Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ SeanceCast S12E42

Episode Date: November 15, 2022

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Charlie Dinkin and Zoe Tomalin, AKA SeanceCastSeanceCast - https://twitter.com/Seance_CastCharlie Dinkin - https://www.instagram.com/chazzykat/Zoe Tomalin - https://twitter.com/zoetomalinPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare-based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I am Tom. I am Ben, and I am Matthew, and welcome to another exciting episode of Papi's Flat Share Beef Brothers Cold Cuts. Beef Brothers Cold Cuts, where we have fantastic guests on from the world of comedy or podcasting and solve your beefs, the things that are getting on your nerves with the people that you live with. We've got fantastic guests from the world of both today. One of my favorite comedy podcasts is Sayon's Cast, which is a comedy sketch show, and we've got the two hosts and writers of that,

Zoe Tomelin and Charlie Dinkin. They're brilliant, and you'll love that, but before that, there's some quite exciting news about the Christmas show. Well, I've got a few. Oh, yeah, very much. Well, do you all bit first? We're not going to do about the bank holiday.

No, no, no. I'm okay. Sorry, no, you go first, you go first. So, yeah, so we're going to do a live stream of the Christmas show. We weren't sure whether or not we're going to do it, but we put it on sale now. So, if that's the show of the year, it's the show of the year. So, it really is.

What? It really is the show of the year. We're live streaming the show of the year. It's the show of the absolute year, and it can be the show of your year, because it can stream direct to your device. We're talking about your laptop, your smart TV. Your phone.

Wow. Your phone. Probably not your landline. To your own living room. Beamed in. You can beat you when you're sitting on your sofa sipping a nice cool glass of advocate. You don't know that. This year, the show of the year is coming home.

Oh really good man. I love that. That's really good. That's fantastic. And please don't boycott it. Don't boycott it. Don't boycott it, please. Don't boycott our show isn't corrupt. Well, I mean, there's a few, I mean,

the argument right here. The argument right to pretty decent. They're pretty decent. They're not great, they're pretty decent. Well, I'll say it. I don't know what's going on behind the streaming. I don't know how it works. No. I don't know who's doing it. I don't know what's going on behind the streaming. I don't know how it works. No, I don't know who's doing it.

I don't know how it's done. So that's hope, it's okay. That's a good point. We haven't, where's the money come for this streaming? Who's connected, the wires, how is that happening? Is someone, I don't know. We don't know.

We just hope. Listen, basically, just don't worry, we don't know. We just hope. Listen, basically, just don't worry too much about whether or not it's corrupt. Just by the, it's a fiber. Just come in, by the livestream and watch it and enjoy yourself. I don't think too much, just chill out a little bit, guys. Don't, I mean, the boy cutting thing,

I don't think it's necessarily useful for us. Not for us, no. Not for us, no. No, no. No. Right, so we get on with the episode. Yes, yes. Let's clear that with really, really solid. No, we should actually talk about what the actual live stream is. So 11th of December, we're doing two shows.

We're doing the Beef Brothers Cold Cuts live with James A. Castor as our guest. And then after that, we're doing the Christmas Flash Slam Down with Athena Coblenu and Lou Sanders as our guests. I mean, like amazing. You don't have to pay twice for each show. No, no, no, you don't have to pay for any show. You don't have to pay twice for any show. You have to pay once for both shows together.

Oh my God. That's unbelievable. What a bargain shows together. That's it, mate. Oh my God! What a bargain, right? And it's five quiditicket for the live stream, but if you're a member of the Patreon, it is four quiditicket. So get over on the Patreon, sign yourself up. You get all of the bonus features that you get.

You get bonus beefs with our guests, Charlie and Zoe. You get our flagship pop round every single week. You get bonus beefs with our guests, Charlie and Zoe. You get our flat share pop round every single week. You get the jingle as a single and the Christmas one is always a delight. So you get all of that kind of stuff and you also get discount codes. Tom's just panicking there. You've not. Tom, we haven't written any bit of the Christmas show yet. The Christmas show is just an idea at the moment. But yeah, we've got so much vague accidents. Oh yeah, exactly. In the family.

It couldn't be vague. The vague accidents. Never been vague. Yeah. But anyway, yeah. So in the show notes, there is a link to the, to where you can buy that live stream, or if you go to a ticket text and search for

Pappy's Flat Share, you should find it there. Or it's on our, on our link tree and on our Twitter and on our Facebook and all that kind of stuff, so you can find it all there. But let's get on with this episode with Zoe and Charlie. Oh, and it was an absolute treat. What's it real treat?

Well, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem, if you've got a problem call it a B, if you've got a B, maybe we can help you be from the zoning I can be Hello Oh, right, okay, that kind of podcast is it right? What's up really really giving us the old cold shoulder very chatty before we start The corning and then and then what is what is parry mean by that hello very lowly? Hello, I was intense man

I'm Lately waiting for you to do the grandma at the top of the show. Oh, no, we'll do all that. We love admin When you're not here, we're not This place we just go straight in with the hellos. Yeah Really unconventional podcast we agree I guess with hello. It's a catchphrase of ours. I'm not expecting you to know all the in jokes. We've been doing this for a few years, so. So it's kind of a calling response thing, right?

So we use, you do it again, I'll do it for you. Okay, now you've got, no you've got a grandpa. I'll give it another go. We'll have another run at it. Hello. Hello. Yes, yes, there we go. It's worked out. It's worked out.

Almost human. Yeah, it was a really good facsimile of a human response. We were practicing. Well, you got to practice during the show as well. We got to rehearse you during the show. I want to suddenly follow Bruce Willis in the sixth sense. Is he cold? Well, hello. Thank you for joining us guys. Thank you for having us. Yeah, thank you. Okay, just so you're doing so well guys. Thank you. Another

really good response to Tom's question. Well, I've got some sentences that I've been practicing which I'm going to use later as well. So, I've had a task that we'll look out for those. You just drop them in. Are you happy to help us solve some people's beef tonight? Would be my pleasure. I love beef, I love solving beef, I love not solving beef and just letting it hang there uncomfortably. People that solve themselves. So you have listened before. I'm very excited about solving beef, not least,

because I live in a flat with extremely thin walls. So there's a high likelihood that there could be actual live beef happening in my flat, in the surrounding buildings, which we could solve right now. Well, do you want to talk us through like what? So you say you've got thin walls. How many neighbors are neighboring onto you?

Do you have people on both sides? Do people above you? Do you have people below you? It's an all-side situation. Wow. It's like I'm living inside a die and there's people on every side. It's like, I know so much about my neighbor's lives, like coming into my own flat feels like

I'm breaching data protection. This is awesome. Like I'm slightly uncomfortable always recording in the house because I'm like, what are you gonna hear? Yeah. These are my secrets to keep now. What's good is they're hearing you say this right now, so they're suddenly realising that you've heard everything.

Yeah, and I hear them on podcast as well. And I all podcasting. Sadly, yes, it's a help. It is 2022, I guess, that's the nature of the beast. To Charlie, podcast tapping outside of your flat aside, what kind of a person are you to live with? I think I'm not a very good person to live with. I was thinking about the series.

I think I'm about to live with. Wouldn't recommend it. I've lived since I've been a grown up with a series of boyfriends, not the same time, like one after the other. Right. You know, you've never had a face like that. A harem. No over the bea-daw. Just a little bit more of the house, just eliminating the one at a time.

They're in and out, they're revolving door. Each of them a new challenge to me. I think it's probably not my ideal living situation. But I think the problem with me is I have a set of quite serious rules in my head that I'm not willing to articulate to another person. So one of the most thing about earlier is like absolutely so relaxed about mess, don't mind mess at all, very chill on mess, very upset about dirt, don't want things to be dirty, chill with mess, angry about dirt, and then people don't know where the line is. Interesting. Tidy and dirty, very tricky and untidy can so easily slip into dirty. Yeah, the line is so thin, it can be a cup ring on a table and I lose my mind.

