Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Tripping) S14E09

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

Tom, Ben and Matthew slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. When it comes to sleep, the whole game has changed, but will they still be having their morning toffee before the tripping begins?Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Greetings listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Papi's Flat Share House Meeting. House Meeting. It was very exciting for me this one because my neighbor is cleaning his garden episode of Pappy's Flat Share house meeting. House meeting? It was very exciting for me this one because my neighbour is cleaning his garden with a pressure hose

and halfway through the record he started cleaning my shed and my shed is not waterproof so water started pissing into my shed. What the hell is going on? For about five minutes of the record I was taking on water. It's very nice of him to do it but... It's also not very nice of him to do it. Well he clearly thinks it's a dirty shed. I was going to say it's not a dirty shed but there was water coming in. I was very close to having to go and tell him to please stop pressure hosing me.

So that's the kind of pressure I can broadcast under. Yeah, the pressure of a jet cleaner. Well, amazing. And you look, I mean, you look fresher than you did when you started this. I feel five years younger. Well, he does meet me at the end. I go next door, I go in some trunks and he just does it. We have a kind of an agreement. I make him a cup of tea, pressure hoses me off in the alley. He gets all those little bits of chewing gum that are stuck all over your body.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like a new man. I'm actually 65, but because of the pressure hosing. You've been tenderized. Tenderized into a much younger man. Yes. I think there's certain parts of the body I would really like a pressure hose on. Other

bits I really wouldn't. Hang on, hang on. This is our intro to a house meeting. We can't start another house meeting here. Sorry. In the house meeting we do discuss... We're just in the flow. We're just in the flow of the conversation. Yeah, we are. We're going again. I tell you what, this is another episode. We're doing next week's episode now.

Yeah. Right. Which parts of your body would you like to feel a pressure hose on? I think belly would be fun. I think nips would be a nightmare. Anyway, do get in touch guys. Pappy'sflashair at gmail.com. Do let us know which parts of your body you would like to have a jet hose applied and it can be arranged.

Welcome round your house. It's a new tier on the Patreon. Guys, we are back on tour. Unfortunately, it's touring people, individual listeners houses and jet washing their bodies. Yeah, so if you if you enjoy this show and you'd like to join our Patreon, where you get a bonus episode every single week for just four a month. I know it amazing. Plus, you also get bonus beefs with our with our wonderful guests and it's a lovely community.

We would love you to be a part of it. Join today patreon.com forward slash papi's flat share. Absolutely right. Something like four quid a month, which you know, feels like an absolute bargain, actually, if you're asking me. Where did you get these something like four quid a month, which, you know, feels like an absolute bargain, actually, if you're asking me. Where did you get something like four quid a month, Tom? Was it from me saying four pound a month? Yeah, it was something like that, wasn't it? It was something like that. Something like that.

Some real clever subliminal stuff going on from Matthew there. It was. Subliminal message, yeah. So do, unfortunately, I wish that the subliminal message went to the listeners, not to Tom. Because Tom, I've just seen Tom has just literally, I've got an email, he's registered for the Patreon. So. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've offered something like four quid.

So. Uh, what? As I had once. It's two quid. It's two quid. It's two quid. Two quid is something like four quid. Any who? Any other admin aside?

I don't think we've got anything to admin now. Latitude Festival is our next live appearance. You can see us there. If you're going to be at the Latitude Festival in Hennan Park in Suffolk in July, in late July, then come along to the listening post. That's where we're going to be, the listening post. And we're going to be doing our podcast on one of the days.

We still don't know the day all the time but it's either the Friday or the Saturday afternoon slash evening. I know I will say this about Latchi, this is what I've discovered in the last week. It's one of those years where everyone goes it's a good lineup this year. Yeah. Good lineup this year, good lineup at Latchi this year. So that's that's the word on the street. Yeah. I've always enjoyed the Latchi lineups but this year is the kind of year where people go, oh, good line up this year. Absolutely right. Yeah.

Pappi's on at some point. David Duchovny's performing. And there are other festivals where people are going, hmm, not sure about that lineup. So we might be at the festival of the summer. We might be at the big one. Yeah. Yeah. Very, very good bands playing fantastic comedians and some wonderful podcasts as well. So come along and we'll see you there. But I'm also fun times to be had. Anyway, let's have some, you know what? Let's stop talking about fun

times. Let's have some real fun times. Exactly right. How do they make bread with no wheat in Hashtag eating! So I wanted to ask you guys Do you think you have a sleep style? And does it ever change? Because I realize I've just changed my sleep style Whoa! Sort of happened quite unwittingly It's just happened It feels to me like it has to happen unwittingly

It has to happen unwittingly I don't think you can try I mean I guess if you're trying something like, I'm gonna wear a lavender scented eye mask, that would be a bit of it. You know, that's quite, that rarely happens. It feels like it's gonna sting.

That rarely happens passively. But obviously the famous one that I'm sure, I'm sure we've talked about before, is trying to sleep like Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future. That was always the goal. Oh, absolutely. That was always the goal.

Hands behind your back. Like your ski jumping. Exactly. He looked like he was flying through the air, except he wasn't. And then also, when he wakes up, Michael J. Fox, he then puts something in his mouth. And I could never work out what it is. He grabs two, like he's got a bowl of something. And it looks like sort of bits of fudge He can't have a bowl of fudge next to his bed. Have you not tried the old sleep fudge? That's how they did it in the 80s That's why Michael J Fox has no teeth now yeah, he gets up and he sort of answers the phone and he's talking to like he's talking to doc and

You know, he's also dressed in he's talking to Doc and you know he's also dressed in like quite a lot of his clothes isn't he? So like the t-shirt he wears it is the t-shirt he wears to bed yeah so he just puts on his gilet over the top and pulls on his jeans and then that's it he's obviously he's got his Calvin Klein underwear and off he goes. And because he's the coolest man in the world at this point, everything he does. So like that's an extremely uncomfortable, unhygienic setup

that he's got going on there. Absolutely. Well, apart from the fudge. There's sleep fudge. There's the worst sleeping position in the world. There's a gilet. They're sleeping in your clothes. Like none of these things. But oh, my God, it's testament to just how cool that man is

and how cool he was in that moment. That it was like, I'm gonna try and do all of those things. Yeah, a lot of my sort of, so I would have been kind of around the age. That came out in 85 and I think, so I pretty sure it was on the telly in about 87 or 88. Same. And then I saw sure it was on the telly in about 87 or 88 same and then I saw the Second one in the in the cinema and I was I I had like a bunch of different

Like I had like the t-shirt with the shirt over the top. I used to wear all the time I had the denim jacket, you know, I was just like I had a skateboard which I just couldn't Say couldn't do anything with it quite a lot of that was lying Lying on my stomach on the skateboard and moving myself along with my hands I don't remember him ever doing in the movie no any skater ever doing I mean imagine if he did just lied on his stomach and tried to go into the car that way It could have worked okay fear slash back to the future style The um The Cape Fear slash Back to the Future style. Yeah. But you're absolutely right.

I mean, the one thing you could do with the skateboard that emulated the J-Fox was hit it with your foot so you could catch it. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the only thing, but that was pretty much enough, I think. Standing still with the skateboard under your foot

while you're chatting to your sister and then your mom calls you in for tea and it's like, oh well, time for tea. Flick the board, catch it with your hand, obviously bang your shin a bit and then go in. That was enough for me to feel like, yeah, I've been out with my skateboard. I've been out.

Because obviously we're never gonna be able to do it. And so you've just got to pick your battles, haven't you? What can you emulate? We can't skateboard. We can't hold onto the back of cars and skateboard. We can't play the electric guitar. Well, I couldn't. I think that might have influenced you starting to play the guitar.

Definitely, yeah. Yeah, there you go. So it's like, so the thing you could do. Eat your morning fudge is try and sleep with your hands behind your back. But obviously both your arms go to sleep. Do you remember this, Bolt? I mean, I like the thing is I was watching it off

like a tape and I probably have only ever seen the version taped off the telly. Have I, no, I would have watched it since then, but I like, oh, in fact, yeah, I have watched it since I saw it at Secret Cinema. But again, it's not the perfect screen to go, what's he popping in his mouth? And also you're watching it whilst skateboarding

behind a car at the time, aren't you? Is it something like that going on? Pretty much, yeah. Yeah. No, that was back in the day when Secret Cinema, you would get a few weeks before they would give you a job and like prep to do for the job. Right okay. And so you would end up like if you're if you're anything like me you'd end up trying to find the place where you work in the village they've made and then just go in and do a shift. Everyone oh

the film's starting oh you know they've got a DJ playing and they've got like a rock and roll band. Oh yeah yeah but I do work for a travel agency. These burgers won't flip themselves. I may be sweeping now but one day I'm going to be mayor. Secret Cinema absolutely feels like it appeals to a bygone time. There's a lot of things that fit into this era for me where you didn't have too much going on in your life. So actually a bit of extra admin was fun. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

So you go like, oh yeah, cool. I'll stick that effort in for something that is just going to happen and then finish. And crucially consequence free. If you do a bad job, it's almost kind of quite, you know, it's quite fun, isn't it? Because then you have a guy who is, for some reason he's your boss, but he's younger than you. And he's wearing a fake mustache. And just like real life. And he's shouting at you. Yeah. But yeah, that was very much it. And I was also always the tremendous Keno, I think, to the point where I actually, I

met socially somebody and I couldn't place where I'd met them before. And I was like, we've definitely met before. And she was like, I don't think we have. I was like, I know I've met you before. I know I've met you before. And she's like, no, I don't think I've met you before. I'm sure we've worked together. I think we've worked on a job together before and she went I think what this is is that I was

I did the Miller's Crossing a secret cinema and I was working I was working behind the bar yeah that was it because I was working behind the bar no no I was actually working behind the bar but no no but I was I was there yeah yeah yeah we had lots of people like you who thought they were part of the show I'm actually you know, I I Want I always want to say when I'm at a thing like that. I want to go well, actually I am I am myself a performer So it's probably why it is. Yeah, it's quite good that I'm here actually because you know I can sort of bulk up the numbers. I can do a bit of character with myself Do you think there's something in um we turn you know we could try and pull off a tour where the whole experience is immersive and we send you your tour role before you see the show and

it involves picking us up and driving us to the venue and you're gonna be you're gonna be the chef and your job is to prepare a three course meal at the venue for the performance And everyone's like wow, it's so good. It's so immersive Congratulations, you're the finance You have to sit in the audience and play the part of a really enthusiastic audience member who Applauds when it finishes and it's like we just guarantee a home run every time and we just Is that what Secret Cinema were doing all along was just kind of- It pretty much was, yeah.

