Pardon My Take - Coach Lane Kiffin, Morten Andersen And Blake Bortles Is Back

Episode Date: September 23, 2020

Blake Bortles is back in the NFL and all is right in the world. It might be the end of the road for Drew Brees and the Raiders are actually kind of good? (2:28 - 18:39) Hot Seat/Cool Throne including Adam Gase taking the Jets into hyperdrive and a war is going on in the world's oceans (18:39 - 38:45). Ole Miss Coach Lane Kiffin joins the show to talk about the upcoming SEC season, his career in football, Joey Freshwater, the USC tarmac incident and more (38:45 - 74:07). Kicker and friend of the program Morten Andersen from the Great Dane podcast joins the show to talk about NFL kicking woes, the Falcons maybe being cursed, and more (74:07 - 97:27). We wrap up the show with guys on chicks.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have a twofer, Coach Lane Kiffin, on the show for the first time, recurring guest now. Coach Kiffin, we talked everything with him, including visor wearing, USC, Alabama, Ole Mitt, everything, literally everything, Joey Freshwater. We have recurring guest, Morton Anderson, on the show to get to the bottom of kicking

problems in the NFL. We have a little Monday night football wrap-up. Blake Bortles is back, hot seat, cool throne, guys on chicks, great show coming for you right now and it's brought to you by The Cash App. We are back in The Cash App Studio. We're in Philly. Now we're back in New York in The Cash App Studio. I would still French kiss The Cash App if it walked in the door right now because I

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Today is Wednesday, September 23rd, and Blake Bortles is back. Hell yeah, he's back. He's back. He's back with a vengeance. We did it. We can take down signblakebortles.org. I have. I'll tell you what, we'll change signblakebortles.org from just the link to the box score from

that Pittsburgh playoff game. We'll switch it to just The Mission Accomplished. George Bushmeme. Yes. We did it. We did it. I had a little Freaky Friday incident. I was driving up from Philly back to New York this morning and I was listening to podcasts

and they were like, you know, Denver might go find a quarterback off the street because Drew locks out for a few days and I said to myself, Blake Bortles is on the street, literally probably on the street right now, like hanging out, just hanging out on the street. And not five minutes later, Shepter said that Blake Bortles was going to Denver to throw the ball and interview for the position. Boom. We're back. I hope we didn't make it awkward for our very good friend, Blake Bortles, by talking at

length about Jeff Driscoll's thong. But if you remember, we've actually had this discussion before because Bortles and Jeff Driscoll are high school rivals. The rivals. Iron, Sharpen's Iron. Yes. Maybe Blake Bortles just go freeball underneath. That would actually be.

Bortles burgred him. That would be an alpha move if Blake showed up. He's like, you know what? I don't even need to wear underwear or show off this dumper. Yes. Just pure Bortles ass right there. I, I know, like, I saw that people are like, Oh, Blake Bortles has a job. How does Colin Kaepernick not have a job or how does this person not have a job?

Just let us have Blake because Blake, we just want Blake in the NFL. Yeah. He's a great guy. We just want him in the NFL. You can complain about other people. I'm totally by that. I can totally get behind like some people having a job and being like, how does this guy have a job?

And this guy doesn't. But Bortles, the world is a better place when Blake Bortles is on an NFL roster and I'm genuinely happy for him because the way the NFL works, if you go a year, it kind of can just be over. Yeah. So with Blake, he's going to Denver. I don't, I think he was going to get signed by the Broncos this off season. They passed on him.

I think just in the idea of like, okay, you're a safety guy. If we have an injury, if we have a COVID related illness, we're bringing Blake there. So I just have to report that they flew him in this morning and then like 30 minutes later, they're like, yeah, the interview went well. I have to imagine the interview was like John Elway saying, how tall are you? Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

You got the job. And he probably just walked into the room and was like, you seem like a pretty sweet dude. Yeah. You're a cool guy to have around. So you're Blake is going to be everybody's best friend except for Jeff Driscoll because the rivalry is back on between those two. I think Blake is going to take that starting job from him.

What did we say? I don't think that there's any question about that. I have a vague memory of us just going at Jeff Driscoll. I think there was a Jeff Driscoll and a Boomer. Yeah. We did something where I think we made it awkward. So socially liberal, but Driscoll conservative was one that we did. So Jeff Driscoll, you seem like a nice guy, dude.

Not anymore. Whatever. It's fine. But peace. Yeah. Bortles is going to be cooking up in Denver. I'll put it this way. They're playing.

You know who they're playing this weekend? The Jets. They are playing the Tampa Bay Buccaneers this weekend and Bortles is a Brady killer. True. They're in their last two matchups in the first half. In their last two matchups, he has outscored Tom Brady in the second quarter, 21 to 10 in their last two matchups. So just give Bortles a shot in the second quarter.

Bring him in. You know what? I'll expand to the entire first half. In their last two matchups, Blake Bortles has outscored Tom Brady in the first half, 35 to 13. Wow. How lucky are the Steelers that the Broncos got the Bortles the week after they played? Because Bortles actually is a Steelers killer.

Dodged a major bullet for that one, so let me be perfectly clear, Blake Bortles is getting this starting job. So, PFT, you are on the record as being a big Drew Lock guy. What happens when Drew Lock comes back? That's going to be an interesting quarterback competition because Drew Lock has it. The answer is Blake Bortles. He has Moxie. He has poise, but Blake Bortles has the X factor.

Just say Blake Bortles. Blake Bortles. Okay. So he's not a Drew Lock guy. Thin air, thin hair, don't care. No hair. Thin air, no hair. Well, we haven't seen a picture recently.

I think he's just committed to that, I hope. He might have grown it out like a lot of people in quarantine. He's like, Blake actually does strike me as the type of guy who would grow up back and be like, maybe it's back. Maybe he's needed a break. Yeah. Maybe my hair just needed a break. My hair was doing too much work.

Yeah. Maybe it was just a helmet. Stop wearing helmets for a while and stop rubbing those follicles out. But yeah, the NFL is a better league when Blake Bortles is back in it. And I think that this is a great scenario for him out in Denver. He's got the opportunity to prove himself. Here's what happens. Blake gets in.

Maybe he performs really well for the next couple of weeks. Drew Lock comes back. John Elway will probably want to go back to Drew Lock since he's been the quarterback of that team for the last year and a half. But what Bortles will have done, he will have reestablished himself. And then the world is his oyster. Then he can go anywhere. Yes.

I just also realized that I would pay anything to be a fly on the wall when Jake Butt introduces himself to Bortles because I bet you Bortles gets kicked out of that. Just going to crack up for a while. What's your name? Jake Butt. Okay. Like when he throws it to him in practice, first time's like, but okay. All right.

So Bortles is back. All is right in the world. Let's talk a little Monday night football. Trigger warning for Saints fans. There's going to be some Drew Brees talk. Do you think, let's start here. Do you think Saints fans realize it that it's over or do you think they're still holding on to, oh, well, the Saints are good enough, which they do have a great roster, but they're

being held back by their quarterback. And this isn't just this year. This has been the last like year and a half. It's much more evident right now though. It was evident last year though. Like he put, Drew Brees is smart enough and cerebral enough to still be a okay quarterback, but he limits their offense because he does not have an arm anymore. And he even said afterwards he scoffed at the idea that he was over the hill.

And he said that this offense like hasn't peaked yet. And I have to agree with him because it will peak when James Winston is starting quarterback, which might happen this year. Start James. That's my takeaway is the time is now. It is James o'clock in New Orleans. I think with Drew Brees, his arm, it definitely got worse over the off season. It was getting bad.

It's been bad. It's been bad for two years. It got worse over the off season. And I think it's more pronounced not having Michael Thomas, who's the guy that runs those like eight, 10 yard, like those dig routes. You don't have to throw the ball deep when you have Michael Thomas on the field. But you do have to throw the ball deep to beat good defense. You can throw an intermediate pass to Michael Thomas and still be a competent offense.

But now that Michael Thomas is out of the game, you can't uncork that deep ball. You don't have the deep ball. His arm strength, his daughter's probably psyched that he's not sending any more records. And she probably doesn't want to be pictured with him on the field when he's when he's getting new certificates for these passing yard things, because she's probably embarrassed that her dad can't throw the ball over 12 yards in New Orleans. I think that everyone is kind of thinking the same thing, but nobody wants to be the first person to say it because you need to say it.

They don't say it. That's why they're relying on us. You need to say it. They're relying on us to say it for you. Someone to say it. 33% of his yards on Monday night were in the air. That's insanely low. So that means that every two thirds of the yards that he had passing were just yards

after catch. Unleashed. James Winston. I just I disagree with you on the Michael Thomas thing. Of course, Michael Thomas makes him better, but if you play like you, there's a limit to Sean Payton's offense when Drew Brees can't make those throws. And I don't know, like he's struggling with even 10 yard, 15 yard throws, not even talking about deep ball anymore.

So that's what I'm saying. Like with Michael Thomas running 10 yard, 15 yard routes, Drew Brees can get it there. It doesn't look great, but Michael Thomas will make you look good on those passes. But it'll make you forget that he can't throw the deep. There's a ceiling to all of this. There's definitely. And so that's why the offense last year and right now obviously is like a shell of what it has been in the past, because he doesn't have that, that thing that he does where he

cocks his, his shoulders back to like 45 degrees and unlaunches that deep ball 45 yards. He doesn't have that anymore. Drew Brees. See, he's when, you know, when you go out, like maybe Thanksgiving, you're going to like the one time a year, you're going to throw the football around and you throw it as hard as you can. And your arm feels like it's about to fall out of its socket and you're like, oh, I should have warmed up.

That's every throw for him. I feel it looks like last night he was actually shaking his arm like he had hit his funny bone. And I was like, what's going on here? Like, is he hurt? Is he not? And I get it. He's a Hall of Famer.

He's, you know, the face of the Saints franchise, everything he's done for that city, it's incredible. But at some point the Saints have a Super Bowl roster. Their roster is awesome. And so at some point, I think what Sean Payton is doing, if you noticed, Taysum Hill is just sneaky. Like Taysum Hill played fullback wide receiver and quarterback last night. He's just going to slowly nudge Taysum Hill in there until all of a sudden Taysum Hill like, hey, let's let Taysum Hill be quarterback for first down here and second down.

And you know what? We'll do a third down too just to see what it goes. And then eventually that's how Drew Brees will lose his job. It's the frog in the boiling water that you gradually increase the temperature. And then the frog doesn't know that it's being boiled until the water's already too hot. Billy knows all about that. You don't get the finger at first, which is the problem with that theory. But yeah, maybe just have Drew Brees start the game.

Just like Drew Brees is a starter. He plays the first play, then Taysum comes in, then you got a two headed monster of Taysum Hill and James Winston just finishing teams, just crushing them. So that's the Drew Brees part. We are taking credit away from the Raiders being actually good. Derek Carr looked good. Their running game looked good. Their defense looked decent.

I don't know how to grade it against Drew Brees. And you saw after, I think you know that things are going well when John Gruden and Mike Mayock did the like wrestling hugs slash kind of hit each other move after the game in excitement where you're like, are these guys about to either kiss or punch each other? We don't know. But that's just football guy energy and nowhere to go. And they just kind of clash at each other. That means it's rolling in Oakland.

