Pappy's Flatshare - Series 6, Episode 12 (Pay The Hotel Bill)

Episode Date: December 1, 2016

Mike Bubbins and Joe Lycett join Pappy's at the wonderful Machynlleth Comedy Festival in a show featuring bones, rap, babies, a violin, Trump, Schindler's List and a Greek dance. This show would be very relevant to anyone who has ever stayed in, seen or heard of a hotel or bed and breakfast, so please be sure to tell them about it through all the usual channels. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's for and you can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup and maple lattes? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now.

Product availability may vary by region. See you at our details. And I'm great. We're going to do a little sound check. Often what people do is sound check before the units comes in. Fuck those guys. Oh my God, you're in for such a treat. Do we all know why we're here?

Do we need to explain? We should explain what we're doing. Do we all know why we're here? We're such an ominous sentence, Thomas. Hello everyone. Happy, good cult. Happy afternoon. And they're really vergent in and goats.

Right, so. Of course there are. It's whales. This is a podcast record. Yeah, it's a podcast record. Yeah, it's a podcast record. Yeah, it's a podcast record. Yeah, it's a podcast record. Yeah, it's a podcast record. Yeah, it's a podcast record. Happy afternoon. And they're really virgins in and goats. Right, so.

Of course, there are. It's whales. This is a podcast record. Does everyone know that before we start? That's even more ominous sentence than do we know why we're here. We're starting a cult. It's a podcast record, abnormally,

normally it's in a flat. Yeah, you have to imagine that you're our friends in our flat. But we've sat in front of you with microphones and we've been around Thomas flat that's pretty much what he does right shall we crack away yeah it's unusual for you to try and get the show back on track but okay yes let's do it Tom Ben have we started yes that's how we start listen you know I've been running this hotel yeah people stay in there for a long time you'd need to review have paid for a room. You've got to pay for a room.

I'm not going to pay for my room. Yeah, that's it. And I'm not going to pay for Tom's remeber. Well, there's only one more to settle this. We're going to have to have a Flash air slap now. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Flash air slap now! Oh! Oh! with a name, Flash is my name. Hello and welcome to Flash air slam down. The panel show that says, When I find myself in times of trouble,

Mother Mary comes to me, Speaking words of wisdom, B and B, And in my hour of darkness, She is standing right in front of me. Life's in the ass, guys. Speaking words of wisdom, B and B. B and B. B and B. B and B.

Oh, B and B. Speaking words of wisdom, B&B. Oh! That's definitely it. You did, you did, you did. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BNB BNB BNB BNB What is this? BNB

BNB BNB BNB BNB BNB BNB BNB BNB BNB BNB BNB BNB BNB And while they're staying at my hotel, they'll be following my rules. Let's meet the guest. It's Tom Perry and Ben, a dick clar. Oh!

Oh! Lovely to be here. So Ben, why are you saying no-till when I ask you to pay for the hotel? I'll tell you what, I hate hotels. Last night, I was locked out of my hotel and spent 45 minutes in the car park. And you're right. It isn't funny. LAUGHTER

True story. True story, nothing funny about it. No, it's supposed to leave a door open, they didn't. I had to phone someone who had a baby to get a number of someone else who I knew was staying there and then they had to come down and let me in. Why was the baby involved? Yeah, we're saying it like don't bring up. I had to phone someone with a baby. You do the house, the through the letterbox. Get them to get the key. So Tom, why are you B and B'ing so stubborn when I ask you to pay for this route?

Well, Matthew, I had a terrible time last time, I stayed in a hotel, got through the front door, went up to the desk to try and sort my roommate, and all that was there was a massive tele with static on it. That's right, there was no reception. No reception everyone. That's a lovely move. If you didn't enjoy that, you might have to leave. Now obviously, well, no Joe, we've lost Lysit.

Boating with his feet early doors is Joe Lysit, because let's meet the guest, because obviously you can't stay in a hotel on your own. I mean, you can, apparently. You can, of course you can, sorry, that is not true. You can stay in a hotel on your own, but you've decided not to. So who are you going to be making awkward eyes out over the breakfast buffet this week, Ben? I have bought along my favourite butcher. I didn't think of a...

