Pappy's Flatshare - Series 6, Episode 8 (Put Up The Wallpaper)

Episode Date: August 1, 2016

Bella Younger and Brett Goldstein guest on a show that contains papier mache, Pokemon GO and pornography - and everyone has a real good time. Do remember to tell everyone you meet about Flatshare Slamdown. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters, December 15th.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome all the way from Dine Stas. It's your housemates for the evening. Peppie! Cheers! How are we doing, Rue Well? Welcome to Flat Share Slum Day, the only podcast I've done. Yes, that's the truth. We're the only ones still going. No.

Everyone's resigned! So, we, nobody's start with a sketch, but we're trying to do the sketch. Yes! Live here in the room. Oh, it's not good. Yeah. It's worse than the recorded sketch. It's, it's, we're terrible! You can't call them sketches, because it's just a sentence, basically. Yes. Let's not wait any longer. Let's see what that's in place.

Right, it's gonna be. Let's get into it. So, here we go. How a good time everyone. Tom Ben One of YouTube Blummin buffoons has got a hang up all this wallpaper. Oh, I'm at yeah, it's too hot for wallpaper Yeah, I'll slide right back off the wall. Yeah, and we haven't got any bloody walls Already paper walls to my dog. Already paper. Yes, and there's only one way to settle this. We're going to have to have a Flash Eslau now.

Flash Eslau now. Hello and welcome to Flash Eslau Down, the panel show that says, Where it began, I can't begin to know in, But then I know it's going strong. Was in the spring, and spring became the summer Who'd have believed you'd come along. Hands, touching hands, reaching out, touching me, touching you, not a sweet Caroline Bap bap bap, good times never seems so good

But I'd be inclined, bap bap bap To believe they never would, what a lovely song By the way, this month's show is all about wallpaper and the host of landlords He finally did it everyone close down the podcast. It's happened. I Couldn't think of what I'm the host of landlord Matthew prosby and while they're under my roof They'll be following my rules. Let's meet my lovely tenants Tom Perry and Benedict We thought we thought you to go for a wall. Good God, people!

What is it good for? Don't bring up the walls. Yeah, don't think I... Don't think I didn't think of that about three in the morning, but... But no. So, Tom, just tell me now, today we're going to try and get you to hang up this wall paper. But why are you... Why don't I ask you to hang the wall wallpaper, behaving like such a waste of paste?

Oh, I would do the wallpapering, but I'm sponsored nowadays, I'm sponsored by paint, and I'm contractually obliged to not use wallpaper, okay? Because I'm a paint man paint the wallpaper you can spread Paint like a bright soup that sticks I'm a paint man so Ben. He's a paint man. Oh, that's not a million miles away from there We'll be paint the movie by Paul Thomas Anderson. I'm a paint man, see? I drink your paint. I drink it up. And then I go to A&E. Because I'm drunk all my pants.

Clarkey. That's our last slogan. Paint. Don't drink it. Don't drink it. Do you know what it does? It's a bit like the stuff in lush. Oh, you want to eat it?

You can't eat it. They chuck you out. They chuck you out. they chuck you out. Ben, when I asked you to paper the wall, why do you tell me to flock off? Which according to a website is a type of wallpaper, flock of wallpaper. Yeah, it's the kind of thick wallpaper. Yes, that was a one Google away for that joke. Absolutely worth it. Good chat, guys. wallpaper all brings back, it bad memories for me, because I used to work at a club where I used to seductively

dance and take wallpaper off my body. I saw wallpaper stripper. But the thing is, I got demoted to being the guy who just had to wallpaper up everyone else So I was left basically just paper in over the cracks I like that it was a journey it was on there. Yeah, but and also a true story We're importantly, please don't make me again carking please don't make me we But obviously you can't for a wall on your own

Who if you brought along to hold the ladder this week? I'm stuck with Ben. I have bought my handyman. Yes, it's Brett Goldstein. Goldstein. It's Andy Hale. Thank handyman Brett Goldstein of all people. Brett, it's great to have you here. Thanks so much, everyone. Did you know you were Ben's hand team head? Now I do. Now you've got some jobs to do. I missed the promotion because previously I was just...

Providing the paste. Yeah. Yeah. It's really good to be hands on with him and I love him. Oh my god. This is escalating, really quickly. Very quickly. What do you love about Ben? Do you know what? Because where do I start?

The tradition is in a sort of pornographic movie is that the handyman comes over, then they have sex. But the handyman in this case has come over and declared his love, which I think is a real sea change. Very refreshing. I don't do sex without love. That's just one of my friends. Oh, he's working his lines already.

