Pappy's Flatshare - Turkey Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Trusty Hogs (Catherine Bohart and Helen Bauer) S13E45

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

The festive Turkey Brothers are here to sort out your festive turkey beefs with special guests the Trusty Hogs podcasters - Helen Bauer & Catherine BohartTrusty Hogs Podcast - https://shows.acast.com/trustyhogsTrusty Hogs Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/trustyhogsPappy's Flatshare Slamdown returns to the Phoenix in 2024. Come and see us live, it really is an experience like no other29th Jan - Joe Wilkinson and Sooz Kempner https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/76780952796730th Jan - Cariad Lloyd and Kemah Bob - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/767812336367Or you can get a discounted ticket to both shows by following this link - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/767815786687Pappy’s Twitter - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters, December 15th.

Oh! Oh, tings! Listen to the dare! I'm tongue! Grout me here, I'm Tom! Groteings indeed, I'm bad. Tom, I really, really hope you get those grotesques look tep- For everybody who doesn't grote this time of year, a very happy holiday season. Just to try and be as inclusive as possible, but of course, we're doing it for the Groters. We're doing it for the Groters for you.

Podcasting Grotes. Not afraid to nail our colour to the mast. We are Groters, one and all, and we know you are too. So, Grotes, season's groting, guys. Grotes, I'm grateful, life mate. You're silly. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest.

You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest.

You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. You're the stupidest. Christmas edition of Beef Brothers Cold Cuts. And I know you have great expectations of this guy,

and hopefully it will deliver, because it was our great friends, the trusty hogs who joined us on stage live at the Bedford Inn Ballon for the Cheerful Earful Festive. Oh, that's a great poem. It's a great poem. It's a great poem. It's a great poem. It's a great festival.

Good old Giles gear of the Cheerful Liverpool Festival put the show together and we were very, very happy to do it. Just to say Tom, you're on the intro, but you are otherwise very, very busy with becoming a father for the second time. What's he, when this was being recorded? Congratulations. Congratulations. Good. You.

And we can, I mean, I don't think this is, this is telling tales outside of school, but your new child is called Groats. Yes. They look a bit like a tree and they can only say the word Groats. I'm very much looking forward to meeting that we're you two in the new year where we get to grow the baby's head.

That's not going to be a lot of it. But yeah, Catherine Bohar and Helen Bauer, they do a brilliant podcast called Trusty Hogs. If you've not heard it already, I highly, highly, highly recommend it. It is absolutely brilliant. We did their podcast as well. So if you are a patron member of theirs, you can hear the episode we did with the live episode we did. But we are putting this episode out, gratis and for free so you can enjoy us on stage

with the trusty hogs. We had a brilliant time. They have an energy that I think it's fair to say we struggled to manage. I'm looking forward to listening to this lopsided game of mixed doubles. Because we did two shows in them back to back. We did their show.

And their show was great. They brought out their producer Andrew White. He did stand up. And then they sort of hit the stage. And it was honestly, I've never heard any two people speak so quickly and so much over the top of each other. But the audience seemed to understand every word. It was like they were speaking another language.

But it was really, it was very, very fun to be on today to them. And this was a fun episode to do. We had a great time. I'm excited to hear it myself. I am actually putting in a transfer to join the trusty hugs, because that sounds right up my string. Oh, God. Oh, my God. But it would really put it over the top. Yeah, I actually think that like we love having you on stage with us Tom, but I think actually in this instance instance it would have been too much. LAUGHTER

Yeah. Yeah. That's very, that's fine. You can have too much of a group thing, aren't you? Absolutely. Absolutely. Great, well I'm looking forward to listening. Yes, yeah, it should be fun and you should look forward to listening to it too and in fact,

you don't need to look forward to listening to it too and in fact, you don't He's look forward any longer because here it is Hello everybody Welcome welcome welcome to Papi's flat share. It's great to be here. And thank you so much for all of you showing up, especially to people who came along to both shows, the trusty hog show as well. Yeah, we just had a woman come up to us.

This is Mad Catherine Helen. We had a woman come up to us and say, I am so sorry. LAUGHTER I'm a patron. I am a patron. I love the show. I love the show. I'm talking about the hogs. And it's such a rare thing in 2023 to have someone going,

could you at least let the men speak? Finally. Finally, we get to say something. It was so annoying, I was like, no, I don't think they told the people who you were. I was sat there going, who are these two men? Today, do they have a podcast as well? Tell me your podcast, what's your podcast? I'll listen to your podcast.

So we've got one new list, eh, great. LAUGHTER And I think you may have lost one list, though. You know, God closes a window when it's a door. That's the way it works. So, yeah, of course, Merry Christmas, everybody. Yeah. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. It's the most wonderful time of the year. It's wonderful time of the year.

Oh, I've forgotten something in my... Gwyn, is there any chance you could run down and get my tote bag? I've got my happy barrels in it. I've got my happy barrels. My special... I've got some happy barrels for everybody, little festive lakirs.

So, and... Yeah, there's 12 of them, so... So what will they do? They are barrel size. They have five. We'll roll it around the room. Everyone gets a lick. And so thank you for filling out the beef.

The way this is going to work, it's a beef brothers. It's like a beef brothers cold cut. If you know that, it's trying to solve people's problems. It's a beef brothers cold turkey where we're solving problems of drug addiction. And no, we're solving problems of drug addiction and no, no, no, no, we're solving problems from a Christmas, from a Christmas angle. Also, Tom is not here. Yes, that's right. So, let's play what happened with this. So, we got books to do this ages and ages ago.

We did it last year, we had a really, really good time. We were going to do a flat-sheast land down tonight and that was what we were booked for. And then we started recording the advert for it during one of our podcasts. And Tom was like, mrr, this sounds rubbish. And we're like, oh, that's quite an odd angle to be doing for an advert. Trying to get people to come and see it. He's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, mae'n gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn g But we're sending Tom and Jay and Trimmanus amount of hate mail. No, it's not. We're sending the like-dressed amount of love.

Because you have your base. Yeah, exactly. No, you've got one already. You don't need another. Come on, Brady. But yeah, lots of love to Tom. Let's bring out our guest first for a bit of context. They have a podcast.

