Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Tom's Train Tales) S14E31

Episode Date: August 26, 2024

Tom, Ben and Matthew slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. Tom's getting out of London, and so are the youths of today - will he be inspired to start documenting their lives?Come and see Flatshare Slamdown liveCheerful Earful - 20th October - https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-live-show-20th-oct-ticketsPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/live Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share House Meeting. Yes, yes, yes. House Meeting, for those of you that do not realise it, is our podcast. And you're listening to it. So it's kind of weird that you don't know that. For those of you that don't realise it, it's a podcast. It's Pappy's podcast. It is. The one where we get together, we have a chat, there are no guests, but I like to think of the listener dear as a guest sitting in. And you know what? Feel free to chip in at any point while you're listening to this.

Oh yeah, and there's enough pauses in it to jump in actually. I've left you a bit of room for that. Harry was working on a, you were on a slight delay between your brain and your mouth. But that's okay. There's room in between pretty much every word. It's about the journey, not the destination. That's what I tell the people on the train that I talk to, but we'll get to that.

We'll get to that in a second. If you enjoy this podcast, of course you should do, you should do. And if you've been listening for a while or even if you're new to it and you want to just throw us a bit of money to keep it free on the main feed, then please, please join our Patreon. We'd love to have you over at the Patreon. And yeah, of course, it helps us keep the lights on over here. But also, it gives you a bonus episode every single week of our other podcast, Pappy's Flat Share Pop Round, which is a tremendous amount of fun. Really enjoy doing that. You also get bonus beefs from Beef Brothers with our guests. You get the jinglers, the single,

you get all kinds of other kind of audio goodies. It's a real treat. We'd love to see you over there. patreon.com forward slash Pappies Flat Share. Yeah, absolutely. I kind of forget, but what we put on the main feed these days is literally half of our output. There's a whole other half just waiting for you cross the other side and that makes it sound like you have to die to get there you don't you just have to give four pounds a month which you're right you don't need it to cross the river sticks you only need to pay the ferryman none of that kind of caper while you have to pay yeah yeah not the ferryman but you have to pay the patreon man patreon man yeah but actually you don't really need to pay

because for seven days, you can get a free trial. Have a listen, see if you like it. And if you do, stick around, we'd love to have you. Yeah, and if you don't, a lot like the film Coco, you could cross back over the river to the world of the living. Anyway, I'm confusing myself now. Should we get on with the house meeting?

Let's hear it. Why not? Here it is. Let's sit down and chew the fat. House meeting. Meeting. What temperature should we set the heater? House meeting. Meeting. Why on earth am I always waiting? House meeting. Meeting. Who wet my bed while I was sleeping?

Let's have a house meeting. Meeting. What's the point? Does life have a meaning? House meeting. I had a train journey from London this afternoon. Oh yeah. So it was Paddington to Exeter St David's and it's a train that gets progressively, like in terms of the clientele on the train, it's a very white train, put it that way.

Like it's like, you know, you start and the more you get, once you get past Castle Carey, you know, it's a, more you get, once you get past Castle Carey, you know, it's a very white experience. But today it was quite a lively train because it was the Reading Festival. So up till Reading, it was full of the youth of today, high on GCSEs and nitrous oxide going to the festival. And it was like, there was a different energy on that train. Your kind of people basically.

The amount of times I had to stop myself from being like, so you're looking forward to seeing me? I thought you can't be that guy. I am that guy, but I couldn't be that guy. So I sat on it and then off at Reading everyone embarked and then we were on for about another hour, hour and a half. And then these three kids came and sat next to me. I say kids, they must have been, I don't know, 19, 20. And we are talking, we're talking inner city

London youth, that kind of guys. And they were losing their mind because they were going, fucking hell, cows, man. Look at them. It was so funny. And it was very funny. And they were being really loud. And some passengers were shooting them funny and they were being really loud and some passengers were shooting them looks and they were like oh my god they're looking at us because we're black man and they're like they're like being very funny about it all and I was really chuckling and literally like they were losing their mind about like sheep and cows and stuff like that and and they kept saying it's fucking balamori man. I was like, this is so good. And I'm currently reading a book called Song of the Spider-Man, which is this incredible

book about how the Spider-Man musical went to hell. Turn of the dark, yes. Oh my God. It's such a good read. It's by the guy who wrote, he was the book writer next to Judy Taymor. And it's incredible. But the guy looked over at me and went, man's a reader, yeah. Which I loved. Right. And then he nudged his mate and went, look what that book's about. Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Is that the song of

