Pappy's Flatshare - Series 8, Episode 4 (Book the Hostel)
Episode Date: July 3, 2018Anna Mann and Lou Sanders are the houseguests as Pappy's return to the glorious Mach Comedy Festival for a noisy and fun-filled flatslam. Featuring out of tune singing, high intensity sound effects, a...n awful lot of candles and an unusually tuneful quickfire round. Vast gratitude to anyone and everyone who has chucked a few coins into the flatslam bucket. If you'd like to throw some cyber-cash at us, you can do so at comedy.co.uk/pfs/donate And of course, you can always help us by somehow tricking your friends and acquaintances into listening to Flatslam to the point of total addiction. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Do you want to see what the world is really like?
Yes.
Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining.
A woman plotting her course to freedom at in that moment.
It's non-stop bonkers brilliance.
I love that.
Poor things.
It's like theaters, December 15th.
Hello and welcome to another episode of Capy's Flat Share Slam Down.
I'm Matthew.
Now you may feel tempted to skip this bit.
I wouldn't because later on I am going to tell you where I've hidden the gold. So
listen out for that in this intro. It's a great new episode. It was recorded at
the McCullough Comedy Festival in Wales this summer. Luciana's an Anaman of the
guests. It was really fun. You're gonna have a great time listening to it. Where
is that gold? Speaking of festivals, You're gonna have a great time listening to it. Where is that gold?
Speaking of festivals, we're gonna be at latitude this July, maybe we've buried the gold there.
We haven't.
But please do come along and see us.
We're gonna be on Friday the 13th.
Oh, scary and spooky.
On the Speak Easy stage.
I mean, what could go wrong?
Friday the 13th, something will go wrong.
I think we know what it is.
We'll drink too much and do a lackluster show.
But come along anyway and cheer us on as we do that.
Also speaking of festivals, there are loads of
papi's Fatshess Dam down, Jason People
who are doing shows at the Edinburgh Fringe this year.
Pien of Ellie's doing a show,
Groni McGuire's doing a show,
Kerry Godlum's doing a show.
Lou Sarn is a QFP shot McLean,
Anna Mann and Nish Kumar,
Future guest Jess Robinson. That's a show. Lucian is an cute, pretty child McLean, and a man and niche coomalf. Future guest, Jess Robinson,
that's a show that I am directing.
Also, I know that Clarky is directing shows by Matt Winning.
He's also directing Luke Kempner's show.
I am directing Lazy Susan's show.
All of these brilliant people to go and see.
Adam Vincent, I'm directing his show.
Go and see that.
There's so much good stuff at the Edinburgh Fringe.
We heartily endorse the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
More details at edfringe.com,
but most importantly of all, Tom Perry is taking a show up there himself.
He's going to be in a show.
It's called Kafka for Kids.
Do go along and see that.
It's absolutely brilliant.
I mean, I don't know, I'm going to see it yet, but I assume it.
It's got Perry in it, of course it is.
Where is that goal, though?
Where's he hidden it?
Where's he buried it?
Also, if you're not in Edinburgh, but you're in London,
future guest Annie McGraw, Caroline, maybe,
are both doing shows at the Camden,
for inch camdenbridge.com.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode.
Thank you for donating if you have.
It's so appreciated, but if you feel
like you haven't given us enough,
or you haven't given us any money at all,
why not don't we're doing this for free?
Why not chuck us some money at shityeammoney.com?
Spoiler alert, that's where we've buried the gold.
Oh God, it's our gold, you can't have it. On with the show!
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your flatmates for this afternoon.
It's been Matthew and Tom let Papi!
Hey everybody, welcome to Papi's Flat Share Slam Down. The way the show begins is with an unpopular sketch.
Here we go.
Tom, Ben, what is it, Matthew?
Hello Tom, how are you?
Hello mate, how are you?
Good how are you? I'm alright, are you? Good, how are you?
I'm all right, thanks very much.
But one of you two in high band.
Hello.
Hello.
Good to have you both here.
Oh, thanks.
One of you two needs to book the hostel.
Oh, really?
I'm afraid so.
Is he going to use the hostel?
Well, it won't be if we're there, but yes.
It's a hostel, yes.
It's certainly a hostel, yes, yeah.
What is the policy there?
What is the policy? Could we do the opposite? You know when people stand on their shoulders and wear a coat to tend the policy there? What is the policy?
Could we do the opposite?
You know when people stand on their shoulders and wear a coat to tend to be older?
What's the opposite of that?
Creepy.
