Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Smart Beaker) S13E38

Episode Date: October 23, 2023

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. The days of spilling things are over, with a woosh.UPCOMING LIVE SHOW5th November 7pm - Final show of the year and it's another bit-too-early Christmas Special. On November 5th we'll be at Cheerful Earful Festival at the Bedford in Balham, solving your festive beefs with Catherine and Helen from Trusty Hogs for a Beef Brothers Cold Turkey. Tickets available now! - https://www.designmynight.com/london/pubs/balham/the-bedford/cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-day-6?t=ticketsPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Three teams, listen to the air before we get into this podcast. We have a very important breaking message. Yes, indeed. We have a new beef brothers cold cuts that is going to be happening at the Bedford in Ballamers part of the cheerful, earful festival on the 5th of November. We would love to see you there. There'll be a link in the in the show notes, but get yourself over to papyscomoddy.com for slash live to get tickets.

It's a really exciting beef brothers cold cuts. It's going to be myself and Clarky, no parry, because of course you're just about to become a dad for the second time. What? Oh God! Yeah. You better buy some nappies, man.

Oh, no. And some for the baby. Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop. But yeah, it's going to be us and the trusty hogs, Helen Bauer and Catherine Bohart. Both friends of the show, they've been on the podcast before, they've been on FlatSlam, they've been on Beef Brothers Coldcuts before, but they've never done a Beef Brothers Coldcuts live with us, and they've certainly never done a Beef Brothers Cold Turkey, which is what that show is going to be.

It's gonna be a festive special, another Christmas special because we enjoyed our last Christmas special so much. On the 5th of November, we're going to be solving all of your festive beefs. So if you have a problem with the people you spend Christmas with, then email it to us at beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com. Get in touch. And we'll see you there on November the 5th. Greetings, listener dear Dear I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to an exciting episode,

another exciting episode if you will, of Cappy's flat share house meeting. Are you okay Tom, what's happened? Tom, please talk us through what's happened mate? When we record late at night, I close the windows to my shed. But then after about 45 minutes, there starts to be a like a slight lack of oxygen in the Starts to feel a little bit wobbly That was like the wobbles kicking in anyway. Are you all right though? Okay house meeting That's right. Jing. Oh, you want to start it now? Do you?

We haven't played we haven't played the jingle yet. I'll say I was not the king. It's just a thing before you ask for help. We haven't played the jingle yet, Tom. I'll tell you, go ahead and take a few big breaths. Probably a good idea. Probably a good idea just to get that. Because we're still going to record the outro to this as well. I would say just to... What was on the pod tonight?

Oh, it's gone for a long time. Anyway, Tom. Anyway, anyway. Anyway. Anyway, this is a house meeting. It's where we get together to bring ourselves to the oxygen and see what happens. Yeah, one of the things we've never explained to the listener is that a rule we made when we first started doing these house meetings is we sit in an airtight box. Clarke is buried himself under the ground in a coffin and I am in a small one-man submarine.

So, Joey, and Paris is in a shed above the Thames, aren't you? I can't hear you. Listen. Anyway, welcome to the show everybody. So just very quickly, we should say, because I always forget to mention this, that's the top of the, no, I don't know what I'm about to say. I always forget to mention this, but actually I put air holes, which in the submarine is a restue.

So I've actually got even less time than parry because they're filling up so I don't know why I keep trying to prolong the intro. I'm drowning here guys, I'm actually, yeah, no. Is the thing you're about to say you're co-ordinate so we can come with help. I just forget to say this and please. Two days into the mission I was swallowed by a whale. So, if there's anybody... I always forget to mention it.

I can be the belly of a whale. I can't imagine. I'm very much the Jonah of podcasting. I'm... Call me Jepetto, because I am here in the belly of a whale and I've been podcasting every episode from the belly for whale for the last four years. And being clockier with all day to wood. Do you mean?

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It's a week long trial. And you can have a listen. You can go back to the old episode, you can listen to the stuff we're putting out each week, whatever you want to do. We should stress you're not the ones on trial. You are not the ones on trial. We're not judging you for a week, that is not how it works. No way.

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I'm in the building of a wild guy. It's saving up for a harpoon, guys, please. But you're generously. We, I need big billy to get beached, pretty fucking sharpish. I've always wanted to see my family again. And free life. Yeah, if you want to join, you can join at any tier,

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Anyway, let's crack into this house meeting and we'll see you on the other side. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has meeting. What temperature should we set the heat to? Has meeting. Why on earth am I always waiting?

Has meeting. Who went my bed while I was sleeping? Has meeting. What's the point? Does life have a meeting? Has meeting. It does feel like in 2023 we should be through spilling. I don't know, I know. Don't get me on towels, but like,

do you know what? If you knock over a pint glass in 2023 and it's still spilling, that someone hasn't worked hard enough on the technology. Yeah, it feels like it's something that everybody is bothered by. There's no one who is cool about it, right? There's no one who's like, yeah, this is fine. It just happens once in a while.