Oh, no. No. No, they have a podcast. Oh no! No, that's a lovely, that's a gorgeous introduction of it. They have an absolute, they have a wonderful podcast. Please welcome the trusty holds themselves, Helen Bauer and Catherine Bohar! Well, we decided to split you up. Keeping us far away from each other as we can. And we really get by Catherine. Hi, Catherine. Hi, everybody.

Be good. She's a buddy. Should we start off before we get into these beats? Would anybody like a happy barrel? Yes. So the way they work, I think. Oh, no, are these alcoholic chocolate? Yes, they are.

That's amazing. Wee-ee-ee- you put it together? Because that's who thinks you love No, the ratio is the next one. I'm not a pair of the things I wouldn't put together I'll tell you now why you put it together because this is this is an advocate extra So this is very much the this is very much the gentleman's cream egg It's got an advocate. Oh, that's a nice. It's a lovely... I'll take it back here. You eat, come on.

Do you say you eat, come on. What did you say? I'm so tired, I'm just... I just want a straight woman won't eat something because of its viscosity, I'm confused. Oh my, it's cock! Can't buy the cock! The gentleman's screaming.

Can't... Can't you, would you like one? We've got cherry, we've got... We've got... We've got cacao... Cacao schwaa. What's onle? Milk. Carrying, would you like what we've got? We've got cherry, we've got, we've got, we've got, we've got cacquishwara. What's our lay? Milk. An alcoholic milky filling.

Yes, please. Let me, when I get that filling, I want sexual healing. I'm so sorry, I'm driving, otherwise I'd join. Oh. Is it bad? It's really good. What's in yours? It's really good. What's in yours? I've got the avocado on.

And it's very abrasive. It's abrasive. It's abrasive. It's really good. It tastes exactly like cum. Oh. But then you do it a lot of times. Did he find out?

Yeah. Come on, you have to finish it. You have to. If you don't finish it, you have to. If you don't finish your combarrel, then you won't get any good tools. Must be great being in a relationship with you. I could say that now. Vegetables as well, they're the truth. Well, I want to get onto the vegetables.

Helen, come on. Think he's nice. You like him. You want to musical together. He's probably not even gay. Come on. Oh. It's the first time we've had Helen speechless,

which is amazing. How are you? How are you ever another? Helen. How are you feeling? How are you feeling? Oh. Oh.

This is. Yeah, this is just not, I like the way you're like, oh it's disgusting, but licking your fingers really greedily. What are you going to do? Wash your hands. Helen, not. Yeah.

How are you feeling after that? Thank you for my presents. And a very Merry Christmas. Christmas has started and ended here, I think. Tell me now, what is actually eggs? It's got, yeah, so apacars made with real eggs. So it's like... Helen, why are you vomiting?

Maybe you did a whole tour show. You had to keep an egg in your breath. That was different. That was a boiled egg from my bra. I refused to explain that to you. I don't want to hear it. For with, with. It's making me feel warm.

Yeah, that's a good thing. Oh, it's like a cuddle. Yeah, it's like, it's a winter warmer, it's what it is. Just one question. Yes. How long since that egg came out of chicken? Oh, we're talking years. Years. I actually grew up and then died and then it's... I know also, by the way, I bought the he's then I bought these in the summertime

They're chocolate guys chill out Oh But I did let's have a date on the top day on the top here we go Yeah, there you go, so you know what we're it's a 25th of the first so a month away from Christmas 2024 so you're fine from Christmas, 2024. So you're fine. Oh, it says except for the egg one. Yeah, I'm serious. Do you actually, did you enjoy eating yours?

I actually got a real kick out of it, yeah. Yeah, I loved it. Did you have fun, have fun? No bum driving. Oh, you're driving. Come on. A chocky chocky. Can I just say I'm so tired and I, on the way here,

drove so badly that I'm a massive jeep pulled up beside me as we were driving along. I was like, bye, bye, and I was like, I totally agree. LAUGHTER My bad! And I can't do that again. Yes. With alcohol on my breath. Fair enough. God bless you.

Have you got any of this phone? Are you handing out rennies? You know what this is you know these are throw drugs on stage during Led Zeppelin gigs I'm just Does this all happen at Pappy? Yes, absolutely, yeah. We double drop a gavaskon before every gig, yeah. It's a very Christmas drug or any. It really is, isn't it?

Yeah, like gavaskon, get your wennies, get your wennies, get your wennasons, like grandma's coming over. Like that's the part. It's also like we've had too much cream. There was cream in everything. Oh, yeah, we've got it. Too rich, too rich. Shall we start solving some people's beef here?

Let's grab some of this. Right, you should eat that. We've started beef with puppies on our podcast, and they just ignored us, which were your days away. Katherine, we lost a patron. We lost a patron. We have to start. Someone emailed us being like, you were mean about puppies,

when you tried to start beef, we're leaving patron. I'm not joking. That's too right, man. And if you're here tonight, we're leaving Patreon. I'm not joking. That's too right, man. And if you're here tonight, we will find James. Yes. She was here tonight, she was the one being like, I did it. I was like, who was that?

We'll find you. Oh, she wasn't coming to our show, she had no idea what it was called. Oh. We're so sorry. Hey, no. What are you doing? We're doing it. We're doing it. What are you doing? We're doing it in a bit.

Yeah, yeah. Well, good luck with that. I'll listen. She said I'll tune in as well. Which I love. After tune into that, that's that help podcast. Oh, sure. Okay.

Should we start with Sophie? Should we start with Sophie? Because I think this is a really strong beef to start with. Sophie, where are you Sophie? Hi Sophie. So Sophie writes, my mother-in-law serves my food to me. She decides how hungry I am. Oh right.

Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. So Sophie, am I reading into this correctly that she serves you very tiny portions and you'd like a proper Christmas dinner? Is that what's going on? Oh no. Wait, is she hoarding it somewhere you can't go back for seconds?

I can, I can, but there's judgment in that as well. I think as well, if the second is going to be the same, like if you're serving you like a quarter of a dinner and you're constantly going back for extras, it makes you look bad, whereas if you served you a proper portion initially, we wouldn't be in the situation, right? Is that what we're saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How much does she give you then? Great, man, you didn't great. How much does she give your husband? Great, man, you didn't great. Yeah. How much does she give your husband? Oh, oh, she gives him, like how many times what you have, would you say she's giving him? No, no, we get the same portion, sir. Oh. Oh.

