiders trying on your jeans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks better on them, to be honest. They've left four pairs here, so it's worked out for us. Yeah. There'll be people listening to this still doing the maths.

Yeah, all people on it. doing the maths. Yeah, all people on it. Do you think your parents prefer you or your husband? Do you think he's trying to sort of curry favour? Do you think he's trying to, you know, finagle his way in to be child number one? Well, it took four years of convincing to even let them let me marry him. Right, okay. Do you know what I mean? It's an uphill struggle. Yeah, an uphill struggle with a bike with no wheels. But you know what, everyone loves a trier, right?

You know what, if slagging me off is going to get him one step closer, then be my guest. Whatever you're going to do. So if we had your partner here, what would he say? Would it be the clothes? Would that be the thing he would say is the worst thing about living with you? Yeah, a I had once. You couldn't commit to the percentage, could you? You were like, 100. Oh, hang on a second. Maybe five percent. Oh, yeah. Probably not. I can't. Do you know what? I'd like to think that I'm nice to live with, but hand

to heart, I can't even, I don't even know where to start, where I'm a nightmare. I think he complained that I'm the kind of person that wants, I'm out of bed. I'm out of bed. Look, I'm out of bed. That's it. On a hype where he's like a slow and gradual person. If I wake up... In his defense, it is four in the morning. Yeah. Don't care. I don't... And that's it. And if I'm awake, like if I wake up for whatever reason, blah, blah, blah, I can't be awake on my own. I don't wake him up but like I'll maybe go on my phone and go sure sure so you do wake him up so you wake him up yeah but it's not intentional I just I just find particular memes very amusing well it's four in the morning the brain's not working as well

Well, it's four in the morning, the brain's not working as well as it does. I think that's about it. I think the clothes thing are the biggest annoyance. But I think it's a balance, isn't it? Mate, I've listed two things. On the top of my head, I can probably list about 11 of his. Go on. Yeah, let's take him down for a bit of balance. Let's slag him off a bit. Okay, if you insist. So he came downstairs for a cup of milk yesterday.

Yes, he's a grown man. Have you written this list out, just for you? Why have you produced a scroll? It's written in here in this noggin. I can give you an example. I've come into the living room to do this podcast and I've come down and his thing is he leaves his dishes in the living room. Why don't you just take it to the kitchen? Evidence.

Yeah. Evidence. Do you know what I mean? He could have just taken it into the kitchen. So that's one thing. He leaves it. He will do it. But just why don't you do it straight away? Number one, that leads me on to number two. Right now, if this was in the kitchen and soaked, I could wash it easily, you know, easily washed. But because he's left it in this state, now I have to soak it for a

bit before I wash it up. So he's added an extra step to my chores. Number three. I'm gonna say it's milk. It's milk in a glass. How much soaking does it need? It's not like he's cooked a roast. It's enablers like you that leave this behaviour carrying on. LAUGHTER Go on, OK, number three, number three, let's hear it.

So it leads me on to number three, soaking dishes. That is my absolute pet peeve. You need to soak pots and pans. It makes it easier to clean. Number four, table tops. Wipe straight after. Why wait until we eat? Just as you go, just wipe.

Do you know what I mean just wipe Join me to carry on We get the gist the listeners have got problems we need to solve but these are these are these are all great although I've got I've got to say I think if you're if you're washing up, I mean, you know, if you're washing up either just after you've cooked or Just after you've cooked or just after you've eaten, you don't really need to soak. I'm a big believer in just get in there and start scrubbing. I don't think you need soaking.

I just think- It depends what you cook, I think. What, you wash straight after everything? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, you can come live with me if you want. Would you wash up the next morning? Would you always like go to sleep with a with a tidy kitchen? OK, so this is there's a bit of a theory here

that I'm trying to get to the bottom of. So whenever my husband's away for long periods of time, everything is all that he tries to make out like it's my fault. Oh, this is gaslighting, isn't it? But we're here for it. Now we get into it. This happens a lot on our show. Oh does it? Oh I feel like that because when he was away in America for like two, three weeks

and the house was spotless, I'll wash up after myself, like it was literally spotless but ever since he's come back, the mystery unfolds. Yeah, not much of a mystery I'd say. It's not. It got to the bottom of that really quick. I think maybe I get, it could either be him or it could be that I'm like, you know what, there's an extra person in the house. Why should I do everything at this point? Right. So I leave it for him to do. That's very magnanimous of you, but I think we're going to blame him.