That's the optimal state to be in. If you're a football guy with your fellow football guys, like at any time you should want to make out with them and also stab them. It's like a hug slash full Nelson. Yeah. You're just kind of like, oh, yeah, good job. If you hug somebody, but you're also not hurting them at the same time, that's sus. Right.

Exactly. Major sus. Major sus. You got to want to kind of like choke your buddy out. Yeah. I saw that clip. I was like, these guys, they got something cooking here and Gruden's got a little of that swagger.

I do think Derek Carr, even though his first drive out, he looked lost, but he picked it all back up and they have like half their offensive line, which is their strength is hurt. So if they get that healthy, I don't know. Well, the Raiders might be good. John Grun was in his natural element, just calling spider two wide banana all over the field last night. They ran it so many times and you can't stop.

You cannot stop spider two wide banana, especially if they have a good tight end, which they do. They've got an awesome tight end in Waller. And then Alec Engold, obviously knocking heads as the full back, got the game ball, low man award winner, Alec Engold. And then we should talk about the new stadium in Las Vegas because I want to fuck the Las Vegas Raiders new stadium. No, just like I want to grind on it.

I don't think that there's really a hole to be spoken for there. It's like a hockey puck in the middle of the desert, except it's shiny. I want to fuck it. It is the most erotic stadium that I've ever seen. It almost looks better with no fans, although I think that it'll be awesome once they do start letting fans inside. But for right now, that thing is sexy as shit and I want to fucking fuck it. Shit.

Whoa. I do. Yeah. No, I know. I mean, you thought you have fucking your eyes. You thought I wanted to fuck the Atlanta Falcons stadium when it's got the little butthole that opens up. Yeah.

No, I'm throwing that in the trash. That's yesterday's news. I want to just rub all my body in and around the Oakland, the Las Vegas Raiders new stadium. Shout out, Mark Davis, by the way. Yes. What a classy move to not go to the game because fans aren't allowed to go to the game. Slash. He was probably at the P.F. Chang's just dining and whining himself and enjoying that.

That was so bizarre when they announced that. And they're like, I thought I thought there was a death or something because like Mark Davis can't be here tonight. And then he thinks it's not right that if fans can't be here, he won't be here. In reality, it's probably Mark Davis doesn't have enough money to rent out the suite and get food catered to it. He can't buy a ticket. Yeah.

No, well, you know, the suites are there, but then you still got to pay for the food. So he was like, what's the point of going if I can't get the dessert card? He was probably like, the dessert card is what's going to put me over the edge. Not worth going if I can't have that walk by. But it's for the fans. I do think that Mark Davis, he is the working man's owner. He is by far the coolest owner. He doesn't have money.

Yeah. He actually has to work. He's probably had his other job. Isn't that the whole, wasn't that the whole story about the Raiders contract with Gruden? Yeah. They had to put it all in escrow because he's like, we don't know if he'll have that money. And that's why East Stanley Cronkey didn't want him moving into his neighborhood. He was like trying to keep his neighborhood gentrified.

He's like, I can't have property value going down on this new lot that I just built. So let's get Spanos up here. Let's kick Mark Davis out to Las Vegas. I don't want Mark Davis having to go door to door introducing himself. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. Like Mark Davis, neighbors start moving out when you see a guy in an all white tracksuit moving in.

And his conversion van is hanging out. I can't have that thing parked outside my stadium. The NFL films is going to move out of their office if that happens. So yeah, I do like what Mark Davis is doing. I don't know the reasons behind it, but I choose to believe him that he's like, if the fans can't go, then I don't want to go because he is kind of a man of the people. Yeah, I just think that there's got to be another reason. He probably was like, I just I guess something else going on Monday.

He should rent out the P.F. Changs and have his own watch parties or just get like a giant outdoor area that he can do like how the Raptors do Jurassic Park. There should be like Davis Park where everyone just gets dressed up as lookalike Mark Davises. And they all sit out wearing their tracksuits, watching a giant screen and scratching themselves with camel toes. I think that would be awesome. Actually, you should do that Las Vegas.

All right. Again, I want to stress that I want to fuck the state. Yes. So we got it. OK. Yeah. So I guess we should. It is weird to not even at least mention there was Game 3 tonight. We take before the Lakers one break. Yeah, the Lakers were going to be back in on the night. I think the Nuggets one.

Oh, really? Yeah. No, I think the Lakers one tonight. I think the Nuggets one. But we had to pick our spots to take one day where we don't have to be here till midnight. We'll be back. We'll be here till midnight for the Jags Dolphins game. Big Cat got all selfish and had a child, so he needs to spend some time with it. Wait, I'll come back. I'll come back after the game. Yeah, I always do.

Yeah, I did that like five times last week. I was joking. I'll come back. You want to come back? You want to come back tonight? Well, you you just put you just fucking gauntlet to me. God damn it. Made me seem like, yeah, it looks like you're the one who didn't want to come back. Interesting.

All right. Well, that's the Game 3. Good recap, just so you know, PFT is the one who wanted to go home early. I was ready to come back. All right, let's do Hot Seat Cool Throne. Hot Seat Cool Throne this week is brought to you by Bud Light Seltzer. On the hot seat this week is free space in your fridge. Bud Light Seltzer has three new flavors available in their remix, variety pack, grapefruit, pineapple, cranberry,

all only 100 calories filtered for a clean finish. One gram less than one gram of sugar and five times filtered for clean finish. Order yours now at budlight.com slash delivery and get ready for the games. Again, on the hot seat this week is free space in your fridge because you're getting that Bud Light Seltzer pack. Let's do it. Hank, Hot Seat Cool Throne, go. I have so many.

Really? Yeah. Can I get one of your cool thrones? Yeah. Give me a hint. He's in this room. That's it. All right. Whoa. OK. It's probably Hank.

He wants you to say it's Hank. No, I'll do I got it. Thank you. My hot seat is grammar. First one of my first ones is grammar. Agreed. Unfortunately, it seems like, you know, unlike us, it seems like they haven't taught America's youths proper grammar, youth,

sentence structure, America's youth, what words mean, things of that nature. Zendaya, as you guys know, she's one of your favorite actors. Emmy winner. She won the Emmy in 2020. What is she? What was she in? Everything. And you. Oh, I remember you for that show was fucked. Yeah. So she won the Emmy for Best Actress.

And then New York Post wrote an article and it said, biggest upset. Zendaya wins Emmys 2020 over Jennifer Anderson, Lord Lindley and more. And there's there's a lot of Zendaya stands for the stand, whatever. They were all very upset because they're like, no one's upset about this. Like this. No one's upset. Like this is a great thing, blah, blah, blah. They didn't understand that, like, biggest upset.

And then she wasn't favored to win the award. I do like that. Yeah. The New York Post was upset. That Zendaya won the award. I do like that. There was like an entire Stan army being like, fuck you guys for saying this. Like it's it's amazing that she won.

I like using the term biggest upset as like a millennial or a Gen Z way to say, like, this is the reason why we're so pissed off this week. I like that that they they people need something to be mad about. So much they find this imaginary thing in the phrasing. Oh, I love trapping people. Be like, you guys are fucking idiots. Yeah, I mean, reading the replies, I was like, I thought I was a joke. You're just like, this can't be.

I mean, I mean, how can you not understand grammar? But this is how language changes, Hank. This is how this is how it moves along. Like, irregardless is now in the dictionary because enough people misused it 20 years from now. We're not going to have our biggest upset of the week. We're going to have like the game that makes me maddest of the week for the underdogs 100.

Twitter is really the worst. It's now, by the way, the masks have gone to please vote, which you should vote. But every time you tweet to vote, every time you tweet to register a vote, you're tweeting it to the same people that probably have registered to vote. And good job, guys. You accomplished it depending on what people think, who people think you're going to vote for.

You telling people to vote is either a good thing or a bad thing. It could be a bad thing. So yeah, I say vote if you'd like, please vote. There you go. My other hot seat, one of my other hot seats is PFT. He was a part of a viral tweet yesterday as well. He tweeted about DK Metcalf on Sunday. DK Metcalf responded, kind of dunked on him, said learn how to at me.

And that had like, how is that dunking? Well, it had like 70,000 favorites, like a few thousand retweets, like, yeah, well, considerably more action than your tweet got. He also he also like didn't at Russ Wilson when he started the Russ for MVP thing. So he could have said been saying any Russ for MVP. It just seemed like they know, I just saw that every time I went on Twitter, that was at the top of my feed because there's so many people kept retweeting it.

No, I got back to him on that. I clapped back big time. Oh, shut up after. But and not with everyone was just what? Reading the original tweet, the one that Hanks talking about. The viral one, yeah. Doesn't surprise me that DK wants all communication to be as direct as possible.

My other hot seat, Ellen DeGeneres. She came back, tried to issue an apology, was really like a sorry, not sorry. And people aren't buying it. So she, I don't know. I don't know how she gets out of this one. She that was such a bullshit like apology. Yeah, it was like, yeah, it wasn't an apology. It was like, if you're upset, I'm sorry.

I mean, you know what, though? I'm OK, I think Ellen should just lean in to be in the bitch of daytime TV because everyone on daytime television, their entire mission is to be as likable and as nice sounding as possible. So Ellen should just embrace that and be like, I fucking hate all the people that are working for me right now, you behind the camera. Your request for time off to deal with your sick kid is denied. Like really, just because of the day.

She just brings out a fucking unpaid intern and wedges him to, you know, a doorknob. Yes, she should just become a dictator of daytime television. Yes, I the world needs to heal. Yeah, they could do the charity thing, but she can do it between like two people. So one of them always loses and they get that reaction of like, you know, one person wins all this money, but then they have also have the other person who's equally qualified. Well, it is there is some there would be some benefit in doing that

because she at this point, everyone who hates her, no apology would have fixed it. Right. Like none. No, you can't apologize and expect people like, oh, she seemed properly remorseful. No, they hate Ellen. They make sport out of it. So at least give them something to hate. Give them some red meat. Yeah. Yeah. Lean into it, Ellen.

And then my cool throne is our co-worker, Dion Sanders. Got the coach at Jackson State going viral today. And apparently you were saying earlier, trying to sniff out a rat, I guess, is your theory. That's that's my. That's my. So the initial tweet that was put out there, I forget who said this, who reported it, but they were saying what his staff was going to be. And they're saying he had to signed up to be wide receivers coach. Warned SAP to be the defensive line coach, which would be insane.

And I actually do think that we should do a hard knocks on Jackson State University, if that's the case. Yes. And we should produce it. We should like with our brains behind this, it would be insanely electric television. It's can't miss having those personalities in the room. But apparently it's not true. No, no, I said it's not true. So I think he might be sniffing out a rat.

He leaked that to somebody to see if that person was going to tell the press about it. Kind of like the whole kind of Lisa Rice thing with the Browns a couple of years ago. Just like when you see that rumor, if you if you ran with it, it's like, ask yourself, do you think that Warnsap and Troll Owens are going to move to Jackson, Mississippi and like be coaches, assistant coaches? I don't think so. I could see. I could see T.O. doing it. Warnsap. Oh, wait, I saw.

I saw Warnsap on punked 10 years ago, 15 years ago. He does not handle new situations and new as well. Those guys are living the life. He also had a at his press conference. He had a full like marching band. It was awesome. It was electric. Is that it? Yeah. Well, my other one, the other clue is that he was also one of my hot seats.

