Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ Tiff Stevenson & Luke McQueen (Pick the headliner) S14E32
Episode Date: September 2, 2024Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” want to pick the headliner… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a flatshare slamdown!Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry Wicks recorded live at Latitude ...Festival 2024 with guests Tiff Stevenson and Luke McQueenWithLuke McQueen - https://www.instagram.com/mrlukemcqueenTiff Stevenson - https://tiffstevenson.co.uk/Come and see Flatshare Slamdown live23rd September Flatshare Slamdown with Ania Magliano and Michael Odewale - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/flatshare-slamdown-with-ania-magliano-and-michael-odewale-tickets-100640966740724th September Flatshare Slamdown with Celya AB and Jin Hao Li - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/flatshare-slamdown-with-celya-ab-and-jin-hao-li-tickets-100641271652723rd & 24th September do the double bubbler ticket offer - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-live-on-september-23rd-and-24th-tickets-1006415996337Cheerful Earful - 20th October - https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-live-show-20th-oct-ticketsPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
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Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom.
I am Matthew, Ben is on assignment, but don't worry, he's here in this episode and welcome
one and all to a very exciting, and it is a very exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share
Slamdown because this one was recorded at the Latitude Festival.
Oh yes, always a spicy affair.
And I mean that in that I'd been drinking a lot of
spiced rum. Yeah, you were spicy and you were having an affair. But let's put those two things
to one side and talk about the show we did. It was great. It was great fun. We had two lovely guests
in Tiffany Stevenson, the brilliant Tiffany Stevenson, who you'll know from The Bugle,
who you'll know from Running Old Rope. We also had Luke McQueen, who you'll know from So Many Things, where
he does it a bit differently to everybody else.
And today's no exception.
Today was no exception. Yeah, I don't know how much context we need to give for Luke
stuff, but it'll make sense in the end. It will tell you a bit more about it afterwards.
But the main thing is it's the start of a brand new year because as you know
we operate under the academic calendar. That's how it works. Absolutely right. Today is a brand new,
it's a brand new September, it's the first, it's the first Tuesday of September when if you listen
to this on a day it comes out which means September's rolled around once again it's time for
Happy New Year. Happy New Year to you Tom and happy new year to you to those who celebrate it does mean that we're starting with a few flat share
slam downs a few live yeah you've got to come along to see them guys if you've never come along
to the phoenix in Cavendish Square to see our live flat share slam downs you you are missing out
and I reckon there are people who are listening to this now going, well, I'm close by. It'll be easy to get to.
I've just never bothered.
This is going to be the one you go to.
I'm talking to you right now.
This is the one you're going to.
Yeah.
It's the right time to dust off your new pencil cases.
Yes.
Your bags. Get out the house.
Your protractor. Your set square.
Do something new. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, it's a different year.
Things are new. Embrace new experiences. Get down to a flat slam. Get something new. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's a different year. Things are new, new embrace, new experiences.
Get down to a flat slam.
Get yourself down to a flat slam.
So they're happening on the 23rd and 24th of September.
All of the tickets are available from pappiescomedy.com forward slash live.
But you want to know who we booked.
You want to know the guests.
Of course you do.
So Monday, 23rd of September, we're starting strong with two friends
of the general podcast world
and one debutant on a flat slam.
Anya Magliano is returning.
She was absolutely brilliant last time she was here.
Anya Magliano, fresh from smashing the fringe.
And Michael Adewale, who I thought was a standout guest
of last year's Beef Brothers Cold Cuts.
So it's his first flat slam.
Very excited to have those two go head to head.
Anya and Michael, they will be there on the 23rd.
And on the 24th of September,
we've got our dear friend Celia AB.
Great to have her back on the show.
And again, another debutante, Jin Hao Li.
Again, fresh from smashing the,
I mean, they've all, actually all our guests smashed the fringe, but, but Jin-Hao was nominated
for best newcomer.
Really, really fantastic.
Very excited to have him on the show.
Celia, Jin-Hao on the 24th, Anya, Michael Odewale on the 23rd.
Tickets from pappiescomedy.com forward slash live, or there'll be a link in the show notes.
I'm talking to you.
You know who I'm talking to as well. You're listening to it's going, he's talking to me.
We're talking to you.
This is the one you come to.
This is the one you come to.
We will see you there.
We will see you there.
Absolutely right.
Great lineups, Crosby.
Great lineups.
I wanted to say the future of standup, but actually it's the present of stand-up, isn't it? It's like these are the hottest names doing stand-up in the country right now,
shaking hands with the past by joining us on our show. I can't wait. I really can't wait.
I can already tell the angle. Because that was the thing you... When Ice Message told me, he's like,
oh, the young bucks. And it's like, I guess, yeah, I guess they are young, but I see myself very much as their
contemporaries and I believe they see me in a similar vein.
I very much doubt they're getting a text from me and going, ah, the elder statesman.
The elder statesman pappies have given us the call up.
But anyway, Anya, Michael, Celia, Gin Howe, we're very excited to have them all on.
Pappiescomedy.com forward slash live.
But for now, let's get into the episode of the...
Here we go.
...flatshare slam down live at the Latitude Festival 2024.
Pour yourself a spiced rum, put on a bad hat and have a festival experience.
Tom Ben!
What is it, Matthew?
What is it, you sweet little lad?
Oh, thank you very much for calling me a sweet little lad.
Listen, one of you two has got to decide which headliners to watch
at this year's Latitude Festival 2024.
Will it be Kasabian, Keen or Duran Duran?
Sorry, am I looking at the right year?
No, no, yes, yes, 2024, and that's your choice.
Kasabian, Keen, or Duran Duran?
Which one are you gonna go for?
That's your decision, but who's gonna be the one to decide?
It's not gonna be me, man.
No, Ben?
You know, I just get overwhelmed with the choice.
You know, it's so hard to pick.
I always end up just having complete paralysis, fucking up and end up watching some fucking podcast
It's an absolute nightmare
Tom what about you? Well, it's not gonna be me Matthew. I've had a terrible time of it lately actually. Oh
the great British Olympic swimmer
Who's up for gold this evening?
British Olympic swimmer who's up for gold this evening, Adam, I forget his surname,
he gave me a sexually transmitted disease.
Oh no.
And it caused me tremendous amounts of trauma.
I've got PTSD.
Guys, that's not bad actually.
That's not bad.
That's not bad actually.
Do you know what?
The mob has spoken, that's not bad. Well, there's only one way. PTSD is not bad actually. I didn not bad. That's not bad actually. You know what? The mob has spoken. That's not bad.
Well, there's only one way. It's not bad actually.
I didn't understand it, but I loved it.
There's only one way to settle this.
We're going to have to have a...
Flat Share Slam Down!
Woo!
We're in a flat. And we're sharing with our mates.
So we're going to slow it down.
Flat Share Slam Down!