Whenever it happens, it's always hugely annoying. And it's still happening. Why are we pretending it's not still happening, all right? It's still happening. Well, look, this is what we need to do is we need to sort of get together. Use our one collective brain. Your right, Clarke. Yeah, sorry.

Clarke, you're saying before the recording, he's eating two bigger tea. I had a big tea. It's made me very sleepy. Yeah, I could see. The second I said, the word brain, your brain just said, oh, I'm deprived of oxygen, I'm gonna start yawning my head off. I can't handle this. How did the two bigger tea come about? Presumably.

Yeah, you cooked it. Yeah, you cooked it, yeah, yeah. All my own doing. So, but, you're not, did you not get to point where you were like, there's another portion for tomorrow here. Oh, there's still another portion for tomorrow, I don't get wrong, but I just, you know, he's had four portions and there are still six portions left. I put it on the plate and was like, that's big, that's big actually. And then, but it went down smooth. No problem at all. I was like, oh, are you blending your

meals now? Is that what you're telling us? I spilled my dinner down myself. Why are we not talking about this? You mixed too much fuel. You mixed too much fuel. You're too proud to say no, you chinned it, you spilled it. And here you are, obviously. Too proud to talk about it. Well, I was going to say before I was silently heckled. It feels like weebles wob, but they don't fall down. You know, those toys only do well. Why? Why does a glass not exist? That is, like, it's going to spill a bit, but it's not going to spill as much.

Right? Crucially, it's not going to spill as much. Oh, my, my painting pending mind's like, I'm going to spill at all. That's going to be it. That's going to be an hour. Arsenal. Like, if I'm in 1989 and I'm watching a film about 2023, and it's got some kind of...

If you're watching back to the future too. Right, yeah, it's gonna go, my glass, as soon as I put it down, it's gonna go vush, and there's a lid on it. It's just over there, it's gonna... Oh, I see, yeah, like that. Across the top, vush, like that. And then when I pick it up, contact off,

well, as soon as it's got contact off the bottom of the table, leads off, I'm at vush. I'm on the, you barely even hear it. I'm doing the vush now for effect, but like, it'd be quiet. Just to play devil advocate, Tom, the one problem I can foresee there was if the vouch has to happen to open the lid of the glass, if it has to happen by coming off the table, what about the times when you slightly overfill a receptacle and you've got to leave it on the table, lean down to give it a bit

of a... I, you think this receptacle, this receptacle is going to allow you to overfill it. I won't recipro overfill it. I don't know how much I want this recipe to tell me how much I can and can't drink. If Clark is depleted that. Let's call it what it is. It's a smart beaker. Oh no, is it gonna connect me into it? This smart beaker is gonna tell you Clarky,

it's gonna go, are you sure you should be having this drink, Mr. Clark? I like the matrix. I'm very pleased, because that's the voice I was going for. Oh great, there you go, yeah. But you're sorry, you're having great. There you go, yeah. Well, you're actually having this drink. You are a sickness. And they hit barbed wire.

You'll have a sickness. You'll have a sickness if you have a hula to a clock in the morning, Mr. Clark. If not a sickness, then a massive nap. So, yeah, so talk us to the smart beaker. The one thing about the smart beaker is that it needs to be charged. So, you don't want to be out with your smart beaker, right? And you've forgotten your smart beaker charger. And you can't have a drink and you're dying of dehydration because you can't open your smart beaker because no one's got a charger for it. You know, you've still got the old style charger for the your smart beaker, because no one's got a charger for it. You know, you still got the old style charger

for the new start smart beaker. The battery lasts 24 hours, and it charges off the cupboard. Because it's good. All your mugs go in your cupboard at night, don't they? Oh, yeah. Right, as a charging cupboard. It's in there, recharging.

You take it out, you've got 24 hours out and about with it. 24 hours of drinking. Yeah, and that sounds good. No, you can do that, but you know what, it's always clocky calls. It's Thursday. And it just needs a re-heal. I'm just saying, I think people have taken their eye

off the ball to, once again, we're in such a rush to get to AR, for example off the ball too. Once again, we're in such a rush to get to AR, for example, the next level. I think we've missed out on the full benefits of this level. Before we go. Before we go. Before we go. Before we go.

Before we go. Before we go. I think it's, yeah, you're absolutely right. Absolutely right. I mean, I said, don't maybe say it again, but towels for God's sake, it's 2023. For the love of God. I just like cave-mended For the love of fucking towel.

Like cavemen did. We're using fucking towels. It's mad. Did cavemen? Well, I've heard, I've sure heard a version of that. Now the bad a version of towel. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying they had a gypsum cut.

Well, the gypsum's probably had a gypsum cut, you'd think. But they didn't know it. They didn't know they it's so good. They just called it cotton. They just called it cotton to them. It's cotton, it's the true tragedy of being an Egyptian is you never appreciate Egyptian cotton quite as much as the rest of the world. Yeah, we just call this walking mate.

