Pardon My Take - Coach Bruce Arians, Blake Bortles And Our New Rap Single "Drink Paint"

Episode Date: May 23, 2018

Grit Week is live from Jacksonville. The Rockets passed the MANalytics test with a huge Game 4 win (2:27 - 8:12). Lebron is all up in the Celtics ass and PFT is officially worried about the Caps (8:12 - 16:23). Hot Seat/Cool Throne (16:23 - 31:05). Coach Bruce Arians joins the show to talk about his life in Football, the time he drank paint as a kid (twice), coaching Peyton Manning, Big Ben, and Andrew Luck, and why doing it his way ultimately paid off (31:05 - 58:24). Segments include the debut of the new hit single "Drink Paint" shout out Sonny Digital for the beat. PR 101 for Brandi Chastain's terrible plaque and Guys on Chicks with Blake Bortles. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's Pardon My Take, we are in the middle of grit week. We are coming live from Jacksonville, Florida as we make our way through the dirty south. We have Coach Bruce Arians on the show. We actually went to his house in Georgia, shared a beer with him, and had a nice time in his living room, really fun conversation, and a little extra bonus, one of our favorite

recurring guests, maybe our favorite recurring guest, Blake Bortles. We're live from his house, and we do a Guys on Chicks with him. He's top two recurring Blake's. Yes, easily, until we get Steve Blake on. Oh yeah, Steve Blake is a huge help. Yeah, he's going to be a big time. Steve Blake, NBA champion Steve Blake. Oh my God.

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It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports. Welcome to part of my take presented by SeatGeek. Today is Wednesday, May 23rd, and the Rockets are not dead. No. They looked to be totally dead after the first like seven or eight minutes. Oh, man. And then James Harden, it was like James Harden got stronger as the game went on, like a reverse Benjamin Button.

Yes. Which would make him just a real person. Yeah, just a regular guy. Regular human being. Yeah. But yeah, he got undrugged as the first quarter wound down and woke up and I think jamming the ball in Draymond Green's face. Through him.

It was like. Through him. It was like taking a big hit of meth for him. I've never been so wrong in in game than I was in this game because now this game was wild because if you saw the quarters, it was each quarter was like crazy swings. The Rockets won the second quarter 34-18. The third quarter was Warriors 34-17 and then the Warriors scored 12 points in the fourth quarter.

I still don't understand how that's that happened. And I actually have something I want to throw out to you, but James Harden, first of all, three that he basically just sat there and was like, no, I don't want to take this three. That was nuts. I thought that was the end of his career. That was nuts. I thought that was like James Harden. If you don't take this open three when you are not covered for five seconds in a playoff

in a must win playoff game, you just should stop playing basketball. And then he dunked through Draymond Green and through me and all the haters that have been accusing him of doing designer drugs. And the Rockets have passed a analytics test test one when a playoff game on the road. Yes. A big playoff. And I have to give them a shitload of credit because I did not think they had that in them. I still think the Warriors are going to win the series, but it's not because of a lack

of analytics. My favorite part of the game was when that foul got committed, 0.5 seconds left and the Rockets tried to run to the locker room because everybody knows you get to the locker room, you can't make a man leave the locker room, it's a safe space for dudes and you can't make them come back out. Unless it's for an extra point that could somehow screw up the spread, then you have to make them come back out and everyone freaks out in America. And then the Rockets tried to give it away.

They missed the front end and then they made the second one inexplicably. You've got to for once in your life, Chris Paul, just like, step at it. You wanted those points. You wanted that one extra point. That game would have been over. Yes. But he had to go and make the second free throw. So here's my theory.

I think this is one of those situations where the hot take sports media culture and reality have like somehow kind of blend together and there's a little bit of truth in the middle. I do think the Warriors have a who's man's problem. They do. Well, because Kevin Durant, it's Clay's team now, it's, well, it was Clay's, it was Steph, you know, that third quarter was Steph just going, Steph was not injured in the third quarter tonight. He was injured in a couple other quarters.

But Kevin Durant not taking the last shot, like that's why you're there. When you need two points, Kevin Durant is basically, I think Kevin Durant is the one guy I would want to take a shot when your team needs two points, just two points to put it into overtime. And he passed to Clay and I think we officially have a who's man's. It's Clay's team now. It has to be his team. I want to add in that my favorite part about watching Golden State lose is their crowd

watching their crowd lose. Dude, listen, I don't like the crowd shame, but they were silent. They were on their hands, they were sitting on their hands in the last position for the Rockets. You're going bad sports. Yes. They were like, I'm not willing to go there just yet. How do you not go like, because you know, crazy defense, you know, and everyone going

insane for that last Rockets possession. Listen, you're getting, you're diving way too far into the actual events that happened in the game. I'm just strictly talking about them from a perspective of they look like they just left a job at Silicon Valley. Oh, well, yeah. That's yeah. They need an app to find the clitoris.

Yes. They have Ted talks on the way home in their car telling them why actually losing is a good thing. Yes. To convince them. I'm going bad. I might not go bad. You know what I'm doing?

I'm not going bad sports town. I'm going spoiled fan base. Oh, okay. That's a bad spot to be in, but they're spoiled fans. They are spoiled. And they expect to win those games. You know what? These aren't the same fans that came out 10 years ago when the team sucked.

True. True. These are the Kevin Durant fans. They're making the team soft. From the outside in. I do. I made this point while we were watching the game because Kevin Durant went off in the first two games and Steph had his, has had his game three, which was ridiculous and

everyone's like, Steph, unbelievable. I love Steph. He's the best. Kevin Durant. It's got to eat at him a little bit. No matter what he does for the Warriors, it will always be Steph's team in the fan, in the fans eyes. And never going to be loved, Kevin.

Just know that Steph also had one of his all time mouthpiece games today. Oh yeah. I mean, when it gets, when we get later in the playoffs, he just goes, that thing was dangling by a string. It reminded me of sometimes Leroy gets really long drill strings and he'll be walking outside. And if there's like leaves on the ground, his drill strings will like pick up a leaf. It will be dangling. Just dragging it.

Yeah. That's what it looked like with his mouthpiece tonight. That's not a good thing. We have a issue for Hank LeBron's butt fucking him. Whoa. Currently. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He's all up in that ass.

He's all up in that ass. Whoa, whoa, whoa. LeBron is all up in that ass. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hank, are you worried? No. Dude, LeBron somehow has made, I mean, you pointed this out like two weeks ago, PFT, a 44 point game for LeBron is not even, you're like, what?

Okay. I expected LeBron to go off at home and he only dropped 44 points. 44 points. Like, oh, I mean, that's a decent game for LeBron. He has basically made it totally normal to just drop 40 on the reg. And he's all up in that ass, Hank. You got to be a little worried. I mean, the Seldricks are missing their two best players and he's the best player.

Oh, here we go. Here we go. I don't know why. Who would have thought anything less? Is scary Terry and Marcus smart without? Yeah. No. Kari Irving, Gordon Hayward.

Are you going to apologize to me because I told you exactly what was going to happen? I said that the Cavs were easily going to win three and four and you were like, no, no, no, we got this. It was a battle. Yesterday was a battle. Something could have won. They never got it within seven. They missed a lot of shots.

They missed a lot of dunks. Looks like we were a little bit ahead of the curve in asking about Brad Stevens, but our take was correct. He's coaching for his job. I mean, if he loses the series, you got to chalk that up as one of the all time choke jobs, right, Hank? I think the Seldricks are going to win game five and a close one and then they're going to just, that's going to break LeBron and the Cavs and go back to Cleveland.

In game six, just like I said before, I do have a question for you, Hank. Brad Stevens, and I've said he is the best coach in the NBA, but he was putting some weird lineups. Is he is Brad Stevens? Does it count? Do the road games count for Brad Stevens, the genius? Yes. Okay.

Because it's like a different, I mean, it is pretty crazy to sell us a nine to know at home in the playoffs and one in six on the road. He's a mama. He's a mama's boy. He needs home cooking. Yeah. Does that have anything to do with their best players being like under 24 years old? Like sleep at night?

Yeah, probably a little bit. That's probably a good fair point. All right. Before we get to a little grit week talk, I have the C-keek question of the day. Put in promo code GRIT and get $20 off and we're going to use the C-keek. We're going to use the C-keek app for game seven in Tampa Bay. We might meet up with some AWLs, if we have time, we'll tweet out where we're going to be, but that leads me to my C-keek question, PFT.

Are you worried? I'm going to answer this truthfully. Okay. I am worried. Really? I am very worried and the reason why is I saw this coming a while away. I knew the Caps were going to lose game five. I knew they were going to win game six just so that they could lose game seven in my face.