If you go try and go on an 18-30 holiday, that is really...
You're not going to pass for it.
I just came back from a club 18-30 holiday.
Did you do 12 years that holiday last year?
Fantastic.
Stray out the act.
Stray out the act.
Stray out the act. Stray out the act. St Straight out the act. Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act.
Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out the act. Straight out Hello and welcome to Flat Share Slam Down. The panel show that says, this is the first time
here today that you have run away. I'm asking you for the first time, baby. Love me enough to stay.
Stay, stay, come to Mac, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
baby, come to Mac, but bye, bye, bye, bye,
but bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, I must admit
I was a clown to be messing around,
but that doesn't mean that you have to leave town, come to Mac.
Yes, and give me one more try for a love like us, should
never ever die, come back, yes with Macaulativian, Masidi collection of Bob Marley, come to Mac,
yes with my bag of Sensi, and we can beat together for eternity, I'm Housel Lallel or Matthew
Crossby.
We are Lions at the Mac comedy fest in the Conflict in Wales.
I don't even know the answer.
Somebody else is rude.
They steal all of my rules.
That's me, the tenant's Tom Barry and Ben Carr.
That's please.
I tell you what, real struggle not to do the voice for that song.
I tell you that.
I'm going around real strong.
Have you got my bag of sensey?
I've actually got your bag of sensey.
Thank you.
We'll smoke the herb later on, Tom.
You and I, Guys legalize it now
Tom why are you so hostile when I ask you to book the hostile?
Well, I'm not gonna put the youth hostel because a few years ago I stayed in a hostel and it was terrible
I tried to sit down on a small wooden chair with three legs. Oh no and every time I went to sit on it
It moved away from me. Oh my goodness. Oh, I went to sit on it, it moved away from me.
Oh my goodness.
Oh, try and sit down. It moved further away.
It's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I know.
In the end, it was right there in the distance.
I just showed you that.
It you fastal!
You fastal!
Oh my god!
You fastal!
You fastal?
You fastal? In the Welsh, you fast all you fast all you fast all
In the Welsh you fast all nobody calls it a you fast all you fast all you fast all you fast all hey book. Does it are you fast all?
I'll tell you who does pity McLean It does it was pato-bantan
Spot the racist
Spot the racist. Beats me, I'm graded.
It's raining, it's raining.
Oh, great.
Cheers from my eyes.
You're obviously seeing sugar.
No one, okay, fair enough.
What is this?
I don't know.
I don't know, but I'm really enjoying it.
And that's a prop only one.
Yeah, such a pity.
Ben, talk us through why you decided to bunk off.
Oh, nice.
I'm sorry.
I'm actually terrified of hostels,
because I watched this film.
Ah, there's a horrific film about it.
It was called Eat, Pray, Love.
Yes!
Paul Beck, reveal.
Lovely stuff there.
But obviously a hostel is not a hostel
unless you've shared it with a stranger,
and there's no one stranger, then this week's guests.
Who have you brought to bunk down,
or it possibly bunk up with you this
week Tom. Well the Jamborees in danger. Oh yes we've got an end of season
production. I've been like the one in dirty dancing. Oh I and someone really enjoys
that film. So maybe no one puts a pair in the corner. But the production needs
work. So I've hired the premier acting coach
that the jamborees ever seen.
It's Miss Anna Mann's, baby.
Anna Mann, it's Miss Anna Mann, everyone.
APPLAUSE
Anna Mann, it's a tremendous joy having you here.
Oh, it's lovely to be here, really.
I have no idea what's going on.
I love that.
Have you listened to podcasts before your podcast fan?
I've listened to a lot of Hungarian jazz fusion.
It's very similar.
It's close.
It's what young people love, isn't it?
Absolutely.
I love that. I love young people.
They're so visceral and brave.
No, they are. Shut up. Don't you dare.
They go for it.
I was recently at the...
We know the Batsy Arts Centre, the BAC.
I was recently there and people had written on the walls and it was wonderful. It really moved my heart. They've
done this thing where they've written in wax or chalk, chalk, because wax doesn't work.
That's wax. But that's the old saying. Don't ride on a wall with wax. You won't see what you've written. Yeah, but
A crayon a crayon that's wax. No crayon is is a gun in the right hands
It really is it really is and I did a play called that
Pray as a gun in the right hand and the poster was a kid with a crayon
in the right hand and the poster was a kid with a crayon pointed right at you and there was a spot sticker which didn't need to be there. That was just you know to bring them
in because I know of course. And we did bringing the wrong crowd. Thank you. Thank you so much
for being on the show. So yes, they've ever listened to a podcast before. Good, we just established that. Ben, who have you brought with you this week? I've brought my energy provider. It's Lily Sanders.
