Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Heavy Petting) S13E41

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. Magic, musicals, and super extensive bylaw chat. Godstone Farm Hobbledown Adventure Farm Park & Zoo Crystal Palace Park Farm Horniman Animal Walk Coolings Nature ReservePappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share House Meeting. Oh, house meeting! Let me tell you, as a podcast, it takes some beating. Oh, nice Tom. That's really nice. That's a bar. That's a butter bar. Um, how's meeting, of course, is where the three of us sit down to the fat, uh, mo the cudd and arrange the hedges of conversation. Absolutely right. And, uh, if you like a little bit of topiary, then this is a podcast for you because hedges were definitely arranged, rearranged and rearranged the third time. We had a very, very good time chatting today. It starts

with Clarky, which is always an exciting move. One Clarky has some leaves he wants to throw into the mix. But yeah, it was a good fun chance. But before we get into it, we would like to encourage you as winter is drawing in. And maybe you're not able to go out as much as you like. It's a bit nippy, you can't go gambling through the fields or roller-king through the parks. Perhaps stay in, no, not until spring comes back around.

Perhaps stay in, make yourself a little bed and listen to some extra podcasts on our Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's flat share. We'd love you to join us. And as we keep saying, it's that time of year where people will say to you, what do you want this year? What do you want for Christmas?

And you think, what do you need? Your? What do you want for Christmas and your phone? What do you need? Your house is full of clutter, if you need something, you normally order it for yourself anyway. What's that little extra gift that'll bring you joy that won't get in the way? Well, it's a subscription to Pappy's on Patreon. Absolutely, right. Loads of room in your ear can else.

Popus in there. Popus in there, guys. Patreon.com, forward slash, Papi's flat share. Get it for yourself, ask for it as a gift, either either works. From for four quid a month,

I mean what, you know, like the price of a cup of coffee basically, four quid a month, you get bonus episodes every single week. You get bonus beefs, you get our flat share pop round, you get a little bit of bonus audio from some of the other shows we do. It really is, it's a tremendous amount of fun. We're about to record a flat share pop round right now. So if you want to hear what we're about to say

when we get off-mic on this and on-mic on that, then get yourself to patreon.com for slash puppies flat share. I'm so into this idea of buying a subscription as a present. I wish there was a podcast I liked enough to ask for a subscription. I think you could have any indecency at the word liked. I think there's any enough to ask for a subscription from me. What pods are you listening to? I think let's spread the love a little bit. What are your current top pods you listen to at the moment, Perry?

Well... Should we crack them with the app? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enjoy this house meeting, a podcast that I would listen to if I wasn't in it. I've had a thought, I've got an issue, I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk, I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has meeting, what temperature should we set the heat to?

Has meeting, why on earth am I always waiting? Has meeting, who went my bed while I was sleeping? This haven't had me to. What's the point? Does life have a meeting? I went to a petting zoo the other day. Oh fantastic. The thing is I go to a lot of petting zoos because I've got two small children.

Yes. What were you doing there, Clarky? It's a good question. I go to a lot of pettingsies because I've got two small children. Yeah. What were you doing there, Clarkie? It's a good question. It's a good question. Is it like one of those things? Do they do this now? Because anything that kids enjoy, there's also like a Prosecco version of that. Is that what it was we were going to do?

Paseco and pets. Prosecco and pets. Yeah. What? Tell you what. You were just kidding. I was just kidding. You were just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding.

I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding.

I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. again, no. And she also didn't have children. So were you surrounded by little kids? No, actually, weirdly. There was one, there was like,

of the group that went in and we were given a time to go in. So if I kind of had to assemble in the car park. Yeah. And then they bring a thing after a, after a kind of a talk, gave us a talk. And I don't know. It's not one of the animals you've had in here for a talk, because it... Well, a couple of tigers, first of all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They, well, this is the thing, right? They started a talk by saying, okay, so we've got a couple of our packers. When you feed them, keep your hand flat. Yeah. Um, don't touch them. Okay.

So, already up a bit like, hold on. This isn't as advertised. Don't touch them. They won't like that. You can't give them a stroke. Nope. So what element of petting are you doing here? I think he's the, this is the off of them.

You got that thing. Heavy petting too, yeah. You in a swimming mass. It's not bombing on the back of the alpaca. I can't give it just quickly, just to set the scene a little bit more for me personally. Yeah, yeah. You don't set it for me, please.

Yeah. What time of day are we talking here? It was, I would, early afternoon, I think. Okay, so about, it was about 12. So again, that's the earnest you can get in an afternoon, really. So we're talking, this is the crack of the afternoon. Very much kids play time. Like it's not like you were going like 7pm when maybe kids were sort of going to bed. This is like middle of the day and you went in and you had some time alone with these animals

just you and your group. Is that the idea? No, no, no. There was other people and they were different like random. There was like four of us. There was, I'd say, two other couples. There was one family. There were only one. There were two kids out of all the people who went in. Out of those dozen people. I mean, that's great because, you know, obviously nature's wonderful and there's no right age to be doing it.

But it's hard. The whole thing was odd. I don't know what was going on with it. So you saw our packers. Our packers. Don't touch them. Don't go around the back of them as well. Don't go around the back of them.

