Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Fish Moments) S13E04

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. Time to have a moment, just wait for the fish to movePappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listen to Dear I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share House Meeting. House Meeting! Welcome indeed. Obviously the house meetings where the three of us sit there and chew the fat and spew the beans. Spewing beans all over the place guys. We were full of beans this morning and now we're puking them up all over your rear canals and we hope you enjoy it. Yeah if you chew too much fat you will spew beans. This is the roll. This is the thing. A fun chat today. A free wheeling chat I think it's fair to say. We never really you know it's started in one place it went to many different places but all of them

enjoyable and so there are some pertinent questions in there. If you can help with any of them, listen to the air, please get in touch. Get in touch, pappiesflatshareatgmail.com. If any of the issues that have been raised in today's episode, chime with you, then please do get in touch. And another great way to get in touch with us is via the Patreon as well. Patreon.com for the Sl Slash Pappy's Flat Share. We have a wonderful little community there of loyal listeners. We put out a bonus episode of Pappy's Flat Share Pop round every single week.

Plus we have bonus beefs from some of our wonderful guests. You know what, I think it's one of the best four quids you can spend in a month. I reckon that's a little bit more. I know we say it's a bonus episode, but it's kind of a whole show in itself. It's got loads of music, people emailing, it's kind of got a whole life of its own, that bonus episode.

It really does, yeah. Think of it as a whole brand new show in itself. Yes, and if you're a fan of it, I like to think of it as a late night chat show, sorry. I like to think of it as a late night chat show. In what sense? In what sense? In what sense, Tom? In that like the list of the deer are like our guests.

Oh, I see, yeah. It feels like we have a live band. It feels a bit like the old school kind of late late shows, type things like Craig Ferguson kind of vibe. Craig Ferguson? Yeah. Craig Ferguson, yeah. Yeah.

That kind of vibe, that's how I think of it. If you're bored with that, that's the vibe of the show, I think. Well, I'm... Is that too much? I think it is too much. Yeah, it's absolutely too much. It's basically not a million miles away from just a different house meeting when we read our emails.

But if you want to imagine it's like a, like got a house band and guests, then you know, if you're not just standing your way. Who am I just standing your way? Right, well enjoy the episode folks, and we will see you on the other side of this. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want a chat.

Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has meeting. What temperature should we set the heat to? Has meeting. Why on earth am I always weeping? Has meeting. Who went my bed while I was sleeping? Has meeting. What a meeting! B-10, B-10, B-10, B-10, B-10 What's the point? Does life have a meeting? Half a meeting! Here's something that happened to me last week. Yeah. I guess, if you had moments in your life where it's life. How about so many moments in my life and thank you, yes. That's a really life life.

Let me recount a few of them now. Sadly, I have. Well, how is a young man? It's when you podcast, what are your moments? What are your moments, guys? What are your moments guys? What are your moments? We were always interested in people's moments getting to have 15 moments Well, you say that people People do

People do say This is a moment guys, right? Yeah, well that's true. It's like me me. It's an expression right? Yeah. Well that's treasinx, it's an expression. Yeah, we have a look at well having a moment. That was a moment. Oh, is this a moment? So, so moments do have some kind of status above things? I don't know. Yeah, what's the lower moment? What's sort of the, because you're average day is taking along just normal. And yet they are like, yeah, but because you say moment to moment, they just normal. And yet they are like, yeah, but. Cause you say moment to moment, day to moment. But yeah, exactly, but they're not moments, are they like.

I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment.

I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment. I've had a real moment. I've done for every moment. The moment you've gone, should I really be bleeding as profusely as I am from these things? Yeah, well, I'm pretty much like this moment.

Do it though, man. How am I supposed to be taking these teeth out to clean them? Is that really the right one? It's thorough, but it hurts. But yeah, I do know exactly what you mean. We talk about life being made up of moments, but we also talk about moments, like significant moments. And yes, we've just had a moment,

that was a moment guys, whatever, you know, that stuff. Having a moment as well, there's an element of kind of romance, isn't there? Possibly unexpected romance, where you have a moment with someone. Yeah, you know, where you're at, where you're at. You're cleaning your teeth, you look across.

The goldfish, you know, there's like a goldfish bowl that's kind of like a mirror in the toilet that you look through and she's cleaning her teeth on the other side. Is that what it was? Was it a mirror, was it a goldfish bowl that linked the men's to the ladies toilets? I believe so. That can't be. You can't look at that. What?

I think you're right. I think that was the whole... In Romeo and Juliet here, the Basleurman Romeo and Juliet, which I've watched reasonably recently, because I went to the secret cinema for it. But yeah, I think... A people looking... Did you have to pick a character?