Yes, Lily. It's great to have you here. Are you a decent flatmate? Yes, because I sort
of do the energy of the house. Oh yeah, how does that manifest itself? What do you do?
I'd burn sage. I did once set a cushion on fire. I'm asking about it.
Easy mistake to make, isn't it?
Sage, cushion.
Yeah.
What do you feel about the energy of the room tonight?
How is this to...
Horrible.
Is it?
What can we do to change the energy?
Well, you could have put someone of Carlo on the panel.
Wow.
Wow.
We are on the Maccub of the festival, yeah.
I mean...
It is very chalky white man, isn't it?
Nish Kumar's busy
Okay, I didn't mean that don't worry
It's all right that would definitely be cut out of the box
It's a genuine problem that we have and we need to we need to address it
But you know your attitude. Yes. Yeah
Can I touch me out? I'd love you to
If anything I'd say you haven't given us an answer yet. OK, it's gone.
Edit points. So, Louis, thanks for coming on the show. What kind of a flatmate are you?
Oh, I really love him. Yeah. And white, which, nice. So, we just helped. So, we've to be hostile, but he's wearing
no slacks and no shoes He was a bad packer
A dreadlock white guy, yeah
He took the soul
Lord, about Japan
He's begun
I love the top one, and he's doing yoga down there.
I'm spelling the strange one, and something's pulled out of his head.
He is a bad packer, he's on his guy hat, yeah, his boots are so long, and they float like a boat.
There we go.
So round one is called Hostel Takeover and seeing as we have two of Max greatest shunturs
is on the show, Tom and Ben.
Of course this is a singing game, here's how we play.
One player is going to start by singing a popular song of their choice.
However, if another player spots a word in the song, which is also featured in a different
song, they can complete a hostile takeover of the single song by singing the new song.
Does that make sense?
It's that scene from pitch perfex.
It's that scene from pitch perfex, yes.
Just before I turned off. So, for example, if one player were to sing,
row, row, row, you both gently down this dream,
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
life is bad to dream.
Some of them could jump in with dreams,
can come through and then,
drew, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
I know this much.
You see, that's how it would work.
And what does this include songs that were very popular in
French theatre in the 1980s?
I really was.
For example then I was just going to go boot, get on the boot.
I really hope it does.
In fact, is that guys and doles or is that your...
That's your anti-refugee song.
The show was called boot, get on the boot.
We turn the whole theatre into boot and then we're just launched.
And a lot of people lost their lives.
LAUGHTER
So there will be a point for every successful take
over, and five points for every singing when the buzzer goes.
It's nice.
Is that yours, Ben?
Good stuff.
So I may even throw it.
Please donate to this podcast.
There's a link online we need the money.
I may even throw in some extra points for song choices,
close harmonies, and good old fashioned Tom Jones style
belting vocals.
So Tom, would you like to kick us off?
Yes.
What song are you going to start us off with?
Do you have a song in mind?
I will do.
Don't look back in anger.
Don't look back in anger.
Here we go. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Oh, it's not riding away.
Away in a manger.
Close for each day.
Home and away.
You know we belong together.
Together forever.
And ever too far.
But yeah, it's just together okay. You make me feel like a natural.
Oh, I'm walking down the street.
I think Tom just pipped Anna to the post there.
So the point goes to Tom Perry there.
Gosh, that was fun.
But that was really fun.
That was fun.
That was really fun.
I mean, is this fun to listen to?
Yeah!
Because it's fun to play.
Don't pick that thread.
Never ask that question, Tom.
So Anna, if you would, if you start with a song of your choice,
oh, oh.
Have you started?
It's like Barry White.
Tom, you were flirting now, weren't you?
I'm farce.
Loneliness is a cloak you wear.
Cloakie!
Yes, go on!
Well, you... It's a song...
It's not very popular.
Cloki, well, you?
Cloki, well, you were just...
Cloki Adams!
Cloki Well, you was actually the first answer by wording.
Thank you!
And the name of the one I'm aroused.
Thank you!
So, take it away with somebody else.
Okay, I don't think I'm going to give a point to Anabar
and let you start with another song there. Can I swear on this podcast?
Because I feel like it.
Break out.
Break out.
There's a killer in town.
Killa!
Oh no, that's a real...
Oh no.
I remembered.
I don't know songs.
