Pardon My Take - Comedian Andrew Schulz, Paddy The Baddy & Meatball Molly Rule + Mt Rushmore of Worst Gifts

Episode Date: July 25, 2022

Paddy the Baddy and Meatball Molly saved the sports weekend plus Aaron Judge 62 and more new helmets. (00:02:25-00:19:04) Who’s back of the week. (00:19:05-00:31:57) Andrew Schulz joins the show to talk about his new special, Alex Jones, The Knicks, Ted Bundy & more. (00:33:27-02:11:58) We finish with Mt Rushmore of worst gifts (02:13:13-02:43:15)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, we have Andrew Schultz, the comedian, hour and a half interview. It was one of those interviews that I took notes beforehand and I don't think I read a single one of them. We just, we hit every topic you could ever imagine. From the Knicks, to Jeffrey Epstein, to Alex Jones, all over the place. Great, great interview. We have Who's Back of the Week and Mount Rushmore of Worst Gifts to Receive. Thank you to an AWOL for that. Great show. And before we do that, we're brought to you by our friends at Coors Light. Summers full of official events

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exclusive chill merch, fun local experiences, even a trip to New York, Chicago or LA. Enter to win at CoorsLight.com slash take sweepstakes ends August 15, 2022. Game ends September 6, 2022. 50 US States and DC 21 plus void were prohibited for rules. Visit CoorsLightSummer.com. No purchase necessary. Celebrate responsibly. Coors Brewing Company, Golden Colorado. Thank you to Coors Light, the best beer in the world. Okay, let's go. Welcome to part of my take presented by Coors Light. The best beer ever created today is Monday, July 25th. Oh, Patty the baddie. Oh, Patty the baddie. Oh, Patty the baddie. That's it. That's the start because Patty the baddie in Meatball Molly, our friends, our colleagues, that was the

that was the sports moment of the weekend. Both of them showing out in England. Dave there with his wig on catching Meatball Molly. Unbelievable. Great UFC. I love them so, so much the two of them. I don't know like, it's weird to have people that you know personally and care for fighting in the octagon because every moment feels like the scariest moment ever. But that was awesome. And that is the that is the lead of the show today. Yeah, the closest that we've ever come to that is when Hank stepped into the octagon, and, and Billy stepped in, it's not really an octagon, it was a squared circle in the boxing ring, and watching people that you care about actually get into fights like that's as close as I've been to a parent just worrying sick about my children.

I was it's it's nerve wracking, and it's almost like relief when they win. But the way that Molly had someone that actually fought back. Well, you fought against texts, I'd say like Jose Canseco is probably a pretty comparable amount. Like, if Jose Canseco actually connected with a shot against Billy, Billy could have died would have been a real shame. But there was still that like same level of worry that we had. But the way that that Molly and Patty won, they're so fun to watch like Molly just throwing back elbows at people. And then they just they're so likable. Like after the fight, Molly just crying tears of joy, basically getting hammered drunk on fireball or whatever in the stands. And then Patty taking the mic and after teabagging his opponent, like

he said that he would just being like, Hey, let's talk real quick about mental health because I don't want to bury into my mates. So come cry on my shoulder. Give me a big hug. Liverpool is back guys. Yes. Yes, it was an awesome, awesome day. It was also great like the UFC when it's in a foreign country and you get like the five o'clock UFC fight is just it's there's something really cool about it. Because you're like, Oh, I should be like fighting off sleep. It should be midnight right now. Trying to stay awake on a pay per view card. No, we got to see it five o'clock in the afternoon afternoon. I had a pep in my step after that. I love them to both so so much. I hope they both come back to New York soon so we can have them both back on the show. And yeah, that was that

was it. Thank you to both of them too. Because other than Jake calling a PLL game and working in a clone. Shout out Jake and Red Bull cheating again to get Max a win. There wasn't much sports this weekend like this baseball and then Patty the baddie and and meatball Molly saved sports this weekend. So we appreciate it from them. Yeah, I mean, especially like if you're a sports writer out there, my thoughts and my prayers are with you. Because not only is there nothing to write about whatsoever, but Bruce Springsteen seats are now $4,000. So it's a real tough time to be described. Yes, the biggest story I had was the bears unveiled their new helmets. It's now cool for every team. Like this is one of those situations where the NFL was like,

yeah, we're we're letting everyone do multiple shells this year. So you get alternate uniforms, alternate helmets. And then the Bengals revealed theirs, which were incredible. The Jets actually are pretty cool. But that doesn't mean every team needs to do a alternate helmet. And and and the bears kind of were the first team to show up and be like, Oh, yeah, not every team needs to do this. I don't know why they had to be Syracuse. No, no, no disrespect to you, Jake, but Syracuse is a trash football program. And I don't know why they had to do that. And historic franchises should just keep with their regular helmets, because there's no reason we're not the Jaguars, even though we are like in terms of playing ability, we're not the Jaguars, we don't need an alternate helmet.

That isn't and that you don't have to just check that box, just because it's available to you. So we don't matter about that. There's certain franchises, the word swag should never get thrown out when it comes to the bears. The bears are a team that like that. Yes, they're very historical. But even when they're good, they're just like, they're more physical than you. They're never swaggy. They're not a swaggy team. And the all orange. Yeah, it's you're right. It's like a mix of Syracuse and a line I like combined into one. And nothing about that screams excitement to me. It is going to be against the commanders and the greatest Thursday night game that this podcast has ever seen. So I'm happy to see that if I'm just going based off vibes off those helmets alone,

I feel like that is a vibe where it's like the coach ever flutes, he's going to lose two challenges. The wind is going to blow the ball off the kicking tee, at least twice in the course of the game. But mercifully, the game is going to be over really quickly. It's going to be one of those that basically has a running clock the entire time, because both teams are just going to run the ball and nothing exciting is going to happen. Yeah, the orange helmets, if they wore blue jerseys with the orange helmets, they'd look a little bit better. But the orange helmets are special teams error, like a drastic change in momentum. And then ever flutes is going to try to wear something orange and orange visor hat, and it's going to look even more comical. It's Mickey Mouse. It's

candy ass. So I don't again, I don't know why they had to do that. Just wear your regular uniforms, you have some of the best uniforms in sports, like why would you do that? But again, this is this is a late July problem, where I had to drop some perspective on people like look, we can all disagree about helmets. Some people thought they were fire. That's fine. I don't. But the fact that we're arguing about helmets means we're that much closer to football. And we can handshake on that. Yeah, the only the only real real problem I have with it. I mean, it does look kind of candy ass, but it just makes me wish Andy Dalton was still on the bears because he would look sick in those helmets. Yes, he would he would. I'm trying to think what other things. Oh,

I guess Hank, do you want to address the fact that LeBron might have cursed your baseball team? Because like, I've seen on the that's what that's what some people are saying. LeBron might have cursed the Red Sox because since he said, you gotta bring up all the time, big cat. You're right. All right, fine. So we want to address the fact that I just seen on Twitter. Sweeney also did curse the Red Sox. I've seen clips of just some of the most ridiculous plays happening in this Red Sox Blue Jays series that like plays that are plays that are basically like we'll we won't see plays that bad when we're watching the Little League World Series and Williamsport in like three weeks. Yeah, it was 14 to three. And then all you know, people online got to do the oh

football score, football score. Then it was 27 to three. And almost 28 to three. Did you see this Jake? It was there's a score gummy account for baseball. It was for a moment going to be the first score gummy in like 20 years. It happens like once every like 20 years, there's a baseball score gummy. Yeah, devastating. I remember it was like Rangers Orioles like 30 to three like a decade ago. I don't remember specifically, but I think those are the two teams involved. So yeah, you got to charge the moments, but we just missed out. I also don't like they were they were there's got to be a certain level of your baseball manager where it's like if you get down, I don't know, what's called 15 runs, then you just stop using real pitchers and let correct whatever player

that wants to fucking pitch, throw them in there because they were they had like relievers. They're 25. Yeah. Yeah, I was bad. There was I remember that Orioles game because that was an ultimate Tim Kirkschen game where he was just he for the next two days, he was finding out new stats that happened in that game that hadn't happened in like 125 years of baseball. And his voice was just breaking. He sounded like he was going to cry on the air when he discovered that the pitcher in that game got to save somehow even though it was 30 to three. Like I love those those moments for Tim Kirkschen where they just flash them everywhere. And they're like, here's a weeping Tim Kirkschen to discuss the beauty of baseball, you can uniqueness again. Yes, yes. And then the only

other story from baseball, there's two others. Aaron judge has been mashing wrote race to 62. I want everyone to get involved in that because it does. Look, I'm a I'm a pro steroids guy. So I definitely think Barry bonds the best player of all time. And I also think his records stand. But there should be like an extra enthusiasm. If someone can hit 62, just knowing that we're not in the steroid era anymore. So it's like, what what better way to get people into baseball than having a home run race again. So let's pretend this is just, he's going for 62, he's trying to break Roger Maris's record. I'm in for that, like, let's get excited about some dingers. What's the Yankee record though? That's the thing. It's a Yankee record. So yeah, that's

all it is. Yeah, but I think it's still important because you have the Barry bonds, Mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa, you have those, which we do acknowledge because everybody was taking stories at the same time, but they're still like that little mystique around the number of 61. So I'm fine with rooting for Aaron judge to get that. The only thing is he might be a national that might he might be trade bait for one soda, in which case you got you got that short right field porch, and he's not going to have that anymore. That's true. Hank is shaking his head. He just doesn't want to be excited about like I'm I'm trying. I am basically fishing at the bottom of the ocean. Try I just pulled up like one of those spineless jellyfish or not all jellyfish

are spineless, right? One of those worms that are at the bottom of the ocean. And I'm like, look, here it is, Aaron judge 62 home runs. What else are we going to fucking talk about in the end of July? You're right. And you're like, no, throw it back. Well, yeah, I was being sour plus I'm not I'm a sweet dick. But like, I would say that you can't acknowledge the Barry Bonds one and then also be like he's chasing a record because which one's the Yankee record? But you can't get your record. That's what that's what you're going. Yeah, the Yankee records. Yeah, 27 rings, Hank. Yeah. And then the other thing was the braze caught the Mets. So Frank was right. Hashtag Frank was right yet again. I mean, that's it's I think there I think the Mets are

right now a half game up on the Braves in the NL East. Let's talk about what he said was going to happen. But it was happening. It's happening. The Mets, the Mets got Max Scherzer as a free agent coming back to the team. And they're they're getting Jacob to Grom another big free agent coming back to this year. Sure. It's a deadline trade. And I'm sure I'm sure no midseason free agent Jake to Grom. And I'm sure that he'll be able to pitch the rest of the season and won't have any more injury issues. So I think the Mets are still good. Yeah, yeah, they'll be fine. I'm sure this won't just implode in in fantastic fashion. Okay, should we do who's back because we have a very long, very, very good interview with Andrew Schultz. We're gonna say PFT.

I have a beach idea. So it's not a drunk idea, because it's like mildly buzzed. You know that feeling you have like three beers on a beach, and you're kind of in the zone, your brain starts cooking a little bit. Had a beach idea that I was discussing here the other day. Let me know what you guys think about it. It's, it's a spray tan booth, but it's got sunscreen spray sunscreen in it. So you just walk through it, they set up like a kiosk, and you walk through it on your way out to the beach, you pay like 10 bucks. And then you turn around like you're in Tony Hawk, your entire body gets coated in sunscreen, I feel like for kids especially, if you got kids, this is like a godsend of an invention. It's the it's the it's the mister, like the the spray

mister just walked right through the portal. It's the one that the Broncos had where they kept their entire team safe from COVID because they walked through like this spray the spray fan before they went out onto the practice field. Hank, you think 10 bucks is too much? Have you seen the cost of sunscreen these days? Are you living in your elite bubble? Because sunscreen is mega expensive. I just don't wear sunscreen like a real man. And when I do, I just slap it on my back. How I didn't realize I thought 10 bucks would get you at least a bottle or two. Do you guys get naked? It's like a bottle. Yeah. Billy, by the way, is we don't know where Billy is. He's in a hospital,

I think. Billy texted the group this morning at 8 30 in the morning, being like what time are we recording guys, something we had agreed to on Thursday. And that was just a pretty good sign of Billy has big plans this weekend. And part of my take might be interrupting his plans, because I don't know where he is right now. He won't it's better to double check than not check. It's better to do this recording. From an undisclosed location. That's like where they found Saddam Hussein is where Billy's at right now. We asked him where he was, he said not a house. So I don't know what the fuck that means. And there's a phone, a landline phone behind him, and it looks like an elevator. So like I said,

I'm just going to go with hospital, unless he wants to tell us a little bit more. This is like you remember when Tom Hanks hosted SNL and everybody was like, Oh, he's in an Australian prison. And there's just CGI in the background. That's what's happening with Billy football right now. Yeah, we're all working remote. I'm working remote. Right. Well, I appreciate you were able to show up. That was yeah, we were joking when you when you lost internet connection a minute ago, because you're in a hospital again, which you think would have good internet connection. We were joking that when you texted at 8 30 in the morning, being like what time are we recording? I think you sneaky we're hoping we'd be like 15 minutes from now, so that your whole day was clear. We

should have just been like we're recording right now. Let's go. You know, just got a double check. Sorry. Where are you? Just say where you are. Just say where you are. If you guess where I am, I'll tell you if I'm there. Give us a little more of the room. Give us a little more of the room. Okay. All right. So you're in a dorm. Is this a dorm? Where the fuck? Dorms have corded phones, do they? Yeah. It's a hotel hallway. Go watch our YouTube. Well, we can, you know what? If someone, if one of the AWL's guesses correctly where I am, I'll retweet them. Okay. Oh, that's huge. Massive. Yeah. This is like the member that documentary don't fuck with cats. Like someone needs to figure out when that phone was

made and who, and who like had it put into their hotel slash hospital slash dorm and then we can go from there. I trust the AWL's with this, with this type of stuff. I think Billy's on board to live to her jet. I think the Saudis have successfully co-opted Billy to be their new mouthpiece. Yeah. I actually, you know what that is? He is giving off cruise ship vibes. That could be a cruise ship. What is sketchy enough that he doesn't feel comfortable saying like that's what I'm trying to like get at. Like most people just be like, Oh, I'm at this place. Yeah. And to say no one would care. I planned something a long time ago. Why are you so fucking weird? You just can't be normal for anything. But like, you had what? Are you an insane asylum?

Like you're in straighter things? No, no. Anyway, who's back to the week? Are you training? Are you training to be a Navy SEAL with Tiger Woods at his compound? Sure. What is this place? All right, go ahead, Billy. Start with who's back of the week. Give us your who's back of the week. Who's back? Oh, by the way, by the way, before we do that, we just mentioned to live to our plane. Little little tickler for the takies on Wednesday. I've been smiling ever since we taped the takies on Thursday. It's coming out on Wednesday. I think it's our best takies yet. It's such a great episode. It is such a great episode. So get excited for Wednesday and no spoilers. Don't spoil. Try not to tweet spoilers until people have a chance to listen because I'm still,

like I said, I'm still buzzing from it. Like I've actually had moments where I've thought back and like giggled to myself about what happened during the takies. It's a great show with a fantastic ending. We do a little spoiler here. We do spend 30 minutes honoring Eileen Gu for her performance and her contribution to the Chinese ski team. So I will say that just a little advertisement for the show. I will say too, I don't like to over advertise and, you know, I could be wrong, but I will say that the Blake of the Year competition is better than last year's. Yes, by far. Yes, we have a lot better of a Blake of the Year competition with two Blake's being on the show. All right, so Billy, go ahead, take it away. Who's back of the week?

The troops. Memes and I competed in a charity lacrosse game on Thursday night for Shoot Out for Soldiers, a great cause, a great charity. It's 24 hours of lacrosse. The games played every hour and all proceeds and donations and signups go towards great causes for veterans and active duty. Where can I sign up? They had a record breaking event. They raised a fifth of a million dollars, which is awesome. And again, you're incapable of being normal. Yeah, $200,000. Yep. How was your Saturday, Billy? The whole Barstool, the whole bunch of guys at Barstool showed up. We had a Barstool team and it was really fun. And it was the first time playing an organized

sport for a lot of us since like high school and college. And it was awesome. That's great. I'm glad that you get to cosplay as a troop again. Yeah. Congratulations. I got a challenge coin. I got a challenge coin. So I could whip that out on other military members if they have their challenge coin on them. So kind of got a stamp of approval. You are, you are literally now like the bit is over and you were actively stealing Valor. Yes. Are you wearing like a, wait, are you wearing a button down shirt, Billy? It's, it's more of like a, wait, this is getting even weirder because I needed to hear how that was going to end. Yeah. More of like a what? It's more, it's like athletic gear. I got like, yeah.

Buttons stand up real quick. I don't need to stand up. Let's see the pants. Yeah. He's got a kilton. He's in Scotland. It's like, remember like Daniel watched the today's show where Matt Lauer was like, where's Matt Lauer? That's not cool anymore. Just remember it. Yeah. Billy, do you have a button on your desk that locks it from the inside right now? No, I do not. Wait, but also that, are you telling me that's not a button? Like those that shirt doesn't have buttons on it? There's buttons. So it is a button out. So it's a button out. Yes.

Okay. That would have been an answer that we could have, we would have accepted. Yes. When I asked, is that a button down? Let's, let's see the shoes. Show feet. You want to see my shoes? Yeah. Let's, well, and why are you standing up? You're definitely nude from the waist down. Okay. So he is dressed up. He is dressed up. Those were his nice sneakers that he only puts on for, for big occasions. All right. Hank, go ahead. Why don't you give us your who's back? My who's back of the week is just the classics. It is that time of year. There are no sports going on. So when, when in doubt, this is, you know, things like Mount Rushmore come along. That's a classic. And then our colleague JJ

Reddick has got himself in a classic debate that is, you know, taking over sports center probably for the next week. And he, you know, again, classic take, he said Jerry West played with plumbers. And then Jerry West came back and was like, what have you ever accomplished in your career buddy? You've only averaged like 12 points a game and never won a championship. So just a, it's just a classic debate. It's just one of those things like you go on sports center this week, there's nothing going on. What, what does Stephen a talk about? It's, it's Jerry West in the plumber era and, and like how current players would, would play then Stephen Smith. But I do think I do think anything because he's taken the entire fucking month of August off

with a shoulder injury, because he's not man enough to go on the air in August and talk about sports. This is, this is actually what really separates the good takes miss from the bad ones and from the pretenders. Like this is a soft move by Stephen a Smith to just not show up for an entire month. Like Greeny can't do it all. And then the other one I saw, which I kind of disregarded because once I saw who wrote it, it was, it was like a top, top headline on bars. So it was just Aaron Rogers is in the top three quarterback with, with the rankings of quarterbacks, but it was from Stephen Chase. So that's not even, I agree. He was just, he was just, yeah, he was just kind of doing his thing. I agree with him. I agree with him. These are fantasy rankings.