Without even having to do a show because they then just pop on a DVD. Yeah. So they've absolutely cracked it. But the closest I get to this now, and this is bad, is that I'm going to a lot of Cleo's, you know, Cleo's mates are having their fifth birthday parties. So we're going to a lot, a lot of weekends are going to birthday parties and there'll often be an entertainer and I keep doing it. I keep catching myself doing

it, going over to the entertainer afterwards and going, that was great by the way. And like they're not quite going. And I should know because I'm in the business. But it is like I'm basically doing it. I know some of the other mums and dads might have said well done but I am actually, my wife and I work in the industry so it actually is, it means a little bit more than just you know well I sort of got what you were doing there Elsa. The equivalent for that for me was on Saturday where I had my first soft play children's party that we had to go to. And this was a big, this was a big lad. This is like a five story.

It was fucking, it's not what you're talking about. You thought you were talking about a kid? No, no. This is a big lad. He was a, he was six, but he was in good shape. He was six stories. I was the big lad on the floor. I was the parent of our group that were there. I was the parent that had to go in to follow the kids around. They got stuck in some kind of loop, this hellish loop of like up two stories, across, up a ramp, down two stories, through some ball pits. And it was just like, it was just like

hell on earth. It was just like that seven times consecutively at three year old speed. And it was like, come on, dad, come on. And by the sixth, I was really, I was really struggling. You're get lapped Yeah, it was brutal and I was like meet me by the hobby by the triangle. Yeah What you try and do is you try and go well? I'll set up a base that's kind of somewhere on the circuit and then they run towards you and you go No, no, you've got to come with me what we want to do is I want to lie down I want to lie down in a big dark plastic tube, which gets me back onto my sleep style.

What a pro. That's how it's done. But just very quickly, there was a dad there who couldn't resist telling me he was a personal trainer. And now whether he was either just bragging or trying to recruit me because you could see I was on the verge of some kind of heart attack. You need it. Oh yeah.

This is quite fun for me actually because I'm a personal trainer. Oh are you Clive? Really great. Fucking great for you that is mate. Anyway after that I tell you what I really needed. Oh lovely big sleep. Lovely lie down. And speaking of sleep.

Speaking of sleep, which we were very quickly on the soft play thing. I did take Clarky to soft play a little while ago. And that was- Well, you know, he does love that, doesn't he? He loves it. He took kids. Just soft play.

You know, you've got to burn off some energy in the afternoon, otherwise he won't sleep. He does love that, doesn't he? He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it.

He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it.

He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. I'll do the soft play, it'll be nice and quiet. Clarky, you take Cleo up on the big soft play, I'll take Sylvie on the little soft play. And Clarky, after about 10 minutes, drops down through one of the holes, and he looks like, you know in Ace Ventura,

when Ace Ventura pops out of the rhino's bum, because he's too sweaty in there. He looked like that, he was absolutely drenched. He was- It took no time at all for the absolute flop sweats to arrive. And the whole time just being like, am I supposed to be in here? This doesn't feel right. I think that's the flop sweat. I think that's what it is.

It feels like you shouldn't be in there. You're not in there. And crucially, you're not related to any child that's in there. Yeah if someone says who's your child I'm like well here's the thing. You can see the moms looking at your face and then scanning the face of the children in there thinking well they don't look like any of his kids. Yeah none of these kids are bald with a beard. with a beard. Yeah, that's it. But also other parents will like if you say, oh, I'm just looking at like, sometimes you'll get chatting to somebody else like at the park or whatever. And you'll say, oh, and how old are they? And they're like, oh, I think they're three, are they three? And you're like, oh, you don't know how old your kid is. Oh no, it's not my kid, I'm the nanny.

And you're like, why am I talking to you? I've wasted time here. I don't know how old my kids are. We can't be friends. You don't know how old, that's true, you don't know how old your kids are. I don't know how old my kids are. You said, you said that one of you,

you said your son's date of birth. I was like, I don't think it is that month. And you're like, it is. And then you came back to me a bit later and it wasn't. Really? It isn't, mate. You know my childhood, don't you? It's like directing though, isn't it?

I can't see the wood for the trees. Yeah, you're too deep into it. Yeah, yeah, you're too close. Especially, I'd say, in the first 18 months, you know, you're still so deep into it, it's very hard to keep track. Well, we're into the 27 months now. No, I'm kidding.

Shit. How's meeting? How's meeting? How's meeting? Goat impressions, let's hear you bleating. How's meeting? How's meeting? Bleh.

