Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ Jenny Bede and John Robins (Bake the bread) S10E18

Episode Date: May 4, 2020

Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” will bake the bread… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a Flatshare Slamdown!With John Robins and Jenny BedeFeatures: Boss, Taxi, Bin... AnecdoteJenny Bede ...- https://twitter.com/JennyBedeJohn Robins - https://twitter.com/nomadicreveryPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshare Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Greetings, listener, dear, pinch punch. It's something of the month. Yeah, certainly it's something of the month. It's the fifth of the month, which means that it is time for a flat-share slam down. But, do you think of the start of flat-share slam down, a bit like the duff duff sinny stenders? You know what I see? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Diggadadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggad, that bit. Yeah, before you hear the theme tune, so like the end of our little sketches,
Starting point is 00:00:34 when we shout flat-share slum down, it's like a little cliffhanger, isn't it? It's like, how are they gonna solve this beef? How are they gonna sort out this chore? How are they gonna work it out? Diggadadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggadiggad-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du- I think hopefully for listener deers they have a similar thing whenever they're about to have a row with their housemate. Wait, can I ask you a question? Wait, you said psychologically that whenever something's stressful in your life or exciting happens, you hear the duff duff duffs.
Starting point is 00:01:14 Yes. It's that true. So it's kind of like you feel like you have like a duff duff a moment, so it's like if you know, if ever like a girlfriend had said to me like, I'd sit down, there's something I need to tell you. In my head I'd be thinking, doof doof doof doof doof. When what I should only,
Starting point is 00:01:34 what I should be thinking was, oh no, I've done it again. What have I done this, what's the problem? Is it not actually Tom that you should be thinking it after they've said the thing? Because they never end the episode of East. That's the big old cliff hanger. Yeah, they'd never end East Enders with sit down, there's no need to tell you. Oh, that's why I never got the job.
Starting point is 00:01:53 That's why I never got the bloody job. I sent those scripts off in good faith. No, we just one line and the rest was drumming. Listen. was drumming. Listen. Do do do do do do an idea, did any of the characters in EastEnders, or did any of the writers ever try and get this over the line, that any of the characters in EastEnders had a drum kit? Do you think it actually had the douche, douche, douche,
Starting point is 00:02:35 and it turned out just being playing upstairs. That would be like the greatest final episode ever. I feel like the pullback of Remy or what? There's been a drummer living in the world of Square the entire time. Yeah, the entire time. Pulling the strings. What would have been good is if Sonja had had a... Also, Tom, that's not how you played the jump in the spot away, pulling strings.
Starting point is 00:02:54 Oh, right, yeah, that's right. If Sonja had a cliffhanger and the Duff Duff had been trumpeted, that would have also been a touch of class. Do you know what I mean? It wouldn't be, it wouldn't be. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh to dear, I hope that if you know in your house that you have like a okay Right, let's listen up someone shits in the sink in your head What this end is doing because I've got Wait, can we just backtrack backtrack backtrack to the city?
Starting point is 00:03:41 Can we just backtrack over the entirety of that you in okay? So listen to dear I hope that in your house you've got a right listen up. Okay, someone shit in the scene I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, They don't get it. We've got like a short hat going on. Listen to Deer and I now, there's like a tie-pissed short hat. You know, like the journalist's right in squiggles. How come you were so long? I thought it's so long though. Sorry, Clarky. I think the short hat is just Tom's talking, I'm going to switch it off a bit. He's just suggested a shit in the sink for some reason.
Starting point is 00:04:22 So what are you hoping that the listener dear has, that the idea that's in that house, when someone comes in and goes, right, listen up, we need to sort this, someone's shit in the sink, the first thing that happens in your head, I'd like a Pavlovian knee jerk kind of reaction in your head is, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- one shit in the sink and it a shit on the floor, yeah. That wasn't in his hell right now.
Starting point is 00:05:27 That was when he was older, and he was too old to get up onto the sink. So he'd pull it off the wall, and then shit in it on the floor. And then just run both taps for a little bit, and actually sort it out, and leave June Carter to sort it out, you know, to clean it up afterwards. Absolutely right. Well, but that isn't what the theme is for today's episode.
Starting point is 00:05:45 No, we'll get to the theme in a second. We'll get to the theme in just a moment. Before that, we've got to say that there's no rush. We only do about six minutes of intro. So the, what was like a short hand? It's short hand, exactly. It's just short hand intro. What we'd like to say, folks, before the episode starts,
Starting point is 00:06:01 is that if you are enjoying, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, yeah, if you're enjoying this kind of waffle where we're doing this pretty much daily, we're doing a new show called Flat Share Lockdown, which we're about sort of 16, 17 episodes into it now, and we're having so much fun and it's over on our Patreon. So go to patreon.com, forward slash pappy's flat share. And if you pledge $5 or above for the month, which is about four quid, then you get a bonus episode pretty much
Starting point is 00:06:29 every single day of the week. And we're not gonna lie to you. We're hoping lockdown never ends. We're in so good. We're having such a good time of it. Yeah, we're having such a good time. And if you are a strapped for entertainment in lockdown, this is, we recommend this highly.
Starting point is 00:06:43 They're really, really fun. And also, there are a lot more kind of interactive. People have been emailing in, we've been chatting to it to the listeners. So if you want to kind of feel like you're part of a gang in lockdown, then join the Patreon and it's Papi's flat share at Patreon. And you should find us there. They're really fun episodes anyway. I can't recommend them highly enough.
Starting point is 00:07:03 And speaking of fun episodes, the slam down today was one of our absolute favourites. Yes, great guests. We had John Robbins and Jenny Beade, John Robbins stepped in at the last minute and was absolutely wonderful. Jenny Beade, we booked her for ages and she was phenomenal. I really, really enjoyed having her on the show. She's great company, she's very, very funny. And it was the last, it was a weird one because it was the last one we did before, obviously we went into lockdown.
Starting point is 00:07:31 And it was only a few days before, like people sort of went, well, maybe we shouldn't go to pubs and then mass gatherings themselves were banned. Oh no, so if you're not, if you're nothing else, just listen back for the pure nostalgia of a live crowd and the clinking of glasses, just to listen out for those kind of things. So even if, even if our comedy isn't your taste, if our comedy's not your taste,
Starting point is 00:07:57 you've made it very far into the episodes. The background work alone in this episode should do something for you. It's our last live flat slam in the tank, so enjoy it. We're going to try and work out a way we hope of doing flat chest slam down online, possibly a way of streaming it so there's an audience. Well, I was thinking about doing it with the, using the internet. I've been looking into it. I think that's a great way. The internet might be the way to do it. I think that's a great way. Internet might be the way to do it,
Starting point is 00:08:26 because I cross by you were suggesting carrier pigeon at the start of this week. I was talking about carrier pigeon. I was thinking, I was gonna suggest that, but the last carrier pigeon I sent got and accepted by the police. I had a little backpack of ecstasy on his back. Do you not see that in the news?
Starting point is 00:08:43 Okay, nevermind. It's a gorgeous reference from Clarkie. I'll see that in the news. Okay, then, my turn. It's a gorgeous reference from Clarky. It's, uh, why did you, right, Clarky, I've got to ask you a question though, Clarky. Now, now you bring this up. Why did you put Exacy in the back? If you're, if you're just purely trading quips with people,
Starting point is 00:08:57 don't put a bag of Exacy on the back. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's the city work. It's the only work and get people to enjoy my whips. Take about a thousand ecstasy pills, and you enjoy this. Can I just say please, if you are going to take it, actually don't take a thousand, that is way too many, very dangerous.
Starting point is 00:09:16 Anyway, enjoy the episode and have a great time. Listen to this, we'll see you on the other side. Tom, hey! What's your name? What's your name? Yeah, what is it, my handsome little nugget? You wanna have some little nugget, don't you know? I'm a handsome little nugget, don't you know? I'm a handsome little nugget, handsome little nugget,
Starting point is 00:09:44 handsome little nugget, handsome little nugget, handsome little nugget, I don't know. Now listen, that was all well and good. We could all read my t-shirt, but... That neck tattoo really paid off. It's working out, but it doesn't get as any closer to this week's household chore. One of you two has got to make the bread. Oh, god.
Starting point is 00:10:03 Otherwise, we have no bread this week. Oh, Lord! Well, it's not going to be me, mate. I've already panicked bought 47 loafs. What? They're the next best thing, honestly, after the shops are out of toilet paper. Yes.
Starting point is 00:10:20 Now that's what you call a super spreader. Yes. It's not going to stay white. It's very often. Now that's what you call a super spreader. Yes. It's not going to stay white, it's very often. I'm not kidding. It's really nice to have both. This is a seated loaf. It's exfoliating guys. What about you Tom?
Starting point is 00:10:39 No it's not going to be me. I'm trying to work out a way to say... Sometimes it's best to cut out the middle man, isn't it? Yeah, erm... So, it was Beatrice Potter. Was she a character or the author? She was the author. Right, OK. So, it's her, right.
Starting point is 00:10:57 But she's in her later years. So her brown hair is no longer brown, because she's old. But she keeps bees. And one of the Coffs and that's why I haven't baked the bread because of the grey bear tricks beacoff The grey bear tricks beacoff Grey Beatrix Beatcalfe. Okay, before we start using the accent. What is it from? Rhapsody or Jordan? Oh, it's the Grey Beatrix Beatcalfe.
