Pappy's Flatshare - Festive Special 2018

Episode Date: December 21, 2018

Lazy Susan and Adam Hess are the helpers helping Santa's little helpers (Tom and Ben) in this year's blockbuster Festive Flatshare Slamdown. As with any Xmas special, expect Carol Singers, Santa, Panto, True Stories, Advocaat (of course) and quickfire answers with a 'vague assonance' (TM) to the 12 days of Christmas! Want to give us an Xmas gift? Why not slip some money into our stockings? You can do so at comedy.co.uk/pfs/donate (try not to picture us dancing for you in stockings as you do this). If Xmas has left you stony broke, fear not, we'd also love the gift of exposure (try not to picture us exposing ourselves as you read this). Please tell people about the show! Gift it to a friend, secret-santa it to your entire following on social media... or why not make a loved one the offering of all the Flatslam in existence (just put the URL comedy.co.uk/pfs into a Christmas card - sure it'll look cheap, but they'll thank you for it eventually). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom. That is not fun. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things.

It's like theaters, December 15. Who's that at the door? I was just about to go out to my local public house to enjoy a steaming goblet of festive nog. Whoa! Carol singers. Oh no.

I went to school with the Carol singers. What a voice. Anyway. Tom Ben. Oh, what is it, Matthew? Tom, I guess you might be here because you shouted, Whoa! I was upstairs on the toilet.

Yeah! It was a real beauty. A U-Type Log you could say. That's very much. That's very much. Those veggie sausage-y and blankets don't break down in my channel. It's more like a toboggan run inside of me. Oh, cool runnings., now listen to this guys. Wow! Wow! It's right now. So one of YouTube is going to have to pay them,

and it can't be me as I need every growth in my purse to pay for my festive knock. So... I love... I have to cancel your Christmas's arm. It's a very decency in Christmas, and I've also got a candle on a plate for no reason. So one of you is going to have to pay for it.

Well, it's not going to be me. I've been haunted by three ghosts! Oh, God! Yes! And it's not going to be me. I've been haunted by three ghosts. Oh yes. And it's not going to be me either. I'm also here. Not said I don't think I've done that. It's a good point. You haven't really been much of a focus in this part. No, it's the ghost of podcast past. Well listen, there's only one possible solution for this. We're going to have to have a festive flash. Flash! Flash! Flash!

Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! And hello, and welcome to a very festive flash. Here's a slam down. The panel show that says, The angel Gabriel from heaven came. His wings has slammed down, the panel show that says, The angel Gabriel from heaven came, His wings as drifted, snow his eyes aflame,

All hell said he had a lonely maiden Mary, Most highly flavoured lady, glory, A distinct flavoured, you're right. For no no blessed mother thou shalt be, O generations Lord and honor thee, thy son shall be a man you well by seers foretold, most highly flavoured maid, Gloria. Then gentle Mary meekly bowed her head to be as it pleases God she said

My social lord and magnify his holy name most highly favored lady glory Everybody I post a lot of Matthew cross being while they're under my festive roof They'll be following my festive rules. Let's meet the Rudolph's to my sleigh. It's only Thomas Perry and Benedict Clark Hello there I like that I said Rudolph's but sure It's your backstory mate I said Rudolph's, but sure. It's your backstory mate.

So Ben, tell us why are you refusing to pay the carol singers? And bear in mind they can probably hear us through the door, so be kind. I can't go anywhere near them, cos I'm doing that when I'm a get-and-thing. Is anyone else doing that? Yes. Do you know about this when you, uh, if you hear... Oh, Tommy! Sorry, I was going to say Tommy, a bit of total bastard. I called you a Tomat's how I'm sat I am with you.

You total bastard. Well, was anyone actually doing one again, didn't they? Oh, I'm sorry, guys. So sorry, I gave you my heart. The very next thing. So what was good about that was the joke that confused most people, and the ones you knew it was about were really pissed off. So that's what you expect from punchline.

How far have you got? Well, to today. LAUGHTER Tom, why do you hate Christmas? Well, I hate carol singers in particular, because I just have a torrid time of it when I was carol singing. I used to be in a very small elite group of carol singers in particular because I used to have a torrid time of it when I was carol singing. I used to be in a very small elite group of carol singers. There was three of us. It was me.

And the 70 Scottish footballer, Mr Gamel, remember him, Mr Gamel, scored against the Netherlands in train spotting. And also, Mr Flynn, Hollywood's first ever Robin Hood. You probably remember him as well. Anyway, the three of us, we were a cracked team of Carol Singers, but we didn't sing Carol's. We would tell stories. First of stories.

We had two of them. One of them was about a polar bear. The second one was about a Christmas food that you buy from Iceland. But in a changed colour, that was the second story. Sorry Tom, I can't ask this but can have a recap. Be here with me on this. Me, Mr Gamel and Mr Flynn, we used to try and tell those stories.

Either story one about the polar bear, or story two about a food from Iceland that had changed colour. And don't look at the workings else you'll get a nosebleed. Um, the person who we used to try and tell this story to, the problem is, she was always out. It was dirty, dense wife from East Enders.

Remember her? Her first name, do you remember her? It might be useful to take notes at this stage, I feel. She was always out, but one magical evening. The light popped on in a front room, and I shouted, ah, Chierreau and G's in, story 2, the blue Prawn Ring. It's not bad. Oh, she, Erreau and G's in. Yeah. Story 2. The blue prawn ring.

It's a way to spend an afternoon, isn't it? Just spend an afternoon. Wow, eight guys. What the ages. There was older arms, mate. It's Christmas. There was a... Oh, my! So, obviously, Christmas is a time for tolerance.

So, who are you guys be tolerating tonight? Tom. Well, terrible news, guys. the jamborees in trouble. No. Yes The planned nativity of the Christmas jamboree is in crisis. What about the unplanned activity? Oh, that's in full flow great good The plan nativity's in data Mary and Joseph at ill.. Oh no. I needed two people to take over. Well, it's the front and back end of the donkey. Oh, come on. From the unplanned nativity, it's lazy Susan.

Lazy Susan in here. It's Celeste and Freya. Freya. Freya and Celeste are here. Thank you very much for coming on the show. What's sort of a Christmas to you normally have? Are you Christmasy people? I absolutely love Christmas.

Can I do you spend Christmas days together? Yeah. Don't say it. Please don't say yes, because Thomas been angling for the three of us to spend Christmas together. Ever since I met him, and I really don't want to do that. I love my family too much. There's always one person in the sketchy

who wants it a bit more than the other. I think that's true. I'll see, I think. Yeah. Stick around. So what's next year, right? Yeah, yeah stick around. So what do you do for Christmas? Up, up, up, up. Up, up.