Because you'll see it, it's just too long to be in our packer seat. That's why. Don't hang out at the back of them. Because you'll see it, she's too long to look in an alpaca seat. That's why. Don't hang out at the back of them. Don't pull that thread. Then they said we've got some pygmy mounting goats. Oh great, gorgeous. And then she followed up with, they are the worst type of goats. Don't try and touch them.

Awesome, what the hell is this, this bread thing, so? You can just look at photographs, you can just go on the internet and type in Pigg and the mountain goats, and that'll be it. Then there were pigs not allowed to touch the pigs. Would I go, me mounting pigs? The worst kind of pigs.

The worst kind of pigs. The worst kind of pigs. The worst kind of pigs. Because they're, and they're like, they will buy you. What is going on? And then finally, there is some sheep, and they're like, you can touch on the sheep or you want. Who wants to touch a sheep in this day?

You're right, John. I know. And then there were chickens and ducks, and they're like, you can touch those too. What are you seeing when you go through, because you're in a car park, you leave the car park, where are you going? What's happening?

You kind of go through a little hut, which is kind of also like a little gift shop type place. Yeah. Do you wash your hands? Yeah, there were, there were, I mean, you don't need to wash out. You're not touching the animals There's no need for that that level of safety you got for the entrance price as well We got between us. There was four of us. We got a little bag of carrots and then each of us got a

Some seed that was in you know like the the sach, the sashray, the, the tomato ketchup things you get in McDonald's. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Actually, they're in a little tetrap pack. Yeah. Little one of those. The cups. The cups that you're supposed to fall down. For the sauce. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Those little, those little tiny ones. So we had that as a symbol of things. Yeah, tiny. It's trying to make that last of all the tickets. Honestly, after five minutes, I was like, I am done. How much did this, all this, this, this paper cost you? You, it was it an inner city petting zoo?

Is this, are we talking like, hackney zoo or something like that? This is it as well, Tom. It was out in the country. We went out of London to do this. It was almost an hour and a half out of London. To then, in Devon, they let you take the animals home with you. That's an outbacker, bring it back on Thursday. The Rams pretty good for a laugh.

Go round the back of the wall. Take him round and about for a bit. He'll come home when he's good and ready. They don't give a shit really in the Southwest. But they were at Alpacas roaming through the streets of Exeter, aren't they? That's the nature of it. That's the nature of it.

One's mayor. There's some kind of by-law going on. It's, he's not the guy who's in charge of the traffic calming measures, is he? Because he's made himself one very unpopular alpaca recently. Bylaws are good aren't they? Bylaws are, it feels like we'll finish on the petting zoo and get back to bylaws. By the way, what Tom's done there, he said, I don't want to talk about this anymore. If you've got any more points you want to make, is said, I don't want to talk about this anymore

If you've got any more way you want to make I've got a thing I want to talk about and hold your horses guys because it's about Bylo's or you don't have all the horses Don't hold the horses they will bite you I would have a kill for all Jeepers creepers For extra money how much will you pay in going how much were you paying for this? How much it cost? I can't remember what it was. It was about £8.50 a ticket. That's a rip off, man. It was a rip off.

And also, there were people who paid more. And they could have special experience. Yeah, there were like, who's here for the pig experience? That's the pig experience was, you got to walk the pig around the place one lap go with it on the lead. No, no, no, you cop it out on a lead in a in a in a in a in a like a farm situation. It shouldn't be. That's a that's a bylaw, is it? I'm speaking of bylaws. No, sorry. I don't. I don't. I don't know. We're going to find these on the bylaws.

He's got his bylaws, Gary wants to get out. Oh, come on. It's a bylaws. Don't even get a start on bylaws. Tell us about some bylaws. Well, I've got a few questions for Ben first about this terrible trip. Whose idea was it? Was it the birthday persons?

It was the birthday persons idea, yeah. And she wasn't happy with it. birthday persons. It was a birthday. I did. I did. I did. Yeah. And she was not, she was, she wasn't happy with it. We were all disappointed with the level, but she did book a self-suffering. She booked a self-suffering for a petting zoo for a birthday. Yeah. Yeah.

And we're talking, this is a birthday that's like, if it's not, if it's not 40, it's in the late 30s, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. This, probably the only selling point to having kids, I'd say, is, I can't believe this. What is that? What is that to a sentence?

The only selling point to having kids. I can't wait to hear what it is. I can't wait to hear what it is. What am I going to do with my time? What am I going to do today? Like, you know, and like, I think that's the, I think that's the, that's the shoe that you have when you choose not to have children is,

you've got a lot of time to fill, man. And at some point you can go in and up in a petting zoo for your birth day where it's like, when you've got kids, you're just like, I have to go to a petting zoo. I mean, I'm like in software area. Either way, you I have to go to a petting zoo. I mean, I'm like in a shop like here here again. Either way you're going to be in a petting zoo. Or roads lead to a disappointing petting zoo. But one's legitimate, that's the thing.

One's legitimate and one you can kind of go, oh, I mean a bloody petting zoo, but you still get to be in a petting zoo. And the other way you go, I'm going to try going to a petting zoo. That might fill the void. How long have you lasted a petting zoo, Tom? As a father of three-year-old. I think about three weeks ago.

