Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (It's a bit cruel) S10E25

Episode Date: June 22, 2020

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. This week, we take on the important subjects of dog olympics, belly laughs and cheese We're LIVE ONLINE again with Flatshare Slamdown on the 8th July at 8pm (BST) with special guests Dara Ó Briain and Sophie Duker. Get your tickets NOW!https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-with-dara-o-briain-and-sophie-duker-tickets-110395945244Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom. App in love for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things.

It's like theaters December 15th. Greetings, listener dear. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I'm Matthew and welcome to an episode of Papi's Flat Share House Meeting. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Always nice to come up with a brand new jingle, I think, because, you know, we've had, we've been doing house meetings for over a year now and everyone loves that jingle, but you know, you can always freshen things up. And Tom, I think you've nailed it.

Oh, that was, in my head, that was like a house that had house vibes. Oh, like house music, right. Without like the accompaniment, no, no, no, just that I'm in a house. No, like, yeah, it was going to be like house music vibes, but like without the stuff that was going into my head, it actually sounded quite depressing. Apologies for that. It sounded like Father Christmas dying, as well as sounding like that.

I know, that's the problem. Whereas weirdly, with the production levels in my head, it was actually, it's a real beat bang for the summer. It's a real bang, yeah. It's the sound of I be through in the summer. And can I tell you, with the production levels in my head, it was actually, it's a real upbeat bag for the summer. It's a real bag, yeah. It's the sound of I be through in the summer. And can I tell you, with a production levels in our heads, this is a really funny episode. And...

LAUGHTER So just, listen to your approach this, as if like, okay, so this is the raw stuff coming off, coming off Mike too. But once you're bringing a little bit of base and then let's get those strings going over the top and then the hi hat. Then the hi hat. Basically, without me saying like a broken record, if you go to the trailer online for when Tim Beland talked Tim Beland's Masterclass online.

There's like a trailer for him talking about how he makes his beats. I've seen that, yeah, yeah. I watch it about three times a week. It makes me so happy. I mean, I haven't watched the Masterclass, I don't intend to, but the trailer for it. Imagine Tim Beland is doing his thing.

In fact, producer Emma, that's what we need from you with some kind of... I'm gonna ask you to remix the entire episode. But just drop a high hat on it, mate. Yeah, can we have a little bit of high hat under this? Just this next bit. Wackel it. Oh, there you go. Perfect, perfect.

That's producing for you. Oh, there it is. So I'll get this snake out of here, by the way. LAUGHTER Are you blowing up a lie, though? LAUGHTER If you enjoy listening to us, then why not watch the next flat-share slam down? Yeah, we're doing our flat-share slam downs on Zoom

in lockdown at the moment. We've done two already. They've been really, really great fun. If you watch them so much fun. Yeah, they've been good. If you watch them, thank you very much. But we have a really cork in very exciting next episode, episode three coming up. Perry, talk us through it.

We've got two spectacular guests. We've got Dara O'Brien and Sophie Ducca. Yes. Two very strong guests. You can watch it all on YouTube. And all you've got to do is go to eventbrite.co.uk, which is EVETBRIT.co.ukk, which is EVET, BRIT, E.co.uk, and search for Pappies Flat Share, or you can go to our Twitter at PappiesTweet

and find it there, but tickets are a five-hour, but if you work for the NHS, they are free. Beautiful. Yeah, so come along, oh, we should say what day is. Yeah. You can work that out for yourself. You can work in that. It's on 8th of July, July the 8th at 8 o'clock.

So come along, watch the show, you'll have a really good time. If you've never, if you don't live close to London, you've ever had a chance to come and see a flat share slam down being recorded live, this is as near as damage. It's gonna be great. And in the comfort of your own home too. I like the way we went, we went very downbeat to end that. Oh sorry no the production in my head.

That was really epic. Once the trumpets are on that and the fanfare then it's going to really fly. Bop-bop-bop! The trumpets on the fanfare, why not? Why not? Speaking of whacking a fun fare on it, enjoy this episode. And, ah, well speaking of whacking a fun fare on it, enjoy this episode. Pupadoo! I've had a thought.

I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has beaten beaten beaten. What temperature should we set the heat to? Has beaten beaten beaten.

Why on earth am I always weep at? Has beaten beaten beaten beaten. What temperature should we set the heat? House meeting! Beating! Beating! Why on earth am I always waiting? House meeting! Beating! Who went my bed while I was sleeping? House meeting! House meeting! Beating!