Okay, I would truly love that. I think, you know, no offence to the man you married. This is the kind of women empowerment that we need. Yeah, but I think he's an absolute filth bag and he's making you like you live in hell. Yeah. Yeah. Just going to contact the divorce lawyer,

I'll be two seconds. The way it feels in your house is there is a simple divide and this exists in my house as well of the kitchen and food and the bedroom and laundry. I feel like there are two teams going down in the housework department. I'm not a laundry man and I leave that to my wife and I do the kitchen and the food and I feel like if you can stick to those then there's a team building there. I 100% agree with you.

Like I have to say he does the majority of the laundry, if not all. But the problem is, and some guys are like, oh, that's not a big deal. He'll do it. But why do I have to ask? Just do it. Like he'll, oh oh you can do something he'll do anything by the way I'm making out to be a do you know what I'll make him out to be whatever I want this is this is my time now okay but he will do

stuff I have to ask him like if it for example if there's dishes in the sink I will just wash them I won't wait for him to ask me it will be like oh does somebody need to wash the dishes but for him him, you have to be like, oh, you know, the laundry, oh, it's been day. I'm picturing him being sat in the corner of the room as you're recording this. Do you know what? We're in some kind of couples therapy situation,

is how it feels. He's on the other side of the laptop, big milk mustache. Tears and eyes. You've actually nailed his appearance to a tea. So much calcium coursing through his veins. Strongest bones in Britain. Well, there's evidence of that, isn't there? Absolutely. It's right there.

It's right there. Oh, the amount of screen... You're going to have to get the Brillo pads out for that glass with milk in it. I feel for you. Listen, let's wrap this podcast up. You need to get... You've got a deep soak to do for that glass. Beer brother signing out your beer!

Pockets! It's pure. Brother Beef from Rees. Hi, papis and guests. I have lived with my brother for three and a half years. This summer we will be moving in. Is this a three and a half year old writing it? If only. I have lived with my brother for three and a half years. This summer we will be moving in with our girlfriends. He is 35, his girlfriend is 22. He will be moving into her family home with her parents and two brothers Do I say something or let him live his life?

Well firstly we've got it. We've got to say that Only your face said it all there. Yeah The angle of your laptop changed. Did you pick up your laptop and like hold over your head? You know, the angle of your laptop change. Did you pick up your laptop and like hold over your head? Because your mouth got wider and wider with every sentence. From the number 22 onwards, you were basically... You almost started hovering. Yeah.

I thought you would turn into a python. You're about to eat an entire elk. I felt like I was going to. It was absolutely enormous. So what are your initial thoughts, Olo? Never ever live with your in-laws. That's a golden rule for me. Never ever live with your in-laws, ever, ever.

And two brothers. Other than obviously when we were like little, I've never lived with my siblings. Oh, I did live with my, he's 17 now, but I live with my very little brother for a while. Wait, oh, wait a minute. So the dude is moving in with his girlfriend's family and so is the brother.

No, I think they're moving in with their respective girlfriends. I think that's the thing. So they've managed to both get into relationships. They're now no longer going to live together. I'm guessing they're not living with their parents anymore. It sounds like they're living in a flat share situation, two brothers. But now his brother, the 35 year old, is moving back into a family flat share, but with his girlfriend's family. Like how does that even sound?

