Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Big mini golf) S11E41

Episode Date: October 11, 2021

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. It's thirsty work this pod.Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. We are without Matthew for this intro. He's off creating bigger families, but plural. I don't know why you're up to cry. Well, he's got to be a bit dark. But he was present for this house meeting recording. In fact, he kicked us off in an absolutely shocking style as you will be assume It's got a bit of a full start this one, but you know, sometimes you have an idea You've got a chuck it at the wall and see if it sticks. Don't you? That's absolutely right. Yeah, we've all done it We've all done it Today it was crossby's turn. So, yes, let's get into this highest meeting before we do.

It's worth saying if you enjoy the podcast, but you're not a member of the Patreon yet, get on board guys. You might as well. You might as well get on board for like one month and just give it a go, man. Give it a go, basically, for... If you go for the four quid tier, then you get an absolute boat load over 100 hours

of extra content because we put out a bonus episode a week and we used to put out a lot more during the, I locked out itself and that's all available to you. And it's a whole world of podcasting that goes along with what we stick out on the main feed. There's a lovely community, people can email in. Yes, Clarky. And well, I was gonna say as well,

as I don't think we do this enough, big thank you to all the patrons we do have because you guys are just absolute legends. You've helped us out. You know what, Clarky, that is absolutely the right sentiment. And for those you that aren't patrons, you know, if you want a bit of thanks off Clarke, and who doesn't, that's going to feel good, you know? When that thanks is aimed at you, oh, suit a loss.

So yes, get on board, join the Patreon, go to, I don't know, Google Patreon, Pappy's, FlatShare, you'll find it. You're right, surely. Surely, but otherwise, enjoy today's house meeting and we'll see you on the other side. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the flat. Has meeting. What temperature should we set the heat? Has meeting. Why on earth am I always waiting? Has meeting. Who went my bed while I was sleeping? This has a has meeting. What's the point?? This have a house meeting! Beating! Beating! Beating! Beating! Beating! Beating! Beating!

What's the point? Does life have a meeting? Have a meeting! Have a meeting! I wanted to talk about something that I've just occurred to me the other day. Please do. So, the notion of being thirsty is absolutely all over the place, isn't it? Like, it doesn't feel like... You're talking about the modern, right? Is there like an old notion of being thirsty? Yeah, when you really want water.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, not about laying thirst traps. Is that what you were talking about? That's what I thought you were talking about. What? You haven't listened, you know me. Because I love water.

But I have never, but I don't tend to post photos myself in underwear on Instagram. If I can avoid it. Sometimes I can't. Sorry Tom. Well, no, I'm with Ben because it feels like the first way is kind of a bit of an open and shut beef case. Seem gone. All right, all right, gone. Talk me through it. Well, you're, I'm thirsty. I want some water. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thirst is quenched. Yes. Problem solved. Here's the thing though, it feels different every time, right? Because they say when you feel thirsty, you're already dehydrated, right? What? They say if you feel thirsty, you're already dehydrated, right? What? They say if you feel thirsty, it means that something has gone wrong.

Your body is saying where? Your body is telling you to give me water. It's going to take water, you should. Your body is telling you to have to intake water. Also as well, thirst can feel like hunger. So a lot of people, when they're eating too much, they often don't realise the reason they're eating is because the thirst that they're feeling feels like hunger.

I feel like hunger is so cut and dry. I think if we were talking about hunger here, we'd be like, yes, absolutely, 100%. You feel hungry, you eat something, you know, a longer hungry. First is a... You might be thirsty. You're starting to win me over on this. You're hungry, you eat something, you a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a All kinds of different things. It could feel like a headache, it could feel like tiredness. All of it is the same thing. So fuck this, there's nothing in it, there's nothing in it. I don't know where I am.

I thought this was spark something, but it seems like it's absolutely zero, don't worry. Right, okay. Edit points, there we go, we'll start something new. Mine is equally at risk of being a dead end. Well, I'm a yes and kind of guy, let's see what happens. I have absolutely no concept of what is going on with a battery.

With a battery? With a battery? Like batteries. And I'm sure it's something that comes from being apparent. You're suddenly a lot more interacting with batteries than you, I think like you have a big interaction with batteries at the start of your life. Then you kind of have a bit of time away from them

and then they come back into it with a plum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You suddenly like, you get to an age where you're like, you're all about electricity and you're like, actually batteries aren't that important to anymore. But early teens, fucking hell, they're like, actually, batteries aren't that important to anymore. But early teens, yeah. Fucking hell, they're like part of the currency of life, batteries.

Well, I tell you what, actually, especially for us because, you know, kids nowadays, if they're listening to music, walking around the place, they've got a phone that's plugged in, right? That's a phone that they've plugged into charge. Yeah, it's got a battery in it, but they've plugged it into charge it. Whereas we would be in a situation where we'd be walking around

with our disc man or our walkman and the batteries would run out and that'll be it. We'll be stung. Well, you say that. What you'd actually do is you'd start gradually thinking, these tracks getting deeper, are they getting slower? Is my battery going? I'm probably starting to work man. Do you remember that though? Listen to it and you're like, oh my batteries are going, but you're still carrying on for like riding more, you ride them into the turf. Yeah. But like crowded house, increasingly becomes more and more... ...low. I mean, it's tough enough listening to crowded house without their songs lasting eight and a half minutes, isn't it?

Oh, I'm speed. Oh, my God. Nobody wants Neil Finn when he's... Oh, you're way here, girl. I think that's Creshta Test damage you're thinking of there. Oh my god, imagine what it was like when I was listening to God shuffle his feet and the batteries of my Walkman were starting to slow down. Tom Waits.

It turns out Tom Waits, Crash Test, they're all just recording on low batteries. Tom Waits. He's me they're all just recording on low batteries. That's some weight. He's a he just is battery. Tom Waits, there is a guy who sounds thirsty. I'm not going to lie to you. There is a guy who I hear those records I think Tom. He's a guy running down. You need a little bit of thirst quenching.

H-T-O. Well, you just like, I think, I think like you start talking to millennials now about batteries. Would they, I mean, there's going to come a time where it's going to blow people's fucking right here. They're not going to know what you're on about. But now, currently, father of a small child, batteries are suddenly really back in demand and I'm not quite equipped for it.

I've been rooting around the bottom of my toolbox for all sorts. Are you sure you're the father of a small child and not a robot? Have you got a robot? That keeps getting really tired, it keeps slowing down. Is it a small bunny you place a drum? Is that what you've got? Because I can tell you now that's going to save you a lot of money on nappies. But yeah, you're absolutely right. You're always thinking about where are their batteries. I don't think that's gonna go up though. I think we're stepping more into a battery, a battery world. Batteries are coming back.

Batteries are back, baby. They're gonna be, they're gonna be, they're gonna be, I think like, solar, like solar power and electricity. I think batteries are gonna be increasingly. Hang on, do you think solar panels, you actually flip them over and actually they're just battery operating? That's the real scam.

Those windmills, they're just being fed, you have to stick a fucking boatloader double a's in there. It's the real, it's not the double a's, it's the big old chunky ones. You know, it's the junkie square fuckers. It's the big old chunky ones used to stick in your get-so blaster, it's not the double a it's the big old chunky ones, you know, the junkie square fuckers. It's the big old chunky ones used to stick in your ghetto blaster. It's those ones. Do you remember when you'd get a, you get a, I mean, you're only get a get a get a get a blaster and, um, by the way, it's the phrase, it's the phrase get a blaster.

I'm just saying. I've just said that. I'm like, should we say get a blaster? I don't think we ever said get a blaster I don't think we ever said ghetto blaster. I think we went with like, boom stereo or high five. No, I think stereo high five. You stereo high five. You stereo high five. You stereo high five.

You stereo high five. You stereo high five. You stereo high five. You stereo high five. You stereo high five. You stereo high five. You stereo high five. You stereo high five.

You stereo high five. You stereo high five. You stereo high five. You stereo high five. You stereo high five. You stereo high five. You stereo high five. and high-fi, well I think of the thing in the living room with your record player on top and two speakers on either side. But yeah, I think a boom box or a ghetto blaster is what we would call it, but they took so many batteries. But yeah, I don't think the brains are going to get in the safe from that. It sounds awful. Yeah. Especially when you're growing up in Bromley. I know. In the streets of Bromley with my ghetto blaster man. It's like, you know, one of the most sort of like affluent and suburban burrows of Bromley,

there are no ghettos in Bromley. I mean, that's bad, yeah. But anyway, all I'm saying is, they took a lot of batteries, didn't they? Glad to be here. Yeah. They did. I mean, 10 batteries, oh my God.

Nowadays, you'd have solar panels on top of them You know what though could that why are we seeing that are we in a situation whereby you could be powering your phone through your hat That has to be the future right what they do have they do have portable charges that are solar powered But generally not of your body why are not your epilates? Why aren't your shoulder pads? You need a large space. Oh, right, no, no, no, no, because look, I know the whole roof of the house powers the whole house, right?

But if you think about it, if you're just like, if you've got one, just like one, like phone, that just needs to be a little bit topped up, it doesn't need loads of charge. If you wore a, if you wore a mortar board, man, that's a bit ostentatious. Ah, to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no, I can't see it. I see what I mean. Something's got to do, but a top surface area on it. Yeah. Or like, you know, hat. Yeah, when I was hats with like the propellers on the top for wind energy. Yes.

Or like a, end of the world is nice sandwich board. Front end of the world is nice. Back solar powered. Yeah, yeah. It lights up the world. The end of the world is nice. Sign lights up. Yeah. It's paying for itself. Because obviously the part of the reason the end of the is not, is because people are using so much energy. So if you're using solar energy, you are part of the solution. There you go. The sandwich board, I've always thought, seems like, um, quite a tricky one to walk in.

You can't do any, you can't do any real mileage with a sandwich board on. With my knees, like, as soon as you pick up pace, you'll leave. With my knees. I'm with you you pick up pace. With my knees. I'm with you on that class. With your knees. Man, never trust me. It's why I've never chose the where one. It's a young man's game.

The sandwich board advertising. I remember when I was younger. They were always in films. You'd always see someone in a sandwich board, in a film. And the end of the world is me. It took a while, but it was worth it. It was worth it. It was worth it.

It was worth it. It was worth it, it was worth it. Yeah, you're right. At the start of a movie, you'd see people walking around with a sandwich board. Is it how many of you just talked about die hard? Have we just heard of bit die hard three here? Well, this die hard, this Superman.

Every disaster film would have a shot of someone with an end as well. There's not absolutely very true. As the world is drawing to a close. It's the equivalent, it's the Hollywood equivalent of the Vicar drinking whiskey and rubbing his eyes, isn't it? Yeah. It's like the big budget, it's the Hollywood equivalent of the Vicka drinking whiskey and rubbing his eyes, isn't it? It's like the big budget, it's the big budget equivalent of that. The loony saying the end of the world is nigh.

Yeah, yeah, it really is. It's, but I wonder if the, because basically the equivalent we've got is the golf sale sign, right? That's like the, the kind of,, right? That's like the kind of, it's not, it's the sort of modern equivalent of where you'd see the golf sale sign. And now, I've got a question about that though, right?

Yeah, go on, go on. Which toys and with something else I was gonna ask about, when, just a, how, that's standing out there, they're standing out there for ages, how first do they get? That's where you go after, right?

It looks like, that they actually work. The answer is, they don't That's what you'd go after, right? It looks like thirsty work. The answer is they don't even know. They don't know, man. Let's go and put you in good water. First, are you? Oh, well, I was. Half an hour ago was.

You just got a night. No, no. Can I have my skin peeling off my face? Those baseball hats with like a little propeller on the top. Oh yeah. What, like, were they like, dunce hats to show that you're stupid? Was it like stupid people wear them?

Or was it just a bit of fun? It felt like a very American thing that like was somehow in like modern culture? What was the purpose of the propeller? Because the dunce hat, the traditional dunce hat is the sort of the propeller? Because the dance hat, the traditional dance hat is the sort of pointed, almost like paper wizard hat with a D painted on it. And that feels like an English version.

Yeah, that's it. The English dance hat. But it's like, I don't know, it feels like, it wasn't always used to depict someone who wasn't very smart, like wearing a baseball hat with a propeller on it. That's on it, it was just like super wacky. Yeah. I think that's how I would imagine it. Like either a tiny little kid or a grown-up who's wacky.

I think that's how I'd imagine it, rather than it being somebody who was stupid. But it feels like a very American. Again, it was like American culture, wasn't it? It didn't feel like it was a British thing. But it's also, it's a hat wear, and I know this is true almost of all hats, but it's a hat wear you're not getting any of the enjoyment out of it. It's for everybody else. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Do you know what I mean? Everyone else is seeing that the the the world is getting on top. I mean, the pillars not working enough to lift you off the ground, you know, exactly, exactly. What you'd want it to do. And it's not creating a breeze either.

So in a similar way, straight up. In a similar way, I would say the sandwich board, certainly like when you think of a sandwich board in movies and things. Is that more American and are we more placardy in Britain? Yes, this is. And similarly, carrying on with that vein, golf sale feels like an Americanism that's come over to the UK and is on our streets somehow, that we've never

actually really engaged with it. Well, the thing they do in America now, they always have to make it cooler and the thing they do in America is the guy sort of doing break dancing whilst flipping the sign around. Have you seen that guy? Yeah, yeah. That's like, it's like they practice being a cool sign guy and off you go. Whereas the guy in Oxford Circus now has two bits of laminated paper with the words golf sale on it that he wears on his baseball cap and he stands there and texts

So it's just two bits of laminated paper He just sort of see staple together and they're stuck to his baseball cap and he stands there with with his his hat Basically saying golf golf so we fair to know he is texting everyone in his phone to tell them about the golf That's the way you do it man. He's maintaining your social media. He's sending out emails, texting. That's how it has to be these days. There is a furious kind of social media campaign that he's maintaining about the golf sale. Yeah, that's how people actually see your product, you know, isn't it?

It is weird. Like that golf sale thing, the golf sale sign, it feels like it's come over from, it does feel like it's come over from America. It also feels like it is exclusively for the game of golf. Like you never see someone talking about like a badminton sale. Yeah. Or like football. Any other sport. Yeah. Or like football. Any other sport.

So it's like, and also with golf, it's like a really weird sport to have chosen because like golf seems like quite an exclusive sport that not that many people wear play. And so those kind of people would go, I don't know, to like, I don't know. I don't like to buy a car.

No, no, no, no, because I think because it's an expensive sport, people are always looking for a bargain, aren't they? And you know, it's not like it's, it's not like it's niche. There are golf clubs all over the place, you know? But, what? Golf courses.

And predominantly not in the middle of a city. It's very rare you're in the middle of a city thinking about golf. Yeah, so these things want to go in a golf sale. Unless it's one of those rooftop driving ranges, but even then, I can think of two of those. It'd be like having a sign that says like yacht gear available around the corner. It'd be like, I'm not thinking about yachting at the moment mate. When I'm out on a country drive and I pass a shop that says, you know, yacht gear half price, I'm thinking, hello, hella handsome.

But like, I'm not on, not when you're, you know, bustling around, burbing it or something, you know. It just feels like a weird place to be thinking about. But is it a golf, like, is it a bit sailing a place on the high street that sells you holidays? Golf sailing. Okay. It's not a bad idea.

Hang on. We have the ultimate world's most expensive game. It's yachting but your firing golf balls are often I mean that seems unfair it's going to go in a poor versus blowhole isn't it? You need 18. If you get a hole in one yeah sure. That's the poor boys of the game Matthew. So like you have like 18 yachts. And you're in a little one. You have 18 yachts, they've each got a hole on them. You're in a little boat. You're in a little boat.

And you're hitting an inflatable ball until you get it into the yacht. It's not a bad idea. It's not a bad idea. It's not a bad idea. It could kind of be a battleships at the same time. It could be it could be quite straight. He's using grenades. That's right. Yeah. It feels like the kind of game they'd be playing on like series five of succession or something

it'll be like we're gonna play your golf today Jesus Christ not the fucking Yacht girl. Hey, you fucking shit at your golf. Hey, why don't you stick your golf up your ass Silence a lot here. Whoever wins at your golf gets the companies What is this maybe we're playing for the company? maybe we're not. Let's find out. Oh, I suppose I'm gonna have to play Yad Golf. Hey, have you got any clubs I can borrow? Oh God, he's never played Yad Golf in his life. Right, you know, it could happen. I believe just a wonderful stop to that bit. I'm just wondering what, how long did you last in the succession writers room, by the way? They said it can't happen that I was left as my own devices. Then we're going to find a minute you catchphrase.

It could happen. It could happen. Tom, we're keep telling you it can't happen. No leave. Think about it this way. It could happen. You just got to believe, guys. What's the worst thing you've considered eating? Yacht golf feels more like something you would do. I don't know, wouldn't it really be, or golf sale, it would feels more like something you would do. I don't know, wouldn't really be, or golf sale, that would be more like something you do on a stag do. You know, it feels like the sort of thing that, you know,

you're all wearing life jackets. Some of you are going to fall in, you're trying to get into it. Baller Lake or something like that, yeah, you know. Trying to get into little smaller boats, that would be. Which, it's not a bad idea Is it you can play cat or moron five aside or yacht goals or like scuba squash you've got three choices Has anyone ever played a ping pong?

Has anyone ever made a full size crazy golf pitch That would be fun, wouldn't it? So what when you're trying to get it through when you're trying to get it through, or when you're trying to get it through, this is it. This is the idea, right? This is your big idea. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we Don't worry, they'll be fed to machines all the way around the course of that aspect. You're all right. But yeah, it is a good idea, isn't it? So like real size windmills? Real size windmills, whatever the theme is, you know, like if you're actually trying

to play golf through a giant pirate ship wreck, you know, or it's like, you know, the dinosaurs are the size of dinosaur would be. And also, the real size windmills is how we power it. Yes. It's like everybody's got a real size windmill on their hat. They're battery operated, I'm afraid to say. Yeah, I mean, you get like really good players to play it. Yeah, I mean, that would be so much fun to do, pay and play round of golf in a full size.

Oh, the only thing I would say is crazy golf. I always think the concept of crazy golf far outweighs the actual experience of crazy golf by like the third hole. Well here I'm here to say Tom, you're crazy. Because I'm not crazy. I love crazy golf. Or the last time I went to crazy golf, me and my friend found that a bit overpriced. We found an extra ball, we ended up going to have around three times. Oh what you just did. Well you could couldn't you because it's just it's only the last the last hole is

normally down a drain pipe that leads back to the office and takes the ball away, isn't it? Yeah, it just doesn't play in the last hole. It was near a driving range. There were lots of like driving range balls hanging round. I know. There's always a couple floating in the water nearby. That's 54 holes of crazy golf. Yeah. Boy, that's too many, that's too many, man.

If Tom's going board on the third hole, imagine if you were playing with Tom that day. That's like my idea of how, how is an eternal crazy golf course. It's great. I love it. I like crazy golf at all. Although I'll tell you I love the idea of it. I once went on my own to the one over my almost end the dragon golf. That golf. Oh yeah, that was the one. Was that the one? Yeah, love it. And I played it and it took, I'd say, six and a half minutes.

You said it was when you're on your own. It takes no time at all. But even with two of us, it's a short one. It's not basically, it's not that crazy. No, yeah, that's good. That's a lot of the, it's like sometimes there's really good ones and sometimes you're like, this is just, oh, you're gonna get it in this one It's a, it's not a straight line. Yeah, it's there's a bit of a bump. There's a bit of a bump You can either go round the bump or over the bump, but it might go that fast going over the bump. It's called drag and golf. There is

No drag. There's a dragon as you're driving in Oh, and actually there's a dragon. There's one arching they should call it. Dragon, dragon car park plus golf. Dragon car park plus golf, please. It was just the only thing was, it's just too many words to fit on the sign. So the one bit is that there is, there's not even a dragon, but there is like a cave where there's dragons growling.

And if you play that on your own, on a wet day when there's no one else on it, it's really scary. I was absolutely shitting myself. I played that whole so fast. I genuinely, I think I was like, I think I did it in about three, but the last one was just, oh yeah,

let's call it three and I'm like, I'm there because I was, there's something quite scary about. This is another good idea, like spooky crazy golf, like crazy golf. That's the way it's like a cycle golf. You have to do like a psycho golf and it's like, you have to do the 18 holes,

but you're being chased by someone with a like chainsaw or some shit. Yeah, and things like, things jump out. Yeah, man. Hand comes up at the hole. Oh! The carry hole. Yeah. You're going to get the ball and it's like,

whoa! Yeah, love, I love that. Cat the caddy hole, maybe we should go. So there's like, that, that, that, that, that is, there's something in there as well, isn't there? There is. Yeah, basically, designing crazy golf courses would be a great job.

Thank you, and better. Because I think, I think the idea, that's what we just, I mean, that was my idea when I said design them. I didn't mean to make them worse. Shall we take away the little bit where it's at? Should we make everyone a straight line? It's a meter long and everyone's a straight line.

When you were discussing it, I think that's part of the problem with crazy golf, is like there's normally three crazy holes, and then there's like this one bends off to the left. Yeah. Well this one's got a whole circle of homelike. That's what the vast majority of crazy golf courses are like. And then they'll be like one or two feature holes.

Yeah. And that's kind of my problem with crazy golf. I went to one, not that long ago, where it has a pirate ship that you have to put onto the pirate ship on one hole and then put off it on the next. Oh that's good stuff. That was that. I can't remember it's in the middle of nowhere we just kind of, we had a week.

You're stranded on Desert Island. You and your man Friday. He's been on an extra ball. He was pretty thirsty. I was saying that much. He's been extra bold. Pretty thirsty, I'll say that much. Oh my god, I bet. Nothing. Nothing is to this extent.

How'd you know that in a desert island? How'd you know? You could have been hungry. You could have been hungry. But lots of saltwater, so we were fine. You were absolutely fine. Absolutely fine. Yeah, I went to one in New Zealand that was in a junkyard

and everything was made out of scrap metal. And so that was really fantastic. That was really, really good. And I'll say, you're on your holes. But if you're going to a seaside one, those for me are the worst ones, where they've managed to try and cram like, probably about nine holes,

but nine holes of crazy golf into about four square meters. You're like, it's just crazy about it, is the intention when they said, we're gonna put a golf course on this roundabout. That's fucking crazy, man. Yeah, yeah, that's right, we're crazy. The only thing that's crazy is we've paid six

quid each for this. Yeah. And on a hot day, you're normally queuing behind like fucking eight families. Yeah. And like, let's be honest, there's rules, rules are very fluid on the crazy golf course. Like some people are moving it away from a wall. If it's touching a wall, some people are like, you've got to mark yourself a point for

that if you're moving it away from a wall. It's like most, most'll actually have on the card, they should have rules and normally it states the head of a club. You can move it ahead of a club. You have to name the head of the club. You tell your crazy golfer in the series. You have to go to the head of the club. You're the head of the golfer club. He gets the gist.

He gets the gist. He gets the warrior majesty. The captain of the golfer. He's got He gets the... He gets the warrior majesty. The cap of the golf club. He's got his own parking space next to the dragon. Oh no, he's not next to the dragon. He is the dragon. Go and you will tell two pasts and one lie.

Oh, dare awaken the head of the club. Oh, it's bar wall fair enough, yeah fair enough, yeah. It's a free drop. What number three drop? That's it, you parched. Are you there? Are you? Who knows?

Who knows? Who knows? Who knows if you are? So, yeah, like there's also like a scaper like is there a way of combining a scaper's with crazy golf as well. So it's like there's like riddles and shit to get through to you know, I think I think like actually taking crazy golf into an area that's not big gone before. Yeah. It's like a kind of key thing with that. Like it would be cool for example if you have like an

option of three doors to try and put through and only one of them will actually kind of like a cat flap open and the question and the answers kind of correspond. But if you've gone first, if one else has a very good chance. But maybe that's it. Maybe you just take it in turn to go first on a hole. But what about like what about, yeah,, I suppose that's it, isn't it? Because if it's a group of you doing it, you only need one person. What about if you're all trying to get, what if it's the balls that hit an all-round the room? And you've got a lot of little things to get. Each ball disappears after you've played the whole, but you've got to work it to close.

So it's crystal-mount maze, but with the balls. Exactly, yeah. So in each locker or under each panel or whatever, is the number of balls to play your round? And there's a guy with a chainsaw in the room with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I told you about that escape room I saw

where there was the guy on the chain. Like, so it was a guy with a chainsaw on a chain and every, like every to the five minutes The chain gets a bit longer so it's getting closer and closer to you and you've got it. Oh, that's great. Yeah I mean what a job that guys are one in his fucking crust. What a gig as well He's done. He's a shit. He is mate. So how long till I till my break? Well, you've got 45 minutes lengths of penalty to your break where you can finally get to your lunch box. You're finally reached the venue machine. I'm absolutely thirsty man. Come on. Get in the home, finally. I was just reaching to my front door.

Absolutely thirsty is a really disappointing phrase. There is no I should have. I am absolutely I am absolutely spitting spit Quite dry, flaky spit because of how first Do I am? Just to come back to what was Ultimately, I think going to take us into a dead end My point about backtrees is I have to be sure

Listen, we've had two death row parlance on this podcast so far. One, I threw myself on my own swords. Two, it just drifted away. We got away from it. We got away from it. We got away from it quite nicely. Exactly, like the lethal injection, painless.

Just drifted away. No one noticed. Yeah, go on, go on go on battery boy What's what's going on what what happens with a battery? Literally the question we didn't I've not got a fucking You just you carry it around it's full of acid and that acid becomes charged If it then if it leaks it goes into crystals, doesn't it? Like if you, if battery acid leaks inside your Walkman,

you know, if you find an old Walkman, it's still got the batteries in, it will have this sort of weird, like, salt crystal kind of stuff all over the batteries. Presumably that's the magic. That's the magic power. That's what I was going to say. I mean, it does feel just like magic, doesn't it?

There's some magic, yeah. It's absolutely dazzling, actually, what they do. It's pretty fucking dazzling, batteries. Do you remember when they brought out batteries so that you could press the side and tell how charged they were? Oh, I was so jealous. This is what I'm talking about. That was when we were all reckoning about 13, 14, it was like fucking, I was.

The problem with that was rechargeable batteries. Yeah, I mean, yeah, getting yourself a good pair of rechargeable batteries. Oh, that'd be a birthday present sorted. It was a real, yeah, take it. I was like a battery pack rechargeable batteries. And you'd have, I'd always have them on the go, but you never know, man, just be my skateboard and going down Bromley Mall.

I'm just thinking of what I'm going to pass at the moment. This is part of the madness of baptisms, isn't it? We should say that, you do own and run a crazy golf course, don't you Matthew? So that lawnmower is used a lot. Yeah, it's mad that I'm mowing it really because most of the ground is sort of felt. So, they don't why? You're crazy, man. I'm crazy.

I'm mowing felt. I'm all man crazy? I'm going felt Oh, no, it's gotta be a water. It can't be coffee. It would just read a dehydrate me that Sorry, but I interrupt, did you? No, no, I think it was for the best. No, that's because we've all, we've all had to go. We've all had to go, Clarke. Old Thursday crossbe battery, Clarke, what have you got to, what have you brought to the table?

What would your dead end topic of being basically, if you were just starting the podcast? My dead end topic of bean basically. If you have a start on the page. My dead end topic would have been, you can't like so, because make it a little hard of hearing, I have to repeat things quite often, and repeating something loudly. I don't think you can ever do without sounding annoyed.

You're gonna have a pop at the deaf community. I don't think you can repeat something loudly and not sound annoyed. Well that's our show everybody thanks so much for listening. We're all off for a drink. You've been listening to Three Dead Ends. The podcast by Papi's. Every week. You've been listening to Three Dead Ends! You've been listening to Three Dead Ends! You've been listening to Three Dead Ends! You've been listening to Three Dead Ends! You've been listening to Three Dead Ends! You've been listening to Three Dead Ends! You've been listening to Three Dead Ends! You've been listening to Three Dead Ends! You've been listening to Three Dead Ends! You've been listening to Three Dead Ends! You've been listening to Three Dead Ends!

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You've been listening to Three Dead Ends! You've been listening to Three Dead Ends! There we go, all the hot topics covered. It was a hot, hot episode actually. Lots, lots of fun. Ironically, I got thirsty just listening to it. There you go. At least I think I was thirsty. I don't know, maybe I was hungry. You never know. You're too well over the shop.

Do you know what though? I will say, I have thought about that quite a bit since I ordered it. I've thought about nothing else Because the thing is and I hate to dip back into it, but really it honestly if you feel thirsty, it's like too late That's like scrambling my brain That doesn't seem right to me Well, you see maybe he had point, he had something to talk about. It's basically what. But it didn't lead to any more chat.

So, basically, if your body is sending you messages saying, I'm thirsty, it's because it's dehydrated and you shouldn't be dehydrated. So, the idea is to stay hydrated so you never get thirsty. He's right, it is all over the shop. But you wake up thirsty and stuff like that, because you do that. Yeah, that's because you're, because you're dehydrated. But that, but that sounds so serious. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers everyone. I'll bring it up on the next one. First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! First day! the neighborhood watch roll call. Someone climbs out of the coffin but then a fart they do a maker. The fart it smells so fiendishly it belongs to in Baker. Someone creeps across your garden.

You look out of the window. You pay the price because in your garden is the dirty creeper Joseph Greys. And though you fight to not throw up, your head feels kind of spinny, because you have just smelt the crack of the corpse of Andy John McKeeney don't do that. Oh, they must smell the crack. Out comes the crackin. And oh, you accidentally smelled all eight of its cracks. It had it smell. Oh, it smells so bad.

It smells so bad it smells so bad it's made your eyes go all puffy oh dear why did you do it Jimmy and the fee I have caught a terrible cold. From whom I cannot see. It's a creepy spooky ghostly cold that I caught from Neil Ray. A chew. Oh, a chew, down swoops the vampire, and rinks until he's had his fill, son. The innies swoops away! Oh, damn you, John Wilson. The zombie's gone to the buffet table.

He's choosing between chicken or pork. But no, instead I'm going to eat your head!" says the zombie David Rook. Oh no! That's the name of the Doctor, not the name of the monster! What, Follery? What an absolute mistake you just made, Jollery. This werewolf is buggering me! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I, you must be able to see, but you know what, we're having a jolly old time, in the werewolf's name's jolly tea. Where, hello dear, I was going to put on my copy of Teen Wolf, but after after that I'll never see it again sheeshman oh that's the rhyme oh no the rhyme is as bad as it can rhyme what the hell are you thinking, Simon Gersman? This is the ghost of a pig. Oh, has jumped over a gate!

And now he's feeling quite cold. Oh, I'll wrap a ghost pig in a blanket and say, have you ever heard of Rory? Oh, a ghost sheep has jumped over a fence and it sets me right to sleep but then I was I'm a zombie bear. Yes, I'm going to say. I thought so. He's not so did you. I always hear zombie bear coming down. I thought we might need an extra light.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It's not surely not open. He's not going back to go. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, There's one more thing to say, is don't kill me you awful cunt! That's the ghost of Nathan Mills! Though you fight to stay alive, your body says it all. For that's the end of this spooky Patreon neighborhood watch roll call.