Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (A Few) S13E25

Episode Date: July 24, 2023

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. We talk for a few minutes about some naughty things, like poo Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listen to dear, I'm Tom, I'm Ben, and I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappies, Flat Share, House Meeting. House Meeting! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, how sweet! Wait Tom, what happened there, you checked your phone? Just got a text for you parents that's birthday. I'm going home! Then we put it in the bed. Oh no, that's bad news. Oh, it's the worst text. Well, well, well, well, well, meeting.

Do you think it's, do you think you'd appreciate a podcast? No, it's certainly not this one. Well, anyway, listen to me, this is a house meeting where the three of us get together, chew the fat and forget our parents birthdays. Happy birthday to 00 Dave, it's a birthday special for him. So, yeah, any other business we need to deal with at the top of the show, I don't think so, the Patreon, you know about the Patreon, the, you know, follow us on, we're not yet on threads, so don't worry about that, we're still on Instagram and we are still on Twitter, so follow us in those places. And, will you be hopping on threads, do we think?

I'm on threads and, you know, it's fine, it's not good and there's no point to it, so I think probably not. Probably not. It sounds like our podcast didn't show actually. Yeah, it's not good and it's no purpose to it. Welcome to the show. A little reminder, if you want to send us a beef, beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com and of course,

if you'd like to call the hotline, 0208, 1, 2, 3, 3, 2, 7, 2, now here's a new addition to the hotline, right? Oh, you can. You can WhatsApp the hotline. There we go. So you can either text us a message. If you can't want to send us a whole email,

you can text us a message to the WhatsApp of the hotline, the same number, or you can send us a voice notes to the WhatsApp, which might be even easier than calling the Skype line. 0208, 1, 2, 3, 3, 2, 7, 2, and a little bit of hotline treat after this episode. You think using the WhatsApp voice message might be easier than calling the Skype hotline? It just depends on how you use your phone. Whether you're still locked into Skype. Well, no, no, because you don't have to call us from Skype, you can call us from a phone. So it's kind of academic, whether or not you find it easier to record a voice note or to record a answer machine message. But yeah, you don't have to call us on Skype. In fact, does anyone still got Skype apart from us?

I'm on Skype right now. I can just go and finish your dad. It's Skype. Yeah, believe me. I'm hurriedly skyping. Do not worry about that. Oh, sorry, Mr. Berth, I tried to Skype you all day. It's a great site.

I'm the most most most of the time. I'm gonna be on Skype. I'm not sky you all day. It's a great site for most of the day. I'm just never not Skype in your dad. You are always on my Skype. So, anything else we into it? Let's get into it. Happy Birthday Dave. Enjoy guys. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. Enjoy guys! Why on earth am I always weak? How stupid be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 computer. Do you think things have changed these days right where if you wrote the witch to

alignment, which I know you didn't, but if you did, back in the day, yeah, if you're sat there with a witch to alignment and you kind of first go, do do do do do do do do do you go, my god, that's good. I've just created something brilliant. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do has been done. Yeah. Yeah. John John John is that one news for you. This is sitting the Fredably confusing premise, around, et cetera, you wouldn't. I just feel like now I'm almost easily passed around. Bye, Hans, chiefly. Or by... Or by...

The pop melody in a jiffy bag and say, by right. Yeah, that'll be like, have you heard this song? It goes do do do do do do do do do do do do do. And like, that'll be, that'll be in like, I dunno, I'll hide out somewhere. I dunno where Wichita is. I don't know where which tower is. I don't know the which tower line was written in which tower but that's that's

that's beside the point. I just feel like if you write a really good song these days your assumption my assumption would be ah I bet that's already been written yeah Yeah, I think you're probably right. Whereas then I'd think I'm a fucking genius. Yeah, you think the average person in the 60s was walking round with like five dozen melodies in their head, where it's now. Five dozen? Well, you know, like all of the melodies they knew

about that. Where it Whereas now. Isn't five dozen 60 melodies? Yes. Yeah. You think every average person's walk around with 60 original melodies in there? No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. All the melodies they know. Oh, I see, right. I see. Where is now, where there's this, there's thousands buzzing around? There's the worlds are smaller place. Two Fiddy, dozen, two Fiddy dozen.

I like five dozen for six days. That's cool. At your 60th birthday. It's my five dozen birthday. On five dozen, how old are you? Five dozen. Yeah, that is good, actually. Five dozen crack.

I'm looking good I'm not gonna lie to you Tom. I've about 80% of everything you've said today. I've got no comprehension about we're gonna talk about that I'm really I'm really doing my best. I'm sort of smiling and I'm nodding, but that's not great for a podcast This is surely this is surely a conversation we've had before, but if five dozens go in a six day, last night, my wife shouted, down, can you bring up a few blueberries? A few blueberries.

Oh, right. What are we, so we're talking, what's the number of a few blueberries? Can you bring up a, would those for her or for Gloria? For Gloria, right. Bring up a few blueberries, right? Right.

I took up five. Oh, okay, she's not asking you to sort of regurgitate them. Because you need them. No, because you put not the words. Listen, I know you're meeting all the blueberries. Could you bring up a few? Because I don't need some. He's absolutely starving.

Can you bring up a few blooms, right? I plumped for five. Yeah, that's about right. I'd say that's fair yeah. Yeah. I got told off. Oh dear. Too few too many.

I was told categorically, a few means three. Facts. No, no, no. What? Listen, if she's had a tight three hour blooms. Imagine being upset with a surplus of a couple. Oh, I thought you got it, you know, I have a couple in the bag.

You can always pop those in your goblet with this too many. And then something, there's a, there's, but this is what I was told. And it came out like it was facts. And I haven't checked. I wanted to run it by you boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A few is three and several is seven or more. Whoa, whoa, no.

This is, this is playing my mind because what do you do with the numbers between, between three and seven? If you need four, five, five, six. Well, six or half does not work. We're not covered by a few. Four is a double double under several. Four is a double double. Yeah. Yeah, bring me a double double. Yeah. The old dog dobbler.

Four is a couple double. The old duo capo. I didn't push back because I was, it came with a lot of authority. Yeah, no, you got to push back on that stuff. Well, put it this way, Clark, if you'd been bringing it up on the podcast, there would have been a pushback

that was felt around the world. But because it was bedtime and there was a lot of pressure on, I just accepted it. A few is three. And then, do you know the first thing that came to my head? I was gonna say, then I thought, don't say it is. So in a few good men, is that about three men? And then I thought that's not the argument.

It's a pretty good argument. It's not bad. Tom Cruise, Jack Nicholson, Demi Moore, they're a few good, pretty few good people in the castle. I don't know. I just don't know. And then I was like, it's not something I'm gonna get. Tom, Tom, you do know.

You do know. No, you know, you know. Tom, you're go, I don't know, I don't know. You know, it's total bollocks. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. As you well know, that is Tom's job in the relationship. And how dare you speak with total authority about something you've got no knowledge of. That is very much Tom's position. Have you, it's why we're perfect together? Have you, have you been to the pub? Yeah.

Did you have some drinks? Yeah, how many? I only had a few. I think then you're using three. Because you've got to say, yeah, I'm going to have to drink. I've only had a few, that's already, that's already a lot. Well I'll use couple for three in that conversation. What?

I've had a couple. Yeah but then is that, but is that a drinker's couple? I've had a drinker's couple. I've had a drinker's couple. That's it. A couple means less than four pints. I think. And then for me, a few means five. Do you know what? I reckon a few could mean up to, especially when it's blueberries, they're tiny.

I reckon you'd be up to seven or eight I reckon yeah anywhere below 10 I think do you think several do you think several can we agree can we agree that it goes a couple a few then several several's more than a few oh Oh yeah, that's true, that's true. Yeah, that is true. So, several, it's got nothing to do with seven, has it? Despite it's starting with the same three letters. It's not anything to do with... Like cross my mind as well.

Yep. I've always thought it was like seven up. Did I think that? Okay, okay. I don't mind, I guess it is between seven and a dozen, right? Several, I mean, I don't mind a few. In my head, a few covers three, four, and five, no probs, lock it down.

Totally. Six, to me, feels more than a few. I think it depends on what you're talking about. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I reckon if you're talking about a field of sheep and six escaped and there's like 40 or 50 sheep in the field, you'd say a few of them escaped. I think that's fine. Hang on, are you the shepherd?

Yeah. You need to be able to give me a number mate. He's... Else you're losing your job. He's playing this town. I'm going to say listen listen a few of them ran into oncoming traffic. What do you mean? Basically you've still got several sheep. I need you to see I need figures. Listen the problem is every time I start counting them I fall asleep.

No no no no no. So I I just did one two skip a few and I thought, yeah, that's fine. I reckon a few of them have gone. Look, if it wasn't a red sky tonight, you'd have been five ages ago. It's a red sky after all that sleep. It's a red road, I don't say that much. Red road at night, shepherds are getting fired. By the way, I've just thought of something something one two skip a few. How does one two skip a few go?