Well, OK, then. OK, resetting my judgment of the mother and law, go on. I hate her. I'm not. You're not resetting my judgement of the mother-in-law go on. I hate her. I'm not. You're not resetting any judgement. But your mum's a fucking scant. Camila. Sorry, but that's insane. It's just so mother-in-law, by the way.

Just not... Yeah, but is this your husband, that, eh? Yes, your mum's a scant, then. Okay, right. Oh. Fair enough, fair enough, yeah. Sustained. Um...

Is she... Not a very hungry person herself incredibly judgmental or tight or all three? Number one She just get very hungry. No, so she doesn't think you need that much. Oh It's Christmas day. Yeah, you don't need any of Christmas dinner. but you want all of it. That's Christmas dinner, isn't it? Well, let's get a little bit... What's her fucking name? LAUGHTER Is she a patron?

LAUGHTER But can she's going to tune in? LAUGHTER He's... How many roast potatoes? Great question. I don't like roast potatoes? Great question. I don't like roast potatoes. Oh!

Oh! Oh! What is that? What is that? What is that? You made the best. You co-head. You co-head.

You co-head. You co-head. Sorry, that was mental. Yeah, that's it. No, that's it. Do you have another one? Do you have another one? Let the record show that brought all four of us No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Sophie, talk us through what would be your dream, your dream Christmas dinner and kind of portion size.

If you say mass potato, I am throwing the microphone. How are you getting your spuds? How are you getting your spuds? I'm Danish, so we get... Don't make the call today! Don't make this! We have just plain boiled potatoes and then we have something called caramelized potatoes where you Those are good, but not better than that. We'll go on

What are they what these why your potatoes in like caramel sauce so the caramel kind of Potatoes could you hear me out Could you get a bunch of happy barrels and work them down in a saucepan and they put potatoes in there? Because I think we may have invented the ultimate Christmas snack there. They're basically toffee potatoes. Toffee potatoes.

Oh, yes, please, I'd love it. But to think that a boiled potato was better than a roast potato. Yeah, I'll be back. Is she giving you an instant to do the dishes? Yeah, too right, at one person doing this. All potatoes are wonderful. Not to be a stereotype. How we have all three, we have three types of potatoes at

microsmiss dinner. My mom does, she does do mashed but she also does roast and she also does um, roasties. Oh, I love a roasting. I don't know. I didn't know who that was supposed to be, but it was actually uncanny. How much food are you getting? A get enough food. It's just like the first portion is tiny. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I honestly don't know. I didn't know who that was supposed to be, but it was actually uncanny.

How much food are you getting? A get enough food. It's just like the first portion is tiny. Yeah, you want to open with it. I've got to ask for more. But how tiny are we talking about? What's the first portion? I think.

One maybe two slices of turkey and then like three roast potatoes. Yeah, one slice of turkey. Two, two. Is she freezing the rest of the year like what the problem? Oh here we go. My mum is perfect. She's a horn! She's a horn! Sorry, ma'am. Helen, please. No, go on. Your uncle fans might enjoy that sort of thing, but sorry. They're direct.

What's your name, please? Christian. Christian, hello, Christian. She would say she's a war baby. So she grew up with her up. The war is over. Not her, no actually those are wars that happen to me. It's still matters to her, so she can't, she can't get rid of it. But if she was, right, what? You're rationing your Christmas. That's just, it's sad. LAUGHTER And I think what needs to happen, Christian, is you need to say,

look, Mum, you've been on your feet all day prepping the meal, allow me to carve and serve. Oh, and then just go and then go home to the playboy. And you literally... And you can serve a small portion to her, oh, you know, a blitz portion for her, before you put her in the shelter to the siren just to make her feel welcome

and then I'm so ready to make her feel You know the alien But out of that night That kind of thing, you know All of that Exactly, all of that kind of stuff The bowers are coming

So Woah It'll be Christmas It's good stuff It's all good stuff, mate All of that kind of stuff. The bowers are coming. Yes. Oh! Happy Christmas! Good stuff. It's all good stuff, mate. It's all good. If you step in, if you step in and properly get the fucking shovel out, then you can, you know, that's what you need to do.

Do you think, like, would that work? Christian, would it work? I think I'm going to struggle to get the knife out of her hand. She can't be strong. And the portion size is. She's weak as a tiny little bird. She's a bit scared. Can I give another suggestion?

Of course you can. People don't know this, but Delivery and Uber Eats is still fucking running 100% on Christmas Day. Secret eating is a very simple thing to do if you're willing to work out the time that people consider meal times. Now, sub opens at 9am, and that's not just breakfast subs, that's full subs, okay?

So what I would do is get a delivery of crisps, subs, and cookies, first thing in the morning for everyone wakes up, hiding in your room, stash it around different places, constantly having bites of that. And then at the end of the meal, be like, if anything, that was too much for me. Make her feel shame.

LAUGHTER Shame her. And when you see her finish her plate, you're like, you're not a bin. What did I say? Oh, it's food, not love. And that really, it cuts. But it works.

You don't forget it. I get the feeling we're going to hear in the firsts is, make a feel shame and it cuts, but it works more than once tonight. But it does work. You know what? I think that's be solved for the solved. Is that a piece of the sort of a piece?

Do I get a point for that? Yeah, go on. Yeah. I'm winning. I know the rest of us got five points. Why? You should know why. Wait, this is from Sadie.

Sadie, yes, where are you Sadie? I'm so sorry, Sadie. Sadie! This is song! Okay. Okay, wait. Not a podcast. Can I just answer?

Who are you judging? Sadie, or whoever she's got a problem with? Sadie. Oh, no. I knew that. Give it back. I'll read out with compassion and then you can read it again. I need to read it out with compassion. OK, this comes from lovely Sadie. Hi Sadie and thanks for coming on to the show. Thanks so much Sadie. Sadie writes, reasonably, we'll find out.

Still have to write a Christmas list aged 45. Oh no, my parents do want to buy me some. You give! And they want me to like them and for those to be right. Wait, Christmas list for like things that you want. Yeah. Do you not like doing that? No, because I'd like to not know what I'm getting

and also not have to buy it most of the time. That's why I'm not buying it. Well, I just know the shopping part bit. Come on, how old are they? Older than me. That's how parents work, yeah. I do. They're very sprightly 30, no.