I don't know why you were singing a song about it. You just mean walking. Just heading off down the car. I'm just walking to get some cotton. And you want to make a big song and dance out of it, don't you? My god, I had such an ancient Egyptian face when I was a kid. I think we all did a little bit, didn't we? How did that manifest itself? That question going round, doing the old bloody rounds of how often do you think of ancient Rome? Yeah. I don't have an answer. I don't think about ancient Rome, but I do think

about ancient Egypt a lot. Certainly more. Yeah, I definitely think we... But I mean, you know, whatever... I, you know, I know we're going to go down the water the Romans have ever done for us, but... You can still see, you know, are a glyphics and the pyramids. They're, you know, they're two of the big ones, aren't they, in terms of like branding your empire, right? Branding your culture.

I ain't using Roman cotton no way too true and also by the way a pyramid is a perfect design for a for a glass that you're not knocking over it's a good way how you are you picking that up? With my hands. Just the tradway. No, you can't try to pick up a pyramid with your hand. Of course you can. It's not the size of a pyramid. Crucial time. It's the size of a glass.

But it's the shape of a pyramid. If it's the true size of a pyramid, then the width... No, again, it's the true size of a pyramid, then the width, again, it's not the size of a pyramid. It's not the top, it's top, top. Let me tell you that. No, no, not the size, not the size. If it's the shape of a pyramid, you've got the size of a glass.

Yeah. Yeah. The width at the base is going to prevent you from getting a decent handle on it. You think it's dipping out your hands? Yeah. Totally. Well, what about a, what about it's got a handle?

No, we're talking. No, it's what we're getting at. Is it a pyramid with a handle? Is it a pyramid with a handle on either side that you drink out of a small aperture at the top? No, I think. Is it more like a clock? It's circumnavigated.

All the technology of a smart beaker. Comatic pure with some old school, you know, algorithm and it's a fucking pyramid with a handle. You're not spilling that, you're not spilling that. Look at the size of the fucking base. It starts going nowhere. That can't go in nowhere. Look at the little tip on the water's coming out the top.

It's tiny, that little bit. Yeah. It's unspillable. It can't be too tiny if I'm putting my heel on it though. It's just like, oh. It can't be too tiny if I'm putting my heel on it though. It's just... It does get claggy. Yeah, you need a pouring pyramid to go with it, right? Right, yes. Yeah, yeah.

You'd have an inverted pouring pyramid. A funnel. A funnel, yeah. I think it has to be a pyramid. It's going to be a pyramid chart. The thing purpose is, an inverted pouring pyramid sounds a bit better. Your IPP.

Yeah. You down with IPP? Yeah, you know me. And then it turns out that with... It turns out that with... It turns out... It turns out... Storing them, you can tessellate them really nicely. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, really nice.

That's going to tessellate in your cupboard something to treat. You put a bunch of them together, you put all of the IPPs, you put all the IPPs just stacked on top the other way around. You've got a big block of... Yeah, it's great. That's a great idea. That doesn't need to be charged. They don't need to be charged.

They don't need to be charged. They don't need to be charged. That's it. Crucially. But if anything smarter than a smart beaker because nobody knows. Is that a slogan? Yeah. What are we doing? What's a smart beaker? Never worry about that. We're getting ahead of technology that hasn't yet been invented and told people don't you worry about that. That thing that doesn't exist.

Don't you be worried about that right now? That's the thing, just pinch through it. Let's just think about our advertising campaigns for both products, right? Okay. I'm gonna be able to sell that smart peak. Like, people going to the gym, they're gonna be picking it,

they're gonna be opening their cupboard, there's gonna be a big little light that's gonna look cool. They're gonna take it off, they're gonna be opening their cupboard. There's gonna be a big little light that's gonna look cool. They're gonna take it off. They're gonna head down to the gym. We're gonna see if someone's gonna wanna walk into the gym. We do ceramic pyramids on any chance. Like, one like the wallets and grommets or something. It's like, how are you gonna make that?

Like, it doesn't get me wrong, the design's fault. It's a how are you gonna make that? Like, it does, don't get me wrong, the designs fault. It's a tough sell. It's Tom, Tom, the thing is, no one's taking a beaker to the gym either. It's like, oh, they are. Yeah, when I'm on the treadmill, I've not, I haven't got an open cup of water with me. I'm trying to drink at the same time. In fact, the gym ones do have, they have the upside down cones.

Yeah, that, you know, there's too much. Well, there's too much. same time. In fact the gym ones do have they they have the upside down cones. Yeah that you know. Well there's a cone actually. They have a side down cone is. Side down ice cream cone. They've got a cone that you turn upside down on to drink from it as you tip it towards your mouth. I just missed ay. It makes my hand so wet. Tarky's never tasted an ice cream and it's like, it's on back. Plucky, no, this is such a design fault. But Tarky's also never spilt in ice cream. His ice cream cone goes, it's flat on the bottom. He breaks the top off. He pours ice cream into it. Bob, did you take any of these? No, come on, those like coffee on the go, you know,

heading down the road, you're just, you're beacuring around. Like people are into beakers, people aren't into, you know, I'm imagining them being ceramic these. Coffee on the go has a lid though, right? I feel like this is a beaker for the house, right? Yeah, but your smart beaker covers all those things. It's on the go. It's in the house And don't get me wrong pyramid mug works on the go

It just doesn't sell well on the go does it? I mean you're not getting it in your cup cup cup holder in your car I'll say that Bigger cup holders I'm paying myself on my ceramic Was if you ever crashed I am pale to myself on my ceramic Did you know that kid who took took two cups of tea into the exam with him? Stuck in by forb is now is everyone got ace But I didn't spill a drop Tom another another problem with your smart beaker, And I'm just, we're troubleshooting here.

We're troubleshooting. Wait, this is not me trying to say it does not work. It's not taking it personally. Not one's not better than the other. They're both really good. It's glistening, I think, you said that the lid opens when you remove it from the table. How does that work for a coffee on the go?

Oh no, it's a big problem. Unless you're dragging it along the pavement behind me. No, no, no, no. OK, OK, OK, we've got this. SmartBaker has two modes. Now, already, I feel like I'm over-complicated. Thank you, Mark. You're telling me that you're not going to get someone

showing up to work in their sort of severance style office. Actually, it wouldn't be severance, because they don't know what happens outside the office. But in a futuristic office, right? And then going, oh, fuck me. I thought I put my, I thought I've had my smart beaker on the go mode. Put it on the passenger seat next to me. Of course I had it on a, okay, whatever mode the other one is.

It's fine though, because the smart beaker has motion sensors in it, right? so when it knows it's moving, so when it knows it's moving, yeah, moving where? Laterally If you're beating don't get in the lift basically Even escalator is touch and go hard open We got a lift it just his holes Okay, here's this you go up and lift it, just his holds. Okay, I've cracked it, this is good. Okay, this is good. When it's attached to your home Wi-Fi,

oh no, no. It knows it's in home mode. Right, it knows it's in home mode. What if your Wi-Fi drops out there, your Wi-Fi drops out there, as soon as it goes. As soon as it goes, it's black and it's on the, it's back on. The smooth. Yeah, I'm over here. You've got that going.

The only difference between a home mode and on the go mode is on the go mode, you use a button to withdraw the lid. Yeah. So the lid stays on and it's manually activated. Okay. But as soon as you're going to home mode, then it's base activated.

It's well, B, B, A. It's weak on. B,ush everywhere if you get it wrong. You know, you kind of know. I mean, I'm not, look, already I know. I know that it lacks the simplicity and the genius of the pyramid mug, but I'm just thinking about it. It's a tough sell. Yeah. It's a pyramid mug.

Also, there is quite a lot of electronics involved in something that is around fluid. It's a good point. It's a very good point. I've got a smart speaker in my shower, and even that, I feel very nervous point. I don't, you know, like, I've got a smart speaker in my shower. And um, even that I feel very nervous about the fact that it's probably, it's probably fine to, it's fine to get it wet. But I do think, oh my god, that's the way I'm going to go. I'm going to die in the shower trying to turn up this American life. You know, that'll be zapped by Alexa. I'll be zapped by the two AA batteries it runs off.

And my poor little tiny bird heart won't be able to take it. It'll just stop. High reglass. Finish it off. There's already beakers. Oh, yeah, there are. No, I'm going to say this and it it's gonna make it seem like this is, but this isn't.

The crucial part of our smart beaker is this, the lack of spilling effect, right? Yeah, the lid that closes itself, basically. There is a smart beaker, there are smart beakers at the moment because I saw one the other day in the Apple store of all places. So I was waiting for them to try and because it was fucking playing around again and I had to go, capping hand. Of course, you put a genius bar and you know how I feel about that.

You refused to call anybody a genius who isn't just working the world of theatre. Of course. I'll tell you it was a true genius, Stephen Burkoth. So it's the colossus bar, if you mean downstairs at the old Vic. Yeah, the pit. Fine, that's the genius bar, mate. The dirty duck, that's the genius bar. Exactly right.

Across the road at Stratford, mate. So they didn't fix your laptop, did they? That's the only thing you could do. Ha ha ha. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's how it broke. Simon Russell beer just tapped that it for half an hour and I didn't have anything. So I was looking rain to the Apple Store while I was waiting

for them to rip me bloody off. And they're selling cups in there. I was like, here we bloody go. And they're cups where you can control the temperature of the drink from your phone. That's good. What? You heard clucky, there's an app on your phone. And if you want your coffee to get hot again,

you can get it hot again, or you can sustain. So there's all the electric beakers are out there, but there's still got a fucking lid on them like a knob. If you got a lid on your knob, I thought you were going to get that off of it on the NHS. One of the tragically affected by old lid knob. Absolutely mad that a father a child will. Yeah.