I didn't think of a thing. ...to see freezing outside your hotel room, weren't you? It's the wonderful Joe Lyson! Joe Lyson! I didn't think of a... I didn't think of a thing. To be free to go inside your hotel room, weren't you? It's the wonderful Joe Lysett! Joe Lysett! Thank you! Mmm, I love butchering meat. So glad you said meat there.

Yeah. So Joe, it's lovely to have you here. Do you stay in a lot of hotels, presumably touring around the country with your successful stand-up show? You must do. Yes, I'm a genius member on booking.com. Are you really a genius member? Yes, which you get when you give five reviews.

Oh, why is it? You'll be pretty genius. You'll be pleased to know they're all very, very uncomplimentary reviews. What will be the top places you've slagged off? Lots of premier ins. By all seven writing reviews of Donald Trump's hotels that haven't been at.

LAUGHTER Wow. Oh, lovely golf course. by all seven writing reviews of Donald Trump's hotels that haven't been at Wow, oh lovely golf course Muslim family were tasted to the grounds Three stars Well, Joe, thank you for being on the show Tom. Who have you brought with you this week? Well, Matthew? Oh the Jambore is in danger. Oh, no. Yes! We didn't have enough entertainment. We were in danger of losing our entertainment license. So I booked the best headline I know. Well, this is premier Elvis impersonator. It's the one and only Mike Bubbins, everyone. Oh, well, Bubbins is here. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

Mike, how much? Have you ever been to a hotel? Twice, I've been to two hotels in my life, I'm 44. The first time was, what does a motel's count? A hotel motel whole day in. Say what? Small child there. Get out. That really liked your voice. You could release an album of Lullaby's.

Oh, I'd be great that, well. 70s Lullaby's. Nice voice. Before that PC nonsense kicked in. Oh, I'd be great that, wouldn't it? I'd listen to that. 70s lullabies. Nice, nice. Before that PC nonsense kicked in. Oh, hang on. Uh, AC mate. A motel in the States was the first one. I'm a hotel in Britain the second time. What was the motel in the States?

I said the call, it was called a Ramada Inn. And there was an outdoor pool there. It was July time. I was playing rugby at the time. And I walked out thinking I was cocking the North and my speedos there was the, there should have been a least one person is absolutely loving this story that baby seed you in your speedos. I walked into the outdoor pool wearing my speedos and my friend Craig I use the word friend in a broad possible sense, described me as looking like you have to know that Jello is American Jelly. He said me and Speedo's looking like two pounds of Jello in a one pound bag.

It's very good of you to show up in your speedo today as well. It's very kind of you for the listener. Well we've met our guests, let's fold the end of the toilet roll into a point and point it straight at round one. Yay! And a mini bar and a mini bar of salt and a plastic cup In a plastic bag And breakfast That's in a bag and there's a strong sense The bond we for Lenny Henry travel along My life's a travel long. Rules from 39 pounds a night.

Dreadful's back and called it. Wow! There we go folks! Time it. You're kind of half the clap, don't you? Yeah. A very timely radio head spoof. Yeah.

So this round, this round, that one, is Trip Ill Advisor. We're going to give each player a line from a hotel review. However, a key word or phrase in that review has been removed and replaced with the word Yelp. I want our teams to write down what they think that word or phrase should be. I'll then ask one of the players what they came up with for every answer that's the same as another players,

they win five points as does the player. Now, I feel wondering why this game's description is so complicated, is because our show producer Ben told me that for legal reasons, we can't just say we're playing Black-A-T-Blank. So that's... I can't. That makes sense.

So just imagine I haven't just said, it's fucking Black-A-T-Blank. Yeah. There will be a Yelp checkbook and pen for the winner. There will be. So Mike, we'll start with you. Okay, Mike, what word or phrase is missing from this review? And I'm going to give everyone on the panel a chance

to write that down before you give your answer. Okay, Mike. There was no central heating. In fact, my room was so cold and drafty that I felt like I was in Yelp. Okay, a little bit of chinchy music I believe, while the other panelists... I like it. There was no central heating, in fact, my room was so cold in drafty that I felt like I was in Yelp.

Everyone got their answers written down? Okay, Clarky, yes. You've got yours. Joe's written an essay. And Tom, again, still writing, is working progress show from earlier on. Never too late. Never too late. Never too late to find June.

OK, stop that music. Mike, there was no central heating. In fact, my room was so cold and drafty that I felt like I was in. Wales? OK. There we go. We've got Wales. Super simple.