Really? He says that to all the women he bangs! Sorry, sorry Thomas, what? We always had a very tender moment between Ben and Brett Goldstein. You had to buddy it up, didn't you? Sorry. My theoretical apologies. So put that to one side. What kind of a flatmate are you?

I don't like living with people. OK. Well, it's great to have both of you guys. I realise I'm going to sort of flatmate are you? I don't like living with people. Okay. I realize I'm going to sort of flatmate like one of the reasons I do stand up is so I'm home really late because I hope that my flatmate is asleep but when I get home and hear them in the living room I literally like have a moment of like fuck's sake and then come out and say, hey, how's it going? And then, see mom and dad? Yeah, yeah, more like guys. But if there is sleep when I get in, what a treat. What's the treat?

No, that's what the treat is. Sorry, it involves me. I get a bad over it. What we do, we do some handy work. To be fair, the last fight mate I had is this guy's out in the world, don't it? Yep. But it's his half-rate guy.

It was an amazing guy. How are you guys saying? And in the in the world, isn't it? Yep. But it is a great guy, was an amazing guy. Oh, he goes, so. And in the case of him, I love, I've come home early. Just to hear his stories from the office. Oh, no. No, I'm a good flatmate, but in my head, I'm thinking, why are you awake? But openly, I'm loving it.

Why are you going to go ahead and and say that's not a good person. Let alone flatmates. It seems like you're enjoying being on this podcast but what's going on inside. Yeah. And to the delight to be here. Okay mate, let's move it on. Oh no. Thomas Perry, who have you brought along with you this week? Well Matthew, terrible news, the Jamborees in danger.

Oh no. Yes. I know we had a food Matthew, terrible news, the Jamba Rees in danger. Oh, no! Yes! I know we had a food inspection. It turns out the food that we were providing for the Jamba Re was not to scratch. So I had to turn to the person who I think knows the most about food who I know. I turned to Instagram, the star of Instagram,

deliciously stellar herself. Miss Bella Younger, everyone! Oh, Younger is here! Hello. Hello. Hello, Bella. Great to have you here. Hi. Are you a good, I mean, the basically Miss Bella Younger everyone! Yes, Younger is here! Hello! Hello Bella, great to have you here. Hi. Are you a good... I mean the bars been set so low by Brett.

I know. Anything you say is probably a better flatmate, don't you? Well, that's a serial killer, so I hope that I'm good in that. I'm really, really disgusting, to be honest. How so? I'm really dirty, so a union. Everyone hated going in my bedroom, because it was so rank, it was so rank that once someone took some milk, they took the top off and they hid it on top of my cupboard and they just

left it there to see how long it would be before I even noticed. Oh God. What's the princess in the pee? How long did it last? A couple of weeks, it was really disgusting. Two weeks with a pint of milk in your room? Yeah, I'm not as bad as the people I lived with lived with they were really bad. Okay, tell us about them This is good. I lived with a girl who used to call MDMA Barbie

Not available in any stores And she used to do bizarre things like she once signed up for this really weird modeling agency And I came home and she was just like posing on the mantel piece in her underwear just like posing on the mantelpiece in her underwear. Whoa. Like with the mantelpiece. On the mantelpiece. How skinny was she? She was barbie.

She was fighting. She was just like a cat. And I'm just there and I was like, oh, my mom's coming around. In about half an hour. So if you could just like get the ketamine off the table, that'd be really nice. That is genuinely the most exciting flutters

that we've ever had. No, because we live such boring lives. The best day of our lives when we find that double yoke in the egg. Oh my god. We lost that shit. We almost broke our wrist-siphoning, didn't we? We're like, this is a sign we're going to be friends forever. And then you pass it on top of your wardrobe.

So we have met our contestants, but who will cover the tools in glory, leaving the other team to cover my walls in glorious door, Rley paper. Let's find out as we play round one! He gave it a try on his first day at work. It looks handsome, it looks smart. It's Julia Wackovat. This amazing wall of many colors. How I love that wall of many colors. It is reds and yellow and green and brown and starlet and black and other ampeats and will be a non-evend finite and what then what can I do?

And I am told to lay a hold It looks like a tiny tarp, and like something just out of you the pool, Did you not hear what I said? I told Spill to plant it red, and oh I hate this, all of it is well done, It just shits this, all of many challenges. You are quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet and quiet. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Wow! I mean, the West End is in trouble, but I'd never knew. It was that bad. So round one, round one is Papier Mashup. I am going to give each team a newspaper story from the last decade and ask them to sing about it in a genre of my choosing. So your team may well then have to guess the story.

