Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ Lauren Layfield & Dan Schreiber (Parking Permit) S14E02

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” want to turn on the Air Fryer… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a flatshare slamdown!Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry Wicks recorded live at The Phoenix in Cavendish Square with guests Yuriko Kotani and Isy SuttieWithDan Schreiber - https://www.instagram.com/schreiberlandLauren Layfield - https://www.instagram.com/laurenlayfieldCome and see Flatshare Slamdown live at the Phoenix this month19th Feb - Alex Brooker and Morgan Rees - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/flatshare-slamdown-with-alex-brooker-and-morgan-rees-tickets-81426519812720th Feb - Lucy Porter and Flo and Joan - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/flatshare-slamdown-with-lucy-porter-flo-and-joan-tickets-814345769117Tickets (including a discounted ticket that gets you into both shows) are available from Pappyscomedy.com/livePappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Invite your teen to join your Uber account today. Available in select locations. See app for details. Greetings, Lister Deer. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I'm Matthew, and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share Slam Down. Oh, Flat Share Slam Down. Oh, Flat Share Slam Down, the first of the year. It's good to be back. Very good to be back.

Great to be back. It's fantastic to be back. Now this episode was recorded last year, way back in the past in 2023, but it contains two superb guests, absolutely brilliant guests, Lauren Layfield and Dan Schreiber. Lauren Layfield who you may know from the radio, you may know her from her viral clip where she's talking to Hack of the Dog about innocent men. Dan Schreiber, you'll know him from his We Could Be Weirdos podcast or there's no such thing as a fish. Two absolute polymaths of the broadcasting landscape. I would say that's definitely true definitely true I'm not sure about the idea of the not being fish though. I

Mean I how do you account for all the fish? That I wonder if anyone's ever actually bought that out. I didn't anyone's mention it with him But anyway, we should have done it during the podcast We forgot to but it was it was a very strong episode anyway And if you enjoy this episode and you think you know what? I'd like to get a slice of that action. Why not come down and see one of the next flat chest lamb downs being recorded? We're doing two in February. Yeah, they're always such fun evenings We do them at the phoenix pub just by oxford circus

Um, and it is a real jolly laugh of a live night So if you can get yourself down if it's for the first time come on down you can have a really good time you can have a jolly laugh in fact we've got we've got some incredible guests actually we've got Lucy Porter we've got Flo and Joan yes that's the Tuesday February 20th we've got Morgan Reese we have and don't you dare tell me who else we've got Morgan Reese. We have. And don't you dare tell me who else we've got. Someone really good. Someone very good. A good pal as well. Yeah strong pal. So if you want to see those guests. It's Alex Brooker from The Last Leg. Yeah so fantastic.

Returning guests Alex Brooker everybody else is making their debut, their flat slam debut. Very exciting, yeah. So February 19th, Alex Brooker and Morgan Reese, February 20th, Lucy Porter and Flo and Joan, if you fancy coming to both shows, why wouldn't you? You can get a discounted ticket link. They're all available either in the show notes of this show or at prappyscomedy.com forward slash live. Lovely stuff. So yeah, get your tickets, come on down.

Have a drink, have fun with us. And otherwise, enjoy this first flat-shell slamdown of the year. Here it is. ["Slamdown of the Year"] Tom! Ben! What is it, Matthew? What is it, your sweet little it? You're a sweet little prick. You are a sweet little prick actually.

Thanks guys. Well listen, great news. I've just got myself a new set of wheels. Whoa. And I reckon pretty soon I can afford a car to go with them. So, in preparation, one of you two is going to apply for the parking permit. Oh, it's not going to be me, CrossFit. No, it's Ben, why not?

You're a nightmare with parking. Every time I go and park my car, you wanna hear all about it. You wanna hear like how it went, where I parked, how far away it was. Honestly, all I'm saying is I'm just fed up with these multi-story car parks. Great.

Good stuff. Good stuff. Good clean fun. Good clean fun. No. stuff. Good clean fun. Good clean fun. No. Wonderful. Good clean fun. Who doesn't enjoy that? It's lovely. If you don't enjoy that, you're dead.

Harry, what about you? Well, it's not going to be me, Matthew, because the last time I parked my car, it got stolen by the posh one from Wind in the Willows. Oh, yeah. Hang on. No, I've got that wrong. It got towows. Oh yeah. Hang on, no, no, I've got that wrong. It got toad. Oh! Oh!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! Two with your silly answers, you're really grinding my gears, or at least you would be if I could afford them. Anyway, there's only one minute to settle this, we're gonna have to have a Flash Shed Slam Down! Flash Shed Slam Down, Flash Shed Slam Down, Flash Shed Slam Down, Flash Shed Slam Down, Flash Shed Slam Down, Flash Shed Slam Down, Hello and welcome to Flash Shed Slam Down,

the panel show that says, I get up in the evening, and I ain't got nothing to say, I get up in the evening, and I ain't got nothing to say. I come home in the morning. I go to bed feeling the same way. I ain't nothing but tired. Man, I'm just tired and bored with myself. Here they be, man.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. I can choose just a little help. You can't start a fire. You can't start a fire without a spark this guns for hire Even if we're just dancing in the parking permit almost a landlord Matthew Crosby let's meet my valets. It's Tom Perry and Benedict Clark But guys you can't apply for the parking on your own. Who have you brought to help you spell your names this week? Tom?

Well, bad news Matthew, the Jamboree's in danger. No! And as we've stressed, it did happen in real life. And now it feels really weird to be funny about it. Because of climate change. The Jamboree's in danger. We haven't got a good online presence. We haven't memed in years. So I brought my most meme friendly friend along.

It's Lauren Laifield. Lauren. Yes. Yes. Hiya. Hiya. Hiya. Lauren, it's great to have you on the show.

Thanks. Now what kind of a person are you to live with? What is your living arrangement by the way? My living arrangement by the way? My living arrangement, I have a husband, don't wanna boast, and a dog also don't wanna boast. I am lazy in the household. I'd like to think that it's justified

because my radio show is at 4 a.m. in the morning. Yeah, you were telling us you'd get up at 2.50, you set the alarm for 2.50 in the morning. I don't know what we're gonna do tonight. Yeah, just power through. Straight through get up at 2.50. You set the alarm for 2.50 in the morning. I don't know what we're going to do tonight. Yeah. Just power through. Straight through. Power through.

It's got to be. We normally finish about quarter to two. Perfect. Perfect. I think though, starting that early in the morning, and if there's anybody who does start early in the morning, you know what I mean. I think it gives you creative license to be just like a lazy fucker.

Yeah. So I basically get my other half to do everything for me. It's like my personal waiter. Are you a kept woman? I'm... Yeah, without I basically get my other half to do everything for me. It's like my my personal waiter Are you a kept woman? I'm yeah without them financial The key bit of being a kept woman is the money. He doesn't get up with you. Does he? God no, I mean no, he's not doing that much for me. What time is he getting up that he tells you six o'clock What's he getting up that he tells you? Oh, six o'clock. What a lying bastard.

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Well, thank you for coming on the show. Dan, sorry, Dan, Ben. Spoiler alert, guys. We have news. My guest today is wonderful. Clark, you're out.

Ben, who have you brought along with you this week? I bought my imaginary friend. There's no such thing as a Dan Shrymer. Dan Shrymer. Very nice. So Dan lives very close to me. We often see each other out and about and you've just told me it's broken my heart.

You're moving out of the area. Was it something I did? Be honest. No, but we tend to bump into each other in Sainsbury's, don't we? Not the same Sainsbury's. No, guys! You might think-

You bump into each other in different- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Yeah. Yeah. They're very close together, these Sainsbury's, which wave each other through the window. And it's not even a surprise anymore.

Matthew's like, oh, hello. It's just a real kind of, yeah. I work in saves, guys. I should stress this. Gotta pay them bills. Gotta pay the bills. Well, I put two fifths every morning, stacking those shelves.

But what kind of a person are you to live with? You're a father. Yeah, I'm married, I got three kids. Six year old, a three year old, and a nine month old. And... I was gonna say what you're doing here, but of course you're here. I never had a quicker response.

Yeah, I'll do every episode if you want. But what's our plan is we're gonna move and I don't know if it's gonna happen now because we finally found someone to take our place and I think I fucked it up. Oh, what did you do? Well, they came for a second viewing. The only people, it's a terrible time

to be trying to move house and they came and they wanted to chat to us. We sat around the table and they asked us really just easy questions, you know, what's your favorite room in the house? You know, stuff like that. And we're like, this room, it's so nice to sit here. And then so it all went well, it was perfect.

Final question was, so why are you moving? Why are you getting away? We're moving to the seaside. And I said, well, my wife, Nala, she's always wanted to move to the sea. We've, you know, we've got three kids now, so we might need somewhere a bit bigger. So otherwise we'd definitely be staying here.

