Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Clarky dropped an egg) S11E25

Episode Date: June 21, 2021

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. Clarky dropped an egg and the drive-by scientist thinks he should lick itPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. I'm Matthew and welcome to another episode of Pappy's Flat Share House Meeting. House Meeting! Always a pleasure to get together with the two bloody mates and do the fat. That's what we did. Just now, and you're gonna listen to it soon. Yes. Thank you Tom. Did it put some nice chewy fat? I'll tell you that one. It was nice. It was the perfect amount of fat to chew I'd say. A lovely chat today.

Before we do this, I wanted to read this message out to you because this will... Well, you'll enjoy this, I think. This is a message from a list of called Ben. He got in touch via papysflatshare.gmail.com. Very exciting to share a name, obviously. Ben says, recently I sent in a B for I complained that my partner often doesn't finish TV shows.

Tom recommended we should play some double and also plan a treasure hunt. So I thought you may be interested to know how wise he actually is. We very often... yeah I know, I knew you love this. We very often play games and dobble is one of the many we own, but the most impressive part is that a few weeks prior to you reading out my beef I was surprised with a treasure hunt No way almost as if you knew I woke up to be surprised with an obstacle course in the living room one End of a climbing rope was tied around my waist and the rope had been fed. Oh my So so your partner tied a rope around your waist while you slept

Okay, it's amazing. I mean, that's impressive slash creepy, but let's keep reading through. That's great. I want to try to tie a piece of string around my partner's finger while she was asleep and I couldn't manage it that way. So that's taking it to the next level.

Yeah. I needed to know what her ring size was basically. So she didn't have any rings. So I guess what this person has done is like if you wanted to find out what it says. They're bell size. And they don't own any trousers, yeah. That was my plan. Topeys are string round and then slip it off and then there's the ring. But I couldn't do it.

In the end that's just cable tie and do it like a joke. Anyway carry on. That's not bad though. Yeah I left it I've had a cable tie and I was like that would do it so I left it by where we watched Kelly and then while we were watching Kelly I was like oh the cable tie here and then I was like oh messing around with it and then I suddenly put it on a finger and tight and did it was like, oh, the cable tie here. And then I was like, oh, messing around with it. And then I suddenly put it on a finger and tight and didn't was like, ah, caught you. And she was like, what are you doing? And I was like, oh, yeah, sorry.

Sorry, I was just mucking around and then I had it. That's great. And did it work? Did you then take the cable tie to a ring fitters and get it sized? That's amazing. Yeah. So that's how I ordered the get it sized. That's amazing. Yeah. So that's how I ordered the ring, yeah.

That's so good. So it's a similar technique, but on a bigger scale. Yeah. I admire it. Yeah. What about when you, because you're currently trying to fit your partner for a full suit, aren't you? LAUGHTER

You're not going to be the odd inside leg. You haven't got a cable tie big enough. I'm using my belt. I'm using my belt. I'm just taking off each part of the body one by one. I've got a lasso in the kitchen. I'm getting pretty good. I'm so nasty at that.

Sorry. Yes, of course. So climbing rope was turning around my waist and the rope would be fed through various obstacles, which meant I had to go over, under and through desks, tables, chairs, etc. to get to the other side of the room. I always had to complete some tasks on the way, carry my girlfriend, down a bottle of cause light, avoid touching the floor. Oh my god.

Downing a bottle of cause light just after you woken up. That's the floor. I thought this is going on. This is it. This is ever a deep brew. Hell of a partner. I mean, at least it was a light. Yeah, that's true. What is going on? This is a... This is ever... A deep brew. A hell of a partner. I mean at least it was a light.

Yeah that's true, that's true. The breakfast beer. When I reached the other side of the room, there was an envelope stuck to the doorframe that I had to get down by throwing balls at it. In the envelope was a clue, and that's when the treasure hunt began. It started in our flat,

but after a couple of clues, it led to the nearby lake. Under a picnic table, I found a treasure map that had been nailed underneath. And I had to use this to navigate through the woods. At the end of the treasure hunt, I found some firewood and wine

that my girlfriend had hidden the day before. So we made a fire, ate some food that my girlfriend had prepared, drank some wine, and then she proposed to me. Needless to say, I accepted. I feel incredibly lucky that I've met the person at the perfect time. We bubbled together after only a month and a half of dating, but that has meant that lockdown for us was an incredibly happy period. Hashtag lovely and lockdown. Cheers, everyone. Baye! Ben! Well, Ben. Congratulations, Ben.