I basically might have been my parents now, think about it. I'm a saiyede on this. Yeah. That's absolutely fine, not to want to write a fucking list of you. That's the whole point is like you finding out buying a gift for someone. If you want to, if you go like, I'd really like it if you got me this, fine. But otherwise, I've got to put if you got me this, fine. But otherwise, you've split the room

between co-stalling people and people who are chill. Could you feel that like partners turning to each other? How are you the pasties and jobs? I am, I basically, I hate receiving gifts. I love to give a gift. I hate receiving gifts. I'm terrible with it. And again, it's, it comes to, it's like, you say, it comes out to be in a control freak

of going, well, if I wanted that thing, I could get it today. Why would I wait till Christmas to get it? And if I know what it's going to be, what's the point in wrapping it up and giving it to me? And if I don't know what it's going to be, you're going to get it wrong. So, sorry. Why would I want to go home for Christmas to find out what you think you know about me? That is... Yes! Yeah.

Oh, I'm this, am I? Wrong. Oh, hurtful. Wrong. I'm gay and I have OCD and my mom went off peace last year and bought me a rainbow-shaped sponge. Oh, thank cute! A rainbow cleaning! Oh, that's great! You're cleaning your game.

Those are the two things we think about. I don't want to go home to buy no one of this, you think, you know, I'll say it again. Also, they're going to spend whatever amount of money anyway. And all of these spend something they'll actually use. And honestly, otherwise people buy shit that you have to be like, then you have to like, look, you have to then, for example, if you might have said to your mom,

oh, I don't hate green, and now everything you get for the next 17 years is green. Fine. Some of us said, huh, owls are cute. Yeah, camparangs. She's really upset. This is good though, because I would have said all the same stuff. I'm just basically saying it.

Yeah. But I'm 100% with you. I'd love to buy a list of things that I know don't have to admit myself. Like, please. Hold on. You're saying that all those owls I bought you. Fucking hell, crossbow.

You know what's the fun one you can do? You could say, like, oh, I really want to go for dinner at these places, and then you sort of like, oh, let's meet up this evening, and then you go for dinner and you don't know where, and then that's a really cool restaurant. Isn't that fun? I actually, you know what? I think that's... And there's a lever experience to London Zoo at the moment.

Oh! And then you can just hang out with them. That's a lovely gift. And still will be a surprise. You've been like, oh, I'm going to the zoo. That'll be really fun. Oh my God, I mean, do you Lima? Law? Yeah, I think... I think...

I think also that you get to a certain age and seeing people is more important than a gift, I think. I think that's... How's everyone rise? There we go. Oh, that is good, that's a good gift. That'd be expensive though. No, fuck that.

Can high-abloons are... Fucking chaos. What? They're very... They've kind of fucking spearing. They're very dangerous. Like, wind... God is the... God is the only...

You got it. Hello, God is the only... My mum got the wheel. My mum got a hot air balloon ride off my dad. And I said to him, what are you getting? Oh, so you're... To hot air balloon ride over the dad and I said to him, what are you getting? Oh, so you're to hot air balloon ride over the sea. And I went, I mean, that would be nice for the two of you.

I went, no, I'm not going. I'm not going. So it's just a start of mid-summer mergers. He just got the new insurance. I was a little bit surprised at that. That's why I say, he's seriously sending a list of faces you want to eat or things you want to do, and then just let them take you there.

But then the Christmas gift is a day, and then they're actually paying for me to go to the Lester Comedy Festival. Oh, there we go then. That's so loud. You're annoyed that your parents got us for your Christmas gift? Oh my God, and the rich, the third museum there is incredible, because it goes all the way back to the battle and actually the finding of the body and they've literally got the glass

you can look down into the tomb of it. So I don't need to go now. It's a boiler room, eh? Yeah. Oh, yeah, it dies. She dies, me to die. Last British, one, it's dying battle, that's right. I love the fact that you're a secret historian. It's amazing.

I'm not think I'm telling people all the time. But no one believes making it easier. You're really going to stop hiding your light under that bushel. You're supposed to use your voice, Ellen. Oh, God. Tell the people. I'm shy. Is that beef soul?

I think it is beef souls, yeah. From the Sony Mega Beasts! Thank you, Sadie. Thank you very much. Do I get another point? Yeah, another five points to have if we're making a record of that. So, yeah. Do you want to see what the world is really like?

Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom at a lot for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15. Hey, Cass Powers, the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend.

In 1973, a group of indigenous artists formed a collective. The press called them the Indian group of seven, their goal, to raise the profile of indigenous art. It was all or nothing, we're representing all our people. And create a permanent space and galleries for indigenous artists in Canada and around the world. That was really a rock star moment for me. I'm Solay Lunya and this is Equals, the history and legacy of the professional native Indian artist, Inc.

Listen wherever podcasts are heard. That's that car. Do you want to do Kimberly Rose's one? Yes! Oh, you do Kimberly Rose? Oh, hello, Kimberly. Okay. My sister has had a baby. So now it's more awkward, it's not awkward, but I'm like, from the vibe. Okay.

So now it's more awkward when we meet and husband try to have on our traditional Christmas going on a city break doing the 25 drinks of Christmas pub crawl on Christmas day you do 25 drinks on Christmas day you had about 12 Baby can do that baby's a constantly drinking milk. No? Baby love milk. Yeah. Baby love milk. Baby love milk. Maybe love milk. Maybe love milk. Maybe they're into the beef.

That'll also. Oh wait, oh, because it's just the breastfeeding. What? No. Well, we can't. What? No, no, no, no. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. You didn't choose for a double baby, did you? Oh, no. No.

Then it's fine. Go on yourself. Go on yourself. This is a shitty break. No, I want to hear that. That's a baby grow up alone. Catherine, I want to see a family that loves this. You can't get alcohol here.

Best be off. I'm being an Irish man here. No, let's hear about how the best ways to get fucked up with a baby are. Go. To get fucked up with a baby. Yeah, 25 drinks with a baby. How do you make it happen? Go.

