Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Teaspoon's in the slats) S10E17

Episode Date: April 27, 2020

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. Ben has an amazing anecdote for us, which we don't completely trample on and overplay at all. Plus, some secret identities are/aren't rev...ealedPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.
Starting point is 00:00:20 Greetings, listener dear! I'm over here, I'm over here, but where is Ben? I'm over here, I'm over here, but where is Matthew? I'm over here, I'm over here, I'm here, I'm here. Everybody here! Wow, wow, wow, what a terrible musical we've just met. Oh, it was the real shame because we've been working for months on that but actually, it has the energy of a musical. This is why the preview isn't it? You put it out on stage and it just fell flat. It was a really good regard. Refused to include it. I know, I know it's we've listened to the dear the musical. That was um and we'll get there. We'll get there. We'll get
Starting point is 00:01:01 there. We just need a bit of a bit more tune I think. A little bit more tune and a bit more talent. Once we close to you thing. A bit of a direction. Sure. The storyline set. Oh, I see. We have an audience. It's got that beginning, middle one end, and it's just... Yeah, exactly. The storyline, the storyline, I can't fault. The audience, I can't fault, it's the three of us that the problem. As always, as always, but you cannot argue with that, it's got a beginning middle and an end. It's you can't, you can't. You should remember that, it's the nicest
Starting point is 00:01:32 thing you could say about it. The reviews are in there. It was great. The reviews are in five stars beginning middle and end, the five are entirely for the end of it. What you sound like is a like a parent or a kindly answer your uncle who's just watched three of their nephews perform a play in their front room. Well, it had a beginning at a middle of an end. You really showed something. I think it was performed in the front room. I wouldn't describe that as the response of a kindly auntie.
Starting point is 00:02:05 LAUGHTER Because what's the, what's, what, what, there's no skin off your nose. If she's a kindly, a kindly auntie, he also works for the Express and Star and has to review it. Oh my God. The Express and Star are in. Yeah. So that would be the point.
Starting point is 00:02:19 But if, if, if you, if you're an auntie, who's watching their views perform a show, and the best you can say about it, when there's zero consequences, I had a beginning, a middle and an end. I mean, either you're not an an auntie who's watching their f-fuse performance show and the best you can say about it, when there's zero consequences, I had a beginning in the middle of an end. I mean, either you're not an ice auntie or the play was more dog shit than dog shit. Well, we'll never know which one you're going to use. We'll never know. Is producer Corsair a bad auntie or are we dog shit?
Starting point is 00:02:40 We'll never know! I think we will never know. We'll never know. I would be confused. Let's not do that now. So welcome to another fantastic episode of Papi's Flat Share House meeting. Yes indeed. The real pleasure to be back in your ear canals, Lister Deers.
Starting point is 00:02:56 We hope that you are looking after yourselves and staying safe during this strange old time. Yeah. As you can tell, we're recording this over Zoom. So apologies and deviance if there's anything a bit weird about that, but just, you know, you know what, it should just be like chatting to your friends or chatting to your grandparents or all the things we do over zoom now. Kindly aunties. You've got to speak to your bad auntie.
Starting point is 00:03:19 You've got to speak to bad aunties. You've got a pen and paper out and she's absolutely scathing. Speak to bad auntie, she's got a pen and paper out and she's absolutely scathing. Bad auntie takes the family quiz on Zoom too seriously doesn't she? Oh yeah, yeah bad aunties arguing over answers. I saw you in a lot of screen. I saw you in a lot of screen. You must be giggling it. You must be bad aunties, the kind of person, and this happens in every Zoom quiz I've done so far, where people argue whether it should be half points or full points. There you go, it does the math to me.
Starting point is 00:03:52 It does the math, sir. Everyone's getting the same points. Okay, I tell you what, each question is worth 30 points. It still doesn't matter if it's a half a point. But you know, 0.001 of a point, or a million points. Are you not putting those scores on your CV because I am?
Starting point is 00:04:07 They are going in my record achievement, actually. So enjoy the episode. But before you do, we have to say if you like these chats, get on over to our Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash parties flat share because we're doing daily episodes of a show we're calling Flat Share Lockdown, which has been so much fun, we've really enjoyed doing it. Yes, great. And they are, they're available for everyone who pledges five dollars and above.
Starting point is 00:04:34 So it's about four quid for episodes every single day of the lockdown to keep you entertained. And they're really, really fun. Or you can up it to ten dollars. Ten dollars! Team Dime! Team Dime has done like a school year. And you get CFS Or you can up it to $10. Team Dime! Team Dime as Tom Lites call you. And you get CFS, you get the app to record and you get it. You get video recordings of it as well. So get on over Patreon.com, forward slash Pappy's FlakShare
Starting point is 00:04:54 and become a Patreon neighbor today. But forget all of that for the moment because this is a lovely episode. This is an absolute doozy. A lovely episode. We really say some sacred cows. We'll talk about it on the other side. See you soon.
Starting point is 00:05:12 I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want a chat. OK, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has beaten. Beat it.
Starting point is 00:05:23 What temperature should we set the heat? Has beaten. Beatin'. Why on earth am I always waiting? Has beaten. Beatin'. Who went my bed while I was sleeping? Has beaten.
Starting point is 00:05:35 Beatin'. What's the point? Does life have a meaning? Has beaten. So. Verly? Sorry. That's alright.
Starting point is 00:05:46 Listen Tom, never apologise when you go to sing video, kill the radio star and lose confidence halfway through the first words. Never a place you're thriving. No, that was a good game of name that tune. Yeah, in fact, that's not a bad game. Is it like one song, one you get to sing one word. And your friends have to guess what the song is. Okay. I'll do, okay, I'll do, I'll do one.