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. I don't think so. Oh, okay. Well, I agree with him. No matter what, I back him. He's my guy. Yeah. Great take by him. Just a good, just a good week for, for old takes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, that is, it is true. Like this is prime. Let's rank quarterbacks tier, tiering of the quarterbacks for no reason, Aaron. Like this is the perfect time for it in, in this part of the summer. You know what we should do? We should, we should tier kickers, make it, make a debatable list of the best kickers in the NFL or like just head coaches in general. Tearing head coaches, I feel like we get some good engagement. Yeah. Okay. We'll do that next week. I like that. I like that. All right. PFT, your who's back?

My who's back of the week is robots. Robots are back. I don't know if you guys saw this. I know that you, you guys are big chess fans, but there was a, a giant chess tournament that took place in Russia over the weekend and had some of the best players and over in Russia, like they farmed them young. They groom you to be like a chess superstar from the time you're like two years old. And so one of the best chess players in the under nine division was playing. He's like on a fast track to be one of the best in the entire world. And they had him play against a robot. They made like a chess playing robot and the robot broke the child's finger in the middle of the game. Like it reached across the board, grabbed its finger and then just snapped it. And then the

president of the Moscow chess federation said, the robot broke the child's finger. This is of course bad. And so the kid had, the kid had to be taken away by like three people, like it's mom, and then two bystanders had to like pry the fingers of the robot off the kid. This is just the most Russian story ever. And it just goes, goes to show that I am anti-robot and I've been anti-robot for quite some time. Even when Boston Dynamics puts out their cute little dogs, they're capable of getting kicked over and standing back up. I just want everybody to stay woke out there and join me on the team of being anti-robot. I want to be anti-robot. I want to be anti-robot, but I can't be a hypocrite because I literally just said that I backed Stephen Che. So there's

some robots. If they rank Aaron Rodgers out of the top three, I can get behind. Well, if the robot has a significant amount of Martin Luther King autograph memorabilia, then I'm okay with that robot, but I need to make sure that they're not racist first. What if the robot was like trying to win and it like glitched and it was like the best way to win isn't on the chessboard. It's break the hand that plays the chess. Yeah, the kid had to quit the robot one. So like the robot will now learn that violence is an acceptable answer when it comes to chess. This is how it starts. Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword was full of shit. They just didn't have good swords. I blogged this on Friday. Did you guys see the the Boston Dynamics robot that was shooting

a gun? Yeah, terrible shot. Bad shot. Looked like PFT playing cod. That's terrifying. Oh, damn, damn, hey, fucking roasted. You know how much I care about warzone? Sounds like you do. I'm a fucking pilot, bitch. If it was if it was an aim 120s amram or to aim nine X sidewinder, I put that thing right into your face. I don't give a shit about shooting machine gun. I got laser guided missiles. Your reaction to that joke says you might care a little bit. No, I just want Hank to shut the fuck up. Okay, all right, my who's back in the week is one of my favorite bears of all time, Brian or lacker. I've said this before, but if you're on the internet, you get got Brian had he got got and it was it was bad. So I don't

know if you guys saw this, but the the PGA tour tweeted and it's spelled T U O R and also on the avatar it says parody, tweeted breaking Jim Nance reportedly joins live for a four year contract in a statement to the press. He said, I feel like I'm the best and I want to be paid like it. He also added goodbye friends. And her lacquer responded damn right and you should be compensated for being the best. Maybe they will televised live events now with the best announcer hashtag live golf. And it was like, okay, I mean, just cause it was not, it's like, not only that you got duped by a parody, but you like came out as like the number one live golf fan. But you know what, you don't need, you don't need to be the smartest guy online to be a hallfame

linebacker. So I'm just going to remind people that the internet's tricky place and it's not fair that people are throwing parodies and Brian or lackers feed, because that's just not, it's not right. It's not right. It's also I'm pretty sure Jim Nance is paid like the best because he is the best. He's compensated very handsomely. So her lacquer just without, there's no real reason for him to like self identify as being a Saudi stand, but he took the bait and stepped in it. But it's good to know though, like this actually might end up being in his favor where he might get an offer from the live tour to come like cover golf for them. Yeah, to run their social media account. That'd be great. Yeah. Good, good. The goodbye friends

though part like that. If the, if the, if the parody marking on the literally says it's watermark parody on the avatar or the misspelling of the word tour wasn't the giveaway, goodbye friends should have been the giveaway. But again, it's not right to people retweeting this stuff into Brian or lackers, uh, feed. So I'm going to defend him on this one, even though he was trending for like all of Saturday night because of it. Uh, I'm forced there. Yeah. Yeah. My who's back of the week is making fun of yourself. So last week, the talk of the NFL world was how Leonard Fornette gained weight. He then responded by posting a meme of an overweight guy in a suit with his face, uh, on it camp in two days. Love y'all. I'm off and it went viral. So, uh, he's leaning

into the joke a little bit, which, uh, it's cool. It's fun. Yeah. How, how was PLL? You did a great job. You're on ESPN too. Do you say it was success all around? Didn't get canceled? Thank you. Yes. Didn't get canceled. That's always the first big check mark. I thought it went well over all a few things. I'm going to beat myself up over, but, uh, yeah, I thought it was good. I hopefully we'll get more opportunities either with them or more sports coming in the future. We'll see. What was the Diet Coke situation like in the press box? Uh, didn't see any Diet Coke, but I wasn't looking out for Diet Coke. I'm a water only guy. And what about the spread? They have cold cuts? I didn't eat before. I had a turkey sandwich four hours before game time. Nice. And

now it's safe. Yeah. No chips. The most important question, Jake, what is, give us one of the things you're going to beat yourself up for so we can then bring it up to you. So the, uh, the guy I was working with, Ryan Boyle is one of the best, uh, lacrosse players who's ever played the game. He said the Redwood should shoot a two-pointer. Five seconds later, they shot a two-pointer and I'm like, Oh, that's Tony Romo-esque. And then I kind of was like, Oh no, he works for CBS. I'm calling this on the SPN. Is that going to be a big deal that I'm kind of like promoting a competitor? You're fired. You're fired. That was when I actually remember that moment because I stopped watching your broadcast stage tuned into CBS. I was like,

something in my brain clicked. I was like, wait, I haven't checked on CBS in a while. So I turned off the SPN too and started watching CBS because of the promotion you gave them. Yeah. So I was in the commercial. I'm like, Oh no, like, was that bad? But then the producers like, don't worry about it. It's all good. I noticed you didn't do the Collins words slide at the beginning of it, probably for the same reason you didn't want to give any shine to NBC. So they'll be sure to, they'll be sure to check that one off as yes, he passed that test, but ultimately he, he tanked our ratings. Yeah. So I apologize to the SPN for that. I should have said it was like Dan Orlovsky-esque or I can't say John Gruden anymore. I can say Troy Aikman now.

So I should have used a different comparison, but it was Dan Orlovsky-esque because he wasn't jacking off while he shot the shot. Yes. He was at the games actually with his, with his kids. Oh good. Less time to be alone with a woman in a room. Hopefully I don't, hopefully I still get invited back due to that error. So I apologize. Let's, let's pray. Let's pray. Okay. Let's get to Andrew Schultz. Great interview, long interview. We had him in studio last week. Before we do that, a quick word from our friends from Roman. Testosterone affects a lot of aspects of men's fitness and health from sex drive to muscle and bone mass. The experts believe testosterone plays a huge role in our body's

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but it is there to help guys as they get a little bit older and help them with their testosterone. So go to getroman.com slash PMT to get $15 off your first order of Roman tea support. That's getroman.com slash PMT, getroman.com slash PMT, make sure you're taking care of your tea, make sure that you're living your healthiest life with getroman.com slash PMT, and you get $15 off your first order of Roman tea support. Okay, here he is, comedian Andrew Schultz. Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is comedian Andrew Schultz. He has a new special out called infamous. Yeah, go buy it. Yeah, Andrew Schultz.com. The Andrew Schultz.com. Really? Early days too. No way. That's such a scumbag move. Did you have a conversation with

them? I didn't even try. Really? Because I think this was even before you could reach out to people this before Instagram. This was like maybe Twitter days. So I was just like, fuck it, take the website. So you can have it. Is it probably another guy named Andrew Schultz or did you just get it just to take it from you? I'm hoping it's another Andrew Schultz. Well, no, wouldn't it be cool though if he was like, this Andrew Schultz guy, he's promising. He believed him. Yeah, right. There's that one guy who I think very early internet days bought all of MLB teams. Yeah, people still do that. He bought the Yankees and everything. That's smart. No, that's smart. Yeah. People try to do that with like ETH and shit. Yeah. So someone from my Venmo,

and so they just get random Venmo sometimes and Venmo won't give me my name from them. So they're getting money from you. Yeah, they're getting, well, they're taking money that from your friends when you guys go out to dinner. Yeah, that's like meant for me. Oh, that's and there's nothing they can do about it. There's no such thing as like a blue check on Venmo. That's a great fucking hot. Oh, that's a great hospital. Yeah, he's just making tons of money. So Infamous is out. Yo, Infamous is out. Buy it. What are you looking for? No, I got it. Yeah, man. Go buy it, man. That'd be great. I'm selling on my website. So I was telling you before we started that I was listening to you on Tim Dillon. Tim Dillon

should come on the show. He was being a pussy about COVID and then he got COVID, which was very funny. He should be a pussy about COVID. He's not built to beat it. But you said, like, I'll know if I if I if I made it or not like instantly because of this, you know, I'm going direct to the people. I have a huge YouTube following. They're going to go buy it. So it's been a couple of days. Yeah, you made it. Yeah. Yeah, it hit the numbers. Yeah, we numbers. Give us the numbers. Um, give us the money. We put in your pocket. We so after the money's gross, but it's influential, right? That's the shitty thing about money is you don't want to tell people how much money you made, but at the same time, like,

that's how they're going to judge your success. Right. So like, yeah, we made like so far over 3 million. Wow. So that was cool because I had to put up a lot to get it back and I had to like sacrifice a lot to get it back. Yeah. So tell that story. So you were going to be on, was it Amazon? That's what people are saying. No, it wasn't Amazon. Maybe. Okay. So, so I hate being a bitch about this. No, no, no, no. Because we're asking, I liked it. No, no, I, I, I, because I like the exec at the streaming company and I don't want to be a fucking hypocrite because I'm doing projects with all these fucking streaming companies. I'm just, I only care about comedy. Right. You got to force me to act. Right. I don't, I'm saying this

right now and every time I say it, I get offered another gig. I don't like acting. Right. I'm bad at it. But they keep offering. They make Godfather 4. I'll do it because I like to do it. Bro, they made white men can't jump and it was like, literally the director almost didn't put me in it and I was like, why? He was like, well, I listen to brilliant idiots and you specifically said, don't cast me. I'll ruin your movie. No, but that's good. That's good marketing for yourself. Yeah. I don't want to do your project. Now I want to write a movie and put you in it. They're the thing you can't, they can't have. I'll make you act. You'll act for me. I hate acting too. Yeah. No, acting is the worst. We should never be in a movie. It sucks that we're so

bad. So fucking good at it because it sucks and I'll never do it again. Yeah. Maybe that's the strategy. You are. You're there watching. You're not used to it because it's Hollywood. You're like a boxer that retires after every fight. You're like, okay, this is my last fight. I'm done. Bro, I was in that with this special. Really? I was like nervous. I was like, should I just say it's my last special? I'm like, because I don't know how the fuck this thing works. Right. Like, there's no metric for success early on. Right. So like, do I call my friends that have done like the pay-per-view shit and like see when the orders come in? I have no clue. Right. And yeah, thank God it fucking, it did good. So you're not snitching because I'm asking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So you were supposed to, let's just say a hypothetical streamer. Yeah. Yeah. And you were going to do the special with them. Yeah. And they. Contact signed everything ready to go. They've seen the special. They know the fucking jokes. They saw me live. And they were like, Andrew, you say the N word way too much in this special. Just enough. Just enough. And there's only one way you can find out. Where's my camera? If you go to the Andrew Schultz.com right now. Just enough. You'll know it when you feel it, what just enough is. But so they were like, they tried to give you notes and they tried to cut a joke. Right. There was a few jokes they wanted to cut. There was a 10-bunny joke where I'm basically saying that the women deserved it.

Okay. Yeah. I'll hear that out. I can see how a streamer would be like. I'm being fucking hyperbolic a little bit. Of course. I watched it. Did you guys see the documentary about Ted? I did. Yes. Okay. Like the way he's killing these girls is he the thing that like stuck out to me is like he asked them if they could help fix his car. Right. And it's like the fuck you know about fixing cars, lady. Well, but you know what I mean. Counterpoint. Like this is what the 1970s. That's no AAA. Like people just act like I feel like that happened where you just like, Hey, can you help me with my lady with stockings? Yeah. Can you help fix my Volkswagen Beetle? Hold on. Hold on. No, no, no, no, no, no. Your car is fucked on the side of the

road. But you're thinking of it as a post-Ted Bundy world. This is a pre-Ted Bundy world. Like this is before Ted Bundy went around asking everyone to fix it. When sexism existed and women didn't work yet. Yeah, right. But why are you out of the house? But also people didn't get murdered. Shouldn't you be making a pie and putting it on a windowsill? They didn't get murdered for fixing a handsome guy's car. He's talking about strictly from a mechanical standpoint. Oh, I know that. I know that. But like they didn't say like, Oh, shit, I've heard about Ted Bundy. I'm not gonna know. Do you see the world half full? You're a feminist. When you, when you see a woman. Dude, I have a daughter. Come on. There it is. Yeah. The future's female. Fuck yeah. Right. So it's like

you see a woman, you see a woman that could fix a car. Why not? Well, cause I'm also, I can't fix a car. What? I would stop. I would stop you and I'd be like, Hey, buddy, can you help me fix a car? I'd be like, Fuck no, dude. And I'd be like, All right. Right. But if I stopped a girl and I was like, Do you think you might be able to fix a car? She's like, Oh yeah. You know, I'm Marissa fucking Tomay. Oh, you're not as good looking as Ted Bundy. Right. That's true. Right. That's true. And he was good looking for the time. Right. Like if you look at him now, I don't think objectively he's like that. No, he's still hot. You think? Yeah. I went back and I was like, Damn, homeboy could get it. He had that like prep. Yeah. He had that prep school look that like,

you know, a waspy thing. Yeah. So I don't know. It would be an honor actually to be murdered by Ted Bundy. So what you guys are saying is, do you agree? It was the girl's fault. Maybe the girl knew exactly who he was. And maybe they were like, Yeah, choke me, daddy. Yeah. So anyway, so that was one of the jokes. And they were like, We don't like you taking this position where it's the girl's fault. Right. And I was like, That's reasonable, but it's funny. We're just joking around. It's comedy. You're not saying it. You're not like saying it as a matter of fact on CNN. I believe in none of this. Right. Right. All of it is bullshit. Yeah. It's just for fun. Right. I'm not doing fucking think pieces like Chappelle can do the think pieces. Right. Okay. I'm gonna

make you laugh. Right. Malcolm Gladwell went back and like wrote an expose like an essay on why the women deserved to be killed by Ted Bundy, which he might do, which would be an interesting pivot for him. Then that's one thing, but you're on stage telling a joke about it. Exactly. So even him, half his shit is bullshit anyway. Right. I asked him once. I was like, Do you ever like go back on your opinions? He's like, Oh, yeah, it's wrong all the time. I make stuff. I put 10,000 hours into like being a masseuse. Yeah. Because you said Malcolm Gladwell is the is the perfect case of a guy who's just smart enough that dumb people like ourselves think he's a genius. And then real smart people are like, No, no, no, no, this guy's full of shit. Yeah. And then when the real smart

people try to explain why he's full of shit, I get lost. And I'm like, I'm just gonna fucking read this book about how if I shoot free throws for 10,000 hours, I'll be in the NBA. Exactly. Like that's all I want to do. Yeah, you need someone that's like, can communicate at your IQ. Right. But just a little bit smarter than you. Right. Yeah. It's like, that's the Neil deGrasse Tyson thing. Yeah. Do you guys know that? Yeah, we've had him on. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. He sucks, huh? Yeah. I mean, he's, he's cocky. He does suck. He does suck about a lot of things. But, humbug about everything. But he fills in, he fills in a nice niche in America, which is like, we need one nerd. We can only really do one nerd at a time. Yeah. And right now he's king nerd.