Let's face it. It's going to be in your face. It's my destiny to witness this with my own two eyeballs, ultimate disappointment, because I think if we get to the Stanley Cup, if we lose the Stanley Cup finals, not like not heartbroken at the end of the day, but now we're so close that I, it's going to break my heart. I'm already having a heart attack thinking about walking into that arena. Should we, we were driving through Georgia today talking about what our plan for what

game we're going to go to in Vegas. So yeah, you know, you're like, I don't really want to go to game two. I think we should go to game five. Game seven will be pretty fun. For the sake of our audience, I was doing it for the award-winning listeners out there. I'm trying to plan in advance for enough where we can make the appropriate arrangements to not miss a show, not to have to do a Skype show. So credit to me for thinking about them.

Every bone in my body says don't count your chickens before they hatch. So I'll answer, I'll carry the torch for the not worried Caps fans in the group. So I am officially not worried that you're doxxing yourself right now as being not a real Caps fan. I told you ultimately I haven't been worried once this entire playoffs for the Caps because I don't actually care. So it doesn't really mean anything. So to be worried would be really stupid of me.

So I am not worried. As a Caps fan, I'm not worried. I've had a couple of bad weeks. I'm kind of banking on this. You've already cashed that ticket, Hank. Yeah. I'm a little worried. I'm pretty worried.

Hank is like, I already spent that money that we haven't won from the Caps winning the Stanley Cup. All right, I'm not worried. So we're going. To be in the building for game seven, third leg, Greg, I know you're listening to this. You fucking bitch. What do they call it? The Tampa Barney Center or something?

That's so stupid. Yeah. Hey, name your stadium after a bank like a real team. Yeah. It's called Ben Franklin, the house that Ben Franklin built. Oh, I like that, Hank. That's good. Why?

Because it's electric. No, the key. The light. The key. Yeah, the key. The bottle. Or the key. Ben Franklin tried to.

Yeah, right. Tampa Bay, maybe more millennials will move there if you spelled it B-A-E. Nobody spells it B-A-Y anymore. Yeah. Or B-B-E. I know all your residents are dying wrestlers, so you're going to need to refill with some millennials soon. Or B-E-Y, B-E-Y, and have it be Cocho's town.

Tampa Bay Bay. Bay Bay. I'd move there. I'd move there. I'd move there. I miss him. All right. Let's talk about group week.

Speaking of Cocho. Yeah. Speaking of Cocho. So we had a Cocho on Monday. We have Bruce Arians today. We also have the debut of the song of the summer called Drink Paint. And it's going to debut right after the Bruce Arians interview. So Bruce is going to tell you guys about the time that he drank paint when he was good

to get tougher. It inspired us to write the song. We got into the studio in Atlanta, Georgia with Sonny Digital. Shout out Sonny Digital. I didn't know. Hank explained to me who Sonny Digital was. I'm not as cool as I used to be. I used to be pretty fucking cool.

But I guess he's a big shot producer. And he was the man. He was awesome. He was in the studio with us. He gave us this beat that he made. We got in the box with Tyler I.M. Shout out Trill Weathers. And we laid down a track.

Tweet Sonny Digital and tell him how awesome this track is because he made the beat. And if he does that, then I think he will probably collaborate with us. Is that the right thing to say? Collaborate with us. He's going to collaborate with us. No, he's going to fucks with a vision. It was a hell of a mo- like there's every now and then there's a few moments where I'm like, what's going on with my life?

Sitting in an Atlanta rap studio and just like passing blunt after blunt after blunt around was definitely one of those moments. I was like, okay, this is what we're doing now. We're in it. And we walked out of that studio at five o'clock and I just looked at you guys and I was like, I am so fucking high right now. There's no windows in that studio. Also today's going to be a big day for music videos for me personally.

So we've got the grit week rap coming out, drink paint. Look for that. Also the world premiere of the new punk music video is coming out today, Wednesday, around noon. What's it called? It's called My Real Girlfriend. Nice. It's about having a real girlfriend who's totally real and you guys just don't know her because

she lives in Canada. It's coming out at around noon and we have a big announcement that's coming out with it in relation to our debut concert and all that stuff. Okay, so check it out. Shout out to me. I just want to say that that song had pretty close to home except My Real Girlfriend was ever from Canada. She was just from summer camp.

Nice. Well, that's where in this song he meets the girl at summer camp. I don't want to give away too much of it. She just happens to be from Canada. Nice. All right, so check them both out at the Barstool Sports app. We'll also tweet them out. So drink paint is debuting right after the Bruce Arians interview.

Be careful because it is maybe the hottest song. Like it will get stuck in your head forever. It's been stuck in my head for three days straight. And what was funny was we were shooting the music video today in Jacksonville and we were dressed up in painters outfits drinking fake paint out of like fake paint brushes and paint trays. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. People were walking by.

What are you doing? Yeah. Giving it up. It was real paint. It was real paint. So we were drinking paint. Who was that? No, no, just a brain fart.

Okay. We were drinking real paint. Drink paint. It was leaded paint, extra lead on the boardwalk here and then people were just walking by and not really looking at it a second time and they were like, oh, that looks like some pretty delicious paint. Yeah. I got paint when I was a kid.

Yeah. You need any more? I got it in my fridge. I got a guy. I got it. Yeah. Paint. Paint just happens in Jacksonville.

All right. Let's do our hot seat, cool throne. And then we'll get to Bruce Arians. Hot seat, cool throne. Hank, why don't you start? I'm just going to, I'm just going to get out of the way. I'm just going to preemptively put the Patriots on the hot seat so you guys don't do it for me because Brady and Gronk are not going to OTAs even though in the past Brady has talked

about how important OTAs are for the team. But they are working out at the TB12 facility, which is no joke, like 200 yards from where OTAs are happening. So that's, that's even worse, Hank. Yes. No, no, no. That's why he's, that's why it's the hot seat. I don't think it's a big deal.

He knows we're going to go at him. I think it's more just because Gronk's trying to figure out his contract and Brady is traveling. He said he's going to spend his off season with a family. But the media is obviously making a circus about it. They think it's about the relationship and all that bullshit. So I'm just going to preemptively put myself on the hot seat even though I don't think it is a hot seat. Yeah, you sound like you're not worried.

No. Yeah. No. Is Jimmy Garoppolo still locked out of it? Yeah. No. Probably. He's not.

There's probably locks on the door just in case. Yeah. Right? There's a Garoppolo alarm. Hank, that's not good. If a dude who's over 9.5 walks through the door and alarm goes off. Kick him out. Get him out.

Or Gronk 69s him. Yeah. Hank, what else you got? And then my cool throne is the car stick. Yeah. PFT is holding it. Started as an idea on this podcast over two years ago. I think it was like the first or second episode.

And after, I mean, I've literally spent the last 24 months just working with the team of talented developers and builders, going through model after model after model. And finally. Is this the final prototype? We have perfected it. It's taken so long. It's a hockey stick. We've gone through so many prototypes, but the car stick has been made.

It's live. We're going to be selling it. So go to the Barstool Sports Store if you want to own a piece. I mean. It's unbelievable. It's everything. Everything we could have dreamed in more. My question is, what company did we buy these mini hockey sticks off and scrape their logo

off? I don't know. Okay. Because I mean, it's good. We did a good job on that. I like how there's a little hole at the end here for no real reason. No, that's for your rope. That's for your rope.

That's for your rope. You keep it on your keys. That's so long. It's for your leather. You would never. Guess what? You're never going to lose your keys if you buy a car stick. Actually, it's like a supermarket for like their employees so that no one steals the

key. Yeah. For the key for the bathroom? Yeah. Right. Exactly. And then buy it. Buy it.

It's fire. It is fire. It's. You'll never lose anything in between your seat and your center console again. And you probably won't lose that either. Yeah. No, you won't. The fact that Amazon patented fire stick before you got a chance to is a disgrace.

I think any judge would give this to you. Mm-hmm. Another cool throne is Sully. Ooh. Oh, okay. From our favorite movie, Sully, Sully, Sullen Burger, so Centennial Airport, which is Sullen Burger. Oh, that's a hell of a name.

Yeah. So, Centennial Airport, which is one of the busiest general aviation airports in the country, they're hosting their 50th anniversary party and Sully is going to be showing up. Look at that. So, good for Sully. Is that you? Good for Sully, Sullen Burger. Is that you?

Very happy for him. Sully, is that you? It's a great goose with a splash of water. All right. No, that's awesome. Good for the Sullen Burger. Yeah. Okay.

So, my hot seat is fun. Ooh. Fun is on the hot seat this week. The band? No, that's fun, period. Oh, shit. My band. Mine is fun, comma, comma.

Okay. Here comes my explanation, because Roger Goodell is in full-on protective shield mode. He's actually using himself as a human shield over the shield because sports gambling has been legalized, and so he released a statement as he is want to do, and I'm going to read you the statement, and I challenge you to keep your eyes open. Okay. As it was for my predecessors, there is no greater priority for me as commissioner to the National Football League than protecting the integrity of our sport.

