Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ Richard Herring & Shaparak Khorsandi (Turn on the Air Fryer) S13E35

Episode Date: October 2, 2023

Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” want to turn on the Air Fryer… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a flatshare slamdown!Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry Wicks recorded live at The Ph...oenix in Cavendish Square with guests Richard Herring and Shaparak KhorsandiWithRichard Herring - https://www.richardherring.com/Shaparak Khorsandi - https://shappi.co.uk/MORE LIVE SHOWSYour favourite podcast, PAPPY'S FLATSHARE SLAMDOWN, is back at the Phoenix Pub for TWO Flatslams this October!WITH SPECIAL GUESTS  MONDAY OCTOBER 9TH: ISY SUTTIE & ELIS JAMESTUESDAY OCTOBER 10TH: ANGELA BARNES & YURIKO KOTANI (EARLY XMAS SPECIAL)Tickets are sold out, but keep an eye on our twitter for resale announcements from https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy’s Twitter - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now.
Starting point is 00:00:12 Product availability may vary by region. See out for details. Greetings. Listener here, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. I'm Matthew. Welcome to another exciting episode of Pappies, Flash, Yes, Landown. Oh, here we go, a very exciting episode this week,
Starting point is 00:00:35 where we welcome to absolute legends of the comedy world, Shaperakosandai and Richard Herring. Oh, we had such, this was genuinely one of the comedy world, Shaperakosandhi and Richard Herring. Oh, we had such a, this was genuinely one of the apps, one of my favorite episodes we recorded for a very, very long time. It was really, really fun. I mean, you'll be able to hear that when you hear the episode.
Starting point is 00:00:55 We had a tremendous time. It was lovely having Herring back. I think possibly our first ever episode featured Herring. And it was this third time back. The first time we'd ever had Shappy on. And that was, well, it was a delight. It was an absolute delight. If you would like to come and see the Christmas show, now basically all of the shows that we're going to be doing in October, or both of the shows, I should say, that we're going to be doing in October,
Starting point is 00:01:21 are sold out. They're on the 9th and 10th. We've got Ellis James and Izzy Suti on the 9th, on the 10th. We've got our Christmas special with Eureka Katani and Angela Barnes. They're both sold out. But what is happening is people's schedules change, calendars move around a little bit, and occasionally people will ask for refunds. And that's been happening a little bit.
Starting point is 00:01:43 So if you watch our Twitter, before I assure a refund, I always say, I'm just about to assure a refund if you want to go and grab that ticket when it goes back on sale, you can do it that way. But it's also worth looking at our Twitter anyway, because people will say, I can't come tonight or I can't come in two nights' time,
Starting point is 00:01:58 you know, can you, just don't want to take it. So if you haven't got a ticket, do not despair because there is definitely a chance you can get into the room and see either the L.S. James one or the Christmas episode. And we'd love to see you there. We really would. Lovely. Well come along. But also enjoy this episode and we will see you on the other side. Here it is. see you on the other side. Here it is. BAM! Tom, man!
Starting point is 00:02:26 What is it, Matthew? Yeah, what is it? It's a little sausage. It's a little sausage, Matthew. I am indeed, but let's talk about that now, because, in fact, sausages are actually on my mind, because I've just bought. Is it the hot weather? It's...
Starting point is 00:02:38 LAUGHTER It's... LAUGHTER It's those little blue shorts you're wearing, Tom. I know you're in your own home, but please pop a sarong on. No, I've... It's a wrong, all right. Yeah, and it looks so wrong, feels so right. Come on.
Starting point is 00:02:56 I've just... I have just bought my two jumps. I've just bought... I've bought an air fryer. An air fryer? And I get the feeling that everyone I meet from now on will be delighted to hear it all about it. But first I need to use it. So one of you two has got to turn on the air fryer. Well, it's not going to be me, Matthew.
Starting point is 00:03:15 Oh no. I don't want my monks wearing night trainers. What? What? What? That was much too clever for me. What about you? How do you like it?
Starting point is 00:03:30 Not bad, is it? What about you? What about you? You see? What about you, Ben Clark? Well, I'm not going to do it. But I will say, they are fantastic. I bought one the other day.
Starting point is 00:03:46 And honestly, the most delicious air I've ever done. LAUGHTER Cooked a perfection. Very, very low in fat. Well, listen, all this... LAUGHTER All this... I don't want my monks wearing night trainers.
Starting point is 00:04:01 LAUGHTER Hello? Oh, listen, all this jibber jabbering is getting us nowhere. These hands cut potato wedges aren't going to air fry themselves. There's only one way to settle this. We're going to have to have a... Oh, she's stuck in the air. Oh, she's stuck in the air. Oh, she's stuck in the air. Oh, she's oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Don't think you really need me But if we all stand up in the name of love
Starting point is 00:04:46 And state the case of what we're dreaming of I've got to say I only dream of you But like a thief in the night You took away the love that I knew Be my air fryer Your heat is my only desire Be my friar Cause I need some spurts
Starting point is 00:05:12 I know she'll add love, Matthew Cosby Beautiful, that's nice Let's meet the boys who are always invited to my sausage party It's Tom Perry and Benedict Clarke! Woo! Woo! Ooh! Now, listen, you can't turn on the air fryer on your own.
Starting point is 00:05:34 Who have you brought along to warm up your fingers this week? Ben. Ah! Well, I have bought my dancing partner, Shapparat. Katsambi! Shapparat! Katsambi is here! What a delight! Now it's starting! Now it's starting! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Starting point is 00:05:52 everything you said prior to this will be discounted from the record. No, it was! I know, it was good stuff though, wasn't it? It was having a nice time. Should we stop here and release that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, listen, it's great to have you on the show. Now, you were telling me just before the show that you almost bought an air fryer
Starting point is 00:06:06 You came perilously close to bowing the air fryer But the reason you gave for not buying it was nuts So tell me what tell me what you said early before the show here I was almost bought an air fryer I have resisted them because I It's all I hear it's all I hear from the other mums, air fry this, air fry that, and I don't buy into things that are really popular,
Starting point is 00:06:29 like I didn't see any of sex in the city, or the sopranos, or other things. Yeah, sure. It's why you haven't been on this podcast for so long. Yes, I do. I can't believe we get to see you all the way back down, yeah. To be honest, that's how I get booked on anything. I was on the last ever show that Richard and Judy did on telling.
Starting point is 00:07:01 It's your fault. Yeah, it got cancelled after that. And my mum had to call an ambulance when I got home, because I was passed out, because I drank so much rosé. And the ambulance, man. That was Judy. But she does. I think it was me drinking that made me pass out.
Starting point is 00:07:20 Let's me say, and I said ambulance, man. Then the... Passing. What they call the paramedic said to me. Let's me say and the I said ambulance man then the What they call the paramedic said to me the paramedic man The paramedic man or man He said, have you taken anything other than alcohol? And I said, just Richard and Judy. LAUGHTER So he's googling street names of drugs there going what?
Starting point is 00:07:56 It's Richard and Judy. So that's the reason you've not got a fair price. No, anyways, you can go down. So there what happened is to my utter surprise, I turned 50 years old. It was a shock to everyone. And my mum friends said, We've had a little think, and we are going to club together and get you an air fryer.
Starting point is 00:08:19 And I was like, I'm 50, an air fryer. It's been like when I bought my mom a chip pan when I was 11 I thought we should be really happy and I said no I don't want an air fryer I just want something that we can all share and um and they go Oh, huh. You're all ready. You're all ready. I don't have a bunch wearing night trainers. I went that second guy.
Starting point is 00:09:04 So anyway, sorry. So anyway, in the end, I'm really paranoid on that belt. I sound ungrateful, but instead of an air fryer in the end, they bought me a cake made of cheese. And that was to share on my birthday, but my birthday was a hot day, and everyone was in the garden of the pub, and no one was in even inside, and no one ate the cheese.
Starting point is 00:09:23 So me, my mum and dad took massive load of cheese home and it was like I have I'm still trying to take off my cheese weight from my birthday and then it was all did you love your cheese oh yeah we ate all of it and I was just like just giving cheese to squirrels did they they misunderstood what a cheesecake is? What? LAUGHTER I'm not even that much of a fan of cheese. It's not like I want to know those people that go, oh, I have a nice bit of cheese and pick a lily.