Starting point is 00:06:14 Oh, so you can get this one from just one word. I think it's quite a, it's quite an obvious one. Yes. And it's amazing. It's a good one. One week. It's one week. It's one good one. But we, it's one of these. We've got the garbage version. You've got the extended mix.
Starting point is 00:06:30 It's two weeks, two weeks. Yeah. Oh, it's a sun. Yeah. Clarke, you're all going? All the people, so many people, and they all go. Not bad. Producer Emma, do you want to pitch him with one word?
Starting point is 00:06:54 You want to throw in with one word or see if we can come up with the song. Oh. Okay, it sounds very similar. Is it different to the orchestra? No, it's the same one. Different song. I think so. Is this the song that you thought Clarky was thinking? No, it was a song I'd already picked.
Starting point is 00:07:11 Oh, it's a different word to... Is it a margin? No. Great, great guess. Good guess. Is it... Do you know what I mean by a way, sis? No. Is it all, sis? No. Is it all right now? No, baby.
Starting point is 00:07:29 It's not. I knew it was a different all, wasn't it? Yeah, it was all. Oh, is it give piece of chance? No. We're stuck on the lemon trip. You are close with, you are close with, and Lenin is the right. Oh right is the right
Starting point is 00:07:46 It's a Beatles song. Yeah, it's beats is it altogether now from the L. S. Marie all you need is love. Yeah Imagine imagine going to all together now from the L. S. Green soundtrack before you go to their most famous song. Intuitive Crosby. When there is a straight route to the answer, why bother taking that? That's so, yeah, anyway. So it's not a bad game actually. No, that could be a flat slime game one day.
Starting point is 00:08:21 That could definitely be a flat slime game one day. You've got to sing one word of a song. The first word I know about most things. Yeah, pretty much anything could be a flat-time game. The bar is pretty like what can be a flat-time game. That's very true. That's very true. I was going to say before we got started, what I wanted to talk about was, I got a flat tire on Sunday. Oh, no. Yeah, flat tire. And it made me very aware of my failings as a man.
Starting point is 00:08:57 Because I didn't know what to do. I had to call the RAC. And did you have a spare? Yeah. Had a spare, had a jack, and I still was like, and it trust myself to put this on, and not to be halfway down the road, and the wheel just rolls off.
Starting point is 00:09:15 It's one of those things that's actually, once you've done it once, it's like making an omelette in some ways. No, it's an... That means I'm not very good at changing a tie. No. You can't change a tie without breaking an axle, basically. It's what you're trying to say.
Starting point is 00:09:35 It seems difficult, but once you do it once, it's very easy to do. And it is actually a very satisfying thing to do as well. So I would implore you to go out and just practice taking the tire on and off because it's a really good jack yourself. That's one thing. That's once he once he's changed the tire, then you can go inside and jack yourself. Yeah, go inside and jack yourself. Well, here's the thing I think like, like, there was part of me,
Starting point is 00:10:05 I was in a car park in Central London. There was part of me that thought, this could be my opportunity. I could look at it on YouTube and do it. And another part of me was like, yeah, but I've got to drive 40 minutes home. I need to, you know, I need this car not to work. But I think you're right,
Starting point is 00:10:23 it has, I do feel inspired now to go out and try and do it. Because that's what that's what. Yeah. I think at home you would have done it surely. Yeah. If I was at home, I'd had the rest of the day. I wasn't having to constantly keep putting more money in the meter at the car park. That would have been fine. But that's tough. Yeah. But I would have otherwise done it. But I'll say one thing, I assumed, and I know this is not, this is absolutely not their job at all, but I assume when the RAC guy would,
Starting point is 00:10:51 when he showed up, he'd be like annoyed with me. You know, I felt paranoid. I thought paranoid that he was gonna go, sorry, you called me out for just a change of attire, you can't even do it yourself. No, you're quite the opposite, I would say. They love that because they're on the job. They're on the job, they've gone out in a half for per job. And it's like, ah, change a tire. Beautiful. I mean, I can change a tire. The more people who can change their own tires,
Starting point is 00:11:21 the more this guy's heading off to find, you know, he's got to fucking fix some kind of exhaust or something. Yeah, some kind of exhaust. You rock up for an easy job, and it's like you get to be the dude in the situation, you get to be able to take control, but actually you're not really doing any real work. Yeah. So it's like it's one of the best things I've ever done. He gets to be the alpha with actually quite a beta job. Yeah, exactly. He gets to. the alpha. He gets to be the alpha with actually quite a beta job.
Starting point is 00:11:45 Yeah, exactly. Money for nothing. I mean, you've really put the smack down on the RAC there. Well, the RAC changing tires, like, you're right, you're right. What the RAC should really do is say, look, in six months time, we're going to stop changing people's tires for them, unless they've got like a legitimate reason why they can't do it themselves.
Starting point is 00:12:08 So everyone's going to learn to do their own tires, and unless you're, you know, frail or physically dispossitions, our reply will be, do it yourself. What if it, because the thing is sometimes like sometimes a jar is just almost impossible to open and that's just a jar so a nut on the tire. Yeah, but you're only using a hand fridge. You're only using your hands for a jar, right? There's a... That's true. You've come and loosened it with it, take it off with his hands. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, As of October 10th, we're no longer going to be opening jars. Everybody needs to open their own jars. And then next up, shitty job became changing attire. So it's just like the firefighter is in the cats and the trees.
