Pardon My Take - Comedian Stavros Halkias, Celtics Going To The Finals & Joc Pederson vs Tommy Pham

Episode Date: May 31, 2022

The Celtics are headed to the NBA Finals after a thrilling Game 7. We talk about Sunday nights game and the upcoming NBA Finals. (00:02:41-00:29:04) Who's back of the week including European sports and existential dread. (00:30:25-00:46:10) Comedian Stavros Halkias joins the show to talk about his new comedy special out this Sunday, Cumtown, Ravens and tons more. (00:47:20-01:53:13) We finish with hockey talk and Joc Pederson vs Tommy Pham in an all time fantasy football fight. (01:54:43-02:14:24)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, our good friend, Stavros Halkias, in studio, our long interview. Very, very funny if you don't know who he is. He's one of the funniest comedians out there.

He's got a special coming out on Sunday. So listen though, it was, PiaT and I both walked away being like, that's an interview AWLs are gonna love. We're gonna talk game seven, the Celtics survive. They're going to Golden State for Thursday night, start of the NBA finals, recap of the weekend. Also on the other side of Stav,

we'll talk a little hockey and the Jock Peterson, Tommy Fam, feud, which might be the funniest feud that's ever happened. And we were brought to you by our friends at Visible. What would you do with extra money? You'd save from switching to Visible. You could pay $60 with some carriers, but with Visible, it's as low as $25 a month.

Think about what you could do with that extra cash. Visible is perfect for singles with extra money. You could take someone on a date or maybe just live your single life and buy yourself some dinner. Speaking of singles, what do you guys think was the single best play from last night's game? Jake, what was the single best play from last night's game?

Of course, it's the overturned three where Streuseline wasn't out of bounds. Oh, okay, we're going to get to that. All right, who's the single best player, Hank? Jason Tatum. Okay, so, Visible, if you're single and you were looking to save money, maybe have a better budget month to month,

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See visible.com slash pod. Thank you to Visible for being the presenting sponsor. Pardon my tape, okay, let's go. Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence and a lot of stuff worth to be done. No place to hang alone washing

and then I can't live all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock it down to electric revenue and then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock it down to electric. It's part of my tape presented by Varsity Sports. Welcome to part of my tape presented by Visible. Go to visible.com slash pod, get unlimited single line wireless

for as low as $25 a month. Today is Tuesday, May 31st, the rare Tuesday PMT show and the Celtics are going to the NBA finals. The Miami Heat are dead. Boys, we got something special to recap. What a weekend, what a weekend. Yeah, the games are awesome and congratulations, Hank.

Thank you. Very proud of you. Yes, I'm finally in Bubba too. You guys overcame the jake curse. We thought it would never be broken. We thought it was just destined to continue winning and dominating all of us for forever. I'm happy I don't have to put a future on the dolphins now.

Yeah, yeah, that would have been bad. Although I do believe in two. Yeah, crazy game seven. I mean, we'll let you guys hop right into it. I know that speaking to Hank a little bit before the show, he almost died in that last two minutes because I don't know who would have missed this game, but if you missed the game,

the Celtics were basically in control the entire game. And then with three minutes left, they were Marcus Smart hit two free throws to go up 13 and he then missed his next five shots and the heat hit everything. And it all came down to Jimmy Butler in transition, shooting a three pointer with 11 seconds left to potentially send the heat to the NBA finals.

He front iron rimmed it and your life flashed in front of your eyes and now the Celtics who I think we all can agree were the better team in this series, but the heat like up until the end just kept on saying we're tough as fuck and we're never gonna give up and they just never die. Well, because at the end of this game

was kind of like the perfect recipe too, where it's like Jimmy Butler doing the thing where he's like, fuck it, I'm Jimmy Butler. I'm gonna do whatever I want. And then Marcus Smart being like, I'm deputizing myself as being first team all in BA the last two minutes of the game. I'm the clutch player on this team.

I'm gonna take every shot. And that was, it was almost heartbreaking, but I agree with you. I think the better team won. And I think that going into this file, I feel like the Celtics are a pretty tough matchup for the Warriors. Yes, well, yeah, we definitely gotta get to that.

I actually, I'll defend Marcus Smart in those last few minutes. Every shot was open. Like it's, it's one thing to take shots that are rushed or shots that, you know, are contested, but they were very clearly like, we're not gonna let Jason Tatum shoot here. We're not gonna let Jalen Brown shoot.

Marcus Smart, you have open shots. You have to take them. He missed them, but you survived. So Hank, are you, how are you feeling? I feel good. I mean, we haven't even talked about Friday night, obviously at the game, hoping for confetti. Marcus Smart did take some shots in that game,

which were like, I didn't know what was going on. He was like isolation ball, doesn't pass, takes a crazy like step back three. Last night though, Sunday night was obviously like with a bunch of friends going crazy. It was just a, it was a lot. Game seven signal out of you. The Jimmy Butler three, I thought was going in

a hundred times out of a hundred. That just felt like the way it was like, oh, you know, this game's pretty much over. They have to hit this shot. And then I'm like, oh, they have to get a stop. And they gotta stop. That hit this shot. It was like, this is happening.

This felt like it was all happening. The crazy part about that Jimmy Butler shot is like, it's not a good shot for Jimmy Butler to take it cause he's not that great of a three point shooter. But at the end of the game, if it's like one guy that you would trust on that team, if it's not hero who's obviously dealing with his groin, but like Jimmy Butler, when he shoots it,

you feel like it's going in cause he's a guy that loves to just kill people. Right. So that felt like that's the ultimate dagger from Jimmy Butler. And I saw some people being like, that's a bad shot. It's like, dude, one, he, it's a wide open. You know, it's a wide open shot.

Like it was as wide open as you get. You could say, oh, he should have attacked Al Horford. I also think there's part of Jimmy Butler's like, I want to end this right now. Obviously the Celtics would have still had a possession, but the heat were out of gas. Jimmy Butler played 48 minutes. He played the entire game.

The heat were completely out of gas. He's trying to end it right there. I have no pro like, no, I would like to go down swinging like that. If you're a heat fan being like Jimmy Butler, taking that shot, who cares about, you know, whether he's a good three point shooter or not. He just, I want him taking that shot.

I also think that there should be an award that goes to the best player on the losing team. We were talking earlier about how Jerry West got it back in the finals. He was the last player to be awarded the finals MVP. In a losing effort. There should be like a most valuable loser of each term. Not because like,

I think it's something that needs to be really awarded, but I want to see how the players like react to being handed that trophy and the different ways that they discard the trophy immediately. Like I'm sure if you gave it to Jimmy Butler, he would just spike it on the ground. He'd be so mad.

He'd break it instantly. Yes. All right. So Jake, from your perspective, were you okay with Jimmy Butler taking that shot? Absolutely. He's the only reason the series got to seven. He got zero help. If he got any help,

the heat win the series in five or six. Max Drews was, I mean, they actually, I'm so happy. I don't have to watch Kyle Lowry play anymore. That guy is like, he's the worst. He is literally the worst. He, he, he just- He's what people think Marcus Smart is.

He just runs- He's not the defensive player of the year. He just runs into people. I swear, if Kyle Lowry spent like, like maybe even half as much time complaining, he would be double the player. He's a very good player. I'm not saying he's not a great player,

but he just complains about every single possession, no matter what. I just love his body type. His body type is like the old Mike Tolbert body, where he looks like proportionally exactly the same as a gummy bear. Just like a little chunky. He's spilling out of like every single turn of the,

of the uniform. Wherever there's any sort of tight fabric, you're gonna get that little spare tire around the edge. It's always shocking to me when I see him do something athletic. But yeah, he's like addicted to flopping. He just loves, like when it's him and Marcus smart going up against each other,

they just, they both flop, they both fall to the ground and they both get up and pretend to cry for a second. And then they just turn the page, go on to the next one. I saw someone tweeted, it was, it was very, it might have been retweeted cause it was probably from a couple of years ago, but basically Kyle Lowry is every girl's goals

cause he's got an ass and a ring. And it's like, yeah, that's true. Like he's got a fucking dump truck. Chicks love asses. And he's got a ring. Yeah, no, chicks like to have asses. Oh, they like, got it, got it, okay, yeah. So like-

And they like ring. So Kyle Lowry in general is- Yes, yes, right. He is goals. But he is so annoying. And so, all right. So Jake, I mean, that was, that was pretty devastating to have that like flirtation with the comeback.

You thought it was going to happen. It would have been, and it might sound hyperbolic afterwards, 24 hours after, but I do think it would have been one of the worst losses ever, if the Celtics had somehow blown that. Cause it was one of those weird moments where the game was over, the announcers were talking like the game was over

and then just enough random weird things happened. We're like, wait, what's going on here? Yeah. And then all of a sudden it could have been, it could have been poof gone if Jimmy Butler hits that three. So you're definitive though that, that the heel was not down.