Starting point is 00:09:56 I'm not one of those people. It's a bit like... Did you choose the cheesecake? I'm sorry, I said it's a bit like... Did you choose the cheesecake? Did you say, oh, don't get me an F-R-I, get me this? Or... I know, I was just being a bit of a hair guy's don't go into trouble,
Starting point is 00:10:09 but I so wish they'd gone to trouble. Hey guys, don't go into trouble. Just buy me a mountain of cheese. It's much easier to buy an F-R-I. Buy cheese and make a resemblance. Just a cake? It is much easier to find out. Oh my god, we're talking. Now we're talking.
Starting point is 00:10:36 That was on a calibre gift. Tom, who have you brought along with you this week? Well, Matthew, the Jamborees in danger? Oh no. Much less funny now that the actual Jamboree got into actual danger. That was quite heavy news, wasn't it? Because of climate change. But you know, that's just sending it to us everybody.
Starting point is 00:10:52 We just thank you. I've read the article five times a day for a fortnight. Lovely to be told. Lovely to be told. Our podcast studio has collapsed. Oh no. To Amurak concrete. Some's topical guys, you rack concrete.
Starting point is 00:11:05 Some's topical guys, still topical. Yeah. That's a mean... To rebuild my podcast studio, I've invited the forefather of podcasting. Oh, yeah. The man who invented the medium itself. It is, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:19 The first ever poda. It's Richard Herring. Richard! APPLAUSE It's Richard Herring! Richard! APPLAUSE Richard, we all want to know, what did your mum and friends get for your 15th? You were on Richard not, did you? I have been on Richard and Jude and Richard and Jude, but not the last one. The thing, I didn't, they do like drinking after the show,
Starting point is 00:11:44 so I can't blame you for getting drunk. And Richard Maidly loves to swear when he's off. Oh, he does. He all comes up and goes, you, the fucking, there's fucking, you're really trying to, you're trying to show off. But I thought that was a comedian who was trying to show that he could swear. We had Dick and Dom on their once and they arrived and they were like, alright, cunt. Just say bogeys guys please. You're melting your minds. You know who else wears a lot is Ali Jones. Really?
Starting point is 00:12:18 You're walking in the earth, man. Walking in the swallowing. Oh, man. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER You're all a bunch of cars. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:12:32 Yeah, he can't sit up. He can't. Wow. LAUGHTER That's the jiggle he played for him on classic FM, isn't it? Ah, he's Jones. He can't sit up. He has some rack mounted off.
Starting point is 00:12:44 LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER And it's Jones, he can't sit up. Here's some rack manor off. LAUGHTER And Richard, you are an air fri-alus man as well as that. I do not have an air fri, I'm afraid. Are you tempted at all by the... No, I've got an Arga. Oh! Oh! And a Quint Street. LAUGHTER Quint Street Jones.
Starting point is 00:13:05 LAUGHTER If you like it, it's most... If you like? It's my son. I do like it, actually. LAUGHTER It's not my fault, my favourite comedian. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:13:23 But yeah, so obviously you're there. Is an arca like the furthest away you can get from an air fryer? It's on all the time. It's on all the time, heating the house and food. It must be great in this way. Well, we've only just turned it on. We've turned it off for the summer. Of course. You turn it on for the heatwave.
Starting point is 00:13:42 So did you start the heatwave? Did you start the heatwave? How have you cook in the summer? We got an oven as well. You're welcome, Jamboree. Well, thank you very much for coming on the show. We could chat for hours about cheesecakes. That's one more hour to question.
Starting point is 00:14:05 Of course you've got to answer. Do you can't afford one if that's the question you've got? Can I have yours? You can carry it, you can have it. Do you have any control on the hour, go? Is it just hot when you put it in? There's different... There's...
Starting point is 00:14:17 LAUGHTER There's different ovens of different heat. There's three ovens. One of them... Three ovens? One of them... One of them we'd of them... All the time. One of them... Constantly. One of them we'd ever use because it's too low. It's all right to go with lunch.
Starting point is 00:14:30 It's all about the oven. One of them's just not quite warm enough. And one of them's much too warm. What's right to you? So you could have a much smaller oven. Yeah. Or an oven. An oven. I had to wear the oven. Yeah. It came with the house I have to say, so... Right. It wasn't my choice. You could have a much smaller arm. Or an oven. You're not going to get it. I just don't know where the oven is. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:45 It came with the house I have to say. Right. It wasn't my choice. OK. But you did buy the house. You don't buy it. Shoes. Not for the house.
Starting point is 00:14:54 Well, listen, we have met our guests. Let's find out who's got the most. But I know we found that already. OK, just a minute. Let's find out who's going to master pile of cheese. Oh, yes. Let's find out who's the massive pile of cheese. Oh, yes. Let's find out who's Earth, the throne, who have to fry a little hard at us. We played round one now.
Starting point is 00:15:12 Oh, oh, oh, oh. That's so funny. Find somebody baby. Find somebody baby. Find somebody baby. Find somebody baby. Find somebody baby. Cause big or large people think it's fly when you're ever run On your screen, you see we've been talking to bees
Starting point is 00:15:43 We're running out of potty party running out of things to say So the conversation turns to the George Foreman off today You've quit the tips and blues and tightened your record strings Cause now you can't excite it making crispy chicken wings Swap on the bed like a winger your team died Cause when it comes to life you feel good by way you way And then turn your friends And can I get in again?
Starting point is 00:16:07 And can you ever wait? But you ever, I'm a thief, And you cannot do And slowly it bleeds As heads are in the frame I'm in the way of saying that Oh, hey, look, I'm going away for twat!
Starting point is 00:16:23 LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Beautiful. Hello, hey, look at my crazy sweats! LAUGHTER APPLAUSE They've got range, those guys. They realise it too. Yeah. So you start going for it. Yeah. Yeah. Who was the gastrata you hired to?
Starting point is 00:16:41 Dissing. I recorded that at 11 o'clock in my shed. Did you imagine what the napkins were supposed to thought? Oh, Paris murdering again. Now the classic. The first round is called Out of the Frying Pan. I'm going to give our players a lovely scenario. And they have to incrementally make it less and less pleasant. So for example, if we started with this scenario, you're hanging out with your mates,
Starting point is 00:17:08 the next player could say, then why don't you suggest you all record a podcast together? That's not a thing. So we're playing in teams. We're starting with Ben and Shappie. I'm going to give you a scenario, Ben, you make it worse, you score a point, Shappie, you make it worse, you score a point, Ben, you make it worse, you're at another point, you have two minutes on the clock to rack up as many unpleasant increases as you can. However, if the opposing team, in this case,
Starting point is 00:17:28 Tom and Richard, think they haven't actually made it worse. You can challenge, and if I agree, you take control of the game. Whoever is playing with a two minutes or up, gets a bonus five points, but I will dot points for hesitation, so no running down the clock. Shappy, you have a question. Yes.
Starting point is 00:17:42 So with Ben and I, do we take in turns to do it, or is it a team effort? I would say, you say a scenario, then Ben says a scenario, then you say a scenario. Which is still a team effort? It's still a team effort, yeah, yeah. Oh, I never understand that. The answer is yes to both questions. LAUGHTER OK, I'm sure you're going to be fantastic.
Starting point is 00:18:05 I'll tell you what, who's going to go first? Should we start with Ben? Do you want to go first? Sure. OK, and then it will be... Can you give me a story out of giving me a... I'll give you the scenario, yes. Your scenario is a gentle stroll on a summer's day. OK, your two minutes begins. Now, a gentle stroll on a summer's day,
Starting point is 00:18:25 but I've got a wet sock. Then, there's a bit of gravel in my wet sock. That's it. This is it? Yeah. This is how we play. This is how we play. This is it, isn't it? This is it?
Starting point is 00:18:43 This is it. Very much it. And then, I fall over. That is what I can't challenge. I can't challenge, but they desperate a challenge over here. No, they're not challenge. No, they're not challenge. I fall over right over one of those bikes that you have to get online
Starting point is 00:19:08 and people are just dumping really awkward places. I'm like, yeah. Yeah. That's not a challenge. Yeah. I think that's better because you know what you fell over. And then when you just fall over, there's nothing worse than that.
Starting point is 00:19:23 But if you fall over something and someone else is fall, then you feel good about it, you go, Tom, can I ask you a question? What did your mum and friends get for your 90s? Yes. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:19:35 You know what I'm just talking about? You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? Ben knows. Ben always does fall over. If you're walking and then you just suddenly scuff your foot and you fall over it.