the Spider-Man you're reading about? And I was like, these guys are fucking funny, man. man you're reading about. These guys are fucking funny man. And like the main guy had like a slightly tattooed neck and he was clearly like a bit of the ringleader of this gang of pals but they were so, their repotter was fucking flying. They were so funny. And so I chatted to them a little bit and then I kind of, they left me to it. And then, and then they were losing their mind about how they were going like, this is going to be like get out man. We've been tricked. We're miles away from civilization. What's going on? And I was like, I have, I've got to ask you fellas what, what's happening here? Like where are you going? And why are you going there? Because it feels like you don't

know. And they were like, Oh man, man. They were in like this real kind of state. And then they said, look, we've been booked to do this job. We thought we were just gonna turn up, do this gig and then be home by tonight. But we've just got on the train and found out it's for four nights and it's a festival. And I was like, what do you do? And they nodded up like that. And for the first time I saw on the luggage rack above them

and I'd missed this when they sat down were just three pairs of roller skates, right? They were roller skaters. Right, they were roller skaters and they were doing this family festival at Powderham Castle, which is down the road, which is Bear Grylls' family festival, which is like Bear Grylls' motivational speakers and then like the whitest like, you know, like, I mean, don't get me wrong, James, Ocean Colorsheen, Ash. It's like, it's called Dev and Goes Wild. Ocean Colorsheen is my favourite.

Ocean Colorsheen. Ocean Colorsheen. Ocean Colorsheen tribute band, isn't it? He's so good at impressions. It's like watching the real thing. These kids are just, and they said, we've just, we've packed nothing in. The guy was wearing a tracksuit with Crocs. And he was like, this is me. I've got nothing else. They just had like their day

bags, their roller skates and they're going to this festival for four days. And I was like, I want, I want to write this. Like it felt like, it felt like some kind of like Goonies style adventure of these like, it's like inner city roller skate. It was fucking incredible. And at one point he was like, the only time I've ever been out of London is to go to Birmingham. And the other guy was like, I've only ever been to Manchester and that was once. So it's like, this is the first time ever, like anywhere near the Southwest of England.

And it's like, I wanted to be like, you know when you listen to a band and you're like, I'm gonna follow that band on tour. I was like, I was very close to texting Jane a bit like, listen, I've gotta go and cover this road of skatery for three days or four days at a festival. Cause here's the story's here. This is the story, man. I'm gonna follow these guys.

Tom's did his own version of Almost Famous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I felt. I was like, fucking hell, I want to see these guys skate. I want to see how they go down at Bear with Bear Grylls at Powderham Castle. This is going to be great. It was a hell of a thing. I mean, of course they'd never seen cows because the role of skaters arch nemesis is the cattle grid. Well, I was going to say, did they know it's all it's all going to be in the field

and they're going to have to deal with grass? Yeah. What's the set up there, man? You can't see it's true that you don't skate in the wild, really, do you? No, no. There's no sort of like kind of cross country is there when it comes to roller skating? Did you get the name of their outfit? No, so this is this is it now I'm gonna I mean I might have to kind of

I've either got to go down to the festival overnight and see what's going on or I've got to kind of you know I'll stay on instagram and see what the situation is But I've got I've got a feeling part of what their their main job will be marshaling the I think there's going to be some kind of skate rink or something, but they said they were going to have to be marshals. But these guys, they know they're proper skaters, man. And I thought, wow, it was just, it was just a very, it was just very, all of it was very exciting. I was very excited by the idea of, and like, I kind of like the idea of them now as this kind of, yeah, like this Goonies-esque kind of, it's the start of some kind of quest. Do we get the feeling Tom, that if the young people off to the Reading Festival has talked to you for 30 seconds, you'd be with them right now?

Is it just anybody who seems to have got any kind of life going on? I'm like, I will follow you to watch Blink 182 now. I don't you worry about that. And then there was this guy with a bike who was going to Plymouth. There's a story there that where, tell me your tale. There was this guy like driving this train and I was just, it was so fascinating. I was like, I've got to go man. And I was just, it was fascinating. I was like, I've got to go, man. Listen, the next place you're tearing tickets, I'm going to be there, mate. I'm going to be there front and center.