So I don't, I hope you don't mind saying this Clarkie, but I lived at Clarkie's house for a while back in the day, but in Wolverhampton and it bends parents' house. I thought was the perfect, it was never tidy, but it was always clean. Yeah, that's a shame. I loved that balance. That's a very fair, that's a very fair. Yeah, that's a comfortable place to be. It's a very fair.

Yeah, I don't know if it's that. I don't know if that's that. You're quite emotional, Ben. I don't know. I will say this. Very, very fair. So fair. A fairer than his parents have ever been to him.

So difficult to know truly though, when somewhere is untidy, the cleanliness levels. Yeah, there's dirt underneath. Exactly. Stress is me out. Stress is me out, and that's why I live my life in a constant state of tension that no one who lives with me ever enjoys. Just got to pick stuff up, clean under it,

and then throw it back on the ground. So I'm curious, nowhere, Zoe, is on the untidy dirty spectrum of you. Is it a tidy house? Is it untidy but clean? Is it dirty and untidy? The house is extremely clean.

Me and my boyfriend are very fisterious about cleaning up, but I will say other than that, it's an absolute shit tip. It looks like a jumble sale. It looks like an off-cult jumble sale. I collect horrible things. There's taxi dummy in the house. There's ventriloquist dummies in the house. Oh that's not bad. Basically, if I was a single man and you came into my house, you'd be like, that's creepy, but because I'm a bluehead girl, I get a little bit of, oh that's a nice hobby that you have. So there's a kind of...

Being creepy is your hobby. Yeah, I'm kind of off the cleanliness, tidiness spectrum and into creepy but organized. It's a catalog of fear in the house. That's exactly how I would describe you. Thank you. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun.

That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun.

That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun.

That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot of fun. That's a lot's what happens to us in the goddamn ground. It's been enjoying the landscaping, the lovely stones. I just think it's just really well put together. It's a very relaxing place to go and read very short stories about people's lives. I think I don't know also I kind of have like a strata of different hobbies in the house like clutter from different hobbies that have happened. you have the my my boyfriend actually has something which I find deeply shameful? Which is that he has a gaming rig which is a whole car? It has a steering wheel. It has a gearbox and when I come in here and he's on it I'm like I would honestly rather come in and find that you are like being radicalized on an insult

Please just watch pornography well he's driving to a brothel what's with you? yeah well I wish he was driving to a brothel because then he'd be talking to some women online you know why does he just get a car is that a mad suggestion? I would love if he got a car the real irony is that he is an expert online driver. He does have a driving license, but he hasn't driven since he's 17, so he actually can't drive. My vibes. In an emergency, I want to think I could, but the factors I haven't, so that would be the second part of the emergency.

the factors I have and so that would be the second part of the emergency. You could create a new emergency. Oh no, emergency. Now we've got two emergency. Amazing. Are you even putting in the hours practicing their Charlie? Absolutely not. See that's it. I don't want to drive. I was never excited about it to begin with. I did it because I've where I lived when I was growing up was like in deep countryside so I had to, but now I just live in a city so it's a fun hobby from the past I guess. So how long has it been since you drove a vehicle? I had to do it about two years ago. What's the emergency? What did you do, Charlie? Do you know what the... I think I was dropping some stuff off to... You were going to a brothel. I was going to a brothel.

And it was very, very scary. Driving through Central London is one of the top scariest things I've ever done. The only good thing about it is that it is slow. It's like terrifying but no speed. Probably the opposite of everything that's fun about driving online. But didn't like it. Don't want to do it again. Very much come around and have no fun driving online. The basic thing about driving in London is the only thing that I think is terrifying and boring at the same time.

Yeah, that's exactly it. So it's such a horrible combination. Yeah, yeah, I hate it. Oh, for. Be here from the starting, I get beat! Well, should we solve some people's beefs? Yeah, I hate it. Oh, for. Be from the zoning I can be! Well, should we solve some people's beefs? Yeah!

Oh, let's do it. Let's, let's get into it. I, I, I think too. Yeah, well, Tom, do you want to start us off then? We've got a sock beef from Chris. Here we go. Yeah, sock beef from Chris via beef brothers podcast at gmail.com.

Get in touch! Why not? Chris got in touch using email The future the best method I would say the best method to get in touch to our email address I would say is an email address of your own Do you think we're far No, it's a bad question We didn't think it going to be a good one?

As I was going to say, do you think we're far off people writing an email address on the back of an envelope, putting it in a postcard, because it's not that's a bad idea. It's a bad idea, because you've got to be quite cute. You've got an address. That's a lovely thought. That's like, you know, when people are like in Ireland, they don't have, I don't know if this is true, actually, I might be about to say people are like in Ireland, they don't have, I don't know if this is true, actually, I might be about to say really, they don't have post codes. Is that true or in rural bits?

I think that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's like, oh, the letter will just find you if you describe it well enough. I'm going to try. It's like that sort of thing they have at sort of twee festivals. If you haven't experienced it where that you can write like, you know, if I was trying to send a message to Tom, but I didn't know who Tom was,

I was just seeing him wandering around the site. I could say, you know, cute boy in the orange beanie. And... Oh, wrap up. On what form? Like what's the little post card? On a little post card. And then hand it to some sort of bearded volunteers.

And well, no, I've seen him across the site and I've lost sight of him. And I wanna strike up a conversation. I'm legend making strong style choices. Exactly, exactly. I write that little card, hand it to one of the volunteers, and then they somehow manage to find that specific person in the orange beanie hat.

And the postcard says, can you sit down please? I can't sit in the bun. I'm not gonna be able to. Please stop postcard says, can you sit down please, I can't see the ban. LAUGHTER Please stop shouting out, why are you this bad and it's two in the afternoon? LAUGHTER OK, what's Chris got to say for himself? Here we go.

Sock Beef from Chris, I moved in with my new flatmate a couple of months ago. He's a good friend of mine and very tidy, except for one thing. He was very close with his previous flatmate and they would apparently just take white socks off at random places around the flat and when they needed socks they would just pick them up to wear them when they went out. Can we all just stop for a second and go, sorry what? Because that's not. Everyone looks disgusted. Yes. If you see the face.

You can't argue it's not a system. It's definitely a system. It's like in those big cities where you just ride a bike and then pop off it and pop on it. Yeah. Let's not let socks. Oh please. This one's a bit stiff. Oh no Boris. They were effectively sharing socks and would gather them up every couple of weeks or so to wash them, like a treasure hunt I guess. The problem is that he hasn't gotten out of this habit. That's the problem. He hasn't gotten out of this habit,

so there are dozens of white socks dotted around all over the flat, including by the toaster and the microwave, by the TV, and occasionally, or in the bath. He says he just does it subconsciously without thinking as he's been doing it for years. And I wear my own black socks, so we always know there is. Any suggestions? Thanks Chris.

Right. Well, the black socks are the solution, aren't they? Did it? Well done. Yeah. I mean, this is, so it's a hangover from his previous flatmates. Chris's flatmates previous flatmates. Chris's flatmates, previous flatmates,

you have a weird little system where they share each other's socks. Chris doesn't wanna buy into this system. I'm gonna say it, I don't mind their vibe. Oh my mate. No, like, obviously there's an issue now because he's not with the person who is vibing with, but that was a happy house. Those two dudes, you're not telling me that a fucking great time.