You think that there was- Yeah, I want to choose the thing. You could slide a dollar bill underneath this heel. Absolutely, there's a few layers to this. First, apparently they were reviewing it to see if it was a two or a three. Right. So that triggered it, which is absurd.

Yeah. Because if you're out of bounds on the sideline- Yeah, you gotta pick one. You obviously not close to being on the three point line. That thing was very, like I didn't know that they were allowed to just take points five minutes later, like away.

Well they do that sometimes in like media timeouts and change it from a two to a three. Right. But I've never seen them go out of bounds. Just completely take it away. What's the statute of limitations? Like can they wait until after the game's over? And then review it later?

I've never seen that before. I have no clue. So it cost us the over. It's, yeah, it did. It fucking did because it missed by a point. Potentially the series and potentially NBA history. It is NBA rig. Now you could put on the conspiracy theory hat

and be like, well, they're awarding the Larry Bird trophy for the first time ever after the game. They probably want to see the Boston Celtics win it. Let's get on the phone with wherever it is, like New Jersey and Secaucus. Secaucus, yeah, have Secaucus talk us through this and see if we can't get rid of, it's like calling up Raffensperger and be like,

I need 36,000 votes. That's what they said. They're like, I need the Celtics to make sure that we win this game here. It's just, I've never seen that. Yeah. I've never heard of them before. I do think you can't play the game of,

the butterfly effect when people are like, well, they almost, without the foul, they lost by two. Oh yeah, no, I'm not saying that's the reason they lost, but it could have changed. Yeah, it still changes, but I'm not saying that's an excuse, like the Celtics were better. Hank, would you like to apologize for the Max Drews

three taken away? No. Absolutely not. Okay, so I don't want you to apologize. I saw some Celtics fans saying that was a crazy thing. Well, that's a very Jake Marchian thing to do. Yeah. If it was a verse.

Yeah, Hank, you should have apologized there. You had a moment there to be Jake March and you didn't take it. So I'm not. If it was a verse, I would have been like, it's the right call because his foot was clearly on the line. No, but you should have just taken that moment and just shoved Jake, like shown Jake what it's like

to be like, you know what? I wish they had given him that three. It would have been right. Yeah. Then you were lost by one instead of four. Yeah, I was gonna say, I'm not a, I'm not a Max major. Those people who actually made that is crazy.

I don't like, You can just add points. I can't do the, I'm not that good at addition, but I'm pretty sure that even if that three-pointer counted, they won by weight. How many points? Four. Four points.

Four points. And so that follows worth three points. But they followed at the end. That's what people are, again, it's a very stupid, it's very stupid whenever someone's like something that happened in the first quarter directly, like then you can be like,

oh, that's basically the points that we would have. No, everything would have played out differently. Yeah. And by the time that they reviewed it, the score was like way lopsided again, right? Yes, it was. Yeah, I don't know. Very deflating for the heat.

It is good though. In a weird way, it's good for heat fans to have one thing to point at, to be like, we got fucked. Yeah. Because it lets you not realize that there's so much else that goes into it. As long as you're just like,

if they call that differently on Max screws, totally different ball game, we probably win. Right. Could have been, yeah. But not the only excuse. The video of Haslam after the game was very, very funny. Where he was just so mad and disappointed,

like dude, you haven't played in forever. He also had just perfected. I was laughing every time they showed him because he had just the most disappointed father face. Every time they went to the sideline, he'd just be looking at the refs so upset. And yeah, no, he definitely walked like straight to the shower to make it look like,

oh, I was out there grinding with the boys. Yeah, this was last season's over as a player. You think? I mean, I would assume so. It'd be very funny if he just gave him a Max deal. Just like lifetime contract. John Howard did this during the big three era. He was a player.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. Credit to Al Horford, the most playoff games, I think, ever played without getting to the finals. That's a pretty cool storyline. And he also, Al Horford, he's just got old man strength, where there were so many times where Bam would try to get around him or through him,

and he just wouldn't let it happen. And so, all right, so. There was one other thing that happened before the game that might have changed the outcome of it. Jason Tatum sent a text before the game, and he texted Kobe Bryant. Texted Kobe Bryant's old number and said, I got this. So, I mean, Kobe, the Android guy?

Is that what's going on here? Was it the bubble green or blue? It was green? Billy, don't respond to that like that. I was being like, what I said was real. Stand down, Billy. How does that work? It's just gonna fucking correct me.

We're like, dude, he's dead. He doesn't have a test. I don't want to go. How does it work with phone numbers, though? Like, does your phone number eventually get recycled to somebody else? Is somebody out there getting Kobe's text? So, the Jason Tatum, he was wearing the Kobe armband,

I think that's all very cool. I was a little weird out that he shared the text afterwards. That feels like a very private thing that he. Between who? Him and Kobe. Kobe cell phone. It's like the most private thing that you can do. Right, text somebody.

Text a dead guy. He was dead. That's a smarter child. Right, and just. What if Kobe responded and was like, dude, what a game. What if somebody got that number? It'd be like the uh. And then they're getting all these texts for Kobe

and they're they're writing back. Yeah, they're like, you should have been more assertive in game five, six. Yeah, what if it's somebody that like really knows ball that's getting these texts and it's like, bro, look for your shot more in the fourth quarter. Yeah, you're losing your legs on your mid-range jump shots in the fourth and you hit the gym.

Yeah. Do some squats. That would actually be great if someone. Yes, the NFL team like group text messages from NFL memes. Yes, yes, yes. What are you going to say, Billy? No, I saw a Reddit thread about someone who was receiving someone else's like dead mother's text

and just didn't have the heart to respond. Yeah, I get I have texts from someone. I like Jerome is the person's name and I get texts all the time, but it's always like automated ones. So it's not actual people. But it's weird because it'll be like, hey, have you. Oh, no, I actually I think you guys were around

when I responded to one that was like, hey, can you pick up an extra shift? And I replied and I was like, no. Yeah, they got very confused. Yeah, they're like, what the fuck? They should put just program it so that Kobe's phone just replies with a snake emoji back. Yes.

Just mom mentality all the time. All right. So before we talk about the Warriors and the Celtics, Billy, we just realized also has a lot at stake now going in. We shift from Jake to Billy. Billy forgot that he has to go vegan if Jason Tatum wins finals MVP. There's literally a lot at stake.

A lot at stake. Billy has gone through the entire range of motions with us before we started taping where it starts with him being like, can you guys pay for this? And then it's like, how can I cheat? Yeah, how can I cheat? I literally can't. It will kill me.

It's is it illegal? How did Billy get himself in the situation? Yeah, Hank did have a great line when Billy was like, I need to be compensated some way. And Hank was like, well, every two weeks you get a paycheck and that's very nice. But yeah, so when we had John Sally on noted vegan, John Sally said Jason Tatum, if he wins the finals MVP,

Billy was obviously telling him veganism is stupid, which I agree with you, Billy. And then the bet was made that if Jason Tatum wins the finals MVP, Billy has to do vegan for a month. I checked the odds on it and I thought it was going to be more like plus like 300 plus 500. It's plus one fifth. Yeah, he is the best player on their team.

So by yeah, he's their best player. It's a coin flip, basically. And so you'd have to be vegan during the fourth of July. Yeah, I mean, it's the worst month ever to be vegan. Fourth of July. I would say Thanksgiving's worse. Yeah, thanks. Yeah, but you're not grilling all through. I've got all of July after the 4th of July. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of July.

So a lot. Well, yeah, that's fourth of July. There's fourth of July and then all of July, then the sixth of July. Yeah, it's just prime grilling time. Right. So that's when the good news is you can grill mushrooms. You can slice up carrots, mushrooms, fucking cauliflower. Farm to table. Yeah, it's basically the same thing as a steak. By the way, so many people are sending me recipes that just aren't

vegan. One dude was like, yo, dude, quesadillas with beans. I'm like, dude, for fucking cheese. Yeah. So Jake was like, at least you can have pizza. Yeah. Jake, I'm going to kill you. Wait, but Billy, actually, wouldn't it be wouldn't July be one of the best months because all the vegetables are in, you know, watermelon. That's when you like corn. Good corn in the summer. Like delicious corn.

Sweet corn. Dude, the best corn. No butter, though. You can't put butter on it. You should probably you should actually go one step further. You should just grow everything that you like. You can't eat anything. You don't grow yourself. How about we do this? So like the Zuckerberg rule where like maybe Billy can have meat, but only if he kills the animal. I'm in for this bear.