Well, you know what, by point it was it was very much Tiblet in a while down as a tibble It was very much tiblet in a mark. It was just like look just show up where a vest in a Hawaiian shirt and spend 15 quid on a hot dog And shut the fuck up. It was like It was Cinema you know, but that is what. But that is one level above normal cinema, which is show up where and what you want and spend 15 quid on. And shut the fuck up.

And shut the fuck up. Yeah, shut the fuck up. I guess you get to where you're shirt, which is nice. Yeah, it did feel slightly special. Secret cinema. It has gone on a bit of a journey really, isn't it? Hey, do you think we could... Well, I'll get to that in a second.

Well, I'll take you up. You should say no now. Yeah, you know, yeah. Secret podcasting live. Yeah, you're right. No, no. No, we could secret cinema our jive, right? Where it's like we have a large warehouse that we turn into a flat.

And all this the deer's turn up. Can I just say, already the plan requires converting a warehouse into a flat. I'm out. I don't know why you think we're the people to do this. I'm not handy Andy. I can't take a warehouse space into a flat. I'm out. I don't know why you think we're the people to do this. I'm not handy Andy. I can't take a warehouse space into a flat. Why don't we start? I was just imagining the film big as well. Oh yeah. There's a reality TV show in it where it's others

converting the warehouse into a flat. That's a different, that's a different, this is, there's products in products here. We're building too. We're building too. No, our backers would do it. Like people, you know, we get secret cinema, they don't get the kids in building it, do they? Yeah. We're building to it. No, our backers would do it. Like, people, you know, we get secrets in them out.

They don't get the kids in building it. Do they? Someone will do it. I agree. I convert a warehouse for us into a flat share. Okay. So you're using the phrase we to mean the, the T. The business.

The business. Yeah, exactly the T. Yeah, the enterprise. Yeah. Exactly when I say things like we'll write the live episode together, you know, like we'd like a million. Someone to do it. I would always end up getting done, doesn't it? That's why I love this. Yeah, it's never let me down. We hooked it right up. Game over a Zoom meeting. Or just, you know, someone on WhatsApp and many other people. Yeah. We've got this. You know, the seat comes together.

Sure, I was there, but I thought I'd take the credit. Anyway, so it's like a warehouse, and will you look, you get the gist. Secret podcasting, you know? No, I don't. We could be there, that's it. So far, sorry. This picture isn't going well because so far,

all I'm picturing is a warehouse that's been converted into a living space. I've got no idea how podcasting fits into it. What's the secret bit? I have got to stop Finishing ascendance halfway through and just saying you know You know for a picture meeting is it? Well, I mean it worked for it's a Christmas movie you get the gist and they'll let yes Absolutely Crucially it's a new movie

so Crucially it's a new movie. So, you know, we do, to podcasting what secret cinema did to cinema. Okay. That's the pitch. So basically what you're, you're showing up. We start with our own podcast. Okay. I mean, it would be quite obvious if we're, if we're the organizers what the podcast is going to be.

Wouldn't it be more, would it? Maybe we should sneak ours in, actually. Is it the greatest double blast? Start with a big restaurant, for example. The dream restaurant. And then, you know, move on up to us. Sneak at the identity ward. Yeah.

You know, we could make it work. We could make it work. Come on, you get it. If anyone is interested in backing this idea, please do get in touch because crucially we have half of the idea, we just need the team. Not the team, we need the warehouse. If you're in a warehouse or you can convert a warehouse, get in touch today. Very important. Do you know what that reminded me of then? I watched, I don't get to watch a lot of telly at the moment, but last night I watched 10 minutes of Dragon's Den, and it's never not compelling that show.

Is it still on the television? Never not compelling. Yeah, I think one, two of the original dragons are still in there and now they're getting, you realise age is coming for us all when you realise how old the dragons are now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, who's still there? Perthetus as he's there? One of them invested by saying there's no pockets in a shroud.

It's pretty bleak now actually. Can't take it with me. He's either going to yield or win their will. My bloody and ungrateful family. I'm not fucking nephews on TikTok, he's a tosser. Go on, I'll invest. I don't know what it is. Anything to stop that, can't have a net.

It's pretty bleak nowadays. Yeah. No, it's like, but watching the compelling experience of watching someone's confidence drain over five minutes until it's totally zero. It's exactly what I just experienced. And experience on an episodic basis. But I go down, I get my confidence back, I go again. Absolutely. You do a hard reset on your entire, you know, on your entire self-esteem. After every podcast we have an interview outside that room, how do you think that went?