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Or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects Ontario 1 8 6 6 5 3 1 2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge on April 7th. You must be very careful Margaret It's a girl witness the birth bad things will start out evil things of evil The first omen I believe the girl is to be the mother mother Most terrifying six six six is the mark of the devil The first omen, only theater circle fifth. The thing I find in soft play, there's this weird etiquette, because obviously, obviously the joy of soft play, a bit like laser quest and things like that, is you're stepping through,

a bit like secret cinema as well, there's a certain degree of escapism where everyday rules kind of don't apply for children and that they behave with an abandon that like That is permitted by their surroundings. They can't you're essentially going here. You go go fucking crazy Yeah, and then when you're in there and you have to do a little bit of police work Or you have to kind of no, I mean police the situation not solve a crime But it Well, you have to kind of no, I mean police the situation not solve a crime There's a very small soft play area at Gloucester services, it's it's positively charming actually I highly recommend it And I was in there glow was doing her thing and a kid practically ran her over. She was on a ladder, halfway up a ladder, taking her time and up he came straight and literally climbed over her up the ladder. And he was about twice her age. You tell me what that is, Matthew. And I had

a word with him. I had a stern word with him and off he ran. And Jane was watching his parents watch me do that. And said that it really rolled a few feathers. And, but they didn't, you know, the whole, you know, those kinds of situations, they didn't want to take it up with me, but they did want to sit and complain about me. And Jane was really enjoying being able to watch that play out. She was like, oh, you're complaining about Tom, are you? I being able to watch that play out. She was like, oh you're complaining about Tom are you? I've got to get in on this. I've got loads. You think that's bad.

He doesn't even know their ages. And he is sweating up there isn't he? He is sweating. So then, and this kid was going crazy around all kinds. He was running over everyone. You know, he didn't give a shit. And I was really, I was genuinely entertaining the idea of tripping the guy at one point. I was like, I would absolutely love to trip. I would, oh, you can't, but I, you can't. But I can dream.

It is soft in there, isn't it? And exactly, and to the point where I was thinking, if I'm round, if no one can see my foot And then I just trip him and then he hits the deck and starts going that guy tripped me and I could just go I didn't and no one's gonna believe him and then we go I don't know I get the feeling if the parents already seen you bollock it in they're gonna believe him exactly Exactly. It's like a two yellow card situation. So I was thinking next time, don't bollock him,

just trip him. I've learned my lesson. Yeah. Don't try and be the bigger man. Try and be the bigger man. It's very difficult. If you can't beat him, beat him. But it's very hard, because you're in a space where you said go crazy, look you can go crazy here.

And then when they do go crazy you go, yeah, but not that crazy mate, come on. I saw a trip here. Yeah, but Tom, what you've got, a little bit of empathy for both the kid and the parent, when they get to a certain size, they are knocking on the door of no longer being accepted at the soft play. We're back to the big kid on the, yeah. Exactly, so the parents now are in this tricky situation where they're like, this is so useful to us.

If it's pissing down with rain, this kills 90 minutes on a wet Sunday afternoon. We need this to stay, this situation to stay for as long as possible. Because then you enter the hinterland where they're like you know nine ten they don't want to do the soft play they're not allowed in the soft play what do you what do they do hard play cold play listen to this listen to this a lot of trip although I will say if you if you're spending 90 minutes at Gloucester Services then your journey's

gone awry. Yeah that's true. I forgot you were in Gloucester Services. Hey, cross me, it's very easy to forget you're in Gloucester Services. It's a wonderful facility. I was entertaining the idea of doing one of the kids children's parties there because no one charges you. It's got good road access and parking. It's got a great farm shop. It's got a great farm shop, exactly

what the kids want. You've really thought about it. Daddy, can I go to a farm shop for my birthday this year? Northbound or southbound, kid? And what birthday is it again? Okay in the car we go. Twenty first, who are you? I'm misjudged. But it is tough, the etiquette of policing a soft play area when obviously you're not in charge of the kids is difficult. very very very tricky very very tricky there's a really good instant where it was just me and glow in a soft play area aka the dream we could absolutely you know off we go we're building houses we're creating our own little world and then a kid arrives with his mom so it's just the four of us in

there and after a three minutes tory turns me and went I don't like that boy daddy I want him to go and it's just like the malls there, the boys there you just have to shrug and... Like father like daughter, we can either bollock him or trip him the fuck up. What's it gonna be daddy? Give me two minutes and I'm gonna trip the guy The mom heard they left after a minute Job done. Fought him face down in the ballpark. Tripping used to be a hell of a thing You don't trip really in adult life if you're not playing sports. What are you talking about? What kind of tripping are you talking about here man? here man. You don't trip people over. A trip was in your locker, it used to feel like a trip was something that was in your locker in the playground or something to be like, what I'm thinking about is when I went into school part of me would think try not to get

tripped up today. Like you don't want to get tripped up and it was it was something that could happen to you. Was there any point when you're chatting to Clive when you thought maybe we'll get one of the other dads to like kneel behind him and I'll push him over there. See if he just flips round and straight to a squat. An amazing dismount from Clive there. Fair play actually, I'll sign off. You've convinced me Clive. But you know, anyway, how are you sleeping Crosby? Oh thanks for asking man.

So I've realised that I've started, I have covers of a sort of duvet cover over, but I also have a throw. And so I pull the duvet up to just under my chin and I pull the throw over my head. What? And I sleep completely under the covers now. Right. I sleep completely under the covers. Going full immersion. I'm going full immersion therapy.

