Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown Revisited w/ Joe Lycett and Mike Wozniak S11E36

Episode Date: September 6, 2021

Hello folks. Back once again with another oldie... so we’re going to have to have a Flatshare Slamdown, again! Originally recorded and aired in 2013, this was a very different time, and a very different place, please don’t cancel us.Which brings us (very much not) neatly on to charity - as mentioned in the outro, we’d love for everyone to get involved in this amazing charity appeal to provide children who are in hospital with fun and comfortable pyjamas. Go on, click on this link to get involved https://amzn.eu/0pb9CbH or this one to read more about the appeal www.childrenshospitalpyjamas.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters for December 15th.

Great Ex-Listener Deer! I'm Ben. I'm Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of a classic, flat-shear slam down, revisited. Oh, baby, baby, welcome to our time tunnel, climb inside, and shoot down into the past. Do you know what year this comes from? It was recorded at Mac Fest in Wales,

the fantastic Mac-Compativ comedy festival, which you've been going to for many years, and it features Mike Wozniak, recently of Taskmaster, and Joe Lysett, always of Joe Lysett's got you back, and always of being a dear friend of ours, as indeed is Mike. But Clarky, if you had to guess, what year did this

episode come out? I don't think I have to guess. I think I know that it's 2013. It is 2013, yeah. It surprised me when I looked this up. If someone said what year did this come from, I would have assumed it was far more recently, you know? It's yeah, I mean, yeah, 100%. I just heard I heard that it was 2013 recently. So if I, if I'm right, it wasn't that you were like, yes, I know definitely. It was, I just did know definitely because someone told you. Yeah, exactly.

Right, exactly. Was that someone me? No, that someone was Mike Wasnac in a message he will give coming up. Oh yeah, in fact, well let's get into it. So we obviously, we've been asking people who appeared on these podcasts if they're still with us to send a message and tell us any memories they might have of the night. Or the afternoon, as it was in this case. So, like, let's we get into Joe's first. Yeah. Sure, yeah, yeah. Because I feel like, let's just, yeah, just play it and then let's say what.

I think. But can I just say, I think, before we play it, the views expressed, or actually not even the views, the content expressed in this message is 100% the product of the fevered brain of Joe Lyset. There's not a grain of truth to it. It is... well, just have a listen. Hello dear friends, it's your old friend Joe Lyset. So chaffed that this episode of Flat Share Slam Down is going back out into the wild again. Let me take you back to that faithful day in 2013 where Mike Wozniak and I went into the backstage area of the Mahantleth Comedy Festival to find a fraught and panicked Papi's triad. The British comedy guide had obtained some damning documents linking them to a Peterfah sex ring. They weren't

partaking in the Peter Filler-Ashford out of their merely administrative roles, but there were quotes and correspondence that were unsavory, I would argue, particularly one line from Perry who used the phrase, a thirst for little tinkers. However, despite going out and finding the recording difficult and unrewarding as a result of this ongoing issue, the documents never made it into the public domain and the Papi's Trio's involvement remains unknown to the public at large. Thank God for the British comedy guide

for not running it and good luck to all of you listening to this episode. Goodbye, good luck, God bless, control the virus. So there we go, pretty sweet. Where are we from? Right, yeah. control the virus. So there we go. Pretty strong meat right from yeah yeah it is as you described on the WhatsApp group a strong flavor. It's a very strong flavor. It's a strong flavor. I really really took me off guard. Even even even with you prefacing it as a strong flavour.

Well I listen to it, I was like, oh, it's a stronger flavour than I was expecting. Why was expecting a tree-bought extra strong mint here? But no, this is fucking Terps to the back of the throat when you think you're in a simple water. It's tough stuff to deal with. But also, Joe was absolutely delighted with it. When he said that to me, he was really, really happy. I'm trying to find what he said.

He said, oh, I'm not even going to read what he said because, yeah, but basically he was pleased. I'd say what? He's got some people's backs, but he fucking doesn't have ours. It couldn't be further from the truth. I didn't realize that this intro, this intro is meant to get people excited about listening to it, not to act as a sort of cattle grid to shed listeners. So that's what Joe's set us up with here.

He really has. Now weirdly, it's like Mike having not, I don't believe you discussed with Joe, but Mike has recorded us this, which sort of almost serves as a bit of a companion piece. Hello, Mike Wassney here. Matthew asked me to dig up any memories I had of our classic MacFest flat share slam down encounter from 2013. I can remember good times, some fairly deadly puns, and possibly a kangaroo court case, and it was quite a long time ago, so I imagine we all said things that we wouldn't be court dead saying now. And I don't know if this recording is being released for entertainment purposes or for some kind of truce and reconciliation commission,

but by the way, good luck to us all. So there you go, lovely. I tell you what that was. That felt like a warm bath after a gruesome operation A warm bath where you had to leave bits of you out of the bath because the stitches would pop So it's that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah But yeah, so thanks very much to Joe and Mike both for recording those messages. I mean,

we'll thank you more to Mike than to Joe for recording those messages, but thanks to both of them for agreeing to do this episode way back in 2013. Now, I will, I am purely going because Mike says, and as we've sort of said in previous intros, he's recorded a long time ago, the world was different, we potentially say his things. I see. Well, another thing I was just going to say before that was, it's amazing at just how famous we've all become since. You know what I mean? You know, the big Joe Lysit, obviously. Like, was the Italian. And of course, Papis. And we just can't, we just can't. We just, we all go from strength to strength. And just there.

From a strong flavor, from a strong flavor. From the latter. When it turns out we've been doing comedy all wrong, what you've got to do is accuse people of historical sex crimes. And that is the way to move forwards in your career. I was going to say actually before we get into the episode that I'm listening back as the listener does. I will listen back when it goes out on Tuesday. Ordinarily, I would hear

the episode and I'd go, yeah, that's all fine, but I haven't had a chance to. So I'm purely going on my memory of it being a really fun recording. I remember bits of it. So if there is, you know, if there is something cancelable in it, just, you know, just accept that we were young and impressionable and let's face it, Lys it's done worse stuff in the last couple of days.