Hello and welcome to Flat Share Slam Down. we're going to slow it down Flat Shares Slam Down Hello and welcome to Flat Shares Slam Down
Stay in your seats guys, stay in your seats
Seriously, chill
Put those tops back on
Chill out guys
Hello and welcome to Flat Shares Slam Down
The panel show that says
Latitude da ba dee da ba die
Da ba dee da ba die
Da ba dee da ba die
Da ba dee da ba die Da ba dee dabba die, dabba dee dabba die, dabba dee dabba die, dabba dee dabba die, dabba dee dabba die, dabba dee dabba die,
latitude, dabba dee dabba die, dabba dee dabba die, dabba dee dabba die, dabba dee dabba die, dabba dee dabba die, dabba dee dabba die, dabba dee dabba die, dabba dedabba-dai, dabba-dee dabba-dai, dabba-dee dabba-dai, dabba-dee dabba-dai.
I'm the host and landlord Matthew Crosby.
Let's meet my Clashfinder Generals, it's Tom Parry and Benedict Clark.
Hello!
What?
But you know what?
You can't pick a festival headliner on your own.
Tom, who have you brought with you to tell you that Orbital actually has a lot more hits
than you realise?
Well Matthew, the Jamboree's in danger.
No!
We've had to chit-chat our best sponsor.
Oh, Tiff.
Yes, I know.
But don't worry.
One of my most successful mates has waited instead.
It's Tiff Stephenson, everybody.
Tiff Stephenson is here.
I'm double fringing.
I just need to...
Oh, yeah. You've got to see this.
You've got to see Tiff's outfit.
She's got...
What a festival outfit.
Look at that. Oh. Don't tassel the Tiff. That's what they say.
That was... I mean, do you know what?
I don't mind that.
A lot of people don't make an effort for an audio podcast.
I'm talking mainly about the four boys,
but thank you very much for dressing up.
So Tiff, obviously you look fantastic,
but there's more to you than that.
What kind of a person are you to live with?
What kind of a person are you to camp with at a festival?
I am, my ego wants to say I'm amazing to live with.
Like, oh, I'll fart on you in the bed to keep you warm.
Tom's very excited by that.
Please, please.
Sorry, I didn't mean to get anyone in the audience semi-erect.
I am very, very messy. I think I'm fun, but I'm very messy.
I'm one of those people who, if my husband goes away,
yeah, dropped a hard H, sorry to break any hearts.
Taken.
But if he goes away, I just feral.
Like his half of the bed, there's empty packets
of pickled onion space radars, there's magazines,
there's just face creams all over it.
So I think I'm fun, but also a nightmare.
You're not just a great person to live with.
You're extremely resourceful as well.
I love the microphone stand you fashioned
out of a can of- I'm going to the microphone stand you fashioned out of a can of,
out of a can of summer's bees.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna play, I'm gonna do,
I'm gonna do the role reversal of what has happened
over the years when I've done panel shows
and it's been all blokes and I've said something
and then a bloke has just said it louder afterwards
and got a big laugh.
That was actually your idea, wasn't it?
You did it first.
But I'll take the credit. Well, I just wanna say folks. Take one back for Rosalind Franklin. Okay not enough nerds in. Okay
uh double helix anyone? Anyone? I don't know who that is but uh she discovered the I'm not alone
in that. She discovered the double helix but it was stolen uh her research by Watson and Crick
and uh they got laureates and she sort of went to her grave
with no credit.
It's Robin Ince here to enjoy that,
because Robin, Robin are you here?
He'd love that sort of caper.
Clarky, who have you brought along with you?
I have brought my tent mate, Luke McQueen.
Luke McQueen.
Mr. Barclays.
Mr. Barclays, as you like to be referred.
Luke's nailing his colours to the
mast early doors. Well I just you know I heard that Barclays weren't allowed to sponsor the
festival anymore so I got in touch with them I said I might have an opportunity for you. So
Barclays are actually sponsoring me at the festival and they've asked if you can refer to me as Mr.
Barclays at all times. Mr. Barclays, it's an absolute pleasure to have you here.
I've just got to ask you, what's it like bankrolling a genocide?
It's my first question.
What's it like?
Well, listen, we just love weapons, okay?
We're not responsible to who's holding the weapons,
but we just love weapons.
More weapons the better.
Absolutely right.
Well, there's certainly one on stage.
So...
LAUGHTER
Hello, Luke. What kind of a person are you to live with?
Well, I think I'm the opposite to Tiff.
Very clean, very boring.
Embed by ten.
Very strict on that.
What else do you want to know?
LAUGHTER
So you've got a cool 90 minutes before you're going to be back.
This is the last thing I'm doing today.
This is the last thing you're doing. You're going straight to bed.
Are you camping overnight or are you staying in a hotel?
I'm camping.
You're camping overnight and you're going to be in bed by 10 o'clock.
You're going to miss Duran Duran.
Am I?
Yeah.
I'm missing Duran Duran for this though.
Yeah, a little bit. I think you can do the double up.
Don't tell the audience that they're on right now.
Anyway, let's... I always miss D the double up. Don't tell the audience that they're on right now. Anyway, let's see, let's.
I always miss Duran Duran, it's a reflex.
Oh!
That's very nice.
A reflex is a lovely joke that Tiff just made today.
Well, we've met our guest.
Let's find out who'll be headlining for Gloria's replay.
Round one!
Oh!
Use the headliner.
Headliner. Headliner. Headliner. as we play Round 1! Three different stages and your trunk full of booze And it's got to the tie where you've got to choose
Choose a headliner
Choose a headliner
There's that band from the 80s that your mum used to like
But you only know two sons and they're both pretty shy
Or head to the woods and try to dance
To two posh white boys playing arm-per-trance
Choose a headliner Choose a headliner, choose a headliner
There's that band from the noughties that your brother used to like
But they nearly got cancelled and they still wheelie my ten
If none of that music is what you want
Then head on down to the podcast ten, we're the headliners. We're the headliners.
We're the headliners.
We're the headliners.
Oh, nobody.
No one was expecting three verses there.
That was fantastic.
Now on with the first round, which is called,
Just Give Us the Headlines.
I'm going to give each player an event, a book, a film,
a famous person, and a song, but not necessarily in that order.
They then have 90 seconds to communicate all of them
to their teammate using only three words for each thing.
They cannot use any of the words from the title of that thing.
And if it's a song use any of the words from the title of that thing.
And if it's a song, any of the lyrics.
One point for every correct guess.
So Tom, you're up first.
Here we go.
Can you just run through those things again?
Yeah.
You've got to run through that again.
That was a lot that came out really quickly.
I was so stressed until you said, can you repeat that again, please?
We've absolutely got the time for it.
So what you're going to get is...
What you're going to get, guys, is you're going to get an event.
Okay?
Yeah.
A book, a film, a famous person, and a song.
Okay?
Okay.
Now you've got to communicate each of those things using only three words for each thing.
For the whole lot!
What? For the whole lot words for each thing. For the whole lot? What?
For the whole lot.
For each thing.
Each thing, three words, okay?
Three words each.
God, for that.
Let's do the maths, one, two, three, four, five.
So 15 words.