That's what I'm going for. So I and I've realized that this is this is this is not the first new style I've had. There was a period when I was two pillows like an L shape, right? So one pillow like the headboard and then another pillow under my head. So I had my head. Oh, I see. Yeah. That feels like you're on your way to full immersion. That feels like the step. Yeah. And of course there was the period when I was T-shirt and no bottoms that was also your Winnie the Pooh stage Yeah, I wouldn't need the poof my winning the poof phase very happy with that, but I

hadn't thought about these as being sort of Transitional phases until this new one came in and I was like, oh, yeah I have why why does something happen in the last two three weeks that I've started sleeping with the covers over my head what does it mean it doesn't suggest somebody who's happy you know like it feels like very you know knees up fetal yeah yeah return to the womb this is also in the corner of the room isn't it? It's not actually in the bed. That's right, that's right. Yeah, like yeah I'm like when Damien Lewis gets back from homeland I just have to sleep on the

floor in the corner with a rag over me yeah. Have you started going to bed at two o'clock in the afternoon? It's like that yes. That's one of the warning signs, I guess. Well, yes, but don't tell anyone that. No, I go to bed, I normally get into bed around 10 o'clock and read for a little bit and then pull the cover over and then pull the other cover over and then, yeah, and then just disappear into my little cocoon and I emerge beautiful beautiful butterfly at 6.15 in the morning, yeah. Can I ask about your partner? Of course you can. Her name's Charlotte Lewis, you've met her before. No, crucially, how old is she? I'm too gay to intro.

The throw obviously doesn't go over both of you. Well, it can, but it doesn't go over Charlie's head. So you say good night to Charlie. Yep. And then up comes the throw. I say good night to Charlie. I know, I put my sleep headphone headband on. So I put my headband on with a little speaker in it.

Is that an eye mask as well? No, it doesn't go over my eyes. It could do, but it doesn't. It goes over my forehead, round down over my ears, and could do but it doesn't. It goes over my it goes over my forehead rounds down over my ears and connects to the Bluetooth and then I pop on a very talkie podcast and then I say host meeting. It's certainly good. It's certainly gonna send me off tonight. Yeah. So yeah, I know Matthew. Right, buddy. Yeah, in fact, actually, yeah, if know Matthew Right, buddy. That's not yeah. If I actually yeah, if people are um, if people are listening to this falling asleep Which I'm sure people are sweet dreams sweet

Sleep tight make sure the bed bugs don't trip Don't trip a bed bug baby. So yeah, so then then yeah, then something sure carry on reading and And I'll just sort of pull the covers over my head and I'm asleep. So my anxiety with this, Matthew, is the overheat. Do you not? No, but as, you know, like as the, you sort of emerge from it while you're asleep, don't you?

I don't wake up under it. Isn't there a certain element of fresh air necessary in terms of like a buildup of carbon dioxide? You think I'm going to like suffocate myself? The noxious gases that are produced during the night. I should say this throw that I have over the bed is a thick rubber throw. It's a bin liner. I put it over my head and it's gaffer tape round three times and then sleep comes very quickly I've got to admit I've never been falling asleep

this fast it really does not since I started not since I started sleeping in the garage with the with the engine running. How about quickly? The fact that I get woken up by my wife running in, breaking the window of the car and pulling me out of it. Yeah, not again. Not again. Not again. I'm just trying to get my beauty sleep. Your skin's gray.

That's what I mean. I mean, enough of it. So it's working. How long has this been, this new setup has been working for you? I reckon it's just shy of a month. This is what I've been going for. Just shy of a month. And this is a parent question, so it's probably a bit dull, but have you stopped having to go and see to your kids in the night? But you need to trip them up. Ha ha ha ha doesn't it doesn't correlate with a period of them either sleeping through or waking up either.

It's just that's just how I like to sleep. It's just how I how I feel most comfortable. I just wondered if you had a sleep style and if you had a sleep style that is that you can notice has changed, like I say, constantly or unconsciously. Like a can of Lynx Africa. Yeah. I've found the style that suits me at about the age of 16.

And I don't want to change a thing. I will say, I think what I'm wearing has probably changed a little bit. I'd hope so. For several different reasons. For several different reasons. Like I finally started buying proper pyjama bottoms for the first time in about 20 years. I've always worn jeans.

Jeans? You've always worn jeggings? Jeggings, yeah, you've always worn jeggans. Jeggans, yeah. It's again, it's the same thing. I've got jeggans, but I also wear them over my arms and my head. Just to keep this very ensconced, I just need... Per jeggans.

House meeting! I've said it once before, but it bears a repeat. House meeting! I went to Marks and Sparks six months ago and kind of bought ten nice pajama bottoms. Bloody hell! I was like that's what I'm gonna... It was yeah and it was like that's what I'll do now. Until I die.

Until I die. Are they are they kind of shorts or are they are they long? They're long. Oooh. Shorts or are they long? They're long. Ooh. But face down, off to the side, one hand under the pillow. Happy days. One hand under the pillow. Yeah.

