Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ Amy Annette & Phil Wang (Book the AirBnB) S9E14
Episode Date: July 1, 2019Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” want to book the AirBnB so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a Flatshare Slamdown!Phil Wang and Amy Annette join the teamFeatures: hairy songs, a VERY difficult... literature based challenge, religious experience with condimentsAmy Annette - https://twitter.com/amyannette_Phil Wang - https://twitter.com/PhilNWangPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatsharePappy’s Flatshare Slamdown features Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry with special guests Amy Annette and Phil Wang. It was devised by Pappy’s with producer Ben Walker. Big thanks to everyone who came down to see the recording, to Gwyn Rhys Davies for helping out and to The Pleasance for having us.Edited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
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I'm eating slith na deer. It's puppies. I guess where we are. We're up here to the left
and right of your face. That's right, you're here canal.
I'm Tom, I'm Ben.
I'm Matthew and I'm not gonna lie to you.
I didn't know it started,
and it was only when I realized you adopted that tone.
Yes, that I zoned in.
I was actually checking my,
I'm having an argument with someone on Twitter.
Oh, so how is reception in listeners here canal?
It's actually a Wi-Fi.
You know what?
Reception is fine.
Reason has gone out the fucking window.
LAUGHTER
If you'd like to have a chat with me on Twitter,
please find me at Matthew Crosby.
Beautiful scenes.
Well, listen dear, we chug all the way to the ear canal,
all the way from the Mercuncle of the Comedy Festival,
which is where this episode comes from.
Yes.
What a best.
Don't worry, we took our willies off first.
We took our willies off before we got on your ear,
and that said, don't worry.
Yes.
Although maybe we put our wetsuits on.
Yeah, because of all this.
Gooby Wacks.
Gooby Wacks.
Gooby Gooby Wacks, Wacks.
I love Gooby Wacks.
And she's written some great books on mental health.
But so funny as well, I love her.
She's brilliant. For those on mental health, but so funny as well. I love her. She's brilliant.
For those that don't know them, the Comedy Festival is the best, Comedy Festival in the world.
Yes, that's pretty much facts now, isn't it?
It happens every May, and we go and we record a couple of Flats slams. This was the first one.
It has incredible guests, Phil Wang, an AME in it.
Yeah, and it's got a very fun literary game,
which I remember taking a very long time.
Now this is a game that I think will one day become
the panel show that makes us millionaires.
Do you think so?
Yes, so don't worry, listen to the idea, we've patented it,
we've trademarked it, and we've locked it down.
I don't understand, ho.
No, I was gonna say Tom, we've not done any of those
things. Right. But we are in saying that today, we have done it. Right? That's how it
works. Right. That's how it works. All we need to do is just mail this podcast to ourselves
and religious message. Send it to the PO box. Send it to the PO box guys. And by the way,
do be honest. Listen, just please do, it's all we ask for.
It's goodness. All we ask to be honest. Well, keep listening to these podcasts.
If you'd like to join the Patreon,
join the Patreon, it's patreon.com forward slash
Pappy's Flatshare, follow us on Twitter,
follow us on Facebook,
but most of all, enjoy this episode
and recommend it to your friends.
God bless.
That's all right.
You know what, we'll cut that bit out.
LAUGHTER
MUSIC
Tom! Hey! Where's it, Matthew? What is it?
Buddy!
Well, one of YouTube has got a book, the Airbnb, that we stay in whilst we perform here at the Mac comedy festival.
Woah!
Well, it's not going to be me. I had a terrible experience once where a sentient Volkswagen Beetle with number 54 on the front drove into me with one of Henry VIII's wives in it
Miss Berlin and it was her B and B
Her B and B her B and B
Her B and B that's good struggle stuff and it broke my pelvis
Was it 54 on the front?
I'm not going to pal this. Was it 54 on the front?
I feel like it was 53.
Oh.
I feel like it was, but it was.
I don't think he's brother.
Do you know what?
I don't think that was what the problem with the joke was.
I don't think it was everyone's going out pretty sure.
It's a different number.
Yeah.
I think you thought there was a problem with that joke.
It just think he thought it was a joke.
Collarkey, what about you?
Are you going to solve this problem for us today?
No, I'm not.
Airbnb's give me the absolute asshole.
I can't get my head around them.
What's the second B?
I've been to loads.
You don't get a fucking breakfast?
It's a very good point.
What the hell's going on?
It's a very good point.
The second B's done for!
Bullshit's what it stands for!
Whoa! This goes all the way to the top absolutely fuck those guys yeah well if you're not
going to solve it there's only one minute settle this we're going to have to have a Flashes, fuck down, flashes, fuck down. Hello and welcome to Flashes,
slam down, the panel show that says,
If I could make a wish, I think,
I'd pass, can't think of anything I need.
No cigarettes, no sleep, no light, no sound.
Nothing to eat, no books to read.
Sometimes all I need is the Airbnb and to love you
All I need is the Airbnb
Yes to love you
All I need is the Airbnb
On those landmarks you crossbeam
Yes
We are live
We are actually live here at the Matallel of Pomegranate Festival
And while they're under my red-dried roof
That we follow my dementia rules Let's say hello to the tenants Tom Perry and
Benedict Clark.
There's always my favorite moment during a
flat-slime record where you identify someone in the audience who's never
been to one of these records before who's looking like, what the fuck am I
listening to?
Madam, that was a perfect expression.
Just thinking, what is this?
What is this?
I think she was moved by my wonderful voice.
It was.
Very beautiful.
It's not a place actually.
Why do I hide my light under a bushel?
What, I fuck comedy.
I'm just going to go singing.
Just going to do singing from now on.
Flaming to the moon.
And let me, we don't have the rights to that, unfortunately.
So, yeah, so obviously, book in the Airbnb.
It's not a solo venture.
Who have you brought along as your references this week, Tom?
Everyone, bad news, the jump are easy and danger.
No!
Yes!
We've been hung out to drive for not having enough bloody women
in the jump arey.
Ah!
Ah!
Oh!
It's a reason that I'm having with my attitude.
I couldn't understand it. So, decided to find out what women want. I got my most right
on feminist friends in the whole world. Oh, Jesus Christ.
Hashtag Jamboree too. It's Amy Annette.
Yeah. It's Amy Annette.
Hello.