Also, there's the violent poltergeist. And their faces drained of blood. I swear to God, no laugh, right? Zero, like, what just happened here was my dream. What, that was, that's what I was going for. Nothing. I tell you what, send them the audio of this. So I was giving you gold there, it's good stuff.

So anyway, they left, my wife said, what the fuck do you think you're doing? And then they reduced the price by a huge amount. Oh no. Because haunted houses sell for less, that's a genuine thing. It's a real thing. We lived at number 14, if we lived at number 13,

our house would be 2% less in its value because people don't like buying houses with the number 13. So you brought it down to 13 prices in just a single gag? Yeah, like, yeah. It's unbelievable. Which, when you think about it, actually, is quite a good gag to reduce a house price.

Yeah. So when I'm buying a house, I should look for a number 13 because it would be cheaper? Yes, absolutely. Or if someone was murdered in it because. Oh. OK. Then you can really bring it down.

Then you can absolutely. So like that happened a lot in the pandemic. People moved into houses that they didn't know were supposedly haunted. And then they found out afterwards, like, why was this so cheap? And then they were in lockdown with a ghost. With a ghost? Yeah.

Couldn't go anywhere. I've always had to be six foot apart from the ghost as well. Yeah. Yeah, do you need social distancing on a ghost? Great question. You can go anywhere. I've always had to be six foot apart from the ghost as well. Yeah. Yeah, do you need social distancing on the go? Great question. The six foot sense it's called, yeah. God, that's good. Yes, please, more of that, thank you very much.

We'll sell your house tonight, don't you worry, Dan. That's gonna put a few grand back on us. Come on, let's have a beer. Come on. So we've met our guests. Let's find out who is going to end up a regular permit the frog as we play round one. I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do that. I really wish that I knew A bad single yellow was not gone long, was just an hour or two. They told my car to crew, because of single yellow So then I take my Fine

It happens all the time I'm fucking single yellow I know what There is no one who knows How the rules, to parking on the go, you should What fucking nearby signs? Beautiful stuff there from Tom and Ben. So round one is called... Yeah, Clarky. Really made me sweat listening to that. I enjoyed every bit of it. I thought, you know, Clarky doing every bit of the instrumentals was a much needed tonic.

I thought you're refused to pitch it down. All of it, every bit of it, you know? Accorded to me the next day. Texting Clarky was like, we could put it any pitch we like, because we're singing it. No. It's what Chris would have done. but then he is a very talented singer. Round one is called Nosy Parkers.

Now I'm going to ask each player to tell us three unbelievable facts about themselves. One is true, the other two they've made up on the spot. The opposing team has to guess what is true as Tricol, and what is as full of crap as old Farmer McGillicuddy's field You know the one he insists on shitting in if they get it right They get a point if not the point goes to the players. We're gonna start with Ben Clark Ben can you please give us three facts about your life Tom and Lauren? Use your combined 33 years and 15 minutes of knowing Ben 15 minutes of knowing Ben. Ha ha so, okay, so the first one is

I went to one of those car wash places. A car wash? Yeah, okay. But you know, not the ones at a petrol station, like a hand car wash. Yeah, a car wash. A car wash, yeah. Yeah. I went to a car wash. Yeah.

Is that the fact? I was gonna say, your hair looks amazing. And your teeth have never been shiner. When I came to pick up the car, the guy said, we found your bottle. And I was like, what's that mean? And as I was driving away, I realised that about six months earlier, I was in a traffic jam.

And... Oh, no! I hate Ben. Oh. I was desperate for the toilet. Six months. Yeah, I just, it was sealed. Oh my. When you weeded it. That's so exciting.

Through it in the back. How have you forgotten about it? What type of bottle was it? It was a Lucasade bottle. Oh nice wide, rich, nice wide. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap.

No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap.

No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, no, it was a sports cap. No, gone, oh, a bit of Luke's idea. I found your bottle. It would absolutely fears as well. I'm sure I have to six months.

Wow. Okay, so that was possibly true, possibly not we don't know at this stage. Two more facts please, Clarke. The second one is I once got three parking tickets on the same day in three different locations. Oh. So you do have a lot of parking ticket stories.

No wonder he keeps asking you about that. Yeah, it's like. And the final one is I was once in a car park coming out of Sainsbury's. You love parking, doesn't it? Yeah, he belongs to the same guy. He's got a stand theme, he's already on theme, I love it. When were you?

I was in the Sainsbury's car park. Visiting Matthew at work. That's right. We've got a sale on LucasAid. People keep turning the bottles, you know why? I came out of the shop and there was a guy who was like, have you got any change? I was like, sorry, I don't have any.

But a trolley was like, well, how about a new trolley? And I was like, OK, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I walked to the trolleys and the guy followed me. And I, you know, sealed up the thing, gave him the pound, he walked off and followed me and I you know sealed up the thing gave him the pound he walked off and then I realized I left my shopping in the truck I had to chase him back and ask for my pound back to get the shopping out. Okay. So we've got, we've got, I found your bottle. We've got three parking finds, three parking tickets on the same day and the same in three

different locations. And we have got having to ask for a pound back from a man you've given it to so which one are you thinking? Which one did you enjoy the most there? I think I liked the story about his wedgie, Willie. His wedgie, Willie. His wedgie, little Willie. I would just wouldn't mind asking quickly in what snide, why were you pissing on the motorway? Like, why was it?

Well, no, it was on there. It was actually on the south circular. But, whoa. Why is that in explanation? Oh, it's actually on the south circular, so. We could pull over on the south circular. Yeah, but it was locked in traffic. And if I would have got out my car,

like there was, it was too, like it was too public. Yeah, right. My car was the most private place to do it. Okay, it's quite shy, boy. Yeah. It's all right. It's all right. It's because I've got a sports cap, Willie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How long was it in the car for? Six months. Six months. They're about, yeah. So did they give you the bottle back or?

No, they just, they just, they just said I tried. They took your bottle. They got hazmat, hazmat came along. They don't know what you do for a living. You can't go on the way to the hospital. I was keeping that. Yeah. I had my piss taken away as well, a similar situation.

It was longer than six. Pissed on the station. Do you mean someone took the piss? Is that what you're saying? I had, I had appendix issues and I went to get my appendix taken out and they made me pee into like a little beaker kind of thing. And I kept it in my bag because I took it to the main hospital

and then they never asked me for it. So years later, like six years later or something, I go to the O2 to see a gig. And what? And you've got to do security when you go through like it's an airport, when you go to the O2 to see a gig. And what? And you've got to do security when you go through, like it's an airport, when you go to the O2 now, and they detected liquid in the bag, and they pulled out this little flask.

And it took ages for me to go, my piss. That like, because it was like six years or something. What color is it at that point? What color is it? A very healthy still red. I'm freaked out by the six months of not cleaning out your car is bad. Six years of not cleaning out your bag. But his is a little tiny. It was a little...

Yeah, but it's still in your bag for six years. Was it your regular bag you carried around? No, that's why. It's a once a year special, it's for a street bag. It's for hospitals and seeing Elton John. LAUGHTER So what are we thinking? By the way, Dan's story is not in play.

No, it's a show. Confused us. I'm going to go parking permits out. I think he's panicked there. We've talked about parking, he's got is not in play. Oh, yeah. It's a shame. Confused us. I'm going to go parking permits out. I think he's panicked there. We've talked about parking. He's got parking on the brain. So the parking tickets is false. Yeah, that's a falsi, I think.

What do you think about the trolley situation? It's a good story. It's a great story. And he fucking loved it when he was telling it, didn't he? He did. Didn't he? He was slapping his thigh when he was telling it. He was slapping his thigh. I think he's a man with a messy car.

I think we're, I'm inclined to go with Sports Cat Willy. Yeah, I think so as well. I'm inclined to go to Sports Cat Willy. I'm drawn to it. Could this not stick as a nickname? Such a good song title. Spots cap, wellie. You better slow.

Ben, are you the boy with isotonic piss? Put us out of our misery. It was the three parking tickets. It was three parking tickets in one day. Well played. Well done. Well done. Talk us through the three parking tickets quickly. One in the morning, one in the afternoon, one in the evening. That was quick.

Nothing if not regular. Nothing if not regular. Two of them with the same guy. Same order. Wow. Next up is Lauren. three facts about your life, one true, two untrue, Dan and Ben, which one is the copper-bottomed fact?

Okay, I have to remember them. The first fact I'm gonna give you is, sorry, I spat everywhere there. The audience probably saw that as well, didn't you? I'm so sorry. That's number one. True. Did Lauren just go up everywhere?

Yes. Fact number one, I have got such small feet Number one. True. True. Lock it in. Just gov' everywhere, yes. In fact, number one, I have got such small feet that I have to wear sort of the especially made shoes. Sports caps. Sports caps. Sports caps. Sports caps. They all fit on my foot and Ben's willy.