If you're a pioneer cat, we'd be... Pines, just me and my cat. Have you been up north, Dring? No, never, never. But I did study at a drama school. LAUGHTER Clarkie, who have you brought along with you this time? I brought my financial advisor, Adam Hesse. Adam Hesse is here. LAUGHTER Clarkie, who have you brought along with you this time?

I bought my financial advisor, Adam Hess. Adam Hess is here. APPLAUSE What kind of Christmasy person are you? Do you enjoy Christmas? Do you hate Christmas? Very much. Best day of my life, every time. LAUGHTER It's a weird one. My childhood house didn't ever chimney.

So it was accepted that Santa came out of the tap. So that was just the accepted thing. So it was a kitchen. Santa put walls. No, it was. Very nice. So what would you do? Would you hang the stockings sort of by the sink?

No, the stockings would be a bedroom affair, and you come down to the kitchen. And they'd be a trailer of wet footprints. Yeah. It's been. But no, it made me imagine Santa and more of a sort of an ethereal snake-like way. Oh god, that's a terrible thing. Yeah, but I've got a god, yes.

And it's a bit like Eugene Tooms from the ex-files. Oh, yeah. I am the piss and the cum. The piss and cum? So I'm getting Santa and him confused way. The cruseless piss-a-gold. So we met our Christmas chums. So I'm getting Santa and him confused very quickly. Very Christmas. Bizz ago. Yes. So we've met our Christmas chums. Now, usually, I would crack on with round one, but tell you what, it sounds like those carol singers.

By the way, I went to school with a carol singers. Always carry a book, opening it up in front of her. I remember that. It sounds like they might have gone those carol singers, so we can probably all nib off to the booze ring. I can have that festive nog up and waiting for. So let's just check up and see if they're still here. Still here. God. I guess we better play round one.

The last Christmas Eve babe, at your mom's house, your turn and set to be, won't be here for another one, and then we agreed upon, Going to my next year A text me my empire And sent the good news But now a year has gone You say I've got it wrong Your mama's on an in Food for both me and you It's nearly Christmas,

Where we go in baby, We'll have a better time At my folks' cruise. The TV's really small and the spare room is cold. Your sister's like, baby, it's just six months old. Your man always makes us watch love at Julie. And we'll have to spend time with your dad's wid mainly. Mum's an option. It's a shitty, we're rampant and dead pretty And I watched the Queen's Beak But they have got skies for Mum's good, she's fantastic What are Christmas trees plastic? We can start up by parents and finish it Hey, yours

And of course we're not going to place all of our families either way Fuck it, let's just stay at home For Christmas day Oh, that was so good. True story. That is a true story, isn't it? That is a true story. So, now round one is around Weakall,

Santa's Grotto an idea. So, thank you. Thank you very much to that one person applauding. Yeah, I mean if you don't love that, what are you doing here? Now, it's a great question. For anyone currently wondering and there will be a few of you if that title works. Here's a tip, we haven't overthought it. So the round is set in Santa's grotto. I'm going to ask one team member to be Santa and

the other or others to be someone visiting them to request a Christmas gift. Now the twist is that Santa knows who sat on his knee, but the person on his lap has sadly forgotten who they are. It's not bad at all. It's not bad at all, it's not bad at all. It's not bad at all. It's not bad at all. She's very solid right now. We're very proud of this today.

Actually, yes, well done us. Now, Santa has to give subtle festive clues until the Lappy can remember their identity. Why doesn't the person know who they are? Here you ask, guys, please, you've got to stop overthinking this. It's really... You really are ruining Christmas. I'm going to award five points for a correct guess and a further five for the Santa Impression. So, Ben and Adam, you're going to be up first. Ben, I'd like you to be Santa.

Oh, that was very strong. Thank you. So, your Santa, and yeah, if you want to do on these pops. Two centre hats on, that's already ten points. Okay, Clarky. Oh, off you go. Do you want to sit on his knee? I want to. Go for it then, you must, do something you must. Oh, okay.

Oh, look at Panic on lazy Susan's face right now. I'm sure you can only imagine. Tom said if we didn't sit on his knee, wouldn't laugh at any of our judges. Off you go. Oh, coming, coming. Well, he's sat on your knee, Clarke. How much further did you want me to be? Oh, God. Oh, my goodness. I'm sorry about that. I've been born already. Welcome to Sutter's Grotto. Have you been a good little girl?

Yes. Oh, you sound very young in person. Now, what would you like for Christmas? As a married woman? Yes, yes. Of course, I don't know why I'm blessed all over the house. Yes! I would like, I think, um...

Violins? Well, he has suddenly, you do love music, don't you? Yeah! Is what else, what else would you like? Fuck, what? I don't know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no file is, got very poor identity now. Just, just, just chill out. OK, chill out. Where's my son? Clarky, maybe if Santa gives him some slightly more leading,

leading questions, certainly. Oh, then ask me him to just check out. Yes, I understand, I understand, I understand. Clarky's forgotten the rules, guys. We're rotten, the rules. You're doing very well. How?

Now, what would you like for Christmas? No, no. Of course I... I'm sweating now. Clarke is really panicking. Do you need some help? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Would you like a soft drink? A fizzy beverage? No.

No. Well, who's helping who now? Fucking hell. Why, I mean, it's not for Christmas. No, no, no. Yes, but maybe some lemonade you would like that, wouldn't you? Some delicious lemonade. Yes.

Mm-hmm. Yummy. Is there a band called Lemonade? No, there's not a band called Lemonade. Could we have a guest? No, you can't. Tom, Tom, everything. Everybody knows it in the audience, right? You're not smart. Everyone knows the answer.

But let's just play out the game for fun, all right? Look, you're married, aren't you? You're married. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. But you're a bastion of the single ladies, aren't you? You're married. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. But you're a bastion of the single ladies, aren't you? Ah! LAUGHTER Yeah!

Yeah! Yes, yes, yes, yes. You're insane. Look, you're insane. There we go. Wait. No, you're insane. Yeah, you're right.

You are, you are, you are, be on say. You've got the five points, and I think I'm going to give you a four out of five for the Centre Impression Festival. You're right. Nine points there. Nine points. Now've got the five points, and I think I'm gonna give you a four out of five for the Santa Impression Festival. Nine points there, nine points. Now for God. Nine points for that. That's the right amount of applause, Tom.

Tom, play fair, right? You've got to be nice to Clarky, it's Christmas. Now, for a year and a half, I would like you guys to be Santa. So Tom, for a variety of reasons, just stay in your seat. LAUGHTER That, Frey and Celeste, that is who Tom is, if you want to have a quick look at that. All right. OK, so the Santas are in their grotto and Tom enters.

I doesn't know who he is. You could say he's for grotto. Hello, Santa. Oh! Oh! Oh! It's the two headed Santa! Oh my God! Please, don't be afraid!