That's the kind of situation where you give a speech at someone's wedding, but it's really lace with sadness because you know what you lost. Yeah. Yeah. It's that. They're like soulmates. Literally. Yeah. It's not going to get better than that. You found the one. That's that's my found their one. And it's completely you complete the pair. You complete my outfit. Yeah. So you're going to say I'm like impressed just as somebody who never

has seemingly enough socks. I'm impressed that this person somebody who never has seemingly enough socks I'm impressed that this person has enough socks to leave some lying around the house Like if there are clean socks in my house, they are on my feet all of them all two of them Are you a are you a matching socks person or you just like whatever I can find if there's two and they're dry I used to be like I used to be a very because I was very cringe child I refused to wear Even socks until I was like Basically until I went to university which is incredibly lame

But then I got into a kind of habit where I was like well, maybe if I put on even socks something bad It's gonna happen, maybe if I put on even socks, something bad is going to happen. But no, I'm not really sorry. No, no, no, it's not well. I'm fucked, yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I think we've had this incredibly messed up beef, and then I've brought in something which

is even worse. Yeah, your brain is worse. Yeah. Maybe I should move in with them to solve that. You're really perfect, it's a perspective. Yeah, the human graveyard helped us out once again. One thing I do, I do really respect about it though, is it reminds me to piece of advice my dad gave me before I went to university, literally, to piece of advice from my life. One, you can marry more money in

a minute than you can make in a lifetime. Thanks David. That was an extremely weird thing to say. A number two, if you buy all matching socks, then it doesn't matter if any of them aren't the pair because they'll all match each other. That's a great bit of, yeah. At least one of those is a great bit of advice. Not so sure about the socks, things he's a bit mad, but what about a few girl thing? But yeah, yeah, for a long time I was I was white tube socks only that was my that was my personality. Yeah, that was my entirety of my personality. It was white tube socks and phara slacks. It hasn't changed. I've just lost my entire personality.

But yeah, I think down the back of the sofa, which is like, put it on and my flatmate's wearing my personality off. And I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm a fail with these kind of terms. But are we looking at a socialist utopia here? That's an interesting question. Is this, is this the, is someone master the communist model?

And it's now living in a capitalist world? Are they sharing other things or just socks? I mean, it felt, it feels like they're, the very least it feels like they've had a currency that they agreed on, or that, you know, this kind of, this sharing kind of, what's yours is mine. I love it. And now, that flatmates not there anymore. I think you might be quite understanding with this person, but his the thing, it's okay to share,

but does that sharing need to involve having a sock in the bath? Yeah, it's a very good point. Yeah, because that's it as well. It's not the sharing, it's not the sharing. All right, you're not the caring. It's not but it's. It's, if you pay $8 a month, you can get blue socks and everyone can have them.

Just pay eight dollars a month, that's all it is. But the thing is though, I think you're right, Clarky, because you know, that's... Sure, you've got socialism, but is it actually more like anarchy? Because shouldn't there be a sort of... Like if they were, if they had one sock drawer that all the socks are in that You know they were that the socks were never made in there all white socks

You can just always pull out a white sock and that's great But this is this little this little system is taken over the whole house I you know and a key does not involve all white socks surely I have a question and I have a Solution that comes from that question. Question is... So you're asking yourself the question then I'm... I'm asking all of you the question. Will you meet themselves for a second? Everyone's the examiner, they're feelings on it.

It's just so kind of, you know, okay, so I'm just thinking about the trajectory of salt from foot to bar. Like that doesn't feel natural to me. That feels like someone is like taking off the salt and then like flicking it, you know what I mean? Like pinging it, like it doesn't go from Foot to hand to bath without some kind of like What it's like close your toilet is to your bath or if you're sitting on the edge of the bath to take yourself

Yeah, so you're sitting on the edge of the bath. Oh you think they're sitting on the edge of the bath Because if it's the thrill of the the The ping the ping the catapulting, then they need to get them like a little basket ball. You know what I mean, put some targets around the room. That's a lot of fun. It's a solution that we've looked at before when people are used to wear around the flat.

And I think that's exactly where I was going to go as well, Charlie. I think what you need to do is still let him have these white sock sites, but bring them under control. You know, have, have sold designated white socks stations. Yeah. Exactly. You know, and like you said, you'll have a bit of fun with it. Gamrify. You know, one of those KFC bins, you know, things that people like to throw stuff in, and then, and then you've got like the best of both worlds. What you've just done there is you've taken a nice kind of

socialist maybe anarchist system and you have turned it into state communism. Like that is a rigorously regulated software system. People are going to be doing that checkpoints. You're going to get the socks people are measuring your feet. Are they the right size? Otherwise, maybe you're getting disappeared. Because... Is it soft white?

Is it white or is it gray? All right. Okay. What about this? Now, this might come across as passive aggressive, but it's a lot of fun in the process. What about if Chris gets himself, because I recently invested in one of these and I love it, the old litter picker, the old grabber, right? Wait, you've got one for picking up your laundry or for picking up litter. For picking up litter is what, because because people throw stuff onto our front lawn.

Oh, that's nice. People will be walking home and they will throw them McDonald's onto the front lawn. And it's become a really fun game now, where I can be like, you're doing my daughter, Cleo, look outside. Someone's fucked up our lawn again, let's go out with a grabber. And then we have a bit of a, yeah, yeah, that's fun. It's become, you know, I used to be one of those

annoying suburban dads where I'd be like, oh my lawn. And now I can be like, hooray, it's a nice fun game. That's what you've got to do, you've got to kind of- It's a fun story ever, huh? It's really tragic, yeah, yeah. You've turned a hate campaign against you and do a game for your child.

You should be scared. As a McDonald's today, it'll be a brick through the window tomorrow, and you'll be like, let's get the grabber. Hello, Clean. Someone's scrolled another fun message on our gauge door. Let's go scrub scrub. Get the fun sponges. Get the fun sponges. Which is also my nickname. But yeah, you could make it a bit of fun yourself. So if you have designated areas for the socks, you can do a little sort of, you know, pop a bit of

music on that you like, shimmy around the front room and grab a few socks and fling them into the into the big special bin. Pop on a bit of music, the red flag, or you know, you're doing it in the bathroom. Yeah, you're doing it in the bathroom. All the red, not chitty pep, but the bottom of those socks and you dig. Either or. So we go.

They're the two choices. It's kind of, it's got to be something. Something that starts with red. But yeah, I, I mean, I think actually, the problem is Tom, I think you may have actually sort of solved this very, very early on. And we've kind of skirted around it. That you think, because what you said was basically, the two flatmates that used to live there,

one of whom Chris is living with now, they're meant to be together. Maybe Chris should move out. Maybe Chris should encourage the flatmate to move in with another guy. We agreed that that has to stop being the solution we get. Okay, all right, get the flatmate to move out and move back in with the other guy and you can have the flat to yourself. Okay, is it with black socks or just have a black sock drawer or what have you want to do? I've got another solution which is by yourself a whole set of

Gossumethin black socks And then you can partake into in the white sockets change hygienically Because you've got your own You're putting a white sock over your... Yes, you're practicing safe socks, basically. Like a... Like a... Like a...

You're talking about a... Like a varuca sock, basically, that you wear. Maybe. Or maybe just a very fine Egyptian cotton. Sure. Lovely. Lovely and tight. That makes it look serious.

What are you doing with those socks afterwards? You throwing them in the mix? You're treating them normally. Like, you're still washing them on your time as you would your normal black socks at the moment. But basically, because you've come down the togs of your socks to kind of the finished socks possible,

then you can partake in this kind of social, you know, utopia kind of thing that's going on with kind of free love. So it's kind of like you're enjoying the free love of the 70s but in a safe way. Yeah, yeah, I like that. It's basically the sun, common people. I do worry that basically what's gonna happen here is you're gonna have a second tier black sock system where those gothima socks are becoming integrated. Maybe they're in another designated zone, but then you're gonna have to go down to like a sock

that's like one micron thick to go inside the Gossamer sock inside the white sock. Oh, there's too much to add then. Russian socks on socks. Yeah, socks there, we got that. You know, it's also Chris is then having to put like for every sock that his flatmate is putting on. Chris is putting on two socks.