Equally. Can share it if you like. That's my first time. You've got to wear special shoes because you've got such small feet. Because I'm like five foot two and I, like all over quite small. And now the feet are.

All right, okay, fine, sure. Do you want my second one? Yes, please. I can't remember it. Hang on a second, let's think about it. I've laid ping pong for 14 years of my life. You must be knackered. No wonder you're small.

Whittle bow. With a way. Just perished to a ping pong. And my third one is that my middle names are Peter Lauren. Ooh. So it's Lauren, Peter, Lauren, Layfield. What? Peter Lauren. Lauren, Peter, Lauren, Layfield.

You heard. And can I ask, when people call you Lauren, is it your first name or your third name you're using in that instance? That's the beauty of it, could be either. Have they spelt the same? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Peter spelt differently.

Peter is like the animal activism, if that helps. Okay. Lauren, Peter, Lauren. So, are we talking about- I mean, I said it, you did answer to it, so let's check it out. Is it Lauren, Peter, Lauren? Is it special made shoes, or was it playing ping pong for a whopping 14 years

of Lauren, Peter, Lauren's life? Yeah, okay. Okay, okay. Well, okay, the shoe thing, let's get into that first. I just thought, can you see my shoes under this table? I'm going. They're that small. They can't even see them.

She's got hooves. Presumably you fit children's shoes. I have bought children's nikes, mainly because they're cheaper, guys. I've been to where I've got small feet in the audience. But the problem with the children's nikes is they don't fit, it's less about the length of the foot, it's more about the width of the foot.

And if it's size 13, it's even cheaper. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool, that's cool. I'm haunted. Okay, so you're saying that you, is there a shop that does this or do you have a specific shoe tailor?

You have a man. Yeah, there's a special man and you have to email him with like regular updates of your foot. Wow. And does he still grow? Or does he change in the light? Or repeat it?

35, I'm still growing. And like it's more about girth, that's the issue. It's more about girth, yeah. Well, this is, yeah. You have to tell the clock. Four cap willy doesn't have to tell her to walk you know. Four-trap will lead doesn't matter. It doesn't matter from such issues. Especially in the hot weather as well,

taking us to fluctuate hot weather. How quickly can he respond to your need for shoes? He hasn't got a big client list. Right. So he can get pretty, like, on it. He sort of sneaks in in the middle of the night, does it, leads it on the counter. Yeah.

Places of the end of the bed. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. It's all like the Santa Claus of the small-footed women brigade. That's not it. Is that a brigade? I don't know. Begrades? It's sort of like that. It's sort of like that.

What are we thinking? Which one of those seems like the most logical one? And then the middle one's the... Ping-pong 14 years. Ping-pong 14 years. Lauren Peter Lauren, the special shoes made by a man so you contact via email. That's good stuff.

Very special man. I like, here's the issue. Lauren Peter Lauren, Lightfield, if that's not true, you're a fucking genius. That is the best fake lie I've ever heard in my life. Thank you, dad. So, either way you win. Um. What do you think? in my life. Thank you. So, either way you win. Um...

Um... Um... Um... What do you think? Yeah, I feel like, yeah. I think it might be Lauren, Peter, Lauren. Because you do have these six of my sisters. Hang on a second, can I just check the game a second?

Yeah. I've given you two falses here. Yeah. Is that still the game? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all the same page, that's fine. And they're working out the, they're working out the true one. Yeah.

That might be a slight tell. I think so. I think so. For the poker players amongst us. I think we've worked out the imperceptible eye twitch. Ben, what's throwing you more in the name? Is it the man Peter name or is it Lauren? Peter is a legitimate woman's name.

Oh yeah, very good, cool. Okay, okay. So that's. Is he really? Yes. I think P-E-T-A is the girl's name. Like you said, like the animal rights. How are you spelling it?

Yep, like that. Oh, you are spelling it like that. Sorry, okay. Come on, mate. Oh, then that's doable then. Everyone's got their same name in their middle name. The second time, don't they? Now I'll tell you the story behind that.

Yeah, yeah. So, you know, so basically my parents just loved the name Lauren so much. Don't know why you're all laughing. It's like New York, New York. So good they named it twice. Just go again on that. Yeah. And I think that's fine for them to do that. Like Jar Jar Gabor.

Or Jar Jar B. Or Jar Jar B. Who trust who trust garlic? I guess we've got a pick one, right? Yeah, what do you reckon? Oh God, the small feet. She had the whole thing about girth. And then ping pong seems,

actually seems like the one because I feel like that's a career path that a lot of people have You do your 14 years of ping pong then you hit CBBC Transition yeah, I'm gonna leave it to you Ben. This is you've done this you've done this a hundred times Come on. We haven't done this game, but you've you've you don't go with the middle names one. Yeah imagine I know I'm locking in middle names. Let's let's middle names. Yeah Lauren Peter Lauren put it out of our misery. Is that your real name? I can reveal that is Not my real name

Wish it was. Lauren Pink. I did ping pong for 14 years and said it was much more boring. There we go. Lauren get the point there. Well played. She's actually a size 10. What's your real name then?

It's just Lauren Zahra Leifield. Sahara. Zahra, Zahra. Zara, Zara. Like the High Street shop. Like the High Street, yeah, exactly, yeah. Your parents loved it so much. Good shoes there. Yeah, great shoes.

Good sizes. Yeah. So Dan, you're a man who obviously deals in unbelievable facts. Yes. Use that talent and tell us three things about yourself. Only one of which is true. Those are the rules, Lauren. Okay, yeah, got it.

One true. Got it, I, got it. One true. Got it, I'm on board. Lauren and Tom, is there such a thing as a fish after all? Let's find out. Okay, my three are my- Dan used your notes. Oh, no, he has gone out. He wrote it down before.

I wrote them down because I didn't want to forget. Nerd. So. That's right, Lauren. Get inside this head and crawl around a bit. Also, literally, that's my job. I'm a nerd. That wasn't a slam.

That was accuracy. Such a nerd answer. Yes, Ben, as I was just established. Okay, here we go. Number one, my dad used to be Barbara Bush's karaoke partner. Who the fuck be Barbara Bush's karaoke partner. Who the fuck is Barbara Bush? Former first lady. George Bush's wife.

George Bush's senior's wife. Used to be her former karaoke partner. Number two, I once asked the singer Adele out on a date. She said yes and the date happened. Ooh, I'd be great if it's true. And then, wow. Number three, I am... Dan Dan Treiber.

I am the current Guinness World Record holder for the longest that anyone has played keep a balloon from touching the floor in the world. 14 years. Right, so we've got the keep you up with the balloon. We have got Barbara Bush's karaoke partner and that Dan asked Adele out on a date that date happens. She said yes and that date happens.

Yes. I mean, I'm impressed by all three of those. Well, only, yeah sure. You can be, I mean, two of them aren't true. Yes. So. But yeah, feel free to be impressed. How long was the balloon in the air for?

It was in the air for about 80 minutes. About 80 minutes? Yeah. Come on. It wasn't just me, it wasn't just me. It was two people, we were playing game 10. My daughter's three and she could do it for longer than 80 minutes.

That can't be the Guinness World Record. Also, in the Guinness Book of Records, why do they call it? They don't put Dan held it up for about. About, it's 80. It's a bit. If you were in the Guinness Book of Records, why do they call it? They don't put Dan held it up for a bow. A bow, it takes it. If you were in the Guinness Book of World Records, you'd know that, you'd have it tattooed. He's not a fact guy.

He doesn't have to get a bow down in those kind of details. It was about 80 minutes and it was between two people. It was a game of Keepee-up-ee balloon tennis and it's in last year's Guinness World Records 2023. Anyone got a copy? Damn, probably. I think he scratched that one out. Yeah, 100%.

He stuffed it for me. It'd be for like 18 days or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got it. Right, what was his one? Who's Barbara? Barbara Bush is George Bush's wife. It'd be for like 18 days or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got to. Right, what was his one? Who's Barbara? Barbara Bush is George Bush's wife.

She is... So which George? There was a couple of the first. The first one. So she may, I think she's dead now. Yes, she was very old. Yeah. I think, I don't know if she was...

The thing is though, she wasn't very old for her entire life. Yeah. So, no, so just before she died, she had an entire life in which my dad used a bit of it. But she was, she was old, she was a long time old. What does that mean? Like I remember, I remember her old. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, of course. And I don't think Carrieoke was quite a modern. I think she was old by the time Karaoke became a thing. Listen, Karaoke knows no limits. You can be 18 still love Karaoke. Yeah. Do you think she was around before the invention of Karaoke?

I think she was. I think by the time Karaoke came in, she was too old to be into it. That's why I'm positive. Isn't Karaoke the sort of thing that like, you know, you would do if you were an ambassador or something. You'd be introduced to karaoke possibly earlier than other people.