Woo. Amy, thank you for coming on the show apologies for your teammate. No, no comedy audiences love
Angry feminist I've learned that the hard way
No, so it's good to be here. Thank you for having me. Are you a good flatmate? What kind of a flatmate are you?
I'm quite a good flatmate. I
Live for a long time with my brother and a friend from university and I definitely treated my friend from university So much better than my brother. It's tricky with family though, isn't it? Mae'r gydol yn ymwyr i'r bradau yn ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i'r ymwyr i' Diabetes So what well, let's let's get into it. So I'd love to what was wrong with your brother?
What what what what was the sort of major problem he had with them?
Well, it's lovely boy lovely great guy younger that's number one. That's my number
Way he's gonna change that well, that's not his fault
Well, is it not his fault? He had lots of young cool male friends who would come and hang out
That sounds great Not his fault. He had lots of young, cool male friends who would come and hang out.
That sounds great.
No, no.
Surprise, I wasn't invited for the call.
My main problem was when you come home from work,
you want to chill.
I wanted to be bras off, OK?
I wanted to be bra.
Thank you.
I'm very, very nice.
I wanted to be bra off the minute I came in the door.
Of course.
And when there's a motley crew of 26 row boys,
they're not ready for that jelly boys They're not ready for that jelly
I'm not ready for that jelly. So it just sort of I got back that's what my problem is
And I blame on my brother. Well listen
Don't don't stand on ceremony if you at any stage want to whip the bra off
Just go for it. Just go for it. Please. I will
So safe and supported but I would say for listening audience, someone saying,
I got the most right on feminist I know, and a man
me, Julie, after being like, take your breath.
No, for the people.
But we'll do.
Can I?
That's what we'll do.
Once it's off-burn it, that's what we meant.
Yes, thank you, Ben.
Feminism is hard.
Now, and so am I.
Oh, Perry!
Yeah?
OK, yeah, sure. OK.
LAUGHTER
Turns out that's OK.
OK.
I'm going to find out.
Clarkie, who have you brought along with you?
Oh, I've bought my very good friend of a friend.
It's Phil Wang!
Oh!
Oh!
Phil Wang!
Phil Wang!
APPLAUSE
Did you say, I heard you say, bought, you bought?
I bought you.
Yeah, this is a trafficking thing going on.
Yeah.
Oh god, out the frying pan in the fucking fire.
Start singing, cross me quick.
Yes, sometimes.
So Phil, thank you very much for coming on the show.
Are you a regular Airbnb?
Yeah, I... Do you like Airbnb's?
Do you feel relaxed there?
Is it a bra off situation? Is what I'm asking you?
Brazon, that's how I relax.
All right.
I just like to feel supported for once.
Sure.
It's like a hug you give yourself.
A very thin hug of bit too high up
That was the first slogan wasn't it
Big picture of even what's a chops and it said it's a hug you give yourself but a bit too high up boys
We've met our contestants, but let's find out who is gonna get the full five stars would recommend as we play round one I
Know
My own ball of both that you booked on the website
Come in and prepare to have a lovely stay
Be my guest be my guest come and stay inside my nest
Yes, I'm still here in my house, and I can tell that you were stressed.
My name's Steve, I won't leave.
On that chair I've made a weave.
Let me tell you about the area, meet my goalfish.
Her name's Sarah, your room's here for the night.
It's mine too, oh yes, that's right.
It's all right there in the small print that you checked.
We're going to share a bed. I'm going to give you head
Oh be my guest be my guest
Be and be the best. Oh no, he's the police. I'm arrested
So round yes, why not round one
Round one is called hair, R&B.
Now the rules are...
Fucking hell.
Even by our standards.
So the rules are simple, I'm going to ask each player
to sing about either a hair-y thing
or someone famous for their hair
to the tune of an R&B banger of my choosing.
Now the team may have to guess who or what they're singing about.
Points will be awarded for correct guesses
and for being too bootylicious for my baby.
And points will, I'll say this now,
and this is more for Tom than he was,
points will be deducted for our Kelly.
So Ben, I think you're gonna go first.
The tune you're gonna cover is Destiny's Child,
say my name, and here is the hairy thing,
or person you're singing about, Phil, can you guess what Ben is singing about? Play that music.
Turns out Ben doesn't recognize the tunes. Look at his face.
Look at my hair, look at my hair Yes, it's very hairy You should be wary
I am very large, look at my hair, look at my hair
Oh, look at my feet also
They make an imprint
That is very scary
Look at my hair, look at my hair
Oh, look at my hair, look at my hair
Yes, it's very hairy
I am very large Look at my big shoulders, look at my hair, look at my hair! Yes, it's very hairy. I am very large. Look at my big shoulders, look at my hair!
I got big teeth and wonder so far, look at my hair please!
I may be mystical, you won't know.
For sure, look at my hair!
Oh, look at my hair! Look at my hair! Look at my hair!
Yes! Yeah! You know what?
Wow! Did I just say...
Did I mention that you should look at my hair?
Well, I was going to say Phil this could all have been over much quicker if you just looked at his hair mate!
Have you got any idea who Ben was singing about there or what Ben was singing about?
Bigfoot.
Yes!
It was Bigfoot!
Absolutely smashed it, so that's a point for correct Bigfoot, and I think for the song,
out of a possible ten, I've got to give you a slightly panicked seven.
Seven points there.
Oh, take that.
You should take it.
You should take it.
Amy, you are up next.
The tune you must cover is TLC's No Scrubs.
Here is the hairy thing or person you're
going to be singing about.
Tom, can you guess what Amy is singing about to the tune of TLC's No Scrubs?
Hit it. Oh And I am cool and I'm a mother of three children. I do what I want but my husband is always playing around with me
Oh, I will do your shopping. Oh, I will do your
My hair look at my hair
My husband it's a bit of a fool. He is always drinking in the pub She doesn't show me. And did I mention I have three kids and I have two sisters and they are always
Oh King and my hair is cool my hair is great my hair is really my thing. Yes. Oh my god
Absolutely very good
Yeah, I just I really felt at no point did you actually say that you should look at the hair
That would have been really keen to it
You haven't given him a lot of clues
Perry any I did that was amazing that was fantastic. It was in fact my success
You get the point for that and there is absolutely no way I can't give out the full 10 out of 10.
Fantastic. Yes, please.
Amy Annette there.
Strong, strong work.
So, Phil, your tune is going to be Outcast's HR.
Here is your hairy thing or person.