Cause this is what life's about, man. That frisson, that frisson of excitement in the train stations when the, when there's a festival of boot and you have to, you go to try and work out what's the festival or very excited for you. Oh, very good. I'm coming with you. So my, in fact, so here's a question for you. Cause my nephew is off to, well, no, sorry.

My cousin, my, my cousin's son, kind of like I think of him as a nephew. He's off to his first ever festival. Oh yeah. I'm just trying to his first ever festival. Oh yeah. Uh, I'm just trying to think. Cause he just done his uh, 1918, 19. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Leeds our first ever festival. Clarky. Well, if you're rolling out property, Tom, and how dare you for doing that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. You can never rule out property, Tom. And how dare you for doing that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Sorry. You can never roll out property. First we had a we got a plastic jar of cider, didn't we? Yeah. Yeah. Took it back to the tent. I just sat in the tent drinking it and then went to sleep.

What a story. What a story. Talked about how we start the podcast with that. Talked about how maybe let's go out and talk to some girls after drinking this cider and then no, just stayed in the tent. No, no. Because we were definitely the youngest people there as it was. So do you reckon we could chat up some 45 year olds? Yeah, do you reckon we could meet Sandy Denny? Is that a possibility?

I bet we could. I bet. Well, no. I'd like to go back to Cropperley actually. Of course you would, you're the right age for that. I was just about to say mate. Finally you fit in right age sorry let me Where you at? Anyone? Where you at? I'm on my way. Where you going? Guys, guys, please do get in touch. Papisflaksher at gmail.com. What's going on guys?

What's going on? Where you at? Yeah, where you going? Get in touch with Parry. He needs excitement in his life. He wants to do something. So, so yeah, so, but, but, um, on the family WhatsApp, uh, my cousin said, look, he's on his way. He's off to the festival. What's anyone is any festival goers in the family? What's your tips for the boy? Oh, great. Yeah. Well, it's gotta be, get some cider. Once you finish this cider, go to sleep.

Get outside the tent for God's sake. Straight to sleep. So yeah, what bullet points would you put on the family WhatsApp festival wise? Three maybe. Wet wipes. Yeah. Wait, he's on his way there though, isn't he? That's that changes a lot of it. He's on his way.

Come back. I think. Get some wet wipes. Firstly, come back and find a boot. Get the hell out of there, man. Get some dry shampoo, some antihistamines and some wet wipes and then go back home and use those in the privacy of your own home. Yeah. Have a lovely sleep in your bed.

What can you put on the family WhatsApp? Because like I think the advice would be Have a lovely sleep in your bed. What can you put on the family WhatsApp? Because like, I think the advice would be if there's a tent selling legal highs, just don't bother. Don't bother. They're legal for a reason. They're rubs. It's, you know, you did. They're vi vibe rubs. You're going to end up just puking. It's not great. It's not that. So don't don't do that.

Oh, yeah, I'll say another thing. When you're when you're using the the toilets. I would say drop, drop your trousers to the ground and then check the toilet and then sit down. Don't be sitting down and dropping your trousers at the same time. Stuff falls out your pockets. Oh, yeah. Okay. That's good. Yeah. Certainly do not be sitting on the toilet, looking at your phone. If you've had a couple of drinks and it drops between your legs and straight into the drop toilet, bad news. Really bad news. Yeah, that's good actually.

Dropping your trousers first though, normally it's not pleasant what you're dropping on what's on the ground isn't great, is it? Oh, yeah, okay. Maybe not all the way to the ground, but I would say drop your trousers down to shin height. Yeah, that's it. You've got to spread your legs slightly so you can keep the shut-down for the family WhatsApp. Clarky would talk to you. Spread your legs slightly, take your trousers to your shin. Imagine typing this up for the

family WhatsApp. I'd say it's easy just to send a photo. Look at my instructional video. I said put something on top of your tent so you know it's yours at the end of the night. I've never really, I don't think I've ever done that. It did sound like good. It does sound good. Tom, your classic tip that you always used to forget to do, and sorry to take it straight back to the toilet,

was to put your wristband on your left wrist so it's not on your wiping arm with a hanging cord. It's a pretty solid advice. Don't get your wristband on your wiping arm. Damn it, that's the best advice, I didn't give it. Do they know? Poor Danny. You were shouting that on the train though weren't you? Yeah, that was my advice. Don't talk to any middle aged men on the train.