If you were a president's wife visiting Australia. Yeah. The home of karaoke. The full name of it is kangaroo-y-o-y-key. Karaoke for short. Right, my question is. And my dad's a nausea. You're right, how does your dad know her? Ah, okay, so my parents are hairdressers,

both of them from Hong Kong, as in they had a salon in Hong Kong and they- That makes a lot more sense. They became- I was really confused for a second then. My parents are actually Hongkongese. Yeah, they're Hongkongese. That's not the race, is it?

No, no. Is it? Well, no, Chinese is the race. Exactly, that's what I said. False, yeah. It's false that they're Hongkongese. Yeah. I'm Hongkongese, I was born in Hong Kong, I say that.

I know, it's called Hongkies, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, yeah, I get that a It's called honkeys, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, yeah. I get that a lot, yeah. So they ended up, they were in Hong Kong and they started doing a lot of celebrities who came into town. And one day, Barbara Bush comes into town with her husband

and my mom is blow-drying her hair and my dad, who has a beautiful voice, sounds like one of the Gibbs from the Bee Gees but not the famous three, the fourth one, who died quite early. Andy Gibb, he was called. Sounds like Andy Gibb. And so Barbara heard my dad singing

and said, my goodness, Roger, that's his name. We must, we must sing words together. And so that happened. When you say words by Boyzone? Well, originally by the Bee Gees. By the Bee Gees, yeah. But not Andy Gibb, weirdly. Right, got you.

What was the second one? Adele. I asked Adele out on a date. Adele with Adele? Yes, yeah. So I got her email address. So this is when she was already a pop star. She's chasing pavements already. Yeah, she wasn't stratospheric. this is when she was already a pop star. She's chasing pavements.

Yeah, she wasn't stratospheric. No. But she was- What was her email address? She was one album in. Adele.com. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, 21.

So I think I was sitting on a hill, spent about four hours trying to write an email to Adele. You always giggle when you just write, hi Adele, it's always a very funny opening, two words. And so it took a lot of time. And I said, do you wanna go on a date? She wrote back immediately, said yes. And then the date happened and it was in a East London bar.

Get a few more songs out of this one. I'm a heartbroken a few more times, great. Yeah, yeah. I saw the date was where? It was in a burger joint in Dahlston, Kingsland. And it was a- I could listen to this all night. This is amazing, yeah.

Even if it's bullshit, I can still listen to it all night. It's a great story. Here's the coolest thing, Adele. The place, the burger place we went to. So at the burger place, Adele, the place, the burger place we went to, the, so at the burger place, there is those things where they give you like kids to color in stuff, right? Oh yeah, yeah.

Adele colored in one of those things. What? She like. Well, she asked for a pack of crayons. They just kind of handed it to the table. It's not a great sign, the date's going well, I'll say that much. If your date asked for crayons.

Dan, how old was Adele when he went on this date with her? I was just a child, you're an easy unmini. It's not going to reveal it, but it was Adele at AOL.com. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a debut album, six. Um... Yeah, and so a friend of mine still has to this day, the original crayon art piece by Adele from that date. I'm gonna quickly say something about,

maybe just for mystery about the three things. I accidentally slipped a lie into the truth, a tiny one by accident, which might hurt the fabric of your decision. So we can lose points on my side. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. God, I'm so confused.

Yeah. I don't know what's real or what's not. That was masterful. Any idea, guys? I don't have an idea. Adele, what was the other one? I think Adele's The Life. Absolutely.

I think his dad might have sang with Barbara Bush at the point. Yeah, I think so as well. It's a reach for Barbara Bush as your life. It's a huge reach. It's a reach for someone that I would say maybe 60% of the audience did not know. She was a long time old. She was. did not know. She was a long time old. She was a long time old.

God bless her. She was a long time old. Her first album was Barbara 68. And then Bush 69 after. That's my email address. That's our address. And we're gonna say, I think we say Adele's the body. Adele's the body, yeah, but there's two guys. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Watch the truth. No, no, no. So Barbara Bush is true. So Barbara Bush is the true. So Barbara Bush is true. Bush is true. And then the other one was the balloon we... The balloon we...

The balloon we keepy upy is just down to that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good, yeah. Okay, so I was the Guinness World Record holder for Keepee Upi. I have since been defeated, so I'm now the former record holder, so that's a lie. But yeah, yeah, yeah, 80 minutes. It's because no one set the record.

So it was just, you just had to go over 60 minutes. So we are in the Guinness World Record. Me and my friend Anna from 2023. My mom did do Barbara Bush's hair in Hong Kong, but my dad's karaoke partner was not her. It was a Melda Marcos from the Philippines. What? What?

Do you wanna sort of ditch the game to do an audience win? Yeah. Should we do that instead? I feel like that. My lie was going to be that I cooked a chilli con carne. LAUGHTER I don't want to go now.

I made a fish pie, a chilli con carne, or a Sunday roast. It's one was the line. It was the line. Amazing. And Adele. Adele Atkins. Adele. So the truth was a bit fudged, and I made a mistake of saying me and Adele in the burger place, because the truth is it was my very good friend who had met Adele.

They knew each other. He needed to ask her out on a date, he didn't know how to do it, so we sat on a hill, I wrote the email to Adele, I penned the whole thing, I sent it, she replied yes, and then he went on the date and had the prey on art. Serenade Adele, that's unbelievable. What's serenade? Serenade.

You know, serenade Bergerac, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's amazing. That's true, you did ask Adele out on a date. I did. And she said yes, I just didn't go on the date myself. Now in the sort of the teen comedy, you'd be in love with a friend, right? Were you in love with a friend?

Oh yeah. Yeah, he's a good man, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right, fantastic.

I mean, well-earned points there from Dad. Finally, Tom, it's over to you. That can't be one point. Give him two. LAUGHTER Give the man two points for that. You know what? Happy to do it. Two points for Dan Sharper and Ray! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And Tom. Yes! Podcasting's most generous man. A man who's lived such an improbable life. Literally, what crazy? I've written the initial CCC, that's for Chili Concarno. Chili Concarno, yeah. He actually has.

FP for Fish Pie. Yeah. Yeah. Ah! Well, let's see if Dan and Ben can separate truth from wild, wild fiction. No. God, I mean, by the way, I've never seen, Let's see if Dan and Ben can separate truth from wild, wild fiction. God, I've never seen, like, Tom is not a person who gets nervous before a gig,

but you were marching around going, I don't know what I'm going to do. What's going to be my fact? Yeah, you don't like it. OK, so... When I was 22, I killed a boy. That's false, cause you just wrote the email, I killed a boy. It's how we met. Still owe you that. No, okay, so when I was at university, I had a university radio show called,

called Fishing with Pies. When I was at university, I had a radio show on the radio station called Tom Parry and the Walrus. When I was at university, I had a radio show radio station called Tom Parry and the Walrus. When I was at university, I had a radio show and it was, the show was called Barry the Bee Against Parry the P. Okay.

These are different facts. When I was at university, I had a radio show on the radio station and it was called Tom Parry versus the Hornet. They're my three. Okay. Okay. So.

Were these subsequent shows that you'd hand over to yourself? Well, it's been great on Barry and the Warress. We're now handing over to you. I say radio station. I say I was at university. I say I was at university. I say I was at university.

I say I was at university. Okay, so remind us of those three titles again. Tom Perry and the Warress. Yep. Barry the B against Barry the P and Tom Perry versus the Horn again. Tom Perry and the Warress. Barry the B against Barry the P, and Tom Perry versus the Hornet. Tom Perry versus the Hornet. Barry the B versus, against,

Barry the P and, Barry and the Warress. Which one of those is ringing true? Which one of those seems like a believable name for a radio show? Which one of those is Lauren gonna nick for four AM tomorrow? Oh yeah, gonna need some content, this could be it.

So Barry and the B is the one where there's a co-host it sounds like, cause you're Barry the P. Who's Barry? Baza. Baza. Check that out. It was Baza and Baza. Yeah.

Barry the B and Barry the P. We should have gone with Baza and Baza in hindsight. Oh Barry the B and Barry the P sounds like, yeah, yeah. That's it. Okay. So I was, and he really drove the show and I was kind of the co-host. Yes.

He was the Ideas Man. Yeah. And the truth, the truth is we didn't really, you know, like in Freshers Week, you make friends and you think this is it. And then that's when we decided to do a show. Like we met on the Freshers Fair, we went to the radio thing,

we decided very early on we were gonna do a show, and then within three weeks we realised we didn't like each other. Why weren't you shagging? Yes, I know. I know. I know. I know.

This is why. I know. I know. So yeah. Barry's a little bit. By the way, if you're a listener at home, Tom got his dick out. I know.

I know. My sports cap. He's got his sports cap out, guys. My sports cap, please. his sports cap out, guys. My sports cap, please. Yeah. So Barry the P was kind of like, he was the host, and I was kind of, Barry the P was kind of like, the roving reporter on campus.