Wait, I thought you said I wanted a cool throne. Right. That's my second clue. He was also a hot seat. OK, PFT, go ahead. OK, huh. I'm trying to get inside Hank's head right now. I think Billy's looking like we might be accusing him of something. But my hot seat is the 49ers.

This is those criteria. No, my hot seat is the San Francisco 49ers. They have injuries now to Solomon Thomas, Nick Bosa, Jimmy G, Greg Kittle, Mosturt Coleman, all the running backs are hurt. Their MRI truck broke down in West Virginia on the way to the Greenbrier. So the Mothman is now radioactive. And Shanahan got fined 100 K.

Shanahan got fined $100,000 for not wearing his mask correctly. And their plane got hit on the runway in New York when they came here. So they are they are in final destination. Does think bitten team of the year. They're not they're not hurt or injured. They are I think they're cursed. I think they have a curse on them. We got to figure out if there's a way to get the curse off to 49ers.

It's a super curse. I mean, this does happen, right? There is a curse for losing the Super Bowl. Teams do the hangover. Yeah, the hangover like does kind of derail teams. So how do they get rid of the hangover here? They need to lose another Super Bowl real quick. They should as a team and organization opt out of the rest of this year

and just opt back in next year. Freshest could be they could make. I think they just need to, you know, it's like the hair of the dog. If you want to get rid of a hangover, you drink a little bit more the next day. Maybe they need to watch the Super Bowl tape tomorrow morning. Tear more ACL tear more. They tear one more ACL play more. I need to trade trade for playing on the turf to sticky turf next week.

That's true. Oh, yeah. Fingers crossed. I don't want no one gets hurt. Maybe just sign Jake Butt and let nature take its course. No, well, we need Jake Butt and then that's that's absolutely true. Kill a black cat or actually sign Tim Tebow. Find that black cat. We were fine. There you go. Find the black cat at the Meadowlands and kill it and kill it and then skin it.

Curse removed. Kill it. Done. The cats probably got at least two torn ACLs from run across that field. Yes, it's probably stuck. It's probably like a big rap trap. It's just stuck to the field. It's just in the blue injury tent. Are they fixed by a veterinarian? Are they going to fix it?

I don't know what you can do to fix sticky turf. Yeah, it just seems weird. Like this seems if more injuries happen on Sunday, lawsuits, baby, yeah, and we will represent anyone who wants to sue. Yes. My cool throne is Bob Kraft because he is going to have his charges dropped against him. I have two jokes that I've registered its trademarks that nobody else is allowed to make.

He got off again. That's joke number one. Joke number two. Happy ending for Mr. Kraft. Joke number two, both trademark, but Bob Kraft is not going to be facing charges any longer in the state of Florida for getting jacked off at a massage table. That's the I mean, he had the most stressful hand job of all time.

The stress that came from that hand job. Bill Clinton could probably beg to differ. Did he get he got sucked off? Yeah, but there was also a hand job. Yeah, but if you get I think you just always bump it up to whatever level. So the job never happened. Right. Like if you if you got a blow job, you had sex, you had sex. But I would say that inserting a cigar would negate the blow job.

That's even possibly you could say that. So no hand job, no hand job. So yeah, probably most stressful hand job. Of all time. That's pretty much it right there. I think it has to be. Probably how quickly do you think he goes back to a new one? Maybe not that one. But you got to celebrate. Yeah.

Or do you think he maybe he's like, I'm going to be. Yeah, I'm going to be safe now. I'm just going to run my own in calls only. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. You might like if you're a rub and tug guy like that, you don't just stop. Or you might feel like you're above the law. You might feel like I'm untouchable, except by massages.

Yes. Yes. What a ridiculous story. Do you have any comment, Hank? No, I mean, I think, you know, innocent until proven guilty and he was never proven guilty. So there you go. So innocent. Yeah. All right. My hot seat is the Indianapolis Colts because they're playing the Jets this week and Adam Gay said, quote, it's time to put this thing in hyperdrive.

So watch out Colts. Jets might score 12 points. Hyperdrive. Hyperdrive. OK, I like it. You know what? Yeah. Fuck. I'm the Noss. I'm going to have to bet on the Jets this week. I hyperdrive.

They're going into hyperdrive. Like you thought the Jets stunk. Adam Gase was just in. He was in like third gear. Now they're in hyperdrive. He went past fourth and fifth hyperdrive. Did you see my tweet? What? I did not see your tweet, Jake. Sorry.

What do you say? I found the oldest tweet, which I believe is a little sweet. Former Dolphins receiver, Leontae Karoo, calls had head coach Adam Gase an offensive genius. May 6th, 2016. OK. So he's been a genius for a while. And then didn't he only have like 30 yards receiving? Two catches in three years.

Two catches in three years. Offensive genius again. That guy's trying to get a job at some point. He's trying to. I mean, the Jets could probably use him. Yes. But yeah, hyperdrive Jets. Hyperdrive. Take the over.

Take the Jets. That's what I'm here for. I'm actually. I've never heard a coach use the term hyperdrive before. They're in hyperdrive. I have no choice but to bet on them. Yeah, I just imagine if they come out and they run like Chip Kelly, Oregon offense, he's like, I told you, I tried to warn you guys. Hyperdrive fucking with Sam Darnold and Braxton Berrios.

Yes. Hyperdrive. Let's do it. Frank Gore is just dying. Dude, I can't do this. I'm 39 years old. All right. My cool throne is. It's got to be something with stool strings, right? Yeah, it always is. I think I know what it is.

I mean, it is. It always is. It's got to be Jake Jake's on. Jake's on cool. I think I put me on the hot seat for the slander about DK Metcalf, which, by the way, it's all love between me and DK. He knows that. He knows he needs some some tough coaching sometimes. Well, he needs someone to just keep dunking on.

Yes. Yeah, right. He can't dunk on me. He's not that tall. I got rims. Yeah, five thousand likes. So who is it? Who is it compared to? PFT.

It's for stool streams. We're playing on Thursday, but I don't wear sunglasses. I always beat him. So no, you don't always. It'd be fair to you more often than not. And people say, well, the only reason you beat him is because PFT wears sunglasses. So I'm going to prove to the world

that it has nothing to do with the sunglasses. And I'm just a superior ping pong player. Holy shit. He has seventy four thousand likes on. Yeah, he dunked on you. Learn how to add an official dunking. He just said, learn how to add me. I'll add you, DK.

DK is just mad because I beat him in a race. There was also kind of like this in dieting. There was a lot of people that didn't realize that you guys have a back and forth and they're like, fuck these fucking journalists. I think they know what it's like. Yeah, you guys do have a bit of a repertoire. Context.

DK and I, we don't know about the Instagram story. But he's just plus balls. That's what we do. But so wait, Hank, you're wearing sunglasses. I'm going to wear sunglasses on Thursday. And I'm still going to beat him. I'm going to beat you by nine points. Oh, nine.

Wait, in how many games? Each game, I will beat him by nine. All games. Sweep. Sweep. Get the broom out. Two nothing sweep. Nine.

The broom out. Aggregate 18 points. I'm better than Hank when I'm wearing glass and he's not. I'm going to crush him like a bug if he's wearing glasses. Very mean, but I like it. Billy, you're back. What's up? How was school?

Tideus. Tideus. OK, give us your hot seat. Cool throne. My people missed you. Oh, really? No. How did you fall for that?

My hot seat is sharks. Orca whales are ripping out the testicles off the coast. South Africa. Sharks have testicles. Yeah, I didn't know that. Are they inside or inside? Dude, they're just ripping them out. Wait, orca whales are ripping shark balls?

Yeah. What? Yeah, they're actual balls. For what reason? I don't know. There's some sort of war going on in the ocean. They're they're practicing eugenics. They're not they're disabling their ability to breed.

Dude, I have no idea. Also, they just found a tomb in Egypt that has been open in 27000 years and they just opened it and there's a bunch of sarcophaguses. So probably what's that? Those are like where they keep the mummies. OK. So probably maybe the source. No, no, I know that.

What are sarcophaguses? They're where they put the mummies. Oh, like the actual like coffins. Oh, God, like the the King Tut, like the gold thing. Yeah, I just know the word sarcophagus. Who needs that word? Like that word is totally I don't need that word. I got other things I got to work on that word.

That's like a day in lesson planning for a third grade teacher is just sarcophagus. Yeah, like that's all it exists. That's a show off word. You don't need that. You don't need that coming out of your esophagus. Exactly, Billy. Anyway, someone's been hitting the books.

Yeah, I sound smarter. I know I needed it. Oh, how's your monologue going? Good. Can you can you start it for us? OK, imagination. That's our only escape. Wait, start it again. Imagination. I don't think it's only that's our only.

I don't think only was in there last time. That's our escape. Yeah. Imagination is what teaches us our limits and teaches us to grow beyond those limits. Imagination says, listen to me. I am your darkest voice. I am the voice that wakes you up at 4 a.m.

I am what creates your nightmares. OK, that's all I know. But my hot seat. It's like Bane. I know. It's a really dark monologue. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm the one who knocks.

My hot seat this week is the Costco CEO. The Costco CEO. Did you just do Cool Throne? No, hot seat was Sharks. No, my Cool Throne is the Costco co-founder. Yep. He got mad at the CEO of Costco who said, hey, we're losing money on our $1.50 beer and hot dog deal.

I think we got to change it up. And the co-founder of Costco was like, if you change that deal, I'll kill you and threaten his life to defend the $1.50 hot dog and beer. Did you add beer into that? I don't think it has a hot dog and a beer. Have you been serving beer at Costco? It's Coke.

My entire life, and I didn't know. No, so Billy did a really bad job at telling the story. I swear to God, it was hot dog and beer. I'm glad, actually, because I would have just looked back at a waste in 35 years until beer at Costco. So the price hasn't changed for 35 years. It's the hot dog and the Coke combo. Yeah.

And it's a story that was told that years ago, the Costco president complained to the co-founder and CEO that they were losing money on the famously cheap $1.50 hot dog and Coke combo. And the guy responded, the CEO responded, if you raise the price of the fucking hot dog, I will kill you. Figure it out.

And so then it just, from then on, it just became 1.50. It was 1.50 and never changed. I like that, though. I like having a little bit of consistency in this world, no matter what else changes, you can always go to Costco and get an affordable hot dog for after you snack. Although I am more of a fan of the, they have like a chicken cordon blue pocket,

like their version of the hot pocket. It's also very reasonably priced. Yes, yes, yes. I mean, Costco, that's a smart move by them. You just go in there. Yeah. $1.50, no bonus. Yeah, something to bank on. At IKEA, they sell you like horse meatballs.

Right. That's why I don't go to IKEA, I go to Costco. Right. All right, let's do, oh, we have two interviews. So first we have Coach Lane Kiffin, before we get to that, a word from our friends at Mugsy Jeans. You've heard the name from us before, Mugsy Jeans. They're the only jeans we wear

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ever made by heading to Mugsy.com using code PMT. Mugsy.com's use code PMT. Mugsy.com use code PMT. Okay, here he is, Coach Lane Kiffin. Ooh. Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is head coach of Ole Miss football. It is Lane Kiffin,

someone we've wanted to have on for a very long time. Coach, great to see you, great to talk to you. We're gonna talk about everything, but let's start with this season. Saturday is finally getting here. We're gonna play some football. Are you excited? How's the team looking?

How are we feeling? We're jacked. We're ready to go. We have a few days left here, but so much has been put into this by so many people, going from the commissioner to administration, players, doctors, everything. It's really crazy how much has been put into getting things done

so that these players can play. It's been weird. I have to assume this is an off season, unlike any that we've seen in college football ever. What percentage of your time is invested in discussing medical things as opposed to working on the nuts and bolts and the stuff that you usually focus on?

Well, that is unusual. We get medical reports now three times a week on the test. So they test the test coming back the next day, and you may get, all of a sudden that morning, you're getting ready for practice, and three guys have it, and six are out with close contact. So it's really crazy trying to do that.

Everybody wants to normally talk about how big are you, how fast are you, how strong are you, and what kind of plays you're running, offense, defense, special teams. I think more important than everything to win this year is who handles COVID the best, who handles social distancing the best, so that they can have the best players out there.

Yeah, so have you guys been, in terms of getting ready for a season, obviously it's starting a little later than usual, but have you noticed that the team is maybe not as crisp, or does it feel like it's late August and we're about to get going? Like you guys are ready to go sharp, coming right out of a good training camp feel?

I think we were slow initially. We got hit initially pretty bad with positives, and so they missed a lot of time during what I guess you'd consider a training camp. And we've been very fortunate here the last two weeks, have been on a great run, so hopefully we keep that up. So let's talk a little bit about the actual football team. You guys, are you guys big this year?

You got a big team? You strong? You fast? I'm more concerned about the bigness. How big are you? We are fast on that. I don't know that I would consider us really big, not as big as some of your typical SEC teams, but we have a lot of young talent,

especially on offense, which was a part of taking this job, seeing the roster and seeing what had been recruited here. Are you going visor on Saturday? Yeah, of course. Okay, all right, we've made fun of the visor. We should probably get that out of the way. Well, so, well, first of all,

you look like you've lost weight. Is that true? Thank you, that's nice. Yeah, you did. That's kind of weird hearing a guy say that. Well, we know it goes into the visor talk because when you got first hired, you're wearing a visor. Maybe it was the winter time, whatever.

PFT said the visor looks like a belt for your head, and I said you look like a guy who invites you on his pontoon and calls it the poontoon. So just want to get that out of the way, got that out of the way, feels good. But you are. I tried to have done the show if they would have told me that, but that's okay.

Yeah, I mean, that's funny jokes, those are funny jokes. So do you ever think that you're not gonna be a visor guy? Because we've had these discussions like visor guys, are they just, did you know you were always a visor guy? Is it something that you're born with, or is it something that you grew into? When I was young, my idol was Steve Spurrier. And so that's really where it started,

just trying to look like him. And then just kind of, now it's just a habit. I mean, I don't, wearing a hat for a game or for a practice would feel really strange. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever considered just going like raw dog, no hat, no visor at all? Raw dog, no, I haven't,

because again, I feel like the headset doesn't fit right without the visor. Yeah, I guess the only wild card is if you- It's funny to me, but aren't you the guy that followed all my jobs and kind of to be me and get the different head jobs and wear a visor? Oh yeah, for dogs, yeah, I did that. I did follow all your jobs, yes.

Yeah, but I, the visor, like I'm not a visor guy. I tried to wear the visor, I thought I looked stupid. I just am always- I saw you coming out of the tunnel one time with the visor on. It's just very, it's hard for me to like, I don't understand visor guys, but it's good to know that you're something

that you're just kind of- Yeah, you're born with it. Yeah. It's like there's very clearly a visor guy, very clearly a hat guy. Yeah, so I really hadn't thought about it that much. I guess I'm not really a visor guy outside of football, because I really don't, maybe fishing once in a while,

but I usually don't ever wear a visor. I don't know why I buy that headset. I always wear hats. So- I like not to jet for a game or practice I would not like the feeling of a hat. I think it's got to do with the headset. So does that mean that when you wear a hat,

like out on the street, do you feel like you're cheating on the visor? No, plus it draws less attention to me. I feel like if I put a visor on, I become more recognizable. So the hat is less recognizable, and I don't really like to be recognized. Yeah.

So that's probably part of it too. So I saw you wearing a hat, I would probably be like, that's Daniel Tosh or Ben Rottlesburg or second cousin. Right. I did get at LAX, I got the Ben Rottlesburg or second cousin. Yeah, if you grow the beard out. Yeah.

And I think Ben's like 260, so that didn't make me feel real good. No, but you've lost weight. So if you were, so you wear the hat, and then if you were trying to like not be recognized, would you do anything else? Change your name? Headphones.

Got it. And then like, airports or something. So then it's like, you're like, all right, I'm gonna go up and bother him, but no, I'm really not because he's on the phone, and I'm really maybe not on the phone, I'm just pretending I'm on the phone. Right.

So I've recognized like in the last several years, you've become much more open with the media. You've been doing interviews like this, letting a little personality out, kind of like Tom Brady is now in Tampa Bay, and you can kind of get a little insight as to who this person is. Are you a little bit concerned with all the rat poison

that you're gonna be getting from the media gassing you up? I'm not. I think I kind of naturally was open with the media, and then I think, you know, you get burned a few times on that. So maybe you like close up a little bit. So, you know, so I just decided when I got here to just go back to being myself.

Is it, you've had a career that like, you know, many stops, and also you're kind of like a lightning rod where people like to talk about you. Was there a moment in time in the travels of your career where you're like, wow, like for some reason, I'm a coach that makes headlines. And like you said, the media likes to talk about me. Did you have that conscious thought like,

oh man, everything I do is gonna be analyzed more than other coaches? Yeah, I don't know why that is. I'm sure it's a number of factors and, you know, but it's been that way for a long time. Pat Hayden at USC is called like the Kiffin Effect, like no matter what you do, it's getting cagged in a story,

even if it's not even relevant to it, you know, like, and you can say something that's gonna be spun good or bad, but it's gonna be spun for sure a certain way. So I don't really know why that is, but it's been that way for a while. I have a theory. I think it is. So you were the youngest head coach in NFL history

at the time when you were hired by the Raiders. You, you know, an ending at Tennessee that caused riots on campus, the firing USC, but everything that you've done and you've had success, you had failures, whatever, but it's all, nothing like truly bad. It's all kind of been a good fun. So it's like the fun part of sports.

You know what I mean? So you, people feel like they can talk about it where there's not like some actual controversy that has followed you that it makes it not fun to talk about. So you're, I don't know what it is, but you're just kind of a fun guy to discuss and talk about. And I also think you have a level of,

you were said to be kind of an offensive genius. And so now everyone who gets attached to you, you're like, ooh, Lane Kiffin, like he's got it in there somewhere. Ole Miss, like gonna score a million points this year as far as I'm concerned. Yeah. Well, I don't know if you saw our schedule before you say a million points.

We don't really, we've got a non-conference schedule like they usually have here. So, but yeah, I don't know. I think sometimes maybe when people get a lot early, you know, maybe people don't like them, you know? And so getting so much so early and having a name in coaching, which obviously helps you, you know, get that stuff

for whatever reason, I think that was probably part of it too. So the SEC West this year is absolutely stacked with coaches. Just like the most entertaining group of people, I think that have ever led a single conference in a major sport here. You've got Pittman, Malzahn, Jimbo, Leach, yourself, Coach O, Nick Saban. You get all those guys in a room.

Who's the alpha? Who's the one calling the shots? If you guys are out to dinner, who's making the order for the table? Well, that group's not going out to dinner first off. I can promise you that. So, that's true. That's true.

It'd be a very, it'd be a very stiff dinner. So, I don't know. I mean, in coaching, especially that, you've got national championship coaches. There's a lot of alphas in there. So, it'd probably be hard to order because everybody would try to order everything and try to be the boss

because they're used to being the boss. So, Coach O would probably win though because Coach Saban would probably be kind of scared when Coach O just starts yelling at around and stands up from the table, you know? So, I would say Coach O would probably win in the end. Coach O would probably bring his own like 600 pounds of crawfish to the table too

and just dump them on the table. That was it. He still swore. I just saw that 60 minutes the other night. Yes. I mean, it looks like he used to always tell me, he's like, I mean, the day will never come that I can't bench no three plates. Three, 15 hours, no matter what.

So, he looks like he's still doing it. Are you, would you say that you're closest to Coach O amongst that group? I think just obviously Coach O from, you know, working with him at USC as assistants in Tennessee and then USC again. You know, we've been through a lot. Yeah. So, what about the, I read a story once

before you, Tennessee went and played Alabama, the famous Terence Cody game. Coach O pumped everyone up before the game by throwing a projector against the wall and smashing it into a million pieces. Can you confirm that story and how pumped up did you get after seeing Coach O do that? Well, that's really not that abnormal.

So, I don't even remember. We've broken a lot of projectors. We used to beat the bill, you know, from the special teams and D-Line meeting. And, you know, that's nothing. We had Chandeliers in a hotel one time before I remember that he broke. So, that would, that probably happened.

Yeah. Yeah. And it pumped up the team, I would assume. I mean, you guys played a hell of a game. Obviously, the ending wasn't the way you wanted to go. But as big time underdogs, Coach O, he always seemed like the type of guy that could get the most out of the players, even if, you know, you're overmatched

in terms of Jimmy's and Joe's. Yeah. I mean, the players love to play for him and his energy that he brings every day. It was neat watching that 60 minutes the other day, just seeing him still just as a same old Coach O on the phone recruiting. It's awesome to see somebody that hasn't changed, even with the success.

Yeah. I'm going to give you a scenario here. Just say, hypothetically, Big Cat and I were 17-year-old, five-star prospects. Big Cat's a holder. I'm a kicker. We could really make the difference for your team. Thought you'd be a fullback. I could be. Okay, fine. For this purpose, I'll be fullback.

Big Cat, what do you want to be? I'll be a holder still. Still a holder. But we're legit. We're like blue-chip guys, okay? Thought you were infatuated with fullbacks, if I remember right. Yeah. I am absolutely infatuated fullbacks. I think it's the best position in sports.

But if we're in a living room, you come to our house, we're twins, and you're trying to get us. We're also being recruited by Nick Saban, by Coach O, by a lot of those guys in the SEC West. How do you differentiate your program? What is going to sell us on attending Ole Miss, as opposed to going to a school

that might have just won a national championship? Well, I think there's something, too, coming to somewhere at the beginning, before it's established and before it's rolling, and some of those places, you've got to wait a little longer because the rosters are more stacked, like we will be in a few years.

So I think sometimes you go with a new staff that hasn't had that success at the place in a few years. You know, you got the ability to play sooner, as well, and make a bigger impact, especially with name, image, and likeness, you know, potentially coming up. And then how much money do you leave behind? That's going to be, I'll be honest,

that's how I'm making my decision. Can I give you a tip, though, Coach? You need to bring the powder blues back and wear the powder blues all the time, and then just that would be, like if you came into my living room and like, hey, you can wear these, I'm in. As long as UNC isn't recruiting me, I'm in.

Yeah, well, we're wearing them for the opener, so for the first time ever. So, you know, I hear that from our players who recruit, so we're working that direction. Okay, all right, Coach. You've kind of been known as a quarterback whisperer. Do you like that term, a quarterback whisperer? I don't know, that's kind of, I don't even know.