9900. Exactly. So you're not skipping a few are you? You're skipping 98 or you're skipping 96. Three to 98 cannot be a few. No that's, that's like, isn't that deliberately like cheeky rhyme? It is that, it's, it's so cheesy. Is it categorical? Is it categorical? It's just deliberately cheeky. It is categorical.

Ben, I've got to go off. It's a very, it's a very cheeky rhyme. What are your cheekiest rhymes? Everybody's gone. What are your cheekiest rhymes? Is it, let's look at the test, I to test the where Clarky gets his best clothes? Is that your cheekiest rhyme? I mean it's certainly one of my favourites. Is it I saw you rob you? No hang on I can't I can't I know that's not cheeky it's an auto.

Oh, lemonade. Milit, lemonade is. We're cheeky. That's absolutely cheeky. Yeah, but, you know, I saw your mom come on that's naughty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not telling on you for that. What about, what about on Popeye the Salaman, I live in a caravan, and when I go swimming,

I kiss all the women on Popeye the Salaman. Cheeky, naughty, none of the above. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky That's a fucking guy ever heard that. That's good stuff is the water that is. Okay. To the thing changed from Batman. Yeah. Look. What's the one here? And what's the one about the guy who did a skid?

Um... Ffff. Okay. Did a skid and killed a kid. Paralyzed his bollocks on a dustbin, lids. Yeah. That was Jesus Christ's sheep's star, wasn't it? That's not what it is. That's not what it is. That's not what was Jesus Christy star was lids. That's right.

That's not it. That's not it. Yes, that's blasphemous. That's just quite... Do you know that one, Glocky? No, I don't, but... But... Would that be a good thing paralyzing you, you balls?

After you've just killed a kid. I mean, scratch that bit. Nothing's good about the incident, mate. I don't know, little upside. You're going to prison. Yeah, but no one's going to be able to kick you in the knackers when you're there. How's B.D. for what belief would you take a beating? How's B.D. Jesus Christ Superstar was coming around the corner on a Yamaha. He did a skit.

Yeah, I forgot that he hit a kid. That really saw as things, doesn't it? That really hit a normal two-eye. If he only paralyzed his bollocks on a dust bin lid his things, doesn't it? That really affected the Nord two. If he only paralyzed his bollocks on a dust bin lid, then I feel like it had remained firmly in the cheek camp, but it's the incident in the middle that makes it naughty. It makes it one the naughty I'd say. The other one is jingle bells. Jingle bells, Batman smells.

Lunge smells. Robin flew away. Or late an egg, either. I do like it when he lays neck. Yeah, I like a definitely like that. Well I like the one where he, Robin Fleurway, he did a poo, he missed the Lou and blew up the USA. What was the one who made the promise?

Yeah, such was the violent force of this poo. If it hit the porcelain he would have been absolutely fine. But he blew up. He blew up an entire country. That puts Jesus' instant into perspective, isn't it? That was just one minor. I mean, Robbins, is it bumped down into Cheekin' Al? He destroyed one of the world's greatest superpowers. Robin's going to the Hague for War crimes. He did the very thing that Kim Jong Un has been desperate

to do for many years, but didn't have the moxie, didn't have the gumption. Robin did it accidentally. No, that's a Christopher Nolan film I'd pay to see. What Robin? Robin Heimer. Robin Heimer. Robbin Imer. Robbin Imer. And it's all in line and it's firmly cheeky. It's got to be cheeky. I feel like we're close to this then. So we're happy with a couple. Is that what you said to your wife after the argument of blueberries?

Is that one for one alone? I think one is one and all alone and ever more. I think a single, bring us up a single blueberry. Bring us up a blueberry. Bring us up a lone blueberry. I like lone blueberry. It does make it seem like the blueberry is going to do something, isn't it seem like, or it does make it seem like the blueberry's gonna do something, isn't it? Yeah, or that it's very sad. A lone-some blueberry.

Bring me up one more. Oh, that sounds like a good song. Now that sounds like a good song. If I write one, I'm a very lone-some blueberry. If I write lone-some blueberry. In the 19th, anyway, so, yeah. Okay, so we're gonna go with a single or alone, a couple,

then we get to the sticky matter of a few, and it feels like we're comfortable with a few covering three to six. I reckon a few could be, especially when talking blue breeze, I'm happy with it being three, four, five. I mean, actually, if I said bring up a few blue breeze, there's one brought three. Happy a little.