What's the point? Does life have a meaning? House meeting! Hey, I've got a question for you. Oh yes, please. Isn't it mental? Isn't sun cream mental? Like the fact that sun creams...

Ah, that's a good question. Isn't sun cream mental like the fact that sun dreams that's a good question isn't sun cream mental like like that it's a thing like a thing like imagine if there wasn't sun cream take sun cream out of the operation how are you going on all the day you can have an absolute time if it aren't you I guess that's why people would walk around with parasols back in the day. What an arsehole? Imagine you're an arsehole. It's a parasol, not arsehole.

No, sorry. I've been walking around with arseholes by it's my life. No. But like, I don't think sun cream get, well, a couple of things. I don't think sun cream gets it's chew. I think it's seen as like, you know, sun cream, but like bloody hell. So it's a great point, actually.

What do you mean it doesn't get, it doesn't get, you don't think, the medical miracle it is, you don't think people are acknowledging that? I, where the fuck, like, yeah, it's insane how the sun creams around, right? I, B. It's got a song about it. That's a lot, you know, that's more than, more than most ointments. Well, no, but we're talking about, uh, Tuesday's live, when, oh, you voted Tuesday's live. Got Tuesday's live, no, that's the, that's praise button. Same kind of gist. It's another, it's another it's

another nine yeah nine you go to the shop by something for your friend um the um I think I think you might be I'm talking about the Baz Lawman song you're talking about your talking about a sad robot gives advice which which was the b side it's good but listen to that. Sir, Sir Radiohead song, isn't it? Don't put your trainers on the wrong shoes. Shoes like a rubber ball. Davey Davey. You're on, you're on. There's no sun cream for a ralamanian Dave.

Anyway, so, so, Bas Lerman, with that song, the point with that song is, we needed a song to tell people to use it. Like that's also mental, like why aren't you just using it? Okay, so, and that's our problem is, we don't appreciate it, we don't think, we don't give it its use. But also, mental that it's needed

Like yes, yes, that's a very good point. Yeah, it's like a fundamental isn't it? Yeah, but but is it because of the way we live? That it's needed I suppose it's not no Conversation guys all listening to Clarky Works in Out. Clarky Works in Out. But I guess I know. Clarky Works in Out. Naturally, we might have just been,

we would have spent more time outdoors and would be a bit more hardy to the elements, maybe. A bit more time harder. A bit more time harder. A bit more time harder. But that wouldn't stop the long term effects. Well, I've also as well, back in the day, people didn't live very long, did they?

That's it. Didn't really matter. Could be one of the reasons you'd pop it. Yeah. Imagine if you went on holiday to Egypt and Suncream hadn't been invented yet. Fuck here now. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, I do. Of course I know what you mean, of course. If you... Parasal all day. No, parasailing is a different thing as well. It's parasailing. We're talking... Tom, we're talking about an umbrella

that he used to shade yourself from the sun. Not... But parasailing, if anything, is getting you closer to the sun. I think it's... Sorry, yeah, yeah. Eucharist. LAUGHTER Um, imagine going to Egypt The parasailing of anything is getting you closer to the sun, I think it's... Sorry, yeah, yeah. Eucharist. Hahaha. Um, imagine going to Egypt and not parasailing.

That's what I meant to say, sorry. Have you ever been... I've been paragliding, have you ever been paragliding? Oh. Very, very exciting. Because one second you're on the beach. The next second you're like 100 feet in the air. Brilliant.

I think I get a bit nervous, I've seen so many videos of people getting like full drag delog of a chilly cover. Yeah, I didn't know about that. I did it on my beach holiday and then I spoke to someone who actually lived in the place. It was Barley. So it was when he actually lived in Barley and was like, you did what? That is one of the most dangerous things you can do. Really? If the rope snaps,

you're just straight down onto, you just climb it onto the sea and it's like, are you like a human kite? You are like a human kite, yeah. It's very, you imagine it's gonna feel like really bracing, but it actually feels incredibly, you feel completely weightless, it's amazing. Wow, yeah, I'm playing your minds, I's amazing. Wow.

Yeah, I'm playing your minds, I've blown your minds. Um... This is, I can't believe the effect I've had on you. You both look at me, you're stunned. No, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what to say, really. What do I want you to say? Is that, is that, is that, is that.