Starting point is 00:11:28 John, how are you feeling about your teammate right now? It's fine, it's fine again, John. Well, you were much sexier than the Spanish accent. Listen, I want to watch the Grey Beatrix. It's all well. We're still on the same accent really. Anyway, well, there's any woman to sell this. We're gonna have to have a...
Starting point is 00:11:47 Flash! Flash! Woo! Oh, it's going to be fun! Oh, it's going to be fun! It's going to be fun! Wow. Hello, and welcome to Flash Air Slam Down.
Starting point is 00:12:01 The panel show that says, you can tell the world you never was my girl, You can burn my clothes up when I'm gone. You can tell your friends, just what a fool I've been, And laughing joking about me on the phone. You can tell my arms to go back to the farm. You can tell my feet to hit the floor. Or you can tell my lips to tell my fingertips
Starting point is 00:12:26 They won't be reaching out for you no more But don't tell my heart, my baking baking heart Just don't think you'll understand And if you tell my heart, my baking baking heart Hit my glue up and kill this man Woo! I'm hosting La La blow up and kill this man. Woo! I'm hosting that little Mac, you've got a lot of... No!
Starting point is 00:12:48 It's part of the stories, bro, from the cap... ...comical shopping legged, I'm on Oxford Street. I want to end it my roof, but before my rules, I say hello to the tenant, Tom Perry, and Benedict Garth. Woo! Hi. Now, guys, some scripts get written like the others, and this one got wrote very late last night. Very, very, very late, very late last night, but baking bread Tom, my baking bread, is an activity best shared.
Starting point is 00:13:10 So who have you brought along with you this week? Well terrible news, the Jamborees in Danger. Oh no! Yes, I know. We were supposed to be performing one half of the series Little Britain, but Matt Lucas dropped out, so I got the next best thing. Someone who is little and lives in Britain. LAUGHTER It's John Robbins, everyone!
Starting point is 00:13:37 CHEERING You're not little, John. No, I'm about average. You're a bit a bit above average, actually. You don't need to blow my own trumpet, but just a couple of eights of an inshort of six foot. Never quite made it to six. Well, I think I was in my teens, but the rigors of time have played
Starting point is 00:14:00 Mary Hell with my lower vertebrae. You do shrink of a time. You do, but I mean not this early, should we? I think you carry a lot of bricks or something. They calcify the old sort of v um discs. Sorry, sorry, you were excited to be accurate. Yeah, I'm with Clark and surely you're too early to be calcifying aren't you? I've got disc issues going on. Oh you're early. Which ones? L4. The last one is we on there.
Starting point is 00:14:32 The nightmare when it's Lumber, say, cruel. Don't you really start it? Well it's great to have you on the show. Sorry, I need to fill Matt Luke's considerable shoot. It's great to have you on the show I need to fill Matt Lucas's considerable shoot. Well, I've probably got bigger feet than him 11 10 and a half in a trainer Selik, because your toes are calcified You'll be size 17, don't worry
Starting point is 00:15:04 Sorry, sorry, no, please don't, please. Every time I do this podcast, I get so drunk and I always regret. Like, I always feel like I've said too much. So, I'm just going to be quiet for the next two pun we love a pun? Um. So hey. Hey. Great for horses. Good for you. No, we got to find you.
Starting point is 00:15:32 You know we have to make some friends. Oh yeah. Well, I think Benedict should bake the bread. Oh, and why that job? Because then he'd be Benedict Bunsabatch. A Batch of Batch. Oh, my God. It's very good.
Starting point is 00:15:50 A Batch of Batch. A Batch of Batch. Benedict Bunsabatch. I'm not a Batch. Because of the goobless Sherlock Holmes. Oh, yes. My freedom. I'm not.
Starting point is 00:16:04 I can watch the two levels then, doesn't it? I can't watch the two levels then, doesn't it? I can't watch the two levels then, doesn't it? I can't watch the two levels then, doesn't it? I can't watch the two levels then, doesn't it? I can't watch the two levels then, doesn't it? I can't watch the two levels then, doesn't it? I can't watch the two levels then, doesn't it?
Starting point is 00:16:20 I can't watch the two levels then, doesn't it? I can't watch the two levels then, doesn't it? I can't watch the two levels then, doesn't it? I can't watch the two levels then, doesn't it? I really don't know about baking your own... About baking your own reds. And about... I wouldn't cut that out, I've wasn't written down. I don't know who gets cut out. I've written down cut bakers I do shbags. Cut bakers I do shbags. Yeah, I don't want that going out on the podcast
Starting point is 00:16:34 because I don't actually agree with what I said. I just... I just don't know what you're saying. I'll just go out now. Yeah, well, yeah, that's fine. You can do a live reduction now. Yeah, so I just, you know, it's been a lot, I've had quite stressful day and I was just lashing out that people would make bread.
Starting point is 00:16:48 LAUGHTER It's not their fault. This is one of the things that you do, you know. What okay, believer? What you do? LAUGHTER Here we go! CHEERING With that, Siklaki, who have you brought along with you?
Starting point is 00:17:06 I have bought the other half of my dance duo. It's Jenny Bees! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE And for the listener, I hope they are throwing down Samu! Oh, my God! My two becoming one. It was really synchronised. That was amazing. Thank you, your practice. It makes perfect. So, guys, it's great to have you both that was amazing. Thank you, your practice. So, it makes perfect.
Starting point is 00:17:25 So, guys, it's great to have you both on the show. Thank you. Very nice to be here. Thank you. Take a knee for a second. Jenny, what kind of... Jenny, what kind of... I've had this because of yours, of course.
Starting point is 00:17:37 Actually, none because I'm actually very, very young. Oh, you. I'm nine. No. I used to work for spinal surgeon, so I do know a lot about it. So if you want to talk about like the L4, L5, L5S1, then let's do it in the interval. No, but come see me if you need some.
Starting point is 00:17:58 What did you do at the spinal surgery? I was a personal assistant. He also was a brain surgeon, but my favorite thing was to take, oh yeah, I went for brain surgeon, and then people would think I'm a brain surgeon, and then you get, guys, not brain surgery, a lot. If I went to a brain surgeon, and he said, I'm also a spinal surgeon, I'd probably say, I'd rather go with someone who sort of picked his teeth. Because you get the feeling when he's had a couple of drinks,
Starting point is 00:18:27 you guys will also do the legs as well. Yeah, I guess we're going fingers, what's the point of that? I think we'll link up on how hard can it be? Fingers are just like sort of small long brains. Oh my god. Five facts. I'm going to have five little spines for him. And fingers, a lot like Dix. Fingers are a lot of things, while do you think? Five facts. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge.
Starting point is 00:18:45 I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge.
Starting point is 00:18:53 I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge.
Starting point is 00:19:01 I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge. And you're talking about the word, turdjid, maybe think of this. There was a lovely little instrument to use chart thing in his office. Did he also cut hair? LAUGHTER Depends which hair. Because yes.
Starting point is 00:19:15 But there was this chart of things that people that went in with erectile problems. And there's no shame, guys. There's absolutely no shame. People went into erectile problems, got to press on the... So it was like five to one, like how hard you got. There's five times near lunch. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:19:30 Oh my god. That was a great bit of business. LAUGHTER She said it was five to one and I said, well, it was nearly lunch. Yeah, and it was always delicious. It was just so much. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:19:42 So what? I'll stay with you. Fight to one. And you're not standing up and applauding that. Straight on you. Yeah, where on the charts are you, mate? I'm going to carry on, mate. So, yeah, so what, so, there was a chart you pressed to say how hard.
Starting point is 00:19:58 It's not so much press, it's like these little, like knobs, that you feel that made a different thing. Like, you know how they say, how do you want your steak cut? And like, one's your nose, one's your forehead, one's your chin. How would you like a steak cut? Fully turd you could. It's like they're gonna be on the sun. Different hardness levels.
Starting point is 00:20:17 And they had a thing that if like a man was trying to explain how hard he could get or not. They bring you in and say, I press Jenny's nose. It's not me who's how hard he could get or not. They bring you in and say, I press Jenny's nose. LAUGHTER Is that what you're not doing right now? Pressing his nose, if you're not tortured, then you're dead. LAUGHTER It's a very nice nose.
Starting point is 00:20:34 It's a very nice nose. So, we have met our contestants. CHEERING But let's find out who's the best things in sliced bread. We played, Ralph Wanda. CHEERING Let's find out who's the best things in sliced bread. We play round one! See, yeah, there's so much nice bread. I'm so glad you did it. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:20:56 Oh, you see, yeah, I forgot your needs. Have a rice cake with seeds, not that scum. That's not the one Eating high tea in the afternoon with a sea yak In the long run to the rest The bugs that face the heaven scent But you keep hanging on that you're intolerant See, yeah, there's so much nice breath But if you eat it, you're dead, I'm so sorry
Starting point is 00:21:33 Oh, you see, yeah, you've gone too free So you're dead to me, that's all Don't go on There's none, none gone gone gone. LAUGHTER CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE It got some great insult called about diabetes as well, so... LAUGHTER ..that'll be round two. This round, round one.
Starting point is 00:22:01 CHEERING This round is called, oh balls. I'm in our age contestant to tell us about a regretful moment from their life. However, I would like them to hide it amongst two made up stories. It's up to the opposite team to separate the genuine dough from the complete balls. So you get five points. You get five points for guessing the truth correctly. I'll also order an extra point for any fictions I particularly enjoy
Starting point is 00:22:25 So Tom, we're gonna start with you. Well your category is the biggest lie you've ever told Ben and Jenny you have to work out which tail of lying is actually It's like the ice cream Sorry Ben and Jerry carry on He's like the ice cream and the jelly. Yeah, he's like the ice cream. You're so...