Yeah, that's it, that's what I'm thinking. That's what I'm thinking. You've slightly done me there. I would prefer more, but I don't want to be, you know, I don't want to be so prescriptive as to say, bring me up six blue breeze, I'll bring up five blue breeze. I think, you know what, we're also, when with blue blueberries, you've

got your handful, haven't you? Oh, I love a handful of blueberries. And I appreciate everyone's got different size hands, but a handful, I reckon, five or six. Yeah, that's it. I mean, you bring it up a handful of blueberries, too. Top of it, man. 17. You're a hamstrutugling to clutch. It catches all blue and brim. Yeah, I'm there like a borrower rolling it up the hill.

Like, sissifus. Yeah, dare I bring up a smattering. Oh, a smattering of blue breeze. Maybe that's the gap we've been looking for. Smattering three four. I think a smattering's more than a few. Maybe that's the gap we've been looking for. Smattering three four. And the rear of the other. I think a smattering's more than a few. I think it's hard.

It's hard to smatter with three. That could be true. Because a smattering does feel like you're actually, there's an active sort of, it's a bit like if you had, you've made your pancakes and you wanna throw a smattering of blueberries on the top, it feels like it's got, there's gotta be an action to go with it. And if you're smattering of blueberries on the top. It feels like it's got, there's got to be an action to go with it.

And if you're smattering with greedy blueberries, that is one disappointed pancake eater that you're serving those. Something that's worth raising is that few is also used to denote not many. Oh yeah. He had few friends. All right, man, come on.

He had few friends. He had a few friends. He had few jobs. It's a big difference there, isn't it? Oh yeah, that's true. He had a few friends. He had few friends. Time for you and hang on.

Thanks. One few over the cookies. It's that. Come for you and hang on. One for you over the cookies, then. Come for you, this is a singular, singular there. There were two few days to go before the electric chair. Oh God, that's a huge surprise. He's so displeased with his lapid Jesus Christ too. That's for a few chips. Come through.

That's a really good point. Chips is a great one to go with. Oh, pop a few chips on the side of the plate. If you put three chips on the side of the plate, you'd think, absolute, what are you doing to me here? Pop up the on the side of the plate. Can I have several chips, please? You wouldn't say that. That sounds greedy. Can I have several chips please? Can I have several chips please? That sounds greedy.

I can have several chips sounds greedy. But yeah, if you say pop-up chips from the side of the plate, yeah, it gives you a close. I'll tell you what, when you go to the buffet, get a few sandwiches because we don't have to go back again. Get several sandwiches. Oh, it's the last time you had a sandwich at a buffet.

Pfff. It's a great question. Listeners get in touch. Happy flat show at Gmail.com. Call the hotline. Where, when and why, three questions. And what? I'll tell you what.

He's a few sandwiches short. Yeah. Few sandwiches short of a picnic. So I'm happy with few. Basically, I think five to three, you're fine. And then I think it gets bigger than a few. I'll add the way you tactically went from, you went down there rather than starting with the three.

Just a, I'm also, I keep coming back to points in the pub though as well and saying I only had a few Yeah, but I only there's too many there's to be caveats to that. Yeah, he said I had a few points last night Then people go he had a few points. Yeah I'm by 11 I only had a few there's lots of caveats I tried to leave at nine and I mean I'd have a couple. And then someone else arrived, so I had a few. I was home by 11.

Oh, so in two hours you had one pint. I don't think so mate. He's got you there. Only a few is at least five there. This has several more beers. Is it? Okay. The start of one of my stories. It's starting with several beers.

It's starting with several beers. Never thought it would come to this. Let's just have a few people round. Let's not have a full party, but let's have a few people round. Yeah, that's a good one. Five or under. Yeah, a few bit. I guess it depends on the size of the house, isn't it? It depends on the size of the place you invite people into.

Yeah, if you have an apartment in your shed. A few could be three in that instance. Yeah, I'm happy to say that three is under the few umbrella, but I'm also, I cannot be exclusively three. No, I think you're right. And also as well, I think you have to, your wife has to accept that to bring up too many is a better deal than if you brought up one or two. Yeah, that's it. Like, are you ever in a situation where you're like, what on earth are we gonna do with these two blueberries? What? What?