I think Malcolm Gladwell is like, he's the second tier guy. But like, if you need a nerd, if you need a smart guy, it's just like Ask Neil Tyson. Right. Yeah. My only issue with him is he's such like a downer about everything. It's like, you're celebrating Christmas and they're like, well, there's no way that he could deliver the present. Right. No, that shit sucks. But it's actually kind of, I would say why Joe Rogan is very popular too is because he talks about a lot of subjects that like, I don't know, I don't have enough time to learn about this subject. But he talks about it in a way with people where it's just above like my threshold of knowledge. Yeah. I'm like, damn, he's making some good points. And Joe's genius is he just calls

himself an idiot all the time. Right. And he's not. Right. But he, and he just, I think the kettlebells thing. We are idiots. Yeah. What do you mean? We are idiots. Well, that's, Barstil has done this very well. You're like, which is the guys, but you're all like really fucking smart and you have like nuance comedy. Yeah. You're like, it's just the guys. I mean, it's a billion dollar business, but it's just the guys. We're just hanging out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so you. I'm going to pull back the veil. Yeah. Yeah. Don't tell them. Don't tell them that we all go home and read books every night. No, this entire show, like everything that we do every day, we spend about three hours before every podcast scripting the show. Every word is written out. And then yeah, it's really like,

there's a lot of work that goes into selling this stuff. There's some people that actually believe that too. Yeah. I think that everything's like written and planned out. Like part of my take is rigged is essentially what they're saying. Yeah. Scripted. Wait, what do you mean? Like, I think like we're like, all right, now we're going to do this joke. Now we're going to do this. Now we're going to do that. It's literally just us like being like, what should we talk about? And then we're like, all right, that's the best compliment. Right. Because they can't conceive that people are going to be that interesting or funny just off the cuff because they don't think they are. So they're like, no, these guys are faking it. Yeah. Yeah. I could see that. I do think

there's, I think there's a level of intelligence. I think we're like, if you pulled back the veil bar, so it's not that we're very smart. It's that we know that we're not very smart. Do you know what I mean? I think you guys undersell your intelligence. But there's a level of like knowing where you're stupid and having that like, it's like pretty much stupid people, people who are a little bit smarter, but no, they're not that smart and then really smart people. One more thing. Passion. Yes. You will be smarter than the average person at the thing you're passionate about. Correct. And like obsession, like passion and obsession, like you can talk circles around fucking Malcolm Gladwell when it comes to like,

I don't know, the NFL Combine or just any of these types of things. So now they're the idiot. Right. So you guys ideally get people that actually really love what they're talking about. And that's just, that's just general podcasting. If you like, I've always thought like anyone who's passionate about anything, you just want to hear them talk about it. Yeah. Because like, they're excited about it. You're going to get excited about it. And we are very passionate about sports. But we also know it's very dumb at the end of the day. Like that's what everything's dumb. Everything's dumb. There's no point to anything. Correct. Neil Tyson will tell you like the earth will be swallowed by the sun in six billion years. It's like shut up. Who cares?

Who gives a fuck? Who cares? Yeah, that really annoys me, that guy. So what? So them geeking out about that stupid picture that they got from the telescope. Oh, I love, I hated it. I like that picture. What can you explain why? Yeah, because it made me feel so small. It like, it like, it reminded me of how insignificant everything that we do truly is, which in a way is freeing. It's like liberating to know like, like you just said, like who gives a shit. It's the ultimate reminder of who cares because you look up at the sky and the piece of the sky that's the size of a grain of sand contains like 5,000 galaxies that you can't even see. It just reminds you, okay, well really at the end of the day, it doesn't matter that the Washington

commanders have to deal with Carson Wentz as a quarterback. Oh, that's how you deal with your misery. Yeah, exactly. This is like your 12 step. It really, it really, it lets you know that the stuff that you're upset about right now, even though it feels like it's the biggest thing in the world. And this could be anybody out there with whatever problem they have. Yeah. Ultimately, it doesn't really matter. Yeah. Yeah, I think the exact opposite way about life. I'm with you, where I was like, I looked at the picture, the universe. Yeah, I was, I looked at the picture and I was like, all right, like if they showed me like the rose bowl on this, I'd be like, Oh, that's cool. Now I understand it. Yeah. But when I was looking, I was like, what am I looking

at? I want to believe that our lives are important. I want to believe that what we're doing has value because then I can get up every way and grind. It doesn't. We all kind of fucking know this. Right. It's like, why I like religion. You know what I mean? It's like, be nice to people. Don't rape. And it's like, why not? Fucking God. Yeah. He told us not to. You just need to fucking read. Hey, the sun revolves around the earth. And then some asshole, Copernicus, who was smoking out like 12 year olds is like, nah, it's the other way. It's like, shut up. Why do you want it? Who gives a fuck? They killed them. They were like, good. We wrote it down in all the books already. You should have told us before we wrote the books. All right. So here's my question for

you. I do this thought experiment every now and then, just like, and it's probably wrong for me to do it. But I always think like, what if, what if I just stopped, right? What if I retired tomorrow? How long would it take for people to just forget about me? Maybe like a month? What would it be for you? Like, do you ever think about that? It's a scary one because it's like, you think about even, even, uh, Jesus and Mero just broke up. So we're taping this. So, so they break up and I'm thinking about it. And it's like, everyone's upset and it sucks. But like, in two months, like people are like, Oh yeah, that was fun. Yeah. Right. Everyone moves on with their life. So it's like, that's the way I kind of envision like how I humble myself. Right. Where I'm like,

if I just stopped tomorrow, I think people would be sad for like a couple of weeks. And then they'd be like, all right, what's this podcast? Because they also have to move on. Right. And it's not even that you weren't important to them. It's that they also need something to like give them joy and distract them during their day. Right. So you can't even blame them for that shit. Right. You know what I mean? It's like, how long are you even going to mourn like a family member that dies? Like eventually you got to keep going 24 hours tops, tops, tops, older or younger than me. That's the question. He's got a sociopath. I like this. I fucking like this. No. Yeah. So like, you're going to have to move on. I hear what you're saying. I'm wondering

how, how much that's the tricky thing even now, because like I put out the special and like, I don't like to tour nonstop. Right. Like I want to reflect on my new life. And then I want to do comedy. I want to do in small little clubs and bounce around the city and like develop new jokes and like, I want the comedy to be something that I'm passionate about. That's going to take time. Right. Like people ask me, oh, when you go on tour, I'm like, I'm not going on tour. Right. Not until I have something that I want to tour. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. So if you died the night of a show, right, and people had already bought their tickets, they spent like 40 bucks, would they be more upset that they're like, Oh man, I can't believe he died. That's so sad. He

was such a good guy. The world will be an empty place. Or will they be like, I wonder if I can get my 40 bucks back. That's, I think there are going to be some people upset about that 40 bucks. Yeah. There are going to be some people upset that like they had a plan that was ruined. There's that great Patrice O'Neill bit that about like, you know, like he was on the subway and they stopped the subway and they're like, sorry, everybody, there's been a horrible accident at the subway, hit somebody and then ran them over. And you know, there's a few seconds of the subway like, Oh my God, it's just. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. You look at the watch with intense sex. Right. I got shit that I got to do. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's the, that's how you stay

humble. I don't know. That's what you need. You need a good balance of like confidence and insecurity. Or you could just be the, I actually respect the fully confident people that are 100% confident. Do they make anything good? I mean, our boss Dave is definitely one of those people. Like he's always confident in himself. He's confident in himself. We had him on the pod. He's confident himself, but he still has the chip and the chip drives him. Yes. It moves him. So the decisions that he makes, that's with 100% confidence. That's what you need. You need the confidence to make the decision. So you're not like stuck in a mud, but you need the insecurity or you need the, it's like the Jordan shit. Like Jordan's like making up people. Right.

That are criticizing him, but don't even exist because he needs the extra motivation to go a thousand percent. So I think that's what it is. It's like, you need the insecurity to get better, but you need the confidence to actually do. Some people are so crippled, they won't even try to do the thing that they love. Yeah. But I just, Dave is very, he's like one in a billion in the fact that like everything he does, he feels like 100% confident in and it always works. Yeah. Like when everyone's like, Oh, how, how does this guy keep getting away? Because he tells the truth and he's, he's just goes forward. Yeah. And I, I respect that because I'm, I don't have that brain. I just don't, I have the brain of like, if I woke up tomorrow, like will, like one day I'm

going to wake up and everyone's like, Oh, this guy's not funny anymore. Really? Yeah. You think that? Yeah. Oh yeah. I look at it like, like a lot of NFL players, they, they get into the league and maybe they have a good like three, four seasons. And in the moment to them, it feels like I am the league, you know, like, like I'm a big fucking shot. Yeah. It takes, you know, one down year, maybe a bad injury. And next thing you know, like there's a guy that they drafted that's taken a spot already. Yeah. Like the, the, the world, the world that we live in making content, there's always going to be somebody that replaces you eventually. It's just the nature of the beach. But I think, I think that's why you got to nourish those people too. Like Drake did

it better than everybody, right? Like, like Drake's co-signed every artist is coming up. That's smart. Yeah. It's smart because you get to hop on the wave a little bit, but you also give them their first fucking single that goes crazy. So now they're indebted to you for life. That's true. That's big homie for life. So who are you doing that with? Who are you grooming? I mean, who am I grooming? Drake does that with underage girls too. Yeah. Does he really? Wow. Allegedly. Allegedly. Seventeen. It depends on what state you're in. Really? Really? You shouldn't know the laws. What do you mean? Like, you shouldn't know the states that are 17. I agree. I agree. Anybody, like Mississippi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in Arkansas. What are you talking about?

That's an adult. Anybody that has that, that Rolodex, like ready to pull up in their brain, big red flag. So wait, that's, that's what they're saying that he was grooming? I don't believe that. I actually, this is actually something that I just learned from PFT. Yeah. No, it tells me. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. I don't know all the details about, but he's, he's had a long track record of befriending young women on their way up and be like, I see a lot of talent and you, and who knows, it could be like completely benevolent. He could be just being a great guy, but it just so happens to be 14 to 17 year old girls that he has repeatedly helped out on the way to ruin everything. They do. They fucking do. Name one good thing a pedophile has ever

contributed to this world. That's it. Actually, Socrates. Yeah. Yeah. Like Michelangelo, like, I mean, you guys know Stabros is? Yeah. He was on the show. Okay. Stabros is great. He had a really funny bit. It's like, uh, you know, I thought you were saying, yeah, he is Greek. Yeah. Oh, fuck. We just had him on. Do we have to delete that? Like, you know, why can't we separate the art from the artists? Like when we were talking on the show and he's like, dude, like, you know, we're not listening to our Kelly's. Like we still use the Pythagorean theorem. Yeah. Right. Like, like all these old Greek dudes were just smoking out little kids. Yeah. And, uh, and yeah, that's, I mean, dude, that's that, you know, that's the

funny thing. I was talking to Timmy about this and I've been trying to like work this out, but like, like you live long enough, you become like the bigot. Like the most progressive person right now in like the hippie in the 60s right now is going like, why do dudes got to swim with chicks? Yeah. Right. Right. Like the progressive, right. The armpit hair mom is now like freaking out. Right. And like, I wonder if that's the thing with the Catholic church where it's just like, they came around and like everybody in like early antiquity just had like a little boy that they would use as like a fleshlight, right? Like everybody. If you were successful, Michelangelo, fucking Galileo, Copernicus, all them had little boys that they would fuck. Yeah.

And then Catholicism comes around and like starts cleaning up shop and they're like, listen, cut this fucking boy fucking out, stop fucking animals. There's like a brothel that's preserved in Pompeii. They had the pictures of what you could buy. They're fucking animals and shit. Like they're monsters, these people. Right. Right. Catholicism comes in, cleans up, and fast forward 2000 years, dare the boy fucker. Right. Right. And I wonder if like a few like priests that know history are like, do you know how lucky y'all are? Yeah. Like we, we, we brought it down to like basically only a few thousand. A few people. Yeah. We move them around. Yeah. Right. Right. Do you know what I mean? It's not even happening in just one area. We'll take it to

another area. Right. This is the cost of like your kid's anal freedom. Right. Is that we had to clean this up? Yeah. Yeah. That's something to think about. Yeah. Like it would be crazier. Would it not? Yeah. It would be crazier if, if, if religion didn't come. Well, I don't know. Fuck. Now we're getting really deep. I don't know. This is thought experiment. Yeah. What I'm trying to say is we need something to organize society. Yeah. We know we need that. Cause people have to have an explanation for the things that can't be answered. There it is. That's really what it is. And all people want answers and no one can answer. And a limit too. That was, that was the big thing with like COVID when everyone was freaking out and how it swung

so hard is that the people that are supposed to be the experts are supposed to tell us and they had no clue. Of course we know why they had no clue, but that's where it all like fell apart where it's like, dude, you're supposed to be the ones that tell us it's going to be okay. And you're not doing that. And everything falls apart because you need an adult. Everyone needs an adult in the room. 100%. Who could just be like, yeah, no, this is actually what's going on. 100%. It's back to the intelligence thing where like, I'm smart enough to know I'm not the smartest, but I need the smartest to tell you what to do. We like smart people. It's like why Elon is worth a trillion dollars. Right. It's just like, oh yeah, he's our smart guy. You tell us what to do. This is so

much easier if we organize our lives like this. Yeah. The world needs smart guys. I just, I wish Elon would focus on one thing at a time though. It seems like he's spread himself out pretty thin. Bro, you know, it's so crazy about Elon. Is it like, you know how he's getting a lot of hate? Like it went Trump, Rogan, and now it's Elon. Yeah, Dave's been mixed in there a few times. It was like, Trump, Rogan, Dave, Rogan. I've always had the theory that Dave is just the, he is like the easier target of all those guys. Yeah. So it's like, he's a step below Trump, Rogan, and Elon. So it's like, we can get him. Yeah. Because like, you can't get Trump, you can't get Elon. They're learning that like, if they go at Dave, they don't get the results.

Right. So I think they just move on. Yeah, because he punches back. Exactly. And like hard. Yes. Way hard. And it's really like great to see. Way, way hard. Exactly. Like, it's going to be tough for you to go to Jamba Juice the next day. Yeah. You're like, when you have to say your name. You want to go to SoulCycle? Yeah. This guy, me, looks so blunt. But yeah, so it's like, Elon came out and I think he, I think Elon thought that he was bigger than the system. Yeah. And I don't know what the system is. No. Who knows who they are, whatever. But like, no one is. No one is. And that motherfucker is learning, bro. Yeah. Because like, all of a sudden, the Tesla started crashing.

And not that they weren't crashing. We just weren't hearing about it. Yeah. And then every week there's a new article. Listen, I, the dad fucking the daughter. A lot of stuff. Yeah. That's great. How do we not know? Yeah, it's not like it was a big secret really. It's just somebody, what happens is somebody will just like find a quote from like an old interview online, take a screenshot of it and be like, how did nobody realize this earlier? Right. And it turns out that he was having kids with not just his stepdaughter, which is bad, very bad, like Woody Allen stuff. Yeah. But he raised her from the time that she was four years old. He's crazy. And he's got two kids. So fucked up. Bro, it's like, and that's Elon's sister. It's like, slap

your dad's dick out of your system. Yeah. Sister slash, wouldn't it be mother? No. Stepmom. Stepmom. Yeah. Stepmom. Oh, now. Yeah. It's a sister slash stepmom. If they're, if they're married. Yeah. I think they're broken up, but yeah. That's why they break up. That's sad. I mean, if you're going to go to those links and at least make it work for life, you know, did I raise you to commit to things? Nobody. You're right. Like the Dave piece, like his, everything that's happened in the last couple of years, I'm convinced a lot of it has to do with he started making a mockery of Wall Street and the Davy Day trader stuff when he's like, it's all fucking fake. Like stocks only go up. I think that had a lot to do with because he pissed

off a lot of people who've been playing this game for a really long time and they don't want someone to come and shine a light and be like, Hey, this is all just kind of a joke. If you disrupt a powerful institution, they will come for you. Yeah. Because their life depends on it. It's like you're fucking with their money. You're fucking with their family. Yeah. You're, you're exposing like what they've been kind of rolling with for a very long time. Nobody said anything about Elon until he was like, I'm no longer a Democrat. Yeah. And then literally a few weeks later, it was like, remember when your dad fucks kids, right? Like this, like they knew that the whole time, but he went a little too far. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. I just wish he'd focus though,

because he's, he's at the same time he's like trying to, he's claiming he's trying to defend free speech. Yeah. He's also trying to save the human race by taking us to Mars. He's inventing autopilot cars. The subway. He invented the subway when he drilled that tunnel to his girlfriend's house. He did. He's like, we're all going to get in a tunnel and go from point A to point B. It's like a subway. Are there going to be snapple bottles rolling around? Yeah. Yeah. Can we maybe fix the fact that every time it rains in New York City, the subway gets flooded? Let's start there. He's like, we're going to do a subway, but you're all going to still drive your own cars. Yeah. How does that sound? And they're going to be my cars. Yeah. No, he's, he's just all over the

place. I want to, I think he's taken a copious amount of Adderall. I think the dude is just like drifting from one topic. He just needs to focus in on one thing and just really lock in on that. Yeah. Dominate it. Either space. Do you want to go to space? Do you want to go underground? Yeah. Or do you want to defend free speech? Just pick maybe two out of those. He's also like, we have a theory and it's not like a novel theory, but like any guy who or any person, because I'm a feminist, any woman guy who has that much money and doesn't buy a sports team can't be trusted. Piece of shit. Because it's like, what is the point of having that much money and not owning a sports franchise? Like that's, that's the end goal of society.

Would you do it? Yes. Yes. I would stop doing everything else and that would now be my career. Yes. The end goal is like to buy an NFL team. That's what rich people do. They don't fucking try to cure like the world of all its problems and go to Mars. They fucking buy the Panthers and then get pissed when they go seven and nine. So $10 billion. Yeah. Who are you buying? I mean, I would buy the Bears, but I'd buy any team that was. Yeah, whatever. But you're not starting with football. I would start. Football is the top. Okay. You know, there are franchises that you guys could probably buy now. Well, I actually invested in a football soccer team in Wales that was in the EPL and then got relegated.

