Pappy's Flatshare - Series 8, Episode 4 (Book the Hostel)

Episode Date: July 3, 2018

Anna Mann and Lou Sanders are the houseguests as Pappy's return to the glorious Mach Comedy Festival for a noisy and fun-filled flatslam. Featuring out of tune singing, high intensity sound effects, a...n awful lot of candles and an unusually tuneful quickfire round. Vast gratitude to anyone and everyone who has chucked a few coins into the flatslam bucket. If you'd like to throw some cyber-cash at us, you can do so at comedy.co.uk/pfs/donate And of course, you can always help us by somehow tricking your friends and acquaintances into listening to Flatslam to the point of total addiction. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at in that moment. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th.
Starting point is 00:00:17 Hello and welcome to another episode of Capy's Flat Share Slam Down. I'm Matthew. Now you may feel tempted to skip this bit. I wouldn't because later on I am going to tell you where I've hidden the gold. So listen out for that in this intro. It's a great new episode. It was recorded at the McCullough Comedy Festival in Wales this summer. Luciana's an Anaman of the guests. It was really fun. You're gonna have a great time listening to it. Where is that gold? Speaking of festivals, You're gonna have a great time listening to it. Where is that gold?
Starting point is 00:00:48 Speaking of festivals, we're gonna be at latitude this July, maybe we've buried the gold there. We haven't. But please do come along and see us. We're gonna be on Friday the 13th. Oh, scary and spooky. On the Speak Easy stage. I mean, what could go wrong? Friday the 13th, something will go wrong.
Starting point is 00:01:03 I think we know what it is. We'll drink too much and do a lackluster show. But come along anyway and cheer us on as we do that. Also speaking of festivals, there are loads of papi's Fatshess Dam down, Jason People who are doing shows at the Edinburgh Fringe this year. Pien of Ellie's doing a show, Groni McGuire's doing a show,
Starting point is 00:01:20 Kerry Godlum's doing a show. Lou Sarn is a QFP shot McLean, Anna Mann and Nish Kumar, Future guest Jess Robinson. That's a show. Lucian is an cute, pretty child McLean, and a man and niche coomalf. Future guest, Jess Robinson, that's a show that I am directing. Also, I know that Clarky is directing shows by Matt Winning. He's also directing Luke Kempner's show. I am directing Lazy Susan's show.
Starting point is 00:01:36 All of these brilliant people to go and see. Adam Vincent, I'm directing his show. Go and see that. There's so much good stuff at the Edinburgh Fringe. We heartily endorse the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. More details at edfringe.com, but most importantly of all, Tom Perry is taking a show up there himself. He's going to be in a show.
Starting point is 00:01:51 It's called Kafka for Kids. Do go along and see that. It's absolutely brilliant. I mean, I don't know, I'm going to see it yet, but I assume it. It's got Perry in it, of course it is. Where is that goal, though? Where's he hidden it? Where's he buried it?
Starting point is 00:02:02 Also, if you're not in Edinburgh, but you're in London, future guest Annie McGraw, Caroline, maybe, are both doing shows at the Camden, for inch camdenbridge.com. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. Thank you for donating if you have. It's so appreciated, but if you feel like you haven't given us enough,
Starting point is 00:02:17 or you haven't given us any money at all, why not don't we're doing this for free? Why not chuck us some money at shityeammoney.com? Spoiler alert, that's where we've buried the gold. Oh God, it's our gold, you can't have it. On with the show! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your flatmates for this afternoon. It's been Matthew and Tom let Papi! Hey everybody, welcome to Papi's Flat Share Slam Down. The way the show begins is with an unpopular sketch.
Starting point is 00:02:57 Here we go. Tom, Ben, what is it, Matthew? Hello Tom, how are you? Hello mate, how are you? Good how are you? I'm alright, are you? Good, how are you? I'm all right, thanks very much. But one of you two in high band. Hello.
Starting point is 00:03:08 Hello. Good to have you both here. Oh, thanks. One of you two needs to book the hostel. Oh, really? I'm afraid so. Is he going to use the hostel? Well, it won't be if we're there, but yes.
Starting point is 00:03:18 It's a hostel, yes. It's certainly a hostel, yes, yeah. What is the policy there? What is the policy? Could we do the opposite? You know when people stand on their shoulders and wear a coat to tend the policy there? What is the policy? Could we do the opposite? You know when people stand on their shoulders and wear a coat to tend to be older? What's the opposite of that? Creepy.
Starting point is 00:03:31 If you go try and go on an 18-30 holiday, that is really... You're not going to pass for it. I just came back from a club 18-30 holiday. Did you do 12 years that holiday last year? Fantastic. Stray out the act. Stray out the act. Stray out the act. Stray out the act. St Straight out the act. Straight out the act.