Congratulations. Congratulations. And I'd like to think that we played a small part in that, even though we didn't. In any way. It's a great way to feel, isn't it? It's a great way to feel. And that's how... And that's weird that you tried the same thing and it was for a ring as well. Yeah, I mean not quite.

Thomas was just putting a cable tie round a finger and then you know. Mine was as romantic. Oh yeah, it was very romantic actually. I actually thought you were some more romantic. Thank you Ben. Much much more. Well, let's get into the episode. We started by talking about something, changed our mind, but then lucky.

I'm clarky had a story. In my defense, I knew it was gonna be a false start. No, you started by saying, we can't talk about this. I didn't think it was gonna get in, but it's made it in. It's made it in mate. Nothing gets thrown away. Welcome to the podcast. LAUGHTER I've had a thought.

I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want a chat. OK, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has beaten. Has beaten. What temperature should we set?

The heat has beaten. Has beaten. Has beaten. Why on earth am I always waiting? Who went my bed while I was sleeping What's the point does life have a meeting? I don't even know if this is something for the pod But I I I had a thought that I know fact it's fine I had a thought that, oh no, in fact, it's fine. That's fine.

It's fine. It's fine. Go on, go on. It's kind of grain we've covered before. Recently I'm sure, but my wife and I were putting out daughter's bed and she's really got a thing for robots. She's kind of like, obviously my feelings are about technology.

It's kind of like her favourite book, you know there's books about like lambs and bears and snowmen and there's one about robots and she's robots every time and then there happens to be robots on her lampshade in her room from the previous owner of the house and so she can't go to sleep unless we've held her up and she touches all robots. The previous owner was T2, wasn't it? It was Jeff Bezos actually. I've done very well.

Once you buy outside of London, you can get a lot more back for your book. Okay. But anyway, so like I said, she might grow up to be a... A robot. Computer scientist. Oh, yeah.

But my wife thought was, maybe she will, you know, data robot. And I was like, and that, like that, you could see, like you're going 20 years time. And I was like, imagine if she's going to be like Sarah Connor, not dating. No, no, no, like, you know, like, because by that point, I would be like an option. So it's like, you're what your like, you know, like because by that point, I will be like an option. So it's like, you're what your wife, you go,

oh, maybe it's just gonna be a job for her. And your wife goes, no, she'll just marry into it. Marry into it. She'll be a kept woman. Because her drone husband will be working, you know, 24 hours a day. And he'll go on. The scene I kind of immediately had in my head was like,

rather than coming out as gay, it'd be like, I'm GAI, and it's like, you come home and be like, this is my partner, they're actually AI, and it's like, you know, as parents, we're gonna have to try and be cool with that. Because, you know, it's something that we can't get our heads round, but the kids are embracing, because it's like, my daughter's G.A.I.

This is the life of the parents. You imagine scenarios that don't exist to worry about. But it's like new scenarios. If you being out of touch about the idea of your Not yet one year old daughter Yeah, one in taking a dating a row. You're later to the promos and I thought I can I can see that I don't think that far away from it being like this this is Al void. He's a robo core or some shit I don't know. I'm not ready for it

basically. Al void the robo core. He's going to the prom and I've got to be cool with that and I hope that he doesn't get like some kind of fucking chips Who you know it's just like I don't think we're quite ready for that next step, but it's gonna happen in it I don't Yes Yes. Yes. Fiddle. Fiddle. Fiddle. You did such a good thing there with your, with your avoid and the, and the, the chipmunks joke. You shouldn't have gone back to it, man.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No was a simpler time. Anyway, what's going on? Anyway, that's not for the podcast, is that what you're saying? Thank goodness, let's move away. Yeah, I mean, I knew because I think we've covered technology quite a lot, haven't we?

And this kind of like fear of the robots taking over and stuff. Yeah, I mean, it's quite well-trot territory, but it's just more of a sacrifice. Not just fear, if we're honest. Yeah. I feel like we're at the forefront of our movement. Oh, yeah, of course. I mean, we're... With a definitive.

I'll tell you what, I did the other day. Oh, yeah. I've never done before. I dropped a name., I did the other day. Oh yeah. I've never done before. I dropped an egg. What dress? Oh sorry, you put your laden egg. I dropped an egg. You dropping egg. Ah, and gone. That's your first drop egg in your life. Yeah, I swear to God. I am very impressed. I've been dropped an egg egg there? Of course I've dropped an egg, by the way, it does sound like what someone would say if you're asking if someone's farted. Have you dropped an egg? How have you dropped an egg? But yeah. That's the first egg you've dropped in your life. I can't.