So you're basically, you're spooning, but with the pillow. Yeah, maybe. Kind of on top of though, isn't it? So spoons to the side, I'd say. Yeah. Do you ever wake up with a dead arm? Because sometimes if I put my hand under the pillow,

I wake up. I wake up. No, but I haven't had feeling in my right arm for 20 years. I just kind of weekend at Bernie's it. The nerves died a long time ago. So that is one of the, you know, maybe that's why I sleep so well. If I ever, if I ever end up in a different position, then my body really struggles with it. I do wake up with a numb hand or a numb arm. Really? Like when I'm really tired. But if I'm in my natural position, if you're in that position, you will stay in that basically all night and you'll wake up in a similar position.

Wow. Sleep that deep asleep. That is amazing. I don't move as a sleeper very still and almost like hibernation for you. Yeah. And I like I'm good at sleeping. Oh, man. Yeah, you are. You are. It's on my list of things I can do well. Boil an egg, sleep. Yeah, I envy it. That's it. That's the list. Healthy list. Healthy list.

I take that. I'm still waiting to find my first thing put on it. You used to be very good at sleeping in a car, Clarky. That was always your thing. You'd put your arm above your head and away you go. It affects your driving, but... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, would you? Yeah, you used to be very good at sleeping in a car.

Yeah. But was this a simpler time? Maybe. Had less on your mind, didn't you Ed? Did, yeah. Talking about being good at sleeping, when Cleo was born, we had, it was quite a sort of,

it was quite a long labour up until we were actually admitted into a room to actually sort of start the process. And so we've been up for a, you know so we've been up for a long old time. I always like to say we've been up for 24 hours. My wife says, well, no, I've been up for 24 hours. You, Matthew, had been intimately sleeping because they weren't sticking stuff, you know, like sticking like needles in you

and all that kind of stuff. You were just lying there. Anyway, we got into the room and I was so knackered. I immediately got into one of those big chairs they give the partners and I sort of lay back in that and I fell asleep. And I didn't know this until weeks and weeks and weeks later, you know, long after the birth,

but apparently immediately since they got into the room, there was some sort of medical complication that required them to pull the emergency cord, the midway to pull the emergency cord. And the room was full of doctors. Like it's one of those things like it's just full of those like three doctors in there and a bunch of nurses. Suddenly the room was full and I was asleep the entire time like in a chair. Well of course you were. You had your podcast speakers on. You had your big rubber sheet over my head and everything yeah but i was i was there lying in the chair just you just got open and also

crucially right in the way this medical podcast is pretty good but i'm listening to wow but yeah so i was completely completely completely sort of dead to the world and um and at one point one of the doctors pointed to me and said, is that your is that your partner? And because obviously if it wasn't, that's real trouble. This guy is just it's like your partner. And and my wife is like, yeah, yeah, it is. And he said, oh, he's very good at sleeping.

And I still have that as a sort of badge of honor that I'm a medical professional, saw me sleep and thought- You still have it on your tour posters, don't you? That's right, yeah. He's medically good at sleeping. See if you are too. Yeah, come along.

It's a nice warm room, the lights are dim, don't you worry about it. There's no judgment. Rubber sheets for everyone. Get rubber sheets for everyone get your head down Get your head down for a bit but yeah, and Sleeping is I'm actually I'm not I'm not bad at sleeping. I can I can pretty much do it It doesn't take me that long to take that long to drift off

Boiling an egg. I'm less good. Well, but I think you can learn to boil I'm sure there's lots of people that will disagree with me, but Sleeping feels like it. You've either got it or you haven't. Yeah, I mean, that's what I want to say. I mean, like, sure, you can learn some tricks and stuff. Boiling an egg is cooking. Yeah, what we're talking about is raw talent here.

Yeah, yes, you can. If you want to do that, some shit. I just missed timing completely. And that's the problem. Yeah. As long as it's running. Now, I always I can never remember. that's the problem, yeah. As long as it's running. Now, I always, I can never remember, now you'll know this. You start with a pan of cold water,

leave it in for three minutes, then take it out of the cold water and eat it. That's what I'm doing. That's right, yeah, that's it. The water needs to get colder. Right, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah So adding ice cubes, opening the windows, that kind of stuff. I think you're thinking of a frozen egg. Ah, and there's nothing wrong with that.

That's just as nice in its own way. A frozen egg is very much nature's boiled egg. Yeah, it very much is. Very refreshing on a summer's day. I think Ben's father's a big fan of putting it in cold and bringing it to the boil. He is, yes, bringing it to the boil then about a minute. It's one of the many things him and I will never see eye to eye on. It was the start of our big beef, I think, actually.

Tripping children as well. He said, look, if ever there was a child that needed tripping in their youth, look at what's happened to your son, Alan. Give him a good trip in his youth, he'd have been absolutely fucking... This is on you, Alan, this is absolutely on you. Can't trip a kid these days, can't even trip a kid. Clarky, have you adopted your father's technique? No, I've actually started doing them, oh dear, this is terrible.

Terrible as in boring, or you've got a terrible technique? It's all of the above. Actually, last few times I've done them. Can I guess? Can I guess? Are you air frying your boiled egg? Of course he is. Of course he's air frying his eggs. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah boy! Six and a half minutes in the air fryer. And what does it do? What does it do in the air fryer? What is it?

