Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Petitioning the Lactic Scale) S14E43

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

Tom, Ben and Matthew slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. Sign our petition, please? We need to change this stuff; condense it, evaporate it, pot noddle it... Just not 4 litres of itCome and see Flatshare Slamdown liveSOLD OUT, join the waitlist - 2nd December Christmas Show - Underbelly Boulevard - https://underbellyboulevard.com/tickets/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-christmas-special/#Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/live Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I'm Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Papi's Flat Share House Meeting. House Meeting! That's right, it's where Tom, Ben and Matthew get together and chew the fat for about 40 minutes or so. So if you've got 40 minutes of listening time to spare, you're in for a treat. It's really our biggest selling point. So then it's 40 minutes.

That's it guys. I don't even know if it is going to be 40 minutes, but that's the, a lot of people sell their podcast on the sort of the format or the content. We sell it on the length. Everyone could spare 40 minutes. Surely you could spare 40 minutes. Surely. And I'll tell you what, if you listen to the first 20, you'll stay for the 40. That's our guarantee. Stick with it guys. If you're not enjoying it, the five push through to the 20. I've never wanted to listen to this podcast more to be honest. Well, if you like listening to this podcast, which we stick out free every Tuesday, then you may also enjoy the second podcast that we put out every

Thursday to our Patreon members. So if you're interested in that, or at least if you want to listen to it and see if it's your kind of thing. And guys, that one normally comes in at about 35 to 37 minutes. So, you know, it's something a bit different. Something a bit different there for you. That's called Baffy's Flat Share Pop Round. And it's for Patreon members. So if you're interested in listening to that, get on to Patreon, patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flat Share and you'll be able to do, I think, a seven day free trial. Is that right?

Seven days? That is absolutely correct. A full, the full Craig David, a full seven days. And by the way- What's seven times 35 37 minutes a lot of minutes a lot of minutes a lot of minutes guys I didn't know this was gonna be a pop quiz this early in the morning I wasn't ready for it I genuinely went into a kind of I could feel myself going into fight flight or

freeze made I thought it was definitely it was definitely freeze like my hand was like hovering over my phone is if I go, I'll just get the calculator out, I'll look it out. Anyway, it's a lot of minutes. It's a lot of minutes guys. Um, and if you fancy signing up then for four pounds a month, you get that for life. Um, all right. Anyway, uh, any other business? Yeah, I just want to be clear on the four pounds has to keep being paid into our account. Otherwise the life thing ends. No pressure guys. I'm not going to explain how the life thing ends, but either you or we die if you cancel

your Patreon subscription. So it's a bit like that. It's not the morality thing of like, if you pull the lever, it either hits the podcasters or it hits the audience. But yeah, There's probably more of us than there are of them. So yeah, so join the Patreon and please let us live. Well guys, those 40 minutes are going to listen to themselves. Should we crack into them? Start the clock! I've had a thought. I've got an issue.

I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want to chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. House meeting. What temperature should we set the heater? House meeting. Meeting.

Meeting. Why on earth am I always waiting? House meeting. Meeting. Meeting. Who wet my bed while I was sleeping? Let's have a house meeting. Meeting.

Meeting. Meeting. What's the point? Does life have a meaning? House meeting. Petition to condense. I think this is a smart play here and I think if your position is a condensed milk I'm afraid it's already happened. Oh, but those four pipe bottles are so big. It

is a smart play that why can't they just put them into a one point bottle? What is condensed milk? I know you will get your position. It's a good call actually. By the way, for the listener, I said, does anyone got anything they want to talk about? Tom said three words and I went, well, I'm going to talk about this now. What is condensed milk? What's good is I don't think many people would know the answer to it and everyone just goes along with it. Yeah. Yeah.

If someone came up with condensed water, I think we'd all be like, we'd instantly flag it. If it was thicker and gloopier. An ice cube. But that's not condensed though, is it? It's actually. Because ice expands. So we're talking about like condensed milk is. I'm going to say it's halfway between cream and milk.

It feels like it's beyond cream. But I think so. I'm a Clarky on this guys. We are beyond cream. We threw it's a better name where we go. It's a better name. Why have they gone with condensed milk when they could have had beyond cream? Speaking of which, you know, there's a band called sons of cream.