Yeah. That was far away from a zoo or a petting zoo. I was there yesterday, and I've been there a couple of weeks before, just constantly, it's petting zoo that you just have to do them. You know that old joke, you know, the old joke of, I caught my best friend sleeping with my wife, I said, John, I have to, but you, that, you know, that was kind of the reaction

that me and Crosby had when you launched into some petting zoo gear. It's like, you don't have to go. You're clear, you're free. I can tell you now, I enjoy pettingsies. We don't do pettingsies. It was torrential rain, I was like, no, we're still going because I just enjoy them too much. There's some great ones near us,

but we're not here to talk about that now. We're not here to promote the like, there'll be in the show notes, we'll be a list of my top pettings is in the South East. And my bottom block is worst. Clarkies. Ones to a voice. Did they not go on trip advice or surely

to check that this is a good pettings are you've got to do your work here? Yeah, I presumed since we were traveling, you know, traveling for it, it was gonna be like an elite petting zoo. It was gonna be like, you know, one of them. It feels like someone's panicked on the phone when someone said, well, are you doing for your birthday? Good job.

I thought you were gonna say, it sounds like someone's panicked on the phone when someone's called up and asked are you a petting sea? Well, we'll meet in the car park and we'll give you a talk. I'd say what I thought someone's been hurt at this petting zoo. This petting zoo probably a duck. What was the highlight? Um, pizza, chicken.

That was the highlight on the way home from Mollies. The liter. You cut yourself one of those, one of those roasts in a bag, they do it say his breeze from that from that weird hot cup of the middle of the say his breeze yeah you must have got to cuddle a cuddler sheep don't care about sheep no they've got that shape chicken's a got bad energy man. I like chicken Chicken stress me eight man. They're all there. They're intense. They got a lot. They got too much going on

What do you mean they've got too much going on like the hand movement? Chicken extra sheep I'm gonna go and have a point with the sheep, John Wayne The bike is gonna be kicking off about the pool table or some shit like that, within an hour, it'll be like, they've got, that was an after- They've got fronetta energy, they've got fronetta energy up there. We put that 50p down, whereas like the sheep's gonna be like,

ah, you know, that'll be other 50p's. That's right, sheep are relaxed, chickens are edgy. Oh, yeah. They've got proper kind of edgy, you know, done a bit too much speed, vibes, but that kind of thing. The edge of the park. You've got to chill out a little bit, man. I get that.

I get that. I take the edge off. But you might be sheeped to book out their ideas a bit, I think, is what Alfred Quid, Clark, he wants a bit more from me. Yeah, one of these bit more thrills and spills. Don't just lie there. Perry, now we're at a wedding last weekend and they're our packers there.

And our packers are very friendly. They're very, they think they assume you've got food. And yeah, you can stroke them and they're so soft. But like, they don't seem like, there's no aggression to them. They put the fill in. They told God in me with these fucking hell packers. I was like, I was feeding it like,

oh, I thought I was about to get my hand ripped off there anymore. Nah, nah, nah, nah. With your little cut. With my little cut. With my little McDonald's, with your little barbecue sauce. Did you flatten out the cut? Because that's what you suppose to. Right, you got the power of these.

You're supposed to flatten out the sauce. I'm not going to be able to flatten them out. So did you flatten the cut by to feed the alpacas? Is that the cup equivalent of keeping your hand flat? I wasn't going to give them seeds. I don't think they would have enjoyed that. I saved some. You saved for yourself, didn't you?

I was playing the carrot. I was playing the carrot. I was going to cut off my key to diet. You're like, I'm just playing the camera. Going the car bucket, and then I see it's instead. It's about my keto diet. Piglet on your lap, that's the sweet spot where a petting zoo. Yeah. Then you're going full petting, man. Piglet on the lap.

Dude, next time you come down to Southwest, I'll take you to Panywell Farm for your birthday. Listen, he wasn't my birthday. I want to quell that rumor right now. Hey dude, the listeners are well aware when you're birthday. He's, do not worry about that. There's no listener going, hmm, clonkeys birthday. Is it in October?

No. Yeah. Um, look, next June, maybe it'll be a listener deer event. We'll all meet up, Painsley. We'll meet the car park. We'll do a listener dear event. We'll all meet at a penalty or meet the car park We'll do a meet-up with all the listeners and they can pet us If they were like that around the back of us don't go around the back of the car You are like that from you're in for a real shock Yeah, you can you can pat us on the head and feed us through a through a tiny little portion of seeds out of a tiny cut.

I'll be a Ben Me Mountain Tom. I think 50% of me laughing at that was for the joke itself, the other 50%, actually, probably more like 40 60 the other 60% was You not being sure whether to be delighted or embarrassed And I really enjoyed it. Okay, I the sweet spot the sweet spot I got in ratio Goat impressions let's hear bleeding When I went to the circus in Moscow, when I was on the holes, they had the absolute, you

know like when you're in a petting zoo type situation, you go, this is really bad. But they had the kind of the joe exotic animals. They had all of the tigers and everything. They came out into the foyer and there were little kids. They came into the foyer and all smoking a fag asking how the show was going. They all came out and they were like, you can have your photograph taken, you paid a bit of money, professionally taken with the line lying in your lap.

And during the circus, These animals don't seem Totally happy and then we saw him up close. You're like oh, they're they're all really drugged It was really it was really depressing stuff. Yeah, yeah, it was really it was really bad like good drugs like the chicken with its speed and the pub Better vibes than the chicken. Oh man Yeah, give me a drug tiger. There was drug tigers. But there was also like a goose in a, you know, there was like a fox going to the circus for a goose, man.

I think, I don't know, even a drug. That's a shame. Even drug animals, I think, you know, I'd go, I'd have a goose in my lap, sooner than I have a tiger, I think. Yeah. No, I just mean like, if you're a goose and you've ended up in a circus. You've had a bad time, yeah.

You've had a bad time, I'm having a, because like, no one's going, I went to the circus, that's not, and fuck me, this goose, man. You should, yeah, no, no, it's, they're never gonna be, they're never gonna be the ban of name, are they? They're never gonna be, you know, come and see the Bonshoi goose. It's not gonna happen.

I'm just thinking what would that juice need to do to to headline? Jellermaine. Trapies. Yeah, trapeze, playing an instrument. I'm not impressed by a goose trapeze and it's it's it's it's it's at home in the air. There's no risk grabbing onto the bar with its beak. But the wonder of the trapeze is the risk. It's true. If you stick something that can fly on the trapeze then it's like big

whop, isn't it? Yeah. That's like saying watch me walk. Oh yeah, but you've not thought of this Tom. It's heavily drugged. Yeah, but watching me walk heavily drug, does not, is not an eight-paint. No, I've never been to it. We've all seen that. No, at least I've seen that again. So, I think the goose needs to do something on the ground. And maybe something with its brain, I don't know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It needs to do a feat of memory, doesn't it? It needs to do it in a kind of... There we go. If it can do the playing cards or some shit in the back. Yeah. If you think about it, like a goose could pick an entire packet cards and realistically come back with one card in its beak, right? That's within the grass of a goose.

Magic goose. Magic goose. That's what you want. It's a magic goose. Yeah. And clean. I want to see the drugs test. Yeah. You want to feed you. You don't want to be a lot of Zalim's drunk tap. It's one of the limitless shit. No. You don't want them to be limitless in the goose. You don't want them to be limitless in the goose.

It's a bit like when they brought out the porky pie in the middle of the show. The porky pie came out in the middle of the show, the porcupine came out in the middle of the circus and it's a porcupine. What is it ever going to do? Stick that on the trees I'm interested. Yeah, absolutely. I did element of danger out what if it flies into the crowd. Who ever's going to catch the porcupine off the, you know, it's like the guy, it's like the guy juggling knives. The jeopardy is, is he going gonna catch the porcupine off the, you know, it's like the guy, it's like the guy juggling knives. The jeopardy is, is he gonna catch the handle or is he gonna catch the blade? Well that's the jeopardy. And the guy, the porcupine's, JP's partner, that is an act you wanna see, right?

Because two things are gonna happen. It's a book, it's a book we wanna write as well, the porcupine's partner. The time travel's wife. Yeah, we're all from here. Pricley isn't the word. The porcupines partner. Okay, we like prickly isn't the word. What about prickly is the word?

I'll prickly is the word? I'll be for the musical, I guess. I'll prickly the word, the word you've heard. Yeah, yeah. It's got movement, it's got feeling. I mean, Greece does a big trick there by telling us that it's the word, because there's not a lot to back up that Greece is the word, is that, but they do it with such commitment, so early doors, that you really believe them. They don't mention Greece much in the actual musical itself.

That song is idea of it, like in the movie, it's only over the credits, isn't it? At the start, to sort of tell you it's called Greece. There's never a bit where he's like, you know, I know you've got Greece to lightning, but it's not like there's any element of getting, like procuring Greece, using Greece, sure they're real cream in their hair,

but it's not like... Grease is the way they're feeling actually. It's the way they're feeling, they're feeling grease. And it's not like, you know, they will be blood, the book was called Oil, right? And you think, yeah, that's what the book's about. That's what the movie's about. I would have called the film, there will be oil.

Yeah, well no, that would give it away, wouldn't it? That's what the movie's about. I would have called the film, There Will Be Oil. Yeah. Well, no, that would give it away, wouldn't it? That's true. You don't want to know if there will be oil. There might be oil. There will be blood. If there will be blood I put with a song by Radiohead singing about how oil is the word. Yeah. Well, then I'm interested.

I'd love it. Yeah, that's good. You sell a bit to me. Anyway, that's good. You sell it to me. Anyway, what does the porcupine do then? The porcupine runs in a circle, because it has to, because it's what else can a porcupine do. It runs round the circus ring.

I mean, potentially a porcupine can catch an entire pack of cards bar one, could do like the opposite of the goose's trick. Yeah, you throw a pack of cards bar one could do like the opposite of the Yeah, you throw a pack of cards at it. Yeah, if the goose becomes the porcupine partner Now we've got an act now. We've got a routine Please of course grabs the grouse. We don't want to we don't at least we'll release the test Yeah, they throw up they throw up a pack of cards from their beak they land on the porky pine Goose flies over we famously we've established you can fly goose flies over pack of cards in his beak bombs It let's it go over the porky pine. Oh, don't you wanted it on the floor a second

The point could be going in a circle for a bit of razzle doesn't we know we can do that? Yeah, he stops goose lands the cards on him. Poof. Yeah. And what we're saying, all cards, but one or one card lands on the porcupine. Every card lands on the porcupine, apart from one that's still in the goose's mouth. Yeah, but then I think why have the porcupine?