May, may and you know like at 22 years old I think like you're still in this time and age you're still babied a bit. So imagine the 35 year old man watching his girlfriend get babied. I don't think this makes for daytime podcasting, you know. That's such a good point. When your partner sees how you are with your family, they're seeing a different person. It's almost like, there's an element of like, you know, when you go back for the holidays, you know,

when we go back for Christmas or something like that, we all sort of revert a little bit, you know, we all sort of, you know, we lop off a decade and a half, if not a lot more. And you become like this sort of, yeah, you rely on your parents a lot more, you get them to do stuff for you, you become a lot lazy, you become a lot more insolent, all of those things, you're going to be seeing the absolute worst. And it's annoying. Now imagine that 24 7. Here's what we have to factor in with this beef right. All right then. This isn't someone writing in saying everyone I'm about to move in with my girlfriend she's 22 and her parents are a brewer there. We're not giving this dude advice. I think we all know what's going on that this isn't a great

decision. The question is what what does the brother do? And that for me is... Absolutely nothing. That is the real crux of it. That's the crux of it is. We all know the pitfalls ahead of this 35 year old guy. We all know what he's headed into. We all know the problems. That's not the beef. The beef is, do I say something go let him live his life. You're his brother Sleeping at night the brother and we know how the guest is gonna sleep at night I'll give one piece of advice to our friend Reese. I would say when you move in with your girlfriend,

we don't know anything about you. We don't know anything about your girlfriend, Reese. But when you move in with your girlfriend, the one thing I think you should probably invest in for your brother's sake is a sofa bed. Because he's gonna be stopping over pretty soon. So get yourself a fold out because it's gonna be be used. That's all I'm going to say. That's what I'm going to say on the matter.

I refuse to be drawn any further. He's going to enjoy the roasting for a long time. You know, sometimes when your siblings or your friends, they walk into something and you're like, I don't think that's a good idea. But you're like, it doesn't really concern me. So I'll watch from afar. Exactly.

And see how this rides out. You know just sit back enjoy the ride. Yeah. Yeah. I love my siblings but they all have their own lives and that's all you and it has to be that way. You can't spend any time. And once you're in your 30s there is a certain element of that you got to go and what you

get to do is kind of go, well, I'm not doing, you know, I'm not moving into a shithole, me and my girlfriend and there's this and there's this and then this, but you know, have you seen what my bro's doing? You've got that for the next couple of years. But we've got to look at the other side of the coin as well. Maybe that brother's just hating. Maybe that 22 year old is actually a very lovely person whose parents live in a mansion and they're going to have their own suite and they're going to have their own, you know, we don't know. Maybe that's the case. And maybe this brother's just saying that because he's a hater. Hater! And maybe his brother's going to live in that house

rent free. Yeah, but you know, the last time a young man moved into a mansion was Saltburn. We know how that turned out. So, just because you're moving into a mansion doesn't mean it's all, it's gonna be, you know, it could break bad is all I'm saying. I mean, I, yeah.

I'm willing to take that risk. I think you're quite good depending on how you were. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know what, Tom, you're right. Do we say something? Do we let him live his life? When you're in your 30s,

I think the answer is you let your brother, you let your brother live his life and then you're there for what happens afterwards. Yeah. Exactly. Or not. Yeah. You join him dancing to Sophie Ellis Bexter in a few years time.

Well, we can't even call this beef solved. We have to call this like we wash our hands of this beef. Yeah, this is this is not, you know, we wash our hands of this. We put our hands in for a soak on this beef. Beef pending. Beef pending. Beef, brother, starting now, you beef! Pork cuts!

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What's that? That's my stripper name. Dear puppies and guests, let's keep things anonymous and call my flatmate French Vanessa. Mmm. I like, it's a, you know, not just, let's keep it anonymous, but I'm going to give her a name and it's quite a glorifying as well. It is very much. Ooh, she stole my undies. Okay. I confronted her because it seemed like my numbers were dwindling.

She had missed it. She said she was wearing them right now! She said she'd wash and return them. Get the F out! I wanted her to buy new ones. She did not. They were my M&S black ones. I suppose she was mistaken? Anyway, she sucks. What should I do? Yours, Alana." Well, firstly, I love the cut of Alana's jib. Yeah, I do too. I like the cut of her underwear.