Well, there it is. What's his job? Top's a breeze block on my head and then I go again. So I can't remember his name. You do well to get Evan. Is it Dando? That's Lemonheads, right? Evan Dando is the guy from the Lemonheads, yeah, yeah, yeah. So who's the guy from Dragon's Den?

Now you've said Dando, I can't remember. Here we go. It is Evan. Evan knows I'm as well now. Is that his name? He'd settle for Evan. I don't think if you called him Evan, he wouldn I'm his more now. Is that his set up for Evan? I don't think if you called him Evan, he wouldn't be waiting to go find out whether you know his last name. No, be weird if you called him both names actually.

Evan, it will come to us as the show goes on. So anyway, yeah, you were talking about the fish tank. I was, yeah. BOLD design, A, B, for such an iconic moment, it is a confusing design that you have to go with, right? I swear. I think I've just watched it. I've watched it in the sky. I think I've just watched it in the sky. I think I've watched it for a different eye.

I'll be there. I just thought she was looking in a fish tank at some fish. And then he comes the other side of the fish tank and catches her eye. Maybe you'll write that with the same. As she's just been fresh. He's in the forex nose. He's in the flushing toilet and it all drains. He's in the box. Somebody flushes the toilet and it all drains out. LAUGHTER

It's Ryan Geeks's house. Oh no! Brin Ryan Geeks's house. Said everybody ever. LAUGHTER The safest place to be is in that fucking tank if you're in Ryan Geeks's house, isn't it? LAUGHTER That's fish and weights get out. In my head, it's a clever design like you'd see in a nightclub and I think, and this

I'm projecting, Baz Lerman has been to a trendy nightclub that does this and has gone, I'm having that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm speculating there. I mean, they're definitely looking each other through a fish tank, but beyond we can be very clear about that. We'll be y'all back with Leonardo DiCaprio with his little suit of armour on. Are there a bank of urinals behind Claire Daines and her angel wings?

Do you see a Dyson Airblade? Like what's going on? I think it's because they're such magnetic characters. First you're looking at Nemo, next you're looking at Leo, next you're looking at Claire, you're not looking to the back to see if they've run out of, you know, Bogroll. Here's how I've got it.

It's a really classy toilet set up whereby, where when you go to the sinks in the bathroom, rather than the mirror, it's a fish tank that adjoins the next bathroom, which is a female bathroom in the bathroom. So, and you don't, the urinals off to one side. Oh yeah, yeah. So you're not, you're not oggling through.

And obviously, cubicles are the champions of the whole design. Yeah, cubicles are pretty safe. Yeah, yeah. Oh god, I feel like I'm in the dragon's den. Anyway, Cubes were really safe. Yeah, yeah. Oh god, I feel like I'm in the Dragon's Den. Anyway, I mean, can I test the same in my business. Fish tank mirror bathroom setup. Can I just lay a square house from that? There's a vendingo, gommel.

Just sweating buckets. Oh god, I'd be a sweater on Dragon's Den. Well, you're a sweater off Dragon's Den. So of course you're going to be a sweater on it. Why did my'd be a sweater on Dragon's Den. Well, you're a sweater off Dragon's Den, so of course you're gonna be a sweater on it. Why did my sonny stop sweating on Dragon's Den? You achieve that kind of, you know, like in the movie when everyone's moving super fast, it's all sort of, you know,

and then a guy just gets a sense of calm and nips through the crowd and you know, it does that sort of thing, that's what you would be like on Dragon's Den. You've had a high altitude training of pitching ideas that have always been roundly started down for 11 years. Well, no, here's my pitch. I'm in the Dragon's Den, not sweating. I just talk about stuff for five minutes, and then it gets a bit weird, and at the end I'm like, this was really

awkward, guys. I should have been sweating loads. Today I'm pitching my anti-perspirant. Oh wow. Yeah. I want 20% for 30,000 pounds and then I start to sweat and it's, oh no, no, no, no. No, no, no. The anti-person just like,

slips the hand. That would be cool though I wouldn't be. Empty, get a good tie, a cad on to yourself. Has any of the dragons dend it? Where they don't reveal what they're pitching until the very final sentence. And it's a flip reversal, the beauty baby. Like that, there's something like that.

Like those people who kind of make those paintings in front of everyone and then turn it upside down right at the last minute and you're like, Now I see what it was. Exactly. Yeah, love it. Oh, no, no, I'm not pitching the hat. I'm pitching the shoes. And then I jump upside down and the hat's everywhere. A pair of shoes. You'll walk out of my head. You've actually been stood on your head the entire time. LAUGHTER

I'm like the guards in there. I'm just a wonderland. Yeah. My eyes actually been talking out of my asshole. It's entire time. And the other thing is, there you have. You have. Congratulations.