Starting point is 00:19:45 There's no, but if it's someone else's fault, you feel better. Do you know what? I'm going to accept the challenge you got. Oh, it didn't fall over the bike. What? I fell over onto the bike. Oh. It's you had listed.
Starting point is 00:20:02 The body broke your foot On this gravelly path. I'd say that's better. I'm going to accept this, Betty. You've got a minute and seven seconds. Now remember, you're on top of this lion bike. You're abbling around like a scarab beetle. Yeah, okay. But it's still a pleasant day.
Starting point is 00:20:17 Okay, and the person who put the bike there is filming you and laughing, going, this is going online. I want a challenge there. I'm glad I can't be preventing worse. Being online. Well that I've never really been online. You're like enjoy the opportunity. You're like shappy with air frights.
Starting point is 00:20:39 I think it's a bit of a fad this thing this internet isn't it? So I think I'd enjoy the fame of the exposure. The humiliation. Mate, look at what we're doing. Yeah. Wait, this challenge... This doesn't go on live. Nobody tell him, guys, nobody tell him.
Starting point is 00:20:59 58 seconds on the clock. As you continue the scenario. Um... And you realise... 28 seconds on the clock, as you continue the scenario. You realise you put your hand in a dog shit. And the dog looks really cross. I was saving that, I was going to eat that. Is it better to meet the dog who shit it is? LAUGHTER Sometimes Paris walking down the street, he sees a nice turvy goes,
Starting point is 00:21:32 I'll reshate that dog by the door. LAUGHTER I know it's in the middle of the street. Listen, I only get to come on. Listen, I know where it's converted, play the dog. That's so good, I'm going to call it number three. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER I'm fair playing the dog. That's so good. I'm gonna call it a number three. I'm not gonna accept the challenge. You've got 18 seconds left.
Starting point is 00:21:56 And then the dog comes up to you and starts licking your hand. Oh, challenge. To clean in the shit off your hand for you. It's great. Yes, that's great. I the shit off your hand for you. It's great! Okay, if it's right on the dog, see, looking at its own shit. Bad for the dog, good for me. I've got a clean hand. You know what, what would you call that, clean dog? I would say if you had dog shit on your hand or a dog had licked your hand,
Starting point is 00:22:19 I think you'd bring over the dog lick in your hand, right? Those are the two options. I've got dog shit on my hand. I've got no dog, you've got no lick in your hand, right? Those are the two options. No, no, I've got dog shots on my hand. I'm not saying that you're doing it. I'm green. You've got no dog in. Now, Jesus Christ. Challenge. Jesus, yeah. OK, you're back in there.
Starting point is 00:22:32 You're back in play. You've got 12 seconds left to make the scenario worse. It starts raining hammers. LAUGHTER Oh. It's like Richard five seconds. And it's the MC Hammers. Oh my guys.
Starting point is 00:22:52 You can't touch that. Very, very well done. You get the five points at the end of that round. You can't, you can't, you can't, come on, you have to say you can't touch this. Yes. You can't say that can't, come and say you can't touch this. Yes. You can't say that. And also, he's wearing parachute pants, so it probably prank his phone. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:23:14 I get the game now. Yeah. Well, that's great because I'm about to change the rules. It's raining hammers as always wins, right? That's just... That's the last one. Hallelujah. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:23:30 So next up, it's Richard and Tom's turn to begin this. And this time, we're playing... We're slightly twisting the rules. This is... This is... Look on the bright fried. I'm going to make... I'm going to give you an awful situation and you have to make it incrementally more pleasant. An awful situation to start with, you're making it slightly nicer. Again, same gameplay, you can challenge any time Benedict, Shaferak, anytime you like.
Starting point is 00:23:52 So, Tom and Richard, your unpleasant scenario is it's all gone a bit last of us. And some sort of deadly virus has wiped out great suites of the population. Right. And your job is throwing corpses into a pit. OK, that's as far as I made it on watching the last of us. I'm like, why am I watching this show? This is the star.
Starting point is 00:24:15 This is the bit that goes, oh, I can't wait to see what happens next. He's taught us that he's throwing corpses into a bit. Sign me up. The last of us, right? That's a TV program, is it? Oh, yeah. You came just after the soprano. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:24:28 I thought you said it's all gone a bit last of us, and I thought, oh, is this like a Greek mythology thing? It's a very high-priced rock artist. Don't know, it's a nice idea. The tale of last of us. LAUGHTER So, you've got two minutes from the clock and you've got to make it more and more pleasant.
Starting point is 00:24:45 OK, so you've got to seize written corpse throwers. OK. Who's going to start? Tom, Richard. OK. Your time starts now. So you're throwing the corpses into the pit and then it stops raining hammers. LAUGHTER I'm going to challenge that. Oh, yeah. I think that the hammers would be a blessed relief.
Starting point is 00:25:06 LAUGHTER Go on! At that point, I'd be like, fuck it now. Well, a hammer just for all for the sky. And then it will put you out your misery. Yeah, okay, I'm gonna accept the challenge. You've got a minute, 51, to make the situation of the hammers stopping raining from the sky more pleasant
Starting point is 00:25:26 And then the corpse you go to throw in suddenly says Stop I'm not actually dead yet. I've challenged that Is and then it's on me It's the foxes and devils, it's a zombie. It's a bad, sir. Hey, they are notoriously chatty and I'm purking. All be the very chippers on the edge, but nevertheless. Let's, it may! Let me end up the old Amazon ship.
Starting point is 00:26:02 Okay, I'm going to accept the challenge there. I think that's absolutely fair. For Paris, you can challenge there. I think that's absolutely fair. So, Paris, you could take her, I think Richard's turn. So, that happens, but then you get sucked off by Ron from Parks and Recreation. That was great. And it's, I can't challenge that. And it's Ron Swanson, the character, rather than the Swanson. The haircut off of him and the man.
Starting point is 00:26:29 He's not what you're thinking when you're watching that all the way through, I'm just thinking this is Ron Swanson. It's really, there's a zombie apocalypse, there's this journey, it's a big apocalypse. Right. And then, he buys you a hammer. So, thank you. Repetition of hammer. LAUGHTER Thank you. Repetition of hammer.
Starting point is 00:26:47 LAUGHTER And it's not bad because it's been raining, hammers. It's been raining, hammers all over the country. He's trying good money after bad there, isn't he? And listen, you're on a challenge my own team. It's a reminder of the thing that broke your skull only on. I'm going to put you this. You take it the piss run.
Starting point is 00:27:08 I mean, cheers for the B-Jay and everything, but you know. There's no aftercare around here, is there? OK, yes, I accept it, shabby. Make the situation of Ron Swanson, have such a... What you have had more pleasant. Sorry, catch me up again. What's the problem? So you're on hammer more pleasant. Sorry, catch me up again. What's the point? So you're on a podcast, right?
Starting point is 00:27:29 With your friends. Yes. It's a safe space. No, so the corpse has said hello. Got it. But luckily enough, Ron swans and gives you a blowjob and buys you a hammer. I'm sorry. and buys you a hammer. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:50 And the dead corpse turns out to be his very talented ventriloquist son who can throw his voice and now has a hopeful career. LAUGHTER Can I just challenge that? I love to challenge. I am a ventriloquist. That's quite new. you, my new job, my new lockdown job.
Starting point is 00:28:10 And if the dead son is the corpse, then he's not ventriloquy, is he just doing... He's not a ventriloquist. No, he's making himself talk. That's just a person. No, no. Don't bring ventriloquism. If someone else is over the hill...
Starting point is 00:28:29 The corpse wasn't talking. It was the boy making its mouth mate. Oh, my. Sorry. The boy's alive. Can I challenge by saying, if you're facing the apocalypse, facing it with a ventriloquist isn't going to make it.
Starting point is 00:28:42 So what is it you do? Oh, you're a ventriloquist isn't going to make it. LAUGHTER So what is it you do? Are you a ventriloquist? Oh, fuck my good old! LAUGHTER My good old is on without a hammer, see if you're out of it. LAUGHTER I'm going to accept the challenge, yeah, you've got 47 seconds. OK. Can I also challenge you? To make the situation more pleasant. All this is going on and then Tom Jones turns up
Starting point is 00:29:09 and goes, alright. Yeah, you can't challenge it. Tom Jones is there. He's gone a long way. It's hard to go better than that, but I would try. I'd say in the next seconds. Ross Watson's, I've some time to tell you. So, Ross Watson's, so, I've Tom James, okay? I challenge that. I can't. And you're a like to watch. Would it make no, would it make you feel less special?