They'll weird you out. They'll harsh your buzz. So there's like two headline stages these days isn't there? How cool is that? I mean, how do you use Jews? Guys? Guys? Or the kids like traipsing off to the quiet carriage to try and get away from you. Yeah. But yeah, I thought that, yeah, that's it. That is the good one. Don't wristband your wiping arm. Classic. Yeah. I'll try that as a t-shirt slogan one day. For my train journeys. Yeah, I was going to say not for the, not for the festival, just for the train journey around the festival. You've just been getting the train from Reading to London back to Reading

back to London. That's my new buzz. Yeah. Just soaking up the vibes. You know what? I think would be a good job for you, Pat. Oh, yeah. Go on. Driving the coach. Yes. Do you not think that would be great? Do you not think you could be the guy who drives the coach? I mean, it's a while since I got the old coach to the festival. I mean, not that long ago. 2017 was the last time I got the coach to the festival. But, know, it's, it's, it's a fun, you know, there's, there's a fun vibe on that coach because everybody on the coach is going to the festival and you as the driver, you know, what you want

is for them to get off and go, do you know what? That driver was great. He was great. He was playing, he was playing all the tunes, right? He was playing all the tunes of the bands we're about to see. He was chipping in with some, he knew some of them. He was chipping in, which was a bit disconcerting as he was walking at the aisle while the bus was still going. Where you going guys? Come on. Whip around to the driver.

Yeah. Well, in fact, not just coach drive to drive into a festival coach driver, because like when you're not doing the festivals, you're doing school trips. Exciting days. Yeah. Yeah. Exciting to be at the start of, you know, you get to participate in quite exciting times. Wedding receptions back and forth, what else to coach drivers do. I don't want to be like the, you know, long distance. It's a big wedding if it's the thing hitting a coach. That's more a minibus, isn't it? Yeah. Who's wedding? Whose wedding? You think you do, you know, like...

I've done a couple of coaches to weddings. There you go. Have you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was on my own with the coach. Parry, can you move that thing? You're blocking the entrance to the church. Will there be parking when I get there? Hear me out. Let me tell you what feel if I'm driving first.

How do they make bread with no wheat in? You'd like to be a coach driver. I think it'd be a good job for you because you know, you've got the patter, you're very safe behind the wheel. I think it'd be good. I think it's a good job for you, man. I think I'm not far off. Well, I am. I think I'm at, I've cultivated the coach driver look as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think I'm going to slip right in.

Yeah, into a parking into a parking bay. Whereabouts were you on the coach? When you were a kid? We, I mean, I know everyone wants to be the back seat, but were you a back seat? Sorry, that question took so long to come out. Clark and I both looked at each other like, where were you on the coach? It's like, people will be thinking, am I playing this at half speed this podcast?

That was the slowest question I've ever heard in my life. I genuinely didn't know, like, does Parry think we're recording this on a coach? No, I asked the question, where were you on the coach? And then realized that wasn't enough information for you to answer the question. So I was like, Oh yeah, sorry. I have to qualify that. Cause in my head it made sense, but you know, it just needed more information. I'm going to blow your mind. It was a different seat every time. So I don't think I can walk through every time I've been on a coach. I didn't have a particular why. What was your, were you, were you sat behind the driver? Chadway. Yeah.

Chadway. How'd you get to this racket mate? What was your, were you sat behind the driver? Channels, yeah. Channels, how'd you get to this racket, mate? Front of the back was me. Front of the back. Front of the back, yeah, so. Where the second door is. Basically by the bogs, but then you never really used the bog.

Normally on the school trips, you're not allowed in the toilets, really, because you only go in a few hours or whatever. It's only very occasionally. So it wasn't like a problem to be by the box. So that seat that's like by the box. So you've got like you're kind of you get all the funds going on and you kind of get to look and be a part of the back.

But you're not like you're not one of the you're not in the engine room. You're not a naughty lad. You're not a naughty lad. Who has to sit there I've got I've got two bits of bad news for you firstly you're not allowed to use the toilets because Paris is sitting here secondly you're shoveling coal? Yeah, it's a steam coach. We forget how old Parry is, don't we? Don't we? We forget.

His coach was being driven by eyes of Buckingham Brunel. We forget that. The first coach. The first ever coach. I actually think the engine is at the back of the coach, isn't it? I think you're probably right. I think you might be right. I think of the coach isn't it? I think you're probably

right. I think you might be right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it is. Isn't it? But you're talking about the, you're talking about like the nerve center of the coach being exactly the coach. Exactly. You can, you can straddle between, you know, if you straddle the oil, but you won't be very popular. You can straddle the door in front of the toilets to say, listen, it's only a few hours. You can straddle the door in front of the toilets to say, listen, it's only a few hours. Non shall pass.

