Pardon My Take - Bert Kreischer, Coach K’s Farewell And Monday Reading

Episode Date: March 7, 2022

Coach K’s Farewell tour hit a disastrous ending and we recap Saturday night and everything leading up to it (00:02:19 - 00:27:56). Big Cat realizes Johnny Davis is hurt and Nebraska is going to win while we’re taping. Who’s back of the week including shorts and the Combine (00:27:56 - 00:44:13). Comedian Bert Kreischer joins the show to talk about his career, upcoming movie, thoughts on comedy and tons more (00:44:13 - 01:46:44). We finish the show with a Monday Reading, Billy’s hunt for the Liver KingYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have an incredible interview with Burt Kreischer, comedian, uh, Rack on Tour. It's got a new movie coming out soon. Awesome dude. We talked to him in LA in person. I highly, highly recommend listening to this one because it is very, very good. We also have Coach K's Farewell Tour, which was one of, uh, my favorite nights of basketball ever. We will recap that. We will do Who's Back of the Week. We have a little Monday reading for you, a great show for everyone on a Monday, and we were brought to you by our friends at Coors Light. The chaos of the

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$5,000 a ticket to get in. I'd say it was well worth it for all the alum that were there. I think every, every person who's ever played or been suspended by Coach K showed up for that game. It was, it was a touching farewell. So I have, I took some notes because this was, this was so much fun. I had such a good time and Hank, I want to hear from you. Uh, just so you know, PFT Hank did bet UNC plus 11. Uh, and I want to hear, and also Moneyline. I want to hear from Hank. No, I didn't. I want to hear from Hank, but I want to just go through the timeline real quick. Factor fiction fiction. Because this is like, this is my favorite game ever. I was, I was tickled to no end. I was watching the post game ceremony with a, with a pint of Ben and Jerry's. I was,

everything about last night was spectacular. So let's just go through the timeline of events real quick. Hop in whenever you want Hank at PFT. Go ahead. Okay. If you, if I'm wrong about anything. Uh, well, let's start April 1st. Roy Williams retires in the middle of the day. No, like, Hey, what's going on? Roy Williams retiring. Really? The right way gracefully walks off exit stage left. What most coaches do, because when you think about it, there's not a lot of coaches that take retirement tours. He usually just like, like Bob Knight didn't take a retirement tour from Indiana. He gracefully departed. Exactly. Yes. He went off into the sunset with class. Right. Exactly. Coach Roy Williams did the same. Many people would say that coach Roy

Williams has a better resume in the state of North Carolina than coach K does. Well, at least in terms of exits, he does. So all right. So that was April 1st, June 3rd, June 3rd. Now, I think, what, Jake, real quick, when does college basketball start? College basketball starts the second week of November. Okay. So June 3rd. All right. So that's a, all right. That's a lot of, that's a lot of months in between June 3rd and November. All right. So June 3rd, coach K announces that he is going to retire after this last season. A retirement tour is officially on. If you remember, we had the every time we touched video where everyone was clapping. It was awkward. He's like, listen, I'm going to retire this year. I don't want to make it about

myself guys, but I'm giving you six months to prepare all your gifts and dick sucking for this retirement tour that we're going to embark on. Yep. And word on the street was that coach K was a little bit miffed that on their last trip to Chapel Hill, the Tar Heels didn't do anything nice for him. I have that. I have that. That's coming. That's coming with the handshakes. Because the handshake. Yeah. And no, we, yeah, we have that coming. Don't worry. That's, that's absolutely coming. So coach K said, I didn't stay because I wanted a fair well tour. I stayed because I wanted to coach one more year. He could have easily coached one more year without being an ego maniac and making it all about coach K, but he didn't want the farewell tour. He just

wanted to tell everyone in June that it was the farewell tour. Well, he needed six months to make sure that Tommy Amaker did not get the job. Yes, right. Exactly. So he also said, this was actually a few weeks ago. He said, Hey, it's not look at me. It's, it's my last game. I'm not going to do that. I'm sure it will be emotional, but it's going to be about the team. Always, always, always, always. It's always about the team. It's not about coach K. And then he also said this last past year has been like a celebration of our program, but because I'm stopping coaching, it's been a celebration of me and I don't like that. So he actually is very uncomfortable with the fact that everyone's making it about coach K. There should have been a way for him to announce that this was

his last year and that there would be a retirement tour that was stopping across the country without making him the focus of his own retirement. It's every, every school along the way gave gifts. I think it was uncomfortable. It's the media that's doing this to coach K. Yes. Like it, what were you, obviously, coach K does not want the focus on him. He wants it on the players. Right. He wants it on the program, the team, the team, the team. Always, always, always, always, for always. So, all right. So we're flash forward to last night where the week has been about coach K ESPN had what like six different streams ready to go. Everyone was doing their tributes. And then we get to the game and Kansas and Texas go to overtime. So they can't,

everyone has to watch the ACC network or the ESPN app for coach K's big moment. That was, there's something beautiful about Kansas, a true blue blood in my eyes, taking away from Duke there. I loved it. That game was fantastic. It was a fantastic game to watch. This is March. Truly Hank was watching. He was so happy to be watching it. Well, also, Kansas has a coach that knows how to age gracefully as well. A guy that is confident in his own looks and his own hair. He doesn't need to go out there and make any adjustments to it. No dying that he looks younger. Yep. So before the game started, the Duke basketball account tweeted out bragging it was the most expensive college basketball ticket ever. Average price was $5,307. Kids obviously

camping out for months for this ticket. Is that a brag or just a fact? Well, it's kind of a brag, right? Because like what? I mean, Roy Williams last ticket wasn't that expensive because he again, he gracefully left. I don't, but I don't get where the brag is. That's just a statement. Well, it's kind of a bragging flag is saying we're the number one sports podcast, a brag or you don't know that. You just do that. You just say that. I hear you say it all. So now you're fighting us. I'm just trying to give you, I'm just trying to give you context. The fact that me and big cat get paid $101,000 per episode. That's not a brag. Because we have to report that as public information to IRS. Correct. Duke is a private university. They don't have to report

that stuff. Yes. So, all right. So good interjection, Hank. You're right. It wasn't a brag. It was a statement of fact. Thank you. All right. All Duke legends came back for this game. You saw Carlos Boozer, JJ Redick, Christian Latiner, Jerry Seinfeld, Kyler Murray, T.O., all the guys that went to Duke came back for Coach K. The pressure, I think I especially love that they all were wearing the Coach K logo. Like he had just died when they do the patch, when like the owner of a team dies. I actually do think that Duke should be allowed to wear the black stripe across one of their sleeves next year in remembrance of Coach K's past. And wait, was LeBron there? No, LeBron was busy. That's unfortunate. I feel like LeBron would have been there if he was able to get away.

Side note, Hank had a hell of a night because I was thinking about it like a lot of people would seem like they either hate Duke and hate LeBron or they love Duke and love LeBron. Hank has the love Duke hate LeBron. So right after the game, LeBron dropped a 50 burger right in everyone's face on ABC. All right. Back to the game though. Back to the game. So Duke is an 11 point favorite. They basically didn't even talk about UNC playing in the game. Like UNC was just a participant in Coach K's farewell game. Duke is an 11 point favorite. They beat UNC by 20 earlier this year. They had to have killed them, right? PFT? Absolutely. So I even took the alternate. I said that Duke was going to win by between, I think it was 15 and 21 points. Didn't even

look at the game after that. I was like, okay, this is money in the bank. Yep. Yep. Haven't checked my statement. I'm sure it hit though. Oh, Jake, do you have the final score? I believe it was 94.81. Duke won 94.81? You would think. Yeah. No, North Carolina. Oh, no. To be fair, this game should have been played under protest. They didn't do a handshake line before the game like Duke had requested that they do. They wanted double handshake line, or at least they didn't want the handshake line at the end of the game after the game was over to interfere with the Coach K ceremony. Correct. So UNC respectfully declined to do the pregame handshake line. And instead now there's some like there's some blow

by footage. Yes. Some of the some of the coaches after the fact. I thought that Coach K was gracious, as always. Well, so yeah, so they lost. They lose. They lose. But you lose games sometimes. Yeah, you lose games to your bitter rival. You know, some may say he was putting a lot of pressure on his kids like having this all about him. And like you can't lose Coach K's last game of Cameron. And you have, you know, 80 NBA guys watching and all all the stars are out. They lose. And then the postgame celebration. Oh, let me let me back up the the the shots of the the kids with like their Sesame Street costumes crying and face paint. That was just delicious. It was wonderful. When Coach K gets on the mic and the first thing that he does in his like acknowledgement to the

fans is he tells everybody to shut the fuck up. Scolds him. Scolds him as only Coach K could. That's the best, though. I love that. I would rather have it no other way than for Coach K to get up there and do what Coach K does. Impromptu. And he scolds the fans for being too loud during his retirement ceremony. He scolds them. And then there was a montage video that Coach K did the voiceover for, which I don't think I've ever seen that been done. That was incredible. It was essentially a funeral for the guy where he got to back to similar to Kerb, where he's just doing a living funeral for himself. We don't make jokes about that. I also feel like I specifically remember some Coach Dugs montages with Coach Dugs voiceovers,

but I said I did the voiceover with myself. Personally, I don't think I did it. I never did a voiceover. One of the footage is a video game character that Kat made up. And the other is maybe the most famous college basketball coach of all time. Find the voiceover. Someone said Coach Dugs is the most famous college football coach in the internet world. And he didn't do a retirement tour. People are asking for one more year. Retirement tour doesn't give a tool, because sometimes it's better to just not make it about yourself and not invite all the legends back like, fuck, I forget all the guys names. Rico Burgerton, Jojo Smalls, et cetera, et cetera. All right, back to Coach K. Don't deflect us.

Don't divert us here, Hank. They also gave him a bench, which was great, because Coach K was sitting there seething in anger as the AD or president. I don't know who it was, just like, you know, we talked about bachelor wedding speeches. He was the dude that's like, come on, man, like, get off the stage. Gave him a bench. People were like, they only gave him a bench. Well, how many things can you name after him? Because they already named the court after him while he was still coaching. There's an entire shanty town outside the stadium named after him. Right. Like, I mean, the event, they're running out of things to name after Coach K. I like the bench, though, to honor the location where some of his best grandchildren sit. Yes,

exactly. So, yeah, his grandchildren came out. That was actually a nice moment. I'll have my cynical side stop for a minute and say that it was nice that Coach K had his entire family there. But yeah, it was the best night. That's very big of you. Yeah, that was big. At the end of the day, you know, coming as a non-Duke fan in peace, it's nice that Coach K's family loves him. Right. And we said it before, he wants to retire to spend time with his kids who are all like 60 plus and his grandkids who are all like 30. Or a jail. Yeah, or yeah. It was a great night. It was a fantastic night. It was so funny. It was off the charts. Funny. I loved every second of it. And of course, Duke fans will be in my mentions tomorrow being like, you're salty. Yes, I am.

You hate Duke because they're really good. Yes, I do. All these things I admit openly, but there's nothing better in sports than hating something and having a night like last night. It was like all the hate would like cashed in last night for everyone who doesn't like Duke or Coach K. That was just the best night possible. Real talk, though. I'm going to miss Coach K. Yeah, I'm going to miss having this guy around. It's the old who's the bad guy thing. Right. It's good to have an enemy that we can all unite behind that we can all laugh at that occasionally makes us look like idiots. He was good for college basketball. I'm going to miss having the most hateable guy. And I don't hate John Shire. That's the problem. I'm sure it

will eventually you'll grow to hate him for sure. But he's no coach K. It's not going to be the same. I actually think like it's I think he chose the right time to retire. Yeah, I feel like I feel like last night's game told you everything you need to know. He'd be on the hot seat. I'm putting Coach K. on the hot seat right now because of that performance. I think he'd be fired at three to this year, even if he didn't retire. Also, I'm just going to throw this out there. Maybe a chance that he he goes and coaches the Lakers next year. Why not? Bron needs a coach. LeBron basically went to Duke. Wouldn't that be great? Bron did say he was his favorite coach he's ever had. So like he had him. He basically he's like my favorite teacher ever is my summer camp teacher.

Like that like he he he got to hang out with him in the summer and win gold medals. We're gonna say Jake. I have one thing. Did the Duke athletic department did the Duke athletic department not remotely consider doing the ceremony pregame and thought this would be awkward if they lost? Oh no, they did do a ceremony pregame. They did a ceremony pregame post game all week. It's not about coach K though. But it's not about coach K. And the awkward part is it's not his last game. He still has an ACC tournament to play in March. I understand. It's not like you don't. No, I do. I get it. It was the last time he was at Horn in front of his home fans. That's the shame that they lost. But I feel like they did everything pregame. It would have been

fine. Like I don't know why they didn't do that. Should they do senior night that after they lose? No. Were there any seniors on the team? Imagine being a senior on Duke this year. I don't think you don't have a senior night. Did they have did they have like the moms come out with the roses? No way. No way. I don't think so. I think coach K probably just scored it all of them across. He just he just fucked all the moms. It was like that's your senior night boys. You might have a you might have a younger brother related to coach K. Joey Baker. Joey Baker. Theo John. He had some dirty plays. Theo John and Joey Baker. Theo John tackled the guy. I know he should have been kicked out of the game. Hank, go ahead. Yeah,

just maybe one one more date. You kind of started with Roy Williams. But I think the key date in all of this is April 6th, 2015. Duke 68 Wisconsin Badgers 63 national championship. If there's anyone wondering like why is big cat such a hard ass and psychopath against coach K. That is the real date that matters. Now, I don't think so. That's kind of fair. But also like it's coach K that we're talking about. Like coach is universally one our country. Gold medal. I hit a Duke before that. And people are like, how can you hate Duke? I have a form didn't you? But people are like, how can you hate Duke? How can you hate the Yankees? How can you hate Alabama football? How can you eat? But you don't like Duke. I don't like Duke. I've never liked Duke.