15 words you've got, yeah, yeah.
We'll do that in 10.
I feel like every in the audience gets it.
It's just the people on the stage
that are struggling with the concepts.
Okay. Okay.
Okay, so three words for each thing.
Obviously, if it's a book,
you can't say the title of the book.
If it's a song, you can't,
you can't say the title of any of the things,
and you can't say the lyrics from the song, okay?
Okay.
All right, guys.
Here we go.
Tom, you're up first.
I feel ready now, thank you.
So, Tom, there is your event, book, film, famous person and song,
but not necessarily in that order. Tiff, you are guessing.
You have...
You've got 90 seconds.
And your time starts now.
Erm...
Sequel...
Lots...killing.
Oh...
Oh, um...
Oh, God, who's the Keanu Reeves one?
John Wick 2?
Oh, um...
It's an event.
You're not allowed to say that!
What?
Oh, you're not allowed to tell me which one it is?
Oh, World War 2?
Yes! It is World War 2.
Oh, my God, you went for a sequel with the war.
Technically, it is a sequel. It's a sequel, you've got a minute left, Tom.
Sorry, in that order.
It was a good sequel, to be fair to you.
It was bigger than the first.
Strong sequel.
Okay, sports events singing.
Oh, sports events, God.
Air guitar, that's not sport, air guitar championship. So it could be the film, it could be a song.
No, it's a song.
It's a song.
Sports event singing.
Sports event singing.
Da da da.
Oh, Sweet Caroline.
That's correct.
Yeah. Yeah, I feel like that was...
Luke, hold this.
Father's Day? No, okay.
It's a film.
Star Wars.
Yes, yes, yes.
15 seconds.
Oh, yum, yum, yum.
What's four of them?
I read that.
It's a four words as well.
Does anyone else feel horny now?
Yum, yum, yum.
And that's your time. Oh Tom very hungry caterpillar. Yeah, of course
It was a Delia Smith cook
So Tom I believe you got a whopping three points there for that
Congratulations. Congratulations. I
Think I did quite I know I made that look hard, but I think I did quite well.
I think by the end of the round, you'll all look back on this and go, actually, that was
good. Because I know what you're thinking right now, but it's hard.
They're thinking it was bad, Tom. Yeah. And what you're hoping is a sort of 180 on that
opinion, aren't you? Yeah. Yeah. All the way around to good.
And it's in the post. It's in the post. Luke is up next.
Let's see if you can be good.
That's what we're aiming for here.
Here is your event book film,
famous person and song, not necessarily in that order.
Ben, you're guessing your 90 seconds begins now.
Not down elderly.
I told you.
What?
Yeah.
Can I change any of the words?
No, because you've already done your three words, mate.
You've got not down elderly.
I'm going to swap them around.
This might help.
Elderly, not down.
That's actually much better.
If you say so.
The audience has got it.
Clark, you don't have to put your hand up.
Up! Yes, it's correct.
Good stuff.
We've got a much smarter crowd than we deserve today, guys.
I would say you are allowed assistance, especially when it's Clarky.
Thank you.
Um, OK.
All right.
Fish, fingers, oven.
What was the third word?
Oven.
Fish, fingers, oven.
This is how we play.
Oh, it's absolutely correct, sir.
Yeah, see, it's Captain Bird's eye.
Yes, the audience gets the point.
Oh, great.
To be fair, I was looking directly in that man's eyes,
as I said the words.
Well, if you look directly into Clarky's eyes for this next one,
maybe I'll help him out a little bit.
OK.
One...
Yeah? Giant... Leap. One giant leap.
One giant lip.
That's your time, I'm afraid.
It was, I'll let you.
Moon landing.
It was the moon landing, of course it was the moon landing.
Oh my God.
I'm gonna give the pointer tips,
so was that one point to the audience?
We all remember when Neil Armstrong stubbed his toe
on the way down, one giant limp for mankind.
Oh, god.
So a point to the audience, and how many points to Luke?
Well, I mean, technically, if we're
giving the points for how well the clues went,
Luke gets three points.
But we're not.
Luke gets two, the audience gets one, Tiff gets one.
Tiff it's your turn now, your turn. Can the audience be on my side please?
There is your event book, film, famous person and song not necessarily in that
order. Tom you're guessing right and your 90 seconds begins right now.
Put my fingers in the food.
Wait, hang on a second.
That's loads of words.
You can't just do an impression of the person.
What was that?
Hyphenated.
Whoa, put my fingers in the food.
Jamie Oliver.
It's not Jamie Oliver, no.
David Bellamy.
It's not. It sounded like David Bellamy. Oliver, no. David Bellamy? It's not.
It's not.
It sounded like David Bellamy.
It did sound like David Bellamy.
We've got a lot of foliage behind us, but Tiff, I'm going to have to...
I know you're all about double helixes and stuff, but I do have to give you...
Who puts their fingers in the food?
The three is what we're going for.
It was Aizley Harriot, anyway.
No way!
Hang on, that was Aizley Harriot!
Listen, a team divided against itself cannot stand, so just...
Sure.
Let's do some more.
Explaining the words.
Dictionary.
Yeah!
Nice work.
Weird hair scissors.
Weird hair... scissors.
It's not the Scissors Sisters and I'm afraid you can't have it because it's got the word scissors in it.
And we've had Ainsley Harriot.
It's not.
David... Edward Scissorhands?
It is Edward Scissorhands, half a point to the audience there.
Smoke buildings.
9-11.
It's not 9-11 England
Oh my god mate
What?
Smoke buildings England
Great Fire of London
Yeah, once I can let it, that's your time I'm afraid
Ahhhh
The guy you turned out in 9-11
looks so devastated
Thank you
Fantastic to have someone scream out 9-eleven. It looks so devastating. Thank you, but fantastic to have someone scream out 9-eleven.
He screamed that at every gig he's gone to.
Never forget.
Okay, final. The final contestant in this round.
Can we do the last one?
You want to do the last one? Three words.
It's going to be great for anyone listening, but it was...
Oh, you're doing no words this time?
Yeah, in a mind.
Was it Agadu?
Yes.
It was Agadu.
Oh my God.
Were you pushing pineapple and shaking the tree?
Yeah, of course.
So, Clarky, you are our final contestant in this round.
You've got an event there, a book, a film,
a famous person and a song.
Your 90 seconds begins right now.
Blonde boobs, Jolene.
Oh, Dolly Parton.
Yes. Oh, very strong.
Of course.
That feels very reductive in this day and age.
Yeah, I thought you were talking about me
because I did just do a little pubic, anyway.
Swedish, foursome, beards.
What did you say?
But it's a song.
Oh, is it a song?
Swedish foursome beards.
Is that one of their songs?
Gimme, gimme, gimme.
I mean now it's just Guessin' Abba song, isn't it really?
Starship troopers, have I got a bit.
Is it Starship troopers, Clarke?
Is it the movie Starship troopers?
Is it the movie Starship troopers?
No, it's not, it's Darned to Queen.