Oh, yeah, I'm in for that. Oh, Billy's going to kill some dog. Yeah, you're going to farm your neighborhood. No, dude, I'm going to go to the the Halal butcher place and then just ask to kill all the chickens and eat them myself. Is that how it works? They just let anybody go in there and kill regulations. I'll be like, yo, let me kill this bird or buy them live.

Like I bought live chickens plenty of times. OK, yeah. You can't fuck them to death. And then what? Then I'm going to kill them. You didn't kill the other ones. Or did you? Which ones? No, the hawk did. No, the hawk. You've bought. Yeah, right. You said you bought live chickens,

but you were like implying that you've killed them. No, no, no, I didn't. Billy, I'm in Billy's brain right now, and I'm watching him like figure out ways to skirt the rulebook on this. Don't you you can't you can't buy chickens and then purposely leave them out so a hawk kills them and then eat the chicken. I would kill the chicken myself.

What about a frog that you fucked to death? Would you then eat it? Frogs, legs, grungy. Yeah, OK. Yeah, no, you're in trouble. You're in trouble. No, I literally will look like Christian Bale and the machinist at the end of this month

because I like won't be able to source vegan food and you can't just Uber eats vegan food. Yeah, you definitely can. Absolutely. And New York City. 100 percent. That's the one thing they say about New York City. It's a great city, but you can't find vegan food anywhere. It might be the only place in the world

that you can get vegan like within 15. It's probably easier to be a vegan here than not. It's probably me. Forty dollars. I'm not going to be in full. Here comes. We're going back circling back to the money. I think if I eat vegan for like a month, I think I should be able to expense all the meals. I don't know.

That's a question for a hank in the expenses. I disagree. Yeah, I'm going to disagree. It's going to be super expensive. I don't think it's going to be that expensive. Just by beans. Yeah. By eat salads. Beans are literally the cheapest food on the planet. That's true. Make a spreadsheet.

Show the difference between a regular meal and a vegan meal. Maybe we'll cover the difference. OK. OK. So I'm sure that's that is going to be a meticulously curated spreadsheet. I will be as honest as it gets. My Uber eats. By the way, I mean, we'll look at my Uber eats orders from before and then like the first week

and I will show you like hundreds of dollars in discrepancy. OK. OK. Great. I'm sure that again, I'm sure that will be very honest. Yeah. Yeah. I'm looking forward to because I think Loki, Billy might get more shredded on the vegan diet. I said that. He's going to lose a lot of this fat and he might Billy get he might get addicted to being vegan.

Yeah. It might be good for you. What if you ended the month and your bench press max went up so you could finally bench more than me and you got a six pack by eating vegan. No, what's going to happen is I'm going to lose a ton of weight and then people are going to start calling me Billy eight ball again and think I'm on drugs. Is cocaine vegan?

I think there's like people die. Do you think do you think there's a chance that the soy will make your hands even softer? No, they're going to give me tits like you. It's going to be terrible. At least you're in Guinness, though. You love Guinness. I can't drink Guinness.

Why not? Guinness isn't vegan. Oh, damn. Dude, I literally could have gotten away with just drinking like I can drink course light, though. Yeah, there you go. So I'm going to I'm just going to drink course light. That would be fun. And when I'm hammered, it's because of you guys. Great. OK, yeah.

Yeah, that's that's a great spin. So my bosses are like kind of forcing me to stay drunk for the entire month because I'm not allowed to eat meat. The only way I can get how sad I am is by getting blind drunk. Yeah, can I sue Barstool for just making me an alcoholic? OK, so warriors, Celtics, Hank, how are we feeling? Nervous. Yeah, I mean, I think it's going to be great. I like I like excited for the series.

I just get worried the Celtics have, you know, had so many, so many points with like Kailas turnovers and just crazy, unexplainable plays. And the warriors are obviously the warriors. They have all the experience they've been here before. So there's just and obviously it's, you know, one play here, one play there makes a difference between winning and losing. And that's what I get worried about, where it's like,

I could see the Celtics losing one or two games just with like inexplicable bad decisions. I agree. I think they're very even teams. I think it's going to be a great series. But I was thinking about it and like the Celtics, they were better than the box without Middleton and they were better than the heat and both those series went seven. And they kind of made like they made mistakes along the way

where it's like, what the hell, they should put this team away. If you do that with the warriors, you're dead. That's where I think it's got to be. Like you can't you can't mess around with the warriors. You can't be like, Oh, you know, we'll have a game with 15 turnovers and hope it works the next game because they obviously have done it before. And the warriors have like, if you read anything from after their after their clinching game, like it's hard for a team

with that much success to be as hungry as they are. Like they have a we're trying to prove it to everyone, not only just Katie and Kyrie, who we should mention we're trending after game seven because both both guys left the respective NBA Finals teams to team up and get bounced. I think it's going to be interesting to see what kind of lineup the warriors go with if they're going to go with the death lineup or not. Well, and they're going to go death or you're going to do Looney

or you'll put Looney in there to get some rebounds. And they have the they actually are getting the reverse of what's happened in the last couple of series where guys have been out. They are getting guys back. Like I think Otto Porter, Gary Payton, Payton, Junior and Andre Guadala are supposed to play at some point in this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's coming back. Yeah, I just feel like I don't know a lot's going to depend on the match ups.

And I think that the warriors want to go with the death line up again, which is just fun to say and fun to talk about. But I feel like if they try to go small, the Celtics could end up bullying them a little bit. Ah, but but. But then what happens on offense? Right, you guys. If you got if you go small and you have shooters everywhere,

the Celts can't put two bigs out, which Robert Williams is hurt, very hurt. Would you agree? Constantly like it's but it's crazy that he was even playing in that game seven because there were moments where guys were going around him and by him. And he like you could just tell he couldn't move. He had a sequence. I don't know if they showed it on TV on Friday night where he did three like he didn't as high as he could jump for a dunk, landed, did it again,

landed, did it again. It was one of the most impressive, like athletic feats I've ever seen. Like basically did it at three straight box jumps, but like him jumping as high as he could. And then he was gas and then he didn't really like come back right. Yeah, it sounds like a CrossFit workout. Yeah, it was it was like you just saw his hand go flying. And it was like he did it so fast.

It was unbelievable. All right. So I think he's like, I think he's hurt. Yeah. And the fact that the Celtics are now going. He's just a constant, though, you know, he gets hurt. Then they can come back for one game for momentum and he gets hurt. The Celtics going now two straight hard fought seven game series.

And then they have to go play the Warriors in San Francisco on Thursday night who have been sitting at home for a week now. They have the youth. You guys, this is storyline podcast, right? Yep. I got a I got a fun one for the series. All right. Ninety one finals.

Jordan and Pippin knocked off the Lakers who were in their finals for the sixth time in eight years and won three titles over that span. Tatum and Brown faced the Warriors who were in the finals for the sixth time in eight years, have won three titles over that span. Interesting. That would be a fun storyline. That's a fun story. It is a very fun story.

Are these Celtics the new version of the Bulls? Got to start somewhere. This is the start of a dynasty right now. You've got to start somewhere. You also have the revenge that they beat every team that they lost to in the last three playoffs. The Celtics did. So they beat the they beat the Nets who they lost to last year.

Right. Yep. They beat the heat that they lost to in the bubble and they beat the box they lost to in 2018. So you got to figure out when they last lost to the Warriors. You also got to start getting your story straight for people that are going to because they are going to come. The people who say this is a Mickey Mouse run because you played against the Nets.

They were missing. They're missing Ben Simmons. They were banged up. You played against the the Bucks missing Middleton. You played against the Heat. Half their team was injured at the end. I think it's the opposite has been said. But yeah, with the Mickey Mouse.

No, they're saying like Jason Tatum is going through KD Yanis. Nobody Jimmy Butler. You got to be ready. One of the best runs. You got to be ready for the Mickey Mouse guys because they'll be there. They're waiting for it. The LeFraud's LeFraud's. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

So you know, that's the that's kind of like a circle van diagram. Yeah. What's your prediction? Celtics in six. Celtics in six. So will you be on the wood when they when they God willing. Always hit the trophy. God willing. I wasn't there Friday, but OK. Celtics in six. All right.

What do you guys think? I think Celtics in seven. I think Warriors in seven. I think it's going to be a really good series, though. I just watched it be like a sweep. Yeah, I know. One way or the other. Yeah. I just something about a game seven winning another game seven on the road.

Yeah. And I just I don't know. There's like everything I've read about this Warriors, like after after they beat the Mavs and like the three guys basically being committed to them to each other throughout all these injuries and saying like we're going to be back here. This is going to be it. Like we're going to win one more. That would really be something though.

If like I know KD has mentioned on Twitter that he doesn't care what other people say about this, but it has to eat at him a little bit if the Warriors win this. Oh, for sure. Yeah, he's definitely rooting for the Celtics. Yeah. And just be like, OK, so they like people are saying basically, oh, they traded, you know, they had Andrew Wiggins for KD in their back in the finals. Yeah. Are the Warriors better without KD?