I was thinking that. I was thinking why have the porcupine? Because it's just like a fun, it's the flourish in it. No, no, you've got to have the porcupine involved in some way. It's the like a fun, it's the flourish in it. No, no, you've got to have the port you're buying involved in some way. It's the flurry. That's the prestige guy. No, because you can't have an act that's going on completely up in the air and completely down on the ground, but the down on the ground is incidental.

If the port can't be there, right? And all the cars fall on the ground. This is a gay stop in a peck of cards. He's still got the card in his mouth, it doesn't matter. So I think you're doing the porky prime dirty by saying, oh, you're just there to basically pick up the cards. You know, man, when you're making the janitor of the routine, you want to make him intrinsic to the routine. He's there to be regaining. He's either catching every card, apart from one that he's got his foot on, right, and every card on his back, or he is catching a single card. He's sort of darting around, but then whoop turns his back around at the last minute and catches a card on his longest spine. Great. Then the goose lands reveals why he thinks the card's going to be. Yeah.

And then the porcupine someone takes the card off the porcupine spine and shows the card. Wait. So like the goose is just like pointing to the card. I don't think the goose need to do that because you've got the you've got the guy to sign the card first or something. This is all porky pie. No goose now. No it's just to stop in a pack of cards. The goose yeah no the yeah right so the the goose fans out the cards with its beak right. Oh okay. I'm interested. The porky pie comes over. He's got a little sharpy in his gob. You take out the sharpie right right? You sign in any one of the cards. I know you're going to be in the Sharpie nature that poor. Exactly, yeah, yeah.

A Sharpie from a Sharpie. That's what the MC, you know, the guy in the top hat and tails is doing. The MC's a badger. Carry on. Of course, the MC's a badger. Listen, carry on. There will be badger, yeah. So, so you...

So you just... Badger's the word. Badger's the word that you heard. It's got me, it's got me. And do you know what? Badger's the way that I'm feeling. I tell you what, when you just the word badger's the words that you heard It's got me. It's got fin and you know what badger's the way that I'm feeling I tell you what when you read the drugs test results Mums the word anyway I'll figure out badger So the badger's the badger saying Sharpie from a Sharpie. Okay, mate. Yeah, sign your name on that card and Put it back in the pack

Yes, I think it has to be really that card and put it back in the pack. Is that a human? Yes. Well, I think it has to be really. It has to be a human saying some of these words here. And then you've got the goose who picks up the pack. Yeah. I mean, do you actually say, well, do you then do something more because you ideally want to shuffle the pack, don't you? So what you have to do there is you're going to get the goose to get the get the cards between its beak, right? And fan

them out in that, you know that fanning out version of shuffling where you sort of bend the pack and they go, but they're being caught in the tiny little pores of the porcupine who then pops it into the into the beak. So the cards have been shuffled. It's popped into the goose's beak. Then they're doing laps, right? They're doing laps concentrically on the ground.

The porcupine is doing laps. So you've got plopquies for the goose. Plopquies for the goose. Plopquies for the goose. Plopquies for the goose. Plopquies for the goose. Plopquies for the goose. Plopquies for the goose.

Plopquies for the goose. Plopquies for the goose. Plopquies for the goose. Plopquies for the goose. Plopquies for the goose. Plopquies for the goose. Yeah, exactly exactly and then at the pivotal moment the Badger's badgers. Yeah, yeah, the Badger's Bella. The the the Badger says the badger is below. Yeah, the badger's on the He's in his he's in his set. He's in a hell of a set the

Five at the top. You set for life. Honestly, we're paying that badger. Well, it's game-setting matches. It with this badger So the the badger the badger sort of makes some sort of noise, sits on a horn, whatever, you know, gets his leg caught in the trap. Whatever badgers do, honks or barks, like a badger should do. But he's not a clown. Oh, he's not a clown, no, no, no, it's not with gravitas. Yeah, let's not have him doing too much, you know, honking, folding onto a horn and stuff. Well, he needs to retain his dignity. Okay, in which case, then the badger, just simply, the badger simply barks.

And at that, but it barks at the moment when the porky pie is crossing over on the ground, exactly where the goose is in the air. The goose spits out all in the air. The goose spits out all of the cards. Now this is actually spectacular. The light hits them in such a way. It's almost like having a paper-mirable exploding above the stage and they're sort of coming down, they're floating down. Like so much confetti, the alpeckas they love and it's the modes of the wedding they're at. Gini pig on the follow spot like so much confetti the alpacas and luvonic as it moves at the wedding they're at guinea pig on the follow spot exactly it's all going down and then the lights

just the lights are dimming as the cards are lowering and then Bing on one spine is the card that you know everybody's looking around why this is this is unbelievable the pork you're buying heads over to the guy, and he does that thing that pork you're buying to do, where he fires all of his spines off his back. And he impairs in the guy's body and face. But the last thing he sees is right between his eyes, the spines just hitting right between the eyes

has got his car than it. So yes, he's in his tremendous amount of pain, but he's at the best night of his life, entertainment-wise. Worst night of his life, pain-wise. Best night of his life, entertainment-wise. He's not often always the way. I think that's so true. Has anyone been to A&E? He's golden ratio. He's golden ratio. So these bylaws, Todd, these bylaws. I don't want to pick holes in it, but I do know how that trick's done because... That's my choice. Listen, don't give it away because we'll get kicked out of the magic trick.