Starting point is 00:03:45 Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act.
Starting point is 00:03:53 Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act.
Starting point is 00:04:01 Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out Hello and welcome to Flat Share Slam Down. The panel show that says, this is the first time here today that you have run away. I'm asking you for the first time, baby. Love me enough to stay. Stay, stay, come to Mac, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, baby, come to Mac, but bye, bye, bye, bye, but bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, I must admit
Starting point is 00:04:35 I was a clown to be messing around, but that doesn't mean that you have to leave town, come to Mac. Yes, and give me one more try for a love like us, should never ever die, come back, yes with Macaulativian, Masidi collection of Bob Marley, come to Mac, yes with my bag of Sensi, and we can beat together for eternity, I'm Housel Lallel or Matthew Crossby. We are Lions at the Mac comedy fest in the Conflict in Wales. I don't even know the answer.
Starting point is 00:05:07 Somebody else is rude. They steal all of my rules. That's me, the tenant's Tom Barry and Ben Carr. That's please. I tell you what, real struggle not to do the voice for that song. I tell you that. I'm going around real strong. Have you got my bag of sensey?
Starting point is 00:05:20 I've actually got your bag of sensey. Thank you. We'll smoke the herb later on, Tom. You and I, Guys legalize it now Tom why are you so hostile when I ask you to book the hostile? Well, I'm not gonna put the youth hostel because a few years ago I stayed in a hostel and it was terrible I tried to sit down on a small wooden chair with three legs. Oh no and every time I went to sit on it It moved away from me. Oh my goodness. Oh, I went to sit on it, it moved away from me.
Starting point is 00:05:45 Oh my goodness. Oh, try and sit down. It moved further away. It's the worst thing I've ever heard. I know. In the end, it was right there in the distance. I just showed you that. It you fastal! You fastal!
Starting point is 00:06:00 Oh my god! You fastal! You fastal? You fastal? In the Welsh, you fast all you fast all you fast all In the Welsh you fast all nobody calls it a you fast all you fast all you fast all you fast all hey book. Does it are you fast all? I'll tell you who does pity McLean It does it was pato-bantan Spot the racist Spot the racist. Beats me, I'm graded.
Starting point is 00:06:24 It's raining, it's raining. Oh, great. Cheers from my eyes. You're obviously seeing sugar. No one, okay, fair enough. What is this? I don't know. I don't know, but I'm really enjoying it.
Starting point is 00:06:38 And that's a prop only one. Yeah, such a pity. Ben, talk us through why you decided to bunk off. Oh, nice. I'm sorry. I'm actually terrified of hostels, because I watched this film. Ah, there's a horrific film about it.
Starting point is 00:06:53 It was called Eat, Pray, Love. Yes! Paul Beck, reveal. Lovely stuff there. But obviously a hostel is not a hostel unless you've shared it with a stranger, and there's no one stranger, then this week's guests. Who have you brought to bunk down,
Starting point is 00:07:04 or it possibly bunk up with you this week Tom. Well the Jamborees in danger. Oh yes we've got an end of season production. I've been like the one in dirty dancing. Oh I and someone really enjoys that film. So maybe no one puts a pair in the corner. But the production needs work. So I've hired the premier acting coach that the jamborees ever seen. It's Miss Anna Mann's, baby. Anna Mann, it's Miss Anna Mann, everyone.
Starting point is 00:07:31 APPLAUSE Anna Mann, it's a tremendous joy having you here. Oh, it's lovely to be here, really. I have no idea what's going on. I love that. Have you listened to podcasts before your podcast fan? I've listened to a lot of Hungarian jazz fusion. It's very similar.
Starting point is 00:07:48 It's close. It's what young people love, isn't it? Absolutely. I love that. I love young people. They're so visceral and brave. No, they are. Shut up. Don't you dare. They go for it. I was recently at the...
Starting point is 00:08:01 We know the Batsy Arts Centre, the BAC. I was recently there and people had written on the walls and it was wonderful. It really moved my heart. They've done this thing where they've written in wax or chalk, chalk, because wax doesn't work. That's wax. But that's the old saying. Don't ride on a wall with wax. You won't see what you've written. Yeah, but A crayon a crayon that's wax. No crayon is is a gun in the right hands It really is it really is and I did a play called that Pray as a gun in the right hand and the poster was a kid with a crayon in the right hand and the poster was a kid with a crayon pointed right at you and there was a spot sticker which didn't need to be there. That was just you know to bring them
Starting point is 00:08:51 in because I know of course. And we did bringing the wrong crowd. Thank you. Thank you so much for being on the show. So yes, they've ever listened to a podcast before. Good, we just established that. Ben, who have you brought with you this week? I've brought my energy provider. It's Lily Sanders. Yes, Lily. It's great to have you here. Are you a decent flatmate? Yes, because I sort of do the energy of the house. Oh yeah, how does that manifest itself? What do you do? I'd burn sage. I did once set a cushion on fire. I'm asking about it. Easy mistake to make, isn't it? Sage, cushion. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:29 What do you feel about the energy of the room tonight? How is this to... Horrible. Is it? What can we do to change the energy? Well, you could have put someone of Carlo on the panel. Wow. Wow.