Our fans, our players, and our coaches deserve to know we're doing everything possible to ensure no improper influences affect how the game is played on the field the weeks by the weeks rolling by the Supreme Court. There's no effect on the unwavering commitment. Okay. I'm out. Sounds like a weird naked torch. Leagues can protect our content and intellectual property from those who attempt to steal or

misuse it. And then at the end of the day, and please, everyone come to the Super Bowl in Las Vegas in 2022. No, he said law enforcement will have the resources, monitoring, and enforcement tools necessary to protect our fans and penalize bad actors at home and abroad. So Roger Goodell rewrote the Constitution swearing to protect the National Football League from all enemies, domestic, and abroad. And I actually think this is a tactic that Goodell uses.

He does, whenever he releases a statement, he tries to make it so painfully boring that you just, your eyes glaze over after the third word that he says. So it doesn't matter what kind of bullshit he's spewing because you just, you stop caring because it's like listening to Ben Stein and Ferris Bueller. It's a classical lawyer trick, and Roger Goodell's not a lawyer, but he learned it from someone else before. Roger Goodell won ups the lawyers by being so boring when he tells you that he's not a lawyer that you forget that he said it.

Yeah, he once looked at a, what's the test you have to take for LSAT? He looked at an LSAT book. So he's basically a lawyer. Roger Goodell, yeah, so this is my favorite part about the NFL, that they are saying all this shit, they're moving a franchise to Las Vegas. They're gonna have a Super Bowl in Las Vegas. They know that the, basically the NFL is the biggest sport for gambling in the entire world and fantasy football also has like basically kept them alive for, you know, or like the

last 10 years is kind of give them a nice push, but no, we're not doing any of that. None of it. Certainly the NFL will have policies in place to protect the fans. I think players, coaches, training staffs, equipment managers, media members. I think country Joe West just became an NFL referee. He saw that and he just signed up. He's like, oh shit, they're gonna protect me from this random guy that's gonna club my knees because the blue J's hit the over.

Yeah. My cool throne is PFT media feuds. And of course I'm talking about pro football talk and his feud with Mike Silver. So, uh, Floreo gets into it. Yeah. So what happens? He gets dirty.

He does. He got his replies. He just fires off. I love it about him. He got down in the mud today. Floreo called Silver out for being like a mouthpiece of Hugh Jackson, which is really like redundant to say because everyone's a mouthpiece of Hugh Jackson. Hugh Jackson has the loosest lips in America.

He doesn't take a lot to become a confidant of Hugh. But you're actually not a journalist if you don't get a scoop from Hugh Jackson. Exactly. So he said, um, that, uh, that Silver was getting all the scoops from Hugh and just what scoops, by the way, are like the scoop was that the Browns might have been interested in Nick Foles last year. The Browns are getting the Browns are getting hard knocks. Yeah.

Yeah. And Mike said, uh, Floreo said to Silver, this is like Mike and Mike round two. Yeah. Floreo said to Silver, you're basically his agent and everyone knows it. And then Silver comes back over top and says, I'm basically your daddy. You can kiss the ring next time you see me and I'll put you on my knee and teach you about journalism night, son. Mike Silver feels himself a little too much on Twitter.

Just a little too much. He's swaggy, man. He is. He wears the hat. He wears a fedora. He's got the picture of him with Aaron Rodgers doing the face like what just happened where he like still reliving that moment from five years ago. Mike Silver, you feel yourself a little on Twitter, dude.

Yeah. His name also translates to backup singer. True. Mike Silver. That's a fact. That's a direct translation. Yes. My other cool throne is Ernestine.

Okay. Ernestine Baylis. Oh, nice. It's been a while since we've heard from her. Yep. Skip tweeted out after the game as my wife, Ernestine always reminds me there's no such thing as a sure thing. That's wise words from her.

People forget that. Stop me the lie. Yeah. Spot the lie. Spot the lie. Spot the lie. Skip. So Ernestine, you were wise beyond.

I don't know how old you are actually, but you're wise beyond your years. 400 years old. There's no way that anyone's been named Ernestine in the 20th century. Yep. No chance. All right. My hot seats. I got two.

The first is our website, mjvslbrown.net because Get Up is getting really into our territory. They did a six full minutes on who would win a one-on-one game, mjvslbrown. What's the answer? I don't think they got to an answer, but we need to create a video game on mjvslbrown. This is me cashing a check for, writing a check for future us. Oh. A flash video game. Remember like the Java games that you used to go to when you were a kid to just waste

all your time? Yeah. Coffeebreak.com or whatever. Addictinggames.com. Yeah, addictinggames.com. We need to create that. It's just two guys just like running at each other with a little ball bouncing. Yeah, we could do that.

Or we could cash in big time and sell it to EA Sports and they can just license our idea for a video game. Yeah. It's like when they license a TV show or they let, are you okay? Hey. I'm sorry. That sounds like that Brady news is really hitting you hard. No, he's good.

Okay. It's like they license a book for a movie. They license a movie for a video game. Yep. They're just licensing our website. That's the idea. We were the first people to come up with the idea to pit MJ and LeBron head to head. And so all credit must be to us.

We're ready to open. Hank's not okay. My other hot seat is our fantasy teams because the first injury of the year happened. No one cares. Hunter Henry. Yeah. That sucks. That sucks to tear your ACL in May and know that you're out for the whole year.

But it does make me laugh because then people say, oh, wow, I got to change my fantasy projections. Wow. I had May. Yeah. My fantasy, fantasy draft. Oh my God. Cool throne. Two of them.

The first is the bulls because Laurie, our good friend Laurie marketing was named all rookie team. And I got a little. I heard Yanni. What? Yanni mark. Oh, we're still doing that. We're still doing that.

No, it's funny. It's funny until Thursday. Yeah. Get up. Get up. Once get up does it. Yeah. Have they done it yet?

Oh, yeah. I'm sure they cash in on Monday. No way. No way. Mike Greenberg probably came. Yeah. He's never been so stimulated in his life. All right.

So I got this little tidbit here for a friend, Laurie, from our other friend, Sam Schwartzstein. He told me, so Dirk, his rookie year, put up eight, three and one on 41, 21, 77 shooting. Laurie was 15, eight, one on 44, 36, 84. What I'm getting to here, Dirk's peak was 26 points per game. If you do the math, by Laurie's eighth season, he's going to be averaging 50 points a game. Holy shit. Yeah. Pretty good.

That would be like a decent game from LeBron. Yeah. Well, fuck. God damn it. Fuck you. You just ruined my Laurie buzz. All right. My other cool throne is Hollywood.

So tag is a real movie. Yes. Did you guys know that? Yes, I did. It has been running nonstop in during the NBA conference finals. Tag is a real movie. You're it. Wait.

Does that mean that the person that gets touched becomes a clown? I have no idea that. I don't know how this became. You can't do the clown thing. The clowns already freaked me out when they started doing the it like marketing like six months before. Yeah. Like six months before.

I don't want to go back. I haven't seen a good clown in a while. What's up with you, America? No. Don't do that. Do not. Do not. Don't bring the clowns.

Remember when people freaked out so much about clowns that people were calling the cops on clowns just hanging out? Yeah. Yeah. And like Starbucks was like they had to redo their whole policy. Okay. But that was a problem because it was definitely some IT promo, but there was also some like John Wayne Gacy guys going out and being like, well, now it's cool to be a clown.

And now it's okay. Yeah. And that's why that's not cool. Don't fuck with clowns. So it. So tag is a real movie. I don't understand how this became a movie. I don't understand how we aren't like rich movie producers because we could just do like

what about freeze tag? Well, that's the same. That's a sequel. Yeah. What about steel to bacon? What about dodgeball? Wait, backup. Yeah.

That. Okay. Yeah. Like all these could be movies. Dodgeball could never be a movie. No. No, it could. If tag can be a movie, dodgeball can be a movie.

No chance dodgeball could be a movie. So we could just create all these. Kick the can. Yeah. All these, all these stupid games you played as a kid. Like do your homework before. What's steel to bacon? You know, when you run in the middle.

You grab it. Where they name every single. You grab it in the middle. You guys name every activity after eating. You grab it in the middle. The ball's sitting in the middle and you just, everyone runs and tries to grab it. I don't know what it's called. Or dodgeball?

No. I already told you dodgeball could never work. Dodgeball, we go back to dodgeball. It could never work. What about like do your homework before you watch TV? That's a new movie. Okay. Yes.

Like these are all ideas we could do. Listen, I'm actually excited for tag because it's based on true stories. It's fucking so stupid. No, it isn't. Wow, true stories. Oh yeah, it is. Jesus Christ. I forgot it was.