No, where all the kids from the super group cream, Jack Bruce's son, Clapton's son and Ginger Baker's son, sons of cream. I'm not looking forward to sons of papis podcast. Just three embarrassed lads. Well, we've only got one of them currently. I think that's the major problem is just one embarrassed lad. One embarrassed lad. What about sires of papies?

sires of what as in our sires our dads didn't our dads are our dads our size or it yeah your size your there we go that's what I've listened to dads are everyone's desperate for condensed puppies but yeah it's like gloopy and thicker and sweeter than milk, right? So it is beyond cream. What's the, what's, what is it? What are they doing? And evaporated milk is a similar thing. Is it the same thing? Have they, they've done some kind of boiling of milk and got something sweet. Yeah, but we've boiled milk, haven't we Tom? We've all boiled milk. We've all boiled milk. What is happening in the process of condensing the milk

that is turning into this slime, the sludge, this gloop, delicious gloop. Okay, I'm gonna say they took milk. Yeah. And they were like, we want milk. Number one first step. Absolutely correct. Yeah, I think they've got their token milk. Okay, we're onto a winner here already. first step absolutely correct yeah I think that okay we're on to a winner here already isn't it is it like like your extra long life milk isn't it one

step along from that so it's like it's one step along from the HG. On this milk scale that we've created. Yeah. It's the lactic scale. No, it can't be lactic, can it? Because lactic acid, when you've got that in your legs, it's not doing it. Is it? Or maybe it is the same thing. I'm not lactic intolerant.

I think lactic acid is to do with lactose, yes. So Bradley Wiggins, if he cut out dairy, he wouldn't have to have his legs massaged after every race. And he's not doing that. He's no way he's cut. He loves cheese. He absolutely adores a cheese sandwich. Why do you think he's banging back milk all the time? It's because he's enjoying those massages. He's doing it for the massage. A little higher, a little higher. But yeah, so you're talking about in the spectrum, in the milk spectrum. Yeah. Isn't it to do with like they've tried to make milk that's good for astronauts and people in the army. So it's like, look, we're going to put milk in a tin, basically. And

in order to do that, first you boil it first, then you put in a bit of sugar and then, oh, hello, hold on, this is pretty good. And then it's like, oh, so I think those last two stages are the most intriguing to me. I think it's the BBC Good Food Recipe website stages four and five. Come on. Hello. And this is pretty good. It's got to be like, you know, it's not a bad food guide, is it? So, yeah, oh, God you know, bad food guide. Is it? Oh, no, thank you. So I think NASA are going to be involved at some point. Don't be surprised if NASA crop up on the Wikipedia to go.

It initially began at NASA and then Dan Sherdon took it home and turned his wife, put it into his pie or whatever it'll be and it'll be like, it got out. And I know that's sounded like a reductive. It got out. Yeah. Well, it was condensed. But yeah, it got so, so you think it was some sort of NASA operative. Yeah. Because this is interesting. You bring up the NASA and the food for astronauts and that sort of thing. It did feel like that was it was incredibly interesting. And I think this needs to get on. Thank you. I'm quite brave.

Get on to the reviews of whatever they're on and give us a five star review for the bravery and the the interest that Tom brings to every episode. It's off the lactic scale. It's honest. I'm not going to be on a massage after this. You're getting one now. I'm not recommending myself in the day because that's the same thing. I know.

I think it's interesting because it felt like in the sort of 80s, 90s, it did feel like food in pill form was just around the corner. Yeah. It was NASA's time, wasn't it? They were. If you ever went to the science museum and bought astronaut ice cream, which was just sort of it tasted disgusting. We absolutely dreamed of rehydrating our lunches. We did. Yeah. It was rehydrating our lunches.

For us to a tap and a dropper. Yeah. Yeah. Cube to a time. Come away with bolognese. And where's it gone? Now people are so I mean, I was gonna say so hung up on fresh ingredients. Right. So, but you know, I'm fucking do lally over that shit. They're so hung up because I think if you're talking about cutting out ultra processed food out of your diet, unfortunately, astronauts ice cream has to be the first thing to go. So tell me is that me? I'm frazzled. Well, I've got a tiny ball in front of me.

Frazzles food in a pill and condensed milk. That's just three key food groups gone straight away there. That is 60% of my diet. You're consuming it constantly, but you're never stopping to think, what is it I'm actually, what am I putting inside myself? Why is everything I eat condensed and I'm so much the opposite of condensed? But all condensed diet, I'm so much the opposite of condensed. But all condensed diet. I'm on the powdered egg.