Three socks if we adopt Zoe's system. So suddenly he's taking hour hour and a half to get ready for work in the morning. You know, like this is not fair and our friend Chris. And he's going to have to start buying bigger shoes. Yeah. He's got half a size. I think there's quite an efficient thing that you could do, which is that one time you could just go I think that's quite an efficient thing that you could do, which is that one time you could just go

like oh You know how people make money from putting pictures of their feet online and then every time you see them taking off their socks You just get out your phone like you're taking a little picture, but you don't really address it So creep him out of the flat basically. Yeah, you creep him out creep him out. Oh, take some for things, put them online. Make your boats in the money. Make them in the money. They don't worry so much. And the ethically we've gone to a dark place there. And so you just pretend to do an illegal thing

that crosses boundaries. That's technically fine. Yeah, pretend it's a bit of a crime. Not a crime, right? I've gone from this kind of utopia free loveloves house to quite a dystopian black mirror kind of existence. Have you never watched any documentary about a cult? It always starts so wonderfully and then suddenly they were all dressing in red, they brought

in the guns and they only get to fuck the one old dude and that's it and this is what happens. It starts off so beautifully with all've got as old as time. Exactly. It's got some of thin socks. It starts with white socks. It ends with white supremacy. This is the way it goes. Well Chris, I think the gossip of thin socks is probably our best.

It's our best solution. It's all about burrowing the doors, poison the cool aid, and just, you know, it's pretty good. That's me. Beef solved. Beef solved. Beef from the starting egg and beef solved. Charlie, do you want to yours now?

I would. Right, this is dog beef. Ooh, tasty. From Owen, only in a disaster though. Viya, be from the show, say that in a clean way. I think that at what point in the apocalypse I'd have to eat my dog all the time. I think you'd have to drive first. I think it'd be. That's the hierarchy of emergency, isn't it?

Charlie gets behind the wheel. Charlie eats a dog. You know, that's the... That's before things have even kicked off. First day of lockdown, Charlie was looking at a food china. Charlie it's a dog, you know, that's the... That's the four things I'm even kicked off. First day of lockdown, Charlie was looking at a pooch going on. Your day's in numbered mate. Let's get some good, tasty briefing.

What, I can't touch my face anymore, come over here Rover. In the air fryer. Right, dog beef from Owen, fire, beef, brothers, podcasts at gmail.com. Hi, Pappy's and guests. Right, dog beef from Owen, via beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com. Hi, puppies and guests. My family own a holiday-beach shack that we all share. And my brother uses it, I know, what's a shack? Lots of questions already.

When my brother uses it, he lets his two Labradorzons and judging by the hair in the beds. We always change the linen before leaving, but he doesn't bother. When confronted he claimed that having his dogs inside is no different to us having our kids inside. Oh my god that's huge. I love it. Is he in the wrong or should I sleep outside in the two nice kennels that are there? All the best, Owen. Great, kennels outside as well.

Doesn't sound like a shack to me. No. Sounds like a goddamn villa. So are we, like, I feel like our little chat before we got into the beefs has been very like at-propos because this is really in the area of, it's the same with the socks, it's like messy versus dirty and I think socks once one socks around is right on the edge of messy versus dirty dog hair

That's dirty, right? Am I wrong? Am I wrong in saying that? There are no other dogs coming in and putting on the hair, right? It's not like feels like dog people wouldn't agree with you Yeah, I know I think it it's on it. It's not like... It feels like dog people wouldn't agree with you. Yeah. No, no, no. I think it's on a knife edge that, but I do think that... What, there's dog hair on the knife. Oh my gosh. I'm gonna put a color in the dishwasher as well.

Don't go around clarkies house for appointments. She's creepous. She's clarkies. Clarkies, actually, if you ever go around clarkies house, you've got a big chef's hat on a really really big chef's hat. You can see a barking for underneath it. He's an amazing chef, but I don't know how he does it. Dogga two eggs. Dogga two eggs. Dogga two eggs.

Where do you guys stand, sorry Charlie, where do you stand on pets and the cleanliness of having pets in the house? I am more intrigued about what the children are doing that has put them in the same cleanliness category. That feels tired again. Like the kids are coming in and scooting along the ground and scratching their ears like... You know what I'm saying? They're at the beach, Shaq. Also, this... Yeah, Shaq and two canals.

That is more property than I own. So I'm really like... My sympathy is limited. If I had a Shaq and two canals, I'd be inviting every dog on the street down. I've got me two kids and they behave just like dogs. So hurry up and bring your June box body! Oh my god, always great to have a French knight of impersonation. At any point, at any point in the podcast, Tom, I enjoyed it. By the way, though, I think, you know, and I don't want to do my kids dirty here, but

it depends on the age of the children as to whether or not your kids are as dirty as dogs. I'm not sure if you have a problem here, let's not put this up on the children. I literally, I'm only saying this because I literally had to say to my daughter tonight, please don't wipe your nose on my butt. That was the phrase I had to utter in the middle of dinner time. my butt. That was the phrase I had to utter in the middle of dinner time. And was that because your butt was cleaner than the time? My butt's the cleanest thing in the house. Is the only thing I get any time to clean? And I need it to stay that way. That little pick has really done wonders for your butt. That's the real reason you bought it, let's be honest. Kids reveal those clingy bits on me. The thing that's going on here as well,

is that with your own kids, it's the same thing with your own dogs. Like, your own dog's hair doesn't seem as disgusting to you as other people's, just like other people's children are revolting. That's very true actually. Are these hairy kids? Oh yeah, they're like those wolf children.

You know, the kids aren't the hairy. You can't let the wolf children run free in the shack. That's gonna be a rule. That's gonna be a rule. That's gonna be a rule. That's the Airbnb website, isn't it? Listen one. Oh and you can use the shack just not on a full moon mate.

It's just like any other time is fine. I can't have them gnawing the furniture. It's shaky ground and I know when I saw I have a dog and when I first got the dog, I remember people being like, don't compare your dog to people's children, like it's not the same thing and I will say that never occurred to me because I don't think of my dog as my child. I think of my dog. think I never referred to yourself as the mummy of the dog. No, no, not at all. He's like a he is a flatmate who I quite like He's very much in my flat. He doesn't have a job He talks a lot for some reason. He's always making a lot of noise Yeah, he's just like a guy I know.

He's always saying don't eat me. Why are you putting barbecue sauce on my back? I wouldn't take him on holiday, I'll tell you that. I'd be off to the shack and leaving the dog with a friend. Yeah, that's true. Do you think the really problematic thing here? I think the really bad thing is that he's not changing the linen before leaving. Why are you changing the sheath when you've been in the...

I mean, yeah, totally. That's... That's unforgivable. That's what it comes down to, because I know, also, you're missing out on one of the big thrills, which is at the end of a holiday, ripping all the sheets off your bed and lobbing it on the floor. Stripping the bed, yeah. That's great. Wait, lob it on the floor, it's not washing it. You know that. You're throwing it in the sink. Well, yeah, but just see, you whip them off the bed, you're throwing the lake. If he, if he, you're right, it's just going on the wall. If he's only stripping the beds, that's an improvement. Yeah.

So, what I'm saying is if he's stripping the beds, throwing the linen on the floor, and then buggering off with his dogs, at least you're going to come in, no, that's the harry linen going in the wash, you're not getting into bed with the dog linen. Yeah, it is a warning. So I actually think, you know, even if he's just doing that, and also come on, these people can afford staff. Yes. A shock and two kennels. I mean, these people can afford staff. Yes. Shocking two kettles.

I mean, the real answer is get the staff to do it. So we're not joking about the staff, eh? Really, dearly. Get the staff to deal with the staff. But I think, yeah, I think, either remind your brother of the joy of stripping on the last day of the holiday. Okay, yeah, yeah. Another sad wedding speech. The slightly more drastic thing to do is buy some fake blood and fake a dog attack on one of your kids and then the dogs will no longer be in the show.

I don't think that the resolution to a beef can involve a living being having its life put to an end. That's a fair rule. That's a fair rule to straights just pretending it's pretending it's not a crime if you're just pretending. No, but the dog is gonna get put down Charlie You know the stuff they are very good with the effects makeup So the kid is gonna look fully mold and the dog is going straight to death row Yeah, that's fair. Maybe maybe maybe the option one then So maybe maybe the option one then

Wait, just change the best change. Yeah, just change the limit just change the limit wasn't got some of sucks Yeah, actually no put a get a got some a thin sheet and do base They put it over the top and then the dogs can sleep on that and then just whip that off away We should should say, by the way, it's time for our ad break. We should just say, the Gossamer Thin Company, and I get all my Gossamer Thin products. And they're always so great, so thin, literally Gossamer Thin.