OK, so points will be awarded for getting the correct answer, but also for performance skills, for depth of knowledge, and for resemblance to either Taylor Swift or Hugh Edwards. So Tom, we're gonna start with you. You're all gonna be singing in the genre of Rock and Roll. Okay. DJ Bucket Lousas found some tracks.

Um, big up DJ Bucket Lousas, the ones and two. What up, what up, what up? DJ Bucket Lousas, I can't see, man, did you be there? So, um, so your genre, Tom, is rock and roll. Bella, what is Tom singing about? DJ Bucket Louse and the ones and twos, take it away. Woo! It was a great old summer we had a good time there.

Whilst lots of fireworks, beckon, minimal. And people ran faster than everybody waved the flag. Woo-hoo! Everyone had a nice tag, And people want something, And everyone wants the country's place. And it makes! Yes, it's where I got it. Wow, we...

That was pretty impressive, Bella, Because as far as I could tell, Tom just sang people have a nice time, seven times. Because they had a nice time, I didn't know it was seven times it was the last time we had a nice time it was 2012 both career wise it's funny because it's great so it points out of five thirty I think thirty would be too many people Do I want to give you a nice time? People have touched up with that. It's tough when someone saying people had a nice time to then say I'm not going to give you as many points.

So, probably... Should we make it, should we make it points out of 100? Probably. Oh, 30, 30 points. 30 points to Tom and Bella. There we go. That's Tom and Bella. So, Bella, your genre is country and indeed Western. So Tom, what is the story?

I went down to Iceland to find myself some food and it made me. I went. I mean, it was very good. It was very good. It was really good. I went to Ohio to high school and to find myself some meat. And instead of going, move, it went, nay. And everyone had a nice time.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, brilliant. You don't have it, have you? Yes, it was the whole space, that's all. Oh my gosh! Brilliant! You don't have it, have you? Yes, it was the horse meat scandal! Yes, it was the horse meat scandal, of course! Where they found horse meat in the lasanias and stuff. That's absolutely right, when we all went down to Iceland and the food nades. We all remember it. Very impressive.

Yes, thanks, I'm in a personal hell right now. Well, thanks for coming on the show. Now, Brett thinks it, but he doesn't say it. Yeah, that's the thing. Let's do some points. So, again, well, I mean, that was incredibly strong turn out there. So, points out of 100. I'm going to give you 89 points.

So, that was very, 89 points. 89 points out of 100. No, you're generous. 89 points. So that was very, very 89 points. Oh my god! 89 points out of hundreds. No, you're generous. Thank you. 89 points. So here we go. Everything to play for. We're going to start with Brett.

We'll start with Brett. Brett, here you go. Your genre is the nebulous genre of R&B slash pop. And see if you can sing us a little ditty along to this bit of library music we found called Damage Control. How are we to allow? Here we go. Freaking sexy.

There was a man, he was really high up, really, really high up, the highest motherfucker ever. He was so high, everybody said, he's one of his, he's smoking, but he wasn't smoking, he was in a balloon. No. He went really high, people couldn't see him no more. Thank God, he was wearing GoPro on his head. He went so high that he jumped from the sky that people were like, I think he's gonna die.

Mother fucking didn't die. I could say, live lived to tell the tale we saw it on our YouTube It was not on epic fail. It was on ease of winner then everyone's around and enjoyed the dinner Probably the greatest part of my life. We need some damage by all. We need to die with control in this room because you have absolutely wrecks the place. You really? Yes. Clarke, Clarke, what are you reckon? I believe it is the highest ever...

Skydive, the duty went up in finance. Bound God. It was a deep bound God. It's highest ever, highest every jump out the stratosphere all the way to earth and then as we remember we all had our dinner So point so I'm gonna give you a call eight points well done Doesn't seem doesn't seem fair does it? Ten points ten points ten points there to Brett okay, so Well done, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no So we have the final one and it is well of course with Ben Clark it could only be Heavy Metal. So Heavy Metal with a little piece we're calling Wind Big. Let's find out what the story is.

Woo! Yeah! That's the Heavy Metal wall! Wow! Yeah! It's the heavy metal wall. Wow. Yeah, it's a bear. Okay, I can't find receipts. And I'm putting them through. Put the problem walls in the bus door and entire house.

Whoa, I've took a lot of crabs, a lot of bills. And we ate out of we had second properties. Oh. I mean, I know what it is, but I don't know. We all had a nice tie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We all had a nice tie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Did I mention about the last time we had yet? Oh, I put my taxes through. Don't worry about that, I just wrote that off.