But anyway, so you just feel like if you're gonna go for it in for a penny in for a pound, it's the lid. It's the lid. It's gotta be the lid, hasn't it? It's gotta close up like, is it the roof at Wimbledon? Is that the thing that Wimbledon? Is that the thing that closes over like that? Yeah, that's what you want.

But it takes 45 minutes and 20 minutes. You're not drinking out of the thing that's the size of Wimbledon. Again, I can't stress enough though. When we do, I have these things. You're the size of a man, darling. You're not a pure glarky, darling, for sure. It's a scale.

You're back with your glarkies added in Fritzard. Skail. Glarkies. I struggle with perspective. That's me, dear. It's app happy tweed if you fancy tweeting. That's me, dear. It feels like the standard mug has had it very good for a very long time. Jalap the long jump world record Remember that was just like always there

Since like 1976 or something and it was kind of like that feels to me like mugs Yeah, yeah, they came up in a similar time that we yeah It was a great year 1976 the New York Dolls were tearing up. We're tearing up America with their proto-punk sound. And if you look very careful in all the photos, yeah, there are no lovely cup of tea at the time. Yeah, absolutely. Do you remember though? Do you remember when the sex pistols were on the Bill Grundy show and smashed up a mug? I mean, that was too much for me. Oh, come on. That from here.

Come on. Yeah. But yeah, 1976, that's when they broke the world record for the longer. I didn't know about this and no one's ever been able to do it. You fucking cuppa. You dirty old cuppa. You luke, bro. So, yeah, and then basically they were like, well, that's how far a person can jump.

Yeah. There's not much more of a competition to it. It's a bit like, that's what it's done. It's about, if you play Noughts and Crosses against anyone, it's just that's it. We can all, like, Noughts and Crosses, you realise it's a kids game. Only kids don't know how to play Noughts and Crosses. Everybody else can basically just, it's impossible to win or lose a game of Noughts and Crosses, you realise it's a kids game. Only kids don't know how to play Noughts and Crosses. Everybody else can basically just, it's impossible to win or lose a game

of Noughts and Crosses, right? It's a wounder because it was really good for a really long time. Yeah. How long have you been? How long have you been? How long have you been? How long have you been?

How long have you been? How long have you been? How long have you been? How long have you been? How long have you been? How long have you been? How long have you been? How long have you been? How long have you been? I've been to the year ago, I was going out of it. That bloke in the genius bar, he's good. He's good. I take it back.

He is good, but he still can get the permanent mark and Noughtson crosses off like a white screen. It was good. It was really good for a very long time. But when you realise that you get to a certain point and you're like, oh, everybody's the same level at knots and crosses, once you get to a certain age, it's so real wounder. Because what a game. You know, when you would sit down and draw out the little game and think, here we go.

Here we go. We're going to have a set here. We're going to have a set here. We're going to have a set here. We're going to have a set here. We're going to have a set here. We're going to have a set here. We're going to have a set here. We're going to have a You draw the first one really big on a size of A4, and then they all get increasingly small as you can

maximise as much of the page you can. You know. Till the end, you're basically doing it like those people drawing your name on a grain of rice on holiday. You've just got like, you know, got those little optics that look through. That's, it was great. You're right.

It was great for a really long time. And it's, it's great, you're right, it was great for a really long time. And it's, it's good, the good, that's the good thing about having kids is, like now, it gets to be good again. So was that reply, I thought, I think that got replaced by the square of dots. Yes, I was just not saying. One line and then every one line at a time and then you complete a square, you're on the square. Oh yeah, that was the escalation. You're initial in it. Yes. What was that called? That was called math lesson for me. That's called dangerous to homework. I associate that with flirting with girls.

That was your move. Whereas Norton Crosses, I associate with making friends. But then that's the kind of evolution of going, you're in the library, you're in a study lesson, you're like, go, you're next to a girl, you think's quite pretty, you start drawing at the dots, she sees what you're up to, it's like, girl, you think's quite pretty. You start drawing out the dots. She sees what you're up to. It's like, I, I, here we go. Then we're going to be in some dot joining up for a bit. And then I won't ask you out because I'm shy.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Absolutely. And then you're hoping that you're thinking, I've made the first move. I've got some graph paper out there. You can really see the good. He's made the first move. I've got some graph paper out. It's made the second move and it brought me to Frankie and Bennys. Imagine how disappointed they were when at Frankie and Bennys you got the graph paper.

It's my only move. It's got one gear. Did you get to the next base? Yeah, I did that thing where you draw a dog by starting with a man I did pick a number pick a color. I do a really cool ex Did you ever do the one where it was Water gassing electricity at the bottom and three houses at the top and you had to find a way to link each house with water gas and electricity but you cannot cross the lines. Yeah, that feels like every game I'm advertised on Instagram.

Whenever I'm on Instagram it's always trying to get me to play. Oh my god And that it kills me because I was addicted to that game and it's important you can't do it. Yeah What right? No, can't you can't do it? Not unless you're going around the top of the house or something like that. Yes You carry the water in a smart beaker. That's the first move.

Make sure when you're carrying the gas, you've got it on the go mode. Otherwise... How do you think they build the pyramids without using sky pipes? Yeah, alright, make good one. You can't do it even with skypipes. It's a two-dimensional game, right?

So even if you go in up and over the roof, I don't think you can do it. But maybe that's just me saying I never did it. Did you ever do it? I don't know. Clarke seems to think you can do it? I don't know. Clarke seems to think you can do it. He's got on his eye as well, but he fancies his chances. Wait, what's the other one? Gas.

You can't put water and electricity in the same boat else there. Right, yeah. That's it, yeah. Do all houses need all three? Come on. Yeah, do warhouses need all three? Come on. Yeah, that's the rules. You can't say like, you can't have like, oh, if someone needs water,

they'll go to their mates house, two doors down. I was just gonna have a war house and guest house and electricity house, I think I'm done. I'm pretty, it's not the three-dose. So, although, embarrassingly, I did cross the pipes twice, doing that. Ha ha ha ha. Sorry guys, I crossed the pipes. I was sorry, anyway my sky pipes are clogged up with heels.

I'm offering a nap. I wouldn't mind sky pipes as a nickname. Sky pipes. Here he comes, I'll skypipes. Isn't bad actually. It feels like the nickname you had earned on the first day of a job at a building site when someone asked you to go and fetch them and you believed them. Oh yeah.

Maybe like a, he's the guy you want to him for skypipes. And then miraculously came back with them. He came back on a byplane, waving at us. Wink walking. He was wink walking carrying scaffolding. Is it amazing? David Gaer was England captain. And then they stopped him being captain. And he wasn't very happy about that. But he was quite a, you know, laissez-faire English kind of a centric.

And they were on a tour of Australia and he was playing cricket in the middle and he got out And so you're supposed to go and obviously wait back at the sir in the pavilion and watch people but down the road There was an airfield and he'd got talking to a local who worked at the airfield and he said Any chance you could take me out later today later she's there, and they got a slight, yeah, no worries, right? So David Gower got out and then walked back to Philly and then went and got in the plane and then flew the plane over the cricket ground and buzzed like came down and flew really close

to the weekend, flew off again. Yes. That's how to do it. That skypipes. That skypipes. That skypiping right there. He buzzed his own game of cricket in a in like a bi-play. That's how you skypipe it. I mean I don't want to sit on a dirty dab to do darker and haven't you here but if that had gone wrong He would have seemed like the moody is passed in ever

gone wrong. He would have seemed like the moody is vast and ever. He just couldn't handle his wickedness. He was no longer captain, so he got in a plane and crashed it into the stadium. Kamikaze, is it? For a similar reason, well, no, no, no, no, for a similar reason. Yeah, you're like, that's the area, don't you? Come on, what's your suit? Come on, mate. That's up.

There's a lot of talk at the moment in my household about high air balloons. Because they capture the imagination of a young child, et cetera. They very much do. That's true. My wife started saying, yes, we'll go up in a high air balloon one day and I'm like I think I think that's where I draw the line yeah it does seem incredibly dangerous doesn't it it just I'm mercy aren't you yeah you

just go up and then it's like well I can't get my head around it. Can I tell you about my dad? My dad, I might have mentioned this before, for my mum's birthday. I said, what have you got mum for her birthday? He said, I've got her a hot, air balloon ride over the sea. And I went, oh yeah, you go on it. And he went, no. And I said, you sure you're okay. Because it's not the friendliest of presents, is it? I'm going to send you out in a day's bus.

I'm going to send you out over the sea. I'll be stood on a cliff with a rifle, sure. With a blowdart. I'll be getting into a plane with David Gower. Don't you worry about that. Come and do buzz you. That's a very different opening of the app, isn't it? That's not that much. Darren. Did she go? Did she? Yeah, she went. In fact, it was one of those things where she went on a few occasions to the kind of airfield and had to go home because the weather was not right. And I think just if you've gone twice and the weather's not right, just assume

it's, you know, come on, final destination, just go home. You're not meant to be going to a hot air balloon. You know, obviously nothing happens, you had a lovely time, you really enjoyed it. But you'd hate, it's because it's a pleasure ride as well, isn't it? You're not doing you commute. Not unless you try to get back to Kansas from ours. You'd be like of course. Yeah. You know, just before you go, you'd be like, of course, I'm in a balloon, I'm in a hot air balloon.

What a mercy of the wind. Yeah. I don't know, do you know the story? It's not the right. It's not right. Do you know the story? The Slaughter Rights. It's the right. Do you know the story of Mr. Play It Safe? It was afraid to fly. Oh, he had to see it.

No, it's goodbye. He was hold down life to take that flight and the plane crashed down. He screamed bloody murder. He got what the fuck am I done this? Some birthday present this is. For a while, Branson made it feel very normal to be like a higher ballooner. Yeah.