Well, crucially, Kimberley Rose doesn't have a baby. Right, so you're going to spend up on a baby. You can get as fucked up as you like. I mean, you obviously, once you've had the 25 drinks, you can't hold the baby anymore. But you can be around a baby fucked up. That's fine. I'm maybe to like to go abroad,

so like Prague or somewhere. But what's the issue? You didn't have a baby? No, but she had a baby and my... Hey, this... Kim, I'm gonna blow your mind. People having babies all the time, right? Yeah.

And Prague is still open as a tourist destination, right? So don't let other people's actions affect where, how you spend your Christmas. Because you can be drunk in front of a baby, baby loves that. Baby loves it. Christmas is like this whole family of hell, though. And I...

Is it, is it, though, really? But all the adults you've been ditching at Christmas were once babies. LAUGHTER If anything, they noticed you've been in Prague way more than when they were babies. It's a ruder that you've been ditch Prague way more than when they were baby It's a rudder that you've been ditching them as all the baby won't know Catherine Catherine can I just ask just generally as hungry is any chance you could just chill out on our On our audience

Sorry Sorry, sorry, sorry, I am hungry. It's yeah. What? No! Have a happy barrel or some valley or something. He's not wrong. Has either of that helped you out. The sort of extraordinary rendition you got from Catherine or the, it's okay to be fucked up around a baby you got from us. Yeah, yeah, we didn't go abroad for his first Christmas. Oh, I guess not even his first Christmas. It's not even his first Christmas.

No, last year was, I guess we fuck off this year. Absolutely. What only seduction? You do one-on-one-off. That's great, you can even consent. Yeah, I'm 100%. And also, start earlier in the day, be there for pub opening, don't do the pub crawl start and play

Helen, we can't come back from Prague. It's a broth. It's a broth. There are problems. They don't know when to take one of their many holidays. I have misunderstood the problem. Yeah. Drink with baby. OK, I've been telling you this to the problem

but the same solution. Beef solved. Woo! I'm a son of a egg of beef! OK. Are we doing well? You're doing great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. How do you feel you're doing? I don't know. I feel like we're doing very well. I feel like Catherine is being I'm very Aggressive. Yeah, and I feel like I haven't understood a single thing that's happened. Yeah, but we booked you guys We know we're getting I didn't know I think I'm gonna go back for like a lovely podcast. It's gonna be evening the first problem We all stood up and started screaming

I mean, but Hi old she said boiled potatoes are a bit at listen. Yeah, I'm trying to relax Red flagged when I wish lady go on Okay Alex Alex you hear Alex! Alex! You hear Alex? Hi Alex! Hi Alex! My boyfriend doesn't believe in Christmas decorations. Huh? No, I used to relax.

I'm like cool! How cool of him! He doesn't want to buy them, and even if I do, he will complain and take them down! Oh! Is he here? If I do, he will complain and take them down! Is he here? He's carrying a Oxford streak. Get these fucking... Get these fucking weeks down! Do you live together? Yeah.

I mean, sorry. So, like, do you guys live together? What? He takes them down as they are messy and take up space. How do I not spend another Christmas in a depressing house with no Christmas spirit? New boyfriend? So let's, wait, let's talk about this now because

So let's, wait, right, let's talk about this now, because so what kind of, are you buying sort of particularly garish Christmas decorations? Are we talking just about a little bit of tinsel or like some sort of paper shandilyers or what you get? Well, I tried tinsel and like, like, like, snow like something like that.

So he didn't like that. Last Christmas, I got away with having a centered plug-in. A centered plug-in! Oh, listen, I hate to say this, that's not a decoration, I'm so sorry. That's... That is... No, you're breaking my heart.

I could tell you that that's not even boiled potatoes. A centered plug-in, so at least you've got like, at least your nose is celebrating Christmas. Even if your eyes aren't, that's not fair. Gosh, away with. This is, I tell you what you should do. I've got a cap in. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I feel like this is the one time when you crack open it in case of emergency Catherine Broughhart, what are your things going on here? Do you pay rent?

Yeah? Does he pay rent? Yeah. Sweet, do you pay rent? Yeah. Sick. Okay, here we go. Remember to bring them between sentence and sentence.

Do you, do you sift his things as they come in the door? You don't expect his objects and decide what he gets to cool. And no, no. And no, like, great. We are actually very happy and have a really nice time. Alex, did he tell you to say that? We're very happy, except for during the most happy time of the year. And no, he's just quite like pragmatic.

He's like, if you don't need it. That's a polite word for what he's. Because I have a lot of stuff. If you don't need it, you should never. If you don't like all of this and stuff, and he doesn't really like it. Did he own more than two pairs of trousers? Does he have more than one pair of shoes?

Does the man own a car? Does he eat more than he ever snack? No. No. Why are you dating this man? That's so contra- I'm sorry, that's so controlling. No. That's the freaking cheer. It might have like a bit of history with not enjoying Christmas. Like maybe it's like a- No, he's- I was just trying to make new memories. He says because I have so much stuff already. I need to remove it. He's not a sad fucking bullshit.

You know what I do? I live with a man who sometimes can be a little bit reluctant to joy, okay? His name's Sunil Patel. Yeah, but. What I did last year, because the year before he just sort of disassociated as I was like cutting up my snowflakes and making my paper chains, I took him to the Nun Head gardener,

it's a chain of garden chopped across South London, he said you can pick up any decoration you want baby, anything you want. And he brought along a male friend with him because he was worried, you know what I mean, he was blessed in. And he got a British bulldog with a bit of glitter on him with a policeman's hat. And he popped it on the tree and he was a lot calmer. Now tell you what, this year, not even Christmas time yet, he ordered a sparkling cinnamon Yankee candle two days ago.

How does that even happen? You can't even do a basic bitch, basically. I was away, I came back and he went, I had a nap on the sofa, I eat a blankie. I did need to add this in the right direction. Okay, assuming that this guy isn't just controlling, I think there's something that it's bothering him and it's not the decorations.

Oh, it's my stuff. No, I think it's more than that. Because you have to throw away every other stuff. There's something under it. I need to ask him what is problem with Christmas. It's like, what really happened to Christmas? Really? Also just for context.

And keep asking him. And it's like her partner to decorate because they do it wrong. LAUGHTER I know how to organize a tree. LAUGHTER She can decorate her room. Oh, yes.