Starting point is 00:29:42 Oh, Ross, I thought it was just me. No, you're doing it the top as well. But if I'm throwing this hammer away, or I'm thinking of something. Or I'm saying is, if I was on the voice and I heard that going on, I would not push my butt. You know, I'd be good on the voice.
Starting point is 00:30:01 The ventriloquist, sir. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, You have 20 seconds. We'll accept the challenge. Glocky, you have 20 seconds to make the situation just as a little recap. The haplessest stop for you from the sky. You've got a gobb job from Swanson. You've got a gobb job from Swanson. He's bought you a hammer. It turns out the corpse you started speaking to is actually your own son who's a very good veteran of the Christian. He's got a very hopeful career.
Starting point is 00:30:44 Tom Jones shows up and says, all right, it's a good son job for Ross Wonson. I defy you to make that fucking heronymous boss picture any better than it already is. 20 seconds off you go. And then Tom Jones offers to sell you a house with an Arga. Oh! Very good, have to be 13 seconds. You accept the offer and immediately wonder which oven is the best and you decide all of them are wonderful. Can I challenge you? With
Starting point is 00:31:19 three seconds to go. Yes. Well I want to challenge whether and don't be the idea of money and property after the apocalypse has happened at all. I think houses would be free, wouldn't they anyway. The fact that he sold the house is a bad thing. Yeah. Can I give him you the house and you can still say the same guy he sold in the hammer as well as today. Can I just say, I think that's a terrible argument. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 00:31:48 Oh, man. Yeah, challenge accepted. You've got three seconds. You've got three seconds to make this situation more pleasant, Richard Herring. And then you make a lovely pot roast. Yeah. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Oh, man. There we go. APPLAUSE So again, that was, again, you had to control the end of that round. That was another bonus five points. Fantastic. Yes, congratulations now. At the end of that round, let's hear something truly pleasant. It's the voice of producer Gwynne telling us the scores. The scores, Gwynne. The scores are. Ben and Chapprak have nine.
Starting point is 00:32:24 At the time of Richard have 18. Oh! So Tom and Richard are in the lead, but still up in the air, for everything to play for in return in part two. See you in a bit! Yes! Yes! Do you want to see what the world is really like?
Starting point is 00:32:43 Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom and in love for it. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th. Welcome back to Flax Sheslandown!
Starting point is 00:33:01 Now, before the break, Tom and Richard were in the lead, those scores haven't moved and neither have my potatoes. Sorry, let me just adjust my potatoes. Okay, there we go, that's better. It's time to play Round 2, it's Flat Games! Oh, yes! Let's play together, games! Let's play forever, roll the dice spin nothing put that down
Starting point is 00:33:27 Give us your toes, games, just get loose you can't knock them in Games if you win you can't go Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go Take that, that's amazing It never ends, you don't get it. Yeah. There you go. So this week we're playing our version of Wordal, which we're calling just one wordal
Starting point is 00:33:53 do, B-Duby-Duby-Duby. In this game, I'm going to give each player a list of five songs. They have to get their teammate to guess as many of the songs on that list as they can in 90 seconds by singing the tune using only a single word. That word will be chosen by the opposing team. So for example, if you chose the word tequila and the song was tequila, that's about example, but you get the idea. You understand how the game's played. A point for every correct song guest, I'll also award the singer, points out of ten for performance. So Tom, with that in mind, you're up first. Sorry,
Starting point is 00:34:36 mate. Richard, you're guessing, but Ben and Shappy, what words would you like Tom to employ? I reckon Charlie should cut it up. No, no way. No way, no way. We're not tabbing that. Whoa. We're a family podcast, you can. That little e next to the name of the podcast,
Starting point is 00:35:00 you have to be fucking massive. Wouldn't it? No, I'm not having no. I will not have. I'm putting Vito on that one there, I'm afraid. You're a coward. LAUGHTER And you're a coward.
Starting point is 00:35:11 LAUGHTER But what words? What fun words, happy. Is this funny where our heads went, because I instantly thought piles. LAUGHTER Piles is a good word. Always on my mind. LAUGHTER That's not one of the songs, by the way. I certainly thought piles. Piles is a good word.
Starting point is 00:35:25 Always on my mind. That's not one of the songs, by the way. You were always on my ring. So, so riches, Richard, you're guessing. The word is piles. Tom? No, from now on, no doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie doobie do Pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop,, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, Piles, P guys. Pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse I'm going to throw up a chap and give it is. It is a baller! So you've got sweet Caroline, you've got hard days tonight, you've got Valerie, and you've
Starting point is 00:37:51 got, well you didn't get, I'm British, got three points there, but one point over to chap and congratulations, Tom! Beautiful. What am I going to give you for performance? It was very spirited, I'll say that much. I would say I'm going to give you, I'm going to give you for performance? It was very spirited, I'll say that much. I would say I'm going to give you a strong insert, he's 7 out of 10. That's for you. Tom and Richard, what word should Shappy be singing? What word do you fancy? What word you like?
Starting point is 00:38:27 Can we do three words? Can you do three words? What would you three words? I was gonna say cake of cheese. I know what I think we'll allow cheesecake Yeah, it's a word happy with cheesecake. Yes. Yeah, okay. Well you weren't cheese cake. Yeah, that's a word. Happy with cheese cake? Yes. Yeah. Well, you weren't. So I was a bit distracted because what if I don't know the verse is the chorus? Do you just do the chorus then? I'm one of those people but even if it's I'm my absolute favourite song at a gig, I won't let you know when the crowd goes wild because I know what song it is until they start singing common people. I don't know what it is.
Starting point is 00:39:06 I've got my first guess. In your defense. In your defense, I mean, you were stood next to me. Yeah. Sorry for that. OK. Yeah, you can do choruses. You can do whichever bit you think will help
Starting point is 00:39:19 Clarkie guess it. OK. And the word is cheesecake. Your five songs are there. Your 90 seconds starts now. Cheesecake. cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake. Cheesecakecake Cheesecake I wanna hear the black gum and beep-bo Hold on Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecakecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecakecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecakecake Cheesecakecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecakecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecakecake Cheesecake Cheesecakecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecakecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecakecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake CAKE, CHISCAKE, CHISCAKE! CHISCAKE, CHISCAKE, CHISCAKE!
Starting point is 00:40:06 Is this what you say ever heard of a chorus that has one note in it? Is this what you say they'd like after being on Rich and the Judy? Get in the ambulance! I was like, on Rich and the Judy, there's not a fair if it's like a singing skills. Do try another one, try another one. No, I'm not a singing voice. I'm so sorry. I'm not a singing voice. I'm...
Starting point is 00:40:27 Oh! Sorry. I'm going to... I'm going to stop the cop for a second. Harry is delighted. Oh, oh, oh, oh. She's delighted, aren't you? These are our guests, Tom.
Starting point is 00:40:40 Treat them a bit of respect, all right? People in glass houses as well. Fuck it, I know. I tell you what, I did it. If specter, right? People in glass houses as well, fuck it out. Wait, I take my time. If there's a glass house around, chat me, singing, fuck it out. Of course. What? What? Come on.
Starting point is 00:40:56 Come on. No, no, no, no, I'm sorry. Can we go back to it? We can go back to it. We can go back to it. You've got to... Oh, my God, we've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to,
Starting point is 00:41:10 you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to, Cheesecake. Oh! That's a quake! Please don't hurry, yeah. 20 seconds. Oh! She's cake, she's cake! Cheesecake, cheesecake! Cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake! That's a quake! Cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake! Cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake! Cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake,cake, cheesecake,cake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheese, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheese, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheese, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecakecake, cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake Cheesecake I don't know, I'm enjoying this. Yeah, go ahead, you have another 30 seconds. I don't like this song.
Starting point is 00:42:05 Cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake. Cheesecake, cheesecake, I'm going to be like, I can't bear them. Just don't give me that one. Sorry, everybody. Yeah, okay. Cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cake, cake. I can't help it. Do you forget the word cheesecake? Can I do the next one? Yeah, of course. Of course.