Ben, can you guess what Phil is singing about?
Yes. Oh, you think you got it?
Oh, you think you got it?
But what I've got is lots of hair.
And all of a sudden, oh, I'm a love boy.
And I live in Scotland.
I've got lots of hair. Hey, hey, all of a me, oh, I'm a lovely boy. I live in Scotland.
I've got lots of hair, but also I make...
Oh.
Ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Hey, hey, but also mood.
Oh, very strong.
Very strong.
Have you got any idea, Ben, what Phil was singing about there? Well, first of all, I loved how much he talked about the hair.
Because the team, we've really got that down.
You're going to play your audience.
But have you worked out the correct answer?
Is it Highland Cow?
It is a Highland Cat, a hot song.
No, no, no, no.
Yes, and I'm going to give...
A choice.
I think I'm going to give Phil a out of ten there for the singing.
Yes, lovely stuff.
Thomas, would you like to close us off strong? You are going to perform your version of Shaggy's Mr. I think I'm gonna give Phil a out-end there for the singing lovely stuff
Thomas would you like to close us off strong you are gonna perform your version of shaggy's mr. Bumbastic
Probably she know what Tom probably in your own voice
That's the way I'm that's the way I'm seeing it
Okay That's the way I'm seeing it. Oh, okay. Tom's just running with his own voice sounds like as his mind goes a blank. Oh, you ready to go?
I like the way what I like about Thomas is he's trying to find the pitch before he's even heard the tune.
I'm going to pitch this.
Yeah, about there.
Okay, Maestro, will you play?
about there. Okay, Maestro, will you play? Oh, here we go now. Let's not get offensive, please. It's all just have a nice time.
Here we go. Oh, God. I'm on the floor. He's on the floor. I'm lying on the floor
I'm on the floor I'm lying on the floor you tread on me and look at me no more. Oh, I've got some hair
We're on the floor to look at me one more
Yes, there's a rug, but I'm not the right guy. I'm bigger for sure
Of me on the floor
And there is a cheque, but that's got nothing to do with anything
Why am I mentioning that che?
Look on the floor, oh, yes, cause in the 70s
I am happy, I feel nervous about the accent
Oh, wow, look again on the floor.
Oh, smooth.
APPLAUSE
Wowie.
Wowie.
It's of course the natural progression from, look at my hair to look at the floor.
Yeah.
Have you got any idea what Tom was singing about there?
Singing is a strong word.
Certainly a rug, but thank you.
I'm not sure what kind.
I don't know if it's because I was born in the 80s.
I was just trying to get some sort of sympathy, but I don't know why I said it was young.
That never works.
A shag pile carpet? I'm getting the guess. A shag carpet. Yes. So I was just trying to get some sort of sympathy, but I don't know why I said it was young, but I never worked
A shag pile carpet. I'm getting the gas a shag carpet. Yes, it was shagging a shag carpet
So you get the point for that and Tom. Oh, what am I gonna give you out of ten to 11, baby? I mean technically that's true. The scoring system does but I'm afraid your score isn't going to go all the way to 11.
I'm going to give you a cool 7 out of 10.
Oh!
7 out of 10 there, for Tom.
So there we go, yes.
I mean, the audience died a great.
The audience are fighting with their hands.
The people have had enough to say.
And at the end of that round, producer Gwynn, can you tell us the scores, please?
Yes, Ben and Phil have 17 17 and Tom and Amy have 18.
Oh, so Tom and Amy are in the lead, but it's still up in the air, B&B as you play round two.
It's flat games!
Yes!
GAME!
Let's play together!
GAME!
Let's play forever!
Go the dice, spin that thing, put that down!
Who is your toll?
Games if you lose you get nothing
Games if you win you get gold
Gold, gold
Listen to that
That's the sound of a movement
You're listening TV
So, what is on? So this is flat games where this time we'll be playing our version of Hangman, which we are calling Bangman.
Now, before you grubby little perverts start, I'm going to wear your Egan chips.
It's actually a game about literature, all right?
So, hands where we can smell them.
I'm going to give each player, I'm going to give each player the name of a book.
Now that player has to get their teammate to guess the title using only sounds, alright,
only sounds.
Now if you can convey it in one sound, you get 5.2 sounds. I mean, that's a sound.
Tom, technically that is a sound.
But I'll tell you what, finding out what the book is you're
doing first before you start making the sounds.
That might be the...
You're doing shaggy.
Can't it be the right?
If I shaggy.
No, not after last time.
That could be the floor.
That could be the floor.
Ischmeal.
LAUGHTER
Can we...
I'd listen to it.
Yeah.
If you can convey it in one sound, you get five points,
two sounds, four points, three sounds,
three points, and down we go from there.
So, for example, if mine was a book, I could go,
and if they didn't get it, I could go,
and if they still didn't get it, I could go,
which would of course be mine, camp.
So, Tom,
Tom, you are up first, Amy.
Yes.
Would you please put on this blindfold to heighten your sense of hearing, but also because
Tom's probably going to move his arms around and give the game away.
Tom, here is your book title, and for the audience, here, and the listener at home, but
not for any of the contestants, here is what Tom is attempting to convey with sounds.
A tale of two cities.
Yeah, tricky.
OK, so...
Remotong, if you can do it in one.
You get five cool points, all right?
I imagine I'm going to be trying for four points.
OK, all right, sure, sure.
Here we go.
Sound number one from Tom Powery.
Yeah!
Ah, wait.
I'll tell you.
Yeah!
Okay, yeah.
I'll take a, yeah.
But no actual words, all right?
That was good.
Okay.
It was getting danger close to an actual...
Yeah!
Okay.
What?
Wait, how are you going to say, which one are you picking?
Yeah, or what?
What?
What?
Okay, you go with what?
What?
Amy, can you strap, yeah, from the record, okay?
We go with what, okay?
What?
What?
What?
Amy, any guesses?
Imagine if she got it.
Water ship down.
Oh, so close.
It was a book.
It was water ship up, but we're going to give it to you.
Second water ship going up.
Second clue.
Second sound from Mr. Thomas Perry. Let's hear it.
Hoh.
Hoh.
I see what you're doing.
Lannick, let me give you two.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, yes, yes, yes.
That was one.
Okay, that was the first one.
Hoh. Hoh. Wait, okay, that was the first one. Huh.
Huh.
Hey me.
Any.
What's the funny thing is, he's done so well there and still it's impossible.