Starting point is 00:13:13 They're just not supposed to. They don't do that anymore. No, exactly. So they're not. So no, because they've got to fight fires. They've got fires going on. They've got me in front of them. If it's cat in a tree or building burning down, they've got to fight fires. They've got fires going on. They've got them fair enough. If it's cat in a tree or building burning down,
Starting point is 00:13:26 they've got to go to the building. And normally it's a building burning down. So they refuse to get cats out of trees? Yeah. So leave them there, yeah. Just never gap in the market here. Oh, right. Like a little sample of the RSPCA.
Starting point is 00:13:44 Yeah, we're the cats of trees, guys. Yeah. And it's like the fire brigade on doing it anymore. Cats, we know cats, cats are going to get a Patrilles, aren't we? Yeah. All we need is a ladder. There's three of us, right? One to hold the ladder, one to drive the van, one to climb up the ladder, get the cat
Starting point is 00:14:04 out the tree. I can put the cats up the tree as well. You can start the business going exactly. I'll get it, I'll get involved. If you drive a net, and we're going to need a net. A net. A net, to get them, what's the catch? No, no, I think you just grab them and you come out and carry them down, don't you? You don't have to sort of I all say is it if I'm going up the ladder to grab at the cat. I'm going to feel a lot better And I'm more confident in doing my job if I know Clarkies on the grain with a net. It's the net for you No, it's useful The cat because the cats cats can be tricky customers, right? Like you know, yeah, but they'll Yeah, but they'll land on their feet.
Starting point is 00:14:45 Yeah, but they'll break. They'll stop taking, they'll break their legs if they land on their feet. Oh, right. I assumed when the cat's land on their feet, I mean, I know cats can injure themselves. I thought that was because it was a bad landing. But... So if you drop a cat off the Empire State building, you'll be like, it's a bad state building.
Starting point is 00:15:03 Land on your feet, Mopsie! They're on the right way up. Okay, put them there back in the car. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. The guns got this. I just think, you know, like, Avertree would be fine, you know.
Starting point is 00:15:23 Like, because you're going to take them in your arms, right? No, no, no, it's no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but I'm saying we pick them in, we take them in our arms, we start climbing down the ladder. That's the bit, that's the bit you don't like, that's the bit you don't into. That's the bit where you need a net on the ground. What just in case you fall. No, not, sees on the end of the branch, right? You want to push you out of the tree. You're grabbing, you're grabbing at this cat.
Starting point is 00:16:02 This cat doesn't know you from Adam. Yeah. I cat, cats are tricky customers, right? And they're proud. Yeah. So they're not just going to be like they are they are proud cats. They're very nice. They're not just going to be like, Oh, thank God you're here and jump into your arms. They might be a tricky. Yeah, they might be scratching at you. Yeah. They might be scared. They might feel threatened, they might be hissing. So if you're 20 meters up an oak, you're not going to want to be fucking messing around.
Starting point is 00:16:32 So like, should things go awry, the cat might come out the tree. Okay. So what do you need? On my watch, that's what I'm saying. Yes. There's every chance the cat's coming out the tree. Yeah. You're going up there. What happens in the leaves is your business as a professional the cat
Starting point is 00:16:48 Got my methods got your methods exactly the fact that you're going up there with a with a cattle prod That's just all part of the cat out of tree process. That's putting the cat in cattle prod you're putting the cat in cattle For exactly the the other thing Is though how do we And the other thing is though, how do we, like, presumably then what you need is a sort of big circular net with a hole in the middle to wrap around the every part of the tree, because, you know, it's all well and good if Clark, you're standing there on the bottom of the ladder with a net. And if you push the cat out and it falls at the wrong bit, you know, it falls to me off
Starting point is 00:17:22 the other side of the tree. Well, no, but I'm not going to toss it out. I don't know. I mean, if it's going the wrong bit. You know, it falls to me off the other side of the tree. Well, no, but I'm not gonna toss it out. Like, I don't know, do I? I mean, when you're talking about these cats, for it to come out the wrong side of the tree, I'm tossing it out, aren't I? And also, you know, you've got to trust Clark, he's reactions on the ground there,
Starting point is 00:17:38 because if I'm tossing it out, the cats going upwards to begin with, and that's gonna buy him at least a second and a half to readjust. Exactly. Also, I have cat-like reflexes. So you're gonna be up the tree as well. Yeah, I can fall.
Starting point is 00:17:52 I can fall for great heights. Sadly, half of our call-outs are to get clarky down. I'm a member of our own team, and in that case, no one's got the net at the bottom. You're putting, I'm picturing you footing the ladder in this situation, Crosby? Yeah, I'm happy to foot the ladder. I mean you were Heights Tommy, you're all right. I'm okay, but like not I'm not like, um, fucking evil,
Starting point is 00:18:18 cannibal, you know, well, I tell you the thing right. Wait, how can I say you're not, you're not just, how can I say? You're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, distance and the jump. It wasn't about... Yeah, but I mean a jump is going to make... I've got some points. I thought towering it. I would say going over... ...on several buses. He would say, go back in. And you didn't eat?