Don't everyone always leave! Don't cry! Two, two, two, three. Two heads? Yes! That's right. It's a test tube thing. Three me. I'm a test tube. That's me? I'm not a test tube.

That's not, well, it's Christmas. Anyway, boys. LAUGHTER Oh! How's it going? Yes. Great opening question. I'm not going to lie.

I'd like some presents. Oh, you like some presents? Oh, OK. Do you have a big house? Yes. So you're going to have an event at your big house, a house party for Christmas, perhaps? Yes, I think I am going to have a big house party, my husband. Oh, how exciting! I guess you'll need lots of gifts for that, won't you?

Yes, yes, I'm perhaps need some sort of strange mascot side kit. Yes, yes, yes. I've just come back from holiday as well. Fabio! Yes, I went away for a while and now I'm back in my house. How was your six pack? Yes, I'd been working out. Hello. Yes, yes. And you know what's a terrible tragedy?

When a strange man works out, it only makes him more creepy. Yes. What? What are you doing? What are you doing? I thought we were doing it. I thought we were doing it more popular than it was. Yes, yes. No, people didn't want to see it. It's the best thing. I thought we were doing it. I thought we were doing it more popular than it was.

Yes, I was. No, people didn't want to see it as a power of learning. It's not to say that. Yes. Oh. Oh. Now, the present you're going to give me for Christmas. Yes.

Are they going to be in red boxes? I think I would definitely make a lot of sense. Yes. I think having lots of red boxes that have said numbers on. Yes. It's just thrilling just the image of it. Yes. No, don't be alone. The next step the next step after that maybe a logic to it

I'm gonna stop you there because they clearly don't know it so oh damn boy oh Tom would you like to guess who it is that you are? am I John Barrowman? you am I Noel Edmond? you are Noel Edmond, this one

so of course I have to take your first answer so no five points for the actual I won all Edmunds. You are not Edmunds! So of course I have to take your first answer. So no five points for the actual No, you get five points there and I think I've got to give you the full five points each there. So What's that Santa famously has one head and comes out attack And comes out a tap. Oh, okay. So let's swap things around. Now Adam, will you favour us with your centre? Yes, please. Ben, you are the mystery knee percher. Here we go.

There you go, he's tearing up in the envelope. Yes, look it inside. Yeah, there we go. Yes, I'm certain I know who this is. Oh, there. What off we go. Yes, I'm certain I know who this is. Oh, there. What off we go? Are you gonna sit on me?

I might spare you that. Okay, alright. Oh, hee hee. I mean, already I can't give you the full five points. There was a first Google and you've actually sacked it, mate. You don't know? Sure, you don't know? You don't know? Sure, you don't know. You don't know.

We had two heads, we can have a he he he, why not? Oh god, we're sacked it! This sentence is very scary. It's a very anglo-saxon one that we put at the druid one. I like to do the other one. I love it, yeah, sure. Do explain all your choices as you go along. OK.

LAUGHTER So look, sure. Why not? Do explain all your choices as you go along. OK. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER So, hello, child. Hello, Santa. What wonders would you like this winter? Oh, how about a toy train? Ah, yes, you're good at building trains. Oh, I do. Yes. Oh, my God.

You love trains. You're. Oh, I do. Yes. Oh, my God. You love trains. You're really blinking bloody, do. What other thing would you like, little madam? Oh. Thank you, Brassik. Can I have a piece on Earth? Is that something I'd be interested in? Yes.

You're good. Yes. Yes. It's a very addictive voice. I'm not going to like it. Peace on earth. Is that something I'd be interested in? Yes, you... Yes! LAUGHTER It's a very addictive voice. I'm not going to lie to you, yes. You're normally a lot more confident than this. Yes. Your hands... Your hands on how I normally imagine your hands being.

What would you like? You would like... A... A... A... No... Yes. You would like... You would like... Just check the name again, because I don't think... Like a... Like a... No, whoop. Yes. You would look harder than you would expect.

Just check the name again, because I don't think you know something. Yes, that was her. I didn't recognize you for a minute with the beard. Would you like some democratic stuff? Oh, yes, I love democratic stuff. You've been really championing it for the last Time One present you want you think you like wants this year is a German thing

German things a general German thing. Of course I'd like a German thing. Also, I mean, as a... Because I am German, aren't I? Yes, the one German woman that any one of this room served of. Yeah, sorry. Am I... Am I angle of work?

Yeah! Thank you, Sherm. Well, are you a big fan of trains. I think you might be flaking a different German, but let's not... Let's move on anyway, because it was a well played game, and it's not the game we asked you to play, but it's just sort of thing. You're doing your version of it, and that's great. So, Santa Impressionression out of five,

I think I've got to go for the full five there. Gotta go for the full five. And you did get the answer right as well. So that's 10 points over there. 10 points. Say, wow. Now Tom, if you want to take that. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

OK, now off you go. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Hello, you two. Yes, the two of you Yes, the two of us. Yes, you're going to be looking for presents this year, because you've been traveling well to different galaxies and beyond, haven't you? Oh, OK, yeah, big time. And obviously, as this is the new millennium,

you're going to be wanting all kinds of presents, aren't you? Yes, definitely. Yes, did you get... I would know about the, um... The, uh... We just think it's something will come. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's just a tragedy. It looks to me like one of you is going to be after quite a lot of hair products. Oh, yes.

Yes, that's right. I have very long hair. Well, yes, you do, especially you. That's good. Yes, well, if you're going to have a lot of those. Now, you've come to visit me here in my grotto with the purple. I imagine you found it by looking up into the sky

and looking at the big bright north star. Yes, you like stars, don't you? Yeah, love you. You spend your time amongst the mic and turn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, you're a right pair, aren't you? Yeah, I'm a man. You spend your time amongst them I can tell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a right pair aren't you? Yeah, we are. One of you very hairy as we've established. Yeah, yeah. Why does it sound like backstage at the BBC in the 70s? I just don't know. Now I've got some sweets for you. Oh, boy. I've got some sweets for you. You put them in your mouth.

Now you might have to have them in your mouth for quite a long time, because they're a little bit... What is going on? Well, if you put the sweets in your mouth, they'll be in your mouth for quite a long time, because they're a little bit, you know, they take a bit of... What's in them, mate? You really have to go at them with your teeth, if you know what I mean, because they're very, you know, these sweets.

Yeah. They're very... What would you say? I guess you'd say they're very, you know, these sweets. Yeah. They're very, what would you say? I guess you'd say they're hard? No, you have to work at them with your teeth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like toffee's, aren't they? Yeah, toffee's, aren't they? Yeah, toffee's, aren't they?

What would you say they are? They're very... Chewy. Yes, you would say that, actually. Oh, Chewbacker. Yes! Yes! Is that a Star Wars thing? Yeah.