It's got to hurt. It's got to hurt. It's got to hurt. OK, Billy and Jake, you want to have a prediction? Warriors in six. And I'm going to eat a shit ton of meat in Boston. Wow. Wow. Right in their face. Wow. Everyone's just going to be like, who's this dude? Why is he eating so much meat? What are you aggressive in their face?

What if Steph Curry wins? You have to only eat meat for the month of July. Actually, I would hella do that. But can I drink? Wait, wait, what's the difference between hella and hockey? Can I drink though? Yes. Yes. OK, you'd hella do that, though. Yeah, I've been trying to do that.

Jake, your prediction. Warriors in five. Oh, OK, so that's a mini-wamping. That's a mini-J. No, that is a wamping. That's a wamping. Biased. We'll say. Yeah, Jake, how much is that is influenced by your current hatred of the Celtics? I don't hate the Celtics.

That making the finals is good for the company. It's better for the company. Yes, that's absolutely true. Yeah, but also it's absolutely true. You bet you don't go watch me by myself on a live stream in the finals. Everyone's going to watch Dave and Hank. But you definitely you definitely hate the Celtics

a little bit right now. Yeah. OK, thank you. Oh, did you see someone did a advanced analytics that Steph Curry shoots better when he's when he's chewing on his mouth guard? Oh, when his mouthpiece is out? Yeah, I believe it. Yeah, I'm telling you, the wingspan on the mouthpiece is getting bigger. Yeah, it's going up all the way almost to his eye.

He's going to poke himself in the eye with it. Yes, yes, he is. OK, let's do who's back. Then we got Stav. We'll do the Tommy Pham and Jack Peterson discussion after as well as some hockey. We're going to have to memes is going to come in and cry for us, which Rangers fans will enjoy before we get to who's back. Cores light work, friends, family and expectation beyond 24 seven.

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cold Cores light on a summer weekend. OK, who's back? Hank. Oh, my who's back is Chris Castellanos. Yeah, we talked about on the show before. I think last summer it got killed, you know, the meme. There's a long, deep drive to the left field. But Jake is about to have a stroke. Jake, you want to tell him?

It's fake. No, you can tell him. It's fake. No, Jake, this is your department. It's fake. Nick. It's Nick Castellanos. Nick Castellanos. Oh, Chris. Chris Castellani. He's a co-worker. Yikes, long weekend. Game seven, say good luck out of you.

Game seven, say good luck out of you. Nick, that. Yeah, I did get those two guys mixed up. Shout out to Chris Castellani, though. I knew what you did right when you did it. Jake was giving me this like furtive little look. Like he was getting mad over the same time. Nick Castellanos, the Reds player who's now in the Phillies.

Correct. Today they were doing the announcers were doing a Memorial Day tribute showing, you know, some people in the crowd, some memorials. And as they did that, Chris, Nick Castellanos. Nick Castellanos had a home run. Yeah. It's just he's he's he's cursed. He's always there. He is impeccable timing, impeccable comedic timing out of this guy.

Is he cursed or is he blessed? So you can stay a little woke on this one. I know memes pointed this out in the group chat. I kind of I think that they're setting him up when it's bad when he's up to bat. I think the announcers are more likely to dive into the whole. Like, I mean, it was a sweet prince Harambe's anniversary earlier this weekend, but that would be a prime time for them to be like. And six years ago today, right?

Harambe was assassinated. Right. And oh, there's a deep drive to left. They know that like with how bad what you don't think so. No. You don't think the Phillies would ever set him up like that? I think baseball is like the oldest. Yeah, the problem is that in the game, they're not that hip. Like, they don't know what the Nick Castellanos meme is.

You didn't you didn't trust yourself. No, I didn't. Yeah, it would be it is one of those ones. We're probably too too much online. Maybe. Yeah, we're like, are they setting us up? But like, why? Why else would they choose to do it? But it's they have the entire rest of the game to do it. And they're like, oh, Castellanos is up right now. Yeah, let's run it right now.

When was it or was it the beginning of the inning or anything like that? I believe it was. They probably if it's correct, I got a double check. But usually the producers are like, all right, let's run this tribute at the top of the second inning. Just so happened to be he was the first one up. Yeah, he's just like might have been a coincidence. Yeah, he's he's the grim reaper.

Yes. What can I say? All right, PFT or who's back? My who's back of the week is existential dread. This will be nice. Hank actually tweeted something about this out yesterday, pointed out that the the summer of 2016 was indeed it was different. It hit different. And I replied to him because I just heard about this theory.

You remember when we had Brian Cox on Professor Cox? He was in the Large Hadron Collider experiment. There's a theory out there that the world ended in 2016. Oh, wow. When that opened up a massive black hole on Earth and everything got sucked into it. And so everything you've experienced is then has been your particular version of heaven or hell, depending on if you were good or not prior to 2016. So I just want to let everybody marinate that on a little bit

because I feel like I don't know, it's fucked me up thinking about it. Whoa, I think about it. I drank about it and it's 100 percent true. Yeah, I think about it. So are you in heaven or hell? Heaven, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think we're all in heaven. The fucking Cubs won a World Series in the nationals and the capitals.

The capitals won Stanley Cup. Right. And that was the summer. I mean, that's when I was I was reminiscing. I was driving listen to some music thinking about Harambe and how that like, it was funny. It was a funny summer. Summer 2016 was a fun summer, the beginning of this podcast. And then ever since then, it's been, you know, wait. So everything's changed.

This will be a great test of if Billy's in heaven or hell, if Jason Tatum wins finals MVP. He's in hell. Well, I mean, he did become a wide receiver after that. I think of a weird purgatory. Yeah, Billy's been a purgatory for sure. I had some super high highs, but like also super low lows. What were your high highs?

I was all state my senior year. Fuck yes. Fuck. Who was I? Fuck yes. They went to college and then I, you know, didn't win the starting jobs. Then I switched to wide receiver. But then like, yeah, it's actually been really weird. I sometimes feel like I have a forced gump life. Yeah. Yeah. Like think about it.

I feel like any of us in this room could make that argument convincingly. Like it's more likely that we're all dead. And this is the afterlife than it is. This is really happening. What notable things have you been around? I don't know. I was I was almost selected as a juror in Harvey Weinstein's trial. Almost. Yeah, I was there on the day that they're selecting jurors.

They didn't pick me. You're like, if if Mark Wahlberg had played for a scum, it's like, oh, if I was there, things would turn out different. I was almost there for that. No, no, they were different. OK. It was wild, though. I wish I'd been on that. I mean, just being around this is like.

It's crazy. It's crazy. Jake, are you in heaven or hell? Hopefully heaven. Yeah. Yeah. What about you, Bubba? It's Jake. That was such a Jake answer. Probably hell. Yeah. Yeah, you got to be honest. You got to allegedly hit by a car.

Yeah, you used to be able to see in color. Yeah, that's true. All right. Who's back? I have two. One is European sports. Big weekend for European sports. We had the Champions League and then F1 and Monaco. Just a big weekend for people tweeting about, you know,

European sports, tweeting about sports earlier in the day, the New Year, earlier in the day, the Champions League, Liverpool got fucked with their fans getting like, you know, that was just a total clusterfuck. But also, I feel like every every big soccer game has some type of storyline like that. Yeah. Real Madrid also, that's just what they do. They just win championship. They just win championship.

Yeah. And then they were by far the worst team in that game. But they figured out a way to do it. Also, PFT, remember, we had that discussion about how we can't really get into F1 besides drive to survive. I've found my my perfect niche is that I don't watch any second of the race. And then just say someone cheated after. Oh, perfect, because it was great.

It was like, I didn't watch a second of Monaco. And then I was like, Red Bull cheats. And then I just had people just like getting in fights in my mentions for the rest of the day. And I was at peace. It was great. I just I root for Daniel Ricardo because I like him as a person. And then I also root for like something insane to happen. So then eight months, I can watch it on a different TV show.

Right. Right. Exactly. That's as far as my Formula One fan. Right. So yeah, I'm not I don't even I'm not even trying to watch them anymore. I'm just also no overtaking in Monaco. Yeah. And it rained. Real gear heads. No. And then my other who's back. We you guys saw Top Gun on Thursday, I saw it on Saturday. My who's back is in Top Gun.

It's going to the movie theater because if you I know that, like, it's been nice that we've been able to watch all these new releases from home. But going to the movie theater to see Top Gun reminded me like, oh, yeah, going to the movies is so much fucking especially movie like Top Gun. Right. Right. It like reinvigorates you. Like, yes, this is why because, you know, I'm sure that there's been a lot of people who've written about like, oh, yeah, movie theaters are now dead post covid. Everything gets released.