Yeah, so anyway, you check out the Gossamer Thin Company, anyway, we'll get back on with your report. We can't stress enough, by the way, they're not made of Gossamer. But they're Gossamer-thin. They're not, they're as thin as Gossamer. Oh, yeah, of course. Okay.

The main thing is, you know, they're made of his quite cool. He's Gossamer. We want to put a stop to that Gossamer Gossamer right now. A lot of that Gossamer Goss going around. Gossamer is Gossamer. Gossamer is Gossamer. G-O-Z-Z-I-M-E-E. Yeah.

It's like vegan Gossamer. Although I have to stress as well, this product is not vegan either. It's also not vegan. Although I have to stress as well, this product is not vegan either. It's also not vegan. Exactly. But please do use the promo code. It's certainly isn't vegan. 100% dog.

It's yeah. So, okay, so it's skin socks, anyone. It's just dress. If you dress your kids in dog skins, they won't mind they're running around in dog care. Beef salt. I don't think it makes sense. Hahaha.

How about buying him a dog rug, like a dog sheet. That's the thing. He buys his own dog rug. He's not using the kennels, mate. Is he? The thing to put the thingies. The thingies we've been given this beef at the stage of, we're past being able to go, oh, don't do that, mate. Of course he shouldn't do it, but we're now, he's come to us for the solution.

So the solution can't be, just tell your brother not to be a brick That's like Christmas is coming up isn't it Christmas is coming up? Yeah, so I'm a dog bed or two Yeah, you know it could be it could be gossip of a thin don't get me wrong, but oh It's simply not just goes on the bed first and they're gonna lie on top of the If you're a dog you're not pleased that your bed's got some of thin ice. So why? You're receiving it. Yeah, I see it. I'm your big thin.

That was such a good dog impression. Thank you. Thank you. It was like a dog. Can Tom, what would it be like if that dog met Bob Hoskins? I've got to ask. LAUGHTER Maybe it's because you're wearing the beanie hat

and you look a bit like his character in Romeo Bros. But it really was like a dog's head. It's good to talk. I should be sure if you're a dog, because it's a project for you all. I'd be so delighted if you met a dog that could really talk. You know, sometimes you see what a dog could say like one word or it sounds like one word. Sounds like sausages, yeah. And then you just think, what are the things you could say?

I mean, rubbish, nonsense. I already had stuff. Do you reckon if you went around the world and got enough dogs saying their one word, you could just get us into a dog pod. Oh my god, yeah. Wow, we don't. We're putting it one word at a time,

traveling, traveling the planet. Some of it will be in different languages obviously, because we've only read experience the dogs that speak English words. But then most people are moving to see a man realises purpose in real time. I see this for you, Tom. Give it like five years.

I imagine like a large pi-porgan where every single like key is like a different dog word that I've picked up from a bit of glue and I could do it live by that point. I could be taking questions live and answering in dark. I eat rubberines. I'm sorry, what can I do? Do you like to eat the beans? There's a few flouts of the audience question. Thank you for that question.

I'm going to be calling out to that question. I want to say a lot of people have been saying I've got plants in the audience. To them I say, fuck you actually. Yes, I will answer that question. Yeah, I like to eat the beans. Okay, thank you. And that's all we've got time for tonight. It's a shame I have to answer that question five times, but...

I do hope Tom eventually, there is a world where the Infinite Monkey Cage is supported by the finite dog cage. That, I think, is the dream, isn't it? The two great podcasts to our types, combined. Diplenio too. For the organs. I've got all the dogs and cages on it. People aren't going to enjoy it, actually. It's actually quite cruel.

It's just a huge backdrop of dogs and cages that I've poked with a stick while I say they're one word? Yes, I like to... We're not gonna do this anymore! I don't think there's a dog's... I can say one of those very glasses! He's got... He's got cross-pink-clucky! So in Charlie we'll dress this dog's in cages!

Shh! Get off... Please walk a Robin Hood surprise! LAUGHTER Shh, get off, please walk a Robin in, surprise! Right, well beef solved. Of course it was. From the starting I get beef solved. Zoe, we've got a free range beef here. Would you like to read our free range beef?

So this steak is very tender sir? That's it, it's because it's free range beef. Bounal! Bounal! Free range beef. Moving beef from Amole via beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com. High beloved puppies and esteemed guests. Long time listener, first time beefer.

The beef is with my husband. Let's call him Jeff. Brackets, not his name. Is his name. So she's deceitful. That's what we found out so far. We want to move from the West Midlands. Brackets shout out to Warsaw. I used to go to Blastoff in wolves every Saturday. Yes!

We've probably been drunk together. Yeah. Well, that's the best case in our area. I mean, she's saying she's celebrating, but actually, she is saying, you know, shout out to Warsaw, but we are moving away from the West Midlands. So they want to move away from the West Midlands to somewhere up north. Literally anywhere but the West Midlands to somewhere up north. We have to do anywhere but the mess. I'm not that. Yeah, an Exodus. Okay. Fair enough. We have two teenage children. Both will have finished school and college next year. Obviously they are reluctant to move

because they think they'll never make any other friends and their current partners are scare quotes for life. Absolutely savage by their own. I want to move to a house big enough for all of us to live up there and have a lovely old time in the countryside. He says, fuck them kids if they don't want to come and get a tiny house just for us so that we can finally have a disposable income to do stuff with. To be clear, they have grandparents who they could live with. We wouldn't leave them homeless and we'd always welcome them. But what to do, what to do.

What are your thoughts? Ready for advice in tonight's ear canal. Oh my God. I don't know if anyone was planning to deliver it via any other holes, but those are not in this office. Cheers everyone! Bay with many ease, Emily. Yes, well, well, that's a big beef. It's a big beef, but we all know how this is going to finish isn't it? It's a

it's a gossum a thin house. Well, the kids, the kids could move into the two dog huts that are outside. There you go. That's that. I think I have to say, I loved how Emily's written this. I really felt like I, my consciousness, I interfaced with hers as I was reading it because there were so many at sides.

But yeah, as I say, I think there's quite a lot of subterfuge going on here already. I'm suspicious about the motivations. It was a very powerful performance, so you really felt like you really did become amily there. Yeah. Yeah, totally. So I'm so that can we keep asking you questions and you be amily? Yeah, of course. Yeah. Conveniently, she has exactly the same accent as me, so. Where up north do we reckon they're gonna go?

Like, I, well, I'll tell you. I think we're thinking, we're thinking probably whole. Oh, no, not the world, hell. I think you're gonna want a house, whether they come with you now or not, you are gonna want a big enough house that at one point everyone will be under the same roof for the big events, right? Yeah, yeah, I mean, unless you're planning to keep doing Christmas and all that back at the grandparents, I think, yeah, you've got to be, you've got to be expecting that they can at the very least come and stay

for a while because they're still teenagers, right? They're two teenage kids. We don't know how teenage they are. They could be 13 and 14. We don't know. We don't know. You know, at least one's finishing college. Yeah, one's finishing school and one's finishing college, which I know because they're my children.

Of course, sorry Emily. That does sound like 16 and 18. That is, that's, that's young. Well, this is the ideal time to dispense a bit of advice from David Dinkin, which is you can marry more money in a minute than you can make it. No.

You're giving that advice to my 16 year old daughter. Perfect time. I think, you know, it's the old adage, if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was yours forever. Is that right? Yeah, I mean, is that an old adage? It felt like you made it up, you went along. But is that true of your kids? I don't know if that's true.