I've lost all the money I invested. It wasn't a lot, but it was still stupid. So we tried it. We own the world's worst lacrosse team. Yeah, that too. And we have a part ownership stake in an MBL team, which is a New Zealand professional basketball team for breakers. But this is just pieces like I want to be the owner and that's what a rich guy should want to do. They should want to be like, I have all this money. I can't spend all this money. Let me go just fucking win a Super Bowl. Yeah. You believe you could do it. And that's better than Mars. Yeah. Like being the guy who gets handed the Lombardi trophy is so much better than Mars. It is. You can't fucking convince me otherwise. It is. What's on Mars? We have the pictures. Right. It's fucking crazy to

me. So that's why Elon like, dude, just buy. If Elon bought like a NBA team tomorrow, I'd be like, all right, now he's on the mix. Yeah, he's on track. So cool. Yeah. So you're, you're, you're diehard Knicks fan, right? I can't say diehard anymore, but I don't like a season ticket holder forever. I'm just annoyed. And it's like so obvious the problem. Like my buddy was, uh, was showing me the, uh, the board of the Knicks. There's like five Dolans on the board. Yeah. You can't tell me that the five best people to increase shareholder profits happened to have your last name. Right. Like that's not possible. Right. Right. Like there's something wrong there. Right. And I was talking to Timmy about this as well. Just like, this is,

this is why you can't trust an epitism. Like I admire people who have like family businesses and stuff like that. And they continue to be good, but like, you're not going to get the IQ. You're going to have a dumb fucking kid with a dumb fucking daughter, whatever it is, and they're not going to be able to run the team. And he just won't relinquish the fucking team. So it's the old saying like the first generation builds it, the second generation maintains it, the third generation destroys it. Like that's really what, and it actually always makes sense when you look at it and you're like, why is things going bad? It's like, Oh, cause it's the fucking grand kid who has been rich his entire life. And like, what do they care? That's the George W. Bush. Yeah. Like that,

the Bush family in action right there. First guy, he made the billions. Second guy led the CIA. Third guy destroyed the country. That's kind of how it goes. That's why the Kennedys are genius, because the third generation just dies in tragic ways before they can fuck it up. Before they can fuck it up. It's Shakespearean. It's brilliant. And they are broke now, the Kennedys. And they keep the allure. Cause it's like, what if, what if these tragic things hadn't happened? That Joseph Kennedy though. Oh, bad guy. That motherfucker is a bad ass. But design the whole thing. He's the architect. Like he was like, literally my son is going to be president. I'm going to sell drugs or fucking bootleg or whatever the hell he did. He was a bootleg runner. He was

a bootleg runner, right? Is he a Nazi sympathizer? Was he real? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. The Bushes too. Do you watch, do you watch Peaky Blinders? I watched the first two or three seasons. So the last season there's a character that's pretty much just Joseph Kennedy. I watched until the Hasidic Jew was a bad ass. And I was like, I think I'm out. You don't like fucking no. What's the name, Tom? No, he's an amazing actor. Tom Hardy, yeah. He's awesome. I just didn't buy the whole thing. Why? You're going to fight people. They're always out of breath. Come on, like that. You're going to get, they're your henchmen. Not believable for you anymore. You're wearing like 40 pounds of cloth. It's not going to happen. I'm sorry.

But that's, yeah, he did. He set up the whole thing and he also, I've read a little bit about him and it's like, Joseph Kennedy, he basically had the brains to be president himself. He didn't have the demeanor. He didn't have the story or the demeanor. People like FDR was like, this guy's an asshole. Like he's too much, like he's too abrasive. And like that's, and so he basically was like, my sons will be a little less abrasive, a little less of an asshole and put it all together. And it wasn't supposed to be JFK. He was supposed to be his brother, his older brother, died in World War II. And I think they crafted a story for JFK's, like what happened with JFK when he went to war wasn't exactly what happened. You know what I mean? They kind of like manipulated

the story to make him look a little bit more heroic because he understood it. It's like, that's what I'm impressed by. Obviously you can't talk to a guy like that. But like, I'm like, how did you understand society and human reaction at a time where there's no fucking internet, nothing? This is just gut instinct. You know how to manipulate people. And I mean, you want to talk about like self belief and confidence. My son's going to be president. But also like kind of come from the mud. Like you're a gangster. You're a gangster and you're not even, you're not mobbed up. Like you are mob, but you're not like Italian mob. But you're working with those guys. You got those guys working with that to me is incredibly impressive. And it seems

like almost the American way. It's like, you come here, you do some kind of shady illegal shit, you get your bread, and then you go legit. Yeah, you cleaned it up for your, for your kids. That's it. And if you don't clean it up by the next generation, and you get clipped, that's on you. Yeah, I kind of feel like it was easier to do something like that back in the day though, because if you want your son to be president, and you're a rich dude, and you're well known, there's like three guys at that point that ran all the media in the United States, right? It's like three newspaper barons, maybe one guy that makes newsreels. And he worked in Hollywood too. Yeah, he worked in Hollywood. So you can just, you can make the country believe whatever narrative

it is that you want. There's nobody, there was no Twitter back then for people to be like, actually his war record wasn't that impressive. I pulled up these files, you know, like it was much more difficult to break whatever narrative already existed out there. So under this entire hypothetical, that would mean that like my kids and KFC's kids, they're the ones that like will take Barstool to mainstream like to like, we'll be on TV and shit. Fuck TV. We were on TV for one day. Yeah, it was awesome. No, no, it was, uh, well, no, we, oh, no, you're the ESPN. You're the ESPN, yeah, but this is, but that was going, that was going public. Like that was, that was trying to clean up our, like the olive oil business being like, Hey, look, we're selling olive oil now.

And they're like, no, you aren't. You said all this shit. If you want to know who the mobsters are, just look at who's selling out. Yeah, right. Exactly. Just diversify a little bit. Go there. Yeah. Trash and olive oil. So wait, all right, what, what, there's a long way to go to what, what were the other jokes that got cut? I love this interview though, because I like, whenever we have interviews, I'll have notes and shit. I haven't looked at my computer. Oh, I think this is the most fun. That's just fucking talking about this. And it's almost like, I just like chopping it up. Obviously, I want to promote the special. And I, you know, there's part of you like wants to do that. But at the same time, like, I just like fucking talking

shit. So if people go see it, that, that's, that's awesome. But the jokes that you got are in the, in the special, right? Yeah. So the 10, well, they didn't get cut. We didn't cut. It was a Ted Bundy joke. It was another, there was another Michael Jackson joke in there that they didn't love that much. And a lot of victim blaming here. There's a good trend. And then there was like parts of this abortion bit that I put out that they were like, that was kind of like, there was silly. The line, it was like a Harry Potter reference that I had for whatever reason they didn't like. Really? Yeah. The line was fetus deletus. Like it was a spell. And, and they were not feeling it. They weren't feeling it. So how does that conversation go when they're like,

here are your notes? Did you have, was there any moment where you're like, I want to work this through? I want to like work with you guys? I'm like, guys, like, well, let me know what's going on. Like, one, I'm bummed that you didn't tell me this before. So this was right before it's supposed to go? No, no, no, no, no, we were going to, I want to finish the tour first. So we were going to like, you know, push it back. And then kind of what I think what really happened is like culture changed a little bit. Like, you know, the Chapelle trans thing. I think freaked out a lot of those. And they were like, Oh, shit. This is this crazy backlash. It looks crazy. There's no backlash. But there's crazy backlash just for jokes. I don't know if we can do this.

And also I'm like, I'm a white guy and I'm like making fun of every single, like race, religion and gender in the crowd. Right. Now, if you're at the show, you watch the show, it doesn't feel bad because those people are there laughing at it. Right. If I'm doing the blackface joke to a black dude, it's not bad. Right. If everybody's in the audience is white, and I'm talking about these things, then maybe it gets a little sensitive. But like, at my shows, it's the most diverse fucking audience. So it's like, I'm busting balls with everybody. It's fine. But I understand an executive board that's just like, wait a minute, white guy. Yeah. Making fun of Somalians. Right. This is weird. Alert. Do we want to attach ourselves to

this? Have you noticed, though, I feel like just anecdotally, like it's now starting to swing back towards comedy where people are now because there was that moment where it felt like there was we can't make these jokes. People can't do these things. Now it feels like comedians have kind of taken it back a little bit, being like it's comedy. It's supposed to be ridiculous and stupid and not real life. And people are supposed to laugh and we're supposed to make you think about fucked up things. Yeah. So do you think that that's actually like occurred where people and why is that? Is that just because you guys now own it like YouTube? Yeah. You being able to say, here's my special. And and that's what it is. It's like what you guys did with sports. Yeah.

Like every single, I mean, there's going to be disruption in every industry. But it's like, once you feel the real, it's hard to go back. Like I'm not trying to like blow smoke up your ass, but like once you watch, once you watch shows here, talk about sports, it's hard to watch the guy in the suit make like Gucci main puns. Right. Do you know what I mean? Like it's just harder. Like once you feel the real, it's hard to go back to the phony. So I think that happened with media. I think that happened like obviously with Rogan and podcasting. And I think it's happening with comedy where it's like you saw the comedies on Netflix and you saw the comedy was on Comedy Central. God awful, right? They're in the tubes. You know. And and then you saw what was being

put out on YouTube and you're like, oh, shit, like I'm actually laughing. Right. There was a point where people would say this, I don't like stand up comedy. That was a sentence human beings would say. Right. No, you just don't like bad stand up comedy. Right. But that's all that was out there. Right. Because everybody was so terrified. So then they go and see comedy and start laughing. They think that like it's this new novel thing. It's like, no, there's an outlet for the good comedy. Right. Which is fucked up. Right. And that's how it's always been. You look at Carlin, Pryor, Bruce, Eddie, every comic that was like hilarious had immense pushback. Right. Cancel him, shut him down, don't let him talk. To be honest, this is the best time to do comedy.

Yeah. Like you want to do comedy at a period where people are like, don't do that comedy. Right. When anybody can just say anything, you get like abstract with the comedy. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like Gal Frenakis, who's hilarious, but he thrives in a moment where you can just say anything. Right. Because there's nothing to push back against. There's no like fucking tension. There's nothing like naughty mischievous. That's interesting. I never thought of no bottleneck now. There's no, you don't have to go the network route like you were saying with Comedy Central. Like there's not one guy in a suit being like, I don't like this. Therefore, you're not getting the exposure. You can put it all out on your channel. Exactly. And then there's

some guys that have been doing it long enough, like like Chappelle, where they just they can they can do whatever they want because they know like, OK, we'll pay him $30 million and he'll deliver a stand up special that will get views. And I was I was watching his most recent one actually just like a week ago. And it was talk at the school. Oh, no, not that one. I haven't seen that one yet. That one put me off because I was about to start watching it and then said it was a speech. And I was like, I don't know what that means. That she's delivering a speech. I'm sure it was funny, but I watched I watched the one that was before that and I realized with Chappelle, there's so many jokes that people get mad about that he makes. But when I'm watching him,

I realized that in some of his more offensive jokes, he's just he's putting the joke first before the message. He's tying his entire routine and just to get to this one very funny punch line that the funny punch line should not be looked at as him preaching at anybody, trying to convince you about something. He's just finding the best, most interesting way to get to the funniest joke possible. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. That's fine. That's the goal, right? We're stand up comics like we should make people laugh. I think there's this idea that like comedy has to be like true and is probably John Stuart was so fucking prolific at what he did. I think like a generation of kids grew up going, Oh, comedy is also truth. Right. And it's not.

He's genius at doing that. But comedy is just what makes you laugh. Right. Like that's really what it is at the end of the day. And we will say it's also like based on what you feel and what you feel is often wrong. Like we're not stupid. We know the right thing to say to a group of people. If I'm looking at like one of the survivors from Ted Bundy, I'm not going to be like, well, why'd you try to fix the car? Right. Like, but it's funniest thing is to say that. Right. The funniest thing to say to a survivor is like, so like, did you ever think you might not be able to fix it? Do you know a lug nut? Like what's going on here? Do you know a lug nut? I've never changed a tire. What's going on? That's the fucked up thing, but it's the funniest. Yeah. And

people think it. They just, you know, you know, you social norms, you don't say it because it would be fucked up to say to someone. Take my wife, please. Yeah. It's like watching jackass. You know that you shouldn't go up to your friend and kick him in the nuts. But it's the funniest. I fucking love watching other people do it. It's great. Yeah. 100%. And it is where where everyone gets tripped up is because then they take like comedy taken to, you know, people transcribing it. I always think like whenever someone, it hasn't really happened to us, but like, if you transcribe a podcast, you could read it and be like, well, that's fucked up. It's like, but dude, the intent, like how we're saying it, the humor in the room matters. That's the most important thing. I was,

I was doing like a, a conversation. One of these things at this cellar, know him, who owns the comedy cellar. The comedy cellar is amazing. I'm sure you guys are familiar. If anybody's listening and watching, go this amazing club and he does these like conversations. We'll have these like intellectuals and sometimes it brings comics on. And they always try to like mash like comics and intellectuals. I think like intellectuals kind of like, like what we're doing and it's like naughty and they wish they could kind of say what was funny. And also they're not funny. Right. And, but they always try to like add this importance to comedy. They're like, you know, this is the last bastion of hope in a free society. And I'm just like, Jesus fucking Christ. Like,

we should never talk. Like the second we're on stage, I have to be right. Yeah. I don't want to be right. Right. I want to be a clown. I want to make it real. Literally that. There's nothing wrong with that. And it's the most beautiful thing. Because at the end of the day, when we're at the bar, busting balls, nobody's like, you know how right Tim was today? I love hanging out with that guy. Yeah, that bit was so correct. There's nothing less funny than a comedian who's like, I am the last bastion of truth in an untruthful society. Oh God. Just be the last bastion of laughs. Like, I remember being up there with them. I was like, guys, like the funniest joke about COVID or whatever like that is not true. It's not right, but it's funny. And they're like,

like what? And I was like, I fuck, I'm going to fuck this up. But I had something. It was like, it was like, like, like the Me Too movement, like, stopped with COVID. And they were like, why? And I was like, well, you know, women like to be at home cooking and cleaning. And all we had to do is give them a banana bread recipe and they shut the fuck up about their problems. Right. And immediately there's like a reaction and people are like, okay, this is not true. Right. It just happens to work out. Right. Right. And you're just doing and you're getting the reaction out of people. That's it. That's the best comedy is when you're like, when someone, a comedian says something and you're like, whoa, that's fucked up, but holy shit, I laugh. It's funny. Yeah. Right.

That's all it is. You're making these kind of connections that are fucking funny. We're going to get back to Andrew Schultz in a second. But before we do, he's brought to you by our great friends over at BetterHelp. It's a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. How well would you take care of your car if you had to keep the same one for your entire life? That's how our brains work. So why don't we treat them that way? How we care for our minds affects how we experience life. So it's important to invest time and care into keeping them healthy. BetterHelp is online therapy that offers video chat and even live chat only therapy sessions. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in person therapy. You can be matched with a

therapist in under 48 hours. And best of all, our listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash PMT. That's better H ELP.com slash PMT invest in yourself invest in your mind. Check better help out betterhelp.com slash PMT for 10% off your first month. And now here's more Andrew Schultz. All right. So you're special. You were like, all right, fuck it. We're not doing it on this streaming service. We won't say the name. And then you go straight to YouTube. Was there a moment where you were nervous? I didn't do YouTube. Yeah, on TheAndrewSchultz.com. Go buy it right now. Yeah, Moment House is this company that is basically streaming the thing for you.

Okay. And then we're going to have it for sale for like two weeks. So I think it stops like the 1st of August or July 30 or so. All right. So go buy it right now. Because it's going to be the last week. We're going to run this on Monday. And then you have it forever. And you have forever. That's yours. You should, you should just be like expiration date, like six months, right? Take it back. I should, right? And just be like, you want to laugh at that? Pay me again. So, but it was there a moment where you're like, all right, this, like, I hope this works. Yeah, I was terrified the entire time. Really? Absolutely.

Because you had to put up a lot of your own money. Yes. Yeah, a lot of money. And that's, I mean, that's got to be a fucking like when you're writing that check, like, oh, I get this back. Yeah, it's fucking because I have no clue, right? Like, I know I have, I have podcasts that are very supportive and I have community that made me feel comfortable. You know what I mean? I had like, I like, I had a, we had a Patreon, we have a Patreon for flagrant is, and I knew that there are people that really support us. And there was a sizable amount of people. So I was like, okay, these are the people that are willing to commit money to, to me and my boys. And I was like, okay, that gave me some confidence.

And then I looked at like, obviously the live shows and we had done all these shows and I was like, okay, there are people who are willing to like, get a babysitter, put on a fucking outfit, come out and see a show. I'm like, okay, this is good. But at the same time, I have no expectation. Yeah. And we dropped the first day and we asked the fucking, we asked the company, like, what is the percentages? Like, how many people buy the first day, the last day, like, what is the thing? And they were like, oh, it's usually like 30% the first day and then like, 20% through and like, 50% a day. And we dropped the first day and it was okay. Right.

But I was like, fuck, is this going to be 30% dude? So I'm like sweating. And we started to kind of build and we dropped some more clips and then articles came out and people really kind of got behind the story. And that last day it was fucking nuts. And the day after it was just fucking nuts. And I bet when you do it again, you'll probably have the same feeling because it doesn't go like, so that's not exactly the same. But we, we have rough and rowdy here. Yeah, of course. Yeah. So it's pay-per-view. Yeah.

And I see the numbers and every single type fight goes exactly the same where the numbers are slow, slow, slow. And like 30 minutes before it's everyone but because like, of course, like, think about when you were fucking used to buy Tyson fights. You didn't buy it two days before. He bought it like literally minutes. Yeah, right. And but no matter what, we'll do it. And I'll just be nervous the whole day being like, well, is this the day that no one buys it? And then boom, like clockwork right before it starts, like, hey, we just got all of our buys. 100%. And it just scares the fuck out of you. And the rough and rowdy thing is great because it like proves the value of story in a fight.

Yeah. You know, like all the YouTubers are doing it now and they're having a lot of success with these fights. But the most success happens when there's an interesting storyline. Yes. And you guys baked in storyline to people that you don't even know. Right. Two brothers. Well, I want to see which brother is going to win. Gay guy, straight guy, the hillbilly, the black dude, like build in the the beef already. That's why UFC, I think, like took off was Ultimate Fighter. They got it. I watched Ultimate Fighter and I was like, this is awesome. Like now I know these guys.

These guys are fighting every day and they're living in a house together. Yeah. That part just takes it to a totally different level. Totally different level. Yeah. You're baked in and and also like that the company has all the fighters signed. So it behooves the company to make interesting fights. Yeah. And the fighters, a loss doesn't matter as much as in boxing, where if like, you're an up and coming fighter and you lose in like your eighth fight, that could derail your entire. It's over. Yeah. It could be over. You could lose your first fight in the UFC and then go be UFC champion. Yeah.