Everything's on Netflix, whatever it may be. No, like the act of going to the movie theater. Watching the previews, eating all of your candy before the movie starts. There's nothing like, yeah, I went two nights in a row and went back again on Friday to go see it. I thought about going on Saturday, too. But I was like, that's I'll go again with that cycle. But you want to go again? I'll go again. This is all like noon. And you have to see it.

You have to see it on a big screen, mostly. And it boils down to like, we should see it on IMAX. I did see it the first time on IMAX. Oh, you missed out on like 33 percent of the film. It boils down to that part of our lizard brains that you see cool machines and you're like, oh, plain. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like you just you just get like you start grunting like that was awesome.

And I did cry a little bit like Hank, but that's OK. Fifth generation thrust vectoring turned. I was insane. It was great, great fucking movie, great movie. I haven't seen anyone say anything bad about it. Honestly, let's see. Knit picking top gun. I wish I wish it had one boob. Yeah, it would have been nice.

One boob, one boob would have been good. There is no there was no boobs. Just one boob. I just like to remind myself while I'm watching a movie that there's that there's tits out there. Were there tits, Billy? There's a dogfight football is so stupid. Yeah, no, I got pissed.

We're not going to do any spoilers, but like that's not a spoiler. There's no chance that that game actually. Yeah, they that's not a spoiler whatsoever. It's just they basically were like, oh, remember when we did the volleyball scene in the original, we got to have something similar in this one. Oh, so there were tits, but there were guy tits. Yeah, yes, nipples. Billy just likes nipples. All right, Billy, your who's back.

My who's back is La Crosse this past weekend. Today, the Maryland Terrapins completed a perfect 18 0 season beating Cornell in the national championship game. Crazy. Their past two seasons have been pretty insane because they are 33 and one in the past two years. Their only loss was to UVA in the 2021 championship game. Yep. So they're an absolute wagon. Another win for the Big 10.

Now, I'm going to butcher this name, but Logan Wysnowska, a Syracuse transfer, scored 61 goals with 103 points all season. The first Terrapin to score 100 points in a season in all time. Question for you, Billy, because a lot of people were saying this. I was I was touting the Big 10 for winning a championship. And people were saying that Maryland just had a ton of transfers and they didn't build their own culture. What do we say to those people?

They built their own culture through transfers. OK, there we go. That is their culture. It's a trans culture. But also carpet bagging culture. Yeah, it's just immigration. Yeah, so. Melting pot. So actually one of the water dogs draft picks was on the team. Jake Higgins. He probably sucks.

No, no, he's a short stick D mid. No, but it's our culture. He sucks, dude. No, our culture is going to ruin it. Yeah. So what another thing? The water dogs open up this weekend on Sunday versus the cannons at 1 p.m. We'll probably lose. Jake and I are going to be up there working with the water dogs. We're not going to be on Thursday's show.

Tell them they suck. No, I'm from us. They are professionals. Jake, you have to tell them that we said they suck. So we will be attending media day. Yep, Thursday. So can we get a question? Yeah, you can forward some questions. Billy, Billy's welcome to ask questions, too.

Oh, that's a mistake. Yeah. No, I'm actually I think I'm the number one lacrosse. Low key. Have you guys thought about like how cool it is to be in a pro lacrosse league? Hank, what's up? I just wanted to hear the end of that sentence. He's the number one one. Number one lacrosse mind in America.

I think I'm I think I'm the biggest lax guy in this room. Yeah, I mean, he basically brought back lax. He brought the sport back from the day. Yeah, but Hank said sport of the future. And then the PLL start like, I think Paul Ray will listen to Hank say that. I know, I know, but like, grow the game for the future. That's like a lacrosse tagline. No, no, no, no, no, do you think where the tagline came from?

Yes, he did. He did on this podcast. He created that. I remember hearing it. But this helps your force. Gump, like, OK, yes, 100 percent. This podcast created lacrosse, essentially. Yeah, we invented it. It basically went from like Native Americans to Jim Brown to pardon my take.

Those are pretty much the only three big moments in the game. But also when I was like 10, I did a summer lacrosse camp. Boom. Three weeks. I like I like apples. That was way before you. Wait, dude, you weren't even born. OK. Jake, you're who's back here.

Well, no, I was to piggyback off ability. Yeah, so we'll be down up. We'll be up in Albany for PL training camp Thursdays, media day, Friday, some practice drills. Billy's going to get in on the action and so is memes and so is memes. So it should be fun. Yeah. And then, yeah, Saturday, Sunday is opening weekend in Albany. Love it. I mean, I don't love it.

So I love that you guys are going to be. I love it for you guys. Yeah. Water dogs. We don't really start seasons well. Yeah. We're what we peak in the second. And we don't end them either. They won. They won the regular season last year. Yeah. But we got up to one stinker of a start.

Great. Is that do we? Should we put a banner up? Loser talk. Yeah. The president's trophy winners when they win something real. That means. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is meme suiting up to. Yes. Oh, so he's way better. I know. I know.

He played college. Yeah. I could have, but like I committed to football. No, I did you commit. Did you commit to football? Yeah. OK. But we can do some one on one. So it'll be fun. Beautiful. Thank God.

Because I was thinking I was going to have to go against the pros and just actually water dogs aren't really pro. Dude, you got these guys are world class athletes. Billy, I know you don't understand what we we break them down and then we build them back up. I'm trying to show respect to them. So I don't show up. We do not respect them.

We do not respect them. Yard sale me and break my arms. I heard that they might fold the team, actually. Yeah. We we actually should fold it. I'm considering it. We can hit the nuclear button. I'm thinking Paul Raebel gave us that button. It's in the pile.

It's embarrassing what they put us through at the beginning of the season last year. Actually, they've made serious moves in the season. No, no, no, I haven't. No, but I think that they're they got a shot and I would actually like some shares so I can get a ring if they win. We might sell the team. Can I buy the shares from you? No, no, I'm going to sell mine to Dan Snyder

and then somehow get worse. I'll give you all the shares if you go vegan for a year. All right, let's get to our interview. Wait, Jake, do you have another who's back? Yeah, a quick who's back is tennis. I know when I bring it up on the show, it's because something big is happening. Djokovic Nadal, French Open Quarterfinals.

Wait, when? Oh, tonight. Tonight. What time? It's the back end of a doubleheader, so it depends. Wait, they're playing it at night. Our time? It's 8.45 rolling gyros time. OK, so that's like four forty five o'clock. Early in the morning. I'm out. Yeah, but no, you'll see a tweet about it.

You'll tune in for like the third or fourth set. It's a big one. They shouldn't be playing the quarterfinals. If Djokovic wins, Big Cat will send it to him. He'd be like told you if he loses, he'll pretend it never happened. Well, if he wins, especially on this one,

you got to dance on the tombstones of the Rafa fans. Oh, I will. Oh, he's the King of Clay. This is his tournament. Don't worry. So I'm just getting you ready. Don't worry about that. Do they sell pieces of clay from rolling gyros? I feel like that's probably that's a goldmine right there. Yeah, yeah. So that's a quarterfinal matchup. OK, should be fun.

I'm excited for that. To not watch. Yeah, I just you'll remind me just to text me updates. OK, OK, but not too many. Every set nine to best of five. Just tell me if you think Djokovic, Djokovic is going to win. If he's about to win, I'll get if he's about to tell you. Give me a heads up. OK, all right, perfect.

Billy has this look on his face like, yeah. He's being left out. Last who's back, Finland. Finland, once again, proving their real country. Yes, they won the International Hockey I saw that. That was cool. Canada. They've won. They won the gold medal and then they won the

World Hockey. Finland is allegedly a real country. This is just a scythe. Yes, I have for sure. This is Finland's golden generation. No, I think that the snipers in World War Two. Yeah, those guys were legit. They shot like 500 people a person.

Two gold medals in the calendar year. That's pretty impressive. Pretty damn good. OK, let's get to our interview. We got Stavros coming up. You're all going to love it. And we're brought to you by our friends at Game Time, the exclusive ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. Game Time is a ticketing app

that makes it easier than ever to score last minute deals on tickets to sports, concerts and shows. And they guarantee the lowest price. They crack the code on how to score deals on last minute tickets. Hank, what's the what are you going to go to the finals with game time? I think so. You were there for game six with Game Time. Best tickets I've ever had. Not the best game, but the best tickets.

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Guaranteed. Thank you to game time. If you're trying to go to baseball game, hockey game, basketball game, concerts, game time is the best ticketing app in the world. OK, here he is. Stavros Halkius. OK, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is comedian actor.