Yes. My hatred went nuclear in 2015. 100%. I'm salty about that till the day I die. I mean, you're just saying things I've said myself. Well, you've been started, though. You started with Roy Williams. Yeah. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. I've seen you do this come in early and take notes for two people, Aaron Rodgers and coach K. That's not the same as the Yankees, Alabama. Listen, hating, hating in sports is just as fun as loving. I agree. It's the best. It was so much fun. That was actually, you know what? I'm going to Hank, you're right. I'm going to thank coach K because he made last night about us, the haters. It was a night for the haters. It really was. It was the perfect night for the haters. They also have Bates Jones,

the younger brother of Daniel Jones. Oh, New York Giants. Damn. And he had senior night cocked? Yeah. That's brutal. Graduate student. Hank, give me your thoughts over real in the game because you have to admit like his legacy is completely shot now. I mean, I do feel that's definitely not true whatsoever. That's what everyone's going to remember about coach K's. Unless they win it all. That's the only way. Listen, these players are under a lot of pressure, a lot of scrutiny. It's not like a normal college program where they're a highly ranked team going to the tournament. They're highly ranked and they have all the world watching them, expecting them to win one last championship for coach K. And last night was a lot of pressure. They had everyone watching.

They probably caved to that pressure, weren't able to handle it. And the only takeaway that's good is that they felt that pain. They now know what they need to do in the ACC tournament and the NCAA tournament to win. So hopefully that's a good takeaway. Other than that, that was a disaster. That's why I did bet Carolina plus 11. We talked about it. Carolina needed the win. They had nothing to lose. Duke players had everything to lose. You kind of saw at the end of the game where it's like they got, it was kind of close and then Carolina just blew metal of water. Like it was ugly. It was an ugly, ugly, ugly loss. Beautiful. But yeah, coach K is still a legend. Grace ever do it. Also afterwards was like, yeah, but we won the regular

season. Who does that? Who's always regular season titles? Fucking loser talk. They didn't have any bloggers on the court. Yeah. And it wasn't even they were looking right now. Just address this right now because we're not going to re tape, but Wisconsin might lose to Nebraska. And if they do, they still want to share the big 10 or maybe even outright if Iowa beats Illinois tonight. It's fine. I'm just going to have some PS5. I'm going to give away on Twitter. It would have been very funny if they had invited Hank down onto the court like Big Cat got invited for Wisconsin to give a speech at the end of it. Yeah. Our most notable. I won. I won money plus 11 UNC. It was also somewhat like I felt bad for the players. It was they probably felt bad when coach K was

like, I would just like to say that was unacceptable. Like they already felt bad when they had to come out in the court and then he basically like shit on them in front of everyone to make them feel worse. There's like a coach K's job is not over yet. So he's probably going to do some crazy coach K things this week and next week to motivate his teams. You probably won't even let them practice. You're not worthy of being in the arena that bears my name. Didn't he also say he said the UNC? What's their player? Bake it. I always say Big Cat was the ACC player of the year. It's just like a total fuck you to Palo. I mean, it's yeah, he's got to motivate them. He's got to keep, but it wasn't impossible spot for them. They had like half of the NBA watching as they

had the most pressure. You can't lose this game. Coach K ceremonies upon ceremonies, routines, all out of shot. It's not about coach K, but it is about coach K, but it's not about coach K. And then they choked. I'll bet you coach K is going to continue to go to games and probably sit like right behind the bench. Like he's going to be coaching from the stands next year. He's also going to absolutely try to coach another game at some point. You know, he will. He's be like the champions classic. He's going to, you know, the first game, like I wouldn't be shocked if the first game of the year next year, he's like, listen, John Chire, it's your program, but I want to coach against Cal. My buddy one last time. Come on. You know what they should do?

They should take all the old coaches that have retired that are iconic and symbols of their university and just have them coach the Maui tournament every year. Yeah. Just like put on the Hawaiian shirts. You're basically retired. Bobby night. Yeah. Have Bobby night go out there, try to punch a ref one last time. It's, um, it was, it was a great night of college basketball. Why couldn't you've gone out like Jim Bayheim who's going out, you know, starting all of his sons and being under 500 and choking games away. That would have been nice. It's going to be the first time ever unless they win two games this week that they're under 500 turns out, sir. First time ever times, but we like buddy and Jimmy, but, uh, AWLs. That was bad. That was a bad

game. Yeah. They blew it. Has college basketball caught up to the zone? Well, no, I don't think so, but maybe if, if like 60% of your starting lineup is related to you, that might be a problem. Yeah. I do think though, PFT, I'm going to miss coach K not only because he's a heel. He's a great heel. Like one of the all time, if you don't like Duke and I think a lot of people don't, he's so perfect to hate. Uh, and also we're going to lose, I feel like we're losing a little bit of an error because when Jim Bayheim, uh, you know, goes out to pasture, Rick Petino, who knows where he's going to go next, Cal, like the era of, uh, these college coaches that are bigger than life feels like they're dying. It's dying a little bit. Like the guys we have right now are not

old school legends. Tom Ezzo is the other one too. Tom Ezzo. But like even like Mark Few or, or, uh, or like Chris Beard or, I don't know, you know, Tony Bennett, like these guys aren't, they're great coaches, but they're not like these, these Titans that feel like they're hovering over everything. Rick Barnes to a certain extent, he's just been around for a while. Right. They're not, they're, they're not, you're right. It's not the coach. Coach K is college basketball. He is Duke. He gave the program back to Duke, by the way. He said it's been mine for 42 years, but now it's theirs. So that was, that was his parting gift. He got a bench and then in return he gave Duke its program back. That's very nice. Yes. Where does one put a bench? How do

you get that bench home? I would assume it's, wait, is he, did he get a bench or did the bench get named after him? I'll double check. I think it's the coach K bench at the coach K court at Cameron Indoor. I'm just going to say, like, if anybody here ever thinks about getting me a bench for an occasion, just pass, just go to option B on that one. I got enough benches. Okay. Benches ain't shit. I gotta return that thing. All right. What else we got? What else? I mean, that was, I'm, I'm seriously, I woke up so happy today. It's just so much fun. I love sports. I love sports. It did feel like it was, it was the end of an era, not just for coach K, but it's like, is there any, those of us that grew up watching those old college basketball, right? It's like,

okay, this is, it's, I remember when Shaq retired, that's when I really felt old for the first time as a sports fan. Coach K's retirement definitely makes me feel a little. Yes. What are you going to say, Hank? Jake, what are the chances that Duke was considering the same bracket? One would have to be a two and a three because, or if they both win their conference tournament, there's a chance both could be a one slim, but. Is coach K, I mean, coach K is just going to get, he's going to request just being the final four. I think I'm probably going to let him, yeah. Right? He's already picking his stadium and the time of day that his game tips off at. Well, Hank, you want a shot? You want another shot? Yeah. I mean, that's fine. I,

Can I win the final four? Again, I, I am, uh, like, I've explained my hate. It's, it's all out there. I don't, I'm not winning titles. I, I, I'm obviously there's jealousy involved. There's hatred because they're just good and every year they've been good for my entire life. Uh, none of this is like new. It's, that's, how could, how can you call yourself a sports fan if you don't hate the team that dominates? Right? Like you have to, you have to hate the team on the top. I think that coach K is kind of like Patriots adjacent just in the, in the fact that he's been so good for so long and he, he goes about it and kind of like a, a bellachecky and prickly type of way. I think Hank has no choice but to respect coach K for that. Yeah. He got a bench. He just got a bench.

He could be, he, he's basically with the Washington football team now. No, it's Dallas Cowboys brought it up. Yeah. We're bringing benches to stadiums. So is it heated? Uh, did John Davis just get hurt while I was doing that whole thing? He got fouled. I know. And I think he kind of bumped his knee pretty bad. You know what else was great about Saturday night? It was like, it was like back to back. You had Craig McGowan's ejected for a flagrant too on Johnny Davis. Yeah. But I don't know if he got hurt. So, but go ahead. Saturday night, back to back, you had coach K and everybody getting to laugh at coach K's

last game. And then the other thing that could only unite most of America besides watching coach K get dunked on, Greg Hardy getting the shit kicked out. Yes. I love that. Everyone can get behind that. It was just, it was a night of seeing, see the bad guys lose. Yeah, it was. If LeBron had just, if LeBron had like lost by 30 to the Warriors, it would have been the perfect night. And Poon had gotten assassinated. Yes. All of everything would have just, would have come up here. But yeah, the, um, it was, uh, it was, it was a hell of a night. And you're right, Greg Hardy, although I think Dana White, like his contract is up, he's got to keep him, right? It's, it's just so that we can eat. Yeah. It's one of those things

where, uh, I think even Dana White is like, this guy is such a piece of shit that I don't want to pay him. Yeah. Even though he puts butts in seats, that's what happened. Like Dana White on the way up, he would a million times out of a million take a guy like Greg Hardy and make him like the focus of multiple pay-per-views and just, just to get the money. But now that Dana White's got fuck you money, I'd actually argue that Dana White with fuck you money is a, uh, is a very dangerous thing. Yes. But in this case, Dana is just like, you know what, I don't need that guy, not going to pay him. He's a scumbag. Yeah. Um, anything else from Saturday or that we missed this weekend, Jake, uh, best time of the year again. Best time of the year. Yep. We've got

three teams with their tickets punched. You want to, you want to list them for us? Uh, one of them is ongoing, but we've got Murray State out of the Ohio Valley conference. Uh, we've got Longwood making their first ever appearance out of the big south bank. And then we've either got Loyola, Chicago, or Drake just started the second half of Arch Madness, Missouri Valley. This is Marsh. I love, I love Arch Madness. It's the best. Yeah, it's awesome. It's a great tournament. Um, all right. So anything else? So many of who's back is sister Jean, even if they lose, they have a chance. She's still alive. Jean is back. So there's no way she's still alive. She's still alive forever. No, this is like the Queen of England thing. They're replaced her with

a different sister Jean. She's going to live forever, forever. So they might get even if, even if they lose. But yeah. Um, okay. Let's do who's back in the week. And then we will have our interview with Burt Kreischer. Great interview. Awesome interview. Highly recommended. Um, we are brought to you by our friends at Zip Recruiter, according to latest research, 90% of employers plan to make enhancing the employee experience a top priority in 2022. After all, a happy workplace is key to attracting and keeping great employees. So if you are looking to hire, if you're looking for a job, Zip Recruiter is a place to do. If you need to add more employees to your team, they're Zip Recruiter,

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ZipRecruiter.com slash PMT. That's Zip Recruiter.com slash PMT. Zip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire. Okay, Henry. Daniel. Henry. Henry. This is a risky who's back by me because it's currently a tied game with 314 left. But either way, Celtics are back. They had some trouble earlier in the year. They're blowing a lot of fourth quarter leads. They have fully figured it out. Their defense is unbelievable. I think right now they're second in the league defensively soon to be first. Right now they are up, yeah, LeBron dropped like 55 on the Warriors last night and then that almost pushes Celtics into the top spot. But they're up one right now against the Nets. Either way, they're either going to want to

have won 13 out of 15 or 12 out of 15. They're a legitimate contender. The Sixers are good. The Celtics are good. The Nets might be good. It's going to be exciting. In the beginning of the year, I didn't think that the Celtics had a shot to win the East. Now I do and the Cavs are good in the Central Division. Paul's. Did you see what happened to Big Baby at court side? I did. That's, yeah, Big Baby. That was a fall from grace. That was very funny. In the past few years, Big Baby was court side and they cut to him during the game right as the usher was kicking him out of his seat. Yeah, it was great. That is very tough scene. That is very tough scene for Big Babe. You're going to mention the Bulls. They can't beat anyone good. No, it's actually

really bad. Maybe they won't have to play anyone good in the playoffs. I need the Bulls and Bucks to eat each other live in the Cavs and win the Central Division. So where do we sit? Are we like all the way back in on the Celtics? You don't think that they need to blow it up? You don't think they need to trade anybody this off season? No, all the way back in. They're really, really good. They're playing really well defensively. They're unbelievable. I think the Sixers would be favorite in a playoffs series, but it would be exciting. Is it finals or bust? I would say finals or bust. It's, you know, you can make the finals. It's not bust. It's not like if we don't make the finals, blow the team up. It's a first year of a new coach.

Yeah, the East is going to be very, very fun. You versus Sixers would be all time. I know. All time. Jake, can you find out about Johnny Davis? Because I don't know if he's on the bench. I'm starting to get very worried, which would be like, wouldn't this just be, if you like, towards ACL while I was doing my Duke ramp? Yeah. That would be some karma right there. Jayce Tatum, 49 points. Coach Karma. I'm starting to silently freak out. Okay. I'm happy for you, Hank. Thanks. And you still have Duke. Yeah. Like Coach K said, there's still a lot of basketball left. We got to figure out, I feel like we got to bring back LeBron Lockwood this postseason. If Duke wins a Natty, will you get a cat? Nah. I'm done with cat bets. Okay, soft.

If you risk a cat as well, I'm not doing a cat bet unless you guys have someone to line to. Like you, that was a, you forced me into potentially getting a cat. We kind of did strong arm you into the whole cat thing. Yeah, would have been funny. A little hyper-allergenic cat, shaved cat, hairless, hairless cat. Okay, PFT, your who's back. My who's back of the week is Max Homer. Yes. Max Homer's back had an ace, had a hole in one, looked good doing it, good celebration from Max. Real tournament. He figured out that you can't miss a two foot putt if you just hit it in on your first shot. So Max is, Max is all the way back. I love Max Hall. Max is good for golf, officially in my book. Yes, absolutely. I was shocked.

I was shocked that he was playing on Saturday. Yep. Because it is a real tournament. I dubbed it the fifth major Arnold Palmer classic. And I also like he, credit to me, I, I like to make fun of Max. I didn't make fun of him when he hit that. I just asked if it was a real tournament, but it also like I saw it. Did you guys see it? It was like 11am. So it tells you where he was on the leaderboard. Yeah. It was just like, Oh, okay. He's playing. Oh, he's already on this hole. That was early. Maybe it was a shotgun start. Yeah, that's true. That's probably what it was. That's true. It definitely was weather, inclement weather. Yep. Yep. Weather delay. Yep. Yep. He was in the last group. Yes. Yes. My other who's back of the week is Shorts. Yeah. Shorts are back.