Is this to make a fried egg or is this to make a boiled? A boiled, but it kind of isn't boiled because there's nothing that's boiling, but yeah. Are you going to say it's more efficient? I don't know what it is. I don't know what I am. It's easier. I kind of feel like it'll probably take less energy. Takes a lot of energy to boil water doesn't it?

Takes less energy for you. That's the main thing. Is there anything you're not air frying these days? Oh yeah, fried eggs. You don't air fry the fried eggs? No. Surely you're going to air fry the fried eggs? No. Surely you can air fry the fried eggs. Mate come on. I think you can.

Of course you can. Crack them onto a plate. Crack them onto a plate and stick them in the air fryer. It's not a fryer. That's the weird thing about air fryers. No part of it is actually frying. It's a little oven. Yeah you could bake an egg. You could bake an egg. Could do that.

That'd be a bit like a fried egg. You could crack an egg onto a plate and bake it. Why isn't it called an air baker then? I don't know. Or an air cooker. Why is it not called an air cooker? It probably should be. The campaign starts here.

Is it like, so is it just a little fan oven? Yeah, basically. Wow. No. See, I, I, I, not only do I not know what an air fryer is, I don't think I've ever seen an air fryer. I always picture, right, if I describe what an air fryer looks like to you, will you tell me how close I am to this?

Yes, please. This is how we play. This is how we play, okay. I imagine it doesn't have a door. Am I right in thinking that? Um, but it feels like a... It depends, but... Go on. No. I imagine it doesn't have a door. Am I right in thinking that? But it feels like it depends, but go on. No. OK, so I imagine it being like a frame. Right, just a frame, you know, like this is like when the three blind men meet an elephant.

Also, like this sounds like it's a podcast from like three years ago. Like this. Also, like this sounds like it's a podcast from like three years ago. Like this. Listen, you know what I've been up to. There's some old news by this point. Oh, I'm quite proud of us. The last four and a half years, I've been deep into my life as a parent. You know, I haven't been out the house except to go to Softplay or to the park.

I don't, you know, I don't, I've not seen other people's houses. I've not seen their air fryers. I've not got an air fryer. Okay. Okay. I see. But he's emerging now from his cocoon. Yeah. And he's looking at a frame and he's thinking, is my egg ready? Here's the thing. You know, those, the Dyson fans that don't have anything in them. They're just a big like circle. Like a big oval. Who know that? Right.

A big hoop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll Dyson hoop, right? I imagine it's like that, only square, right? But with a bit more of a base underneath it. Okay, like say, enough space to put something like the size of a microwave plate. Are you like imagining like the Stargate? Yes, it's like a Stargate. Yeah, that's what I'm imagining. It's exactly what I'm imagining. And by the way, this isn't me kind of like, I just realized I was thinking this completely unconsciously. Whenever someone says air fryer, what pops up in my head is that picture. And then as we were talking about how you put an egg into it, I thought, well, what am I, how is what I'm imagining fitting with this reality of Clarky making,

boiling an egg in an air fryer. And I thought this can't be the case. Cause also if it's not got a door to it, the reason it's the reason that oven's got a door or a microwave's got a door is so that you're not also heating everything else around it or sending out dangerous airwaves out all around the place. Do you know what I think you might be thinking about? What am I thinking about? You know like in either Red Dwarf or like the alien films like a science fiction film where they're in the cafeteria Like the cafeteria and they're yeah

They like rehydrate their meals and they kind of it like they stick it into a thing You see them go ding and press a button and then suddenly their foods ready Yeah, that is one of them had doors. They were all kind of like it all just happened in front of your eyes It's like an early 90s science fiction version of what how food will be prepared I should be prepared feels like that's what you've got in your head like how the sinks used to be in McDonald's toilets When they were like in the wall and it was like you get they do everything all at once Yeah, how they still are on the trains and they're absolutely awful Yeah, and what would always happen is the water for some reason would come out third

So what it would do is it put the soap then they dry the soap onto your hands Bake the soap onto your hands So it's like you're wearing a sort of pearlescent glove and then it drench your hands and you'd walk out and go well Yeah, there we go. I'm ready for another I'm ready to flip some more burgers and then crucially rejoin my friends at secret and crucially rejoin my friends at Secret Cinema. But Matthew, you've been working here for two weeks now. You're sure we can't pay you? No, no, just another screening of Alien 3 for me, please.

Never watch it enough times. So do you, I mean, do we, why don't we, why don't you just go out and find an air fryer? And then and then we can feed back on it next time or I could just I could literally type air fryer into Google images right now Joe I'm picturing when you say goon. Yeah, go on. So it's a tiny little man that you shake hands with and then he shows your picture Oh, that's us Jeeves. Right, okay, okay. Oh, oh. Oh God. Weirdly, it looks like the past. Yeah. That's what it looks like.

It looks like the deep fat fry you'd have in your house. Exactly, yeah. It does look like that. It's a deep fat fryer, but with air. And it's not a door, it's a drawer. Yeah. It's a drawer, that's right, It is, yeah. Yeah, so it looks like it could make you coffee.

Yeah, so it's either a drawer or a lid. You can have one that's like a lid. Oh my goodness, this is the future, guys. Anyway, you talk about yourselves, I'm gonna order one. Yeah, there you go. There we go. Higher kitchen, multi air fryer, steel, five liter capacity. Well, I don't need that many eggs. Who's going for five litres of eggs?