This game was such a good idea in the pub, wasn't it?
We thought this is going to be great. Just strong idea.
Guys, it's problematic because it sounds.
No, not quite.
OK.
OK.
What?
Ha.
What?
Ha.
It sounds like the beginning of what is it good?
I love the better in style there.
Hong Kong.
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing.
See it again.
What?
Oh my god.
Hong.
What?
Hong.
Can I have a third sound? What? What? Huh.
Can I have a third sound? Yes, have a third sound.
I mean, I've got no idea what you're going to do Tom,
so this is going to be a revelation to all of us.
Ding ding!
Hustle, hustle, bustle, ding ding!
Oh, no! Ding ding, hustle, bustle bustle ding ding hustle bustle
Do you think I came down to the last shower right? Ding ding hustle bustle
Ding ding hustle bustle ding ding hustle
That's basically three words
What?
Ding ding hustle bustle ding ding hustle bustle
Alright I'm gonna allow you ding ding hustle bustle because it's just a tricky one this
one
Ding ding hustle bustle because it's just a tricky one this one Ding ding hustle bustle. Can I have any clues about the book like a time frame time frame it pretty take you about
17 hours to read
Depends how fast to read or you're
If it helps Amy, I've seen what the book is enough of hearing Tom's noises. I've forgotten
What? What?
What?
Ha!
Ha!
Ding ding!
It sounds a bit like a sort of dismissive French person in the French sound.
We?
And what?
Oh, the ping-pamper?
No. No. Oh, why? Oh, the pink Panther? LAUGHTER
No. No.
OK, OK.
OK.
So dismiss the pink person.
Castlebussle of the city.
Yes!
Oh!
Oh!
Yes!
Where?
Down and out in Paris and London.
Oh!
No!
I mean, that really is.
Paris and London, you said, in that.
OK.
Interesting.
Paris and London was your guest. He said Paris and London was It said Paris yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, you said to
I am going to give you for that, I think two and a half points, I think I'll give you for that, but well done Tom, that was hard.
Oh Phil.
Because they normally go harder.
That's kind of the way it normally goes.
Yeah.
Phil, you're up next.
Here is your book.
The curious incident of the dog in the night time.
Okay!
Oh, yeah!
Okay, now, Ben, can you guess what Phil, yes you can.
He's ready to guess.
Can you guess what book Phil is trying to do using only his God-given mouth trumpet?
Phil, let's have the first sound please for five points
I mean it was good there was a murmur from the audience that suggested we've got a real A star player here
I could have gone with Woff but I thought yes exactly yeah yeah yeah
yeah sure Woff's a real Woff is a word and so he's deemed in Castle Bustle I might say no Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, any ideas? Jungle book? It is not the jungle book.
Famous for its dogs. The boy who was raised by dogs.
That's what I say about the dog book.
He didn't even get it, it was so top-given bloody clues.
Clark, you thought you were talking about apes.
I thought it was a gorilla's in the mist.
Okay, Phil, a second noise from you please. The first one was...
Oh, it's not a bad...
No, it's not a bad thing.
No, you're regressing.
And the next noise is...
Mmm.
This is how you play. This is how you play. Lovely stuff. Have I already said the jungle book? It's not the jungle book.
Talk us through what you think you can hear.
I think they're a dog.
Yes.
And what's the other sound?
And a guy like approving of something?
Mm.
Mm.
Mm.
I mean, we basically all sort of made the noise.
Again, it's not.
It's not.
In decision.
In decision.
Oh.
OK.
Third noise.
Third noise, please.
By the way, I host the show.
Sorry. Okay, third noise, third noise please. Yes, by the way, I host the show.
I'm rearranging the order of the first two sounds. You can that is your privilege. So the first two and the new order are...
And the third noise is... Whooo! Whooo! Whooo!
Whooo!
Whooo!
This is gorgeous work.
It really is a privilege to watch somebody at the top of their game.
You just have to care, Matthew.
And it shows you care, Phil.
It really does.
It really shows you care.
I feel really bad about this, because I think he's doing a great job.
But I only know one book.
And it's not the jungle book.
It's not the jungle book, mate.
OK, was that a pigeon?
No.
Yeah.
It's not a book about a pigeon that befriends some apes Clarky
Oh, it's an owl
Tom Tom it's the opposing team
Let Tom's incredibly accurate impression there be struck from the record, okay, yeah
Let Tom's incredibly accurate impression there be struck from the record. Okay, but yeah, it's not like all that we're all in this together
That's over at this stage. I think we are yeah, okay any idea is Clarky
Talk talk us through it again
Again Tom I'm posting The show I know if I ask Clark you to do. Don't they ask Phil to do something at the same time, all right?
That's why there's one host, not three.
Jesus Christ.
Can I ever get, okay.
So talk us through, I tell you what,
talk us through what you think you've got so far, Clarky.
What I think I hear is like,
someone being like, I approve or I, no.
I don't know about this.
Tom, don't say yes or no, that's not how the game works.
And there's a dog and there's an owl. Yeah.
And the order does matter here, I have to say, I cannot stress enough.
The order here matters so it's, uh, hmm. Oh, two.
Hmm. Ooh, two, half a puzzle.
Clarky.
I'm going to, any ideas, but you can do another noise if you like.
I don't know what you would do.
The noise of a book.
I'm going to say a book.
The noise of a book.
And a theatre adaptation.
Book a Mormon?
I don't know.
I don't know guys. I'm sorry I don't know.
Would you like to tell him what it was you were trying to do? It was 50 shades of grey.
You know when he gets the owl in. It was of course the curious incident of the dog in the night time. Of course it was. Oh, it's hard.
Reddit, seeing it.
Reddit, seeing it.
Amy, it's your turn.
And for everybody's information, but not our panelists,
here is the title of the film that Amy will be hooting
and a hollering to get Perry to guess the name of.
Here it is.
Mobey Dick.
OK.
It is. Moby Dick.
Okay.
Amy, your first noise please.
Oh.
I like the way Thomas written it down, about the fact he's wearing a blindfold.
He's written down, oh, okay.
Is it a Bible?
So it's like a bite or a chump?
Sure, yes, yeah.
So you're chomping on something.
Biting. You're biting. You're biting or you're chomping down on something?
All right, all right time, yes.
Is it?
Not unhelpful.
Is it rude?
No.
Well, we're making it rude.
Hello.