It's like 65 degrees in New York. And smells like golf. I'm rocking Shorts baby. Shorts are back. But this is, this is one of those fake Shorts days where you just know next week it's going to be 29 degrees. Yep. And now I'm going to be all behind because once I mentally transition into Shorts, I just don't go back. Correct. And so I'll get caught with like wearing these Shorts when it's freezing outside looking like a fool walking down the street. You know that you know the color that your legs get when it's really cold. It's like a bright red mixed with ashiness. That's what I'm going to be looking like next week. But I can't go back. I officially made the mental transition. I'm a Shorts guy. I have the reverse going on where I'm going to try to hold on to

the sweatshirt weather for as long as possible. So they'll probably the next three weeks will just be me sweating profusely because it's 70 degrees and I'm wearing a hoodie. Yeah. Being like just hold on, just hold on. What I'll do is I'll make the switch into Shorts, but then I'll just compensate via my top as to what the actual weather is. So if it's like 29 degrees, I'll rock a puffer jacket like a dead set winter jacket with Shorts just because I refuse to go back from my waist down. Yeah. All right. My who's back is a combine numbers, crazy combine numbers. So we had Jordan Davis. Turns out Georgia was a good football team last year. Jordan Davis six, six, 341 pounds running a four, seven, eight, 40, a four, seven, eight, 40. Now he's pretty much a car.

It's crazy. The fastest defensive lineman 40 was Montez Sweat, who ran a four, four, one, 40. Montez Sweat is 80 pounds lighter than Jordan Davis. That's so crazy fast for Montez. But he's 80 pounds lighter. Jordan Davis is basically he's like a baby rhino. Yeah. Able to move that fast. It's insane what they're able to do. I remember was a Don Terry Poe that broke five seconds like 10 years ago. Yeah. And everybody freaked the fuck out. Yeah. This is actually, this is, this is terrifying. It's terrifying. He's six, six, three, 41. He ran a four, seven, eight, 40. Also his teammate, Trayvon Walker, ran a four, five, one, 40. He's 272 pounds. It's like, Oh yeah, it turns out Georgia was really, really good, really fast and really strong. My

favorite little drama inside the combine this year is they switched to a new timer. So in the years past, doing the hand times, it was Charlie Casely was doing it, which is it's that's such a funny like old scout thing to have associated with. It's like, no, Charlie's the best at a stopwatch stopwatch guy we got. Yeah. So they switched out, got a new guy in. Now all the unofficial times are just all over the map. It's not even that they're all faster or all slower. It's just just a bad timer. Whoever's run the stopwatch this year, probably one and done. I love the fact though. Yeah. Charlie Casely, Casely being the stopwatch guy, which haven't they figured out how to do it without a stopwatch? Yeah, there's lots of ways that they

but I kind of like having a stopwatch guy, but he's 74 years old. But he's like, this guy's got the reflexes of a 25 year old of a Mongoose. He's ready to go. There's that old bitch. Yeah, there's your gene. She's got a little balloon, uh, bleep that out. I should bracelet. I shouldn't call it. Let your hate. Listen, this is the hate show. I should be calling a nun a bitch. If you want to do it, you can. Don't bleep it out. Leave it in. I was hateful. I'll admit it. That one was hateful. As a fan of God, I should not be as a man of God. I should not be saying that. Yes, um, we also kind of a bitch though. She's coach about herself. That is not the original sister gene. Yeah, that's not. No, it's not. She's been replaced. Dumbledore situation. Yeah. Well,

is she wearing? Is that a, uh, Avril Lavigne? Is that a Gryffindor scarf that she's wearing? It's pretty similar pantons. Yeah. I've never actually read the books. Uh, all right. My other who's back is those. So the con sticking on the combine real quick. Uh, it's hot in the streets now to have videos of players doing something really nice. So Malik Willis was the original, uh, QB prospect, probably going to be the first QB taken in the draft. He was videotaped. Now this one, I believe, because it was videotaped. Uh, it was someone who was in a bar and across the street, they saw Malik Willis giving some of his clothes to a homeless person. The one that we saw today where is EJ Perry from Brown. Uh, shout out to Schwam. He was picking up trash after the combine workout.

And it was like the, the woman who videotaped it was very close to him and she wasn't picking up any trash. She was just watching him. Like they were, she was probably like 25 feet away. She said every piece of trash got picked up. I don't know how much trash that these guys normally produce at the combine. Like when you're waiting, you're just snacking, just like putting away, like Dunkaroos and, and drinking all sport or whatever. But there were like all these plastic bottles, all these wrappers. He was picking it all up. He knew that the camera was on him. And that's fine. Uh, but yeah, now if you, if you're going to draft a quarterback that has not been caught on camera doing a good deed, I don't know if, I don't know if I can get behind

that. I feel like these, it's a group of great athletes, but even better young men. How weird is that though? To be like, I'm going to, I'm going to basically videotape him with an ear shot just so I can go viral, but like it's, I don't know. The Malik Willis one was cool. So the Malik this one was like a terrible sequel. The guy that posted the video, the Malik Willis one is a sports marketing person. Now a lot of people, and I know Billy judging by the look on Billy's face, Billy was about to chime in being like that one was set up because the guy that videotaped is in sports marketing. I think it's also very, very possible that there was a guy that was videotaping who happens to work in sports marketing.

That was at the combine because there are a lot of those guys down there. Yes. That's like everybody down there is in sports marketing. This was also my who's back, but doing some Pythagorean theorem on Malik Willis is absolute gigantic throw. So he threw it 60 yards down the field. But if you like do the hypotenuse of how actually far you threw in a straight line, it got out to 73.72 yards. Okay, compare that to the sick throw that Jack Wilson made at his pro day last year. This one's up there. This one's right. I would say this is extremely impressive, especially from the shotgun being able to throw it that far. What about his spiral? Is it fuckable? His spiral is pretty, you know, who has a really sick spiral? I'm actually out of all the guys I

was looking at. Desmond Ritter has a nice spiral. Cincinnati guy, he gives me Justin Herbert type vibes. Oh, definitely not as strong of an arm. I think it could be there. Justin Herbert has like a really, really strong arm. Not, I mean, I mean, fuckable spiral, fuckable spiral. So I'm going to back you on that part. Like if you see it, you see a spiral, you're like, damn, that spiral's sexy. I'm going to, I'm going to check it out too. I'm going to follow it on Instagram. Are you going to do your quarterback bracket? Yes, I'm working on that. I actually have a bunch of stuff like Carson Strong also has a great spiral, but great quarterback name. Not his immobility. Nevada? Yeah, it doesn't make up with his spiral just enough, but

like guys like Sam Howell have a good spiral, but I don't think, I don't think he's got it. All right. So I want a quarterback bracket of how you think their careers are going to go, and then I want a quarterback spiral bracket. Okay. All right. Perfect. And then you can bring them together and that will be how we find out who should get drafted first. All right. What's your who's back, Billy? That was your who's back. All right, Jake, your who's back also. What's what do you got on JD Davis? Uh, it looks like you got hit in the face. So I don't see anything. Okay. All right. But I don't nervous. I'm nervous. Okay. I don't know, but uh, in this into sister Jean, my other who's back is a magic Johnson on television.

Yes. Turn to NBA countdown. So it's Greeny, Stephen, a will bond and magic. Wow. And also the new showtime, uh, HBO, uh, show. What is it called? It's showtime. I read the first 20 pages of that book. That's very confusing. There's a show on HBO called showtime. Yeah. Yeah. That's how he's also back. Magic with some hot takes. He called out Russell Westbrook about making excuses. So it should be fun having for the home stretch of the season. I love it. I just love Greeny up there because nobody takes anything that he says seriously on the show. I want one of them to just be one of them needs to go full troll and be like advanced numbers say Russell Westbrook's actually having an incredible season. The problem is like, look at the people that are on that panel. I can't,

will bond is not a, he's always naturally trollish. Yeah. But I don't think that he would ever like stand for, uh, he would never try to piss anybody off intentionally. He's, his existence just says that naturally. Like if they, if they really, that, that's what I need though. I need someone to, to, to essentially say like, if you look at the advanced stats, the problem with the Lakers are they're actually not getting Russell Westbrook the ball enough. He needs to take more shots. He really called them Westbrook on the broadcast. Oh, he did. He really does. I appreciate watching Russell Westbrook at this point in his career because, and it's kind of been his, his whole career, but at least he was better before this year. Um, he really is just the

epitome of like, if I try hard enough, it will work. Like if I dribble hard enough, if I run hard enough, if I shoot hard enough, if I pass hard enough, if I yell loud enough, yeah. You know, the way that he plays is actually, he should play the way that Ben Simmons plays. Yeah. He should have like Ben Simmons and him, if they like switch their confidence levels, I think both players would be, would be better. Yeah. You're right. You're absolutely right. We need a Freaky Friday situation. Uh, all right. Let's get to our interview. Awesome interview. Burke Kreischer, before we do that PFT, you have a quick word from our sponsor. Yes. We have a, uh, brand new sponsor alert. Hank, it's tailor made. That was a, that was a good one. Oh,

this is a big one. Yeah. Hank's pumped about up there on some horns. I love it. Old school. Uh, you can go to barstoolsports.com to tailor made to check out the tailor made and barstool golf gear. Hank, you got a club. Did you get a stealth driver? It's unbelievable. I want to golf. You want to come? Yeah. I want to start golfing again. So when I text you to come golfing, I'm there. Okay. Hank, are you hit it long? You hit it straight? Yeah, I've been using on the simulator. It's, it's today is the first day I walked outside. It was like, Oh, it smells like golf weather. I'm excited to get out and use it, you know, on the, on the course. Yeah. You've got this stealth carbon wood driver. It's in stores now. The future of

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That's barstelsports.com slash tailor made. Check out tailor made and Barstool golf gear today. Here is Burt Kreischer. Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. You want to clap too? I was about to. I do it. There's no reason we have a sound guy who literally slates it, but I have to clap. Doing it forever, have to clap. That laugh, that is Burt Kreischer. It's great to be here. This is an honor. It's just like, you guys are legendary in the whole podcast realm and so to be here is an honor. I appreciate that. That's nice to hear. I would say that you're a legend. I imagine you're a guy who's

reputation, even before you were a famous guy, your reputation probably preceded you a lot of places that you win. Yeah, but not in a good way. Like in the way of like, don't invite him over. We're having kids over. He'll take a shit on a bed and throw up on the wall. Like, and then, because that was like, I get a reputation for that because that maybe it happened or something. And then, yeah, and then all of a sudden you had to live it down and be like, yo, I can also be like Billy Gardell. You know Billy Gardell from Mike and Molly? Uh-huh. Yeah. He was like, one time he was having all our friends over with all their families. He's like, not the Christchers. He's like, you can't fucking trust the Christchers. I go, Billy, I can also be a

fucking grown-up. Like, so yeah. For how long? I can be a grown-up for as long as anyone else can be a grown-up. But here's the problem. I'm going to also ask you not to be a grown-up at a certain point. Right. And if you want to join in on that, then that's on you. Like if you do Coke at a fucking kid's birthday party, it does not matter that maybe I had it. You're the one asked for it. Like I'm the one, I'm the parent that they always go, uh, uh, Sandy said you have a vape pen on you. I'm like, yeah, yeah, of course. You know what? It's like, you're like a gun because you're good to have around in case you need them. No, okay. That's not, by the way, that's not where I thought this analogy was going. I'm like a gun in that if you use me wrong, it's your fault.

Right. No, no, it's all these things. You're a gun. If you go somewhere, you might not need a gun, but you'd rather have the gun and not need it than need it and not have it. And then lock you up. And then you got to put me down for a sabbatical and get me out of, like, keep away from children. Yeah. I'm aware of who I am. When we did the movie, we were just talking about Teatro, when we did the movie, I was aware, I was hyper aware of how people perceived me just reading about me or learning about me because like everyone's like, you can't trust this guy. He's a fucking wildfire because they're thinking that I'm like Farley or Belushi. Like, because I'm like, but I'm not, I show up sober. I do, I work sober. I'm not drunk right now. I

drove here. I'm having coffee. You guys show a high noon up. I'll drink one, but that's how I work. It's like, I get my shit done. There's not, it's not an accident that I'm here. Right. But like, but people were, you could tell, Mark Hamill was like, kept his eye on me, like, waiting for it to explode. Yeah. It's like a balloon. Someone blew up too much. So wait, so the movie, it's not, we don't know when it's coming out yet, but it is with our good friend, Jimmy Teatro. It's called The Machine. And that is your nickname that you got. Can you tell the story for people who don't know the story? I got involved with the Russian Mafia when I was 22. And I, I, I was taking Russian classes. I didn't learn anything. We went to Russia, the mob ran

everything and they gave us two young gangsters, two bandit to kind of chaperone us, to like, shadow us. And I'm, I planned a sentence. I was going to say, I was going to say, but it means, hello, my name is Bert. It's very nice to meet you. I work pro-C. And when the door opened, I, I was looking at a fucking gangster and I froze and he just went, Sto, like, what the fuck do you want? And I just, I meant to say, and for anyone Russian, I meant to say, I'm the man, which is Yamashina. But I said Yamashinu, which means technically, I'm a car. And he started laughing and he goes, what did you say? And I go, I just said it again. I was like, I'm the machine. And he brought me in said, tell them what you said. And I was like,