This is Paris, that the magic circle comes across next to the guy who's just been impaled by hundreds spikes. I know, I know, I did that. Ben and Taylor, I'll be Taylor. Me and Ben. Look, the goose is doing a bit of trick shuffling, isn't it? And when he fires it over to the porky pine, obviously, the signed card gets pocketed by the goose. Everyone's looking at the porky pine catching it. The goose is parmining it off to this little doormax.

Then he flies up into the sky. Then the explosion of cards to follow spot. And as you said, the lights are dimming crucially. Yeah, they've got one split second for the door makes to make it to pork mine. Damn it on off you go. We've lost a lot of good door mice in rehearsals. I said that much. Yeah. It's door mouse cabab again tonight tonight I'm afraid because they don't last, they don't last, they don't last but you've got to in order to create great art this is what you have to do.

It's very awkward when it happens mid-form and so we have to finish with the trick is this your door mask. It's dead. Just a door mask impaled to the guy's face. I'm not saying that, you know what, I don't think it's necessarily the book you might inspire and that killed him. I think you roughed him up pretty bad when you were signing with the Sharpie mate. So I think you want to share the blame, alright?

You want to share the blame. It was beautiful. And killed the beast. It was beauty. That killed the beast. Not very well. I'm not very well in the circus of anything. You. You've got a real mean ring master vibe to you though.

You've got the kind of a barcati. You could definitely do that. Or of course, because you're tall and you're bearded and you're broad, you could be the strong man. You know, the strong, you've got something of the strong man look about you. I could definitely see you in Peter's eye. Right, you could tell the bit where you need to actually displace strain. Look, a lot of it's just, it's blessed. It was, it was all Magnus, wasn't it, in Peter's Barnum's, he'd get someone to come up and

try and lift up a weight and they couldn't because it was all on a, like, it was all rigged. It's performance. You flip off the Super Powerful magnet and you lift it above your head a few times. It's light as a feather. Those weights are filled with dormice mate. They'll just scatter off into the floorboards and you lift it up exactly. Remember a ton of dormice still weigh the same as a ton of feathers. That makes no sense. A trick question.

Hardly true. I've been fooled by that before. Can't be true. No, I just feel like you know the whole running away with the circus thing. It'd be like two days and I'll be calling my dad and being like, can you come and pick me up on my near hole? I'll pick you up on my near hole. I'll pick you up on my father.

We're at a plane. We're in there some playing fields They're barns leaky and I'm missing I'm sleeping in the caravan with some trapeze brothers and I'm scared They don't go to sleep It's just like, it just feels so cold and scary, you know. Yeah, yeah. It looks scary to get a circus for sure.

Did you go and see Nightmare Ali when that came out a few years ago? Yeah, I do. Nightmare Ali, I feel like that's the, you know, like you don't want to end up doing the geek show, do you? You don't want to be Ali. You don't want to end up at all time, or you don't want to. Absolutely, and absolutely nightmare. That was the song at the start for the Bee Geeks, isn't it? No, no, it's the time we're having. Nightmares the Word. We're having get up, baby!

Every film, opening with a theme that stresses that his title is the word. Fuck me in. The Meg. Meg. Manchester by the sea, I thought it set the wrong tone for the movie. It just feels like it'd be very cold. Oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a cold life. Yeah, lots of rain. That's another thing I spend a lot more time at than I used to, the fun fare, and especially the fun fare and the rain. You know, we just come off the back of a half- half term, a fortnight half term, and so a few trips to the fun fair were made and you kind of go like, once you've promised it, you've just got to go and do it. Where we've gone wrong as a society is, those kind of festivals, the festivals that we have, you don't really notice the festivals in the summer or the spring.

You don't, they just pass you by. Yeah. But like, the festivals start to count in the autumn and the winter. And that's the, that's the worst time to be going out for a festival. Well we're recording this on the eve of what it's Halloween in isn't it? It's all Hallows Eve eve. Tomorrow night it's set in Beckham to piss down with rain all evening and it's trick-or-treating and it's you know and what do we say? Oh sorry it's raining a bit we're not going to put our costumes on and go and trick-or-treat. Of course we're going to go out and do it but yeah you're absolutely right. And then what is it like the weekend? It'll be fireworks and yeah, that's exactly right Then there's winter wonderland and shit like that and it's like what what about snow in a festival where you don't leave your house for four months

Sit by the fire festival study fire festival That was got a pandemic. What would you say to Bro? I mean, it's probably nothing at all. I don't think I'll ever go trickle-treating. Why not? Why not? It's fun.