Basically, I can not believe you've gone, I think I'm of the opinion that you haven't done enough with eggs then. Yeah. Yeah, and I agree with that. If you're getting to 40 and you've never dropped an egg before, then you haven't lived enough with eggs to get to 40. I don't think it's how you're getting to 40 and you've never dropped an egg before, then you haven't lived enough with eggs to get to 40. I don't think you're skilled with eggs. This is the first time that you've...

So you took that the first time you've dropped an egg to the ground, rather than like, dropped it onto a counter and it smashed. Or is this the first time you've smashed an egg? I think it's smashed. What? This feels... Right. Let's take it back. Let's take it back. Let's take right back to the concrete streets here Egg and spoon race

Do you ever do an egg and spoon race? Okay, I've been at house pies with you where we've been breaking eggs, but now that's a good one Yeah, I was throwing them You were throwing them into a microwave to then you've seen me you've seen me break eggs into a microwave to them. You've seen me, you've seen me break eggs. That's the guy that made them. I've seen you break so many and never an omelet. X.

I, yeah, I'm not, like, I, basically, I, I was at a crossroads there of immediately calling bullshit or trying to be impressed and support you that it's the truth. You did a bit of both. You did a bit of both, yeah. Well, I tried, I first went in the trying, I tried to be supportive and be like, well done mate, that's amazing, but even then it's like, if that is true, I can't have pity you for the life you haven't lived because that's 40 years of not breaking eggs, you know what? Well, there's the last time you dropped an egg.

Um, I dropped. You could get something you've done a lot. Yeah. Well, what you've got to bear in mind is that you parry was a, it was just let that hang in the effort seconds. That's quite, that's quite a powerful moment. It was a real day, Lewis moment there. Yeah. That scene in there will be blurred where he drops an egg. And he goes, Oi, do you drop that egg?

In fact, where that? He lost dough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He drops an egg in all of his roles. It's how he kind of works out his character. He's like, how would they drop it? How would they drop an egg? He comes on to set on the first day and he drops an egg just to show his incontrol and then he cleans it up himself just to show his part of the team. He never, he never, he never, he never throw out a job that he wasn't prepared to do himself.

He doesn't make somebody else. What's that about? What does Dayleewis do on the first day of certain then clean up stuff does he does he do that with other things? No. Sorry. I thought that was something I didn't know that was something I didn't know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no one knows. Well, you know, I assume I think on the first day of set, I mean he arrives in

character doesn't he? That's what we know. What does Daylewis do now? That he's retired, right? What's Daylewis' days like? What's Daylewis up to? Get out. Because...

Drop an egg. He's an egg-dropping day, he's a... What's Daylewis up to? He's an egg-dropping day, he's a... He's trying to work out. By the way, we're going to come back and find out the circumstances of your first ever egg drop. That isn't going to alleged first ever egg drop.

Oh my goodness. Oh, be supportive Tom. Your first ever egg drop. But yeah, what does Dayleewis do now? Potter around. Go to the shops. Well, here's the thing, isn't it? You know, when people take early retirement,

they often find themselves at a loose end, don't they? And they often end up going and doing things that are kind of quite similar to their job or starting a new job, but it's tricky with De Lewis, because he could be any, you know, he's such a method actor, he could be working down carp, and I would know. He'd inhabit the role. But he's retired from that, as I mean, you can't, if he, you can't do it for surely. He's retired from making films and doing plays, but you can't retire from your own personality.

You can't retire from the training, can you? You can't retire from the years of getting into, you know, like, he gets into his flat, right? On the, I'm assuming you know, it's in the flat. He gets into his flat. He gets into his flat on the last day of shooting, you know, whatever it was, the Phantom Thread, where his final film was. And, and...

So put the robot lab shade. Good. No, no, no, no, no. I've got to change that. And, and he goes, well hang on a sec Daniel, who are you? Who am I? He's never spent any time with himself. He's not so so he immediately panics and goes and goes throws himself into another role. And the other role is, you know, working at a working as a mobile DJ. Something like that, you know, you can completely inhabit the character. Now I think

I think he's he's got to be like when he's not being other people, he's he's got to have a he's got to have a neutral setting. He's not a he's not a husk. No, no, you know, he's got a neutral setting. He's not a husk. No, no, he's got a man, is he? No, he is a portmante personality of the role he's just finishing, which he's shedding like a reptile skin and the new personality that he's trying on. So when he's in between jobs, he's just like on the floor of his house

in a fetal position like a maggot, like a larvae. Right? Waiting to take form. There's a lot of power in the phrase, so what you're trying to tell me. Tom, there's a lot of... You take it... That's essentially what you're saying though, is that we... No, no, it's not.

I'm saying he's walking around with a sort of split personality. He's getting rid of one person. When I said like a reptile skin, I didn't mean physically shedding a personality. I'm talking about, so he's walking around. I've heard actors talk about this before, where they say they have this character that they've been living as for a while.

And it takes a few weeks. How is me, it reaches out. That was very personal. You know what I'm saying? You're not living with this living with is your daughter's robot These have to play the Tom in bad old He's never quite shook it But they're walking around with this personality

There's this character that they can't quite shift right so they're walking around trying to get rid of that But of course, De Lewis, you know, he was doing back-to-back big projects So he would obviously start doing the necessary background reading to become a Abraham Lincoln. So you know, he's... What about his wife? Well, that's who did she marry? This is it, she caught him at a good time. She caught him at a good time.

She married him. Actually, did you see the movie he was in when you played the cool guy to high school And he would rock up with sunglasses on and high five a a rag a tag and all that kind of stuff It was an 80s movie not it was what it was a weird choice to do immediately after my left foot But that was the movie he did and she caught him just at that moment He was living as that cool guy Yeah, he played Rex Oh my god dude he's not recognizable Boat was either Lee's Ape or a Rock. Yeah, he played Rex, Rex P. Couldood, he made a big amount. He's unrecognizable.

He's unrecognizable. Yeah. No one is. Nobody, no, yeah, he had a big quiff. He had mirrored shades, you know. He had spoilers on the back of his car. And that film's got one of Clark's favorite ever movie scenes in it, hasn't it, Clarky? Oh, I've not seen it, what?

Oh, you think? No, this is where we've always fallen down in our career, is people always assumed that because we did sketch comedy, we'd be good at Impro. But it actually turns out that it was never our bag. I feel like in Impro, you do at least have to warn the person you're improvising with, it's an improv out to take place. It's gone on, we're up.

No, that was an improviser, it would have been all over that. We'd have been in the scene. What were you doing me up for? To describe a scene from A PIN About. I was A PIN About Not Real Film. Here we go, you're seeing this is. Guys, that was good improv.

I kind of, I kind of zoned out, because I was like, I don't know. You've been in my house at all. You've gone back onto your phone for a bit. No, that's what you've done. You were like, oh great, I'll be right back on my phone for a little bit, and then suddenly, wow, some wicked improv was thrown your way.

And you didn't know which way it was up. Which was the sequel to Ape and About, wasn't it? Which Ape is up? That was about an Ape who tried loads of balloons to their house and floating away. But we should get into this now. we should get into this situation of what happened in Clarke's, I'm assuming kitchen. Well, it was my kitchen.

I've got you, so I thought I'd meet. Yeah, I mean, I was fortunate because I suppose most egg drops happen in the kitchens and they normally, I can't imagine if it had gone into a carpet that would have been a nightmare. I've just thought of something Clarke. Go on. I can't imagine if it had gone into a carpet that would have been a nightmare. I've just thought of something, Clarky. Go on. Did you ever do the experiment at school? Well, you had to...

It was like a science experiment. You had to drop an egg and you had to try and build something. I think it actually might have been a design lesson we did. We had to build something to protect the egg. I know of it, but we never did it. That was, yeah. There was no way at my school they would have hunted us eggs. I won that competition.

Did you? Yeah, but through nefarious means. Did you pull the egg? Did you pull it in your shoe? I put the egg in my pocket, and I jumped off the roof of the school myself. So they were so concerned about the fact I'd broken all of my legs. They didn't bother to check the pocket.

All of my legs, yeah, both legs. My two main legs and my third leg. That was the one I was most... You inspired the character of S Kyrgyz called runnings That's a lovely reference No, no Clark eight call runnings is a real film Just just before his own it's they were it's a real it's a real movie And go ahead you win so

Basically my original method was to build a sort of tube for the egg to sit in and then some sort of like cross hatching bits of cardboard underneath, right? Right, yeah. Okay. I mean, I don't know what my thinking was, but basically I was just building it like a big floor to hit before it hit the actual floor, You know, like, as it hit the actual floor, I wasn't really, you know. I'm imagining, I know we've covered this before, but kind of like a rain stick type.

What, so a tube that went from where you were dropping the egg all the way to the grass? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,abyrinth. So basically, I've made a kind of grid system of intersecting bits of cardboard that I put at the bottom of the tube, right? So at the bottom of the tube, it looked like a sort of, almost like a kind of, you know,

it looked like a kind of, like a bit of honeycomb in there. It was a bit like that, except there were squares. Like that, inside what looked a bit like a toilet tube, it was about the same size as a toilet tube, and I would have dropped it down and it would have just smashed, right? It wouldn't have worked. But, and you only had, I think you had a piece of A3 paper

so quite a lot of paper left over. And my friend Paul, I'd already seen his design and he wasn't in on the day it happened, although I already seen his design and he wasn't in on the day it happened although I'd seen his design and his design was to put All the rest of the paper so basically a bit a bit bigger than a four on the bottom of the tube And then just drop it down it kind of floated down. It just it meant that it's it meant that it actually it was nothing to do with the impact It was to do with the journey. So do with the impact, it was to do with the journey. So, um, so yes and for life? Yes, absolutely, yeah.

And so, so I basically, he wasn't in, I, a knitties design. And I want to follow. Did you have a, had you killed him the night, had you killed him the night before? I had actually, I fed him some poison mushrooms, phantom thread style. Nurt, back to health. And that became, that was I was on a piece of a paper and then made in breakfast, a couple of fried eggs, Paul, there in tact. But yeah, I do feel bad about that but in the grand scheme of I think myself and Paul

being mean to each other, it was by no means the worst thing either of us did. So yeah, yeah. How bad did it get? Oh, you know, like, you know how it is when you're, you know, when you're 14 and sort of, your friendship is actually... Your friendship is... Yeah, like, your friendship is... Well, that was, like I said, that was a very mild.

Your friendship was kind of based on just you, you kind of sort of being incredibly mean to each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was all it was. Constantinthe past, I. Constantinthe past. Well, I mean, I think now it's more verbal rather than like the sort of dead leg, dead arm, based shenanigans that Paul and I got up to.

You think it's verbal now you fucking Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it, took it out, slipped, juggled a little bit between the hands. I got it right. You got it right. Okay, yeah, we first. No, no, the egg from my hand. I didn't slip, like, right, my leg. I just fumbled it.

But I'm picturing this fumbling. Like that seems almost cartoonish. Throwing it. Throwing it from one hand to the other. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's always like, you know, somebody's throwing you, like something incredibly hot and you're like, you can't quite.

Yeah, I should add as well. I'd taken all six out simultaneously. So I was generally caught in the lot. I did pretty well. I consider it. I'm word I hot, had you boil them? They were not hot. It was a cold egg No, it was a re-intemperature egg

Oh, of course this is the thing isn't it where to keep where to keep your eggs? Do you keep in the air you ask me? I'm sorry, you know what I'm lashing out because Tom called me a twat and I'm taking it on you I'm taking it out because Tom called me a twat, and I'm taking it out on you. It's not fair. I'm just bloody right. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where'd you keep your eggs, you again? You're a good tease. So, you got a single room temp egg in your hand. You weren't at the same time, you weren't, like, a cocky, single one, I think I just, I just moved a bit too quick with it in my hand, they quite have it in my grip. And it fell out, I tried to catch it with my other hand,

it hit that hand and it just fell to the floor. Yeah. And it broke, but in such a way, there was only a small hole on the underside of it, but just the egg came out perfectly onto the floor. So you had like styling, right? It's quite hot, it's been quite hot recently as well. It's been very hot. We know underfloor heating. It's all, do you actually? Oh! You missed an absolute trick, crank up the underfloor

heating. I didn't miss a trick, it's still going. It's just... It's on it's second week and it's just starting to get... You know how Clark enjoys a Crembroulai. He got the little blowtorch as well, just to give it a little bit on the top. Yeah, so a yoke didn't break even... But then, right, and I I like your advice on this Three so I could fucked up. I fucked up the cleanup

real bad How would you have dealt with that? You have a perfect kind of like inner fried egg style blob on the floor this egg How would you go about cleaning the first thing I'm getting is some sort of flipper or spatula. That would be the first thing I'd be doing because if you've got most of an egg, I'd be getting like a flat with no holes in flipper and try and get as much up into like a big bowl. A big, a bowl with a big aperture. Get in the front, man, exactly. Get in the front, man.

Still good, man. Three seconds, man. If the oaks intact. I'll take 35 seconds, I reckon. Hey, do you cook any on? You're going to cook it fine? Or even a spoon? Get a large spoon and...

A bit, guys. Not a slighted spoon, obviously. Not a slighted spoon, no, no. Like a scoop. A scoop mentality. I'm a shame to say, guys. What did you do? What was your method? I got kicked around. You stamped on charity. I'm a shame say guys. What did you do? What was your method?

I got to catch your roll man. You stamped on it. I might as well have done. You headbutted it 30 times. LAUGHTER You put some red wine on it, stop it stating the car. I've got to cut off the red wine.

First things first. What? Yeah, I feel like there's... The other thing you could have done, done is got a bit of bread out. Eggie bread. Oh, how clean your floor's. No, my mom said I haven't twirly the other day. She was looking after one of her... Are you sure we don't want to hear how clean Clarke's floor's our first? It's kind of pertinent that but it'll wait like here we go She was taking one of the grandkids to school and they dropped something in a puddle and they went down and started trying Pick something up and tried to drink from the puddle and mom kind of grabbed them and was like don't do that

And a woman nearby in her car Wanda and her window and said what don't Don't stop, I know you're, this is a story. Don't stop your child from drinking from a puddle. It's good for them. I'm a scientist. I'm a child scientist. And I'm a mobile child scientist. It was a day limit, wasn't it? I'm not sure how long it was a mobile disc, It was a drive by child scientist saying,

drink from the puddle and then off they went my mom was like You know there you go if this and if this and come from you I would be like this is a hundred percent a made up story. Yeah tell me about it So maybe I either my mom's kind of got to that stage where she's just like off we go do Lallie tap she's seen Yeah, so keep it drinking for as many puddles as she But this scientist is driving round. So I promise girls, telling kids to drink from puddles and all praise them because it's good for them,

to get that, why we're getting illares as the society's because we're not doing enough mud in the garb drinking from puddles, eggs off floors. I like it. It's done with you in good stead. I like the idea that it's just, like somebody who wants to fuck with people and that's their weird method. They're like, dry a pasta park and go,

oh, mate, see that dog shit, where is the hat? Anyway, bye, I'm a scientist, I'm a scientist, yeah. Dog shit hat, yeah, yeah, it's actually good for you. It's good for you, it's good for your hair. Climb over those iron railings. I'm a scientist. Bye! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Anyway, mobile child scientists has drink from puddles, and I think there's not a bad headlight in the express and star. I think there's something in it, and B, I think what it means is clarky. A bit of bread, bishbrushed Bosch. You make good eggy bread, we know that. You know it's one of your traditional dishes. Thank you.

It was the save that egg. Have you not seen like any of those, you know, killer films where they all just like sub from a raw egg because it's kind of ready to go? Could it just go to a straw just like, and off you go? Clarky's now incredibly nervous to talk about any movie that you suggested. You remember that killer movie where... Yeah, man, I remember the killer movie. And he was called Dr. Straw and he went around and he just...

He just... he killed people and then killed the left overs. It's funny you should say that, Ben, because that's one of Matthew's favourite films and the last line of that film, Matthew, is... Oh, pardon me. Oh, Chris, did you just drop an egg? That's what the killer says at the end. The killer drops the egg and says, oh pardon me. And the judge says, you're not pardoned, you've killed people.

You can't pardon yourself. You're literally called killer. You shouldn't have represented. You know, there was a guy at our school who's nicknamed was killer. It's a bad nickname, isn't it? Killer's great nickname. What are you talking about? Killer. It was just called killer. That's what we call it. What was the story behind his nickname? Was he? His name was Simon Keeling and he made a gun in CDT or like he won a fiber as well didn't he in that competition?

Shot a neck He like he like made like a wooden shape of a gun or something and so we called him killer That is that is like the most PG version of that nickname possible Absolutely unbelievable you get such a hardcore nickname How You get a nickname like that you don't expect it to be because he did because he made a gun out of Wood wood well in the line of fire you know maybe we all know Malcovich in the line of fire he had a wooden gun didn't he

he had a plastic gun tom oh that's a real film this is where tom falls apart films he hasn't made up himself it's been like his mum and anecdotes. That's right. So anyway, but yeah, there's something in it, I think, drinking from puddles, a little bit, taking the edge off the hygiene is actually for the best. You know what, I agree with you, and if you'd asked me that, say, ten years ago, I would have said absolutely not, but actually,

I've done a complete 180 on puddle drinking. Yeah. Oh, literally in the last three minutes. It's gonna start puddle pod. I think there's, I mean, well obviously you see it with little kids, like they stick everything in their mouth and it helps them build up their immunity. And yeah, kids do wanna drink out of puddles.

They wanna splash in puddles, they wanna stick their hands in puddles, they love to splash in puddles, they want to stick their hands in puddles, they love puddles, puddles, they're into puddles. But I think I used to be very kind of grossed out by, you know, other, it's a weird thing to talk about in the middle of a pandemic, because obviously we're now back into that stage of kind of being grossed out by who's touched

this door handle, you know, is this surface clean, all that kind of stuff. But I'd say maybe three or four years ago, I remember seeing an article about, you know, they analyzed the ice in a McDonald's and it all had like traces of feces in. I was like, yeah, that's, I sort of, went off my head and went, yeah, it's probably fine, isn't it? I mean, the traces of feces all over my fucking fingers, mate. I was exactly, yeah. And they were, you know, every now and then they talk about

like how gross it is to have a beard, because of all the sort of stuff you keep in a beard. Oh, well, for the feces you keep in your beard. No, no, no, Tom, you, you, honestly, it's true. Because it's feces, isn't it? Ha, ha, ha, ha. I mean, I mean, famously, this, my mom was taking one of her grandchildren It's face is isn't it? I mean famously this my mom was taking one of her grandchildren school the other day this kid But this this car pulled up on this guy made anyway. I said why isn't that kid got a beard? I'm a scientist

He drove off and he was like this child Hair dresser scientist This is close. He can go back to qualify it I'm a scientist, this is Closed, so you can go back to qualify it. And it's like kids, you know, give your kid a beer for fuck's sake and then off you go. Never so I'm again. Down your day loose turns out, best sporting actor. I'm gonna start saying I'm a scientist instead of goodbye. Cheers everyone, I'm a scientist.

Anyway, I use three sheets of kitchen towel to clean it up. I'm a scientist. Anyway, I use three sheets of kitchen towel to clean it up. I'm a scientist. Oh, a ton of fun. Only it was three sheets of kitchen towel. Oh no! This is so good. But you know what, Tom, that's actually good. That's good advice.

Clocky, I think you're onto something there. If you say, oh, I dropped an egg in my kitchen. I'm a scientist. I'm a scientist. Immediately you go from you say, oh, I dropped an egg in my kitchen. I'm a scientist. I'm a scientist. Immediately you go from thinking, well, that guy's a crettin. Oh, that guy must be working on something really important. Dropping eggs to work, you know.

Yeah. Look at, look at, you know, egg velocity. This is, it gets you out of a lot of sticky situations to say I'm a scientist. Well, I tell you that if you use a kitchen roll, you get yourself into a sticky situation. So, God, how much of a kitchen roll did you have to use? And then, of course, you just go to a kitchen roll and then you're back to a sponge and soapy wall to all that. Yeah, that's it. You're not going to let yourself be in the area.

But I thought I'd be able to kind of like, it would soak up a lot of the egg white and then I'd be able to like, cradle up the yolk, but no, the yolk broke. And it just went soppy. It went everywhere. I had to go out about four times with more and more kitchen roll

and then cleaning the area with a cloth and then thinking it was done and then coming back and seeing the still to the glisten, the glisten, yeah, yeah, you know the glisten of the yolk, what's the uh, what were you making and did you carry on making it or was that just, I did carry on with the right eye, I was making an egg fried rice, you see that's again you could just scoop that it doesn't matter how sloppy it is you could just scoop it straight up and straight in the pan. Yeah. The amount of shit that's already on that rice telling you. They put a rice under a microscope Not my words, the words for man in a car, I'm a non-school freak.

So, you know, it's all fair game, isn't it? Some countries, they eat off the f***. I don't know if that's... Go on Tom. Tom? I think... I don't know I know you thinking of Lady on the tramp Even there sat at a table that's true actually dinner on a proper plate

Are you thinking of the time to that Japanese restaurant in Christopher Palace and they're quite low tables It's gross close anyway, I'm pretty close eating floor is, are you talking about like having a picnic or are you talking about, they literally make, they literally make dinner, they make a ball of nose, and they're just looking on the floor, and then they stick their face in it, just start munching. Like a naughty dog.

It's alright, until a puddle. What are you, what are you, what are you saying there Tom? What are you saying there Tom? What are you saying there Tom? It's a bold claim, it's a bold claim but I reckon there's people out there if they consult the lonely planet they'll probably prove me right. The lonely planet recommends places to eat. I never open up the lonely planet and go, why are you into Brovnik, make sure to eat off the floor if you can. Well, just as the moment this article was written by a scientist, I'll give it a go. I've got a picture of a nishka.

Oh my god. I always want to say drunk and we had a challenge on the way home of like, it started with like lick the brick I think and it was of like it started with like lick the brick I think and it was like and it was like lick the brick and then it was like drink from a puddle and it was like You know, it was like we everyone just was trying to do each other with the challenge of what to do and like lick and exhaust pipe and then eat a flower I think it finished with eat a flower I freak out about that I was kind of the hell flowers

My my daughter had a bit of some flower leaf the other day and I was I was having a I was having kittens about it But turns out it's encouraged I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like, I just went like I'm too well read with the barred time. I'm not bloody cultured. I look my brain immediately leaps to hemlock. You know, which is my favourite character in the universe. I imagine that is. But the thing is Tom, is it no point does anybody, you know, Romeo and Juliet don't eat a sunflower. Do they? Well, certainly a derivative thereof, you know?

Once a Pothocrybin dude, he hasn't gone to fucking boots, has he? He's got a garden, he's got pestle and mortar and some sunflower and he's... It's all plants, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what, sun plants are our poisons, I'll give you that, and it can be a bit scary. The other day, Cleo picked up a mushroom from the garden of the place we were staying and that's all, you just don't know with that, do you? Could you know? Will you give it to me? Was there anyone in the car outside?

Did you run into the street? Next time that happens, run into the street, it just starts happening on windows and see if that could be a scientist in traffic. Yeah, what you really need is some sort of like conch horn you can blow for the drive-by scientist to come past and go. Humbertux ecologist. You're fine.

Um. What about the mushroom? What about the mushroom? So anyway, Clarky, you got it up as there'd been a little next smell. He dropped an egg but still managed to get it up. I haven't got it up like that in years. It turns out that's a thing. Drop again. Took him to the age of 40 to realise that what he was really into was dropping eggs.

What, yeah, so did you deal with the lingering smell? That's what always happens with an egg drop. Thankfully I did not, but I did clean the offending area very thoroughly. At least it gave you something to do with your day, I guess, didn't it? This whole experience. Probably my best ever anecdote. Actually, this has been a pretty good, this has been a pretty fine episode of House Meeting. And we owe it all to you. After Lexington, the full start of the robot chat.

It was very, you came in strong. Came in strong like it. Like it's wrong. Take off. Well, we came in. We came in strong. We went out weekly, which I've got to tell us. Every Tuesday.

I'm a scientist. I've said it once before, but it bears a repeat. Well, there you go. What a treat. Lovely chat. Lovely chat, what a treat, lovely chap. Lovely chap, lots of friends. Yeah, exactly. I enjoyed it and I think I've really listened to it too. Yes, absolutely. If you enjoy these kind of things, then we've got a Patreon where we put loads more content, you can get all of Papi's flat share lockdown, which is a separate thing that we do. There's hundreds of episodes of that that you'll get immediately once you join

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Ooh! 10 seconds into that, you started to panic and you went, why do you think some actual proper admin promo? But you know what? Ooh! You know what? I think this is going to be the making of the Patreon. I think all of the parry heads, all the true pari fanatics, they're going to be joining

that £4 and above tier because they want more of that kind of stuff. It's a quid a week, quid a week! Quid a week less than that some months, this month. For near constant companionship in your ear canal. It's lovely. It's what we're offering you. That's what we're offering you. If you've got beefs, send them to beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com. If you've got any correspondence, if you want to tell us whether or not you think it's

safe to drink from a puddle, if you want to tell us about your own proposals, if you want to tell us about the time you've measured your partner while they've slept. If you want to tell us about time, as you've dropped an egg, all of these things will be great for you to receive at pappysflatshare at gmail.com. What else is there to say really? Well, today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. We could say that. Corsham team! Cheers everyone! I'm a lion!