Starting point is 00:09:41 We are on the Maccub of the festival, yeah. I mean... It is very chalky white man, isn't it? Nish Kumar's busy Okay, I didn't mean that don't worry It's all right that would definitely be cut out of the box It's a genuine problem that we have and we need to we need to address it But you know your attitude. Yes. Yeah
Starting point is 00:10:02 Can I touch me out? I'd love you to If anything I'd say you haven't given us an answer yet. OK, it's gone. Edit points. So, Louis, thanks for coming on the show. What kind of a flatmate are you? Oh, I really love him. Yeah. And white, which, nice. So, we just helped. So, we've to be hostile, but he's wearing no slacks and no shoes He was a bad packer A dreadlock white guy, yeah He took the soul Lord, about Japan
Starting point is 00:11:14 He's begun I love the top one, and he's doing yoga down there. I'm spelling the strange one, and something's pulled out of his head. He is a bad packer, he's on his guy hat, yeah, his boots are so long, and they float like a boat. There we go. So round one is called Hostel Takeover and seeing as we have two of Max greatest shunturs is on the show, Tom and Ben. Of course this is a singing game, here's how we play.
Starting point is 00:12:08 One player is going to start by singing a popular song of their choice. However, if another player spots a word in the song, which is also featured in a different song, they can complete a hostile takeover of the single song by singing the new song. Does that make sense? It's that scene from pitch perfex. It's that scene from pitch perfex, yes. Just before I turned off. So, for example, if one player were to sing, row, row, row, you both gently down this dream,
Starting point is 00:12:32 merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is bad to dream. Some of them could jump in with dreams, can come through and then, drew, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. I know this much. You see, that's how it would work. And what does this include songs that were very popular in
Starting point is 00:12:46 French theatre in the 1980s? I really was. For example then I was just going to go boot, get on the boot. I really hope it does. In fact, is that guys and doles or is that your... That's your anti-refugee song. The show was called boot, get on the boot. We turn the whole theatre into boot and then we're just launched.
Starting point is 00:13:07 And a lot of people lost their lives. LAUGHTER So there will be a point for every successful take over, and five points for every singing when the buzzer goes. It's nice. Is that yours, Ben? Good stuff. So I may even throw it.
Starting point is 00:13:24 Please donate to this podcast. There's a link online we need the money. I may even throw in some extra points for song choices, close harmonies, and good old fashioned Tom Jones style belting vocals. So Tom, would you like to kick us off? Yes. What song are you going to start us off with?
Starting point is 00:13:39 Do you have a song in mind? I will do. Don't look back in anger. Don't look back in anger. Here we go. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Oh, it's not riding away. Away in a manger. Close for each day. Home and away.
Starting point is 00:14:14 You know we belong together. Together forever. And ever too far. But yeah, it's just together okay. You make me feel like a natural. Oh, I'm walking down the street. I think Tom just pipped Anna to the post there. So the point goes to Tom Perry there. Gosh, that was fun.
Starting point is 00:14:44 But that was really fun. That was fun. That was really fun. I mean, is this fun to listen to? Yeah! Because it's fun to play. Don't pick that thread. Never ask that question, Tom.
Starting point is 00:14:59 So Anna, if you would, if you start with a song of your choice, oh, oh. Have you started? It's like Barry White. Tom, you were flirting now, weren't you? I'm farce. Loneliness is a cloak you wear. Cloakie!
Starting point is 00:15:23 Yes, go on! Well, you... It's a song... It's not very popular. Cloki, well, you? Cloki, well, you were just... Cloki Adams! Cloki Well, you was actually the first answer by wording. Thank you!
Starting point is 00:15:36 And the name of the one I'm aroused. Thank you! So, take it away with somebody else. Okay, I don't think I'm going to give a point to Anabar and let you start with another song there. Can I swear on this podcast? Because I feel like it. Break out. Break out.