Like we were we were off that age when through like I don't know 12 through 16. It just felt like he was always ballooning and that was just part of it. And it was like, yeah, people balloon. He gave it a real good go to bring it back. Do you balloon, man? Do you balloon? Hey, bro, do you balloon?

I probably will. That's the thing now, isn't it? That's the thing now, isn't it? You get just as high. Because the other thing, they sometimes have it at like a sort of a village fate or a town fare or something like that. But then it will be on a rope, won't it? Heard that, yeah.

I mean, obviously with a basket, it's like, you're just going to go onto this. I'm not thinking about it as a sky. Hold this for a second, will you? Just tell yourself to this, mate. Okay, see you later. We'll tie this round around, Cullen, bye-bye. Your face popping on the top. The anniversary of my love.

Yeah, we got the Tombola, yeah, we got the, you know, we got Splat the Rap, yeah, and then that's just tell yourself to a balloon. See what happens. Splat you in a half. Tethering heights, that's what I call it. It's good, it's good, yeah. It's not bad, it's not bad. I was gonna go for, not gonna be down with a feather.

Tether Trevor. That feels more som fairy actually. I think so, yeah. Who's gonna be this year's Trevor? Who's gonna be 10th Trevor? What will you be 10th Trevor? What will you be 10th Trevor? People too, this time round. It's a combine half, this time actually.

Ooh. Yeah. Every year a different turner. The closest I ever came to anything like that is I went, I went parasailing once. And that was amazing. I really, really enjoyed it. And then the day after I did it, I went for,

I was in Bali and I went for dinner with somebody who lived basically on Bali. And they were like, that was a mad thing you did. Don't ever do that. Because you just go up to a guy on the beach and go, oh, if I give you this amount of money which is probably forquid, will you just, will you tell them something? Will you tell them something? And this is made on the water in a speed boat that just shoots off and then suddenly you're up in the air.

And he was like, no, people, like the ropes break all the time, people just drop onto the sand. You never do that again. It's mad. But at the time, it was wonderful. I loved it. It was so sort of, it was so peaceful up there. I think what you don't, what you get on a hot air balloon is you've got the big, you

know, the big, the big, yeah. It's like the sound of the lid closing. He's a smart balloon. He's on the cone though. He's on the top of the basket. I've been working with dancing. I've been working with Branson. It's a smart balloon.

You're on Virgin Wi-Fi. As soon as it senses it's up in the air. Oh, great. You're on Virgin Wi-Fi, as soon as it senses it's up in the air. Oh, great. If you're on Virgin Wi-Fi, you're fucking dead. I've got Virgin Wi-Fi in my house and oh my god. Why one under Tom? Is that... Is part of the point of a nice glass or cup, the delicacy of it?

Do you know what I mean? Like wine glasses? of a nice glass or cup, the delicacy of it? Do you know what I mean? Like wine glasses, they're precarious. Champagne glasses even more so. Is that kind of built into? There's nothing more depressing than drinking wine out of a mug. It really does feel like you've gone back to someone's outfit. Yes, there is. No, no, no, there is. It's drinking wine out of a mug show like

a pyramid. Okay, yeah, you're right. Yeah, but think of the size of it, though, I mean, fucking out. That's a lot of wine. But you know, the wine from a mug, you know, you've gone back to somebody's house, it's like, you know, like, you're all drinking in a pub or it's like, you know, it's like, you know, the uni bar or whatever and someone goes, oh, I think I've got a bottle of something back at my house and you all go back and there's not quite enough

receptacles to drink it from. And one of you's drinking sort of very cold red wine out of a mug, and you think this is, I should have gone to bed. So you're not gonna get that feeling if you're drinking your wine out of a smart beaker. I'll count to that very quickly. There's nothing better than champagne out of a mug

because that says, like, we just moved house. We've just moved house or we've just found out this or there's been a sudden promotion or wait wait wait no no no it only means we just moved to us we just found out we've also we just found out this promotion that you can't make your way into the shelf what you celebrating we've lost the champagne for you we celebrate there I've just found out this we've been burglars. I've just flown to champagne flutes on eBay. Let's celebrate. I like the way as well. Your list is number one.

We've moved out. Number two. I've just found out this. Number three. I've got a promotion. Number three, I've got a promotion. Number four, I've just discovered that. I should say, I could this. Number two, I've just discovered this. The thing you've discovered is that you've just moved, thanks. Number three is I've got a promotion, which means we can afford this house move that we've just done. I think there is a good, you know, champagne in a mug is exciting, but not always.