Trust me, go as big as you can because you're never going to touch your oven again. Is that true? Is that true? Pretty much. I use my oven so seldom now. Really? Do you air fry a lasagna? No, I would do a lasagna in the oven, but that is not a thing I commonly eat. And what about baking a cake? Don't know about that actually. I think you can do them in the air fryer but I but should you? I don't bake cakes. I just bake eggs. So the other day for Mother's Day, my wife decided to make a loaf of bread for her mum and my mum.

A loaf of bread each. Oh, lovely. And my wife makes phenomenal, phenomenal bread. Really, really good. Are we talking a bread maker? She's just making it in the oven. Oh no, sorry, bread winner. Sorry, bread winner. She is the bread winner. Yes, crucially yeah yeah yeah crucially she has an actual job but yeah she's the breadwinner and the bread maker which which begs the question what

the fuck am I doing? You're a very good sleeper Matthew. And you reward her by sleeping next to her completely cocooned away from her. a relationship's all about give and take and you're the taker. You eat your bread, you get in your little woven cocoon and you ignore her for the rest of the day. That's right, that's right. And when her mother came around for Mother's Day, her mother said, is that your partner? She said, yes. She's a very good sleeper. I was just lying under a crust of bread. But yeah, no, so she made these loaves, but we crucially, she was going to a friend's birthday party and I was going out to see a show and we mistimed it. So these, she'd put them in the airing cupboard

and everything to whatever, to rise and everything. They were, we'd, you know, she'd put them in the airing cupboard and everything to whatever, you know, to the rise and everything. They were just like left, they were left out. Ooh, an airing cupboard. Now what I'm picturing is. Like a wind tunnel. Yeah. Does it have a door?

Yes. So, so we, we, we, we both got home. It was quite late. Charlie was like, well, I was planning to get home and bake this bread, but I'll just do it in the morning. Would you mind putting away the loaves? Just put them in the fridge. And I was like, yeah, okay, I can do that.

That's fine. So she went up to bed and I sort of put, it was on a baking tray and I was like, went to the fridge, cleared out loads of space, space put it in and as I put it in it literally Cartoonishly deflated like a balloon and it was I was it was happening to me. Oh god. Oh, no I've this is this is my fault and for some reason I was like, oh, maybe it'll just do it a little bit and then You know, we can take it out and it'll sort of Reinflates when it get when it warms up again. So put the other one in and it completely just like that and

They were both completely fucked and I know it wasn't actually my fault Well, I was the one who did I was the one who did it. You were there to witness it So I was just there. I was just there. I was just following orders So instead of so so you said that Matthew exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wherever I heard that phrase before. But but we have to instead, which actually I think was almost a better present rather than giving a loaf of bread to to my mum and my mother-in-law. We showed them a photo of some deflated bread

which made them laugh. So actually, that was their Mother's Day gift. Here you go. Here's a loaf of mighty white. Why is that? For your trouble. Here's some flatbreads. A laugh even more priceless.

Even more priceless. You have to laugh. You have to laugh. You have to laugh. Not my words, the words of Secret Cinema. They charge you £75 to watch a comedy. But also work the hot dog stand. Can I just say we promised fun times and then you think we delivered? Yeah, that was tremendous fun times.

And so again, the question of what body part you'd like a jet hose to go to and that's there on the table. Also if you've not seen an air fryer, have a go at describing it. Get in touch. Papi'sflatshare at gmail.com. If you are one of the two people on this earth that's not seen an air fryer get in touch. But also is there something else that you hadn't seen that you had a very clear idea of what it was going to be but then when you saw it it wasn't there.

Yes. Get in touch. That's great get in touch. By the way Ben you need to check your privilege a little bit because you are part of the liberal elite. Right, yes, as I know, yeah. You're part of the- Firmly ensconced.

Firmly ensconced in the tofu munching Wokarate, whereas there are good- Tofu air frying. Tofu air frying Wokarate. There are good, honest listeners out there who aren't checking out an air fryer every 10 seconds and They may never have seen one like myself and they may you know It's come to the southwest mate try and find an air fryer there You got you got you got plenty of air, but you're not frying it

You got gorgeous fresh fresh air the last thing you'd want to do is stick it in a cooker Now you put food in a net bag, you go and stand on the cliffs and you hold it at the edge of the pole. And you let the sea breeze do the... yeah, exactly right. That's how I make my lasagnas. Poor pressure hoses them until they're cooked. If you'd like a sense of beef for Beef Brothers, we could do with a few of those. Please get in touch, beefbrothersPodcastatgmail.com. Beautiful. Yeah, in fact, we did one the other day in a live record that involved a pub quiz.

Oh yeah. With a pub landlord. So it doesn't have to be necessarily about your living arrangements. Absolutely right. Go free range beef. Go free range beef guys. Can be about something that's giving you beef in the wider world yeah we will help you do not worry so get in touch um otherwise today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham Corsham team cheers everyone bye experience college hoops like never before with bet mgm your one-stop shop for your favorite march matchups ready to shoot your shot? Tap into every game on your mobile devices and enjoy all the hoops action like never before.

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