That is another point to add on afraid of the
Queen
The guillotine
With a laser beam
Lays us in the sky
Down it's a
I'm gonna give Lou the point there, but I think Anna got two points in amazing that round. Now it's Lou's turn. Now you have to start with emotional, wasn't it? puddles gather right I can't sing, but I'm really doing it on the concert
It's really good, it's lovely blinded melody
I haven't heard it since about 1996, it's a good choice
I'm a... I was on it during the time
Say you, say me
Why not?
As you said, say
You're done? Yeah
All I can say
Oh, I can say it together
Together forever And ever to part...
Together forever with you...
Didn't I do something to my right?
You and me and somebody for you...
Ha ha ha...
So far...
You two love each holding a wake-up I'm dying...
Can I understand all my feet?
Take a look, take a a look in the mirror I cry
I'm gonna give that point to Lou there just to stop that round
Man in the mirror finally cocky
Sit and wait
There's an angel. I've slightly too high haven't I
You gotta have faith well, I guess it would be nice
I know not everybody.
It's got a body like you.
Everybody.
Yeah, yeah, rock your body.
Yeah, yeah, rock that body.
I want you back.
But I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm but I'm when I had you to myself I didn't want you
I'm sexy back
That's the end of that sexy back
Tom, that is the end of that
Tom, that is the end of that You're so sexy
I'm going to give you a point just for carrying on
By the way Tom, can I see you've got a great dance move you do
Which is where you go like this and then go down
Oh my god
I've never done that before but it really worked.
You have.
You do it all the time, but you just...
All that lawn bowling is really paying off.
It's really strong.
Lift the knee, drop the knee.
Lift the knee, drop the knee.
And were you warmed up?
No, I'm not.
No, it didn't look like it.
It looked like that hurt.
We'll be talking about that later.
Do you hear this? Everybody hurts. Oh, look at it. It looked like that hurt. We'll be talking about that later. Do you have everybody hurt?
Oh, look at that.
So sorry.
Another point of clocky that I'm trying to say.
Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner.
A point of party then.
Now, let's please move on with the...
Move on.
No.
Move it on.
Move it on.
Move it on.
Time to break free.
No, I think it's up. It's up. There's nothing we're trying. The power of the law, down the break free, nothing is happening.
It's not that we're a band.
In the name of love, before you break my heart.
Thank you for kicking out.
Why do you miss when my baby kisses me to?
Point to me.
Now, let's finish the round here.
Producer Ben, that was absolutely amazing.
But did you manage to keep any scores during that?
Because I didn't.
Tell us what the scores are.
Ben and Lou have 22.
What?
Tom and Anna have 23.
Oh my gosh.
Tom and Anna appear to be shimming up the small
and creamy painful lullaby to the top bunk,
but that could all change.
We bounce our way into Round 2.
It's Black Games.
Yeah.
Let's play for games. Yeah. All games.
Let's play for red, fuck games.
Let's play for red, fuck all the dice.
Spin that thing, put that thing.
Use your tone.
Yeah.
If you lose, you get nothing.
Games.
If you win, you get gold.
Listen to that, Jesus.
We've come into your church and we're chanting gold!
Brackete to Mer.
This week we're playing our version of squash, it's squash racket.
Now I'm going to give each player a list of things that make noises beginning with a specific
letter.
They then have to impersonate each noise for their teammates to guess.
If you have to squash as much racket as you can into one minute.
And as this is not...
No, not none of this is making sense. No, none of this. Anyone else get that? Yeah, and
I'm really good at noises. So it says you're a Tinder bio, doesn't it? I'm not on Tinder.
Oh, no. No. You're disqualified. Yeah, I'm barred.
Absolutely. As this is an audio podcast, I'll be deducting points
for any hand gestures that could be seen as either cheating
or just offensive.
So let's start with Ben.
Ben, your letter naturally is D, and here is your list of noisy
things to impersonate.
Hang on, so you can read all of the week, guess it?
It's just for Lou this time, for Lou.
And I guess what the noise is beginning with D.
Yes, you guess it.
What?
I read you on it. I mean, that is actually, wow, you got it. That is actually, that is the first one.
Yeah, that is the first one.
Producent Ben, you've got to work harder on these rounds.
It's so...
Make the noise of a dog, question-beard.
They get harder.
They do get harder, so your minute begins now.