Tiny ladies, literary.
Little women. It is little Little women well done
That feels very reductive
Boops plastic really
Well, there's a few I'll go with Pamela Anderson
Sorry
Actually plastic yeah I'll go with Pamela Anderson. Ah, sorry.
Actually plastic, yeah.
The audience want to point them?
I'm going to say boobs have come up twice, I'm sensing a theme.
I'm so embarrassed I did not say Barbie for that.
Concerts, charity,
and you know what?
For good measure, boobs. Live aid.
It was indeed.
That is your time, well done, Clarky.
I believe you scored, yes, go on, why not?
Why not?
Why not?
Why not?
I believe you and the audience scored very well out of that,
but producer Emma
at the end of that round what are the scores? The audience have three and a
half points. Congratulations to the audience for three and a half points there. Ben and Luke have five. Five points for Ben and Luke.
And surprisingly Tom and Tiff also have five. Wow. Wowee. Pretty well.
Guys, we've got to ask you one big question.
Do you now think what Tom did was good?
Yeah.
Turns out.
Yeah?
Turns out it was, guys.
It turns out it was.
Stay in your seats, guys.
Now let's see.
It's currently neck and neck.
Let's see if they can maintain that.
It'll be disappointing if they can.
For round two, see you in a bit.
Woo! Welcome back to Papi's Flas they can maintain that. It'll be disappointing if they can for round two. See you in a bit. Welcome back to Pappy's.
Flat Shirt Slam Down.
Wow.
Gosh, did you have a good interval, guys?
Pretty good.
Before the break, it was neck and neck.
The scores, like the audience watching Keen, remain unmoved.
Let's see if we can put a little candy in their heels
as we play round two, it's Black Game!
Yeah, games!
Let's play together.
Games!
Let's play forever.
Roll the dice, spin that thing.
Put that there.
Do as you're told.
Games!
If you lose, you get nothing.
Games! If you win you get nothing Games!
If you win you get gold
Gold, gold, gold, gold
Listen to that, Juran Juran
No, that was Spandau Ballet
Okay
Yes
I always get those two confused
It's Black Games
Where we give a cheeky twist to a classic game.
Today we're playing our version of Settlers of Catan, which we're calling Settlers of
Suntan.
I'm going to give each player an aspect of the great British summertime to sing about
to the tune of a classic song from one of Latitude's musical acts.
Your teammate has to guess what you're singing about.
Now Ben, you're up first.
Oh.
Here you go, Clarky.
Thank you, mate.
There you go.
Now, you're gonna be singing something to do with the summer
to the tune of Caesabians, Fire.
Okay?
So Luke, you're guessing what aspect of the summertime
Ben is singing about.
Right.
Is it fire?
Listen, if I told you that, I'd have to kill you.
No, it's not.
It's not fire, but a good guess,
and I'm going to give you a point for it.
Just to make this interesting, just to make this exciting.
You're now in the lead, Tom. Congratulations.
Okay, DJ Emma, play that tune.
Insects all around they are crawling Insects on the ground They are sprawling But they're a flyer
Insects in the nests But they're coming out around
In the specks crawling about
They're creeping us out
And they are flyers
They are flyers
Oh, I'm a flyer!
Oh, I'm a flyer!
Ear, six legs, crawling, they're flying! They are fucked up, we hate them!
It's the worst thing in the world!
They come around, and they fly, and they fuck, and they're on the ground
And they're up in the air air And it's the worst thing
I don't know why it creeps me out
But they are flying
Oh yes, yes, yes
They are flying, they are around
And they should be on the ground
But they're not
Oh my goodness, Clarky!
Wow!
The single of the Clarky! Wow! The single of the summer, everyone!
Wow!
That was sensational, Clarky, I absolutely loved it!
Now I've got to give you points for performance.
What am I going to give Clarky for that performance?
It's got to be a whopping 8 out of 10!
Really, really strong stuff there.
It was like Serge was right here.
Would you have got two more points if Boobz had made it in there?
If only you'd sung about Boobz, it would have been the perfect 10.
So, um, look at that. Serge was right here. Would you have got two more points if boobs had made it in there? Yeah, if only you'd sung about boobs.
It would have been the perfect 10.
So, Luke, I'll give you,
I mean, Clarke has given you a lot of clues
about what aspect of summer he was singing about,
because one of the words he sung about 15 times.
Yeah, interesting.
But what aspect of the summertime
was Ben Clarke singing about there? Luke McQueen.
I think you were singing about flying ants.
It was of course Flying Ant Day! Congratulations!
Flying Ant Day.
Tiff, you are up next. Here is your aspect of the summertime.
Tom, you're guessing. Now, Tiff, you're going to be bringing some summer vibes with a little bit of Keen's,
Somewhere Only We Know.
Oh.
Tom, what aspect of summer,
summer, summertime, to quote Will Smith,
is Tiff singing about?
God, okay.
Here we go.
And I'll tell you now, it's all two minutes
until we get to the chorus.
So have fun with it, Tiff.
I walked across I'll tell you now, it's a full two minutes till we get to the chorus. Have fun with it, Tim.
I walked across a grassy field I felt it crunching underneath my heels
I sniffed the air, what could this be?
It's been spread by a bumblebee.
My eyes are pouring with the tears. It's off my nose, how is it there?
And I'm sneezing like I just don't have a care
Why can't I enjoy summer every year?
It's not just in the grass, it's in the tree fear
It could be the end of everything oh why do I sneeze everywhere
that we go
beautiful Tiffany Stevenson everybody oh my god
Tiffany Stevenson that's better than my God! Tiffany Stevenson! That's better than the original!
That was phenomenal!
That was really strong!
And I tell you what, huge props to Tom
for making it about himself as well.
I love that, love that, mate.
Love it.
That was great.
That was good stuff, that was fantastic.
I'm gonna give you the full 10 out of 10 points
for performance there.
Yes!
There's no way I can give you any less.
There's no way I can. I didn less. There's no way I can.
I can even mention moves.
But Tom, what aspect, if you, I know obviously you took-
I wasn't listening.
You weren't listening, I know you weren't.
You threw yourself on your own sword
to get the audience on their feet there,
but what aspect of the summertime was Tiffany Stevenson
singing, singing, let's face it, beautifully about Tom.
Hay fever. I'm gonna, it was the pollen count, but I'm gonna give it to you, I'm gonna give it to you. was Tiffany Stevenson singing, let's face it, beautifully about Tom. Hey fever!
I'm gonna, it was the pollen count,
but I'm gonna give it to you, I'm gonna give it to you, yes.
Tiffany Stevenson, everybody!
Tiffany Stevenson.
Very good.
Very good.
Very good.
I think in the edit, that'll be the last song, won't it?
We'll have to do a little rejig. Anyway, Luke, there you go. Can't be the last song in wouldn't it? We'll have to do a little rejig.
Anyway, Luke, there you go.
Can't be the last song in the actual show.
Now, Luke, I'm going to ask you to Rick Roll us
and favor us with your Never Gonna Give You Up
by Rick Astley.