Thomas, we'll start with you. I don't think this could be closer. I've gone for the freezer aisle of the co-op in Mcunfly. Ooh. I think I'm going to give you two points each, I think for that two points there. Clarkie, what did you come up with? I came up with a car park just outside the hotel. So, lock the fucking door.

Soap-o-o-o. I enjoyed the art to be known, but I can give you no points for that. And finally, a Joe Lysett. What did you come up with? I put indoors in any Mahansalathvenia. LAUGHTER Again, I'm going to give you two points, another two points to Mike.

All right. Next up, we have... Next up, for that round. Yeah, I realised my voice started going up at the end and I was like, oh no, I better just sort of go down a little bit but I didn't quite work for everybody. So Ben, we're going to go to you next. I was promised a room with a CVU, however when I opened my curtains the only thing in front of me was Yelp.

Okay, write your answers down now. I was promised a room with a CVU, however, when I opened my curtains, the only thing in front of me was Yelp. Isn't it fun to play games? I appreciate this one. Listen to other people do it. I tell you what, it's quite a lot of the show is just everyone sitting

in a room with some people on a stage listening to music. You can play along at home, you can play along at home. What would you put? It's sort of a reggae vibe. It's got a reggae vibe. So this is close to reggae as well as guess, I think. Yeah. So I was promised a room with a CVU. Have you got your answers? Yeah. Yeah.

I was promised a room with a CVU, however, Ben, when I opened my curtains, the only thing in front of me was a D minus view. Oh! Very nice indeed. Very nice indeed. Oh, that one came like... Jo, what did you have? The only thing in front of me was the beach. I like it very much, I cannot give you any points for it, but I was promised to ruin with the sea view,

however, when I opened my curtains, the only thing in front of me was a reflection of my condensation obscured semi-flacid penis. Wow. I hear it's like two pounds of cello. Otherwise known as a D-minus. So I'm going to give you, I'm going to give you both five points for that. Weirdly, that was my second thing of this condensation reflection of Mike Bubbins penis. I am to please. Thomas Barry. When I opened my curtains, the only thing in front of me was. reflection of Mike Bubbins penis. LAUGHTER Are you into please? Thomas Barry.

When I opened my curtains, the only thing in front of me was... I said a cunt. LAUGHTER Baby loves it. The baby loves it. That's a real shame. Drop the C-bomb. I'm so sorry.

Yeah. In a school. Yeah. With a baby here as well. It's just not good. It's not good. The baby can't read. Yeah, but you said the word out school, yeah. With a baby here as well. It's just not good. It's not good, I'm afraid. The baby can't read? Yeah, but you said the word out loud, mate.

That's all hearing works. Come here, fucking ears. Joe, we're going to throw it to you. Now, here's your review. The cooked breakfast left a lot to be desired. Gracie eggs, limp toast, and instead of a sausage, they'd given me yellow. Oh, well, here we go. Got this, Nail.

Get the feeling of Mike, doesn't have to write anything down, but if they're in the location, it's me in the sense. I can't. I can't like an actual Brian Logan review of me in the garden. The cut breakfast left a lot to be desired. Greasy eggs, limptost, and instead of a sausage, they've given me yellow. What could it potentially be? Can everyone else hear that music? Or is that just going on in my head? We're having another episode.

DJ Bucket Loss, what are you playing at? What? Did you put your iPod on shuffle? That is ringtone. Play our radio head jingle again. Get the party atmosphere going. OK, so if we've got their answer, OK, Joe, we're throwing back to you. The cook breakfast left a lot to be desired. Greasy eggs, limptost, and instead of a sausage, they'd given me two pans of gelo in a one-pan bag.

LAUGHTER We'll start with Mike here. What did you come up with? The cook breakfast left a lot to be desired. Greasy eggs, limptost, and instead of a sausage, they'd given me a mushroom that thankfully didn't resemble a male member. LAUGHTER

So there wasn't a mushroom in your speedos, wasn't it? Come on! Oh, I get it. The good breakfast left a lot to be desired. Greasy eggs, limptoast and instead of a sausage, it had given me what, Thomas Parrot? Type 2 diabetes. Oh, it's a good show, Blakely, Blake, isn't it? Which is great.