Okay, crossby, you told us you've been parasailing. What the fuck do you expect? we're supposed to say to that? Another one of your anecdotes that doesn't go anywhere at all. Do you think if you were tied to you saying Bolt with paragliding equipment on, he could get you off the ground? That is a good word, but he doesn't run that far. Does he? Anyone's 100 metres? Or does he doesn't run that far. Does he? He runs 100 meters?

Or does he run further than that? Well, how? You can do 200. You can take a 200 out. Yeah. But wait a second though. Wait a second though, Crosby, because presumably, doesn't it go, it has to just be like acceleration.

Yeah. You're not dragged for 100 meters before you get into the air. Do you have to run a bit with it? Yeah, you run a little bit? You take, that's what's so brilliant as well, is you take a couple of steps and then the third step you take, you're in the air.

Okay, that's what I wanna say. I can't agree, I've reworked it out now. What I'd like is like a little dog, like a chin chiller or something. Yeah. With paragliding equipment, straps to youain Bolt, and he's got 200 meters to get the dog in the air, dog kite.

Yup, yup. Usain Bolt on a dog, you give me Usain Bolt on a dog kite, and I'll give you, and at the event of the year. Yeah, a viral sensation. If you put that up on YouTube, that's gonna absolutely,

that's gonna, that's gonna, yeah, Beijing. That's gonna blow fencing out there, out the water. Beijing, if you're listening and you're struck, what can we do for our opening ceremony? Oh, yes, please. Stick a little dog in a paragliding harness

and get you something bolted running to the stadium. Who's, like, up yours, Danny Boyle. That's how you do it. You know what I mean? That would be so good. And then the dog ends and goes, you lose it. You know what I mean? That would be so good. And then the dog ends and goes, Chula's life. Ha!

Ha! Where's John's Green? John's Green! I think actually, the 100 metres should be a double event. So, what have you got? Everyone's got a chin chula on their back. And you can win the race, but if that chin chiller is just being dragged the entire way along with you,

you ain't getting the gold medal. But then if you win the race and the chin chiller's up on the up in the air, double gold. The race doesn't stop until the dog crosses the line. Yes. Right? Presumably, if you're super good at, would you take off yourself? What you're so, you're so far. Just the wind picks you up as well. Because that's kind of how people,

if you're on the side of a mountain in your parasailing. Clacky works in earth. Clacky works in a way. Clarky works in a world. I don't think if you run so fast enough, you'll take off. No, no, no, no, that's nobody's. What if you're holding a party so much? Okay, what a take that bet, Parry.

Clarky, we know Clarkke's got a balcony. He's gonna go for it. No, if you had a parachute attached to you and you ran really fast. It's gonna be the size of the parachute shoot as well. Yeah, it wouldn't be a potential a parachute. If you've got a normal parasol parachute on and you run really, really fast, would it you take off?

No, I think it slowed you down. That's like that people do it during the tracier lands again in drag racing. I've not seen RuPaul show, but I imagine that's what it is. I have to try and get down the catwalk with a parachute on their back. It's very difficult in high heels. But yeah. But yeah, but yeah. But yeah. And also, I think the dog people would have a word

to say about it. It's basically like a limpyx meets crafts. It's like a one off event, I think. But like, so you're asking, wait a second. Is it cruel? Yes Well go on. Sorry, Clarkie. Why don't they have a dog Olympics? Is it that what I guess that isn't what Croft is is it? No, no, no It's all about like hey your dog looks like a good. I could I particularly like the idea of craft

There's there's never a bit where like they say to Mo Farah you have been the most obedient as well as the fastest Yeah, now let me now let me have a look at your ass they say to Mo Farah, you have been the most obedient as well as the fastest. Now let me have a look at your ass off. It's funny isn't it with Crafft as well? Because Crafft is one of those events where it makes you realize no one, you don't really know anything about dogs because it's like they go, oh look at that dog and you kind of go, well it's not a great dog

and then it turns out it's a great dog. It's the best dog, yeah. You're like, oh, look at that dog. And you kind of go, well, it's not a great dog. And then it's like, it turns out it's a great dog. It's the best dog, yeah. You're like, oh, that's the best dog. And you're like, well, it isn't, because that dog's the best dog. But then it's like, oh, no, because it's got a knee, or so, I know, not that it's got a knee. But like, you know, the way it's knee is,

it's got great knees or something. I don't know. I don't really watch Cus, but like, you know, you're surprised, but what's the last one? And you kind of go like, they walk along and go like, it's this dark and you're like, it's not everyone knows it's not that dark. Tom, there you go.

Well, I know that dark. Of me watching any sporting event. Yeah, of course. That is exactly what it's like for me watching. You know, the, well, go on, yes. Well, there's a, no, but there's like, there's like a subjectivity to the crufts judging, whereas what Clarkie's suggesting is like sports,

like, you know, a layman can watch some dogs race and go, that's a fast dog. Is it like I'm, it's just gray-hung racing, isn't it? Yeah, it already exists, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, the idea of dog racing is suddenly less. But, you know, it's famously been done. High jump again is they do that in craft. So I think, I think what we... I know they've got the obstacle course bit. Do they literally do like who's going to jump the highest? No, you're right. They don't do that. But then isn't the high jump, like,

I mean... Did you think like the high jump like, I mean, did you think like what would it be? I mean, I guess you'd have to do, you have to just have somebody holding some, you know, holding some treats kind of above their head and see you could jump the fur, like you keep increasing the high jump. That's up. Yeah, that's up to the, that's up to the owner to kind of figure that out how they get the dog up there. That's up to the owner to kind of figure that out. How they get the dog up there. You put a little parachute on it and you run really fast, okay?

I don't think I'd leave it up to the owner because you know, I think you need to leave it up to it. And I don't watch sport, but isn't there sort of like an association for most sports that determine the rules? It's supposed to. Whatever you want to do, guys. I also, we've got 22 men out there playing football, not one of them was playing the same game.

Surely you should... The event you're suggesting is dog throwing, and that can't be allowed. LAUGHTER How high can you get your dog? No, it's a dogwang. No, it wants to say dogwang. This is a fantastic example of dog catapult.

LAUGHTER It's a big crawl. Erm... I've got a question for you. It's a big cruel. It's a big cruel. It's a big cruel. Listen to the guy's line, welcome to Dog of Limbix. It's a big cruel. Imagine if the Beijing Olympics catapult a dog for their opening ceremony. They'd be an outcry. You've had an extra year to plan this, guys. Come on.

We've got to think of a way to light the Olympic torch. It's not like the apprentice where you're doing the pitch this afternoon. Just put a bit of time into it. Dog wanging shouldn't have even made it up onto the bloody flip chart. There must be some incredible blue sky thinking that goes into those Olympics ceremony. Like the first few meetings. Like there's going to be someone in that meeting who's been out of their depth. Jeremy who's like, oh God, I've been asked to go in for the one ideas for the Olympics ceremony. And you kind of sat there.

There's going to be at least one person who is less prepared than others and a bit like God, I'm really punching getting this job. Yeah. And then, and like it comes to them and just like there's gotta have been some pretty because like it's such, you get such car blanche with Olympic serums.

Like the incredible thing is like anything goes and yet, somethings really wouldn't go. There must have been some absolute swings and misses in those meetings. It's a bit like, when you pitch ideas for game shows, if you have a work on game shows, you're in it, I mean, to pitch rounds for game shows.

And you never, like, especially if it's a new show, like there was one, I sort of forgot I was working, I worked here with the show was, I never did, I did one day and I never did another day on it, it hadn't, it hadn't gone out, it was okay, we don't know what the show is, we're trying kind of everything. And then I got a... Was this flat-shared slam down? It was flat-shared, that name. Yeah, it sounds like flat-shared slam down. I got a text from the producer that evening saying, have you sent your ideas through?

I haven't got them yet. And I thought it was the next day. So I had to then go, oh no, no, no, sorry. A bit of computer trouble. I had to then go and write all my ideas. And I was hammered as well. I was already. See, that's a day like a day's work in half an hour.

I had to do a day's work in like, I did about two hours, a day's work, I sent it off at midnight and I was pissed out of my mind. I've never gone back and read the doc of what I sent. But I didn't even prove really, I just sent it out and I didn't even get a text back from the guy saying, you know, read these great, we'll give you a call, just nothing. And I think, like, I imagine that is, like, there's going to be a guy like that on the Olympic committee. Yeah. He rocks up and he's like, he's forgotten his notes, always written a few things on his phones, he thinks he's a bit more

of a kind of, hey, we're just going to spit more like that. That's all I'm going to say. He's got your PowerPoint presentations and he's he's a bit more of a kind of, hey, we're just going to spit more ideas right now. That's all I'm going to say. And then people have got help with presentations and he's stood up there. Actually, I think of a specific example of that. I once went to a writer's meeting. It was just for a sketch show. And I've forgotten my notes. I'd written the night before. I've forgotten my notes.

And so I asked my housemate to go on my laptop and email them to me and then when I opened up the notes, there was just two words. All I'd written in my notes was two words, Vin Chiesel. That's great. It's not a bad idea for a sketch actually, but. But. And also I'd say, all right.

My notes, I've forgot my notes, so I've gotten them emailed to me. And then when I opened it, I was like, oh, now I have to tell everyone. So quite a lot of it was, you know, what you do in that instance is you really support other people's ideas. You'll be a big cheerleader of other people's ideas,

trying to think of other things to say for that. And then you just hope it doesn't come round to you. OK, so yeah, that's a great, OK, so the parade of countries and everyone's got like globes for heads, okay, that's great. Matthew, what have you got for us? Well, I mean, action movies have kind of never been big are really, you know, all of the blockbusters in the cinema seem to be like big action franchises.

Right, okay. And what I was thinking is so so basically the the idea is that, hang on a sec, my phone is really playing up this, so the idea is the idea is he's like he's an action hero, but he loves dairy. What's this got to do with Beijing? It's a bit like the bit in Rocky when he's pounding a side of beef. He'd be punching a darely munchable. Can I ask, did you miss breakfast? LAUGHTER

I said it once before, but it bears a repeat. I said it! Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Poor things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for her. It's nonstop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things.

It's like theaters, December 15th. It's just the feeling of, um... Oh God. I don't think I've got anything here. It's like... The other thing I can imagine, because so, like, you know, when, what was the last Olympics before London?

They had like big, it's almost everything that's in the ceremony. I remember watching it going like, that's unbelievable. I've never seen that stuff happen before. I wouldn't know how to explain it to anyone. And also if I did, I can imagine it going like, that's unbelievable. I've never seen that stuff happen before. I wouldn't know how to explain it to anyone. And also if I did, I could imagine I'm going, well that, what you want about, that couldn't exist. I don't remember what the Olympics was, sorry.

But they were doing like, it was Beijing, wasn't it? I think that's why I've done it. It was London and it was Beijing and the next one is Tokyo. Yeah. Tokyo, that's right. That's right.

That's like everyone doing, every like thousands of people in the middle of the arena with lights creating like amazing shapes and stuff. And you're just like, well, what you want about? Yeah, what a heckle. What a heckle. It'd be like, well, that doesn't exist, I have to really do it. I guess, so is there a guy who sits there,

because presumably you've got to get your creatives, but you've also got to get your techie guys as well. So the creatives go, right, we want all of the crowd to spell out, or to make the shape of the Olympic rings, then the techie guy goes, yeah, we can do that. And then you go, right, we want, you know, like a robot that Jesus lightning and they're like, we can't do that.

Is that sort of the... Oh, but I'm... Oh, that's who I am. I'm the guy who goes, if we can't do it, then that's what I'm interested in. It's like, that's what I want. That's what I want to do. That's why they hire me.

There's a third guy. You're the third guy. There's a guy who comes up's what I want to do. That's why they hire me. There's a third guy. You're the third guy. There's a guy who comes up under here. I'm the guy who says the idea is unfeasible and there's the guy who denies the ideas. No, no, no. You're sort of like the flat-earth of the meeting. No, I'm the guy with the pen at the whiteboard, right? I've got the crates to the left of me, techies to the right.

Here I am in the middle, calling the shots, right? The creative goes, can the crowds spell the Olympic symbol? The techie guy goes, we can do that. And I'm like, well, then I'm not interested. And then another guy goes, what about a godjiz is lightening into the shape of the Olympic rings? And the techie goes, we don't know how to do that. And I'm like, then let's make that happen, guys.

That's what's going to make Tokyo better than Beijing. So you're the guy who slows. That's why we hired him. Who slows everything down? No, I'm the dare to dreamer. I'm the not gonna be told you can'ter. You know, like one of those adverts. Like one of those like, doodles advert.

Or like any advert. This one of those like, doodles adverts. Or like any advert. This one's for the coblers. That's kind of like, we can have people cobbling the Olympics on any poem that has a, this is for that in it. Here's to them. Yeah, or here's to them. Or like, this is for the brewers of a Laurie drivers. The hat tuners.

You can tune a hat. For like a note. Do you not know Tom, or, I mean, listen, if you call it a tuner hat, then I want it in the advert. Do we need an episode of Clark, he works it out as to whether or not you can tune a hat. You could actually tune hats.

Hello, now we're talking. It's quite a nice idea. For the opening ceremony. Yeah, for everybody, like, so it's almost like they're like drum hats. And then people are playing, you know, they're playing them like, imagine, right? If when I came Brunel popped up someone did a little drum on the top of his hat as well you'd think that was fucking amazing yeah and then you can have other ones you know how like with the the rim of a glass you

can rub your finger around that it makes a note you have loads of different musical patterns they're dancing so like the dancers dancers are wearing hats they're dancing around and above them on like a floating platform is people who can do the, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We can't do that. Then that's what I wanna see, baby. Oh, banger!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Can I just ask what was the celebration there because? That was the robot choosing lightning. We can do it, it turns out. So Tom, if you rub some cream on the robot, it cheers his lightning. Tom, at what point in the process do you get on board with them being able to do it? Because if they say, okay, we know you say you know you know you look We know we said that we couldn't be done. We've worked it out and it turns out it can be done

Do they know off the idea? We're never gonna have a ceremony. No my my my dream my my dream idea is it can't be done Then let's make it happen. Oh God. We've made it work and then it's like Don't tell anyone. Save the surprise. All right, I thought you meant we've made it work, but we're not going to include it in the ceremony. Oh no, no, no. We're just doing it.

Yeah, don't tell anyone. We're all about making the impossible possible and then keeping the impossible on the down low. Yeah. That's the pan. that's the pan. That's deep. Do you think, do you think in the Olympic ceremony, the, I don't know, by the way, we always talk about the Olympic ceremony.

It doesn't feel like we, it doesn't feel like there are certain things that are for us. So I just a real, real cultural touchdown. And I think it is because it was the last time anything good happened in the world. Yes, yes. But yeah, so the Olympic ceremony, do you think they had a good dress rehearsal? Because like that sort of stuff done in the, it's been like when we write sketches, you know, the sketches that we think are going to be amazing, we put on stage and with a change context with front of an audience and are often the worst sketches. And then the ones were like, oh, maybe this is going to work and then they put it in front

of an audience and it comes alive. It must have been really like the whole, because they've presumably had to do a full run through of the ceremony, at the very least once through the night before. So what we're looking for is footage of Olympic ceremony dress rehearsals. Yeah. Oh yeah. Just imagine them kind of walking around the sports hall. Just like, you know, with no costumes. Yeah, yeah, they're just doing in dreams. They're just going to be shit. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck are we doing? It'd be a bit like being in an art attack, you know, like until you can see the helicopter something. Like this guy's lost his fucking mind.

By the way, also I love the fact you think it was a helicopter shot. It's actually a chinchilla on a parachute. I take the, but you just step up with the GoPro. We put a GoPro on a chinchilla and then we run for our fucking lives. Also as well, the other reason it couldn't be a helicopter

is because if you've just laid load of brand flakes on the floor to make the Mona Lisa, the last thing you want to do is have grocery plates going off. Poor old Neil Buchan. Poor old Neil Buchan. He's like, guys, guys, there's going to be an easier way. Surely just... I'm not going to have a helicopter on him.

Have we not got a crane for this camera? We've got massive Brits, though. It doesn't need to be shot for a fucking space, doesn't it? It should be to be... I mean, four for up would be fine, as long as you can just get the edges in. Also, very dangerous to fly a chin-chilla next to a helicopter right to a plane. That is not the end of the opening ceremony that we want. That is not the end of the opening ceremony that we want. A limpic opening ceremony dress rehearsals, a really good name for an album.

The Olympic opening ceremony dress rehearsal. It's not bad, is it? It's long. It's a live album. It's value for money, I'll say that much. Yeah, well look, I think the reason we talk about it a lot is because we all know it's our dream gig. And I think if you talk about something long enough, then you shall make it happen. Yeah. So, you know, when this...

I think as well, you know, obviously we've conquered the world of three men on stage, right? We absolutely nailed it. We completed it. We've typed our initials into the end of sketch comedy and we got out when the game was good. Before we started making anybody. But now, like, I think we got to a point in our sketch comedy where our ideas were bigger than could be realised by three men. We needed a stadium. We needed big crowds. We needed technology, you know. This is, this is...

We were always doing stadium sketch comedy just in, you know, 50-seaters. Yeah, exactly. And 50-seaters. And not what they want to sell them out. Yeah. Right, these were too big for our belly. Luffs. That's not a bad,

that's not a bad name for an Edinburgh show for anyone who's got really big eyes. My eyes are too big for my belly laughs. If there are any young comics out there with big, big eyes, really big bug eyes, great to get into comedy as well because it's always good to have a funny look. But call your debut show, my eyes are too big for my belly laughs. And you know what, you've got three guys who will happily come along to that show. Are you a budding Marti Feldman, get in touch, and we will take your career from strength to strength?

Exactly, yes. Are you the next Marti Feldman? Sent us an email. We want you to be in the Tokyo opening ceremony. Are you fast? Have you got bug eyes? Can you play a tin hat? Can you make the impossible possible? Any of these things get in touch. We want you for our new Edinburgh show. It's in a 200-seater. We've sold 30 tickets. LAUGHTER How long was the opening ceremony? It was over an hour, wasn't it?

It was two weeks in my head. It was a long old ceremony. Do you reckon if you did a source of opening ceremony at the Edinburgh Festival, people would want to go and see it. Do you think if there's an opening ceremony to a event that doesn't exist, people would actually want to see it? What's the event? You just call it the opening ceremony. You let people decide that themselves and it's cool. It's so it was it's the opening ceremony and Is the final line of the final line of the show is let the games commence Lackouts. Yeah, like that

As long as you mean if you know what you're working towards an edema show writes itself doesn't it? Yeah, absolutely there you go. That's all you need is one simple concept. I think that's a good idea Actually, it is a good idea. We shouldn't put this out. No, we shouldn't let's That's all you need is one simple concept. I think that's a good idea actually. It is. Yeah, that idea. We shouldn't put this out. No, we shouldn't. Let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let's let You've seen the big eye open spots. Four piece, very good, very funny. Very, very, very funny. Very funny. A couple of them were in the tea lights. Very funny, very funny.

They've got a trodinger's cat sketch to die for. Very good. Very good. Very good. Well, to die for or maybe not, you don't know. Oh, it's a lift for. Oh, it's going in. It's going in. It's going in. It's going in. The thing that the idea that still keeps me up at night is that time in Briter, we attempted the Jekyll and Hyde sketch. Without it really being written.

Yeah. I mean that entire show I remember being pretty talk to us stuff. Yeah, the Jekyll and Hyde sketch now, as I remember it, you had it. What was it? I was thinking of a different time in Brighton actually, but but now I remember that. Most of our Brighton shows. Yeah, we've always tanked it in Brighton. That feeling in your, like, I think when I look back on our sketch comedy career,

the overwhelming feeling that comes back is looking at a piece of A4 paper on a wall. Ha ha ha ha ha. Like in a dingy corner. With sharp feet on your head. Like in a corner that smells of like beer and vomit and looking at a piece of paper and thinking, oh God, this isn't really a thing.

And then stepping out into lights in front of people and having to try and do that thing. Hearing one of us introduce it. Yeah, I'm being like, why are you desperately like fuss-wetting trying to pull on some ridiculous costume? Yeah, I basically go like this costume if they don't find this costume funny That's pretty much the only thing about the sketch

So far. Yeah, yeah Also as well the the thing with the costume is it always shows work. It shows effort And effort is efforts. Eff effort's not great for comedy. You know what I mean? Like what they tried really hard. Yeah, what they say about the greats is it looks so effortless. You need to be really connolly, walk out on some stage. It just seems like he starts talking two hours later. You've laughed your head off and he's wandered off and you've gone,

well that just didn't, that seemed like, you know, I couldn't quite align back to you because it's just it was so effortless and conversational but he made us you know he made us laugh like drains if a guy wanders out onto a stage with a denim jacket that they've sewn various cutlet toys onto you think this better be fucking good because what they've done here Look at this cut. Look at this, look at what they've done here. Look at what these counts have done. This was six quid to get in.

Oh my God. Six quid. That's a good title for an Edinburgh show. Look at what these counts have done. Look at this cut. Coming out here, talking about action films, holding five different types of cheese. Oh the fuck is going on.

Is that a Cuddly Doggie's got tied to his back? That is exactly the kind of helium balloon on it. Ha ha ha. It's exactly the kind of shit we would have done as well. Like, oh, let's have one of our props be a lot of cheese. Oh yeah, absolutely. Absolutely, but in a bag for months on end. Well, I did, didn't I?

I had in my last, obviously, I did weightlifting with cheese. There's something about cheese I find funny. I don't know, I've never quite managed to make it work, but I'm always trying. So I did weightlifting with baby bells and pencils, like dumbbells, and then, of course, left the...

That was fun, though. I thought it was all right, actually. I left the suitcase of cheese under my house and then went off from holiday. So effortless. So effortless. It's true, actually. It didn't seem like those were very heavy bits of cheese, but they really were. Left the cheese under the house and went off to Bali to do some paragliding.

Yeah, I know. And then came back, nice, bit of a mace. Imagine if it was a film, that's the moment you'd realized that the cheese was You know one step-cheese step up in the air. Oh God Give me down The cheese is a nose Clips yeah credit credits Over the credits a big fat mouse eating itself to death.

Maybe that's the opening ceremony, sorted. Yeah. And then, so I would, I would realize, I would, I would, I go, the cheeses in the house, and then turn the camera, let the games commence. And then I'd, I'd speak, I'd take the guy, floor it,, floor it and he would paragliding me all the way back to his head. And it's David Beckham in a speed boat. Beckham in a speed boat paragliding me to Penge. Love it. Got it. That's the show. Yeah, he looks up.

What's this countdown now? Goat impressions. Let's hear bleeding. Let the games commence indeed. Listen to the deer. If you enjoyed that episode, then please leave a review on iTunes, share it with friends, hop on the Patreon and join the community, we're putting out a lockdown episode every weekday. So get on board that train for simple for $5 a month, you can get all

the content you could ever need from us. Yeah, it's patreon.com forward slash, papi's flat share. The apps are really fun. We have done over 40 of them. So yeah, pretty exciting. Pretty exciting guys. Including the often obscene love sex shag down. We do a sexy episode, every 10 episodes you do a sexy episode. We just got one out.

Very sexy. The least sexiest guys in the world doing the most sexiest content in the world. Right, this episode was produced by Emma Corsion. Corsion team! Stay tuned for the Patreon neighborhood watch roll call. Cheers everyone! Bye! Cheers everyone

Be upstanding be upstanding will you please upstanding is time for the neighborhood watch roll call everybody be upstanding Standing everybody be upstanding is time for the neighborhood watch call everybody I've seen him now Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,. I know, I know, I know, I know. We're in trouble, guys. But I'm gonna push forward, I'm gonna do it anyway. We've seen him now, we've seen him then, it's Josh M. Oh, B, I'm standing, B, I'm standing. Now, I'm standing, now I'm standing. Now I'm standing, everybody, everybody, B, I'm standing. Listen, I saw him with a gentleman, I saw him with a lady.

That man, I'll hang out with everyone. His name is Phil Wady. B-E-U-S-T-D. B-E-U-S-T-D. Everybody else is standing there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no see the go. Oh no, no, no. I'm starting to rhyme. Eh, no, I don't have an M for it. I'll go ahead and say that's not starting to rhyme then.

And then I'll just start talking, didn't I? I liked it very much, don't have an S. Right, if you've seen, I've seen that, I've seen that, if you've seen, I've seen that. She's loads, she's loads of fun. It's Lizzie Robinson. Oh, big. I'm sorry, big.

I'm sorry, big. Everybody, big. I'm sorry, big. Oh, right. Oh, yes, me. Is it? Okay, yes, yeah. Yeah.

I'll tell you what. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you what. He's been in trouble. Oh, yeah. He's been in trouble. He's a naughty face this one He's a naughty face, you know, I've seen him I've seen him detained in the penal colony. Oh, yeah That's right. It's Jamie Connolly Be upstanding. Oh, I saw him drunk. I've seen him. However, lovely time off. Seed him. Go. Will. Spiny. He likes to be on the dance floor. His name is John McQueenie.

B. Epstein. I'm standing. B. Epstein. I'm standing. B. Epstein. Everybody. B. Epstein. Oh, see that exer the sea. I see that. On the beach. She always brings a lovely windbreaker because it's long, I'll see you in there, a ditch. Everybody knows, everybody knows his name is Paul Smith. I'm standing. Everybody be up standing. Get your swift. Everybody be up standing. Just a stale. That concludes this week's Naibu would watch Patreon roll call.

Be up standing. Everybody be up standing. I love you. What? What? What was that about? Well, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said,. What? I love you. I love you too. Be upstairs.

At the lot for it's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.