I'm on the condensed milk. I'm basically I'm cooking like a housewife just going out of rationing. But yeah, but I'm expanding. But for some reason, I'm piling on the pounds. Do you feel like we've had our rationing in the early days of? Did you feel that at the time, the early days of lockdown lockdown when it was like, don't get too much bread? I don't know if that was the slogan. Yeah, that was, it was a hands face space and don't get too much bread.

On the podium. Yeah, every day it was a new slogan and they were really running out of slow. For Chris witty to stand behind. Yeah. Don't eat too much bread was a good day. It'll blow you. They're taking the suitcases out of Downing street, ran to the task around the corner, filled them full of bread, wheeled them in those ducks marching along behind some, some poor parliamentary aid. Yeah. I think I know what you mean. Obviously, we probably talked about this on our hugely successful flat share lockdown that we were

doing at the time, but it was a bit rationing. And in the same way that, you know, like there were supper clubs all the way through the war, where people would go that, you know, like there were, there were supper clubs all the way through the war where people would go and, you know, drink a gimlet and eat a steak or whatever, despite the fact that there was a war going on outside. I did feel, you know, I did, there was an element of the haves and have nots. Well, you can't give up your gimlet and steak, can you? I love my gimlet and steak nights. You weren't going to get locked, you can't let lockdown get in the way of your gimlet Thursdays. Yeah, absolutely. This is what I said, if gimlet Thursdays go get locked, you can't let lockdown get in the way of your Gimlet Thursdays.

Yeah, absolutely. This is what I said, if Gimlet Thursdays go, then you know. The virus has won. The wet lab in Wuhan has truly won. Exactly, yeah. So wet market, not wet lab. I'm not a conspiracy theorist. Well, actually, I am subconsciously.

Was it a wet market or was it a wet lab? Let's be honest here. So that was going to be my opening. You've brought me back to my opening salvo. Well, I haven't finished what I was going to talk about. But hang on, we'll get to it in a second. That's the question I was going to ask. Was it a wet lab or was it a wet market? Discuss. So I'm glad you finally brought us round four. Finally, yeah. This is it. Petition to condense the number of people on this planet. Really?

Let's start. Let's start the vaccine. And yeah, the point I thought that I spent I dropped a lot of money on a big slab of tin tomatoes and a big slab of tinned chickpeas. That was why that was and I felt like that was delicious. Yeah. Yeah. I got it through some sort of like dodgy internet site. And yeah, that was that felt like, you know, that felt like very much like the wartime kind of like, you know, people buying steak on the black market. Yeah. I spent a lot of money on chickpeas and chopped tomatoes.

I bought a large sack of rice that's still is still around. I very proudly every time I went for the big supermarket shop, I was like, I'm not going to buy massive amounts of toilet papers. I'm just going to buy four and then get home every time and be like that's not that's less than we would normally have not on my all-rice diet I'm currently on at the moment. I bought like a three kilogram sack of rice and brought it home I was very proud of myself and Jane said I don't like rice. That's a lot of rice to get me on your own. You were waiting for her to say I love it, but she didn't sadly. It didn't come. Heartbreak.

We're all, as all members of the Dreadlock Holiday Generation, if you tell us you don't like something, it's only a matter of time before we're expecting you to say, you love it. Okay, I've talked about Cream, I've talked about 10cc, any other bands that no one gives a fuck about in 2024? I'm sure you'll be able to get to a hat trick, I'm sure you'll be able to get to a hat trick. I've talked about cream. I've talked about 10cc any other bands that no one gives a fuck about in 2024. I'm sure you'll be able to get to a hat trick. I'm sure you'll be able to get to a hat trick. I can't wait to tell you about the Ray Manzereq of the doors. Okay, Parry, right. Let's get back to it now because Parry, you've brought us here for a good reason.

A petition. The petition. The petition. I think it's not, I don't think it's very controversial actually. I think it makes a lot of sense. Petition to condense Halloween with bonfires night. Okay. Close that gap. Make it one thing. Okay. Get the frown on Clarky's face. No, no, no, no. That's, I'm deep in thought. Yeah. Not about that, about something else. But you better. Are you still on the cadets milk? Where's my sack of rice? I had a sack of rice didn't I? How do you not know your wife doesn't like rice? Because we'd never got round to eating it before. What?