But Ben, what summer vibe is Luke refusing to give up?
DJ Emma, off you go. I saw you standing over there. You've got bubbles in there and bubbles everywhere.
You've got fruits and you're very nice.
I'd quite like to mix you with some ice.
No, they're gonna... David Bowie!
All my friends, they quite like you as well.
I'll have them with my friend, Brian and Cal.
This is a drink that people like to have.
Never going to give you up.
Never going to let you down.
Never going to hold you down when I drink you.
Never gonna give you up.
Never gonna hold you down.
Please let me just drink you.
You've got lots of colors going on
when you go down my throat.
It really feels so nice.
It really feels so good.
All my friends really like you.
I'm giving.
My Auntie Jan really likes this drink.
But you don't know my Auntie Jan, so that's not helpful.
But if you knew Jan, you would say, wow.
Jan, here's a drink for you.
And it would be this drink that I am singing about.
If you only knew Jan, then it would be good.
Luke McQueen, everybody.
Oh my God.
Tiff made that look so easy.
Tiff's very talented is what we're discovering right now.
She's smart.
She's finding she can wear a tassel.
Did you see him get the crowd going?
Where was you then?
I was drowning there and you did fuck all.
I thought he was swinging his top around.
But what delicious beverage was Luke drowning in?
We need to know.
And I'm going to give you points for performance first of all.
And I mean, it was really good.
As Tom pointed out a few times,
you were really channeling David Bowie at stages.
You were channeling a different song for most of it.
Honestly, I was panicking the whole time.
It sounded great. You looked great doing it.
I'm going to give you nine points out of 10.
Nine points out of 10 for performance there.
Nine.
But, Clarky, listen.
Nine.
Tom, you're up in a second, all right?
Don't complain about the points.
I think I got confused.
I thought we were still playing the first game
and I could only use three words. Clarky, what's... We know it's a drink that is
favoured by Luke's Auntie Jan. What is that summer, summer drink? Any idea?
Well thankfully I hang out with Jan a lot. So I think it's Pimms. It is of course Pimms. A delicious jug of Pimms.
I'm so sorry, Pimms.
We got it with Pimmsy Jan.
We got Pimmsy Jan as she's known.
Right.
She's a right old sauce.
She loves a bit of it, doesn't she?
She loves a bit of cucumber.
So Tom, you've sounded way worse than that intended to be,
just that you put cucumber in Pimms, isn't it? Tom, Tom you're gonna be singing hungry like the wolf because famously you smell like you sound so
you love
What? I think that's the lyric isn't it? I smell like a sound. Is that the lyrics? It certainly sounds like it. Anyway, yes
Of course, it's from the band so nice. They named them twice Durran Durran, but Tiff
It's from the band, so nice they named them twice. Durran Durran.
But Tiff, who is Tom singing about?
Who or what or what is Tom singing about?
To do with the summer.
To do with the summer, yeah.
What is Tom singing about to do with the summer?
DJ Emma, give me some of that summer feeling.
Ah.
When do I start?
OK.
When do I start?
Look out my window when my lawn's pretty brown I am unhappy so I do start to frown
Do do do do do do not give it water
I go outside to the paddling pool I want to fill it, I remember the rule
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do not fill the pool
I'm all suppose I can't use this hose No, that's not allowed I don't feel good I think that I should but I am
not very proud don't put it on the tap remember that because there's water
shortage on the reservoirs down and I am in town I'm not using my whole spine.
Yeah!
Tom Carey, everybody!
Wowee.
Do you know what, Tom?
That was good stuff, man.
Wow.
Forget Simon Le Bon.
That was amazing.
That was really, really good.
It was amazing from up here.
It was a view to a kill.
I could tell you what I'm gonna get you know
what Tom I'm gonna give you the full ten points the full ten points for
performance but tip what top back on Fair enough, fair enough guys.
Okay.
So listen, what aspect of summertime though was Tom singing about?
Was it hosepipe band?
It was the hosepipe band of course it was!
And I think you may have got it from the line, I'm not using my hosepipe.
Oh no, I got it from the brown grass and the tap bit.
Oh of course, but that was certainly a help.
So, producer Emma, that round may have brought
some strong summer vibes, but what has it done
to our scores?
Well, the audience has stayed at three and a half points,
guys. Congratulations, audience,
three and a half points, well done to you.
Ben and Luke have 24.
What? Tom and Tiff, 28.
Oh, it's very close.
What I like about that, Tom, is you were really upset there.
24 points, weren't you?
Really stuck in your craw.
None of this has been worth 24 points.
You've got 28 points, Tom.
That's good news, man.
That's good news.
Well, you know what?
The next round is worth a whopping one point.
So everything could change after this.
It's Beef Brothers!
Well, if you've got a problem, don't call it a problem.
If you've got a problem, call it a beef.
If you've got a beef, maybe we can help you beef
from sorting out your beef.
Yes, indeed, it's Beef Brothers, where each week
we ask our panelists to sort out a festival-based beef.
And today's one comes from Ruth.
Ruth, are you there?
Did you say her name was Rio?
Ruth.
It was Ruth, I thought, yeah.
But would you mind being called Rio for this?
That's fine.
So Rio writes, right, here's her beef.
When me and my other half are getting ready to eat,
if my food is ready, he insists I start.
But if it's the other way around,
he always waits till I'm ready.
But this makes me feel guilty.
Should I insist he eats or should I insist on waiting
till he's ready?
Okay, so Ben and Luke, you are on Ruth's side.
Tom and Tiff, you are on the side of Ruth's other half, okay?
Does anybody have any questions they'd like to ask?
We'll have a quick cross-examination of Ruth
to get a bit of an understanding,
then you have a minute each to make your cases.
So, any questions for Ruth?
What's the name of your partner, Ruth?
Good question.
It's Luke.
Saint Luke.
Luke.
Sorry. Just clear. She's Rio, she's busy dancing on the sand, mate, so we're on Luke's side.
So sorry, Luke lets you start if your food's there first. Yeah, so he's a little bit picky with some food, so if we order a Chinese or something he has to pick out every
single pea before we actually sit down. Oh so Luke's mentally ill. That's what we've established here.
It's gonna make it slightly tricky. Okay. How many peas are in Chinese food?
He might be allergic to peas or is he picking them out because he likes he only likes the peas?
He just wants to know if there are peas. No, he's not a vegetable boy.
Oh.
He's not a vegetable boy.
He's not a vegetable boy.
So if you order food with vegetables in,
he's spending a lot of the time just picking out
all of the veg, basically.
Yeah.
He wants to make peas.
Yeah.
I just don't want to watch him do it.
You like watching him do it?
That's so romantic.
Or is it like your thing?
Oh yeah, go on Luke, pick another pea out for me.
Hang on, so he's busy picking out the peas?
Yeah.
And you're allowed to start eating?
Yeah.
You don't like that?
No, no, I'd rather wait.
Because if it was the other way around...
What?
It makes me really... What's going on?