If you love a dog, let it go. If it comes back to you, then pop it in the cage and it's just talk. Take it on tour. Yours forever. I was forever implied when it comes back to you. There sounds like an axiom from the socks state that we talked about earlier where you've got to let the sock go and if it comes back to you then you can slide on in and I got some of your protective. So this is definitely an old

adage that I drew on a lot during my when I was leaving the West Midlands to go to university but I was in a relationship. There was like a phrase that was like, if you love something, let it go. Yeah, it goes. And it becomes back. And it becomes back. And it becomes back. And if it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with. Yeah, that sounds more like it.

It's the forever. But I never remember the second bit of anything ever. It's like that jack of all, you know, people would be like jack of all trades. And then they didn't know that it was master of none. And I always used to be like, you know, that one that's like, be a before liquor, never sickerer but I realised I was just doing it like how I wanted it to be for any alcohol I was like beer before wine you'll be fine wine

before beer have good cheer whiskey and vodka no hangover for you tomorrow is that the lyrics to jumbo-umberson. The pair of the dog, let's not go there. I think if you love them, let them go and then see what happens. I think you don't, you don't have to force them away. They're 16 and 18, they're in relationships. But like, I would definitely, you're going to want to buy a house That's big enough if they do decided they want to come Right how about

How about this you buy a smaller house But it has a two kennels Essentially yeah, you put a caravan in the garden Like an Annie yeah Don't like that anyway and then those Bit of caravan fun everyone If every time you went back to your mom and dad's house you had to sleep in a caravan you'd be happy I mean you would

Hey, very, very clean Tom. You can just sleep on top of that really clean pile of shit. Would you be happy when you're back to Maldado's yet to... I'd be fine sleeping in the caravan, of course. I can tell you, I had to do it once when my... It was like a major family birthday in Wales and my uncle had a caravan. And so we all went back to the house,

but because there wasn't enough room, me and my dad had to stay in the caravan on the road outside, and it's fucking weird. Like obviously being in a caravan when you're on holidays, nice, when you're on the street, it's weird. This sounds like a problem, though, where you were like, I had to sleep in a caravan with my dad. That's like the locations for this year.

Yeah, and also the street is an ideal. You put it in the back garden. Now you get in the middle of the road as well, just a massive hazard. How are you getting the caravan in and out of your back garden? Through a gate. How big is this house? See you gate. How big is this house? You assume it. How big is this caravan?

Hold on, most houses I say, with a back garden have a big enough, big enough room. No, you are a caravan. You are a man. It's clocky. No, clocky. All right, let's talk about my house, right? Talk about my house, the gates that leads

to the back of my house, right? Which is pretty standard size. It's the size of my house, right? Which is pretty standard size. It's the size of a door, right? Yeah. Most garden gates are the size of a door. A caravan is bigger than the size of a door, because caravans have doors. So you're my aftercrain it in.

It's too big. But I thought you meant the size of the garden, not the size of the, the, the, the, the getting in. It's not about the space in the house, is it? It's about an attitude of welcoming to your children. That's the important thing. If you didn't have lots of room, it's like being saying that they're welcome. And I say that because my parents have the rooms and are deeply unwelcoming to make them in

home at times they're inconvenience them, I am 33 so fair enough. Yeah, that's probably more to do with your personality. Yeah. What are we actually saying? We've already established that getting a caravan through a gate is too hard. What's our actual piece of advice for everybody? Clarkey famously has never been to a house that you can't drive a caravan into the back garden. Listen, I hear a-

With room, with room either side. By that same thing, it's like you guys have never been to a house where you can do that I've been to very few that you can just drive a car ride to the back I think I think the phrase you said was made I think the phrase you said was most right so I feel like you know between us but anyway yeah I'm here and I was that we've been talking about you can't between us. Maybe. But anyway, yeah. The parents' house that we've been talking about.

You can't even drive a caravan in front of that car. Okay. There's a drive up the side of the house, mate. Alright, next episode, it's a road trip to all vans. We're gonna... We're gonna measure in driveways. We're gonna bring Kim and Aguille. They're gonna sort the house out.

We're gonna bring Alan Titchmarsch. He's gonna sort the caravan out. Clark is gonna drive a caravan into his parents' backyard and- And it's live! And he's doing it through their front room. Just to prove a point. Clarke, he texts the family what's up and ask. Can you drive a caravan into the backyard? No, they'll get very nervous, they'll be doing it.

Oh, I'm afraid the drive race is currently on fire and we'll be for the foreseeable. So I think do the move, but make sure there's room for them for God's sake and then leave them behind with the choice to follow should they choose or get knocked up. You really made the end sound like a threat as well. If you love them by the big house and then if they get knocked up they'll come and lift their forever.

Exactly, it's the old adage. Beef solved. Beef from the zoning like a beef solved. Now, Charlie and Zoe, I know you don't live in the same place together, but do either of you, both of you, one of you, have a beef you like us to try and solve? I have a problem which is that my neighbours order so much from Amazon. I'm not talking about a little bit, I'm not talking about signing for a package every other day, I'm talking about getting up three or four times from my work per day to go to the door,

to sign these packages from the reasonably extremely pissed off Amazon drivers who are like, what the fuck man? Why are you buying all of this stuff from Amazon? And also it's often like incredibly heavy stuff. So it would be like, why have you bought a massive four kilograms of bricks? That's actually not that much, is it? I'm really weak. I'm just small amount of bricks. bricks. That's actually not that much, is it? I'm really weak. The smaller amount of bricks, I can't reach. Why have you bought the smallest available doughnut? Why have you done bricks, are we? All it's not.

Because I need it to bash in the head of my neighbour. I'm so much of this leg over it. But basically, I feel self-conscious because I feel like, reasonably, the delivery drivers are a bit like, it's a bit out of order, you're ordering loads of really heavy stuff, at the same time, it's disruptive for me, and I've been trying to not use Amazon because I'm a do-go-to.

And I feel like what's actually happened is I've just ended up working for Amazon as the delivery driver with the shortest route, where I just take it two meters from my door to there door. So I don't, I guess my my question is, is there any way for me to stop the packages or do I just need to sit with my new job lifting one Lego brick at a time? Do you have to buzz them in? No, I have to physically go to the door. My flat does not have a buzzer. This is a manual operation.

So, there's your curtains. Don't go. Lights off, curtains close. Can you take them back up? No, they are upstairs, but we have a shared corridor. Now, Charlie, I already, for the last three years, have the curtain next to the door closed all day. Good, guys.

Because I was the wise delivery driver who were furious with me. But bang on the window until I answer the door while I'm on course. No. So it's become quite a Zoe's delivery service. And obviously I could not go to the door, but I'm only going to incense innocent delivery. Is it worth investing in a small delivery canal? Essentially a shack with a combination lock on it. Or like a... It could almost be like a caravan perhaps. And stick it around the back. I've got some of thin caravans,

and get it into a back garden. It's a shack with two overspilt camels for the additional pectus. Yeah, some kind of like delivery kennel that they can all just stick their things in. Oh, that's generous. That's generous of you. So you think that ordering stuff because they're frustrated?

So you can leave it here. It's not bagging the door, stop bagging this. Please, please come on. You ever wanted to fuck a little house? No. This is Wendy. Where are you trying it? That's such a weird thing you'd have to say yes.

So hang on, let me go this straight. The delivery drivers arrive with a big package. They get distracted by this candle that they can fuck. And then they do the... Well, they've got a big package. Yeah, exactly. They put this big package in their little package. I don't know about this.