No, I love that you're making sweetened generalizations about your two relationships out of date. No, this one's actually got great taste. I'm fast. I'm fast. I want again, we're no longer needed, so. Sorry. Because I'm running.

Oh, Alex, you deserve some cheer. I just don't love anything that starts with, like, I got away with. I just think you're like, you live there. And you can be different and also have some decorations. Was that chill? I think that was, I think we all agree. I am a'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r y No, it's not. Please. I reckon what you should do is wait till he's asleep and then come in dressed as the ghost of Christmas past. Oh my god, yeah. This is so good.

You guys could be past, future and... Helen. Yeah. We'll come round and we'll screw to the fucker. That will be awesome. Yeah. It's been a long time since we've done a scrooge in at least 12 months. But yeah, we certainly do another one.

Absolutely, we're happy to scrooge for you guys. Honestly, happy to do it. That's not about service to offer. That's so good, sir. That wouldn't have been amazing service to offer. You could do like, Patent's just like, I'll wake you up in bed, just probably. That wouldn't have been a amazing service to offer. You could do like, patches like... Oh!

You know, waking up in bed just probably... Oh no, we thought this would be fun! Oh god! Or you could be like, cool, if we can't decorate here, I'm gonna go spend Christmas somewhere else. Bye! Okay, Catherine, you are back. Yeah, yeah. And you need to stop it.

Congratulations on your loving relationship, I think. No, yeah. And you need to stop it. Congratulations on your loving relationship. I never really said that before. Problem solved. Problem solved. Problem solved in your piece. Problem solved. Oh.

What are the actual lyrics? Problem solved. The beef guts solved. That's it. Yeah, that's the rich. Is it problem solved in the beef guts? No, not in the close,, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It's good, it's good stuff. It's the collab you're all waiting for, guys. It's very dimly for an Elton John, isn't it? So I thought, thank you very much for all those amazing beefs.

We enjoyed them all and by enjoyed we were furious. Yeah, I thought, this was originally going to be a flat-share standout. I thought we'd play a to be a flat share slam down. I thought we'd play a flat share style game. So, yeah, we're the flat games theme. Can I just say? Game! Let's play forever.

Roll the dice. Put that down. Do it your toll. Game! If you lose, you can knock in. Game! If you win, get nothing games if you win again Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold By the way, that couldn't have been more Tom Perry if we needed to

IQ up a jingles, I was, can I just say that is... It was like he was in the room. I just wanted to say that. It's not them who've made me furious. I'm just like this. Oh yes. I just really know what Alex took away thinking it's you. No, this is just my personality and I'm sorry. We know. So I thought the way... I thought the way it would look.

Games. I thought the way it would work. Games. I've known practice at ages now, so yeah, it's fine. This is Katherine Ben, you can be a team. Yeah. Helen, would you like to bring your producer Andrew to be a team? Andrew! Andrew, wait, everybody.

Yeah. Produce of trusty hogs. Right, so the way this is going to work, is, it's a lyrics game, Christmas lyrics, okay. I've found a bunch of, re-sue-of-squear Christmas songs. I'm going to give you lyrics, like a couplet from these songs, right? I'm going to give each of you a couplet and you've got to come up with two fake ones and the real one, okay?

So you've got to give us two fake couplets and the real one and we have to work out your opposite team has to work out which one's real, which one's fake? And Helen, you can win some points. Yeah. I'm a winner by being hit. No, I don't know, sorry. Yeah, so Clarky, we're going to start with you.

We're going to start with you, Clarky. Okay. This is you're going to start with me. We're going to start with you, Clarky. OK. This is... You're going to start with me. We're going to start with you. This is from a funky, funky Christmas by the New Kids on the block. So there you go. Do you remember the song? Of course.

Of course you do. Of course you do. Of course you do. Oh, no, don't get very much. Give it away. Don't get away. OK, so Helen, Andrew, Clarky is going to give you three sets of lyrics. Which one is the real Newokids on the block? Clarke, off you go.

I've got a Christmas tree so big, I can't get it through the door. I had to put it in the garage now it's getting old on the floor. Quite a sad one, that one. Yeah, that's right. Not especially funky. I see. Unless it's funky in the sense of getting moldy.

Yes, it's on the block. Okay, slipping and sliding through the city streets, I'll be in town getting down to the Christmas beat. That sounds so new kids on the block. Or statistically it's more likely to be big. Okay. Do you want to hear a series that you find a larger? Oh, I hear a series. Let's hear a series. Let's hear a series. Just for a bit of fun.

Bopping up and down in Santa's sleigh. Keep going, keep going. I've been up and down in Santa's sleigh, yeah, yeah. It's going too fast, but that's just Santa's way. Okay. Can I just kind of pop in or pop in? Pop in. Pop in, okay, yeah.

Yeah, I think it's being, I don't know. I don't know, that seed is actually fucked with me mentally. Yeah. It was a good, strong sea. So we had the Christmas tree line on the floor in the garage, was it? Okay, then we had slipping and sliding through the streets, then we had bopping up and down on the sleigh. Which one do you think it? It's funky, funky Christmas by the Nukes on the block.

That's a real song. Wouldn't it be mad if I made the songs up myself? What a hard game it would be for everyone to play. I still find it quite hard. We're going to go be final answer. Clarke, the correct lyric is. Slippin' and sliding for the 50th Street. Hello, you get the points.

Very good, very good. Statistically, I was correct. Now, this one won't be big. Remember that, because otherwise we'd make no sense. Because also, it's yours. Oh, yeah So we can eliminate we can eliminate big guys. So which of the which of a which of a or C is this? Okay, now this is this is no it's for you. It's for you and this is have a cheeky Christmas This is a great song have a a cheeky Christmas. Buy the cheeky girls. Buy the cheeky girls. Like a taffon, touch, mambam.

OK, that's not these lyrics. That's another absolute banner. OK. First one. Ooh, baby, baby, underneath the mistletoe. Second one. Is this, this is it? No?

Could it? Like, is this, is this, is there two more pieces of becoming away? No, no, no, no, no, here's here we go Helen I could tell you that it won't be me Helen you're making up to of them Oh, is it A? But that's the one that was written down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't tell them that because that's the real one.