I'm the fucking machine. And they loved it. They loved it. And we drank all night long. All I knew how to say in the language was, I'm the machine. And I fuck cats. That's it. And so, so I got the nickname, the machine. And, and, and then ultimately we ended up robbing a train. So, well, I mean, that's, yeah, that's over that part. You got to use a passive voice. Like the train was robbed. Yeah. The train was robbed. And by the way, everyone, I really think a lot, every guy would have robbed that train. So tell us, yeah, tell us why. I mean, it does sound like you had no choice, but to rob that train. Okay. So I party with this guy that beats me at the door, Igor, good guy. And, and you understand things were a little different in Russia. We stole a boat,

we ran a pool hall scam. Like you could just see that things were a little freer. And so we take this overnight train trip to Moscow and Igor tells me he goes, I can't go. He's like, different Mafia runs a train, different Mafia runs Moscow. Don't worry though. I had to set it up. They're going to take care of you. And when I got there, they looked like two kids on Christmas. They were like, Oh, I can't wait to play with the machine. They're like, the machines in some first class. And so I'm like, fuck yeah. And we're drinking booze. The conductor comes in, rips off the stars and stripes to his shirt, gives them to me. He's like, it would be an honor to do a shot of vodka with the machine. I'm like, I'm literally like, fuck it. I'm in the model,

do whatever the fuck I want. We roll, we drink all the booze in an hour, go to the bar cart to get more booze. And Igor says to me in Russian, he goes machine, go behind the bar and grab bread. Cleb is bread. And I, I understood him. And I'm now I'm in this moment where I go, I'm fucking learning. Like this is immersion. I'm learning my way not to flashcards and textbooks, but by joining the mafia. This is how you learn the language. I'm behind the bar. And I'm like, I say to the guy, I know what you're saying. And he's like, go for your machine, get in the machine, find cheese. And I was like, see, I got it. Give me another one. He's like, grab vodka. I was like, another one, give me another one. He's like, grab the money. And at

that moment, I realized, we're robbing the bar that and I realized he's going through people's pockets. And the bartender's frozen like this. And I'm behind the bar robbing the bar. And I'm like, mother fucker. And then I took the guy's shit. We leave. It actually, I just was like, I'm not going to go against them. Like the guy said, take the money. I'm like, the way you just explained it, like you did have no choice. You had to rob that trap. Yeah. You go back to our first class cabin. Teacher comes back to, by the way, did not speaking Russian. Okay. English teacher. Your teacher from college. I didn't know the one. She was a chaperone for the trip. She was just a teacher at Florida State. She swings the door open with that liberal arts

confidence. It's like, this shit is fucking over. She's talking to me and the mafia. You're done, mister. Get up right now. And big Igor takes a sip of vodka, spits it in her eyes and goes, no one talks to the machine. Shut the door in her face. And he's like, fuck that bitch. This is Russia. No one's for your machine. When it gets dark, we have good time. I'm like, what the fuck are we doing when it gets dark? Reaches into his pocket, pulls out a ring of keys. He's like, we're rubbing the whole fucking train. And so. Yeah. Rob the whole train. Rob the whole train. Yeah. Here's what's fascinating about the story is I posted this on Facebook like five years ago. That's why I wanted my viral. I didn't think anyone was going to see it. And what happened is it

started going viral. My wife told me and I was like, no way. And I had to figure out why it was going viral because I had told it before and it didn't go viral. What happened was the way the algorithm worked at the time. When you shared the story on your Facebook, the first comment that would show up under your, under your story on your page was the top comment from my page, one of the most people interacted with. The top comment from my page was left by, left by a woman. I won't say her name. So don't blow her up, but you can find it. And, and she's her name. I think his name's Susan or Kristen. I'm not gonna. So you did say her name. I didn't want to say her last name. Poor girl. It only gets hounded. She, her comment read, I was in first Russian class.

I was on this trip. This story is 100% true. He fucking robbed us. And then she tagged everyone in my class. So if you want to see what Igor looks like, what I looked like, she, she put, they posted pictures of it. They posted pictures of the morning of the robbery because we, because we robbed the whole class. We robbed everyone and then we pulled a Moscow fucking wasted. Wait, so you robbed your classmates. Did you go back to the class after or no? That was it. I robbed the whole fucking train. We robbed my, we robbed me. My bag was with them. I broke, I robbed my bag like because I was with two guys. We robbed the whole fucking train, pulling the Moscow. I'm fucking top five drunk as I've ever been. Train stops, suns up, door opens,

same teachers like not mad, right? Looks at me and goes, I want you to know they've alerted the police. And I see two cops on the platform talking to my whole class during the pajamas. They're upset. They've been robbed. I get it. You know, big Igor is completely unfazed. He's like, don't worry. I speak to police for both of us. Walks out, grabs one of the cops, spins him around and just starts going, fuck you. Fuck, we fuck you in the mouth. We fuck. I'm like, stop with the fucking, we shit. Cop waves me over. I walk over to the cop who, by the way, is standing in front of the class. I just robbed next to the gangster. I robbed them with all I'm thinking is, this is not how I plan on spending my second junior year in college. I get five steps

from the cop and he looks impatient as fuck. He takes two big steps, grabs me by the arm, pulls me into his face and he goes, so I understand you're the machine. Tonight you party with us. I was like, wait, wait, I go, I'm not in trouble. And he gets so close to me, I can smell his morning cigarette and he's like, no, fuck that bitch. This is Russia. So, so we did not get in trouble. We definitely had a meeting. We definitely had a meeting. That sucks. By the elevators. Yeah, yeah, that sucks. But you were the machine. Well, no, my friend Igor was like, hey man, I gave them Burt for a reason. Like, if they had nothing to do, bash it would have happened, but they party with Burt. What fucking crazy about this story.

100% true. In Moscow, we had to go back to St. Petersburg. We had the same two gangsters. And my teachers were like, hey, apparently we need you to party with them and just, like a rodeo clown, like distract them. So we got on the train, I party with them, they took pictures of me shitting, which they'd never, they were so easy to entertain because they had no frame of reference for like, frat boy. This is the lawn mower, huh guys? And they're like, this guy's fucking hilarious. I learned how to say fat guy in a little coat and, you know, from fucking Tommy boy and they're dying left. Who the fuck is this guy? And they're like, he's the machine. So have you been back to Russia since then? Are you allowed back?

That's the question. Like, could you get through the border? You know, it's so crazy. I actually thought to myself, and you know, sometimes, okay, this is an ego thought. So bear with me. But do you ever think to yourself like, fuck, does Tom Brady know who we are? Hank does. Yeah. Yeah. Hank was taking that all last week. Hank tank in his retirement. Did he really? Yeah. Well, Hank went to jail for him. Really? Yes. For the play game. Yeah. He blocked himself. He put handcuffs on himself. You said, oh, okay. Like, that was like, no, that makes sense.

You're like, oh, okay. Yeah. All right. Weird things have happened. But you ever go into that thing like, like, I tweeted at Aaron Rodgers one time, just not like, like, Hey, man, I'm in Green Bay doing a show. If you want to get dinner, it's going to have to be early, you know, just like fucking around. And then he DMs me. He's like, yo, you fucking with me, bro? And then I'm like, wait, Aaron Rodgers knows who I am. Like, and then you're like, hold on, like, when did that happen? I was thinking to myself, right? So Biden fucking hates Joe Rogan. Yeah. I mean, they're, they're really, the press secretary is like, we got to get rid of Joe Rogan, which is crazy.

One of my best friends, I've been on his podcast 30 times. Well, no, 26 now, right? Because you got four deleted. I got four deleted. Thank God, I'm sure. I'll take those. Fucking take them all down. So, uh, but then you think, I wonder if Putin is like, you know, you know, he knows Rogan because he loves MMA. Right. I wonder if at any point someone said to Putin, Hey, you've got to hear this machine story. It's pretty fucking good. Yeah, I think it's the fact that it's been around and it's gone. So it's gone,

re-viral like three or four times where there's 85 million views. The movie too would, I feel like when the movie comes out, I would say Putin would know. Yeah. And then, and then he's always shirtless. Right. Yeah. I'm always shirtless. It's like, at one point I'm wondering if I'll get the call like, Hey, uh, someone wants to have drinks at you in the, and it'll be, I would love that. See, that's the problem. I want to party with like Kim Jong-un, Putin, all the people people hate. I think I'd get along well with. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely Putin. I think I, yeah. He loves to party with Putin.

Putin's probably got access to drugs that you don't even know about. The drugs that don't exist over. You got to play hockey with him though. Let him score. Would you let him score? It's the best when he gets the quickest patsy. You want to talk about a yes, man? Fuck it. I'm a dog kid. I'm a dog. I remember one time, one of the guys in the mob was like, Have you ever gotten a blowjob with machine gun out window? Just right during your comments. So good.

That's the kind of shit I want to be around. I love that. Oh man. I have a weird thing for that, that danger. I'm oblivious American. We spent the night in a favela in Brazil one night and I got lost in a favela. Like just started walking around. Favellas are notoriously the most dangerous places you could ever be in Brazil. Yeah. And they took us up on motorcycles and the kids with the motorcycles left, took a, we were a trip flip, a travel channel. I just got lost and I had the coolest fucking time.

So why, like, what is it about you? Because I can see it. Like, I think there's, I don't know, I don't know what it is, but there's clearly something that you have that, like, people would welcome you in and it's like not, you know, you're not a danger. It's like, Oh, this guy wants to party. I think I'm, I don't know. I don't know. I'm like a drunk force gump. Like, I love, I have, I have impulse control problems very badly. So like, if someone says, let's do something, I'm the first one that's like, I'm definitely in. Like, and I do it before I think it through. Right. So sometimes I've said, I'm in and then I sit back and go,

Shit, that doesn't, we don't leave for another week and a half. And I think I might have fucked up. Like, I don't want to go. But then I go also, like, I jumped out of a plane, totally fear, totally afraid of heights. First person jumped off stratosphere. That was just someone going, do you want to do it? And I was like, yes, for TV. Yes, it'll be badass. And then the day I'm getting there, I'm throwing up and I'm having dry heaves in a fucking bathtub. I'm literally having panic attacks. I'm calling travel channels saying I picked the wrong show. I need to get off this show. So like, I have impulse control problems. And I don't, and I think I'm a fun guy to party with. Yeah. I think a lot of it has to do with the laugh too. If somebody has a good laugh,

then immediately like they're trustworthy, you know, and you're like your whole face, you're like your eyes laugh. Yeah, the laugh. And so yeah, so when you do that face that you're doing right now, if I'm a gangster and I see that face, like I can't kill you, you're too cute, you're adorable. Dude, when we first did a show in Mexico for Trip Flip, this is like, this is a long time ago. We had fixers, right? And like our fixers, one of our fixers brought me over and they're like, these guys want to meet you. So they were like fucking scary dudes and this really expensive sushi restaurant. And he's like, they wanted you to tell the machine story. And I was like, I don't know Spanish that well. Like I know it, but I can't do it in Spanish.

And then he said that to him and he goes, it doesn't matter. I'll translate. Go. And I was like, I don't think these are the guys you say no to. And they just kept bringing over to kill him. We're shooting to kill. And I was like, uh, uh, cuando yo soy ventidos años. It was fucking, but like I also am super accommodating. I want to make sure, I think that's why I got into comedy. I want to make sure everyone has the best time possible when they're around me. I have, I get, I want, I want everyone to like me. So like all those weird things mixed into one and I like drinking that and I'm from Florida. So like that, like you, all those things combined to get one fucked up person. And I didn't realize that Van Wilder was written after you.

Why, why aren't you suing them? So for, I think most people have seen the movie, but you haven't burp. How many years did you end up going to college for six? I went to Scott. I went to college for six and a half years and then, uh, and then Rolling Stone magazine wrote an article about me calling me the number one party animal in the country. And it changed my life. I mean, Oliver Stone's company option, the rights to my life. I, I mean, I was like, I got asked to be on Oprah. Like I mean, it was a big ton of shit. And then one, uh, I've moved to New York, started stand-up and within six months, Will Smith discovered me. So the option is still going on over to Oliver Stone's company. Will Smith discovers me. We start developing a script, sold it to Fox.

And, and then the option from Oliver Stone's kind of went away because they were, my agents were like, Hey, he needs to play this guy. Will Smith backing him in a sitcom. We want him attached. And they're like, that's not how this works. Right. And so the option died. And this is all, by the way, uh, you know, allegedly because we never did, we never sued obviously. I thank God. But, uh, apparently the option ran out. One of the guys who wrote one of the scripts for the option turned around, sold it to National Lampoon. And, uh, and they, they changed my name, kept my friend's names in it oddly. And then, um, and then it became Van Wilder. That's obviously what I've heard from the people that worked at National Lampoon and from, I've talked to the

people that produced the movie. Well, and if you read the Rolling Stones article, the writer follows you around. It's at Florida state as a, whatever, six year senior and you're living that life. Yeah. It's, it's weird because, um, when we, because I've been to the script when they did the option, it was called the undergraduates, about four dudes. And they're like, no, it's got to be about a journalist because the journalist had sold his life, sold the rights to the article. Right. So they're like, it's got to be about a journalist and a party animal. And I've never seen that, uh, Van Wilder, but I guess that's what the movie's about. It is. You've never seen it. No. There was never like a small party that was like, I want to go see the movie that's

based on my life. I'm holding out Ryan Reynolds. I'll watch it with Ryan Reynolds. Yeah. And I, I did, I did a sitcom deal, a tentative sitcom deal with his company. I think they're called Dark Horse or something. And, uh, and they're like, you've never seen the movie? And I was like, nah. And they're, I was like, I'll watch it with him because I don't want to, I don't want to like, it's like, I, when I was young, I was like, I want to be bigger than that movie. So like, I want to, I don't want that movie to be who people think I am. Right. And I think I've gotten bigger. Definitely. Definitely bigger than movie. And so now it's, it's a nice, it's like a nice subplot in my story. Yeah. It's a very funny, like, oh, shit. I never really kind of made

that full connection. Thank God I didn't sue. We were on Venice, lawyers, agents, managers, everyone on the phone the day the movie drops. And they're like, they're like, we're going to sue, we're going to sue. We're going, and I had one manager, one manager who said there's two people in this business, Papa, people who work and people who sue, pick which one you want to be. And I chose not to sue. And if I had sued, I'd be that kid for the rest of my life. Yeah, you would because you would have gotten a settlement. Everyone would have been like, oh, shit, you're the Van Wilder guy. And then I would have been the guy, I would have gone to bars. I would have done what the road rules kids did and partied at bar. Whoa, let's not. Okay, let's not. No, it does

become a part of it. Those guys are fucking like CT, Johnny Bananas. Those guys are legends. Don't, don't get me started. CT is a legit fucking legend. Yes. CT is a legit. Yes. The best hair in the goddamn business. Movie star, good looks, fucking reality show personality. I had a, when I saw him in Paris, don't get me started on these guys. When I saw him in Paris, I was like fucking CT is the man. And he just carried himself. Dude, I support, I don't even follow pro wrestling, but the fact that the Ms went from fucking real world Chicago to professional wrestler that I am so impressed with. And said he was going to do it. Like remember when he's on real world, he's like, I want to be a wrestler. It was like,

I'm in a car with my best friend one day. And I said, I said, are you dating anyone? He said, I think I'm in love. And I said, really, what's her name? And he said, Christina Pajitsky. And I went, hold on, you're dating Christina from fucking road rules. And he was like, you know her? And I was like, I need to meet her. I mean, I bring that up to her. That's Tom's wife. That was wife. I'm still bringing up every time I see her. I was the biggest fucking fan of those shows. What did you think about West doing when he had his steroid year? That was one of the funniest subplots of all time that they had the challenge. The challenge has been going on for like 15 years and West just showed up. No one has been more, where he bonds in his prime wasn't as rated up as

West was that year. And then he just went right back down to like, he like lost all the weight and was like, all right, I'm done doing steroids. West was such an interesting fucking character because he was so white, like so bright white that he always stood off to the side. Like he's anytime anyone touched him in anything physical, he'd get these red hand marks all over him. Dude, I am obsessed with that shit. Like I, I mean, as a grown man, I had two children and I would be sitting watching the challenge in my living room. I was like, are you fucking kidding me for whatever reason? It's the it is the fucking best. And if I run into those kids now, their adults are my age. Yeah, I lose my shit. I saw Puck. Puck came to one of my shows. Oh,

jeez. I was like, what the fuck? That's a way, way throwback. They discovered what the secret formula was, which is just get kids that are like 20 years old, 21 years old, put them in a house, don't let them watch TV, take all the TVs out, and then just give them all the booze they want. Yeah. And you have the makings of you have everything you need inside that house. I did a pilot with Bonamurray one time me, Theo von Breitern, the funniest pilot that's ever not been shown to anyone. So politically incorrect. I mean, when you're talking, you're talking give, we started a fraternity, us three comedians started fraternity in the hills and we just put it on Craigslist and we got a who's who's list of people with mental problems.