You're through to the judges' houses. And the athlete is going to have... Yeah, you have. He's not on top of the front. We know it yet. Congratulations. You're through to the judges' houses. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Hashtag. What would you say to Broke? Hashtag. Probably nothing at all.

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responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See out for details. Do you think then, because I've not heard this theory before, that the urinals are just out of shot in road media? Do you think that's true? Every scene is every scene in Romeo and Juliet set in a different bathroom and the urinals are just around the corner. And if you get like the director's cut or the widescreen version, you can see there's Ben Affleck taking a piss. Is this art or doing secret cinema? Was it a particularly bad staging of the secret cinema? I'd pay 15 quits, he's the urinals. He's in Waterloo Station.

Here's what I do think is if what we're saying is true, there's going to be a hell of a conversation after the funeral between... Where's this going? The parents of... Where is it the Montaguez? Where is the house? It's the capitalist house, where's this going? The parents of, was it the Montague's or, where is the house? It's the Capulet's house, is it? It's the only house in the country.

It's the only house in the country. I never get it at the right way around. Anyway, Mr. and Mrs. Capulet, they're going to be unpicking what's happened after the funeral. Right. And while I was going to go, I told you it was a fucking bad idea

to have a fish tank in the toilets. Because without that, they've never have met. We actually, when you're unpicking it, it all comes down to's a fucking bad idea to have a fish tank in the toilets. Because without that, they've never have met. We actually, when you're unpicking it, it all comes down to your fucking boso idea of having a fish tank between two toilets. Who puts a fish tank between two toilets? You've got a lot of Ryan Giggs, the renowned Rotter. Yeah. That was the, that's the, that's the, the duck's eye as David Lynch talks about in the movie.

That's the, the, the, the, the duck's in the tank, isn't it? Yeah, there's a duck on between the the B-days. Lynch voices. How are eyes met across the B-days? Well, that's what's that film. Very romantic. Twin B-days. Very romantic. Everyone came back from the guitar world cup championing B days and my mother-in-law has a B day.

Do you like it? And we had one in the out of you. Did you have to house? Yeah, when I lived, so you grew up with a B day? I grew up with a B day but I never used it. Did you have a B day every year? I did. That's how you live. If you have a B day every year? I did. That's how I would be. Have you been a day to me?

Yeah. I know. I never, I never, I never, I never, I, wasn't something I used. The only thing it would be fun to do would be to turn it on and spray water across the bathroom. That was kind of basic. Yeah. The rory loves it for that.

That's when we get for mother in law, that's what she loves to do. A big water fountain that, that we were constantly told, please, please don't drink out of it. Did we listen? Oh, no. No, there's nothing that slakes your thirst, like the forbidden drink. It's completely.

I wouldn't have lasted a second in the garden of a year. When they say, that one thought is out of balance, I'd be like, yum, yum, yum, yum. Oh no, man, I was out. By the way, we use that apple to clean our room. Oh sure! I shouldn't have said that because then I would never have had this.

If God had said that apple is not my jacksy. That's my last cleaning apple. The forbidden brown apple. Yeah. Less golden delicious More brown tangy Golden brown texture like son and you know something else It's about something else. I'm always telling people it's about something else

So so the question still stands what The's the point of my answer? I'm still laughing, I'm always telling people it's about something else. Just imagine you had a party, so I'm looking at somebody and go, right, come on the things personally. You see Romeo and Juliet, no, fair enough, don't worry, next topic conversation. Okay, Kelden Brown, by the stranglers. He's about something else. He's singing and then sliding off to the next person. Who was that mysterious man? Goldfish in the bag.

I was just having a little bit of a mingle winks. I see you. We got a bidet, eh? I was even supposed to spitting feathers over here. I have to drink this fishbag and it's like... By all accounts, by all accounts though, B-days, the better way to go. Oh I've heard you ask. Yeah, I've heard that.

I've heard you lived with it, man. So much better for the planet. But you didn't use it, as a, that's like, I don't know any, I know how it is that had it all the way through the 80s and 90s, but never used, I joined group with the B day. Never. My cousins grew up with the B day.

We used to visit and do exactly that, we'd splash around in it, we'd drink it, we'd go on and use it as a B Yeah. I think I remember washing my feet in it after playing in the garden. That seems to be like the main thing I would use it for washing my feet in it, which is, you know, it's not a terrible use of it, but it's not the use of it. It felt like a status symbol. I think it was a little bit, yeah, for the classic 80s, early 90s bathroom, you wanted to get a V-day in there.