Starting point is 00:42:33 Do this baby, she like me. The time stop two minutes. I love this. Sorry, Matthew. I've got ADHD. Can I have 30 seconds less please? I'm looking into your eyes and singing! Why are you enjoying this more? And you like this one? Okay, then.
Starting point is 00:43:03 I'll be the judge on that. Cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, oh that's the wrong one. Oh, it's wrong! Cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake. Make it stop. Please. Oh, please, go ahead. Please, please, go ahead. I'm going to stop it, I'm going to stop it. She's got one last one.
Starting point is 00:43:29 One more time. One more time. One more time. She's more cake. She's more cake. I didn't even know the verse for this. It's a matter. You don't need the verse to occur. It's an idea for the song she's sung. She's cake, she's cake. Someone in the audience got that. I'm gonna throw it over if you can get any of the songs. Literally, any of the songs that Karki didn't guess
Starting point is 00:44:07 that Shabby sang, I'll give you a bridge of 50 and put it somewhere. I'll give you a point for each song you can still. Do you know any of those songs? Any of those ring a bell with you. It was the last one my way. It was my way, yeah. I'm gonna give you a point for my way.
Starting point is 00:44:19 Any of us on that. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Oh, what the hell? In fact, no, carry on. I can tell cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake. Oh, what the hell? In fact, no, carry on please. I can tell you now, Shappy was singing, we got I will survive, yeah. The one you hated, do you want to just sing us a little bit now, I will tell you what it was? Cheesecake, cheesecake.
Starting point is 00:44:35 That's what the walk, yeah, here we go. LAUGHTER Wow, and then the other one, we got my way and the other one here, just a little bit of that one, because you... Oh, how can you not get this? Cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake, cake. For your love in this all I think about. I just can't get you out of my life. Yeah, OK. But you know what?
Starting point is 00:45:13 It... Mine kept going into a part of you just in and of, man and man and... No, it didn't. It didn't go anywhere, either of those ones. Amazing. The entire audience is now lactose intolerant after that. Richard, here are your five songs. Oh my God. So Matthew, you're giving points for Shappys performing? No. You do that, it's a...
Starting point is 00:45:47 I know I did make that all good. Win, you did. No. We've moved on for a reason, Gwen. Really? My music's all good. Just trying to keep scoring. You've boxed me into a corner here mate. I don't normally go that low in the score and I've got to give a carry my low seven.
Starting point is 00:46:12 So what am I going to do? Now of course, Jappy for entertaining us all tremendously. I'm going to go for a phrase, okay? We enjoy cheesecake so much. We're going to go for a phrase. It can be a famous line or one you've pulled out of thin air, shappy and Ben, what would you like Richard to be singing? It could be a famous quote, it could be just a few words strong together, whatever you fancy. He's got a look of Richard the Lionheart about him. No, Richard. Oh. Richard the Lionheart.
Starting point is 00:46:55 Yeah. What was one of these? It's a fake phrase. I've been to people with this song. I've been to people with this song. Yes. LAUGHTER CHEERING People are all non-Christian. Yes!
Starting point is 00:47:12 It's not exactly the message you wanted to send out, really. I'm worried that could be taken out in context. You think? It's a two terrible thing about that. She looked my moan at my five. It sounds so much better there. Yeah. The herrings do me a tear of the wording. It is a musical comedian at all. LAUGHTER The message is fine.
Starting point is 00:47:32 It's the crack at the ukulele out. What phrase would you like? It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers, beautiful. It's almost a song as well. So a little confusing. OK, so you've got five songs there, Richard. You've got 90 seconds on the clock.
Starting point is 00:47:49 Your time starts. Now, it's raining. It's hard to do because it's raining. It's hard to do. It's raining. Hammers. It's raining. Hammers. It's raining. Hammers.
Starting point is 00:48:04 It's raining. Hammers. It's raining. Wait, wait, wait, wait, before you go, go. It's correct hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. Quite before you go, guys. It's correct. Yeah. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers. It's raining. Havoc, it's raining. Havoc, it's raining. Havoc, it's raining. Havoc, it's raining. Havoc, it's raining. It's better than you can have it.
Starting point is 00:48:36 Havoc, it's raining. Havoc, it's raining. Havoc, it's raining. One, two. Yeah. I'll give you a whole point for that. I was in a six. I didn't do what I was saying. I'm actually telling. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers.
Starting point is 00:49:06 Oh, it's hard one. It's not easy, isn't it? It's not easy. It's rain. It's raining hammers. It's... I'm going to move on. It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers.
Starting point is 00:49:24 It's raining hammers. It's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining hammers, it's raining, it's raining, it's raining. Tom, she's done this on. It's raining, it's raining. I'm going to steal it. OK, you got... You want to steal? Yeah, islands in the stream. In Italy! Oh!
Starting point is 00:49:53 It's ruined. It's islands in the stream. And the one that we couldn't guess there, you passed on Shake It Off, fair enough. And the one we couldn't get, can we hear that again? I love what was it? It's a hard one. Yeah, this is like, it's raining, hammers,
Starting point is 00:50:08 it's raining hammers. Anyone at all. Sweet dreams are made of these. Who am I to disagree? Oh my god. Oh my god. Tricky, a tricky song though, but you did that pretty well. You read mix.
Starting point is 00:50:22 You read mix, yeah, yeah. Tricky stuff. But you know what, I enjoyed the performance so much. I did mix. You did mix, yeah, yeah. Tricky stuff. But you know what, I enjoyed the performance so much. I thought the performance was fantastic. I'm gonna give you eight points out of ten, man. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:32 Clarke, the Del Sit Times of Benedict Cork, wrapping up this round, Tom and Richard, what phrase should Clarke sing to Shappy? Can I, I think, one of the hard things about trying to guess it's raining hammers is you hear it's raining there. So maybe we should give him I will survive. Oh, I like the play. I like that a lot Tom. Clarkiey I will survive Okay, okay You're guessing the songs Clarky you've got 90 seconds on the clock. I can't have to stand up of course. Of course you're gonna stand up man
Starting point is 00:51:12 Of course you're gonna stand up. Okay I will survive I was almost get to start with it's raining haves Do you want to do a quick it's raining how it's just to warm yourself a little vocal warm up? Okay, your 90 seconds starts now. I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe.
Starting point is 00:51:49 It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe.
Starting point is 00:51:57 It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's correct. I will survive. I will survive. I will survive.
Starting point is 00:52:07 And I will survive. And then I will survive. And now I will survive. I will survive. And now I will survive. I will survive. I will survive. I will survive. I will survive. So I was alive. I was alive. I will survive. I will survive to die. I was about to die. I will survive. No.
Starting point is 00:52:29 Try the next one. We'll come back to that one. Yeah, come back to that one. Oh, it's tricky this one. Yeah, it is. This is very exciting for me. Oh, fuck. I will survive.
Starting point is 00:52:44 I will survive. I will survive. I will survive. I will survive. I will survive. I will save the fate. Save the fate. Save the fate. Save the fate. Save the fate. Save the fate. Okay, final one for cocky. I will survive. I will survive. I will survive. I will survive. I will survive. Yes, it's that one. It's that one. Well, I'll tell you now that's not the right song, Karpi. How does it not? No, that's Shaker Stevens. But you've got the right season.
Starting point is 00:53:26 OK, back. I will survive. Oh, yeah, OK. OK. I will survive. I will survive. I won't be alive. I will survive.
Starting point is 00:53:40 I will survive. I will survive. I will survive. I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, I will survive! I will survive! I will survive! I will survive! I will survive! I will survive! I will survive!
Starting point is 00:54:16 I will survive! I will survive! I will survive! I did it! Oh! Oh, so bad! Oh, so bad! Do you have the sun? No! It's a noddy hole.
Starting point is 00:54:40 It's slain, it's noddy hole, and of course it's Merry Christmas everybody. Yes, so I don't think you can get, you're going to get the one that's Clarke did brilliantly but could the team steal, do you know the one in the middle? Did you recognise it? We're hearing it again? Yes, a little bit of it. I've got it. I've got I was.
Starting point is 00:54:55 I will survive. I will survive. Is it? I'm a lot, wonderful. Is it more a sea? It's not more a sea, no. It wasn't I'm still standing. It was of course, Bill Meop, but a cup by the foundation. But still a very respectable four-point chapie there, and I'm going to give him the full ten.