Non shall piss. Riddle me piss. I have a certain few words. This is by the way, if you ask it the questions, they'll have pissed themselves by the time you get the question. Where are you? Where are you? In a forest? No, let me finish. One of us can tell the truth. The engine room.

Do you know what I mean? Like, where would you put yourself in general? Obviously not the same seat every time. That for me was, that was my favorite kind of place. It made me feel like I was part of the rebellion, but I'm not fucking Luke Skywalker. Do you know what I mean? I'm not like the heart of the rebellion. Yeah. I remember one trip to, I remember one trip to school, trip to Greece and we were the

coach trip for that. They sat me and my friend Simon, we were allowed to set up the front and talk into the microphone. No. And now I think about it, that must have been hell on earth for everybody else on the coach. They must have absolutely hated it, but we were just constantly, we were interviewing each other. No. Oh my god, you've got to be kidding me. We were doing old skits from Beyond Our Ken and that

kind of stuff. Old BBC World Service things. The Goons. It was bad news, man. It was really. Oh my god. Yeah. Who let you do that? It was one of the one of the teachers. One of the teachers was just like, yeah. Big fan. He just thought we were great. I think it was probably, listen, he's either going to talk to me the entire time or he can talk to everybody. So if I'm going down, I'll take this whole coach with me. That was Mr. Evans' policy, I think. That was that. But yeah, that's only just come back to me that we were allowed to talk into the microphone.

But then that's why you need a good coach driver. Someone who's good, you know, you're good on the mic, Parry. That's why you need a good coach. So, well, if you're at the front on the mic, I'm at the start of the back. So I'm kind of holding down the middle. Yeah. Clarky, we kind of need you to make a play for the backseat. Stop him attacking me, yeah. Mate, there's no way I'm getting on this fucking coach. He didn't return his form.

No, three of the pupils forgot to. He signed this mum. And they'll be staying behind. Gosh yeah, permission forms eh? Anyone remember them? I'm working up my next observational hour. I'm working up my next observational hour. I'm about to permission slip, say. You're going to do a gig on a coach, aren't you?

This is not a bad, you know what? It's not a bad idea that you actually, you're the coach driver, you're the funny coach driver. You do routines about what it was like, nostalgic routines about going on a coach whilst crucially ferrying people to their destinations. It's good actually, yeah. The Reading Festival.

Well, I always had that idea that we do a show in Edinburgh on the back of an articulated lorry. I remember that. So we start on the first day of the festival, we wait to Edinburgh and then eight hours later we get off in London and that's the end of this festival. You're on the mic the whole way. Absolutely, you're driving. I've swan dived off the back.

That was very much, it was very popular in the sort of music video world in the 80s and 90s, wasn't it? That's probably, you saw that a lot in a rock video where you get a bunch of guys all wearing, you know, wearing like denim jackets, like bashing away on the drums. Just throw some throw some flares on the ground in front of you, be lit by them. You're on a fucking airstrip or something. On the back of an articulated lorry. Yeah. The idea that we're just, you know, we are road dogs. That's what we do.

We're on the road constantly. Let's just do the gig right here. Exactly. Exactly right. The road's our stage. I'd love it. Yeah, I'd like that. I mean, I hate it. No, it would be awful.

The principle of it, I really enjoy. But yeah, the actuality of it, no thanks. No thanks at all. Yeah. Roller skaters going round, lapping the lorry for us. My guys. Pointing at the cows. Skating is definitely a skill that I would, you know, I'd love to have. Yep.

I still think I could obtain. Yeah. But sadly it's too late for me to achieve it with any dignity. Yeah. Yeah, cause it's the going through the phase when you can't do it at all. That's the tricky bit, isn't it?

Yeah, it's kind of cool if it's like, oh, and you can do that. That's amazing, but yeah, starting out. And it's gonna hurt a lot more now. But you live near to a big park, right? Yeah. Does that have a does that have a like a half pipe or something in it? Yeah, it's got a little it's got a scape. You know, under cover of deep, deep darkness.