Do you have to hover? No, you can see it. That sounds like someone talked to me at a party. We're actually having a quite nice conversation, did you mind just facking us someone else please? I've ever heard of the Stranglers game. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, A lot of parties like that. In the case for all three of us, and you've been to drive more than anywhere else. It's a wrapy. I'd say when you're at a party, everyone else feels like that. But yeah, I think you don't have to hover on it.

It's not going to toilet seat like a toilet. I flip up toilet seat, but it's got a rim to it. It's got a ledge to it. I'm a regret reusing the word rim. I'm saying it came up. I'm a regret reusing the word, you say it came up. I'm saying it came up. The rim ledge. He's arrived at the party everyone.

The rim ledge is here, boys. The B-day boy. The B-day boy. Very good for a house party. Fill it with ice and stick like brusquies in it. Yeah, you can hold your half or brusquies in there. That's not the same about my ribbers. When you can't afford to fill the bath.

Do you know what I mean? But you still want that. The bit and beer that God told us not to drink. The bid and beer that God told us not to drink. It's actually like some blood of Christ, anyone? Apple ties. Anyway, the question still stands. What makes a moment a moment? What's below a moment? I think there is something, there is something in that. An instant, an instance, is that,

is that below a moment? Possibly, but also that feels like that's about time. Yeah, but what about an instance rather than an instance? An instance, like something below a moment, as in, you know, there was an instance. From, yeah, in this instance. I mean the other thing like might be the fact that it's singular like that there's moments Constantly yeah, and then there's a moment Amongst the moments, but if you go to pick out if you so if if you use that idea as as you know

The if we're gonna sort of follow that idea down, then you've got several moments, the individual moments make up several moments, right? But you can't just pluck any one of those moments out, look at it and go, this is a moment. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but what I'm thinking is, when you're eyes meet and you're kind of scrubbing your molars. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's like, when it happens, it like, it pings out as it's happening from the moments. So there are, there are moments, and then there are magic moments, special moments that, but they're also cool. They're just, they're just, they're just, they're just moments together. You got a happening.

You've got it, yeah. You've got it. Yeah. You've got a life sign. Yeah. But what was your, you had a, you were going to ask us about a moment. You said if you ever had a moment. Yeah. I was going to, I think you are about sort of 25 minutes ago before I interrupted you.

If you had a moment where like you've gone so quickly the realization of being you being in the right to you being in the wrong like a whip crack, like a rug pull where you realize oh it's me. I've never had that. I had a really clear moment of it. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, it does happen. And it takes, you know what?

Like, I've seen it happen to other people and I've seen them deal with it with such kind of like, solemnity and grace. For example, I mean, I remember this so keenly because it was quite a big thing to do when we were working on bad olds, our director, sort of, like was blocking out a scene, it was quite a complicated scene, it was the scene where we were like, you know, it was the scene where we were kind of doing a version of our real life. We got actors to play ourselves, you know, that scene. And he blocked it out in the wrong way. And Tom, you and I were to look, this

is how we see it. And you know, he'd spent some time with the camera crew and everything. And he would, oh yeah, you're right. And he sort of turned around and announced to everybody, listen guys, I've made a mistake. And I thought, bloody hell, what an impressive, I remember thinking that's so impressive to turn around to a room for the people who are your supposed to be their leader and go, look, this is my, I made a mistake and I'm gonna rectify it now. And I thought that was so, I remember thinking that was so cool, because it was like,

I absolutely wouldn't have done that. Oh, you can, you can do that. You can, and that's better than going, oh, no, I haven't. And then just running and thinking to the ground until it's over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or blaming someone else. Yeah.

Like finding a lot of that, that's why I can't stand it when you see somebody find someone to blame. Yeah. Down the chain and pass it on and you go, obviously what you're doing there. Yeah. It's a thing that little kid, like little kid, don't get me. I see what I'm doing here. Yeah.

I see what I'm doing here. Yeah. I see what I'm doing here. Yeah, he's really dropped the ball on this one, everyone. Like, little kid, as soon as a Cleo had a younger sister, suddenly she didn't do anything wrong. You know, like, oh, I think she pushed herself over. Like that kind of thing. It was a lot of that kind of thing, you know. And I guess that's a process.

You know, like it's like a developmental process you go through and hope for you come out the other side. But those people don't. That makes it look slightly continue myself. To be honest. Yeah. Yeah. But I remember seeing that going bloody how that was so amazing and I loved it. I thought, wow, that was, it was just so impressive

and so like grown up, it was brilliant. It was, yeah, it really was. So how did you deal with it Tom? Well I did have a chance to deal with it at the moment because I was on the train Sunday night train to London and very busy train so you're sharing a table which is it's an intimate space sharing the table. Yeah, obviously the three. I've got an idea for this. Oh yeah. Instead of a table, fish tank. Yes, that's right.