I was going to say that, yeah, and then I thought that's going to clip up badly. What I like about this is that at the end, she sort of slightly lets her off the hook and goes, I suppose she was mistaken. Like, oh, you know, she saw the black M&S ones in the laundry, lots of people wear black M&S pants, she picked them up. But I don't know. It feels like this girl did it deliberately. But there's a big question here. Are underpants transferable or are they purely

for the person who is the sole wearer? I don't know why you're even asking that question. Matthew, that's the worst question you've ever asked in the history of this show. All I'll say is I have lived in a flat before where underwear has been swapped. That's disgusting. I mean, I live in one right now where underwear is swapped, but it's a different way to say it. Yeah, I was going to say. Not in a housemate situation. Underwear was swapped and it was lost over.

My flatmate said, yeah, you can have a pair of my pants. Wear those. What if your fanmate's sexually active? Was that like a... Yeah, was that a certain episode where you were like, oh no, I've run out of underwear? And it was like, okay, you can borrow a lot of mine. It wasn't, yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't...

It wasn't like, help yourself to the pant pot. No. It wasn't like, you know, that's our pant pot. We just get, that's where we get any of our pants. There wasn't a big wicker basket full of communal pants. No, it wasn't like a, you know. It wasn't a fucking commune. No, it wasn't a kibbutz.

This was a one-off situation where I, it was a laundry day, you know, it was back at university as well. It was a laundry, it was a laundry day. you know, it was back at university as well. It was a laundry. It was a laundry day. I didn't have any pants. My housemate did have pants and said, look, just here you go. Wear a pair of mine. Had he worn them before? They weren't they weren't box fresh.

They were he'd worn them at some point. Yeah. But they'd been washed. They weren't he didn't take him off his body and put them on mine. They weren't, you know. How do you know they were washed? Well, because they because I because he crucially was a guy who had his life together in a way that I didn't. He was the kind of person who had fresh clothes.

And this is not that it matters, but did you check for stains? Do you know what I didn't? I was just so grateful that I was already running late. I just popped them on and, you know, they felt great, they felt comfortable, they were the right size and that's all I cared about. Am I the only one who's... No, I think I'm the only one....feeling a certain kind of... Don't worry, Ola. Absolutely or not in any way in the minority here. This is absolutely, yeah. No, it's me, I appreciate it's weird,

but I was happy to do it. But crucially, that was an arrangement that was made prior. Yeah, you asked for permission. I mean, that's- I didn't go rifling. I didn't go rifling through his drawers. Yeah, exactly. I just don't understand where she would even find this other person's underwear.

Where else would your underwear be? In my case, the drawers or the floor in my bedroom. But if you're living with someone, how would you ever come across their laundry? On the dryer? I just don't get it. Isn't the answer to this, and does this feel like something that gets done a lot? Not done a lot, but has been done before. You lace... You lace pants.

Lace underwear? Yeah, you get some lace underwear. You lace them with it itchy... No. With itching powder or something like that. This is not the beano. Why? What's wrong with you? Because then you have evidence then.

Caught red handed. Oh, you don't need evidence. She admitted it. I confronted her. She admitted it. Get crabs. Tom, that is your answer to everything. Look, hear me out. Crabs.

Yes, I know we need a new recycle bin. I'll tell you what, I'll go out and get crabs. And then we'll take it from there, okay? Yes, I know we need a new recycle bin. I'll tell you what I'll go out and get crabs We'll take it from there, okay The thing is one of those difficult things is living with someone you start to not stand like when it's family It's not as bad because you can always Your marriage Are we back to your marriage? No, I just want to say like when I started my comedy career, because I started it in Manchester, I lived with a girl and she was when I say when, because I've listened to

some of your podcasts, but I just think to myself, no one has ever had so much of a nightmare flatmate as I have ever did. And I think like when it gets to a point where you're emailing into podcasts complaining about your housemates, that should be your cue to be like, maybe I should look for other accommodation. Yeah, the actual answer to all of our beef should just be that.

Move out. That's the real answer. You've had to write this email into us, move out. We should have an automated response really But also get crabs first Of course, of course, how could I forget? Where would you get them from just out of curiosity? Like if you went out to get them, where would you where would you sort for them? Where would you look? I mean, you know, I think any major high street, you'll be able to find them. Suddenly Paris got quiet. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Any major high street. Personally, I'd get them by borrowing Tom's underwear. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Oh, you want crabs? I can get you crabs.