That's the entire premise of the movie to get you to see us like, hey, these losers played tag for like a hundred years. It's like, yeah, it's Christ. It's like the league for people that didn't peak in high school. This is. It's kind of funny. Yeah. The league is funny.

The league is funny. I retract my league. Except for that guy who pretended to be in 9-11. Yeah. That was hilarious. People will forget. All right. Let's get to our interview with Bruce Arians.

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Also don't forget that when you download the app and tweet your Cash Tag to app Pardon My Take, we will reward a lucky award-winning listener with cash every single episode. So download it right now, the Cash App and tweet it at Pardon My Take. All right, here he is, head coach, Bruce Arians. All right, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is the second episode of Grit Week and we are sitting in maybe the grittiest office in America. It is coach Bruce Arians, surrounded by 40-plus years of football.

Thank you for having us, coach. Let's start with grit. How do you define grit? Well, I think it's something every quarterback has to have, especially, and it's the two muscles that are the hardest ones to evaluate, your brain and your heart. If you've got those two things that work for you, you can do them to any sport, but play quarterback for sure. So your career, I think, when we were trying to put together Grit Week, we were like, well,

Bruce Arians is a no-brainer because your career kind of personifies grit in the path you led to become a head football coach in the NFL. So it started at what point, when you were growing up, did you fall in love with football and realize that you wanted to be in football? I knew I wanted to coach. I played every sport when I was growing up, but everybody I looked up to in life was named coach. I didn't realize half of them were somebody's dad that just given up his time, but he was

coach and he was cool. And so I knew I wanted to be a coach. And as I turned towards football and wasn't good enough to go on, I knew I wanted to coach and got a great opportunity at Virginia Tech with Jimmy Sharp right after my senior year and started coaching. You kind of undersold yourself a little bit there because you're actually, or until recently, you were the number one dual threat quarterback in the history of Virginia Tech. So you were better than Mike Vick.

I still have the record for the most rushing touchdowns by a quarterback in a single year. And Logan Thomas, I think he got close to the career, but single season, even Mike couldn't get me. The original dual threat quarterback. I want to back up real quick because Big Cat jumped right in, but I want to make sure that we didn't park in your spot because I know that that's a sensitive subject to you. I saw all or nothing. So we didn't park in your spot outside, did we?

You guys were great. Okay. We got all that covered. Don't let a big time mistake pass. You don't get cut tonight. Yeah. I love it. We were talking about a little bit about your book, The Quarterback Whisper.

You can buy it right now. Go to Amazon. I actually read it. So that's the last book that I read. I read it last summer on the beach. It was nice. You told a little anecdote that got a little press at the time about drinking paint when you were a kid because you thought it made you hard to tackle.

Can you walk me through? Well, you know, I was allergic to milk and my brother would get these big glasses of milk. My older brother and dad would say, Hey, drink that milk, make it big and strong. What? What I got to do? All right. Because he didn't give me any.

So they're painting the kitchen and his big can of white milk and what I mean, white paint. It looked just like milk. I said, turn it up, get my stomach pumped. It wasn't probably three months later, my mom was eating pistachio ice cream and that green paint looked really good. So I did it again. All right. Brains?

No. That lead paint might have got me back. Yeah. Yeah. I think. What did your parents say when they're like, this kid, we got a kid and he just won't stop drinking paint. Give him some damn milk.

Man. I mean, find something that looks like milk. We don't have almond milk and all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Did you think at any point that drinking paint would make you a better football player? Is that part of the reason you did it?

No, I just thought it'd make you big and strong. Yeah. You know, I was two or three years old. I just know my brother was getting it and I wanted it. Yeah. That's what Jim Harbaugh said. Yeah. Exactly.

Jim Harbaugh believes it made him grow up to be 6'3". Yeah. Just because he drank it off milk. And then after you did that, you, you tried to jump off the roof of your house because you believed in yourself enough that you could fly. Is that the story? Yeah. How'd that work out?

Superman was like, we had black and white TV back in the day. You know, Superman was big and he was like my hero. So I got my red cape. I got a red towel out of the closet, tied it on, got out on the roof, jumped off. And my dad was working in the garage across highway 11 in West Virginia, which is dangerous highway. And one of his men said, Bert, I think your kid's jumping off the roof and he took off across the highway running.

And I mean, I didn't no longer hit the ground and he's there. You okay? Yeah. I can't fly. How old are you? Five. Geez. The paint, the paint drinking roof jumping kid.

So at what point did you stop being a problem for your parents? Never. Never. Yeah. That, that lasted. It probably still, it's probably still a problem. Yeah. If you were growing up today, you would have been on like, you've been on Ritalin or, uh,

they, while those drugs, I had a, I had a, I had a, I had every letter in the alphabet. Yes. Every letter in the alphabet. Yeah. We wouldn't know coach Ari is today probably. Yeah. Instead, they just had to sit you down and be like, Hey, please stop drinking paint. The worst punishment you could give me.

You could beat me. That was not a problem. Make me put my nose against the wall and stand there. The nuns would do that to me after they beat my knuckles with the ruler. That was like, okay, hit me again. Put your nose against that wall and it just, you would go nuts, standing still. Solitary confinement. It was awful.

It's the worst. Yeah. Um, your coaching career starts, you started Virginia Tech, then you end up with the legend Bear Bryant. Yeah. You, you were just there for his last season, correct? Last two seasons. Last two seasons.

How intimidating was it walking into his office and, you know, being in the shadow of a guy like that? It was amazing because, you know, when I went in for the interview, the guy said, you'll be, it may be 10 minutes, 10 with coach and that's, I was there like an hour and a half and we just hit it off. And, uh, funny because I had this big mustache, all right. And at Alabama at that time, no, it was at the Yankees. No one had facial hair.

I would have fit in real well. And, uh, so I, you know, I, I, I get, I'm lucky, I get to the job and I'm probably there four or five days and the guy's like, man, it's, it's coach going to change. And all of a sudden he came down the hall and we don't have facial hair. So you're mind-saving. I said, I'll get it tonight, coach. You bet. I shaved it off.

My kids were still in, in, in Starkville cause they drive over my son's like three and I'm sitting on the steps. So he goes right past me. I said, why are you going? You're not my daddy. Yeah, I am. That mustache was gone. Yeah.

Crushed me. Oh, it crushed me. Yeah. One of my, uh, one of the things I remember from reading the book was how when you, uh, when you started coaching with coach Bryant, you actually went to him because, uh, you had a misunderstanding. I guess he thought that you were going to be a part-time guy. You thought you were going to be full-time and you went to him and you said, I'm not

going to do this part-time job. You either give me a full-time job or I'm out. My question for you is where did you get the balls to say that to coach Bryant? And that was, I mean, that, that's, that's kind of who you are. And, uh, I was hired full-time. That was, I was hired full-time. They had a new change in the NCAA about recruiting and they decided to make me the part-time guy because I was the newest guy on the staff.

And it's like, I ain't, what I just took, I, if that was the job, I'd still be at Mississippi State. And so I basically quit, walked out and thank God my wife was not home. So I'm sitting at home and I'm like, oh shit, what'd you just do? So I called Jimmy Sharp, who was my head coach, who was, it was really coach Bryant's confidant. And I told him what happened. He said, good for you.

Next day, I know I get a call from coach Sharp. He said, go back up to the office. Coach Bryant's going to see you in about 10 minutes. Well, I didn't know I'd got him off the golf course. So he was pissed. It was bad. So he came in, he kind of gave me the hook. Come on.

And, and we go down and, uh, he said, well, now what is all this about? Who the hell likes recruiting? I said, that's part of my job. I mean, that's why you hired me. I'm a good recruiter, but I'm a full-time coach. If, if this part them jobs job job you had offered me, I'd still be at Mississippi State. And if you ain't anything about coach Bryant, he had this sofa that when

you sat in it, you were sitting on the floor and coach was a big man and he had a big desk. So he stood up over that desk and I'm like, oh, shit. And it's like, well, I don't talk about it out of both sides of my mouth. You get your ass in that car and you start recruiting. You're full-time. That's it. Thank you.

And I, I hit it out that day and I didn't come back for about three weeks. Love it. I mean, that's, I mean, that's a great story because it is, like you said, you are who you are standing up to. I mean, a lot of people probably would have just taken the part-time job and shut their mouth. Yeah. And you were like, nope, I'm going to, I'm going to stand up.

That's not the job I took. And, uh, and, and that rapport that I, I trusted him because in that, in that interview, we had, we had gone through a lot of things talking about, and I knew we hit it off that, that I could talk honestly back to him, which a lot of people don't think really thought they could. Right. And, uh, and we, we had battles. He loved testing me and, uh, see if I'd ever give in.

So, uh, when you enter into the NFL and you get a guy like Peyton Manning as a rookie, did you know right away? I mean, you obviously watched him. I actually read a story how you called up Archie and asked him if you could recruit him for Mississippi State and Archie was like, come on, very serious. Like, get out of here, Bruce. But you, you get a coach like, you mean, you get a player like Peyton Manning. Do you know right away that this guy's going to be off the charts, special talent?

Oh gosh. Yeah. I mean, it was the person more than a talent, you know, cause Ryan Leaf was a hell of a talent. And the only thing that came down that decision was the two people and Peyton was safer and Peyton had a will about him that he would never fail. And from the first practice to the last, he was that way. And I never, I never get it.

He said, meet me at the hotel at nine o'clock tonight. This is our first mini cap. I left it three in the morning. So that he knew the script. He knew he could call every play without looking at anything and jump. And the, the veterans didn't know the place. Yeah. This is the first mini cap.

He jumps in and he goes, dice, rice, cat right now. You two X and the guys are like, how's that? How do you know this? You just did the Bruce Sarrion's chipmunk face. And he did it. That was great. That was the famous one, the famous face. And boom, the guys had it.

Man, it was amazing. Even though he couldn't use a can opener. No, no, no, get dressed. So, yeah. So tell that you go over to his house and you know, yeah, it was it was famous, but Ashley and his mom, Olivia, would put pictures of what went together without this ghost with this, where there's shirt with these pants. And that's how my man got dressed.

Oh my God. That's great. That's a young Peyton man. Because he was just football. I mean, he was wired football. That's, I mean, the fact that he couldn't use a can opener when he was, you know, 22 and that's a lot of problems for most of us. Yeah, I guess, I guess a can opener, you got to be taught how to use it, right?

Yeah, I mean, especially the old ones. Yeah, true. So a guy like Peyton Manning, I'm curious, because this kind of came up in the news this year with a kid like Josh Rosen and the story that, you know, he might be too smart for coaching. Was Peyton, was there ever that feeling that Peyton, you know, is ahead of the coaching and, you know, you have to deal with someone who might not listen because he thinks he's always right?

No, because where Wade was brought up, but when Peyton came into the combat and Bill Paulian asked the first question, Peyton had a yellow pad just like you, and he took over the interview. He asked all the questions to the horn blue. Coaches asked no more questions and he walked out and they like, who just got interviewed? That's for him. That's I mean, but that's just took it over.

But nowadays, right? That happens. Oh, I feel like that now gets leaked. And then on Twitter, people are saying so-and-so quarterback doesn't listen to authority and took over the interview. Yeah, man, but you would hope so. Right. You would hope one of those guys will come in and grill you.

And that's actually, to me, that's what I'm looking for. Right. You know, and I miss this year's because we had so many quality quarterbacks in the draft. I really miss this year's combine. Yeah. Yeah. Combine's a good time.

Well, with the, uh, with a group of quarterbacks that came out this year, what's one guy that you would want to coach? Well, you know, there was like six I liked and, and I didn't get a chance to go really like them in that meeting where you go one-on-ones and you get to know them and their family a little bit. And, uh, I mean, but the guy that really intrigued me was Lamar Jackson. I mean, um, I saw you with the leagues heading. I knew Sam Darno.

Well, I think he's a cat miss. I love Baker's grit and his fiery attitude. I thought Josh Rosier was probably the most ready to play and Josh Allen probably had the biggest talent, but Lamar was just one of those guys. Like, wow, him and David Johnson in the same backfield and put some speed outside and how much fun would that be coaching? I remember when, when the Cardinals traded up, everybody thought they were going to take him.

Were you watching the draft this year? Yeah, I was. Were you thinking that he was going to go to Arizona? No, I thought it was going to be Josh Rosier. You probably had a little bit more insight. I think had they stated, had they stated 15, they'd take a little more. Yeah. So you just mentioned that, uh, the way the league's going, what did you mean by

that? Like how, how do you see quarterback play evolving? The college game is starting to get in because that's the players you're dealing with. You're dealing with guys that have never been in huddles, alignment and never been in three point stances. So you have to adjust your coaching style to, to allow these guys to play. If you're going to, if you're going to draft on high, you got, you got to adjust

to them. They can't adjust to you or they're just going to take two or three years. You'll get fired and somebody else will be coaching them. And so you got to adjust the way they play now. And, uh, so, I mean, with Lamar, Bobby Petrina runs a pro offense. So he's been in a pro offense. Now he was also electric in the spread with his legs, but he can throw it and he can read coverage.

And, you know, when you put Larry Fitzgerald and some of the guys they had, JJ Nelson and, and David Johnson in the backfield, I said, well, that'd be a lot of fun. Speaking of that, do you ever get anxiety when you were coaching, uh, if it had been a few plays since you had gone deep? Like you get that. Yeah. Yeah.

There were, and there were times like, no hope, fight it all, fight it all, fight it all. It's not time yet. Don't do it. Don't do it. Cause it's, yeah. I mean, every pass that we had in our offense, there was a deep in it. Right.

It's just match the right coverage and take your shot. You had quarterbacks had carte blanche to take the deep shot anytime. What was the success though for, um, uh, like how many deep shots would you want to see your team have in a given game? At least eight. Yeah. I mean, I love it. If, if I'd call six, we had six on a game plan called home runs.

I'd call all those. How we're just wasteable early, we could have a play that was designed for five or six yards, a ball control pass, but there's a deep threat in the right coverage and Carson knew it. And Carson Palmer is probably the prettiest deep author I've ever seen. So, uh, you get to Pittsburgh. You have another rookie guy come in, Big Ben, who, you know, stays in the pocket, gets big hits, has been injured a bunch.

How many times do you see him have to throw in that walking boot after a game? Oh, way too many, but, but again, he wears the Superman cape and you never want that guy to take that cape off and change the way he plays. And, uh, so, I mean, probably too many, but you never miss the next week. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, I mean, he, he played on an ankle in Baltimore one night. You had no business playing in the game.

So we put him in the, in the shotgun and he beat Baltimore on one leg. I think the injuries bothered him because he's got kids and he wanted to play with his kids. And all of a sudden I couldn't pick one up and that shocks everybody. But the game of football, he's into it so much. And, uh, I think with Randy Feitner as the quarterback coach now and, and coordinator, he'll play five years. Yeah.

He'll have a whole new life to him. So he didn't get along with Todd Haley. I'm guessing you can read it, man. Put it nicely. Yeah. It's pretty easy to read it. He's going to retire and now he's going to play five years. Yeah, exactly.

We read it. We read it. Yeah. So you finally get a crack at a full-time head coaching job. Um, it's something that you had been, you know, preparing for your whole career. What was one thing about, uh, getting that job finally that you weren't ready for it that you didn't know was going to hit you? Uh, really, I, you know, I, I can't say there was anything because we've been

through so many, I've been, you know, six different NFL teams and organizations, general managers and owners and saw how to do it and how not to do it. And, uh, so it was kind of easy. And I was 60 years old and I didn't give a shit. I'm going to do it my way. So it's my last job. So I ain't got nobody to worry about to get another job. So if this ain't working, fire me, but I'm going to do it my way.

See, that's interesting because I think that a lot of times, I mean, you see, obviously a guy like Bill Belichick who has such great success, um, he, you know, he has total control. He knows that if he goes for it on fourth down in a game, he's not going to lose his job over someone like, you know, at the Steelers, how they operate, where they keep their coaches forever. Do you think that having that attitude where it's like, I'm going to be me and not let anyone else dictate?

Cause I feel like a lot of coaches coach out of a position of fear in the NFL. Oh, they do, they do just, just fear to keep my job and how am I going to get another job to feed my family. And when you get in that position where this is it, this is my last one and I had a great owner, Michael Bidwell and Steve Kahn, my general manager, awesome guys, you couldn't ask for better guys to work for. And, and I think it, to me, it added a little agor, a little bit of swagger to our organization that I was going to do it my way.

That's quite smooth. Say what I wanted to say, do it my way. And it kind of rubbed off on the players. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was great. Uh, that, that first season, especially I remember, uh, did you rock the

Kangol in Indy or did you start wearing that in Arizona? Always wore it in the first conferences in Indy and, uh, I've worn it all my life. Uh, even on the streets in my young and, uh, it's a good look. It's a great look. And, uh, in, in York, you had to have a hat when we were young and, uh, big apple or something, you know? And, uh, so yeah. And, uh, so not until Arizona did I wear it on the sideline.

So famous Kangols do, uh, let's do a Mary fuck kill. You Samuel Jackson date Mike from the office. Oh gosh, I'm taking mine. I mean, okay. So Mary yours. And so mine's new era. Yeah. It's an official NFL licensed product sold in stadiums in our stadium anyway.