And you've already heard that. So compare it to what Lice, it's current output is like and you might go, well, actually nothing too bad. Just just just remember you this is a time before we were all massively famous. So don't, don't use it. I'll let this go, man. You've got to let it go. So we will see you on the other side of this episode where I'm not gonna let this go man. You've got that. I'm gonna let it go. You've got that, okay. You've got that, okay. So we will see you on the other side of this episode where I'm sure we'll have some correspondence or some other things to chat about. But in the meantime, sit back, relax.

Imagine you are at the best comedy festival in the world, Macfest, and enjoy this retro episode of Flaatchy Us Landdown. Tom Ben, how are you enjoying our camping holiday? It's rubbish, Matthew, burnt food, not showering, shitting in a hole in the ground. Why go on holiday when we've got all that at home? Plus, I haven't seen one bra pinging across the field. That documentary lied.

Documentary. Are you talking about carry on camping? No, I'm not talking about carrying on, I'm talking about leaving right now. We've only been here five minutes, I need your help pitching a tent. You having trouble pitching a tent Matthew? If you can't, pitch a tent. why don't you do what everyone else does? Use a combination of Viagra and this Peno pump. Ben, did you bring a Peno pump on our camping holiday? Um, brilliant because I forgot to pack mine. Few.

Me too. Thought I was going to have to resort to the makeshift one I fashioned from this Pringles can. Anyway, back to this tent. I need your help. No worries Matthew, I've got a pop-up. That's very impressive Tom, but put your Pringles can away,, back to this tent. I need your help. No worries Matthew, I've got a pop-up. That's very impressive Tom, but put your Pringles can away, we're talking about the tent. Who's going to help me pitch it? Well it's not going to be me. I'm scared of tents. I'll find them to in...

Timidating? And it's not going to be me. I don't want to hurt myself. Well there's only one way to sort this. We're going to have to have a... TENCHES! TENCHES! TENCHES! TEN slam down! Tenture slam down! Tenture slam down! Tenture slam down! Tenture slam down! Tenture slam down!

Yes! Hello and welcome to FlatShare Slam Down or Tenture Slam Down coming to you from my conchrotth, comedy festival! Macfest! Macfest in Deepest Wales. This is the flat-based panel show that says, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get you in my tent,

tent, tent, tent, tent, where we can both experiment, mint, mint, mint, mint, yeah, so convenient, and tent, tent, tent, tent, let's take a taxi to my tent. I'm the host and tent owner. What song's that? It's a song called tent. Now, while they're under my waterproof roof, they'll be following my rules.

Let's meet the tent mates, Tom Perry and Ben Clark. Oh! CHEERING APPLAUSE That's a huge, thank you. Thank you for those sound effects, Tom. Why do you explain your reluctance to help out? Well, I was going to come up with some kind of joke

about canvas or something like that, but I am genuinely camping here at this festival. And last night, three o'clock in the morning, there was, as anyone else camping, there was like a torrential downpour. Gail Force wins. I woke up at half three, desperate for a wee.

And saw that in my sleep, I'd go into the middle of the field. And that's what I remembered I was wearing a wanzi, right? LAUGHTER Why, why are you trying to make yourself look more like a baby? LAUGHTER I wish I, yeah, if I'd just have a nappy, I could just stay in the tent. Yeah. Oh, that's such a good idea.

That's not a bad camping tip. If you wear a nappy, it's not... Step out of it at the end of the festival, it's perfect. Ben, why are you so intent on being a cunt? What's going on? It's very tough. I don't need to pitch tent, because I've come up with my own style of camping. You know, there's the glamping.

Yeah. You know, it's a better-be-good... It's a posh camping. Oh, I love your set-up, small thing. Anything else? This is better than worth the journey, Clarky. I've just gone for my own version where you just get really pissed and fall asleep in the middle of a field.

Tramping! That's what Barry was doing last night, I believe. We're staying together in a cottage, so we're cottageing, right? Oh! Oh! Well, I lost that stuff to Muffin the Toilets, so... But important to clarify, in fact, listen to you, because you've spoken enough already.

We have spoken enough already. No, I'm all from you. Let's put a name to that beautiful voice, Tom, who have you brought with you this week? Well, the Jamboree is in town, but we've got yes it really is but we've got a Commodation crisis. Where's everyone gonna sleep? We need tense. So I brought in a camping expert the best person I know at camping. Yes it's Joe Lysie! Hello Joe. Hello. I feel like that might be offensive. Are you trying to say that I have some relation to camping in some way?

Are you a fan of camping? No, it's shit, isn't it? You've already taken a second to stay in the cocktail. In 2013, we have buildings. Let's use them. Why do camping? Everyone's sort of like, how it's found and it's getting back to, it's not though. You're buying like modern tents aren't you? You're not actually using like leaves and things are you?

You're not making a bivouac, is what you're saying? No, I don't know what a bivouac is. It's sort of improvised, tenty type structure you make. Oh, I thought you was finding a small like animal that chop down trees with its teeth. Are you saying beaver and bivouac? Is that your poem? Correct. I thought you were a small animal that chopped down trees with its teeth. Are you saying beaver and bivouac? Is that your pun? Correct sir!

That is an absolute shocker! Clark, you have brought with you by the way. I believe a guy I found in a field, whatever is trumping, my fellow Trumpy friend, Wastien! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Now Mike, you don't strike me as a camping kind of person. Are you a camping kind of person? No. I was correct then, yeah. I did a bit as a nipper, but then there was a point where my mother forbade my sister and I from camping

outside in the garden, because there was a horse mol my mother forbade my sister and I from camping outside in the garden because there was a horse molester on the loose. What? Haltite! Horse molester on the loose. There's a horse molester on the loose. Did she think you had sort of slightly horsey features? You can't be too careful.

I didn't know what the logic was behind it. You know, we never played together in a pandamine horse, so there's no kind of obvious logical reason. A horse molester like, is that the sequel to the horse whisperer? LAUGHTER That's that poor version of it, yeah. Now, why, so, how did she know that? It's where it was, and that was the kind of hot topic in the news. In the local news, that, uh...