Ha ha ha. Don't you worry about that. Ha ha ha. Ah, dear. So what, hang on, is the issue, do we want to try and stop it happening again? Or, yeah, that's what I'm, I'm a meter out of punishment for it happening already. What's like, if they've admitted it, it happened, we don't want it to happen again.

Yeah, I think that's it. Preventing it from happening again. Or coming up with a way of, if, you know, if it's not move out, then how does Alana work out a way of if you know if if it's not move out then how does Alana? Work out a way of squeezing out French Vanessa How did she say it depends how many underwear she's stolen because I feel like there's a bit of flip-flopping in this She said she stole my undies, which is a plural. No, no, no, hang on. Hang on undies isn't plural, right? Yeah, I could take off singular because I Where am I and you don't say undy Cause I can say where are my undies?

You don't say undy do you? Can you pass me my undy? Oh is it just me that does that? Can you pass me my undies? Can you pass me my undies? That's one pair of undies. Right yeah. My undy.

No I would assume undy without an S is for one pair and then undies is for multiple no? No I think it's always me undies yeah. So I went to the loo, I dropped my undie without an S is for one pair and then undies is for multiple, no? No, I think it's always undies. So I went to the loo, I dropped my undies. You dropped your undies, don't you? I dropped my undie. No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, you know, feel free to use the phrase undie as an affectation, but it's not the

standards. But I do agree with you. I think it is plural undies in this instance because she says, I know it seemed like my numbers were dwindling. That's what Alana says. She says that my numbers were dwindling. So if you would miss one pair of pants, well, you probably wouldn't miss one pair of pants. But the idea is that this French Vanessa has probably taken more than one pair of pants. So much so. And it sounds like as well, she's not just taking

and wearing and washing them, putting them back into circulation. She is taking them, wearing them, washing them, putting them in her drawer so that Alana notices her numbers are dwindling. So this is a different thing, isn't it? She's not just worn one pair of pants. I think this is theft. This is theft, exactly. This is out and out stealing. So do we fight fire with fire? And do you nick some of her stuff? Do you nick some of her bras?

What do you do? What's the next step? Gold has really high price. I'd probably go for gold rather than other pieces of underwear. Absolutely, get her bullying. What, hang on, she's got. She's got to read the PS. Don't bully him guys. If you've got to read the PS, she's Groosh McDuck.

What a weird, what a weird, and I think it's because I think she specified that it's M&S. Okay, again, other side of the coin, just reading that email, doesn't Alana sound like a bit of a nightmare too? Hold on, hold on now, don't you go after our listeners. Alana, just tell her, stop taking my underwear, it's not very nice, is it? And why did you have to make out there were M&S? Oh, is it because M&S is bougies? Is that what it is?

I think so, yeah. I do think Elana's now showing off. Yeah, I feel, yeah. In the cost of living crisis, I don't want to hear that people are able to afford buying underwear from M&S. I appreciate my Primark ones, thank you very much. What I take there though,

is that she's taken one of her best pairs. Right. Oh yeah, sure. If you'd have taken my bad pants, fine. But you've gone after, you've gone after my, you know, my nicest pair. Yeah. Can I just say?

George Asda pants, that would be fine. And by the way, a pair of underwear, that's singular. Yeah, a par of underwear. A par of Andy. A part of Andy? A part of Andy. But you know what, like, as someone who wears underwear... Oh yeah. Okay. There's a reason we got you on the pod.

Someone's doing pretty well for themselves. Thank you. I try. We're in a country with crisis, and here you are bragging about the fact you've got pants on. This is unbelievable. Wow, wow, wow. Someone's doing pretty well. Thank you. Thank you.