Starting point is 00:18:54 Didn't he try to jump over the ground, can you? I mean, I was trying. Did he fall? He didn't walk along the fucking ground. I'm glad you're not watching that. I was watching a man drive a motorbike in a straight line. On the ground. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:07 Unless they've got a couple of other guys stood on their shoulders and they're sticking their arms out, then you watch that. Yeah, please. You know, the motorcycle display team, yeah. That's fine, but anyway, I'm just, it's good to know anyway that Tom isn't evil, can evil, because I'm really regretting buying you that jumpsuit. I've't evil, can evil because I'm really regretting buying you that jumpsuit, I got you for your birthday,
Starting point is 00:19:27 because I was, I got the wrong information. I was finally putting the room at a bed, okay? I know there's a lot of speculation over the identity of evil, can evil. It's not me, okay? I'm ruling myself out of that. You're now saying that the search continues for the true evil, Well, I'll tell you who did say like they knew a lot about evil, can evil there and about, you know, distances required and things like that. I mean,
Starting point is 00:19:52 producer Emma, we're not entirely sure what she does when she's not producing podcasts. It's a very good point. She's caution to the wind. Oh, I like it. And caution. Have you ever, this will smoke her out? Caution, have you ever jumped over a double decker bus on the back of a motorcycle? Yes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to say, for the first time, I'm going to say, say a first answer. Yeah, a first answer question. No, no, no, no, why would I do that? Why? Why? Caution is evil, can evil. We call it them just a very quick question before we move on.
Starting point is 00:20:32 And don't even think about this one. Can you graffiti a rat on the side of a building? Yes, no. Oh, what? What? Why would anyone do that? Too fed too, maybe. You are the infamous rat painter.
Starting point is 00:20:46 Ha ha ha. So it's this graffiti artist who's causing bother round, round my way. Round your, round your manner. Yeah. Old rat painter. So what kind of paint did you paint in the rats? Right. No, no, no, no. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I would know. I would that. Poor things. It's like theaters for December 15th.
Starting point is 00:21:27 So, Clarky, we left all over you there for a second. Yeah, sorry. You were asking what color are you painting the rats? No, no, no, before the, before the, before the, what color are you painting the rats? Which we all enjoyed. What were you going to, what were you going to ask before? Well, before Tom dropped the bombshell that he wasn't evil, con evil. I, um, yesterday, and it'shell that he wasn't evil can evil. I Yesterday and it's kind of related on a number of days. I'm gonna say yesterday is the song yesterday by the Yes, you got it. Very good. Very good. Now I cook it on gas. Yeah
Starting point is 00:21:57 So I put up a bird Feeder on my balcony. Oh, yes, talk us through it. I had to try and connect to the underside of the balcony above me. Right. Okay. Yeah. And I think I've done what I would describe as quite a ropey job. You use rope. I should have used rope. I actually used a teaspoon. Oh, it's a spoony job. Yeah. Because, right. Okay. It had a loop on it.
Starting point is 00:22:32 Yes, Jim. Yeah. And I want you to answer quickly without thinking. All right. So, I'll keep. Are you DJ Spoony? Yes, no. Oh, we got him.
Starting point is 00:22:43 We got him. No, I said no. I said no. It's revealed. Everyone's secret identities are coming out. This one, let's see, I think I said I thought I recognized you off of KISS FM. DJ Spoonie as I live and breathe, right? So yeah, you do this. You do a Spoonie job of putting up this beard feeder. So it just had a loop on it, but the spoon had a loop on it. No, the the the birds The bird had a like a had a it was attached to it It's got like a piece of wire with a loop on the end of it and what we're talking about If you can elope the loop you want to get either Geneva on board
Starting point is 00:23:21 Now now there was a man or woman No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It's like a porcelain kind of little dome. Sounds beautiful. Yes, it's the little birds and they can perch on, it's got holes on each side. Maybe a little bit of water in there, they can drink a bit of water in the, in the little ledge and then you put the food in the middle. No, just food. Just food. They're going to be absolutely spitting feathers.
Starting point is 00:24:02 Literally. Literally. It's spitting their own feathers out. You've got to give absolutely spitting feathers. Literally. Literally. They're in feathers out. You've got to give them a little bit of water as well. Rocky, answer me quickly. Yeah, go on. Here we go. Did you write and perform the song Buck Rogers? Yes, no. Okay, okay. You're in the band feeder as I live in Bury. Can I ask a question? We'll get back to the bird feeder as I live in Breen. Yeah. Can I ask a question?
Starting point is 00:24:27 We'll get back to the bird feeder in a second. Tom. Of course, you are obviously a man who knows his way around that part of the world, the sort of devon area, right? Yes. You had your wedding there. Now, living in Devon and drinking cider from a lemon.
Starting point is 00:24:47 Yes. Is that a thing? Interestingly. I mean, because I've never heard of it. And I, I, I, I, every time I hear that song, I think, what does that mean? I don't know. I don't know anymore. He doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He wants to talk about it.
Starting point is 00:25:01 That's why you try and pick him up on it. He's not, he doesn't know that, you know, he won wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to know that he wants to Look, if you haven't drank cider from a lemon, then you've never lived. It's the only way to drink cider. So what do you do? Do you take a lemon, hollow it out like those? You know, if you ever have the dessert in a curry house. Yeah, oh yeah. The sourdough. You want to lay out the curry house.
Starting point is 00:25:37 You said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You've got to clear it out. Yeah, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, no. No, no. What's the inside of a lemon off? Be hollowed out and filled with sorbet. You've got to do that. So you hollow out a lemon, fill out the cider, drink it out. It's very rare that you ever get a dessert in an Indian restaurant. Am I right?
Starting point is 00:25:55 Very rare, but sometimes the little, the tickle gets you and you think, I can feel some gaps. Not since I was a kid. It's so rare that you get to the end of your career and be like, oh, room for dessert. Oh, room for ice cream out of a penguin. I think they're always, they're always like so surprised when you order a dessert.
Starting point is 00:26:16 They're all, you can always see them be like battle stations because they're kind of like, whoa, someone's ordered the dessert and they're like, you were getting picked and they're digging away to try and find you in the... And that penguin, when it comes desserts and they're like, you're gonna pick to the dig in a way to try and find it. And that penguin, when it comes out and hits your table, looks like fucking Jack Nicholson at the end of the shining. He's frozen solid.