And we had one guy with PTSD. I mean, sounds like Barstool Sports headquarters. It was. I tried to buy it back from Bonamurray because it's that fucking funny. At one point, we were like, me and Theo and Brett Ernst are like, we should get a, we should throw a party, but how are we going to get girls? And Theo's like, why don't we just hire porn stars? What's their day rate? And we're like, it's like 800 bucks a day. And he's like, yeah, let's just get like 20 porn stars. And we're like, Oh, cool. Next, you know, fucking chicks are naked sound guys. Like, Hey, I think he's getting his dick sucked in the back. And we're like, fuck. The producers came out. I am naked in a pool with porn stars. And he's like, we can't use any of this. We're having a fucking

blast. This dude came up to me. He's like, I think I cheated on my fucking fiance, man. And we're like, he's like, no, they filmed it. We're going to film me. I literally sucked my dick. It was the greatest. We did powder puff football one day with girls dressed in pads. And the whole thing was that they were going to be better than us because we didn't have pads. And Brett Ernst gave the best fucking win one for the Gipper speech about lighting these bitches up. I want to see dead horse everywhere. And we fucking clothesline these women. I mean, it looked like if you let OJ Susan do what he really wanted to do, it was next fuck, the greatest pilot you'll never fuck. Yeah, what happened to it? Yeah, I have no fucking idea. I drank the entire fucking time.

We stole a goat and we had, we had planned, we had planned to steal a goat from a bar, like, we had, you know, set it up. And we're like, yeah, we stole, we're going to steal a goat. We got the address wrong. And we really broke into someone's house and stole their fucking goat. And also we got him someone else. And then we had this fucking goat in the middle of Beverly Hills at this house, just shitting and pissing everywhere. You're saying like you actually, you stole the wrong goat? We stole the wrong goat. We broke into someone's fucking house. How did you know it was a wrong goat?

Because they came up with the goats. They're like, you never got the goat. We're like, we have a goat. And you're like, we have two goats. And they're like, wait, where did you stop? We're like, San Canyon? And they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, San Canyon Street. And we're like, fuck. You essentially just created fantasy camp, like adult fantasy camp for yourself. One guy had fantasy. The fact that it was a show was irrelevant. You were just having a good time. It was the greatest. A lot of those guys are dead. Because a lot of them had some problems. Well, how long ago was this? I don't know. I'll tell you right now, Barstool's got the money. If you can fucking buy that,

I couldn't get it. They were like, I'm not going to sell it to you. Bunamuri, it will get all of us canceled. I mean, all of us immediately, like I'm going to have to not be in my house for a while. It'll be, it was sketchy. I think that might be what it takes to stop, like people from coming after you just release the worst possible shit that you already have on yourself. Yeah, I just think my appearances on Rogan were bad. Yeah. Watch this.

You know, Tom and I, one time when we started that fucking podcast, we didn't think it would turn into this. We were like, let's say the most out of context, cancelable things we could think of. And so we went back and forth in out of context saying the most horrific statements, never thinking about us in the ass. I remember Tom the other day, was like, should we get rid of that episode? I mean, the things we did. I mean, Tom and I, we do these live shows. We went into a dominatrix's house and we were just going to, I don't think Tom knew what they did and I did. So they're like, hey, put on this thong. So I throw on a thong and then they're like, Tom put one on and he's like, no. And then Tom ends up in his

underwear and then she's like, all right, quick, I'm going to tether your cocks together with electrodes and I'm going to shock your cocks to see who can put up with the most pain and who taps out first. And Tom, she leaves the room. Tom and I dicks are tethered together with electrodes and he looks at me dead seriously in the eyes. He's like, is this a good idea? And I remember going, why don't you, you're the one that's supposed to stop the bad ideas. And he was like, but our dicks are already tethered together. And she's like, you boys ready? And we're like, I guess so we get done. The woman looks us dead in the eyes. She goes, so you guys want to come now? And we're like, Tom's like, I think we're in over our head. We have done, I mean, I don't

know. I'm like, look, here's the deal. This is what I subscribe by. You either get that everything I'm doing is meant to entertain you right and make you have a good time and let you forget about fucking COVID or the fucking shit job that you're dealing with at the time being or a fuck face boss or a fucking cunt wife, whatever the fuck or asshole husband, whatever the fuck. My only goal is to entertain you for that time being going to get back to Bert in a second. But before we do want to talk to you about life lock. It's tax season. Tax season can be taxing on your identity because all your personal information is in one place getting emailed, shared, possibly exposed to identity thieves. Protection against identity theft. It's easier

with life lock by Norton. Life lock by Norton helps monitor your info. It alerts you to potential identity threats. If you do become a victim, a dedicated US based restoration specialist will work to fix it during tax season and beyond. No one can prevent all identity theft or monitor all transactions at all businesses, but you can make sure that your identity theft protection starts here. Join life lock today. Save up to 25% off your first year by going to life lock.com slash PMT. That's life lock.com slash PMT get 25% off. Here is more Bert Krescher. Well, and the thing that I struggle with when I see all this stuff, because I mean, I completely agree with you and you know, Barstow, we've been online for a very long time. So I'm definitely

not someone to throw stones with any of this shit. But I, the thing I hate is when people bring up old shit and it's, it's a completely different time. And it's like, but at the time it was not hurting anyone and now we're trying to hurt people. Like you weren't listening. You're not a fan of this. You don't, you're not a fan. You're just pulling things out of context. Right. And, and, and quite honestly, a lot of them look like hit pieces. I mean, they, they do to me and I'm sitting on the outside, but you know, like, I mean, you look at like, you go back to the Aziz thing. Aziz kind of looked like a hit piece. Yeah. You know, and it, and that granted it fucked. He got fucked on that one. Like no, it was at the height of the me too stuff, which

a lot of good stuff, I think came out of that, like a lot of powerful. By the way, a ton, a ton of good stuff came out of that. And a ton of it for just regular guys like us who are like, like, like, I mean, I, like you see a woman walking into the office and she looks beautiful. And maybe, maybe in 2010 you would have been like, God damn you look great today. Now you just go, I mean, just that's, I'm not going to say a fucking word. Like, right? Like those, just those little microaggressions on a bigger level, so many fucking pigs in Hollywood were stopped from being fucking pigs. And there were a lot of fucking pigs. But sometimes you're like, I don't know, you're, I guess you got to, you got to burn the fence down to burn the house. I don't fucking know.

It's a weird time. This thing was like, he had an awkward hookup one time. And then they wrote an article about that. And I think for me, that was like, I, I recognized at the time, I think a lot of people didn't, though, and they threw him into the, the lump of like, oh, he's basically Harvey Weinstein. It's like, no, he just tried to fuck one night. And they didn't get along. And that's the end of the story. But yeah, I, again, like, I think that would, with Rogan, it's like, once you reach a certain point, once you have a big enough following, then people are like, well, they need to stop listening to this guy. They don't care when it was smaller. No, they didn't. And by the way, it's, it's crazy to me because I, you know,

I, I'll say, I've said it out loud. I'll say it a million times. Joe Rogan is one of my best friends. I absolutely adore that guy. I know him to be a lot of things. A racist is not what he is. That, I can promise you that. He's a lot of things. Trust me. I don't, I, the guy's fucking flawed, like all of us. He's a fuck. That's, that's actually, I think like the point that everyone misses. Show me a perfect human. It doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. And I'm telling you, man, there's so many good things. And I don't even want to say the good things because it sounds like, oh, why weren't you saying them two weeks ago? But it's like, I just, I, and when I posted a picture of me and him on Instagram, I had a lot of friends come at me being like,

you stand with Joe Rogan and I go, I go, he's, I don't, I don't leave my friends. Like I'm loyal to my, I got a small group of friends. I'm a ride or die for a fucking small group of people. And, and that's my group. And I stand by my friends and, and I'm going to say this, and this is a, this is all, all that needs to be said. So my dad is very, very liberal and he's not, I mean, he thinks Joe's an interesting guy, but he's not a fan of what Joe's said about the COVID. And my dad's got a few things to say about Joe. I posted a picture on Instagram with me and Joe, of me and Joe just together. And I say, I'm very lucky to call Joe Rogan my friend. My dad texts me immediately. And I'm like, fuck, he's going to be like, take that down, whatever.

My dad says, I'm very proud of the son I raised that you would be a loyal to a friend in a moment like this. And I was like, that's all you want. Fuck all those negative comments. If your dad texts you, who by the way does not, he said, I don't like the word Joe said. I don't like how many times he said it. I don't like the statement he said also. I think his statement in apology was heartfelt. That's what my dad said. And he's like, but I'm proud I raised a son who stands by his friends. That's all the fuck you want. That's huge. That's the only comment you want is your parents. You're not co-signing what he said. You say, like, this is my friend. Right. And I love my friend. And I'm going, I'm going to be there for you. And trust me. And you're right. Like saying,

everybody's fucked up. Everybody has skeletons in their closet. Everybody's got, they're no one's perfect. The people that are acting like they're the most perfect people in the world. They're the ones that are scared that they've got something to hide. And I think a lot of times like they just project that and they go on little hunts to try to make other people feel as bad as they do about themselves. And I also, I mean, we don't want to make this whole thing about like Rogan and cancellation, but I just, I, I can't like for the life of me understand why saying like you got to go away now forever is like, uh, how does that make people evolve? How does that get people to like you, like having people evolve is to be like, Oh,

you know what? This is like, maybe I shouldn't say this. This is not good. This is not, you know, like, and moving forward and getting better and finding different ways to do it. I always think that's way better. And like you saying, being a good friend, like if you ditch on your friends, how does that make Joe Rogan a better person? It doesn't. My daughter got caught smoking weed. I probably shouldn't talk about this, but I don't really give a fuck. She's seven. No, I'm kidding. Everyone, that's a joke. Just to work clear that if you're listening, that's a joke. So my wife caught her, right? And now, and this is, this is how I look at all this because it's just coming to, I lost my shit. 16 at the time. I lost my shit. I didn't handle it well.

I flew off the handle and I, at the time I thought she didn't share with you. No, it was drink, but honestly, it was drink COVID when we were supposed to be socially destined and passing a joint round is not how you keep COVID out of our fucking house. That's how I felt. Was it because it was bad weed? No. And by the way, it was probably out of my stash. So it was amazing. And there's a lot I need to tell you about weed. You don't start with this shit in the humidor from fucking the blunt house people. So, so I lost my shit. I lost my shit and I thought it was warranted. She broke the rules. That's what a dad does in raising her. Since that point, I realized I fucked up because what I did is I created a, I created a paradigm within which

she was not allowed to grow and learn because she was going to fuck up again. But now she was so scared of watching me fly off the handle or getting me upset that I taught her the new thing is to lie. And I, and it's taken me a year and a half to get to a place where now we're establishing an honesty where I go, Hey, you're going to fuck up. You're still fucking up, but understand I'm not going to lose my shit. I want to help you learn the right way to fucking evolve. You're going to college next year and I want you to understand about drugs and alcohol, what they are and what boys are like. And so I, it took me a while to understand I went about things the wrong way. So I think, and by the way, it's just about learning. It's like, if you, if you said,

all right, Bert, that's how you are forever is you're the dad that gets upset on vacation in Arizona at a fucking truck stop and unloads the shit wrong out of the fucking RV. And now you're screaming, you got shit all over your hands and you're raising your voice at your daughter. That's not who the fuck I am forever. It's who I was then. And now as a father, I'm the dad that's like, Hey, I'm, I'm really proud. You didn't drink and drive and you called us and told us you were drunk. I'm proud of that. Right. And that's where we should start this conversation. It's like, I got to evolve as a dad. Right. Everyone should evolve the fucking. Yeah, that's my, that's my biggest thing is like, there's no, there's no actual like end goal. It's just like,

let's get rid of this person. This person should be canceled, get rid of them. And that's it. It's like, what are we doing here? We're all flawed humans and we're all just trying to make through this shit hole and figure it out. That's actually, it's a really interesting point that you bring up though about how like people that, that lie a lot, they lie because of the reaction that they were getting when they would get in trouble. It's like almost a defense mechanism. Right. Use that with Billy. We got to fix that. We got to fix that with Billy. So how, how can we, like everything, no, he even lies, even lies about like lying to us. There's lies that are three lies deep. He's not in the room right now. He's probably, I don't know what he's doing. He told

us that he didn't sleep in yesterday. He just, he had woken up and he fell back asleep. So he technically didn't sleep in. He woke up at eight 30 and then he went back to sleep and slept till 11 and he missed something at 10. He's like, well, I didn't actually sleep in. I was up and then I went back to sleep. They were like, okay. No, no, no. I like crafting the truth to make it fit your narrative. No, I was up. I was going to work out. Like I made coffee, but I fell back asleep. And next thing you know, it's two 30. He just wasn't awake when he should have been. That's all. I have selective memory. Like if you ask me how much I drank, I will always go, I had a couple drinks. And then like we did it. When we started sober October,

Rogan was like, how many drinks do you normally drink? And I said nine because that's the truth. If maybe I'll have like nine drinks in a night. Segura starts losing his fucking mind because he knows their doubles. And he's like, you're not telling the truth. No, no, nine drinks. Joe, they're doubles and it was like 18 fucking drinks. And I was like, Oh, when you make a say like that, it sounds bad. Yeah, it's like I'll drink a bottle of wine at night. Yeah, I'm going to open a second one, but I don't finish that one. So I don't count it. Yeah, that doesn't count. Yeah, it's absolutely right. When a doctor asks you how many, how many beers do you have on like a typical night out? They have to teach them like divide that by four, right? Yes. There's no way.