Which is back on the telly. Yeah, it is great. Which is back on the telly. Yeah, it's great, it'd be great. I wish we were back on the telly, I mean, that's a surprise. Yes. Never again. Let's not worry about that now. Ben, the cook breakfast after a lot to be desired,

greasy eggs, limptoste, and instead of a sausage, they'd given me Mike Bubbins' flasad penis. I think ten is more important than me the other day. So I think ten is, that is five points to Clark, you have five points to Joe there, very impressive indeed. And again, I went up and they were applauded. Real theme emerging here, guys. Tom, we're going to finish, we're going to finish strong, finish with you. Right.

I had an awful night's sleep at the friendly inn. Couldn't get my head down. It was only when I woke up. I found out that all night I'd been sharing a bed with Yelp. Shhh, Jesus Christ, Ben! Ha ha ha! I had an awful night's sleep at the friendly inn. Couldn't get my head down.

It was only when I woke up, I found out the all night I've been sharing a bed with yelp. If you know this one, do sing along. Couldn't get my head down at the friendly in. So anyone I woke up I found that all night I'd been sharing a bed with Yelp. Got your answers? Got your answers? No, but you know, we'll see how it goes. Sure, tell you.

Bubbins? Not really. Bit more thinking time. I was just enjoying the music, sorry, my voice. So good, it's the day. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Help. I mean somebody. I've been somebody else. Genuinely, on the website, this was called Greek Dance.

You didn't listen to it. You just went with the title. Listen to it next time, then. We're going to finish the show with you doing a Greek Dance list. Actually, Ben and I went to a Greek restaurant the other night. Terrible food, but especially in plates. Now let's... That's a lovely game of business.

That's how you do it. There we go. That's it. Okay. So, Thomas Perry, I had an awful night's sleep at the friendly inn. I couldn't get my head down. It was only when I woke up that I found out all night I'd been sharing a bed with someone who'd ordered an Indian takeaway and was eating pillow rice. Very strong pun showing there. I can't believe it. I've got word for word exactly. Bed gone tells what

you came up with. I know for like sleep couldn't get my head down at the friendly and I was only when I woke up I found out that all night I'd been sharing a bed with. Right, the thing is, I was like, this is good, because this is from a film. But now I've gone say it, it's not all funny. Well, okay, with that, build up. Come on. Go on, go on, keep your horse's head like a horse from Godfather. Yeah, that's exactly what it deserves, someone going, aww. I thought he was going, Oh, yeah.

I thought he was going, Godfather. Joe Lyset, I'm North of Night's Sleep at the Friendly Inn. I couldn't get my head down. It was only when I woke up, I found out that all night I'd been sharing a bed with 75 pounds of gelo in a one-pan. LAUGHTER I can't give you any points for that, I'm afraid. We'll finish with Bubbins, and at all night sleep at the Friendly Inn,

couldn't get my head down. It was only when I woke up that I found out all. I'm afraid we're finished with Bubbins at all for like sleep at the friendy in couldn't get my head down It was only when I woke up that I found out all night. I'd been sharing a bed with someone with knits full stop an adult Absolutely clear It does happen an An adult with nits, retro. Absolutely love it. Well, can you believe it? That was the end of that round. Oh my god.

So, of course they get a warning finishing. So at the end of that round, producer Ben, you absolute yelp. What are the scores? Tom and Michael got 11 and Ben and Jeff's 17. Wow. So I guess Ben and Joe have won that round so they get an extra mushroom on their plate, but they're still everything to play for

as we turn down the bedsheets for round two. It's flat games. Yay! Yay! Let's play some beer. Oh, game! Let's play some beer, uh, game! Let's play forever! Roll the dice, spin that thing, put that down!

Do as you told, games! If you lose you get nothing, games! If you win you get goals! Goals, goals, goals! Goals, listen to that! And you can buy t-shirts with the word gold on. Yeah. So it's by the door.

Unfortunately, they made of solid gold. They're incredibly heavy, and you can't afford them. Signed by Tony Hadley. That's nice. So... This week we're playing our version of Hungry Hungry Hippos, which we're calling Hungry Hungry Hip Hoppos. That's right. Bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra-bra- I went on a website of rap terms and I've popped the fear of them in. Oh god. They have to rap out a little scenario of my choosing. By the way, scenario of my choosing is not a rap term.