Who's cleaning it out after doing something else? That lady. That's not something I'd enjoy. Okay, well, it's a real problem. It's a real problem. It's a real head scratcher. I do think Tom's idea is a nice one though. I like that. What about wait till they go out and make one trip to the front door just to put a sign with their phone number on. It's not your job. You're not their secretary, right? Especially if you haven't do it four or five times a day,

you've got a proper job, you need to be working. I feel like I'm getting a real pep talk. It's really nice. You need to back yourself, man. I feel like I didn't deliver enough self-esteem boosting in my solutions to other people's beefs. Like, Emily, you go, you're doing really good. You just do, you just move for yourself. Lovely. You put your little complaining sign on the door. I gotta

say, I have tried some signage before as well. And John often puts a sign in the door saying, I can't come to the door and they'll still bang on the window. Okay, it is the answer and I'm not proud of this one. Steele all the stuff that arrives, use it, fuck around with it, break it, and then they'll just stop buying stuff online. I would enjoy that as long as as we've discussed, I am very weak so it would depend if I could physically move it into the house. Yeah over a period of several months yes. Also that one is a crime and that's a little tricky. Yeah, yeah, it is a crime to steal someone else's stuff.

I mean I like it. That's what I'd want to do. Apart from fuck the little house cause I want to fuck the little house first. Are we just gonna go with fuck the little house? Case closed. I think that's basically it, isn't it? Get a little house, that's the delivery man can fuck, and be solved. Well, Zoe Charlie, thank you so much for coming on the show.

It's been a real pleasure having you on. Perfect. I'm gonna need to pause. Ah, there you go. You did it. I finished with the starting. you haven't you on? Perfect. Of course. You didn't finish with the started. Look at it. Absolutely beautifully. Can I just say at the beginning, I genuinely just was like, of course these three guys are going to say hello to you. They'll have their own hello thing and then I was just waiting and waiting and then I was like, well me me and Charlie belly ever say hello to each other

Friendship all weird thing to say about us. I'm not gonna say hello to you next time Before would you like to plug your podcast please? Really weird please there at the end. Please plug your podcast because I'm doing it for you. I don't think they'd say anything. So it's like the podcast is like grand design but it's for really small properties that have also a sexual element. No, it's called say oncast and it's a comedy horror sketch podcast which is written and hosted by me and Charlie and then has sketches

from loads of amazing new non-binary and women comedy writers, and it's really good. It's fantastic, yeah. Series two has just come out. You two episodes in, as we record this. Two in, six to go. Really enjoying it. It's properly laugh out loud, funny. Thank you for doing it, I guess.

I'm gonna say thank you, too, I say thanks. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. This is so welcome. You know what, it's so needy, is what so much. This is so welcome. You know what? It's so needy, is what we are. This is what's happened. The mirror's hint of a silence and we suddenly crumble. We can't handle it.

We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle it. We can't handle The thing is, it's when you asked to say what it was. I suddenly got really nervous and my voice choked up as well. And then I got it, I was just like, it's really good, actually. I thought that was a nice assessment of it. Back you saw it, it was good. Thanks guys.

Can we just all agree that we're terrified of each other? LAUGHTER Right. After this conversation, yes. Well Well thank you so much for coming on and helping us solve so many beefs and we'll see you shot some we can end it there. Don't be a stranger now. Thank you, bye. Give us two rims when you go home. From the starting, I can beat you. There you go, that was a real treat.

It was a real treat indeed. And speaking of real treats, we have had a lovely message. Tom, would you like to read it out for us? Oh, yes, I'd love to actually do a papis, long time listener, and short time Patreon. Good guy. I woke up to messages last week telling me to tune in for the latest slam down, Will Duggan and Jen Eves.

Specifically for the roll call at the end of the show, I figured I'd get a pretty typical send off and that would be it. However, I was blamed for steering the Titanic into an ice-burnt and then becoming some sort of underwater gill man. You mentioned my name so many times, I might be able to get work to count it as public outreach. The timing couldn't have been better either, the episode was released on my birthday. I haven't laughed so much in a good while. I'm over the moon. Anyway, love you guys, love the shows, keep up the good work, cheers everyone, bye! Fred Winnerburg, brackets Gilman and ex Titanic, Stera. So you

can enjoy the same treats that Fred has enjoyed. you know, who knows, every now and then we pick one name and we really go for it in the role. It really goes down. It could be your name if you sign up to patreon.com forward slash pappies, flat share. That's just one of the many reasons to sign up. But it really is, it really is a lot of fun. One final thing before we end the episode here.

I got a message from my brother, Luke Crosby. Oh, yeah, of course, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Huge. You know where this is going. Of course, it's going to be singing Clark's praises. Of course it is. It's a lovely song.

But he was a little bit upset, anyway. I'll read you the message. Such mixed feelings about the latest Pappy's episode. Obviously Clark is biggest fan, but I cannot wink, so it was triggering. Oh, crucially, crucially, Luke Crosby never, never learned how to wink. Now, he's clearly, in the same way,

if you've got a sort of, I mean, what is it? It's not an affliction, what is it? It's the mildest version of an affliction. You hang on to certain things, then he sent me a news article from Yahoo News that said, did you know, Rihanna can't win Keither? You hang on to these things. You know, like, I'm sure, I'm sure, you know, now it's great for any kids. There was no, there were no role models like that when Luke was growing up of celebrities.

You know, the older brother? I am the older brother, yeah, yeah. Surely, it must have been one of your duties to teach a younger brother to wink. I mean, I did my level best, but sure of celotaping his eyes shut, you know, what can I do? Or open, either. Part, you know, part of the tutorials of life that you learn from your older brother, you know, this is how you skip class, this is how you throw the perfect touch down, this is how you wink at girls. Have you ever met me? You know? You didn't even teach me how to buy a keg of beer.

I did teach him on a butt jug. Is that- Oh well, is that okay? Is that okay? Is that what you're giving then? Well that's why you can't wink. He can wink with that eye. Believe you, me. He can wink and he can even burp with it. Unbelievable.

Well, on that bombshell, don't forget, if you haven't got tickets for the live Christmas show, please sign up for the streaming. It is the show of the year. It's the show of the year. Please. It's gonna cost us loads of money to do the stream. True, I don't know. Oh yeah, it's really exciting. We didn't know, we started talking about the podcast, we're gonna do a live stream, a live stream,

and then we spoke to the venue, and they've got, obviously, they've got their own guys. But like when you, you know, it's a bit like when you get married and the wedding has their own caterers who won't let you get any other caterers in. You love the A-Trash-Corkage basically. We've been in charge of Corkage for this livestream.

So if you want us to have a Christmas where we don't starve, then please, please get the livestream guys. It's only because this year, the show of the year, is Costing Us Live! That's the holiday! And it's coming into your home And did you know, Rihanna can't wink So spare a thought for her as well Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham Corsham to the team Cheers everyone! Bye!

Bye! Okay. Alright. Commencing the interview. Oh God. And also, commencing patron. Neighbourhood watch. Roll call. You take a seat. You take a seat there son.

Okay. Now you listening, your absolute silent. He's got bad cop early doors. I've seen photos that would turn your fracking neck purple mate. That's by the by. Can you forward those on to me mate? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not for now. Oh, I've got a photo of you that, oh, and I'd like something, I've got something to say.

He's to be on you in that photo. Is it Scott Kay? Yeah. He's got arrested for photo bombing. He's becoming... He's one of the... It's a serious photo bomb, becoming... He's one of the most... It's a warriors photo bomb. He's one of the mildest terrorist acts you can do.

But nevertheless, it's a great threat to our national security photo bomb. Ever since that incident, then you have to get your photos checked every time you go see fucking parable scary, haven't you? That's the worst passport photo ever! Yeah. Oh, left in a side, though. I'll hand drive to my colleague. Oh, Ryan Kayce, sorry.

Sorry, I forgot, I forgot I was your colleague there for a second. I thought you were gonna rhyme with Scott Kay, but I've, you've done that bit already Right here we go. Apologies to Scott It's I'm gonna rhyme colleague with Scott Kay. I'll do it on my own time I've got I've got a bit distracted those photos have come come through there More money hell I'll tell you what my next thing

I don't know My next movie was I was not Well look the more violent my neck gets anyway written right I Saw her forget whose under suspicion. Yeah, it's this bloody toilet right. I saw a photo of you the other day Yeah, I saw a photo of you There was someone standing in the background. Standing, there was someone standing in the background. So I went to the location that the photograph was taken not two weeks earlier.