And so Kangol gets a lot of credit for not wearing, for me not wearing their hat. Yeah. That's true. Okay. So the record has been set. It's not actually, so bleep out the K word. It's down to say, it's down to Samuel Jackson and date Mike from the office. Do you watch the officer?

Oh yeah, a little bit. So which one would you take? I'm taking Samuel. He's got, he's got too many good styles. He's got the swag. He's got, he's got the golf style. He's got the street style, tuxedo style. He got it all.

Yeah. He's big for the Kangol like world. Are you going to keep wearing the Kangol on the booth when you have CBS? Yeah. I love it. I love it. How many, um, motherfuckers do they let you say per game at CBS? No, none.

You can't even break out one? No, that's, that's, that's a problem for me. Is that, are you worried? Yeah, a little bit. You know, when a guy makes a stupid play and he's even more unmothered, fucker, what are you thinking? They got that button. Yes, they did the way.

So, but I've been really practicing on some new words. Yeah. All right. So we have this, uh, uh, branded question, the Lisa question for Great Week. You can go to Lisa and put in the promo code, Great Week, you get $160 off. It's a mattress company. So the question for the Lisa question is, do you dream about football?

I still dream up plays. Okay. Yeah. There'll be times it's funny because I went over to the University of Alabama and played in their golf tournament. And the year I was the offensive coordinator, I was dreaming up plays that last night in a hotel of what I should have called or would have called or did call back then in 1997.

That was crazy. So you're dreaming to play. Who's your quarterback? At that time, it was, uh, John David Phillips or, uh, Andrew Zhao, who was a freshman and, um, What about now? Like you dream if tonight you go to sleep and you dream about a play, who's, who's playing quarterback in Bruce Arian's office?

It all depends on the color of the team. Yeah. It could be Timmy Couch. It could be Kelly Holcomb. You drew that's. So it's not a offense, but that's kind of a sad thing to say. It's a technique color, man. It's all technical.

You can't go black and white. Being a quarterback. Oh, Timmy, Timmy won a lot of games with me, brother. Yeah. So who's the worst quarterback that you dream about running your offense? Me. Well, better than Michael. But yeah, do you have, do you have, uh, nightmares about fullback dives?

Well, never had a fullback. I know that's, I haven't gone to pick with you about that because I think that playing, having a fullback in your offense can teach you a lot about not having high expectations. This is a standoff. Oh yeah. Of course there's no expectations. You're going to give it to a fullback.

Right. You get 2.3 yards per carry and you do that every single down spot, spot the flaw in my office. You punt, you punt every time you have the ball. Wait. So, but you control the clock. The clock don't mean shit. And not as the people that talk about, uh, it's not, it's not, it's production

time. Right. All right. What do you do when you have it? All right. Do you, we want to score a point per minute of possession. Possession time, nothing. You get no points for possession time.

Yeah. Your defense sitting over here. Well, if you ain't scoring, you lose six to nothing or six to three. All right. If you're, if you're scoring a point per minute and you only have it 28 minutes, 20 is hard to beat. Yeah. You are a football guy, but you don't sleep in your office.

You were notorious for, I'm going home at a reasonable hour. Do you think that takes away any of your football guy credit? No, I wouldn't, I would hope not. I mean, my wife and I had date night over Thursday night for 15 years. If you're sleeping in your office, you really have, you either have no offense or no defense because you're stealing somebody else's. You're watching all the film to steal somebody else's place because you ain't got no place.

I like that. That's, I mean, that's a good way to put it. If you got an offense, run your offense. All right. You, it's good enough to change it up to where they don't know what you're going to do this week, but it's the same place. Oh, coach, you see this play those guys ran? Yeah.

That's a good play. Do our guys know the techniques how to block that play? Have we ever practiced those techniques to block that play? We're going to teach them in three reps on Tuesday or Wednesday, how to block that play and what if they change looks? Okay, coach, we got something real close to it. Let's run our shit. All right, just run our shit.

We'll be fine. I like that attitude a lot. It's like, if you spend that much time stealing somebody else's than you're a chump, this, I mean, it's perfect too, because it's from the drinking paint, jumping off a house and pretending you're Superman to the day you get a head coaching job, Bruce Arians basically said, I'm going to do it exactly my way. And eventually it will work out. Hopefully.

But was there ever a moment where you're like, it's never going to work out? Uh, yeah. I mean, there were years when, you know, it's like, we went super, both 43. And you don't, you don't get an interview. You don't even get a call for interview to be a head coach. Like, I guess we're never going to be one. Did you ever think like, maybe I should change my strategy? Maybe don't, maybe don't say motherfucker, like the, in the second line of the interview.

Never, if you, if you don't want me, I don't want you. I love it. I mean, this is, yeah, this is now I want you to coach me because of that. You just negged me into this. Yeah. If you, if you'd never coached down a football, what would you be doing right now? Or what would you have done for the last 40 years? Well, I studied to be a guidance counselor.

And, uh, but I always wanted to coach. I would actually took a junior high coaching job interview. My senior year in college, had I gotten it, I would have quit school. I feel like you would have been an interesting guidance counselor. Just been like, you know what, do whatever you want. Say fuck you to your boss, quit being a bitch and go get what you want. Exactly. Yeah.

That's Bruce Arians guidance counseling. Yeah. That's pretty simple. I love it. My guy told my guys, my door is always open. You're probably not going to like what you want, what you hear when you get in there. But I'm going to tell you the fucking truth. Yeah, it's always open.

That's perfect. Um, there's one other thing I wanted to jump into. So we, we had, uh, coach O from LSU on the show on Monday. And now we've got you, I think you guys have like the two most, uh, football voices of all time for very different reasons. Coach O, he's got that Cajun, that low growl, it's coach O welcome to great week. And you have what I call a non-denominational voice. I'm a Southern frying Yankee.

I was going to ask you how you would describe it. That's perfect. Southern fried Yankee all the way, brother. Okay. I came down from Pennsylvania, went to Virginia Tech, had some grits and some red-eyed gravy. So what the fuck is this? Pretty good.

It's, I mean, you're, you basically, your dialect is football. Oh, that's it. You speak locker room. Yeah. You're fluent in locking. Exactly. Yeah. I'm, I'm eclectic.

Yes. Absolutely. All right. Coach, thank you so much. Thank you for having us over. This was so much fun. Hey, punch that punter for me. Yes.

Absolutely. I'll give them a little sat-down. You know what? That's a deal. I'm going to tell them, I'm going to tell them it was you though. Oh yeah. Okay. He knows.

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This would cost hundreds. If you went to the doctor or pharmacy, go to forhems.com slash PMT. That's F-O-R-H-I-M-S dot com slash P-M-T. That interview was also brought to you by Blue Apron. Blue Apron is the leading meal kit delivery service in the United States. And while many people know what we do, many don't know about the types of meals that you can eat when you cook with Blue Apron. You're not just having burgers for dinner.

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The salmon and spicy orange salsa with quinoa and carrot salad. The white cheddar cheeseburgers with balsamic, glazed onion and roasted potatoes. Creamy pesto cavatelli with mushrooms and spicy bread, the crumbs. It all sounds so delicious and you can get it at Blue Apron. You can check out this week's menu and we're going to give you your first free meals. Excuse me. We're going to give you your first three meals for free at Blue Apron dot com slash pardon. That's Blue Apron dot com slash pardon.

Get your first three meals for free. Blue Apron, a better way to cook. All right, let's get to some segments. But before we do that, we told you we have the debut of the hit of the summer drink paint. Shout out, Sonny Digital. Shout out, Sonny Digital. Here it is. My good friend, Sonny. Oh, yeah. Pardon my take. Taken over for the nine nine and also the two thousand.

Drink paint. That's great. Drink paint. Get lit. Drink paint. That's my shit. Drink paint. That's great.

Sipping out some glossy white. Wash it down. Stomachs tight. Hemia straw. Head feeling light. Chugging primer like a sprite. I eat pieces of grit like you for breakfast. I'm on your head.

Way you down like I'm a necklace. Give you CTE then you forget this. Driving RV free. Driving reckless. Drink paint. That's grit. Drink paint. Get lit.

Drink paint. That's my shit. Drink paint. That's grit. Big cat with a juicy tank. I'm going hard in the motherfucking pain. I'm a dirty boy ain't no sign. Huffed the fumes on till I faint.

Got a pine finish when I stay my deck. Watch it drip right down my neck. Paint, look that paint in my mustache. Paint all in my buck crack. Paint all in my nutstrap. Drink paint. That's grit. Drink paint.

Get lit. Drink paint. That's my shit. Drink paint. That's grit. Co-cho down in the bayou. Co-cho hold that tiger. Co-cho down in the bayou.

Co-cho hold that tiger. That tiger Jeff and Gundy. Let me tell you a little something about that tiger. That tiger seen it all. That tiger's been through it all. And you know how it persevered, Jeff and Gundy. Grit, the niddiest of the gritty was that tiger. He never gave up.

He had the eye of the what? Tiger Jeff and Gundy, Celtics by Five. Woo, jeesh. I'm sweating. It came out hot. And we got the music video dropping at 3 o'clock. Is that trap? Hey, is that trap?

Yeah. All right, the new trap music song of the summer. I mean, it's hot. And we'll put it up on Spotify. So you can listen to it, bang it all the time. Shout out, Tyler. I am. Yes.

And shout out, Roan. And shout out, Roan. And shout out, Sonny Digital. Shout out. Shout out to Atlantic. Shout out to Atlantic Records. Are we Atlantic recording artists? Yes.

Shout out to Atlantic Records recording artists. Who's the rich white dude who owns Atlantic? Imagine Dragons. No, there's someone guy at the top, right? David Geffen. Virgin Islands guy. Oh, that guy? Richard Branson.

Really? Right. I think he owns Branson. You know a fun fact about Richard Branson? He's so, he's so rich he's never shit in the same toilet. He always shits in a totally different new toilet. That's honestly my dream. Yeah.

How fucking cool is that? Man, variety is the spice of life. Yeah, that is. All right, let's do a segment. We have a PR 101 for Brandy Chastain. She had a plaque for her. What was she being put in? She was being inducted into the Bay Area Sports Hall of Fame,

I believe? The illustrious Bay Area Sports Hall of Fame. And it was the worst picture. You just called it a bad sports town, though, really. Yeah, I didn't know. Spoiled sports town. Spoiled sports town. Big difference.

The worst picture or plaque you could ever make of a person. Yeah. It was horrifically ugly. And she's not an ugly person. No. It was worse than the Rinaldo. It was worse than the Tom Brady Courthouse picture. It's funny you bring that up because I think that's

an actual great PR 101 spin zone for her, is if you look at the other three artist renderings that everyone knows suck. It's the Rinaldo statue. It's the Tom Brady painting. And it's the guy that redid the painting of Jesus. They made it look like a muppet. Yes.

So you're a pretty good company there with Jesus, Rinaldo, and Tom Brady. Yes. I agree. Father, Son, Holy Ghost kind of. Also, Brandy Chastain. Now, anyone who is probably older than, I don't know, 30 remembers you in your iconic moment in the World Cup

winning the gold. But I would have to imagine Brandy Chastain's name hasn't been brought up that much recently. If she gets a plaque and it's the most beautiful plaque you ever seen, does anyone talk about her getting inducted into the Bay Area Hall of Fame? No. This is actually, a little tip for everyone out there.

If you ever get inducted into a Hall of Fame, tell them to purposely fuck up your plaque to start. OK, I'm going to take a note real quick. Yeah. And then have it go viral, and then they'll fix it. But everyone talked about you. Well, and also, if you get your plaque really fucked up, everyone's like, you're actually very beautiful.

That's a bad pick. Like, people go out of their way to tell you how attractive you are in real life. Yeah. So it's. Which Rinaldo really needed. Yeah, exactly. I was OK with how bad that statue looked for Rinaldo.

He needed to be taken down. But I'm going to start hanging out. It's if you hung out with two people that kind of looked like you, but were much less attractive. You shoot up like five points. Like, if I was chilling with David Spade and Ed Sheeran all day, they'd be like, wow, PFT is kind of a babe. Wait, you're saying you're better looking than Ed Sheeran?

I'm way better looking than Ed Sheeran. I don't know, man. Ed Sheeran, he can sing. Million percent. Also, I dominate him at the urinal that one time. Comes out with a record one time. Everyone knows it. Jesus, one pop punk song, and you're fucking better

than looking than Ed Sheeran. I'm way better looking. Also, the dude. Didn't Ed Sheeran date Taylor Swift? The dude can't even pee next to me. I made that up, didn't I? Yeah. I also made up that Richard Branson fact.

They just sent the same total twice. Totally made that up. That sounds good, right? It definitely was one of my record. That was not him. So we're just making shit up. Listen, folks, it's two in the morning. We drove through Georgia all day,

and we're sitting in Blake Bortl's living room. We're going to make some shit up. Listen, there's no doubt in my mind. I am a way better looking guy than Ed Sheeran. This is what grit is. Grit is sitting in a living room late at night, running out of things to talk about, and just making up facts. That's what grit is, folks.

That is grit week. All right, with that, let's finish this episode off with Blake Bortl's and Guy's Unchecks. Drink, man. That's grit. We're going to wrap up the show with our good, good friend Blake Bortl's, who I guess people know we're staying at your house.

I think it's become a known thing, apparently. Because we've had no less than, like, seven bush lights dropped off at your house. I don't think it's art. The problem isn't that we're staying at your house. It's that everyone knows where you live. People need to stop. Is that, and also, we just said that we were coming

to Jacksonville. We didn't say that we were going to be at your house. People were just like, oh, they're in Jacksonville. They're probably sleeping on Blake Bortl's floor, which is a ridiculous thing to think, but it's 100% true. Yeah. Well, you have a Murphy bed. I do have a Murphy bed.

That's pretty sweet. People need to stop. Leave Blake alone. And actually, he moved. He lives on the river now. So go visit him there. You keep dropping off bush lights, though. There's nothing wrong with that.

The person who buys this house after you is going to be so confused that they just have bush lights. I think there's a ghost of a guy that died in a strip club across the street. So before we get to guys on chicks, I have to ask you a question. You deleted Twitter. Why?

People freaked out. They're like, oh, my god. Is it an actual thing? Yeah, there's a couple people. So I hadn't been on Twitter in, I don't know, since before this past football season, probably. And the other day, I was kind of sitting there. And I haven't done a whole lot on Instagram either.

But I still have Instagram. Obviously, a big fan of the Explore page. And I think, like, perfect for guys on chicks. There was, so finally, I was just like, I'm done. I don't really care what anybody else is doing. I don't really care to have anybody know what I'm doing. I'm going to go ahead and take a break from social media. So I just kind of deactivated it.

OK, you should set up a burner account. Yeah, no, I definitely will do a Kevin Durant. Yeah, or troll Chris Sims the whole time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just reply to everyone. Constantly comment on him being the 70th best quarterback. See how long it takes for Chris to block you. Yeah, rough and rowdy.

Yeah, there we go. Oh, also, I want to give a shout out to Blake. When we first pulled up to his house, we went up to his truck. And we did a little security test on it for you. And we checked the doors, checked all the handles. It was locked. So lesson learned. So let's stop that rumor.

Right. Blake locks his truck. Yeah, yeah, majority of the time it's locked. Majority of the time it's locked. And he lives by the river. But if you want to drop a bushlight, you can. All right, let's do it. Guys on checks, you got them?

You got the questions? Yeah, thanks to them to me. Are we answering these together? It's like this is something. Yeah, you ask them, and then we answer them. You get a shot. If you want to chime in, yeah, that's all we want. All right, you ready?

Yeah. What's the best way to meet a fireman? Become an arsonist. Is that a true question? Yeah, no, honestly, just like be a psycho. Yeah. Light shit on fire. I would say over cook a steak.

Go to a lot of fundraisers, softball game fundraisers. I feel like that's a big thing in the fireman community. Yeah, we actually play like a Jaguarizer's Firefighter softball charity game every single year. Yeah, and make your niche be like the person who brings really good cookies to the softball fundraiser for firemen. Or just pull an alarm. Yeah, pull a shitload of alarms.

Meet a ton of firemen that way. But they'll be there quickly. All right, you ready? Sup, boys? All right. Thoughts on the girl being able to throw a better spiral than her boy. Does she show it off or keep it hidden so he's not embarrassed?

Definitely asking for a friend. Blake, you want to answer them? Yeah. Um, I don't think, yeah, I think it's awesome. And the girls you dated throw a better spiral than you? No, I haven't dated a whole lot of coordinated girls, but. Well, so you could have just said you throw a good spiral. Yeah, right.

But I would say I would throw a six spiral. Just to say, like I played in the AFC championship last year. You know what? The reason why I love you, Blake, is you need to just like every now and then remind people that you actually are an NFL quarterback, just to like shove it in their face.

Like you don't even tell us that. Right. But it's also like, you know, I don't know. I mean, I throw ducks all the time. Tim Wakefield was an idol. So what would your answer be for this? I think you let it rip. And like if the dude's like not able to handle that,

because I think like a dude should be able to see that and be like, well, like that's incredible. Confident enough. I'm comfortable enough in my masculinity that I can admit that probably 95% of women throw a better spiral than me. That makes me a big man, by the way. The fact that I can say that.

A little secret for all the chicks out there. A chick who can throw like a sick spiral. That's a turn on. Totally. Like that is that. When you see a girl just throw one just deep in a perfect spot, you're like, ooh, I might have to start a co-ed flag football team.