I've never seen Star Wars. Never seen Star Wars! Oh! I knew as soon as he said long hair and galaxy and he's quite a star in the year. And I'm him. New cultural snob, you Celeste. Yeah. What a lovely game. Yeah.

APPLAUSE So incredible scenes. You've got it, though. I'll give you the five points for getting the answer. And Tom, I was watching your Sandra Impression. Oh, no. And I was cross-referencing it with Clement Clark Moore's of visit from St Nicholas. You know, the night before Christmas.

No. And I quote, his eyes, how they twinkled, his dimples, how merry. His cheeks, while it roses, his nose, like a cherry. He had a broad face and a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf. And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself. And I think that's on his job perfectly. 10 points for your Sandra Precion there. 10 points there.

So, at the end of that round, one question remains, producer Ben, you festive, get out of that workshop and tell us the scores. Ben and Adam have 19, and Freya Celeste and Tom have 25! Oh my God! CHEERING Hello, this is Producer Ben again. Before we return to the show, here are a couple of adverts all set against jingle music from the very first festive flat-share

slam down all those years ago. First up, I'm hijacking proceedings to advertise a new Christmas scripted podcast series I've produced called Baby It's Cold Outside. It stars Chris O'Doward and Anne Marie Duff and it's a short and sweet three-part story about an ordinary man trying to spend Christmas Eve with his son while keeping secret the fact that he's actually homeless. I've made it in association with the homelessness charity crisis and it's really good. So please do check out, maybe it's called outside, listen, subscribe and if you like it, please do rate, review and share it. Thank you very much.

And Merry Christmas. Hello, this is Matthew here from semi-successful podcasts. Papi's flat-shear slam down. Now we have been making this podcast for bloody years. This is art in all of guess what episodes is. I tell you what, 62? I tell you what, 62, whoever gets the closest gets them to 800 pounds. So, Clark, what are you reckon? 47, 47.

I can reveal, it's the 57th episode. The 57th episode. Producer Ben here's written Christ. Let's not forget him, it is Christmas, guys. But if you'd like to donate to the podcast, please do donate. We do this for free. Obviously not for you guys you paid to get in here.

That's not just work, does it? if you're at home listening to it for free you got it for free if you're here in this room thanks for coming if you do want to donate please go to shit yeah money dot com if you don't like swearing you can always go to comedy dot code at UK forward slash p f s forward slash donate but please do donate it is Christmas after all and you know You can always go to comedy.co.uk, 4-slash.ps, 4-slash.donate. But please do donate, it is Christmas after all, and you know what, we're homeless. So, Merry Christmas to all and to all, good night, and now, on with the show. Everyone hates the donation bit.

The donation bit, everyone skips it. Everyone hates it. Have you donated? Every week you're done. You know, that's the sad thing with the only three of donated. I know. I don't listen. I don't quite. I'm not going to listen.

Not my cup of tea. Got time. No. Welcome back to part two of the festive flat-share slam down Christmas special. Oh! So I guess we better check up on those carol singers. You know, I went to school with the carol singers, so... Oh, thank you. Always dressed in a long, flowing red gown with sort of big rough round in there.

Now, anyway, surely... Surely the carol singers would have left our doorstep by now. That's enough. OK. They nailed it, but they're still there. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, they've got the tenacity of a cockroach. Oh, my festive nog. I guess it'll just have to wait untouched to top the bars we launch into round two.

It's flat games! Whoa! Yay! Let's play together, games! Let's play forever, roll the dice, spin that thing, put that down. Who's your toll? Game! If you lose, you get nothing. Game!

If you win, you can go. Break it's a ball. Break it's a ball. Break it's a ball. Break it's a ball. Break it's a ball. Break it's a ball. Break it's a ball.

Break it's a ball. Break it's a ball. Go! Go! Go! Wait, wait, wait. Stop it. Stop it.

Stop it. anybody, anybody! Let me go, can I ask you a question? Do you think that Freddie Mercury came out at Live Aid and sang the banana boat song? Dayo, dayo, day like coming, we want to go home. You remember they opened with Radio Garga? They went straight there. Here Mr. Tally Man, Tally Man, bananas! Hey! I'd watch that film. Mr. Taliman Taliman, but not ours.

Hey! I'd watch that film. The issue we're playing, our version of the festive version of the game of life, which we are calling the DAME of life. In this round, I'm going to read out a selection of real and imagined pantomimes, and I would like our players in the style of pantomime games to buzz in with an innuendo for each one. Now I'm going to be awarding a... That sounds old. Oh, oh.

Oh! BELL One person. Ring a thing, then. It's not even... No. Can you play the sound of a bell backwards for that one? That's possible.

So I'll be awarding points for Sorce's suggestivity and deducting them for out and out Filth, because this is a family podcast. But first, let's hear your Dame names. Tom, what have you come up with as your Dame name? I would like to be known as Dame Rudley Hensh. I do enjoy Dame Rudley Hensh. Dame Rudley Hens. Thank you very much. So, last, what about you? I've just been very honest. I'm going to speak my truth with a damaged goods. Very strong.

So, that's because it's true. Very strong, Freya. I'm going to be Dame Bowers. Freya, you're out of your mind. You've got to get through those things. That was Daily Betty Field. Okay. Adam Hess, what day are you going to be? As you know, I like to spend my day in character having a drink and a blowjob.

Yes, correct. A blowjob on a drink. So I am Dame Head and a beverage. Absolutely lovely stuff. And finally, Clarke, you've seen me before. It's Dame Javou. Me again. Me again. So I'd like you, of course, to shout out your name names if you think you have an innuendo for these following pantas. Now I'm going to start with some real ones just to ease you into it. Ooh!

Erm... ...then go. We'll start with... ...puss in boots. LAUGHTER Dame Javu! Dame Javu! Ooh, mind you don't boot me in my pants!

Oh, mind you don't boot me in my pants. Oh, God. I mean, I'm not proud of it. It is with great shame that I have to say. We're going to allow it. Next up, Aladdin. Oh, same blowjob. Same blowjob. Oh, what's Aladdin doing?

Aladdin there. Ooh, Aladdin there. Arthur. My mum. Oh, Aladdin, my mum. Aladdin, my butt. Okay, fair enough, we got there in the end. Yes, I'm going to allow it.

Really Hitch. Oh, rub it a bit harder. fair enough, we got there in the end. Yeah, so I'm gonna I'm gonna allow it Really hedge oh rub it a bit harder Yeah sure I'll give it you yeah sure. Let's go to Brexit the Panto. Oh You can't buy yourself time with ghost stuff Can't be your name name please Dave Javu yes, oh you better pull out of this deal. Oh, I got one. I mean, a damaged goods. Damage goods.