Yeah. Because you not go at the sort of, you know, the 3am slot when basically everybody's probably gone home and you could, you could train yourself waking up for just an hour a night, half an hour a night to get out there. The new tricks hour, because I'm already, I'm already trying to, I'm, I'm entertaining the idea of doing that with, there's a basketball court out there basically. Right. And I want to get my basketball skills honed again. I don't have time to go back to those. Yes, but again, I said it. Yeah, I caught that. Again. Clarky, are you, you're querying again? Yeah, I mean, you know, I know he was visually querying

it for the for the listener at home. Well, he was also saying the word again with a big question mark at the end of it. So I think people got that. But yeah, you, I mean, you know, I, I, I know that you, you know, you had, you had the hoop out, out, out front of your house you were growing up in. Was it? That's enough. Thank you. Apology accepted.

That's enough. Thank you. Apology accepted. I had the hoop out front in the place I was growing up in. Damn right. I want to get back to that. Right. Get back to that. Well, I imagine Tom, you can get back to that in a matter of minutes. I mean, what a great, actually perfect, I can get back to a lot of things to the level I was at in no time at all. Let's not forget he's in Exeter right now. So to get back to the house he grew up in, it's going to take at least a coach ride. He's got to get back to the coach. Yeah, exactly. So you want to do that.

But you know what? This is the new you, right? Okay. Every night you set yourself one of those vibrating watch alarms. So it doesn't wake up the rest of the house. Or those vibrating watch alarms. You wake up. Like Mark Wahlberg does. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly right. You wake up, you pray for two hours.

Please make me better at basketball. That's a good start. Then I go back to sleep. See if I improve at the end of the year. I guess you just didn't pray hard enough. Yeah, that's it. You go out like Monday nights. You're shooting hoops.

Tuesday nights, you're on the old half pipe. Wednesday nights, you're laying down the cardboard, you're break dancing. All of the skills that you've just let, let's call it like a festival, you've let it lie fallow. Like that. I like fallow. You've let the fields lie fallow. It's all grown back. But now what you've got to do is get out there and plow those fields. I don't think they

plow fields before, Professor, actually. I think about it. My plowing skills have really dropped away. There's lots of plowing going onow those fields. I don't think I've plowed a field before. My playing skills have really dropped away. There's lots of plowing going on in the field. I want to get back to how I used to play. Yeah, that's it. Thursdays you're attempting to get out and jump. Yeah. But yeah, what do you think about that? I love it. I mean, I'm more of a life school. Yeah, I mean, what I could do with is just, just doing exercise basically might be the best way to do it.

That might be actually now, if we are going to be doing this, you're getting up for an hour to do something. If it is an exercise, then I'm going to have to be answering some questions from my wife because that's the big kind of push really. All those things are exercise. Yeah, I reckon they're active enough. You clearly haven't seen me shoot hoops. I do it sat down. You do it from an armchair, don't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I say get the armchair to the park is exercise enough, isn't it? Armchair and a catapult. It takes a hacksaw to the pipes, you can lower the hoop to to it's down on the ground and he just rolls it on the ground. There was going to be a skill to kind of resume that you've left go fallow. Yeah. What's on your list? Because the one for me that leaps into my head is the spinner.

Yo, yo. Can I have one of those for an hour? One of the days of the week. Do you know what? This is, you know, because we're all trying to spend a bit less time on our phones. This is what you do.

Every time you feel yourself reaching for your phone, like to grab it out of your back pocket and just to sort of play around with it. And by the way, if you're on a drop toilet, don't do that. Not unless you load your trousers first. Unless you load your trousers too. What we call a respectful half-mast. Legs apart. Of course, shins forward.

Legal highs, firmly ensconced in your back pocket. Illegal highs, up your nostril. pocket. Absolutely right. Illegal highs up your nostril. Pants on top of your tent. You know the drill. Enjoy the festival responsibly. Cider in your tent. And you're kicked out of another WhatsApp group. But yeah, carry around a spinny. Now just carry around one of those so that when you've, when you feel that impulse to go and reach for your phone, just to aimlessly check social media or whatever, just go, no, I'm going to grab the spinny, spin a little bit. Love it.

Um, but better still, yes. Attach a string to your phone. So when you go to use your phone, yo, yo. It crashes to the ground onto the pavement. Spin it down, bring it back up, check for reply, put it away. Round the world, back in the pocket. Cat's cradle. Could you do any of those? Because that was always the, the cat's cradle was the one that everyone wanted to do.

