Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Bedtime Stories from a Posturing Uncle) S13E43

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

Dave Grohl, Jason Statham and Rupert Grint slide into your ear canal for another house meeting.Pappy's Flatshare Slamdown returns to the Phoenix in 2024. Come and see us live, it really is an experience like no other29th Jan - Joe Wilkinson and Sooz Kempner https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/76780952796730th Jan - Cariad Lloyd and Kemah Bob - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/767812336367Or you can get a discounted ticket to both shows by following this link - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/767815786687Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom at in Lutford. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.

Greetings, listener dear. I'm Matthew. I'm Ben. And together we are Papis and welcome to an exciting episode. Well I tell you what, I'd say together we are Papis it feels a bit premature doesn't it, because obviously Thomas usually here, whether he's not here for the intro but don't worry, he is in the in the body of this very exciting episode of Papis Flat Share House Meeting. Oh well thank god for that, let's be honest. Thank God for that.

He's our North Star, you know, if we don't have parrots, like the Ravens leaving the tower, isn't it? We need parrots as the anchor, as the ballast. Yeah, I'd tell his man. He is our talent, that's exactly what he is. He's a talented man and a talent's man. So yeah, it's an episode of House Meeting. But before we get into that, we've got some very exciting news about next year.

That's right. 2024. 2023 was only five days. I know 2023 feels like it's absolutely sped past. But we hardly knew you 2023, but 2024 is nipping at its heels, and we've got a couple of really fantastic flat-shear slam downs coming up in the first month of the year. On the 29th of January and the 30th of January,

we are back at the Phoenix, our home away from home in Cavingish Square in London, where we're gonna be having two flat-shear slam downs, one after the other, the first one on the 29th of Jan, Ben Clark, tell us who's gonna be there. Oh, guys, you're not gonna believe this, it's an absolute beauty. We've got Joe Wilkinson and Sue's Kempner.

Joe Wilkinson and Sue's Kempner. And when I texted Joe to say, do you wanna come back on flat-sheast lambdown, he said yes, because I've stopped drinking. That was his reasoning. If anyone remembers the last time Joe Wilkinson was on, he'd been, in fact, had he been Christmas shopping? And he'd been, oh no, he'd been shopping for his wedding suit.

He'd been shopping for his wedding suit and he'd had a few. Now, when I went shopping for my wedding suit, I didn't do it in the way that some people say he's shopped for wedding dresses, where they will have a glasses champagne while they're doing it. But that's the way that Joe went for it. He was there browsing around the autograph section of Marx and Sparks. Yeah, I think he had more than a glass as well. With a bottle of rosé in his back pocket. Anyway, listen, let's not dredge that up. Let's just talk about the fact that on the 20th of the Jan, Joe will consume and the brilliant sous-computer are gonna be adjoining us for a flat share slam down, very, very exciting.

And then on the 30th, the very next day, that's the Monday, this is the Tuesday, on the 30th, who's gonna be there? We've got Karyad Lloyd and Kima Bob. Yes, very exciting. Karyad's done it a couple of times before. She certainly did the episode that we did for the Leicester Comedy Festival during lockdown

with Angela Barnes that won Best Podcast. Best podcast at the Leicester Comedy Festival. We didn't, you know what, great year because it was in the middle of lockdown. We didn't even have to leave our houses to win Best Podcast at the Leicester Comedy Festival. We didn't even have to travel to Leicester, lovelys at the Les De Comets Festival. We didn't even have to travel to Leicester, lovely part of the world, but it's no better than them.

And didn't even have to leave the sofa to go and win Best Podcasts. So, Carrie, I've known it, hopefully we're going to win Best Podcasts at the Phoenix that day. Be worried if we didn't. Really open. Stiff competition, of course, but we're hoping. There's a lot going on there upstairs. And then Kim above absolutely brilliant. Again, somebody who I've been trying to get on for ages and ages and ages. I'm really pleased that eventually I've worn her down. That's all it is, really. You go to the old WhatsApp and you go, well, every message I've sent to this person is a green message. There are no gray messages. They've all been from me.

It's been one way traffic and they've all been about coming on Flash Airs land down. So that's when you move to the Instagram DM. So there's not the paper trail. Oh, wow. There's not a slightly desperate paper trail. But yeah. So anyway, Kim is coming on. Carrier is coming on. Joe Wilkinson, so is Kempner the day before. Get your tickets from papyscomedy.com forward slash live, or they'll be a link in the show notes. We'd love to see you there on the 29th and the 30th of January. Come on down, because if you've never been

to a flat chest down down before, oh my God, they're a fun night. Oh, they're great. They're absolutely so much fun. Great. And also guys, if you're part of the Patreon, you get a discount. Oh yeah, join the Patreon for discounted tickets. It's a great time to do it.