Right? You're making up to and they're guessing. No! Oh, yeah. Helen, I know you love points. I don't do that first. You really, yeah. That was not very clear.

They had no idea. Can I just ask, was there anybody in the room who was unclear on the way this game was played? Apart from Helen, no one else. Sexist pieces of shit. You cheeky cheeky pieces of shit. Okay, I'll try again. Give me the go. I'd love to see how you're gonna do it, but go. Give me the go. A. Also, it's quite transparent, so maybe put your hand over it.

A, ooh baby, baby, underneath the mistletoe, oops baby, baby, very sexy, let's go home. Number two. So A and two, yeah. That's the way, there's no B. That's how she gets you. It's A, then two, then C. Can't wait, what you bit for the third one. Okay, so that was A, now two. Yeah, A, two, yeah.

Cheeky, cheeky, it's Christmas, baby. Let's fuck under the missile, too. Okay, that's two. And that was fuck under the mistletoe. Yeah. Okay, that's two. And that was off. And remember guys, it's always B. And this is C. Okay.

Ooh, baby, baby, underneath the mistletoe, oops, baby, baby, very sexy in the snow. Okay, what are you thinking guys? Which one? So we've had one about three about mistletoe, one about fucking... There's sisters, right? The cheeky girls? They are, yeah, by the way. Gabriella, yeah, and what's her? The other one. Oh, wow, that is awful. Gabriella and we don't know, shame on all of us. Yes. You're also sexist. We're going A, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Wrong! It's C. It was C. She did you. She absolutely did you.

Because I read it. I didn't read the second line. Ah. Oh. Oh. He's good. Do you know what? Very good.

Very good. That's... There you go. That is how you play. You misunderstand so intensely that you don't read both lines. Do we get it? I think you misunderstood, but you misunderstood so much more than they really. You win.

The thick win again! LAUGHTER I mean, that was absolutely mind-blowing. I don't know how you did it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. Catherine. Catherine.

Hello. This is yours, by the way. It is from Santa Claus is watching you by Ray Stevens. God from Santa Claus is watching you by Ray Stevens Santa Claus is watching you Of all Christmas songs isn't it is like there's a man in your garden. It's cream Don't worry about here. It's one of the good ones a bit much By the way, Andrew I didn't offer you a happy barrel. Do you want to have? Don't have the anfa car one with we've had them with finished the me. Yeah, thank God have a lovely Olai We've had them. I've finished them. Thank God. Have a lovely Ola.

Okay. Oh my baby. So, Catherine. Santa Claus is watching you. Three lyrics please. Just to tell you, the one that's the real one I've given to you on a piece of paper that you're holding in your hand right now. It doesn't seem like I have to say it a bunch of times, but how many of it? No, I got it.

Ah-ha! You got it! You got us! You think this already, you're good! Yeah, because I'm smart, swimming in the world. Okay, so, um... Hey. Santa's no fool, he's really super cool, he's watching you from your outdoor pool. She made it up. Okay.

Okay. I'm going to go B. I'm going to go B. Okay B, yep. It's very small writing. Mae'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaith Would you like to hear it first or is that your final answer? I'd like to hear it, please, ma'am. Let's hear it then, please, Catherine. See. See Suniour. Santa's no fool, he's really super cool, he's in Europe.

He's in your garden, she had with your dad's favourite tool. Okay, so we've got, he's in your outdoor pool, he's in the CIA, he's got your dad's favourite tool in his grubby little hand. It's not big, you tried to pretend to make that one up to him. No way. LAUGHTER Huh? He hadn't said anything. Do we know the nationality of the... No, we didn't get follow-up questions. OK.

I mean, I can't... Hey, guys. It's a... It's a... It's a... It's a... Final answer. Rang! It's B final answer. Rang!

It's B! Statistically the most likely! Woo! He's in the C.I. He's in the C.I. Bitch! I was sorry. Up the bickers. A little momentum of the wonderful night you've had.

Can we play the beef song again, please? No, we can't. Now, finally, we've got Christmas tree by Lady Gaga for Andrew. There you go. Oh, you're just fun, you're gay. Yeah, thank you. I'm not that kind of a guy. He's not Lady Gaga, okay? It's different. Do you have a Stevenson time one? Gaga, okay. It's different. Do you ever Steven Sonntime won?

Yes, no. Why not? Nothing from company at Christmas, no. Good knowledge. Have you seen Sonntsep Boulevard? No, the Savoy production. Yes, I haven't seen it. It's very good.

Very excited about Genshin. Nicole Shersinger, Sonntsep Boulevard, Mason. Carry on. Thank you. Did you see, Gipsy when it was at the Savoy? No, my God. He smelled the Gypsy when it was at the Savoy? No! Oh my god, it was unbelievable. What the fuck is happening here? Oh, I'm also gay.

Andrew. It's a Christmas tree, but there you go. Don't look at me guys, I was just trying to do two. Don't look at me, yeah. It doesn't know as much. She doesn't know as much. She doesn't know as much. She's a captain. She's an Italian-based based on movement, alright? So...

Look at Clark, he's not a bad girl. Look at her. He's the same for that. Okay, Andrew, it's all yours. Okay, Christmas tree by Lady Gaga. Kick off my Christmas boots. My cake is filled with candied fruits. Oh! Number two. Christmas boots, my cake is filled with candied fruits. Oh.

Number two. Please quiet in the room. Yeah, stop enjoying yourselves so much, guys. It's better be a podcast. Take off my winter coat party on my festive boat. Mm. It's our festive boat. Mmm. It's our festive boat.

I hope that's not caught your eye, McSlayne. LAUGHTER Or see, take off my stockings here. I'm spreading. Spreading. Spreading. I'm spreading, spreading, spreading. Cheapest, creepest. It's like I was a bulls.

Go, what was it again? Take off my stockings here, I'm spreading fest Christmas cheer. Fest Christmas cheer. You're not celebrating fest Christmas. Very, very, very fest Christmas. It really happens in June. And we've found not repeating any of them So we had

Celebrate I've got candy fruit celebrate on my on my boat or a Christmas chair within the stockings. They were good They were good. Thank you Sure, um, maybe he's trying to psychus out with the first Christmas Yeah, it could be. By the way, clarky you've clocked up. Yeah, it's probably, if we ended here, we'd be fine. They're going to be good. What do you think? I like all three.