How do you molester horse? I don't know. Can you teach me? LAUGHTER I'm not a waste of wonder. I'm not here to give instructions on how soon Melissa horse. Well, what would it be?

Does it feel like it's been violated? LAUGHTER Because if you're riding like a human, that's offensive, isn't it? Yeah. But you can happily ride a horse without it being offended. But not up the art holes. I mean, hey, isn't it if you ask it if it fancies a shag and it says nay?

Oh! Anyway, we're done. Horses like camping anyway, don't they? Because at the grand national, about three of them always end up intense. LAUGHTER Well, that's the introduction to the word Let's Lay Down the Groundish Event Detainment that is Round 1!

Yeah! CHEERING Well, blessed muscle, what was wrong with me I tried to pitch my tent next to a tree The trees roots make the ground really tough Can't put it up on the wall Yeah, yeah, I can't put it up Well Well, the gollum is Somali, I'm a such a duck. I put to my tent up at the bottom of the slope. The rain came down and it just wouldn't stop. Oh, my tent's full of fire. Oh, yeah, my tent's full of fire.

I should have just booked a holiday Of course, there's any lights in, I don't know where to begin I knew if I came to hear the beat sheet But I forgot that I'm scared of she I'm a gig game, Google, yeah, I'm not a rat spark I tried to pitch my tent in the cop park But I'm a room the pigs, well, I didn't get far Fuck this, I'll sleep in the car.

Oh, yeah, I'll sleep in the car. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE As always, the jingles are provided by Tom and Ben, and it's the first time I've ever said this, Tom, you can sing. I know, I just keep my light under a bushel. Okay, bushel. So continue with that musical theme. The first round is... Come on, we have Pete too early here.

The first round is called Wig Wam. Wish Wam? You're not going to go with my idea. We call it Three Birth of a Nation, where the three of us get into a tent and make a racist propaganda movie. No. What about my game, Camping Pong, where you have to guess who farted in the tent? What about all of you?

We farted in the tent. End of game. What about orientering where we What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of that? What about all of Come by our what's what's come by our finish come by our tent and I'll show you my Tempec no No No again, okay, we get Mark Hallberg in a massive tent The marky mark marky It's not great though is it camping good in June okay? We're gonna play You're great though, is it? Camping Gooding June.

OK, we're going to play... LAUGHTER We're going to play wigwam. In this round, I'm going to give each panelist the name of a bald celebrity. Now, they must pretend to be that celebrity and sing about themselves to the tune of one of WAM's greatest hits. LAUGHTER

I'll give you a second to take that in. Their team has to guess who they are, points are awarded for right answers, and of course, for excellent singing. So Tom and Joe, you're going to go first, as I love your singing so much, Tom, earlier on. Here are your bald celebrities. And Tom is going to start by singing to you, Joe. He's going to sing as if he's a bald celebrity, all about himself.

And I'll tell you if you can get it. Give him a bit of time so he can really enjoy Tom's del Sit-Tones. It's a good song, isn't it? You're not taking a long time to go. Oh you've got to hear the Jeeboos. Well I got a part on the right side of the bed. I've got nowhere on the top of my... I'm a crouching cop and I'm going

to gather bad day because everybody's blowing up the buildings And I'm in the building too, I go down the lift And I say, you be out of the fucker, I'm gonna think that I've gone bold And I'm going to die hot another day What's my name? What's my name, Joe? Oh, oh, oh, oh, I was also in perfection with you. Before you go, go. And I've also been in an advert. I know. Okay, that was Tom Sir.

Reddition. I'll wait the up before you go, go, but Joe, can you tell us which ball celebrity he was trying to be? Is it William Hague? Oh! So close, I'll give you a second chance. Bruce Willis. Yeah! Okay, Joe, with the same song, would you please give us your rendition of Waiting Up Before Your Go-Go as a ball celebrity.

Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter bag. Jeter Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,ague. So, er, and he gets his done parry. That was both the answer and the question. Yeah, well, wasn't it? Well, I'm both flattered and insulted. Yeah, I don't know what to do. It's a two for one. Okay, well, that's a point each year for Fajotong.

Yeah! Now, it's Ben and Mike Stone, and here are your slums and bullies. I'll ask Ben to go first, Mike to go second, and of course, it's Clarke's theme tune. I'm your man Call me ball Call me Pat Call me a former prime minister of this country. I am

I am Got a big scar and a wet towel and Stop the music I think I got a rhyming clue You can't sing the name of the celebrity I mean I wasn't in the rules We didn't play with fuck with Clark He did it in a pitch where I couldn't really hear it. I couldn't really hear it. It was all when it was like in my brain. Well, Mike, do you ever hear anything about a thing to say about him?

And he got hit here. And a factual was pulled, wasn't he? But no one... I never saw the film. So I actually didn't lie in stakes, because he couldn't keep the wig off on the corpse. Really? Yeah. She's bald as a fucking coat mate.

LAUGHTER And, uh... She had very sharp teeth, she had to wear some special caps. Um... Not for art, it. She was not for art or... How is that made to perfect sense? Actually, that's a lie, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. So, who is it? Who has been said everything? It wasn't that year. You're close, though. It was... Well, the only problem is that I can think of that runs with Winston Churchill is Winston Churchill. Yes. I think we'll get them a... I think we'll get them a halfway for the lovely singing. It's a good rhyme.

We'll get them a halfway for the lovely singing. Mike, I'm your man. Off you go. Yeah. Woo! Yeah. What is this? Oh, yeah. A hat. A great song. Woo! What is this song? Oh yeah, I had a great fall wall Oh when I was sitting on top of the wall

And all the key and all is made here Oh when they tried to put me back I'm together again, I'm gonna be here And yeah! I got scrambled! Oh that was fantastic! I can't scramble! Oh, that was fantastic. Blarky, who do you think Mike was impersonating there? Is that Humpty?