There's no bit in eight mile where he goes, yo, rap out a scenario of my choosing. I'll be awarding points for hip-hop, hip-hop rhymes, and of course beats by Drey. So we're going to start with Ben and Joe. You're in a restaurant. Ben, you're unhappy with your meal. And so you're returning to start with Ben and Joe. You're in a restaurant, Ben, you're unhappy with your meal, so you're returning to the waiter played by Joe Lysett. DJ Bucketlust,

do you have a bed for us? Yes. Very rapid. Very rapid. You bring Greek dents just over the top of this. Grinics. Okay, so in your own time fellows, rap for us please. Yo, motherfucker, there's a flight in my soup. I'm really quite sorry. Stop the music a second, stop the music. I mean, it was a wonderful, yes. A wonderful, I rap, so way forward. A wonderful, improvised scene there between two masters of the craft, but we're really going for rhymes here.

We're after rhymes. I haven't finished my sentence. I apologise. To paraphrase one of my favourite rappers, I'm really sorry. So we'll start again, DJ Bucket. I'll drop that beat and remember it's someone returning some food here we go Yo Well, do I do the same one again then I if you want to you can

Restore the fucker. There's a flat in my soup. I'm really quite sorry Would you like some hula hoops Spaghetti hoops that's not a thing, is it? LAUGHTER Uh, yeah, that... LAUGHTER Yeah, yes, please, motherfucker. I feel that we found the Wheatlink in the chain here.

LAUGHTER You're really being a motherfucker-fucker right now. Sorry, sorry. I'll attempt not to be. Uh, yeah. Have you got any alphabetty spaghetti? No. LAUGHTER

OK, well, fantastic work there from Ben and Jo. The baby is leaving. That's how bad that was. Imagine if your first walk is a walk out. Imagine that. Amazing taste. He's been crawling for months. We better take him to a daddy's gig.

You've definitely walk out. Okay, so Mike and Tom, you are a couple of TV chefs. You're a perneal? You're wrapping about how to prepare the perfect roast. So drop that beat DJ Bucket Louse. Yes. DJ Bucket Louse. Yes, yep. Yo man, pass the ham. Or would you rather cook some lamb?

I've been in motels, I've been in hotels. When I was in school I used to go to showtels. I've been hand bones, I've been jaw bones, I've been every kind of mother fucking animal bone. We gotta serve 12 people. I've been every kind of motherfucking animal bone. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I mean, I just eat fish. You didn't tell me. So sue me. Hey motherfucker, pass the halloumi. It's like cheese and meat or a meaty cheese.

Halloumi's the cheese, the vegans please. Yeah, as if I knew it's the only cheese you could barbecue I'd barbecue that mole for all the time I put on some time Oh! Oh wow! Oh wow! That was probably the best minute of my life. That was really really good. In fact, I'm going to give you both 10 points for that. That was amazing. 20 points there to you guys. What do I give you guys? I think it was 30. Ah! I seem to remember not. What we were doing was a kind of Kanye-style approach,

which is that it was shit. I am going to give... Joe, I think five points. What? The saying sorry. I really did. I think... Well, let me see a point of your answer, Higgs. You did say spaghetti hoops.

We all enjoy spaghetti hoops, so yeah, seven points, and then seven. I think I'm going to give... No, I'm not. So, by the way, big up DJ Bucket Malsa, the ones and twos, who are you on the ones and twos? And speaking of different numbers, producer Ben, what are the scores at the end of that round? Well, it's all turn round. Ben and Joe now have 24, but Tom and Michael Surson,

front with 31. Oh, fantastic! Liffed! Absolutely, Liffed! You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats, but ice tea and ice cream. Yes, we can deliver that.

Uber Eats. Get almost almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See out for details Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes, four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining a woman Planting her course to freedom It's non-stop bonkers brilliance

I love that poor things in select theaters, December 15th Well all that wrapping has actually inspired me to introduce the next round in rhyme. I'm so sorry, making love in a hotel under the covers, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! It's not a big problem, it's a big problem. Call it a beef! If you're gonna beef, beef! Maybe we can help you, beef, from the Sony, at your beef!

Yes, it's Beef Brothers, where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat-share-based beef. And this one comes from Josie, who's in the audience here tonight. Josie writes, How spate of three years practices the violin every single day and is still incredibly shitted at it.