Starting point is 00:15:51 There's a killer in town. Killa! Oh no, that's a real... Oh no. I remembered. I don't know songs. That is another point to add on afraid of the Queen
Starting point is 00:16:09 The guillotine With a laser beam Lays us in the sky Down it's a I'm gonna give Lou the point there, but I think Anna got two points in amazing that round. Now it's Lou's turn. Now you have to start with emotional, wasn't it? puddles gather right I can't sing, but I'm really doing it on the concert It's really good, it's lovely blinded melody I haven't heard it since about 1996, it's a good choice I'm a... I was on it during the time
Starting point is 00:16:54 Say you, say me Why not? As you said, say You're done? Yeah All I can say Oh, I can say it together Together forever And ever to part... Together forever with you...
Starting point is 00:17:10 Didn't I do something to my right? You and me and somebody for you... Ha ha ha... So far... You two love each holding a wake-up I'm dying... Can I understand all my feet? Take a look, take a a look in the mirror I cry I'm gonna give that point to Lou there just to stop that round
Starting point is 00:17:38 Man in the mirror finally cocky Sit and wait There's an angel. I've slightly too high haven't I You gotta have faith well, I guess it would be nice I know not everybody. It's got a body like you. Everybody. Yeah, yeah, rock your body.
Starting point is 00:18:14 Yeah, yeah, rock that body. I want you back. But I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm when I had you to myself I didn't want you I'm sexy back That's the end of that sexy back Tom, that is the end of that Tom, that is the end of that You're so sexy I'm going to give you a point just for carrying on
Starting point is 00:18:37 By the way Tom, can I see you've got a great dance move you do Which is where you go like this and then go down Oh my god I've never done that before but it really worked. You have. You do it all the time, but you just... All that lawn bowling is really paying off. It's really strong.
Starting point is 00:18:54 Lift the knee, drop the knee. Lift the knee, drop the knee. And were you warmed up? No, I'm not. No, it didn't look like it. It looked like that hurt. We'll be talking about that later. Do you hear this? Everybody hurts. Oh, look at it. It looked like that hurt. We'll be talking about that later. Do you have everybody hurt?
Starting point is 00:19:06 Oh, look at that. So sorry. Another point of clocky that I'm trying to say. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner. A point of party then. Now, let's please move on with the... Move on. No.
Starting point is 00:19:18 Move it on. Move it on. Move it on. Time to break free. No, I think it's up. It's up. There's nothing we're trying. The power of the law, down the break free, nothing is happening. It's not that we're a band. In the name of love, before you break my heart. Thank you for kicking out.
Starting point is 00:19:33 Why do you miss when my baby kisses me to? Point to me. Now, let's finish the round here. Producer Ben, that was absolutely amazing. But did you manage to keep any scores during that? Because I didn't. Tell us what the scores are. Ben and Lou have 22.
Starting point is 00:19:51 What? Tom and Anna have 23. Oh my gosh. Tom and Anna appear to be shimming up the small and creamy painful lullaby to the top bunk, but that could all change. We bounce our way into Round 2. It's Black Games.
Starting point is 00:20:03 Yeah. Let's play for games. Yeah. All games. Let's play for red, fuck games. Let's play for red, fuck all the dice. Spin that thing, put that thing. Use your tone. Yeah. If you lose, you get nothing.
Starting point is 00:20:18 Games. If you win, you get gold. Listen to that, Jesus. We've come into your church and we're chanting gold! Brackete to Mer. This week we're playing our version of squash, it's squash racket. Now I'm going to give each player a list of things that make noises beginning with a specific letter.
Starting point is 00:20:38 They then have to impersonate each noise for their teammates to guess. If you have to squash as much racket as you can into one minute. And as this is not... No, not none of this is making sense. No, none of this. Anyone else get that? Yeah, and I'm really good at noises. So it says you're a Tinder bio, doesn't it? I'm not on Tinder. Oh, no. No. You're disqualified. Yeah, I'm barred. Absolutely. As this is an audio podcast, I'll be deducting points for any hand gestures that could be seen as either cheating
Starting point is 00:21:09 or just offensive. So let's start with Ben. Ben, your letter naturally is D, and here is your list of noisy things to impersonate. Hang on, so you can read all of the week, guess it? It's just for Lou this time, for Lou. And I guess what the noise is beginning with D. Yes, you guess it.
Starting point is 00:21:23 What? I read you on it. I mean, that is actually, wow, you got it. That is actually, that is the first one. Yeah, that is the first one. Producent Ben, you've got to work harder on these rounds. It's so... Make the noise of a dog, question-beard. They get harder. They do get harder, so your minute begins now.