Not always. But champagne out of a smart beaker always exciting. I guess the smart beaker could grow a stem Couldn't it that could be an extra feature of the smart beaker The bottom of it well the staff of the wine. It becomes a smart flu. Yeah If it can close it's lid from the team that put you smart beaker. It's the smart Toby jug It's not to you. Toby, play top loader. It starts singing the song like Billy the Fee. We're living in the future man. It's like those little

flowers that used to dance along with your adiabee or a mechanical coconut with sunglasses on that would pop along. It's exactly that. It's exactly that, but it's for real. But you can actually drink coke out of it. Man, that's, no, that's, that's 2023. Because we had the fake dancing coke can with glasses on in 1989. 2023, you expect it to be a real fucking canocote that can sing to you and then fucking replenish you. Hmm, any who. Let's get to work. 2023, you expect it to be a real fucking can of code that can sing to you and then fucking replenish you

any who Let's get to work. We did get whist, you know what, you did get whistful at the end of that and I think I think you're right The future's not what it's not what's cracked up to be is it? No Not yet gentlemen Not yet sure No, not yet gentlemen, not yet. Sure.

And then with that, Harry closed the lid on the podcast. LAUGHTER An episode no one is calling a smart podcast. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER I've said it once before, but it bears a repeat. As easy.

And here we are on the other side. Love that. Love that. Yeah, lovely. Real treat. A treat to catch up with you guys. Yeah, anything else to say? There's a few little bits and bobs actually.

Yeah, there's a few little bits and bobs I would like to share with you. And I think you're going to enjoy these. We've got decoters answers, by the way. Oh yeah. They got back in touch. So here we go. Apologies for misgendering decoters answers, by the way. Oh yeah. They got back in touch. So here we go, apologies for misgendering decoters, but here we go.

Decoters from Birmingham. What hat was I wearing? The first one, good God man, was going for a bowl of hat. The second one, I knew declare, was going for a Southern bell bonnet. And the third one, one falter movie, it all goes terribly wrong.

Still can't do the action, still can't do the action. I was going for a sort of, it should like a safari cowboy hat but that curves up only on one side as worn by Jesse Ventura in the film Predator. I just thought that was obvious. Fair play, well played. Fair play to them. Yes, thank you, Dakota. If anybody else would

like to send in an accent to the hotline and we can guess what kind of hat they're wearing, the hotline is open. In fact, we have another jingle. What? Let me, yeah, let me read you this. I think you're going to really enjoy this. This is from Gav, who says, Dear his Paps, on the off chance, I'm the first to send you on. Here's a jingle for the hotline. In the style of, if Glenn Campbell really wanted people to know about the Pappies hotline. Love the show was lucky enough to attend

the recent slam downs, which were two of the greats, I thought, best Gav. Oh, thanks Gav, yeah, we had a great time. And this is really something else. So sit back and enjoy this, it's really quite special. Oh, to always, one, two, three, three, two, seven, two. to save unto Why don't you go the happy's hotline? Why don't you call it twice Leave them a message

On the line On that hard line Now Oh, yes. Beautiful stuff. Thank you so much. Really, really stirring stuff there from, from Gav. Once again, if anybody wants to send a jingle that is under a minute and a half, that would be great. But, that was a, an absolutely beautiful thing. I think you can't hurry a phone number. This is it you can't wait exactly. You can play it at 1.25 speed. Yeah, I think that's it. 02081233272 call the hotline if you want to leave us a beef or

if you just want to leave us a message, we are ready to receive those messages. Or if you like to send us a beef, beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com. The that email is always open 24 hours a day. Anytime you want to email, you can email us. Beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com. Thank you so much. If you enjoyed that and you enjoy what we do and you're not yet on the Patreon, then there's never a better time to start.

Now that the autumn days are drawing in and the nights again are that little bit colder, that little bit darker. What you need in your life is an extra podcast a week and lots of lovely bonus things, which we give you for just £4 a month. Yeah. Am I reading that right? £4 a month? Where are you reading this, Rob?

My brain. Am I thinking that right? Because I can't believe what I'm thinking. Yes, for just four pounds a month, you get an extra podcast every Thursday than the notorious puppies pop round, which is a real treat. It is a real treat, yeah.

You get to be part of our community of listeners, you get all kinds of bonus stuff as well. So please do at least check it out and consider it. You can do a free trial at the moment as well. I believe. A seven day free trial. All you've got to do is go to patreon.com, forward slash, Pappy's Flash Air,

or go onto patreon.com and search for Pappy's Flash Air, you will find us there. And it also gets you discount tickets to the Beef Brothers cold cuts, which is going to be happening at the Bedford in Ballam on the 5th of November with Catherine Brohart and Helen Bauer that we talked about. The trusty hogs. The trusty hogs, exactly. Yeah. So, yeah, so get yourself to the Patreon now. And don't forget as well, if you want to send us a beef for that Beef Brothers cold cuts, a festive beef, a beef you have with your family about the Christmas period, then send it to beefbrotherspodcastactgmail.com.

Lovely. Well, I'm off to get some fresh air. And that's all right for some. Crab is off to enjoy this grill. The clock is going to continue scrambling. Scrambling away at the edge of his coffin. Thanks for joining us today's episode. It was produced by Emma Corsham.

Corsham team. Cheers everyone. Bye. Bye.