Very good. It'd make it really magical, actually. It would be lovely. It would be a fish tank. Yeah, fish tank, like a fish tank filter. You hate to be sat next to the person who's wearing the Angel Wings though. Oh my God.

Oh no. You're just there just trying to, you know, look at your phone. Angel wings tickling you know the entire time. No, thank you. Is there a pitch? And it's Romeo and Juliet glasses and you have a couple of tiny goldfish swimming about and you spend your whole life in a romantic reverie like Rose Tinted Spectacles, but like you know, goldfish swimming spells. Yeah, I. Yeah, I mean, I think there is a pitch to it. Whether or not that pitch is going to get any of Thea's money, it's a separate thing.

I would say leave that pitch to the right, right to the last minute. Make it look like you're talking about something else. Stop, can I shock you now? I've been wearing fish on that whole fish. How small is it goldfish? Like how small is the smallest goldfish? Right? Oh there's some small goldfish bro. Yeah? There's then fish going to be small right? I don't know but I just imagine. you can imagine. But I have to do it with like sea munkies or something. Yeah. It's less romantic so it is.

So it's somehow. You get a couple of like goo ramacans right and you put some fish in water in them. You have an opportunity to invest for 15% in my company, C Monkey Goo Ramicking. It doesn't, it's not great. How do they make bread with no wheat in? How do they do? I'm on the train, and there's two dudes I'm showing the table with.

And I get my laptop out to do some work, and they're just looking at their phone, and one of them moves their bag and it starts to absolutely honk a fish. What? And I'm like, who brings fish onto a train? This is two and a half hour train, aren't you? We're not talking about a breaded card here.

We're talking about he's bought some fresh fish to take home. Well, it just honks. There's a real honk a fish because he's moved his bag. And I think it's this guy and kind of, you can, people are smelling it. And it's like, this guy's, why would you bring fish? And like, what have you got going on? He's like, if you made like a tuna,

what have you, I thought, I thought, either he's brought a tuna bag and it's in his bag. He's made a tuna salad because he's a fucking, you know, he's on a fitness mission or some chip. Oh, I was, I was furious. Yeah. He got really bad. And I didn't say anything.

So I feel, you know, I dealt with it, but I kind of stopped working, put my computer away. Were you exchanging glances with other passengers? Was there like a little bit of a sense of like, yeah. And then I got into the work the next day and took my computer out and all mama. I just smell a fish. So, I start to get very nervous because it's a right in room. And I know how the train smelled.

So I carried on working. I put my laptop case away and it went, the smog And I went home. Well first of all you blamed it on someone else. I tried to pick what had happened and basically Gloria normally sits in her high chair but for the meal before I got the train she sat in the spot that I put my laptop when I'm packing the bag and we'd had fish pie. So I'm so sorry, so what happened is she had some fish pie on the table. I'm not blaming her. No, no, no, she's a child.

Yep, and after she had left the table I put my laptop where I normally put it, where there's normally no food. And it had got a big glob of fish pie on it that then crusted. So that as I was working on my laptop, as the laptop heated, it was slowly eating. You re-cooked it was like the residue on the bottom of the fish, the fish pie. So it was like re-eating and so my laptop on my laptop bag had this absolute honk of fish because I'd been basically re-cooking a fish pie on my laptop. So by the time it gets to the writer's room that's the third time the fish has been cooked. Yes, so you're not finally trying it. Yeah. And you should

never cook fish three times. No. You know, it's not crucially bad. It's hell of a thing. We're talking, you know, and it's, it's a, it's your good old fish pie mix. It doesn't get much, it's smoked haddock. It's hard. And it's just salmon. Yeah. There's all three different fishy smells in there. There's only three. The fish pie mix. When you open up the fish pie mix, it's real. Is this okay? You know, we open up.

You go towards it, fresh. Immediately, you open it up and you go, oh, have we, is this, is this just, I think I've even seen fish pie mix on the label. They say listen, you're gonna open it up and you go, oh, have we, is this, is this just, I think I've even seen fish finder on the label, they say, listen, you're gonna open it up, it's gonna be a bit dicey. Not just as the fish is dicey. Well, no, no, no, that I'm in my old age

and clean living and all that. I take about six packs of fish by mixed festivals. I mean, if you wait about 10 minutes before the band like come on and you just really open up a pack of fish pie mix, honestly. What? Nature's Puppets. Yeah, you're lucky. There's your festival moment right there.