Teresa Maye. Oh. It's really hench. I'd prefer a hard Brexit to a soft one. Oh. That's called 50 shades of like fucking. Ah. Eh? Oh! Article 50 shades of like fucking... LAUGHTER Aaaaah!

I'm getting... No, I'm not! You... Don't touch my bell. Oh! Moving house, the Panto. James Javu! Oh, you put that in the wrong box! LAUGHTER Nelton Mandela, the Panto. Yes Tom.

That was a long walk. No, that was it. That was a long walk to Femi-Dom. What? You don't want any new endoies, do you? Butchershop the Panto. Nothing for that fair enough. Chris Pse the Panto. Nothing for that fair enough. Chris Panto.

This is Chris, right? Chris Panto. Oh, you can snap me in half. Oh! Damn head in a beverage. Oh, I like prawn cocktail. Cocktail. Cocktail.

Cocktail. Yeah. I'm still really, really, if you can snap me in half, I'm enjoying it so much. I'm going to give... I've had the slap me in half getting one as well. What about Monopoly, the Panto? Oh, do not pass. Go.

No! Tom, Tom, do not pass, go, do not collect Femme Dom, is not enough. Oh, oh, damn it. Blow, drop. Yes, go on. Oh, I'm... No, you, it's not an option. Oh, damn it. Well, yes, go on. Oh, you can put me in jail now. Oh, you can touch my community chest any day.

Oh. And we're pants. Change your name. Oh, you owe me £100. As in pounds, as in pounds. Oh, you may fare well, fucking me and yours. May fare. I get the may fare.

Oh, Marley Boner station. Oh. I'll be jarring Cross if you don't fuck me. So what works? So, a lot of works! Donkeys, the Panto! E-O-O! Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes! Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to free to pat a lot for...

It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters just like that. I love that. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters just like that. I love that. Four things. and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for her. It's nonstop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things.

It's like theaters of December 15th. Oh, yes, they're brutally hench. Sorry, sorry. But that was it. Okay. In which case, no, they're really hench. Uh, they bow as... You can ride me up and down the beach for a penny. LAUGHTER Good, Very good. Good, very good.

The birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Panto. Rudic! Oh, she's not a virgin. Oh, there's plenty of room at my inn. Aay! Baldness the Panto. Oh, it's actually really attractive in a man. LAUGHTER I'm listening out for that bell, mate.

That's not forthcoming. What about invisibility, the Panto? Oh, I never saw that coming. A. APPLAUSE And finally, flat-shell slam down the Panto. Oh, this is going on a bit. LAUGHTER

I think that is our round, producer Ben. What are the scores at the end of that round? They're exciting, that's what they are. Can you do the missing an in-u-end-o? Christ on a bike. Christ on a bike's not technically an in-u-end-o. Well, Ben and Adam have got a really Bulbas 39. Bulbas 39 guys.

Firstly, John Inuendo, why would you choose Bulbas? Bulbas. You feel like we've done way too much about producer benders there. Okay, Bulbas 39. Inuendo, do you know what about producer benders there? OK, a bulb was 30, no? You know what, you take to the doctor. LAUGHTER Hey, got a bulb was 39, and... And Tom and Lacey Susan have 41! Oh!

Surely, after that round, the carol singers will have gone... You know, I went to school with a carol singers. I invited around the house a few times. She always just shoved to the front door, but never come inside. I'm sure the Carol Singers, they've all left by now. Let's check. ["The best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the best of the nog fades ever further into the night. I guess that means we're going to have to play round three. It's beef brothers!

Well, you've got a problem, I'm calling it a problem, because you've got a problem, call it a b, if you've got a beef, maybe we can help you from the sorting I can be. Turkey. Or Turkey. Yes, it's beef or turkey brothers. And as it's Christmas, we're going to ask our panelists

to sort out a member of the audience's festive flat-based beef Charlie Joseph writes, dear papi's flat-shear slam down, I've been a fan for years You're so professional and I can't wait to donate could you remind me? Once again, I'm happy to do it Charlie Joseph. It's shit yeah money.com Once again, I'm happy to do it, Charlie Joseph. It's shityeermoney.com. No, Charlie Joseph basically writes, he and his partner, now let me get this right, Charlie Joseph, are you there? Yes.

You can have to walk me through this, Charlie Joseph. He and his partner have a flat-share-based beef around how you dress things before you put it into a stocking. Basically, so Charlie, your partner thinks... My partner wants to wrap the present. To wrap the present, then put him in the stocking. Yeah. And you think just being in the stocking,

if my word was mystery enough. Mystery enough, yes. Mystery enough. Interest. So that is actually, I think that's going to be pretty 50-50 from our audience, whether they think that they should be wrapped or they shouldn't. So Ben and Adam, you are on Charlie Joseph's side.

Okay, so you believe that the stocking itself is mystery enough. Now, Freya, Celeste and Tom, you are on the side of, would you like to get the name of your partner? Yeah, Olivia. Olivia. Now, Olivia believes, wrap the present, pop them in the stocking. You're on Olivia's side. Okay, so before you begin your cases, let's have a cross-examination. Now, believe Tom, you had a question, didn't you? Yeah, do your stockings reside on the end of the bed as per tradition? Yeah, yeah, I think tradition is actually Well, it's officially the side of the bed But I didn't want to be a kind of annoying person that corrected something at that trivial

Well, you were the end of the bed. I mean you've had your Christmas cake and eat it too Have you there Charlie Joseph? You go on the side of the bed side of the bed So you don't have to get out of bed to hand it over in the morning. So, in the guest of the morning, you pick it up from the floor and give it to them. Hold on. What's up with your dead? So it's like a dead stocking. You hang your stocking on the floor of your bed.

All right. No, no, no. I'm on your side, babe. You're losing me. It was changing his story. It's a little bigger question. Sorry, sorry. You know what? Do you want to just ask the question again? And I'll give you an easier answer.

This is all... I think you will decide questions, Charlie. This collapsed under pressure. That's not happening. That's not how courtroom works. You can't give the answer. Realize it's not the right answer. Bat track and go, tell you what,

let's all forget about that. Ask the question again, no, I didn't murder. Oh, should we ask Olivia a question? She's not here. Oh, then who is that next to you? Oh, who is that? This is my sister. Oh, they are.

We've never had more, and I don't know why Charlie, because you see my good nice guy. We've never had more unpopular. He's a real piece of work. And unpopular beefy this early in the game. And I don't know, I like you. But, you know know the mob is spoken Any other questions for Charlie Joseph about the situation. I don't feel like we've got to the crux of the issue yet

So last year was your Christmas sock Horizontal of us no we put the presence in the night before so it was already No, we put the presence in the night before so it was already When was not where where and what you know someone says about floppy sock it wasn't floppy it was Hard socks Is it in your bedroom next to your bed? Oh my bedry next to my bed. Yeah, I was on top. Yeah, get him out I Like him No! I like him. I like him. Are you crying?

Right, mate. Is your issue with not rapping? Is it time? What's the... Well, I'm just terrible at it. Oh, I've said this. Well, there's a real vulnerability coming out. We've really broken him up.

Was this a... Did your parents give you naked presents? Yeah. Was it mothers' books? Can I wait for that? That way. That's... Oh, wait, sorry. Um... Oh.

That is a slightly leading question. Charlie, what's the nature of your stocking gift? Are they traditional? We're talking showered gel. We're talking Thornton's chocolate. We're talking orange at the bottom. Give us like a flavor of your stocking, if you will. Oh, you know, the socks.

Chocolate. Put socks in socks. Socks in socks. Yeah, yeah. Are you Russian? Russian, yeah. You know, DVDs. Still? Still keeping it real with the DVDs.

Yeah. 2008. Was that the last time you've read a stocking? Interest. Couple of cassettes. Like a single or two. Okay, are there any further questions? I feel like we haven't really got to the bottom of it. Okay, but I feel like we never will. Okay. Do you have the stockings as little side presence that you've opened before you go into the front room to the main event?

Yes. Good. Absolutely. Good. Absolutely. That's the way it should be, Ron. Any final questions from this side? Remember, you're on Charlie's side. If that's possible. It's just going to ask, how can we such a piece of it?

Whoa! Out of that. Yeah. Seriously. Fuck. You ever donate a Charlie? Mate. That's it.

And he are anything? These are all other cuboid shaped things. DVD, that's just simple. That's not like a toy hand that some people would get for Christmas. That's hard to wrap. We're on his side, man. Yeah, but I'm just saying. Just calling him up pizza shit.

I know, we're gonna pick him. You say toy hands. You know you get a toy hand. You buy a toy hand. Charlie, you're off the hook, mate. And you get a toy hand. A you buy a toy hand? You're off the hook, mate. Get a toy hand. A toy hand, like what's your mean of a toy hand? What do you mean what do you mean?

What do you think? Like a rubber fist? No, you're a toy. Sorry. Hey, whoa. Sorry, okay, well listen, hopefully that is enough information for our teams to make their cases. So, without further ado, Adam, you're going to begin the case for the prosecution.

Now you get one minute and your time Mr. Adam Hess begins now. When you think about a Christmas baby opening presence and then they have to open up like a piece of with celatepe on it which unnecessary celatepe which will end up in the sea, and then one day a baby fish could eat it, and then it will go, ah, ugh. And the baby fish will die, and there is a planet that is dying enough, so we need to put less cellotap in the sea in it, and then also less paper, because sometimes baby trees get cut down as well. And that is sad and they get drawn Christmas words on it is embarrassing when they're dead. So we should be making less Christmas paper and those Christmas cellotap and I think wrapping fewer things for the children or maybe fewer presents that would be also good for the environment.

But I want presents so yes I think are good, and we should not wrap things ever again unless we wrap it in leaves. That is your time, wow. Wow, very good. Oh, man. An environmental, an environmental... An environmental... An environmental atom, an environmental atom,

an environmental atom, an environmental atom, that no one expected from the cross examination that Adam gave. Not one mention of a toy hand. Well that's how you're a rapper. Okay, so begin the case for the defence. Now you can split the minute yourselves. We've got Freya and we've got Celeste. Now remember of course you are on Olivia's side. Your mini-pig-ins. Now. Okay, Olivia, baby. I don't know if you're out there. I don't know if you're okay. I hope she's okay. Yeah, I'm worried.

Yep. Charlie, sit down. Good. This is not normal what you're doing. You need to go to therapy. Yeah. You need to talk about mother. Yeah.

And also I would say, my concern is the relationship as a whole because if you are not wrapping presents to put in a stocking, what other needs are you not attending to? If you're so mercenary that you don't want to wrap a few presents, what you can't be asked for for play, or you're not going to warm the car up before you take it for a ride, it's basics Charlie starts with presents and then it's like, oh, I'm not gonna wrap my legs I'm gonna go out without trousers on. Yeah, do you know I mean it's like this is where it starts Okay, five seconds. All right. We need to stop him hashtag me to okay. Yes

Wow again Hashtag me too. OK, yes. Wow, again, again, another angle that we weren't expecting. And I'm not sure is entirely relevant, but Charlie, I always ask this, how do you think it's going so far? Charlie, you're shouting. No. Scary. Before you say anything, Charlie, I think we're judging him as a man, which we clearly shouldn't, which we're judging the crime. And there is no one here of sound mind, I think. He makes a very good point.

He makes a very good point. He makes a very compelling point. We now move on to the second prosecution, which is Ben. Oh, yeah. That's how Ben. The people's the best. How much advocate? Oh, yeah. That bottle of avocado is nearly empty.

Oh, baby. So Ben, you've got a minute if you need it. So, leave it. Don't need it. Okay, I'll remind you right now because this is always key. You're on his side. Oh, okay. Okay, so you might need that minute.

Yeah. Alright, Ben, is it Clark? Your minute begins now. The thing is, guys, we all here know Charlie is an absolute bastard. Whoa! And look, he's an asshole of the highest order. But he's got what goddamn thing right? Rapping presents is an absolute ball. It's bullshit.

What a waste of time. Here's an idea for you. He gives someone a DVD. It's already in a fucking box And what point do you need the surprise? It's like you take it out of the stocking and then you're like oh Oh, I need a second surprise after I've already seen the shape of it You don't wrap your feet before you put them in socks do you? You don't wrap your feet before you put them in socks, do you? That's it. That's it.

Some really strong arguments there. That's your time, Glocky. Rapping paper is a tax on the poor, all right? Now, finally, finally, Tom Perry. Now, I'm assuming... I'm assuming, as it's Christmas, you'll be doing this as yourself, right? No, I'm going to be doing this in the style of a deep-south defence lawyer from a John Grisham novel.

This is music to my ears. This is a Fanshawe stand. Fanshawe stand in, presiding. And indeed, providing. Your minutes as you need it begins now. Ladies and gentlemen, after June, thisry. Mr. Fanshoher, providing and presiding. Not seen a lot of familiar faces out there today. Merry Christmas

Mr. Jinks. We're just naming the town for old Mr. Jinks. Dem Dem lawyers over there from the big city. They be hearing a lot of Dem Dem fans. They're words over there. You'll tide. Log. Hell. Probably put a star on the Christmas tree.

City folks. Around here we small time people. we pass the car through the window, we ribbon on the pathway. Dust your doorstep, we've them bows. Let me tell you a little story now. Go back to when we were children. Hell, you probably remember that. Christmas dinner, smell the goose. Mom put the goose on the table.

Who gonna carve it, race to the side? 700 meters? Pfft. Been training all year. Pass the baton, it's a relay. Now you probably remember Shurzadu, that first coward to goose there, sliding through that skin, crunch it like.

What's mama put on the inside? A turkey? Ha ha ha. Mama, you put a turkey to goose? Christmas day. Lie through that turkey, smooth like. Watch her hit next, donkey. That's where John's gone.

He felt like a member of the family. Keep going, son. Go through that donkey, whole bald egg. Mama's crafty. Right in the middle? Little pea. Still frozen like. Now you small time country folk know

it ain't easy to put a pea inside an egg, inside a donkey, inside a turkey, inside a goose. Why are you training a run 700 feet? But that's Christmas. Merry Christmas. The defense rests your mind. That was genuinely festive and I don't know why. That's like it's a wonderful life, it was amazing.

Now obviously I can't decide who wins the case. I'm too busy thinking about that, not, not, not, not festive, not, I'm so desperate to quaff it. So instead, as my festive gift, I'm going to let the live, pleasant audience make the decision for me. So if you think Adam and Ben and therefore Charlie Joseph is in the right, I'd like you to applaud now. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's a strong, strong and long day. A standing of open. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE If you'd fact think that Freya and Celeste and Fansure made the better case, I'd like you to applaud now. I'm sorry. It has to go Charlie Joseph there. So congratulations to Adam and Ben. Charlie J. Me old chum. How do you feel about the verdict? You must be pleased. Yes, I'm very pleased.

Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah. It has to go Charlie Joseph there. So congratulations to Adam and Ben. Charlie J. Me old chum. How do you feel about the verdict? You must be pleased.

Yes, I'm very pleased, yeah. Great. Everyone hates you, so... No, hey! So... So, finally, we have the quickfire round. Now, yes. There we go. Christmas...

Christmas for me is a time for repeats. So sit back and enjoy the same four chords for 45 minutes. That happens quick This round is so quick It will be over in a day This is the intro song So I guess it should not be long It should fly as quick as the round So quick above the ground. But here's the thing about this song.

It is just too long, the round is quick, and so you think so would be the song. But the song is very long The song it does go on and on You're also going to get tired, guys We're still singing now People thinking how, how It's because we are still going on singing about the quick fire song and then halfway through this song we'll visit Father Christmas's place. We'll share some its pies and get drunk

with the reindeer. But then the quick fire round will take us by the hand and say it's time to go He'll take a hand will jump into the sky and will fly And then the quick fire round will fly The quick fire round will fly us home You put us into bed and go into the garden and melt. Oh my God. He's actually really moving. Yeah. It will be really sad.

It will be a lot of children's first experience of death They'll say to Mum and Dad, is the snowman coming back? And Mum and Dad, they'll say no, the snowman's melted, snow will go Just like your nine, your nan is dead, she died last night. My nan died on Christmas Eve. My nan died on Christmas Eve and my dad. I was watching the snowman I was sad. Two story again, three story again. How did we get Ali Jones?

How do we like to get in? Now we're going to play the quickfire round, but before we do that, I should just check on those carol singers. You know, I went to school with the Carol singers, so listen, I married her. Yeah, it's got a happy ending, isn't it? So let's just check there still here. I'll see you all later. I'll miss you, the biggest witness of you have passed. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Look, no Christmas is a time for sharing. So why don't you, O Festive Correasters, join us in the flat and help out with the next round. Yes, it's our ever tenuous 12 days of Christmas. Oh God, here we go. All right. Oh, I get harder every year. LAUGHTER

Tell us a joke. So, here's how it works. All of the answers have a sort of vague assonant with the classic... Vague-dillist. Vague-dillist. Just remember that word vague, dear listener. That's what a lot of people come out to comedy for.

Hope there's a vague assonance tonight. Ding-ding-ding. It's a vague assonance tonight. Ding ding ding. It's a vague assonance with the classic Christmas song. And if you think you have the right answer, shout out your first name. Now this is just for the panelists. So Tom, Frey and Celeste, let's hear your first names now. Tom. Celeste.

Frey. You might have a bit more urgency. Adam and Ben, can we hear yours now? Ooh! Yes, Ben. Adam and Ben, can we hear yours now? Ooh! That's Ben. Adam. Lovely stuff. So this is a partridge...

Partridge in a pear tree. Okay, here we go. I pass some gas out of my anus at a celebratory birthday gathering... A part AdoHes! A part of FataTay birthday! Apartheid, birthday party. You're very, very close. It's very, very close.

I farted at a party. I'm going to give you both the points. I farted at a party. This is two turquled ups. The big Lebowski's Iranian floor covering really tied the room together. Yeah, we know we know mate. We know you get it. You're smart in the panel.

Ben, is the word you were looking for. Dood's Persian road. Dood's Persian road. Dood's Persian road and I farted at a party. Refrench hand. The Hamburglers off to blockbuster to take out the sitcom featuring Chandler. Three French hands. Thief. Thief. Thief, Celeste. Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief,

Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief, Thief Oh, I'm too late. And can I just say, go just focus from that. So let's pitch it away higher than anyone could deal with. And we enjoyed it tremendously. Now we go for four calling birds. The evil-looking baddies from Middle Earth are using the drop toilets at Glastonbury for a number two. What's the real one?

Four calling birds. The evil looking bad. He's from Middle Earth, they're using the drop toilets and glass and brief. Four number two. Yeah, you've got it mate. You have the very small crowd tonight. We've got Tom all together. Okay. Oh, falling turns. Oh, falling turns. This is what we're looking for. Can we have the correct chord though, please? Because that was... OK. Or walks falling turns, theme, rents, friends,

dudes, Persian, Rod, and I farted at a party. Thank you to Les. My daddy paid a lot of money for that. This is the biggie though, guys. This is the biggie though guys. This is the biggie. Five gold rings, okay? A cartoon rabbit from the 1980s who master mixed 1960s medley's.

I feel the crowd maybe too young for this. I love football but love advocate. I feel the crowd maybe too young for this. I have a full bottle of ad work. That's the... Any idea what it is? The suggestion over here was Bucky O'Hare. It's not Bucky O'Hare. I could tell you now it's not Bucky O'Hare. Do the good thing over here.

Okay, so it's a cartoon rabbit from the 1980s who master mixed 1960s mebodies. Jive Ben! Oh, he adds it right! APPLAUSE Or it's a four-liter theme. Friends, friends, dudes, Persian rags. And I party at a party.

Six geese are laying. The scientist and friend of Morty is doing a horse impression pretty well. What is this? It's Six geese are laying. What is it? Rick's name. Hang on, let's say we had it from both sides. Let's hear it from... It's Christmas.

Freya. Freya, go on, what'd you think of? Oh, it's Rick's name. Oh, it's Rick's name. It's spirit of Christmas. Rick's name. It you. No, I'll feed you. I'll feed you. The spirit of Christmas. It's not Rick's name, but you're very close. Do you know what the middle word is?

He's doing it pretty well. The scientist afraid of Morty is doing a horse impression pretty well. Rick's doing it in our right horse impression. Rick's sweet, alright horse impression. Rick's sweet at nag. That's very good, it's very good but it's not what I've got rigged on for you. I know what, that is similar. Vig, Vig. You know what, I'll give you a half point for...

Rick's decent nag. Rick's decent nag. Very much. Rick's decent nag. We sit named very much. We sit named Diabadi Or Sputter Friends, friends, do person And I party at a party

Seven Swans are swimming A freshly raised connery is in an exercise bike class. What are the podcasts, give you this shit? Let's be honest there. A freshly-raised Connery. Seven Shorns are spinning. Oh!

It's not seven, but he's freshly-raised. Shave and Shorns are spinning. Shave and Shorn is spinning. Shave and shorn his spinning reeks, decent name. Dive by Aught falling to theme, Rents, friends, food, Persian Rudd, And a party that a party. Eight maids are milking.

The cockney bloke from the BetburyV adverts is leaning off to one side. We know you know it. And well done. Tom. Tom. Oh, ah! Ray Winston's tilting. Oh, it's very close. Ray Winston's little thing.

Absolutely correct. Ray Winston's little thing. Shave and shine is spinning. Ricks, decent name. Jive, party. All's calling third thing. Red, friends, dudes, Persian, ruts. And I party, that's a party. Nine ladies dancing.

Charge a penalty fee for being work shy to the bloke who played Sam on cheers who's also now in the good place. LAUGHTER Fine, Ted Danson. Oh, you're very close. Fine, Ted Danson. What the f're very close. Fine, Ted Danson. What the f-?

It wasn't the tune. What are we finding for being workshoped? Fine, lazy Danson. Yes! Fine, lazy Danson. Adam Hester. Fine. And lazy Danson.

Everything wins the circle. The chagrin's join us in. Christ is the name. Givalry. Every joy is singing, this decent name, jive party All four is her skin, friend, friend, student, friend, and I part in at the party 10 Lordeleeping A former judge from Strictly is hiding cards in a poker game. Tom! Tom! That didn't sound like Tom, but...

Tom! Tom! Right out! Oh, it's left. Flist! Lenny Goodsman's cheating. Lenny Goodsman's cheating. Five lazy dancing. Blame, waltz, the filthy, slay, the chorn is spinning. Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing!

Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing!

Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing!

Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! Crazy dancing! 11 pipers piping, the home stretch now guys. The wife of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt is pushing a custard flan into the face of someone born in February or March. Sorry, go again. I can't go again, I did that one breath. And the wife of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt is pushing a custard flan into the face of someone born in February or March.

There's a lot of hubbub, a lot of hubbub in the room. Yes. Eleanor Pyser Pices. Eleanor Pyser Pices. Len Goodman's cheating. Fine, lazy dancing. Ray Winston's melting, Braille and Sean is spinning,

RISTS is getting drunk, BULLY Or falling so deep, REN's friends, Blue friends and bars, And I farted at a party. The final one. 12. Drummers.

Drumming. Phil Collins, Ginger Baker, Karen Carpenter, John Bonne, Meg White, Max Roach, Charlie Watts, Motaka, Chad Smith, Janet White, Chris Lavin, Ringo Starrall, playing their signature instrument Celeste. 12. Drummers. Drumming. The last time everybody all together!

12 drummers 12 drummers 11 piezer pies 7 pie 8 pie 8 pie 8 pie 8 pie

8 pie 8 pie 8 pie Thee, sir, may, jive, rite, o'er, twolling to thee, great, fair, dudes, Persian, rite, and I party at a party. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Martin White is here. APPLAUSE And our carol singers, you, the Pleasant audience, well, that was our festive pick by around. There's just time for some festive plugs.

Ferrier and Celeste, do you have anything you want to plug before Christmas? Yes, I was so high-theor to run. 18 to 22nd, 28th and 29th, 2nd to 5th of Jan. It's not an auction. Going to the highest bidder. It is in a way because tickets are selling fast. Oh! So you want to plug the fact you're doing well?

Yeah, it's Christmas. Yeah, do go and see if you get a chance to eat Fragrance Lesley Susan's show at the Syho Theatre. It's absolutely brilliant. Forgive me, mother. That is the name of it. Absolutely. LAUGHTER So, has anything to put on? and he'd really forgive me mother. That is the name of it. That's the only thing I'm not just saying. LAUGHTER

So, has anything to put on? I'm a birthday party on the 5th of January. Oh! I'm also going to start with theatre for two weeks from the 15th of Jan. You and I've wanted to come. We're selling fine. LAUGHTER

But when you specifically to be there, you know who I'm talking to. You know I'm talking to. You're a good crowd. You're just a starly Joseph. Yeah. Pretty much starly Joseph. So, right, I want Ted tooks over here.

My name's Adam Hess. Please talk. I know you don't listen to these things. The most important part of the plug, I think, is actually getting your name out there. Yeah, yeah, I've been said it properly. His name is Adam Hess. yeah his name is Adam Hes now producer Ben let us hear those final scores well one team have 44 and a

half one team have 49 oh close the winners are Tom and Lazy Susan. Congratulations. So Ben and Adam have to pay the carol singers whilst Tom and Lazy Susan get to enjoy a festive nod with me and my wife, Carol Cosby, nie singers. Thanks to our guests, Prairie Parker and Celeste Drink, OK, Lazy Susan and Adam S. OK, A. Cool, but rude. We've been Pappies. See you next time on. And, yes! Very happy.

I mean, next week, I'll be back in Bokke, they called the top-highest special guest, Adam Hess, and Lady Susan, AKA Brian Boppler. It's their string. It was featured on our audience on vocals. And, not in white on accordion. It was devised by Pappies, with a tutor, Ben Walker. I mean, thanks to everyone who came down to New York

with this win, we stayed as helping out to Orange Bop, and Bruce Covey Guided to briar in everyone at the place. So, I'm going to be back in Bokke, and I'll be back in Bokke. And Martin White on accordion, it was devised by Papis with the future bedwalker. Big thanks to everyone who came down to the recording, this win week is helping out to Orange Box and Bruce Covey Guide and to Brian and everyone at the Pleasant Theatre London, Babbing Us. Papis, Brad Shestown, down as a first production for the British Covey Guide and the Internet. We wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. God bless you and keep you today and all year round. Cheers everyone, bye! non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.