Yeah, I know I got a swimming cold and I got a lot of conversion. I'm working part of it! You have a nice time! You're having a nice time! We all have a nice time! We all have a nice time! We all have a job at the time! Oh, win big by Ben Clark and everybody win big! If only there was a word to describe the time we had listening to that.

So Brett, any idea what the new story that Ben was singing about? It was of course, Brexit. It was! It was the MP, it's just scandals. Absolutely right, and just for everybody at home, we'll have a track again. And here's how it should have sound it. That was absolutely correct. So I've got to give you some points for that.

And I think, I mean, it was very strong, wasn't it? It was. It was so strong, Clarke. In fact, I am going to give you 125 points for our 125 points. 125 points. So our second verse will do for you. Well, that round has completely destroyed everybody's love of music. But so what has it done? Ben Walker, what has it done to the scores?

Well, very excitingly Tom and Bella have the highest score we've ever heard of 119. Oh my god. Until now, because Bretton Ben had 135. Oh my god until now cuz Brandon bad at 135 Well, Brandon bad had a brush with brightness, but neither team is yet kicked the bucket They're still everything to play for as we play flat games Let's play together games Forever roll the dice spin that thing, put that down Two is your toll, games If you lose you get nothing, games If you win you get gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, movement sounds like! Oh, that makes me sad.

So this week we're going to play a game that we like to call, oh, at least this is the most topical we've ever been. Yes, we'll give it a horse-peak scandal. No, no, this is the most topical moment. Bloke him on go! Bloke him on go! That's torn for the page of today's newspapers. Each player is going to go in about seven months.

That's going to be a bad one. Not another fucking Pokemon Go reference. Each player is going to pretend to be a series of famous men in different locations. Their teammate, by listening to their impersonation and what they're saying, has to guess who the bloke is and where they are. I'm going to give you five each and one minute per team member to catch them all, as I believe the kids are saying. Before we begin, it's worth keeping in mind that although you are impersonating famous men, gender is a social construct, not a biological imperative. So let's start with Ben and Brett. Ben, you are the blocs, Brett, you are guessing who and where they are.aking. It's baking here. Is that...

Oh, Liam Gallagher. Yeah! Oh, no! Oh, God! Oh, it's absolutely baking. This is the biggest... This is the biggest baking place I've ever been. In the Navin?

In the... I love it. Bigger than that. So, Sunday... Well, in the desert. Yeah, but the biggest one. The Sahara? Yes, bravo!

I can't... Halfway, halfway. I am very good looking. Short-quarrish? No! Hi, they call me gorgeous and I'm... I've climbed up here, but I'm in a little house while I'm up there. Mark, we climbed up here, but I'm in a little house while I'm up here Mark, you climbed up here. I mean I'm in all the co-embrothers films all of a sudden and I'm gorgeous

They call me gorgeous Two and a half points there, okay, Bella. Here are your famous men Tom. You are gonna be to be the one getting, okay? Oh my god. Bless you, so your time starts. Now, oh, I'm frightfully posh and I'm in a Richard Curtis film. And Hugh Grant. Yes. Is where? And I'm in India, in the most famous monument in India. Oh, the Taj Mahal.

Exactly. Oh, hi, Holly, I'm on this morning and I'm a man. Fear lips go fear. And I am somewhere with bars Philips co-feel. LAUGHTER And I am somewhere with bars in front of me. Prison! He's in prison. Philip's co-files in prison.

Yeah, last. LAUGHTER And I'm an angry Lord. You're fired. I'm in the most famous concert venue in New York. Alan's sugar is in Madison Square Gardens. Exactly. Sex, bomb, sex, bomb.

Top Jones! And I'm in that cheap place where you buy trainers and footballs. What locker? No, the cheap one, the really cheap one. Sports direct. Oh, 10 seconds left. Oh, you were on Big Brother and you were really annoying my man. Chris Evans.

Oh, bad. Do I can't do it? No, you can't go and you've got two seconds. Okay, I was married to Amanda Holden and I fell in the sea. That is your tie. LAUGHTER I... Firstly in the sea. That's your time. I Firstly

Very strong. The award for favourite clue I think we've already Got to give that out. That should be a book title. That's very smart. I'll give you a chance to guess it because the clue was out. Married to someone who had a holden was Les Dennis. Yes. In the Pacific It was ocean. You're never going to get it. It was in a capsized yacht. in the Pacific Ocean. You're never going to get it.

It was in a capsized yacht. But in terms, you got all the others. So that is a whopping nine points. Yes! Now, Brett, you get to man up and Ben, you get to guess. And your minute begins. Now. You're right.