Okay, cool. All right, talk us through the other two shows, and the Walrus. Tom Perry and the Walrus. So the Walrus was my co-host. He was a... This is so... He was a... This is so... He was a mature student.

He was always, always been old at that time. Yeah. Are we talking Barbara Bush? Long level of age? He was a long time old, the walrus. No, he was a mature student, so he was like in his 30s. He was a nice dude, and he was from Kent. So it was quite strange, because he was like a family man.

So he had kids. And so it was kind of, that was the angle of the show, was like, I'm a Zany student, and this guy's gonna give, you know, his boring life kind of thing. And I'd be like, come on, grandad! What was the world's most real name? Jonathan.

Why was Jonathan just lurking around a university campus? Well, he was a mature student, he was doing English Lit, but he'd just come back to it late. And he was, he was, he was going for a laugh. And who called him the warress? Was that a nickname he brought to the show? He had a handlebar muster. That you'd hear bristing on the microphone. So I kind of, it was my idea to call in the war. Okay. And then the third one was Tom Perry versus the Hornet. Yep.

And that's where I imagined it was a solo show. But there was a hornet in the studio. Ah. Okay. No, no, no. No. No. Tom Perry versus the hornet was a guy who wanted

to give himself the nickname the hornet. And it was the only interesting thing about him actually. And that became apparent quite quickly. So he was like. As opposed to the walrus who had a family. Yeah. So hell of a backstory. Well, at least he had anecdotes.

Sure, sure. Whereas the hornet was kind of a bit, he wasn't very, he didn't really say much. He was quite, you know, he'd go, beauty. Right, that was his cat phrase. Unies truth, the truth of beauty. No, not even that far. I'd like go, his cold playing, he'd go, beauty.

Yeah. Okay, which one are we believing? Out of those three, is it Barry the Bee, is it the walrus, or is it the hornet? Which one do you think was did a radio show with Tom Powery back in his uni days? Oh, God. It's, you know him so well. I know you just through how you were able to do this so well. Lie. It's in this this one's impenetrable because they're right next to each other. I'm

just really hoping that if you did kill the boy, you did it right on the night when you were doing one of the first. And there's footage of the police interrogation saying, so where were you just before the murder? Well, I was in a studio making Tom Perry versus The Hornet. And the war has killed the boy. What are you going for, Ben? What do you think? Well, I here to think.

I know the answer. Oh! But... The walrus is here tonight! LAUGHTER I just do that and it's just my face. Um... But I'm not going to tell you, because I think that ruins the game.

Yeah, go on, go on, Dan. You've already scored two points. Shit, okay. Which one do you think it is? Hornet, Barry the Bee, or Walrus? Okay, Walrus, as part of sort of interrogation mode, I slightly spotted you being so happy with the answers you were giving.

I thought you were sort of going, God, I'm fucking good at this. So I... I... I... Gu... I... I... I... I...

I... I... I... I... I... I thought you were sort of going, God, I'm fucking good at this. So I...

I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I...

I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... at the time, possibly, would you have faked Hornet co-host who was meant to be you as a different dimensional version of you and then Barry versus, Barry the B versus Paz of the P, someone more on your edge.

I'm gonna go walrus. Nothing. He's, okay, I'm not going walrus. No! You didn't do anything, but you did. But I know there's two games going on of plus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't be testing his reactions.

Okay, I'll go for versus the Hornet. Tom Perry versus the Hornet? My radio show was called Tom Perry versus the Hornet. It was vs. The Hornet? My radio show was called Tom Perry vs. The Hornet. It was! It was! It was! Beautiful! Beautiful!

I never missed an episode. So at the end of that, producer Gwynne, tell us three scores. One of which is true. Dad, you know, just tell us the scores. The scores he ends that round are Tom and Lauren have one, but Ben and Dan have four. Whoa!

Yes! That's a good one! So Ben and Dan are in the lead, there's still everything to play for, we'll find out who'll be a regular Philip Parking when we return in part two. See you in a bit! Yeah!

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See app for details. Hi, I'm Jessie Criksheng from the number one comedy podcast, Phone a Friend, which I strongly advise you listen to. You know what else I suggest you look into? Becoming a host on Airbnb. Did you like that segue? Thank you. I recently started putting my guest house on Airbnb when I'm out of town

and I didn't realize how easy it would be until I did it. If you have a spare room, you could Airbnb it. Or your whole place could be an Airbnb. It's a great way to make a little extra money by doing not a lot. Which frankly is my mantra in 2024. To learn more, go to airbnb.ca slash host. Welcome back to Flash Slam Down!

Yeah! Before the break, Ben and Dan were in the lead. The scores haven't moved. What? And neither has my need. You did so well in that interview. I was such a good interviewer. You're really impressive, but I'm afraid the scores haven't moved

and neither has my need. You've been so well in that interview. You're such a good interviewer. You're really impressive, but I'm afraid the scores haven't moved. And neither has my need for a parking permit. I do need somewhere to park my wheels. They're currently an old farmer McGillicuddy's field. It's only a matter of time before he squats down and uses one of them as an outdoor commode. But let's not let that worry us right now. As we launch it around to its flat games.

Games! Let's play together. Games! Let's play together. Games! Let's play forever. Roll the dice spin that thing. Put that there. Do as you're told. Games.

If you lose you get nothing. Games. If you win you get gold. Gold. Gold. Gold. Listen to that. Gold.

Oh! Music to my ears Tom. Music to my ears. It's a movement. It is a movement of sorts. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, in? We're doing our version of Mallet's Mallet, which we're calling Mallard's Ballards. Lovely. The way we've done it is I've removed all of the rules of Mallet's Mallet and all of the title as well. I would like each... That was a great... Did you used to play that at birthday parties? Yeah, we played it on the show as well.

I would like each team to sing about a famous bird to the tune of a classic power ballad. Their teammate must must guess the bird they're singing about, one point for a correct guess, but a huge ten points for performance. So I really want to hear some proper open-throated balladiering from our players tonight and with that in mind of course we start with Tom. Tom. Your song is a big tune for sure. It's I Will Always Love You, written by Dolly Parton, performed by Dolly Parton, obviously made massively famous

by Whitney Houston in the movie The Bodyguard. That's higher than Cold Plays Yellow. Yeah. And let me just tell you now, we ain't pitched it down brother, we ain't pitched it down. Let's see that power. Lauren, what famous bird is Tom singing about? Okay, let's hear the song first, I've been asking you.

What famous bird is Tom singing about? Good Lord. Okay. That's hard. I've got two legs and a really, really long neck and I'm fast and I'll last every step of the journey I make Will go meet me, oh yeah, as I overtake a jeep Wow! Beautiful, beautiful Wow! Strangely moving

That was incredible, that was incredible because we were there when you... He's crying. He's teared up. He's moved by his own performance. He finally understands what a power ballad is. The power was inside me all along. And I will go meep meep as I go by a jeep. Yeah, I'll have to take a jeep.

Fucking miracle. Wow. It's amazing. Fucking hell. So yeah, because we were there when you rehearsed it and you know, that's what, it's exactly what they say, bad rehearsal, good performance. That was a phenomenal performance and I'm going to give you nine out of ten points. Wow.

It was really, it was really strong. But Lauren, what famous bird was Tom Parry singing about? Well, there can only be one that goes meep meep. Adjuna, no, that's a lie, it could be two. Well. Uh-oh. Don't overthink this. I would say,

Yeah, go with your gut. Go with your gut instinct. It is. A ostrich. Oh shit. Oh! Are you kidding? No, the other one on the cartoon, the Road Runner.

It's the Road Runner, yes. Sorry mate, I didn't wanna fuck that up for you. Well, too late for that. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Oh, am I gonna, I'm gonna, just come, I'm in a generous mood. Love is in the air, I'm gonna give you half a point. Against my better instincts. Thank you. Dan, you're up next. Your song is Everything I Do, I Do It For You by Brian Adams from Robin Hood, Prince

of Thieves 1991. Now you, I texted you to check you knew the song and you've seen Brian Adams live, right? I have. Hang on. Is that a lie? It's true. Was that when you took a little bottle of piss with you? It's true.

5th of January, 1994. I was a nine-year-old boy in Hong Kong. Brian Adams was huge in Hong Kong. He was huge. Is anyone from Hong Kong here? You know what I'm talking about. You do it weirdly. Very white audience.

Don't wait for the response, just say, you know what I'm saying. He was massive. That song was, we were talking about it earlier. How many weeks in the UK? 16, I think. 16 weeks, yeah. Yeah, Hong Kong, still number one.

Still to this day. It never left. Massive. It never left. It's a beautiful song. Right, you've got to sing about this. You've got to sing about this famous bird, Clarky, you've got to sing about this. You've got to sing about this famous bird, Clarky, you've got to tell us which famous bird

is Dan singing about? Now you're pulling a face like, yeah? A famous bird. I got it, got it. I know, I know, and I have no idea at the same time. Cool, okay, that's my favorite, my absolute favorite. No such thing as a bird. Sure.