Media elite. Oh, thank you very much. Thank you. If you went into someone's drawer, you will be able to know which one's the M&S one and which one's the Primark ones. Definitely. That's what makes me think it's intentional. I know you said in the tumble dryer, but imagine how she must feel knowing that maybe when she's

out of the house, this girl's going through her underwear drawer. That's not taking a dark twist, hasn't it? It's a violation, isn't it? That's what it is. It's the you know, if she's if she's happy going to some of your most intimate items, then she's kind of happy everywhere. She's given it that's basically if you know that someone's wearing your pants, they have given themselves an access to all areas past to every aspect of your life.

That's actually so awful. My my my response to that is if you really, really want to sort this out, so buy prawns, prawns, yeah, and not crabs. Buy prawns and leave them for a while and they start to like smell and then when she's out of the house, shove them behind her radiator. Yeah, that's the house you live in as well. In her bedroom. I think that will solve all your problems. So you go right there you go.

Stick an old seafood cocktail behind her wardrobe. And that's the end of your troubles. What if she's drying out the pants that belong to you on her radiator? Then she hands them back and they stink of fish sticks. You don't need that do you? Anyway I'm sure that's a regular occurrence to a lot of people. All right beef's sold we're moving it on. lot of people. All right, we're moving it on. Oh, do you have a beef you want us to solve? Okay, this is going back a few years. People are like, oh, I will move on, move on from it. But I had the flat share with, do you know what, calling her Satan is disrespecting Satan, I think.

That's how, that's next level. So she never used to cook and I moved in and I was really excited because it was a nice flat and I got it for really good rates. And I was literally like a maid in that house. Even when she had guests, I'd always cook, she never cooked, McDonald's every day, she used to eat McDonald's every single day,

but I would cook every day. Yeah, is it really? But yeah, I used to cook for her. I used to do every, I literally do everything. And I remember one time she had loads of guests over who didn't want to take away. And she said, Oh, do you mind cooking eggs? It's called the Rijla,

which is a traditional Sudanese food, cause she couldn't cook. And imagine like I just had an encore because I was working in a hospital at the time. So anyways, I cooked for her, but I was so tired. I cooked and I left the dishes in the sink. The next day, we were having to soak. No, not, do you know what? If she soaked it, maybe I'd be less angry.

And then the next day we were supposed to have like a get together and she messaged in the group chat. She was like, hi guys, can you come at seven instead of six? Ola left dirty dishes in the sink. What? Yeah. Now imagine I do all the housework, I do all the cooking and one time, one time,

and it was because I came from a late on call, I cooked and I went straight to sleep and I went to work the next day. Whilst I was at work, I got that message. All right, I've got to ask you a question. What time did she send this message? What time in the day do you think she sent this message? It was definitely before lunchtime. So maybe like 11, 12 o'clock.

So she's factoring in an hour, but like later in the day to do the washing up. She's moving the entire day along from set from from six till seven. What is that is the idea that you'd come back at six, you'd wash up for an hour, and then the people basically, basically, and God, so so I think she's absolutely narcissistic. But other people have said to me, like, I think they're trying to play devil's advocate. And they were like, but you've think they're trying to play devil's advocate. And they were like, but you've got her used to it. That's, that's the norm for her now. So you've kind of brought it onto yourself.

They're blaming you, they're victim blaming. They say if you weren't such a pushover, Ola, then she wouldn't behave like this. She wouldn't push you around. Probably if you're too good of a housemate, she's spoiled her. Basically, that's what they're saying. And do you know what, it's been four, four, four, it's been five years. And I'm still seething. This back in the Manchester days was this back in back in the Manchester days. Right. That's where I see yeah, when I was doing comedy. So imagine I was a full time

clinical pharmacist at Tameside Hospital, one of the busiest pharmacy, one of the busiest hospitals, and I was starting my open mic. I was starting to open mic to start my comedy career. And what was she doing with her life? What was she what you know, you don't have to obviously give her a name or two. Part time dentist. Part time dentist. You never couldn't commit. She was just

doing the top. Part time dentist. Can I can I? Yeah. Yeah. Well, to be honest, if her patients teeth looked anything like hers. Oh what? She was a dentist with bad teeth. A part time dentist with bad teeth. I think, you know what? I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, that day the day she wrote in the message she wasn't even working. What? She was at home and just like looking staring at the staring at the sink thing like well what am I gonna do with this?