Starting point is 00:55:14 Yeah. It's a really good job Ben went last there because at that point we're like this game's really hard And then it's like oh no it isn't actually yeah Sing it hard is what it is yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Okay, so at the end of that round producer Quinn give us those scores using only the words I will survive no No give it give us to the tune of umbrella because we all all enjoyed umbrella, it's a hard one to sing. What are the scores please at the end of that round? Cheers mate.
Starting point is 00:55:52 Tom and Richard have 38, and a half a Ben and Shappy have 33. They've got 33. Three, two, three. 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 1. Fantastic. Well, in this next round, there is only one word we're interested in, and that is justice. It's Beef Brothers! Oh! You've got a problem, I've caught a little problem,
Starting point is 00:56:17 because you've got a problem, I'm calling a beef. If you've got a beef, say we can help you, Beef Brothers, signing like a beef. Yes, indeed, it's Beef Brothers, please! Maybe we can help you, a beer from the sun and I can be! Yes, indeed, it's beef brothers. Where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat-share-based beef
Starting point is 00:56:30 from someone in our audience. And today's one comes from Rosie. Rosie, are you there? Hello. Hi, Rosie. So Rosie writes, as a childless woman, I feel it is my right
Starting point is 00:56:41 to hang my own shit art on the walls. LAUGHTER I feel it is my right to hang my own shit art on the walls. LAUGHTER A lot of solidarity in the movies. A lot of solidarity in the movies. A lot of solidarity in the movies. That was basically the message of the Barbie film, wasn't it? And up on Himer. I'm not seeing it, but I got...
Starting point is 00:57:10 My partner has allocated me a small patch of bathroom wall. Wow. That is it. Oh. It's the first time we don't need to play the round. The worst is I know we're on the husband side. Sorry. That is it. He insists on Curating what is good enough For the bad ring wall
Starting point is 00:57:36 I think we're gonna need to hear from the guy Let's hear from Rosie first though of course so Rosie, thank you so much. It's a superb beef. The room loves it. LAUGHTER Can I ask a few quick questions before we get started and we have a cross-examination? I think I know the answer to this question, but is your partner here tonight?
Starting point is 00:57:57 Yes, yes he is. Is he the guy chewing his hands? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no't I know what you shouted, but it's not acceptable. And what's the partner's name please Rosie? James. Hi James, welcome to the show. We're going to try and give you a fair as fair as possible. Oh my god. History's worst monster. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:58:40 Can we just give James the microphone a second? Death to all non-Christians. Take it off him. Take it off him. Jesus Christ makes it. Wrong turn of phrase, but unbelievable James. I don't know your adventure in a quiz, I'm a... I can wear the paint penises to the dummy clothing.
Starting point is 00:59:02 That's not the same thing. You can ask questions of... Oh, I've got a prize. Questions to both of them. Now, Ben and Chaparack, you are on the side of Rosie's side. Oh, I'm so bad. Tom and Richard, you are on James's side. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:59:23 But before we listen, let's not jump to any conclusion. Let's have a cross-examination. Any question? You and Berg Trial. Well, they were just following orders. I don't know. Any questions for Rosie first? Let's try and... Any question that... Yes. Rosie anything Clarky, yeah. Rosie, what... Can you describe some of your lovely paintings?
Starting point is 00:59:50 I do watercolours and embroidery. A little... A little... Yeah, it takes a long time, lots of effort. Yeah, watercolours and embroidery. Is that a trend? No. No, no, I'm not self-taught out of just commitment.
Starting point is 01:00:08 Oh my god. Don't worry, Tom has got trained either. We've got to lay down newspaper underneath that desk. It's a different type of watercolours. There's a reason they're in the bathroom. What I would say is, if you're off duty-fishing chips, don't take them. There's the condensation and the humidity not ruin your watercolors, or are they free? No, they're quite, it doesn't, they don't need ruin any of them.
Starting point is 01:00:38 Is it a matter of safety? Back itself, Rosie, they start as just colours. No, I think they're all right. OK, not a terrible situation. No, I had to, I had to haggle for it. I had to haggle to even get a bit of bathroom wall. Fucking hell, James. I'm sorry, can I ask you a duet?
Starting point is 01:00:56 I'm sorry, can I ask you a duet? I'm right next to it. Right, over the top. You can tie when you're set on air. Is it your yellow period that you were? Rosie, sorry, I spent a day at the old Bailey recently, so I know what I'm doing. You aren't trial. Crimes against music.
Starting point is 01:01:18 Hey, no. I'm there. I'm there. Let that be stricken from the records. Tom's not winning, so he's going down in flames. We know we're going to lose, we don't care. Right or die, fellas? Tom, you look like a human embodiment of the Joe Rogan podcast?
Starting point is 01:01:55 Have you quite finished? Sorry. Rosie, this is a personal question, but... It's a personal bother, buddy. In your household finances finances regarding your property, are you 50-50 in your contributions? Yes. Why are you within them? Stop this now, stop.
Starting point is 01:02:20 I feel like James is in no way enjoying this. What you can't see, I've got, weirdly, I've got front row seats for the front row. And James is hating this, I want to give him a right to reply. Does anybody have any questions for James? Rosie, where in the house you've displayed James's art? James doesn't do art. You don't encourage him to. Cool, cool, that's your thing. That No, cool. That's your thing.
Starting point is 01:02:46 That's your thing, I'm kidding. You would say you got infinity percent more wall space for your art. I was allocated a patch. But before I haggled for the wall, he bought me a bag that I could keep the... Oh, the bag I've done in. It was in black.
Starting point is 01:03:03 Put it in black and of the bag. Put it black and shiny by any bit. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER It's sort of like... A beautiful art liner. I got 30 of them from the supermarket. Yeah. Oh, Mario put it with the rest of it.
Starting point is 01:03:17 And on the first day, some art collectors are coming. LAUGHTER Oh! I loved it. I love it. That'll take as much of that as you can. He'll be coming. I love it. Oh!
Starting point is 01:03:37 Oh! Okay. I don't have any questions, James. What does James like to do? Oh, OK. I've never got any questions. James. What does James like to do? James Carves Spoons. Where do James' Spoons go? Where are they?
Starting point is 01:03:57 Are they on the wall? Let's give James a bit of a right to apply here. James, firstly, we've got to ask where do your spoons go? I've so far only carved one spoon and that was for her birthday. It's the spoon don't fit! You must have quit! You're fucking it baby, we're fucking it baby! You're all over the beginning! You musta quit We're
Starting point is 01:04:34 The I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before.
Starting point is 01:04:57 I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. I've never done more before. We got to see this momentum, brother. Oh, it's lovely.
Starting point is 01:05:07 Is that the little fork thing in Toy Story? I can't. I caught my mum a spoon. I know where you're coming from, brother. Are you Welsh? No. This case is falling apart. It seems. This case is falling apart. Seems. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 01:05:27 Any further questions for James? I mean, we've got the spoon, I haven't heard enough about the spoon now. No, no, no. We haven't scratched the surface with the spoon. No, tell me. I'm telling you now, the spoon, James, over. We're asking a different question about it. Is that spoon, no, brother?
Starting point is 01:05:46 Yeah, where was the spoon? Can I also have it? He owns 70 plants. So, this isn't just a discussion about who has what hobbies? No, but plants are, yes, I am a plant-taughter. They take up a lot of space. My children's paintings are in my neighbor's house. So, James, may I ask you, do you like Rosie's paintings? Yes, she's the one who used the word shit. I have never used that word before. But you've implied it.
Starting point is 01:06:25 I've never liked putting them so close to the shit. We've seen it. As close as possible. We don't have a very big flat. Okay. We... We... We've seen plants.
Starting point is 01:06:38 Yeah. They don't go on walls. Rosie, are you arguing that you should try the plants for your own... But we have a lot of wall space in the bathroom and we... Can I ask you James? Can I ask you James? If you have a yucka plant that really is dry to the point that you think it's dead, is it resurrectable?
Starting point is 01:06:59 A little bit of gardener's question, time to get hurt, is David. Are you talking about their relationship? Have you seen ET? Was the gallery wall your idea, James? Yeah. Well, you know Tony Harp. Well, you know Tony Hart. Yeah, I know Tony Hart. You know the music from the Tony Hart? Yeah, the GEEZ CAKE!