OK. W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w- Now okay Yeah Donkey
Hanjasky
Doughfin
Don't like suppliers carry on
Dumb
Dumb Jolly
Broom Broom
Jumps
Dumb Jolly
Dumb Jolly
I'll show off this D for D for D Tom Jollis I sure after that
Dave the giraffe
Can't put those hand gestures, Rocky
I don't know, it's because of Dave
I would love an espresso
I drink my shit
I don't talk
It's like I'm going to talk again
You can pass me with a kiss
Yeah, oh
I'm afraid I hit the end of that was drag racing. We were looking for
I'm afraid that is the end of that it was drag racing we were looking for and that is your little group all
and those are yours now your letter is w
can we just say the one that you passed or the one that you passed yes it was a
dragon
did we know that there was hand gestures on top yeah we deducted half points for
hand gestures yes we did don't you worry about that Tom
with your hands where I can see him Anna your minute and you'll never you let her is double you answer the what well?
Yes, well, well, well, well, okay
You can read that just
Your minute begins now
Ghost oh no wind wind
Oh no, win, win, win! Woo!
Ah! C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c A ROOF!
Very talented.
Woshp.
This is wonderful.
Washing machine.
Can I be my head?
I mean, I can.
What?
A drill. I'll worry. What? What? What? Oh, a drill!
I want it!
I'm moving on.
I can have to pass that one up.
Can I use words?
No, just sounds.
What?
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Yes, yes, yes.
That is your minutes!
That is your minute!
Do you want to see what the world is really like?
Yes.
Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining.
A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for.
It's non-stop bonkers brilliance.
I love that.
Four things.
It's like theaters, December 15th.
Hey, Cass, powers the world's best podcast.
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You end it very strong.
Well, two things.
Firstly, can you tell us what number six was?
Oh, was it woodpecker?
It was a woodpecker, yes.
And also, we found your Achilles heel.
Fantastic actress.
Can't whistle.
I know.
I know. Has it lost your heart?
It's the title of one of my shows.
It's a tragic piece.
Okay, so, so Lou, now I saw you very loudly
can play it those were easy.
Lou, it's your turn.
Okay.
Let's see how...
What's your letter?
You do. Now the letter is T.
T.
And you've got to write that down.
That's real commitment, Clarke.
Genuinely happy.
If you get lost, you'll just look back at the page.
I don't really see it next to my own name.
Bent.
Okay.
Fair enough.
Okay, Lou, your minutes, your letters to your minifigames now.
No.
Come on.
Pass it, pass it.
No, pass it.
Telephone.
T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t telephone train
Terrible
Toad oh
I've got it written down nice. I don't know what it is
Pass it. You pass it! Okay, um...
Rrrr!
Tiger.
Sorry, that's me.
I can't...
Tote.
No.
No, these are so hard.
T-
Tra-
Tra-t-
That is your time, I'm afraid.
That is your time. I've afraid. That is your time.
I've only got enough time just to answer the last one.
You have found the loophole, you can just read the words out.
I didn't realise.
So, the first one, give us the first word again,
because I think we should open this up to the audience.
Give us the first word again.
Give it.
Any idea what that is?
Oh, no.
I'll give you a clue.
Louis Armstrong played one.
Bloody hell.
Oh.
How would you do something?
Louis, you've formed another planet.
What is going on?
Kevin Baby.
Kevin Baby.
Like that, right?
What's your plan to jump in?
No. You got telephone right?
Give us number four again because that was amazing.
I know.
Anybody got that one?
Turkey is a turkey.
Merry Christmas.
Tom, your letter is S.
You minute starts right? Stork
Seal yes, yes
Sheep a choo
Noz sneeze are they all right are it what are they?
Scouts are love scouts scream all right was worth Are they? Scouser. Love scousers. Scream.
All right, it was worth.
Snake.
Huff, huff, huff, huff, huff.
Schnalsall pop.
Schnalsall pop?
Is that a thing?
Scrape.
Scrapper.
Scrapper.
What the hell are you doing Thomas?
Shagging. Shagging. Huff, huff Shagging. Oh my god.
I saw.
Yes.
Bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip,
bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip,
bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip,
Oh, do you see this?
I see.
Is it Su-clinch?
No.
You know, too clinch.
I know, too clinch.
She's mental, isn't she?
Very fun.
Very fun when you wind her up.
Yeah.
So that was pretty, pretty good with the end.
Oh, that was fun.
It was fun, wasn't it?
Not for too clinch, it was fun.
Can anyone tell what the last one was?
Anyone get any idea?
What was that?
It wasn't.
What's Seven's arc seven?
What's Battle of the Planets? I'm not... What's Sevens Ark Seven?
What's Battle of the Planets?