My cardiologist is like, how much do you drink? I was like, Hey man, just get my liver enzymes and let's start there. Okay. What the fuck am I going to tell? I can lie to you or we can fucking. It's, I mean lying like everyone lies to their doctor, which is the funniest like idea ever because like they're there to help you. Yeah. And you're like, no, I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do anything. It's like no, no nicotine, nothing. The best one, the best one, the best one. I long time ago, not current, long, long time ago, I applied for some insurance on, on a movie or TV show. It was a TV show and the guy calls and he's like, Hey, I'm going to do the over the phone conversation. And he's like, so, uh, do you do drink? And he goes on, I just want

to let you know I'm recording right now. I said, great. He goes, do you drink? I said seldomly. He said, it's for travel. He goes, I was seldomly. He goes, really? How many drinks a week do you think you have? I said, I don't know. Maybe if I'll have, maybe I'll have two. I'm not really sure too. He's like, do you, do you do drugs? I said, no, I don't know no drugs. And he goes, okay, he goes, do you do any different dangerous activities? And I was like, Nope. Mind you, I was swimming a lot of great white sharks out of the cage, skydiving, base jumping. I was doing all of it. So we do this whole fucking 30 minute interview and he goes, awesome. Uh, he goes, I want you to know that I'm done recording. I said, great. And he goes,

huh. And he starts laughing and staring. I've been holding this in. I know exactly who you fucking are. And I just had to do this whole interview. He was like, I was biting my fucking tongue. He was like, what did you say? Two drinks, two drinks. Are you fucking kidding me? And I was like, I was like, are we good though? And he was like, Oh, yeah, you're getting insurance for the I was like, Oh, fuck. That's amazing. Yeah. Is that or you could just like, when you're doing those interviews, just everyone will think that you're a massive phony. They'll go back and be like, yo, he actually doesn't do any of the shit that he says that he does on the air. It's just a character. That was a big thing in standup is that you'd see guys that would take fake shots on

stage. Really? And I was not that guy. That's sad. That's fucked up. Well, some guys do it because they're like, I want to, you know, I never did it because I was like, I don't, I couldn't imagine like either take the shot or don't write. I remember one time and I fell off this. I was so drunk. I fell off the stage. That's happened a couple times to me, but in DC. So I go, I fall stage in DC and I come back the next time in DC and I'm walking past the ticket booth and this girl's like, I was here last time and he fell off the stage. He was so drunk. Is that going to happen again tonight? And I was like, oh my God, that's what I'm going to be known as is the comic that's so, so I go, I'm in the green room. I'm going to come to this moment. I go, no boost

tonight. No boost, no shots. They sent a shot. I tell the waitress, no shots, no shots. Get on stage and there's already shots getting set at the stage. I go, I'm good guys. I'm good. I'm not going to get through some material and then, you know, we'll talk. Now there's like fucking 10 shots on the stage and I go, okay, listen, I'm going to be fucking really honest. Okay. I was walking through the line and I heard a woman say he was so drunk he fell off stage last time. Is that going to happen again? And guys, that will never happen again. And the woman goes, I was the one that said it and I'm the one sending the fucking shots. Fall the fuck off stage, mad guy. I'm like, all right, we're done. I got so drunk one time. I didn't tell the machine story and I

gave out Segura's phone number and a guy, there was a guy. I mean, there's like, like when you, like when you have no filter, there was a guy that stood up and he goes, oh, in the front row stands up and Tampa, he goes, I have stage four bone cancer in the middle of the show. And I said, well, fuck. I said, let me buy you a drink. And he goes, okay, rum and diet coke. I go, stir stage four, get the fucking regular coke. And the guy's like, ah, falls, cracks his head open. I mean, we've had, I've had some in my day clubs, man. The more chaotic, the more I enjoyed it. Yeah. Like just, I remember one time, and this is back when you couldn't get in trouble. Like, like no one has video of this. So me just recounting it is just

whatever. I remember one time we had two gang bangers in our front row and, and they made the, they made the dude sweat his comb over down. Like, you know, when flat, when, when bald people's hair get wet, you can see through it. And the woman, Lisa Correo did not cry. I said she cried in the past. She did not cry, but she will admit she was extremely flustered. And I said to the manager, I said, Hey man, there's a set of gang bangers in the front row. Do you want to get them to leave? He's like, they have weapons. I'm not going to say anything. We were in Miami. I'm just like, fuck. So I just did material to fuck with them, right? It's very easy. You have a joke. You just ask, I ask you the question. When you go down on a wife, on your wife, what do you

do? And then you tell me your answer and then I tell you my joke, right? So it's a little trick that you can do as a comic. I do that for like 35 minutes. And then I turn to the side of the stage thinking I haven't told a real joke yet. So I turn to tell a real joke. And I see a flash of black and it's the one dude. His name is Ray. And he's up on stage. He's like, there's a real motherfucker right here. And I'm like, Oh my God, I'm going to get hit or like something's going on. He's like, Yeah, he's a real motherfucking the 305. That's right. You know what real motherfuckers get? And he drops his pants and shows his dick and everyone's like, what the fuck? And he looks at me and goes, show your shit, son. And I'm like, I'm definitely not pulling mine out after that

came out. This mine looks like the pig from Charlotte's web. Like this looks like something you go whip out at a party. I have something to show a nurse. And I was like, no. And I go, actually Ray, I'm pretty certain that, uh, that they're calling the cops right now. You might want to leave. And he's like, good looking out gets off stage, right? His friend, a little more light skin of a dude, a little more attractive dreadlocks tattoo on his cheek stands up slowly. I go, Oh my God, how do you follow that? I think with another cock. He comes up on stage and he goes, you funny man, you're a funny motherfucker. You're a real motherfucker drops his pants down. Also shows an equally big, less dark cock. And he goes, show your shit son. And I'm like,

I'm definitely not showing it after you two. And I go, and as a matter of fact, I am certain they've called the cops by now. You may want to catch up with Ray and see if you can get a ride. He goes, good looking out son. I look into the audience. I swear to God, all my children, they are sitting with a hairless albino. And I said, it's so funny. Out of all the cocks tonight that I've seen sir, yours is the only one I'd pay to see. He slowly stands up. The room starts going crazy. Like shot, shot, gets on stage, drops its pants. It is huge and hairless. It looks like a White House in the fog. Place goes nuts. Drop the mic. I go, that's my show. 35 minutes. I get off stage, party with them all night long. It was the fucking dog. That was when comedy was fucking

dangerous and fun. Now, I mean, it's still dangerous. It's still fun. It's just words, but the back in the day, man, that's incredible. Fucking you go to the Miami improv people get stabbed at your shows. That's just a crazy fucking story. Wait, what's it? You said earlier, like this is the top five drunkest I've been. What's the drunkest you've been? Good question. Thank you. Probably doesn't remember it. He's going through it. I want to be accurate because there's been some ones like, uh, like there's been, there's been some ones that don't count where you're like, we're like, we're like, like, I got drunk in Austin, but that was because we were drinking all day. And then I thought we were in San Diego and I believed we were in San

Diego because I've been doing this deprivation. It was a long story, but, uh, top five drunkest I've been probably, uh, sadly are the last couple episodes of Rogan because, and which is really scary. Like the last episode, last time I did Rogan, I was so drunk. I don't remember. I don't remember what we said for the last two and a half hours. I have no recollection, but, but it's, it's off to me because I still don't see him as like bigger than CNN. I still just see Joe. To me, the people that understand the show and I'm not, I'm not like a massive fan of Joe. I've listened to him every now and again. I think he's immensely talented at everything that he does. But he's just like a person that has a show and he happens to have the biggest audience in the

world that he's built over time. It's not like there's no way for somebody to like grow that audience to be like, now I'm, I have to have all the responsibility in the world because then the show changes. Nobody listens. He's just himself. If you don't like it, you don't like it and that's fair too. And that's what catching me off guard is. Like we got, we did the show, we got high, uh, we got drunk with it, I think five and a half hours. And I, and I, and I really honestly don't, I don't think, and I also, I know my heart and I know I don't say, I know I don't have any hatred in my heart. So I'm not going to get caught up saying something mean spirited. I don't really fucking follow politics at all. So I don't know if he brings something up. It's probably me just

listening and nodding. I mostly talk about comedy. That's all I ever want to talk about or make people laugh or tell a story. So everything's kind of insular, but I got, I got home that next morning and I mean, I got, I got fucking wasted. I ended up in Austin, uh, on stage. I was doing, I did stand up and then these Navy SEALs put me in a car and they took me back to Zagora's house and then broke into his neighbor's house to get me to his house and put me in bed and then woke me up and like, and I don't remember any of it. I got on a plane and I was like, and I was like, you know, I said to my wife, I was like, I didn't drink at all on the plane. She was like, you smell like booze. Like, I think you're still drunk. And I was like, I think I am too. Like, I didn't need to drink on

the flight. And, uh, and then we got, and she was like, how was Rogan? And I was like, I was fun. I was like, I don't know, same, same. I don't remember much of it. And then someone was like, dude, what did you say? And I was like, why? They're like, they took the episode down and I went and your heart sinks. Right. And I, by the way, I could not recollect anything I said. I, not one thing, not one, not one. I don't remember any, like people started texting me going, Hey, thanks for the kind words. And I was like, cool. I guess when I get drunk, I'm sweet. I was like, I just like a lot of people. So I was just, I must have said nice things about everyone, but like, I don't fucking know. And I was like, maybe I said that COVID was created in the lab. I don't

know. I come, I can see where they're coming out of my mouth. So they took it down and then they put it back up, but sliced it in two episodes. And I was like, uh, I'm certain there's something missing out of the middle. In a weird way, what they're doing is making people want to listen more now. Yeah, I guess. Now I'm like, I want to know what's on this fucking episode. Listen, here's the thing. I don't mean not to harp on my buddy, but like, I listen to it all the time. Right. I listen to, I love the podcast. There's some I don't listen to. Yeah. Like there's some I just go every podcast. Yeah. That's not my thing. Like I listen when it's, my thing is on, like when you guys had a fucking Taylor Heineke on, right? And I'm interested in his views on

the change of the name to the commanders. Cause I personally liked the Washington football team. I thought that was a cool old school way to do it. But then, and then he gets in and he was like, you talk shit about me one time. Like that, I listen to that, right? Then there's other ones that I'm not like, trust me, you guys get Trevor Bauer on. I'll listen to that fucking episode. Yeah. I'll listen to that episode. Cause I'm interested in what I followed that through the news thread. But like, if you get fucking like, if you had, I'd listen to Johnny Hecker, that would be an episode I listened to, but like, there's certain athletes I'm not, I don't, I'm not right. Right. That's everyone. Right. Yeah. You can't like every sport. Like,

why are you going to the game? No, I know we're going to, we're going to probably air this after, but you have the Rams hat on. Yeah. I'm a full blown Rams. No, no, no. So I'm, I'm a Bucks fan cause I grew up in Tampa. I'm a Bucks fan, die hard, but I live in LA. My kids are Rams fans. My wife's a Rams family. I'm Ram season tickets. So, uh, we, we are a Rams family because that's our team. And, but you know, deep down inside, I've been a Bucks fan since like when you could sit shirtless watching the game in the Old Sombrero and spit tobacco on the floor. So like, I mean, I do those were the, that was like, oh, if my dad, if my dad went to church and I didn't go to church, he'd just name one buck that he, that he just go, yeah, it's crazy.

Doug Williams showed up to church today. I was like, what the fuck? He's like, that's why you got to, you never know, man. You got to go to church. He's like, can you believe that Jimmy Giles came to church? I was like, shut the fuck up. Emily Roy Simmons did what? Are you serious? Do we was there? And are you, are you still like die hard seminal like that? I mean, it sucks. I, I, that's a school. I, I love, love, love college football and I would put Florida state in the camp of like, that's a team I want to be good because it's just more fun. So, so very complicated. When the Rolling Stone magazine came out, article came out, um, the, they, the school disowned me

and they, and they tried to fuck me. They tried to get me not to graduate from Florida state. The president at the time, not a great guy, not, not a fan. What's interesting is his daughter had been a playboy. So you'd think he would empathize with a kid getting called up by some national magazine, did not. Uh, and they tried to get me to disavow me and, and get rid of me and they failed me. I walked, I, but I walked, I mean, tell me if this isn't some underhanded shit. I walked behind work done. So they named, and ladies and gentlemen, work done, the place goes fucking nuts. And the guy's like, bird creature. And so I'm in the shadow of work done. Doesn't matter. I fucking walked, right? And I sat next to work done the entire time.