The hell are we gonna do with this massive surplus of two blueberries? Yeah, but between the three of us, this is in her defense, they want the toddler in case sees the five, then that's very much the amazing it's gonna be eating right on That's the issue now now I'm seeing it. It's not like oh god. We're overrun with blueberries Okay, now now I understand but this is this is actually not about how much a few is it's about how much a few should be

for your daughter That's what it is is that we're saying it's about how much a few should be for your daughter. That's what it is. Is that what we're saying? It's about how, it's about you knowing how many isn't acceptable number of blueberries for a child to have before they're back to lay their head down. No, I think you popped up on blooms. I think if the answer's three, you say, can you bring up three blueberries? Like, it's, what do you getting? What are you getting from going from three to a few, apart from a lack of definition? I mean, I'm not interested in working out last night's incident here. What I'm interested in,

I'm interested in, I'm interested in, I'm interested in, I'm interested in, I'm interested in, I'm interested in, I'm interested in, I'm interested in,

I'm interested in, I'm interested in, I'm interested in, I'm interested in more uncomfortable I feel because if I'm not, who's listening? I don't need that. What I need is confirmation on a couple of few and several. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We totally understand. And the phrase, I know I took up too many blue with some situation

last night. That's different. But I need something to keep you to. And what I'm clinging to is that few can also consider to be five. What a twist in the day, I'll love it. Yeah. Absolutely true.

That's the podcast. This is it. Yeah, I don't need to go back to last night, the worst one. Yeah, in your defense time, and not that that's what we're doing right now, but to answer your question, I think absolutely a few is between, I think anything up to six is a few. Yeah, yeah. I've got a question for you. Yeah. What do you guys do when you need the law in an English country garden?

It's a really cheeky one. I that's that's the question. I said there's so many versions of it that's something that's cheeky. Someone away. I really. Yeah. Mine is, um, lift up a lid and drive a motorbike at a kid In an English country. Did you guys have that one? I just ask what kind of what kind of state you balls in during that

Pull down your pants and fertilize the ants. Yeah, that's... Or an Iolite the ants. An Iolite! Yeah, an Iolite. I know, and that's like going back to walker wings. Because ants don't need to be fertilised to do they. It's not like you're fertilising the plants. I suppose you could have Paul Dania Pantson fertilised the plants.

That would work. But I thought it was like an I the ants because you basically drowned an ants. Ants also, okay. I was going to say, oh yeah, I thought if you're pooing on ants they'll probably enjoy that one, right? I don't think so. No, you're saying that. Why do you think they might enjoy it?

There's also a little presents for you. I bet you, if you put an ant next to a pile of poo, they'd be right in it. They'd be having a time. You know, that ant farm I had growing up. Every time Tom came over. They're loving it. What are you complaining about? Why did you keep bringing up the word annihilates? Come on. They're loving it. What are you complaining about?

Why, why, why do you keep bringing up the word of annihilates? Come on. I like doing a poo between two very thin sheets of glass. They love poo. It works out perfectly. You're coffee tables, never going to be the same again, but I'm just going to ask, how many ants?

Because you look like you've got several ants in there. How many ants exactly are we talking about? You told me you had a few ants, I didn't expect to see several when I rocked out here in this ant farm. Listen, there's a smattering of poo. I've said it once before, but it bears a repeat. The ant farm was always something that felt like I was supposed to feel the appeal of, or like the one day I would want to get, and then never actually did. It always felt quite cool if someone did have one.

Yeah, but let's be honest. It feels like the reserve of like the clever kid somehow I think ant farms. Feels like scientificy. Yeah, it definitely. What I could give you is that stuff as a kid. It was, wasn't it? Cause it was like, it was like layers of different colored soil, wasn't it? Like sand and soil. And you would watch the ants kind of go through the soil and mix it together and see them doing there, doing it. Oh, wait, is it, and to mix it together is that worms of the good of?

But anyway, you can definitely see like... To worms like shit. I mean, you know, you'd have to ask a worm mate. So you have no, that's a worm. Yes we do. I think human shit as well is particularly like unappetizing for a lot of animals. It's not true.

I think so. To have the worst shit. I think I'm carnival's and omnivores. It's less good isn't it? I think herbivores, that's fertilization. That's your fertilization. For Fox comes and pews in your garden. That's good for my plants. That's Fox shit. That's Fox shit.

Ah, shit can't be worse than Fox shit. It's right. Fox, it's probably the worst. I personally wouldn't want that experiment to happen on me. You know, I think if I'm the litmus test, I think it's probably not great. So I didn't have an ant farm when I was staying at it. But what I did have was stick insects. Stick insects. I'm annihilating the ants. Did you, did either of you have stick insects?

No. Does that felt like the easier version of the, I can't remember where we got them from. I've just got them off for someone else who had stick insects. Yeah, I think that's always the way. They're always knocking around, weren't they? You just bring them home from school in a matchbox and then you just get a load of privy in a tank. But I loved stick insects. So it's not too much. Because they look so much like a stick. Yeah, and it's more that they look like an insect. That's the best of it.