You never got round to eating rice? How long have you two been together? How long have you two been together? How long have you two been together by 2020? This was, we were something in 2025 years. Yeah, half a decade and you never had the rice chat. Half a decade without rice, that's what we said on our anniversary. What did you throw at the wedding? Were you wondering why she, you thought it was just the face she pulled every time she was

around you? I just thought it was regret. But also no one's throwing cooked rice. Oh, she loves, oh, she loves uncooked rice. Here comes Crosby with his basmati. It's like he's got peas in there and it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Open your gob lads. Big scoop each.

So you're, you're, you're, you're petitioned to, to conflate, um, uh, bonfire night. Yes. Uh, or Guy Fawkes night or fireworks night as it's often known as well, with Halloween. Bosh. Followed by second agenda. Yes. Condensed New Year's Eve with Christmas Day. Tighten that gap. Two big events that happen quite close to each other that would both really benefit from being one super spreader event. Bang.

Okay. Everyone's trick or treating and the fireworks are going off. There's effigies, basically like the double bill of let's dress up as scary ghouls and ghosts so close to we're gonna burn an effigy. Yeah. It makes for a very brutal... Spooky season....week. Close that down. You'd pimp Halloween by adding fireworks to it I think you de-stigmatize the effigies of bonfire night by linking it to spooky stuff and Halloween bish bash bosh they're too close together and it's not anyone's fault Halloween's got big on us.

How Halloween is? Yeah, I mean, they're two separate festivals that exist, aren't they? In that bonfire night is the 5th of November and Halloween is all Hallows Eve. It's the day before All Saints Day. So it's all saints. So you're doing. That's what you're doing is you're trying to get into the banding. Big time. I think we will never, ever let you're doing. That's what you're doing is you're trying to get another band in big time.

We will never ever let you do that. You just been put you called. I need to know. We can play. Condensed milk. Sons and daughters of all saints. A few questions that I need to know. What is condensed milk?

Is it cream or is it really milk? Was it made by NASA? Does my wife like rice? Does my wife like rice? It's a big questions. It's so hard to get answers on them. Clark, we'll get back to it in a second. But Clark, how does Megan feel about rice? She's pretty rice neutral, actually. Oh, like occasionally I get a real hankering for if you don't know, it's all right.

She doesn't worry. You're in good company. When I get to make it. But you will like you will have it sometimes. If we have like an Indian takeaway, she's like, oh, can I just have some of yours? Right. Well, that gets us into a different. That gets us right.

That gets us into a different category of how good is she at sharing a takeaway? Because the answer is no. Yeah. Yeah. I would order like we can order as much as you like prior to the prior to the person arriving. But once the once the order locked in and people have got their specific things, that's for them. All right, Smithy.

It is a bit Smithy. I do have a slightly Smithy attitude. And we will eat this. We will eat this curry in a car driving around singing a red hot chilli pepper songs. And those are the rules. Those are the rules. Before we got derailed by Barice, let's talk about this petition then, because here's the thing for me.

My favorite season of the year is the period from just before Halloween to just after fireworks. Now. Oh, OK. So we're dealing with this is a hot topic for you. Yeah, this is showoffs Christmas. Right. Because the things I the things I like about Halloween is everybody's showing off. Everybody's dressing up in a costume and showing off. So like everybody's kind of if they can source a bottle of fuel they are exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Of course, sourcing permitting, everybody's showing off.

Everybody's getting the same present and the present is easy to get and kind of most people like it. And the idea and the method of collecting the present is fun, right? Which is not true necessarily of Christmas and Christmas can be got a stressful thing of how much are you spending? What are you getting? Are we doing this as well? Are involving the kids is that it you know, is that happening? All of that kind of stuff. Whereas Halloween is just across the board everybody gets sweets, right? Everybody gets sweets you go to somebody's house you get your sweets. That's how it works. You're in a fun costume. It's fun Kids get sweets, right? Yeah, well, yes, right You get your kids sweets, I presume. Yeah. Are you trojan or horsing your kids into other people's houses so you can get

everybody gets everybody gets sweets. There's no, there's not, you know, the parents will also get some of their kids sweets. It's fine. Everybody's getting to it, but also I'm not, you know, I'm not that bothered about, I don't need the volume of sweets that the kids need. That's fine. I get a couple of sweets. It's great. Everybody's dressed up everybody. There's no also there's none of that kind of like there's no pressure around Halloween like there is around Christmas, where people will say, Oh, you know, I've got to we've got to catch up before Halloween. Just doesn't happen, does it? I've got to see you before Halloween. That seems to seem to happen around Christmas. Yeah, that's true. You know, January is just going to be a completely empty month. Let's just hang out then.