I'm not a nerd.
You are a nerd.
Just like a nerd.
It was really good, actually.
It was...
Anyone any...
It is...
It is space related.
Anyone any idea?
It was Sputnik.
Of course Sputnik.
Oh!
The cheese.
Yes.
So, producer Ben, can you please give us the scores at the end of that round?
Ben and Lou have 29.5, Tom and Anna have 36.
Yes.
So, next, it's time for me to make the noise of a podcast host announcing the next round is called Beef Brothers.
Wish me luck. Next round is Bobbredders fuck
You got a problem, I'm calling a problem, could you got a problem?
Call it a beef, if you're gonna beef, beef
Maybe we can help you beef brother, sorry like you beef
Yes, it's Bobbredders, where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat share based off
Sorry beef, this one comes from John D, who was in the audience.
John, are you there?
I am.
Hello, John.
Now, John writes, my housemate has a crippling addiction to candles.
Oh.
It started out with the odd tea lights here and there.
A gateway light.
The gateway light, yeah.
And you can get a lot in a bag for a pound.
Oh, you really can.
If you know where to go.
Absolutely, yeah.
Ikea.
Pound, pounds.
It's just called pounds, isn't it?
Poundlands.
Poundlands, hey, yeah, that's the one you have.
Pounds, pounds.
But they're a pound, pound, pound.
Free pants, goes for it.
Free pants, everything's free pants.
And a lot of things are not worth that.
So it's a real ripoff of a job.
Don't go.
John continues.
John Delight.
No, no.
Maybe it's changing.
Something's better.
Very mind-john doesn't like the lights.
Okay.
But their love of all things wax
has now taken over our entire living room.
Also, he's a 27-year-old man.
Are you a man at 27-year-old man.
Are you a man at 27?
That's good point.
Addicted to candles.
Can I just give you which seems your answer?
So Tom and Anna, you are on John D's side.
Ben and Lou, you are on the side of the flatmate,
the candle lover.
Two right.
So before we begin, can we get a name
or would you prefer to leave him anonymous?
No, we can get a name, James.
So you are on the candle lover a side, James is side.
Just time for it.
Cross examination.
Do you have any questions for John about the candle situation?
Yeah, why don't you move out shape? No, there's too many.
Too many. They add a nice ambience to the place, but I feel like it's a practical issue,
so I had a guest staying the other day and we were unable to find the guest candle.
What? There's a guest candle. Oh, you're a guest? Do you see you had to get a guest state?
I thought he said you had a gas stain.
We had a horrible gas stain.
Oh, I can't get it out.
All right, so you're trying to find the towel for the guest.
Oh, the guest towel.
There were too many towels in the room.
There were too many candles in the way of the...
How big are these candles?
They can't tell us.
Yeah, he's a guy he keeping them in their air?
In the air, it's a good thing.
We don't have an air in cover, do we?
Oh, yeah.
We just leave them on the floor.
Behind the candles, yeah.
Too many candles, not enough towels.
Has he sort of offered you a candle, if you know what I mean?
Has he tried to get you into it as well?
Or was he just...
Not yet.
So, another point of the
problem was that we've known each other since we were 10, and it was only this year that
the camp was session rich. But when he was 10 he had like 10 birthday
cake candles and no, it got worse every year, next year we were like 12 the next year.
Is it just one day a year that you two can get out?
I think I'm going to crack the problem here.
We don't need to do it for this this week.
So you write all the candles every night?
Not every night.
So another issue was we've had a housemate move out
because of it.
Oh, really?
Potentially.
So we had another housemate who once came in and our entire living room.
So we have a couch in the middle of the room and there was a semi-circle of candles entirely around the couch.
Well our housemate was watching Basic Instinct in the middle of the house.
Everyone loves to say Tannic Wank.
What a night!
Semisirgler candles, basic instincts.
It's not bad, I don't mind it.
He had them all the way around the couch.
On the floor saying no one's getting into my fun.
Yeah, exactly, yeah, giving a doomself.
I'm more concerned about someone who puts a sofa,
slap bang in the middle of a set of walls.
It's a weird place to put a sofa in.
But it wants to walk.
What shapes the sofa?
A sofa shape.
Good answer.
Very strong answer.
No further questions.
LAUGHTER
My last gripe with the whole thing
is it caused for concern for him,
because he goes to sleep with the lantern
beside his bed with the cold.
Like an old, oldy-worldy lantern. Exactly, we really want it.
And falls asleep with that hovering above his head, so I'm just worried for him.