It is Humpty! That's not fair, because that's the lead character from Ben's favourite book. So the winners are Joe and Tom in that round, but the show is far from over. Mike and Ben still have the victory in their campsites, as we begin round two, it's play forever, roll the dice, classic game that everybody loves and change, everything that people loved about it in the first place. And because we're camping in this episode, we're playing the very outdoorsy, ultimate fizz-bee. This is the ultimate spelling bee, but without it fizz. In it, I'm going to give the panel some words, which you must correctly spell by going round the player's one letter at a time.

If anyone gets a letter wrong, not only do the opposing team get a point, but it also gets fizzy water sprayed into their face by Well, glamorous, assistant pegs, everybody pegs is here! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE So, so, Karky, you're going to start off. We'll start with you. OK. The word you have to spell, one letter at a time. This is like a nightmare. You only have to get the first letter.

You're going to be fighting the first letter. Still the fucking nightmare mate. All right, no, no, no, mate. All right, it's roaded-endron. It's the word you're going to spell. So we're starting with Clarky, first letter. Ah, Mike, silent cue. LAUGHTER We all pass it on. It's not silent cue, Joe.

I think it's a H. It's exciting. The tension now. Oh. My God. Was that your letter or just an explanation about how much you're enjoying this tense game? It was both. It was, it was O correct.

Okay, over. Deep. Fight. It's definitely one of the E ones, isn't it? It's definitely one of the, you know, it's a gamble, isn't it? I already know why I already know. It's definitely a letter, Mike. Yes, definitely a letter.

Or I mean, I just really, really do all the 26 of them and hope this sort of stuff happens in gay sawners. With fizzy water. Spell-frotage, otherwise you're getting in the face. I'll plump free. Was it Fizzy Water? Spell-frotage, otherwise you're getting in the face. I'll come for you. It's an O! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8. Oh no. You're not, you can't clarify whether it's the activating or the number 8. I can use it in a sentence if I'm useful.

Oh no, you're going to be a prick, man. Yeah. Joe Lysett asked me to use the word 8 in a sentence. I told him to go fuck himself. Starts with an Arabic letter, I don't know. Oh! I'm afraid to eat. Oh! Don't like it back to your pigs.

Fighting water with water there, let's move on to Clarky. The next word is anti-disestablishmentarianism. A. A bloody end. A picking teeth. Fuck you, I. Fuck you, I. It's a lovely show. What are you talking about? Cunt D. My favourite part. I've got...

Good nila. I... The lovely ass. H? LAUGHTER I'm way off. Way off. I was about to sing, I've made to thee my country. And I've got so distracted.

I lost track of the letters. I wish you had me. OK, we're going to start with you, Tom, again. And if the final word wants to do it. And in fact, it's a tricky one. I'm not entirely sure. I'm perhaps this right. But I believe it's got content.

Macumbless. It's the place we're in right now. I'm pretty sure it starts with two Ls. I double-squirt for that, I believe, Pegs. Okay, Clarky, first letter, M. Mike, Aves, presumably with some sort of accent. Eeeh! LAUGHTER

Yeah, you know, it's right by Cape Town, yeah. See, H. This is where it gets tricky. We can all do the Mac. L? No! No! Mike. Just L's was the way home, baby. No, it's not that I can't say that. LAUGHTER

Joe. Why? Because it's not that I get it. Joe, Joe. Why? Because it's your turn. Come on, other fuckers! What's the next letter? N. C? You're the baddy C mate. Mike, I'm an L town, I'm having a party.

Yeah, absolutely. I'm also an L. I'm also at the party. So much. What is this word? What is this word? I think the phrase we're in, it's been a day and a half. E, correct. Clarke. Oh.

It's not R, I'm a phrase, Quartage. LAUGHTER OK, got it. I'll give you another chance. We just had a tea. Sort of all the late. Yes, we got it! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE We are the first Englishman to ever spell the word potential.

And it took five of us to do it. That's all the words are duly. Yeah. Well, I think that round did exactly what it said out to do, improve the nation's literacy whilst keeping our panel hydrated. And they'll need it for the next round, because it's the... Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes, four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining a woman Planting her course to free to not

It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th Hey, Cass powers the world's best podcast Here's a show that we recommend on the next day. and wonderful world of Canadian history. This season we've covered not season Alberta, the Palestinian partition, and even the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. We also have eight seasons worth of back episodes, all right there for your listening pleasure. Check out new episodes of curious Canadian history every other Tuesday wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Cast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. acast.com.

Be full and end all a flat-based problem solving. It's Beef Brothers! Well, you've got a problem. I'm calling it a problem. If you've got a problem, call it a bee. If you've got a bee, I've got a problem, if you've got a problem, call it a bee. If you've got a bee, maybe we can help you with a bee from the sorting out your bees. Yes, it's Beath Brothers.

And every week, we ask our panel to behave like that, to actually give a damn and solve an audience member's flat share beef. This week's beef comes from Theresa Coin. Are you there, Theresa? Hello. Let's, sorry. That sounds very creepy.

Very flirty from Carkey already. So, to raise this problem, and we'll talk to Theresa in just a second, but Theresa, I'm going to read out your problem here. You've written, My Dad leaves dead fish around. E.G. Coffee table.

Kitchen sink. By the front door. Now, you've written on the floor, but then you've crossed it out I mean he's not a monster. He's not a monster So Ben and Mike you are the prosecution you are on the side of Teresa, which is great because Clark is already flirting with her Tom and Joe your job is to act as the defense so you are on her dead fish collecting dad side But before I get born to be there. Have you heard that in trouble with the mafia? It's not what they do.

It's a very confused, it's not sleeps with the fishes, it's not a dead horse in your bed, it's like a confusion of the two, isn't it? But before it goes a little bit legal, I cherry, there's just time... Oh, it's a deep cut. It's a deep cut, maybe I enjoyed it. It took me a dead fish.

LAUGHTER There's just time, time for a quick cross examination. So, has anyone got any questions they'd like to ask? Lovely to read a coin about her. What's your telephone number? What's your dad's telephone number? LAUGHTER Worst, double date ever. What's your dead fish is not worth?