Like they they are invested in you. They believe in you. You could lose five fights. They lost three fights in a row. They're still fighting. There are guys who have 17 losses on the roster still fighting. Yeah. So. It's true. I never even thought about it that way, but you're right. Like that's part of why boxing is probably dying is like one one loss. Like we went and called the Canelo fight against Beavall and he lost that. And it's like, yeah, Canelo is still going to do well and in his next fight against Triple G is going to be great. Yeah. But you have to be honest with like a little bit like you're like, oh, that that

lost a little bit. A hundred percent. Yeah. You're always searching for perfection. Yeah. You always think like the guy that's undefeated. He's the best in the world. You got to beat him. But then if you have two losses early in your career, you might not get the chance to even step in the ring with that guy. Yeah. And who knows? Because you're always looking for the guy that has that zero next to his name like zero losses. And then that's the guy that you got to beat. I've been trying to get an Alex Jones fight going on rough and rowdy. I actually heard from one of his reps a couple of years ago that he wanted to step into the ring. I don't know who a fair fight would be against Alex Jones because he's he's such a unique body type. Yeah. And I

know I know you've interviewed him. You know Alex pretty well. I feel like he would he would definitely sell pay per views. People would want to see that fight. But then it's like, do we do we want to be in the Alex Jones business at the end of the day? A hundred percent. Who does he fight? That's a great. That's so I what's the funny. So I reached out to Hasan. You know, Hasan Piker. Yeah. So yeah. So through through a friend of a friend and son was like, I'll fight Alex Jones. But do they beef? I think I I don't know if they beef outwardly. I think it's kind of like game respect game like yeah. Yeah. Alex Jones is a fucking character. And so people want to hear him, you know, go on his rants about whatever he's thinking about that day.

I don't know if they have like direct beef, but I'm pretty sure that that fight would break all kinds of records. Yeah. I mean, it would absolutely. I'm trying to think you need to find the perfect foil for Alex, though. Like Alex. Like Bill Clinton. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, you have to fight like Delaney Macklin. Hillary Clinton. Hillary Clinton versus Alex Jones in a hot dog eating contest or something like that. And then Alex Jones dies like 10 hours before the fight mysteriously. I mean, come on. You have to put a clause in for everybody pre-orders like we're keeping your money. It doesn't matter. If he dies, it's not our fault. Dude, Hillary Clinton versus Alex Jones

is the greatest pay-per-view that's ever existed in history. Yeah. Just get him in the ring or just get him in the ring and let him talk for like 30 minutes first, have a debate and see if Hillary can convince him to suicide himself. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I mean, there's no way you get Hillary in there, but I think you got to try to make that happen. Yeah. I think you got to pitch it. Wait, why not Hillary? He would die. The problem with Alex is like. What the fuck, dude? I've seen his first step. I've seen him like sprinting after people on the street. Oh yeah, he's got a nice first step. He's explosive out of the gate. Like he would crush DK Metcalfe in a three cone shuttle. He's a delineman. But I feel like anything longer than 30

seconds, Alex Jones is probably going to have a heart attack. Yeah. I had dinner with him once he ate a whole onion raw. What? On a plate. He just ordered an onion. That rocks. We were getting steak and then he was like, I don't know. I'm just having an onion. And they're like on the steak goes, no, put it on a plate. And he just gets the onion. He cuts it in half and he's using a knife and fork and just having full on conversation. Christ. And the thing with Epstein is full on you. That's such an alpha move because like everybody else at the table is like, I could never do that. Yeah. We're like picking out our onions with like two fingers. Yeah. This is gross. Holy fuck. No, he's a wild dude, man. That guy's that guy is fucking entertaining. I'm a little

disappointed in his career trajectory, though, because I used to listen to Alex every day. So I lived in Austin for about 10 years and I would listen to him on the way to work on the way home from work. And he would be going on about like Barack Obama smells like sulfur. Hillary Clinton is actually a reptile. Yeah, like real hardcore shit. And now he's talking about like tax laws and stuff. He's like he's water. He's brought himself closer to reality as it's going on. I want so I've never seen Star Wars. But from what I understand, the big knock on the first prequel was Oh, now they're talking about like shipping restrictions as a big conflict as opposed to having Darth Vader want to blow up the world, you know, and that's why everyone hated that one.

I want Alex Jones to get back to the fact that like underneath the the core of the earth, there's there's fucking aliens that are beaming microwaves up at you trying to like shrink hurt anyone. That doesn't hurt. You know, it's no longer a victim of crime at that point. But like back in the day, he was like doing, yeah, the reptilian shit. And that's when Alex Jones was at his finest, the pure uncut stuff. I got a I got a I got to agree with you right there that it's actually safer, the more extreme that he goes because it's hyperbolic. It's silly. It's comedy. And no one's like, Oh, wait, I'm an alien. Why are they? Why is he coming after me? Yeah, frogs are gay or whatever he said, like we love that kind of stuff. And it has to be like

locked to a little bit of truth. Right, right? That you have to be able to convince us slightly. Yeah, it's like, what is one derivative from the world is flat? The earth is hollow. There you go. Yeah, perfect. I can't look. Yeah, no one knows. Yeah. And isn't it at the isn't in the middle? Isn't it like lava? Yeah, right. So it's not solid. You gotta be hollow to have a liquid. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. It's a gosh. It's not true. Yeah. Yeah. I just I want to get back to the crazy shit. Somebody needs to tell Alex, like go go off the leash. What if Alex Jones fights the entire Uvalde police department? Yeah, I mean, it wouldn't show up. I mean, yeah. Alex in one. But if he did that, does he win over America again? I think so. I think people would

refer Alex Jones on that. Yeah. Yeah. I would forgive him for what he said about the other school shooting. Right. If is that the only way that he can come back? Probably if he takes out all these cops. Yeah. Wow. Legacy defining fight. There it is. Line them up. Ultimately, one after another. Fuck. I don't know how to say I don't even know it. So do you talk to him like? Yeah, he'll message me like he'll leave like voice notes. They're really funny. Yeah. Hey, love what you did. That's great. Okay, I gotta get back to this on you. I'm gonna start ordering raw onions. There's no other choice for me. It's a baller move. Yeah. He's just undeniably entertaining, man. There's certain people. And then there's a cool thing that happens where it's just like,

he says so many things that eventually things that he says come out as right. Yeah. Something has to be right if you just cast such a wide net. Yeah. And he does expose shit, man. It's wild. Yeah. And that's where it gets dangerous, too, because when he's right, it gives it's like. Then what else is he right about? Right. Right. And then there's the fucked up things, you know, the Sandy Hook stuff, which is undeniable. Yeah. Does he have remorse for it? I think so. Yeah, I think so. I mean, we, you know, we, we talked to him about it a little bit when he came on when we were in Miami. And, um, but yeah, I think he realizes that that was the, that was like, because that to me, like, and I, you know, I have two kids and like, I just think

about like, if you were a parent, like, yeah, it's, you know, this is unforgivable. The biggest fucking tragedy you could ever imagine that have some guy be like, yeah, it was all fake. It's like, what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can't be like, I don't think he can even be upset as a single person who's like, I can't even look at you. Right. Right. Right. 100%. I think he ran into a lot of problems too, because it's one thing where if he was doing this on his radio show out of Austin, like 1994, yeah, then there's, you know, maybe like 50,000 people that might tune in and listen to it. And they understand like Alex is insane and what he says and true. Well, once his audience gets so big, then there are some people that are already mentally unhinged

that will listen to you say that. And then they will just spend the rest of their lives harassing those families. And then that's just unforgivable shit, which you're putting a family that's gone through hell through more and more. And then that, that I think he actually just had to pay like tens of millions of dollars. Really? Yeah. No, they went after him hard. And I think that there are going to be a couple more cases that are going to bring him, you know, he's, he's not going to be a wealthy man anymore. I think he's in the January 6th thing. They're trying to come after him for that as well. Yeah. Now to Alex's credit, he was up there with a microphone and he was like, he was like, don't, he was like, all right, we're going to take your

country back, hand over fist, bring your pitch forks. No, no, don't go inside. Don't stop going, stop going inside, please. Which I was saying the other week that like in the January 6th thing, Alex Jones is either in this microcosm, either a pussy or a fraud because he was saying the entire election was stolen. And if you actually believe that the government stole the election and essentially through democracy, run it up, then run it out. You should be going into the capital. You shouldn't be standing outside and be like, no, no, not that hard. Take it back even one more. If you really think that Hillary Clinton is a lizard, go get it. If you think they're all fucking kids, what are we waiting for? So it's either you can think they're having sex with children on an

island and that they're all lizards or you don't. Because if you really believe that to be true, you wouldn't wait for the election results. I still believe in democracy even though they're lizards. Like the Q Shaman, he walks into the house of representatives, he's standing like behind the podium holding his little trident over his head. Respect to that guy because he believed in it. And he went in there. But there are so many people that don't really believe, but they're stirring people up trying to get them to be part of it. That's why I respected that motherfucker that pulled up to the pizza shop in DC. Yeah, if you think that they're kids or whatever. Yeah, if you think that they're kids, they're locked in a basement that are getting fucked. If you believe

that, go. And they literally, he went there and then they arrested him and he didn't shoot, he put the gun down, the cops came up, he didn't fight or anything. Like there's no basement. Literally. They're like, why are we there? I thought it was a pedophile ring. And they're like, all right. I mean, like, I think he's in jail. You shouldn't be able to do these things. Like call the cops, make them do something about it. But let's say you're calling the cops like, we're not going to go check it out. We're not going to go check it out. And you have children, you're going to have some compassion for those kids in the basement. Yeah, completely reasonable response. And like when Alex went on his whole 9 11 kick, it was like, yeah, if you think that

that George Bush actually knocked down these towers himself, then you should be you should be like in Washington, DC, every day throwing grenades at the White House. That's crazy. That's fucked up. Disavow. You should be. You actually believe it. You better hope your dad didn't have kids with his daughter. Because everybody finding out about that tomorrow, boy. But the fact that you're not doing it tells me you don't actually believe it. Right. That's the thing. You say, be about that life. Yeah, be about that life. I'm with you. That's why on some level, I kind of fucked with the January 6th shit is like, you believe this to be true. You have to do something about it because that is the fall of democracy. Right. It's also the most entertaining thing.

Yeah. Like it's way more entertaining. Is it not? Yeah. It's all nothing. Yeah. Remember Neil deGrasse Tyson? Yeah, it's all nothing. None of this matters. Yeah. Did you really think the president plots the course of America? You think the greatest country in the history of the world gets the course plotted every four years and then we just switch it up? They're there so you have somebody to be angry at. Yeah, right. Right. They're the liar. Or someone who you like feel good about. If the economy's good, we love them. Yeah. If the economy sucks, they're the liar and then we just whip them, ah, you're an asshole. You fucked everything up. Then the new guy comes in. That's why I don't understand why anybody want to be president. No, it's a stupid job. It's a dumbest

job ever. What a loser would want to just be yelled at. Yeah, it's a bad job. It's people, I don't trust anyone that wants to be president. Any public office. Literally, the first requirement for being in public office should be you don't want to do it. Right. It should be like you enacting. Yeah. But we're like, I don't want, I do not, don't make me run for senator. I will never be president. That guy's going to be senator. He really doesn't want to do, no, it's, it's the most narcissistic thing you could do is be like, I want to have so much power. I can decide laws. Yes. For all these people. I have no idea. I know how you should live better than you. Yeah. You know what they used to do back in Sparta? They used to take everybody's name

and they'd put it in a giant hat. Everybody that was above the age of like 30. And then every couple years they would draw a name out and that person would be the mayor or the governor of that city state begrudgingly. And no one wanted to do it. But what it did, which is, I mean, it's terrifying to think like look around you and realize the people that you know, they could be in charge of your everyday life. But at the same time, it also makes you want to educate every child that's growing up in your city state because you're like, any one of these little fuckers could end up running the show. That's a great point too. Yeah. Yeah. You can't let someone fall behind because they could be in charge and you got to kick someone into that pit if they're a little crazy. That's

right. Like if at 29, he's a lunatic. It's like, sorry, dude. You're not in the lottery this year. That's why they all want to join the military. They're like, I'd rather die in battle than have to run this shit hat. People complain about rent prices. Yeah. Fuck that. All right. So wait, what next? And then who else? Jets are giants, whoever's worse. And yeah, it's just suffering at this point. But next, I mean, I grew up playing basketball. So next, and then I'm a big boxing fan. Like, I mean, my dad used to like, my dad was in the news business a little bit. So he would like cover fights and shit like that. So I'm kind of like legacy boxing fan. And now MMA, I'm just, you know, really kind of excited about it. Yeah. I mean, MMA is the best. Yeah. It is UFC. I don't

know how they do it, but like, I, I'm a, I'm not like a diehard UFC guy, but I'm like a buy the big pay-per-view. And it feels like every other week's a big pay-per-view. It was like, you gotta buy this one. It's like, fuck, I gotta buy this. And you buy every single one. Yeah. It's like, yeah, you're right. I do have to buy it. And do you notice what the crowd looks like even for the prelims? Have you picked up on that? If you look at a boxing match, like we're not watching until Mayweather's fighting. Right. And nobody there is either. Right. It's empty. It's totally empty. It's like the family and then like whatever country the guy's from, like the most diehard, yeah, like people from that country. And that's it. But UFC, if you watch even the prelims,

yeah, it's full. It's true. It's full. Everybody's locked in on the story. They've got these like really engaging characters. They fucking got it, man. They understand that if you have, if you have a series of fights where every single fight could end in a devastating knockout, like the most violent like kick to the head, people will show up early and watch that stuff. No one wants to show up to watch like a 10 round boxing match between two guys that they've never heard of. Yeah. Yeah. It's much more conducive to the casual. Yeah. Unless it gets maybe into like the grappling stuff. I think people are tired of that. Although I actually, I find myself like, I can't remember. I think it was maybe two weeks ago. There was a pay-per-view I bought and I was

actually like, I kind of wish there was one of these fights was a grappling fight. Like it was a lot of stand up. Yeah. And I don't know, maybe this is fucked up to say, but I kind of like watching someone get choked out. There we go. Like I kind of, it is, there's something that's like very exhilarating when a guy gets in a position and you're like, is he about to get choked out? And like that, like Willie or what, won't he get choked out? I don't know. There's something about it. I don't want every fight to be like that. Yeah. But I have noticed that it feels like there's a lot more stand up and like even Habib who like, wasn't the most exciting fighter. Yeah. But when he got you on the ground, it's like, it's overdue. Yeah. It's like watching like a snake

suffocate like a rat. Yeah. He's like, you know, you're done. Yeah. Something about it. Maybe that's our like, fight IQ is going up. Yeah. Maybe in the beginning, we just didn't really understand like the nuances of grappling or positioning. And now we're like, oh, he's trying to set up an arm. Yeah. Like, oh, he doesn't have the neck. Oh, he does have the neck. Yeah. Credit to Joe Rogan. Like we were talking about listening to anybody that's passionate about something. When you hear Joe Rogan talking about a fight as it's happening, like he knows his shit and he loves it. Yeah. And it makes you kind of understand when you hear, you know, the inflection in his voice get a little higher. Yeah. When somebody's got somebody's back, you as a casual fan, I can't

tell like, oh, his, oh, the hook's in. Like I don't know if the hook is in or not. But when Joe says it, I'm like, oh, the hook is in. And I get excited about it. And I respect the hell out of anyone like Joe who has one sport they're very passionate about and does not give a fuck. Nothing else. Like you could tell him who's like the MVP for the NFL. He's like, I don't care. I wish I had a life for that. I was like, it was as simple as that. You love all sports. All sports. But like it's exhausting. You know why? Why? Because I'm like, oh, yeah, because I mean, I gamble. Right. So it's interesting. Interesting. Interesting. But I also love all sports. I like, I love college basketball. I love college football. Like, but I wish that I could, I always get a little jealous of people

who are like, this is my sport and I don't care about anything else. Now, okay. So for you, it's tied to the stakes and the exhilaration of game. Do you feel the same way? A little bit. But for me, it's just mostly like, that's what I grew up doing was watching sports. And that was like my entire day. Yeah. If I wasn't playing sports, I was watching sports. Like what? I think it was just my family. Like my dad, my grandparents, that's all we would do would be just watch sports together and talk about sports. It was like bonding time. Yeah. It was bonding time. Exactly. And you probably have some like great laughs, some great moments. You get to see, you know, your pops and your grandfather's people that you admire. You get to see them being really excited about

something. You're fucking jumping and hugging like these like early memories are tied to sports. And I'm sure that like gets baked into our brain somewhere. And like we're trying to like recreate those emotions. Right. That makes sense. And then you add gambling on top of it. Yeah. Because like I love sports regardless of gambling, but it's way more fun when I have when I have action on it. That's dude, the thing I'm almost like I'm I'm I almost get like scared to gamble on the sports I really love because then it's like putting Molly in the drink. Do you know what it's doing a little bit? It's like, I already love this. Yeah. Do I do I want to take that? You are like betting on your favorite teams. That's always the worst. Yeah. Oh, if you bet on

other teams, you can actually be more objective about it. Betting on you. It's hard to. Yeah, you lose anyway. But yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah, you know, I'm always so smart when I bet on other teams. You can hedge against your against like your future misery too. So I'm a commander's fan. And if I'm watching, if I'm watching a team that's going to kick the shit out of them, sometimes I'll bet on the other team because then I'll be like, okay, it's not that big of a deal that we lost because I'm so smart. I knew that was going to happen. So I put my money on them. See, I can't. I can't do it. I'm all in or all out. Like I'll, I'll, I won't bet against the Bears. I'll be like, I'll stupidly tell myself the Bears are going to win even though I know

they aren't and like bet on them because like, I don't ever want my team to win and then be like mad that I lost a bet because like I just either like, it's like push it all in or double misery or double happiness. To me, if I lost that bet, I look at that as cost of doing business. It's like, I paid for that win. Yeah, I can't, you know, like I'll trade that any day. I can't do it. Well, you guys bet on TV shows. What do you mean? Like, well, you put some money on like the bachelor, like love on the spectrum. They don't really have like, they don't have those regulated because they're all taped so you could figure out what's happening. But if I, if there was like a market for it, yes. Yeah. Of course. Why not? Betting on love on the spectrum would

be exhilarating. Yeah. I've not seen it. It's the best show. I've seen the commercials of it. You haven't watched it? I haven't watched it. Oh, guys. What is it? They're dating autistics. Oh, okay. And where's it? Where can you watch it? It's on Netflix. It's on, I think just Netflix, maybe others, but like, I mean, it's the most amazing show you've ever seen your entire life because autistic people don't know how to lie. Right. So they just say exactly how they feel like right in front. Like, I mean, he just asked his mom if she was done talking like she's like, are you done? And then he's this fat Indian kid that looks like a like Koopa Troopa, you know the shit Mario would jump on. And like, he's super autistic. And they just