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That's why I'm so addicted to Huell, because it is the sort of the processed vision of the future of how we should be consuming our meals. Because now they've started to try and do like a like savory. Am I right in thinking they've got to try and do like, like savory. Am I right? And thinking they've got like, like a, like a Thai green curry type version. What? You can have a Thai green curry. You is it basically like a slim fast shake? He'll is it like our generation slim fast? Yeah,

yeah, I need to finally get my wife into rice. About a big a big bowl of rice with some fuel poured over the top of it. Yeah. I think they've kind of segwayed into pot noodle territory. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But then that's kind of like, you know, you kind of go, oh, someone's revealed their true self. Kind of go. Oh, that's what you really are, actually. Yeah, you can dress it up. But actually, you're your pot noodle. Really? You pot noodle without the noodles. But you know what I've wanted? Pot noodles kind of the closest for me that we've got to.

Space food. That's the space food. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. A little sachet, a hardened sort of mess that you pour water on and becomes this gorgeous meal. I think you're right. Absolutely. It is space crucially rehydrating. Yeah. That's it. Yeah.

As we all know, is key to feeling like we're living in the future. All you need is a pot noodle. Just got a weird rep at some point. They're fucking wonderful. I think I think their own faults. Pot noodle. I think the pot noodle went. I think the marketing team for pot noodle went insane in the 90s you know if you Google pot noodle band advert there's some there's some bad stuff out

there guys do you remember when they tried to rebrand themselves as the That's on you, Pot Noodle. That's indicative of a certain time, isn't it? Oh yeah. Oh, to be in the Pot Noodle marketing room in the late 90s and early noughties. They've just finished beating off to a copy of Loaded magazine. They're like, right, okay, what are we going to do about this Pot Noodle thing? We need to make it sexier. we could call it a massive slag brilliant done it's gonna look brilliant that's it let's go let's suggest you could only buy it in sex shops they've called they've called in the you know that

you've been tango guys have gone right we've gone to the top let's get the time let's get the tango guys in here. And the tango guys are kind of running on empty, they've been left alone all their cash. The tango guys have already been discussed in parliament because kids have been slapping the fuck out of each other in playgrounds. And they're kind of, the bad boys of advertising, they're kind of chasing the dragon down the well and they've reached the point where they're going into potluck and it's like, I don't know mate, the slag of all snacks. I haven't fucking slept.

Yeah. If anybody is too young to remember this, and congratulations on getting past me talking about cream. But if anyone's too young to remember this, there was an advert genuinely that was shown a few times where a man would go to a variety of different sex emporiums. He would ask, he would whisper to the person what he wanted. He would be slapped by the person behind the counter for asking for something so disgustingly kinky. He would then find, then meet a woman in a shop like this, a sex emporium, they would go into a tiny room and they would eat pot noodle together whilst making orgasmic noises. And then it would say,

pot noodle, it's the slag of all snacks. It's just dried noodles guys. It's delicious. It's lovely. It's got me to university. It's quick, it's tasty. Yeah. It shouldn't be. I mean, you can imagine the type of powdered food they were on at that time. They're not rehydrating any of that. No, they need rehydrating. Yeah, that was, it was a, it was a, it was a strange old, a strange old time, wasn was it was a it was a it was a strange old a strange old time. Wasn't it? It was a really strange old time guys. It was a better time.

It was a better time. Of course it was. So yeah, so that's the the the slaggable snacks. But I'm gonna say I'm gonna I'm gonna say no to the Halloween and fireworks being together because I like the big, you know, we have it, we have the fireworks out on in Beckham and wreck. I get to talk into a little microphone and tell everyone it's happening. So there's, there's obviously that.

You can't, you can't. I don't want to lose the gig. No, that can't be the reason I'm afraid. No, okay. I'm not. It's because of your nice gig. No, but I'm talking about the, the event as a whole is very distinct from. You can talk into a microphone dressed as Dracula.