You don't have to answer any of those questions, Sir Lisa, it's good tense of course. Do you have any questions, Tom, looks like you've got a question. Is your dad a fishmonger? No, no, he just does a lot of fishing. He does competition. He's a fisherman. A fisherman, yeah, yeah.

Okay, maybe you could have been there in the beef. You may be on a usual account. It's his job. He's a fisherman. Whoa, whoa, that, you could have been that in the beef you maybe want to use your reasonable cows It's his job It's a fisherman whoa whoa that's my lady you're talking about Back up the truck Which is what you'll be saying to her later on What sort of fish like does he get deep water fish or It's a mix, he does sea fish and then he does lake fish and so it's trout, macro, salmon or that kind of... So lots, all of the fish.

Beautiful fish. Okay, why don't you like a refrigerated house? What is the... No. No. No. Thank you. Does he rap them? Sometimes I can't do it.

I got trout. I got rainbow trout. I knew if I set that up, you'd do a terrible rap. So let's break that down again. You've got rainbow trout, so many fish, motherfucker. Okay. So I want to say to a lot of hip hop right there. It's better than the rock band Stickelberg. Oh my gosh!

They all want to be rock stars, rock being a type of fish. Okay, let's move on. Now, any further questions, if not, then we're going to start... Wait, are you Clark any more questions? that aren't what you're doing later on? In that case, no. Do you want to come over to my place? Oh, come on! Just for the halibut.

So we can deep throat you. That's not a key to your mouth. Wow! He's going to say Trace? Uh, deep trace. Would you like to go back to my house and I will literally fuck your mouth? How's that? How's that sound?

Is that a fun little talk like a pun? I think I'm joking. I think it's a pun. I would deep trap you. Okay, so that's quite enough information for our teams and quite a bit of information for the rest of our lives, I believe. To make that case, so I call upon Mike, now you're going to begin the case for the prosecution, remember you're on Theresa's side, I have the prosecution, Mike, you have exactly one

minute starting from the time I get a stopwatch ready on my phone, which is now. Okay, so this man is obviously a despicable sadist, not so much because of what he does to the fish that's his living, but what is his agenda? What is he trying to achieve it? And is he actually really trying to incriminate a cat? Okay? Perfectly innocent cat, who has done nothing wrong at all. A cat that may not even exist. And yeah, there he is incriminating this cat, trying to get that cat prosecuted, shaved cage and destroys. Whatever it is you do when you sort of bang a cat to rights. a'r gwaith In the shallow waters of Aberystwyth's beach, he emerged from the ocean glistening like a fish.

And approached me with a confidence I have never experienced since or before. I grew to love Trees as father and his incredible fishing ability, the trout, the salmon, the other fish. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER You have five seconds. He spoke to me about Theresa's drug addiction. Oh god! Oh! With a second to spare!

Oh dear! That's the low-moves! That was an incredible long-come there, wasn't it? You really... You really said to sit, I... Merkley. I think that's going to be hard to beat, which is why it's a shame, I have to say, Clarke, what have you got made?

You've got a minute to go, second prosecution, you're on Theresa's side, as you hope to be later on, on her best side, inside. That is... that is context of course. Can I just... sorry, can we just go to Theresa very quickly? We just go to Theresa. Theresa, I can only apologise. I was going to ask, I should really have asked how do you think it's going so far, but I think I picked the wrong moment to do that. Theresa, how do you think it's going so far? It's pretty good. There might be another court case out of it. Yes.

In the first time, people been in an actual court. So let's see if Clarky can... I was going to say regular's way out of this one, but that's not what I mean. I mean if Clarky can conclude the case for the prosecution, but in Dick Clark, your time begins. No. Well, first of all, I should say that I've actually made some notes. I wrote the made some notes.

I wrote the word fish down on it. That is as far as I get. The oldest legal trick in the book. That wasn't in the bloody spelling, no, was it? Been all over it. It's been all over it. It's better off as well. But Teresa, if I may call you that. That is my name, so... Yeah.

Flirting back. It must be awfully upsetting for you all over the house, you say. Whereabouts... Whereabouts is this house? It's in Ireland, so. It's in Ireland. No, it is in Ireland. I have boatwilt travels. You've got a boat.

Well, that's a great legal remuneration. I wouldn't put it past you, actually. The way you spend your money, you're like, listen, can I borrow a bit of money for rent this month? I bought a boat. LAUGHTER Right, so, Karky, we've heard almost nothing from you. So, Tom, you've got everything to pay for now. Tom, can I ask, are you going to be doing this as yourself?

No, I'm going to be doing it in the guise of a John Grisham defence lawyer from the deep south, Mr Mr. Fanshaw Standin. Fanshaw Standin, presiding and a deep providing, it's time he gets now. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the essential standin here, providing, presiding. I'm standing here today, I'm looking around the courtroom. I'm thinking to myself, it's quite apt that we be here now in a chapel, Praise Lord. I recognize some of you, hell, I know you from the bakery, I smell them loaves cooking. Hey, you taught my jacket to ride the bicycle and I won't forget it.

That football team's in the final this year coach. What I see before me here, ladies and gentlemen, of the jury. I don't see no jury. I see a God-fearing people. People who know there about that thing they call the afterlife? I don't read no thing in that their book about no afterlife for the fishes. Oh!

No, some Peter don't say to know their rainbow trout in you come. You know it, you know it and you run the library. I'll get that book back to you. Ain't no place for no fishes in Demdair after last. No. What does the scripture say? We go to it. Leviticus, you put them on the coffee table. You put them on the kitchen sink and by God,

you put them by the front door, but you shall not in the name of the Lord. Put them on the floor. No further questions, Your Honor. Woo! Well, spin on that, you prick. Yeah. Well, after on that, you prick. Yeah. Well, after the show.