Yeah. In the whole fucking graduation. So, um, so I had this complicated past with Florida state where I was, I was a diehard seminal fan because I'd never sensed a civic pride. I grew up in Tampa. We didn't have that. Like, if you grew up in Boston, you were like, fucking Red Sox, bro, you know, New York, you're like, what, where in New York Bronx? Okay. Okay. You know. And so I never had a civic pride. The first time I went to a Florida state game and saw them throw the spear in the, in the seminal head and it was on fire. I started crying. I mean, it was like the greatest, it was like, I'm now a part of a community. Yeah. Anyone who, anyone who grows up in a town

like Orlando or, or Tampa understands that when you go to a school like fucking University of Oregon, uh, fucking Boulder, you know, one of these places, Nebraska, that you get a sense of community. So it was very complicated to me. I did, I never went back to a game. I, I was, I never, I didn't want to, I felt like a failure. I go back to do the civic center this tour. I did the civic center and I didn't even realize I was doing the civic center. It's an arena. It's 1000 seats and I sold it out and I get there and I wake up that morning hungover and they have these huge signs, welcome home. I'm going to cry, I'm going to cry telling you this, do it. Uh, they have these huge signs says welcome home, birdie boy. Ooh. I mean, to be, to be, to be field persona non grata at a

school for 20 some odd years and then to have them welcome you back and be like, welcome on birdie boy. And then I walked through the campus and, uh, kids knew I was there and they'd open their windows. They were like, I'm just walking them on Instagram stories and they're like, welcome on birdie boy. And I was like, oh, fucking, I mean the cops, the cops came up to me, kids were getting in their car and finding me and then I get right before the game, right before the, uh, the, uh, the show and they come up, the administration comes up and they give me a fucking spear and they're like, Hey man, we want you to have this. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, start crying. And, and I, and I, I do the show and I'm sitting there going, I started, I started to

play here. I started smashing pumpkins open for Nirvana in this civic center. I saw Bob kept both way here. I saw fucking Adam Sandler here. Like, and I'm doing what they're doing. And then they get done and I fucking grab the spear fully aware of fucking like fully aware of my surroundings and I, they're all doing the chant. I go grab the spear and I leave fucking 10,000 people in a chant with the fucking lights out and their camera phones, highlights on and I get done and I'm just like, totally get canceled for that. Does not fucking matter. Does not fucking matter. One of the greatest moments of my life that I mean, to this day, I never wore seminal shit. I just, I would, but I always felt weird

when I put it on because they didn't want me at the end. It's almost like you wanted to be a part of them, but they didn't want to be a part of you. So you felt like it's, it's strange if you have it on because it's, it's not like reciprocated from it. Right. It's like, it's like fucking talking good about a chick that slept with someone else and you're like, I don't want to talk good about her or like, like I just want to, and, and we're said, I don't love you anymore and please lose my number. And then you're like, how am I, how can I talk good about her? I mean, I still love her. And then when they welcomed me back like that, man, they got me forever. I mean, it was the, it was the greatest, it was one of the greatest experiences of this tour, but of my life and,

and I, and I, and the fucking coaches reached out, the fucking strength. I mean, everyone, everyone that worked there reached out and they're like, Hey man, if you want this, if you want that, please come by, please stop by, bars hit me up. Hey, we got a private room for you. The kids, I mean, the kids really overwhelmed me that the kids knew who I was. Like I'd be walking around and they just opened their dorm windows. Dorms I lived in, they'd be like, the machine. And I'd be like, shut the, it was the greatest, it was the coolest moment of my adult life. So much that I was like, this tour has been, this birdie boy tour has been, this relapse tour has been, I mean, I did Red Rocks. I did the fucking arena across from the Packers. Aaron Rogers came over and said

hi. All the Packers came backstage and fucking hung out. I mean, it was, it's been, it's been overwhelming. It's been like, if I die in a bus accident, then know that I died a very fucking happy mess. It's awesome to have a moment like that too. Cause I feel like a lot of people do have highlights of their life that they have to get years past and look back on, but to recognize it as it's happening, that's good shit. Dude, I was sobbing when they gave me that spear. Cause that spear, when you, have you ever, have you ever been to a Florida game? When they throw that fucking, like six, seven years ago at night, it was sick. It's just so moving. And then what's crazy is like, you know, everyone, your management and lawyers and agents are like, oh, you know,

Donald Trump just got in trouble for doing the, I go, I don't, I don't, I like, I don't care. It was one of the greatest moments of my life. And I'm not, and I, and I can't look, that doesn't mean that to me or whatever it means to whatever, but what's crazy is the next week I was at the Seminole Hard Rock Casino and a bunch of Seminoles, like legit birthright Seminoles came back and they're like, oh, I'm so glad you got the spear that was so badass. And I was like, all right, we're good. We're fucking good. Yeah. Yeah. It's everybody that, that is not involved in that conversation. Right. Yeah. It would be the people speaking, it would be white, white people speaking on behalf of Seminoles. Right. If, if a Seminole wants to come up to me and say something to me,

I will definitely of apologize, whatever, but a fucking white woman's upset by it. I'm, can't really. Yeah. Can't really. How did they, how did the original Rolling Stone article come to, to fruition? Did they hit you up or they named Florida, say like the best party school, right? And then they wanted to find the hardest part here. So they, so they want, so that the Princeton Review does this, finds the number one party school every year, right? They named Florida State and then a bunch of like places started trying to find kids to write about and they did do a couple kids and, and they were all shitty. They were all really shitty, right? But they didn't use their last name. So it was like my buddy Derek Minner was in one and he was like,

they trashed me. I didn't know anything about this. I'm always oblivious to anything and Rolling Stone called and one day and they were, they were like, they'd called five different heads of organizations and said, can we hang out with one dude? Who would it be? I had partied with every single one of those guys the night before and they thought it was me pranking them. So they were like, they were like, oh, it's Bert. It's Bert. So then he called me, Eric Pogue gave him my number. He called me and I was in the middle of a bong hit. We were about to play disc golf and he was like, he was like, he pitches this thing. My name is Eric Hedegard. I want to do a story about Florida State. I'm looking for a chaperone. So I'm going to take me around. So I'm going to know a lot about

the school, not just one area. I mean, would you be available for a week in November? And I exhaled my bong hit and I was like, yeah. And he goes, I'm sorry, are you doing a bong hit? And I took another bong hit and I was like, yep. And he was like, you'll be perfect. So he stayed with me for a week. But what's crazy is like, now I think we all have an idea of what media is a little bit. He was like, I just, I want to stay with you. And I just did not shut up. I did not shut up. I was an open book. I told him everything. I did everything. I brought him to class with me. He spent the night at my girlfriend's house. If we went out and day drank, he came with us. And I did everything with this guy. And at the end, I just was like, I hope he mentioned my name in the article.

And so they go up and they write the article about Florida state. And then Yann Werner, whatever his name is, reads it. And it's like, amen, I just want to know more about this kid. He seems like it really like, I took a shit on a pizza box to win an election. Like I, I, I fucking, I was, I was, I was a wild kid, obviously. So then they changed it and they don't tell me. And so the day it comes out, April 1st, it comes out April 1st, FedEx knocks on my door, my dad calls and he goes, what the fuck did you do? And I go, what do you mean? And he goes, I have news crews camped out in front of my fucking house. Did you kill someone? And the weekend before I'd been TPC and I had gotten pretty fucked up in St. Augustine at the TPC. So I was like,

fuck, I don't know. He gives me the fucking FedEx knocks on the door. I open it. I'm in boxers. I just woke up. I open it and I see the wrong stone magazine and it was back on the cover. I thought it was me. I was like, I look amazing. But it's like the number one party animal something about that. And I open and like the centerfold and it's me in the fountain shirtless with a keg. And I was like, Hey, dad, I got to call you back. I think I'm in Rolling Stone. And I read the article and I mean, like, I remember, you know, I'm an emotional guy. I'm not going to hide from that. But I cried when I read the fucking opening stupid thing of it's taken Burt Kreischer six and a half years to become the man he is, the number one partier at the

number one party school in the nation. I was like, Oh, someone find the understanding of all my hard work. I hope this turns into a career. It was like, it was it changed my life. It changed my life over fucking night. I mean, dude, it was like fame. And it was so that was when fame was like, you could not get fame. Right. Anybody come up to you and be like, Hey, man, I saw that you were ranked number one partier at the school. My buddy parties way harder than you and like introduce it and try to like get his friend to show you how much harder they party than you. The offensive line of the Fleur State Seminoles was at Yanis one night. And they're like, and I walked in and they're fucking all there and they're like, Hey, we got to see it for real. And I was

like, what? And they're like, line them up. Come on, frat boy. And so I sat with these dudes who were all younger than me, by the way, I was like, fucking 25. They're fucking in their 20s, 19 years old. So I fucking murdered these dudes. I mean, I'm a fucking grown up at the time. I should have been teaching their classes. And we just started putting back shots. And I was like, and the other thing is like, for whatever reason, like, I don't show up places drunk. So whenever someone wants to like challenge me to a drinking off, it's always like, I'm, I've never had anything to drink. There was this girl one time at Indianapolis, who was like, I would use this thing where if you went up, that if you went to the bar and you were topless, you got a half off all your drinks.

So I'll show you the pictures. But man, these, when I did clubs, we go to the bar and everyone would be topless, girls, guys, everyone's topless and everyone's drinking because it's half off. And this girl was beautiful. I come upstairs, she's topless. And she's like, she's like, I'm going to out drink the machine. I was like, bitch, I haven't started drinking yet. I wouldn't do that. It just started snowing. She's topless with a tremendous rack, right? Tremendous. And she goes, I'm going to drink you out of the table. And this back when I thought fireball didn't count as a shot. So I go, line them up. So we get nine shots of fireball. And I just go, goose, goose, goose, goose, goose, goose. And I'm like, all right, catch up with me. Next thing you know, she's getting

carried out of the bar, still topless. And I run down and they're getting ready to put her in a car. It's snowing. And I go, they got like a jacket on top of her. And I go, Hey, are you okay? And she was like, I couldn't do it. And I said, you know why? She goes, why? I said, because I'm the fucking machine. Don't ever challenge me. Put her in the car, get out of the fuck out of here. I'll show you a picture of her. She's fucking out of shit. Oh, man, that would that would challenge somebody to drinking contest or never sober when they do it. Yeah, they see you and they're like, okay, I'm a little bit drunk. I can do this. I can take this guy on. But if it was, maybe you could have been beat if somebody was like sober and came to the agreement with you

ahead of time and scheduled it. Yeah, well, it's also they're never going to count. They're never going to understand the place I get I've gotten to and I can get to where I can't catch the buzz back. And I'm just drinking to see if I can catch the buzz again. And you're just going like, like on an airplane going like, do you have anything stronger than fucking Heineken? Like, I just want to fucking restart the buzz. And I still got fucking 13 hours till we get to London. You know, so, so yeah, I don't buy right now. I'm just trying to make sure I can live forever. Yeah, I would just ever pickle yourself. Yeah, yeah. Like I just right now my my maintenance is live a lifestyle so that you can party because I love, I love, I love the feeling when everyone's

like, you guys want to be like, I love that. Just that energy. Yeah, it's like a first kiss. Yeah, it's like, and I don't get first kisses. I'm married and I'm faithful, right? So like, I don't get first kisses. But I take that back. I was in a movie and I got to kiss my wife on the movie. It was different. But I like that keeping yourself in shape to so that you can keep parting forever. Yeah, it's like, like, look at the fucking competitive eaters. Yo, Yobayashi, Kobayashi, whatever. Yeah, and Joey. Yeah, they're not like, and then you go, oh, you just do this to get down. Yeah, I wish I could get into weed more. I'm not, I can only take a couple hits of weed and then I'm, yeah, it's, we're actually just talking to Jimmy about this. Weeds too good.

We got too good. You got way too good. We need to bring back bad weed. Yeah, I got Jimmy buzzed. I got Jimmy fucked up a bunch and I got Jimmy fucked up a bunch. Did he show you the video? No. No. We go to this fucking bar. We go to this bar. And you know, Jimmy's, Jimmy Taylor, who we're talking about, Jimmy is a quiet guy in real life. He's a very quiet guy. He's a very shy guy. He's not like this, what you think of his character of being. And so he's pretty subdued. And so we get this access to this. It's, I don't even know, it's like a, it's like a fucking vaudeville where the girls take their clothes off and dance and people come out and characters and, and like all of a sudden the Joker will come out and we get this

private booth and it's everyone in the movie and they start bringing us fireworks and champagne. And I'm kind of having a good time, but I look over at Jimmy and he is ear to ear smiling and he's going, this is the best night of my life. And it's, I'll send you guys the video and it is so because he's just going like this and they're, everyone's like throwing money out. They got, they give you fake money to throw at everyone and this fucking guy's dressed like the Joker and he comes into our thing and sneaks on the catwalk and jumps off and Jimmy's just ear to ear, I fucking love Serbia. Yeah. Yeah. We, I fucking party with that guy a bunch. Yes. All right. You got to run. I know you got another interview. It's been incredible. By the way, I love to have, we love

to have you back anytime. Please let me tell you something. I've been a fucking fans of you guys for a very long time. And it's, and it's, and it, I take it as an honor to be offered to be on this show. So thank you very much. We're going to have Tom on too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tom's the one. Tom's the one you talk to forever. Yes. I'm the fucking lunatic. Tom's the good interview. Yeah. Anytime you want. You're back. Awesome. Thank you guys. Thanks man. Bert Kresscher was brought to you by bird dogs. Shorts are back. What good timing bird dogs are back. I'm wearing my bird dogs today. Not only do they have shorts, but they've also got joggers. They're awesome pants. Bird dog makes quality, quality clothes. They're my favorite shorts in

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bird dogs, Patagonia style beanie. Okay. We're going to wrap up the show with a little Monday reading story time and it is brought to you by our friends at Roback. I have a Roback question for you, Hank. Take, put in promo code take at roback.com, R-H-O-B-A-C-K. Best golf gear around. They really is. It's, I love the shirts. 20% off your first purchase. It's a little tip for anyone out there. If you are a guy who needs a little bit of fabric to cover up some things that are going on in your body, Roback is great for it. It's got like, they're super comfortable. They're not restricting. It's the perfect shirt. So go to R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. Use code take for 20% off your first purchase. Also, Roback was created by an AWL, Sam Hubbard's cousin who I met in LA.