Wait, how does it hover above his head? Like this?
Do you live with a wizard? Yes, the house possessed.
Hopefully that's enough information for our teams to make their cases, so without further ado.
I now call upon Anaman, and I'm saying he's right. To right to begin the case for the prosecution you are on the side of John D well
addictions are ugly okay they really can be I got addicted to crackers for a long time pulling
them eating them I didn't give a shit I just had had it fucking. Can I swear? Yeah, fuck. It was boring out of my mouth. Pulling crack, candles, candles, candles.
So, and I think you need to sit, I think he's trying to lead you down a path with the candle. Like in Romeo and Juliet.
And I think the candles are taking you somewhere and you have to look at it and go where are these candles leading? And I think they're going to go to a very special place in his heart and then you will just
stop fucking.
So I think stop that because he's your friend and it's a horrible way to end a friendship
or a great way to begin a love affair.
But I think you're right, and I think just let him putt.
And a man, everybody, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Jesus.
So sorry, Jesus. Let him burn.
So Lou, everything to play for, as you open the case,
for the defence, your minutes begins now.
With that, whatever that was, the, you did,
was homophobic undertones or overtones.
And also... Is this an attack on me? Yes.
Oh right.
And let him burn, I mean, I've got no problem with that,
really. But... Oh, what, what, what, what, what, what about the Madonna video Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a'r dyn, a' a'r dyn, Oh, I quite like candles actually. We got loose onions, everybody, loose onions.
Alright.
APPLAUSE
At this halfway point, how do you think it's going, John D?
Some good points on both sides.
Still very much to play for.
Very diplomatic.
Tom, are you going to continue the case for the prosecution
as yourself this week?
No, I'm going to do it in the style of a deep-south defence lawyer,
John Grisham novel.
Are you now?
Yeah, Mr. Fanshawe Standin.
Mr. Fanshawe Standin.
Yeah.
Pranjaiding and providing, your minutes should you need it begins now.
Ladies and gentlemen, after jury.
I'm seeing a lot of them confused faces out there.
That damn legal team, using a lot of them confusing words, ain't they?
They come down here from the big city with their talk over their candles.
This is a small town. We simple folk, huh? We don't understand no damn dead candles.
I'll see you right there, J.F. there. You run the bakery.
Hey, no candles in no bakery. I'll see you at the school. Stop going there. You're not allowed. Yeah. Yeah. Put me in mind of the story now.
Years ago. Preacher from the church. Tell you true. Don't put that deadline on the
rubusha. What's a bushel? Questions coming out of church, small gang of boys, curiosity into the hills, searching
for that dead bushel.
Upon the hill, they turn to night, cold up in them their hills, they'll even they
yourself hiking for your anniversary.
Congratulations. Yeah. Cold up in there.
Searching for them their bushels.
Can't find no light, can't find no bushels.
Could a long story short?
Kill and sleep in a goat.
Yeah.
That's the kind of town this is.
Goat in bed.
Ain't no lads, ain't no bushels.
No further questions, your armour.
No further questions.
Fanshawe's done then.
So, all the remains is for Ben to conclude the case for the defence.
Ben, your minute should you need it?
I won't.
Begins now. Hey, guys. I conclude the case for the defense Ben your minute should you need it? I won't begins now
Hey guys
Hey, Ben. Hello. First of all right the towel issue
You don't need them if you've got enough candles
It just gently dry yourself on the just turn yourself around like you're on a spit
But also, John D, you've got to relax here.
You've got to chill out.
He's your friend.
You can't get stressed by this stuff.
It seems to me like you're living your life.
Oh!
Oh, look, all I'm gonna say is,
there's no don't in candle.
But there is a can.
Oh, that's absolutely superb. APPLAUSE
Now I cannot make the decision myself
as I'm not a real judge, spoiler alert.
So instead, I'm allowing our live MacFeta audience
to make the call.
So if you think Anne and Fan Shaw and therefore John D
is in the right, I'd like you to applaud now.
APPLAUSE I'm going you to applaud now.
Okay, if you think, I think made the best case, applaud now.
Sorry John D, the candles remain. The candles remain. How do you feel? It was a good result.
Yeah, just as a spoken. I need to just relax and... I can't imagine you more relaxed than you already are.
I'm the same as the guy in the world.
Yeah, I love you, Jondi.
Let's hang out, Jondi.
Let's hang out afterwards. We'd love to.
So, I can't, but...
LAUGHTER
So, next up, it's the round that folks are already calling
much, much shorter than the dingo that precedes it.