I'm kind of glad never did it. I've never trickle-treated. Our streets go for it in a big way. My treat in particular goes for it in a big way. So tomorrow night we've got a party at the school. So we're all going to the Halloween party at the school. We've carved our pumpkins ready to bring them along. And as a little bit of a party in the school and then everyone leaves the school and goes

down kind of the joining roads and we all go trickle-treat. There's fun. You get to meet your neighbors. Sorry, we got to meet your neighbors. You go trickle-treatreat. It's fun. You get to meet your neighbors. Sorry, you go meet your neighbors. You go trick-or-treat as a school. Well, the school lives worth of kids at your doorstep. That's basically, this is the first year we've been attached to the school

because Clues only just joined the school. But yeah, yeah, we used to go trick-or-treating in the bit before the school, the party was happening, which is sort of when the younger kids do it. And it's bit lighter. we go and trick a treat in a few other houses, and then we would be in our house handing out the treats, and I love it,

and by the end of it, it's great. I'm actually really sort of a champion at the bit to do it, because all the parents need to have at a really great time, there's booze, and there's a good community, and it seems really fun. And you get to knock on your neighbour's doors. Someone says, trick, what's your trick that you haven't been sleeping? Well, here's the thing, no, no, no, no, that's not there. This is for the letterbox, Tom.

This is it, as in if someone says, trick to... You don't play a trick on them, you just leave, don't you? There's no actual trick or treating, is it? It's just treating, really, at this stage. There's no deal, you're not going to door and say trick or treat. Yeah. Yes. And then, so you pose the question.

Yeah. So if someone says trick, well, if someone says trick, what you do is you get a goose with a duck cut. I'll show you a trick mate. Release the bork by your pork, you buy it. You won't believe your eyes. If you say trick someone says, give me eight quid. Go through there.

Don't touch any of the animals. Yeah, we're a pettings, mate. You've been ad. I guess the idea of trick or treating isn't, it's not really trick or treating. Because also you do opt into it. You don't just go round randomly, indiscriminately knocking on doors.

If you put a pumpkin in your window, that is like, that's the sign to be like, oh, I would like to take trick or treat us. So when it gets to bedtime, the trick or treat us are still out and about and going to each house, we just take the pumpkin out of our window, and we've opted out of that.

But we didn't, you know. Does everyone know that then? Does there a, does there a, yeah, yeah, everyone knows that on your road or in society, is that something? Oh, I don't know about it. I've only, I've only, I mean, you know, guys get in touch if you know that code, but that's, that seems to be the code on our road. I put a pile of my window and it's very different tree. Is that still going on? You're doing trickle hawaiian pizza, aren't you? Is it a pie, if he's a pineapple in my window and it's very different to treat our business. Is that still going on? You're doing trickle Hawaiian pizza aren't you?

Is it a pineapple in your trolley? Yeah. You're a swing or something? Yeah. It's not true though, is it? Of course it's not true. Of course it's not true. Because they sell pineapple in supermarkets and otherwise you wouldn't get a buy

one. What are you supposed to do carry it in your hand? You can't buy one near me. I bought them all I'm not the supermarkets come on. Yeah, I bought pineapple last week. Isn't it supposed to be it's supposed to be like an upside down pineapple or something? That's what I heard you put it in your trolley upside down and that's the signal So Perry you said I put a pineapple last week. I thought you going to say something about it. Well, I just thought nothing happened. I'm going to point out, actually, I guess it today, with my wife. And no one else. Maybe it's to do the angle of the pile up. So the idea being that you would just stroll around the supermarket with nothing but an upside down pineapple in your trolley

and you'd hope you'd drop off another person who also have an upside down pineapple in the trolley. Or they clock you and go, hello mate. Hello, nice pineapple. Nice pineapple. Well, I'm not going this week. This is what you've got to do. Trick or trick or treat. You've got to, you know, you've got to go out there

and into the field and look for these pine apples. Yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah. And report back to us. I will do. For next week. Do you go trick or treat seeing that Glocky with your other friends?

That's the birthday party for this year. Oh no, trickle-tree. You're in a good position with, because you've got a balcony, you could water balloon some people can you that might be good good Yeah, it's kind of out the back though. So I would exclusively be doing it for my People can make it into the private courtyard that you live in and also it's the people who live in the house Aren't supposed to be doing the trick are they? It's the people who are you say trick or treat and then if you if they don't if you say you say go away I'm not giving you a treat They can do a trip to you which is what my mom used to do put to it really yeah, oh because she didn't didn't believe it For her reasons. Yeah, of course. Yeah, did she ever get tricked then

I Feel like tricking needs to be it feels like Treat started to dominate trick or treating is what it sounds like. It sounds like there aren't many tricks going on. Yeah. Do you wanna bring tricks back? Are you going out being,

do you think you're the person who's gonna go out and start sort of saying trick or trick? Just to provide a little bit of balance, you know, a bit of much near balance. You feel like that's something that needs to be done. Well, I just think kids need to fulfill the other half of the bargain. It feels like the kids are in it for the treats.

Yeah. But they're not going out prepared to trick. Yeah, nothing. Nothing to do. It's like, if you're going to take the treats, you've also got to bring the tricks. You've got to, like, I'm advocating for trick and treat. Like, earn your treat with a good trick.