We're making it rude.
Hello.
We're making it rude.
Is it, I love dick.
That's a book, isn't it?
Oh, no.
Can I have another sound, please?
Yes, another sound.
I mean, you're very close.
You're incredibly close.
Oh.
Oh. You're slightly further away now. very close, you're incredibly close.
You're slightly further away now.
Oh that's good, that is actually good. Can we get the audience all to do it at the same time?
Yeah!
Can we have all the other?
I do feel more relaxed. All I need is some scented candles in a Raydox bath and that for me is bliss. Oh that was a good one as well.
The silence of the lambs.
It's not- I don't know what lambs you're listening to, but that is-
Ooh, wiles.
Huh.
Ah.
Wiles.
It sounds like wilesong.
Yeah.
Wiles?
Yes.
I love wiles dick.
Well, that's basically the title, yeah, but you're-
You're almost there.
No, we did.
It's my midnight!
What was it fat, Moe?
We did three points to you there.
Congratulations.
Now, okay, so, finally Ben.
The very hungry caterpillar.
Here we go
Okay first sound please
Draw my second sound
No, no. Let him guess, because this could be a full of five pointers.
Straight away.
So this is a similar home to Alia, or different home.
It's a home.
That's all you need to know.
It's a.
I'm just so continuing that trailer.
He's chewing it out.
It's also good.
That's good.
Is it? Eat, pray, love. It's also good, that's good. Is it...
Eat, Pray Love.
It isn't, let's hear another sound, please. Okay, here's my second sound.
Oh!
This is like one of those tactical frames of snooker.
We're in a safety battle here.
You've just got it back to the bulk cushion.
I've been watching a lot of snooker this week.
I mean, everyone made a sound like that was helpful.
But I'm like...
It was very helpful.
It was very helpful.
Again, Barry and my we all know the answer.
So talk us through the process here here Phil. What are you hearing? I'm hearing two bites. Okay. What does that make you think of?
Cook book or not a cookbook necessarily
But you're in the right territory. It was two bites. It's about food. It is about food. Can you give another noise clock? Yeah, I can. Page three.
HMMM.
HMMM.
HMMM.
HMMM.
HMMM.
HMMM.
HMMM.
He's a...
I know you were in a bone fault, but it really looks like you give me the evil eye right now.
HMMM.
You can see those raised eyebrows under that blindfold.
Wiggle, wiggle.
Err...
It... Wiggle, wiggle.
It is.
You thought it was a black beauty eating carrots. What about, what about?
No, but...
Wiggle, wiggle.
Oh!
It's a bit like...
A ricotta pillar.
Oh!
Some!
Not bad. Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm gonna give you, oh, what am I gonna give you?
I'm gonna be two and a half for that there.
Thank you.
Oh, wiggle, wiggle.
It's very much the spiritual air to ding, ding hustle bustle.
It's very much, it's a remix.
What we've established from this is that Tom has got no clue.
The difference between words and sounds.
He's just got no differentiation.
Wiggle is a word.
You can't say wiggle.
It's a word.
It's a word. It's a word. It's a word. It's a word. Absolutely, very much. And to remix. What we've established from this is that Tom has got no clue. The difference between words and sounds.
He's just got no differentiation.
Wiggle is a word.
You can't say wiggle.
What is a word?
Should we play another round?
To quit a thought.
With that in my solo show.
It's full of sounds.
Grones.
Hello, it's Matthew here.
If you are enjoying this episode, and especially the contribution made by the wonderful Aimea
net, then she has her own podcast, which you may want to listen to.
It's called What Women Want, and it is a new comedy conversation podcast where comedians
talk about and find the funny in misadventures, misunderstandings and misogyny involved in
being a woman.
It's hosted by Aimea and it features different comics and different topics every time. It's also just like Fletcher's stand-down recorded live. I think that's where the
similarities end with Fletcher's stand-down. Upcoming gets guest in this series include
Rose Mattefé O, Sarah Pasco, Lolliada Fopé, Ashden B, Deseret Birch, Josie Long, May Martin,
Bishikai Ali, Nish Kumar, James A. Kaster, Phil Wang and many more.
Three names notable in their absence from that.
Get us on! Get us on Amy, we know what women want.
So sort of. Okay, enjoy the podcast and enjoy the rest of Flashest Amdown. Bye.
It's for.
And you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. Bye! groceries and we deliver those too along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol and other everyday essentials.
Order Uber Eats now.
For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age.
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See you at for details.
Do you want to see what the world is really like?
Yes.
Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining.
A woman planting her coast of freedom at a lot for it.
It's non-stop bonkers brilliance.
I love that. Poor things.
It's like theaters, December 15th.
Time for another round and another one.
That distant seven rounds to go.
Seven rounds to go, guys.
That distant moon can only mean one thing.
It's beef brothers.
Whoa!
Well, if you've got a problem,
don't call it a problem.
If you've got a problem, call it a beef. If you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem. If you've got a problem, call your beef.
If you've got a beef, maybe we can help you beef
from the starting of your beef.
Yes, it's beef runs where each week we ask our panelists
to sort out a flat-share-based beef.
And today's one comes from Elizabeth,
who is in the audience.
Elizabeth writes, my husband thinks I use too many condiments.
And that if he brings a selection to the table,
I always get up and choose one that he hasn't thought of.
Oh, okay.
Interesting beef here.
So, Amy and Tom, you are on a little bit of side.
Phil and Ben, you are on her husband's side.
Now can I ask, did you have a name?
Yeah, Peter.
Peter, is Peter here?
Yes, yeah.
Hello, Peter. Okay, so Peter,? Yes, yeah. Hello, Peter.
OK, so Peter, Phil and Ben, you're on Peter's side.
OK, does anybody have any questions they would like to ask?
We'll start with Elizabeth.
We might ask Peter some questions as well.
Any questions you'd like to ask of Elizabeth?
Anybody at all?
Elizabeth, hi.
Amy and it.
Good.
Good.
And so how many condiments are in your house? I'd say 10. 10. Great, Amanda. Condiments. Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio' Smaller, I'm 20. I'm a 20. There's a lot of condiments.
I think a chance about right.
What kind of condiments we're talking?
Mayo, ketchup, the dark chili sauce,
then all sorts of chili sauce.
Of course you've got to have a Rachel's sauces.
Yeah, yeah.
So, Rachel, you've got a Syracur in there.
Syracur, yeah.
There's one we call the Deathsauce.
Oh!
Do you have any nanose sources?
No.
Treat yourself.
Very nice.
Any questions here, first?
So, you got mustard?
Yes.
You got a lot of different types of mustard.
You got the brown sauce.
You got ketchup, red.
I've been watching a lot of Snooker this week.
Just trying to ponder.
Merry rose, the pink lovely. Soy, this is very important. Soy? Well we have this but I actually don't use soy.
I'm leaving. Really, it's really pleasant. Take you down. Peter very kindly puts out condiments but you always, he never gets it quite right,
so you have to go and get the right condiment for the right meal. So Peter is kind of like,
he's trying to please you, but he's just conjecture. I'm just asking a question here. Do you
think your husband is trying to please you? No, leading you are getting it right sustained you're not allowed to say to stay that's not how the court works
you can we will ask that later okay Peter could you talk great
question who cooks we both do interesting okay who sets the table, Peter? It depends. It's 2019! Harry!
Wow, fuck Peter.
I do what you were.
Sorry.
I'm sorry, is it?
Peter, can you talk us through this particular scenario as if it's easy to be?
You insist that if you bring a selection of condiments to the table, it's always missing
the wrong one.
Can you talk us through a scenario a bit like that please Peter?
It's not that I'm getting it wrong, it's more like you're trying to catch me out.
Oh!
She's trying to catch up you out?
Yeah, that's how it feels.
No one?
So have you noticed that she will go up intentionally to pick a new source that obviously doesn't go with the meal?
So you're having parrots and she's... Here we go! Here's the rub right here!
Can you give us an example, Peter, of some time when a completely congruent source was brought into the mix?
Liam parents. They're kind of all rolling to one. It's just all a horrible blur by now.
I feel like Elizabeth is like a new blue mentality.
She's checking things out.
She's making things work.
You can say this in your minutes.
And I shall.
Let's get out.
Elizabeth, would you describe any of your condominant preferences
as being odd?
Like, what's the weirdest kind of condominant kind of combo
you go for?
Do you call Pickles Cabbage the a condiment? Can we do that?
The white bread says no. That's how offended it is.
Pickled cabbage, a jarred pickled cabbage.
Yeah. Is it a condiment?
Sour Crack. I think that's more of a relish.
I think more of a relish.
Well, I do like to have that with a shepherd's pie and I also like to catch up with
the shepherd's pie. You've got ketchup and sour cream on your shepherd's pie.
That's good, it's sour. Her taste is not in court today, my baby. No, that's true. Her taste is not on trial.
Correct, Amy. Well, let's, are you ever put Tabasco on an avocado? Oh my God. How good is that?
Very good. Great. Do you know what? Wack on a little bit of Himalayan sea salt. Oh, God. How good is that? Very good. Great. Do you know what you whack on a little bit of Himalayan sea salt?
Oh, that's an avocado right there. Yeah.
Talk to me about salt.
I apologize to any Germans in the audience.
Don't carry it away. It's pepper involved.
It's got to be always.
It's got to be a pepper.
That was always involved. Basic.
It's a basic, yeah.
It's one of the key two, isn't it?
Yeah.
Alongside salt.
So Elizabeth, you've got exotic tastes
and Peter is kind of mundane.
Okay.
Again, you will get your chance.
Okay, we're going to stop this now.
I'm going to start the case.
Hopefully there's enough information for our teams to make their cases.
Hey, how do we do that?
Tom! This is a good question. Tom, no, no, information for our teams to make their cases. I hope so. Tom!
This is a good question.
Tom, no, no, Tom, one more word out of you, maybe in contempt of court.
Morning.
Ah!
He's not going to take me counting!
Bussome, Bussome!
Bussome!
Big!
Okay, Amy, I'm going to call up on Amy now to begin the case for the prosecution.
Amy, you have one minute to make your case starting now.
Oh, it is my great pleasure for you here today with my friend Elizabeth,
for friend worth all I would say.
She has charmed us with her tale of experimenting with new culinary ideas.
Like, who amongst us does not enjoy hearing of a woman going home after a hard day at work?
I'm thinking, you know what would go this tomato? Mustard, yes, but also Zeratta. And here's her husband and my
man I'm sure trying his best. Of course Elizabeth doesn't seek to do him down. She doesn't
want to catch him out. She wants to bring him up. She wants to take him with her to these
this land of color really delight. I wish I had someone in my life who
would bring me to the new pastures of different types of salt. Elizabeth has more than two types of salt.
She seems like a salty gal. Like I'm excited to be in the presence of this genius and I'm
insulted, nay, horrified at this court. should sit and listen to this song. Thank you,
I'm wrestling like I am. Oh, superb work, man. Super, very strong opening there. Very
strong opening there for maybe an ex. We have an equally strong opening from Phil Wang.
I'm not feeling great about my chance, it's just okay.
Peter Plauding, Amyies. Okay, here we go.
You have one minute beginning now.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'll be the jury.
So, Pete, our friend Pete speaks to a different time, at all the time, a better time.
A time when what you heard was enough, when things could live and die by their own merit,
when we would value life by life itself, not by the accoutraments upon which we throw,
but the essence of existence.
And what Elizabeth is trying to do is to drown out the senses of life with noise.
Source is just a noise taste.
I'm kidding.
And it is a shame that Elizabeth can't see, that for Peter,
the food in front of him is enough and Elizabeth herself is enough.
Oh.
Woo!
Woo!
Woo! Oh!
Oh!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
I mean, what a way with words.
Source is a noise taste.
Greg Wannis doesn't give you that.
I've got you.
Something that Greg Wannis would say.
Yes. Peter and Elizabeth. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r
gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r
gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r
Gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r
Gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r
Gweithio'r gweithio'r
Gweithio'r gweithio'r
Gweithio'r Gweithio'r
Gweithio'r
Gweithio'r though, as we asked Tom. Now Tom, are you going to do this yourself? No, I'm going to be doing it in the style of a deep-south defence lawyer from a John
Grisham novel. Oh, I?
Mr. Fanshawe Standard.
Fanshawe Standard!
Presiding and providing, your minute should you need it to begin now.
Ladies and gentlemen, after jury, hell, we heard a lot of big noises over there from their lawyers from the city.
Hell, they roll into town talking about noise source.
Around here we simple folk.
We know what we like.
Hell, I recognize some of you from the bakery. Just...
Beer a wand, bakery town.
Town build on a bakery?
Small bakery to build a town, huh?
And here we all are.
Hell, let me tell you a little story now,
Patins, to while we've been watching here today.
Remind you of a little fellow here, right?
Remember there, gold by the name of John Bond.
Remember John Bond?
John Bond.
John Bond.
Not to be confused with the footballer.
No, to no, no.
Not the guy who had several of them.
No.
Just the one for John Bond.
The Joseph. John Bond?
Joe Finn.
John Bond! You probably remember him.
Deslindancer? This town ever did see. Remember that?
Monday nights, fiddle and then pegs.
We played a fiddle in the pegs? He was fiddling pegs.
No, no, no, no. You played a fiddle, played a pegs, John Bond, and dance, you were squashed him.
Hell, he'd cut that board.
He'd, don't sit down.
He'd be weaving in and out.
Dance in the line, John Bond, every Monday.
Till that faithful nag, you probably remember.
She walked into town, red dress, black heels,
tango and stripped out. John Bond never tangoed in his life. When he's locked eyes
with that lady from Chile, Chile. Chill, he's chill. Bill?
Hard with the tank guy.
The beat was on the only thing doing the rumble.
He danced on that.
John Bond won't mind that sin no more.
Took him up to the hill.
That's Tango all night.
John Bond. His heartives. Oh, gosh! He was seven and nine. Some people aren't built those people need to stick to their line, then.
John Bond.
No further questions, you all. Oh, no, no, no.
That's a game.
Oh, my goodness.
So finally, Clarky, your minutes to improve the case
for the defense begins now. Well, I'm glad. Ys gyd ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gyd yn ymwyr i'r gwaith ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ym o'r bwysig, o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten o'r ten I'm sorry. Five seconds. Bought down from the mountain by peeps.
In a lot of ways, peep is so word God.
Okay, that's your tie-in there, Clarke.
That's your tie-in.
It was a compelling argument.
I didn't understand it, but it was compelling.
Now, I can't adjudicate these brothers, because I'm a two-two proud man with a simple heart.
Did Tom get more time? I feel like Tom got a bit more time.
No, no, he got a minute.
So instead, instead, Bill, like I said before the show, if you put it in the threads, it will unravel.
So instead, I call upon our Mac Fest audience to instead decide if you think Amy and fan sure and therefore Elizabeth is in the right I will let you to applaud now
Okay, this is gonna be a tough one I think. If you think Bill and Ben and therefore Peter
had the best case, applaud now.
Cheers!
So nice.
Cheers!
Cheers!
Cheers!
That was a lot.
Perry, I take it back.
It was not 2019.
No way.
I think...
It's like a 10 commandments.
That's why I was going with that.
Oh I see, it works at two levels.
So next up is the Quick Fire round, but before that it's the leg-the-butt delicious Quick Fire round jingle.
Let's hear that jingle.
This is the quick fire round. It's a round that goes really quickly, which is why it's baffling, to vote. People know that it has a long introduction.
Ooh, they're going to have sex.
It's got a long introduction.
You're going to be fucking a catcher, maybe.
You're not a big fan.
Get that mayonnaise up.
We get some plates.
Get that mayonnaise up. I'm out of paper.
We get loads of letters.
We get tweets and texts.
People saying it too long.
Well, here's the thing.
You must know the drill by now.
It's a long introduction.
It's not our problem. we think the problems yours.
You know that this is going to happen.
So here's a suggestion, why don't you use this time to do something useful?
Here we go, do your accounts made
or make a connection with another human being.
Yes, there we go.
If you're listening to this introduction right now,
why don't you just turn to the person who sat next to you?
Go on, turn next to them and give them a little smile.
There, another human being, put your hand on their knees.
Please don't lose that.
All right then, get out your phone.
Get out your phone and text your auntie or your uncle.
When was the last time you texted your auntie or your uncle?
We never text aunties or uncle.
I'm sorry about that then, I don't think it through. Okay, or maybe write a poem about how much you
miss a dead uncle. Anyway, do any of those things when you're listening to this intro,
but either way, just get on with your life and we in turn will get on with the quick fire round dedicated
to Uncle Michael.
Lovely stuff there.
So in this quick fire round all of the answers are puns on Airbnb.
So if I were to ask you what online lodging broker is also something you sit on the answer would of course be chair B&B fun, right?
And set up us
I like to shout out your first name Ben and Phil that's here that now
Okay off we go what online lodging broker is also a four-sided shape top top square B&B. Yes
Two points there.
What online lodging broker believes in life after love?
Top.
Oh, sure being B.
What online lodging broker is also shit to piss-wank.
Oh, Amy.
Swabby and B is right.
What online lodging broker is there an extra one-off?
Top. I'm going to give it to Phil Egg. So Airbnb is right. What online lodging broker is there an extra one of? Oh, I mean.
I'm gonna give it to Phil Egg.
It's Airbnb.
It's right.
What online lodging broker is also,
it's also Cudley and has names like bedtime.
Amy.
Teddy Bear, Airbnb.
It's not Teddy Bear, Airbnb.
Phil.
Oh, Airbnb.
Has names like bedtime, birthday, fun, time,
time, Airbnb.
It's care, Airbnb, parking, yes.
What online lodging broker is also the lyric that Charlie XC X sings before she tells us
that she loves it?
Phil.
Phil.
Yeah, B&B.
Amy.
Not yeah, B&B.
I don't care B&B.
What online lodging broker was in?
Well, it's Phil Adelphier, born and raised.
Tom.
Tom.
Fresh Prince of Bellerbeam bee.
Absolutely.
What online lodging broker is also the prison guard, later the police officer in Leibhiz
Arableur. Tom. Tom. Jalverbe. Absolutely. What online logic broker is also the prison guard, later the police officer in Labour's arabler.
Tom.
Tom.
Jovebian.
You know nothing of Jovebian.
I was born inside the jail, such a strong singer.
What online logic broker is also a cool type of sneaker.
Tom.
Tom.
Train air B and B.
Not train air B and B, Phil.
Like you, I'd be a B and B.
It's like you, I'd be a B and B.
What online logic broker was also a creepily religious number one single foot cliff, Richard.
Tom.
Saviours day, B&B.
No, it's not saying that.
It's been.
Mrs Tom and Wyand B&B.
It's not Mr Tom and Wyand B&B.
It's Tom.