I do. I also do that. So, but I think that the events they have, the event we have on in Beckham and rec, you know, the community comes together. There's a fun fair. Everyone watches the fire display. They're not, you know, if they're not, they want to be distracted by, it's a big charity event as well. A lot of, a lot of firework displays are big charity events. They don't want to be distracted by the idea. They also have to go round and get sweets. I think it's, I think, I think keep them, keep them separate. Have a one day after the other, that's fine. But I don't know about

rolling him into one. The one I'm really confused about is Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, if I'm honest. Because isn't Christmas Eve just... Hear me out. The eve of the big day? Doesn't feel like its own things, particularly. I thought it was Christmas and it was Christmas and New Year's Eve. Oh, sorry. I thought you said Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I was like, Barry, come on. They're already, they're already the same thing. I wonder you were frowning. For us, for us, Midnight Masses, they are one and the same. Do you think you should be trick,

trick or treating, looking up into the sky, seeing the fireworks exploding and that's the whole event rolled into one? Yeah, but then I don't. I like the trick or treat an element of it. I was going to care then. The thing is, I don't want to talk about this anymore. Well, I just don't care about, I don't care about trick or treating or like, I don't see it as a, I don't see it as, it's, I think it's been imported and I think that's okay. And we've adopted it from other cultures. But

yeah, I think if we, if we kept the going to fireworks, Tom, can I tell you something else that's been imported rice? Yeah. I know in big sacks. Tom is the second biggest importer of rice in this country. That's why my wife doesn't like it. She's a true patriot. British pasta for me. Thank you very much. So that element, if you keep the look, there's bonfires, there's firework displays and everyone goes to them dressed in spooky costumes and everyone gets to see each other and great if you want to take sweets along and give sweets as you go cool. The thing that you lose is going around and knocking on people can still make their jack-o-lanterns and their

community you lose the you lose the sense of community that you get from trick-or-treating and I think by going to a big communal event in your community. No, no, no. But yeah, but the individuality of going round and knocking on houses is different to the communal event. Like the I think it's I think if anything, it's the setup for the big day on the common. You know, I think you knock around, you meet. It's almost like door knocking before the election. Right. You know, everyone's knocking on the doors and going, oh, you know, hey, trick or treat. Oh, it's you live in this house and that's great. And this is, you know, you go to this school and that kind of thing and everyone's meeting

each other. It's really, really fun. And then you all, you know, it's like the stag before the wedding. Everyone then converges on the common, having done this sort of like one on one socializing to do the big old party. I feel like it works together. I think what we're discovering here is that me and Tom have never really trickled trees. I've not done it. I don't want to do it.

No, I'm here in all of this for the first time. I've been like, oh, well, this sounds pretty good actually. They do a little, they do a little event at the school. We all meet at the school, a bunch of friends. Then we walk down two different roads, the road from the school and our road. We go to houses, some of the people we know, some of them we don't, but we meet them for the first time when we knock on it. I love it. Then I take Sylvie back and we man the fort back at our house. This year, I got party lights

and we're shining them on the house. We were playing monster mash and she was dressed as a witch and I was dressed as a Frankenstein's monster and handing out sweets to all the kids. It's fun. It's genuinely very, very distinct from fireworks night. It was- It's letting the devil.

Yeah. You're dressing it all up as fun. He's the best one. you're dressing in all the best one you're dressing it all up as fun and all you're doing is letting the devil in that's right who would you it would you rather listen to Aussie Osborne or Daniel O'Donnell it's got to be you've got to you gotta go with the devil do they know have Daniel O'Donnell on their bingo card? Well, I was trying to think of a I was trying to think of a devoutly Christian person. I was thinking I thought of Van Morrison when I thought,

actually, I don't know, what's yours when Van Morrison, early van? Pretty, pretty, yeah. Yeah. You know, fine, fine. It's fine all the way. It's got to be it's got to be. But not not Christian van. Not the not the big Christian van that drives around. Get in the Christian van. Get in the brown eyed girl van, get in the moon dance van. That's the van.

By the way, once you finish listening to this episode, please click on the link to the Spotify playlist. Eclectic, sure, it's eclectic. Sure. I do, by the way, read David Hepworth's book about this episode. All the same. No, that's what I call Condensed Milk Volume 3. Is this what you call condensed milk? Is this a podcast?

Let's get, let's get onto Christmas. Let's get onto Christmas. Okay. I feel like I stand a better chance with this one. I think you do. I think you do. Go on. I like, I thought you made, I think that there's very, there's a very compelling argument for Halloween being the stag do before the main event of fireworks. I don't quite buy it, but I like, I like it. Yep. Okay. Thank you. Well, thank you for hearing me out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Clarky, have you got to say on this before we move on?

No. Very honest of you. Guys, just there are some people people say we don't include Clark enough This is what happens when we do we say Clarky if you got anything to say on this podcast where your only job is to Talk and he says Zero opinions on that matter But it won't be good Throw him any topic and he's always got a response admittedly the responses no I've got nothing to say on this topic, and he's always got a response. Admittedly, the response is no, I've got nothing to say on this topic,

but he's always got a response. Right. So keep your justice for Clark. He's coming in guys. This is the future you want. Okay. So Christmas day finishes with everybody standing around in a circle, singing old landsign and we're straight into the new year. So we shuffle Christmas day to the 31st.

I don't, I don't know. We got two Clarkies on the bill. What's going on? It's the Clarkies wins. Because I don't, what I don't want this to be about is are we losing the really nice week between Christmas and New Year's Eve where nothing really happens. Everyone sits around in their gym jams. So what you don't want is the counter argument. What I don't want when I put something forward is for someone to say something quite logical that I can't disagree with.

This is why we get Tom of Best Friends. He wants to say things without someone pushing back against him. He's like, who, this is my top of that worst. Guy. Anything to say about that, Ben? No. Brilliant. Great. Okay.

Then mission. Yeah. Another pie. It's a gold lag zone. Can I just, can I, can I ask one question very quickly before we get onto the. Of course you can. So are you, cause Christmas is famously the day when a lot of people sort of conk out in front of the telly around sort of three, four o'clock. Are you building that in

as a sort of siesta? Yeah. Because otherwise it's a very long day. The kids wake up very, very early in the morning. So it can often stop, you know, around five AM. You will then say, we're staying up to at least 12, 15, 12 30 to see in the new year. That's a long old day. We build in the King's speech as part of the, you know, King's speech siesta stand up salute. Well, if anything, I'd say, I'd say the improvement is automatic here because new year's day doesn't have natural siestas in it. Christmas Day has about three siestas in it. Yeah. Like it's already there.

People are snoozing all the way through Christmas Day. I think there's a better chance of people being around then for midnight than New Year's Day. It's a ball ache trying to get to midnight sometimes. Can I ask you how you feel about the siesta by the way, is something from someone else's culture that we've imported in? Oh, sorry. Afternoon snooze is our extra. But yeah, you're right. You're absolutely right. Sometimes the pacing of a, of a New

Year's Eve is a tricky one, isn't it? Because you wake up at a normal time. New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I'm staying up till midnight now. New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, not pulling their weight. That's all. What I think is, that's a slightly ailing side. It's the same thing about Halloween and fireworks night. I think fireworks night and bonfire night,

it's stock is falling and Halloween's is booming and pretty soon, unless fireworks night wises up and hops on board, gets absorbed by Halloween and becomes part of it, then it's going to be just away from it. And I also think New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, they aren't pulling their weight in the same way that Christmas does. I feel like I agree with you on the first part. I think on the second part, we've got older. I was going to say we've got older. An early night for us. No, no, no. I know. But also, I also remember being young and trying to make New Year's Eve work. And it not always, it hasn't always been like, oh, home run, New Year's Eve work and it not always it hasn't always been like our

home run New Year's Eve you don't have no Christmas day you don't go oh fuck guys we've got to get something organized for Christmas Day it's like it's it's organized it happens whereas like New Year's Eve was always a bit of a fucking yeah like excellent point yeah in 40 quid to get into the pub you normally drink in that yeah exactly I'd try to corral everyone and make sure it's the right place. Yes, yes. Talking the politics of it. So like, sorry, I was always a big fat, me and Clarky, I mean, we didn't get to trick or treat. We'd make up for it on New Year's. We'd trick or treat

on New Year's Eve. Just knock on people's doors, see if they wanted to come for a party. Can we come in? Don't go there. Let the right ones in, mate. just knock on people's doors if they wanted to come for a party. Can we come in and go this? Let the right ones in mate. Tom, if you're suggesting we do four Halloweens a year on October 31st. I'm swinging with the way you convinced me. You convinced me. Christmas Day and New Year's Day.