Starting point is 00:21:40 OK. W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w- Now okay Yeah Donkey Hanjasky Doughfin Don't like suppliers carry on Dumb Dumb Jolly Broom Broom Jumps
Starting point is 00:22:00 Dumb Jolly Dumb Jolly I'll show off this D for D for D Tom Jollis I sure after that Dave the giraffe Can't put those hand gestures, Rocky I don't know, it's because of Dave I would love an espresso I drink my shit
Starting point is 00:22:20 I don't talk It's like I'm going to talk again You can pass me with a kiss Yeah, oh I'm afraid I hit the end of that was drag racing. We were looking for I'm afraid that is the end of that it was drag racing we were looking for and that is your little group all and those are yours now your letter is w can we just say the one that you passed or the one that you passed yes it was a
Starting point is 00:22:56 dragon did we know that there was hand gestures on top yeah we deducted half points for hand gestures yes we did don't you worry about that Tom with your hands where I can see him Anna your minute and you'll never you let her is double you answer the what well? Yes, well, well, well, well, okay You can read that just Your minute begins now Ghost oh no wind wind
Starting point is 00:23:22 Oh no, win, win, win! Woo! Ah! C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c A ROOF! Very talented. Woshp. This is wonderful. Washing machine. Can I be my head? I mean, I can.
Starting point is 00:24:00 What? A drill. I'll worry. What? What? What? Oh, a drill! I want it! I'm moving on. I can have to pass that one up. Can I use words? No, just sounds. What?
Starting point is 00:24:12 Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Yes, yes, yes. That is your minutes! That is your minute! Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for.
Starting point is 00:24:32 It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters, December 15th. Hey, Cass, powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. Hi, I'm David Boros, Canadian historian and host of Curious Canadian History, a bi-weekly deep dive into the wild, worrisome, and wonderful world of Canadian history.
Starting point is 00:24:59 This season we've covered not season Alberta, the Palestinian partition, and even the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. We also have eight seasons worth of back episodes all right there for your listening pleasure. Check out new episodes of curious Canadian history every other Tuesday wherever you get your podcast. Hey cast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcast everywhere. acas.com You end it very strong. Well, two things.
Starting point is 00:25:34 Firstly, can you tell us what number six was? Oh, was it woodpecker? It was a woodpecker, yes. And also, we found your Achilles heel. Fantastic actress. Can't whistle. I know. I know. Has it lost your heart?
Starting point is 00:25:45 It's the title of one of my shows. It's a tragic piece. Okay, so, so Lou, now I saw you very loudly can play it those were easy. Lou, it's your turn. Okay. Let's see how... What's your letter?
Starting point is 00:25:58 You do. Now the letter is T. T. And you've got to write that down. That's real commitment, Clarke. Genuinely happy. If you get lost, you'll just look back at the page. I don't really see it next to my own name. Bent.
Starting point is 00:26:17 Okay. Fair enough. Okay, Lou, your minutes, your letters to your minifigames now. No. Come on. Pass it, pass it. No, pass it. Telephone.
Starting point is 00:26:45 T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t telephone train Terrible Toad oh I've got it written down nice. I don't know what it is Pass it. You pass it! Okay, um... Rrrr! Tiger. Sorry, that's me.
Starting point is 00:27:14 I can't... Tote. No. No, these are so hard. T- Tra- Tra-t- That is your time, I'm afraid.
Starting point is 00:27:23 That is your time. I've afraid. That is your time. I've only got enough time just to answer the last one. You have found the loophole, you can just read the words out. I didn't realise. So, the first one, give us the first word again, because I think we should open this up to the audience. Give us the first word again. Give it.
Starting point is 00:27:39 Any idea what that is? Oh, no. I'll give you a clue. Louis Armstrong played one. Bloody hell. Oh. How would you do something? Louis, you've formed another planet.
Starting point is 00:27:56 What is going on? Kevin Baby. Kevin Baby. Like that, right? What's your plan to jump in? No. You got telephone right? Give us number four again because that was amazing. I know.
Starting point is 00:28:12 Anybody got that one? Turkey is a turkey. Merry Christmas. Tom, your letter is S. You minute starts right? Stork Seal yes, yes Sheep a choo Noz sneeze are they all right are it what are they?
Starting point is 00:28:41 Scouts are love scouts scream all right was worth Are they? Scouser. Love scousers. Scream. All right, it was worth. Snake. Huff, huff, huff, huff, huff. Schnalsall pop. Schnalsall pop? Is that a thing? Scrape.
Starting point is 00:28:58 Scrapper. Scrapper. What the hell are you doing Thomas? Shagging. Shagging. Huff, huff Shagging. Oh my god. I saw. Yes. Bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip,
Starting point is 00:29:20 bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, Oh, do you see this? I see. Is it Su-clinch? No. You know, too clinch. I know, too clinch. She's mental, isn't she?
Starting point is 00:29:28 Very fun. Very fun when you wind her up. Yeah. So that was pretty, pretty good with the end. Oh, that was fun. It was fun, wasn't it? Not for too clinch, it was fun. Can anyone tell what the last one was?