Yes, the Millennium Prayer B&B.
The Millennium Prayer B&B.
What online logic broker is also might proceed the word slam down.
Oh Amy.
Amy.
Flat Share B&B.
Flat Share B&B. Flat Share B the end. Flat Chevy in the end. Oh, no, no, no, no.
Questions, that was our time.
But before we hear the final scores,
Amy and Phil, have you got anything you need to plug?
Oh, I'm doing a show here tomorrow,
not for the radio audience.
Sure.
Five o'clock.
And then in London, I do a podcast called What Woman One,
which we do at the Soho Theatre, please come.
Yeah, definitely go.
Yes, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Yes. Phil. Yes.
Phil.
Can I plug another podcast?
Yeah, of course you can.
This American life.
Oh, it's so good.
It's so good, it's one of its shows.
I thought it just started a podcast with a pen of any called the Bud Pod.
And it's even less preparedness.
What?
Okay, and of course, if the people at home donate Patreon all that kind of stuff.
So, could you say, Gwynn, let's hear the finals go.
I've got no idea how this is going to go.
Let's just give it interesting.
So Ben and Phil have 23 and a half, but Tom and Amy have 32 and a half.
So Ben and Phil get to put the Airbnb whilst Tom and Amy get to say it with me.
I'm sorry, but I got a raise and I'm off to our rating thanks to our
eight minute and Bill Wang
Oh, please, come on
Oh, close the door
Thank you, thank you
Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday
Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy birthday, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, boy. I love you, my baby boy. I love you, my baby boy. I love you, my baby boy. I love you, my baby boy.
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I love you, my baby boy. I love you, my baby boy. I love you, my baby boy. I love you, Ding ding hustle bustling ding ding hustle bustle. So really it will if you enjoyed that don't forget to use the hashtag
Ding ding hustle bustle. Yeah, and and chat to us on Twitter. We're also doing a few more live shows if you enjoy listening if you I'm
Fred so sorry
This is more news for Tom than it is for anybody. Yeah, this is how we break it hit me with it where and when okay?
So we're gonna be doing the end of the road festival. Yes, yes.
That's a good festival, 30th of August.
Yeah, and we're doing it in midday.
Midday, yeah.
So we would love as many Pappies, Flat Shares,
slam down fans who are gonna be at that festival
to come and watch us because we've done,
I mean, you've heard them before,
we've done gigs at festivals that aren't Mac.
And it's always been a shit store.
So guys, get down there, show us lots of love.
We want lots of people shouting,
go, go, go, go, go, go.
Great.
We're also doing the London podcast festival in London.
Oh, the London one.
The London, the London podcast festival.
The London podcast festival.
I love the London podcast festival.
It's in London.
If you live in London or if you're in school, it's travel.
Yeah.
Get to London.
Hop on the tron.
Where's he gone?
He's gone to London. He's gone to London.
If you've not been to London before, it really is a fantastic city.
That's where you're from.
That's where I was from.
I'm from London.
You're from London.
I'm from London, more from Bromley.
Oh, from Brom.
From Brom.
So if you're not with London before, it's a fantastic city.
The streets are painted with gold.
It has Madame two swords.
Famously it has Madame two swords.
So gold. Famous people go to stand still.ously it has madame two swords. So gold.
Famous people go to stand still.
Yes.
They just go to have a little rest.
Switch off, don't say that.
They're always bloody on the move.
A little bit of downtime.
They go to Madame Two swords
and they just have a little,
they still for a while.
So that Hitler,
that Hitler,
is Hitler.
They said he went to South America.
What?
They were wrong.
He went to two swords. The South America of Rodger. It's a wrong dog. They said he went South America. What? They were wrong. He went to Tussauds.
The South America, the Rocks' Stuart.
They got all famously. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha never seen your face in the middle of first class full out of me. Anyway we could we
could do our... Rods, you and Rods, too.
But we should tell you the date of the gig. It's dead.
8th of September. It is the 8th of September. So, 8th of September we're going to be at the London
Podcast Festival. 30th of August we're going to be at the end of the road festival, but most importantly, we are always gonna be
in your ear canal and in your week.
And that's our promise to you.
Every single week.
If you enjoy the show, leave us a review on iTunes
or just tell a friend to listen.
Absolutely, we love it when people,
when we see people replying on Twitter,
like, you know, what a good podcast to listen to
and people recommend us, we always enjoy that.
Because obviously, we don't just want your money,
we want your love. Mmm, and your love and your ears we want your ears we want to harvest
demils lend us your ears okay well you know what something you want out of steam so to to play us out. To play us out. Here is Rod Stewart. Here is Rod Stewart. Singing to Adolf Hitler.
Baby Adolf don't leave me here in the bunker alone.
And now stay tuned for the Patreon neighbourhood watch.
Roll call.
She's a roll call.
She's a roll call.
Bye.
She's a roll call.
Will you please be upstanding for the neighborhood watch Patreon roll call? Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-b He really is going to go far. It's Marcus Sanigar.
Well played, Stuart Dade.
He's...
See, I had one for Sanigar.
No, no, no, no, no, it's fine.
I've made.
Seriously, I've got one for this guy. Of. I've made seriously. I've got you if I got one for this guy of course I
Course I've got while I'm just I'm just trying to ramp up attention a little bit working
He's got a flat
Cap on
Didn't have one guys it's Matt Watson
He really can't stoop any lower. It's Lee Moa. I like his quiff. It said would Smith Oh Rocker on my baby
Rocker on my baby, it's a blood smear
Rocker on my baby. Yeah, it's Rosa Marvel
Good name though Rosa Marvel
Well tricky this one, Clarke.
It is a little bit, isn't it?
Well, rock and roll, my baby.
It's Jack Sota.
Rock and roll all the way back to me.
It's Mike D.
Mike D. Mike D.
Who's the Beastie Boys?
Who just let out that loud and fragrant pop?
Well, it was Laura Sharp.
Oh no.
Should we have a break though, because it feels like we've done loads?
Is the reason you want to have a break, clarky?
I don't know.
I don't know.
We'll have a break off this next name, shall we, clarky?
Yeah. Let's do the next one though, shall we, Clarky?
Well...
Hehehe...
They buried themselves in sand.
It's Budica woodland.
That concludes today's
Neighborhood Watch Rooking Roll Call! B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- You broke it! You broke it! You broke it! You broke it! You broke it!
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