Do you want it? DJ Quinn, will you play? Oh, God. Um... MUSIC WHOOP MUSIC WHOOP

MUSIC It's a good song. MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC

MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC Look into my eyes and you will see one of two brothers who's about to fly a plane for the first time ever in history. Take me as I am. Take Wilbur too. But he's not the right, right I'm the one for you Tell me that you know what I'm talking about

Cause I've gone a bit off the planned route You know it's true Everything I do I do it In 1910 or 11 Dan Schreiber everybody! A beautiful performance there and a very good way of communicating the name of the bird without actually knowing the bird. But Clarky?

It was tough. The year might be all out, I don't know. That's not the thing that's sticking in there. I don't think I saw it here. The footman's question, do you know the name of the other right brother? I believe it's Lauren Peter Lauren. Sadly, I'm not a fucking nerd. No!

Not a bird nerd. Can we throw it? Go on, go on. Get inside the mine palace. Oh no! There's a bottle of piss in here! This is for the piss bottle! My ball-y stinks! I'm like, belly sticks.

Yeah, fuck, like, Philip? Is it Philip the bird? I don't think it is. Can we steal? You can steal. I'll be honest, like. The Rope Brothers famously Wilbur and Tweety Pie.

Do you want me to... Whoa! LAUGHTER Of course. Do you know the actual answer? The problem was Dan was so tender in his performance. Oh, beautiful. I wasn't really concentrating on the content. No, I just fell in love. It was too high. And I was so...

You don't know this listening, but I was so arrogant at the beginning where they said, do you want to hear the song? And I went, no need! You're right. Key is a horror. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not when they said, Do you want to hear the song? And I went, No need! You're right, keys are hard. Audience, do you know who it is? Allville! It's Allville, of course! It's Allville, Keith!

Allville! He wishes he could fly around up to the sky like the Wright Brothers did. So, Lauren, I'm going to give this one to you. No points for anyone apart from the audience. Lauren, I'm going to give this to you. No points for anyone apart from the audience. Lauren, I'm gonna give this to you. Give us your best angels by Robbie Williams. So these are famous birds, just a good bird. Got ya.

I just thought it was any bird, like the duck, the goose. Well, don't list too many birds there because... Okay, okay, okay. The next one is the game, duck goose. The famous bird is a to duck and actually so. Okay, alright, yeah. Okay, you've got it there. Robbie Williams Angels, DJ Gwyn, will you play Tom Your Guessing?

I think this is a high song though. Yeah, give it a song. Okay, oh okay, yeah, yeah, no go. And cue, I sit and wait. There's an little bird Comes to my window It's got a letter

Very populous In its beak and it drops it On my bed I'm actually a really good singer And as the feeling grows It's gonna send me to the school Of witchcraft and wizardry Come on now

Are you guessing? Yes Keep singing I don't know any more words to say, but I'm impressing you with my voice. And there is a chorus coming. I'm a little animal instead. And through it, oh, shit!

Fuck me, that's loud, isn't it? Whether I'm right or wrong, Oh shit! Fuck me, that's loud, isn't it? Whether I'm right or wrong, I'm going to the school! I saw a sound like this animal, which is quite impressive. Wherever it may take me, platform nine and three quarters. You know, it's just like, I know, why are you dead? I... Stop dead, I know what it is. I'm just a little night animal. CHEERING

Yeah! Oh, my goodness. Wow. You're so posh when you sing, yeah. I have to adopt a character. You turned into a Victorian lady. Very haunting, I thought. Very haunting, yeah.

That was, I mean, an absolutely beautiful performance. I've got to give you some points. I've realised I've not given Dan any points. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go back to you. We'll drop that in later. But first, I mean, absolutely. I mean, you sounded very much like my mother-in-law in church.

Many happy memories of my own wedding day. So I've got to give you a full 10 out of 10 for the more I said. Beautiful, beautiful. I am honored, thank you. Beautiful. But Tom Parry, what little night animal was Lauren Peter Lauren singing about?

Is it Hedwig the owl? It is Hedwig the owl! Yay! Congratulations! Congratulations! Hedwig the owl from Harry Potter. Well done. Amazing.

So I guess I've got to give you some points. Let's see, I mean it was gorgeous, it was high. Oh you're talking to me now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm talking to give you some points. Let's see, I mean it was gorgeous, it was high. Oh you're talking to me now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm talking to you. I can't make eye contact because it was too moving of performance, that's why I'm not looking at you. I'm gonna give you, do you know what? I'm gonna give you nine and a half out of 10.

I thought it was a wonderful, really good. Wow. All right Dan, don't be jealous. What did you give me? I think I was a ball. Wonderful. Really, really good. Wow. All right, Dan, don't be jealous. What did you give me? I think, have you died? Did you? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So you're all doing very, very well. You're all doing very, very well. Now finally, we- Good old- We- We- Ben, I'd like you to take us on a journey.

Yes, it's one of the all-time biggest power ballads. It's Don't Stop Believing. Wow. But Dan, which famous avian creature is Ben belting about? He's got his head in his hands, which I believe is how Steve Perry used to prep for gigs. Ben, how you feeling?

Oh, great, yeah. Yeah? Don't Stop Believing, but please do start singing. T.J. Quinn, play that song. Oh yes. Get up, man. I'm a little duck. Hello.

Check me out, what the fuck and Somehow I'm good with my money Hi sling it about I think there's some other characters involved I think there was a ghost or something It was quite spooky You see me in the sealed room It's got big doors and a combination I like to jump around showing off my whales

Oh, strange ducks Wearing clothes but not trousers Yeah, strange ducks Showing off their money in the night Look at him, What the hell? He's so stingy! Yeah, he's got the bill, but he also charges people with more bills! Beautiful. Beautiful, Clarky. It's intense. It was very intense.

Really good. Really, really good. A gorgeous rendition, I'll give you points in a second. Don't stop! Ha ha ha ha! Do, do, do stop. Ha ha ha ha ha! So, Dan Schreiber. Yes. What famous duck was Ben Clarke singing about there?

That was beautiful. Thank you. Um, Scrooge fucking McDuck. It was Scrooge McDuck everybody! Yeah! Yeah! Aw! Are we comfortable with use of the word duck?

Being as it's 60% of the answer. Yeah, that's a good point. And it was in the opening line as well. Lauren Peter Lauren didn't say how or once. Come on. No. And goddamn I wanted to. She restrained herself so well. Lauren Peter Lauren didn't say how I want. Come on. No. Yeah. She restrained herself so well. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh shit. No. No. That's right. Yeah. That gave nothing away actually. I'm afraid. Clarke. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to get rid of that point. I'm afraid. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. But I am gonna give you 14 out of 10 for a beautiful performance. Yeah. Yeah.

So at the end of that round with you to Quinn, give us the scores to the chorus of I Will Always Love You. And scores are Tom and Lauren, Peter, Lauren have 21 and a half, Ben and Dan have 27 and a half. Wow. Gorgeous. So from power balance to the awesome power of the legal system, it's Beef Brothers! If you've got a problem, don't call it a problem, if you've got a problem, call it a beef! If you've got a beef, maybe we can help you beef from the song you beef!

Yes, it's Beef Brothers where each week we ask our panellists to sort out a flat-shared based beef and today's one comes from Dave who is here tonight. Dave are you there? Yep, I'm back here. We know it's been a long record Dave but blast run a smile, tits and teeth. He's not happy with his teeth. Tits and teeth love. Stuck back here aren't I?

Stuck at the back. Gave it earlier, Dave. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha desk of my office at home. Big hamster. That may actually be a dog. How can I teach you the delights of existing at the more misanthropic end of the scale and stop talking to people? Now, Tom and Lauren, you are on the side of Dave, you're on Dave's side, Ben and Dan, you are on the side of Dave's wife, the generous Dave's wife. Okay, any questions? Is your wife here tonight? Oh, do's Jane.

Jane, okay, so we've got Dave and Jane. Any questions for... Whose side are we on? You... We're on Jane's. You're on Jane's side, okay? Ben and Dan, you're on Jane's side. Tom and Lauren, you're on Dave's side.

Any questions for Dave? Yeah, why are you such a fucking prick, mate? Crazy! Crazy! Chill out, mate! Easy! Chill out! None of that.

Any genuine questions for Dave? Yes. But why are you? It's not! It just comes naturally to me. No one else bad cop, bad cop. Sorry, Dave. Any questions from Tom?

Yes. Dave, why is your wife such a prick? Right, mate! Sorry Dave. Any questions from Tom, Lauren for Dave? Dave, why is your wife such a prick? Right, nice. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let that be stricken from the record, jury. I will not, I refuse to allow it.