try to, they really are throwing everything at him. They threw a down syndrome at him. Like, just anything that they got. This is a real show. Bro, it's the best show that you've ever watched in your life. They got Australian accents and they're autistic. And some of them have autistic accents, which is from watching video games all the time. So you pick up the real show. It sounds like I'm making it up. It sounds like you're completely making it. There's a kid that sounds like Wario. I'm in. Say again. If there's a kid that sounds like Wario, I'm all in. I don't know if they're going with those characters. I think it's more just like, wait, so they're like, they're like, let's put in,

let's, let's put autistic kids and like make money off of them being like truthful and trying to find love, but the Ted Bundy jokes got to go. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. And what you described as a show is way more like, whoa, this is kind of fucked up. It seems way more fucked up. Yeah. But this is just what we do. Like, you know how we just go more and more extreme? Yeah. Oh, that's actually kind of interesting. Like, you can't really judge. You can't really judge Elon's dad for like the stepdaughter thing. If like, that's the best porn. That's true. Yeah. No, that's what he's been looking at. That's the number one porn that's out right now, the stepdaughter. And he's out there like, I'm leaving it in. My question is like,

was she stuck anywhere? Yeah. When he found her? Was she like trying to get in doggy shit? Yeah. Yeah. So you're saying like, Brazzers is actually the one to blame. Listen, if you normalize it, yeah, Elon senior is going to fucking go for it. Now we're going all the way to the other side of the spectrum. We're like, gotta get rid of gambling, gotta get rid of porn, gotta get rid of weed. Well, that's crazy. Yeah, I know. Let's not go crazy. No, I know, I know, but we're talking our way into it. We got to stop. Catholics run it back every 2000 years, boys. Run it back. I do love that there's always like, there's one politician who's like, porn is the problem for society. And like he could, people could agree with him like 99% and

then they says that like, no, fuck you. You're out. Yeah, you're like that. Fuck that guy. You're not talking about porn. Fuck that. But that is dry sticky hands. You can have this. They could make laws that, you know, make us do everything. It's like, no, no, don't take our porn. No, do not do that. No, no, no. We need, we need, there is what there's always, I can't, I think there's one, maybe in Ohio or yeah, I think it's JD Vance. Yeah. Who's like, we got to get rid of porn. It's like all of it. Fucking sucks. All of it is corrupting society. All of it. Yeah, they try to do it all in fucking Japan. They started blurring the decks. Yeah. And I just assumed the guy who wants all the porn gone, he just wants to keep it for himself. Oh, he's like,

give me your porn. I'll hold it safely and they'll just be jerking off all the time. Do you know what happened after they blurred the dicks? What happened? They started sick and fucking octopuses in them. Yeah. So yeah, because like, that's not a dick, but you need something dick right. So now it's even worse because they need it. But they did it. I think because they weren't pro-creating. Like, they had to teach them how to date. Yeah. Yeah. I guess too much porn. No, fuck that. Don't take our porn. No, no, I'm not saying take our porn, but like, there's a limit. Like, for me, I have a limit. Like, I can't click on the pregnancy shit. Yeah. Like, I don't like that. Why not? Ken Bone was a big fan of that. Yeah. Remember that guy, Ken Bone with the red sweater

from the debates back in like, 2016? He like, he just popped up in one of the debates. He's like, a dude from Iowa. Oh guys, I thought you were talking about a porn star. Oh no, yeah. He probably could be. His name was Ken Bone. The master debates? Yeah. And then everyone found his like, Reddit history was like, he's just into like, pregnant ladies. Pregnant porn. Yeah. Now, you've had sex with your pregnant wife, I see. Fire? I mean, it's a thing. Oh, you're not. I heard it's super wet. Like, it's... No, I heard it's SeaWorld, dude. I really didn't hear that. I swear to God. Long story. Who told you that? DJ Envy. Oh, wait. He's the DJ Envy. Charlemagne and DJ Envy and Angel Yee. He's in the breakfast club. Like, every other day, he has to get in

front of the TV and be like, I cheated on my wife. Yes. That's part of the agreement. Like, constantly. I feel like every time I see him, he's like, yeah, so. And by the way, he's like dragging him around. He's dragging him around like, you cheated again? Let's go on fucking Wendy Williams and sell everyone you cheated. Yeah, 100%. That guy, why wouldn't he stop cheating? Like, every time he's just getting fucking roasted. Yeah, he is getting killed and he is kind of getting, but at the same time, I don't know, maybe he likes, he really likes pregnant pussy. I mean, she's got like seven kids. She's got so many kids because he's into that. Wait, was he cheating on her with a pregnant woman? Probably. Yeah, I'm not joking. Like, there's

at least, I think two or three times where I've seen him like sad dog face sitting with his wife and then like, he cheated again. He had to make orgasm for 10 years. What? Yeah. Fuck. He's like, he's addicted to getting abused on TV. But listen, everybody has their kinks. Yeah, I guess that's his kink. I shouldn't kink shame. You're right. And that's okay. But what I'm trying to say is, did you like it better? I don't think there was like a noticeable difference. No, there wasn't like a, wow, this is awesome. Really? No. I know. Do you have any kids? No kids. No kids. I'm just wondering. I don't know. That's what he said. He's like, yo, pregnant pussy is the juiciest. He said that. Maybe one, either the water was breaking at the

time. That's a possibility. Or two, maybe that's part of his arrangement where his wife is like, you better tell them how good this is. I think that could be it as well. Like if he's already admitting to cheating, he's got to be like, yo, this is the best pussy ever. But maybe it is. We don't know. I guess that's also like a, you got to run it back. Have another kid. Yeah. Got to have another kid. I already have two. He's, uh, he's on high tide. He's on radio every day, right? I think that's also like part of like, if you are doing radio every day, it's like, well, we got to talk about something. Let's talk about pregnant pussy. Yeah. Like maybe you should just take a week off. He suggested it to me. I didn't even ask him about it or anything.

You got to try this? Yeah. He was like, no, pregnant pussy is the best or something like that. And he's like, the more pregnant, the better. Oh my God. Dude, eight months, dude. Are you going to have kids ever? Yes, soon, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. We're going through some therapy right now to get ready. Okay. Yeah. You're a whole like, I know it's cliche, but your whole worldview will change. I hope. Yes. For the better. Okay. So here's my, here's a theory that obviously I have with no proof, but I think part of like to everybody being outraged about things is we're waiting too long to have kids. Yeah. I agree. Because there is like, once you have kids, the little things, the little things do not bother you as much. Yeah.

Where it's like, I don't have time. Sexism, sexism. Yeah. I don't have time for that. I just want my kid to be like a good kid. Yeah. No, it's true though. No, but I guess, I guess to that point is like, how much time do you have to be part of these movements when you're not keeping a kid alive? Right. Exactly. Right. And also there's like a, you can be angry about something and then I go home and like my son's like, let's watch Paw Patrol. I'm like, cool. I forgot what I was angry about. Yeah. And that is the best. Like that is the best feeling. So maybe the key to all this is we start having kids earlier so that we can focus. Now you're back to pedophilia. We're going full circle. I didn't say how early I didn't say have sex with them. I didn't say have sex with

them. Just get them pregnant. But yeah, just get them pregnant. Yeah. Wait, you guys are saying that. That's not me. You might be right though, because it is. Yeah. Yeah. I never even thought about it that way. But it is like your virginity. I was like 17. 17. You? Yeah, I was 18. 18. Oh, wow. You guys kept it legit. So you guys haven't even slept with minors. No, I've never. Well, though, as a minor. Yeah. Right. It wasn't in Mississippi. No, but on the other hand, it's kind of nice being selfish in your 20s. Okay. Like getting to just do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah. Like that's that's something that I think it leads to a little bit more growth through your 20s. Because I think sometimes when you have kids, it's like

that's when a part of your life starts or stops growing and a different part of your life starts growing after that. Yeah. But you know what the craziest thing is when you have kids though? Like because I am 37. So it's 34 when my son was born. My daughter was born when I was 36. I do wish that I had him younger because I now think like when he's 20, I'm going to be, you know, 50 or whatever. It's like, that's going to kind of suck. Like or 55. Like I'm going to be a little older because you guys you like I wish I was I wish my kids when they were in their 20s, I was like just hitting 50. So I had like, you know, the energy and everything to like you want to like hoop with them. Yeah. And like just be like, yeah, like I don't want to be like super old. You know what I mean?

So I think that's a natural thing too. But you have to have the kid to realize that. Yeah. Because all my 20s, I was like, I don't want fucking kids. Yeah. And then like my caveman brain flipped and was like, oh, yeah, I want one of these. Yeah. Yeah. So think about like your age when you're going to be a dad at the wedding. Right. And all that kind of fucks you up. You're like, oh, shit. Yeah. Like, oh, yeah, graduation, all that. Yeah. Your parents old? No, they're of regular age. Okay. Yeah. I mean, they were like in their 30s, mid 30s. So I guess that might be old. Yeah. I don't mean for us. Yeah. I think that's old dirt because people were having kids. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess, yeah, they were on the older side. Yeah. Mine were two. And I think maybe

that's why we waited a little longer. Yeah. Right. Kids. I think if you have younger parents, it just seems more normal that you would do it younger. Yeah. And I'm always like jealous of like, I see that people were like, oh, yeah, like, that's my like a 20 year old, like my grandmother 60. It's like, what? That's kind of sick. Yeah. Like you get to live, you know what I mean? Like, I'll be grandparents. That's when you'll feel old. Yeah. When you're a grandparent, yeah, your grandkids are, let's see, your kids now are what the three and one three and one. So you've got at least another wonder you're fucking fucked up. I'm just thinking like my mom was 42 when she had me. Whoa. And that's definitely in back then

that was like that was that was an old issues grown up. No, I mean, I'm only five eight. So that's a problem. That probably had something to do with it. You think that was it? Yeah. Yeah, I think that's about it. Your dad was your dad's tall or no? No, my dad's five 10. Okay. Five 11. And your mom? My mom's five two. Five two. So that's about it. Five two. But so she was on the older side when she had me. And then I definitely have what you were talking about where I keep thinking like, Oh, I've got your dad's an assassin to hit that stick man. Yep. Yep. Credit credit to Papa D. What is he? What's his background? He's a lawyer in Miami. No, dude, is he Cuban? He's Swedish. He's as far from Cuban Cuba as you can get. That doesn't make

any sense. But I definitely feel that where it's like, Okay, I've still got 42 position that they I don't know wheelchair. I don't know. She was she had her walker with tennis balls. But yeah, it's like I will wait to have kids. But then once I have kids, I want those little fuckers to have grandkids ASAP. Right. Yeah, for me, for me, exactly. Being a great being a grand parent is like the greatest thing ever because they don't they just get to get all the benefits. So your parents, they get to like, they get to hang out and then they get to go. Were you like, where was this with me? What's the fuck? No, but they get like, Oh, yeah, we'll read a couple but as many books as you want. Whereas like, I'm like, All right, we're reading two books

tonight. Like that's it. I want to I want to go fucking sit on the couch. Is it the gift you give your parents for raising you? Yeah, I think so. And it also makes you realize like, Holy fuck. Like, I was an asshole. You know what I mean? And like, that wasn't easy. Because you realize that you understand them now. Yeah. Oh yeah. You're like, Okay, this makes a lot more sense. Like I hated you for no reason. Yeah. And I'm sure I'll go through the same thing where my kids will like be in their teenage years and they'll hate me. Yeah. I'm like, this sucks. So there's another thing. It's like, you've, you've waited, my parents waited, I'm going to end up waiting. We've all we all waited to understand what it was like for our parents to raise us.

If we're having kids in our 20s, at 23, we're looking at our parents like, you know, my bad, like, how can I help? Right? I didn't realize that I was like this. And then we have this like, a much deeper bond, probably. Yeah. With our parents. Now we wait so long, they were shipping our parents off to these different homes. But that's also just life in general, where you just, you look back and you're like, when I was 25, I fucking wish I knew everything that I know now. You, because why is it wasted on the young? Yeah, right. But it really is the truth, because you're like, I was a fucking asshole. And none of this mattered. None of this matter. Yeah. That's the crazy. Getting good grades and all that shit. Like, I obviously it matters a

little bit because you want to, you know, learn, but like stressing out about things that just are completely inconsequential. Yup. It sucks to look back at. Dude, how fast was, okay, zero to 10 felt like it took forever. 10 to 20, it was pretty long, but it was a little bit short 20 to 30. Yeah. Lightning. Lightning. 30 to 40. Yeah. How old are you? I'm 38. Okay. So we're about the same age. We're both 37. Yeah. I was 29. Yeah. Two weeks ago. Yes. Yes. It's my far the fastest. Yes. I've been telling myself like, Oh, you got time. You're not 40 yet. And it's like, wait, no, I'm gonna be 38 in January. Fuck. I, it's over. I actually feel like my 20s took forever. And then my 30s so far. Then they went. It's been like, it's been like two years of

my 20s. My 20s I feel like went so fast, but that was also cocaine. So that's like, I mean, but yeah, 30s like blink of an eye as well. Do you still do coke? No, no, every now and then. It's, it's fun or what? I've never done coke. Oh really? No. Yeah. But the, the, it's like scary now because of the fentanyl shit. Yeah. So I don't fuck with, you know, like it's fucked up now. Yeah. Like I don't, I don't understand how like a 25 year old goes out and just like parties like that. And they do it like crazy. Yeah. Like when I was coming up, coke was still kind of naughty. Right. Like it was kind of bad to do coke. Right. Now they do it like weed. Right. Right. It's true. It's just as normal as like drinking. It's like, oh, we're going to go out. I'll probably

take a bump and then I'll do it over. It is funny to think about weed too. Like how just normal it is now. Cause like that's another thing. We need Catholicism again. Yeah. Take our porn, take our weed, take our coke, take our coke, leave a little. Everything in moderation. We can do a little bit of porn. Yeah. You can do everything in moderation. Do a little bit of coke. Yeah. A little bit of weed. Yeah. Drink our large sodas. That's it. Yeah. Let us have it. You're so right though about weed. Like back in the nineties, people were getting shot. Like the police were raiding people and shooting them. The weed. Because they had weed. Like there was, there were like governments in Mexico and Jamaica shooting down planes because they had like 50 pounds of

weed on them. I even thinking about like even five years ago when it was like, oh, I was in California. Can I bring this weed back to New York? And now it's like, what, like, what are they going to say if they find it? Like, well, okay, throw it out. Okay. Or it's legal everywhere. Well, once it's legal everywhere. Okay. Maybe not once it's legal. Once the government is making money on something, do you have to let the criminals out of jail? I think so. Yeah. Who were convicted because they were doing. Now granted, they did break the law. There was a law, regardless of if it was right or wrong, they broke it. Right. So I understand you're being punished for breaking the law, but at the same time, like if you're making money. Yes, absolutely. That's

the most hypocritical thing you can have. I feel like they've already, they've served their punishment for it. Yeah. I think what the state of New York's doing, because they're starting to legalize everything from, from growing to selling, eventually they're given the licenses to open up like the weed distribution to people that have convictions on their record in the past. Oh, yeah. Of distributing weed. They get like first dibs on it, which I think is actually one of the only good things that New York City has done from a political standpoint in a while. But this is a slippery slope because like under your world order, because Lane Maxwell is coming out of jail tomorrow. So she should be the first person to open up the kid fucking faster. Yeah,

because you're like, Hey, let's just start fucking kids again. That's what you said, right? I think, I think that was it. That's what I think that's in my new special. Distreating services like Andrew. We should cut that. This one is a little too far. I'm like, I'm fighting for this. No, I, I'm standing up and telling people they can fuck. There are certain voices that need to be heard. Okay. I'm the truth. I'm the truth teller of society. Exactly. Is what you said. What happened to Gillain? She got convicted. Everyone's just been waiting for her to die. She hasn't. I think she got like 20 years. Yeah. So she didn't snitch. She did not snitch on anybody. No. Wow. But she's, but she has that Trump card in her back pocket, I think that she could play at any moment. For

what? So she could, I don't know if she wanted to turn some powerful people in. She'll never do it. Nothing's going to change. She's just, she's got her burn book that she knows in her head. She knows, I mean, if you look at the case and all the files that they had at Epstein's house inside of his safe, he had a giant safe that was filled with like spreadsheets. The dude was meticulous about his pedophilia. Like he kept a detailed log of his guests. He had video tapes of his guests because he was probably working for the CIA and getting blackmail on people. And he had, he had just terabytes and terabytes of data about who has been to his island, who has slept with who, all that stuff. It was in a safe. I think it was the FBI

raided his apartment. They saw the safe. They couldn't get the safe open. After they took all the other stuff from his apartment, they left his apartment and then Epstein's lawyer went back to the apartment, got everything out of the safe, removed it, and then the FBI went back to the apartment. They're like, oh, shit, the safe's empty now. Geez. I mean, to me, it's so unbelievable that like they could be at a crime scene. There's a safe that they can't open. They just leave, let some lawyer walk in. Yeah, we'll be back Wednesday. He walks out with a backpack and then everything's fine. Like that has to be inside. I'm fully, I have Alex Jones myself on the whole Epstein situation because I know if you connect all the dots,

the dude was working for the CIA. He was brought up. If you look at his background, he came from nothing. He got a job on Wall Street. He got a job at one of the best schools in New York City teaching from the father of Bill Barr, who was the attorney general of the United States. And then he- Who was the current director of the CIA? Yes. Or at that time. And he cultivated all these different networks of people that had information about like what the big financial sectors were going to do. So that's how he was making his money on Wall Street. He befriended the most powerful people in the world, got them in a honeypot operation where he would fly them to his island. They would compromise himself. And guess what? Now you're informing to me. And I've

got all the dirt on you. And he was working for the CIA as well on their payroll. And then he gets arrested and he gets a sweetheart deal for like, I don't know, 100, 200 counts of pedophilia. Yeah, this is down in Palm Beach. Yeah. And they just let him off for it. Yeah. If you look at the dude's Rolodex and some of the flight logs have been made publicly, I'm fully, I'm fully awoken on the Epstein situation. Oh, yeah. He had sex with kids, bro. Oh, yeah. For sure. Oh, yeah. Multiple. And he like, he introduced other people to his kids. Very powerful people, yeah. 100%. He was running a vast network. So, yeah. But yeah. I wonder if he's been replaced by the internet. Like you needed to honeypot these people so you can get incriminating things on them. Oh, you think they're spying on

all of our internet? Now they got your phone. Like now they know what porn you look doing. Now they know where you are. Like I wonder if he just became, or his method of spying is just antiquated. Yeah. So they just had to get him out of there. Yeah. I really wonder. Yeah, no, you're not wrong. We can't put you in a position of power. We, and again, I don't know who the fuck we is, but it's dangerous to put someone in a position of power if you don't have some leverage over them. Right. And that was the thing that probably terrified them about Trump. They're like, hold on. How the fuck is he here? Right. We don't have any leverage. Right. What the fuck? What do you mean he'll just say anything? Okay. Drop the thing about the pussy. It's like all

these things happen and there was no way to really rein him in. So they literally just like, all right, don't let them talk. They take away Twitter. Right. They literally just had to be like, when he's talking, he's too effective, yank away the Twitter. Yeah. Who's they? I actually think the deal with Trump was he had so many things that people were trying to attack him for that you couldn't possibly focus in on one thing on him. So it was harder to damage him because he would just, he's so good at playing defense against everything. Yeah. No punch back on everyone. So it's like, you got some guy talking about the access Hollywood tape. You've got another guy talking about like when he like put dead rats in an apartment to try to kick

all the bums out of it. So there's so many things and it's all scattered that none of it's even going deep enough to do any real damage. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. I think we covered everything. Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. All right. So I got one last question. It's a robot question. Yeah. RHOBACK.com use code take for 20% off your first purchase. Q zips, hoodies, polos will get you some. What do you think about Jalen Brunson? We'll just go from that. Jalen Brunson. Yes or no? Yes. Yes. Sure. That was such a like sad. Everyone was like, dude, Jalen Brunson is good. I want him to be good. I want him to be great. But it's not that. The Knicks like we need them. Would they give them 100? I don't even know. They spent like three weeks just trying to get