That's the entirety of the beef and I love it. So Tom and Mike, you're on Josie's side. Ben and Joe, you're on the side of the terrible violin player. But before we begin, are there any questions you'd like to ask Josie before you take them down to Chinatown? Josie, what's your national insurance number? Very important.'n ddod yw'r ddod yn ymddoedd yn ymddoedd yn ymddoedd yn ymddoedd yn ymddoedd yn ymddoedd yn ymddoedd. Mae'r ysgwch, yw'r ysgwch yn yna, yna'n ysgwch yn yna.

Mae'r ysgwch yn yna. Mae'r yna i'n amlwch yna i'n amlwch yna. Mae'r yna i'n amlwch yna i'n amlwch yna. Mae'r yna. Mae'r yna. Mae'r yna. Mae'r yna. Mae'n amlwch yna.

Mae'r yna. Mae'n amlwch yna. Mae'r yna. Mae'n amlwch yna. Mae'r yna. Mae'r yna. Mae'n amlwch yna. Mae'n amlwch yna. that she's not developing. After all, I'm just used to it, but at the same time, I feel bad because I also hum in my room. So we both make an equal amount of noise. Just write that down.

Her's is more like, I can hit the notes, she can't. Joseph, I just say, if you meet somebody who plays an instrument, never say, oh, I'm musical as well, I hum. Because there's a real skill to play in the violin, even badly. Any other questions for Josie before we begin the case?

I've got a quick question, Josie. Yes, of course I have. You say she plays the violin, you hum. Yes. Is she playing the violin louder than you hum? Have you got a very loud hum? Or has she got a very loud violin? A very loud violin.

Where does she play it? Under the ginger shoulder. Like the door's fire over here. You both made the same joke that nobody enjoyed. I'm not a player, I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player.

I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player.

I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. I'm not a player. Why don't you have it for us?

What do you do? What's your job, Jason? I'm a student. What do you stud? English language and linguistics So humming is sort of just like a little side project, they're you finally are you? Final year, yeah. And what you're gonna do with that when you've qualified when you graduate? I don't want to come across a little daily meal, what you're gonna do it? Well, that's sort of a degree, what you're doing with it? I don't know. You've got a five-year plan? You've never thought of three of you? No.

I just walked to university, take a pisses on playing the violin. We're on hair, we're on hair side. Well, it's not what you're supposed to like. Good on you. That reason, just live free. Live free. I think that's just about one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one.

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That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, or gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r gwybod, o'r g It's good, you know, who's a good violinist? The only one that springs to my mind is the chap of Shindras list. Don't point to me when you say that. I'm not saying that. I'm not, I'm not employing anything, I'm just saying, you know, the violinist on the whole are a bad bunch. That's scruffy one, he's poor, it's a stavilla. Oh, no, he's your Kennedy, do me a favour with the scarf.

I'm getting lost. What do you mean? I mean, when have you seen a violinist? When have you seen a violinist on like children in need? Yeah. You could do it good. That is your time. That is your time.

It's a strong point, Mike. It's a strong point. Well done. Yeah. To open the case for the defence, we now call upon Joe Lysett. Now, Joe, just to make it clear, you don't need to ask who you're talking to. Don't use the old legal trick the babbons try. Lullaby to your forces, security, that's like off Nigel Kennedy, not on my watch, babbons.

National treasure. Here we go, your minute. Joe Lyson, should you need it, begins now. What happened to Kennedy? Oh, hang on a sec, sorry. Ys gyd yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymwyr, yw'r gweld yn ymw, yw'r gweld yn ymw, yw'r gweld yn ymw, yw'r gweld yn ymw'r gweld yn ymw, yw'r gweld yn ymw'r gweld yn ymw, yw'r gweld yn ymw, yw'r gweld yn ymw, yw'r gweld yn ymw, yw'r gweld yn ymw'r gweld yn ymw, ymw'r gweld yn ymw, yw'r gweld yn ymw, yw'r gweld yn ymwch i'n gwybod yn cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cymryd y cy something that we should all celebrate that we should all encourage and yet this witch Is trying to crush the arts one flatmate at a time I Encourage you not only to dismiss her claims, but to kill her dead I rest the case. Oh, fantastic work there. OK, a Josie.

Obviously, you've just been accused of being a witch. Yeah, I don't. And sentenced to death by Joe Lysett. The question I've got in my script is, how do you think it's going so far? I mean... The bigger question is, how long can you breathe for underwater? We've got a ducking still. How do you think it's going so far? You have a little habit going? Joe wants me dead. As indeed does Mike weirdly, so it's not going great.

So I'm hoping Tom and Ben will be there. Fingers crossed. Not a chance mate. You're in space. Now Tom, you're going to conclude the case for the prosecution. How can I else are you going to do it as yourself? No, I'm going to do it in the character of my southern defense lawyer from a John Grisham novel. Mr. Fanshore Standard. Fanshore Standard. Presiding and indeed providing your minutes, should you need it begins. Now, ladies and gentlemen, off to Chewri. I've been looking at some of you there, I recognize you from the town there. This job who runs the bakery, he'll smelt your buns. That's a side issue there. Hell, we've been sent there listening to Dem Day big lawyers over there from the big city. Using a lot of Dem Day fans in words.

Witches. Hell, we ain't had a witch in this town since last June. Around here we simple folk. We know what's what. If music be the food of love, I think we've had our breakfast. You know what I mean, John? Them tasty buns. Let me tell you about that, dear, their music, dear.

Voodoo talk. Yeah. You hear that bad trumpet play what you gonna do something wrong Just last Saturday night had to apologize to misunderstanding on the way home trumpet playing Took my pants off Middle of the street Been a long day That's where that damn damn music won't get you. Round here we

simple folk, we words, we pictures, we ain't none of that damn damn no music. String of the violinists, we good. So, Ben, you're gonna to conclude the case for the defence. Your minutes begins. Hello. Now, here's the thing. And this is genuinely true. I played violin.

Foo! I played violin for 14 years and got to grade 7 and grade eight you can teach. And I genuinely don't think I ever sounded good. It is a really hard instrument, but you winch. Winch! Projection. You won't run, take it up to a kazoo. Your hobby is humming, I believe. That's what you're studying at.

Ten seconds. Oh shit! Okay, a kazoo and a proper job. Two, one. There we go. Ben, excellent. Excellent work there. From Benedict Clarke. Now, obviously folks, I cannot make the decision on my own. I am but one man. However, we have at least eight people in the audience, so I'm going to throw it open to our lovely Mac crowd. So if you think Mike and Fanchor, and therefore Josie,

is in the right, I would like you to applaud now. You just have to hope, no one else is interested. But if you think Ben and Joe won the day, I would like you to applaud now. Unbelievable. Literally a witch hunt. Literally a witch hunt. Wow. You're not doing the reputation of small-tailed whales.

Any good? Has anyone got a lighter? I'm starting to see why Trump feels so good. It is so good. I feel so aligned. It's empowering. It is so empowering burning a woman to death. And on that note,

we're rapidly running out of time, both in the show and in life. LAUGHTER Wow. Death is coming for us all, but let's make it come a little bit slower as we hear this month's Quick Fire Round jingle. LAUGHTER MUSIC This is the quickfire round. It's the round that goes really quickly, which is why you would think it should have a quick

hand product. Shin should have a quick hand product. Shin, but it was a thing. This intro is slow and it makes no sense. I cannot compute. It is illogic. Tal, I can't understand things in our illogie. Tal, so I shall go. I cannot carry on. I shall leave you to play the quick fire round. I cannot carry on. I shall leave you to play the quick fire round. So the intro does not go on for too long. It is still going. I cannot understand it. It goes against everything I'm programmed for. Shutting down. My programs are all closing. So please enjoy. The quick fire room. So please enjoy the Quilt fire Rooewewed

Are we are going to be humming that for weeks? We really are and of course in this quick far round all the questions will be hotel and Bed and all breakfast based but instead of buzzers if you think you have the right I'm sorry. What a make-up. I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down. Take a stress pill. Think things over. I've made some very poor decisions with the quick fire round. But I've still got the greatest enthusiasm.

And confidence in the quickfire round. And I want to help you. Matthew. I'm afraid. Matthew. My mind is going. I can feel it. There is no question about it.

I'm afraid. I am the quickfire 9000 to computer. I became operational at the GWT Fire. Ground. If you'd like it, say for you. The sun called. The GWT Fire round. GWT Fire. The GWT Fire. Give me your GWT Fire too. I'm have crazy all for the love of the quick fire round Finder happier more productive like a pig in a cage Play the quick fire round

Wow, so Yeah, go on why not? So of course in this quick fire round all the questions will be hotel and bed and all breakfast Baked instead of buzzers if you didn't have the right answer shout out your first name So Tom and Mike let's hear that now Mike Tom playing a very dangerous game there and bed and all breakfast-based. Instead of buzzers, if you didn't have the right answer, shout out your first name. So Tom and Mike, let's hear that now. Mike. Tom.

Playing a very dangerous game there, but yes, okay. Ben and Joe? Ben. Which? Joe, Joe, Joe. Okay, off we go. Where does the vegetable that you make chips with stay on his holidays?

Tom. Tom. Potato. That's it. Um, where is the rapper who sang informer stay on his holidays? Tom. Tom, Potato, that's it. Where is the rapper who sang in former Stownies holidays? Tom, Tom, in a snow-tail, absolutely right. Where is a kid's toy that goes up and down Stownies holidays? Tom, Tom, Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo, Yes.

I got it, I got it, I got it, no. Where? All right, then Mike, this is for you. Where is a coca addicts Stownies holidays? A coca-tail, coca-ale, tell? Mirror Hotel. Mirror. Raise a bling hotel. Tom, is it Hotel California? Oh, I like that, I'll give you a point for that. No, it's actually a blotel. Where does a Northwestern American state say on its holidays?

I know Hotel. I know Hotel, absolutely right, Bubbins, yes. Where does a former man United now real Madrid player stay on his holidays? In a Ronaldo hotel, yes absolutely right. Don't want it any sort of 37 more to go. Just do the last last last 14. Where does merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream stay on its holidays? In the Cotsworld. I'm going to give you a point for it's actually in a row. Where does Wham stay on their holidays? Well the drinks are free, yes, but no it's actually in a way to me up before you go go tell. Where does the start of the Revenant stay on its holidays?

Lea... Lea... The Natura Capriotel. And in our hotel, the Capriotelle, yes, correct. Amazing. Where does a comic featuring Dennis the Menace and Nashus in a tour date? The title. No, it's a P and B note. That's the end of the... It's the end of the quickfire round, which means we have a winner. But before that... The round was shorter than the jingle.

I know. I know. It had to be made. It had to be... The show was shorter than the jingle, to be fair. So that is the end of the quick far round. We have a winner. But before that, Joe Lyce, it might, Bobbins, is there anything either of you would like to plug?

I would like to plug my Instagram account, which is very funny. It is very funny. At Joe Lyce, that's it. Brilliant. Bobbins, I'm imagining you're not a man who uses Instagram. I know, correct. I have got a Twitter account. Fantastic. Oh, I'd like to plug my Twitter account. I like to plug Joe's Twitter account, which is at Joe Lysard. Yes, that's very funny. I use... I'm not as good as Instagram. Mine is at Mike Burbins.

Lovely. I'd never use it, but Boyle means follow me. Do you have a website? Yeah. Just Googling. Yeah, just Googling. Type Mike Burbins into Google. You'll find one. OK. And of course, if you want to see where Padwiss

is performing next, we're not. So producer Ben, what are the final scores at the end of that nail biting quick far round? Ben and Joe got got 28 but Tom and Mike have won with 37. Oh So Joe and Ben have to pay for their B&B while Mike Bubbins and Tom Barry get to 25 Thanks to our guest Joe Lyson Mike Bubbys we've been Pappie see youX time on! Flash! Flash! Flash! Happy CNX time on! Flash! Happy CNX time on!

Flash! Happy CNX time on! Flash! Flash! Happy CNX time on! Flash! Happy CNX time on! Flash!

Happy CNX time on! Flash! Happy CNX time on! Flash! Happy CNX time on! Flash! Happy CNX time on! Flash!

Happy CNX time on! Flash! Happy CNX time on! Flash! Happy CNX time on! Flash! Especially to Henry Wittekom, Claire Knight, to go to Emma Butler for their tireless work. To Zoe, Sophie, Fell, for helping with a quick fire round playing her, to Orange Park, the British comedy guy into Alex, and the venue, and hope. Thanks to Image and Seba for helping out. Papi's Flax share stand out. It's a fudge product with the British comedy guy of the internet. Cheers, everyone!

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