Which was that, you know, like making it into a little sort of triangle that you swung, you swung inside the triangle like a little pendulum. But could you do any of those, could you do any of those moves or you're just very good at the old, the old up and down? I think I had them all. Did you? Really? You could walk the dog.

He looks nervous now. He looks very nervous. I think I could, yeah. I love it. And I think I could get back there, you know, that's the thing. Yeah. I wonder if you could buy them. You get them in little bags,

you get them in those little bags, yeah. I think, because I'm sure we talked about it before, but I think it's one of those skills that I would be, yeah, get the old Sprite professional out. I've got nothing when it comes to yo-yo. Doesn't come back up for me. What skill? I can only yo. Like your trousers at a festival. A respectful half mask. Straight into the shins. Can't believe the shins are headlining. What is it, a pitchfork festival from 2007? Yes please. Clarky's lost so many yo-yos to drop toilets, you would not believe.

Honestly. Yeah, thankfully, actually, it's the one time you don't want them to come back. Stop walking the dog in the portal, mate. So, yeah, what's your skill that you'd resume that isn't playing the mandolin? Why can that isn't playing the mandolin? I was gonna say the violin. Okay, one of the lots of the well you need to go to the park in the middle of The night and play the violin. That's kind of eerie Yeah, you know what? It'd be nice though, wouldn't it? If you if he was next you, if he's there,

you know, the fiddler, the fiddler of Sydenham Park, the fiddler, please stay away from him. He says he's walking the dog but that's not true. You can hear the twangs. Oh the twangs are a headline aren't they? Oh what a line up eh? What a line up, the shins and the twang. Oh my god. Enjoy guys, you're going to have a great time anyway. Room for a little wonder?

How many births is your tent? Okay. room for a little one? How many births is your ten? Um, okay. Yeah. Have you still got your violin? I do. Yeah. Don't mind. He said with such sadness. I know last time I took it out to have a go, I was like, Oh my goodness, like it has properly gone. It wasn't in the case. It wasn't in the case. No, one of the worst compliments you can pay anybody.

Wow. It's a really sort of cultural way of saying you look like absolute fucking shit, mate. Yeah, he's a real like swampy to you. He walked in, he had the touch of the Knight of Kennedy about him. He'd been walking in Sydenham Park late at night. So yeah, I think on your more unkempt days, you know, there's, you know, a slightly kind of hairy midlander chomping at the violin. I don't think you need to pursue this, to be honest. Yeah, it's all right.

You can leave it where it was. I'm not touching the violin now, I'll tell you that much. And on your more Kemp's days, you have a touch of the Spandau Ballet. Very nice, yes, yes, yes. Are they on? Yeah, they're on, of course they're on. They'll be there. They'll be there.

Okay, I don't mind that, Clarky, the Midnight, I was going to say the Midnight Flautist, but that's not the violin, is it, famously? It's a better title. I'll be flouting my violin skill. It's a better title. It's a good cover, though, isn't it? It's a good cover. If someone says, what are you doing in the park?

Are you learning the violin? You go, no, I'm the Midnight Flutist. I'm learning the flute. Yeah. So yeah, no one's going to know. I feel like also the flute is a better nighttime instrument, but don't come after me about that. No, I think you're right there.

I think it's a bit more soothing. The problem is with the violin, unless it's really good, it's really bad. It's one of those instruments. And what are you going at with the violin? What are you listening to where you go, oh, get my violin out and do this yeah that's it a bit of a leveler's the leveler's if we're talking about festivals it's going to be

the levelers isn't it oh i could see you you know what can i say clarky you've got a touch of uh the levelers roadie about you i don't think you're quite well kept enough to be a member of the actual level but I would say the guy who roadies the level as coach driver there's a touch of the level as van driver to you yeah designated van driver for the level you've definitely got that You've definitely got that classic. Driving a big. We've all cultivated our looks haven't we? Purple minivan.

Great. Yeah. And Crospo, what's your night time skill? To be honest, I wouldn't mind practicing that a bit more often if that's possible. I'm trying. I'm sure we need guys to help you there. You've got to get your legs apart, your trousers around your ankles, right around your knees, and keep it so.

A respectful half-mast. And then walk the dog. Okay, okay. Yeah, the problem is I've got a similar situation to Clarky in that I'd love to take up the drums again because I really enjoy playing them, but it's not an instrument that you can quietly practice. I've got to basically start hiring a little rehearsal space. That's what I've got to do. Isn't there some kind of silent lecky drum things that can happen now?