It's a really odd beef.
Why don't you just wait then?
It's really passive.
Because it tells me that I go and eat, eat, like...
I've got to be honest, Luke's sounding a bit controlling now,
the more we dig into it.
We're on Luke's side.
Sorry.
He sounds great, actually.
Yeah, I was just about to say Luke sounds controlling, actually.
This patriarchy on our own.
So we think Luke's been a considerate partner, that's what we think.
Lovely Luke.
Lovely, lovely.
It doesn't matter if the partner doesn't like it.
So sorry, so Luke doesn't get to eat.
So is he like hungry?
Ah yes!
He tends to wait. If I finish work late or something,
he's always waiting until I get home.
Because he loves you.
Yeah, but when he's the other way around.
He loves you because he's not a wild boy.
Are you angry at Luke for not liking peas?
I really don't understand what's going on.
He waits for you, right?
Yeah, but then he insists that I go and eat.
Because he loves you.
Yeah, but I feel bad.
I feel bad. I like to eat with him.
He doesn't want your food to get cold.
But I want to eat with him.
Oh.
See?
That's what we were waiting for.
Are you guys engaged?
Yeah.
Guys.
Is Luke here now?
No. He's at home. Where's Luke? P. Guys, is Luke here now? No, he's at home.
Where's Luke?
Picking the peas out.
He's been at the noodle stand for half an hour.
He's eating alone again.
He's probably picking the peppers off of the pizza.
Is it anything that starts with P? Is that what his problem is?
Pepperoni, peppers, peas, you can't stand it? maybe shrimp as well if he's got prawns in there might take that out too.
doesn't like prawns fair enough. fair enough any other questions from from
this side for Ruth? how do you feel when you're eating alone Ruth? how does it
make you feel? good question. sad. oh I'm sorry for asking that question now. I was hoping you're
gonna put your top above your head and swing it around. Right I think hopefully that's enough
information for our teams to make their cases. So you've got a minute. Luke you're gonna be
opening the case for the prosecution. Now you are... Now, you are on Ruth's side.
Yeah, of course we are.
You've got one minute to begin the case for the prosecution.
Can we just...
Can I ask for a little bit more clarity?
What would you prefer...
What do you want to happen here?
I actually want to...
What's your...
She wants to wait and eat at the same time.
That's what she wants to do.
Right. But he won't let me. Well, he tells me to go and eat because it will get cold.
It will get cold, yeah.
But I want to eat with him.
I think this is all about timing.
And no peas.
Well, listen, you'll get your moment in a second.
Okay, so Luke, you've got a minute to begin the case for the prosecution and your minute begins now.
Well, Ruf, I think you're absolutely correct
to be angry about this.
He doesn't mean it when he says, you can wait for me.
He's being passive aggressive.
He's sort of saying in a way he's like, yeah, yeah,
yeah, you can wait for me if you hate me.
That's basically what he's saying.
He's saying, if you can wait for me
whilst I take out a hundred of these peas,
that's not the message he's giving you there, Ruth.
He's basically saying that he doesn't want to be with you anymore,
and this is his way...
Objection, Your Honour.
Objection.
I think for the first time ever...
You do not get 100 peas.
You do not get 100 peas.
I've seen 100 peas.
In special fried rice.
Listen, mate, I can take you a place right now and show you 100 peas.
Yeah, that's the frozen Isle of Sainsbury's.
That's not a tin of special fried rice. Tin?
Like a carton.
Yeah, that's not a tin.
I reckon you're getting about 25 peas in there.
Ruth, you can't wait for this man to finish his dinner any longer.
You need to leave him, find somebody that wants to eat at the same time as you,
and just leave that Peva alone.
Luke McQueen everybody, that was your minute.
Tiff.
You're gonna open the case for the defense.
Now remember you are on Luke's side,
Ruth's Luke, not this Luke.
Your minute begins now.
Rio, busy dancing on the sand. I think this man is picky,
clearly, and he's picked you. And you should respect that. He's a picky, yeah, he takes the
peas out, but he's got to, you know, he's got to digest what he's going to digest. He doesn't like
prawns, he doesn't like peppers. There's quite a lot of stuff he doesn't like in this world. And
he likes you. He chose you. And I think you should be grateful for that because if you've
seen what's out there, if you had a look around at this festival, it might be the
best you're gonna get. I'm just saying I should have asked is he fit? He sounds
like he's fit because it sounds like he cares about what he puts in his body,
yeah? And if he cares about what he puts in his body, he probably takes care of
himself. So are you already engaged?
You're gonna go through with this.
How old are you?
Can I ask that in the middle of making my case?
I got married in my 40s, don't do that,
because everyone will tell you not to wear a dress
and offer up a suit instead,
because it's more age appropriate.
So I'm just saying, in fact,
not even just like relent to him,
but call him when you leave this tent, why isn't he here? Call him and say let's
do this, let's get married, you're the one for me, you're picky, I'm picky, Tiffany
knows what she's talking about, she's got excellent taste and hay fever so she
knows what it's like to have to spend time away from her partner while
something she doesn't like is happening. I think he's thinking about you
and there's not that many men out there
who think about the person that they're with
before themselves, so he's a winner.
Thank you, Tiffany.
Thank you.
I mean, yeah, if you think it helps the argument, why not?
Back on the table a bunch of times.
Is he? I tell you what, we've? Back on the table a bunch of times. Is he fit?
I tell you what, we've got a few questions here
which Tiffany brought up.
So Ruth, if you're still there, Ruth,
firstly, how old are you if it's not a rude question?
I'm 26.
26, okay, 26 years young.
And is Luke fit?
Yes.
Of course he's fit, there we go.
Yeah, he's fit, she's 26. That's one for each team there, I think.
Does that change anything? Yeah, Tiff as well. Fantastic argument, Tiff. Bring a lot of your
own experience to the table and almost none of Ruth's experience. Okay, so to conclude the case
for the prosecution, Ben, you're up next. Now remember, you are on Ruth's side of course you've got
Do you remember Ruth? Yeah, I remember the audience here. Yeah, right about there Lucas her partner
Yeah, doesn't like peas right or does like him. I can't remember this
I definitely haven't so doubt you in this
I'm good to go. Your minute begins now Clark Clarky. Listen, here's the thing, guys. You have to remember.
Is that a note for yourself? You have to remember what has been happening up until this point.
Otherwise, you're going to be stood on stage with a microphone, talking,
not really knowing what's happening.
You have to remember. Look, look, guys, honestly.
He sat down.
He, uh.
This sounds like a small thing.
He picks out his peas, he eats at a different time.
You might think, this doesn't matter that much, but believe you me, it does.
This Luke guy, honestly, is the worst person I've ever heard of in my entire life.
He is an awful human being and I think that we should chase him down and...
Kill him! Yeah!
That's right!
And...
Thank you, Clarky! There we go. Thank you, Clarky.
It's one thing to zone out when other people are talking, Clarky,
but it's only out when you're talking. That's a new one for you.