So as we know, absolute power, corrupt, absolutely. So let's make this democratic and throw it open to the Macluncrums comedy festival audience. So if you think Ben and Mike, and therefore to Risa, is in the right, would you applaud now? Woo! Woo! Thanks for three of you. But if you think Fanshawer and Joe's arguments

Mac, a lot of sense, applaud now. No further questions, Johanna. Hang her. Hang her. Well, I'm a fan of the drug and old bitch. Let's try and be kind here, Theresa. How do you think that went? I mean, basically, you were found guilty of being fancied by Clarky. And your dad can leave the fish wherever he likes. How do you feel about it?

Okay, no, no, that's very enough. Oh, that's why I love that girl. Yeah. Hello expectations. So producer Ben, where are we on the scores at this pivotal point in the game? Well, Mike and Ben have got five and a half. Tom and I have got nine. Oh.

Oh, the next round is the quick fire round. And as this is the camping special, I have no idea what jingle jangle horror lies ahead. So let's sit back, open our emergency thermos of tea, crack open our kendle mint cake, camp out and find out. This is like I'm going to go around again. I mean it's just such a nice introduction isn't it? It feels like a shame to rush into the song. Okay. Gonna start now. Here we go. Oh, that's not went. Sorry. Okay, here we go. This is the quick fire round. So we're bad to do the jingle pretty quickly

I'm gonna be honest we weren't planning to have such a long introduction But well it's a pretty sexy piece of music Give every month. You're welcome, baby. Anyway, being as we are in the country of Wales, it'll probably be quite rude to do a quick far jingle without acknowledging A legend A legend of the lies

It's not unusual to do a big fire round. But when I press my butt and my chair, it spins around. So let's do something that we do quite a lot. Let's do the quick fire round. It's happening right now. No matter what you say, let's start the quick fire Tasting

I'll real treat for all our Welsh listeners now of course in this quickfire round all your questions will be tent and camping based. Quick Fire! It's the round. The round that happens really quick. Hurry up, you dick. Fire. That's the fire. That fire that happens on your dick is the worst kind of fire Is that a song about having a fire on your dick? Oh you are turns out how old are you?

I think I'm about 100 after all, then. LAUGHTER In this quick far round, all questions will be sent and camping based. Ben and Mike, let's hear your buzzers. TONGUE WHISTLE Tom and Joe, let's hear yours. TONGUE WHISTLE Excellent.

Let's go. Why did the president hurt himself in a tent? TONGUE WHISTLE Because... Because Mike was me, AC. Because it was a barmy evening. Oh! He got a barricain. That's better than mine. I'm going to be a point for that.

It was because he was on the camp pain trail. Camp pain trail. Okay, which of these do you want to go on out? Chum, sipply, blue, perfect. Or, pandal. Top, pandal? Why? It's the only one I heard. OK. No, in fact, it's blue perfect, which is a type of tent, all the rest are types of tent.

What sort of bag is comatose for eight hours a night? Psyllium. Harry. A sleeping bag. Correct. What sort of tent do you usually share after sharing with a bunch of clowns? Psyllium. Glocky. A big tent? I mean, if there's a lot of them, it's still after me.

Where would you find it's big? Clowns, Glocky. In a big top. Ah, the circus tent is actually what I was going for, but I'll give you half a point, but just really try and thank you. And what tent is best for a Mercedes-Benz acoustic camping holiday? Any tent. I've got to give you a point for that. It's actually the marquee decide.

What is the... What is the best device to clean a small, often-it-revised tent? I gave you a clue earlier on. Yes. Bit of a wacket with a Hoover. Oh! I was looking for Bit of a Wacket Cleaner, but I'll give you that. Oh! That was close. In the book of Judges, in what camping-related way

was Cicera, a commander of the Cana army murdered? Joe Lysett. Just a stabbing. LAUGHTER With what? With a mallet. And a... Guide rope. And a... Like a tent pole. He had a tent peg. Shuffter his head.

I'm going to give three people a point, then, the old... Kind of got it. Name him about camping. I go to camping the my lord. LAUGHTER Definitely worth a point, I was actually a job one there, Mike. I was just gonna say sort of Yurt and then carry on after that. LAUGHTER

Well, let's see how that works out. Yurt, me now my great Redeemer. Oh! I was actually looking for guy ropes to me now my great Redeemer. Oh! I was actually looking for Guy ropes, oh thy great Redeemer. So very close, we'll give you a point for that. What is the traditional response to the call? Heidi Hi in the sitcom of the same name. Heidi Ho?

Yes, or indeed what's on the other channel. True, that's right, Heidi Hi, we're taking you down 25 years to late. Oh, sorry! And finally, we'll end on this one. Who can do the best impersonation? We'll give this to everybody. Who can do the best impersonation of Kenneth Williams' character, Dr. Soeper, in Carry on Camping?

Oh. That was Clarky. Oh, zip me up and zip me down. That was. That was Wastak. That's the one to beat so far. Like set. Oh.

LAUGHTER Very close. Oh, I've got a poor pup. No, I said, Kenny Williams character got to sleep, and not Josh Whitaker, my believe. Who are these people? Who are these people?

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Who are these people? Who are these people? I'm not sure. Why are they staying in? Why would anyone want to come? Why are they going to the doors? I understand. Who are these people staying in the UK? Why would anyone want to come? Why are they going to the UK?

Understand who are these people staying in these tents? Oh, here's DVD recipe recorded in September. So, we're doing a podcast. So, we do have a winner, but before we find out who has pissed on the bonfire of their own success, it's time for plugs. Now, Patleys have a new TV show on Beauty 3 this summer. It's called Bad Alts and we're super proud of it. If you enjoy Flatsland, we hope you'll enjoy sitcom too.

If you'd like to see Pappy's live, the details of all our gigs and more exciting stuff as stuff about sitcom as well, give you found at pappy'scomedy.com. You can also find us on the internet. On the internet, yep, yep, yes, that's just a clarify. You can also find us at Pappy's Tweet and on Facebook or Tumblr, also both on the internet as well.

We also have another podcast called Baggers and Mash, which you can find through iTunes or through our website, which is on the internet. Joe and Mike, anything to plug? I would like to promote Josh Widakam's tour. No, I'm going to Edinburgh, Cam. Oh, cool. What's your show called? If Joe laughs at it, then you should have put a ring on it. Oh! Very strong. So that could be the Edinburgh in August.

Mike, anything to plug? No, but if you find me sleeping in my car somewhere, just wake me up. I might be dangerously dehydrated. If you have any beef you want, I'll help with you. You can email us at flasheslam.gmail.com. At this point, we used to have a jingle advertising on a very own hashtag flat slam, but we now realise how lame that was.

Like go with that, to mention it anymore. Hashtag flat slam. Hashtag benders. I'm not comfortable with hashtag benders because if you search it It doesn't matter anyway But use the bend give us the final scores. Okay, the final scores are Men and Mike you've got 11 Tom and Joe have got 15 So the winners are Joe Lyson and Tom Perry who got a £5m match with the losers will be working the poll.

The 10th poll that is. Thanks to both of our guests. We have been Pappy. See you next time on Flash Air Slam Down! Pappy, in Splash Air Slam Down Legion, Matthew Cross and Ben Clark. And Tom Perry with special guest Joe Lyson and Mike Posti and who are both fantastic in the device by Patrick with the Peter Penn Walker. Big thanks to everybody getting that season reported to Ores Bartholomew, he's coming to go to Macfest. I'm not the festival, I'm glad you asked it to Zoe Felt, we're in the film, we're going to film some of the clips of the film, Patrick's Flash Slamdown is a fun question for the internet and of course, let's not forget pigs!

Cheers everyone, everyone! Bye! So, there it was. And what a strong episode it was. I'm saying that to myself. A beautiful episode. I'm saying that to myself, listening to this at some point, down the line. I've not heard it since we recorded it.

And also, somewhere down the line, I won't have listened to it. No, for you. You didn't listen to it when it came out first time. You're not going to listen to the re-issue. You've got no time for it. The only bit you're going to listen to is Lysett's intro over and over again. What was the boy thing? The best bit. I mean, here's the thing. We could have just not put it out. That's the other bit. So we had to share the blame if anything. You had to just the hot potato.

He certainly did. He popped it back in the microwave for another 10 minutes. So let's talk about a few things. Thank you, by the way, to everybody. I see if Clark remembers what this is about. Thanks to everybody who sent a message to Pappy'sFlatShare at gmail.com, just saying I was there.

I had, we had loads of them. We had absolutely hundreds of messages saying, I was there, Clarky. Any memory of what that is? Oh God. I'll give you a clue. It's from last week. It's not from 23. It's not from 23.

It's not from 23. It's not from 23. It's not from 23. It's not from 23. It's not from 23. It's not from 23. It's not from 23. It's not from 23.

It's not from 23. It's not from 23. It's not from 23. It's not from 23. It's not from 23. It's not from 23. It's not from 23. It's not from 23. It's not from 23. It's not from 23. We're having a pay-away with the face drawn on it. Gonna work that bit out, Glocky. Why did we? Basically what I am. But a very smiley face. But why do we do it?

It was to get people, it was for people who made it all the way to what was an absolutely shocking Patreon-aid of what you're all called. I do remember that actually. Yeah, Jeepers Creepers. Thanks to everybody. Oh, well done. Well done, guys.

Well done. Oh, jeepers. Creepers. Another to everybody. Oh, well done. Well done, guys. Well done. Oh, jeep has creepers. Another message has come in and this is a really important one, actually, because it's for a charity appeal. It's from David and it is about the charity appeal that we took part in last year round. It's the Children's hospital pajamas appeal. Do you remember this?

I do remember this. I do remember this. Yeah, so this is a wonderful charity. You were there. Yeah, a wonderful charity that basically kids who are in hospital often complain about the fact that hospital pajamas are uncomfortable. You know, the issue pajamas they're given. So this is a charity that seeks to make sure that every child in hospital receives a new

pair of pajamas on Christmas day. I mean, what a wonderful charity, what a noble cause because being a kid in hospital must be tough and being a kid in hospital on Christmas day must be tougher still. So the idea of knowing that you've got a fresh pair of pajamas that was donated by somebody who was just thinking about you, you know, a stranger who's thinking about you,

I think it's a really, really wonderful thing. There, we'll put a link in the show notes, we will, when the episode comes out, we'll tweet about this charity as well. But all of the details you need right now folks are on Children's Hospital Pajamas.co.uk. There's a Facebook, there's an Instagram, there's a Twitter and the hashtag is spreading love through comfort. But the place to go for all the information, and if you would like to take part in this,

it's running up until the 31st of October, it's children's hospital pajamas.co.uk. A very worthwhile charity we'd like you to get involved in. Right, yeah why not? And if you've got any spare money left over after buying the pajamas for the kids send it all away. Because Clarkie needs pajamas as well. And the way to do that. The second most noble cause is our Patreon. The way to get Clarkie a fresh pair of pajamas is to sign up for the Patreon. We've had loads of people signing up recently

and it's always heartening when you do that. But you get a load of great stuff. We're about to record the 15th ever episode of Love, Sex, Shag, Down. Oh, God. It's absolutely charged. It's absolute filth. It is a real grub for us. You've got to hear it, you guys. You've got to hear it. Yeah, if you find the normal flat-trip slam down sexy, which of course you do, then imagine.

Imagine what we can... When we turn our knobs in the right direction, and cross the streams, imagine what we can do. So, yeah, so get on board, sorry, Pappy's Flat Share. If you search Pappy's Flat Share on Patreon, I'll just go to patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flat Share. You will find all the details there. Four quid and above gets you immediately

over 200 bonus episodes that you can listen to that day. I mean, if you've got more hours in the day, then most people. But yeah, it's all there. So get yourself to the Patreon. Any other bits of business you want to tell people about Clarky? Oh, you know, just be nice.

Be nice. Be nice. Be kind to each other. Send some kids and pajamas, be good eggs, and then send us for a quick month. You know what, it's a hard transition to go between the two. It's very tricky. But also, as well, don't forget to send your beefs to beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com. Any beefs you've got with your neighbours, with your flatmates, with your landlord, with

your partner, with your kids, even with your pets, send them in and we will try and solve them as best we can on beef brothers cold cuts But for the time being take care of yourselves be kind as Clarkie said This episode is produced by Emma Corsham Corsham team Cheers everyone Oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man,

oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh oh man, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh man, fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh man, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh Should roll call I feel all Fuck Just a little Christ Here we go Oh

I've got I've got so many ailments Oh yeah I've got Not I've got knock knees Yeah I've I've got... not... I've got knock-n-ees. Yeah. I've... I've got... Parsons, toenail.

Oh, God. And... Yeah. And I've just found... ...that I fart with a liss. Ah! Oh, oh've got a mouth. I've got a mouth snake. The age old mouth snake.

You open your garb. It pops out and says hello. Oh no, is it embarrassing in my company? Oh, it pops out. Oh no, it's done it again. I better see my physician. Alty Tiennian. Oh, Alty. My physician's in it. TNN. Oh, outy. Not me.

My, my physicians in it. Oh. It used to be an outy, but had an operation on it. Oh. You know, I've got, I've got some pimples. Oh, I've got some pimples. Oh, I've got some boils. I've got some da- Pulse off. I've got some boils. I've got some blackheads and you know what?

I've got a red-wart, a yellow-wart, and a blue-wart. I've got to go and have them launched by my chief Lancer Tom Stewart. Oh! Oh! Oh! I went to the doctor. Yeah. Oh, fuck it, terrible. I bet you did.

Oh! I got into a sat-thru-way room. Oh, boy. You sat through that way. I sat through it. Felt terrible. Got into his office. Said how you feeling?

I said I'm feeling fine. Oh, what am I gonna do with that? Oh no. I've gotta go again next week to see Lucky Lion. Oh no, oh my god. Oh, Lucky Lion. I've got some terrible times recently. Oh, wait, tell me other bad. Yeah, I was on the bus.

Yeah. I was on the bus. And both my knees dropped off. Oh no! Rolled out my trousers and legs and then when the bus stopped, the door was opened and they rolled out. I've got no way. Now I've got two completely straight legs.

Oh my god. And I went to the doctor and I said look at these two completely straight legs and he said let me check you over. He said you're not going to believe this but you're clinically dead. I thought I went in with it for some knee surgery and he said, no, you're afraid you've been dead for several years. Yeah, he said you're clinically dead. I can refer you have to somebody who deals with the sort of compliant a mortician, Ali and Muhammad.

I'd say you want... I tried to go for an operation to get my ass fixed. Oh no, that should trump card. Oh, man, tell me about it, it trumps all over everything. That corrects it too far the other way. Oh no, the bonk, no. All right, Drax along the floor. You've got Ankelass, of the highest order. At the lowest order.

Oh, it's not what you ordered. And drag it along the floor. That I suppose at least I do give him a polish. I'm gonna go and see my surgeon again, call him Connor Wallace. Oh, let me tell you now, I've had one of the worst days in living, well in dead memory, I forgot I was dead. Yeah. The other day, the year on, I was in the doctors obviously, you know, I get a call up first

thing and say, any appointments, I'll have them all, I booked myself out for the entire day because I've got a lot of complaints and I said to the doctor, listen, I'm not sure about these legs and he said no, unfortunately you've been born with arms where your legs should be, legs where your arms should be, a head where your arms should be and a dick and balls and a an ass where your head should be. It turns out I'm actually completely upside down and I said I said can I still do the half marathon I'm booked in for? And he said I'm afraid You'll never run

Unless you see the physiotherapist Finneur Carlson I haven't got the money for that Just do a half car oil that you'll be the right way You'll be fine. I think you might just be doing hands that mate I think I am But it hands down mate. I think I am. I'm doing hands down on my legs. I'm in agony. Oh mate.

He won't believe it. I'll be laying eggs again. What? I'll be laying eggs again. Oh no. Just a shame. And now I've got two dozen eggs. I've got a set of all day and nurture.

Oh dear, that's an nature reason. I've got my mates, Cogurt. Good, I don't know what to do. It's a good old Jack, Berture. Oh, good old Jack, yeah. Oh, the other day I fell off Malada onto my toolbox straight up my ass goes this battle. Oh, yeah.

I had to get someone with a pair of pliers to yanking out. And that someone, unfortunately, was out. Oh, I'll pull that off. I did that. I'll pull that off. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Oh, well. Oh, worst enemy. Oh well. Oh well.

Oh well. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I am a... He said I'm going to do this full sample off you. The worst. It's terrible, but he gave... He gave me like a five litre tub.

But he gave... He gave me like a five litre tub. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Never gonna fill him's never gonna fill him's all of these I'll never fill him's He said don't you worry you had a guy in last week He did it he did it in half a day Who was it oh Damien Williams Damien will you always the old tub filler himself. That's what the trumpet one was talking about. It's likely to be wrote in the lyrics.

He gets down. He fills it up. He gets back up again. He gets back up again. He's going to keep going down. Oh, the other day. Oh yeah. I went to the doctor and I said, Doctor,

oh I don't know, my stomach, my stomach is, my stomach is in absolute knots. And he said, he said it is, yeah, I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to do one, tie it. I was using a, I'm working a knick-knit needle into the knot on your stomach and just trying to, trying to, trying to easeie it. I was using it, I'm working a knit needle into the knot in your stomach and just trying to try to, trying to ease it open. And he did that for about 45 minutes now. I feel much better. It was called Kenneth Kustin.

Or Kouston. I didn't ask him, I never seen it written down. What was that right? I didn't know I was going to have seen it written down. What bizarre ride to not ride. I'm not going to lie, I think the low energy character is actually my actual energy and I just feel naked. It's only 11am. Right, that concludes the Patreon neighborhood watch roll call. But I... I... I...

It's not gonna be a pie pie, everyone. Stay safe, look after each other and don't forget to wear a mask. Ooooo! Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for... It's non-stop bonkers brilliance.

I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.