Starting point is 00:29:39 Anyone get any idea? What was that? It wasn't. What's Seven's arc seven? What's Battle of the Planets? I'm not... What's Sevens Ark Seven? What's Battle of the Planets? I'm not a nerd. You are a nerd.
Starting point is 00:29:51 Just like a nerd. It was really good, actually. It was... Anyone any... It is... It is space related. Anyone any idea? It was Sputnik.
Starting point is 00:30:04 Of course Sputnik. Oh! The cheese. Yes. So, producer Ben, can you please give us the scores at the end of that round? Ben and Lou have 29.5, Tom and Anna have 36. Yes. So, next, it's time for me to make the noise of a podcast host announcing the next round is called Beef Brothers.
Starting point is 00:30:24 Wish me luck. Next round is Bobbredders fuck You got a problem, I'm calling a problem, could you got a problem? Call it a beef, if you're gonna beef, beef Maybe we can help you beef brother, sorry like you beef Yes, it's Bobbredders, where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat share based off Sorry beef, this one comes from John D, who was in the audience. John, are you there? I am.
Starting point is 00:30:48 Hello, John. Now, John writes, my housemate has a crippling addiction to candles. Oh. It started out with the odd tea lights here and there. A gateway light. The gateway light, yeah. And you can get a lot in a bag for a pound. Oh, you really can.
Starting point is 00:31:04 If you know where to go. Absolutely, yeah. Ikea. Pound, pounds. It's just called pounds, isn't it? Poundlands. Poundlands, hey, yeah, that's the one you have. Pounds, pounds.
Starting point is 00:31:15 But they're a pound, pound, pound. Free pants, goes for it. Free pants, everything's free pants. And a lot of things are not worth that. So it's a real ripoff of a job. Don't go. John continues. John Delight.
Starting point is 00:31:31 No, no. Maybe it's changing. Something's better. Very mind-john doesn't like the lights. Okay. But their love of all things wax has now taken over our entire living room. Also, he's a 27-year-old man.
Starting point is 00:31:44 Are you a man at 27-year-old man. Are you a man at 27? That's good point. Addicted to candles. Can I just give you which seems your answer? So Tom and Anna, you are on John D's side. Ben and Lou, you are on the side of the flatmate, the candle lover.
Starting point is 00:31:58 Two right. So before we begin, can we get a name or would you prefer to leave him anonymous? No, we can get a name, James. So you are on the candle lover a side, James is side. Just time for it. Cross examination. Do you have any questions for John about the candle situation?
Starting point is 00:32:10 Yeah, why don't you move out shape? No, there's too many. Too many. They add a nice ambience to the place, but I feel like it's a practical issue, so I had a guest staying the other day and we were unable to find the guest candle. What? There's a guest candle. Oh, you're a guest? Do you see you had to get a guest state? I thought he said you had a gas stain. We had a horrible gas stain. Oh, I can't get it out. All right, so you're trying to find the towel for the guest.
Starting point is 00:32:58 Oh, the guest towel. There were too many towels in the room. There were too many candles in the way of the... How big are these candles? They can't tell us. Yeah, he's a guy he keeping them in their air? In the air, it's a good thing. We don't have an air in cover, do we?
Starting point is 00:33:10 Oh, yeah. We just leave them on the floor. Behind the candles, yeah. Too many candles, not enough towels. Has he sort of offered you a candle, if you know what I mean? Has he tried to get you into it as well? Or was he just... Not yet.
Starting point is 00:33:24 So, another point of the problem was that we've known each other since we were 10, and it was only this year that the camp was session rich. But when he was 10 he had like 10 birthday cake candles and no, it got worse every year, next year we were like 12 the next year. Is it just one day a year that you two can get out? I think I'm going to crack the problem here. We don't need to do it for this this week. So you write all the candles every night?
Starting point is 00:33:52 Not every night. So another issue was we've had a housemate move out because of it. Oh, really? Potentially. So we had another housemate who once came in and our entire living room. So we have a couch in the middle of the room and there was a semi-circle of candles entirely around the couch. Well our housemate was watching Basic Instinct in the middle of the house.
Starting point is 00:34:17 Everyone loves to say Tannic Wank. What a night! Semisirgler candles, basic instincts. It's not bad, I don't mind it. He had them all the way around the couch. On the floor saying no one's getting into my fun. Yeah, exactly, yeah, giving a doomself. I'm more concerned about someone who puts a sofa,
Starting point is 00:34:42 slap bang in the middle of a set of walls. It's a weird place to put a sofa in. But it wants to walk. What shapes the sofa? A sofa shape. Good answer. Very strong answer. No further questions.