I'm gonna just bring some sense into Corum to this. If you would please, thank you. Also for the purpose of the podcast, we need you to move the conversation on. Dave! Thank you. Why has she gone from dogs to hamsters like that? Cause I'm interested, I'm on your side.

Don't get me wrong mate, I'm on your side. Right, I'm not having a go. But I would like to know why has she gone from a dog to a hamster? Oh, the dogs are still present. We now have the hamster as an additional family member. They stink, don't they, Dave? They do, when they're sacked right by your computer.

LAUGHTER Do you ever act... Yeah, it must be so hard to move a fucking cage as well, Dave. You're prick. LAUGHTER Do you ever accidentally pick it up and think it's the mouse? Yes. LAUGHTER Do you ever accidentally pick it up and think it's the mouse? Yes, I did say it.

It's not working. What were the circumstances of you needing? Did she meet the hamster in the park? Was someone walking their hamster? What was the scenario? So when my life dog walks, which is most of the time when I'm overseas, she talks to people because she's a friendly, lovely person.

And she talks to everyone. And when they ask for help, she volunteers to help. And then I find out when the things arrive in the house. And I have to deal with them. How dare she talk to other people? What are you doing overseas apart from trying to get away from your stinky desk? I work in the oil and gas industry. Oh!

He's monied everybody! Woo! Tricks on Dave! Making it better! Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! LAUGHTER Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. For fairness, what does Jane do?

She's now technically retired because of my job. Oh, actually, Jane's playing a role. You think you could afford to see that the front of the fucking video... Yeah! Royal Box? Yeah, but at the front people might talk to me. Are you on the... Go home with one of the panel. Are you on our Patreon? I am, yes.

Glad you're... Let's get up that tier, baby. Get up a tier or two, baby! Up to the slick tier. Could you get a few of your Saudi mates to get on the Patreon as well? It's alright. So, Dave, Jane, is it purely animals that are the sort of adventures of her chats that come into your life? No, I've had to help people move house. I've had to take things down the tip for people, be a taxi for people.

I'm now making wedding cakes for people. That's great. Can you do any of these things? I'm certainly hoping so. Do you think there's a sense of her trying to offset your life? Thank you, defense lawyer. Any other questions for Dave?

Yes, so many. OK, so Dave, how if you were being honest, how has it enhanced your life rather than the sort of grumbly side of it? Okay? My wife is very happy. How did you meet Dave? At university They did a radio show together I wanted her to be like protesting guns, but they met across the barricade. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. case for the prosecution. You have a minute to state your case starting now. My case starts very squarely with the fact that Hamster's fucking stink and they shouldn't

be allowed in the home. They get sordist everywhere when they kick it out behind them. And I think Dave is a busy man. He's a un-moral man, but he's also... He's a busy man. And I think he should have to be clearing up Sourdust that's been kicked out by a little hamster and on that basis I'm fully 100% on Team Dave. I think he should divorce his wife and live a life at sea on the oil rig with his Saudi mates. Is that enough? Yep, that's enough.

Yeah, I'll say nine seconds. I mean, where else can you go after divorce your wife and live at sea? It was a natural lane game, wasn't it? It was pretty conclusive, yeah. Okay, well to open the case for the defence, Dan, you have exactly one minute starting now. Okay, Dave, life is an adventure and when have you ever seen a movie where an animal is introduced to a human where they get on, be it in the police world or any other kind of industry? The police world!

Turner and Hooch, they didn't like each other when they met. Star-Lord and Rocket, they didn't like each other when they met. Free and Willy, they didn't like each other when they met. Free and willy. They didn't like each other when they met. Your life is about to take off with this hamster. You're not seeing it. You're not seeing the bigger picture. I rest my case. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

So Dave, two very compelling arguments there. How do you think it's going so far? I think it's too close to cool. You're absolutely right. So Dave, two very compelling arguments there. How do you think it's going so far? I think it's too close to call. LAUGHTER You're absolutely right. LAUGHTER I think everything could change in just a moment. Tom? Yes.

LAUGHTER You're going to conclude the case for the prosecution. Sure am. Are you going to do it as yourself? No, I'm going to do it in the style of a deep-safed defense lawyer from a John Grisham novel. OK. Who goes by the name of Mr. Fanshawe Standard. Fanshawe Standard. Fanshawe Standard!

Presiding and providing your minute should you need it begins now. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I recognise some of you from the town. Danston, Danston there from the B career. Keep beaking them pies, Danston. Can't get enough of them. Damn dead lawyers there from the big city, swanning into town today with their book of facts,

talking about their moving pictures over there. We simple folk around here, we don't watch none of that moving pictures, put a lot of still pictures up on a wall and run past them old-fashioned way hell you going around John's with the long fence on Saturday night see you there for the matinee you're trying to have your belief over there, that them dare animals and humans never get on

first time they meet. Well, you probably remember the story of Carlton the pig. It's a story about a pig this time, isn't it? Carlton the pig. I'm gonna tell you a story about a pig this time, is it? Oh! It's a pig. Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Not sexually speaking, you understand? Carl and the pig would often stand by the door and oh my God, he loved that door. But could he reach that handle? Oh, he's a pig! So what did Carl and dude looking at that door? It was supposed to be a minute. I forgot to start the timer. We simple folk round here. Minutes as long as you can cook an egg, they say.

Mrs. Fanshawe makes them hard boiled. Well, I actually got the same first name as you. Wick cousins. Still doesn't make a lot of sense. Cut a long story short, the pig stood on the dock to open the door. The defence raced your... Beautiful. APPLAUSE Well, all that remains is to ask Ben Clark... Hello.

...to conclude the case for the defence. You have exactly one minute, starting now. Oh, Dave. Davey now. Oh, Dave. Davey, Davey, Dave. Why are you such a prick? You know, I don't know who you work for. Probably BP. And, you know, people used to think

that stood for British petroleum. But now, Dave, it just stands for bad person. But now Dave, it just stands for bad person. Your wife's finally giving you a route out of your evil ways. A lot like Scrooge or even Scrooge McDuck. Stop swimming around in your gold coins Dave. Help the hamsters and listen what the hamsters do all day. They run around in their wheels. You've got a route to true alternative energy.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Hook them up to the main bridge. Ha ha ha ha.

You can save the world, Dave. Ha ha ha ha. We're, we're carrying on you. Ha ha ha. A different dress. Hook him up to the main bridge! You can save the world, Dave! We're- we're counting on you! The defense rest. Beautiful, good. Wonderful stuff there. Now, I cannot make the decision myself. So instead, I'm going to call upon our live Phoenix audience.

If you think that Dave, and therefore Lauren and Fanshawe are in the right, I would like you to applaud now. It's never. Dave, it's never been that bad. Not one. Can I just ask, is it the oil thing? Or is it his personality? Is it the oil thing? LAUGHTER Or is it his personality? LAUGHTER Oh, God!

Dave! It's picturing Jake. How's your night out, honey? LAUGHTER I'm leaving the Patreon. LAUGHTER I'm just going to remind everyone of the final line of Dose Message. How can I teach you the delights of existing at the more misanthropic end of the scale? And stop talking to people.

I think Dave, yeah. Well, if you think Dan and Ben... I've got it written down here. If you think Dan and Ben made the best case, please applaud now. Yeah. Dave, I've got to ask you, mate, how do you feel about the results? I've got, I mean, as a Patreon member, I'm gutting for you. It still feels too close to call to me

Now we come to the ear lobes of our show in that it never stops growing it's the quick far round jingle Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! quickly which is why it's always so amusing that it has a long introduction it's a gorgeous cat it has this long introduction when the round is really really quick yes this jingle it really is a long one settle in we're gonna be here for some time it's the kind of song that my co-presententer at Uni radio Used to be Very far off. He'd like to play really long song

He said it meant that we could talk less I thought defeated the point The show was called Tom Parry vs The Hornet And the problem was That the Hornet was quite shy He didn't like to talk much I can't think what that would be like

So here's the end by the doors In its entirety Hello, good evening My name is Tom Parry And I'm the hornet His stairway to heaven By Led Zeppelin Hornet his stairway to heaven by Ledzer Blink I hate this fucking guy in its entirety

Oh, you've done it again Although to be fair to the Hornet he did have a really good section Where he discussed ideas for nightclubs he's had he had one called Intensity I'm glad you found better friends The nightclub would be called Intensity And inside it would be based around ten cities so you could have a bit of a night out in a New York nightclub and then suddenly you could be in Rome and you could say things like I got off with a girl You could say that anyway

In Berlin last night When you hadn't really left Kent I see Anyway I'm getting distracted I'm just saying the hornet would love this jingle I'd say, good evening, it's me, Tom Parry Let's talk about it, eh? And he'd say, hey evening, it's me, Tom Parry, let's talk about it, hey? And he'd say, hey, I'm the hornet, here's the quick-fire jingle

And then we'd get into it, the quick-fire round, the quick-fire round Beauty Beauty The quick fire round. Beauty. Beauty. Yes. Yes. This is the quick fire round. And as our show is all about parking permits, I'm gonna ask a series of questions

and I would like our panelists to reverse park their answers. In other words, give them backwards. So if I ask for the name of this podcast, you might say, slam down flat-share pappies. That's the way it's gonna work. Oh, for you. I was gonna go, ee-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f- I like to shout out your first names, in the correct way, you have to do them backwards. Ben and Dan, let's hear yours.