And they were gone. Well, I'll tell you why. So I thought I might see Derek Swan. Listen, that's a really weird way to investigate. No, I know. I know. I just thought I thought lighting might strike twice. I thought if he's been in the photo now, you know, he might still be hanging around, seeing if he can pop in the back of anyone else's photo.

But it's not that I never went to school. It's not figured learn at school. Yeah, he's's common sense. You follow lessons. And that's part of the reason why I'm always going round. See any people are there. That calf, calf, calf. Sorry wait, I'm not going to head you over to my colleague. Sorry wait a second. I'm now gonna head you over to my colleague. Oh right Yeah, yeah, colleague is it? Yeah, all right my friends No, no, you made your bed

You stopped sleeping. Can you stop sleeping in the interrogation? I never went to school guys I've got no words. No excuse for every spiel please. There is no bed lessons. We keep telling you this I know it's not. It's an excuse for every spiel please. There is no bad lessons. We keep telling you this. I know it's cool. All right, all right, all right. All right. Now listen, at photo. Yeah.

I've seen it. I can only apologize. I was, was your neckloaf? It couldn't be more purple. I'll say that. I'm disgusting. Not just my neck either. I'm purple all over.

Gee, look at that. I'm purple all over. Gee, look at that. I'm purple all over. Gee, look neck either. I'm purple all over. Gee, looks like I'm gonna tell you why. In the foreground, foreground this time, is it a bit of that heavy petting? Heavy petting. Who the hell are you you betting? Is it Daniel Len? Why are you letting him do that, Daniel? Sorry, are you a lifeguard?

He's the police station. Oh, sorry, I must be in the wrong place. When does while you're on that bloody ice, yeah? Sorry, I couldn't really see from up here. Can I have a lifeguard? Can anyone let me a coat? This is, have you ever been at school? Can I just ask, you know, from the vantage point

of you being up that high chair, can you see if Derek Swans, still in the place he was, a couple of weeks ago? Listen, listen, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's get this interrogation back. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, come back, sorry, colleague. We could do this, sorry, cap, sorry, cap. You're just a, sorry, cap. Sorry, cap. You just apologize to my cap.

Dude, what's going on here? Do you think I'm so kind of mag? Listen up here. Sorry, cap. That's the source of subject. We've got sort of like, you're stuck here between a decent copper, an imbecile, and a fucking lifeguard. Now we could do it the nice way. Or we could do it the nasty way. stuck in between a decent copper, an imbecile, and a fucking lifeguard.

Now we could do it the nice way, or we could do it the nasty way. Oh, we could treat you nice, get you a nice cup of soup, all different kinds of flavours. I apologize to that soup. That's the reason the cups are. You can have a lovely cup of soup,

all different kinds of flavours. But first, you've got to tell me, what are you doing in this photograph here? With Miner Davis. Yeah, that's right. Flapers. Now, I'm going to end you over to someone who may or may not be my colleague.

All we know is he hasn't got any qualifications. I know it is. Right, listen to me. I know, it is school. He wants to make an education, but he sure has got a catchphrase. Let me tell you this now. You shut your fucking mouth and listen to me about... Sorry, sorry. I was putting the wrong person, I shouldn't be shouting at you.

Oh, right, sorry, sorry. I thought you were talking to that cat. Right, listen to me, you twitter. As sure as I never went to school. Right? As sure as I've got no idea what sets even are. I saw a photo of you the other day Right I saw a photo of you and you were there sat on a park bench bowl. I want it. I'm not considering you don't want sat's are.

I thought sitting, taking the piss out of me if I never sit in an exam, is that what you're doing? Is that what you're doing? You know I never went to school. You know it's your point. And he hasn't got a set in his life. You're taking the piss mate. You're taking a fucking piss, you toilet. You have. Put those arm bands down. Please don't blow that whistle. Now, listen to me. Please don't blow that whistle. Now listen to me You talk to me. I'm putting myself now, right. Listen to me mate. You never went to school and that ain't right

Anyway, right let me right the other day I saw a photo of you, bolded brass. Sit on a pot bench. Doing up your shoe laces. And you were doing them far too tight. Oh no. Oh no. And how do I know? Because standing in the background, grimacing.

Winson, looking at those laces and Winson, was the man I believed to be your accomplice, Stephen Wright in the afternoon. Right. Quick, get into a cop car. Yeah, I will get back to my driving. I'm driving. I'm driving. See if he's still there. I'm well, see if he's still there.

I'm going to swirf a try. I'm going to drive. I'm going as a fan. I'm driving if he's still there. I'm well. See if he's still there. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna drive. First I'm gonna drive, I'm gonna roll myself into further education classes for adults and then I'm gonna go to the park. I reckon Stephen Wright is gonna be there. Wait, it was splash.

Whoa. It's just bombed in the deep end. That's a, surely. This is not, this is how I do it, if any of us have a result, it's not just bombed in the deep end. That's a, surely, surely. This is not, this is not so much, do a sticks, if anyone's gonna solve this, or my jurisdiction as well. They've phoned out bombed in the deep end. Yeah.

It's our colleague. I now end you over to our colleague. I like it. Do you see my sick back flip guys? All right, you should be doing back flips. Very much the kind of behavior, I mean, I't know what it's called, but very much the kind of behaviour that the lifeguard shouldn't be doing. Now, I've got a fight over here. Oh I, it's your soaking wet, sorry.

It's a little sorry about that, sorry about that. It's been a bit of a pocket all day. I'm pissing myself. I'm terrible I've got. You've got to wait until you win the war. Okay I've got a fight with you. You've got seven wives. Oh my god. I can't believe it. Is that true? Henry VIII. I've seen you. Ever wives. Henry VIII. On your way to St Ives. Oh no, I can't believe it. That true. Stephen, who are kinds? McKinney's for God's sake. Oh, McKinney's. Oh, yeah. I never went to school but even I know, McKinnis will I see one? I'll tell you what, you should apologise to that cup.

It's full of Guinness. That cup makes full of Guinness. Get this over with. Right, my class starts at 8pm. I'm not fucking around anymore. No. But where's the light switch? What are we doing this in the dark?

There's a reason this interrogation has been going so badly. I've never been in a room that's darker. I've been talking to a fucking co-stand. Oh Jesus Christ! And I mean, it's swimming pool. Someone apologize to that co-stand. You remind territory now boys. And that co-stand belongs to Faith Bale.

Barker. Good, good God. Right, well, I don't want to school. Can I stand you every time I call you? Yeah, thank you mate. Thank you, sorry. Well, I don you over to my colleague? Yeah, thank you mate, thank you. Sorry. Well, I know what it's cool that hasn't changed.

That situation hasn't rectified itself over the course of this. And because we did this in a pitch black room with the door open, the suspect has absconded and swam away. Frick, cool. And oh, oh my God. He's screaming so well. He's sitting himself into a regatta. He's sitting himself into the regatta.

He's swam all the way into a bloody yacht club. He's swam all the way to Henley. Well, this could be only one person Oh the clue Oh the clue is point to Scott K It's gonna be Scott K. No, if it's in Henley now if I know my photographs like I know my photographs I saw a photograph of a man standing in Henley about three or four weeks ago It was doing more than standing I can tell you that he was up to his he was up to his waist He was apolog more than standing, I can tell you that. He was up to his waist.

He was apologising to a cup. Mom, Nick was my room. He was, honestly, honest, I was halfway to the, I was to realize. He was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, A Simon, Deadly. Oh, well that concludes today's pay for your name with what's wrong call. You get to school, you get to the changing room. Hi, I skip her.

And you leave me in this coat stand. Yeah, okay, this camera. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. What? Get an education. Don't go to school. It's my one piece of advice to you. Don't listen, kids.

Don't go to school. Take it from you. Don't listen kids. Don't get a score. Take it from me. I'm out of score. I'm out of score. Absolutely fuck off. Now I went. Those who can. Don't get a score.

That concludes today's Patreon Able Watch Rocky. you