I really don't understand the thing is I okay I'm not gonna go off on a tangent and I don't that's not discriminating anyone that uses dishwashers. Tangent alert! I just I I I think maybe it's like a, I just, cause you're not scrubbing in a dishwasher, the dishwasher washes it for you. I've just got this thing that I can't use dishwashers, I have to wash by hand.

Do you not trust them to do the work for you? No, I don't, I don't. And that's not, no offence to any dishwashers listening to this, but I just don't and and that's not that's no offense to any dishwashers listening to this, but I just I just don't think we have it We have a large dishwasher following actually We're very popular with white goods, yeah, yeah very popular I I know what you mean about a dishwasher because Sometimes you know what I mean you pull out an item and you're like you haven't even bothered with this one.

Avocado on a bowl. This is the latest in the world. Give it a bit more of a go dishwasher. Every time you shirk this. You know what, there's probably like a dishwasher's anonymous at the moment. They're all coming together saying... The amount of avocado Tom Perry eats in that household. It's running me absolutely ragged.

Put it on a plate you bastard! No, I know what you mean. Avocado is one. Almond butter on a knife. All of these sort of things. Minced meat on a fork. It just can't be... Oh, the individual prongs of a fork. Crab meat on a fork. Oh it just can't be. Oh the individual prongs of a fork. Crab meat on a spoon. It

cannot be. Prawns down the back of the radiator. It can't be. Full roast dinner in a sealed bowl. It won't even touch it. Won't even touch it. Oh people have been cooking lasagnas in their dishwashers have you seen that trend? Oh I love it yeah yeah they wrap them all up in foil and they put them in there and they cook them. What? Because it's more energy efficient apparently. Oh for god's sake. We did a gig with Phil Kade, have you ever gigged with Phil? He's brilliant. No I haven't gigeted him before.

He's very much a sort of, I think, hippie, a hippie-dippy kind of guy. You know, he's very freewheeling, free-spirited. But when he arrived at the gig, it was a festival gig, and him and his family all hopped out and he opened up the bonnet of his car and he'd been cooking a curry the entire journey. He's got a curry in the bonnet of his car so when they arrived they all had a curry out of the bonnet of their car. I mean look at that! I couldn't decide if it was the best or worst thing I'd ever seen in my life.

What? I just wish he put it in a container that was the only problem. So what was it like? It was in a pan in the bonnet? What the hell? It was like, yeah, it was like in a little metal bowl. I mean, there's every chance you used to get like a load of metal in your car's engine, it would just explode. So I was mad that he'd managed to make it the journey. It was in like a little bowl and then bits of it were wrapped over with foil and stuff. So yeah, I guess it was just... Was it good?

I didn't touch it. I'm not eating... Oh, what a shame. I'm not eating Vauxhall Cormor. No way. That deserves an applause, that one. That was very good. And anyway, we've got to solve your beef, right? We've got to solve your problem. So, I mean, did you, now you gave this advice to Alana, did you do anything sort of vindictive back to her? Statute of limitations now, it's been four or five years. Did you do anything, you know, did you ever sort of mix some stuff

into her food or, you know, anything like that? Well, I stuff into her food or you know anything like that? Well, I had the conversation with her I was like take it back because I said now everyone's gonna think that I'm a lazy housemate when you're the lazy housemate And I've been a very good housemate and she didn't and it sounds really really no She didn't she did oh very very entitled very very rich parents very entitled or her pots and pans with She did. Oh, very, very entitled, very, very rich parents, very entitled. All her pots and pans were tea foul. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Got a bit of money. Yeah, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was stopped. It shouldn't even be a punishment. Do you know what I mean? But I just stopped cooking for her. I was like, from now on, I'll just cook for me. It's not shared, even though I did the grocery shop. Anyways, let's not even get into that. I was like, from now on, I'll do what I do. I'll cook my food, I'll wash my dishes and you do all your own thing. We'll have to split it completely 50-50.

Is the way to solve this beef, because this has been five years and it's something that's still clearly sticking with you. And I feel like until you kind of feel like you've- Bothering me. You you know just brought about some balance around the situation you won't be able to move on so is the is it is it as simple as this you get back in touch with her I don't know if you're still in contact with her but you reach out and you're like haven't seen you for a while I'm having this big dinner party

at my house I'd love you to come around you know it'd be great to catch up blah blah blah blah blah and then she arrives and you say you know you get ten of your mates there and she arrives and you go oh everyone she's arrived she's gonna cook food for us it's all it's all it's all in the kitchen yes laid out the ingredients of the meal and you just throw her into this situation and it's like there you go. Revenge is a dish served hot. That's good that you've cooked. I don't even think she'd react to it. I think she just, I don't even think, number one I don't think she'd turn up. Number two she'd probably just order McDonald's for everyone. It's not bad. And not bad. But yeah that was my punishment. I just stopped cooking for her. I stopped cleaning. It started to wind me up because she'd literally just use a plate for her McDonald's

and she'd put that one effing plate in the dishwasher and the dishwasher would go and I'm like, that is such a waste of energy bills. Yeah, do you know what? She doesn't reach that tier, but she would literally, I swear to God, there'll be times where she'd literally just run a knife, a fork and a plate and that's it. And I was like, you're wasting energy bills. And her response was, well, if you don't like it, you can wash it up. I'm not washing up. I'm not washing up in the sink. I've got a dishwasher for a reason.

And it was, it was mad. I slowly, cause she was eating really unhealthy. was mad and I slowly because she was eating really unhealthy I slow and I gymmed a lot so I slowly saw myself getting into better form getting better skin and she was kind of declining into the opposite which I know sounds very sadistic but it made me feel really good. I'd say if she's rich and entitled like this you should just you should just saltburn her Okay, sorry. Listen. I haven't seen salt burn. Just give me a right

Spoilers watch the film and then do you know spoilers, but but yeah, see if that's the life you want to live. Okay, I'll watch it. I'll watch it. I'll watch it. Beef Solved. Lovely. Five years later. Thank you. That was a beautiful bit of therapy. Beef from the sodding of your beef! Ola, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you. It's been a real pleasure. If people would like to see you do your comedy,

where can they find you? Have you got any shows coming up, any tours coming up, anything like that? Yes, I have a tour coming up at the end of July. Yes, very exciting. I'm doing a mini tour, so it's a six city tour. So yeah, that's what I'm working towards at the moment. Brilliant, brilliant. Is that going to be taken in the fringe at all, or is it going to be, are you going to be doing, is Edinburgh one of those cities? No, no, no, not Edinburgh. Not Edinburgh. Brilliant.

No, there's anything wrong with Edinburgh, just not Edinburgh. Nothing wrong with Edinburgh, yeah. Well, if you get a chance to go and see Ola coming to a city near you, then yeah, you should definitely do that. But yeah, thanks so much for coming on the show. It's been a total pleasure having you. Oh, thanks guys.

It's actually been really, really, I've been proper tickled this podcast. Oh. Well, have a lovely day. So have we. Back to bed. Yeah, to be honest, yeah. Big probability. See you later, Isla.

See you later, guys. Take care. Bye bye. There it was! What more can you say about that, really? Apart from there it was. There it was. Yeah, what a fun time it was indeed. Alright, anything else to say? Oh yeah, if you would like to hear more from Ola, then you can join the Patreon and get a whole bonus beef. She's got a Patreon? Yes indeed. Our Patreon we're going to join. I don't know if she does have a Patreon, maybe she does. Okay. You can join hers as well. But join ours first. You've piqued my interest. Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flat Share is the name for both of our Patreons currently,

so just go to that one. And there'll be a whole bonus beef waiting for you in about a day and a half's time and also there's a full bonus episode every single week so you get a bonus episode of FUNShat. Well some of them feature Ola, well one will, the bonus beef but apart from that they're mainly the three of us. But if you like us then that's great if you like Ola go and see her on tour she's off on tour from July so go and see her there great stuff yeah and patreon.com forward slash papi's flat share for all the details of of Ola's tour of course and we'll see you we'll see you all very soon. Absolutely! Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham.

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