Starting point is 00:34:52 LAUGHTER My last gripe with the whole thing is it caused for concern for him, because he goes to sleep with the lantern beside his bed with the cold. Like an old, oldy-worldy lantern. Exactly, we really want it. And falls asleep with that hovering above his head, so I'm just worried for him. Wait, how does it hover above his head? Like this?
Starting point is 00:35:15 Do you live with a wizard? Yes, the house possessed. Hopefully that's enough information for our teams to make their cases, so without further ado. I now call upon Anaman, and I'm saying he's right. To right to begin the case for the prosecution you are on the side of John D well addictions are ugly okay they really can be I got addicted to crackers for a long time pulling them eating them I didn't give a shit I just had had it fucking. Can I swear? Yeah, fuck. It was boring out of my mouth. Pulling crack, candles, candles, candles. So, and I think you need to sit, I think he's trying to lead you down a path with the candle. Like in Romeo and Juliet. And I think the candles are taking you somewhere and you have to look at it and go where are these candles leading? And I think they're going to go to a very special place in his heart and then you will just stop fucking.
Starting point is 00:36:12 So I think stop that because he's your friend and it's a horrible way to end a friendship or a great way to begin a love affair. But I think you're right, and I think just let him putt. And a man, everybody, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Jesus. So sorry, Jesus. Let him burn. So Lou, everything to play for, as you open the case, for the defence, your minutes begins now. With that, whatever that was, the, you did,
Starting point is 00:36:53 was homophobic undertones or overtones. And also... Is this an attack on me? Yes. Oh right. And let him burn, I mean, I've got no problem with that, really. But... Oh, what, what, what, what, what, what about the Madonna video Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a' a'r dyn, Oh, I quite like candles actually. We got loose onions, everybody, loose onions. Alright. APPLAUSE At this halfway point, how do you think it's going, John D?
Starting point is 00:37:53 Some good points on both sides. Still very much to play for. Very diplomatic. Tom, are you going to continue the case for the prosecution as yourself this week? No, I'm going to do it in the style of a deep-south defence lawyer, John Grisham novel. Are you now?
Starting point is 00:38:10 Yeah, Mr. Fanshawe Standin. Mr. Fanshawe Standin. Yeah. Pranjaiding and providing, your minutes should you need it begins now. Ladies and gentlemen, after jury. I'm seeing a lot of them confused faces out there. That damn legal team, using a lot of them confusing words, ain't they? They come down here from the big city with their talk over their candles.
Starting point is 00:38:42 This is a small town. We simple folk, huh? We don't understand no damn dead candles. I'll see you right there, J.F. there. You run the bakery. Hey, no candles in no bakery. I'll see you at the school. Stop going there. You're not allowed. Yeah. Yeah. Put me in mind of the story now. Years ago. Preacher from the church. Tell you true. Don't put that deadline on the rubusha. What's a bushel? Questions coming out of church, small gang of boys, curiosity into the hills, searching for that dead bushel. Upon the hill, they turn to night, cold up in them their hills, they'll even they yourself hiking for your anniversary.
Starting point is 00:39:41 Congratulations. Yeah. Cold up in there. Searching for them their bushels. Can't find no light, can't find no bushels. Could a long story short? Kill and sleep in a goat. Yeah. That's the kind of town this is. Goat in bed.
Starting point is 00:40:05 Ain't no lads, ain't no bushels. No further questions, your armour. No further questions. Fanshawe's done then. So, all the remains is for Ben to conclude the case for the defence. Ben, your minute should you need it? I won't. Begins now. Hey, guys. I conclude the case for the defense Ben your minute should you need it? I won't begins now
Starting point is 00:40:26 Hey guys Hey, Ben. Hello. First of all right the towel issue You don't need them if you've got enough candles It just gently dry yourself on the just turn yourself around like you're on a spit But also, John D, you've got to relax here. You've got to chill out. He's your friend. You can't get stressed by this stuff.
Starting point is 00:41:01 It seems to me like you're living your life. Oh! Oh, look, all I'm gonna say is, there's no don't in candle. But there is a can. Oh, that's absolutely superb. APPLAUSE Now I cannot make the decision myself as I'm not a real judge, spoiler alert.
Starting point is 00:41:35 So instead, I'm allowing our live MacFeta audience to make the call. So if you think Anne and Fan Shaw and therefore John D is in the right, I'd like you to applaud now. APPLAUSE I'm going you to applaud now. Okay, if you think, I think made the best case, applaud now. Sorry John D, the candles remain. The candles remain. How do you feel? It was a good result. Yeah, just as a spoken. I need to just relax and... I can't imagine you more relaxed than you already are.
Starting point is 00:42:26 I'm the same as the guy in the world. Yeah, I love you, Jondi. Let's hang out, Jondi. Let's hang out afterwards. We'd love to. So, I can't, but... LAUGHTER So, next up, it's the round that folks are already calling much, much shorter than the dingo that precedes it.