You were you were in some shit, right? Some fucking shit, baby. It is a podcaster. That's right. From the famous podcast, Come Town, which I love that we'll get into that. Yeah, Stavros. I'm not going to attempt to say your last name. I think you got it.

If you believe in yourself. Halkius. Really good. Actually, pretty close. Actually, that's how it the ass is a real Greek pronunciation. Most people butcher it. You nailed it. OK, Stavros Halkius nailed it. Beautiful. He is very, very funny, dude.

This is it's it's really funny that you're here because, you know, we'll have big celebrities, athletes and stuff. But when the word spread that you were coming to this office, the amount of people that came up to me like, dude, to stop coming in, to stop coming in. I'm like, yeah, he's coming in. So you have a ton of fans here and you obviously are very, very successful. You have a new stand up coming out on YouTube special,

which is called Live at the Lodge Room June 5th. Let's talk about that because you let's do it. You you basically funded this yourself, right? Yeah, yeah, for sure. I am. Well, first of all, I want to say that doesn't surprise. I mean, it sounds like it's funny that like this office, I would have a lot of fans because my main demographic is losers in their 20s.

So I took a little I took a little peek around the office lines right up. I see a lot of my core fan base in here. Bubba's laughing a little too hard. Bubba, no one hits home. It's like, I'm so excited for stop. I will say what I left out to be polite was that don't get pussy. But, you know, Bubba, it looks like you get pussy, dude. You're a cute kid. A little pussy.

Yeah, there you go. But yeah, yeah, there's there's a lot of that in this office. I love it. That's my guys. That's that's who I was. Don't forget in my fucking early 20s. And now you're you graduated. Super star. Yeah. Now, yes, now I was a caterpillar who became a just a fatter caterpillar who gets the fuck now.

There's no butterfly situation. But yeah, no, things are good, man. So yeah. So the special is talk about because you did you pitch it? Yeah. So it's pretty hard. Like it is funny because I mean, you guys understand this company is kind of like it where you guys are huge and like Twitch is huge and all this and podcasts are big and it's like mainstream media people don't understand that. They don't, you know.

So and I had some inroads with some like places where I could have like, you know, we were having some discussions about places, but the pay was dog shit. And it's like no one is really going to push a relatively unknown guys like comedies like Netflix doesn't give a fuck about. You know what I mean? Like if I got on Netflix, it would be buried underneath like dating while autistic or whatever the fuck, you know,

it would be like it was some guy in like a dolphin prosthetic trying to get his dick sucked would get way more like algorithm love than I would. And and so I just figured like I had a couple of friends who did this, like Sam Arrell, very funny, Mark Normand. Shane Ghost, Shane Great Special, which is very, very funny. Yeah. Yeah. Shane did it, which is awesome. And I just said, fuck it. I don't want to like and even if I was going to do with people,

it was going to take forever to get out. And it's like, I shot this thing in December and I'm like, let's just get it out there. And then I just kind of like for fun started posting on YouTube just to just like some throwaway crowd work clips. And people seem to really fucking like it. So I was like, fuck it, my YouTube channel is big. I just want people to see it because most people know me as a podcaster,

which is hysterical. I mean, come town. Yeah, come town. It's like, which is like, look, the show is great. Literally took my family out of poverty. So I can't be mad about come town. But imagine if the dumbest thing you've ever done is what popped you huge. And the thing that you I mean, kind of kind of you're right. You're probably a lot of people can understand this. You're part of like the great renaissance of podcasting.

We're not. It was like, you know, it was like, that's good. 2016. I don't get it. It makes sense. Why don't you guys have a huge come town office? Yeah, it was like, it was like come town part of my take in Chappos. Started like it was nice in the same couple years. And so the holy trinity is kind of beautiful.

It's beautiful that you guys have like so much shit that people could use as ammunition against you. Yes, but it's all out there and it's all part of the story. It's all documented and it's like we are what we are. And for you in particular, like doing the show the way the way that you're doing it, like you've got your audience built in. Yeah, you don't need Netflix to help you promote it for them to take a cut out of it. Totally get into a big messy contract situation with them.

You can do it all yourself. Yeah. And dude, more than anything, I just want people to see it because I don't think like people think of me as a stand up comic. And it's like the thing I've dedicated my entire life to, you know, and I think I'm the best at like podcasting. I honestly think podcasting is I mean, we're really pulling the biggest scam of all time over on people. This is complete bullshit, you know what I mean?

Like and but it takes no effort. If you happen to know how to fucking talk, you just fucking waltz into an easy like we kind of all hit a lottery here. Oh, yeah, if we were born three years earlier, three years later, we're all broke. Well, yeah, it is one of those funny things. We've talked about it before, but like when you tell someone you podcast, you can't like sound like a bigger loser. And it's it's always funny when I'll like say it and I'm getting now into

like, because I have kids and I'll be like saying it like birthday parties for a three year old and I'll have to be like, but my podcast does make money. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let me just follow it up with that. There needs to be a different word for successful podcast. You know, what do you do? It's like a podcast like they just look me like, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, are you OK? A hundred percent.

I just used to lie and be like, I do I do a radio show. It wasn't a full lie because at the time I was doing like 45 minutes a day on serious and I would just be like, tell anybody new. Yeah, I do. I do. Yeah, my mom thought like that was a big deal when I got that radio show on serious, which I did not give a fuck about. I like I sat down in a chair for 45 minutes and then left. And my mom was like, oh, my God, you're on serious radio. That's incredible. I can listen to you now.

It's like, mom, I really don't care. That's a stand up special. A special now feels like, hey, I have a stand up special. And it's true. It's funny you say that because it's like radio. No one gives a fuck about it. And on some level, I understand that no one cares about stand up that much. Like podcasting. I just agree.

Well, I love those are the big truth teller. Yeah. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, without you. Society crumbles. That's what we've got to protect people from attacking Chris. Chris Rock. If anybody slaps you, I will fucking choke them. That was the best with comedians like this was an attack on freedom of speech. And it's like, come on, man, it's what we tell pussy jokes. You know what I mean? It's like, no one gives a fuck.

Well, we had Judd Apatow in the next day. Oh, he was like, he was number one on like, this is assault. Dude, that's so fucking funny. It's first of all, Chris Rock and Will, the comedians that were posting about it. It's like, you have nothing in common with Chris. You are not. You are only tech. The way like some guy says he's a podcaster. Some guy off the street has like 30 followers says he's the way you and that

guy have something in common with podcasting. That's the way most people posting about Chris Rock. You know what I mean? Like they're only standups in name only. Right. This is a fucking million. Two of the most famous guys of all time slapped each other. It was hilarious. Right. It was really fucking funny that somebody got slapped at the Oscars. Some guy who's been publicly cut, who's the most the most beloved man in the world

was cucked so hard, his brain melted 30 minutes before he was going to win his Oscar. Like it was incredibly incredible timing. Will Smith has been the most like Scientologist, manicured public persona. Jada got so much dick on the side that it fucking melted his brain and he slapped Chris Rock moment. I mean, he was just going to win his Oscar. It was if that's not fucking funny to you, then what's the that's his stare? Yeah, like the biggest superstar act, one of the biggest

superstar actors slapped the biggest superstar of the last 25 years because he made a joke about his wife that he only cared about the joke because he looked over at his wife and he was like, oh, she's mad. She's probably going to fuck somebody else unless I slap Chris Rock for this. Absolutely. It's a very funny situation. It's hysterical. But now people are like, you know, we're great truth tellers out there and like, yeah, it could be me next exact. Oh, really, it's you next at fucking McGooby's joke house, which is my home

club. I love it in Timonia, Maryland. No one is slapping you because you're like, what the I don't get my wife doesn't suck my dick enough. No one is about to slap you. You fucking loser. I hated that shit because it's like we're complete. I come from a very like comedians or clowns perspective. Right. I'm not. Listen, I'm not making any fucking points.

I'm not a point maker. I'm here to have a good ass time. You know what I mean? Just fucking talk about my sexual like embarrassments. Like comedians should be getting embarrassed. Right. In many ways, getting slapped is the most comedian thing possible. The only thing I would have liked is if Chris Rock would have been like, I mean, how awesome would it have been if it's like if he just talked about

Jada again, getting cock on the side at the Oscars? That's the only thing that hightens that if he's like, oh, it's smelled like August Alcina's finger. He just said something. You know, he wanted to in his heart. I saw it. You can see the like little flicker because Chris Rock could have done that. Oh, he could have just eviscerated.

100 percent. He just like, you know, he's like, it was just a big moment. And, you know, he's a little too rich, probably. You know what I mean? Maybe Chris Rock 30 years ago does it 20 years ago does it. But that's what I'm saying. He's the fucking institution now. He can't.