Jalen Brunson. Only the Knicks would be in like a very public like everyone's like, dude, he's a good player, but you're way over paying for him. And they still were like, no, we need him. Yeah. And then like that's, I feel like the Knicks just are the kings of getting the good, not great players. Yes. And being like, maybe it works. And then us over inflating them. I kind of actually like, now that I'm saying it, I kind of like James Dolan's process. Strategy. Yeah. Because I, as a gambling brain, I think the same thing where it's like, maybe this is, maybe it's just like everyone just plays their best for an entire season. He's trying to money ball it, but just with no clue, like if people are good or not. Right. And he's also playing like,

let's sign people and just hope for the absolute best case scenario all the time. Yeah. And I like that. That is a gambling brain of like, this is the one that's going to work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I think I'm, I think I'm with James Dolan fan. I mean, it's so funny. You've converted me. Thank you to a pedophile and James Dolan fan. No, he's sensitive. Dolan sensitive. Oh, he's, he, uh, we got, we, we, we put up a, uh, t-shirt once about him, like fire. And he was like, he got, he basically like personally was like, take it down through like back channels, like instantly. He was like, how the fuck do you know? Like, it's like that. Like, how did you even see it? Cause they got people in the system and everybody's loyal to him. You know, I mean,

the fish rots from the head down, right? So like everybody's trying to impress him. He even had like spies in the organization, not spies, but like people that were loyal to him when Phil was there. That's why Phil was like, I'm out. I can't even do anything. Right. Right. I forget the guy's name. Who the fuck is he? That's why it's crazy to me. Oh yeah. Uh, what was the name? Donnie something? No, I'll, I'll, I'll Google it afterwards. And I said, but there was a guy there who was just there to do, to basically report back. Now he's loyal as fuck. Like he got your back no matter what. I think Isaiah Thomas is still working. Yes. I think so. Like didn't he sexually assault the chick and then he made him work for the WNBA part? Yeah. Yeah. And he was like the worst GM of

all time and all that stuff. Yeah. I guess that's like, if you're just that loyal, yeah, then people are going to be drawn to you because they're like job for life. Yeah. Like let's have a winning. I mean, New York is a basketball city. I don't think people realize it. It is. It is pure basketball. We grew up playing basketball. None of us grew up playing hockey. Like none of us grew up playing football. Like I went to, I went to, I grew up in Manhattan. Like there was no football field for me to play at. I played my basketball games from my high school at basketball city because we didn't even have a basketball gym. Right. So it's like, this is all we care about. It's all we know. And if the Knicks actually won a championship, oh my God, like whoever's on that team, you're

knighted. Yeah. I mean, they beat the Celtics on the first game of the season and everyone, it was like a fucking parade. Exactly. I mean, he's so sensitive, bro. He won't even let me sit court side, man. Really? Yeah, dude. It's like your band. I'm not banned, but like I did these shows. If you bought a ticket, I'm a seasoned ticket holder. Okay. So I have fucking tickets. Like I, I, you don't got to give me tickets. Right. I'll go. I don't want to call you for fucking tickets or do that whole fucking rigmarole. I go. But I was doing these shows at Radio City, right? I had two shows at Radio City sold out. They own Radio City, Madison Square Garden, everybody's own. And usually what they do is if you have a show, they go, they put you down there,

you sit next to a guy on a Sopranos for two episodes and then you like say hi, wave at the camera. And I was going to do some, you know, I was going to try to do some funny shit with that moment. Right. And so I hit them up about it. Like, listen, this is not like half full. Like we sold out two radio shows in one night. Right. It's 12,000 people. We could, that's the garden if we want it. Right. So it's like, and then I get the fucking, and then they tell me, ah, you know, we heard he said some things about the way they're not going to do it. I couldn't believe it. I'm like, I'm trying to promote the shows at your venue. Right. I'm making you money. I pay you to come to the games already. Right. It's just insane. He must have a full time guy that works

for him whose job is to just like scour the internet. Literally. Yes. For any mention of James Dolan. Jake, you should write an article about this interview about James Dolan. Yeah. Knowing that he'll see it. He'll absolutely read it. 100%. And the only reason, and I've gone, I've gone pretty wild on, you know, a few podcasts, but like, uh, you said some fucked up shit. That's the part that we're not hearing here where Andrew's like, they won't let me sit courtsides. Like, let's go find the tape. He was on the island. I know it for a fact. I want to do the, you know, I want to do the garden. That's, that's the goal. Right. So like for the next tour, the goal is the garden. So I, you know, I got James and a man. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's the article.

Like I got to do it. James Dolan says best owner in sports. Jalen Brunson, homerun signing. Yeah. We'll get it for you. Homerun signing. Yeah. Who's your big three? Jalen Brunson, Julius Randall and who, who would, I mean, Julius got to go. Yeah. But it's not, it's like, it's not his fault, but like, well, that was first year tips. So like as a bulls fan, I knew it. Like last year, the Knicks were great. And everyone was like, this is awesome. I was like, you guys just wait. He is so good at getting the most out of everyone in the middle of February. And then when they get to the playoffs and everyone, the way I always said it is like, the LeBron plays in fucking third gear all year. And then when he gets to the playoffs,

he goes up to fifth and sixth. Yeah. When the Nick, the Knicks tips will get you to fifth and sixth gear all year. And then when you get to playoffs, like, wait, there's no more gear. Yeah. Like we're here. You're 100% right. And you see it with the guys, right? Like a guy like Julius Randall just can't shoot in the playoffs. And it's like, because the D gets better. Yeah. And they're actually like keying on you. Yeah. And it's in a series and they're making adjustments. Nobody's playing D, especially on a big like that, who is a goofy, like weird, like tucked in left-handed jump. But like, I'm not, I'm not stepping out to the three point line. Right. During the regulars, game 44. Can't take it. Please. Playoffs. I'm on that ass. Right. Right. And then, you know,

also during the playoffs, assholes get tight, right? Like you get a little nervous, you're putting up shots, things get a little scary. Yeah. And you saw it happen. And it's really interesting to see like, like, there are people that you don't know are incredibly like naturally alpha. I'm not trying to use that as like a mana sphere term. I'm like, like literally like, they just in them are an alpha. Right. Like there's a guy on the Raptors, you know, Fred Van Fleur. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Fred is an alpha. Oh, yeah. Like Ice Cold. Absolutely. Does not fucking care. Plays the same regular season, same in the playoffs. He is not scared of the moment. And then there are people that are scared of the moment. So to go, go full circle. Yes.

Jaylen Brunson actually might be one of those guys. He has a little of that alpha, because like at Villanova, like you can see it, like, and he went to Villanova. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. He was great at Villanova. And like when Luca was down in that series, he does have that quiet alpha, like, I know what I can do and I'm going to do it. Yeah. That extreme, like that, what do they say? NBA confidence? Yeah. The term, like, yeah. And you need to have that. But let's see what happens. I mean, like, yeah, New Yorkers, we also care if you're good at fighting. So like that, you know what I mean? Like, if you're a fighter, like, then we also, like, like Chris Charles can walk any street in New York and he doesn't matter. Right. It doesn't

matter if you did a three point shot. If you're ready to elbow someone in the game. Charles Oakley. Can you fight? Exactly. Charles Oakley, like, we just love you. If you could fight or if you play hard deep, we're the weirdest sports team. We really are. Like, we don't deserve, we don't deserve Iverson crossing people over. We need someone to come in the lane and then you sit them on their ass and then stare at them while we lose by 12. That would be great if the Knicks just brought back like post offense, just running it, like slowing it down, like big man. Well, that's what Phil tried to do. Remember? Yeah. Yeah. And the game has changed. So like, we have to move on. Yeah. It's like, no, it's the triangle. Trust me. Oh, man. All right. So no

hope this year. Everyone go buy the special. Please Andrew Schultz.com. We appreciate that. Sorry for running long. Infamous out now. Yes. Yes. Go buy it. You only can buy it for another week. So like I said, we're going to run this Monday. This will be the last week to go get it. Go get it. Run it the fuck up and hear all the jokes that almost got cut. Yeah. Let's just teach these streamers that like, you know, people like funny jokes and it doesn't matter if they're messed up and that, you know, this is what they're going to have to deal with because if this is successful, they can't give comics and notes anymore. That's the way I look at it. That's true. Right. It's like, if this works and it's an option, comics will do this just like they started to do YouTube.

And now the streamers have to remove the note process because you can't give them anything. Yeah, because you can't compete. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, you know this. You have kids. You're going to spend more money taking them kids to fucking Disney World one weekend. I'm not going to Disney World. Oh, really? Six months? I never went as a kid. So I'm not going. Six. Where will you take them? Where is your wherever? I don't know. Not Disney World. Okay. No way. You're not into that. No, I know. I know my kids would love it, but I'm not going to do it. I'm going to rob them of that. Oh, that's good of you. Yeah. Yeah. They can have everything else, but you got to keep something away from them. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. So they can develop character. Yeah. Well,

I buy them like Amazon now. Like my son will be like, I want to watch this show. And like, I'll be like, all right, I'll just buy some of these toys. And I realized like how fucked up it is that like he watches a show in the next day, the toys there. So Disney World's out. You're smart. That's grit. That's grit. And you're a tough dad. My kids had everything. They didn't go to Disney World. They did it. I don't know. That's that's why I think Disney ends up winning the streaming thing, though. It's like you spend more money in that weekend than like. No, it's true. Think about it. If I had to erase every streaming app right now with kids, Disney would be the last one. And it would be the last one to go. Wait, if you do go to Disney World, you're going to spend more

money in that weekend than you'll spend on every streaming platform that you do for your whole life. True. So Netflix needs to create amusement park. They try and they do the stranger things pop up or whatever like that. But like you need something else if you're going to compete with the big boys. Yeah, that's true. That's a good point. All right, Andrew Schultz. Thank you so much. We appreciate it. Everyone go buy it. The Andrew Schultz. Please, please. Thank you power. Andrew Schultz was brought to you by our great friends over at Upstart. Upstart Powered Personal Loans can help you pay down high interest debt all online with simple and easy to understand payment terms. Upstart has helped over 1.8 million customers on their path to financial freedom

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PMT to check your rate today. Don't forget to use our URL to let them know that we sent you. Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit income and certain other information provided in your loan application. Go to upstart.com slash PMT. Okay, let's wrap up. We've got the Mount Rushmore of worst gifts to receive. Hank, I think your team won the last one. So you want to decide the order again? Sure. We did win the last one, two in a row. Oh, congratulations, Hank. That's awesome. Thank you. Let me just double check our list, make sure to see if we have a one one. Okay. Yeah, all right, we'll go one. And then we'll let Jake and Billy go second and you guys can go third.

Okay, great. I'm excited. I'm excited for this. I'm excited for a contentious Mount Rushmore. Also reminder, Takies Wednesday, not to hype it up, but I'm hyping it up. It's the best Takies yet. All right, the one one, we are going to go with a pet. Any specific pet? Any specific pet? Because any animal bad? Okay. No, dog wouldn't be. I mean, any animal that you have to take care of, it's like not a it's not something that let's say you don't like the gift, you can, you know, pretend to like it and then kind of just forget about it. If you get an animal, like you have to take care of that animal. It doesn't matter if it's a snake, doesn't matter if it's a dog, doesn't matter if it's a cat, could be a cow,

could be a chicken. So should we put, should we put on the list? So a pet and then in parentheses, i.e. a dog? No, I think that's a sociopath. But I, I a cat, you could put I a cat that word. Yeah, but you said, but you specifically said dog, which I thought was interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Did I specifically said dog? Well, you were asked about dog and you said, and you said, yeah, dog, dog be a bad gift. Yeah, I believe you said a dog and I said, yes, any animal could be a dog, could be a cat, could be a snake. Yes. The first one you said was dog. I agree. Actually, like I had, I had bird on my list. I think a bird would be a bad gift or a cat. A dog on our list. Yeah. I would be,

me personally, I would be pumped to get a dog. Billy wanted to get me a dog the day after Leroy died and it was probably going to be too soon, but I still probably would have been like, oh, sweet, it's a cute puppy. You usually learn to love the animal animal gifts and then you're like, oh, I can't believe, you know, yes, your sociopath. Right. Which Hank is? Okay. I love dogs. I just don't like. Do you have the ability to love Hank? Yes, Billy. Okay, Billy and Jake, go ahead. You're pick. Billy, you can start off. Self help books. Because not only are they a book that you're not going to read, it's a backhanded insult. Yeah, but eventually you learn to love to help yourself, you know, once you actually read them. Hank, remember when I got you the positive thinking book?

No, you got me a link to an Amazon website. Did you hate it? You didn't send me it. You didn't give me anything. I would just like the link in itself. Yeah, I opened up the page and then it was like here, buy it. And I was like, I'm not going to buy it. But thanks, Billy. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. All right. So self help book. Yeah, PFT, I think I do. I think I do because there's more into it. So I'll pick that and then you do this other one. All right. So our first two picks are number one, a gym membership, because the double double like whammy of basically saying that you're fat and you need to get in shape. And then like the gift is you just have to go punish yourself at the gym. A gym membership

fucking sucks to give someone answers. It's giving you a chore that you have to do. Correct. That's that's that's a pain in the ass. Like, don't get me wrong. I like to hit the gym on my schedule. I don't want to feel like I'm beholden to anybody else on how much I use my gym membership. And then I certainly don't want to chances are if somebody's giving you a gym membership, they're also a member of that gym. And so then you're going to have to like see them in the gym and make small talk about the present. And then if you don't get strong and don't get in good shape, then it's like a slap in their face. It's like, Oh, I guess you're not using my present. I got you. Yeah, it's an insult gift that then has like just a lifespan of just torture behind it.

That's our first pick. What do you think? Any comments from anyone? I mean, if you go to the gym, it's not a bad one. But if you go to the gym, you probably aren't getting a gym membership. Like you. Yep. When you get a gym membership, that means you're probably out of shape and you're being told you're out of shape by the person who's giving you the gym membership. That's actually even a worse present. So if somebody got me a gym membership, I already have a gym membership. I already have a gym membership. I would be like, I'm a real piece of shit, because this person doesn't even think I go to the gym.

Yeah, double. There's no way to give someone a gym membership and have it be like, Oh, that was a great exchange of gifts. Our second pick, we're going to go homemade clothes. It could be a mitten. It could be a homemade sweater, probably the worst of the bunch, in my opinion, because it's always going to be itchy. Billy, you, you hate your mom with a straight face love. There is love. So you hate your mom and your parents. Have you ever gotten a needlepoint gift? My mom has never given me a sweater. My mom would never do that. My mom is a much better gift than

that. There's no, there's no way in any world where giving someone a homemade clothing is better than giving them real clothing that's made. That's like actually nice. Have you ever gotten a needlepointed belt with your name on it that they take? I certainly have not months and years to put together. That is something you've never received real love. That's something you're going to look back and be like, I can't believe I wore that. I can guarantee you. I can guarantee. Okay, I mean, I can guarantee you right now that I will never receive a needlepointed belt

as a present with my name on it. Like you're going to sleep away camp and they got to put your name on your underwear. So then in case you lose it, they know it's Billy's belt. Why would you want a needlepoint, but you're like walking around like, yeah, see this thing that's designed to keep myself from exposing myself. It's got my name on it. So in case I forget who I am, you see that look, yeah, that's me Billy seat on my belt. There's a lot of love and needle in homemade clothes. I mean, those are actually you, you're actually proving the point because the worst type of gifts are the ones that like, it's the thought that counts. No,

I'd rather just you give me cash. That's the best gift you can ever give someone. No one has ever been like, damn, I didn't want that cash. That's a fact. That's a fucking fact. All right, your guys next pick. All right, I'm going to, we are going to go with a card with no gift in it. So sometimes just get a card and you expect, you see an envelope, it's, oh, some cash or a gift card. It's just the card. You do the thing where you open it up very carefully because a check might fall out the bottom and there's nothing in there. That's a great pick. That's a great pick. Damn. Billy's not sounding it for what it's worth. Oh, geez. Sounds like there's trouble in paradise

over there. Yeah. He did. He, he thumbed that down. That's a great pick, Jake. Because like, you're right. When you open up a card, you're like, okay, yeah, gift certificate, some cash, like the only thing, like even a check. I didn't get what he was saying. I thought he just meant a card without a gift, like a separate gift. I didn't know he meant like not money in it. So that was like the text type bad communication. Card with no gift in it is what I wrote down. I know, but I didn't realize what you meant by gift. This team's falling apart. No, we're doing great. We have some great picks on the board. We have some great picks on the board. Okay. All right. Hank, you got, you're cheap. Oh,

wow. I'm excited. Can't wait. Bart Scott. Billy, what state are you in? Denial. Pathological. This is where I'm in like, I'm in, I'm in, I'm in flush more of appetizers mode. There's a lot, there's a lot of picks out there, Hank. We'll go with an undersized article of clothing. Oh, okay. Yeah. Like cause it's, it's homemade and they didn't know your body dimensions. No, but more so, like if you, you know, it's, it's much harder to return because let's say that person has a receipt and then you have to be like, if it's a, it's a failing memory, you have to be

like, Hey, do you have this receipt? Cause I'm going to go return it cause you don't even know my size. And then it's like super awkward. So usually just take it and then never wear it. And then it's just a bad gift. Yeah. I think that's a very good pick. I, for about like 10 years, I had some close family members that would, uh, they would always buy me like a quarter zip or a pullover or a button up shirt. And every single time they would get me a large. And every single time I would be like, I'm a medium and they just refuse to accept the fact that I was small. They, they, it was like them, they're bearing their head in the same, be like, no, no son, no son of mine is a beta who wears a medium. It's a large, you'll grow.