Starting point is 00:42:44 It's the quickfire round! Woah! This is the quickfire round. It's the round that goes really quickly Which is why we've decided it really should have a quick introduction It would make more sense Let's have a quick introduction So here we go.
Starting point is 00:43:27 This is the quick fire round. Here we go. Always the round that goes really quickly. And this is why it would be like if it had a quick introduction. That's why a quick introduction. Oh, hey, now we're cooking on gas. It's right a quick introduction Oh ho ho ho Hey there now, well we're cooking on gas Let's get those questions, and let's get the mast
Starting point is 00:43:52 Ask them quickly, and don't ask them slow And keep on asking them, and go, Math you go Yes, this is the quick fire out It's the round that goes really quickly. And now we've given it a really quick introduction. Can we go much quicker? Yes, we can. A quick introduction.
Starting point is 00:44:14 Let's go. Let's get much quicker, a quick introduction. Here we go. We go in quick. Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick introduction. Wow! I got blisters on my finger! Lovely.
Starting point is 00:44:30 Lovely, strong stuff there. So in this quick fire round as the episode is youth hostel themed, everyone. I said, ooh, we're going back there. I said, ooh, we're going, yeah, this is the quick fire round. Oh First Round There we go that was amazing great work So here's how this quick fire round works as the episode is youth hostile themed every answer is four syllables fast oh it does it does work now I hear it again so every answer is four syllables long and must be sung to the tune of YMCA so I'll give you an example if I asked you
Starting point is 00:45:36 for the name of the village people's 1979 hit single that reached number one in Belgium Canada and the Netherlands you would answer Canada and the Netherlands, you would answer in the Navy. Now I should have got my YMCA really, that's how it works. So instead of buzzers, if you think you have the right answer, shout out your first name and wait for the music to play. That is key. So Tom and Anna, let's hear that now shouting out your first name Tom Anna lovely stuff Straight from the diaphragm Ben and Lou Ben So the first question celebrated on the first of March what day on as the patron saint of Wales Tom Tom Give me the answer please
Starting point is 00:46:20 David's day is correct What song made famous by Frank Sinatra features the line? I want to wake up in a city that does Tom's Give me the answer please Really fast and loose with the tune there as well. I enjoyed it Enjoyed the remix What is both the name of Emily Bronte's only novel and a hit song by Kate Bush? Tom. Tom! Romping home! Give me the answer please.
Starting point is 00:46:52 Wethering Heights. Yes, absolutely correct. In a recent... Wethering. In a recent flat-share slam down, which 1993 blockbuster films did Kerry Goddardman describe as dinosaurs on holiday I'm gonna get to bend this time because no one else has had his time Give me the answer please
Starting point is 00:47:12 Rastick park correct football pundits in St John and Jimmy Greaves were known by what nicknames Lou Give me the answer please Give me the answer please. Yeah. Jimmy, I just wanted to join in. I was looking for Saint and Greasy, of course I was. I always am. Oh.
Starting point is 00:47:34 You should know Saint and Greasy. You were married to one of them. Name a famous Welsh person. You knew. Lou. Give me the answer please. Michael Sheen. Michael Sheen. I was thinking of Dylan Thomas but I'm going to accept Michael Sheen.
Starting point is 00:47:49 Name a Bond film. Anna. Give me the answer please. Don't do that James. And finally what semi-popular podcast hosted by Papi's is currently doing. No. answer please And finally what semi-popular podcast hosted by papis is currently Los Andres
Starting point is 00:48:24 This is the one of the other cellapap everybody you enjoyed this episode? That is the end of the round. Pat Flap, which means we have a winner, so producer Ben. This has been a simple A and Pat Flap. I can't wait to find out what the final scores are. I love to win. Ben and Lou have 32 and a half. Tom and Anna have 40. Yes. So Ben and Lou have 32 and a half. Tom and Anna have 40. Yes! APPLAUSE
Starting point is 00:48:47 So Ben and Lou have to book the hostel and Tom and Anna get a free place on the Mac camping site. That's right, when it comes to sorting out a combination of Mac, everybody loses. Thanks to our guest, Lou Sonders and Anna Mann. We've been Pappies, see you next time on... Pappies! Pappies! Pappies, flash, yes, land up, each and Matthew Crockett being caught in top row, Happy's, see you next her to roll in the tech. Tammy's flat-shear slam down.
Starting point is 00:49:26 He's a first-procure with the British coming out of the internet. Cheers to Mumbai! Thank you so much! Yes! APPLAUSE Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining.
Starting point is 00:49:43 A woman planting her course to free to add in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15.

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