Starting point is 00:26:32 He's been right at the bottom of the freezer. That fuck has been there for 20 years. You have to. They don't hand you a spoon, they hand you a chisel. It's just like, there you go, mate. You ask for it, you want it. We've got them because they're on the menu. It'd be weird for a restaurant to not do desserts,
Starting point is 00:26:47 but we never have to serve them at all. Yeah. There's like a dessert a lot that goes off in the Indian kitchen. There's a wanker alarm. Yeah. You know, the two are actually, I'm gonna have one of those.
Starting point is 00:26:59 And it's like, no, mate, you've had eight points of cobra. Yeah. You've had 47 points. You only had two mouls falls of your fall. Exactly, yeah. An underlit. In spite of all the bragging that hot food doesn't even touch the side of it.
Starting point is 00:27:16 Don't even notice it, mate. No, it's fine. I go extra hot every time at Nandas. If you actually have to eat something, eat this hot towel. That'll fill you up. I'm at Nandas. If you absolutely have to eat something, eat this hot towel. Listen, that'll fill you up. I just eat this, eat this microwave warm style, or wrap around the penguin.
Starting point is 00:27:38 Right, sorry, Clarkie. So, we're talking about this bird feeder. You did a spoony job of putting up this bird feeder because you used a spoon to reach it to the top of the... Yeah, because the... So, I've just got a loop and then above me in the balcony above, there are slats. Loving the slats. In the slats. So you've got the pair of slats living upstairs. Lovely family in the slats. The slats. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:01 I've just been into them. Absolutely refusing to engage in either one of our riffs. Carrier. And I think that's absolutely fair enough. It's fair enough. It's fair enough. It's fair enough. Let's get to the meat of the piece here.
Starting point is 00:28:14 The meat of the piece. Teespoon, loop the loop the loop over there, the body of the teaspoon. Put the teaspoon up for the gaps and then turn it 90 degrees. Okay. So then, so we put a teaspoon onto your neighbor's balcony. No, but thank really not because the slats are along the bottom. They, there's also they've got.
Starting point is 00:28:37 There's like a floor. There's a floor. Yeah, okay, sure. So you've got the slats have got a floor. The slats have got a floor. Lovely, my god. Lovely couple. Listen, we've all got floors, all right?
Starting point is 00:28:48 Look, they're just, they're making their way, OK? They're trying their best. They're making their way in the world today. And that takes everything that you've got. Taking a break from all your worries. So Clark, he's absolutely furious with this. Let's, let's, let's, let's play one, Clarky. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:29:03 As far as I know, this story has a killer punchline. I know we've got to get some attention. I'm going to get some attention in this bloody passing. This is so good. Here we go. It's a bad little hope here. Let's get into this. We've got the teaspoons up in the slats. The teaspoons in the slats. By the way, type of the episode. The teaspoons in the slats. The teaspoons in the slats. The tea spoons in the slats, by the way, type of the episode.
Starting point is 00:29:25 Tea spoons in the slats. The tea spoons in the slats. I'm on just like a stool. Okay, Clarke. He's on a stool. The tea spoons in the slats. It's a rich, a list of depicted. We're all picturing the scene.
Starting point is 00:29:39 If you wanted it, if you want to draw it or paint it, we're all on low, feel free to send in your depiction of this seat. Absolutely, your artistic rendering. Arkeys on a stool, the teeth, the slats, the feeders got a loop. Where's the lemon? Drinks well, the lemon's full of cider.
Starting point is 00:30:00 Just been taken out the freezer. He's been drinking cider from a lemon all day. You've got to get it. The cats are up the tree in the the nature of the car. His motorbike on the ground. I'm not the cat from the cradle. And I'm using the silver spoon too. The cradle, exactly. Well, it's good to keep the cats in the cradle. You don't want to tack in the birds. Now, Clarky, so now you've got this spoon, it's dangling there, right? What's the problem? It sounds like a foolproof plan. Well, it was. It's, well, I don't know. It's the birdfish, if the bird feeder twists a lot, it might pull the spoon back round and then
Starting point is 00:30:40 it will come crashing down, right? Right. Right. You're a little bit worried about. Well, can you reach in there and maybe get out of the spoon? It hasn't happened yet, no. Right. So what has happened? Well, while I was up there, oh, can I just say that by the way, I, that sent a chill through my spine,
Starting point is 00:31:02 hearing you shut clarky down with, all right, so what has happened? Because, you know what? Attitude is what I expected from the bloat from the RAC. And it's like, it's like final destination because it was Sunday, what is it now? Tuesday. Sunday, I expected to get that feeling,
Starting point is 00:31:20 Tuesday I get it, but from you, because that was, that was an absolute an absolute dick slapping and I just a few words but no the tone. So what did happen? What were you telling us? I was only as high as a stool. He was as high as a stool. On all the sidelines.
Starting point is 00:31:45 You were flaking. Clarkie, are you in blazing squad? That's... Be honest. You'd been on it all day, you were as high as a stool. You were high as a stool. I'd just go fresh on the crossroads. You've got the munchies.
Starting point is 00:32:01 So you went for a curry. You got the munchies, you decided to put a curry. You've got the munchies, so you decided to put up a bird feeder and eat it out of yourself. That's it, yeah. And he's furious. I'm so sorry. Oh, the tide has turned.