He can't be firing back with the truth, with the actual truth. I've would have done it. Oh, I would have loved you. I pray that's the other thing. If you're a real comedian, you should be begging Will Smith to slap you. Yeah, the greatest thing in your career in the fucking world. All right. So you mentioned we mentioned come town.

You mentioned come town. It is always funny just to say it out loud. Yes, of course. I would imagine some of those like if you've probably been in like agent meetings and stuff and they have to say that is that what's most awkward. It's a hilarious podcast. If you don't know it, like you should listen to it because it's very, very funny. No, you shouldn't.

It's you should not listen to the podcast. The podcast is over and Adam Friedman. It's bad. It'll ruin your brain. It will ruin your brain. But you'll get addicted first and then you'll realize, oh, fuck, this ruined my brain. Yes, yes, yes. But what like the name alone is just so funny.

Has there been moments where you're like, I wish we had named it something anything else? No, I think actually like, well, first of all, I thought it was going to be a complete failure for sure. I thought for who came up with who started it. I mean, it was Mullins idea. Yeah. And we were just at the time.

I had just moved to New York. I was literally living in a fucking windowless room. Like I had one of those fake rooms where it's not fire code safe. No, not fire code safe at all. No. Yeah. Like literally just the landlord puts up a wall and he calls it a two bedroom. Yeah. Landlord had no idea.

We fucking just hired a guy to build a room and he was in and out in the day. Salute to that guy. Like shit was going real bad. You know what I mean? Like, well, you could just hear everything going on in the fucking like living room. Like, you know. If I'm beating off, they can hear, you know what I mean? Like, there's no if I wanted to fuck, I would have to be like, hey, can you guys

just clear out of the apartment for half an hour while I get pussy and you guys can come back afterwards like that situation. And Mullen was freshly out of his illegal tenement in Chinatown. So like shit was just going bad. And it was the idea of like, well, let's just fucking hopefully people will come out and see our shows. But I did not think you're right. There was like a second wave of podcasts.

I thought podcasts were done. Like seven years ago, Marin already popped. Like comedy bang bang was big. Like all that kind of shit was kind of and I figured like we missed it. We missed the boat. I was like, we'll do eight episodes. We'll never speak of this again. We'll be those guys like I'm a podcaster.

You know, and then it just fucking it was his idea. We did it hysterically. People listened. And it's like one of those things where I keep waiting for it. Like I've had the same like attitude the whole time. I'm like, well, it's going to end tomorrow. Right. You know what I mean?

So now we're going on six years of like, you know, basically living like I'm on a month to month lease. But that's a good that's a weird and good. Like I have something similar where I'm always like at some point I'm going to wake up and everyone's like, I don't want to hear like you talk. Yeah. Yeah. And that almost is I feel like that's a good way to think about it because otherwise you end up with people who like become way out of touch

with everything for a short. No, that's true. I mean, that could be that could be a big issue. But, you know, it was it's been sick. I mean, people have been coming out and it helped me like start my touring like going on tour and now it's like touring keeps growing. And I think I just want to fucking get this special out there so people can see like, yeah, I'm I can fuck it because the show is really fucking stupid. It's like next level stupid.

Yeah, we haven't prepared for one episode once. Is that true? A hundred percent. So you just sit down, sit down, turn the mics on. We used to when we really don't feel like doing it, we set a timer on our phones. And when it goes to one hour, the alarm will go off and we'll just shut the the second it's over like that's like we've definitely done that before. So when you shut it off, do you keep like doing the podcast? Just not recording it?

You're just like still talking or talk for three minutes, you know, like a like a natural wind down and then it's like fellas. Yeah, pleasure, pleasure making thousands of dollars for this, you know what I mean? It's funny because I think I think an underrated fast of why come town was so popular when it started, at least in my opinion, was the logo of come town. The come on it is just come is very realistic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so it spells out the word come town in come.

That's right. And yeah, we wanted to make sure there was no no getting around what come meant. No, no, there's no new synonym. There's no nothing. This is jizm. I thought it was a double double on Tondra until I opened it up and looked down at my phone. It's like just a town of come. And I think like the the second or third episode I was listening to, I was on an airplane and you do that thing where you turn your phone

on to like the the silent screen or whatever, and then it opens up again. And the person next to me looked over at my phone and it was just it was just giant come on my screen, which is weirder than if you're watching gay porn. Right. Yeah, like two guys kissing. It's like, all right, that guy's gay. He's just looking at come splatter. I'm listening to come. It's a body version of come.

Yeah, just some guy beating off into a bucket over and over again, looped over again. But it's crazy, you guys. So you guys really don't prepare because I think that's, you know, there's we we have something similar where sometimes people think like we don't do anything or like when we're on the road, they'll be like, oh, you guys coming out to party. It's like, no, we actually got to work. There's a lot that goes into it.

But you guys just sit down and let it fly. Yeah, I mean, you guys also like sports is like I do actually do. I should plug the basketball podcast. I do on the biggest sports show. But I do a basketball podcast with Sam Merrill called pod. Don't lie. And that we don't with him this morning. Yeah, it's really two days ago. He's he's Julian Edelman.

He's doing the show. He had to take a leave of absence during the playoffs. I've been doing it myself. But we've been doing the show for years and it's Sam is fucking hilarious and just such a deranged Nick's fan that it's like our our like dynamic is great because I get to just troll him about that. Right. Like, you know, he's RJ. He's like, RJ is going to be.

He keeps saying like, RJ is Jimmy Butler. But he keeps saying that and he's not joking at all. And anyway, but that even a show that we don't prepare for a sports show, you got to at least watch the game. Right. You got to fucking look at a couple box scores. You know what I mean? This is truly nothing. Right. Literally, we'll just sit down and just start recording.

Well, I think it is a testament to like when you think about the popular podcast, I think the the the main thing behind them is like the relationship that everyone has on the show. Right. Like you guys being friends when we sit down, you know, our relationship and now we've grown it to like where we have like five or six guys in the room. All of our interactions is really what people are listening to. True. Yeah, for sure. For more than anything.

So how is that like because you guys are all friends, but how has that evolved over time? Like, I mean, I more of the question is specifically like, how can Adam take so much shit over this amount of time and never just flip out and be like, fuck you guys. I think yeah, I think you guys just started calling him a bug. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For like a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was so mean.

Yeah, yeah. Well, it's a matter of just getting like the thing is, whatever happens during the podcast, my personal philosophy is I'm eating an hour. I'm not stopping anything, whatever's going and Nick loves Nick loves to abuse at him. So I'm like, well, this is a good way to eat time. Bullying one of my dearest friends and, you know, making his life difficult as long as it gets my job done quicker. And then the podcast over complicit. Have you seen? Yeah, absolutely.

Have you guys ever seen those like really like those like crazy like bondage porno's where they're like in a fucking what was it called like kink doc? It was something and they had like a they had like a they would fuck these girls up, right, like really fuck the shit out of them and they're all bound and shit. And afterwards there'd be like the moment where they're like, you were so great. You're either having like what's called aftercare, after extreme sex, where they like kiss him on the cheeks and they give him a water and you're like,

you're a prince. That's what I do with Adam after every episode. I'm just like, I'm so sorry for what we just did to you. You did great. You're a great guy. I love you so much. Thank you. But it's like this is this is so much better than preparing for even one second. He's just just just just wrecking you. Has he ever flipped out? Has he ever gotten like really defensive to the point where where he like,

you can tell there's genuine anger there. I mean, yeah, I mean, we've done this show for so long that I think at all, at different points, all of us have hated the like there's been like a fuck that guy, fuck whatever. It's like, I mean, there yeah, there's definitely been, especially at he's the only one who's probably deserved to do that. But it's like, you know, it's all in the in the grand scheme of things. It's all, you know, it washes out. And it's like, I'm sure you got when you work with anyone, it's like you like

butt heads when you see them all the time. Even if it's even if the job isn't being shit on. So it's like when the job is being shit on, you're going to be like, all right. And there's there's something that gets lost, I think, with with a lot of audiences is like a little bit of tension here and there. Doesn't mean that like things are falling apart. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, things are falling apart for come to. We are definitely 100 per second to stop the show soon.

And it's you know, whatever. But but but absolutely in the past, it's been like. And I think that's all that also is was funny about the show is that like it should not with the one thing that I think the reason as a comedian, what I like about it is that it's almost like the producers of podcasting where it's like this should not work. Right. We hate the show. Like at times one has hated the other at, you know, we're very unprofessional. There's no any. We don't prepare.

We don't not everything. The name is horrible. And it just people keep fucking listening and at this point it's like, stop. What the fuck do we have to do to get you to stop listening to this shitty show? It's good. It will net we're trapped. And it's like, we'll keep doing it until it and we'll try to destroy it, but it will never be destroyed because it's fucking.