Fresh year, fresh Patreon. You get a discount code, you get discounted tickets. And I can tell you now, we're going to be doing shows in February and in March as well. We're front loading our year, so we're going to, by the end of March, we'll have done six episodes, pretty much half a year's worth of flat-shear slam downs, and we've got some really good guests coming up. Really fantastic, I'm not gonna spoil it yet.

You'll have to wait and see, but we have got, I would consider to be some A-list names. Yeah, we really do. We're talking about some big comedy stars, some big tele stars, very excited to invite them along to do some flat share slamming, a flat share slam downing with us. Flat share slamming, why not?

I like that. You've got to slam it down guys. You've got to come get me some slamming. You've got to come and do some slamming with us. That's maybe that's the message I should be sending out. I get a few more responses back. Ha ha ha. Well, all the opposite.

Oh yeah, that's true. It's anyway, Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's flat share, but let's not waste any more time because I know you're chomping at the bit to hear what Tom has to say. So let's enjoy an episode of Pappy's Flat Share House Meeting. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you, I want to talk, I want a chat.

Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has meeting, what temperature should we set the heat? Has meeting, why on earth am I always weak? Has meeting, who went my bed while I was sleeping? This has a has meeting, what's the point? Happy 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, 10, be 10, be 10, be 10, 10, be 10, be 10, 10, be 10, be 10, be That's pretty good. It's not really really. I'd be really happy. Because I get a lot of people on Twitter saying is this you and it's normally just like sometimes it's just they've got glasses and brown hair. They never beards. You know, like, they don't have long hair. I look a lot like John Dinella, the mountain goats. I accept that one. I get that one all the time. He hasn't had the call yet

to do it. Children's bedtime story. He's been asked to see baby's bedtime story. Which is a shame because he's a fantastic author. He's waiting by the phone. He's waiting by that phone, but the call hasn't come through. All they need is one errant producer who's a big fan of Taylor Hasse and it's happening. Oh, I love that. It's a tricky gig, the children's bedtime story, because you've got to judge it right. You can't lean in, like some of the actors, particularly, lean leaning too hard and it's like, is it an audition mate? It's a story.

I think kind of overdoing it with like the voices and stuff. Oh yeah. Oh, just a bit. Just a bit mate. Just a fucking thing. What do you think? What do you think? Everything's a fucking show reel to these actors.

Oh, what are you doing? Yeah, yeah. Like, you got to, when you're telling the store, I think any story, when you tell a children's story, like, you can't, if you completely inhabit the characters, it becomes jarring, you got to, you got to hit and tap them. And then obviously you get like the sports people who can't even do that. Yeah.

But you got to, there's got some kind of middle ground basically. Yeah. But I find, I find there's a lot more honesty to when you've got, you know, one of the lionesses doing it because it's, it's not there for a, but they know how to hug the lions, you know, as they do on the pitch. They do on the pitch exactly. They, you know, they get, they get the job done. You've got a hold and give to have the right. So, I mean,

crucially, crucially, you can go 12 fast, but you must get to the lion, you must hug the lion. John Barnes was actually giving storytelling advice. But you did that wrap. The other one I enjoy is Tom Hardy because Tom Hardy's I a couple of them actually and he unfortunately can't turn off sexy menace.

Sexy menace is just always in everything he does. There's sexy menace. The best Star Wars prequel. Let's be honest, the sexy Venice. But I love that when he goes, hello, I'm Tom. You're like, all right, chill out mate. My kids here, all right. We don't have any trouble of any kind. I find the star always weird when they get a big hitter. Yeah, you know what they say. The last night was richly grand, right? Oh.

I don't become telling town that it's cool, but it's saying that it was richly grand last night. Yeah, yeah. And you get that store where they go, hello, I reached it. And it's like, obviously that's for the kids. Yeah. But my reaction as an adult is, yeah mate, I know.

It's like, I know, this is the problem of when you're famous, because it's like, when you're famous, when you meet people, you do have to introduce yourself like a normal person, but also, you know, they know. So it's like, if your time hangs and you meet an old person, you've got to go, hi, I'm Tom, and it's like, yeah know they know. So it's like, if your Tom Hanks and you meet an all person, you've got to go, hi, I'm Tom, and it's like, yeah, I know. Should I? Sorry, Tom, we're very, very,

ungracious when you meet famous people. Yeah, I know. Look at hell. Jesus, who is he? What you want to fucking metal? So third time this week's Tom's top answers introduced himself to me. What do you want a series of Golden Globes and Oscars? Like the point was famous.

Is there a way of introducing yourself where you can't go? You know. Oh, you know. This is great. Is there a way of doing that? That's like, you know. Does the dog that gets through that weird thing of going, hello, I'm Michael.

And you go, yeah, I know. Don't I mean? Well, well, yeah, but Krutty, he says, my name is Michael Cain, isn't say hello, I'm Michael. Which I think is even more ostentatious. No, I think you have to, you have to play it as if because I bet you, I bet you, there are people, mega celebs who can be in a certain situation and not get recognised, right? Because, you know, there's that sort of nudge nudge, you know who you're just talking to,

you know that was. This must happen to celebrity so you can't just walk around even if you are a sort of an international mega star Like a hanks you can't go around just assuming you know also hanks It's got a chameleon of a figure you don't know if you get you know like when he was really skinny with a big beard for a cast away you know, like when he was really skinny with a big beard for a castaway. He was like, yeah, I got it. I got it, I got it. I'm not sure you can pass.

Are you an agent? Because I was wearing a red cap. Do you want me wear a red cap? I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I think you can pass off ain't. That was a chameleon. Dressed as a space man for a bit, even had someone else plays him when he was a child.

That's true, I mean, yeah. When he was a little kid, he was, you can make crews, right? Yeah. Crews has to do on Tom. I guess maybe there's an old bro in it. Maybe that's what it is like. I'm Tom.

I'm a Tom. Please don't, please don't back from Hello, you know. Hello. Hello. Hello, you know. That's Liam Gallic's one, isn't it? Hello, you know. It's just that tough. It's tough, basically. And it, and that's it's hard what to do with the

style of it basically. I feel for celebs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's tricky. It's a tricky one. And it's why I kind of deliberately swirved the fame. Yeah. Yeah. And it was close. There was definitely a year where it was like, okay, and it was like, you know what?

Hello, you might know. And it was like, you know what? No thanks. might know. And it was like, you know what? No thanks, no thanks, I'll just, I'm gonna back into the show. I'm gonna, no, we're not for me and my choice. I'm sorry, and I know what you want, but I'm not, I'm not gonna give that. And it means that you still are able to introduce yourself

to people and not feel. Like do you think it's bad for the person who's being introduced? Who's being introduced to or the introduce her? Tough both ways. I mean if you're Robert De Niro, Bobby. I mean, Bobby exactly what a ball like every time you have to tell someone I'm Bobby when you know they know. You just think oh this facade again every single interaction with a new person, you have to go through the facade of pretending that they might not know that you're Robert Dunneur. I think there's going to be people out there, especially people with a younger generation. If he's meeting somebody who's 23, he might have to say, hello, I'm Robert.

I'm Robert Sanira. Hello, I'm Robert. Hello, I'm Robert Sanira. He might have to say hello, I'm Robert. Right, it must have to happen, right? Rob. I know I'm Bobby. Yeah.

And I'm Bobby. Yeah, and they'd be like, all right, Bobby. Have you ever met anyone famous and not recognized them? How would I know? It was a very good point. I've done it all the time. Well, it happened to me after one of our gigs at the Soho Theatre.

Oh yeah. A glorious episode. Glorious episode. I met Oscar Isaac. And I'm just talking about the show. Oh, the show is amazing. It was amazing. The show was amazing.

I met Oscar Isaacs. He was there with a mutual friend of us, but I didn't realize he was Oscar Isaacs. He's like, this is my friend Oscar. And I said, oh, hello. What are you doing in London, San American accent? He said, he said, oh, I'm working on the new Star Wars movie. And I just been working with a puppeteer

who works for Spitting In Beach. I said, oh, I know someone's working on the Star Wars movie. Oh, brilliant. That's great. And then I said, come and meet some of the other guys. And when I introduced him to Kiran from Beasts, Kiran melted in front of him. And this isn't me being like, I just didn't know who he was, I didn't recognize him. I then had the thing of going, oh, do I seem like I'm putting it on? Do I, is he thinking, are you kidding? Look at you, of course you know characters in the Star Wars universe. What, you try

to just play it all cool? I feel like that. You try to tell me the lead singer of the food fighters doesn't know stars. You know him this fucking band up for some of them? I'm playing that with me Dave. How do they make bread no weathe? How do they make bread no weathe? It would be very funny for you to at least one night go out and just introduce yourself with Dave Gross. Just bring him straight back to us.

Go out there. For the fight of the gig. How long I'm Dave Grohl. Hello, I'm Dave Grohl. Do you think that, how long do you think I could get away with? Right? Okay. Before you say it, I'm gonna go with zero seconds.

Can we book a table a restaurant for Dave Grohl, Jason Statham and Rupert Rintz? And like, ring up as someone's PA at the IV. I'd just turn up, you know. I'm, you know. You know. What, what that for? Is the interaction of the reservation table

where you're arriving and go, hey, I've got a table for. Where you're even go, um, hey, I've got a table for Watch the first time really The lion of the three people be like What happens now Could it be no, but listen even if you are a mega star no He's going into a restaurant set. I've got a table for you now. We put three stone glasses on though. Three stone glasses on. That might do actually. We cover all of our faces in sunglasses.

Some glasses and baseball cups on. I think what we should do is you get a pair of sunglasses with six lenses and pop the on, like, put our faces close together and walk in with our arms around each other. Like the monkey. Like the monkey's exactly, yeah. Walking with our legs into twine, like the monkeys, yeah.

Yeah. Okay, here's what my, okay, yeah, walking with our legs into twine like the monkeys, yeah, yeah. Okay, here's what my, okay, this might help us. What has been stared? I've got a bad laugh at what might help us. We don't do any of this. No, no, no, no. I'd love to go for dinner with the two of you. That would be a total delight for me. No, no, no, no, no. I don't think we need to go through the rigmarons. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no you will buy you some lunch at the eye there. But what you want, what we need you to do first is ring up and say, Dave Grohl but not giving me the name the other two? Okay, well no, but okay, so Tommy rings up the Ivy and goes, hey guys This is a weird request. Well, I've got a lunch planned with Tate's and Statham Dave Grohl and Ruperk Grin Pachant is there a table available and that's gonna get a lot of buzz going around and start. Can I say as well? Don't make the chat. Tom, Tom, Tom. If you have a leave, what do I do? I mean, I've been having a three-jaw list.

Nails his voice. You've known his voice. I'm a classic storytelling, you know. I don't have anything fully on the accent. Why should you give it an accent? The essence. The essence you gave us just the right about then. You don't go full gruffalo. You give the essence of the gruffalo. If you could call up, though, Tom, and you say, can I book a table for six, they don't go, yeah, who are these six people? They just go, yeah, find, they don't, you don't have to give them, you have to give them all in, you haven't given a fucking content page. Who's that?

At the RV, I feel like you're my, you know, they want to know, you're not bringing any ruffin on your jaw, not again. Joll's going to need to lay it on. So the staff are like, hello, and there's a chat that's going to go around the staff that morning, they're going to go, you're not going to guess he's coming in. Grinch. Grull. Stay at the gruff. I don't think you're being that old. I think Grinch is coming like, if you find out that they're coming in. You're going to go, Dom it's bringing in Dave Grohl. He's also, and stay for me to be there.

And then you'll go out and root for Grint. Now you've got to start with Grint because then otherwise it's a really unfair on Grint, right? If someone said, oh, by the way, Grint's coming in, you'd be like, oh, amazing. Brilliant. He's in the Harry Potter movies. And then you can go butt at him top of that. you've also got the dude from Crank and the dude who cracks out the hits. You know, I don't think you can, you can't do it in reverse order, surely, you can't. No, but I think I'd put the phone down and go, oh my God, Dom, it's coming with growl. Yeah. You'd be like, you know, that's you. Anyway, that's how the word spreading around the IV staff and look, the IV have seen a lot of, they've seen a lot, but I think that combination, Dominic's our kind of legitimacy.

And then Dominic arrives, everyone knows Dominic. Dominic arrives, great, my friends will be here shortly. And that's when we arrive triple sunglasses. That's his knowledge trip. So that's the, Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it gives us like, I'm want you to get there. And you get this delicious sense of, is it? Are they?

Is that them? And then once we stick that in the thought of cracking into dinner, they're like, I see Joel thinks that. They are. Joel. Proudness, but. Don't know. Joel's fallen for yet another Anton Dex that he might take away Prank. Joel, proudest but... Joel, no.

Joel's fallen for yet another Anton Dex that he might take away prank. Where he thinks he's having dinner with three disparate celebrities, but actually he's having dinner with three people who are neither the same age nor look anything like those celebrities. And we're all wearing an earpiece

to occasion and we'll be like, and then spill some salt or something. And then we get two people who look like Hudson Deck, but who aren't Hudson Deck, to come out and be like, you know what I'm saying? I take it and then by that point, everyone on the staff is gonna be like,

I'm on the stomach and be like, I don't know what's real anymore because that's hunting death. And when people realize that they're colorblind, or something like that, I don't know. It'll be like that. It'll be like people will think, oh, I've got vision blindness.

Yeah, what about, here's the problem. What about just by sheer quirk of fate, that same night, Grint, Statham and Kroll have put themselves in a table, right? And then you could, yeah, you could, a situation where there's two tables on either side of the restaurant and they're like, okay, with identical people, With people who look to the absolute spit to each other. Great, and one you want at that moment when we go, oh, we're just popping into the toilet. And the whole story of popping out the toilet,

that we're gonna go, oh, after you, we're gonna be guys of it. Me? And then we all know each other off in the tone. That's the... The Travolta dream. And then a Vickil walks in and goes,

Well, I'm just what he's drinking. Oh, yeah, in his hip-flasher fit. It's the perfect evening. I don't know who's playing the Vicka. Ronack in some problem. Anyway, I just see like this. I know there's a the Vicar. Ronack in some problem. Anyway, I just see what it is. I know there's a lot of effort to go to. Yeah, I just...

It just feels like we might... It's worth it to have three separate people go more. I think that's... That's the reaction you're hoping to get from any of these elaborate tanks. That's kind of how our career started. Actually, it was a hell of a lot of effort just to try and get at these elaborate. That's kind. That's kind of how our career started actually. It was a hell of a lot of effort just to try and get at least two people to go. Well, I've been able to manage it.

Hashtag. It's app between if you fancy tweeting. Hashtag. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance.

I love that. Four things. It's like theaters for December 15th. We've all read bedtime stories. Well, I've discovered recently as my wife is much better. And I've got, like, look. I don't mean to brag. I've got a voice over, Agent. Yeah, you've discovered recently, as my wife is much better. And I've got, like, look, I'm going to brag, I've got a boy so raging. Yeah, you've got chops, man. But my wife has got far better range than I have,

and she can actually do accents. Ah, yeah. And I'm being performed off the page, basically, and, you know, I'd order a occasion, you say, can mummy read this bit? And then mummy will crack into like Northern Irish, doesn't it? And they'd be like, yeah, the King Fischer's Northern Irish normally. I'll be like, oh no. I can't. I feel like this is the real root of the problem now, because before you were like, are the actors, they go too hard on it? But what you're actually saying, this is just coming from your insecurity.

Right, right, it, it comes from Richnie Grant getting too scary as a troll last night. He started to inhabit the troll and he crossed the line and that's not what you need before bedtime. I can imagine that's just in you out mate. You can say what you like when I reach the grant. I'm scared the shift out of me. Exactly. You do it to find absolutely fine. You were killed up in the fatal position weeping. Yeah. With male kraken under a bridge. It's not what I need. I mean, so you know, it's just that thing of like, you need one foot. You're never not an a race, are you know me? Like, you know, you gotta keep one foot out of the book

and one foot, you gotta be a stride the book. That's not the way to read it, but I'm like, could mummy read it tonight because daddy squats down. Let me just adopt the position. A very impressive, you can turn a page with your toes done, but I'll never just adopt the position. A very impressive you can turn a page with your toes done, but... Well, I'll never just lock the position. I can cover with my wings. Was that the kingfisher?

I said stay for the normal Irish kingfisher. Anyway, I don't know, do you boys, what's your, do you have, I tend to, I mean, well, you know my technique. I tend to, I tend to alter, pay, volume, style, volume, but rarely intonation. I'm like, do you guys, do you guys, do you know, do you tell your character around the British Isles kind of thing? I'm normally so fearful that I'm just gonna mess up

the words. Yeah, it's the cold reading that gets to you, isn't it? Absolutely. Cold sweat. And you know, I have, you know, not having children on my own, I don't have you know don't have the practice time with the books I'm not off book basically yeah absolutely you're not reading Zog in the Flying Doctors to yourself at night to prep for the next baby's new job and

and I never tell you some of these books they. So it's so a lot of my nieces and nephews are outside of my reading comprasion. So I'll read it up and be like, listen, as a little bit of fun, you read this one. Yeah. Do the voices. Yeah, I guess there is pressure as they're reading a book. When it's your kids. Oh yeah, totally. And like, you don't want to be like, it would crush me if they were like, oh, like daddy does this better. Because you're the performer in the family.

That's it. It comes up, Cobain. The rest of us. I was like, about Uncle Ben reading the story. If I let that, if, you know, if they're like, mm, if next time I'm round, they're like, do you want a complimentary to your story? And they're like, no, you're right.

He's lost it. I like this early stuff. Do you still get to pitch yourself as like the young, cool uncle? Is that your role? I talk a big game about how I'm everyone's favorite uncle. You know, that's like my line. I'm like the fun uncle and all the rest of it.

But I don't include young in that. Right. Do you tell that to the kids or? Yeah, to the kids, to the other uncles that are there, you know, just stamping out my territory. Yeah, there's a bit of kind of posturing to your uncleing. Yeah, yeah. It's a bit of a joke, it's a bit of fun, but, you know, underneath it is obviously my truth. I think there's something, the thing about being a fun uncle. I see I'm quite happy not being a fun uncle,

because it means you get to sit and read the paper. Yeah, totally. It's always a thing where you launch in, you want the attention of the children, and you're like, yeah, come on, yeah, yeah. Play with me, give me all the attention. And then you suddenly, like, oh, now I'm locked in. And I'm getting tired.

I've given my 50th donkey ride. You'll never match the energy of like, four, six and seven year olds. It's just impossible. You can't, they've just got endless, boundless reserves of energy. And also, what they're doing quite a lot of the time, like you say, is sitting stock still on your back,

while you do all of the work. Or, you know, or, you know, oh, fly me around the room and you go, yeah, I'll do that. And you realize you're picking them work. Or, you know, or, oh, fly me around the room and you go, yeah, I'll do that. And you realize you're picking them up and there, you know. Yeah, or you, with little but there. They're only a little bit there. They're a little bit more.

They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more.

They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more. They're a little bit more. proxy the name of your brother. Interesting name. Yeah, normally just the diseases itself. Oh, please, that made me say it. Let someone else, let someone else introduce me for me. You're an Abton uncle, though. Let's deal with this because this is an intervention. You're

an Abton uncle. Wow. This is getting really, this is getting really harsh. Yeah, but no, that's a truth. And so that means you need to bring energy levels. If you're a local uncle, local uncles can go for the paper the crossbow approach because you're there you know once a reform or something or whatever it is you know oh yeah we rang your eggs on a Sunday once again I'm reading the paper that's okay but when you're an absent uncle you've got to arrive like the circus you've got to arrive as a main event you've got to arrive like Dave Grohl, Jason Statham and Ruperk Rink and Bye! Strolling into a restaurant. You've got it, that's your your kit celeb

stick to you as a bit of life. A long an absolute uncle is a celebrity and Your arrivals need to bring a bit of razzle that all. So you know, I think, I think you've got to pay something up 48 hours of energy. 48 hours! You're a high impact player. I need to work out for this. I need to be matched for it. I'm guessing like you're back for the weekend.

I'm not saying that you know, you'll be alive for sleep. It's not a sponsored event. I'm doing a 40-hour on-cling. I'm not a patch. But you know, it does feel like you've got to arrive with tricks up your sleeve. You've got to have a new game in the middle of it and perhaps leave with a magic trick of some other. I like that.

A lot of deep fin around. I will say it as somebody who has, there was, there was a day when I was, I think I was, well, I looking after, wasn't looking after both kids and, and Clarky came and gave me, gave me a hand, but we went to the soft play. And I would say Clarky throws himself into his role as a, as a, as a child career. He really goes for it. Well, he throws himself into his role as a child carer.

He really goes for it. Well, he throws himself into the ball ball. Well, he did that to me. Yeah, he was really going for it. I think, you know, he hit that soft play like somebody who isn't at soft play twice a week, you know. He hit it with first time in his life. It was a hard play when I got this.

It was hard fucking play So I play nice what happened to In fact you you must have I must have had a silvery with me down in the little kid one the zero to the zero to three one You went off to the big big soft play running all around and yes, we's pretty scary. We saw we saw Cleo pop down like she's sort of done a little bit a few little loops of it She popped down and she ran towards sort of done a few little loops of it. She popped down and she ran towards me. And then I saw Clarky basically like, it looked like someone had poured like a bucket of tar

through one of the holes at Softly. He just sort of slu- he just slopped through. He was like, he was like drowned in sweat. Full on sweat. Yeah, he's absolutely sodded. My feet hurt like... You need to bring your heart right down. Get out of the soft life.

You've gone too hard. I don't want you doing, you've played like rugby or something. LAUGHTER Yeah. You'd really, really gone for it. Yeah, yeah. And it didn't really let us up.

That was after five minutes, it was like, come on. Here we go again. This is it. You've got to pace yourself. You've got to pace yourself, fine, Uncle. You're doing 40 hours of this. Yeah, exactly. You've got to build in, you've got to build in like,

respite. It's still fun. Sleeping like something like that. The classic game of pretending you're asleep and then like, RAAA. That almost gives you a bit of time. Yeah. But you can't pretend you're asleep for two hours.

LAUGHTER And then, pick up Ah, where are the kids? Oh, why is the door open? Oh God, oh! Prima cocky! Wow, I don't think I'm the fun uncle anymore. I'm the fun. I'm the prison uncle. I'm the other, I'm the other absent uncle.

Have you seen prison uncle with Tom Hanks in it? You wouldn't recognize him. He's a nice man. He's transformed. That hat he doesn't wear. Unbelievable. No one doesn't wear. Unbelievable. No one doesn't wear a hat like her.

What the thing about Tom Hanks, right? To just to reinforce my point is every movie he's in, he dresses like the character he's playing. It's incredible. It's incredible, isn't it? How does he do it? Yeah. What?

I don't think that's a bit try hard for him. I'm like, don't fully, don't fully embody the character. If you were in a Tom Hanks movie, if you were Tom Hanks in a Tom Hanks movie, you just wear a t-shirt that said, my name is Dr. Dott, you know. You know, you know. You know, you know.

Save a private Ryan, but jeans and t-shirt. It's Hanks is reading you a bedtime story. It takes bloody ages, the amount of changes. He's running off. Full makeup, full gruff, the gruff will I make up alone takes him four hours. He did like a two week course as well. Two gruff will I went out into the woods.

He lived there, he lived there being scared of mice. Oh my god. I tell you who I don't want to read me a bedtime story. Andy Circus is top of my list. Oh fuck that. Yeah. No, no. Andy, Andy Circus is he's gonna bells and whistles it. He's gonna wear his ping pong ball suit. Joe who I don't want to see in a film Yeah, I want a no reason it without seeing him in it. Yeah, yeah me if I find out it's roll you go Well of course if I find out you played like the ship. I'll be like You know, I feel like you've nailed that. That was great.

Didn't even realise, I didn't even realise that someone had to play it. And you smashed that. And everyone can say, loved working with Circus. That was quite a good show. He smashed it. Do you think if you went on Andy Circus' IMDB page, it would be like, oh yeah, he played a fork. I'm just saying, you find be like, oh yeah, he played a fork. I'm sorry.

Do you find out that he's he's there standing with his hands above his head in a ping pong ball suits. It's rare to you watch a film that circus isn't in actually. But you just don't realize, do you know the lamp in Pixar, the opening credit, the stuffing lamp? Yeah, the murdering lamp. But him reading a bedtime story, you just, I imagine he's an uncult, if someone told me circus was an uncult, I'd be like, I can buy it. Yeah, you know what I mean? I don't see him as a dad, but I definitely see him at an uncle.

And he's coming out of the soft play area, Dranky Sweat. He's finishing a bedtime story, Dranky Sweat has clarky coming out of the soft play on a hangover. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like he lent him to it too much. Imagine circus getting his teeth into the gruffalo and like hopping between the maugs. He wouldn't be able to resist. Would he slithering around the floor like a snake? Yeah, he'd be up on the top. He'd be under the bed, he'd be hanging off the curtain, popping out from behind the curtains. And like your downstairs waiting toward the curry and you'd be like, he's on Clandy

still. You just like, yeah. He's gotkings out of him trudging around the room. And you think you've fundamentally misunderstood the purpose of a bedtime story. It's not just a real dazzle and entertain, it's to get them just... Yeah, you're taking the edge off. We, if Cleo really likes a story, he says, I want to read that one again. I am doing it, you know, if I've done it at six or a seven, I'm doing it at two this time. Almost, almost a monotone, you know.

Totally. I'm removing all the performance out of it. Well, we saw you in Baddles. We saw you in the exactly. I'm giving it B-S-S-R-E. We know you can go there. We know you can go there. This is what I'm going for.

You're very, very, very much. Bring it down, we know you can go. This is what I'm going for very very very much Bring it down monotone it I 15 and two what I didn't realize What I didn't realize when I was doing that what doing that show was that I was training for the greatest role I'd ever play man trying to get children to sleep The greatest girl he ever played. You've nailed it there. That's the crux of it.

Like, Cumberbatch gets it. With Cumberbatch, you're getting austerity. He's easy to get out of it. He gets it. He gets it. He's all too bad. He's all too bad. Then occasionally, we'll see a little bit of spring. See part of the current cabinet. He gets it.

He gets it. He holds it back. He holds it back. Then occasionally it will see a little bit of sprinkle. You know, you know, richly grand going fucking hammer and tong and bells and whistles and you go mate, mate, mate. Just a little bit of magic, but it's worth it. It's worth it.

It's worth it, mate. Something to tap off. You're like, these people using food banks don't know how to budget. That's the problem. I said the ruffle. I was just at ease with it, you know, turn the spot like, wow, damn, man. I'm about to get to, yeah. Yeah.

Ben, Uncle Ben would go, well, you'd hear, you know, you're not a pig, you hear whispers and kind of soar a bit of all. And then they'd be in to, they'd be fast asleep. So I don't have to read this. And in fact, if Uncle Ben's going up to read the story, I'm ordering the curry before he's even gone up there. I'd be like, right,

I'll order it in now. Oh, you know, circus up there, you go, I'm gonna hold off until you get back there and hear it about fucking an hours time, mate. I'm gonna go for that one, Curry on Deliveroo that says it's gonna take 90 minutes to arrive. I'm gonna order that one because I don't care because he's doing a feature film up there.

He's doing a feature film up there. He'll see needs it. Man, he needs that validation. Well, Cumberbatch does, huh man? Cumberbatch just needs it. Right, he needs that validation. Well, Cumberbatch does, man, Cumberbatch just gets it. Give you just a little, just a toast, a little bit. Let's leave you one in the wall.

That's it. I think that's why I've come to the conclusion of that. I think Cumberbatch is probably he's the best uncle. Britain's uncle. But Tom, there is a reason behind circus giving so much when he does his bedtime story. It's because you know that little teddy bear

sat next to everyone reading the bedtime story in every other episode. You're not gonna, yeah, it's him. No. A master of understatement, it barely moves. It barely moves, you know. Yeah, and this is shocky as well. you know, the one time there was a guy who looked and sounded like Tom Hanks reading the bedtime story.

You're kidding me. You're right. It was Tom Hanks. That's unbelievable. I know. I know. Yeah. But he wasn't like that jumping in a different person. I was exactly that. I mean, that jump, that jump all the through you, but that's what Hanks can do. The greatest trick the devil ever played. Unber bum believable. Wow, it's played the devil.

What a great time. How's it going, D. Let's stop so usual for a bit of your feet. How's it going? What a lovely episode. What a gorgeous ep Clarky. It was absolutely dream. Were we ever so young?

I mean, what a great time. And also a wonderful, you know, talking of bedtime stories, a wonderful thing to fall asleep to our podcast, I would say. I would say, I think our podcast is one of those podcast. We've all got them. That's got a real, real calming influence on the mind and the digestive system.

That's exactly what you want. I listen to our podcast to slow my body right down. That's what I do. It's like a warm bath. It's like a cerebral bath. It's like a bath for the mind. Consider your brain fully scrubbed at the end of that. Really is like a bath for the mind. So anyway folks, don't forget, 29th January 30th January, Joe Wilkinson, as he was kept on the 29th, Carrie Lloyd and Keema Bob on the 30th, get your tickets from papyscomedy.com forward slash live, go to patreon.com forward slash papys flat share and join the Patreon today. Also stay tuned because next week's episode on the main feed will be the Christmas episode

of Papi's Flashy Us Lamp Down. Oh, ho, ho. So have a listen to that and think, yeah, I want to see a show like this live because it really is, it's a real treat. There's nothing like it. The recordings are fantastic, but ask anyone who's been to a live recording.

They are a really, it's, you you know something very exciting happens in that room But obviously we cut that bit out when we put the We put the podcast No, no no for reasons of legality slamming the guys so much like come come down. We want you to listen This is an invitation and open invitation from myself from Clarkie and I'm sure from Paris as well to come and slam with us guys. Come on down, slam with us in the Phoenix on the 29th and 30th of Jan. Clarkie, anything else you'd like to say to the listeners while we have them? Just I like them very much and if they've

joined the Patreon that would make me like them even more. Yeah yeah, like, come on. You can go stronger than like. We love you very much. We love you madly. Every single one of you listening today, we love you madly. Thank you so much for your continued support in 2023. Roll on 2024.

I can't wait for it. I'm so excited. Have a wonderful time. This episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers everyone. Bye. Corsum team! Him, cheers everyone! Bye! Stop Bonkers brilliance.

I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th.