Starting point is 00:32:17 Glarky. Come on, we're running for the punchline. I'm sorry, you're so sorry. You're sorry for this. Sorry, we're running for this. We're going so good. Everyone is so good. There's feed those birds, baby.
Starting point is 00:32:26 Let's feed those birds. I'm on top of the bag this bitch. Let's just stop and suck fucking bag, mate. I got because I'm on his highest stall. This is highest. Because it's happening on a third full balcony. You're standing on the stall, right? Yeah. Oh, you're standing on the stall. You're higher than the stall. You're, you're fatorous as a stall. I'm as high as the top of a stall. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no. If you're stood on a stall, you're not as high as the top of a stall, are you?
Starting point is 00:33:00 Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. You're as high as a man standing on a stall. He's as tall as a higher than he would usually be. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. You're as high as a man standing on a stool. He's a stilter higher than he would usually be. Exactly. Exactly. He's a stilter. He's a snorkey plus stool. Clarky plus stool. Yeah. He's a stilter. He's a stilter. He's a gold feeder.
Starting point is 00:33:14 And it don't. Okay. So you're on top of a stool, but you're also, what you're saying, is you're on top of a first four balcony. So yes, you are... I started getting quite like vertigo. But also what you're saying is you're on top of a first fall balcony. So yes, you are. I start getting quite vertigo, get very panicky. Oh no, because you're not only looking up when you're on something like that as well,
Starting point is 00:33:35 kind of gives you like, I just feel like I'm about to fall over the edge of my balcony. Sure, it's not a good reason. It's like if you're looking, you know, if you look up at a very tall building, it's almost like the building feels like it's moving. it's almost got that kind of like, it's sort of a trick of the eye. Yeah, you get a bit disorientated, you feel like I'm at the top of a massive ladder, where I'm not at all, I'm just, you want to steal it? It's high.
Starting point is 00:33:55 Yeah, it's a stool. You're, you're stood on a stool, yeah. Minus ladder equals business. Exactly. Anyway, I fell off the balcony, caught myself in a net. Hey! Hey! Is it? Yes. Anyway, I fell off the balcony and caught myself in a net. Hey! Did you land on your feet?
Starting point is 00:34:10 I crucially landed on my feet so it was just like falling off just a stool normal. Can I ask, how did a net feel about all of this? She was absolutely furious. A net slap, who net slapped? Yeah. It was above you if you if you do exercise down the courtyard But a netslat luckily she caught you can I just say how slept the incredible restraint that we have shown to not make that a net joke until this moment I'm so proud of us. I'm so proud of us for coming this far I thought we were gonna get all the way through but no, I couldn't I just couldn't hey
Starting point is 00:34:44 I was waiting until the time was right and that's loud right and I was right there wasn't I couldn't resist I Couldn't resist it at all, but sorry, so what so what really happened? No, I just I was just back to a lit firework, please Parry I firework is being generous All right, don't go back to a freshly laid turd. It'll give you better to go. Oh man alive. So are you all right? Did you survive it?
Starting point is 00:35:22 Yes, you are okay now. I'm fine now. I'm fine. I don't know. I don't know if it's going to stay up. There's bird feeder, but we'll find out. Also, I don't know if I'm going to get any birds. The bird feeder. She just got a bite. I've got a bird feeder on my balcony and it's, it's, they've ignored it. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:35:41 Yeah. And there's like birds moving inside and moving I can hear them and I can see them like just like properly probably a couple of meters away and it's right. Can I ask a question please? Can I ask the question of Emma and Clarky? Yes, no, yes. Emma and Clarky can I ask you now are you two cunts Chris Pach and Bill Ody. Yes, no, no. I thought the question was just going to be a U-T-Cunt. Yes, no. No. I've got a question. I eat two cans. No, yes, yes, no. I imagine if you were Pack a noddy all this time. Imagine if you're a pack of a noddy. So, so yeah, Carrie, I guess I have to ask the question, do you have a birthday there? I do, yeah, I just choose not to talk about it.
Starting point is 00:36:36 Is there a white spoon? You know your audience, don't you? Yeah, well, I just know myself, I know what I'm going to buy a spoon. You know your audience, don't you? Yeah, well, I just know myself. I don't know what I'm all about. It's bad, isn't it, when you get into it, when you get into a story like that and you go, well, it was, you know, I brought it to mention it in passing. I'm playing Master's World because we gave you
Starting point is 00:36:58 so many interruptions, Clarkies, so many interruptions that it was impossible for the story to work, even if it had been the greatest story ever told. Which by the way. It clearly was. Come on, we enjoyed it along the way. Top five, top five. And honestly, once Lister Deers bring it to life with their artistic impressions of
Starting point is 00:37:16 the scene, that I think it's going to get the life of a gay. Absolutely. So you see that fucker in montage. Two, right? No. Can I just say, what we want you to do, guys, is we want you to go to your secret stash, flame up a dube, get as high as a stool, and paint a little picture of clarky, okay? Because we're not going to shop you to the fence, all right?
Starting point is 00:37:44 We know you're packing a little bit of a good 20, baby. Four, 20. Sure, we're not recording this on 420. It's not going out on 420, but 420. 420. 5% concern. It's 420 somewhere. Um, yeah, please. Guys, hire the store. Get it higher.
Starting point is 00:38:03 Yeah, there as a stall. Yeah, your pain, so whatever, whatever, you know, gets the artistic juices flowing and send it into the world's worst anecdotes picture competition. Yeah, so you can get it. A papisflatshare at gmail.com, world's worst anecdotes illustrating. Well, that's Danic Dote illustrating. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER This is not... This is so unfair, Flarky. Oh, sorry. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:38:30 I'm so sorry to bully you like this, but it's been quite good fun. LAUGHTER Flarky, I'm going to ask you a question, though. Flarky. Oh, God, tell me. Flarky. Follow up. Jubilays. Ah, I'll play this, bro. Jubilays,? Do you blaze? Do you blaze? Do you blaze? No warning?