Great dude. So support someone who supports us with roback.com. Use code take for 20% off your first purchase. I want to say that the sweatshirts are probably the official line of clothing for assistant coaches in the NFL. Yeah. He's at the Combine and PMT. But at the Combine and Indy, we were wearing our Roback. We were walking around at the bars and restaurants that we were going out to. All the assistant coaches in the NFL just wearing Roback gear everywhere. Yes. It's true. Hank, you have a Monday reading for us. I do have a Monday reading. We took this actually from within. This is from the part of my take DM account. It's from part of my take. Not sure who sent these, but they are sent to the liver king, whoever that is. Maybe we can get

some context. First message. Hey, liver king, any interest in doing social clabs while you're in New York? That was not answered. And then it was followed up with, would love to have you come to the Barclays office, maybe even for an interview. We are the largest sports podcast and would love to host you at Barclays HQ. No, no answer. That was Tuesday at four o'clock than Tuesday at six o'clock. He replied to a liver king story who was in New York and said, that is right by the Barclays office. No answer. Then on Wednesday, he replied to another liver king story and said, liver king, would you like to come to the Barclays HQ today? It would be great for you to promote your supplements and do collabs with Barclays sports. So that was from the Instagram

and then on TikTok. If you clicked into any liver king's videos, here are some of the comments from all the tick docs he's posting. This is like Jerry and TJ Y. I love this. Liver king, would you like to stop by the Barclays office? You're scared of Billy football. Oh, you went with that. I like that. I think means was trying to help him out by maybe switching up the I like that. By getting aggressive. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry, whoever that was that happened to be sending the previous DMs. Could have been any of them. Was really, really give him the wet suck on that one. Yeah, this was a comment. You got to neg him a little bit. This might have been Jake with all the exclamation points. It said liver king offer still stands exclamation point. Come to

the Barclays office exclamation point. I love the hustle. Yeah. Yeah. So that was more like, you know, maybe Monday reading, we got to figure out within who, you know, who did this or like where this was coming from because usually we're kind of on the same page. We're trying to book guess. So it seems like someone might have went rogue. Well, I told Billy to before I wanted him to save his liver king story. So this is a perfect time. You did tell us the whole background for people. Yeah. Okay. So liver king is a guy who lives on the liver ranch somewhere in Texas, I think, but he he's an ode to his where does he come? How do people know him? Tiktok? He's a Tiktok guy, Instagram guy, super jacked. He's on fit talk. He looks kind of like he looks like

a mix between Dallas Braden and Julian Edelman. Right. Exactly. He's got with a big beard, jacked and basically his whole philosophy is he preaches sort of primal, early human living and that we need to revert back and eliminate some of the stuff from the modern world that is making us weaker and not as we should be in the eyes of our early ancestors. Like medicines. Yes. And fully cooked meat. Yes. Yes. Paleo on steroids. Yeah. But yeah, literally. He's paleo on steroids and also steroids. Yes. Yes. But basically, I saw he was in New York City and you know, I've been working on the part of my take Tiktok. Go follow the part of my take Tiktok. If you can, I give some views and that'd be much appreciated. They can tell them. Yeah. Go follow. Yeah. Follow it on Tiktok.

Offer still stands to follow part of my take on Tiktok. Yes. Please do that. So I was sort of left to roost in New York and I was sort of looking for stuff to do. So I saw roosting. I was roosting. You're sitting on all the other roosting. Okay. Yeah. So he was in New York City and he preaches about simulating hunts. So liver king likes to simulate hunts and he simulates successful and unsuccessful hunts. Basically, he works out and he either eats after it if it's a successful hunt or he doesn't and does like a prolonged fasting period if he doesn't have a successful hunt. So he's invented working out and then eating a meal. Yes. Got it. Exactly. Deconstructed. Exactly. And he has a bunch of other, he has nine primal tenants, which hopefully,

if liver king does come on the show, he'll tell us more about. He's interested. Yeah. Can you see it? Can you give us a couple? Oh, one of them is basically you can't sleep with any Wi-Fi or electricity in your room because it messes up your sleep waves. You have to sleep in total darkness and simulate the sun going down. A lot of weird stuff. Sounds like a trip chamber. Yeah. I like that. And a lot of it is based off of eating nose to tail. Basically, a lot of animal organ meat. Okay. And he makes his, I saw a couple of clips. He like makes his kids eat this shit too. Yeah. He preaches working out. So basically, I decided to do a simulated hunt of the simulated hunter. Right. Liver king. So liver king's in the city. Spounce around looking for him. He'd post somewhere

and then he'd leave and it was sort of a little cat and mouse game through. So I had some time on my hand. So I simulated hunted liver king. So I finally caught up to liver king on Friday. It was about four days of a simulated hunt. I did a simulated fast as if I was hunting the whole time. Wait, wait, wait. It was a simulated fast. Well, just pretended to not exactly. Okay. I simulate fast all the time. Just as like the early ancestors wanted. So I finally found liver king. He was sort of having a gathering for a push-up context. As one does. You ever could have a, but basically it was really kind of, you know, I think it's really funny. Like, but there was guys who showed up at this push-up contest who were hardcore liver king

following all the ancestral primal non-tenants. So you're, so that not you. Yes. So you're not, you're not even close to like a top 10% liver king fan. No, I'm like, there are people farther into liver king. It was kind of like a normie fan of him. You're not like an OG. Yeah. I'm just three of his albums. Yeah. Right. You just know his hits. So I show up there just like to talk to the liver king, you know, try to, basically I want to do TikTok collabs with him, you know, build the TikTok. It would have been great for both of our socials. But then it basically was like he got mobbed. There was serious primals as he calls them all around them. And they're all doing push-up. What are serious primals? Well, he calls his followers primals. Yeah. That's

smart. That's really, we should have done that instead of AWL. That's pretty cool. All the primals out there. It's a primals liver king here. So wait, is he the liver king? He's not called the liver king because he has like a really giant liver or anything. No, because liver is king. Basically, he believes that liver is, you know, organ meat is something that we don't consume in our regular day life. And it's going to make you jack. I only worship one liver king. That's John Dailey. Now and forever. So wait, so, so he was doing a push-up contest. Yeah. And he invited you to participate in it, right? He was like, if anyone can do 100 push-ups, I'll give you 100 bucks. And Billy was like, you know what, I'm going to show out for liver king, and I'll impress him

with how strong I am. So come on the show. So then you got up there and you did 100. I didn't do 100 push-ups. So Billy's over three on challenge. No, I did chest day the day before. I got 75, took a rest. I hated when that happened. I did, I did a rest. But you knew liver king was in town. I didn't know he'd have a push-up contest on Friday. What did you think was going to happen with liver king? Like, it happened, you know, chest day was on Thursday, Friday. Can't change chest day. Can't change chest day. You know, I just hope Billy never wins a contest. I have one question about liver king. I saw some pictures, kind of a short two. Well, you see, he didn't go through the agricultural revolution. So he was, he's still the size of the early ancestors. So he's tall for

his era. Got it. You need to do PFT. I'm from a different era. You didn't go through the agricultural revolution. Yeah. Wait, how tall is he? Is he shorter than me? He looks short. Honestly, it's kind of crazy. His, there's like almost like a Christ allegory. It's like he is the body. He's the embodiment of the early ancestors on earth. And he gives sacrament as pieces of liver. So after everyone did the push ups, which was like prayer, he started giving out liver, like for everyone to eat. I was like, did you eat some? Yeah, I did eat some. So it was 26 degrees when this all happened. So the liver was frozen at this point. And also our hands had just gotten off the floor of Times Square.

And we were all just bare handed eating liver. Probably definitely built up the immune system doing that. Yep. But if he's from a different time, wouldn't he die from being around other people? Well, I, you know, that's a good question. No, because, because his, his immune system is kicked into high gear by living as our ancestors did. Exactly. So I think he's healthier to begin with. Yeah. So we're probably work for Native America. We're probably going to die being around him. Yeah. Yeah. Did you get to speak to him? Yes, I spoke to him. Did he speak English? He did speak English. I would imagine he speaks some kind of liver language that we can't understand. There was a lot of grunting, but he was a pretty cool dude. I talked to some of his people and

he's going to be doing a podcast or soon. So hopefully, of course he is. So how is that? Now, liver King's got a media agent. That doesn't seem very and security guards. Well, the big, the big plot hole in all this is liver King lives as our ancestors did tens of thousands of years ago on Tik Tok. By mastering the algorithms as our ancestors did. It's got the same agent as Jimmy Fallon. Yeah. But yeah, we should get him on the show. I'd love to interview liver King. Yeah. The guy is fascinating to me. He's an interesting guy. The fact that he lives that kind of lifestyle. You know, it's very, it's just interesting. Now, Billy, when you were DMing him, did you stop to think for just like a second? And like, maybe I should stop DMing this guy after the fifth

time he didn't respond to me. Well, you know, he probably doesn't check his phone a lot. I listen, I think that's, that's great hustle. If it's, if it's a passion, like obviously you can't do it to everyone. Right. But liver King, I'm going to make an exception. I think that's, you know, you're allowed to harass liver King in the DMs. All right. So Johnny Davis is actually really hurt. I don't know what happened to him. This is bad Jake. Have you found anything Jake? No, I've been looking. I haven't seen anything. I just don't want to misreport. No, he's very, very hurt. This is all brutal on his own power. Billy, you know, you're on one of liver King's tiktoks. Yeah, no, you're in the background. And these are all the primals that came out to see

those the primals. Yeah, I stopped. I saw some primal men. Yeah. Well, it kind of looks like prison honestly. No, but this is what happened. They were doing the $100. They, he started getting $100 saying when you can do 100 pushups, then all these guys started coming out of the woodwork. He's like, I can do 100 pushups. And they just like non primals were doing 100 pushups for $100. The best part is that lower body and very vague. The best part is when the pushup contest starts, Billy is just like looking around at all the bros trying to go faster than everybody. You like turn into like a little contest to see if you could outwork. I love it, Billy. I gotta get a pump. There was there was a lot of primals. They these guys probably did chest day the day

before too, but they're still going. I know once I saw all these dudes started to take their shirts off. And I was like, okay, you know what? This I'm going to keep my shirt on. It's getting a little too primal. Yeah, Billy. Billy would hate that hanging out with a bunch of shirtless bros. All right. Well, good job, Billy. I love it. Hopefully we get liver king on. Would you say he's your top of your list of guess you want? He's up there. He was attainable. He came to the city. Right. Well, clearly not that attainable. Well, he had to hop on the plant. He like was leaving right after that. That's what they all say. Let me guess he just had a flight like an hour from now. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a thing. I mean, it's pretty easy. I saw him walking around Brooklyn

yesterday. Yesterday? I'm just kidding. I'm broken your heart. I got lied to. Why liver king? Liver king shouldn't take planes, by the way. No, he's that's illegal. That should be illegal. Like grab a bird. Yeah, that should absolutely be illegal. Liver king. No planes. Running in the tunnel. You can see him running in the tunnel. There's a video on the broadcast or someone videoed him running in the tunnel. I don't know what that means. All right. Well, I guess we'll find it. We'll have more. We'll have more on Wednesday, but this is this could have Dr. PFT is diagnosed with as a facial slash head slash neck. Okay. This would be just like I was having such a great college basketball week and then just can never have nice things. And just a quick

shout out to everyone was like, I can't wait to Wisconsin loses in the tournament. Yeah, they will. I don't care. You can fucking dance. You're not 67. You'll have my you'll have your fucking you'll have your your party. I did my grave. I did put a future on Wisconsin. There we go. In solidarity. Got a future in Wisconsin. Have one too. Yeah. Future on Duke in solidarity with Hank. Hungry dog. But yeah. And Kansas and there was one other that I got talked in Arkansas, Auburn, Arkansas, must bus almost came back and won that game. Auburn, Wisconsin and Duke. Okay. Those are my teams. This is March, baby. Great fucking time of the year. We got some good interviews coming up with some coaches, players, all kinds of stuff for March. Analysts. What?

Analysts. Analysts. Yeah. Titus isn't really an analyst. No, he's not. Right. But someone else is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Again, Titus is not our, our eight Lister. No, I want to make sure that's clear. Because people are like getting excited. He's an A-lister in my book. He's an A-lister. Yeah. It's like. It's a very long book. It's hard to put him on the Mount Rushmore guests and then not call him an A-lister. Well, he's, you know, yeah. Sure. I'm just kidding. I fucking love him. He is an A-lister. He's number one in, in, in, he's, he's number, what, what, what number did he wear? I don't know. Did he, I don't think he ever took his jacket off. Yeah, that's true. He's number zero in your playbook, in your program, number one in your heart.

That's Mark Titus. 34. 34. I'm very excited for, for when Mark Titus. Yeah. I think you wore that for Shaq. Give me a 51. Shaq, 50 years old. I'll take a 34 for Mark. Another weird thing that Darren Revello's. Shaq's student ID. 25. That was his freshman student ID. Revello hit the trash so hard last night. Oh, yeah. What do you do? Tell me, tell me. He said, he said the, the Lakers right now are the seventh seed and they're what, 42 and 30? Yeah. He said someone just placed like $50,000 bet on the Lakers to win the championship. They're currently 42 and 31. Which is not true. Not true at all. Yeah. Well, what happened was he googled what the Lakers record was. And at this time last year, I think they were like 42. Oh, that's

awesome. Or maybe that was their total. I just wonder how you can type like, how it like. Yeah, how can you do that? How do you, how do you even like remotely follow sports and think the Lakers are 10 games over 500. Right. All right. 22, 34, 51, 25. Oh, crap. What are you doing with that shot? 76. New number. New number and also not good after we talked about the Eastern Conference, Hank. Love you. So Corgis, the Corgis have a dominant gene that makes their legs short. So if you look up Corgis mixes, they all have tiny legs like Corgis. Love you guys. Talking away, I don't know what I'm to say I'd say anyway. Today is a day to find you.

Shining away. Oh, I'll be coming for your love. Okay. Shining away. Oh, I'll be coming for your love. Needless to say, I'm on to saying it, but I'm being stoned a little way. So I learn that life is okay. Say after me. It's no better to be safe than sorry. Say after me. It's no better to be safe than sorry. Take me on. All the things that you say is in life. You're all I think about that you remember. Shining away. I'll be coming for you anyway. Shining away. Shining away.

I'll be coming for you anyway. Take on me. Take me on. I'll be gone in a day. In a day. It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports.