Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ Dave Holmes and Harriet Kemsley (Download the podcast) S10E01

Episode Date: January 7, 2020

Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” want to download the podcast so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a Flatshare Slamdown!With Dave Holmes and Harriet KemsleyFeatures: Departed Owls, LA stories and sexy ghost impressionsHarriet Kemsley - https://twitter.com/harrietkemsleyDave Holmes - https://twitter.com/DaveHolmesPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareSee us live 3rd February - https://dice.fm/event/k8vao-pappys-flatshare-slamdown-live-podcast-3rd-feb-moth-club-london-ticketsPappy’s Flatshare Slamdown features Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry with special guests Dave Holmes and Harriet Kelsey. Recorded at Kings Place by Emma Corsham and Gwyn Rhys Davis. It was devised by Pappy’s with Ben Walker.Edited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters for December 15.

Greetings, listener dear. I'm Matthew. And the other two guys couldn't be here to record the intro, but that is okay because the episode features all three of us. So do not worry, this is an episode of FlatShare Slam Down, which we recorded live, as we do all our FlatShare Slam Downs, at the London Podcast Festival with brilliant guests, Dave Holmes and Harriet Kimsey.

They're both fantastic, it's a really fun episode. I hope you enjoy it. If you'd like to come and see flat-sheast slam down live, and why wouldn't you? You can tell from the recordings how much fun it is then come along to the next show, which is on the 3rd of February 2020, first show of the year.

It's at the Moth Club in Hackney. So if you're near Hackney or just near London or willing to travel, then come down to see it. 3rd of Feb, Moth Club, Hackney. So if you're near Hackney or just near London or willing to travel, then come down to see it. Third of Feb, Moth Club, you can get your tickets from acast.com forward slash live. Now it's quite a trendy venue, so we would love it to fill it out because we don't want to lose our street cred with the Moth Club and indeed with Acast. So it will be great to see you guys there. Please come along. We'd love to see you. Guest at TBC, but we've got some pretty exciting names

who are among in our ring and hopefully they will are in our favour. Okay, so the next show we've done that, yes, if you enjoy this show and you enjoy this podcast in general, our house meetings and our beef brothers cold cuts then we are putting out a bonus episode every single Thursday for our Patreon subscribers if you subscribe to the five dollars or above tier then you can get a brand new episode every Thursday it will either be a bonus beef or it'll be a house meeting or it'll be a little bit of bonus stuff from the

from the flat shish land down. So that's always exciting to hear Also, what else? Oh, yeah, well seeing as the other two aren't here. Why not? Also listen to my show the Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby show on the radio. It's on radio X on Sunday mornings 8 a.mam till 11am. And there's also a podcast of that. But I'm not here to promote that. Obviously I'm here to promote Papi's stuff. So great episode, join the Patreon,

follow us on Twitter at Papi's tweet, find us on Facebook, get in contact with us via our email, papi'sflatshirtatgmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, have a great time, enjoy the episode. Cheers everyone. Bye! Tom Ben! What is it, Matthew? Yeah, what is it, my lovely little boy?

Firstly, thank you so much for my new nickname. And for the T-shirt that says the same thing. One of you two guys, this week's Household Chor, which is download our podcast. Oh, it's not going to be me. No way, podcasts. Oh. Read the room, mate.

I tell you what noise you're about podcasts. Adverts, right? Because you want to listen to the podcast. You know, we told what website to go to to help build your own website We all know the best website for that is square space They've got a really good menu the templates are very easy to use Square space they simple dragon job simple dragon job you couldn't ask better So explain for every website need and if they are listening come on guys

And if they are listening, come on guys. Right here guys! Every other fucking podcast. Come again as guys! Are you fucking kidding? Also, stams.com. Clarke! Yeah, I'm f- I'm f- You're not a bit Casper mattress.

Oh, it does look- It does look very comfortable, isn't it? Honestly, I think you know what? You're still halfway through his 100-day trial. So... Which is actually a separate thing. Um, it's, Joe, good luck with that. Sorry we're not coming to give evidence, but I mean...

We can't be a character witness for you, Clarky. You're a writer, mate. You're bang to rights. Clarky, why are you not going to do it this week? Ah, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've hate podcasts. Okay, fair enough, well, you know, butch of, you know, middle aged white guys and, you know, one token woman normally. Wow, wow, wow. Do we met a joke about podcasts on this culture? Although actually now I say it out loud, it sounds burly. Well there's only one way to settle this, we can have that, eh? Flouches! Yes, I am!

APPLAUSE I think it's that, and she's a man! Flouches, I'm sorry, I'm a man! Flouches, I am! Hello, and welcome to Flouches' Landown, the panel show that says, he was a hard-headed man. He was brutally handsome. And she was terminally pretty. What's going on right now?

She held him up, and he held her for ransom in the heart of the cold, cold city. He had a nasty reputation as a cruel dude. They said he was ruthless. They said he was crude. They had one thing in common. They were good in bed, she'd say, fast to faster, the lights are turning red. Life in the podcast lane, surely makes you lose your mind. Life in the podcast lane,

been literally only new. Life in the podcast lane, everything, all the time. life in the podcast lane I'm host and landlord Matthew crossbeam And the lovely podcast festival was the other way we then we follow my rules That's a lot of my talents Tom Pairing Ben Clark Obviously you cannot download a podcast alone who have you brought along to hold the RSS feed steady this week Clarkie Yes, I put along my chauffeur. Oh wow! Harriet Kimson! Harriet Kimson is here! Yes, thank you. Harriet, thank you so much for coming on the show.

Thanks for having me. It's a real pleasure to have you here. What kind of a flatmate are you? Poor. That financially or... Both, yeah, both. And bad behaviour. Have you been told this a lot? Yeah.

Talk us through it, Harriet. What are your sort of key quirks that have caused you to be a bad flatmate? Um, very messy. Okay. And break people's belongings. Oh, we did. People don't like. They don't like that.

What do you think? What do you think? People's glasses. Oh, OK, right. End of question. So I know I'm being bullied. So you broke people's glasses. No, no, no.

What are you referring to with the hands, mate? No, I mean, like, I'm not like. All right, all right. Get your hands. I'm sorry. Well, well, put that down. Put that down. Hurry up. You're going to have to ask you to chill the fuck out, mate. not have a tour of the boys. Sorry, well, well, put that down, put that down. Ari, I'm going to have to ask you to chill the fuck out, mate.

That's a recent warning. That is a recent warning, honestly. I mean, glass, not people's glasses. Like, I'm not going and like tearing people's glasses apart. All right. OK, so just like the windows. LAUGHTER Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just smash their windows up. Yeah. OK, and are you messy or are you dirty? A bit of both. Yeah. Oh, I'm actually a bit of a... Yeah. Next question. Got a problem with that four eyes?

Do you know what? I'm just going to sit here with my mug and be very happy with that answer. Tom, who have you brought with you know what? I'm just gonna sit here with my mug and be very happy with that. That art's top. Who have you brought with you this week? Well, Pad Ews Matthew, the Jamborees in danger. Oh, no! Yeah, we've been isolated from Europe and that special relationship with superpowers are in trouble. So I had to reach out to the most American man I know. He's come all the way over from the transatlantic flights that he was on. Yes, Dave Holman! Dave Holman! Hello!

Yes. Dave, thank you so much for coming on the show. Yeah. And congratulations on that transatlantic flight you were on. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me. Are you a good flatmate? I'm decent.

Yeah. I too am messy. Oh. But I earn high marks in emotional stability, which is very important in a family. That's so key Yeah, so key. Yeah, that's that's like an underrated element Harriot struggling with the term emotional stability Talk talk is through it for Harriet's sake, obviously, Tom Ben and I are very emotionally stable people,

but for Harriet's sake, what how does that manifest itself? Just a lack of terrifying mood swings, right? This sounds passive-aggressive towards whoever you're living with. Yeah. Is there something you'd like to speak to directly now? By the podcast, say chill out. No I like to find mood swings. Yeah, exactly and I love to entertain Oh fantastic are you a you a sort of morning singer? You that kind of person no no no

Bring people over. Oh, okay Because I try to watch successful hang on because I've written a song and dance number for you By the way, I'm not going to like you that is what it's like for my wife living with me Since you've had the baby, you know, I need a little bit of attention, so I've got a point on place Let's hope tonight is gonna be as exciting as one of Dave's LA parties. Oh spoiler alert We've met our contestants, but let's find out who'll be released without charge as we play round one. Yeah! Father wrote a root book and watched your dream meal,

comedians asking comedians how they feel, two girls chatting about killers they fear, these are a few of the podcasts I hear. Commercial radio double- acts without the music. Arsenal fans chanting in American musings. Jats about death and reviews of craft beer. These are a few of the podcasts I hear. I'm on the train with a tight brain.

Want to be ignored. I simply download all the podcasts I hear, And then I don't feel so bold. Great. Great. Great. That's yeah. That is...

Some mention, when I have people over, that's another thing I do. I do song parodies and make them just sit in silence. Yes. So, I have people over there that's another thing I do. I do song parodies and make them just sit in silence. Yes. They love it. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you. That is the most awkward part of the podcast.

And there's three more examples to go. So, I don't get along with the podcast. I'm going to need you. Also as well, a little fun fact here. I've not changed the script from last time. So, it said, who's going to be released to that charge? That was charged, the phone, that was our last episode. So, a little bit of fun there.

We've all really worked hard on this, guys. Tom and Ben wrote a song, I couldn't even bother to change the script. So this first round is called Pajayatri Kastanet. Now, as we all know, stay with us, guys. Strap it. Stay Stay with us guys. Stay with us guys. Like you did to that last jingle.

As we all know, the word podcast is actually short for Padiatry Castanet. That's why we're here at the festival, right? So in that spirit, I'm gonna ask each player to sing a song about someone who did something famous with their feet. The teammate has to guess who they're singing about. It's going to be a Latin themed song.

Oh, pure flat slank. One point for it is pure flat. This is pure flat slank. This is what we do, though. Imagine that the three of us have to go to a place and sit down and discuss. And then like, this is what we come up. So the team has to guess who they're singing about. and discuss. And then like, this is what we come up. So, the team has to guess who they're thinking about.

One point for a correct guess and a possible DS point for the song. 40 points. 40 points, yeah. So, Ben, we're going to start with you. Now, I'll tell you that there you go. That is who you're going to be thinking about. Harriet has to guess. So your song is hero by Enrique Englaces. Let's see if Harriet can guess who you're singing about.

Here we go. I would dance if you asked me to dance And I would do it with taps on my feet I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been waiting for you, I've been and to it in the 90s and I will love but of my shirt to the label and I will dance and I always come across as a bit of a cunt Oh my guys, a very very very strong You know what, I find that strangely very clearly Oh my God Very a very very strong You know what I find that strange I really hit those notes Really strong for showing that woman up guys. I'm gonna straight away give you a new FA Points there 50 points deserved Harriet have you got any idea who Ben was singing about? I think, well, no. Okay, that's a...

I've been thinking before your time. I've got, is it, oh no. I can't. I can't. Just say it. Is it the candle-arbre from Beauty and the Beast? Oh! Oh my god.

Oh my god. You know what? It isn't Lumia, but I think we enjoyed the answer so much. I'm going to say yes it is. So that's one point to Harriet. Right point to Ben. Would you like to steal any idea of who it was? Have you got, I guess? Did this gonna make it big in LA? I think. Worldwide. Yes. We all have parents, don't we? Was it Michael Flatley?

It was Michael Flatley, yes! So an extra point there to Dave and Tom. Dave, here is your song and you are in fact going to be doing. Live in the middle of a local by Ricky Martin. I'm so glad because when you mentioned backstage we would be singing Latin songs. I was like, cachelia assessed part-ter. I really thought Latin Latin songs.

Oh, yeah, no. I tell you, that's part-ter. I'm talking to his seventh grade. We're a pretty high-brow podcast, yeah. Welcome to Britain. No, Latin themed. Latin themed song. So we've got Ricky Martin here. But Tom. A too Ricky.

He only laughed it on us. He only laughed it on us. I barely understand. I barely understand. I barely understand. I barely understand. I barely understand. I barely understand. I'm really honest. Can Tom work out who Dave is singing about? Oh boy.

Let's hear the live and the live of Edelokin. Okay. Hey, other spot. What do you want to do, Pa? Yes, definitely. Okay. Oh, I'm a great big hairy thing. And some people think they see me.

I walk through the woods relatively, or maybe I'm kind of tree. If my name is for the size of the things, at the end of my legs, I probably don't exist. But it's a whimsical thing to think that I do! There's more to that song, though. You'll have to come over. There's plenty more to that song here.

If anyone of Dave's final parties you'll hear all about it. Yeah, I'm pretty confident on this. I shared the duck points for the mime you were doing, but that was... It's impossible not to. It's impossible not to hear that Latin beat. I'm going to give you straight away, I think I'll give you Ocho. Ocho points there for the song, but top. Four points. Do you know what?

You think it would get old by enjoying it. I just give the keeps on giving. and on heart I enjoy it every time We've got one for it the same joke every time and it means it through well weird weird bomb very constantly this that your beast from beauty of the Amazing you are absolute idiots Harry and the headless ones. Bigfoot. It is indeed big, but congratulations. APPLAUSE Okay, Harry, it's there is your person for whom we're going to be singing about.

And your song is Hips Don't Lie by Shakira. Okay? You seem to like it by the way. Here we go. Oh baby, oh! I think you sort of come in now. Oh baby, we're done talking like that. Then I am walking so bad. I'm walking. Oh baby, Shakira. Shakira. I can't stop saying Shakira. It's easy, because I'm saying Shakira. I'm saying Shakira.

It's easy Shakira. It's hard not to say it. Shakira. Shakira. Oh baby. Wait. It's not Shakira. It's not Shakira.

Jo, weirdly, I think I've got it. Okay. Okay. I am all baby. Okay. Can I tell you now, it's neither Shakira nor a baby, so... Any time you want to leave it, Harry, that'll be okay. Okay.

I'll just say, Shakira, Shakira, Shakira. Um, they're on your feet. Oh, what are they? Er, you got leases. Oh Shakira. Er, you know what I mean? I mean, she's not Shakira. Oh, baby, when you put that way.

Shakira, Shakira. Oh baby, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait Okay, so let me just check. What's the Spanish for zero? I'm just checking what the Spanish for zero is. No, you know what? You threw in the Shakira's there. It was hard not to. It was hard not to. I am going to give you, I think, Quattro. Quattro points for that. Eight. Yeah. There you go. And it is Quattro when you do it. Quattro points for that. But can you make it up to the sinko by guessing who or what Harriet was singing about? Well. Harry, keep it in your nose, man.

Well, well, well. It's not Shakira. It's not Shakira. It's not Shakira. Oh, or a baby. Well. I believe at one point he said they've got laces. Yes. Yes, they do.

Was it shoes? I'm going to have to actually be slightly more specific. Trainers. No, I'm afraid that's not the answer. I could throw it over and then again. What's the point? Any idea No, it was of course Dr. Martin's boots there Of course famously the only thing it has laces

Dr. Martin's boots, so I'm afraid I can't give you any points there to finish us off Tom. That is for you Now your song is LeBamber by Richie Valens later later loss LeBos Dave what is Tom Bambiting about? Okay, let's find out Oh, oh, oh, Shakira! Oh, no, I'm not Shakira, I won't do that, I won't do that, I won't do that. When you come round to my house, please don't go to the toilet in the middle of the night. This is a terrible thing to give me I went to court I did a tavern leg to stand on Don't go to the toilet

I didn't want to What was that? What was that? Okay, no, no Oh my God What was fuck? Okay, no, no. Oh my God. What was that? Listen, right. I'll tell you what. She cares hips didn't lie, but he's... He's lipstick.

Let me tell you now, what happened was I was running out of ideas and I typed the phrase, famous feet, into the internet, and I lost about three hours. So I had to think of my, well, I had to... So Dave, any idea who it was that Tom was singing about? You know, going to the bathroom in the middle of the room is a real red herring, but I think, was it Oscar Pistory? There was, yes!

I mean, that's the herring that I ran the floor as well, it's in a while. So somebody got to the toilet and he'll be... He... he shot someone in his bathroom, yeah. Oh, it's there. I'm gonna have a night here. I mean Fred Astaire, David Beckham. I mean, loads of people use their feet. Fred Astaire would have been a good one, I checked.

Yeah, I'd take... I'd take... I'd take a bussel. I'd take one. A. Emma, let's hear... LeBambra again, we'll hear Fred Ast I'll take it. I'll take it. A. Emma, let's hear LeBamber again. We'll hear Fred Astaire this time. And we'll just, we'll jump around. Off we go. Oh, hello, Ginger Rogers.

I'm going to tell you that. That's a, that's plenty. That's plenty to get us, uh, to play to get us through. So, and also I've got to give you points for the song. You know what? I thought you'd a really wonderful job. I'm going to give you points for the song. You know what, I thought you did a really wonderful job. I'm going to give you Cieta points there. The 400.

Yeah, Tate points. So, Cieta Spanish for Sorre. Yeah, it really should be. At the end of that round, producer Emma, can you please tell us where the scores are? Okay, so you wanted me to do this over there. Oh yes to the tune of Macarena. Oh it's so quick, it's so quick. God.

OK. So Tom and Dave, I can't not be a good singer. I can't. And Shakira and Ben and Harriet have 40. I didn't hear you got what Tomaday has. She was either. Tommy Day never matters. So what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to tap in luck for.

It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters for December 15. So Tom and Dave are in the lead, but does that make the number one? Not necessarily. It's a bit like the iTunes charts,

you know, the podcast charts in that respect. Sure, there are podcasts that talk to charts every week, but are they the best podcasts around? No, of course not. So Harriet and Ben, Harriet and Ben should feel bad or upset. You might just be like an algorithmic quirk. Still, if you guys do feel bad, I mean, I get it.

It'd be nice to feel like you're at least in the top 100s, once in a while. I mean, we haven't do this for eight fucking years. Let's play Black Games! Let's make a game, huh? Games! Let's play forever! Roll dice spin that thing put that down Choose your tall game if you lose you get nothing Games if you win you get gold There we go Listen to that iTunes Go go Stickers in the top 20

Is anyone in for my tunes? It's always worth a try. Yes, it's flat games where this week we'll be playing our version of top trumps, which we are calling top trumps. I'll give both teams a category and I have to put one team member forward to share a story from within that category. With the help of the audience, I'll decide who has the best story for each category. So we're going to start with best celebrity encounter. So you can deliberate between the two of you.

Who do you think might have the best celebrity encounter? Just very quickly. Is it on level of celebrity or nature of encounter? Dealer's choice. I'm going to leave this to my L.A. character part, put it up. Okay. Alright, so the guy who lives in actual Hollywood. Yeah. Because I had a cheeky Vib though we shot the church once, but it just doesn't put it that way. Okay. All right, so the guy who lives in actual Hollywood. Yeah. Because I had a cheeky Vibdoh we shan't the church want but it just doesn't cut it. Oh. It does a hell of a night.

That was a great night out. We had a great time. Who are you going to put forward Harriet or Ben? Ben. Clarke. Okay. I did an advert with Hugh Jackman. Oh.

And spent a weekend following him around the streets. Wait, did you do an advert? Would you for some of the weekend following him around the streets. Wait, did you do an advert? Would you for some other weekend following it? Following around the streets of Budapest on a bike. That's pretty good. I was on the bike. He was running. Can I undercut this slightly, boy? Yeah, I know exactly what you're going to say. He had his number two minutes later, he texted him and said,

the advert's a huge alike it. No reply. Never a reply. No reply. No reply. I thought you did it on Twitter. Yeah, I did it on Twitter. Didn't even know how he's done that. Didn't have his number to eat it in. Zero from here.

OK, still pretty good though. Hugh Jackman doing an advert with Hugh Jackman. Dave Holmes. OK. All right, so I used to work at MTV. And I think you win. I am. I'm not.

I'm feeble. Let's wait for this one. But so every few months Mark Wahlberg would come in because he is in a movie every two to three months. And so when he would see me in the hallway, he would always pull me aside and go, they pay you yet, bro? Like always.

Like every single time. And then like, it'd be like, yeah, they're paying me. Yeah, they're paying me. I work here, yeah. And then like to might I'd be like yeah, they're paying me. Yeah, they're paying me. I work here. Yeah and And then like two months later it would be like a new planet of the apes and he would come through the hall and be like It was just a thing so then like years after Probably like mid 2005 I was at Sunday Mass.

This was back when I would do Sunday Mass at Good Shepherd. And that's where Mark Wahlberg goes every Sunday. And I saw him there, and he was sitting in front of me and at the sign of peace. He shook my hand and leaned it and said, they painted you a part. Yeah. That's right.

I was like, I don't, they're actually not, because I don't work there anymore, but peace be with you. I think that one has to go to Dave Holmes. Congratulations. There should be the time to say that there's no fee for this podcast by the way. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Let's do, let's do worst injury. Worst injury. OK. Does it have to be to ourselves?

Or could we have seen it? You can't say like, I watch a snuff movie once. It wasn't going to. OK, sure. Yeah, I think if you're involved in the story, then I'm going to allow it. OK. Ben Harriet, who you put forwards?

Clarke, he's putting forward, Kenzley. OK, Harriet's going and... You're going to break that? Yeah, I... He literally ate cross-eyed and he said that. We're putting me forward for my injury because the best injury day's seen it wasn't to him, but listen to this because it's pretty brutal. I was just backstage at Woodstock 99.

Every story so strong. Pretty cool guys. Woodstock 99. That's what I do. And yeah, we'd be recently, the 20th anniversary of that particular disaster. And we were right near the first 8th tent, and somebody came through, like, from the, the Mosh Pit area, through to the, the first aid area, with just, just, why does the sheet? And I was like, oh, this person has seen something terrible.

And then I looked closely and, uh, somehow in the Mosh Pit, his nipple ring had been. Oh! Oh! And it was just, it was just that, that face of like, the paint, I can't even, I can't even yell from the pain. It's too much. It's a classic festival moment though. I'm going to give you a bonus point for that because that is a rip. And you've got to imagine that was during Linbiscat.

Oh, absolutely. It's got to be. It's got to be during Linbiscat. Cheryl Crow. It's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be,, handed it to my friend and my friend, I mean, co-host Matthew Crosby. LAUGHTER He threw the dart directly into my knuckle. LAUGHTER Into my knuckle.

The balls I have the hands. And it stuck in my knuckle. It stayed in you guys. It was stuck in a festival moment. You know that. OK. I enjoyed that story very much. Great hearing again.

Harriet. I'm worried mine's wrong because mine's not human. Oh. OK. Talk us through it and we'll see what happens. OK. It's not the candelabra from the British government. Because that was a pretty bad injury.

But you know, it turned back. No. It turned that into a human later on, man. a'r cantol ar brifrydd. Mae'r gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni'n gydyn ni I don't think it's as bad, but it depends what animals you like. Okay, that's worrying. I was driving a car and it was late at night and suddenly the most beautiful owl that you've ever seen in your life. Yeah, because people are posing hate owls. It's spread its wings and I was like, fuck, that's a beautiful out. Killed it. Um, so, I don't know if that counts.

I thought I'd see. You're going to keep yourself, but the next category is working if you ever don't do an owl. Sorry. You're really going to be out. You're in trouble. Oh, that's a tricky one. But I think I'm going to, I just to give you a little bit of sort of closure.

Thank you. It was horrible. I'm going to keep you to the point that time. That's a point to Harry County there. Also, importantly, you didn't do it. That's a very good point. So I'm absolved completely. Yeah, I didn't run over now. Did you accelerate? You saw me down.

I was like, whoa, and then you accelerate, that's it. I want to get closer to that. No, I did, but there's nothing you can do. I hope you never planned yourself in that position. Not, it was too late. But then the owl just lay dead at the end of our road and had to drive past it every morning. You did it very well!

You saw that light in the owl's bowl? I was too upset. I was too upset. I was too upset. I was too upset. I was too upset. I was too upset. I was too upset. I was too upset. I was too upset. I was too upset. I'm just going to the back of the slay there, dead for a whole week. Make it be for a guilty. Where's he going? No, we pushed it open to the side.

So it was like, by a head, a road. So it was by a hedge, but then I had to see it still because... Oh, my heart fucking bleeds for you, mate. And I changed my story. No, you can't change this, mate. OK. Pretty impressive to break an hour's neck though. Yeah. Sure, because they turn all the way around, no?

Yeah, I was going to say, can turn his head around. There's a minute it can't be hit by a car. Yeah. You can't do the old sneak up behind it and whip. It was concussion, I think. I don't know what I think it was. Anyway, all we know is, is a bird is dead, so I think we should stick with the owl. Yeah, no, no.

You know what, I'll get to throw another category out at you because I really want to move this on. Mildest claim to fame. Mildest claim to fame. Are you guys still thinking about it? Okay, alright, we'll start with you guys then. My sister taught PE the end. My sister taught PE to Liam from one direction. That's pretty good. It's a big claim to fame, but you're one removed from the system.

It makes it nice and mild. Yeah. Okay. Lovely and mild. Lovely mild anecdote. Who are you putting forwards? We were putting forward Harriet, but... Is it about the owl?

No, it wasn't one of the owls at Goho, was it? It was Hugh Jackman's owl. I got it. But he didn't DM me back. You weren't there far thing would at the time. Okay, Harriet, Mal described to fame. Well, I'm the voice of the video game, I don't know what happens in the game.

So I get all these messages. I get all these messages. I don't know. I get all these messages from people being like, ah, the queen of Nushandra. Here she is. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. I don't know what these messages

people say things, but I don't know what it means. I've never played the game. So basically, you did a job that you didn't care about. You did both do the research. What's the game called? It's called Dark Souls 2. Anyone played Dark Souls 2? We're in a game called Our Souls 3.

If you played it. Do you know Queen Nishandra? Yeah. That's me! What do I do? Yeah. What's your name? Luke. Luke, what does Queen Nish I do? Yeah, what's your name? Luke, look, what does Queen of Shandra do? She's not very nice.

Oh, fuck. She's like killing us and animals. You know it because you couldn't tell the story without the help of this mate. I'm going to give the point to Tom. Can we hear a line? What he you'll have to ask him Well, they just broken up words and then they just read all the words in the dictionary No, I don't know. I what do I do? I think I do a scream at points

Yeah, give us a scream. Aaaaah! It sounds like a dog shit game. Okay. Let's go for... Biggest fall over. What's your biggest fall over moment? Ben and Harriet, who are you going to put forward? Me, Clarke is putting himself forward there.

Dave and I really thought, Biggest fall over was some sort of fun whimsical, like British saying, but you just really mean falling over. Yeah, the biggest moment when you fall in over. I wish it could be more whimsical, we're trying our best. Have you got a moment there? I've got one. You've got one. It's not big.

Psychologically it's massive, but it wasn't big. We'll start with you. It was year seven. Okay, already we're invested. Secondary school, end of the first week. First time I'd ever had to catch school bus. Pivotal time for you. The 7-11. My mum would say it's vital you don't miss the 7-11.

Okay, what time does that go? It went up 5 plus 4. Sure. I can't miss it. So I got to the corner and there's a big queue of all like the year 9's, year 10's, year 11's. Year 7's are allowed to go. The list of homes. Mae'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith to run across the quad to get on. I got halfway into the middle of the quad. It had been raining, landing on a puddle, went massively arse over to it. All of the upper school year, nine year, ten and eleven, started laughing at me, bursting to tears.

Oh, first week of school. Do you know what? More simply than the dead owl that time. So, so, Clarkie, do your best. I was on Wolverhampton High Street running for a bus and it was icy and I was like trying to wave for the bus so I was attracting quite a lot of attention to myself and I slipped on the pavement and landed half on the curb. Ooh, on my butt and gave myself like a numb bum. And then, like, what? You know, like, it's that medical phrase. Yeah.

I'm not gonna get a numb bum, guys. Sure. Is that a whimsical UK term? And then, like, because I'd drawn so much attention to myself, people started trying to help me up, which is the worst thing that can happen. And the bus also had seen that so waited for me. So then I had to hobble up to the bus and the bus lowered.

LAUGHTER Oh, it is so hell to let me on. I've got to get the point of hierarchy there. APPLAUSE Final category, final category, unexplained mystery. Unexplained mystery. Who has got the best? Unexplained mystery.

Right, who are you going to go for? We're going to go for Dave, because I think my biggest mystery is the same as Clark. He's in the Catholic to the right. OK. So we've got Dave on this side. Harriet and Ben, who are you going for? Me.

OK. For the listener at home. Clark. Okay. We'll start. Well, thanks for a raise, guys. We'll start with Dave. Okay. I'll explain mystery and then we'll see if Tom and Ben's story is the same thing. Okay. Okay. My senior year of high school, I went to a very small all boys school. Forms one through six. It was kind of Britishish, right? And senior year, like there was very small class and one kid in our class was in a car accident and died. And his, my closest friend, can I just check he wasn't an owl, was it? He didn't know, he did not.

Yeah, that's all it is. So my closest friend in high school was super emotionally unstable and would make things about himself all the time, right? Like we lived together on, we lived in New York at the same time on September 11th and like everyone who didn't call to check that he was okay, he called him yelled at, like that day.

So, yeah, which is like amazing. So, he could, he could, he could, he could, that day. That day. Wow, why don't make it about yourself, mate? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's like, you don't work there, so like, yeah, yeah. They said never forget, all right? Yeah, yeah. So, he wanted to go, they said never forget, all right? So, he wanted to go to our school chapel and throw himself on the altar and freak out.

It was a very emotional day, right? So, we drove there, right? And it was our chapel was in the middle of it, kind of a clearing, and there was a parking lot, and it's this big, beautiful this big beautiful building and around it. There's nothing so we went to go into the church and As we went to go into the church at the empty parking lot because we were knowing people there There was this kid who was roughly our age And he was leaning up against a lamp post lighting a cigarette and he had a a Priory was the school in a priory t-shirt on, jams, which are like Hawaiian shorts and

vans, and he was lighting a cigarette and he kind of smiled at us. We didn't recognize him in it. It's a small community It's a very small school like you wouldn't not know somebody especially somebody who's roughly your age So it was strange and we sort of noticed him and said hello and went in so that before we went into the church like in the 10 seconds from seeing him To the church door returned around the 10 seconds from seeing him to the church door, we turned around and he was gone. And there was nowhere he could have gone, right? Because it's like a massive clearing, right? Oh, I hear oos already.

So that was like in March of that year. So then our graduation party, a couple months later, this guy's girlfriend, Mike's girlfriend, the dead guy's girlfriend was there, and she was also a friend of ours, and we were just sort of talking to her, and everyone was still kind of collecting themselves and she was like I will never forget the last time that I saw him because he had died in a car accident coming from her house.

He said he was wearing his priority shirt and his jams and his vans and he lit a cigarette and he just smiled at me and it was a really strange smile. I'll never forget it. Unexplainable. Oh, that is good, though. Oh, that's, yeah, that's it. That's it. Yeah. I need to say a little. One thing I'm, one new rule, and I know it's too late. If the end of the day.

But Dave has to go second. Every time. LAUGHTER You also've got saves working from TV. Okay, Clarky, what's your mystery? Do you want to say a key word that might trigger, not trigger, but you know, it suggests that apparently you'll know what story. Tom definitely knows what it is.

It's the third story. It's the third story. It's the third story. So, which is also is describing it by that, kind of gives away what the story is as well. Okay, spoiler alert, it involves a third stone. Now you had a gallbath of trouble, didn't you? That's like, that's first two were a breeze, but over here. They're basically sand, weren't they?

They passed very easily in a third stone. It's like air's rock. Turns out I passed it. Oh! Oh, for Clarky! Okay, let's see. Me and Tom, we've gone for a camping weekend together. That is sort of bizarre with friends.

What? What a way to find out! And... Six years ago. So the way my dying is taken off your cap? A collapsing into Dave's lap. That's not dying. That's living. APPLAUSE

So, Clarky, we interrupted you, sir. So we've got on a camping trip together. We got quite a drunk and walked down onto the beach that was near where we were camping. And we started playing a game where we were lying on our backs Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith and hit that stone with another stone throwing it as well. And we were kind of taking it in turns doing this. And then at one point, just a third stone flew across. And we were just like, a third time. They came across and we were both like, jumped up and we're like, oh, who's there?

Just no one around. At all there. Yeah, miles. It's good, isn't it? Yeah. They're two really creepy stories. That's good. He's good.

Do you know what? And the stone was wearing fans and smoking. Whoa! It was the stone up. The third stone up. Who can I... The Stoets, Hugh Jackman. It all fits together.

What a movie! I'm going to throw it up to the audience. If you think that the... That is also my story, so that wins. Do we win as well? Yeah. Of course not. You threw that chart away. You could have told that story, but you didn't. I threw the third stone every time.

I'm an imom's man. OK, if you think the... I've got your side through, man. I know. Oh, when you come from club, when you come... Oh, haunted. Shump. You know, in which case then you get the point.

So, producer Emma at the end of that round, what are the scores? In a spooky voice. Okay. Well, Ben and Harriet have six. Okay, so you betding, how do you have 16? Yeah. Six days. Six days, different as well?

Speaking. Sorry. I'm told my name. I'm 20 my name. I'm 20. Are you jerking off that name? No. Jesus Christ, Emma, we told you about this. Non-company time.

What was the score for them? 22. Okay. I think she said for. We'll find out after the next round. So, the only thing GC in those anecdotes has to be a plate of steaming hot beef. So let's open up the serving hatch and fill our gums with beef brothers. Brothers Yes, it's beef brothers where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat share based beef

This one comes from Rosie who is in the audience Rosie do you want to stick your hand up so our microphone can find you win here we go Rosie writes, I hate my husband's gaming chair. Oh! Too big and sheds fake leather bits. How do I get rid of it without upsetting him? Okay, this is huge.

Now your husband Rosie has a gaming chair. Can I just check now your husband, is he here? No, he's not here. He's not here. Okay, great, let's get into this. This is a, now your husband Rosie has the gaming chair. Can I just check now your husband is he here? No, he's not here. He's not here. Great, let's get into this. This is a safe space. We'd spot him on his gaming chair. I brought his own.

I brought my chair. He's at home on Twitch is he or some shit. I don't know what game does do. We've got a lot of gaming fans in because of course Harriet's here. So they can't believe they get to see Queen Nula Thruroo. In the flesh, that scream was positively blood-curdling. So Rosie, your husband's not here. Tell us a little bit about this gaming chair.

How long has he had it for? Maybe three years. Three years, okay. How long has he had it for? Maybe three years. Three years, OK. So I've had to move. How long has it been? How long has you been your husband as well as a key question? About two months. Two months.

Oh, fresh. OK. Fresh marriage, fresh beef. OK. OK, to the chair for several years. All right. He's had the chair for three years. You've been married for two months.

How old is he approximately? 26. 26 approximately? 26. 26 approximately, okay, good. So I'm probably about 27. I'm sorry. Alright, I could 27, may 25. Okay, okay. Does anybody have any questions?

Oh, that's a very good point. Yes, Tom, just so we know. That's very key. Tom and Dave, you are on Rosie's side Can we get a husband's name? You have to give it you don't want to but it's name Sam Sam okay? So a Tom and Dave you are on Rosie's side Ben and Harriet you are on the side of Sam But let's have a cross examination they do questions any questions for Rosie Sam's not here unfortunately, but questions for Rosie Well, why isn't he here? Is he at home on his computers?

Computers! He's got several Omega 500 sets up all out of it. Is that on his gaming chair surrounded by computers? I think it's the first night of the NFL. Oh, it is? Those two things would go hand in hand. Is there a sound system in this gaming chair? No. He wears headphones. Pardon me? He wears headphones and closes himself off from you. He immerses himself in the stage. That's conjecture at this

stage. How many hours does he spend in his own world ignoring you? Hey, hey, hey. Is the chair flammable? I haven't tested it. Very strong question for Harriet there. I think most chairs are, you know, if you work hard enough. If you want it, most chairs are flammable. Okay. Any other questions?

How many hours do you spend on an average week? Average day? A couple of hours a night? A couple of hours a year, after cleaning and slaving away. It's tough to choose a self-gaming chair. Whereabouts in the house is the gaming chair? So we live in a one bedroom flat, so it's in the living room. Oh, it's right there.

Sorry, no! For the sake of the game, for the sake there. No, we're all over the place. Sorry, no. For the sake of the game, for the sake of the game, please. Yeah. See, right, there we go. You're getting it. Lovely stuff. How many of the chairs do you have in this Watt bedroom floor? We have a sofa.

We have a desk chair. Can I ask, are you allowed in the gaming chair? If he doesn't want to watch TV, then you're just there. No, that isn't it. No. a gweim nhw'n ei gweim nhw. Ym ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch, ymwch,sgwch i'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r fforddd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r and sleep in the chair rather than coming to bed. Two months into the marriage. Let's not get too deep into this, because it's very interesting. We just, it is all the beef, not break up a marriage, all right? Any further questions? Yeah, what kind of gaming console does he have? Computer, of course.

He's, it's Xbox. Xbox. Yep, it's there a smile. Is there a smile? Is there a smell? Good question. No. X husband box more, right? Like a poss-

Like a... Like a... Oh my goodness, that's not a smell. We mean a positive smell. Does it have a really nice smell? Does it smell flammable? Yeah. Or it wants to know.

You guys might want to ask, is there a smell? It's just that it's throwing it out there. What kind of games does he play? Apart from mind games. I just go for this friends, so you have like a mic. Can you talk to the people? I don't know what they do. It's just two of you in this one bed and flat.

He's in his gaming chair. I've had a few. Talk to other people. I don't know what they're saying. It's just two of you in this one, Ben and Flat. He's in his gaming chair. I've had a few more. Talked to other people. Yeah. You do have the chair when you got with it? No. No.

It's already shedding thick leather. I know. It's very cheap. So how long have you been together in total? Seven years. Seven years together. Three years with the chair. Two months married.

Yeah. That's all we need to know. Okay. Hopefully that is enough information for our teams to make their cases. So without further ado, I call upon Dave Holmes. You have a minute to begin the case for the prosecution starting now. Oh, am I arguing too? You, are you the judge? To the jury. Just to the jury in general. Yeah. How many people out here are familiar with the television show all in the family?

Oh, good. Oh, good. Do you need a moment of recess while you're angry? Unfortunately, he had never got shown. Well, what American listeners will delight to right now, is that our young friend Rosie? That's Rosie right there, yeah. Rosie is on her way to becoming Edith Bunker. See, you don't get it.

You got to look inside. The thing is, being forbidden to sit in a chair inside the marital home is poison. Yes. Your relationship is headed for rocky shores. You have got to throw the gaming chair out the window. You asked if there's a way to do it without upsetting him. There isn't. You must upset him.

This man needs to be upset. Throw another window. I see my time. Take it. Take it. Take it. Holds it, everybody. Always thrilling when shit gets real. Isn't it? Harriet Kemsley, you know begin the case for the defence. Yeah.

Very strong case there from Dave. You have a minute? Yeah. Your time begins now. Okay, well this is difficult for me because I have what's it called in court? I'm a lawyer, I know. Something about impartial. No. What's the word? I've got something. I've got a bias to this because I have a husband

and I'm with this chair. But good for the chair. It's great. Has he considered a garden chair? Do you have a garden? No, do you have a street? Is there a street outside? Yes, of course. That's how the world is. He could move this chair to the street. And I think that would be a great compromise because he gets fresh air and a seat. But yes, so thank you. I think my point has been made. It's their time's up. That's great. Harriet Kensey there. In what to the untrained ear might sound like a carbon copy of Dave's speech. But you guys aren't lawyers, you don't realise the long game that they're playing and Karky, he's got to tie it all up and that will be great. Okay Rosie, how do you think it's going so far?

I think it's going well, either throw it out or put it on the street. Either throw it out or put it on the street, yeah. Basically that's it. Tom, are you going to be doing it as yourself though? No, I'm going to be doing it in the style of a deep sized defence lawyer from a John Grisham novel. Very good. Mr. Fanchor Standen. Fanchor Standen. Fanchor Standen. Mr. Fanshawe Standin' Fanshawe Standin' Fanshawe Standin' Presiding and providing Your time, should you need it?

Begins now Ladies and gentlemen of the jury I see a lot of friendly faces in court here today Here we're a small town Friendly people Recognise you there from the bushes. Stop nicking my pork. Always there, first in the land. Set the alarm, I'm there.

Five past nine. Where's the chop's gone? See you with it. Stay away from that there, pork son. Got a sh it round. Where was that? We heard a lot of big names there to deem from them their fencing lawyers from the city. They've come down here talking about their computers like the future of these games that

they play. Hill, round here, we old-fashioned folk, okay? We like the old games. Catch the stone. Look at the stick. Pick up that mouse. Yeah, the kind of games we play around here. Handing down to the tavern. You remember the story of games we play around here. Heading down to the tavern. You remember the story of the old tavern there.

Edge of town. The world's bolt. Fine establishment. Ran by the me. A man they call Dan Sand. Dan Sand would always have his space. It would always be sad in the same place every night in that bar, drinking, smoking, playing around.

Don't tell Mrs. Sam. I'm not sure that Dan Sam is not on trial. I'm taking this show. The point will come round. Dan Sam, always there. Playing around, touching stuff. You remember that night in October time, Dan Sam comes into the world's boat.

Who's sad at his seat? Larry. LAUGHTER What's his second name? Who said it is sea? Larry. What's his second name? Mary. Stand off aggressive like alpha types, blood and guts, shit on the floor, chair out the window. Sometimes it's okay to sit the other side of the room. The defense rests, your honor. Thanks, your scoundrel.

I love the use of the beloved Southern American phrases, nicking and sharing round. And again, yet another carbon copy. Now the carbon, yeah, can I just ask, as an American person, how was not you, not you, Fanshawe? At ease. How was, how convincing was,you-fansure? How these? How was-how convincing was-was-was-fansure's accent there? Honestly, I really felt like I was in my homeland watching Foghorn and Icorn.

Okay, so to conclude the case for the defence, Ben, you have a minute. It begins now. Well, okay. Listen. This is the thing. I think everyone's right. The defence rest, I think what's basically happening here is, yes, the chair has to go out the window metaphorically and down the road metaphorically so Sam can see his friends because clearly that's what's going on here. Sam is missing his pals, he's having to talk to them through a computer game on his headphones, on his sad little chair and I know I'm on his headphones, on his sad little chair, and I know I'm on his side, but any gaming chair is a sad little chair. And all you have to do, as basically everyone has said,

is just let Sam once a week shuffle on down the road to the local pub and of course all of this is pure conjecture and I hate myself for saying it because I don't believe a word of it but it's a because Sam misses his old friends because as we all know, marriage is a trap. I rest. Clarky rest. Well, okay. Now, I can't adjudicate because like everybody else in the room, I'm biased. I've always believed, don't hate the player, hate the gaming chair. So instead, I'm going to call upon the London Podcast Festival audience to decide. So if you think Dave and Fanchor and therefore Rosie is in the right, applaud now.

Oh! Oh! But if you think Ben and Harriet and therefore Rosie is in the right, applaud now. Rosie, either way, you're in the right. Uplored now. Rosie, either way, you're in the right. So congratulations to Dave and Fancho there. That's one point to them. So we come to our final round. Dave, you found it a tad awkward just sitting not knowing what to do. Listening to a jingle. Let's just start it, shall we? This is the quick fire round. is the quick fire round.

It's the round that goes really quickly, which is why you'd think that it really should have a quick introduction. It would make more sense. It would make more sense. But it hasn't, it's got a long introduction. Which on days like today is really quite frustrating. We're both really tired. I don't know if you can tell, but my voice has gone on. Me and Ben have just been playing football, and it turned out to be a really sunny day,

and we're feeling the after affair. And we're getting on. We're getting quite tired And then sounds on death's door Anyway for those who were wondering My team be Ben's team And they also had an extra player So I guess the quality shone through

it's a tough day for me clocky was the weak link he's not got the legs anyway we'd best go and let the old man have his bath. LAUGHTER And we will get back into this the quick fire route. Yeah, why not? So, this is the quick fire round, folks. Now, this round is a trivia round with a twist,

because podcasts always interrupt entertainment with advertising, we would like you to put a brand name that begins with the first letter of your answer inside your answer, okay? Now, considering how later it is and how we've all been drinking, I'm not holding out much hope for this round. I wrote this in yesterday as a little extra thing.

See what you think. I think you're going to say no. I'll award a bonus point if you can add a brand name beginning with the last letter of your answer at the end. Oh my god. So it would be Muhammad McDonald's Arley Iceland. Is that too hard? In celebration of buzzes, I'd like to shout out your first name.

Tom and Dave, let's hear yours. Tom. Dave. Thank you very much. Harriet and Ben yours. Ben. Yes. You don't have to do it as slow as that.

You can do it as slow as that. Just your whole name. Yeah, yeah. Just your first name. That's fine. Okay. He's the leading singer of the Rolling Stones. Dave.

Dave. Mick. Muttontown... Jagger. It's a thing in America. Muttontown. Yeah, it's better than Iceland. Okay, Mick Muttontown, Jagger. Do you want to do a... Rolling Stones.

Do you want me telling you they are a brand? They're a worldwide brand. Let's see who points today. Complete the popular expression. The best thing since... Harriet. Harriet. And... Slice...

...sushi. Bread. Don't want... Okay. I mean, it's a good sentence. It's not it. It's a good sentence. Slice these you've never died. I'll say that one. If you've not been to Slice these you've been dead. Come on everyone, let's slice these you've been dead. It sounds like a Japanese craze.

They are. Slice these you've been dead. It's actually in the room after us, so we need to get out of there pretty quick. Really strong side-cars. This is the tour, all of them. Can I count sushi and dance as brands? Yes. Yeah, sure, why not? It's an American sitcom starring Ron Howard and Henry Winkler.

Tom. Tom. Happy, harrots, days, sandwiches! Stretching the term brands to breaking point here. And we're back to Slice Brut. She's an author, famous of fantasy novels, but who also goes by the name Robert Galbraith. Tom. Tom. J. K.

Clue Clux Clown. Rowley. First thing, you need to do the K. JKKK Rowling. Briggs! It's a brand. Yeah, J is the letter you're supposed to do. Oh, sorry, that's been easier. Yeah, that would have been much easier. You're not going to bring the clan into it, thanks. How do you think your face is...

Come on, it's first, how you said it twice? Yeah, he gave you an out. We've got Dave here in Harriet who are nice people. You speak in a southern accent for half the show, and then you talk about the clan. How do you think it makes us look? At a podcast festival, arguably wider than a clan rally.

Arguably. LAUGHTER He's the animated mouse voiced by Michael J. Fox. Hey! Hey, Clarkie! LAUGHTER Hey, Clarkie! Thank you so much for the phones!

She forget you and that! Eeeeee! I was going to finish my sentence. Hey, I don't want to answer that question. Lucky do your best. Oh, oh, god. Oh, yeah, but I don't know. I don't know what the mouse is.

I can't like Tom. Stuart. Yeah. Shell. Little. Edward's. Time. Edward's time.

Good on S.O. maybe. Edward's time. Good on S.O. Maybe S.O. is another fuel company. Yeah. This one is just for Harriet. It's a restaurant with a big conveyor belt in it. Sushi. Yeah. That's not even...

Can I tell you, that's only half of the art so I'm asking you to give me. And we also need the other thing. Go sushi. No, no, no. No, go sushi. It's sushi. It's yo, yo sushi, sushi. Nice nice. Yo, yo, sushi. Indigo. No, it's...

I, I, I. You've got all the vowels. I don't know why you're having it with I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Doug, is going to be the first correct answer of the show. He was imprisoned on Robin Ireland. Tom, Tom, Nelson. Yes. Nurt. Yeah, sure.

Mandela. Yeah. Apple. Lovely stuff. This is how he played. The first in the jitter, but one. It's a fast food restaurant that isn't McDonald's. Burger. Oh, sorry.

Tom, spoiler alert, let's give you the answer. Burger. Yes. Bread. Pink gin. Oh, I'm like a bit of a king gin right now. It's a sport also known as table tennis. Ben. Ben.

Ping. Yeah. Pringles. Pong. Pringle. No? Yeah. Pringles are a brand.

Yeah, they are a brand, but it does end with... Oh, gee, oh yeah, that's the end. Pringles. I'm accept Pringingles and the final The final question crisps the stall Christmas It's the name of this podcast Tom Tom flat shirt. Yes farting no Floundown no way That was the worst we ever been

That is the end of the round and it did the end of the game so before we find out our final scores Harriet is there anything you want to plug? Yeah, I'm going on tour So that And I've got a podcast, it's called What Is Harriet Crying and it's a different reason every fortnight. Okay, so to check out that podcast, where can they find your tour dates? It's on my website, Harrietchemz.com. Fantastic.

Dave, would you like to plug anything? Sure, yeah, I'm on Twitter at Dave Holmes. I've vlogged my shit constantly on there. I have a podcast called Home of Failure. We did it here just last night. But follow me on Twitter at Dave Holmes. Fantastic, thank you. I won't start dumb fights with you. Probably.

So, of course, thank you so much for coming out to the live recording if you're listening to this at home, which you are, but you aren't. Please give us a nice review on iTunes, five stars, all to do it, Harren, shut your mouth. And yes. And also as well, if you'd like to join the Patreon, you can get extra bonus audio stuff there on the Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flak Share. So producer, ever, let's find out what the final scores are.

In your sexiest ghost voice. In your sexiest ghost voice. Oh, Ben and Harriet. 23. Tom and Dave. 32. So Ben and Harriet have to download a podcast. What's on the day to get to download loads of points with me. Thanks to our guest Dave Holmes and Harriet Kimsey. We've probably seen it. I'm on a flexious lab now.

Papi's flashiest lab now. I'll be your back in the closet. They called for Tom Pairo, especially guest Dave Holmes and Harriet Kimsey. It was advised by Papi's and Ben Walker. We call him like, we're in this day say it is, and he's by our portion. Big thanks to everyone here at Galskis. So you see him at Gwint, and he's doing a very,

a very crazy number of the London Point Class Festival, and he's got a party at the party. Pat and his family is a simply reflection of the A-Class and the A-Class. Cheers and goodbye! CHEERING Ladies and gentlemen,

yes. Please be upstanding. Hmm. For the neighborhood watch These are the people are able to welcome to the rainbow You can rainbow night I can't wait, where are you? To the rainbow, to the rainbow. To the rainbow. You can rainbow night here. Okay.

Who do I see? Oh, Raving Away. Raving. We're raping mad. We're raping mad. We're raping mad Still oh, yes, still I love you. Oh This is good quickly Oh, I

Should I keep you we love you we love you Well, they will always be with us She didn't keep you, we love you. We love you. Well, they will always be with us. From the cradle to the grave. And I've got to tell you something. I love you. I love your hair. How it's styled into a quiff.

Never stop raping Abby Smith Well, oh well, I've gathered you all here what? to tell why The to tell you the evil the read with evil poem. Oh who the Raven oh God I will read it Tonight Seven p.m. Perfect in the great hall. Oh, where's that?

Go down the corridor Which way are you facing? I'm near the small hall. Oh, you're near the small hall. Well, you go down the corridor. No, no, you go left. Left, left, down the corridor. And you'll see a enormous pair of double doors.

Don't go through them. Don't go through, ignore them. A little bit further. And you'll come to a small wooden gate Now at the gate. Yes, yes, yes, the gate. There's a fawn I'll ask you a riddle You will ask you a riddle and if you could answer his riddle. Yes Then he will give you a tiny flute. But you to play that flute and an eagle will pick you up by the head

And deliver you to its nest you will live amongst its eggs finally for many years Direction to the Great Hall. We're studying it. From the point of view. Oh, it's the Great Hall. Oh, my apologies. My apologies. My apologies. My apologies. Anyway, I will be in the Great Hall, yes, with the man that I love. Oh, you love him.

I love him. I love him, and I'm going to get down on one knee in the Great Hall and say, will you marry me, Mike Ball? Fingers crossed he says yes. Otherwise, I'll rape myself to death. We've got to hang on this next one. Well, first and foremost, I love you. Oh, yes. I love you. I love you. Now, for the next point of order, we need to get out of this great hall. Oh my God!

My proposal! Okay, now, thankfully, finally, it's simpler than getting into it. Thank goodness. We're already in it. It's even simpler than that. Yes, yes. You must drink this potion. Oh, I like that.

I like that. Oh, I got no more potion. No, give me your potion. Oh, have me. Wait a second. I love you. I love you. Jesus. Jesus. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Sample was that made? Oh no. Who gave you that? It was my friend Ray Braham Lincoln. Ray Braham Lincoln. Yes.

You heard me. Ray Braham, a quick drink of the potion. Oh no. Okay, quick. Before we die from this potion, yes, tell us. Well, it was given us, what, by that, that was finished of friends,

a fiendish friend, a friend, a friend, to them you must hand it. It is what? The bushband, it. Oh, the bushband. I love you. I love you. I love you.

And that concludes this week's Ray Brudwatt. Ray Brudwatt. Oh! Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom at in Lutton. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance.

I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.