Starting point is 00:38:49 It doesn't show me. It doesn't show me. No, guys, guys, yeah, the, yeah, the lemon and then the butter and then it will wash everything. Guys, I haven't made a lemon bonk. It's really, really good. Yeah, the buzz involved. I'm going to ask you guys a question. Corsham and Clarky, can I ask you a question? Yeah, bro. First are you two cunts?
Starting point is 00:39:17 Yes, I can be. Are you two cunts? Harold and Kumar. No, no. No, no. She, she, she, she, she, she, we did need to leave in a second because we're going to White City. Of course, you are. Of course, you're white castle. Oh, white castle. No, you don't. The BBC. The BBC of Taldor's not to go. We're not allowed to watch the city anymore mate. Have you seen how it's in Kumar Visitschepa's bush?
Starting point is 00:39:53 Really, really boring. Even the comic legends of how to go, I can't say that. It's just them trying to get a servant to defect as well for ages. The Cheeschen-Chong go to Westfield. It's not that way. How do I say that? Right, well,
Starting point is 00:40:15 so learn how to change a tire basically? Yes, basically, that's the that's the that's the takeover of this is I need to I need to go and learn how to change a tyre. Yeah, and Clark, he needs to learn how to put up a bird feeder. And tell them that it don't. So what did happen? Well, I suppose it always remained a mystery. Okay, right, one final round of the game. And then we'll go.
Starting point is 00:40:52 Because I can't feel like we can't be mean to, we can't end on me being mean to Clarky, because I feel awful about it all week. That you won't. No, no. Right. Okay. Okay. You ready?
Starting point is 00:41:07 Because. Oh. Because. Because. Because. Because. Because. Because.
Starting point is 00:41:21 Because. Because. Give us a clue. Give us a clue, Perry. Is is it it's not Beatles again, is it? No, it's something you might sing if you've been blazing all morning. Oh Got because I got high. Oh, I've got it I was gonna put a bird bird bird feeder, but I got high. Yeah, I stole high. I stole high.
Starting point is 00:41:50 Stool high, baby. Stool high, I was gonna tunnel under a bus, but then I got high. I got high. I was gonna drink cider from a lemon and you know what man Make like I Cheers everyone bye Yeah. Hasn't seen anything. Can I have a lift?
Starting point is 00:42:26 I live in Lonee. Hasn't seen anything. Well, well, well. We promised you a doozy. And boy, what's it? A doozy. It was a doozy. It was a doozy. A doozy. It was a doozy. It was a, it was a, it was a, it was a, it was a, it was a, it was a, it was a, it was a, it was a doozy.
Starting point is 00:42:41 It was a doozy. It was a doozy. It was a, I had a doozy and now I feel queasy. So I'm going to go for a lie down, see. Under the tree, see. Under the tree, see, yeah, let's hope a cat doesn't fall on me, see. Okay, now. Okay, we've lost time.
Starting point is 00:42:52 I'm glad, I'm glad the bad auntie's not here to review that. I'm sorry. So I could say, what would the bad auntie say if she was here? What would she say about that? Oh, you know what, there was lots of words weren't there. I saw you were trying. There you were up there and you know you said all your words and so
Starting point is 00:43:10 there was there was lots of middle. I've been too much middle if I'm entirely honest. What were used to get was like how do you remember it all? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You look like that was, you made that look like such hard work. Yeah, and also we used to get as puppies. Well, you certainly have a lot of props. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. We had that, we didn't, we had a show once where someone character was out of all the acts,
Starting point is 00:43:38 you seem the most prepared. I don't think they meant in terms of the quality of our material, they were like, you just brought a lot of things. I mean, to be honest, nowadays I the quality of our material, they were like, you just brought a lot of things. I mean, to be honest, no, we're dead. So I'd take that, someone said we were dead. And we haven't prepared since, have we since prepared since?
Starting point is 00:43:52 No, no, no. So we're fronted, we would say we're never going to prepare again. And that was our slow decline off the circuit. Well, it doesn't matter. Look, he's laughing now because now the circuit is entirely on zoom. And we've been here for a while We've been in your ear can I was for ages exactly? Yeah, thanks a lot for for listening to this episode So find us on Facebook
Starting point is 00:44:13 Tell us a message at Papi's tweet on Twitter financial Instagram Papi's comedy all of those things and Just getting touched generally because we love hearing we love hearing through Papi's fracture at gmail.com We've had some lovely responses from people who said that listening to these episodes have helped them through this sort of weird time we're going through and they absolutely. Those messages help us through this weird time we're going through. Yeah. So it's a very, you know, it's a symbiotic relationship. And there's never been a better time to recommend this podcast to other people. Obviously people are
Starting point is 00:44:42 home looking for entertainment. So if you know someone who probably hasn't heard of the podcast and you enjoy the podcast, please feel free to pass it on to them. And ask them to give me a listen. It'll be a great time to find more listener ideas out there. Yeah, we would love that. We'd absolutely love it. Also, why not chuck us a nice review on iTunes as well? That always helps.
Starting point is 00:45:02 Exactly right. And nice review on iTunes. Be the good on Tion iTunes as well. That always helps. Exactly right. And nice review. Be the good auntie on iTunes. Yes. We want as many good anti-reviews as many good anti-reviews as we can get. Five stars please. Feel free to mention the beginning in the middle in the end and tell us it not like hard work. We'll take all of that. But all that remains to be said is that this episode was produced by Professor Dr. Emma Corsham. Corsham! May not be evil, Caneville, and may or may not be the rat painter of Tom's Manor,
Starting point is 00:45:38 and may or may not be Chris Packerman Cheach. We can't rule at any of those. And that is still on the table. All the fact is still on the table. What a CV. What a glorious CV it is. So stay tuned for the Patreon neighborhood watch roll call. Cheers everyone.
Starting point is 00:45:59 Oh, hey. Will you please be upstanding for today's gracious neighborhood watch roll call? He's a good man. Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo- So said all the girls. Oh, I mean, he's a nice man. Hello! He's a horrid man. I think I've got the measure of this crowd. I think I understand this. Well, this crowd wants this man is my favourite person I have ever met. Hooray!
Starting point is 00:47:06 That's all! He separates the Jetsum from the Flotsum. And is that... Oh, man! I said he separates the Jetsum from the Flotsum. What was that? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Please Danny Watson Please raise your glasses and let me tell you about a good honest man He is everyone's best friend
Starting point is 00:48:02 Everyone's he's a scoundrel. He's spreading something No, he's a scoundrel. He's spreading himself in. Oh, boo boo. You know, he's a dickhead. Hooray! And he is capable of writing some absolute dross. Oh, we love him. Hooray! An asshole and a thief. Raise your glasses for Matthew Elliott's horse Let me tell you about a man
Starting point is 00:48:41 A thief. Oh! He's never been to the pub. Oh no, no, he's not. Oh no, he's not. He's working. A vagabond. Yeah, this guy's a vagabond. A vagabond. A vagabond.
Starting point is 00:49:00 A vagabond. A vagaboy. Hey! A Venga boy! Hooray! It's a... It's a... It's a... I'm coming in, Susco. I'm coming in, Susco. He's a back up, back up, back up, back up.
Starting point is 00:49:16 He is truly the worst man I've ever met. But on the other hand, he is very nice. It's David J. Price. Let me tell you about a woman. What? I'll tell you about a woman and I'll tell you true. A raw mother. A raw mother.
Starting point is 00:49:51 A raw mother. A raw mother. A raw mother. A raw mother. A raw mother. A raw mother. A raw mother. A raw mother.
Starting point is 00:49:59 A raw mother. A raw mother. A raw mother. A raw mother. A raw mother. A raw mother. A raw mother. A raw mother. A, it's my wine out. Spits out one meat. She spits her wine out.
Starting point is 00:50:16 All over the Union flag. What a flying it on land. It she's on a boat she's bitter wind out over the Union Jack. I don't know whether to come or to go. Oh, I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching.
Starting point is 00:50:52 I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching.
Starting point is 00:51:00 I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I'm not watching. I When I saw this woman I spat out my own come I spat out my own come which I was gargling for show because her name is Michelle Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:23 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:31 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:39 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. out as I tell you of this absolute shit stain. Oh no, but warm and sweet treasure. She's let me tell you she's finer than most musicians you will meet.
Starting point is 00:52:00 She's better than John Lennon man. She's better than John Lennon, man! Right! Oh! She's better than Joe Strummer, man! She's right! She's right! She's better than Paul Weller, man! Well, that's not hard. Unfortunately, she's also a despicable fuckface. Oh!
Starting point is 00:52:21 Please spit out your gizm... ...for Anna! Oh, please spit out your gizm for anna, aleman! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Whee! Hooray! Hooray! Well, let me tell you about this man. I gotta say, let me just take a big sip.
Starting point is 00:52:40 Oh, yes, he's washed. Oh, this is washed. Truly? Truly the first. I'm gonna take off your glass Truly the first The first at any party His old first at any party. To spit out his old gizm.
Starting point is 00:53:05 Oh, it's a good thing. It's a good thing. It's a good thing. We are the gizm spitting club after all. No. We've got a swall our midst, get it out. Get it out! We'll spit you out the door. It doesn't trash bags.
Starting point is 00:53:32 We shall never swallow. We shall never swallow as long as we live. Taste it, then waste it. That is our motto. You'll never get pregnant when you spit it out. That we know is true. You'll never have a stomach baby with us. Well, yes, well, yes, to the toast. He's always the first to spit it out. He's been spit it out so so much he creates his own puddle Oh
Starting point is 00:54:09 of course he does it's our best friend Thomas muddle now let me tell you for the last time today. Oh, you must. A final command. Oh. Oh. A man. A former boy. Hurrah. A one day to be O-A-P.
Starting point is 00:54:41 Rolex. Rolex. Rolex is what he's got. He. Rolex! Rolex! Rolex is what he's got. He's Rolex! He's Rolex a full of life. He's become... No! And he feels...
Starting point is 00:54:55 He feels fluggins for every member of the township. No! A steamy fluggin' fry, please! Three for my house Three for your household two for the shed and one Both alike in dignity both alike in dignity Me tell you been hold hold your boo Some of you can't hold your booze. It's my end up with your own jizz. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You can drive my car! A flagand, a flagand of cheers in his hand,
Starting point is 00:55:47 handing it out to round the town, around the township. Yes, poob, poob, the unmistakable sound of his bright red Chevy. Brum, brum, brum. Brum, brum, it says, as he hands hands your flag and of cheers and says my name is Joel Levy Cheers drinking You're having a stroke Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, She's drinkers AGM or as it's known in podcast land! The Patreon neighborhood watch!
Starting point is 00:56:49 Roll call! Cheers! I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to free to pat and not vote. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th.

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