Trust me, just give it some time. And I had to tell them every time it's like, nope, nope, still not there yet. So now I've got it. I had a closet that was just filled with really nice shirts that were slightly too big for me because my family couldn't accept the fact that I was five foot eight. That's brutal. Brutal. That's tough. That's tough. I definitely have, have gone the, uh, yeah, people getting like an excellence like, eh, you haven't heard them. I'm a two X now things have changed. Your boy's doing well. That used to be, that used to be the sign of wealth back in the day. Okay. Hank, team Hank, next one. Oh, they're struggling. I just don't know what to say. I feel like we'll go with Papadillas.

That's fucked up. It's like hypothetically at your birthday. You and your girlfriend just broke up. You know, you need some support from the boys. Everyone forgets it's your birthday and then they order Papadillas and make you eat them even though you hate them. Now, had you told us that would be a, that would be a bad gift. Well, hypothetically, the boys supported the ever living fuck out of you, um, for an entire summer and hypothetically, they also were playing the Papadillas commercial nonstop in our face. And hypothetically, the person you're hypothetically talking about might be a double XL as previously stated. And Papadillas was the only way to fill the void inside of his cavernous belly. Hypothetically.

Yeah. Yeah. Sure. I mean, they weren't bad. Where did this come from? I thought, I thought as a group, we all agree that there were some of them that were like above average. Yes. Yes. So, so, so bad. I mean, did we ever get them again? Did we ever bring them up again? Would you ever even want to get them again? But what you fail to understand is that if you, if you advertise something during sports enough and you put it in front of our eyes on TV, we are going to have to buy it at some point to try it out. Yeah. There's literally any, literally any other night.

Fine. I know you were that big for a while. No, I'm not. It was just like, I don't know. Oh, I felt bad. They're disgusting. Thank you, Jake. Very cool. The guy who has lettuce on his steak and cheese and diarrhea is for a week. That's where you're going to take this from. He looked at a Papadilla and was like, oh no, I should check myself in the hospital. You guys, I won't forget it. The, this kid who was like an intern at the time,

I didn't even know his name at the time. We were in the gambling cave like four hours later after we were eating the Papadillas and he comes in and was like, have a birthday Hank. And that you and you guys were like silent for like five seconds. You're like, oh. So that means the Papadillas weren't even a birthday. Yeah. That you're like sorry about the Papadillas. Yeah. Yeah. Hank, you remember when I, when I brought in two pieces of cake for myself on your birthday and you were like, oh, you got cake and I was like,

yeah, I do. It's, it's for me. And totally forgot it was your birthday. And then I had to go get you cake the next day. Yeah. It's a fun, it's a fun recurring theme. Yeah. Well, listen, the Papadillas weren't that bad. And the fact that Jake's slam Papadillas makes me actually like them more because Jake went into a TGI Fridays and called the police being like, there's water on the tables in here. Jake's Jake's taste in food while, while it's healthy, much healthier than ours, is also quite elitist at times. Yes. You're on the wrong side of history here.

If Jake's on your side, when it comes to food, you're on the wrong side of history. No, I treat myself on the weekends. Oh, what do you treat yourself? What's the treat? He gets lettuce. I had colony, colony grill last night on the drive home. Not even hot oil. Yeah. I'll take that. Jake orders a Coke diesel full sugar. Yeah, pours half of it out, but he still ordered it. Okay. Team Billy and Jake, we're, this is, this is when you're coming back with the thing that we're, we're waiting for. So let's do it.

All right. Should I say the one you want me to say? Indian giving. Nope. Indian giving. It's like it's taking away. What? Jesus Christ. Like Indian giving. That's what you can say that for. I, that's, no, because it's like a gift that's given and then taken back. Yeah. I don't think people say that anymore.

That's like a Marlins man. A Marlins man says that. It's called, it's called commander's giving. Yeah. I'm looking on the Wiktionary for it. Informal, derogatory, offensive. Yeah. To the person giving, to the person giving the gift. Oh no, Billy. No. It's offensive to the person giving the gift. Right.

But it's not, but it's talking about how land was given and then taken away from Native Americans. It's not offensive to Native Americans. So why is it called, why wouldn't it be called American giving? Yeah. Okay. The history behind the phrase don't, can we just bleep out every time I say that? We needed the graphic. No. Yeah. No, no, no. That's your pick.

I said, do you think that'll play on the graphic? And he said, if they put Indian giving. One of the most, okay. Wait, wait. This is the shot you called by the way. This is Babe Ruth calling his shot and then like a little dribbler to third base. Oh wait. Oh, fuck. Wait, I thought it was. Yeah. All right. Here we go.

Where did the concept of Indian giving really come from? The answer to that is what white settlers thought was rudeness and a lack of generosity. The concept of an Indian gift or Indian giver traces roots back to at least the 1700s. Thomas Hutchison defined an Indian gift as a present for which an equivalent return is expected. So this is, it's, it's to an Indian, the giving of gifts was an extension of the system of trade and a gift was expected to be reciprocated with something of equal value. Europeans upon encountering this practice misunderstood it and considered it uncouth and impolite. So I think I'm pretty sure they use this like as a joke Michael Scott shouldn't have

used in like the first season of the office office when he said the N word. That's how long it's been like, Hey, you don't say that. I thought it meant like, like the Europeans gave the Indians like reservations that took them away. No. No. All right. So just make sure the graphics says Billy's pick in parentheses next to this one. So we just know it's Billy who picked this. Is this really that bad? Okay. So our next pick. All right. PFT. What do we want to do? That's not a gift, but you know, whatever. All Billy had to do is not use a racial slur in his Mount Rushmore. Yeah. He almost didn't. He almost didn't. Um, all right. You want to go with yours and I'll go with mine.

Yeah. Okay. Wait. So what was, oh, 300 years ago, Billy, that plays like you don't worry about it. You're only a couple little bit misunderstood. I thought it had to do with the cruelness of so I'm going to do that one here. Did I just emphasize that I just emphasize? Yep. I like that one as our last pick. But what should we do for our third picture? We go more straight down the line. Like, um, you can eat, you can either do, I think we do that weird one. I just get that one. Okay. All right. All right. Giving someone a tie. Everyone's given their father a tie, just a terrible gift to give and receive. It's basically like, hey, you're trapped in a fucking, uh, in a job you hate. Here's an here's a like a semi expensive

thing you can wear to change it up from Monday to Tuesday. So you know what the difference between the two days are? Cause every other day melts together. A tie is a terrible gift. And if somebody gives me a tie, they're pretty much saying here's something you can wear to court. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it's, it's, it's another one of those insult gifts where it's like, Hey, we can't think of any, anything you like outside of the fact that you just have to go to work five days a week. So here it is. Here's a tie. Now I would like to hear from Jake because I'm assuming he's going to be like, actually it's a great gift. I mean, I think it depends on the profession. Like if you're someone like me who you wear a tie, who's a podcaster.

It depends. Like if you're a public figure in like politics where you weren't ties 24 seven, then it probably means more. But if you're a podcaster, when you never have to wear one, it's like, what am I going to do with this? I think it depends on the person. I think the, the hit rate for giving a tie and having the person be happy they've received a tie is like less than 1%. That's a, that's a really good pick though. I thought it earlier and I forgot to write it in the group text and then I forgot it. So when you said it, I was very, I was very mad at myself. That's a good pick. It's a double whammy of being a very boring gift and also just being like, you're a very hard person to shop for because nobody knows anything

about you. It's, it's like a direct, it's a challenge to your entire lifestyle. If somebody gives you a tie. Okay. Yeah. Giving a tie. What I was, what I was saying, I got cut out for one second is I think that giving a tie, receiving a tie as a gift is a less than 1% chance the person appreciates it. That's how low of a hit rate it is. Our last pick is a giant decorative horse filled with Greek soldiers waiting to ransack your city. That's a pretty bad gift. Really bad gift. Pretty bad gift. And you're, it's also insulting to be like, Hey, you're so dumb that you're going to think that this is a peace offering, thinking that you kicked our ass in war. And next thing you know, Troy will fall. Great gift. That's offensive to Trojans.

You're offensive to Trojans because your dad, you think your dad should win one. No, that's offensive to all the Trojans who are slaughtered by the Greeks. Oh, you're, you're actually going to come back from that. You're going to keep going with yours after PFD did that to you. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out to all our listeners from Troy. No offense in my last pick. But I mean, even you have to understand also like honorable, I'll wait for my honorable mention, but it's kind of related to that. All right, go ahead. Team Julie, let's see what other nationality

or ethnicity they can offend with their last pick. I will be writing a blog. I'll be writing a blog on why you shouldn't use that term and it will be long and informative and we'll set the record straight. Okay. Go ahead. Your last pick. Our last pick is going to be an intervention. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, I kind of see where Jake's going with this because at the end of the intervention, their gift is like they give you the trip to whatever, whatever like inpatient therapy place that you have to go to like a clinic that you get to spend time in that will be paid for you. But it is on the other hand, Jake, it's actually the greatest gift of love of all. It's true. You're saving your life. Yeah.

I'm on the trade block. Oh, you're putting yourself on the trade block now. I was thinking like the last time we gave an intervention, the person was like, good, I actually now have way more time to blog all the things I wanted to blog. So it could go either way. Yeah. Well said. Well said. Okay. Last pick. I think it's been, I mean, you guys, you guys have run away with this. We will go with a book. Good one. Yeah. Good pick. Had it on my list. Like a self help book? No, just any book like any book that's like, Oh, I read this, I think you might like it because

then, you know, it's similar to gym membership. It's like, you have to probably read it or they're going to bring it up next time. Like, Hey, did you read that? And it's like, no. But I'm going to like, it's just, it just, it just creates a future awkward situation unless you take the time to actually read the book. And although people in my family love books, but me personally not. Yeah. It's, it's the book you get your dad on like father's day because you're like, Oh, my dad likes sports. Let me get him this book about Jackie Robinson. Like that or like, let me get him this book about like, you know, like name any like sporting event that happened like before 1970, you're like, Oh, here's a book about Muhammad Ali

or Babe Ruth. And it's just, you're just giving him fucking homework to do. Streaming really fucked up the DVD game because like that was such an easy, easy gift. Yeah. Like everyone likes movies. You can just get, you know, go to Walmart, get a couple of DVDs, maybe throw in a funny one there, like a like a $2 one. That's a joke, but like also with a good movie. But you just can't do that anymore. Yeah. I said, one exception to the book gift being bad is if somebody gives you Oh, the places you'll go, because people only wait to break that one out when they're like super proud of you for something that you just did. If you see Oh, the places you'll go being given to somebody at like a birthday party, it's like that person's

got their life together. They're doing big things. Absolutely. Chicken soup for the soul or whatever the fuck. What was that book called? Yeah, there was like a bunch of different chicken soups. Yeah. Um, okay. Should we do honorable mentions before we end this show and Billy's career? Do you want, you want the two that I was gonna pick? I, I, I, I opted out because, uh, because of the team game and I kind of felt like these were going to be bad, but the two I would have went if we were doing solos, I probably would have done gift cards and scratch tickets. So I like scratch tickets. Yeah. Scratch tickets are great gift. What if you lose? Scratch tickets are great though, because everyone, I mean, it's a non gift. Yeah, but

gift cards I kind of agree with because it's like, you now have to go like just give cash. That's where the cash comes in. I think both of those, I think both of those are give cash. Yeah. Yeah. Um, all right. What else did we have? Uh, I had, um, giving a two year old, uh, a PS5 and Hitman three, which Stu Finer did for my son. Um, that was, that was a tough gift. Uh, but the that was a real true thought that counts by, by Stu, because he gave like my son a bunch of age appropriate toys and then it was a new, a brand new PS5 and like Spider-Man, Hitman three, and like NBA two K. I was like, he's two, but again, thought that counts because I love Stu. I had, um, buying someone else's son or daughter, a drum set or like a trumpet, a really loud

insert and being like, here, this is going to ruin your life with this gift that I'm giving to your son or daughter. I had, um, if they get you like an intricate board game that only they enjoy that you've never played before and they're like, Hey, I really like this game. I think you will too. And then it takes like two days to learn the rules and then another three days to play the game. Don't like that. And then I had a scale, just a scale is a bad gift too. Yep. Yep. I had also on their, uh, candle or cologne, like telling someone else, here's a smell. I like, that's just, it's a terrible gift to get like, here's a smell, use it. Um, the, uh, oh, a court, your quarterback throwing an easy pick six, terrible gift to hat to, yeah. Yeah. When you,

when you're like, Oh, that was a gift for the other team. Also, like your goalie giving up a cheapy, that's a fucking terrible feeling. I kind of wish I'd said this, I wish I'd said this one for the graph just so it was on the graphic cause memes text of this and me and Liam were just perplexed, but he said dish soap, then telling the person, I know how much you love to do the dishes. Yeah. Like a vacuum cleaner, not, not a great gift. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I one time would almost did that with like a Roomba and I was like, the, uh, the visual on this does not look good. Yeah. Yeah. You got toothpaste. Toothpaste. Yeah. Toothpaste would be a bad gift. Yeah. That's good floss. Giving someone floss. I actually, this was something I, I had the, like this was a

real time, like I'm fucking old cause I remember when I was younger, I got socks and I was like, this sucks. And then I was going to write it down. I was like, if I got socks today, I'd be positive. So that's actually not, but like when you're a kid, socks and underwear, like, yeah, terrible. Yeah. When you're a kid, like every, every gift is, you know, possibly your favorite thing ever. And then when it's just socks, you're like, fuck. Yeah. But then once, yeah, once, once you get older, socks and underwear are life essentials. Along the same lines of the Trojan horse, uh, the Statue of Liberty was low key, a pretty shitty thing for the French to do to us. They just made this giant sculpture out of bronze and it's like here, you have to clean this every

day or else it's going to turn green. And it's a big fucking woman and you have, it's so big that you have to find an island to put it on. And oh yeah, it's also going to make you have to fight on our side in every war that happens from now until the end of eternity. So I mean, in some ways it was, it ended up being an effective gift by the French, but low key, I think it was a bad gift. It's literally a law and ornament for a country. That's kind of sick, though. I think that's kind of sick. Like who, I don't like the Statue of Liberty slander. I like that. That big lady, she's, she's freedom, baby. You see her and you're like, damn, we're all, I think she's overrated. That's crazy. What communists. Yeah, but also like who,

who thinks to like, it's just one of those things that exists. Like I never even think about the Statue of Liberty. I live like what, what national monuments do you like? Yeah. I mean, we're doing the Washington Monument. No, I didn't say it was problematic. I just said, like, if you're going to give us a giant statue of a woman, at least put some cake in her backside, at least like put some low cut on her. There's a little treat for the fellas flying over. You haven't looked at, you haven't looked at the Statue of Liberty. How many beers is the Statue of Liberty? Dude, it's freedom back then. Oh, yeah. Dude, that's the thing. You have to clean it every day. It's, it's the worst possible material.

Like if it was still like shiny, that would be sick, but no, it's green now. Green is cool. Green makes it cool. You don't see green, like things like that. You don't see big. Fiona. Who? Fiona from Shrek. Yes, sure. Kermit. Okay. There we go. Name green, some green things. But wait, if the Statue of Liberty is so great, how many times have you guys been to, been to visit her? Multiple times. Once or twice. I also see it like every day on a wall, on my walk, like she's fucking cool, dude. That's America. That is America. Me and Trent went in like 2013. You must have relatives who went through Ellis Island BFT. Oh, damn. Roasted. Damn. I don't know where my relatives came from. One of the weirdest roasts

ever, bro. You're so fucking late. Billy's ancestors actually were, were from here, so that's why it's not problematic for him to say that. Yeah, that's true. Actually, I do have more than Elizabeth Warren, but not enough to rep that. Yeah. All right. I got, here we go. You're, you're, you're Brocahontas. All right. Let's do numbers and get out of here before Billy ruins this whole podcast franchise. Six. How do I get, he like bleeped this. Like, is this like really bad? No. Uh, 27. Six, 27, seven, Hank, 58, 51, Wednesday, Takies, be there. Greatest tech, Takies you've ever done.

Oh, 51's new. 51's new. Oh, scoring. Got me. Let's go. I'm up that shoot. But nothing happened. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So we still have six, 26, 27, 29 and 78. So we're down to five numbers. Incredible. The Hank, the Hank top bet thing or was that never? No, cause he's whatever. I got him poppy deus for his birthday. I can't say anything else. All right. We'll see everyone Wednesday. Fair. Love you guys.

Horses cause the most property damage out of any invasive species in North America. Love you guys. Oh, I'll be coming for your love. Hey, let's just say, I'm on the set here, but I'm being stolen away. Slowly learning that life is okay. Say after me, it's no better to be safe than sorry. Take me on, take me on, I'll be gone with you. Hey, let's just say, I'm on the set here, but I'm being stolen away. Oh, let's just say, I'm on the set here, but I'm being stolen away.

Are you shy and away? Well, I'll be coming for you anyway. Take me on, take me on, I'll be gone with you. I'll be gone in a day.