Then yes, please. I'll do four Halloweens a year. I'll Vince Vaughn it. But yeah, you know what? You're absolutely right. I think Halloween stock is rising. Bonfire night or fireworks night stock is slightly falling. And I think that part of that is because again, they've jazzed it up. They've Hollywooded it up, haven't they? Halloween. And with every increasing year, it doesn't seem like such a bad idea. The notion of blowing up parliament. We're like, Oh, should we have actually, should we have actually stuck with this guy and let him finish the job and maybe wouldn't be, but so we've, so there's that. And I think you're right. New

Year's Eve is New Year's Eve. Well, it's it's it's amateur night, isn't it? That's what that's what that's what it's sometimes known as, because it's like everybody goes out and tries to have the best night of their life. They're really going for it, but they put too much effort in what they're doing. They don't know how to have a good night. It's true. Everybody's all just to conquer it on the same spaces. So I still think look, I still think no's, no one has to go back to work until the fucking sixth or whatever you want to do. Great. Like you still got that. But like boxing day is new year's day where you're, you're still fucking vegging around and lolloping around the house. And then you just got a week off. So you still have that week off

then back to work. I quite like, I quite like the trick or treating thing. If you, if instead of going to a party, everyone can just trade down the street and everyone serves up shots in the house. You knock on, have a shot, move on to the next house. I tell you what, the kids are hopped off enough on Haribo. If you were given shots to like grownups as well. Oh God. That's not bad. That's not, you'll be the cool house on Halloween crossbow. That's what you want to start thinking about. We did. We, yeah, we did. We did. We gave them, we gave up, we gave out cocktails in a can to the parents. Wow. Just a series of different disguises.

I'm a wolf man. You slurring your words a bit, Wolfman. Back again. Just got my wolf jersey on. I'm the wolf man. Give me another one of those cocktails in a can. I know you've got them. OK, so yeah, so I actually think there might be a stronger, well, as strong a proposal here.

A stronger proposal as what, Tom? Your last proposal? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Guys, you're listed to Parry's strongest proposal. Yeah, exactly. Guys, you're listed to Paris' strongest proposal. Yeah, I'm, listen, I'll happily get rid of my New Year's Eve, but let me keep my Halloween and fireworks night. All right. I mean, I'm definitely in with the rest of it as well.

Some of my happiest New Year's were actually, because my sister is her birthday on New Year's Eve. So we would often have like a big family party. And those were some of the happiest New Year's I've ever had because it was so cute. It was a, you saw it was contained. We weren't chasing the night. We weren't going out into Bromley or up into town or whatever. It wasn't, you know, it wasn't overcrowded. We weren't spending extra

money to get in there. It was fun. So actually, if you've gone, yeah, Christmas straight into an old Langsine, I'd accept that. Yeah. I'm 50% sold, which is more sold than I've ever been on any of your ideas after a point. I'm mellowing in my old age man. You've got to quit while you're ahead. And speaking of mellow, you've got to check out Big Brother and the Holding Company. It was Janis Joplin's time before. Okay, have we got time for Valentine's Day and pancake day? It's a rollover episode.

Who's made me this pancake? This heart shaped pancake that's come through my door. Just post me a pancake through my door, no need to say who you are. Really hard to post a pancake through a door. I'll tell you my anecdote tomorrow. Folds into an envelope shape quite nicely. Well anyway, we've cracked the year guys. Merry Christmas and happy Halloween. I've said it once before, but it bears a repeat.

Well, wow. That 40 minutes flew by. It was an unbelievable 40 minutes. Don't forget guys, if you want to join the Patreon, patreon.com forward slash Pappy's flat share. Our next flat share slam down is all sold out. It's all sold out, I'm afraid. So if you'd like to join the mailing list, I believe you can contact the venue, which

is the the underbelly boulevard. So if you go to the underbelly boulevard's website, you can find find how to join the waiting list there. But it's all sold out and that'll be coming out next month. If I haven't got a ticket, can I still come? No, that's the rules. That's the rules. I still, we sell five tickets every year.

It's a wee shame. Yeah. You can get for free are producers Emma and Gwyn because they're actually working. All right, all right. Well, that's another episode in the bag. Yeah, quarter minutes, man. Absolutely right. I'm off to cook some rice. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers everyone. Bye. So, thanks for watching, and we'll see you next time. Bye! Bye!

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