It's so fucking annoying, honestly. The listeners are like they're kind of perverted for like getting into this and for like knowing the different what they're forcing you guys to do. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they definitely get off on that. But also it's like it's a double edged sword because you have an audience that will, you know, see that you're putting on a special. They know they like the marketing has already been done

for them over the years of just getting to know you and putting you guys through hell. They're like, I know this guy. I don't need to see commercial on TV for his set. Right. Like I already identify them. So I'm going to go check them out. Totally. And like as annoying as the show can be, whatever, it's like the vast majority of the fans fucking rule. And it's like, as you guys know, it's like that make your life possible.

Right. You know what I mean? And it's like the ones that can be annoying are the ones where one thing they definitely understand is like the tension or even even 99.9 percent of the time, shitting on each other is a complete joke. Right. And we know it. None of us know nobody fucking gives a fuck. We have our own thing worked out. We, you know, and and what they're seeing is like one percent of our lives.

Right. This is not who we are. Right. And the people that don't understand that who are like like they're like the kids that thought Power Rangers were real. You know what I mean? It's like it's like you guys. I'm sure it's same because, you know, we obviously have cameras rolling all the time. So people will like take that one bit and be like, oh, my God, this is fucked up. It's like, dude, do you know how much time there that happens in between? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like you hear, you know, like even this podcast, you hear like six hours a week. Right. How much time there is? Totally. On the other side of the 100 percent where it's like, yeah, that part does when people are like, how could you do that? It's like, dude, it's I haven't even thought about that. Yeah. I said that three months ago. Never. I forgot I said it. So it sucked my dick.

I don't give a fuck. Right. But but yeah, to your point, it's like that's cool. And that's why I kind of wanted to put it on YouTube. It's like I could have probably made a little more money. And like I'm in 40 K on this thing. Like I put up my own money to shoot it, to promote it, to like edit it, all this stuff. But I just want people to see it. How many how many people have to watch to get that back?

Let's put it. Let's give it a nice amount. How many I don't know. I didn't do the number. That's how much I don't give a fuck about money. No, we need we need we need people to just keep you guys must have a fucking YouTube biologist out here. No, I don't know shit about that. Can we get Pete in here? Where's Pete's bitch ass at?

Let's get him in here. Yeah, you nailed Pete. You know exactly. Pete is a bitch. He can't come. He literally is an anti-cumbo. Oh, what? He cannot come.

Is he on anti-depressants? No, you've got to vasectomy. So we just told everyone that he really can't come anymore. He does puffs. And he's just like the Joker, the Joker gun. And he a flag comes out that says come on it. I literally just box him into every now and then he like whimpers like I can still come. So and just getting that on audio is the best when like a man has to say like I could still call.

He wants his boys to know he can still bust. I'm a boy. I could do this. Yeah, prove it, Pete. Come jack off right now, motherfucker. And tell us the YouTube numbers. I need to get my money back while you're at it. And we'll get the YouTube up.

So I was a big fan of the Pipecast. Oh, thank you, bro. Pipecast. Can you explain to our listeners who might not have listened to what the premise of the Pipecast was? Yes. So it was the NBA NBA White Chocolate Pipecast. It was a Jason Williams tribute, you know, white chocolate. We loved it. And it was just me and Adam from come town.

We were just talking hoops. It's actually a lot like the show me and Sam do now where it's like, but with me and Adam, it was just like, I mean, how much podcasting are we going to do together constantly? But it was just, you know, truly a stupid show about basketball where we're we take that ethos of we're not going to prepare. We'll watch games because I'm a fan. I mean, I love hoops. That's my number one sport. And, you know, the air has been taken out of my sales a little bit because the big Yanis guy.

And so Yanis getting taken out really brutal. No one to really fucking root for left, except Luca, who's about to lose. It feels like. Yeah. So it's really it sucks because I love the NBA playoffs and I have nothing to root for anymore. But it was just that dude. It was just bullshit. And, you know, usually talking about what their fucking game was like. We'd love to talk about their fucking for sure.

And that's still that's still a big thing I like to do is like, which coach fucks better and that you'll probably they will probably win the series. And that's what that's what really breaks my heart because you look at the Celtics. Eme Udoka lays pipe better than any of these motherfuckers. Spolster feels like he can. Spolster. I think he goes down for like hours at a time. Yeah. But he's not the whole package. God, I think he need pussy and give you a pounding. And Steve Kerr, forget it, bad back.

Yeah. He's going to lay there. Yeah, pillow princess. So what's going down? He's got the mask on like a K in 95. So this whole theory, you mask up. This whole theory, though, you would think that the jazz would have had better playoff success. That's true. That's when Snyder like definitely does some weird thing about Quinn. Too much cocaine.

Dick doesn't work. That's my cat nailed it. If you hit him back in the Mizzou days when he was fucking his players, girlfriends now that's that's when he needed to be in the fucking NBA. But he's out. The vitality is gone. His dick barely works. And that's and actually I think I thought last year that this didn't work because I was obviously rooting for Yannis and Buttonholzer,

who on face value does not look like he can fuck. Correct. But power bottom. He takes the fucking biggest pound that you've ever seen in your life. We don't have to be heteronormative about this. He's a sub, you know what I mean? And any dumb would get tuckered out. Yeah, he's such a sub that he will he will. It's kind of like Homer and that episode, we just keeps getting punched down.

Yeah, that's what I think about Mike Buttonholzer's asshole. Yeah, it's like it can take a real beating, whether it's getting pegged or getting fucked. And that's why they won last year. How sick was that, though? For I mean, you're unbelievable. I started crying rooting for Yannis. It's got to be like you feel like a superhuman.

It's unbelievable, dude. And because like I have been on every Greek player that's ever like appeared. Like I remember I remember being in high school and being like, remember that guy, Baby Shack, Sophocles, Sortsanides? Who was this? It was like his dad was like some Greek like boat guy who just fucked a lady. I don't remember wearing like Cameroon or something. And he was like, all right, come on back to Greece.

And he had like this little fat. He was like six, six, just built the Clippers drafted him. And I was like, and he never even made it out. He played Summer League once. He never fucking made it over. And Yannis, I've been following just from the jump. I remember where I was when he got drafted. I remember I had a fuck.

I went to Greece that summer. I still have a collectible. It's called Milko. It's like a little fucking like you who of like of rookie here, Yannis. And it was like, I was always like, this is the fucking guy. And this has exceeded everything I mean, I could. I was hoping, you know, All-Star, which I think was reasonable. Like I thought, you know, that time you fuck.

He fucked up Mike Dunleavy's bitch ass was awesome. When he pushed him into the that was the moment. I was like, hell, yeah, dude, he's the best player in the NBA. That's playing the NBA works hard as fuck. Truly, like he's younger than me, but an inspiration to me where I'm like, I I'm such a loser for being a fucking 30 plus year old man who looks at a 26 year old who's more of a man has a wife and child. Is it the pinnacle of his like truly this guy who like, you know, I'm sure

you how do you how do you 26 exactly? I don't respect this guy, but Yannis comes in here. I'm like, Mr. Is there anything I can do for like truly a hero of mine who's six years younger than me? And that was the fucking bet him winning. I started fucking crying. I was fucking balling.

I was like, I can't believe it. Got my friends who aren't that into like they're they're kind of into hoops. And, you know, whatever they came over, they were just like, couldn't. They were like, what the fuck is going on? I was like, guys, I took out. I had enough Yannis jerseys for everyone to wear one. I had six guys over. I was like, one's a surezy.

So one of you gets the surezy, but we don't have enough to go around. And it was the fucking best. I mean, truly the one time since the Ravens one, obviously, I'm a big Ravens fan. The one the one they won. I mean, I loved seeing Ed Reed get one, but the one I won when they were they won when I was in middle school just means more to you because you're a fucking little kid. Right. But since those, I mean, Yannis winning,

even though I don't give a fuck about Milwaukee, truly, like it's a cool city, whatever, brats are nice, but it was all about Yannis. That was the best sports thing that's ever happened to me, just because I maybe Greece winning the Euro, you know, for maybe, but. I just love Yannis so much. And it's fucking stories. Unbelievable. Yeah. If you don't like that guy, you're a fucking piece of dog shit.

Yeah. And it's truly and Boston's bitch ass getting lucky with middle, the middle, what I'm calling the Middleton asterisk, which I will not allow them to enjoy this championship. Should it happen? And it won't. Something's good. Let's go Spolster. Eat that pussy. Eat that pussy. Beat Udoka. It was awesome.

Like after he won and the very next day to celebrate, all he does, he goes to Chick-fil-A. I mean, I'm 50. It wasn't even 50 Nuggets, right? It was like the 50. No, I believe it was 50 Nuggets. It was a 50 Nuggets. I believe so. And then the half and half, which was a game changer for me. