Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Double Cocked on a Plinth) S9E33

Episode Date: November 12, 2019

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. They're up on plinths this weekPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareSee us live 20th November at The Phoenix - https://www.tickettext.co.uk/pappys-flatshare/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-20112019/Produced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free them. At in that form. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things.

It's like theaters for December 15. Greetings, listen, Adir. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And Matthew is drinking a drink can he says. Hello, everyone. That worked really nicely, dear. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And Matthew is drinking her. Drink candy says, Hello, everyone. That would be nice to be, actually. We're going to look at a frog in the throat, but it will push through.

Hello, and welcome to this episode of Papi's Flat Share House Meeting. A love of house meeting. It takes some beating. Give me a second. I haven't finished eating. Hey! I don't panic. Tom, I'll tell you now, we've already got a theme tune, which is over here in a second, I haven't finished eating. Hey! I don't think so. Tom, I'll tell you now, we've already got a theme tune, which is not here in a second. But never mind that now.

So, yeah, so the house meeting, we just chat about all kinds of stuff. We're just three normal Joes who get together and talk about how our names are all the same. There's got to be a podcast out there called Three Normal Joes with people called Jo. Okay. Great chat, guys. Please stop pitching new stuff, and we're currently trying to work on this one thing we've done. Sorry, you know, it's all I write.

So, I've got to say as well, if you would like to come and see flat share slam down live, it's happening on November the 20th at the Phoenix pub in Cavendish Square. You say right, like it's news to you. The spiritual home of flat slam. Yes, it's where we have some of our most fun shows. It's at the Phoenix pub in Cavendish Square. You say right like it's news to you. The Spiritual Home of FlatSlam. Yes, it's where we have some of our most fun shows. It's at the Phoenix pub, you can get tickets from

ticatext.co.uk or you can find the link through our Twitter at Pappy's Tweet and we have two amazing guests in Jeff Lloyd and Sarah Barron. A married couple. Yeah. First time we've ever had a married couple, I think, is it? I think so. Yeah.

So that's going to be very exciting. Lovely. So do that. And do follow us on Twitter, app, app, app, app, app, app, share, podcast. Get involved in the Patreon. We can't do this without your support. We've had some lovely interactions with the patrons recently.

Please join in. Yeah, actually, we're starting to, we've now got an RSS feed. You can listen to all our bonus content on the RSS feed. And it's just, that's just for five dollars, you get that. And if you do ten dollars, then you do our drunk episodes as well. You get our drunk episodes with you. Oh, right. Which are, um, three. We're really problematic to schedule at the moment. Yes.

But we will do them, and they will be going out. So, yeah, find us, Papi's flat share on the Patreon. But most of all, enjoy this episode. Woo-hoo. Tom, this is exciting for you. Oh yeah? You're going to get a theme tune. It has meeting, I need to be to... Tom, you can get a hear the theme tune. Oh, sorry. Here we go. I've had a thought. I've got an issue.

I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has meeting. What temperature should we set the heat? Has meeting. Why on earth am I always waiting? Has meeting.

Who went my bed while I was sleeping? Has meeting. Has meeting. What's the point? Does life have a meeting? Has meeting. So Tom. Yeah. You said you had a question for us. I've got a good question for you.

Thank you for gathering us here. Well, I haven't gathered you for the question. I put a lot of pressure on this question. That's what I like. That's what I did it. I thought, let's make it seem like we weren't supposed to record today. But you called us here together to ask this top question. I think the question may be strong and robust enough to take this away. Here we go.

I was on the way over here. I'm sorry. You called us over here, but you only came up with the question on the way. That's the way this guy's mind works. I knew it was going to be a big question. Some new you was going to have a revelation on the way. I could feel inquisitive and thought. Blow the conch. What do you call me?

Thank you very much for the opening. That by the way, that's the way to force yourself to be creative. Set a deadline. Set a meeting. Just set a meeting up and just go right. Set a meeting up. That's been our entire career. Of course, that's important.

This is what, it's absolutely, that's how I operate. If you wanted to sort of do a seven steps to a mediocre life in business, that would be a step number one for me. 17 steps for you, you're lucky number. 17 by lucky number. 17 steps, number one would definitely be set yourself for you, you're lucky number. 17 by lucky number. 17 steps, number one would definitely be, set yourself a meeting, tell people you've got a brilliant idea, write it on the tree over. I've been kicked out of so many meetings.

When you're doing that kind of steps to success, there is definitely a limit. If you have too many steps, people aren't interested, right? Like, I think you've got like 10 steps. 400 steps. 57 steps, that's the same. Not interested. Like, oh my god, this is half a mile to success. There's normally a lot of steps in like physical steps. You normally have loads, but if you're publishing

your steps to success or steps to clean living, or steps to happiness. Yeah. I don't think you're allowed more than 12. Well, the 12 step plan is, is it alcoholics and on a mission? They have 12, do they? I think that's a 12 step plan. Right.

Clarky, what are you on? LAUGHTER This is actually an intervention. Step one, denial. The big question is, Clarky once was last time you had a drink? Yeah, I reckon 12. All the way over here. It was my brilliant idea.

Yeah. Oh, God. Tiddies on the tray. I've got a question I'm taking a truck. I reckon, yeah, you wouldn't buy a book that's like 13 steps to this, because you'd be like, oh, come on, mate. What things to do?

30 is unlucky. Yeah. 13 steps to an unfortunate death. By Lemonony Snicket. Yes, please. Does Lemony Snicket written any self-help books? So anyway, you've got, you've got, you can only have 12 steps. 12 tops, I think. 12 steps tops. I think I'd nip it in eight. Yeah, I think it's single digits. If you could see all the Buzzfeed generation, that's why you want everything in short lists. Absolutely. Top ten steps.

I don't feel like the Buzzfeed generation. It's not like either. It's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. I was on the way over here. Oh yeah. And I was walking through an area. That's about that. I was walking through an area. Nothing wrong with walking through an area. No, no, no, no. I've walked through something in my time.

It's my favourite places to walk areas. Right. Can I ask what the area was? That's classified, actually. Unfortunately, it's quite classified. There's no way you would be willing to... It was area 51. Whoa!

I couldn't say that. You weren't going to walk through that area. I was walking through an area. No, no, no. I've walked through something in my time. It's my favourite places to walk areas. Right. Can I ask what the area was? That's classified, unfortunately. It's quite classified. There's no way you would be willing to... It was Area 51.

Whoa! I couldn't say. You were one of those guys bum rushing Area 51, were you? I was getting bum rushed in Area 51, OK. Well, that's a different thing. That's a different thing. By the way, I've pressed a button and I've turned this room recording into, like, basically, a scene out of Black Mirror.

The wall has just come on. The wall is turned. The wall is now in your bond villain. A mountain view. Did you bring us here? Is that life? That is, that is, that's my private island I've just bought. Listen to the deer, the patrons been going really well. That's an area 52.

I don't know why that's happened there, but ignore that now because... That's the area I was walking through. What area were you walking through? Does it like? Is it pivotal to the story? I'm guessing not, which is why you just called it an area. If the area was pivotal to the story,

there'd be more detail. Okay. Clarke, you were right. So, there was a statue in the middle of... This area. A square. It was a square. Okay.

Okay. You walk in past Parliament. No, I'm a child. And it was a guy with a sword in his hand poking down. Yeah. The statue is all over them. It is all the loads of them. Poking down.

And all the way around, everyone's on their phones. Yeah. I don't get like, oh, get off your phone guys. But I was just thinking statues of people these days. What would they be doing? Like, all the, like our statues. Back in the day, everyone was on their swords. They're on their swords.

They got like their swords. I'll put your sword away. Stop looking at the hilt. So it's like, you know, but like, all I'm saying, it was is someone question to you is, if or when, depending on how you're feeling about your career, they make a statue of you. Right?

What do you want your statue to be doing? What do I want my statue to be doing? Like, what would a Matthew Crosby statue? What's the pose? What's the angle that goes? There's old cross-b. Do you want to mean? Oh, I tell you what it would be.

It'd be me. On a column. So you could try and be seen. Oh, do I get it good? Yeah, I think I'd put you on it. You're so sweet. Definitely. Yeah, there's got to be some sort of a plim.

At least a plim. There's got to be a plim. There's a plim book. I'll take anything, really. What about two plintsths like platform shoes? And you're a stried them. Oh, how far apart are the plinths, they? Probably so good.

I'm not doing the splits like John Gordon's going down and down and down. But the statue of a glam rocker with two platform shoe plinths would be fucking cool, right? Like Elton John in Tommy, he's got those massive platform shoes. They actually plints. Has anyone done that?

Like a statue to Mark Bowlin, and Bozhelish shoes are big plints. It's a brilliant... It's like the cartoonish to stereotype the man who's just a bloke who wear big, wore big shoes. He was a brilliant musician. Oh, of course, but you know, when you're going for a statue

You've got to start thinking visual statements. Okay, you know like you know more come wise. They're normally doing there I'm doing their little cock-a-may-me dance The one hand up, one hand down. There you go. One leg up. And you see it and you're like, go, there we go. Trafalgar's got his hand in his shirt. Yeah. He was having a heart attack.

LAUGHTER Um, you know, but what's your, what's your statue? Well, I'm not famed for any posters. That's not a thing that people know me for. That's... Obviously, there's the, the there's the double cocksit from last time. I mean the double cocksit would be an incredible statue. Between two plinth. Between two plinth.

In fact, what I'm going to do is I'm going to be, I'm going to have a third plinth under my ass. Two, two enormous plinths of shoes. So I'm wearing big platform shoes, a third plinth under my ass, and I'm doing the double coed. The double cocked sit. How's that? I can see it. I'm vivid.

It's going to be one of those statues that leads to a petition. It's going to be definitely a local foreraw in Bromley. It's going to be vandalised. I was going to have in Bromley, is it? I think so. Has to go up in your hometown, I guess, yeah. What, I was thinking maybe,

me sat with a laptop in front of me and the screen's blank. Mae'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaith See, these are modern statues. This is what we want. So, it's you, double-coct on a plinth. I'm double-coct on a plinth. I've got a laptop that I can't turn on in front of me. Great. And I'm asking, one hand scratching my head is if to be like, where do I leave that blaster charger? And then underneath. And then underneath. In a suitcase, I'd love that.

I love this, probably. I absolutely love that. That is your statue. Thank you. I'm happy with that. Yes. Anthony Gormley off you go, mate. The only tragedy of your statue there.

Oh, God. Well, I'm dead. That's when they bring the statue. And that's that. You don't have to be. Do you? Is that the rule? I don't know. Who's got a statue that isn't dead listeners Ronaldo if you have call it

I'll run out of that funny statue Steve ball Wolves I think sports people do well out of statues sports people do well Where are it folks and yeah, we're getting to sports makers do well out of sports. Yes, the secret twist Yes, the secret twist. Is that the arrangement? So when kids show a lot of promise as sports, like a 10-year-old David Beckham. Statue makers.

They suddenly start circling. It's not just the clubs that start circling to snap them up. It's the statue makers as well. Time's hard for statue makers. They have to fall back onto sports people. You just don't get as many statues anymore. Time was, you'd be churning them out. Here's the you make us. They have to fall back onto sports people. You just don't get as many statues anymore. No. Time was, you'd be churning them out.

Here's the thing, it's five or six a month. Figures are the figures that would be built into statues. I would say figures, you mean. Both the figures. The figures and the people. Increasingly contentious now. Do you know what I mean? Yes.

When Churchill went up, people vandalised it. I don't know, it wasn't necessarily because they hated Churchill. oeddwn i'n gwybod. Yn gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn ymwch chi'n gwybod yn gwybod yn ymwch British politics, British history, if you've got a statue to thatcher. Yeah, I don't understand political controls. Sorry. I like the way that seats. Yeah, I'm really getting into politics. I'm starting to argue that certain figures weren't significant. Yeah. Disraeli, jog on with your duff ideas. Yeah, it must be a tough break, they must be sitting around.

You know like 2016 when all the famous people died, don't tell me there weren't tables of statue makers down the pub being like, keep it on the down low, but here we fucking go boys. Because actually, that's right. I don't think there'd be any contention if someone said, look, we're going to build a statue of Prince And we're going to put it in Pays Park in Recently, you know what Shane O'Connor was talking about chasing her with a gun

What is this? I didn't know that I mean I don't know that I'm a bit of good statue for him Pretty cool. I know you're actually I forgot about, you're in a ball to the empty spot, Seth Curry, aren't you? Yeah, that's it. And yeah, it's an A's piped up. It was all over it. What did Shenate say about this? Folle-apply challenge, it's called. Folle-apply challenge.

How'd you like that? Really good. Not bad, really good. So, why have you got a nosebleed? I know. Jump, jump, you know that moment in, in Janaj, where you can't see the path but he steps forward. There we go. It's a gun about that bit.

That's one of my favourite bits in the All of Film. It blew my fucking mind when I was a teenager. Jemba. Yeah, just like dust out onto it. Yeah, he throws that sandwich. I only after he takes the step. He does the step first because it's faith, isn't it? The penitor mumble pass and then it's take a leap of faith.

Yeah. I so would fail those challenges. Oh, yeah, of course. You know, I mean, you're not going to step out. I mean, you're wrong to do that. Any of the circumstances that's ever done that film. Statue to Indiana Jones, don't mind if I leave. Yes, I think just his hand can be gunned the redor way to grab his hat. That would be the statue that I mean. Hang on, Bob, where's the door? The door.

So the statue is the door. Like you have like the Harry Potter 18th and a third platform. He's not ready to book, does he? So the 9 and 3 quarters, it's diary 18th and the third. So yeah, you'd is. Oh no. That's it. In that we'd like to destroy it. Where I, I mean, novelty with statues,

I know my parameters for that is an old dude on a bench and you can sit with him. Don't mind that. Yeah. Don't mind a bit of that. Or have you been to- So platforms shoes though, not novelty. And it's a territory.

It's all across me double cocktail. With his laptop, not new. I mean, all of that... Johnny, to break it down, I'll take you. There's a plinth. Tick. There's a figure on top of the plinth. Tick.

Sure. We've took an iconic moment from an Indiana Jones... Of course, though. ..and turned it into a trip hazard. LAUGHTER It's too running down the road. It's too low to the ground. Look at iconic moment from an Indiana Jones and turn it into a trip hazard. It's too running down the road. It's too low to the ground. The statue shouldn't be on the ground.

I love it, consider it on a plentiful. But then that's confusing, isn't it? There's a hat in the air. What? That's famously always on the ground. Exactly. Famously. Maybe the hat's on the ground. Exactly. Famously. Well, maybe the hats on someone else.

He's reaching through a doorway behind him. Yes, you know, this is a whole different guy. You know what? That's actually, now you say that, not a bad idea, is that it's raised up above the ground. Let's say, you know, six foot maybe, something like that, and you can step on a little thing and put your head in the hat,

and it looks like Indiana Jones is holding your hat over your head. So like, so it's like, I was going to be getting Indiana Jones from that though, people are going to be like, look at this hat. Yeah, look at this, I'm right, I like this idea. I'm like, I think Indiana Jones is less

the equation. Look at this hat. You always want to wear a metal hat. I've got the title for equation. Look at this hat. You always want to do this for a mental hat. I've got the title for it. Look at this hat, you. Oh my goodness. Again, he stepped out into the void. And this time, he fell 20 feet at least. So I like the idea of that.

So it's... Look at this hat, you're going to get this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you got this hat, you at this hatch. Look at this hatch. It's hatching. Who's it for? Who are people remembering? What I mean, let's start asking who is this for? Yeah. 2016, those statue makers, they were sharpening their tools, baby. Hey, do you think there's a story in this? Like, these statue makers go around killing prominent people in order to fuel their business. Corsham's eyes just lit up. The elves in the statue maker. Contact audible.

They've got a narrative podcast on her. They've got little elves to... Hold on, where's the elves come from? The elves in the statue maker. What? Is this a... What's this? You know what the elves in the shoe maker? Yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah. I look at that one. Well, the statue makers what the elves and the shoemaker? Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll look at that one. Well, the statue makers nick the elves off the shoemaker. The statue makers. Right. It's a different podcast. They're going round to different... They're going round to different...

They're going round different makers. And seeing if there's any work that could be done. So, again, revered in the makers. They're new to us though. Do you want to have Jeremy Corbyn come out and introduce you on stage? Yeah, of course you do. Here we go. We'll sort it out with the elves.

So they go around, makers mark. They go around. They get pissed up on me. They're obsessed with makers. They're obsessed with makers. So they go around. They find the statue makers. They think, no one's dying of significance.

Let's go round and shift Prince. I got them. I think the elves have queered this from what was very interesting. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Wait, oh, I didn't realise this is serial series seven. Thank you. But what, so what do you say? It's going to be ambitious now. You think the statue makers were in on it. Narrative drama. That is big, right? They bumped off Ronnie Corbyt. Here we go. Here's the thing, why They bumped off for any call, but here we go. Here's the thing, why they bumped off Prince and Ronnie Corbett then. Two of the smallest

people in the world. Because they're not very expensive to make their statues. It's like, we've got a couple of small rocks. You know how many much brats? You were next to the Lillish Grosbeer, you were lucky, but there we go. We're on a platform cheese. And that's the detective's work, right? The detective starts to work out. All these celebs that are dying, they're all under five foot five. And someone says, oh, that's interesting, because you can make a statue for under a grand for somebody's five foot five.

And it's like, what, hang on? This can't. Is that a coincidence? Can we rewrite the dialogue slightly? That was... Wait, hang on, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait I was slightly. It's like a Peter Falk type. Yeah, and then he starts to link up all the short celebrities. I mean, it's high concept. You've got to give it that, but there might be legs in it.

It's high concept, and you won't accept that I put elves into it. It's the supernatural thing, okay? I just didn't understand the link between elves and statues. Well, I say it literally. How's Beauty? What would you say to Roman? How's Beauty? Probably nothing at all.

Hello, everyone. Hello. Hello. This is Matthew. Tom, Ben. And you know us from the Pappies Flatshare podcast and we are here in the public house in Sydney and we've had a lovely drink and every time. A lovely time and we've recorded one of our famous drunk episodes. In some of us. No it is. In some of us at this stage. Yeah. One of our famous drunk episodes of the Pappies Flatshare podcast. If you would like to listen to it, all you need to do is go to Patreon. It's not rocket science. Sorry. I thought you'd finished. Where

the make it more complicated. All you need to do is go to patreon.com, forward slash and you too can listen to the podcast indeed this is as you can tell from we had a really fun time and we'd love you to join us put on Tom Tom it's all right by you to get through it so join us Papi's oh fuck join us at patreon.com forward slash happy splash share. I'm going to enjoy a lovely drunk podcast with us. Bye. Bye! Bye!

Bye! Bye! and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for her. It's nonstop bonkers brilliance. I love the poor things. It's a like theaters, December 15th. How do they make bread and no wheat? How do they make bread and no wheat? What about the statues though at Brixton Station?

You know, they've got a man standing there on Brixton Station waiting for the train. And they've got on the other platform, they've got a woman standing on the other platform. Have you ever seen those? No, Brixton, not Brixton tube. They're people. They're just people, dude. What? They're people.

I put my arm around them and had a photo. I'm really regretting that now. Oh no, they're just commuters. Why has he got a burst down on his head? It's Brixton, isn't it? That's Brixton. That's how Brixton got it. That's how I really like that idea.

Is it not in the tube, surely? No, not in the tube, no, on the... But I used to really freak me out if you would come through Brixton Station sort of late at night. If we... If I go and see a show at Brixton Academy, it was quite late at night. Yeah.

And you're stood on the platform. The only other thing on the platform is a statue. You went to a popular show. That's the kind of man's I'm into. There's just me, a couple of statues, a joint. But yeah, if you're, if it's just you and the statue on the platform. Do you think?

Quite creepy. So one has ever missed their train waiting behind the statue. You get onto Brixton statue in the morning. No, no, you get to Brixton station in the morning. It's crowded. You still behind this dude. Train comes and you're like, get on everyone, get on. Come on mate. The train's gone and then you realise it's a statue. That's absolutely not how commuters work. I ride the dialogue for commuters as well. Come on mate. Come on mate. Bo-bo-bo-bo. I've never been in a commuting situation where someone's gone, oh hang on a sec, the train

can't leave. This bloke hasn't got on yet. People just want to pile on themselves. No, they even used to be on your shoving this guy, you think, bloody hell, he's strong. He's very strong. He's very strong. He's very strong. He's very nuts.

He's going nowhere. Yeah, he's made of metal. But he's stuck to. He's made strong, the first time he's going nowhere. Yeah, he's made of metal. But he's stuck to... I mean, I'm kidding, mate. He's made of metal. So, at this robot, I don't want to get on this train. No, he's sort of stuck to the wall, so he can't stand behind him. I guess, probably because... A wall-based statue.

Clarke's forte. I say... I say... I say he's stuck to the wall. It's just his hand coming out and a hat lovely You can sit on it. I'll tell you what I'd like. Oh sit on his hand Like instead of benches. Yeah, the statues of dead people And the hands are coming out of wall and you get to sit on them Wait, so in the hands so it's so it's so it's for example It's somebody dies like they used to do like a death

Well, I'm gonna say hold tight. Let's let's hear it. Let's break it down So it's for example, if somebody dies, like they used to do like a death mask of their face. You make a cast of their hands. You have them in a cupped position. And then you have them sticking out of a wall and about our site. And that's a bus stop level. A little plaque that says, take a load off in memory of Tom Perry. Take a load off.

And then you're sitting in my hands. Take a load off should be Mavis Staples, should be. No. Oh. John Burkow here doesn't like the idea. No. No. No, but I don't think a hand's going to be particularly comfortable

in this city. You want to touch my hand? Why don't think a hand's going to be particularly comfortable always Oh, he's one of each my hands one each butter How about if they're holding out a hat? Clarke said Clarke go and just go and just place your butter one each of Tom's hands and we'll see It's all about angle. I think it's all about it's all about angle No, don't try and double cock. Okay. You didn't like it. You didn't like it. I mean the live hand and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I felt unusual. I felt like I was getting probed. Did you move your hand at all? No. I think the problem you did, Thomas, that you displayed your fingers. Oh, yeah, OK.

I think, displayed fingers is not a good idea. I think a real cupping should have been counted. Oh, I'm going to have to go try grass-leaves. Like a shovel cupping. Yeah, like a shovel cupping. Well, go for your guns. OK. Clarke, come over here.

Enjoy the shovel cupping of Crosby. And listen to the German app as well. Listen, obviously, we don't have to have all the fun. If you're listening in pairs, shove a cup of person you're with. Okay, not too much of a cup mind because then you have to hop on. There you go.

That's better, actually. It is better, isn't it? There we go. Don't splay today. Don't splay today. We'll be the last words that the statue make us say to Lula as she's passing on. Lula's on the list. Lula's on the list. Lulu's on the list.

She's played the way. Crossbow. We've got your statue. Yes. Very nice. Clarky, the budget's in. Hello. Wolverhampton.

I've stunked up the cache. The Manda Centre. You could be the next Manda horse. Yeah. Famously, the problem with the Manda horse, the statue maker got the horses feet wrong. Yeah, famously the problem with the man on the horse, the stature maker got the horse's feet wrong and killed himself. So the story goes, so the story goes. Tell me the story of this because I know I've seen the stature of the horse. The legs are like on the horse.

The legs are the right legs are both going forwards and the left legs are both going back and that's not how a horse walks, that's how horse trots. Oh, okay, so and Prince Albert's horse wouldn't drop because it seems like it's, well, it's still in a walking position, it's not in a trotting position, so it should be like that, sorry, I'm sorry, listen, I'm demonstrating with my fingers. Usually words, men, usually cupping my fingers. Right leg for front legs, right forward, left back. Yeah. Back legs, left forward, right back. But surely the different team walking and trotting is just like how... Oh, and also crucially Prince Albert's double-coupping the horse. We should have said that really.

That was the biggest shame. And also his junk's pierced. I mean that's... Oh! Did he really have a pierced penis, perhaps, Albert? I mean, I think so. But it was, and it was for riding horses, wasn't it? It was to sort of strap you down when you're riding.

No. I think so, isn't that the idea that you would... That the idea that you would have a piercing in the end of your knob and a piercing in your belly button, and you'd attach the two together so you didn't sit on your seat on your feet. I thought you were going to attach to the horse. You're like like Avatar. P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P- Yeah, no. Oh, what are you doing? You're kind of just tucking up, don't you? Wow. She put that, that is a film, I'd watch.

That's an episode of The Crime, we're all waiting to see. Yeah, never mind about Cash from The Great, you should see what Prince Helper's done. Prince Hel put the wittier. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER I live in a house made of iron sheet. I love eating. The Queen was mourning for Prince Albert, and her first state visit was to Wolverhampton. Right.

The place you go to cheer yourself up. Yeah, and they envied the statue of Albert in memory of him, and it was pointed out that the feet were incorrect and And the statue maker the story goes never recovered But he killed himself It's hard to come back from that My words It's the last of me. I'm really sorry. I'm just statue myself. Put my white leg on my left leg. Go in the wrong ways.

I mean, that's the thing about statue makers, isn't it? It's like, do you think they all make a statue of themselves? And if not, they should. If I was a statue maker, and I was commissioned to do a statue of someone I would without telling anyone use my body But then stick the person's head on it. I think that's what might be quite a powerful Dame Judy Why is 10 to you, don't just bringing yellow t-shirts? Isn't that what Gormley does?

Gormley uses himself, doesn't he? He does, but he makes no bad. He doesn't do other people, doesn't he? No, that's true. But the angel of the north is his body. And all the ones on Crosby Beach, they're his body. Is that right? I believe so.

He's got wings. No, the wings he has, the torso and the legs and all that. That's him, that's him. But we haven't got to the bottom of this. What is Clarkie's statue? Oh, it should be me laughing. I'd like that. That's what I kind of do.

And very careful though, with the location of that statue. I don't stick out so I'd have a hospital. No, very true. Or opposite graveyard. Why would you stick it out so I'd have a hospital? What association has Clarkie got to hospitals? I tell you what you mean, great place.

For this unknown man laughing. Outside, outside, great almond street. Unknown man laughing, the damning. Diableto Clarkie's life and career. Right, no. outside, outside great or ministry. Unknown man laughing is a damning. Diableto clackies, clackies life and career. Right, no, but. The Unknown man, we never knew him. No, but if you think about the pit,

the kind of people like in Liverpool station, Liverpool Lyme Street station, there is a famous comedian, a statue of a famous comedian, Ken Dodd, right? Because he is one of Liverpool's most famous sons. Of course. There's a... I've got to be like, War Vos Top 10.

I wouldn't say Top 10. Where's the Statue of Femme? Top 5. Where's the Statue of Jazz Man from Babylon Zoo at the moment? Exactly. Yeah, because that's what we need. Taking a dump behind the police station. Really bad, really bad positioning.

Why is there a phone we've taken it down? I have panicked. Oh, you're always that Jamaica. It's my body, it's what I'm doing at the time. The thing is, if you panic when you're making a statue, you think you've got more time. Oh, it's not old. There's a four-year panic attack. Okay, so Clark is laughing. Sorry, I'd be like, why would you laugh at this? Why would you laugh at this? Because I'm from Old Hampton.

And in the town centre, and then people could come up and have photos where they're telling me a joke or whispering in my ear or... Pacing up you. Pacing up you. Falling over. That's nice. Are you pointing at someone like that?

Maybe, or just doing like an open gesture. Okay, here's the thing, right? People could sit on that gesture. The single-handed cup. What? That's a follow-up. That's a great end to your night, isn't it? You go to the, what's it called? What's your big club?

It's got like a posh name. The doorchester. The doorchester, you go to the doorchester, you get pissed up at the doorchester, you go, you're sitting on Clarke's gesture at the end of the night. And Parry goes, I'm going to do it, shimmies up the statue, sits on his cup, tell you. It becomes a turn of phrase, like, oh, satan Clarke's gesture, I'm going to do it, shimmies up the statue, sits on his cup telly. It becomes a turn of phrase, like, oh, satan clarkies gesture, that's right. I drank way too much last night. I absolutely satan clarkies gesture. I have satan clarkies gesture. The only thing is, what are you doing? Are you sat in a seat? I'm flicking the bird, I'm sitting on my gesture, it becomes, I

thought that would be really good. I was thinking that, as a really good statue, like if you're a beloved son of Wolverhampton, for example, like as we have. Have the statue on the outskirt of town, just to welcome to Wolverhampton, and you're flicking like the V's to your neighbouring town. Something like that. You're flicking the V's to Dudley.

Yeah, why do you say, yeah, welcome to Wolverhampton should be like, peace V's to Dudley. Yeah, well, welcome to Wolverhampton, should be like, piss off, tiptoe. Yeah, that's true. Well, let's work it out there, because who are the most famous sons of Wolverhampton? There's Bulley. There's the sporting sons.

There's Billy Wright. Billy Wright, yeah. Stan Cullis. Stan Cullis. Names to Conjure, we're sure. Bulley Bulley. Bulley Bulley, yeah. And then Iis. Stan Cullis. Names to Cungerwitz. Sure. Bully Bully. Bully Bully, yeah.

And then I guess it depends on how far you're going to cast your net because there's like Lenny Henry, Tiptonway. Deadly, Deadly. He's deadly, I don't know how to explain him. No, you can't. What about, we've got Slade. Slade. Well, I think Dave Hill.

Well, Dave Hill, not the rest. Not the rest of them, because the, um, um, uh, notty, notty holders black country, uh, and Birmingham, isn't he? Yeah. Okay. So, okay. So one of Slade. Yeah. Um, Frank Skinner's a Brummy, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah, he's Westpaw, which I have a whole other thing. Um, so, yeah, so you are actually, you're up there. Jazzman is Jazz Man's Wolverhampton, isn't he? Police shows. And the other, any other people from the world have movies have there been any movie stars

from Wolverhampton? I cut them Iran's from Wolverhampton. Cut them Iran, of course. Of course, of course. Famously cut them Iran. So, Beverly Knight? Beverly Knight, yeah, yeah, definitely. So, two big hitters there.

Yeah, I mean, if you've got, if you've got Dave Hill, Beverly Knight, Jazz Man, cut them've got Dave Hill, Beverly Knight, Jazz Man, Katlin Moran, is Clarky gonna be fifth? Oh man, I'm quite next to Katlin Moran. And then it'll look like Katlin Moran's making Clarky laugh. That's true, you could be watching the episode of Raised by Wolves. That's an uninspiring statue.

His Clarky watching the tele. I mean, it's true to life though. It'll be so funny, it's not actually like playing Call of Duty. It's like, yeah, he could have done more with his life probably, but he enjoyed the rest. He can sit down next to me, play along. Jucka-low-way. Jucka-low-way.

I laugh with clarky. You know, like the conversation with Oscar Wilde? Yes. That's what you want. It's actually, it's a sofa. Clarky sat in one seat. There's like a bowl of, what do you normally eat? Popcorn, M&Ms. What's your snack of choice? Uh, crisps, I guess.

Bola crisps. I love it. Bola crisps in bronze. And Clarke is fracking. He's already not happy with this stuff. He panicked with crisps. There's a lot of metal sharp edges in a statue of a Bola crisps. All right, don't worry about the crisps. Health and a lot of metal sharp edges in a stature of a bolt of crisps. Alright, don't worry about the crisps. Health and safety brigade might be coming out. Forget the crisps. Humbus. I'm just putting my fingers straight to the hummus.

Straight to the hummus. He's got his fingers in some hummus. The other one he's gesturing in a cup's position. He's ready for the cup. He's laughing, but you can sit down next to him and have a laugh with Clark. Humbus with Clark, eh? I think the hummus has really queered this image. Why are you putting your fingers in some hummus?

I don't know. Pizza. Okay, sure, there's a pizza. I put my fingers into some pizza. He's just got his hand on a pizza. He's passed out, but he's still laughing. So forget the hummus. Still.

A life with a very sharp edge. And what about... Structure of pizza is pretty much a big knife in it. What about a phone charger? I've got a charger in mine already. Oh yeah, yours has got a charger. Yeah, just get... So hang on, you can charge your laptop on your statue.

Yeah, I've got a USB port in my anus. Oh, no, you should have Wi-Fi on your statue. That should be your thing. There should be like a Wi-Fi code. Yeah, your statue should have Wi-Fi. My statue's got... It's a satellite tower. Yours has got Wi-Fi code. Yeah, your statue should have Wi-Fi. My statue's got, it's a satellite tower. Yours has got Wi-Fi.

Might be a big router. It's a takeaway delivery location. Yes. So it's like pop on the site for next to Clarky, or do you take away, it'll be with you in five minutes. So it's delivery, but you have to go to a different location. It's a great plan. So what are we going through?

We're going through McDonald's Drive through. So what you do is you pop on the sofa and it's clarky and there's an intercom and you go, I'd like a pizza please. And then they bring the pizza to you. Popular. Popular idea. But you've got out of your drive, whatever you're driving, you're getting to get to it. Are you riding a bat in town centre aren't you?

Having a time? Oh, so it's just, if you want to wait for your pizza is it in the shop or is it outside of the shop? It's outside the shop. So you're quite like that though. If you're looking for something like you could sit there and go watch La Hav. I can pick any of the kind of street foods. Yeah. And your motionless, loving face gives no answer. Well, watch light of clocky. He doesn't know. I'll have a pizza please. I just dig a, a gurning face there for the out of homeless there. So what's your statue?

shirt off, whirling my top, bruby head, dynamic, it's live, bit nervous about the belly. But the things with a statue and you're the statue maker, you've given everybody else your body. Fine, fine, I give mine down, Judy Dentches. Yeah, that's exactly what I was going for. I shut out this damn Judy Dench with your head waving a t-shirt above her head and the slogan just simply says, oh god. Can we get this piece of the liver to the meat? Well, what a treat that was. Thank you for sticking around till the end.

Oh my god Some people would have switched off by now sure they will but fuck those guys Thank you so much for listening all the way to the end. We had a lot of fun if you enjoyed it Please leave a review on iChoose What else can you do? Oh recommend it to a friend. That's always nice. Absolutely We we had a message on Instagram recently. I will find it for you because this is, you know, I appreciate people when they are, when they're attempting to spread the good word about our podcast, even when it doesn't always go to plan. A guy is, podcast Bible, pod Bible, the podcast that we appeared on,

says, what's the podcast? You'd recommend to a podcast Noobie? They asked that on Instagram and Matt P said, I always recommend, Pappy's Comedy, but it's not everyone's cup of tea. Sorry. Thank you very much, Matt P. Thanks, mate. He then goes on to recommend Dad wrote a porno instead.

Everyone's cup of tea. Everyone's cup of tea, that one. Everyone's cup of tea. But yeah, so find us on Twitter, find us on Instagram, find us on Facebook and be a pal, and do stay tuned for the Patreon Neighborhood Watch roll call. And please do, be honest. Be honest, guys. God's sake.

This episode was recorded and edited and produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. She's doing all the work. Cheers, everyone! Bye! Sorry, in a moment you're gonna hear the Patreon neighborhood watch roll call and it was recorded in the public house in Sydney Mmm, our favorite boozer because we are also about to record the drunk house meeting that we record once quarterly And you can hear on our Patreon if you go to patreon.com forward slash

Pappies flat share. Enjoy. Enjoy. Please be upstanding for the... Excuse me. Just wait for me to be upstanding. Oh, yes, sorry to rush you guys. No, no, please do continue now. Please be upstanding for the Patreon. Sorry, sorry. It's my friend.

Are you upstanding? Oh, I'm sorry to be upstanding. Please do continue. Oh, you. I'm so devastated too. I have to interrupt? Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. He do continue. Oh, you're so devastated too. I have to interrupt you, but I will be obstinate. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Fraser Smith. He can do the Mast potato. He can do the twith. He can do the boogie woogie until his big ass goes boing. He's the best mover on the dance floor.

It's Nick Boogie. He could do the Mast potato. Oh yeah, it's the boogie woogie. He could do the twith. He can spin you right around. Three, six, six. And up above your head he goes. In a lovely,

it's pranks and frith. It's actually pranks in fur. Oh, fur. He can lift you high above the earth. It pranks in fur. It pranks in first. Oh, first. Oh, first. He can lift you high above the earth. It pranks in first. It pranks in first. He can do the math potato. Oh, he can do the math potato.

He can do the twist. He can do the jive, Mama Jive. Oh, yes. Yes. He can break dance. But sadly, he's bald. Oh, say thanks here. That doesn't stop him dancing.

It shouldn't. Watch him go, watch them go, it's sunny hold. It's sunny hold, oh, he can do it much better. Yeah. He can do the twit. He can dance around and let his big butt shake. Oh. But it is. Adam Drake.

He can do the much better. He can do the much better. He can do the much better. He can do the much better. He can do the twit. He can do the twit. He can do the twit. What a thim-twit.

He can spin for days and days. It's to this. He is a stranger. Oh really? Well of course. It's more a stranger. For days and days, to this, he is this ranger. Oh really? Well of course, it's Mark Ranger. He can do the method head out there. He can do the tweth. Well of course he can do the tweth.

But tragically, his ass has fallen off. Oh God, yes. And let me tell you something. When his ass fell off, I invested in him tenfold I never could come back to the door very true Get that enough back on you and start that thing again rich as Benfold He could do the math potato. He could do the math potato. He can do the math potato. He can do the twist.

He can do some more math potato. He can drive around. Oh, yes, please. Oh, the captain. He's got a match potato. He's got a match, he's got a match. He can dance around. Doing the twist.

Doing the match potato. No. Until his ass falls off. Oh dear. Oh no, not again. And I looked at that ass on the dance floor, and I said, I've seen that ass before. Oh yes.

It's got a water on. Oh. It must belong to Ben Houghton. That concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the concludes the This week's neighborhood watch, Patreon, Roku. You can do it with a much better. You can do it with a much better. You can do it with a twist. You can do it with a book, again. You can do the work, you can go with like this. And it goes over there.

Stop, stop, stop, stop. Get off, stop, stop. Get off, stop, stop. Get off, stop, stop. Get off, stop, stop. Get off, stop, stop. Get off, stop, stop. Get off, stop, stop.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. Still to come.