There are actually, yeah. Where you just have the sticks. Yeah, and the drum kit. Isn't there some kind of silent lecky drum things that can happen now? There are actually, yeah. Well, like you just have the sticks. Yeah, and the drum kit. That kind of thing. Yeah. No, isn't there like the electric drum sticks? There are, but I don't think they're much cop, you're not really learning how to.

No, they're more like a toy. Oh yeah, Fisher and rice, right? Exactly. The other thing you can get is practice pads that you just sort of set out on your kitchen table. I wear pads at night as well, but it's for a different thing. That's your other night-time skill you're trying to cultivate, isn't it? A dry night. Continence. There's a reason I go to the park. Just so I can piss all over it. Okay so there's something here then so at night when you're walking in the park

you might find in the middle of us... no no hang on in the middle of the park Clarky's got his violin you're drummingming to him. You just kick slower and slower. And I'm like doughnutting in a coach around you. He's taking the coach to the halfpipe. Why don't you? I'm taking the fucking coach to the halfpipe. Why don't you get an articulated lorry and then I can be playing the drums. In the back of it. And you can be playing the drums in the back

of it, in the violin, and you could drive us up and down the M3. There we go. At night. That's a lot. What a bleak scene. Not for us. Throughout this whole thing, was there anything that didn't closely resemble a bleak scene? Everything we've talked about has been absolutely bleak filming.

If anybody has spotted any non bleak details in today's episode, please do get in touch. I personally feel very inspired by the whole affair. I feel genuinely really upbeat about all this. I'm like, this is all great, actually. It turns out there are second acts in life. I mean for you I think it's a lot easier to get back into your skill, you know. Just get yourself a yo-yo and just carry it with you. And I tell you what, when you're dropping your daughter off at nursery, do you not think

it's going to be quite cool to be like, have a great day and then you stroll off whistling and yo-yoing? People are going to be like, who's that carefree dad? But if there's one thing that makes the sight of a middle-aged man on a train talking to teenagers going off to a festival, it'd be that once they get off the train, I just suddenly break out my yo-yo. Good Lord. Don't break it out after they've got off the train.

Say, listen, here's one for you. Watch this, around the world. Don't mind that. Yeah. I think, you know, you could be like a sort of children's entertainer, but for teenagers on the way to the festival, you can be there, you know, you could be in the engine room of the train giving, giving, giving festival vibes, right? You know, Crossbees on the mic. Yeah, I'm on the mic, guys, Captain Vibes is going to be coming up and down the train with this famous yo-yo. Oh yeah? Can AJ Tracey do this?

Oh yeah! Just to qualify, are you asking can AJ Tracey talk in a Scottish accent? Is that what you're asking? Another skill I'm going to try and get back to. I get there if it kills me. Imagine if that was the end of the episode. I thought it was. I think it is, yeah.

There we go. There we go. There we go. Bish bash bosh. Lovely episode. Time passed. Enjoyed that a lot. Lovely episode.

Time passed. Enjoyed that a lot. Lovely episode from three lovely lads. And I'd like to think there are a few people going to a festival and listening to that as they're on their way. Yeah. When does this go out? Because Clarky and I are at the end of the road festival representing puppies. Oh yeah. You've got to tell people about that, haven't you? Yeah. On the 1st of September. Yes, well, it goes out before then. Great. Well, there you go.

If you're going to the End of the Road Festival, two thirds of Pappies will be comparing the comedy stage on Sunday morning on September the 1st. So it's a great festival. We always have a lovely time. Get on board and come down and help us through our inevitable hangover. Yeah, absolutely. What you like to do, what the guys like to do is like to get to the festival that's going incredibly hard and then have almost no voice by the time they get to the stage.

Yeah. Will be legal hides to the nines. But plenty of tails. Tails of the festival. Tails of plenty, yeah. Yeah. No, we But plenty of tails. Tails are the festival. Tails are plenty, yeah. Yeah, I thought, no, we love grown tails. It's a side effect of the legal highs. Read the small print. Okay, well, AOB or should we just plough on? I think just patreon.com forward to last Plappy's Flat Share. And if you'd like to send us a beef, we still need some beefs for our next episode of Beef

Brothers. It's beefbrotherspodcastatgmail.com. Lovely stuff. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Corsham team. At GMAIL.com. And we'll see you next time.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Byegmail.com. Lovely stuff. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers everyone. Bye.