That's kind of strange, but I've been around a lot of really good quarterbacks that, you know, with a lot of really good players around them, too. Yeah, yeah, I don't know who came up with the term, maybe quarterback guru. No, let's stick with whisperer for this case. So as a quarterback whisperer, how important is it to you to have a quarterback

whose name sounds like he's going to be an awesome quarterback? For example, like Blake Sims, that's a great quarterback name. John David Booty, another very strong quarterback name. I actually thought that Montana Murphy was the best quarterback name of them all, but how important is that to you to just hear a name and you're like, yeah, that guy sounds like my quarterback? Ah, I don't know.

I mean, I think it is neat when it is, you know, just like an actor or something where they just have like the right name and it's just a pretty name, but I'm sure there's some boring names that have been really good quarterbacks before. You guys have one this year, John Rhys Plumlee, where if you go three names in the SEC,

I immediately think you're good, kind of like the John David Booty. So you got that going for you. Yeah, that happens a lot here in the South. So you get a lot of three names here and a lot of times it's two first names to start. Yes, yes, I'm in for that. I have a question about your FAU.

I don't know if you even remember, but you did a hype video for FAU. What was up with that one? Did you think you nailed it? Because you didn't nail it. But did you think you nailed it? Was it one take? Yeah, we did it on purpose.

Okay. It was great. When would FAU ever be on SportsCenter for just some little commercial? So we did it so bad, all right, that later that day it's on SportsCenter. How else does that happen? Genius, very smart.

Okay, so you're genius, that's great. That's great to know that that was, and it was just enough believable where it's like, I think they're not joking, but there you go, the answer to that is, you did it on purpose and it worked perfectly. Cause I agree, like that one went viral. Yeah, the owls, yeah.

The FAU, it's really exciting here, buy your season ticket. It's perfect, yeah. It's perfect. And then not long after that, I remember you got obsessed with BitMoji's for a while. Are you still obsessed with BitMoji's? I grew out of that.

Okay. And I'm kind of matured out of that a little bit. Were you updating your own BitMoji? Cause it looked a lot like you. Yeah, I don't know how to do that. Someone does that for me, but. You had a BitMoji guy. Yeah, I forgot about that.

Yes, it was like everyone's mom and Lane Kiffin were in on BitMoji's for a period there. Cool. So I want to go back to USC, the first time you were at USC, when you have all that talent around you, your tight end coach, wide receiver coach, offensive coordinator, passing game coordinator,

was it like when you have that much talent, does it make it easier or harder for a coach? Because harder in the fact that everyone's expecting something or easier, you can just roll it out and be like, Matt Leiner, Reggie Bush, go out and play. Way easier. I would never complain about having great players. And so, and I've said it a bunch,

whether it's with Sarkeesian or other coaches that we had, or Coach O, you don't, especially when you're young, you can't appreciate something like that when you're in it. I try to tell our players, when we're on a good run somewhere, to really enjoy it, but you really can't because you're in it and you just kind of go, yeah, this is neat. But now that I look back years later,

I mean, that run, 34 straight wins, and one player here or there from beating Texas were three straight national championships. I mean, three Heisman winners in four years, and that just doesn't happen. And so, we knew it was neat at the time, but now that you look back, it really was amazing. Yeah, I've been part of two great ones.

Then go to Alabama, and when we left there, I think we'd won 26th straight or 26th straight games. And then the national championship was later that month, but just really, really fortunate and so many cool players and great programs. You mentioned one or two plays that kept you just short. One of those plays I would have to imagine is the misguided downfield lateral.

Have you thought that maybe incorporating some design downfield laterals into your offense would give you that next step that maybe some teams are gonna come to copy five, 10 years from now? Because I actually think that if there's a smart offensive coach that can work out, not just the hook and ladder play, but some other plays that incorporate downfield pitches,

I think that that would really open up an offense and kind of be the future of football. Have you considered any of that? I have actually thought about it, but ball security, for years has been taught and preached so much, but if you would play more like you play in the park or like people play video games, I bet you you'd be better in some areas.

You catch it and the guys are there, you just throw it over there. Just like you would have been playing in the park, but we don't do that because ball security, but I do think there is something to that. So along that same line, it feels like football now, we're having this discussion on Sunday actually,

how it's changed and coaches are more willing to go for it on 4th down because the analytics have been proven and the fan bases and the media accept it more whereas like 25 years ago, you just never went for it on 4th down because you get killed for it. Have you felt that as a coach? The difference in like, if I go for it on 4th down,

there'll actually be a lot of people who have my back here versus 15 years ago when you were coaching, it's like, no, we can't do this. Yeah, not even 15 or 25, I'd say four or five years ago, people still weren't doing it. So we started getting some analytics actually at USC, but it wasn't near what it is now.

And so I think the ability that you have it on paper and you can refer back to that. So, you know, I just looked at the charts, what, you know, it's what the analytics say to do. I think that makes coaches feel more comfortable and because people are doing that, the media is more accepting of it. And especially in college, I don't understand,

I've never understood college media. You see some of the worst game management ever at major programs in college football. And it's like, nobody says anything. In the NFL, you get killed that night for it, you know, in the next day in the paper or during the broadcast. I've never understood that why people get to slide with such terrible clock management

and management of situations in college versus NFL. Do you have a clock guy, a guy who just specializes in game scenarios and advises you when to use a timeout when not to? No, I don't have that, but I do have a book guy, a guy that is in the analytic book, you know, so on third down, as soon as it goes third, maybe it's third and eight on the minus 42,

he says, hey, four or less, you're going for it, you know? So I do have that from an analytic standpoint, but, you know, the timeouts and stuff like that, I hope that I've got that figured out. You should just invent a clock guy, like a clock management guy, he doesn't even exist, but that way, if anybody questions you about your late game clock management,

you can be like, yeah, that's Greg, my clock guy, so he's an expert on all this stuff, I defer to him. And then if things don't go well, then you can fire Greg halfway through the season and take over clock duties from him. That's actually a great idea. Yeah, just make employees up. Yeah.

I'll just name the guy Big Cat, we like the Big Cat upstairs on it. That would work. Would you have a hold back guy? Yes, our strength coaches get that guy. Okay, that's a good choice. But you've been doing Pilates, like you said before you came on,

so do you think he's gotta, like, you gotta be worried that he's not gonna be able to hold you back now that your core is just fucking rocking right now? Yeah, but he's like 26 and he's like really ripped, so it'll be all right. And I usually don't need to get held back, usually defensive, if you think about it,

choosing defensive coaches, defensive head coaches or defensive runners, they're usually the worst ones that go on the field. Yeah, I actually didn't think about that, but that's true. Do you get excited, like, does the hair stand on your arm, stand up on your arm when you call a trick play or trick plays coming and you know, like,

ooh, here we go, let's do something special here? Yeah, I think more than trick plays is when it's something that you call for an exact coverage, exact situation, and then you get that. That's when I think it's really cool because you help the player score versus just, oh, I hand it off and the guy made the guy miss,

that happens all the time to people. And I just say, you know, coaches get all excited, they're celebrating, well, we didn't even block the linebacker, everybody made the guy miss. And I still always say on the headset, I'm like, I don't know why you guys are so excited, that's called good recruiting, that's not good coaching. Right, right.

But the cool coaching to me is when, you know, you really scheme something up versus exact thing and then you can tell before the snap or you actually audible from the sideline, like you whistle, you check something for the quarterback, you audible it for him as a coach, and then it works to get to, you know, against what's being played, that's pretty cool to me.

You mentioned fullbacks earlier, and yeah, it is my favorite position by far. We're a big fullback podcast here. We invented the College Football Award, known as the Lowman Award, the Lowman Trophy, that goes to the nation's top fullback. Are you gonna be utilizing fullback in your office this year?

We are not, sad to say, and I really do appreciate the fullback and we had it forever. We had the best one ever, Tom Rathman actually. Yeah, great fullback. We're running back coach at the Raiders, and so one of the great ones, Lorenzo Neal. We were president of state right before I did, but we've just, we've moved to tempo

and we're more spread now, and so we've just kind of fallen by the wayside unfortunately. You should just get one really jack guy, like have him just be a walk on, the strongest person in the weight room on campus, list him as a fullback, give him a huge ass neck roll just for the intimidation factor,

and all he does is just stand on the sideline. We had that at Alabama, and he's actually works here now, as one of our assistant coaches, Michael Newsfinder. He was the fullback for Derek Henry, and he was 46, they called him Highway 46. He said, everybody just drive behind Highway 46. He was a walk on kid that works for us now here.

Awesome story. That's fantastic. So talking about Alabama real quick, I wanna go back, maybe not a great memory, but Western Kentucky, Alabama, 38, 10, fourth quarter, 45 seconds left. Coach Saban rips you a new one. Are you thinking in your head,

like this is gonna get replayed a million times on SportsCenter, and I'm gonna be trending on Twitter in a minute here. I really wasn't, because he does that all the time. So I really wasn't thinking anything about it being a big deal. I was just like, oh, this is, you know, Saturday, and this just happened Tuesday,

Wednesday, and Thursday, so what's the big deal? I really didn't think much of it at all. Okay, okay, because that one, yeah. If you actually pay attention to it, the fumble happens before they score. So he doesn't lose his mind when the fumble happens on me. He loses mind when they score a touchdown

against the defense. That's when he really loses his mind. Right. That's more about results over process. That's affecting staff now. Yeah, that's just got affected. Yes, and I think that the reason why everyone talked about it was because it was 38 to 10,

with like 40 seconds left, the game had been over for a very long time, and Saban is losing his mind. Was there ever, is there ever a calm Nick Saban? Is there ever like a chuckle hut Nick Saban, like kicking it back with the boys and having a few laughs, or is he just intense all the time?

I would never say that I've seen him kick it back with the boys, that's for sure. Maybe turn the volume up on the weather channel. He does watch the weather channel every morning, actually. Now that you say that, because he comes into the staff meeting in the morning and he'll already know the weather. So on the weather channel, it says it's gonna rain today.

So he does watch that every morning. What was that interview process like with him? When you're going down there, I read that you spent about a week going over the offense, watching film before you actually did the interview. I don't know if that's true or not, but what was the process like

when you're trying to become the offensive coordinator at Alabama? Well, I had been there after I got fired at USC, didn't have much to do. So he actually offered that I could come out there like a lot of coaches do and just watch practice and hang around and stuff. Then after the season, when they had a job opening,

then he flew me back there for an interview and it's pretty extensive and you meet with the whole staff and with him and have dinner with him. So pretty extensive interview process. Are there actual questions about what type of plays would you run in this scenario? Or is it just getting to know if he can work with you?

Because I have to assume that you have a pretty big body of evidence of what you've done for offenses in the past. Yeah, to his credit, that's not how coach works. It doesn't matter what you've done. So you still come in there and you interview, you go on the board, he asks you, how do you attack this coverage?

What do you do here? So that's why he's so good at things. The ending at USC, is there a part of you, when you get on the team plane, you try to run up the stairs to be like, all right, got on, I'm on. They can't kick me off now. Or are you get nervous about being on tarmacs?

Is there something that has psychologically left with you since that incident? Well, I had no clue. So I got on the plane because we were flying back after the game. I had no clue it was happening. I mean, we lost the game, but we were still three and two and we were down 30 scholarships.

And so, I'd been told all, hey, we understand this stuff's gonna happen. Look at history, look at Miami when they had it. You basically get the death penalty, probation and 30 scholarships, you ain't winning a lot of games. So we were 28, 15 at the time, I had no clue. So maybe I'm naive,

but so that happened once we landed. And then I got off to get on the bus to go back to the office. I had to actually sleep at the office to get started on the next opponent. And that's when I got pulled off the bus and the rest of history. Yeah, I mean, that's kind of a bullshit way to get fired.

I would say that's not really fair. I think that makes you a sympathetic figure in that instance. I also like the fact that you're about to sleep at your office, that's the ultimate football guy. Yeah, I mean, I felt bad we'd lost and just it was whatever, three o'clock in the morning. So I used to go home, just go back to the office,

sleep on the couch and get ready to get going. Obviously you're excited about this upcoming season right now. So am I. I'm wishing all the best for you at Ole Miss. I think that you guys will be fun to watch. We play this game with everybody. We ask every single guest that we have on the show this question.

Let's just say it is March 1st of 2021. Ole Miss is national champions. How does Lane Kiffin head coach the New York Jetson to you? Oh, terrible. That's the correct answer. Correct answer. That actually tells me you've got great instincts. Yes.

Have you seen the roster? Was it, is it, is it, you've done NFL. Are you a college football coach for life now? Like is it, I would imagine that the NFL just being a different beast altogether. I would think so. I've always enjoyed college more, especially after, you know, coming back to it.

And as you get older, just working with kids. And, you know, there's a lot of neat things about the NFL. A lot of people love it. You know, you get a lot of free time and don't work in off season hard at all anymore. But, you know, I enjoy the recruiting. I enjoy the different seasons of college football. Yeah.

My last question for you. It's about a tweet that you had. This was, I think, maybe a year ago. You tweeted out a meme with Kim Jong-un. It said, breaking news, Kim Jong-un has turned down the University of Tennessee job. First of all, great meme. Second of all, you followed it up by saying

you did not know who Kim Jong-un was. Do you now know who Kim Jong-un is? I just didn't know maybe what his title was. I just thought it was funny. I like your shoot from the hip guy on Twitter. That's what coaches need to be. Yeah. Coaches aren't like that. I'm just thinking myself as a normal person, like on Twitter.

So I know people make a big deal of it, but life's too short to really worry that much about what you retweet and is it proper and all that. Like, I mean, come on, guys. I mean, the state of Mississippi has a meme off on their hands between you and then, obviously, Mike Leach is a real big meme guy as well. Have you compared notes?

I have not. I love Leachy. He's awesome. I always have. We were together in the Pac-12, so league meetings and getting to know him and he's unique, but I do like that you don't give a shit. I do like that part. Yes.

All right, my last question. So you confirmed an alias, but denied the alias that everyone jokes about. You said that Joey Freshwater was not your alias. Jimmy Chestnut was. I want you to be able to, now at this point, tell us that it actually was Joey Freshwater because Jimmy Chestnut sounds lame.

Joey Freshwater is the coolest name out there. Yes, it is. If I said that I was joking when I said Jimmy, I think I said it every one time. Yeah, and my buddy's name is Jimmy Chestnut. I think that's what I... Okay, so you were Joey Freshwater. Joey Freshwater is a great name.

Now, that name actually started when my kids were young. And so, everybody turns around dad and they're not gonna say Lane, obviously. So I said, and their friends would come over. So instead of saying, Mr. Kiffin, we're at Target or Moves and everybody turns around like, you don't want to talk to you and realize, so there's a coach, Coach Kiffin.

So I told their friends, they all called me, I don't even know Joey. So they still to this day call me Joey, even though now they're like in 10th grade now, but they still call me Joey when I come back around. That's actually where that started. I don't know where the Freshwater Park came up with. I don't know, I can't remember that part.

That's, I hope that you coach for long enough that you someday actually recruit a Joey Freshwater because the odds are eventually you'll find one, right? And you'll have to give him a scholarship and then everything will be complete. You win a national title with Joey Freshwater in 25 years. And ride off in the sunset. That would be, that would actually be really cool.

Somebody named, someone read that story, they named their kid, Joey Freshwater, I'd be off. It's probably happened. There probably is some kid. His last name is Freshwater probably, but maybe like they have a last name like Anderson, but then they named the kid Joey Freshwater Anderson. He just goes by Joey Fresh.

I bet you that they're at least six, five year olds in the state of Alabama right now named Joey Freshwater XYZ. Probably animals for sure. Yes. Yeah. I get all the time, like, oh, I named my dog Lane. I'm like, oh, that's cool. Yeah. It's a sweet compliment.

I named my kitty Kiffin. Well, coach, this has been awesome. Best of luck this year. We'd love to have you back on anytime. Well, you have to come back on now whenever we ask because you're a recurring guest. We appreciate it. I'm so happy that you confirmed the FAU.

I don't know if you'd have done that before, but the FAU video, which is still one of my favorite videos. But best of luck this year. It was great talking to you. And we will be rooting for Ole Miss now. Well, we're rooting for LSU over Ole Miss. I hope you understand. Coach O is still our guy.

But I think you become number two in the SEC West. What? Who's number two? Leech? I think it's number two. Yeah, I don't know. I think you're number two now. I think you're number two. I bet I stayed on longer than Leech.

You know, we had, like, technical difficulties, you know? Yeah. No. Well, Leech stayed on longer, but only because he pauses between every single sentence as he thinks of, like, another fact about an animal. Well, and Leech also stayed on longer because he wanted to talk about what's the law in Texas

that he... Oh, the sovereign immunity. Sovereign immunity. Sovereign immunity. We did about 35 minutes about sovereign immunity with Coach Leech. He just wants his money from Texas Tech. You know what? Here's what we'll do. All right. Here's it. Here it is.

LSU's our number one in the SEC West. That's clear because Coach O is our guy for a long time. We're not going to change allegiance there. This year's Egg Bowl decides if we're Coach Kiffin or Coach Leech, guys. Let's go. I'm on it. I'll take the bet. Okay. Love it.

All right. Well, thanks so much, Coach. And best of luck, and we'll talk soon. All right, guys. Have a great week. All right. See ya, Coach. That interview with Lane Kiffin was brought to you by our favorite friends at 3G. I love 3G. Haven't had any since Saturday night.

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Roll call. You guys in the office, you guys in the studio right now, use 3G. Hank? Hell yeah. Hank, what was your first experience like with 3G? I mean, similar, probably similar to some of the stuff we just talked about in Neil deGrasse Tyson.

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5% off your order. Must be 21 to purchase. And now, here's Morton Anderson, the great dame. Ooh. All right, we now welcome on recurring guests. Morton Anderson, our good friend, PFT's coach. My guru. Guru, whisperer.

Morton, good to see you. Good to talk to you. We wanted to get you on because, well, it's been corrected but we would, I think it's gonna pop up again, why every kicker seems to suck now in the NFL with no one in the stands. So can you give us at least a little insight into that?

There's no adversity. There's no dynamic, there's no, you know, you need a dynamic environment to excel in the world of suck. There's no world of suck, it's a sterile environment. So you're saying it's easier for kickers to go out there if they have, you know, 60,000 people that feel strongly one way or another about them?

Yeah, yeah, you wanna have them, you want to get interaction, you want people to react whether it's good or bad really is irrelevant but the fact is that when you're out there you should feel alive and not like you're in a mouse in a laboratory. But isn't it kind of similar to practice? You know, you don't have fans around to practice

and a lot of kickers, you hear about them being, you know, money during the week, not missing a kick and then on Sunday they go out and they stink. Yeah, you have PFT but do you remember when you came to Atlanta and worked out with me? Yeah. What did I tell you about practice? You said you can control the things that you can control

your preparation and your effort level. I said you gotta bleed in peace so you don't have to bleed in war. I said to you that you have to make it uncomfortable in practice. So what I did, okay, so to my point earlier, you gotta tell your 80 teammates or whatever you have, 50 now, 50, a couple of 50s, right?

You gotta yell and scream at you. You have six live kicks, let's say, doing practice. They gotta talk about your mama, they gotta, whatever it takes, they gotta make it uncomfortable. So if you got a lineman right next to you when you're trying to, you know, make it through the pipes, that's as real as it gets. Yeah, so I mean, you did bring that up

when we were down in Atlanta, you would have me like put myself in a situation inside my own head. Okay, it's a 30 yard line, 12 seconds left, quarterback just spiked the ball. You have to go out and take the kick right now. Like it's an actual game situation. So what you're saying is you should have the opposing defense in practice

start screaming at you and yelling at you because I would imagine that you can, you can hear more of that on the playing field right now during a game than you could ever before. So the kickers can actually, they can actually hear the shit talk coming from the opposition. That's right.

So just make it as tough as you can as real as you can in practice. And it's actually gonna be worse, you know, in practice for you. It's gonna be more difficult for you in practice than it is in the games right now. It's a very sterile environment. It's very weird to watch as a fan.

I mean, it's eerie, you know, and, but it's good for a lot of other things, you know? What was the worst, what was the worst game you ever had? How many kicks did you miss in the worst game you ever had? Like I missed three in one game. I think it was the opening season 19. It was right after Super Bowl was with 99.

So in 1999, we were playing the Vikings, which we had beaten the NFC Championship game. And I think Gary and I together missed like five or six kicks in that game. It was just absolutely horrible. Okay. And this was at home in the Georgia Dome. So there was a lot of booing.

So, so I asked that because we watched last week, Monday Night Football, Stephen Gostowski missed three kicks and it becomes as a viewer, you're watching it. And it, it's, it like takes on almost, it's almost bigger than the game. The plot of will the kicker miss the next kick. So when you're in that spot and you've had a game where you're off,

are you standing on the sideline being like, I hope we don't ever have to kick again. I hope my number doesn't get called because something's going on in my head right now. And I don't know what it is. No, I'm salivating at that point because I know that I, you know, I know I screwed it up. So I got to get back in there.

I got to get that nasty taste out of my mouth. And so I'm salivating, you know. Now it happens for a second time. And you're like, hmm, that's, that's interesting. That usually doesn't happen to me. That's like not normal. So I kind of chalked it up to that's not normal. That's never going to happen again.

Then it happened the third time. And, you know, then I was kind of glad the game was almost over. Right, right. At that point, you know, you chalk it up to an L. It's just a bad day at the office. Yeah. It does happen. Yeah.

But the weird thing was I missed three kicks, all kinds of different ways, you know. I pushed one, I pulled one, I hit one like a knuckleball. So it was a really weird day for me. So how did you, how did you go into the next one? 182 games, you know, you had one. Yeah. So how did you go into the next game to fix it?

Or were you at the point where, like you said, chalk it up to an L. It's never happened anything close to this before. So I assume it won't happen again. Or did you take some sort of like active measure to fix what was broken? I just went back to basics, PFT. I just, you know what I did?

I just went back and looked at the film, very simple. I went back and looked at film when I, when I balled, you know, when I hit them, when I was piping them. And I just looked at like 10 to 12 kicks. I said, all right, that looks smooth. That looks good. I didn't overanalyze because I knew it wasn't, wasn't a pattern, you know, it was just one of those things.

Can't explain it. I didn't overanalyze. I didn't overthink it. Right. I just said, okay, that was, I'm over three in that game. I think I was once at four, maybe that game. So that's, that's a bad day at the office. Now everybody else is talking about it.