Starting point is 01:07:32 APPLAUSE It's just really nice to listen to that music in your own head while you're having a piss. It's great, lovely. Do you know why? We can't return any of your pictures, but we do look like that. We do piss a little bit. They've been off the bat.
Starting point is 01:08:00 I think that's enough information. You know why it's turned up in it on that colour. I think that's enough information. You know why it's turned on that colour. I think the calming of the spoon. I think both people have sort of reported themselves very, very well. So without further ado, now, Shabby, remember, you're on Rosie's side. You've got a minute to begin the case for the prosecution. Your minute begins now.
Starting point is 01:08:24 As a plant lover myself myself I wholeheartedly endorse 70 plants in a smallish may I say flat That said this is an equal partnership Then if the plants are allowed and I would say that the paintings should be allowed to exist if only a'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw'r pŵnig yw' yw'r pŵnig y got it. So I would suggest that Rosie deserves this wall space because she is solely going to paint plants of James's choosing from now on and in that respect this is the only compromise in this very very serious case. Wow. Okay, well Rosie, I've got to ask, can you feel about the sort of flea market? I thought that was yours to lose the time, I said...
Starting point is 01:09:35 You're only painting watercolours of dying yuckers now. Dad, you feel about that? I just feel like there's enough plants and half lot of... Well, it seems to me the issue is the plant, not the wall space. It's never about what you think it is, is it, Rosie? Hey, DH, do you say? LAUGHTER
Starting point is 01:09:55 LAUGHTER Richard! You know... You know... You know have a minute to begin the case. For the defence, you are, of course, you know, have a minute to begin the case. Full of defence, you are of course on James' side. Your minute starts now. James is a man who cares deeply about plants.
Starting point is 01:10:12 It's keeping 70 plants alive. 70 plants that would be dead. Yeah. It might have something to do. If it wasn't for his careful curating of them, he needs that space for his plants. We're talking about women who's doing childish pictures. What if one day she has a child and the child sees the pictures and thinks, oh, is that what I've got to do?
Starting point is 01:10:33 It's so good. If she cares so much about her art, this guy made a respoon, I would. The best material to make a spoon. And if she wants more wall space, I would suggest she moves into her own flat. I believe this kind noble man to gend for his plants and his spoon. Richard Herring everybody, Richard Haring. He's street's greatest criminal. So we've heard a few different arguments here. Again, none of the ones I was sort of assuming we'd hear. But it is interesting. I mean, what... I'm fine with that second
Starting point is 01:11:25 option very it's got an arca you're fine yeah okay it's going straight you are James how do you feel it's going so far I mean we started at Nuremberg's the only way to go is up Clarky remember you're you're on Rosie's side you're gonna conclude the case for The only way to go is up. Clarkey. Remember, you're on Rosie's side. You want to conclude the case for the prosecution. I'm going to give you a minute as well. Don't need it.
Starting point is 01:11:52 Don't need it. Okay? All right. Give me two minutes. Yeah. Your time starts now. Oh, listen, man. James.
Starting point is 01:12:01 James, what a prick. Oh, I thought. James, aka, what a prick. Oh, I don't know. James A.K.A. the big spoon. He said, if you want to carve spoons, come out, you fucking plants, Bear Grills. More spoons, less plants, problem solved. And also, Rosie, I get it. It's hard to follow in, you've been gone.
Starting point is 01:12:27 I thought it was such a... I was like, this is perfect. Because it's really clear. But you've really muddied the world. Sometimes it's too clear. Yeah, sometimes it's too clear. No, but I truly appreciate how hard it can be to have a partner, you know, when you're an artist who doesn't fully understand your art, you know, they might refer to you going up to Edinburgh and doing a show for a month, there's not a job. They might never come to your podcast record. Or listen to them.
Starting point is 01:13:10 And that's difficult. So I say, take the whole house, take the power back, and if James doesn't like it, then tell him to fuck off. Strong conclusion there, Classy. Very strong. Thank you, Carc, everybody. All that remains is to ask you, Tom,
Starting point is 01:13:30 are you going to be concluding the case for the defence as yourself? No, I'm going to be doing it in the style of a defence lawyer from a John Grisham novel. Oh, yeah? Mr. Fanchor Standard. Mr. Fanchor Standard. Yeah, Mr. Fant Shaw Standard. Mr. Fant Shaw Standard. Presiding and providing, your minute should you need it begins now. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.
Starting point is 01:13:53 Hell, I recognize a lot of you there from the town there. A lot of them there, lawyers from the big city swarmed in a town today in their automobiles. It is swarmed in a town today in their automobiles. He knows that thing is an automobile round here. Round here we simple folk, we walk him, we crawl in, we wave him. The head of the trots folk. Lot of damn loyal day from the big city talking about damn artwork. Sounds to me like some in them Germans do. You know how we feel about that round here.
Starting point is 01:14:34 Hearing this story down here, this damn dare couple there, kind of got me thinking now, you'll probably remember about the time that I bought myself a pig from the eyes of the guinea pig. Hell, hell you all left a pig from the eyes of the guinea. Cute little thing, furry like. Ain't gonna eat this one. Gonna feed it, keep it, learn from it. What's that little guinea pig going up to? I'll even in the garden every day Mrs. Fanchill calls me and says hell now. Oh, but die ring going to the toilet we call it
Starting point is 01:15:16 over die of cause after our daughter. Oh but die ring going to the toilet, she said. I said, oh, but Dyer, she's 22 and married. Not that over, Dyer, fan sure? The pig from the Isles of the Guinea. Not going to the toilet? What's this about? A book a week off work. It was a quiet time. We're a simple town. Not many trials around here. Followed all by day one day, where she off into the hedge under the tree, little burrow. Watch her doing it there.
Starting point is 01:15:58 She hunched and she pissing, she shitting. Private place. Nobody watching. sacred space, I looked up above them, what's the little old boy died on? She weaved herself a little star, out, ah, hey. Some guinea pig. Turns out where you shit and piss is sometimes the most sacred place of life. No further questions, you know.
Starting point is 01:16:38 Oh my God. Are you ready? I'm ready. I'm ready. Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready?
Starting point is 01:17:00 Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? Dimension no spoon, no, they don't forget the spoon now! Okay. Let that be stricter from the record. Now obviously I can't make the decision myself. Er, don't be asked. So instead, I call upon our live Phoenix audience. Now if you think Rosie and Shaprak and Ben are in the right, I would like you to applaud now.
Starting point is 01:17:21 Whooo! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh my goodness. applaud now. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Oh my goodness. Woo! Woo!
Starting point is 01:17:31 James, the plates have shifted mates. Woo! Imagine you get absolutely zero for this. It just lost the will to live. But if you think Richard and Fanshaw and therefore James are in the right, please applaud now. Woo! Woo! Woo! and fans short and therefore James are in the right, please applaud now. Oh, come on!
Starting point is 01:17:53 No, Rosie. Rosie, I'm afraid the mob is spoken. Big thanks to Rosie and James, everybody, superb. Superb, yes. everybody. So, can we ask a favour? Can you, when you get home, can you take some pictures of your art so we can put it out with the episode? And you take your art. It's going to say, Jesus, creepers, that's a credible fault. It's just weather, baby.
Starting point is 01:18:27 I tell you what, let's make it fair, both of you. We want butt pics straight to our DMs. James, can I ask a photograph of your plants just for me? Yeah, sure. Naked ones of the yucca. Did I tell you I saw the pictures? Anyway, now we come to the part that show the electrical home time, sadly I tell her, I saw the pictures. Anyway, now we come to the part that show the electrical home time, sadly I can't because
Starting point is 01:18:49 it's not what it is. So no, it's actually time for the quick far round, so let's hear the jingle. This is the quick fire round. It's the round that goes really quickly, which is why it's always so amusing that it has a long introduction. Introduction, which still makes me laugh to this day. It has an introduction, when the round is really short. I will say this, today I could do with a short one, because I'm waiting for a workman to arrive He could come at any minute
Starting point is 01:19:49 We probably won't come till tomorrow then mate I'm waiting for the door to go So we better wrap this up The workman's coming round to discuss the paint we've just had, because the paint hasn't dried in three weeks I'm going to paint to dry. Which feels a lot like this jingle Or more interesting than that The paint they used was supposed to be based in water But it turns out there might have been some oil in that How do I know me? I'm dying to find out. Because we contacted the manufacturer
Starting point is 01:20:51 That's right, the manufacturer's been in on the phone. Anyway, I'm getting distracted. We've got the quick far round to do And the quick far round, as we know, is really short With this long introduction With short but long introduction Which I mean does feel quite odd So if you have a problem with that, please contact the manufacturer.