That's a moment, right? It's a proper moment. So we put a little on your gums and then put some on the back of your laptop and you're away. Crucially so you've got to keep the fish in the tank on the track. By the time you had exactly the time I'd figured out what I'd done. It was kind of like a golden crust on the bottom of the laptop. I had to kind of chip on.

It looked like some golden crust. It must like this kind of finally figure out what the songs are about. It's like this kind of finally thinking out what the song's about. So basically, if the guy who sat opposite me on the train is listening, me a call per guy. Right. It's a mis it's like the misconnections that people do in the in the newspaper. They say, you were the totally innocent guy smelling of nothing, but maybe a little bit of

brute slapped on your chops. I was the guy with a bag that's stank of old fish. I'm sorry for blaming you. Will you be my captain bird tie? I feel a bit like doing that now for like that would be a good service actually where it's like eight years ago, you were the young parents in the cafe in Crystal Palace and your kid kept on screaming. And we looked at you like, what are you doing guys, sort your kid out. And now, here I am eight years on being like fair play, it's really hard actually. Yeah.

But then I think, I think there's a lot of kind of karma to like growing a bit older, isn't there? Because everything that you think is annoying, because like you go actually, they weren't able to deal with that. It was just a tricky situation. I guess it goes back the other way now, doesn't it? Then the older you get, the more annoying you find

young people. So it starts when you're young and you find older people annoying. There must be a like a sort of golden ratio, there must be a sort of a midpoint where you're like you know you're 33 and you're like all households. It's like that bit in the matrix where suddenly like everything's not so much as I see it now. I see it. We're all ourselves. I've been I've been piled, but you know, to be not to be an asshole, yeah.

Yeah. The other day I was at Bush shelter and there was like these, I reckon about four, I reckon there'd be about 15, 16 year olds, and we were all waiting for the bus, and they were just frying hake. Oh, yeah, yeah.

And they were pairing some kind of Thai curry or something, and I just thought, come on guys, do you know what I mean? There's better ways to do that. But then you know, think back at our uni days, when we would do, you know, like, the prawn cocktail sessions. Absolutely, yeah, we'd be, you know, like... Oh, the prawn cocktail sessions. Absolutely, yeah, we'd be, you know, we'd make it up a gumbo.

You know, we wouldn't think about the other people who are also going to church at the same time as us. We would gumbo a B-Day, we'd turn up some... We'd turn up some days by. We would turn up to someone's eyes, but we'd gumbo the B-Day. Take over the bathroom. Absolute legends. Please don't go by the B day guys.

I remember a party that I had back when I was first living in Stretton and it was like a housewarming party. And, or I put bowls of snacks all over the toilet. Do you remember that? With science saying, please enjoy our toilets and hats. No one's gonna eat them. It was just, it was like, so like balls of watsits on the system and stuff.

But he's enjoying our toilets and hats. End of the night, I went to go and clear them away, all gone. All gone. I could not believe it. I thought it was just clearly a joke, but I guess if you say please enjoy our toilets next, people can eat them. Well, I spent the whole night in the bathroom

charging people of pain to go in. I was talking to him. I didn't know that. Spray a bit of links off your girl, baby. He didn't clean up. Mate, Matthew had to do it. Spray a bit of links, show him a goldfish, fuck off. Come on, go in the B- links, show him a goldfish, fuck off.

Yeah. Gumbo in the B day seems like a good use for me isn't for going too hard at a house party. Yeah. Do you know, like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,

you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,

you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you like, It's that awful question the morning after isn't it where you go was I all right? Oh Tom I've never heard you ask that question. I've been clarky asked me that question was I all right? Yeah that's a clarky question. Was I all right? Was that all right? Well I don't remember I was mashed. The thing is no one's gonna be honest with you.

You're always gonna get like, yeah you were fine. And also you don't want to hear it when you're hungry. You want to hear it all the time. All you want to hear is you were fine. You don't want to hear, yeah you're a total fucking liar. It was fun, it was funny. All the fish in the bathroom are dead. And stuck to the bottom of my laptop.

Best night ever. It was quite a moment. It was the moment. It was the moment. It's app between if you fancy tweeting. There we go. There it was. The highest meeting.

Tom, I can tell you now. Evan Davis. Yes. We're close. We're close. We're close. Old tinsel tits, they called him, didn't they? Yes. That's right. Do you think he gets Dando quite a lot? Evan Dando. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, he must do. I mean, there aren't that many famous Evans are there.

There's that I can think of. Evan Parker, the jazz saxophonist, Evan Dawkins, the comic book cartoonist who did Milken Shee's, Dando Davis. That's pretty much your Evans, isn't it? And Evan Almighty. I guess Evan Almighty, of course, yeah. But that's it. It's not a huge list.