I forgot that's a bit of a scare. It's a bit of a stick. I'm fine. It's the reason you can never have a dog, isn't it? It's because you can't take it to the park to play fetch without actually hitting yourself. So. With that annihilating myself, yeah.

No, I was throwing the stick away to get rid of it. Don't bring it back to me. But you were, you didn't, that didn't appeal to you either in parry. Stick insects. No. Again, the idea of them was always over the reality of them. Like, they don't, do they ever do anything? Do they ever like move around?

Yeah, they moved around, yeah, otherwise they're sticks. If you thought, if you thought, if you thought, if you think it was not moving around, you've got a stick mate. I've been done over there. I've been over there by the way. Well, as Christmas President ever, a few sticks.

Well, you know, who can blame them? We were, do you have to feed them. Really good question I think you fed them leaves I think you just make sure they're fresh leaves in there and they and that was that was it. So do you think a stick insect can look at itself in the mirror and get hungry? That's a great question. Is it is? Well, I mean, if I can look at myself in the mirror and get horny, sure. But that's a really good way. Yeah, that is. Those, especially those ones,

because you know, there's all different kinds of sort of camouflage-y type insects, but the ones that basically look like a load of leaves stuck together, do you think, who's able to protect themselves? Do you think they would see each other and go, but I suppose we're not in a mood to you. We meet and I can't say I ever look in the mirror and think, oh.

We human, we're not that run. We don't talk about this enough. The reason we all met, the three of us got together, because we're all, we're all by human me on the dark web. We met in a car park to throw it, throw it down and chew on it. But yeah, you're right. I never look at a person and think, oh my god, that's my next dinner.

Even though in many cases it is. Do you, can you really buy a human meat on the dark web? I don't know if I want to know the answer to that question. I don't know, I've never been on the dark web. I don't know what the dark, I talk about the dark web, but I don't really know what the dark web is. I assume you go to www.darkweb.net forward to lash human meat. But yeah, put it in your fire, you know, your job title, a little of that.

Except all the cookies. Imagine, and this is my, this is my partner. How do you do? I sell human meat on the dark web. I think the first rule of selling human meat on the dark web is if somebody says this is my partner what do you do you just go I work in sales. She doesn't say what you're selling. You got to work in sales on the dog one nothing around all of shower show but these are under human race but nothing darling more wine archery I love the video more wine

yes please offer my blood to put it nothing I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you.

I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you.

I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I'll sell you. I was on the surf and on the old internet last night. That sounds like something else. It's the A-N-A-F-U-W-Z-L-O-F-E-G. No, because isn't the dark web? It's not WWE, isn't it like?

Is it D-D-A-C? It's like the letter D-W dw dot com is it and that's where the no no middle bit you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't mme.com. .com. It's not secure. Oh, there you go. Oh, it's oh my goodness. It is. It looks like the WWW has taken me. It's taken me to a Chinese website.

It's redirected me to jz.jz.com for slash post 4th slash 9th hdm as a few jz right there and I think what it is is it's trying to sell you it's so so some some we're in China China He's got the harm to Harry's website. There's a picture of Tom and he's carving another Tom. I'm carving my own arm. The buffer is open. He would chop. I could offer you one less than a few giblets.

Don't say giblets mate, it's got straight to the giblets. Harry's been paralyzed. He's been paralyzed for years. That just parrots him. It's in sorry, that's silly. That's silly. Just give me them all. And then go for that.

So yeah, I think it's basically trying to sell you the web that if you wanna get dwdw.com, it's available via jazz.jazz.com. I think that's what I'm getting. So we could buy the Dart web. We should certainly be active on the Dart web. They're podcast on the Dart web. I told them, they're barely active on the web web. Are there podcasts on the dark web? I'm talking about, we're barely active on the web web.

But that's what I mean, maybe, you know, obviously the dark web. It's been overrun, hasn't it? Back in the day, when we started, we were the only podcast on the internet. The problem is with us though, we're cheeky, we're not naughty. Dark web's naughty, isn't it?

Yeah. We're cheeky, jappies. We don't want to be going down the Silk Road. We have to open our naughty vibe. Our podcast will be a lot more to you. What if we do what we normally do but at the end of it we finish with the recipe for human meat? That's it. Well that's the recipe. That's just an all more recipe. Don't know. Here's a bottle of days but the meat.

So what we're going to do? It's not going to be using human mints and then otherwise, you know, two flint of chopped tomatoes, bit of garlic, bit of onions, and then you just go, we go very long, but then there's that one. It's totally in the hole, today we're going to be using human sauce. We go very long. It's human figures. I, you know, I think there might be a market there for us waiting basically,

because I think naughty people need cheeky content to bring them back from the shadows. Oh, you think it's a sort of, you sort of coaxing people away, so we're actually gonna go into the dark web in the same way that like the missions would go to save people or like, exactly would go. Michelle,yfer in dangerous minds.

We'd be going into a problem of school and speaking their own language, the language would be naughty. We're up in Goldberg and sister act two. Absolutely right, yeah. I think that's a good idea. You're listening to Papp's dark web slam down if you want to be somebody If you want to go somewhere Diffrast your human meat for six hours

Can I ask you a question? Did you did you write that yourself? Can I ask you a question? Did you write that yourself? Because that is genius. One of his five dozen melodies. See, I mean, if it was 1932, I wouldn't even be questioning myself. I'd be like, I'm a sommelier. If you've been saying 32, you've been written yet, so you've been... Yeah, that's going to say, you're about 30 years away from what you've done alive man, be written. Must be awful though, be back in those days, but if you're 1932, what have you got in your

head? You've got like, and that's about it. That's it. You're awful five dozen tunes and there most of them are a little little little little little little little little little little little little little like one of those doorbells in the 90s. Yeah, is that not just like a keyboard demo? Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

brainwood. I think it's a keyboard demo Because it was the original melody way. It was the original tune. So everybody was walking around in their head with didlelele, didlelele, didlelele, didlelele, and wake me up before you go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go the heads of the nation and put it into the charts that he became the hero that he that he eventually was. Um, absolutely. Basically, he's, he has to like sympathy for Ed Sheeran because the man's always in court and he's always having to say, look, I don't know, I know it sounds a bit like this, but

I didn't think that the time. I was just a right in it, man. Yeah. Cut me some slack. Yeah. Absolutely. I think any of those kind of, you know, they're also as well to go to put that in front of a jury and go to these two songs sound kind of similar. I think I was the, it's good job. I'm not. It's good to have

one on the jury. Yeah, I was thinking I'll be like, there's a chance that one of those 12 people, and I imagine if it was you, you'd have muscled your way into the position of Foreman, who would go, they are identical songs, because you would always do it. I am a Foreman for this jury. A few angry men. Several angry men. I mean, in any way, being in court and going, does this person look like that person that you see in the police audience?

And I'd be like, absolutely. And everyone would be like, man, they'd die. Yeah, the fact that we've got both of them in the court at the moment is just they're not the same person. The Thomas... Thomas is not. Thomas could fit to the same person. And weirdly, that they're Stephen Spielberg.

Twins, I tell you. Do you want to hear the delightful story to just finish that's got to do what we've been talking about? Let's wrap us up with the topic, don't let's hear it. On Saturday we were eating in a vegan cafe and it's like this arc, I'll say vegan, it's huge, huge, huge. They cook and serve vegans, it's pretty good stuff actually. What are you having in the vegan cafe? Just brunchy stuff, but it's near the cinema, so we go and we go to the cinema. And it's like, it was a Saturday afternoon,

and there was, it's like a closed off, old shopping arcade. So there's like a vintage shop there, and a bookshop there, and this vegan cafe exists in like the arcade area. It's all very nice, exactly. And this vegan cafe has like, has normal furniture down the middle where everyone's but around the outside of the arcade it has like wicker furniture for like show and there was this wicker coffee table thing that was

made of like bamboo and wicker that Gloria had been sitting on when we'd been finishing our future and running off and sitting on it so and it was it was rammed it was really packed. And when we got from the table, everyone filled a bar table, Jane and Glowin' into the bookshop, and I had to pack up the bag to go and join them. And the bag was next to this wicker coffee table thing. But because Glowin' had been sat on it, I was like, oh yeah, that's a seat. So, I went and packed up. I went to kneel down, lean, oh, I squatted down to pack at the back

and then I was like, oh, there's a seat behind me. So I just hopped back. I hopped back onto this wicked seat table thing. And just absolutely annihilated it. Oh no, just smashed straight through it and shouted, oh no! There must have been about 40 people in the cafe and Jaina just met someone who she used to work with

10 years ago. And a really nice guy she's gone on with. So we just met him and his wife and his two kids and they were sat on a table two day brothers. And they were like, we'll have to meet up and we were like, so lovely to meet you and be chatting away. And they were like, off they went and we were like, they seem really nice. Jane, they went into the workshop.