Starting point is 01:21:31 And by saying that I guess that's us, it's quite nice to be a manufacturer. But we're not really Although if I was a manufacturer of paint-tide Make sure the labels were clear It would say water-based in really big letters It wouldn't, at any rate, I'm not gonna get into the painter's time for the quick fire Quick fire Yeah, like a definitely The quick fire
Starting point is 01:22:26 Yes indeed. It's the quick fire round. And as our show is all about air frights, I'm going to ask a series of trivia questions and I remember that. And I would like our panelists to change the last word of your answer to something you could fry. So if I asked you the name of this podcast, you might say,
Starting point is 01:22:44 Papi's flat share salted cod. Which we very nearly called it back in 2011. And instead of buzzers, I'd like you to shout out your first name, spending shabby lets hear yours. Ben. Chappy. And Tom and Richard, let's hear yours. Richard. If you're struggling with this bit, guys, the trivia questions might be a bridge too far. Okay, first question off we go. Name the song by the killers, the The trivia questions might be a bridge too far.
Starting point is 01:23:07 OK, first question, off we go. Name the song by the killers that begins. Can I get up by? Yes, Tom. Mr. Waffle. Correct. Which Shakespeare play features the characters Obron, Titania and Bentham. A mid-summer's night potato.
Starting point is 01:23:21 It's correct. What does BBC stand for? Tom. That's Matt. What BBC we talking about. LAUGHTER Oh, full. Time is the one you check on your laptop every day. LAUGHTER British broadcasting to Martha.
Starting point is 01:23:42 Oh, it stands for good conservative values. What is the... What is the highest mountain in the world? Ben. Yes. Mount Flaffle. Is correct. Who wrote the horror novel, the shining, carry? Tom. Tom.
Starting point is 01:23:55 Stephen... Cheese. LAUGHTER You can fry, J.A. I'm finding it really difficult to remember to say my name. LAUGHTER I do know these answers. I tell you what, this was just for you then, Chappy. Which movie starred Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd
Starting point is 01:24:11 and it featured a time-traveling delorean car? Shappy. Shappy. LAUGHTER Back to the ambulance. LAUGHTER That's your memoir, Elizabeth. It would have been a big air fryer, I'll say that much. That's something he's cooking in there.
Starting point is 01:24:46 There were three parts of that question. You nailed your own name. You knew the film. What do you do? What? I don't know. I have a book I've read for that at my house. A lovely time with Richley Judy.
Starting point is 01:25:02 Oh well, back to the ambulance. It's been so long to figure out why you love me. Lovely time with Richley Judy. Oh well back to the ambulance Right I see back to the courgette The time bridge links gatehead and which other city Tom Tom. Tom. A plum. I wanted to dispute it but also I don't want to at the word Newcastle with a plumb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Well, okay. It would be weird if there only one word else is dumb. Wouldn't be much point to be writing questions. Almost as weird as frying a plumb. But, Tom, you answered that with a plumb. So, But Tom, you answered that with a block.
Starting point is 01:26:14 Mainly American cocktail, typically made with vodka, tequila, light rum, triple-sec gin and a splash of Coca-Cola. Tom, Ben, Tom. Long Island iced plum. Long Island iced plum tomato. Carrie Miranda, shuttle, this is not one for you. Shappy. Yes, go on, Shappy. Thank you. Sex and the chicken. Yes.
Starting point is 01:26:38 And for a bonus point, that's your second mobile. Richard for prison. They have the actor who plays Carrie in Sex and the Chicken. Oh, Shappy. Shappy. Sarah Jessica Turkey. Yes, it's just a guy. Typecasting really, wasn't it? A tennis match featuring teams of one male and one female player is often referred to.
Starting point is 01:27:08 Jack, yes, go on. Mixed pork. This is a taste. Something I also coup on my laptop. People in your area are looking at mixed pork. Poor cub. One is another native for a small convention oven that uses air. Borkub. One is another name for a small convention oven that uses air rather than oil to fry food.
Starting point is 01:27:31 Oh, chap, chap, chap. And air... Piggy. Sure, I'm going to accept it. That is the end of the round! Airpicky, so before we find out... The final... I don't like my pigs to wear night trainers. So before we find out the final scores, guys, before we find out the final scores guys, before we find out those final scores,
Starting point is 01:28:07 Shappy, Richard, anything you would like to plug to our listeners, both here tonight and at home listening. I don't know, since we started this podcast, my brain's strong. We do do that to people, yeah. I know it's all my own doing, I don't know. I have nothing to... Oh, yeah, I've got the full scatterbrain. The full scatterbrain. The brain is very good. The perfect plug for full scatterbrain. I don't think I've done anything.
Starting point is 01:28:34 Oh, yeah, I wrote it, but full scatterbrain. It's called back to the abyss. So scatterbrain is available wherever you get good books and... I'm on tour with my podcast, Rahul Astapa. Around the UK. So obviously one of the absolutely classic podcasts of all time and if you're not listening to that, what are you doing guys? Why are you listening to this? Get off this and get on that!
Starting point is 01:29:01 Don't worry about that, nobody says they do this. So thanks to all of you for watching here. As always check out our Patreon Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flatshare, like, subscribe, rate and review our podcast or recommend the podcast to all of your friends. The next shows they've just gone on sale today, they're happening in October, October the 9th and October the 10th and due to a sort of small schedule in conflict, October
Starting point is 01:29:27 10th we are Christmas show. We never played by the rules. We're not quite. We're not spooky Christmas. So yeah, the October 9th has got Ellis James and Izzy City. That's very exciting. And October the 10th, the Christmas special has Eureko Katani and Angela Barnes. They're both going to be cool because they're both selling fast already to grab your tickets today.
Starting point is 01:29:55 Right, this is exciting, producer Gwynn. Let's see. This is exciting. This is exciting, guys. This is exciting. Guys, guess you're wondering, I'm already telling you. It's exciting. So stop putting your coat on.
Starting point is 01:30:07 LAUGHTER APPLAUSE I know he said the show has finished at 9.45 and it's got a bus 10, but this is exciting. Gwynne, what are the final scores please? Ben and Shapprach have 39, but the winners are Tom and Richard with 45 and a half So Tom And Richard getting to join the Christmas lights and the Christmas session with yours truly. I really must start moisturizing my flanks likes to all our guests. LAUGHTER Hang on.
Starting point is 01:30:46 LAUGHTER The applause stopped and I thought, what? That's the least drink for everybody else listening at home. Thanks to our guest, Chef Rackgos Andy, and Richard Haring. Some of the all-time greats. We've been pappies. Three of the all-time greats. been happy is Three of the all-time greats see you next time on flash air slam down That means that's a This is my abacusion with these days, just my abacusion, this act every on the Phoenix, to all the wonderful folks who came into the show
Starting point is 01:31:26 with your awesome, your home for this week. And if that's the case, that's a great product for the very last of the internet. Cheers everyone! Hi! Cheers! Cheers!
Starting point is 01:31:35 Oh, yeah! Yes, fun. Ralkus. Ralkus stuff. So fun. Yeah. Knock about. Really, really fun.
Starting point is 01:31:43 Loved it. Absolutely adored that. If you enjoyed that as well, and you would like to throw a bit of money away, then join our Patreon, Patreon.com, forward slash Pappy's flat share. But for the small amount of money you give, which means the world to us,
Starting point is 01:31:57 you get a lot in return. For just four quid a month, you get a bonus episode every week. Sometimes two bonus episodes, because we also do a bonus beef after our beef brothers episodes. In fact, you get early notice of our live shows, you get a better chance of getting tickets, plus a discount on those tickets. There's loads of great stuff over there, but most of all, the bonus episodes, we have a tremendous amount of fun doing those and we'd love you to hear them. So yeah, join the
Starting point is 01:32:23 gang, patreon.com, forward slash, papi's flat share. Great, well, another great pod under the belt and on we go to the future. Today's episode was produced by Amar Korshim. Of course. Cheers everyone. Excited about the future. I'm not going to lie. I'm really sorry to remove all the mess. Yes, yes. Just remove one. Bye! Bye! Brilliant. I love that.
Starting point is 01:33:01 Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.

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