If you can think of any more getting touched, Papi's flat share, and you ever know Stockholm. Right. Have a wonderful time, everybody. Do you want to sign us off, Tom? Yeah, today's episode was produced by Amacorsham. Corsham TV. Cheers, everyone. Bye. Bye. Oh, dear me!

Oh no! If you can then please be upstanding! No, no June, not June! No June, please don't! Don't even attempt it darling. It's enough that you're here. For now please be upstanding for today's Patreon neighborhood. Oh, be back. Oh, God.

Right. Oh, God. I've put my teeth in for this one. Let me tell you about my great-grandfather. No, my great-grandson. Who I'm very fond. He wants that a pickled onion. I remember Simon Gardner Bond. Oh, we're doing that one. Are you okay? I'm on the wrong sheet.

Oh, you're me too. That's not what we discussed. It's not what we discussed, but okay, I can rectify that. Please, I'm on the right sheet now. Oh, Bermenas, would you change these sheets for me please? No, I'm not. Can I tell you, oh, I'm 43 years old. I'm nearly dead. Oh, let me tell you about my great, great, great grandson.

Oh, you're never going to believe it. He's only a young whipper snapper, but he's close. He's got a self-agotty beard. Oh, please. He must be so ashamed. I'm so, oh my god. He's got a soul patch and he says, Oh, Lee Dood.

Oh, I never understand these yet. I can't work out what he's on about my great-great-grandson with the beard, but his name for shame is Tom Sheard, said like beard. Oh, my great-great great grandson. Yes he lent me a razor. He's so proud. The cut. Did you see the silver patch off? See if it's all patch off. I did my best but I've got the shakes like cut this gin all to ribbons Terrible idea

I'm so sorry Adam Gibbons. Sorry Adam Gibbons. Oh Has the liberties the next name? And one of our own The old coach brigade He's an absolute legend that's for sure Please be upstanding for your captain and mine Tom Moore Tom Moore Sadly he's not with us any Tom Moore

He's not with us any Tom Moore Oh or I'll tell you now I'm for to be I have to take my I have to take my teeth out for this and put on my extra leg oh oh it comes off back yes oh I'll tell you now my back is so hunched I can't reach the porno mags of the high shelves So I have to get my I have to get my great great great nephew to grab them for me and his name is Glenn elves Thank you, well, the Can keep a similar problem. Yes. I... I have to get my great-great-grandson

to describe the poor man's to me. Because I can't see. Thank you for your service, Tom B. Thank you, Tom B. Good. Let me tell you about my great-great-great-grand grand order the food she cooks is serviceable I can't say anything more than that. It's it's okay as long as it's pure aid. I'm happy with it It's it's fine Her name is Lynn

I've been up the menu Oh, I've been up a bit, I've been in up a bit, I've been in. Oh, let me tell you, I have to take my teeth out, put different teeth in, rewire my fake hand. Oh, I can feel the technology's harvest. It's unbelievable, I've got a fake foot, but it's been infected. The nail is infected with a fungus. Oh! I'll have to show it to my great-great-grandson who's also a caropodist. And the anger's so... Oh, what is that?

What do you think? And he's a handy-handy-handy. I say, I say handy Andy. You're also footy Andy, because you're a good robotist. Oh, he says, why don't you die and leave Mr. Money? I'm trying to talk, aren't you, C? I don't have any. You'll find the hand.

It's back. Oh, that. You're fake hands attacking you. Oh, quick,! It's back! Hold that! You're fake hands attacking you! Oh, quick! Please! Grab the hammer! I'll help! I'll get my great-great-granddaughter to come round with a spanner! She's awfully good with it!

Her name's Anna! Oh, I hope they say you find a great-grandson who's good with a spanner! A great-granddaughter who's good with the spanner great round daughter who's good with the spanner you'll never work a day in your life You think she'll never be a spanner my great great great great great Goddaughter she won a trophy You're great Goddaughter For using a Spanel. Yes, that's right. They're name Sophie.

She's Sophie. Oh, Sophie. Well, let me tell you about my great, great, great, great, great, great. Oh, do shut up. Oh, day. God, I hate this home. He's just so great He's wonderful Let me tell you I say could you please reattach my fake balls?

No using this And again, and he'll know how to do it. That's right. His name of course is Stuart. Can you have a go at mine while he's here? He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench.

He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench.

He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench. He's brought his monkey wrench. I don't want to be your monkey rare! I'm spanner away from me! It's when it writes in my works! This concludes today's Patreon neighborhood watch. 542. 10. 10. Sweet release. you