It's the quickfire round!
Woah!
This is the quickfire round.
It's the round that goes really quickly
Which is why we've decided it really should have a quick introduction
It would make more sense
Let's have a quick introduction
So here we go.
This is the quick fire round.
Here we go.
Always the round that goes really quickly.
And this is why it would be like if it had a quick introduction.
That's why a quick introduction.
Oh, hey, now we're cooking on gas. It's right a quick introduction Oh ho ho ho
Hey there now, well we're cooking on gas
Let's get those questions, and let's get the mast
Ask them quickly, and don't ask them slow
And keep on asking them, and go, Math you go
Yes, this is the quick fire out
It's the round that goes really quickly.
And now we've given it a really quick introduction.
Can we go much quicker?
Yes, we can.
A quick introduction.
Let's go.
Let's get much quicker, a quick introduction.
Here we go.
We go in quick.
Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick introduction.
Wow!
I got blisters on my finger!
Lovely.
Lovely, strong stuff there.
So in this quick fire round as the episode is youth hostel themed, everyone.
I said, ooh, we're going back there.
I said, ooh, we're going, yeah, this is the quick fire round. Oh First Round
There we go that was amazing great work
So here's how this quick fire round works as the episode is youth hostile themed every answer is four syllables fast oh it does
it does work now I hear it again so every answer is four syllables long and
must be sung to the tune of YMCA so I'll give you an example if I asked you
for the name of the village people's 1979 hit single that reached number one
in Belgium Canada and the Netherlands you would answer
Canada and the Netherlands, you would answer in the Navy. Now I should have got my YMCA really, that's how it works. So instead of buzzers, if you think you have
the right answer, shout out your first name and wait for the music to play.
That is key. So Tom and Anna, let's hear that now shouting out your first name Tom Anna lovely stuff
Straight from the diaphragm Ben and Lou Ben
So the first question celebrated on the first of March what day on as the patron saint of Wales Tom Tom
Give me the answer please
David's day is correct
What song made famous by Frank Sinatra features the line? I want to wake up in a city that does Tom's
Give me the answer please
Really fast and loose with the tune there as well. I enjoyed it
Enjoyed the remix
What is both the name of Emily Bronte's only novel and a hit song by Kate Bush?
Tom. Tom! Romping home!
Give me the answer please.
Wethering Heights.
Yes, absolutely correct.
In a recent...
Wethering.
In a recent flat-share slam down, which 1993 blockbuster films
did Kerry Goddardman describe as dinosaurs on holiday
I'm gonna get to bend this time because no one else has had his time
Give me the answer please
Rastick park correct football pundits in St John and Jimmy Greaves were known by what nicknames
Lou
Give me the answer please
Give me the answer please. Yeah.
Jimmy, I just wanted to join in.
I was looking for Saint and Greasy, of course I was.
I always am.
Oh.
You should know Saint and Greasy.
You were married to one of them.
Name a famous Welsh person.
You knew.
Lou.
Give me the answer please. Michael Sheen.
Michael Sheen.
I was thinking of Dylan Thomas but I'm going to accept Michael Sheen.
Name a Bond film.
Anna.
Give me the answer please.
Don't do that James.
And finally what semi-popular podcast hosted by Papi's is currently doing.
No. answer please
And finally what semi-popular podcast hosted by papis is currently
Los Andres
This is the one of the other cellapap everybody you enjoyed this episode? That is the end of the round.
Pat Flap, which means we have a winner, so producer Ben.
This has been a simple A and Pat Flap.
I can't wait to find out what the final scores are.
I love to win.
Ben and Lou have 32 and a half.
Tom and Anna have 40.
Yes. So Ben and Lou have 32 and a half. Tom and Anna have 40. Yes! APPLAUSE
So Ben and Lou have to book the hostel
and Tom and Anna get a free place on the Mac camping site.
That's right, when it comes to sorting out a combination of Mac, everybody loses.
Thanks to our guest, Lou Sonders and Anna Mann.
We've been Pappies, see you next time on...
Pappies!
Pappies!
Pappies, flash, yes, land up, each and Matthew Crockett being caught in top row, Happy's, see you next her to roll in the tech. Tammy's flat-shear slam down.
He's a first-procure with the British coming out of the internet.
Cheers to Mumbai!
Thank you so much!
Yes!
APPLAUSE
Do you want to see what the world is really like?
Yes.
Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining.
A woman planting her course to free to add in love for.
It's non-stop bonkers brilliance.
I love that.
Poor things.
It's like theaters December 15.