Ben. Dan. Tom and Lauren, let's hear yours. Yep. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Michael J. Fox. Ben. Ben. Little Stuart. It's correct. Who is the double act partner of Jennifer Saunders and played Geraldine in the Vicarin? Tom Peter Lauren. Yes, Tom. French Dawn.

It's correct. That sounds like a Bond film. Yeah. It was there. I'd watch French Dawn. Yeah, absolutely. Bonjour, Monsieur Bond. Adele doing the theme.

Yeah, yeah. Off. Sports Cap Willy. The pattern. Often called table tennis and played by Lauren Peter Lauren for 14 years. Tom. Name the sport, yes. Pongping.

It's correct. Sounds like a James Bond film. Sounds like a James Bond baddie actually, but let's not go into that. And... It was a different time, guys. Name the... Name the band fronted by Simon Le Bon, who had hits with Rio and Girls on film. Oh...

Lauren Peter, what everyone's name is, Lauren Peter, Lauren, Layfields. Duran Duran. He's correct. What famous British dessert contains dried fruit in esteemed suet pudding? Peter Lorrain and Layfields. Duran Duran. It's correct. Great. What famous British dessert contains dried fruit in esteemed suet pudding? Tom. Tom.

Salad fruit? In esteemed suet pudding, Ben. Stick spotted. It's correct. Oh yeah. Yeah. Pissed to get drunk. Yeah.

It's a good drink. It's a good drink. It's a good drink. It's a good drink. Ited a good tour of the greenie. Someone's going to magnify glass. Which song by Journey features the line, for a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on and on. Yes, Tom. Believing stop don't. It's correct. Complete 007's traditional introduction.

No! Damn. He's going for all of it. Yeah, the names. The couple 07s traditional introduction. No! No! Dan! The name. He's going for all of it. Yeah, the names. No, Shribe was going for the whole sentence. I was going for the whole sentence. Do it.

Okay, yeah, go on. Bond. Yeah. James. Yeah. Bond. Yeah. Is.

There's no is. What? Saw a flight. Why did you go for that? I got the answer right. This is the worst audition tape ever. Dan, can you do it again? Just a bit more relaxed this time.

You know. Sturt. Which 1991 film starred Kevin Costner as the title character who robbed from the rich from the rich Tom Thieves of Prince Hood Robin is correct Name the Dolly Parton song that was a hit for Whitney Houston and featured in the movie The Bodyguard Ben, Dad I'll give it to Ben

Okay What a sportsman Jolene Sportsman, Jolene. I'm afraid he's incorrect. I can throw it to the other team. Lauren, my, Lauren, Peter. Yes, Lauren, Peter. Love, no, you, wait, no, wait.

Just shut up, everybody, shut up for just one second. You love, will always. No. It's not, it's you love, always will I. That's just one second. You love will always. No. It's not. It's you love always will I. That's what I said. Right. What does RSPB stand for?

Tom. I'll give it to Ben. Yeah. Yeah. Jolene. The RSPCB. Birds. Yeah. Protection. No.

It's Birds to Courtesy of Protection for the Society Royal. What is the first line of the chorus of the Taylor Swift song, Anti-Hero? I play it every day on my radio. Dad, I know, yeah, yeah, go on. Hero, Anti. Answer final. I know, yeah, yeah, go on. Hero, anti. Answer final. That's actually the last word of the chorus.

Looking for the first line of the chorus. Tom. Is it still your final answer? Yeah, okay. Tom. Hero, anti. Wait, like, Lauren, fair enough. Tom, Tom. Hero, anti, no big, God. Wait, Lauren, Lauren,

uh, me? Yes? Problem? Problem? No. Basically, it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me, reverse it.

Yeah, go on. If you can do it, I'll give you two points, go on. Shut up. Me? Upshot. Me Shut up. Me. Up shut. Me. Yes. Hi.

No, that's still the right way. Hi. No. Me. It's. Problem. Yes. Hi.

No. What the hell? Hi. No. Hi. No. Hi. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Let's find out the final scores in just a moment, but first, Lauren and Dan, have you got anything you would like to plug? Yes. Lauren, you've written a book?

I've got a bloody book out. You've got a book out? I've got a bloody book out. It's not for any of you, you're all too way too old for it. But if you've got any teenage children, buy it for them. It's called Indie Rays Totally Vacuum. It's out now. Fantastic, yes.

Thanks guys. Oh, you're a nice audience. Thank you. And Dan? Yeah, I've got a couple of tortoises that need a home. So Dave, if you want, got a bit more space on that desk. I would love to house them.

Thank you. And you've got to go and write a book at home, haven't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dan was saying, I've got a deadline. I'm only 10,000 words away. you've got to go and write a book at home, haven't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dan was saying, I've got a deadline. I'm only 10,000 words away. I've got to deliver it tomorrow. Sit now. Three minutes past 10, you can do it.

Can easy do it. Few pro plus, you're pulling all night, it'll be fine. Thanks to all of you guys for watching. As always, check out our Patreon, patreon.com, forward slash papi, flat share, like, subscribe, rate, and review our podcast, or recommend the podcast to your friends. Right, producer Gwyn, this is exciting. Let's hear the final scores.

This is exciting. This is exciting. Tom and Lauren, Peter, Lauren have 26 and a half, but the winners are Ben and Dan with 31 and a half. Oh! So Tom and Lauren are applying for a parking permit, whilst Ben and Dan get a parking permit for me. Good for one free point.

Thanks to our guests, Lauren Lafields and Dan Schreiber. We've been Pappies. See you next time on... Blash Sherslander! Pappies, Blash Sherslander, beating Pappies, Rocky Ben-Kark and Tom Perry with special guests, Dan Schreiber and Lauren Lafield. It was devised by Pappies and Ben Walker.

Checked on expertise with by Emma Corsham and goodness, Davis. It was produced by Emma Corsham. Big thanks to everyone at The Phoenix that all the wonderful folks who go to the stage show and to you at home for listening. Pat Mies, glad you're standing as the secret news production for A-Cast and the internet.

Cheers, everyone. Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye!

Bye! Bye! That was great. Wow. Let's be honest. Wasn't it great? It was such a smashing episode. It's good to be back. It. Let's be honest. Wasn't it great? It was a smashing episode. It's good to be back.

It was great. It's good to be back. It's good to be back. You know? Now look, if that's not enough for you, if that's not enough of your weekly fix of listening to our voices, then you could always join the Patreon because every Thursday we stick out a bonus episode on the Patreon. So for just £4 a month, you can join the Patreon and be one of the listeners

to FlatShare Pop Rounds. Absolutely right, yeah. Yeah, it's fantastic. Such a nice community, we all hang out, we all chat to each other. It's brilliant. It's one of my absolute favorite things we do in fact. We don't hang out in real life, we should say.

Oh, crucially never that. That isn't part of the Patreon deal that we have like a youth club where we all go after. I can tell you now just you know the people in our Patreon no offense to them but they're not youth club age. Typically. It's not like Biker Grove down there. But it's not old age home. I'll say that much you know. No, what middle it's worth us thinking about it's like it's a patreon club and it's like a place where if you are a patron you can go and hang out after work there's beanbags there's a yeah so I'd love it like a sort of six-form common room for the patreons

yeah yeah yeah yeah let's let's start looking to it we've got to work out location first of all, or alternatively, we put it on the back of a flatbed truck and drive it all around the country. Oh, yes. That's the obvious answer, and I think that's what we're going with. That feels like it.

Yeah, and it never stops moving like in Night Rider. If you want to come on, you have to run up behind it and run up a ramp. I love it, yeah. Yeah. Look at it. But anyway, catch it when it's reversing. I love it, yeah. Yeah. Look at him. But anyway, catch it when it's reversing. I'd say that would be the way I'd do it.

If that's your cup of tea, then join the Patreon. Can I give the Patreon address? Patreon.com forward slash papi's flat share. And can you give the number plate of the arctic lorry that has our common room, traveling common room on the back. We'll give that out later. You get that when you join the Patreon. I can give you the bumper sticker, it's

Hong if you're horny. Hong if you like podcasts? Anyway, still yet to hear a Hong. And just to remind you, those flat slams again, February 19th and 20th, February 19th, Alex Brooker and Morgan Reese, February 20th, Lucy Porter and Flo and Joan please do come on down. Pappy's Comedy.com forward slash live. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham Corsham team. Cheers everyone.

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