Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Anatomy of an Egg Fall) S14E20

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

Tom, Ben and Matthew slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. It's another eggcellent episode in which Clarky takes us on a big eggventurePappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share House Meeting. House Meeting, yes, that's where we all get together. What's that? Yes, no, I'm excited about people hearing this one. It was a fun one and I'm always a big fan of when Clarkie takes the lead, you know? When Clarkie's got a story to tell,

I'm interested, I'm listening. Well, I say I'm listening, I'm talking over him. You're asking every single question you could possibly ask about it. Listen, yes, that's true. I do. Listen, we get every single detail of what a story that must have taken, I think, you know, three or four seconds to actually happen, we get every single detail. You've got a good 35 minutes of story here, guys. Look forward to it. Yes, it's beautiful.

If you're enjoying what we do, join the Patreon. You'll get an extra podcast every Thursday for £4 a month. You get to join our Patreon community as well. And also you get to support what we do. And it means you can keep on sticking out this on our free feed every Tuesday. So get to patreon.com forward slash papis flat share. And that should take you where you need to go. This is amazing.

This is great. Is this, is the reason you're doing such, such good admin so that I just stop asking questions? Yeah, yeah. There's a, yeah, we can't have any more questions. The listeners have got enough of that. So yeah, it took four seconds to happen.

It would have taken Ben three minutes to tell us about it. So, um, forensic, I would say is the word. Anatomy of a fall, eat your heart out. Please enjoy Anatomy of an Egg Drop. I've got a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want to chat. OK, let's sit down and chew the fat. House meeting. What temperature should we set the heater? House meeting. Why on earth am I always weeping? House meeting. Who wet my bed while I was sleeping? Let's have a house meeting! What's the point? Does life have a meeting? Guys, oh yes, huge news.

Oh good, I dropped my second egg. It's happened. You were waiting for the other egg to drop? Egg drop part two. Yeah, so remind people who aren't familiar with this and by which... Me. Me and parry You dropped an egg before didn't you what? dropped an egg first time ever About a year ago. Yeah, right, of course

My life not a lot happens to you, but when it does it really happens to you You dropped an egg long time time egg eater, first time dropper. And did you did you do something mad like try and pick it up with a fork or something? He lost his goddamn mind. I think. Yeah. What did you do? What was your what was your technique? That much I can't remember, but I certainly haven't learnt from that mistake. I don't think my second pick up was any better than my first.

Because I would say what you're going to go you the first thing I would do is paper towels Paper towels straight away and I feel like we are treading over this even as this comes out my mouth This feels like very familiar territory. We're treading over dropped egg. My question now is has it become a habit you drop your first egg It's an event. It's not yeah, that's it. That's never happened before It's kind of like the start of a movie, you know, where, you know, like every like, well, it's literally the Lego movie or like, you know, the matrix. It's like everything's awesome. Everything's fine. You know what's going on?

And then you drop an egg and it's like, well, that that never happens. That never happens. Yeah. And now the second egg's gone down. Oh, hello. Is it starting to unravel? Admittedly, a's a year later. Yeah, I would say I don't think I think there needs to now be an egg dropped within the next six months a third egg in order for it to be any kind of pattern.

It's a slow start to a film. But even then I would say, I mean, what kind of Terrence Malick shit are we playing with here? Where the plot is man drops three eggs over the course of 18 months. I don't think we can, you know, I'm sorry, I'm sure Brad Pitt is in it for 30 seconds, but that's still not enough. The suspense though, the suspense the rest of the time that he doesn't drop that egg. All those are the times you're watching thinking, surely now, it's been three hours.

Oh, oh, he's an egg juggler. We didn't say this. The main character juggles eggs in the circus as his profession. That's what the Juggler exactly. The Juggler is the name of the movie. Oh, the Juggler with Wacky Phoenix. It's really spoke to me, you know, just really spoke to me. I just feel like that sometimes. You know what I mean? Dropping an egg on every step of that stone staircase. I'm trying to juggle eggs down a staircase. Well, Gary Glitter plays, yeah. It's a weird, weird old scene. Weird old scene.

It was. Any well... The eggs might make it better, to be honest. But then, you know, it was the Joker who said, you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs. So it does make sense. It fits in with the sort of canon of the existence. And Clarky is a man with, you know, serious mental health problems. So it all clicks together, doesn't it? When I was in primary school, one of my defining memories.

You can say that. Thank you. One of the defo- I can't, I can't say bloody anything anymore, defining you can say that thank you one of the default account. I can't say bloody anything anymore I don't know what are the rules? I'm sure the goddamn woke Brigade are gonna come down as like a ton of bricks and say you can't say that you want in primary school So when I was in primary school my The first page of my autobiography is probably from a performing point of view. I was robing in bin man and robing.

What? The school assembly we did and it was a superhero story about recycling and I genuinely think we were on the cutting edge. It was when recycling was new. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And big, you know, the cam crusher had just been

installed bin man and robin was the assembly bin liner for a cape and i just think actually the jegler would fit quite nicely into the bin man and robin universe yeah yeah this is good yeah a villain who's going around dropping eggs everywhere is going to cause bin men a real headache. It's food waste. It's also, you know, it's not just food waste. It's also, I guess, dairy production as well. Exactly. It's not vegan.

It sure as shit ain't vegan. No way. No way. There's a lot going on here. Yeah. Can you tell us about the two characters? There was Bin Man and Robin. Yes.

And what was Robin's story? Just very much the sidekick to Bin Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And doubling up on the pun, which, you know, everyone had heard Bin Man first. Yeah. In fact, I only got it, as I was saying it out loud, I was like, so what's Robin's story? Oh, he's Robin. Okay, fair enough.

Yeah. Yes. Very, very good good very good very good why did they need to make it Ro Bin if they could just rob bin right they could have made him Robin yeah the row is a tremendous thing Mr Steggle if you are listening if you are still cutting out been Mr Eggles well hang on a sec he's Mr Steggle, if you are listening, if you are still plotting out Bin Mon and Ropey. Mr Eggle, well hang on a sec, he's Mr Steggle by day, he's Mr Eggle by night. Yeah. It was Mr Steggle the Juggler all along. Mr Steggle with the Juggler. What a twist. Because that was often the thing in the Batman thing, he would

off, you know, like the alias of the Penguin would often be somebody called P.N. Gwyn, right? Yeah, it really would. And it would take everybody apart from Batman and Robin to work out who is this P.N. Gwyn who's terrorizing the city where we also have a villain called the Penguin. Although it took us ages to get Robin. We're not the people who do it. No way Clarky, Clarky you make an excellent point. We're not the men to do this job. We're not the men to crack the code. No, I've got a feeling you never spent any time with Binman or Robin as that you never spent time with them as Bruce Wayne, you know, like their Bruce Wayne equivalent

Okay, I don't know, you know, maybe you would have run the local, you know Don't like all center probably I don't know right, but anyway, he's kind of doing the same thing day and night then isn't he? I'm pretty sure my own a night then isn't he? I'm pretty sure my only reference to the form is his superhero power is also his job. It would be like if Batman was actually called billionaire man. Which would probably not be a bad relaunch in this day and age. I think billionaire man is a villain. There's no way, you know, there's no way billionaire man isn't a villain if you're bringing out a billionaire man character. Billionaire man. Billionaire man. You know, there's no way billionaire man isn't a villain. If you're bringing out a billionaire man character, really an iron man. Billion. Well, yeah, I guess Iron Man is a billionaire.

You think that's going to be my think piece for the Guardian. Yes, it's good, actually, because a lot of the a lot of the superheroes, their alter egos are billionaires. You've got Batman. you've got Iron Man, you've got Paul McCartney. These are people who are billionaires by day and then they fight crime by night. To the craft.

You can do it right now, please. Blah. He's not dropping an egg. To the beat of a beatle. There's no way he's dropping an egg in the house. No. He's never dropped an egg. The beat of a beetle. There's no way he's dropping an egg in the house. No, he's never dropped an egg in his life. No way. Not even all the years he worked on that farm post the Beatles.

No way he's dropping an egg. That's where he really honed his egg catching ability. Well you know, you've seen the scenes in Get Back where it's a POV shot of John Lennon. He's going, oh, Paul, think fast! And he throws an egg. And John's off his game, John famously doubling in heroin at the time. Those eggs were going everywhere. Oh yeah, yeah.

One of the things that, you know, one of the things that, you know, and we've got a lot of time for all of our junkie listeners, but I wouldn't trust you with my eggs. No. No way No, no way Absolutely. Well get back is what he shouted when he overthrew one of the eggs, isn't it? That song could so easily been called go long Right any but listen you, you dropped an egg. Talk us through the situation by which Ben Clark came to drop an egg. Well, I was second egg.

Yeah, I was in a Tiz. I was on enemy territory. It wasn't my kitchen. Oh dear. Oh no. Yeah. So why were you in a Tiz in someone else's kitchen? Why were you handling an egg? What happened? I'd gone to, I'd gone to my partner's parents house

in Hastings. Yeah. To do some full address. We'll redact that later. Full address in the show now. Other sites of famous battles are available. And yeah, I was I'd gone to their house to do some. They were going to hire a handyman. Sorry, sorry. I'm still laughing at Tom saying the boy and I was trying to focus on your story. I'm so sorry. But but what what the listener didn't see is Tom came in very close to my moment. The boy and then couldn't have been more delighted with himself

Honestly, it he was he was he was honestly he was inches away from giving him a set himself a self-five He really was he was so you were so happy with the boy How do you like your eggs scrambled or buoyant. I've got to ask you if you are going to have this morning. And do you like your eggs in the morning? I like mine in the song. So we side up. Anyway, let's not, let's not go down that. Let's go down that route, guys. That we're halfway through. I love that route. We're halfway through that.

I'm sure shocked. Oh, no. Imagine if this was the thing they counseled us for. Imagine this. We have a distinct lack of respect for the fallen, the fallen eggs. Anyway, so anyway, let's go back to E-Day. So you were in Hastings, you were with your in-laws, you were in their kitchen and you decided valiantly to make breakfast for the entire family. Is that what it was? No, no, no, no. I was there because I was going to do some handyman jobs for them. I had help.

The first job was to move this egg, wasn't it? Oh, I tell you what. Put this egg in the fridge please. Could you shift this? Steve's had this egg on the sideboard for two weeks. Shift it over to the fridge, would you? We've done it. We've got to pay him still, Steve. For helping make rent here.

It's for a death's sake. Put his jet drop the egg. He's trying. You have one job. He went here, it's for the sake of his job, drop the egg. He was dropped. He had one job. So you were there in your capacity as a man who does. Did they treat you differently? Certainly got a lot more cups of tea.

Oh my god. I certainly accepted a lot more cups of tea as well. I don't normally drink tea but it felt like if you do it if you're sanding and stuff it's like yeah I'll have another cup of tea. You're sanding the egg? Very gradually. Just wear them all down over time. You've just got to get rid of that shell very evenly. And then did you eat lunch in the car? Yeah, it's a good question. Where are you eating your lunch? Were you eating it? You must have been eating it. Were you going to sit in the car in the front?

Really? This is this is why there was a little this is why I was in a tears because they'd gone out and I was I was suddenly like, Oh, if I eat now, I don't have to like make them for me. Bloody hell. Eat in front of them. Now I don't have to like make them cook for me. Bloody hell, did they listen to this? Or eat in front of them. Okay, so you thought, I'll take a couple of eggs out to the van.

Were you trying to cook it on the bonnet of the car? It was a hot day. It was quite a hot weekend actually. Sadly it was raining. Yeah, it doesn't work every day does it? So hang on, you were trying to rush through an egg whilst they were out, so you didn't have to eat with them? If I was in a rush, I wouldn't have gone for egg.

I would have absolutely made myself a cheese sandwich or something like that or a bit of toast. Or a Weetabix. Yeah, just a dry Weetabix. I'd eat four dry Weetabix. In his defence, he was using the Weetabix to sand the egg, wasn't he? He was in the tits. Yeah, yeah. You can't We way to make the sound of the egg, wasn't he?

He was. Yeah. You can't wait to pick the shell off an egg. Yeah. Well, listen, they said this is what they said until until Clark proved them wrong. So, yeah. So you thought I'll have a quick I'll have a quick egg. The in-laws are out. Bacon egg sandwich. Oh quick bacon egg sandwich. Oh, bacon egg sandwich.

By the way, this was, yeah, that's huge. That is that to me is a huge undertaking because you've got a couple of things going on. It's a wash up job after bacon and eggs, bacon, eggs and bread. Listen, guys, get get us on MasterChef. We can do it. You're famously extremely overwhelmed at cooking aren't you Cosby? Anything more than one ingredient and you just panic. Oh, I'm a minimalist when it comes to it, yeah. What's for dinner? Just chicken. Chicken.

An uncooked chicken. Chicken. I need one thing going on. Chicken three ways. Now, I know you've got to wash up, right? You've got to wash up. So it also will leave a lingering smell. Yeah. In the house, you know, there's a smell of the I mean, a gorgeous smell initially, but the smell of.

Yeah, but you know there's grease yeah as you leave the egg on the floor over time it does get greasy it starts so good okay this wasn't a secret breakfast it wasn't a secret breakfast they had said look there's eggs there's bacon and I'd cracked on without them and they wouldn't mind. I was suddenly like. The bacon's there so they wouldn't mind. Oh nice.

Carry on. Okay, okay, come on let's get this story out, I wanna hear it. Yeah, you know, so I was suddenly like, oh, if I don't have this sandwich quick, I'm gonna have to do it, I'm gonna have to cook in front of them and eat it in front of them. Yeah. Or they'll feel obliged to like make it for me or something. Sure. When they kind of left and said there's bacon and egg in the fridge.

You had like a Downton Abbey upstairs downstairs scenario going on didn't you yeah exactly that in the stock order the my lord and my lady so grace yeah your honor were you on an hourly wage yeah yeah what yeah and today today today do Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. And do they do they do they hold it for your for your breakfast? I don't think they did know. No one is so you say to fry an egg and bacon. If I was on an hourly wage, I would have I would have brought my own sandwiches for starters, because I wouldn't want to I wouldn't want to you know, I wouldn't want them to come back and go Oh, what have you done over the last hour? And you're well I had a absolutely gorgeous triple decker.

I've made a big bowl. Your triple decker is chicken, chicken and chicken. Three chickens, I ate three chickens. I've got so much protein. Believe you me. No, so anyway, yeah, so you... You're on the clock and you're making a bacon and egg sandwich for yourself. This is insane. But I've got to eat right.

Well I'm fascinated by this hourly rate because that was our negotiation. No, is it a daily rate or are they literally saying if you come here and work for three hours we're going to pay you whatever it is. Four quid an hour. You want four quid an hour? Are you on four quid an hour? Because if you are, is there any chance I could get their number? That's not bad, mate. That's absolutely not bad at all. He might have time to text you to make a bacon egg sandwich, Crosby,

you'll make eight quid. Go in, eat a sandwich, leave. Charge them afterwards. Nice little learner, leave. Charge him afterwards. That's a nice little learner that is. Nice little learner. Not bad at all. But in Ben's defense, he's in a tiz, right? He's hurrying it through.

It's a rush job. He doesn't mind bodging the sandwich. He doesn't want to bodge the handiwork. That's it. That's it. And also it isn't a good indicator for the handy work. If you break an egg, you're suddenly like, what's the rest of the day going to be like now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd lost my mind. I'd taken three eggs initially. You haven't had three egg sandwich? I picked up three eggs. Well, initially I was like, I'll make it. Listen, if these pricks are only paying me four quid an hour, I'm taking three eggs and I'm having a sandwich on the hour every hour. I'm having a three egg sandwich and a can of special brew. I'm going to roll myself a cigarette.

I don't know what's happened to me, I've just suddenly come over all, I'm beeping my horn at the neighbour next door, she's hanging out at a wash in. So, triple egg sandwich, what? And then you were trying to put one back. Yeah, I was trying to put two back. And the third went. So, are you, talk us through it. You've got three eggs in one hand.

So devastated. You were going from three eggs in one hand. So devastated. You were going from three down to one as well. Yeah. You've really panicked yourself there. I know what like what is going on? What's going on in my head? If you've got bacon already, you only need one egg. I reckon.

That's it. That's it Crosby. I don't know why you're grabbing three eggs in the first place. So you've got three in one hand and you're trying to sort of put them back in and are they in the fridge or they do they keep them? Do they keep them out in a little like a little pantry? A little pantry. Okay. Okay. And you dropped it in Hastings a lot of down more like

the boy I can't be a catchphrase for the episode. So so so Clarkie, when one when one egg goes right, are you tempted to go half fucking do she let you on the floor? You must have been a bit of you. Other two on the ceiling. No, that's the start of a film. Yeah, yeah. Man having a breakdown in his in-laws kitchen starts throwing eggs all over the floor.

Now I'm watching a Joel Schumacher film that isn't Malick. Let's get fucking going. This is what we need. So you get, so one egg goes down, you go fuck this, you crush one in your hand and you dust the other one on the ceiling. Is that what you're saying? That's what's happening. Yeah. Yeah. Love it. Damn straight. So what was your technique straight away? What was your initial thought? Obviously you texted Megan first. First thing you did, you texted Megan

and you said I've done it again. Get me out of here. Just tell your parents I've died. How much do you like your parents, really? Is your partner there? No. No, so you have gone down in a solo capacity. Yeah, that's it, I'm died. How much do you like your parents? Really? Is your partner there? No. No, so you have gone down in a solo. Yeah, that's it. I'm solo. I was solo. Never felt so low. Did you get it up quickly? Yeah.

What was your technique? What were you talking about here? Did you use a kitchen towel for starters? Oh, come on. There was like a rag. No, there was like a rag on the like over the they had like the washing machine door open and there was like a rag over the top of that like drying. Right. Is that what they use to sort of clean their washing machine door? Take the conversation. I just have no

idea. So you're basically the nearest thing every time they clean their washing machine door they're going to eventually get scrambled eggs're gonna get scrambled egg in their underpants because of the way you've you've misappropriated their rag okay so there's a rag you see a rag yeah rug it was yeah was it like a red rag to a bull was it like a red rat or a chicken you see the rag you grab it you think yeah this is coming up how how easily is it coming up with the rag it's not you think yeah this is coming up how how easily is it coming up with the rag it's not easy it's not it's not coming up easy first first attempt yoke still on the floor second attempt most of the yokes are on the floor it's cracked if it is it's popped oh no yeah yeah you've got a

paper towel it's got it's obviously it's got a slight kind, you know, it's got the absorbency but also because it's not, you know, it's not wet or anything like that. It just, it just lifts it off. Exactly. You're going to have to use it. Pushing it around the floor. Okay guys, this episode is sponsored by Bainty Kitchen Towel. We should have, we should have opened with that probably. Shh. It started with this. Yeah, with the episode it yeah with the episode hasn't started yet this is a paid

advert for the bounty yeah we should say we've taken the kit big I really hope they're happy with the last 20 minutes they said try and get some world war stuff in there they did say that I think didn't they the thing is more awkward an hour yet so we've barely even made a quid. So we're gonna have to keep pushing through on this advert. It's an ad for two things, it's an ad for Barrettley kitchen towel and it's for Ben Clark handyman.co.uk. No job too small. Hey listen, I just said no job too small. I didn't say do the jobs well, I didn't say I wouldn't fuck up your house, I just said no job too small. All right?

No job too small, all jobs too big. You've read a lot into no job too small. You've read the idea, the notion of me doing it well no no no that's not perfect so you're scooping up with this rag the rags trying to scoop it up what you doing you then running the rag under the tap is that what you're running to the sink. He's in the tears man, he's all in the tears. Leaving the trail. Of course, the snail trail. It's disgusting.

It's actually disgusting because their house as well, you don't know this about Megan's family, Parry, but they live in a mansion. So Clarkie has to cover a good quarter of a mile just to get from the pantry to the lake. You get a lot of bang for your buck in Hastings don't you? In Hastings, the money goes a bit further bit further it really does the money goes a bit further it really Norman knew what he was doing Norman when he headed to Hastings for a reason didn't he knew he's gonna get a bit more bang for his buck a conquest bit of conquest over there yeah yeah I'm Chris goes a lot further when you're in

Hastings and do you think when you think back over that scene, do you ever think, imagine if that, you know like in the Black Mirror episode where the Prime Minister had to fuck a pig. Oh yeah. Do you ever think like, do you ever think if there's any footage of that scene that you're describing to us and it like ended up being broadcast, then you'd really struggle to recover you didn't film it did you Tom? Surprise! I got a camera fitted in your in-laws house you've been on in-law face In-law face!

It's called in- face. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But do you ever think, God, if anyone ever saw me like that is, yeah, like you at your most pathetic. Yeah. You'd really struggle to be most vulnerable. Yeah. Yeah. It's wonderful. And incompetent. Yeah.

Filming it or in fact, just talking about it in length on a podcast, probably the same for my reputation to be honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. That's good to know. Either way, I'm in trouble, I think. How did you resolve it in the end? What we're talking here? Would you use a sponge?

What did you what happened? Or was it still basically there? I just persevered or the same the same technique, the same slow bad technique never changed up. You know, it's like, bad technique, never changed up. You know, it's like, what's the rest of my, what's the rest of the DIY day looking like when you've, when you've started it with that level of incompetency? And then once you've got the, once you think you're pretty confident that the rag has taken up all the egg, are you, are you spraying a bit of Dettol down on the floor? What you doing? What you- That would have been a good thing to have done.

Yeah, that would have been a good thing. Dettol down on the floor what you're doing what you that would have been a good thing to have done Yeah, that would have been a good thing because I was gonna say it is still gonna probably have a trace residue of egg That is is gonna probably start making their pantry hum. Yeah, so You're not doing that Thank you for that I'm looking at checkertrade.com here. I'm looking at the page of Checker Trades. Your cleanliness rating, your clean up jobs afterwards are, you know, this is, I'm just reading.

Literally. This is from Bridget in Whitstable. It says, came to put up a set of shelves dropped for eggs cleanliness zero this is I'm I'm I'm blue and that zero legs out of five from Roger Roger and wake in Wakefield it says there you know oh this is I mean Roger shame on you said came to assemble a Billy bookcase now that should should be pretty simple. It's like a flat back. I remember that one. Yeah, dropped 37 eggs over not just my house, but the houses of several of my neighbors

and my local parish priest. Well, I was using the bookcase to store all the eggs. This is unbelievable. These reviews are terrible. I've never seen a review. I mean, it does say value for money. Excellent. Excellent. Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah. But it does say value for money. Four quid an hour. What did I expect is what every single review ends with.

I mean, jokes on them because it takes me at least 36 hours to get a buddy bookshelf up. takes me at least 36 hours to get a bunny bookshelf up. Did you tell them? Did you come clean? I didn't come clean in either way. You didn't tell them you dropped an egg? So they think you... You never saw... I guess they only think you ate two eggs.

Yeah. That's it. He's a hungry boy. Two eggs? Speedy put those shelves up. I don't know if he I'd say another thing When I did actually make the egg sandwich and this has never happened to me before when I bit into it the yolk like exploded Cleanup job, that's what the end of the episode isn't me. It did actually go on the floor. Is it like a clean up job? That's like the end of the episode isn't it?

It's like you finally clean up the eggs, you make the egg, you're like, oh my God, that was awful. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Black eggs. He's de-browning.

Shit. What I love about that is, if they were to say, oh it looks like someone's dropped an egg in here, who do we think it is? You're literally covered in egg. The evidence is right there. It's all down the front. This is unbelievable.

And all over their pantry and kitchen now. Yeah. Clarky, Clarky. This is some- It does feel like your egg droppings are, obviously they're few and far between but when they do happen it just feels like they're increasing in drama. Yeah this is it I like I shudder to think what the next year holds for me.

Well it's going to be a bigger egg isn't it's going to be an ostrich egg or something. I'm putting up some shelves at Sotheby's today. Really looking forward to it. I'm surprised they've come to me. You sure the Billy Buck case will do the job? Oh dear. Poor boy. Oh dear. Poor boy. Oh dear is the thing, Clarky. So Clarky, have you got any more jobs you're supposed to be doing around here? You're in laws. Yeah, yeah, I'm not finished. Really? So you've got to go back. You've got to go back. Do you know what I would say, Clarky,

before you hop in the car and drive to Hastings, I would say you hard boil some eggs for yourself. That's a really good idea. Hard boil a few eggs and pop them in your lunch box. Carry them in your toolkit belt. Carry them in your toolkit belt, yeah exactly. Oh by the way, don't forget to put a sign up on the back of your van, no eggs kept in the span of the van. That's really important, it's the first rule of the trade, is because people hear this podcast and think, well listen, I'm onto a good thing here. I tell you what, there'll be people jibbing open your van every night hoping to get a lovely dozen.

You know those apps that you can get nowhere, you kind of hire a handyman to do what we're talking about, like come round and stick with them. Yeah, Man and Van, Fiverr, that kind of app. Yeah, sticks up a pretty bookshelf. Yeah, yeah and van, fire for that kind of app. Yeah, very good. Sticks up a pretty bookshelf. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two things, one, you tend to hop on the app now, Clarke, but secondly, do you think when you're doing that job

for your in-laws, you could then get on the app and get a guy to come round and make you a bacon and egg sandwich? And that way, that way. You're kind of building your business in some ways. You know, you'll be like overseeing the project in some ways then. The guy arrives though and then he gets the five wrap out. Next thing you know a chicken comes in through the door with a pig on his arm.

This is unbelievable. This is unbelievable. Where does it end? What's that mate? Yeah, it's? What app's that, mate? Yeah, it's a weird app, actually. The animals you're about to consume the products off arrive themselves. Yeah, admittedly that is a weird app. And you'd be like, oh, I think we're going to have to turn that disc.

Oh, I didn't bank on that. Sorry, guys. That's an odd app. That's a really odd app you've gone to there. Sorry lads. What we've got here is a real odd app situation. Strong odd app vibes coming from this app. This is not a straight down the middle. This is not your WhatsApp, your Duolingo, your city map. This is a strange app.

This is a strange app because I ordered a bacon sandwich and a pig and a chicken came in and walked around. Chicken was on the pigs. It's an odd app. Yeah, it's a strange app. I'm actually I'm just on the hangers. I'm on the app store. I'm just reading the reviews. Yeah, one star. But I wonder, can you can you get is there an app where you can get someone to come around your house and cook you a sandwich? Oh, absolutely. Of course. There's got to be. There's got to be. Like a kind of small, like small skill personal chef.

So it's like, I'm not going to ask you to go mad. I don't want, you know, for our quarrel or something. And it's like, you're feeling a bit delicate. Berserksandwiches.com. Yeah, like just like I'll do you a sarnia in a soup or something like that. I'll only cook with what's in your house. And I'll do you a little, I'll whip you up

like a sarnia in a soup or something like that I like that because that was you know there was that there was that TV show where I'd be Harriet used to go around and go to somebody's kitchen and be like right what can we what have you got in you in you in you on your shelves what you got in your cupboards let's have a little look let's do something here that would be good though so I could come round because especially you know we're, we're waiting on the big shop. It's two hours away, the big shop, but there's like, you know,

when you say there's nothing in the house, there's plenty in the house, but there's nothing that we can be asked to throw together. If we had invited someone around last night to do us a little, just knock us up something, you know, with little, little lentil casserole or whatever, you know, whatever it might, it might be with the, with the few tins and odds and sods we've got in there,

you know, I think that's a good idea. You wake up, you're feeling a bit delicate, you're a bit tired, you just think, oh, you know, I just need, I just need a nice soup and a sandwich. You bang on your ass. You'd be hanging out with a lot of, you'd be hanging out with a lot of hungover people. I'll say that much.

Yeah. You would definitely be hanging out with a lot of hungover people. I'll say that much. You would definitely be hanging out with a lot of people who are all, they'd all be on the sofa with the duvet over them, slightly shivery with a Lucas aid. But that must be like a delivery person's, if you've got the Sunday shift, if you've got the Sunday morning shift for delivery, you were to spend your entire morning greeting hangovers yeah people wear shades and still in their pajamas mmm all of that I'd like to see that oh yeah well Tom I've got a great job for you, deliverer. Okay, okay.

This could be your job. It's like it's an exhibition of a delivery, what we need is like a delivery artist with a great eye and a decent camera and look when you order it says look your food will be coming round, little note I am taking portraits of everybody who I deliver to. And you will be featured in an exhibition that Tom's has asked me to put together. Yeah, they call me Henri Deliveroo. So I don't mind it.

And I paint hungover people and tigers looking scared. But to be honest, on my Deliveroo round, I see more hungover people than I do tigers looking scared. So it's mainly hungover people. So you get your food, but you have to have a portrait taken. And then the exhibition is different times of day and week. And you get a vibe of what's going on. So you get like your Sunday 10 till half 12 section. It's just a beautiful collection of hungover people trying to face the day. You see the thousand yards staring their eye.

What did we do last night kind of vibes. But then you also get the Thursday seven o'clock crew. I don't really know what their vibe would be. But like, you know, I don't know. Just, yeah, couples who want to carry, you know, just people, couples who fancy a pizza and can't be bothered to cook. And then, you know, one lone section that's Hastings, nine o'clock on a Friday morning and it's just a panicked handyman covered in egg. Pop it up in the exhibition. Yeah. I love it. I love it.

You with your dungarees. So anyway, what's still to be done, Clarky? What jobs are still, what jobs still have to happen? There's some quite, putting shelves up in an alcove. Okay. That's a tricky one. Yeah. Why have they got you to do it? There's some quite, putting shelves up in an alcove. Okay. That's a tricky one. Yeah, why have they got you to do it? I tell you why.

I tell you why, it's because I've caught, like I don't know why I do it. I keep saying, I could do that for you. Oh, no, we can't do it that way. Oh, we will, yeah. Now, when you said I don't know, but what you mean is, I you mean is I do know. I said I was able to do the work of a skilled joiner.

Yeah. And actually I can't even do the work of a non skilled egg carrier like any other human being. I can't be trusted with one egg. To put an egg in a pantry, which most people would say, it's not exactly, you know, it's not exactly the hardest job in the world. It's not, it's not crystal maze level, is it? Pop an egg back in a pantry. But you, you fell at the first egg there. And yet you are here saying, oh, you know what I can do? Stick up shelves in an alcove. Yeah. My goodness. And is it going okay?

Yeah. My goodness. And is it going okay? You know the answer, Tom. Come on. I want to hear it though. Don't make him say it out loud. Give the man some dignity. I upcycled a little sideboard for them. That's nice. Got the Weetooix out, gave it a good buff down. Yeah, yeah. Painted it with egg yolk. It looks lovely. Absolutely stinks.

Okay. So you've up cycled. And I put a curtain rail for them. Oh, that's good. In a for like a bay window. So it was like a curvy, a curvy job. Curvy curtain rail. Yeah. So that's I did that. But the the outcome still ludes me. And when are you back? When are you back? When you're next doing

it? Next week, I think. Because we listen will come down. We'll film a bit of it. We've got to stick up. It's a good it's a good bit of extra content. It's all good. Listen, we barely stick anything up on our Instagram or, you know, we don't even, I think we've got a TikTok, but we never use it. Could you do some film before this, Clarky? Clarky, film a bit of yourself.

Get, honestly, get, I'm sure, I'm sure it'll be absolutely fine if you were putting up some alcove shelving and you were also holding a selfie stick. I'm sure that guys, I can see no negative repercussions of you teetering on a step ladder with a selfie stick in one hand and a spirit level in the other. I'm sure that guys I can see no re- negative repercussions of you teetering on a step ladder with a selfie stick in one hand and a spirit level in the other. I'm sure it's fine. Please get yourself making breakfast first. Throw that selfie stick into the mix. What did you have for breakfast this morning, Clarke in your own house?

What did you have for breakfast? I've got a smoothie on the go. Yeah, yeah, good idea, good idea. Did you put the- can I just ask, did you- when you put it in the blender, did you remember to put the lid on? No, I didn't put it in the blender, I just put it all onto the floor and then scooped it up. Oh, Clarky, bring out a couple of moments. That's supposed to be a bacon and egg sandwich, that is. Clarky, Clarky made a three egg omelette with one egg. Two on the floor, one in the pan. There you go. What an egg.

There you go. Now listen. I have a few questions. I've got a few questions. Well, I think the listeners, there's going to be a lot of theories, I think, some conspiracy theories. If you've got your take on what happened, if you want to chime in, then do get in touch. If you've done some home sleuthing around the incident, we want to hear from you. Absolutely right. pappysflatshare.gmail.com Get in touch today. And if you have any beefs for us, because we're going to record a Beef Brothers Cold Cuts very, very soon. If you've got any beefs for us, then do get in touch. BeefBrothersPodcast at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you.

If you've got a problem with your neighbor, your landlord, the person you live with, your kids, your, even a problem with someone at work, you know, we'll take a free range beef. You've got a problem with someone at work. Someone in your local shop. Just shudder at the free range there. And being at work, someone in your local shop. Sorry, I just shuddered at the free range there. And being at work. Has somebody recently done some shoddy handiwork in your house and, so I didn't talk to injury, dropped an egg in your pantry. Get in touch, BeefBrothersPodcast at gmail.com. We would love to hear from you.

When you first started that sentence, Matthew, I thought you were going to say, if you've got a problem, yo, I'll sort it, check out my hook while my DJ revolves it. That's genuine. I was like, oh my God, that's bolder. Oh no. Okay. Cracking. Sorry, man. Right. Well, let's call it a day. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Oh, can I just say my music hits me so hard, makes me say, oh my Lord, I thank you for blessing me. Lovely.

Bye!