I can't do anything about that, but I can do anything. I can do a lot about game two, you know, when I'm coming back. And I think I went, I think I balled actually. I don't know if I had a game winner in the next game. We could look it up, 1999 game two Falcons. So what, what about though, with Kostowski especially, he, week two, he kicks, he misses an extra point.

Then he hits a 51 yarder and hits a 49 yarder for the game winner. What's going on there where the, the short ones are harder than the long ones. Like that makes no sense. No, you know, when I've always, and I think I told you this PFT too, when we talked about 50 artists or,

that wasn't really relevant for you. No. I'm not trying to insult you or anything. Just a fact. You know, you were. Yeah, just a fact. I mean, it was 30, you have to miss a 35. I told you, you had to be money inside 40.

But for, to answer you big, big cats answer your question on the 51 and the 40. So I always thought about like to fool myself into thinking that was a shorter kick. I would always say like a 50 yarder is like a 45 yarder with a little bit of room to spare. You know? Okay.

So man, does that kind of make, you know, something like you have a, you have a 10 foot pot, but it's kind of, you know, it's kind of a, it's a two foot pot with an eight foot lag. I like that. I like that. That's a good way to mentally think about it. Because this stuff is fascinating to me.

Kickers psychology, we joke about it, but when you are, yeah, when it's going bad, you probably have to play tricks on your own mind to figure out a way to get it going good. Well, you do and you got to have a system. You got to go ahead. You always have to have a happy place you can go to. And I, you know, so when you miss three in a game,

you can go and look at some film or you can go and look at some experiences. That's why when you're a young guy and you don't have skins on the wall, you know, it's tough to go back and look at successes because you don't have any. You might have some in college and you can start to go back and look at film from that.

But until you get some skins on the wall, you know, it's tough to revert back to that happy place. And so I just had a few things, a few tools, a few coping mechanisms, if you will, that helped me when, you know, when everything, when the shit hit the fan basically and so, and it didn't do it that often, you know what I mean? It was basically pretty, pretty darn consistent,

80% throughout my career. So eight out of 10 times I stepped on the field, I had success. I'm pretty pleased with that, you know what I mean? Yeah, so you had, your happy place was just memories of you doing things correctly on the football. You had a very full spank bank of successes that you've had. Just kinesthetics, feel, I was big, you know,

I liked looking at film, but also knew it has to feel right on the foot. It feels kind of effortless and, and the motion through the ball feels effortless. I mean, look at Butker with Kansas City the other night. It was almost like a jugs machine. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's got a 53 yard and he pipes it,

oh, there's a five yard penalty. Oh, he pipes that, oh, there's a timeout or, you know, he hits three in a row from 53 plus. I mean, it was huge. And it just looked effortless to me. When you can go over there and free your body up with breathing, and we talked PFT, we talked about the breathing part.

Can't hold your breath when you're trying to do something like kicking a football in the NFL game. You got to exhale and exhale, and then bring that, bring that breath control through the ball, that's what you want. So the end of that game, when Butker hit those two 58 yarders back to back, the second one, I feel like it,

it looked like it would have been good from 68 yards. Have you noticed that these kickers are making these field goals with so much room to spare? Do you think that there's going to be some coaches that start kicking, you know, 65 yard field goals, the way that we used to kick 55 yard ones? I think we're going to see a 70 yard field goal. I wouldn't be surprised if it's this year.

Ooh, okay. I like that. Mile high or anywhere? No, it doesn't matter. It's not going to have to be at elevation. The way, I mean, the way Butker hit that 58, that had another 10 on it. Is it easier or harder to kick it on the new turf

that you see in all these new stadiums? You know, well, actually Vegas has grass, but the new turf, yeah, it is beautiful. The new turf that's open in LA, like what is that for a kicker? Is that easier or harder to kick off of? I like artificial turf. We had astroturf, we don't have that anymore.

They have field turf now that mirrors grass a little more. I love the astroturf. Because the ball sat up high and tight and it was just a clean surface. You know what I mean? You got a good look at the ball. The ball didn't sink into the grass or the mud or... And one of the things I was mostly concerned about

when I kicked was my plant foot. Is my plant foot solid or is it sliding? Because if my strike point changes, which is, you know, whatever happens to my plant foot, if it slides, my strike point on the ball is going to change because it might go lower, you know, if my foot slits forward. Now I'm in a position, you know,

where at the moment of truth, when you have to hit the ball and your body position has to be perfect, it's not because of something that happened on your plant side. That's why there's a lot of moving parts and that's why it's so fast. And that's why the place kicking position is just as important as the quarterback.

I'd say more. Yeah, more important. I would say more important. That's a nice thing you've told yourself. Patrick Mahomes would not be shit without Harrison Bucker. Patrick Mahomes needs to take at least $400 million of his contract and give it to Harrison Bucker. And give it to the kicker. Absolutely.

He gave $100 million to Bucker because who won the game? Right, good point. So he bailed him out. Very good point. When you were kicking, or just maybe in general, do you find that backup quarterbacks or punters make for better holders? Punters because you have more time with them.

Yeah, they don't have to be practicing all this stuff. Right, you can go, you know, the backup quarterback's going to hold the clipboard and he has to know the plays in case the starting guy goes down. So he's over there paying attention to offensive drills where the kicker and the punter and the long-snap will go off on their own and drink a Gatorade

and, hey, man, I was your knight. You know, what kind of move? What are you watching on whatever? You know, did you check out that podcast, you know, that great Dane Nation, man, with Morton Ailes? Oh, sweet, you know, stuff like that. So we have time as a kicker and punter.

We'll just go and grind for an hour and a half and then we get called over for five minutes, you know, for our little moment of fame with the whole team. And that's where I want the guys to yell at me and tell me names so it can be as real as a game. Yeah, all right, so I had one last question. Falcon, you live in Atlanta, you were Falcon. Are the Atlanta Falcons cursed?

Well, they have to understand that when you're on the hands team and receiving an unsite kick, you don't have to wait for the ball to go 10 yards. You can go and get that ball. You don't dance around it like, you know, it's a bonfire. But you guys are cursed. But other than that, yeah, other than that, even that, like. Well, that wasn't a smart play.

Somebody didn't brief them on the rules. Yeah. But there's a lot, there are several examples of things like that that have happened over the course of the last like 30 years of the Atlanta Falcons. So, I mean, I think that a curse probably has to come into play at some point, right?

I didn't go to the Super Bowl with them. So we did okay that year, 99. Well, I mean, you didn't win it, so Robinson, the curse. I know, but you know, I mean, you still, you know, you're the best loser, so. That's true, that's true. They are the world champions of losing. I just look into the curse to try to figure out

what's going on there so that maybe we can get this curse fixed. Like you can't, if you don't know that you're cursed, you're just gonna keep being cursed. I don't know if it's cursed or not, guys. I think a lot of it is self-inflicted and in some circumstance, are the jets cursed? Probably.

Yeah, definitely. Let's say yes. You know, I just think it's about performance, guys, and that happens on the practice field. I know it sounds kind of old school, but I do believe that, man. I believe that you're in the right to play the game at its highest level.

And on the practice field through the week, and when you show up on game day, you have to bring it. You have to bring your full attention to that moment and for those three hours. I don't care what position you're playing. That's the high performance business, man. It's not, it's not Pee Wee football, and you gotta know the rules,

and you gotta know what your role is in specific game situations. Football is so specialized now, and one game can go to bad, can lose it for you. I mean, with countless situations and examples from each and every game, every week, where one stupid play, or somebody didn't know it, or, you know, defensive back decided to hook a receiver

or tight end and got a stupid PI, you know? I mean, an onside kick that's not recovered because do guys not know the rule? Or are they not taught to go to the football and recover it, and then the game's over? You know, so there's lots of things. The curse is put on yourself by bad performance. It becomes habitual.

It becomes winning just like losing is a habit, and it can go either way for you. You have to decide proactively if you wanna be winning or losing. During week one, was there like a small part of you that thought maybe I'm gonna get a call? Maybe they're gonna ask more than just to strap it up one more time?

I just turned 60. That would be iconic, man, to get a call and then go out there and pull a hand on the first one. Did you fantasize about that, or did you allow your brain to think like, what if I get that call? No, I'm 13 years removed, guys. I'm sitting here with earphones on like you guys now. I love what I'm doing.

I don't know. I mean, I love talking about it. Don't get me wrong. I love having cool guests on and talking to Archie Manning. I love talking to Trent Green, who's really interested, he's in the booth now. And I love to talk to Franco Harris and all the guests we're gonna have on this year.

I just, I can't see myself playing anymore. I mean, that my niece won't do it. And so when the physical limitation kind of tells you, can't do it, then mentally, you know, you follow. There's so many other things, great things in life right now, right? Geez, the COVID, isn't that fun? I mean, you know, so.

Yeah, you see it. So I'm just, I'm working out every day, guys. Having a blast and doing my great Dane podcast on vegasinsider.com slash podcast. That's what we're doing. Love it. And it's fun. I'm listening to you guys, you know?

And learning, learning from the best guys. And it's a lot of fun, man. It's, you never too old to learn, right? That's true. Never too old to learn, never too old to make mistakes, but never too old to improve. And I think as an athlete, it's the same thing. When you stop improving, then you're cursed.

You're trying to get into my job. I'm trying to get into your old job. This is my last question, because the XFL tryouts are coming up. I'm trying to get into your job. They are coming up. No, no, but listen to the great Dane podcast. You're an excellent broadcaster, obviously.

I need to listen to the one with Archie Manning because that sounds fascinating to me, but I've got my tryouts coming up again in February for the XFL. It's under new management. Don't know if you heard the rock is involved. He wants to play. Billy is going to be my strength and conditioning coach here.

He's our intern. I feel like I've lost some legs. I got up to 46 yards before the pandemic or at the start of the pandemic. Yeah, I saw the virtual. Since then, I was drilling the virtual kicks. Since then, I haven't been able to lift weights. I've been on the Peloton exercise bike,

so I've probably lost some distance. I'd like to get that back. Can you advise Billy as to like, what specific? Get in a pool? Yeah, and then start running. Get yourself a flotation belt and start doing some aqua jogging, interval training. Aqua jog, I thought you were going to say,

get a flotation device and just hang out in a pool. Well, no, like a belt. You need a belt and then you need these two helmets that water can flow through and it gives you resistance. Google, I can't remember what the website is, but it's aqua jogging. Just Google aqua jogging and you'll get a plethora of information.

Aqua jogging helmets. And get in a pool in the deep end and start moving around and do interval training. Combined with, you can keep the Peloton, that's okay. Just don't do long distance. Do some explosive stuff. There's a test you can do to find out your power. It's called the BRUCE test.

I got to get a BRUCE test. You got to get a BRUCE test. Yes. I want to see what kind of power you can create in three to five seconds. Actually, shorter than that for kicking. That's perfect. We're just looking for explosive bursts from you.

I'm not looking for steady state. I'm looking for quickness and power. Explosiveness. Because Billy was telling me front squats. Do I need to do front squats? And power cleans. Don't load your spine. Don't have them load your spine.

No, no, no, no, no. My spine needs to stay clean. Already deep on this. I'm going to do it. Do lunges. I told you do lunges and step ups and side straddles and Eric Hyden's, the skating lunge. Skating lunges, side to side, do all that.

Okay, so I'm going to get back up to 46 yards and then I'm going to be in money. I'll be in touch. We'll be in touch about. You'll get a 50. 51 yards, which is a 46 yard with five yards. There it is. That's all it is.

That's the psychology. I love it. I love it. Morton, thank you so much. Everyone go listen to Morton's podcast, Great Day Nation. Be well and hopefully see you soon. Yeah, bigasinsider.com, guys.

Please check that out. Love it. Love it. Well, thank you so much. Love you guys. Anytime. Take care, Morton. See ya.

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We got guys on chicks. Billy's list is back. Thank you, Billy. Appreciate that. We got actually to a lot of it. Bobbercraft. Bobby Smurda, reportedly denied for all. No more happy endings for Bobby Smurda.

Mask finds are being levied left and right in the NFL. I don't really, I feel like they shouldn't even tell everyone that they're levying the finds because they should, aren't they doing it for? What's levying mean? Like putting the find down, like giving them for the find. So aren't they doing it though for the visual, like the optics?

It's just for the visual. Because all the coaches are tested, all the players are tested. The players aren't wearing masks. So the coaches are just, it's just because it's not a good look in Roderick Dell's eyes. Which is the most NFL thing ever.

But so then going under that like thought of it's, it's all for visual. Shouldn't they not publicly talk about finding people for masks because they want to give the visual that the coaches are doing it on their own volition? Well, yeah. Like they're basically saying, we're making you wear a mask

or we're going to find you $100,000. Now the visual's out the window. They should also just not talk about it because that way we won't all be thinking, oh yeah, that's right. That coach wasn't wearing a mask. Right. The visual though is gone now.

Because they're basically saying, we are forcing you to wear it, which I'm fine with, but just don't then say they're forcing you. I do like Andy Reed's new mask. Really the coaches that have the visors, I think that they're the smart ones because you don't have to worry about pulling it up and down.

I just, I hope the next step is Andy Reed should have like a heads up display on his visor, like a fighter pilot has on the glass where he has his plays that scroll up, like his play sheet is in front of him in like- Teleprompter. Yeah, and like neon greens. And he gets to like just talk to his mask

and select through it like he's a minority reporter. You'll have like a windshield wiper eventually on that thing too. I just think like a fighter pilot heads up display with a radar lock on certain plays would look awesome. Yeah, but that's it. So let's do guys on chicks. We'll get, we'll finish up.

We just teased it Friday. We're going to have Neil deGrasse Tyson on, which is going to be awesome. Really, really fun. And then also some college football with our friend Andy Staples. But let's finish up with some guys on chicks. My boyfriend of two years is a casual gambler

that works himself up to yelling at the screen every Sunday. He's been talking about gambling nonstop for two years. So finally I decided to try it and now I'm hooked. Since I've started giving him picks, he's been pouting saying I'm ruining the fun. Now he doesn't gamble anymore and says I should stop. Should I break up with him since he's being a sore loser or should I stop gambling with him?

I think you need to get on the same page with your bets. I think that if, I'll put it this way, the biggest fights that we have ever had as a podcast on part of my take come when somebody is betting on the other side against the other person. That's true. Oh yeah, that's your betting against the other person. You're right.

The bets are what we're talking about. And besides that, we have a pretty good relationship on the show. But if you find yourself taking the same side of every bet, then you win together, you lose together. And the couple that loses together, I think wins together. It's also got to suck if he's been betting

for a really long time and then now all of a sudden you're way better than him, which there is a beginner's luck in gambling that happens to pretty much everyone where they are hot at the beginning and they're like, this is the easiest thing ever. So yeah, he's gonna lose his mind. I think you just stay with him, you stay gambling,

and you have him lose his mind, and then he'll quit gambling and you'll be fine. Hey dog, dad, PFT, future cat, dad, Hank and dad, dad, big cat, whoa. My husband and I are expecting our first child on 11, 12, 11, two, 20. My husband has been great throughout the pregnancy with COVID and everything being so uncertain.

But he's upsetting me with his new demands. We were having a girl and he desperately wants me to have a Halloween baby. I don't think he gets it. He says, have the kid on Halloween. It's my favorite holiday and that we can name her Candy. Thoughts?

I think he's actively trying to get your daughter into porn already. That is a recipe for, like my daughter, oh, her name's Candy with an eye probably. She loves putting on costumes and she was born on Halloween. It's, I would check him a little bit. I would check him on that.

I think Halloween would probably be the worst day to have a child on. No, wait, wait, wait. It doesn't matter, hold on. It doesn't matter to have a kid on Halloween. Why would it matter to have a kid on Halloween? Because Halloween's like my favorite holiday. Okay, well, if you're having a kid,

you probably aren't celebrating Halloween anymore. Me and Halloween, it's long term. I think it'd be the worst day to be born because Halloween is every kid's favorite day and then it's your birthday stolen. Right, that too. Just thinking about it the wrong way around. Yeah, I think if you're having a kid,

you're not like, oh man, I'm gonna miss the rager because I'm gonna go have a kid. You can tell exactly who on this podcast has a child and who doesn't buy that one. Wild thinking. I mean, the perspective. You still go out on Halloween? Oh yeah.

No, you don't. You kidding me? No chance. Dude, I go out hard. I hit the gin bucket on Halloween. I got a sweet Tiger King costume coming in. Yeah. Oh yeah, I remember Tiger King.

I'm gonna go with Santa Day O'Connor. That works. Hey Hank, husky cat, and pfft. My boyfriend's mom gave me a candle for my birthday. It smells like his ballsack after he does legs at the gym. Can I throw a candle away or is it non-environmentally safe? Thanks.

You can just burn it outside. Mm-hmm. That's, yeah. Yeah, just that's what a candle does. Yeah, just burn it. And like, the candle's done. Uh-huh, I used it all. It's over.

How many candles do you think have been burned? You can't, yeah, in life? Yeah. Well, let's see, there's eight. Well, I mean, it was, it was electricity before. I would say probably like 500 billion. Whoa. Dude, think about rice.

Billions, so much more than million. That's a lot of candles. 500 billion, though. No. How many candles get burned in 10? I don't think one billion. So I think between like 1900 and what, negative 60,000 BC, we use candles.

That's a shitload of years. That's 62,000 years. When were candles invented? I bet it was Egypt. 200 BC. That's a lot of candles. 200 BC. Well, never mind.

That's a lot of candles now. So that's really only 21,000 years. Mm-hmm. So many years. 2100 years. How many candles have been burned ever? No one has that shit. We should ask Neil that.

Hello, Mr. X professional athlete, PFT, Slimcat and Triple H. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year. Things are starting to move towards a potential engagement. There's one problem. He kisses so loud. My housemates have complained to me multiple times about how they can hear us kissing in our room. It's not even like we're making out.

It's just a small pep that can be heard in the living room. My housemates keep telling me I have to have a talk with him about kissing quieter, but I just don't know how to bring it up. If I ever say anything, my housemates will slowly hate me. If I do, my boyfriend will be in a mood and be afraid to kiss me. Seems like a lose, lose.

How do I handle the situation? I mean, if they're going towards a potential engagement, you don't even live with them yet. That might be a little jumping the gun. Yeah. I think all things considered, there are worse problems to have in a relationship. Like, you guys don't kiss.

You smooch. Can you put a silencer on a kiss? That's smooching. Like, maybe some lipstick? Tell them to grow a mustache and a beard. That'll muffle the sound a little bit. Slow it down. Yeah, put a little bit of barrier in between the lips.

Yeah, it's like a speed bump. Uh-huh. I did the idea of just a loud kiss. And everyone would be like, damn, you guys kiss loud. It's very funny. There they go again. This is just very specific. No name, no nothing.

It's just text to the text line that said, be sure you flush the toilet before inviting us back to your apartment after a date. Just a men in general. Yeah. So I think that girl had a traumatic experience. I think you can just stop with, be sure to flush the toilet. Unless it's pee, then just don't worry about it.

Also let it mellow. Yeah. Also save water, the environment. A high-fat cat and Marlon's man steps on a long time ago to my boyfriend on the day. The day he proposes to me is the day I eat his ass. He's planning on a special weekend for us this upcoming weekend for our five-year anniversary.

And I think he is actually proposing. He often brings up me eating his ass. And I'm scared that he might actually expect me to do it if he proposes. What should I do? Should I say I was just joking or just do it? I think you have to make him, you had a plan for both occasions.

So you got to pick a lane and stick to it. So either feed him a bunch of raw meat and stuff that's going to just oysters all weekend to make him really sick. So he will not even have the balls to ask you to eat his ass. Or go the other way and just basically treat his butthole to a spa day, get him a wax, maybe

go to the local adult gift shop and purchase some flavored lube, put some glitter on there, some baby powder, have him spend all day just having his butt being fanned and washed. You can't go middle ground here because that's where you run into trouble if he eats a normal diet and it's just another day for his butthole. You're going to be in a sad state of affairs

once he proposes. I'd go with just a prank. That's a perfect just a prank. It was just a prank. I was psyching the proposal. That's where he's not going to take the ring back. Yeah, what he says, that's just a prank. That's not going to, the ring's not coming back.

Yeah, well the thing is, he can't complain to anybody if you say it was just a prank. Like, he's never going to tell that story. He's not going to be like, yeah, I had to break off the proposal, mom and dad. Oh, why? Well, she didn't lick my bunghole. Yeah, so you're good.

All right, last one. My boyfriend checks his phone about every 30 minutes when we are together, scared me that he's cheating. So while he was sleeping, I checked his phone and he has a group chat with the boys where they only talk about gambling. Do most guys have this, or should I be worried about his addiction?

Side note, seems like he loses a lot more than he wins. I mean, a lot more. Should I set up an intervention? First question is yes. I'd say just never go through the phone. Yeah, correct. You're not going to find anything. Don't do it.

No woman has ever picked up a man's phone, spent a good 15 minutes on it, and been like, this kicks ass. I'm really glad that I did that. You know what, everything's out of context too. That's true. There's a lot of context that gets missed. You need the context.

You don't complain about your wins. You don't brag about your wins in the group chat. I guess somebody else might be losing. So you're getting a small sample size here. Yeah, it's better to just leave him alone and just be like, hey, that was a good game, huh? When he does win, be like, you're so smart. You're so, so smart.

Good job. But also just don't go through the phone. No, don't do that. Don't ever do that. All right, that's our show. Friday we have Neil deGrasse Tyson and Andy Staples. Billy, do you have anything to let us go? Multiple animals use hallucinogens, such as jaguars,

multiple species of antelope. We're trying to have hallucinogens. Just plants with hallucinogens in them. How do they use them? Reindeer, actually, are big. What number? They just eat them. I've heard about kangaroos that eat poppies,

and they get all stoned and hop around a circle. Eight. I love you guys. 16. 16. What is it? 16. 16.

16. Did anyone have 16? Sweet 16. Someone had 16. Someone out there, Dave. Congratulations. Good job, dude. You did it.

Love you guys. This just in. Breaking news, Hank. Hank. Breaking news, Hank. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Your Chicago Bullets have just hired former Oklahoma City Thunder and Florida head coach Billy Donovan as their head coach right now. All-time crew cut guy, big crew cut guy, and we just received a word from Big Cat,

who just departed, all with his official statement. He sent it to my darling Jake. My darling Jake, do you have that? Bulls are back. Let's go to Busters. We haven't been in life forever, best day of my life. I'll give you all my prizes. Let's go to Busters.

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