He doesn't speak like that. I'm a... Leave Gallagher. No, like that I'm a leave Gallagher no I'm a dirty dirty man no and I've got a club in London where girls are a different people go on their stag a mullet and I... Yeah, Pete Strickfellas. Yes, and I am currently in former USSR. Oh, that Russia? Yes, I am. The man who comes down your chimney every Christmas.

That's cool. Yeah, follow the questions. Yes, and I'm hanging out with Doc Cotton in the... In the... Alvik? No, when is Doc Cotton hanging out? I don't know what the watch is. Oh in the, in the, in the, Olvick? No, when is the dot-cutting hangout? I don't know what the watch that should. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Okay, in an, in an advert, you'd go there and take off your jeans. Oh, in a long trek? Yes. I'm, I'm only existing advert. I'm the, I'm the labour leader that is very divisive. People are saying, that's your time, that is your time,

I'm afraid I'll allow you, Jeremy Corden. So you manage to get five. Five points there way great reference the old advert with broke takes us jeans off Okay, so finally we're gonna end with you Tom, so you have exactly one minute better to guess which men Tom is trying to be. Go. My trousers are up under my nipples. I'm very strict, I'm a judge. Yes, and I'm in Britain, second city. Birmingham. I wrote a song, I baked some bread, I baked some bread for you. And it was all by me. And it was all by me.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, what, where they live? The clock's there. I sing the song, hey, hey, I bang with a paltrow, yeah, I'm your car. Chris Martin. Yeah, and then I baked some bread for you. And you're going to buy it from me. We're in a... Where'd you buy bread from, Crazy Guy?

The bakery. Yes, sorry. Oh, I'm crazy, bald guy, chef. God, right for me. That's confusing. No, a bit for the back. Paul Guy, Chef, God, right for me, that's confusing. Great wallets. No, bit for the back. Paising Harriet.

Yeah, in where you vote for the government. Parliament. Yeah. All right, Trichle. I saw you right. Underwater is a palace. It's like a palace underwater. Is it?

The palace underwater? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like hidden pearly sanded water. And that is your time of the great. Oh, so close. Any idea who Tom was trying to be there? Absolutely not, though. Tom tell us but it's out of our misery. It was Danny Dyer in the lost city of Atlantis.

Oh, it's a Samir! I've got to go to Atlantis. Which is definitely a programme I would want. Yeah, it's coming to Santa Fe. So after all of that, I'm not sure who'll have any more actually, but to produce a Ben shed some want. Yeah, it's coming to you to channel five. So after all of that, just not sure who I am anymore, actually. But to produce a Ben shed some light on all of it by giving us the scores. Tom and Bella have no forward to 134. But Ben and Brett now have 140, two and a half.

Wow! Wow! It's far. And you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no. You can't anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup, maple lattes, and maple bourbon.

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Product availability varies by region. See you at for details. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that.

Four things. It's like theatersstop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters for December 15th. Well, let's time to see which men are more equal than others as we pay. Beef Brothers! Oh! If you've got a problem, I've caught a little problem. Because you've got a problem, call it a beef. If you've got a beef, beef. Maybe we can help you, Beef Brothers, starting at your beef.

Yes, it's Beef Brothers, where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat shared based beef and this one comes from Kunal who's in the audience Are you there Kunal? That's the sound of the police Hello, Kunal how you doing mate. Oh, thank you great. This is what Kunal writes to us How you doing mate? Oh, thank you great. This is what Canal writes to us. He says my housemate borrowed my speakers to watch porn in surround sounds luxury

Also the kitchen's always in a shitty condition Which, I thought we could all be like, we're like, yeah, we're just, no, okay fair enough, good. Okay, so Tom and Bella, you are on Canal side, Ben and Brett, you are on the side of the Wanker. So, before we begin, how is being referred to? No, we can, what's it, let's not go and give his name, but, um, we don't have names here, the Wanker's final option. Fair enough. Um, before we begin, let's have a cross examination.

Now, it doesn't have to be cross, it can be polite. Oh, that's lovely stuff. Thank you so much, everybody. Has anyone got any questions? Here's what I would like to know. This fat mate of yours, this hero. He comes to you and says, Can I borrow your speakers so I can masturbate to porn in Saransad?

He goes to his room, he does this, and then returns to the speakers. Finish you and ask that. The speakers are still with him. Oh, you don't want to back-room, do you? I don't. Can I ask you, he came to you and said, can I borrow your speakers?

Yep, that's it. But at no point did he let you know for what purpose he was going to, he's what saw it, it was to watch a movie, to watch a movie. Not which movie it was. Now you naturally thought Conjunction Thomas Paris Thomas Paris with a family message. You're in contempt of course

How did you know he was watching Paul? How good are these speakers? You listening at the door how Did you have a little glass capped here? The thing is, we live on campus and I'll go to the next room and your speakers are pretty good. So we... The platform... I mean, that's kind of your fault, isn't it? Can I? By worse speakers. Don't blame the wind.

Were you left watching your porn on silence? The greatest tragedy of all, really. Or even worse on subtitle. Oh! Someone's got to spell that shit. What is this guy next door to you? Studying, other than... Other than...

The obvious thing, two bees. Economics and finance, a bee. He can always have finance, of course. Okay, so he's worked two bees. Economics and finance? He can always have finance. Of course. OK, so he's worked it out. Well, he's worked out how to save money on speakers. He's good. It just makes fiscal sense, guys. Yeah.

So he's got, and what are you studying? Computer science. Computer science. How big are these speakers? Are we talking about, like, not that big, though? Let's put it in a pop kind of start back to the future that would be a very different start to the future if you've not had your speakers back how long ago did he go in for this

wank how long ago did he borrow them last month last month he's still got them he is going to be a fucking puddle mate How long ago did he borrow them? Last month. Last month? He's had a lot of fun. He's still got them. He is going to be a fucking puddle mate. He is going to be... You asked him for them back. I'm actually moved to my sister's place.

Oh no! Hang on, hang on, you're okay. How good are these speakers? You're still here, ex! I think you need to be a little bit assertive mate and maybe just ask for them back. Yeah, that's it. Don't problem solve back case problems.

Hopefully that is enough information for our team to make their cases. So remember, Bella, you are on, come on, come on. I am on his side. So you have exactly a minute to begin the case for the prosecution. Okay. Should you need it? The minute begins now. So you lent these speakers to your friend in good faith and he has not returned them.

You asked for him to give them back within a certified period of time and he is not. He lied to you about what he was going to use the speakers for and in fact used them for devious purposes, potentially watching illegal content online. Oh! Someone's on the phone! Yeah, that's right. So this man has inadvertently used your possessions to break the law, and you, by default, feel partially responsible, which you are not in any way.

That's it. LAUGHTER Absolutely. Well, there we go. Pelle Younger, there, making the case. Pocconal. Finished wrong. And the prosecution. We're going to throw it over now to Brett Goldstein,

who is going to begin the case for the defence. Brett, your minute begins. Now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, what we're looking at here is a question of higher education. We have a man who studied computer science, and as we know, what is computer science for, other than making pornography. He is a flatmate and better.

Asked him for his speakers, because his flatmate studies economics, knows how to save money. You, someone else's stuff, you gave him your speakers, he used your speakers for what you make. So he's combined the two skills of economics and computer science. You then fearing for your own intellect, left, left and went to hide with your sister, who as we know studies something equally inferior and and together you hide there while a man is combining the best use of University of Everett his earning money just sitting

there and that's your time I'm afraid that is your time at excellent work at Brecht Goldstein hoping in the case for the defense now now Kunal you had a few things you wanted to chip in with there. How do you think it's going so far? Not so well. I tend to just graduation. You attended his graduation? Yeah, because.

I was surprised he showed up. So you attended his graduation. So you're still being a good friend to him? I think he's a good friend. He's new information. I mean, it's not the day for it after he's thrown his mortar board into the end. But by the way, those speakers use the wanky. He can have them back.

But do you think you're never going to see these speakers again? It seems unlikely. Right. Well, maybe that's going to inform the next two cases. Now, Tom, you are going to conclude the case for the prosecution. Yes. Would you like to do it as yourself? No, I'm going to do it in the style of my Southern lawyer defense character from a John Grisham novel. No, the Fanshawe Standard.

Mr. Fanshawe Standard! Presiding and indeed providing, your minute should you need it. Begin now. Ladies and gentlemen, after June, Mr. Fanshawe Standard here providing and presiding. Hell, we've heard a lot of things here today. As has that client. Heard a lot of things. Kind of got me thinking about the things that we're made to listen to.

Hell, we're simple folk around here. Hell, I think about not only what we know, but what do we hear around here Crying to bakery time to buy the bread cows into field moving to the field Well done in the field Personally wants to feel talking about the field a lot of people saying the word Field a lot of people saying the word, field.

That's the kind of place where we are, hell. And then it kinda gives me thinking about the language of Dem Dello. Hell, I'm sure you remember the first time that Jenny said to you, Dem De touched me. Yeah. Yeah.

It ain't what you see, it's what you say. That's why my grandpa told me, and my mama told me to stop talking to my grandma. Yeah. Because I was too young for that then, now. Yeah, yeah, always stuck with me. Language of the sounds, what you say, what you do, know what you hear, yes.

Yeah, hell, Mrs. Standin' there, three months here in fiction. Boy, I had to take a long walk in the field. Next to the cow in the field, whisper into language of love to a cow. Strange times. Strange times. I guess the point is this, when you get home tonight, tell that person you love that you love them. No more questions, your honor.

And she was standing there, pretending to be providing us with a horrible insight into his personal life. So Clarky, it falls to you, the unambiable task of concluding for the defence. So a minute should you need it, begins right about now. Well, listen, this wanker, aka winner winner aka Dr Dolby. How big is Dr Dolby? 5.1 inches. I think it's up in you, right?

Because at university, surely, now I'm not lend anyone is used for that purpose. So I have done, written you a cautionary list of all the things you shouldn't lend to a friend, just in case they might use it for wanking. Speakers, you computer, moisturizer, tissues, fire stock, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you're bad, you Speakers, you computer, moisturizer, tissues, a sock, your bed, a pet, your phone, any perishables, any family photographs, any family members. And now, Ben Clark, there could be the case for the defence. Now, I'm afraid I cannot make that decision myself. I'm simply not bothered. Now, instead, I'm going to throw it open to our live Phoenix audience.

So if you think Bella and Fan Shore and therefore Canal is in the right, I'd like you to applaud now. And if you think Brett and Ben won the day, then applaud now. Yeah! That's a hum jury. I don't think we can give it to anyone. I think that was...

So what... What was that clocky? It's just... It's a hum game. I'm glad... I'm going to have to give it to Fan Shore and Bella. We have to give it to Fan Shore and Bella. Fan Shore and Bella win the points to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we have to give it to Fan Show and Bell and we This is the quick fire round. It's the round that goes really quickly

But already we've got off to a slow start That was a long introduction Yes, it was me I was supposed to come in at least a bar earlier But I didn't and now it's going to go long I'm sorry about that long start With a shame If only we could start again

But we can't So here we are in the middle of it. It's time to get on with a quick fire round. It's too hot to mess around, mate. It's a really sweaty affair, let's just get cracking Let's not muck about On days like today, everything feels like an effort Best nip it in the bud, and quit while we're ahead So let's get cracking. Yes, let's do it.

I've unbuttoned my shirt, Maine, and Ben still in his pants. Anyway, it's time to get on with the Quig Fire. Oh, the Quig Fire! Round jingle there. Lovely to have a visual on that as well. This time, lovely to have a visual. Clocking is undercrackers. You were just a billowing shirt. So of course in this quick far round, all of the questions will be wallpaper based. Instead of butter. checked boxers' shoes. They're very nice. Well done, Ben. I'm wearing nice pants. Well now we've got fat out the way. Here it is, the quick fire row.

Got into the end there between you and Ben, didn't there? This is why I'm not allowed round. Of course in this round, all the questions will be wallpaper based. Oh. Oh. Oh. I'm wearing white breeze.

Thanks for asking. Goodbye. So we had what was it, blue and yellow checkers? Blue and white checkers. Blue and white checkers and white briefs. Big question is, you recorded that yesterday. You still got the same ones on? We recorded them this morning.

No, you did it. We did it. We recorded this morning. No, I just get out of jail free. I'm not wearing any now. Oh, you got it. Oh! Bugs off, bugs on.

No! And also, how is that? Are you wearing swimming trunks? You live a such a different life to mine. I'm just going to pop my duffelcoat back on and walk out. OK, so if you think you have the right answer, instead of buzzers, shout out your first name. So Tom and Bella, let's hear that now.

Tom. Bella. Excellent work and Ben and Brett. Ben and Brett. Excellent. So off we go. Why did the decorator get the walls drunk before he put up the wallpaper? Tom, Tom, so they were plastic.

So they were plastic? Yeah, how is wallpaper like sausages and bacon? It's delicious. Yeah, I don't. Good to give you half a point. It's often sold in rolls. What material used to decorate walls divided east and west Germany until 1980? Tom, Tom. What did you say you said meat because of the previous question? No, you said meat because you're making a theory, did you? The Berlin Wallpaper. Can we just talk about the fact you called yourself meat?

Tom, I've just had a brain fart, I just said this. But that was amazing. I know. I know. It's been actually for like three years, haven't you as well? Six years now, I still have a dream about it? Six years now, I still dream about it. Six years, I still dream about it. It's been a good vacation and see you every morning. Yeah.

Oh! Anyway, the Berlin Wallpaper. Yes, well done, the Berlin Wallpaper. What material use to decorate walls is also a book about a man in a bubble hat who likes to hire a cop. A pop, top, top. Where's Walley paper? Walley paper.

Walley paper. What material use to decorate walls was a double act in the 1980s and 90s, whose catchphrase was? Ben, Ben, yes. Can an wallpaper? Can an wallpaper? Absolutely right, what material used to decorate walls

is also a movie about Hitler. It's a little... Brett, damn wall. Down? Wallpaper. Down wallpaper, yes, exactly right. What material used to decorate walls to TLC, warn us not to go to the bathroom? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,, full paper, yes, exactly right. What material used to decorate walls? To TLC, worn us, not to go to the floor.

Oh, yeah, better, better, better. Bella. And don't go chasing waterfall papers. Waterfall paper, that's what you would've got. What material used to decorate walls of home is also a sport known as soccer. Chicken, yes Tom. Football paper.

Football paper. What material used to decorate walls is also a massive church in London designed by... Lampford P. Bella. This isn't walls paper. I massive church in London designed by Lamb's tree. Bella. This isn't walls paper. I'm afraid. I'm looking for a sauce paper.

I'm looking for a St. Paul's Cathedral paper. What? What? What? What I'm going to give you both a point. What material used to decorate walls is also a cave, man? The... One point to the audience. The Anatole paper, yes.

Well done. What material paper? The Anatole paper. What material used to decorate walls is also a swimming style. Background paper. I'll want another point to the audience. Background paper. This is on our side, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

OK, I'll give you that point. Background paper, any others? Background paper. Frog, or paper. There we go. One side as well. What's a blind paper? That's one point deducted from those guys. Yes

What material you should decorate walls is also half a musketeer's catchphrase. Oh It really is one for all paper but I'll give you all a point for that so well done that two points each and that is the end of our round! Be sure! That does mean we have a winner. Before that, we just have time for plugs, Bella. Have you got anything you'd like to plug? Yeah, I've got a book coming out in September. Wow! Congratulations! It's amazing.

Love to have a book coming out. How does it feel? I'm pretty excited. You've cracked it. Well done. What's your book called? It's called Belly Younger's Deliciously Stealer. It's out in the 8th of September. So you can get that, I imagine. Oh, what's your book called? I'm it's called Belly Younger's Deliciously Stella. It's out in the 8th of September.

So you can get that, I imagine. Oh, in Amazon, you can pre-order it now. Brett, have you got any, yeah? Be that, Brett. I would always ask anyone, would you please watch the film Superbob. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm superbobbing everybody. Brett made a film. We've got a published author and someone who made a film. That's amazing. Wow. If you are the company you keep, which we definitely are not. Before I can you find Superbong? You can get it on iTunes and Amazon and Skystore and

they don't illegally download it because so many do. And people say it to your face. I illegally download it to your film, it's brilliant. You go, what? At least pretend. Now it to your face. I legally downloaded your film, it's brilliant. You go, what? What? At least pretend. Now I should at cost. I think it's cheap, isn't it? If you actually pay for $99 billion something,

it's a red one. Not worth that. So nice. Wow. No, no, you do download that movie. It's a super pop on it. That's what the most cool stuff is. Yeah, I can point you to.

Can we make those in the bumper stickers? Yeah. Let's do it. It's our web-looking. We've got to arrange your bumper stickers to promote Pellers book and Brett's movie If you want to come and see Papi's all our gigs are at papi's comedy dot com And we also have a podcast called baggers and mash please do listen to that if you don't already As you can sell no one listens to it So please do listen to that, but we're on tend to hooks here. What's the final scores? DJ bucket laughs

Well, Tom and Bella have 144 yes Bretton Ben have 140 eight So Bret and Ben were our overall winners whereas Bella and Tom off the pop on their opals That's all I guess Belly under and Brett Goldstein. We've been Pappies, see you next time on, Flashers! Flashers! Pappies, Flashers, now feature Pappies. You've got the main part of Top Pire,

who has special guest, Belly Under and Brett Goldstein. And it also features music from audio-network.com. Go there, if you want to hear some live music, if it's a vice-wife, Pappies, a producer, may walk, and big thanks to Edward and Kate Downs here, they're recording, so there's gonna be people in the Phoenix in London

to urge Mark and the British company guy to ask Pappy and Kate to be still in helping out. Pappies, Flashers, now, The world is really like. Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom. A lot for. It's nonstop bonkers. It's not just a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman.

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It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. It's a woman. The world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.