And then I heard myself through this weekend, this wicked couple table. WWE, yourself, the secret little thing. Screamed, oh no. My knees were up to my chin. It was like stuck in this coffee table. I had to break myself out of it. Oh, mate. The go from the vintage store run out, see if I was OK.

And I was like, I'm fine, I'm fine. Everyone was just, and I said, please, everyone, stop looking at me. I don't know. I've never said that in my entire life. It was not a bad. I'm sorry, man. Obviously this guy and his partner, they saw everything.

You're not missing out. I mean, it's not a bad moment from their phones. I'm never going to see them again. The only thing I can be grateful for is that my daughter was in the book shop because I've got a feeling it might have become one of her formative memories. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And that she would never be able to respect her father ever again. And you know what that happening for a police?

Not for a few years. Not for a few years, yeah. It's gonna be several years. I want at happening for a few years. Not for a few years. Not for a few years, yeah. It's going to be several years. It's going to be several years. I want at least several years of respect. Hard to say you are, man. I reckon you've got a couple of months.

I know. It's not. Easily. But it was pure. It was a pure moment. It was a pure, powerful. Did you have to pay for the table or were they guys enough to? No, no, they were vegans weren't they?

They were very apologetic and like, sorry, you know, sorry, we left that there kind of thing and I was like, no, I shouldn't have been. Oh no! Shouldn't have hopped onto it. They blame themselves. Oh, oh, it was reporting. Anyway, I thought you'd enjoy that image.

I loved it. I love it. Absolutely loved it. I'm going to cherish that. There you are. Don't want my gift to you. House meeting. I live in a house made of iron sheet.

House meeting. There it was. There it is. Here we are. Another house meeting for the books. Absolutely right, pop it in your books guys. Well, pop it in the British library one day I think. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, pop it in the British.

Sure. I think, don't all podcasts go into the smith zone, you know something like that? Is that right? That can't be the case if you're that right? That can't be the case if you look at it. That absolutely can't be the case. I'll tell you where quite a few podcasts went into the Guardians list of the 20 podcasts

that change the face of podcast culture. I know, I can't believe it. Number one, we got number one again. Yes, knew it. Unbelieve it. We don't like to cry about these things, but it was nice to be recognized. Nice to be recognized.

Nice car to be changed the world. Nice to be. And weirdly, it was this episode that you just listened to. Yeah. Say, they knew you a good one was coming. They said, yeah, the next episode of the house meeting is going to be so good. Believe you, you change.

It would change the world. And yes, indeed, we did. Unlucky serial. Yeah. Bad luck another podcast. Bad luck another podcast is what we should take in the introductions and it really. Well bad luck folks, we have another podcast next week at the same time. I was gonna play something off the hotline hang on a second let me find it.

Beautiful. Hi this is Andy the possible D first. I just wanted to reply to the recent episodes. Thankfully David L was not gonna be there to lay into me even more and but essentially Clark he was right. I should have got her in on the joke first. After hearing that I realised her stupid had been. It was a spur of the moment thing. I went into the shop about fossil. We've all been there. So essentially what happened was it turned a little bit she was concerned that if she went to the fossil museum, the fossil centre, that they might even take it from the fossil. So she instead went to the shop, the fossil shops where I had purchased the fossil. Obviously, I'm starting to stress out that she mentioned there and go, oh yeah, I bought this.

And I'm a girl. Thankfully, I stayed out of the way, I'm not stupid. This is so sweet of myself in this situation. And everything was fine. She still believes that she found the fossil. Everything's fine. What I have done is trapped myself in a lie that is going to have to last, at least until the duration of our relationship.

Thanks for your advice, the Pots and David. Not for good, but he's not professional like yourself. That's fantastic. So there we go. There's the story for up into the fossil. If you've not heard the David Earl episode, it's well worth going back and ever listen. Not only was it a fantastic episode, you also hear,

that also makes sense of what the hell we were talking about there. But what the poor guy, you know what I like about, what I like about the hotline is, it really makes you realize that all the people who write into this podcast are real human beings. I just don't like it. Tom's not behind the curtain. Not about this human being. It's really uncomfortable.

Listen, he was happy with us, he was annoyed at David, I can deal with that. That's absolutely fine. It's fine as I've said. What I loved about that though was when he said it all worked out fine and I thought I'll great it resolved itself and it was that no he remains trapped in a lie it worked out fine I've just got some light on my wife for the rest of my life until I die and we can't wait to go. Well it's not expecting it to go that way amazing thank you for getting back in touch and yes please do use the hotline.

That number again, 02081233272. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers everyone, bye! Bye!