Rack up some points. Right. Nobody counts for a role playing quarterback. Right. Exactly. All right, you ready for the next one? Yep. I'm not sure where to send whoa topics.

So here it is. Can croutons get stale? They're already stale bread. I'm lost. Whoa. That's a, that one was a cross for not guys. I checked, so it was a whoa. Croutons.

Are croutons stale bread? Yeah, that's what they are. You just take like a loaf of bread. Yeah, but what about the ones you buy in a store? Yeah, that's just old bread. It's like bottled water. They're genius marketers. No.

Uh-huh. Yeah, you've been had just like raisins or just. I don't know, like. Raisins are just rotten grapes. Well, yeah, I know that. That's true. That is true. Hey, in Florida, do you have the grapes with spiders in them?

Oh, yeah. That's their state bird. Mm-hmm. It's a spider grape. Spider grape. Yeah. You eat those and just. Actually, it's a mosquito.

Yeah. Get it? Yeah. Get it? All right, you ready? Yeah. Oh, that's a long one. Jesus.

Sub-PMT fellas, especially PFT, so on his first day on the job. So during dinner with my boyfriend, family last week, we were talking about the dog we were considering adopting. When I was scrolling through my camera roll, my boyfriend's parents saw a bunch of my nudes. His mom reacted by saying, oh my god,

and throwing my phone. His dad's jaw dropped. We had the most awkward time the rest of dinner, and haven't spoken since. We usually talk almost daily. Help. OK. Listen, we're a sex positive podcast.

Yeah. We're a sex positive podcast. Yeah. What you choose to do in the privacy of your own dining room is between you and your family. But, however, Stephen A. Smith, however, you deserved every little bit of this, because you have to be an absolute psycho

to hand someone else your phone. Right. Like, that's, you got to do the holding your phone and scrolling for them. But I think there's. No, you never give anyone, anyone your phone. And you know what? The fact that you've got the live picture on an iPhone

right now, anyone can be a culprit of having a nude on there. Dude. I was taking a picture of my TV the other day, and I, like, put my camera down after I pushed the snap, and then I watched it again. And then I watched you, Jay Kong. I thought to hold the button, and I was like, well, there's an accidental nude.

Yeah. Accidental nudes are a real problem these days. Yeah. I mean, this is, I actually think that I would rather, like, I would probably rather die than hand over my phone, unlock to someone and be like, go ahead, just search around for a little bit. iPhone roulette.

That's a wild game. You ever used to play that? What? What? You ever used to play a phone roulette? In college, you used to play when you get really drunk. You go through the person's phone, and you get to call.

You just stop at a random number, and you just call. Oh, that's wild. It's a really bad way to end up calling, like, your grandparents at four in the morning. Giving them a heart attack. All my grandparents are dead. Felt some prayers. Thanks.

All right, guys on chicks. I caught my boyfriend sexing another girl, and now all I want to do is have sex with him. Why? Well, that's this guy. See, here's a, OK, I have a real answer for this. Women forget after they get in relationships that their boyfriends are sexual people,

because guys are so gross that if you spend enough time around them, you just forget the fact that they have a working dick. And so every now and again, you need to be reminded, like, oh, someone else thinks that my boyfriend's attractive, not the, like, Harry fart machine that I live with. Yeah, what it looks like for him to spit game. Yeah, it's like, oh, shit, I forgot that he at one point said that I'm so you're, he once told me

that I was so hot that he came quickly by accident. Like, you forget those things. All the nice romantic things that we do for you. All the blood rushed from my heart to my penis. Sorry. Or like, I only chewed on you because I love you. Yeah. So much.

Yeah, that sort of thing. Yeah, because I didn't want to use a hooker. Yeah. Yeah, that's how much I respect you. Yeah. Anyway. Hey, PMT, especially RV three, I'll try to keep my anonymity here for.

That's a tough word. I learned that today. I can't say either anonymity. Anonymity. Anonymity. Anonymity. Anonymity. Here for my husband, an award-winning listener.

How come doctors count your weeks pregnant when your period ends instead of when the sperm meets the egg? Doctors say I'm four weeks pregnant when we only tried two weeks ago. What the fuck? That's complicated. That's a really good point.

So they just. When does time start? It's because of the moon. I don't know exactly why, but the moon has something to do with it. Yeah, no, this one confuses me. There's no year zero. Doctors.

So you're actually one year and two weeks pregnant. This is one of those situations, too, where doctors, for the most part, they can just be full of shit and everyone's like, yeah, all right, fine. Because people don't have money to go get second opinions and shit. So like, yeah, I trust this guy. Fine.

You can tell me anything. A doctor can't tell me anything. I think it's just that the doctors like to get the knowing nod from the happy couple when they say, oh, it looks like this baby was conceived on the 20th, and they look at each other and they're like, yeah, we definitely boned on the 20th. The doctor's like, nice.

But then they're like, actually, we weren't together on the 20th. He's like, how about the 18th? Oh, yeah, we were there. Nice. Yes. Nice. Why do our boyfriends never listen?

What? What did you say? I don't know, the game's on. That's pretty much it. The game's on. That at Fortnite? Yeah, but yeah, are you at Fortnite? No, I do listen.

I'm fucking terrible. I do listen. I was just thinking about what I was going to get just for your birthday. All right, you ready? Last one. So, boys, especially the boat, can you please tell me how to get my boyfriend to want to have more sex?

Chicks have needs, too. Does for him, secure sex drive loss? SOS. Someone save me? Someone special? Hank? Save our ship. Shave our ship.

Hank, too. You don't want to answer it, Hank? OK. Why would you ask me that? OK. I was just curious. Yeah. No tips?

I would say let him catch you sexting another boy. Yeah. And then he'll be like, oh, as the man, I need to take care of some things. Start washing porn. Just randomly. That would be good. But yeah, the dirty little secret

that our society tells you is that men always want sex. But really, men are lazy, so we also get, oh my god, I have a headache. Oh, I don't feel well. I feel fat tonight. Like, that kind of shit happens. I just ate a really big dinner. I got work early tomorrow.

Let's have sex in the morning. And then, yeah, let's just sleep in. Well, actually, you bring up a good point. So sometimes, men against their will even get boners. So just wait for them to get a sleep boner, and then just climb. Yeah, or just masturbate, shame him. Be like, why are you masturbating four times

today, because that's definitely what's happening. Or just you start masturbating a lot and let him know that. Right when he walks in the door. Yeah, do it publicly. Yeah. All right, that's our show. Blake, thanks for letting us stay. Oh, yeah, boys, anytime.

You mean that? Yeah, yeah. OK. Really? Yeah. All right, we're going to move in here then. This is pretty sick. Right on the river.

We're thinking about getting Wikipedia club tattoos, but we have to get up super early tomorrow. Yeah. So maybe next time we're in Jacksonville. Next time we're going to do it. We're definitely going to do it. We're going to Wikipedia tattoos. And I said, I proclaim tonight that if you win the Super Bowl,

I will get a tattoo of your face somewhere in my body. Wrist, preferably. Wherever you want. You pick. Maybe your face on my face. Face that? Yeah. Just wear the mask.

Face off of it. Great fucking movie. All right, that's our show. We will see everyone Friday. Follow part of my take, because we might meet up with some people in Tampa. Love you guys. Oh, yeah.

Pardon my take. Taking over for the 9-9 and also the 2000. Drink pain. That's grit. Drink pain. Getting lit. Drink pain. That's my shit.

Drink pain. That's grit. Sipping off some glossy white. Wash it down. Stomach's tight. Hemia straw. Head feeling light. Chugging primer.

Like it's bright. I eat pieces of grit like you for breakfast. I'm on your head, weigh you down like I'm a necklace. Give you CTE, then you forget this. Driving RV free, driving reckless. Drink pain. That's grit. Drink pain.

Getting lit. Drink pain. That's my shit. Drink pain. That's grit. Big cat with a juicy tight. I'm going hard in the motherfucking pain. I'm a dirty boy, ain't no sign.

Huffed the fumes on till I faint. Got a pine finish when I stay my deck. Watch it drip right down my neck. Paint, look that paint in my mustache. Paint all in my butt crack. Paint all in my nut sack. Drink pain. That's grit.

Drink pain. Getting lit. Drink pain. That's my shit. Drink pain. That's grit. Co-co. Down in the bayou.

Co-co. Hold that toggle. Co-co. Down in the bayou. Co-co. Hold that toggle. That tiger, Jeff Van Gundy. Let me tell you a little something about that tiger.

That tiger's seen it all. That tiger's been through it all. And you know how it persevered, Jeff Van Gundy. Grit. The nittiest of the gritty was that tiger. He never gave up. He had the eye of the what? Tiger, Jeff Van Gundy.

Celtics by five. It's part of my take presented by Bar Stool Sports.