Starting point is 00:22:50 Paul and of you are adept at keeping the ball in the air. I love it. What, mate? In January, it took me by surprise. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry, I break the podcast. You know what, you didn't break the podcast. You just broke me. So, Tom, we like three stories from you.
Starting point is 00:23:18 One of which is true. Two of which are lies about the biggest lie you've ever told. If this was an M night Shyamalan film, the true one would also be a lie. That would also break the podcast. I was trying to think of a way to be like, number one, I've never lied. Oh yes. Therefore a lie. Number two, I tell the truth, but I always lie. Yeah. Number three, the biggest lie ever Tom's on a podcast where I lied,
Starting point is 00:23:50 I have never lied. Holy shit. Inception. Tom, that has blown my mind, but then I am very thick. Like, yes, Tom then I am very thick. Oh, yes, go on. That has been what? Tom, let's have your first... I like my parents about the degree that I was doing at university.
Starting point is 00:24:18 Okay. Are we allowed to interrogate at this point? No. I'll be talking to you. Not at this point. Let's hear all three of them. I'm not going to interrogate at this point? No. I don't think so. Not at this point. Let's hear all three of them. They want to interrogate. I lied to my dying man
Starting point is 00:24:32 that I was in a relationship concurrently with two actresses. LAUGHTER I believe one part of that. LAUGHTER I believe one part of that. I have never told a lie. Okay. Any questions?
Starting point is 00:25:01 Many, thank you very much. Okay. And what degree did you tell your parents you do? I told them I did biology. What did you do? English literature and drama. Fair enough. I think that one checks out. Talk to me about your name, how long ago did she die?
Starting point is 00:25:17 Yeah, great question. And how? No. There's a few years ago. I'm getting ready. Oh, do I interrogate? You're on my team. And how? No. There's a few years ago. And get me to the week. Oh, do I interrogate? You're on my team. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:25:29 No more questions, you're on. The defence rass. Wow. Ben and Jenny. It's like that's good. Ben and Jenny. Yeah. Fish foods, I think.
Starting point is 00:25:41 That was a real way home. But I got it. Ben and Jenny, why. Fish food, I think. What? That was a real way home, but I got it. Ben and Jenny, why are you thinking at the moment? What's... Talk us through it. What? We're talking about the erection chart again. And he's currently on a three and a half.
Starting point is 00:25:56 And I'm going to get high. What we're saying is that we think the mid... So we don't think it's the last one, because we've caught him in a line many times. We think it's probably not the... Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio yn ymlaen, mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gwe TV program like, like, something like that. Say, broad church. And she was asking how you were. And to make her feel better, and to let her know that you were doing what, that's going to be a little more void.
Starting point is 00:26:31 I just, I'm waiting to see which two broad church people are doing. Something like that. And then you were like, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, I'm going to be fine. And don't worry about me. I'm going out with Olivia Coleman and Jodie Whittaker. What's that? Is that the correct?
Starting point is 00:26:47 The- is the correct line. Yes. Tell us about it. My man was on her way, and I had just moved- Sorry, can I have a look? I can't. What? The character on her farm, she's fine, you know.
Starting point is 00:27:03 We just got to go and visit her. She's fine, all the better apparently. I had just in London, I just moved in to live with two actresses as my flatmates and my nan in her mind. She was a bit confused at the time. When my mum told her that I was now living with two actresses, thought that I was in an active relationship with both of them. And I just didn't really, A, want to go into the details of correcting it, but B, I did quite like the idea that I was actually thinking that was up to. And I think when she left this earth,
Starting point is 00:27:37 that's what she thought I was up to. Sorry, it's a space farm. LAUGHTER She's on the space farm. She's not in Elmay! One day we'll all be on the space for a month. Not in Elmay. One day we'll all be on the space for a minute. So yeah, that's the worst I ever told. I think.
Starting point is 00:27:54 Well, I'm going to give the full five points there to Jenny and Ben. Yeah. Where are you living with Olivia Coleman and Jenny? Oh, yes, it was. Yeah. Okay. Next up, let's have Jenny. Your category is most embarrassing moments. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:12 Tom and John, which one is true? It's called a tree blue. Like, yeah, Tom and John dies, OK. Yeah, of course. OK, so most embarrassing moment. We'll look at the end of it. Yes, one's real, two are fake. So I was in Budgens in Chizek, and this is earlier this week, I was buying some
Starting point is 00:28:34 lure oil quite a lot. And I bumped into Aunt La Parkland from Antendeck, and he looked at what I was biting and he went, so one needs a big shit and instead of just leaving it that I said, wait, man! You did a well-shattered, so I had a heart attack. Exactly, very embarrassing. So you lied about shitting to Edmund Parkland or you've all done it? We've all done it, yes. My most embarrassing... Sorry, we've not about lying, is it all done it, we've all done it. My most embarrassing...
Starting point is 00:29:05 Most strange, we've got about lying, is it? Of course, do you? That was one of my most embarrassing, another most embarrassing thing. My boyfriend's called Dan. I also have a dad called Dad. And... LAUGHTER I once... I never get to believe this. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Biggest coincidence in the world. LAUGHTER It's mad. But I, yeah, I once texted, I thought I was texting down, something along the lines of, I hope you're turdured because I'm worried. I've got the one. But I sent it to my dad.
Starting point is 00:29:41 Quite amazing. And number three is I once was in the audience of a TV game show and didn't know I could be seen. And I just had a really annoying nail and I was kind of like fighting at it. And for a year afterwards everyone asked me if did you ever get that thing out your teeth? That's a bad one. No, the last one was. You're striking that one for the record.
Starting point is 00:30:20 The last one was I was in an audition for like a French chocolate and I had to do a love scene with man. My agent hadn't told me that there were scenes to learn in fucking French. So I get there and I said I hadn't learnt it and they said we'll just make something up. So I did but it wasn't French. So you went into this audition and you spoke kind of cod French. Yeah, see, we or A. Weaeman. Okay, which one of those do you think is the lie? Now it all rests on one big play there.
Starting point is 00:31:00 I think we could agree. The dummy. Was it the fain? Was it the fain? Was it the bead term? The platinum. The old bead one, two. The discarded badlite. The drop of the shoulder.
Starting point is 00:31:15 Oh, the wit of the crowd. Is the discarded badlite, me thinks, being replaced with truth? The alabide. LAUGHTER Jacques Hughes, yeeeh, Jenny. The human Alabide. Of a taboo.
Starting point is 00:31:36 Alive and breathe. A rather well rehearsed lie to replace your suddenly, mmm, discarded lie... I think it's the middle one. I think it's the middle one. LAUGHTER I... Yeah. Which one was that one to remind us again?
Starting point is 00:31:53 Well, I think that's... A budget in Chizic. I think... That was not... That was not... There's no budget in Chizic. In fact, it's... It's a fucking is.
Starting point is 00:32:03 I think... Dan Dad dad is too neat. All the ends tied together a little bit. And I wonder if he's the open though. Beed, Coyf turn, and damn dad think. Well, you try the girlfriend called Mom. LAUGHTER And she's a young and well. friend called Mom. I reckon it might be Faux French. What was the TV game show? What was the game show you have the audience for? What was it? Why are you asking that question? That one's been stripping from the record. Yeah, I know, but it's very unorthodox. Get the signal, but not a little bit.
Starting point is 00:32:45 You bet. You're an old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old old Are we going to go down that? You going down that? But I'd like the record to state that I think it's actually another one, but let's go down and see that little sip there as well. Oh, she did it look like a sip of a winner's sip or a winner's sip. Just try and keep up with you, can't! I actually want to stake my claim, Fred. How? On faux French. Just letting you know I'm having a drink, is that it?
Starting point is 00:33:29 We're not going to Dan Dad, we're going with faux French. You're going faux French. You thought it was Dan Dad. You're going faux French. This is very exciting, Jenny. Oh, it's faux fucking... That is how it's right. What do you want? What do you want?
Starting point is 00:33:46 But what a move. What a move. It's like gorgeous at that. I didn't know if anyone saw Mane hit the crossbar. If that had gone in, what you attempted there was just a whole new horizon. Or in this round. Yeah. You attempted.
Starting point is 00:34:05 Yeah. I'll admit, because I won't know what- Because otherwise we won't get the reference. So John's gonna do 40 different lies. All of which are discards. Exactly. So John, I would like you to tell us all about your worst date. Okay.
Starting point is 00:34:22 Ben and Jenny, can you see- Oh, why the ice cream? What's wrong? Can you split the kernel of truth from the great big turd of deception? That's my score? Glad it's caught on though. It's not the ice cream. Go on turd of deception.
Starting point is 00:34:41 It's funny you should introduce these truths and lies in that way because they are all I've been on many dates in my life But there have been toilet incidents at every single one So I stopped going on them Just unless you're fully just purged. There's no point. It's too stressful So fully purged yeah, so any other day before nothing at all in your system don't take on any food or water because your body will betray you. I actually seen the film the purge but it's not what the purge is because one day in the year and that's a shit yourself. I mean And it has to sequel the turd. So, I once, due to a frosted glass incident, got into an argument with a girl I was on a date with about whether I'd washed my hands,
Starting point is 00:35:40 which prematurely ended the date, because I decided to stand my ground, having not washed my hand. Day story number two, in a brief but fruitful period of wearing eyeliner. I went on the date, realizing I wasn't wearing my trademark eyeliner. So halfway through, went to the toilet to apply it. After applying one eye, realised that she might think it was weird that I returned from the toilet with eyeliner, so got into quite panicky state, decided to do the other one nonetheless, poked myself in the eye with the eyeliner, staking up one of those red blood blood eyes. So I returned from the toilet with one eye with eyeliner, one eye like I sort of burst of love vessels,
Starting point is 00:36:35 sort of to car crash. I mean where do you, how do you explain that? Finally, when I was invited back to a girl's house after a date, I went to the toilet and desperate need of what I would call severe toilet. But she had known, not a piece of the tur're just a business manager. You're talking minus five. It's basically steam. LAUGHTER You've raped a shit! LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:37:17 Oh, man. So she had... Like, you know when a toilet lock is just really nice and chunky and makes you feel so safe like you could just stay there for the rest of your life. She had like the budgetist toilet lock and as I went to open it so I kind of thought I got away with the whole thing because she had a big loud fan and I ran a tap and she'd just been for a wee so I knew I had 20 minutes minimum to just clear the zone and but I went to and it was one of those ones where the actual nut screws in and it
Starting point is 00:38:01 came off in my hand and it did sheered off because the metal was so cheap. So I was locked in. It kind of sounds like you're blaming her for this. Well I know I'm blaming whoever fitted the lock. Um. Cames. That's pleating. So near the long story short.
Starting point is 00:38:19 Long story short. Long story short, it ended with her kicking down the door to free me and being met by my asthma. The almost caused her to pass. So you're, it was a bit like that bit in stars in the rise when they come out the stick. So my nephew, I'm going to be singing Vapeshitt. But he left Beatles song. So Nightmare, you aren't going to be singing Vapeshit. But it was a bit of a song. It was such a balancing act because it was like,
Starting point is 00:38:50 the longer I wait in here, the more it will clear before I eventually tell her I needed to get me out. But the longer I take the more it's going to be clear what I'm doing, but the short, it was just, I was spitting plates, guys. Sure. It's a numbers game. Yeah So right all very believable stories I am the golden pen So which one are you leading towards or away from I I've got a feeling right here's my theory, here's my theory on this. Is that they're all true stories. Oh great. I just think that one of them, he considers the worst
Starting point is 00:39:30 out of the three. I totally agree with that, then. Okay, okay. And weirdly, as someone that I would call, I'd say, I'd say John's a friend. If this is about bad day stories, you're my girlfriend's friend. I'm pretty bad at yours.
Starting point is 00:39:42 I'm pretty good at having a girlfriend's time. Yeah. Um, no, but I'm like, I'm a girlfriend, still. No, but I... If this is your worst date, so I've heard a story worse than all of this. Oh, it's cold. Oh, it's cold. It's cold. This is interesting.
Starting point is 00:40:01 This is an unusual technique in this game. Right. Right. When you told me, do you remember I had a distant look in my eye? Yeah, I said to you, I'm going to be asking you about your worst date, and you had shuddered you in, well I'm just thinking of the story that I'm not going to tell. I didn't hear that again. But I don't know what your one is, because I but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but Joe Lyson, Joe Lyson. He's hot-flowsing.
Starting point is 00:40:47 Good luck, Greg. Good luck, man. Um... Oh. I've made it weird. Should we talk in the end? No, let's have it. Because he can always not make the podcast.
Starting point is 00:41:04 Give it there all here. There's 120 podcasts sitting in front of us. Every person you meet a podcast. Taxi. Taxi. OK, bin. Gosh, taxi. Be.
Starting point is 00:41:23 What are you? What are you getting? This is like an improv game for me. This is basically the next round we're gonna play. Boss Taxi bin. Maybe I'm thinking of someone else. Yeah, so. What are you thinking?
Starting point is 00:41:37 I'm not. So, I think... I don't know, I don't know. For starters, I haven't been on a day in years. This was a long time ago. This was before we either of us were with people or other people. I got by you. You're too old.
Starting point is 00:41:52 Whoa! Whoa! Hold tight. Yes, it was me. I ended up getting a lip-bend with my boss. The brain searching. He operated and John was in a taxi. No, this was, yeah, this was when, do you know, we were single at the same time, but a little
Starting point is 00:42:15 bit sad. So it was probably in that period. I'm going to say, I'm going to say hand washing. Oh yeah, the game. Oh, I need to know. Can you whisper it? Yeah, whisper it behind the way from the microphone. And in the meantime, thanks for coming guys.
Starting point is 00:42:38 What do we think it is? John was working as a taxi driver, and he shacked his boss in a bit. Right? It can't be much more than that. I'm not the way that there's not been a flick of recognition yet. There he goes, there he is. Oh, dang it. New...
Starting point is 00:42:59 Bang! We have homeless, though, but he has finally got beat. And minegames have worked once again. And John looks physically ill. But only they throw you off your games for. I should have gone Bostaxi bit. Well I tell you what, is this a special treat? You guys wish one and then we'll do a boss taxi a minute at the end.
Starting point is 00:43:25 So it's a hand washing, a hand washing. There was the guy liner and there was the... Fates, they fake. So I would say hands, there was a certain amount of sort of... He was still pissed off about that or when he talked about it, you know? Yeah, I see that, yeah. I didn't know John during the eyeliner days, did you? No.
Starting point is 00:43:42 But I do believe it as well. It's a very... They were all very well told. Exactly. Which makes me think he's a terrible liar. during the eyeliner days, did you? No. But I do believe it as well. They were all very well told. Exactly. Which makes me think it's a terrible liar. You can use a ring or a wonderful story to them. Yeah. Oh.
Starting point is 00:43:55 Come on, get the big piece of art. I reckon, I reckon, I reckon vapes shit, just because it was the most I've ever had. Oh, no, I think it's definitely not vapes shit. Okay. And that's what I meant. No, wait. Not that one. Great people.
Starting point is 00:44:07 Let's go with the line one. Let's go with the first one. Okay. Yeah, we're going to go for the hand-watching. Was it the hands-washing John? Yes, it was. Yay! All right, boys.
Starting point is 00:44:19 The ice cream. I'm going to give you a third point for your fantastic stories because I couldn't tell which ones were around. Oh, thank you. The other ones weren't true. Oh, well done. Wow, really, really, really good. Clarke, you will do your end on Boss TaxiBit, how's that? Okay. Alright, so Clarke, the paraphrase, me would back, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies,
Starting point is 00:44:39 and one truth about your worst mistake at work. Okay. Clarke's worst mistake at work. Okay. Clarke's worst mistake at work. Three, please. The big lie here is going to be that Ben's had a job. LAUGHTER It's funny because it's true. Okay, so I had a job at McDonald's,
Starting point is 00:44:58 where I was asked to go and clean the car part with a bin bag and a little boss car bumping. I felt like, where are these ideas are coming from. And I got confused and went out to the bins, the back bins that were in their own section and got locked and that door was like a fire escape, we got locked it and I couldn't get to the car park bit and it was full of rats and I got very panicky and away. I was backing on the door and no one could get me out to climb up onto a bin and over the fence and by the time I got back into the restaurant I was crying. Gosh, it's very on-brand.
Starting point is 00:45:51 And then, okay, so the second one, I worked at the Mollinue Restaurant, Syjax, Syjax. And... Sorry, I didn't... What did you just say? Oh, sorry. Back to the app. The football stadium, the football stadium
Starting point is 00:46:07 Wolverhampton's called the Mollin' U. Okay, good. I thought you were talking about Texas French again. And they got like a kind of fancy restaurant in a concert jacks and I worked as a waiter there. And I was pretty terrible at it and I had a big bowl of roast potatoes that I was trying to sell for service onto a plate around a big table and I dropped three of the potatoes
Starting point is 00:46:33 into a HODLATEDY's hamnet. And I noticed I did it and she didn't. So I decided just to carry on. Just to carry on, she had to grab you in there as well. But someone from across the table did see me and they told my manager what had happened and she took me into the kitchen and shouted at me in front of the chefs and I cried. Okay, third one please.
Starting point is 00:47:12 And the third one was I worked at a pizza place in Sonnyville, Hampton and I had an order through that with extra garlic on the pizza we had a garlic shaker and a mixed herb shaker and I thought because I was young and an idiot that garlic was green because in the garlic red you get the little green bits and I thought that was the garlic so I put mixed herbs on the pizza and the boss was very upset with me, he fired me and shouted at me in front of the drivers and I... OK. Very moving stories from Clarky there.
Starting point is 00:47:58 I've got a couple of thoughts. OK, any questions you want to ask, give anything like that or just want to talk through there. In the first story you told, which I believe was about McDonald's, your eyebrows were very high for much of the story. Was like the archers of McDonald's. The golden archers, he's a company man. How do you...
Starting point is 00:48:22 Look, so quick, every week. They're very quick, his voice. Quick voice. How do you do that? This is the only thing we do. We don't do anything else. The only time I'm out of the house. Well, I've got one more question and I'm going to defer to Perry
Starting point is 00:48:44 because I think he's got more null on this. I think if you get fired for putting mixed herbs on a pizza instead of garlic, that's harsh because I've had, you know, I would say one in three pizzas I've ordered with my special requirements. Those requirements have not been fulfilled by the pizza chef. Can I interject on also what your special requirements are, please? I want the vegan pizza, but I also want anchovies,
Starting point is 00:49:14 so I don't want you to press me too hard. LAUGHTER Yes, I'll, yes, I'll. LAUGHTER I just want you to accept what I'm asking for as if I was anyone else. I don't want I don't to enter into a moral maze about what I'm ordering. Not too much to ask. No, it's not because I want the vegan pizza pizza. I'm not fucking, I'm a foxie.
Starting point is 00:49:40 Every time I come on this podcast, you get me drinks. And I go, I mean, it's absolutely insane. I've made a fool of myself to call him in the morning and in the apologise. And last time it was advocate, and it's time he's skinny, and sometimes I don't know what it is. You're about to tell the story that you regret. To be fair, after the show, once you've gone, Tom Ben and I are going to be actually pissing ourselves that you called it Peter.
Starting point is 00:50:13 We really don't. We're going to rinse the file, but you know, you're not going to worry about that. Well, no big of a picture. Have you never had a picture on a pizza? I have a fruit pizza. Yeah, a pizza. There we go. So, but I'm going to defer to Tom, because I'm guessing you know where Ben has worked over the years.
Starting point is 00:50:31 I do, I mean like we, yeah, I think all of those stories are true. No one's pulling that. Short live stint at McDonald's, I think he definitely works. We're going to go to the third one, I think. Garlic and parsley. I know that one definitely happened, but I don't know if it's as worst. Clarky?
Starting point is 00:50:50 Which one is true, please? Final one's true. Ah! It's the right one, thank you. I can't believe there's such a problem. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was thinking. I feel like that was probably the last straw, though.
Starting point is 00:51:04 What have you do before? Yeah. I'll put pictures on a pizza. I don't know. So, uh, right, we've got to hear. So I went on a date and I have a bizarrely bad record with going on dates with a person I'm going on the date with. Ends up doing something with someone
Starting point is 00:51:25 else during our date. So anyway I'm on this date and I really like her man. You like her man? Yeah that's what I'm getting off with. Nice man you got there. Just years ago we're on the date, we're in a pub, which is a shit pub, but I kept my mouth shut. I knew other pubs nearby that were better pubs, but for some reason, we're in the worst possible pub you would go to in that area. Anyway, we're having a few drinks.
Starting point is 00:51:57 This woman comes over and chats to the government of the date with, and she goes away, and she says, um, and I said,, oh who's that? She says, oh that's my boss. Tick. Fine. So anyway, the date's going well. I'm pretty sure we had a kiss in the pub that I'd go outside for, I think, a fat, I didn't
Starting point is 00:52:22 want some smoking, so it wouldn't have been a fag, but is this been? No, no, no, I think you were going home together. This was your second date or so. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think you went outside to wait for her in a... Yes, that's true. I booked an Uber, that's it.
Starting point is 00:52:36 I booked an Uber for us to go back to my house. Yeah, boss, is it boss tax even? Yeah, it isn't it. So anyway, I booked an Uber for us to go back to mine because I just can't chill out about anything I'm waiting on the street corner To make sure I get the Uber I turn around She's in the pub getting off with her boss So I cancel the Uber incurring a five pound char
Starting point is 00:53:03 So I cancelled the Uber incurring a five-pound charler. LAUGHTER I go back in and I kind of go, hey, what the other one's gone over to another part of the bar. I say, hey, what the hell's going on? I thought we were on a date. That's like, I'm not a, not very good expressing anger, but I think I said something like, I think I'd be justified in being quite annoyed about it
Starting point is 00:53:28 And she went oh what are you like offended and I was like no of course, well, yeah Perhaps not for the reason she think I might it's chilled guys Christ is 2012 Me ourselves and I said but that's quite rude to do that. And she was like, oh, well, I've had sex with her. Does that annoy you? And I was like, I don't really care. That's not relevant. And then, and then she sort of started to get apologetic and said, I'm so sorry. And then I booked another Uber. And then we get in the Uber. And then the Uber pulls up and we get in and then we immediately pull up to a red light. Her phone goes, she answers it and she then like says like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah of course yeah hangs up and I say so what's is everything good and she goes I've got to go just gets out of the Uber It goes back into the bar and I'm now trapped in an Uber staring down the back barrel of another five pound And Uber driver says what should I do so I say just pull over
Starting point is 00:54:39 next to a bin I to a bed. I just say, well, I pull over because I think I don't know what's going on and then I call her and she's like, oh, I think I might stay here for a bit. I'm like, how was this happened again? Another one years ago. And then after about five minutes, I say 16, which I would just drive. Is the only time in my life, I think, I actually said to a taxi driver just anyway. Yeah, I don't care. If you two go, it's a bit. We're currently crying. So anyway, I'd never saw again.
Starting point is 00:55:24 She was flaky. So where did the bin come from? Yeah, it came from the flaky bit. So you were like, I can't believe I even got sucked into this. She's not like, she's not my type and that she's really flaky and all over the place. I mean, for God's sake, the other day, she dropped, I couldn't get hold of her in a time so I was like, is because she dropped her phone in a bit. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE
Starting point is 00:55:47 I was like, that was well worth it. APPLAUSE Which, when I now hear it back, sounds like a lie. LAUGHTER I'm going to give a bonus point to John for the story, but a bonus point to Jenny as well for the assist on that. So at the end of that round, producer Gwynn, can you tell us the scores please? The scores are Ben and Jenny have 11 and Tom and Jon have 12. Oh ho!
Starting point is 00:56:21 So if you're following Jon in the lead, then still Jon,erry to get their bread, bread, bread, redemption apart too. We can follow these possibly groovy adverts. See you in a bit, Spain! Woo! Welcome back to this bread themed episode of Flaxia Slam Down! Woo! Slice to see you! To see you! Slice! Now, before the break, Tom and John, we're in the lead with 12 points to 11,
Starting point is 00:56:49 but neither team is bread in the water, they're still trying to chart the turn over a new loaf, as we palm us into round two, it's flat games! Lovely to get the... Games! Lovely forever! All the dice spin that thing!
Starting point is 00:57:06 Do as you're told! Gaze! Gaze! When you get go! Go! No! No! Nice!
Starting point is 00:57:22 We simply don't have time for you guys to do this! Yes! I'd love to hear that gold all night, but I'm afraid you have to hear our bronze. So, yes, it's flat games where we play our version of Sharad, which we're calling I'd Sharad to say it out loud. Yes please. So, I'm asking for a paper you just said. It doesn't hold up.
Starting point is 00:57:41 I'm going to give you a combination of films, books and TV show titles. You have to describe as many as you can to your teammate in the space of one minute. However, you can only use four words to do so. Four words. Four words. Obviously, you can't say any of the words. You can't say any of the words in the title. You can't go sounds like either. And one of those words might want to be TV, book or film. So basically
Starting point is 00:58:09 you've got that three words, okay? So they'll get a point for each one, their teammate, sorry, sorry. Thank you. They'll get a point for each one their teammate guess is correctly. We're going to start with John. John, here are your ten. I'll let you take the envelope there. Guilty as charm. You haven't been served, mate. That's just a... That's just a piece of paper. Okay, I'm not going over yet. So the time has come start.
Starting point is 00:58:40 All right. I just need total focus. Sorry. So this is articulate. I just need simplicity focus. Sorry, man. Can I just say this is articulate? Yes. I just need simplicity of thought. I love this. OK, so if you're looking for simplicity of thought,
Starting point is 00:58:52 I'm your guy. OK? Please let your three work. You're taxi, man. You're time. Start now. TV moniker Chandler, friends. Film Abba Songs. Mamamir. Mamamir too. Now TV Monica Chandlery friends film abba songs
Starting point is 00:59:06 Mamma Mia Mamma Mia too. No, that's fine. Peter Fowl book Lolita film first 3d aliens Avatar correct TV soap opera London East Enders TV drama nuclear explosion Chernobyl Strong man and Pass film looking for fish Finding the Ema Film stabbing in shower
Starting point is 00:59:51 Psycho TV celebrities get chased The chase Hunted Correct There we go that was strong that was back on the minute And if you can guess what was it called strong man and Book strong man and okay book strong man and if you can get it inside the next five seconds. I'll give it you strong man and
Starting point is 01:00:17 Urquil puro He is a very famously a strong man. Is it? It's got a strong man. But start of course he's a strong man He's a very famous, he's a strong man, isn't he? He's got a strong man, but of course he's a strong man. Can you put us all, if that's it, does the audience know what it is? It is a nice image. One point in the audience, very, very strong work there. Well, that was really, really good though.
Starting point is 01:00:38 So, how many points did John and Tom score there, please, producer Gwyn? They scored 9 out of 10. 9 out of 10. 9 out of 10. Yeah, right. We're on the other hand. There is. It's for improvement. But it is unlikely.
Starting point is 01:00:55 Next up, it's Jenny. Jenny, those are your films, TV shows and books. Your time. Wait, no, I haven't got a book. I'm giving you a time, sorry. I'm giving you a time, don't worry. Your time. I'm a potential over there don't worry. Okay, yeah, when you're tired. Your tie is a tension over there.
Starting point is 01:01:05 Big ins, now. Book, God's word. The Bible. Film, let it go. Oh, a phrase. Film, Bruce Whiz, the name, yeah. TV, home, home, home. No, I take it back.
Starting point is 01:01:30 Home in a way? No, sorry. You've had your words, you can't take it back. I'll come back to that. I'm home in home. Number five is a book and it's about... Hold tight, hold it. Three, four words.
Starting point is 01:01:41 I had it about, we're out. Okay, that's it. It's a. How did it about, without, okay, I said, it's a book and it's about, it's a book and we've had the Bible. Okay, Clara and now, it's about, you're onto the next one, you've got 50 seconds. Okay, film, Henson Ryan. Henson Ryan.
Starting point is 01:01:59 Henson Ryan. Henson Ryan, you've got mail, was that the, TV, Sandra and Sandra. That's your time, I'm afraid. Oh! Okay, I'm gonna just, how'd you go to you've got mail before sleep, the since the asshole? I don't know, but he did it, was right.
Starting point is 01:02:16 It was amazing, it was amazing. So, how do we go? Have you got any idea what, have you got any idea what home home home my thing You can show in a minute paper but everyone can see you Er any one of the audience here It's location location location So I should have said place place place. Okay. Now this is a really tricky one. You're the same place away. It's a book about You just have to place it away. It's a book about... Anyone got it's a book about it.
Starting point is 01:02:47 If you get it... So, again... Bridget Jones' diary. No, I didn't do it. No, it was it. Is it the A to Z? It was not the A to Z, no. Can I give a visual clip?
Starting point is 01:02:57 Is it in a book of records? It's not the G in a book of records. It's how we play. You can give a visual clip. A book. I'm going to give a visual clip. This'm going to give visual kiss. Favourite thing, it's an audio. Yes! It was Charlie in the chocolate factory, of course, a book about. We'll know that. What was the visual clue for the rest of our audience? I was very surprised
Starting point is 01:03:19 to have a blueberry. Thank you very much. Yeah, Vrugas will tell you to a blueberry, which we... Sorry, I was shouting out to Richard. Okay, you're okay, you're okay. Producer, Quint. How many points did Jenny and Benny score there? Four points. Four points. Okay, straight. Oh.
Starting point is 01:03:38 Tom, those are yours. Routon, simplestive thought, Tom. I'm going to be a man. That I can't for you, man. Those are your titles and your one minute begins now. TV, music playing, movement! Top of the pops. No, what?
Starting point is 01:04:03 Look, vampire, old, Kir's not. Look, vampire, old, K-rank killer. Yes, film. Oh, not a tiger. Limeewitch and wardrobe. Oh, fuck that. Not a tiger. A lion. Yes, but what kind of lion?
Starting point is 01:04:27 A cast. TV. Music. Something facial. You are shitter. Music, something facial. That was the first one. Music, something facial. It's quickly come dancing. That was the first one. Music, something moving.
Starting point is 01:04:47 Five seconds. Film, gangster, boss, dad. And Godfather. Yes. That's your time, I'm afraid. Oh, fuck me, man. Hey, hey, hey. What part of brutal simplicity for a person
Starting point is 01:05:01 contains saying words very slowly? How simple is it? it's on half speed. LAUGHTER Parry sets his brain half-spares. What do you want to do that? TV ballroom show. Book, vampire, film, royal, not tiger. It's not a tiger, the life of a party. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 01:05:24 TV, film Michael Bay sexist. I'm not a tiger, the lion. I'm a toy of life of pie. I'm a TV. TV. Spider-Man. Film Michael Bay sexist. TV. All of Michael Bay's films are sexist. All of the film. Film card that's Batman. I can't just...
Starting point is 01:05:36 LAUGHTER Games, you've got to be good. LAUGHTER Going to games, let's play together actually, don't tell me. It's slightly different, show. Games, you've got to be good. End of jingle. That's fun.
Starting point is 01:05:56 That's fun. You took win. How many points did Tom and John score, please? That broke my heart. Two points. Two points. I've got a strong two points. How many points did Tom and John score, please? Two points. Two points. Two points. We got the godfather, didn't we? They did get the godfather.
Starting point is 01:06:13 I guess that. We got the godfather. Ben, those are yours. I'm going to face you guys, but largely because Robin's just seeing so much is actually making you a grab set. Can I come and sit with you? Yeah. I've told you before Tom, no.
Starting point is 01:06:38 Right. Here we go, Ben. Those are your ten titles. Your time begins. Now, TV, you're fired. The apprentice. Film, not eight. Nine, ocean select, it's seven. Yeah, it's like three.
Starting point is 01:07:00 TV, old stuff expensive? The antique grocery store? Yeah! Book, white rabbit, late. The Alice Munga Lange. Film, marmalade sandwiches. Paddington, next. TV, next. C.B. Audition.
Starting point is 01:07:27 Ex-sacrash. Yes, yes. Book. Ten seconds. No, sorry. I'll skip it. TV. Bunch of twats. I'm the celebrity to get me out of here. No, you're a bad old. I'm afraid that is your time. The answer, I can't keep always going to love Ireland. Actually, some of the very nice people. And also while we're on baddles, I audition for that four different times. Did not get it, Pa. And also while we're on battles I audition for that four different times
Starting point is 01:08:09 Did not get a power I'm afraid you could act What was the one before what was the one that you couldn't remember before love? Oh Yeah, I struggled without animal farm because I just wanted to say either animal or Okay, but you I just wanted to say either animal or fun. LAUGHTER OK. Butch me? That's the game. It's a good game. It's a good game. It's a fun game. It's a good game.
Starting point is 01:08:31 Don't get me wrong. The actual premise of that game is superb. LAUGHTER You just... I hate to use the phrase again. It requires a brutal simplicity thought. LAUGHTER Can I... That's five words already.
Starting point is 01:08:45 LAUGHTER Producer, Quinn, did we find out how many points they scored there from Ben and Jenny? We didn't, but they got six. Six, and what does that do to our total score, please? So the total score is... LAUGHTER ..a...
Starting point is 01:09:01 Tom and John have 23, and Ben and Jenny have 20. Oh! Okay. And we're still in the lead, but it doesn't feel like it doesn't. Sorry, I'm sorry, there's some sorry. There's the bit I'll regret. But you wouldn't have been for one wanted to make this would have been your best bit. So okay, right, well. Oh dear.
Starting point is 01:09:33 Actually, we've got so many problems up here. Shall we solve someone else's problem? It's me, brothers. Brothers! You've got a problem, they'll come in a problem, you've got a problem, call it a beep, you've got a beep, beep, thing we can help you get from the sorting at your beach! Yes, it's beef brothers, where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat share based beef and today's one comes from Anna. Hey Anna, okay now Anna writes, my flatmate keeps locking me out of the house when coming home drunk. So she's locking me out of the house when coming home drunk before me as well.
Starting point is 01:10:13 I missed out a crucial detail there. She's locking me out of the house when coming home drunk before me. He keeps putting the door on the latch every time I have to knock the door out. So you have to literally punch the door open. Yeah, I have to punch the door open. You've got to go hold to that. Punch the door open. Yeah, see? Well, before we ask any more questions, let's find out who's side-john.
Starting point is 01:10:35 So open one other side, and I just punch me out. Well, luckily Ben and Jenny, you are on Aniside. Yeah. The top and John, you are on the side of the door. So have you got any questions? Come out, is your flatmate here, is he here this evening? No, no, no. Can we have a name? You don't have to give us a name, but it might be useful just for making the case. Anthony. Anthony, because you go, Anthony. I'm the size name. Anthony, Anthony and Anna, okay. You can have a lot of your ice cream. How do you remember that, Susie?
Starting point is 01:11:15 So I've knocked two hung up on the game plan. Okay, do you have any questions for Anna, who is here? Yeah, I do. John, John. I have Anna and always have had a lot of problems with this phrase on the latch. No, that's on the latch. I just heard you brought out it when you're on it. I'll read you in your picture.
Starting point is 01:11:50 I'll... Two cents. I'll... Our old friend, the lock, does his or her job very well. Right? You close the door. You need a key to open it. What's this extra on the latch element?
Starting point is 01:12:23 It's the chain that goes. Like an old lady's chain. Yeah. Who's scared of cold callers, understandably in the modern climate. That was London, so yeah. Yeah, and wants to protect against cold callers that can't push a door.
Starting point is 01:12:37 Because whenever I've seen people do that, I think you just go with that. And if you want to get in, you can. Well, I'm not the one that's locking the door here. Yeah, but why, Allah Well I'm not the one that's locking the door here. Yeah but... He... Why, Ella, I'm loving your vibe. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 01:12:51 But that's not on the latch, that's using a security chain. Well I don't know, it's cold, I'm not English. OK, so... LAUGHTER We're all ready, we're confused about the terminology of doors. That's interesting. That's interesting. Any other questions? Maybe from this side. I was just going to ask how many times has this happened?
Starting point is 01:13:17 Four. Okay. That's enough. Four. Can I ask the question, Anna? So, Anna, are you working on a catch phrase? Are you both going out and getting drunk and they're coming back before you? Are you out working late? What's the scenario that you're coming back after they've come back drunk? Or are they just, or they just are they dream? Oh no, they're like going out and they usually are the last ones coming in.
Starting point is 01:13:40 So in their head, if they're home, everyone's home. But sometimes, you're... I'm pushing on. Correct. Are you on the Megalash? You're on the Megalash. You're on the Megalash. I'm on the Megalash.
Starting point is 01:13:53 I'm on the Megalash. I'm on the Megalash. I'm on the Megalash. I'm on the Megalash. I'm on the Megalash. I'm on the Megalash. I'm on the Megalash. I'm on the Megalash.
Starting point is 01:14:01 I'm on the Megalash. I'm on the Megalash. I'm on the Megalash. I'm on the Megalash. I'm on the Megalash. I'm on the Megalash. I'm on the Meg that depends. So his usual time is 4 a.m. Okay, so a reasonable time to say legend is the end of the lap. I say legend, and he's got a prop. It's the end of the lap, it's 4 a.m. They're getting in?
Starting point is 01:14:20 Normal time is the end of the lap. Yeah. This maniac comes home. That's conjecture. That's it. That's got the same projection. It's all the projection as well. That's a separate shape.
Starting point is 01:14:36 Can I remind you you're under oath? So Anthony's getting back at 4 a.m. after a lash. Are you telling me you're getting back after that on what I would call a major lash or a mega lash? Or are you getting back later than that because of perhaps work commitments? We've had this question already. Yeah, but I'm pushing you on it. I'm pressing on it. I'm reminding that she's under oath. Okay, sure. So, you are the Mega-Lash. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 01:15:07 24, 7, 36, 4, take a day off with Christmas. LAUGHTER Er... What, er... So, what time are you getting back, Anna, off this so-called ML? LAUGHTER Five? What? Five? Five? Five. What time are you getting back, Anna, off this so-called ML? Five? What? Five? Five? Five.
Starting point is 01:15:29 I mean, that's mega. OK, no further questions. OK, no further questions from this side. Any more questions from Jenny or Ben? No. No? Yeah, I want to talk about where you kick in the door. Tom, let's talk about this.
Starting point is 01:15:43 Yeah, I, yeah. You kick the door off a chain. Yeah No further questions She's a boss for the war legends So hopefully that is enough information for our teams to make their cases so without further ado I'm gonna call upon Jenny Beade who's gonna begin the case case for the prosecution. You have one minute. Yeah. What got the... No, no, no. Do you think of like ringing the doorbell?
Starting point is 01:16:10 Oh, I got kicked. Save it for them. I did. No, I did, but he was so fast asleep that he didn't hear me shouting, screaming, knocking the door, nope, nothing. So you're in the street, five in the morning shouting and screaming, and then you kick a door in off its chair. Get a legend. You're weird on her side. Oh, we're all on her side.
Starting point is 01:16:34 So we're legend. Okay, then make the case very easy for you, Jenny. Your minute begins now. So it's 2020, guys. Newsflash. And it's a tough time for women, right? It's a tough time for women. Weinstein, Afleg, all the other cunts.
Starting point is 01:16:59 Now, I'm sorry, but I would say there is nothing more important, really, at the moment moment that a woman's safety. And Anna's flatmate who is definitely not called Antity. He's definitely not called Antity. He's an entity but he's not called Antity. Thank you. Isn't thinking about Anna's safety here. I don't think.
Starting point is 01:17:21 Now, I'm ever-supist. So, um, what, I just, I don't think we even need to argue this. She's clearly right and anti-is being a real little pig. Little pig, it doesn't care about her. And like, if she was out there screaming, oh, that was dark, I'm not going to say that. But like, it's, she... I need a joke to finish on and I just don't have one. That's your time. So...
Starting point is 01:17:54 You know what? I appreciate your honesty. Okay, so... So, that was making the case for the prosecution. Open the case for the... No, it's opening, close shut, leave the case. Open the case for the defence. I call upon Mr John Robbins. Your minute begins now. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I speak to you as a veteran of the lash.
Starting point is 01:18:20 Certified. The minor lash, the pre-lash, the side lash, the late lash, The final lash. The pre-lash. The side lash. The late lash. The after lash. The big lash and the mega lash. All of these lashes I've known and loved. You know if I draw an eyelash.
Starting point is 01:18:37 But never. In my 25 years of lashing here there, everywhere. Have I ever had a lash that ended at 5 a.m. Let me tell you, this reeks of a drug slash. Oh, yeah! Are you to tell me that after fulfilling a perfectly valid booze-lash that ends up for I am not to secure my house against the drug dealers that play our country? What?! What?! Oh my god! Holy shit!
Starting point is 01:19:24 This is spectacular. This is just got very breex-y-see- Oh my god This is just got very brexy scene but it may work Let the record state there was applause That wasn wasn't applause that was Anna smacking her on. Oh fuck! How do you do that? I made a joke. And that's the end of the joke. And there's that some natural point to move on.
Starting point is 01:20:10 I mean, suddenly, you had this plane coming over. It's just Nape arm. Anna, I hate to ask this now, but how do you think it's going so far? Great. She thinks everything's going well. That's the fucking hammer down here. I'm not talking about the toilet mind. Mine, isn't she?
Starting point is 01:20:36 It's so... So... Clarke, to conclude the case for the prosecution... Oh, yeah. You're... I'm not elected. Remember, you're not elected. Remember you're an anoside, your minute begins now. Well, the thing is, if you come in at 5am, it could be a drug slash, or it could be you've
Starting point is 01:20:59 just gone to a weeknight recording of flat-shows. LAUGHTER Anyway, clearly, amtodies in love with Anna and that's why he's getting all bent out of shape that she's got, she's staying out late than he is. But anyway, knock knock knock! He's there! Latch! Bless you! I'm a prosecution rest! Are you talking a break like that? Yeah, she finished under time.
Starting point is 01:21:51 I know what, I'm not sure, because Jenny didn't have a joke and admitted it. Clarke he did, and I wish he hadn't since then. Surely a joke like that goes knock knock. Smash! It's out of luck! Who's hidden missbice? Oh boy, okay. Right Tom, are you going to be concluding the case for the defence as yourself? Oh boy, okay. Right Tom, are you gonna be concluding the case for the defence as yourself? No, I'm gonna be doing it in the style of a deep safe defence lawyer.
Starting point is 01:22:33 Oh, it's the Fanshaw standard. Oh John, Richard Novel. Yeah. Here we go. Fanshaw standard presiding. It's a Fanshaw standard presiding and providing. Oh my just, before you start the clock. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:44 I've always wondered how he does this. Yeah. I've looked his bit of paper. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, a tent, a circle, two circles together, one looks like a horse. John, there's two things you should know about Harry, one, he's a very, very funny man, two, he's the zodiac killer. We've cracked the case, guys. LAUGHTER Sorry. So, face your stand in providing and providing. Your minute should you need it begins now. Ladies and gentlemen, after jury...
Starting point is 01:23:41 LAUGHTER I'm just consoling my notes here. LAUGHTER Yeah. Yeah. I don't need no notes. I'm not like them big city lawyers over there. We've their pens and their letters. Hell, we simple, full brownie.
Starting point is 01:24:02 We shapes, we symbols. We crosses that we set on fire. Oh, no! That's right. I recognize a lot of you there from the little city that were walking around here. I recognize you from the bakery. Now listen to this case here. Reminds me of a little story there from a man who lives up on the hill. Farmer hill.
Starting point is 01:24:40 He lives at Hill Farm. Sam Paulman there. He's not a complicated folk. Now you all probably remember the day that he bought himself a horse. Yeah, that's right. The whole thing. Yeah, that's right. Now, Farming Hill, he tried to put that horse in with that bear peak. Now, I don't know if you farm in time. By the looks of you, I'd say you're.
Starting point is 01:25:31 Now y'all know what happens when you put a horse in with a pig. Yeah, pig's gonna call me and help himself to the grain there. Sleep in the manger. What's the horse I'll do him? Horse. And you can't close a stable door until that horse has bolted. It's self- of care, man. No further questions, y'all. Fancy your standin', presiding and providing there. Now, I can't make the call myself as I'm
Starting point is 01:26:22 only concerned with my own two-ings in throwing. It's classic millennial that I am. So instead, I call upon our live Phoenix audience. So if you think Jenny and Ben and therefore Anna is in the right, I would let you to applaud now. But if you think John and Fansure made the best case, please applaud now. No further classes! Okay, now.
Starting point is 01:26:58 That was absolutely off the latch. Unbelievable, right? That is huge! Huge! I was an open and closed shot beef case! You tore it even further open. Wow, that's amazing. Well, congratulations there to Tom and to John.
Starting point is 01:27:14 Right, I'm almost out of bread-based puns, but that is the used to my worries. There's still all the matter of the beef on. That would be too easy, dude. I don't want this to stop. It shows no signs of stopping. And if you don't want it to stop, you'll love this next jingle.
Starting point is 01:27:36 Let's hear it! Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, I think that his last call to very long introduction. With such a shame. Now usually here Ben is playing the guitar. But we've had a good surname. Well the guitar I played you dropped me into the podcast and I'm in the world. And still here you go. I'm going to let you drop me into the podcast and then you'll see. So we can't play the guitar.
Starting point is 01:28:33 So instead we're going for this. A sort of house martens, caravan of love thing It makes you realize that it is really hard And they were really talented Oh, they were good And we're not that good But we're getting away with it Okay, well let's not stick around Here we go
Starting point is 01:29:10 Let's get straight on in to the quick fire Yes, this is a bit far out. He didn't have time for a bit, did he? No. Revenge is best served cold, my friend. And every man joined the caribou And sang down, sang down, sang down Every boy with a ring And every boy with a ring And every boy with a ring
Starting point is 01:29:56 And every boy with a ring Quick, quick, quick Yeah! Yes! That's been really fucking confusing on the actual listen back, isn't it? Because did you listen to Johnson's press conference where he said, when you wash in your hands, do happy birthday twice or one fifth of the quickfire edge angle?
Starting point is 01:30:16 Let's get the show. Yes, this is the quickfire route. It is. And as I show is bread themed, the questions are all baking related. But like a delicious pretzel, there's a twist. That is a lovely bit of business. Thank you so much. I would like you to write. Here A's back he's back he's back in the interests of the podcast I didn't wash my hands But he did do a poop So I would like you to sandwich now you want to hear this John because this is this is pretty should took it's one of the rules
Starting point is 01:30:59 I Would like you to sandwich the second word of your answer Inside the first, okay? So for example, if I asked you what type of dessert is topped with candles and commemorates the date you were born I would like you to say not birthday cake, but... Birthday cake day. Birthday cake day, exactly. What?
Starting point is 01:31:17 Yep. Say... You may like birthday cake. Oh no, it's birthday cake days what we're after. Right, can you run me through that one more time? Okay, yes I after? I haven't been on the podcast before so I think I'm an actually this is due to this week and it's just it's a weird So so I would like you to say not birthday cake if that's the answer birthday cake I think it's a birth cake day. So you're putting your sandwiching the last word
Starting point is 01:31:44 Into so you're putting your sandwiching the last word into. So you're taking birthday, like a loaf, opening up, putting cake in the middle, putting it together, birth cake day. So each answer has a two word answer. It does indeed. It does indeed. Okay, here we go. Now instead of buzzers, I like the shout out your first names. Ben and Jenny, let's hear those. Jenny! Tom and John? John. Well, I find a rank.
Starting point is 01:32:10 Can we be hargondas? We'd have to be one off, who'd have to be Hargondas. Could you not be Gina Ginelli? The ice creamer, Vitalia. Gina, oh, Gina, oh, Gina, Ellie. Gina, oh, I used to do this. The ice, I just did-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm G-no, I'm So we're not, we're not here anymore of it. First question. 2-2-1 B Baker Street was the address of which fictional to jump? Sure homes lock.
Starting point is 01:32:49 Sure homes lock is correct. What? Who is the blue Muppet on Sesame Street with a fondness for biscuits? Jenny. Jenny. Cook Monster. It is correct.
Starting point is 01:33:00 Which team is you? Code judge the Great British Breakoff from 2010 to 2016. Jenny. Jenny. 2010 to 2016? Jenny! Jenny? 2010 to 2016. That's a pause. And it was a cook. No, I'm just...
Starting point is 01:33:12 You're just refreshing yourself, yes. Um, pool. No. No, I'm afraid not. No, throw the other team. Fucking disgrace, Jenny. No, very late. Met, Met, Barry Ray.
Starting point is 01:33:21 Met, Barry Ray is correct. Yes, very late. Where was the baby shot this time? Fucking disgrace, Jenny. No, very late. Met, Met Berry Rhee. Met Berry Rhee is correct. Met Berry Rhee. Where was the maker shot? The start of the great fire of London. The great fire of London is said to have started.
Starting point is 01:33:34 Tom. Put Lane Inc. I'll give it you. Putting Lane. It's putting me against it. Yes, Jenny. I won't give it to you. He's got a point.
Starting point is 01:33:45 That bacon co-hosted the one show with which wealth TV presenter? Jenny. Jenny. Jenny's poor. Not many, not many guys. Oh, I don't know it. So I think it's like Alex, Taylor, I don't know. She doesn't know the answer. I'll throw it over to this team.
Starting point is 01:34:04 Throw it to the audience. Oh, John Zess. Our Joseph, bread and dough are both slang for money, but where is UK currency made? John. J.J. John. The Roy mental.
Starting point is 01:34:18 Roy mental, exactly. Yes. We're just going with the Roy mental. I'll tell you who's Roy mental. Anna on the left. LAUGHTER Roy mental, mate. Which financially troubled Italian chain restaurant We're just going to the Royal Mint. I'll tell you who's Royal Mint on. Anna on the Lash. LAUGHTER Royal Mint on the Lash. Which financially troubled Italian chain restaurant
Starting point is 01:34:29 is famous for serving circular dicks of dough covered into mothin' John. Pete's Expresser. Pete's Expresser is correct. That is so namely Pete's Expresser. Italian bread. Italian bread, exactly. That is the end of the round and indeed the end of the game.
Starting point is 01:34:46 So before we find out the final scores guys. I think we know them. Jenny and John, have you got anything you would like to plug? This is as good as it gets. Thank you so much. That means the world to us. That's really nice, but I actually am also doing the same whole thing on the 21st and 22nd of April. Please come. Can I plug one thing? Of course you can, yeah. Sort of irrelevant, that's a bad plug.
Starting point is 01:35:16 I have a YouTube channel where I play golf without it's horn. It's great. Thank you very much. And we'd just, if you could like and subscribe, even if you never watch it. I'm just subscribing. There's a world of algorithms. I don't understand.
Starting point is 01:35:35 If you like me or anything I've ever done, or if you hate me, but want me to get good YouTube algorithm. I just subscribe to bad golf on on YouTube and then forget about it. That's nice and also can I just say as well I've got a channel on YouTube where I play snakes and ladders with Melinda Messenger. Again you don't need to watch, just like I'm supposed to. LAUGHTER Actually, is there any producers in the business? I would fucking watch that. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:36:13 I would be fought by hard. So my... My snakes would be fully turquoise. So, er... Thank you very much, Felicity, to the podcast. If you haven't joined the Patreon, please do patreon.com forward slash papi's flat share, a new bonus episode every Thursday, give us a review on iTunes, algorithms, etc. John's gone over that already.
Starting point is 01:36:34 So producer Gwynne, can we please hear the final scores? First of all, Jenny, talking about that a year afterwards. The final scores are Ben and Jenny have 21, but the winners are Tom and Jon with 29. Oh, so Ben and Jenny have to make the grand. Well done. Jon and Tom get to sober up with me. Thanks to our guest, Shady Ben and Jon Robbins. We've been Pat, we see you next time on Flasherslander!
Starting point is 01:37:05 Flasherslander, we've been caught in top of the special test show scratch your saddle and see if he can use that break. That means it. Cheers everyone. Bye! Wow, we, that was like listening to a different world of bygone era. Yeah, it was very nostalgic that was. It was a real walk down memory lane, admittedly not that long ago, but it feels like a lifetime. And I can tell you, I enjoyed the foreground and the background in equal measure.
Starting point is 01:37:45 I'm going to, you know what, I'm going to listen to that again just to get, because I listen, I only listen to the background. The own time round. Honestly, get into, there's some great foreground work going on there as well. I didn't listen to anything that we said. I just listened to the hubbub, the general hubbub. In fact, what I, what I did is I listened to the back background. I pushed beyond the audience who were listening and laughing, and I just listened to the people who were at the back, clinking glasses and having a good old chinwag. And that's the stuff.
Starting point is 01:38:12 The bar stuff. The bar stuff, exactly. Yeah, that's what I was after. You know what, this is a show with levels and levels and levels. It rewards repeat listening. It's like the white album in that respect. You got that. Go deeper every single time. And that sounds like the white album in that respect. You've got that, go deeper every single time.
Starting point is 01:38:25 And that sounds like the kind of thing that would sit very nicely in an iTunes review. So, if you enjoyed the show, you think there's levels on levels, whacking in iTunes, five stars all to do it. That would be very nice. Yeah, a star per level. So if you enjoyed it, whacking on iTunes, use the internet to do that. Don't use carrier pigeons. No.
Starting point is 01:38:44 Not one of Clarke's carrier pigeons anyway. I'm not opening up. I guess the trouble with the law. I have a story. Add a little bag of ecstasy on its back. Clarke, was that you? My Clarke pigeons. Clarke's...
Starting point is 01:38:58 Clarke's... Clarke's petitions. So leave River Oceans, but if you are after XC, go to Clarke'spartyPigins.com. It's on the Dark Web. Yeah, bold to get a dot com, isn't it? A bold decision to get a dot. Well, it was got all dot.gov.uk, you know You say, get the dark web section of the website.
Starting point is 01:39:26 Can I say, I use that website just for the little backpacks. The ecstasy goes straight down the toilet for me, but I'm a collector of those little backpacks. What do you use them for Tom? I send marbles to Spain. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway.
Starting point is 01:39:43 But a memory now. So listen, if you'd like to send marbles to Spain, get yourself to Clarke's website. Clarke's party pigeons. Clarke's party pigeons.com forward slash dark web. And can I ask, are you putting those, are are you putting the you're just wrapping them up and posting them or are you putting those on a different animal that that could then fly to Spain? The marbles yeah I'm putting them on to a badger badger yeah not the quickest method he uses and listen however whatever it takes to get through this
Starting point is 01:40:21 get through lockdown you're actually page you know you're actually page where you sell marbles to Spain, that's still gonna happen, okay? Lockdown or no lockdown? You can't let the virus win. We cannot let the virus win. So folks, finest on Patreon, finest on Twitter and Facebook, because we're always updating that with more information.
Starting point is 01:40:40 Files Instagram, we've had loads of people doing fan art recently, which has been really, really fun. A guy called a thousand monsters did a brilliant picture of Clarkies' anecdote about the, another bird-based anecdote, actually. It was the, it's all I got, about the bird-feeder. Clarkies' world of lovely birds.com. So go on to Instagram, Papi's comedy and find us there. But most of all, tell your friends about this podcast if they're looking for something to listen to because we love getting new listeners and we love to have more of lovely people like yourself.
Starting point is 01:41:15 Please stay safe, look after yourselves and each other. Thank you for listening and we'll see you soon. Cheers everyone. Bye. Bye. This. Bye. This episode is free smile of course, and course of team. Course of team.
Starting point is 01:41:28 Course of team.

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