You know, the sad thing is, I wrote down, Luke, I am your sundry.
That is a sad thing, actually, Clarky, now you say it in front of the audience.
So Tom, you're going to conclude the case for the defence. Are you going to be doing
it as yourself? No, I'm going to do it in the style of a John Grisham Deep South defence
lawyer who goes by the name of Mr. Fanshawe Stanton. Fanshawe Stanton presiding and providing
your minute should you need it begins
now. I did not know we're allowed to do this. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury
you're probably confused like I am dem dead lawyers there from the big city using a lot of damn damn fancy words. Hell, this weekend all those tourists roll in
and change this round here.
Round here we simple folk, huh?
Hell, I recognize some of you from the queue in the bakery.
Smell of the fresh bread.
Feel of the grass on your skin.
We simple folk.
Hearing Ruth there talk about that relationship there with that, there, there, Luke.
Makes me think of the time I brought home Bessie Mae
from the market town.
Bessie Mae, of course, the biggest goose you ever did see.
Now would Bessie Mae touch her grain?
Not on day one.
Not until old fanshore here rolls up his sleeves, goes out in the yard and gets down on his knees and pecks some grain with her.
Bessie Mae starts pecking away. Day two, I'm out there.
I rolled up my trousers this time.
Get my knees nice and dirty,
I'm down there pecking for grain.
Bessie Mae, she's chewing away like a ride-off sauce.
Hell, day three, day four, they go by like a flick of a bean.
That's not the phrase.
What did you get up to there? That's not quite the phrase I was looking for.
Objection, your honor.
Well, would you know it, we're chowing down
like a right pair of regulars,
hell, dying in cross the divide.
The guardian there riding us up.
She's a goose, I'm a guy.
She's right-winging, I'm not. She's got a left-wing too, I'm a guy. She's right wing and I'm not.
She's got a left wing too, mind y'all.
Anyway, I'm getting distracted.
Day seven, I had her for Sunday dinner.
And I think about that every single day of my life.
We had a connection, her and I.
And yet I cooked her up,
and I ate her in front of my family.
Cherish what you have whilst you got it.
Because you don't know when it's gonna go. The defense rests, Joanna, this one's for Bessie Mae.
That's your standing.
Bessie Mae rest in power.
Now, obviously, I cannot make the decision myself as I am currently coming up on that
huge bag of cheeky
dust I ingested during round one. Don't do drugs kids but I'm having an absolute
whale of a time over here. Anyway so instead I'm calling upon the latitude
audience here to make the call so if you think Luke and Ben and therefore Ruth is
in the right I would like you to applaud now.
I do, I do. Not sounding strong over there. Sorry Ruth I don't think it's gonna go
your way. If you think that Fanshawe and Tiff made the best case and therefore
Luke the other Luke not this one that and therefore Luke, the other Luke,
not this one that sat on the stage,
the other Luke is in the right,
I would like you to applaud now.
Yes!
Stay in your seats!
Stay in your seats, guys!
I'm so sorry, Ruth.
Too close to call.
Big thanks to you for taking part.
How do you feel about the result?
Well, I suppose I could eat my dinner warm, right?
Yeah, you know what?
That's an absolutely wonderful silver lining.
You do get to eat a nice warm dinner
while you watch a man take a load of peas out of
some special fried rice.
A big round of applause for Ruth, everybody.
Is this legal and binding?
I'm afraid so, yes. She has to stick to it now. Please stop ordering rice with peas in.
You're torturing the man. Just say no peas please. It could have been so much quicker couldn't it?
You know what I mean? The round could have been over like that Tom. Only we've gone for the no peas
please clause.
So while I ride out this crazy drugs trip
that I've just done from all the drugs I've done,
why don't you enjoy the natural high
that is the quick fire round jingle?
["The Quick Fire Round Jingle"]
This is the quick fire round It's a round that goes really quickly
Which is why it's always so amusing That it has a long introduction. It has a long introduction when it really should be
short. This introduction, well it feels quite lengthy. Almost as lengthy as a festival my Phil if you've been here since Friday
if you've been here since Friday morning and you've watched lots of axe. If you caught blusher, swim deep o'er Damien Lewis. Pip long BC can't light
black rainbows or future island, Allison Goldfriend. Which o'er the sleeping souls or Waxahachie?
Katie Baser, the vaccines or Cruangbin?
Armand Hammer, Alessi Rose or Elphi Duk or Sarah Pascoe Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Smearick, Richie Mitch and the Coal Miners
Blanco, White, the Mary Wallopers
Jogstrap or maybe Orbital
Marina Palone
C6, Steve Reverend and the Makers See Matt Rick Astley, Keen or Talk Show
You might have even seen London that. That was only the Saturday.
On the Sunday you might have seen
Big Special, Ben Stiller, Marika Hackman,
David Duchov, Meashal and Koum.
You might have seen Alexis French
Ooh, ooh, ooh, almost there
Sam Lee, Lottery Winners, Baby Queen, The Darkness, Or Rag and Bone Man
And if you did on that Saturday
See Rick Astley he might have said
He was never gonna give you up
He was never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around
He's never gonna desert you He's never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Never gonna give you up
But here is something that we also can never give up It is the quick fire round, the quick fire round.
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, the quick fire round. Never gonna mess you around, never gonna tell a lie.
It's the quick fire round.
Whoa! Oh my goodness!
See Luke, that's the tune.
That's the tune you're never going to give you up. Now we know it.
Yes, this is the Quickfire Round and as the Sunday Night Headliner is the duo moniker Duran Duran,
we'd like you to give every answer twice.
Okay, so for example, if the question was something like when's the
time when you're not allowed to use your hosepipe the answer would be hosepipe
ban hosepipe ban. Okay instead of buzzers I'd like you to shout out your first
names twice. Ben and Luke let's hear yours. Ben. Twice. Ben. It's almost like bringing 18 cans onto the stage was a bad idea, Clarky.
I've fallen at the first hurdle, hurdle.
Luke?
Luke, Luke.
That's how it's done.
Tiff and Tom?
Tiff, Tiff.
Tom, Tom.
Beautiful.
Tokyo is the capital of which country?
Tiff, Tiff.
Tiff, Tiff.
Japan, Japan.
It's correct.
Who is the brain-like super villain from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Beben. Beben. Shredder, Shredder. It's not Shred is the brain-like super villain from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Bebben.
Bebben.
Shredder Shredder.
It's not Shredder.
Oh.
Tom Tom.
Tom Tom.
Crank Crank.
It's correct. Which primates are native to the rainforests of Indonesia and Malaysia
and typically have orangey brown fur?
Tom.
Tom.
Orangutan Orangutan.
It's correct. Who was Forrest Gump's friend played by Gary Sinise who loses both of his legs?
Oh. Tom. Yes. Bubba Bubba. Who was Forrest Gump's friend played by Gary Sinise who loses both of his legs?