What kind of tricks would you be in for? I'm not for you, Chris. You show me you've got a trick or two up your sleeve, and I'll be interested in giving you some treats. But the tricks are, like, not trick. They're not magic tricks. It's not like, you know, got your nose, look at my finger off or any of those kind of things. They're like, you know, like Clarke, he says, like, you know, got your nose, look at my, you know, like I'm pulling my finger off when you're those kind of things. They're like, you know, like, like Clark,

he says, like, you know, Lou Rollier. He's like, yeah. Yeah. I'd be like, fair play. You know, you took the bitty stickers. You took the bitty stickers. Young man, you were like, you were so bored. You were so sick, you were not.

You were sick, you were not. Through my, their box and piss on my door, Matt. You can have a bomb on. Bomb on to the worst. Bomb on to the worst, where you could get in Trigger Tricks. It's a kill. Oh, the rats as well. I've had a hundred rats, the drugs on you because the bomb on were underneath my letterbox.

That's where I've kept them all, mate. So, Tricks on you, Matt, they're not living my mum. Never trick a trick, Tim. Never trick a trick, Tim. You have to go do not eat the yellow bot buns. But Tom, Tom, seriously, you can't tease us with by-laws stuff. I mean, we've gone off on so many tangents when what the listener needs is your hot take on how cool bylaws are?

Wait, it wasn't a trick was it Tom? No, it isn't it. It wasn't something... You didn't dangle the carrot on a flat palm. You do not dangle the carrot, please. They're very aggressive animals. It's super the ultimate trick or treat because we all think we're going to get the great treat of hearing Tom talk candidly about biosores

The idea of a larva being the mayor of extra maybe think about bylaws because you know every Every part of the country has bylaws You think about bylaws like did you see the other day they were repairing a bridge on the River Thames and Because they were repairing the footbridge they had to dangle a bay of hay off the side of the bridge Yeah, so I did see that and that's a that's just like a bylaw and it's like you go I think a lot of the time they're not they're either not real or they're they're just people having a goof around aren't they? Yeah, yeah absolutely. Or they're just some somehow packers under the bridge but you can't crucially, you can't touch them. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere. So there's like a battle of hey hanging off the millennium bridge. That's amazing. I just think you know, I think there's a lot that you can probably get away with a lot

as well by people like if you put a fucking ram on your shoulders and take a stroll in the nude and then be like by law. Yeah, by law. And then like go find it. It's a little bit like, it's a bit like you know they say if you're wearing like high vids you can pretty much get away with anything, you know. You could win Britain's got talent. You can win. I think the same is very much true of someone with a ram on their shoulder, you know, you're definitely gonna, I think fewer questions are going to be asked

of you. And again, if a question is asked of you, by law, you can bat it away. Yeah. Is there like a logic behind the bail of head? Do you know anything about it? Is there a logic to why they're asked to dangle a bail of hay? It's to warn ships that there's construction work going on overhead. Right. So if you're traveling down the Thames and you see a bail of hay, then you'd watch your head. And of course ships will wait up here. You're back in the day they were pulled by horses.

Well, you're a bit... no, you're which case, then you're on a bail of hay, because they're just galloped immediately towards it. It's lucky. You've got to stop thinking about feeding the animals. You're not obviously running more. No, you had a bad time with the patterns in your keen to feed more animals. But these horses can't go near that bale of hay. Good.

LAUGHTER That's easy. It's having subtitles on a foreign-fuel cheek. That's easy. There we go. Ground-covert. Absolutely right. A lovely pose.

Moad. Yeah, a lovely pose. Hege is rearranged. Mulch. Mulched. Mul, a lovely pose. Hedges rearranged. Mulch mulched. Mulch mulched. Mulch mulched. Mulch mulched guys. Crocky, do you want to give out the name of the petting zoo? Just drive a bit of business its way? I would think that would think the opposite would have it.

Yeah, I might put it under fair. Yeah. Support your local petting zoo, I think, is what we're saying. Well, don't worry. Producer Emma did send me a message yesterday saying, could I, could I, because I, apparently, during the podcast, I'd promised that I would give a list of my top petting zoo since the southeast.

So, so I did that last night. So in the, in the show notes to this episode, you can see some petting zoo's that I really, Ios that I really, I heartily endorse if you happen to live in the kind of bottom half of London and below. Great, I'm actually going to check out that list. Yeah, you should do, man. In fact, next time we're going to a betting zoo, we always need an extra pair of hands to chase after the kids. We'll bring you along, Clark. Yeah, I'd love that.

Yeah, you'd be very, very, very welcome. Perry, you'd also be welcome, but it's a bit more of a schlep for you. Can I put a shout out to Pennywell Farm in Bookfastly? It's a fine, fine petting zoo and farm. Yeah, and down there, they all float. Isn't that true? In Pennywell Farm. Yeah. So, yeah, so get along to Pennywell, get along to any of the other ones that I've recommended in the show notes. Support your local petting zoo guys and a great way to support your local petting zoo is by joining our Patreon Patreon.com for a flashback and a flashback. Because the money goes to us and I take my kids to petting zoo.

And clocky. Oh yeah. And clocky, clocky is what. I can't let you go to petting zoo's on his own, despite being a man in and going for brunch and then, you know, doing some sort of little, you know, a street art walking tour or something, you know, like that. And if only I knew that what you were actually doing is exactly what I'm doing, just without kids.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, can we hurry this up? I've got to get to a soft play. All right, well, today's episode was to produce Payham Emma Corsion. Corsion Tee! Cheers everyone! Bye!