Yeah, I listen to the song and I really like the third one, but I think that's a private thing. Um, but I think... Don't look at us. The fruit stuff, that fruit was good. The fruit was, that's clever. The fruit's really good, yeah. But the third one's a sexy. The first if vote probably not.

No, and the third one's so sexy if you don't trip over it. Yeah. Spread, spread, spread. LAUGHTER Whoa, yeah. Really make it a good Nutella, doesn't it? Yeah, spread spread spread. Whoa. Yeah, really makes you think of Nutella, doesn't it? No. I know, it was a joke, Catherine. Yeah.

What? How did they work? Because it's a chocolate spread Nutella. Spread spread spread. You say spread spread spread. I say make sure you think give Nutella because it's spread It's so yummy. It's delicious. Yeah, not as yummy as happy barrels by the way We do have to do a sponsorship read today's episode is brought to you by happy barrels

Not as good as barrels. No as good as happiness Happy barrels available from Satan's Breeds from the Polish section. I'm going to have to hurry you for an answer. Catherine, I've been. I think fruit personally. I'll go fruit with you. A, please. Was it candy fruit?

Oh, no, no, no. Oh! I'm going to do it! Take off my stockings here. I know! I'm burningings here. Oh Oh incredible If that's been glitter. Can you write me a note for me? Yeah, just forget it. If that had been glittering, that would have been

a wonderful moment. Very festive. You've got a serious memory from Katz. He's a wonderful, Elaine Page. You're a fan. I'm sorry. Was anybody keeping scores? Are you keeping scores?

All right, fantastic. I'm fine. Fantastic. Producer Emma, what's that done to the scores? Here he comes. Oh. So, here he goes. The jazz man himself.

Ben and Catherine have won. They didn't win. Oh, that's the thing about a fucking goal. Ben and Catherine have one point, you. Yeah, yeah, oh Three oh So our winners tonight. Oh, hello Andrew Guys, thank you also as can we have a huge round of applause for our guests Catherine Bohearts There's producer Andrew the trustyoo, the trusty hubs. We the puppies, see you soon, Merry Christmas! May I be the first woman to say we are so sorry.

Can we also give a huge round of applause to Jarls and everyone who's worked at the Cheerful Liverpool Festival? It's really, really amazing. I think there's plans's positive this again next year So please do come and see shows here because he's doing an absolutely brilliant job and he's in areas over there in the corner Jowls who's the the brain child behind here for the full It's a bad name, but he's a good guy Merry Christmas everybody. Big round of applause for Catherine Hello one more time.

From the sunny eigenbees! And there it was. Well, well, well. I love it. Did you go by, was it a turkey? Was it turkey brothers' cold cuts? Is that how it goes? Beef brothers' cold turkey.

Great. That was how we did it, yeah, yeah. Very nice. Very nice. That's right. That was how we did it, yeah, yeah. Very nice. That's right, that was where it was. So yeah, so if you enjoyed that and you'd like to see, you'd like to see us live, they don't come along in January of the new year, 29th and 30th to see Flat Shestown live. We've got two Flat Shestowns down, one with Joe Wilkinson and Sue's Campon, and that's January 29th. One with Carrie Adloy and Kim Abob, that's January 29th, one with Carrie Adloyden-Kima Bob,

that's January 30th, they are both gonna be a tremendous fun. They're always good fun. We have a great time down at the Phoenix. It's a great way to end Dry January. Oh my God, that's a great show. Both technically in January, but come on. It's a great way for Clarky to wet his wet January. See, yeah, his wet January with a real splash.

But yeah, go to papyscomedy.com, forward slash live for tickets. And if you are a Patreon member, Patreon.com forward slash papys, flat share, then you get a discount on all of those shows, also as well. Don't forget that if you wanna come and see both shows with your Patreon member or not,

there is a discounted ticket that gets you entry to both shows for a mere 17 pounds. Very, very cheap, very, very cheerful. We'd love to see you there. January 29th, January 30th, Joe Wilkinson, Zeus Campner, Carre Lloyd, KimberBob, Papi's Flash, yes, land down. That's all the deeds you need.

Wonderful stuff. Well, is this our that's all the deeds you need. Wonderful stuff. Well, is this our last episode of the year? No, Tom, no, you said that last time. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha You've nipped off to have a baby and then you come back and go are we done? He's got baby bread. Surely must be wrapped up by that. The same thing as always, we're just at the conceiving stage at the moment. I just need absolute focus to try and get it across the line really. So I just thought a couple of episodes off my help. Nothing puts me off my stride like podcasting with you two, do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not, we're not an Aphroditeac, are we? Exactly, exactly. We're many things this podcast, but an Aphroditeac, no. We're like the oysters the next day. Exactly. We're like oysters that may left in the boot of a car. Right, so yes, yeah, we're doing one more episode.

We're doing a house meeting. So if you've got any festive related questions you'd like to ask us for the house meeting, papi's flat share at gmail.com, send your messages over to us. We'd love to read. Grotto meeting? Grotto and worth going for a grotto meeting? Well, is it a grotto meeting? Is it a grotto meeting? Well, I said worth going for a grotto meeting. I was texting my wife, like continuing. Sorry. I said that like late. I didn't mean to, sorry,

we still made it. Serious text to wife. Fatty grotto meeting. Can't see a grotto meeting. I think our final hack's meeting is, oh yeah, it could be a grotto meeting, couldn't it for Christmas? Yeah, I think it can be.

I mean, I don't know what that will mean, but I would like to wrap the episode up. Well, we can confirm, no, we'll work out what it is by the time you get ready. So we're recording it. So look forward on the, what will it be like the 18th or whatever, for a grotto meeting, guys. And the 19th of December will end the year strong with a grotto meeting. Look forward to that.

Thanks. Oh, grotto meeting, as we'd like to call it. LAUGHTER OK, well, thank you, trusty hogs. Go on, gentlemen. Thank you, Cosby and Clarky, for keeping the, the flat share end up. Keeping the lives on, yeah, that's all right. And today's episode was produced by Emma Corshin.

Corshin team. She is everyone! Buckloat! Oh! Oh! Oh! Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes.

Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot more. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th.