Tom
No, it wasn't it wasn't It wasn't
Captain Dan, Captain Dan. It was Lieutenant Dan I'm afraid. Do not demote him
But yeah, I'm gonna give you the point who plays Iron with the Lin-Eye
Tom
Steve McGann McGann one of the McGanns one of the
McGanns which one is it don't make me choose Paul McGann Paul McGann of course
it is which hip-hop collective and rap pioneers performed rappers delights Oh
I don't bet Ben Ben the Sugarhill Gang the Sugarhill Gang is correct along
with Pierre Nivelli which talent comedian co-hosts the Bud Pod?
Ben Ben.
Ben Ben.
Phil Wang Wang.
Phil Wang, Phil Wang.
Is correct.
Which Scottish Indiact named after an Australian...
Tom, Travis Travis.
Final answer.
Which Scottish Indiact named after an Austrian Archduke is named for...
Yes, we know you know it!
Tom! The Proclaimers!
The Proclaimers! Final answer!
It's known for songs such as Take Me Out and Do You Want To?
Bebend! Rod Stewart!
Franz Ferdinand!
Who was the Friday Night Headliner at this year's Latitude Festival?
Tom!
Juran Juran Juran Juran? No, it's not Friday Night, is, Tom? Juran, Juran, Juran, Juran?
No, it's not Friday night, is it Tom?
Oh.
Tiff, Tiff.
Tiff, Tiff.
King, King?
It wasn't King, King, that was Saturday night.
Anybody here on the Friday night?
It was Kasabian, Kasabian.
Who was the Sunday night headliner
at this year's Latitude Festival?
Tiff, Tiff.
Tiff, Tiff.
No, Roger's not Roger.
No, no.
Tom!
They're on right now, we've mixed them a bunch of times.
Their name is Rio and they dance upon the sands.
Tom Tom.
Duran, Duran, Duran.
Is correct. That is the end of the round and the end of the game.
And my one wish is that that round was as painful to watch as it was to perform.
At the end of the round, before we find out the final scores,
Tiff and Luke, have you got anything you would like to plug?
Luke?
Yeah, well, obviously, we're a growing bank.
And there's lots of people here.
If you're not with Barclays Bank,
then we'd just love to come in for a meeting
and see if we can do some business. Fantastic. A big shout not with Barclays Bank, then we'd just love to come in for a meeting and see if we can do some business.
Fantastic.
A big shout out to Barclays from Luke McQueen
and nobody else.
Tiff, how about you?
Well, if you're going to the Edinburgh Fringe,
I will be there all month doing a show at lunchtime,
because why not?
Why not?
Why not do a lunchtime show?
Have a little cheeky bit of brunch, come and see me.
Are you offering?
That's the part.
Is that part of it?
They have brunch with you first and then they watch the show.
Yeah.
It's not a bad deal actually, you're a great brunch companion.
So thanks to all of you guys for watching, thank you very much to the Latitude Festival,
especially Kirsty, Flora and Rhiannon.
And to producer Emma's sisters for helping out, we have a literal caution team right here.
And as always, check out our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash papi's flat share
but producer emma this is very exciting what are the final scores the audience have five and a half
congratulations audience five and a half points ben and luke have 27 27 it feels like it's gone down
it's gone down. 27 points to Luke and Ben. That can only be one thing ever. Yeah, Tom and Tiff have 34.
So Luke and Ben are picking the headliner, whilst Tom and Tiff are watching them as a format point is hanging on by a tiny thread.
Thanks to our guests Tiffany Stevenson and Luke McQueen. We've been Pappy's.
See you next time on Flat Share Slamdown. Expertise was by Emma Corsham and Mary Corsham and Ruth Corsham is produced by Emma Corsham That's a lot of caution big thanks to Kirsty Flora Rihanna and everyone at the Latvian Festival
To all the wonderful folks who came to today's show and to you at home for listening
It's a mere three hours drive home to Beckendham shouldn't have chinned that bag of naughty salt
Pam is by just lambdas a secretive production for a cast of these bitches from by
Wow, there we go there we go folks there go. It's quite good that we're doing this
introduction now because Ben and I just got back from End of the Road festival. Well Ben's
still there, that's why he's not there. Yeah, so I'm very much festival voiced. Yeah. I've
got the right voice to introduce an outro, a festival episode. Well, you do sound fairly croaky.
How was End of the Road, by the way?
In fact, I sound pretty croaky.
I've not even got the excuse.
I just had eight hours sleep in my own bed.
How was End of the Road?
Who did you see?
What was good?
Who did you press the flesh with?
Oh, it's a real treat.
So Rob Orton, the wonderful poet-comedian,
who we've never had on, actually.
We should definitely have on.
He's gotta come on.
He's gotta come on, absolutely.
He did a collaboration with Joe
from public service broadcasting.
Oh yeah.
Public broadcasting services
and did music and words together in like the big top.
Oh my word, it was amazing.
It was amazing.
And then I chatted to Joe afterwards
and he's a Pappies fan.
Oh, it was a great treat.
It was really nice.
I tell you what, we haven't booked the next Flat Slam.
That's a double bill right there.
Rob and Joe, I'm gonna get in touch.
Let's find out.
Let's make it happen.
Let's make it happen, guys.
Yeah, very exciting.
I love Rob Alton.
If you ever get a chance to see him,
he's absolutely brilliant.
But before you do any of that, please do book tickets to see the next couple of Flat Share
Slamdowns. I should tell you as well, we didn't mention this at the start of the episode, but
if you would like to come and see both shows, go to pappyscomedy.com forward slash live,
because there is a discounted ticket that gets you in to both shows. I think the tickets are 10
quid each, but for 17 quid you can get into both shows.
And if you're a Patreon member, it's only 15 quid.
So get yourself to the Patreon, patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flat Share.
Get yourself to pappyscomedy.com forward slash live and buy those tickets cheap, cheap, cheap.
Cheap, cheap, cheap.
Otherwise, just keep on listening. If you want a bit more from us,
we put out an extra podcast on Thursdays.
By the way, sorry, I thought that was the end of the sentence. Keep on listening if
you want a bit more from us because I've got another sentence I'm going to say.
That's very much how my brain's working this morning. Yes, hop on the Patreon, bugger's
four quid a month and you get an extra podcast every Thursday and lots of bonus contest from context, content from our...
Oh man.
I know, I know.
Did you say as well, did you say hop on the Patreon Buggers?
No, I don't think so.
I don't mind that as a catchphrase.
I really thought you said hop on the Patreon Buggers four quid a month.
But I think now I think about it, it might have been bungers four quid a month.
Now I say it out loud.
Bungers, yeah.
I quite like hop on the Patreon buggers.
I hop on the Patreon buggers.
You could be a Patreon buggers today for four pounds a month
and you'll get an extra podcast every Thursday
and lots of bonus content.
Content, that's what we do.
We're content creators.
Well, have a wonderful time everyone.
Live, love, laugh, as the science says in our kitchens.
And don't forget, we'll see you on the 23rd and 24th.
Oh yes.
Yeah, cheers.
Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham.
Corsham team.
Corsham team.
Cheers everyone.
Bye.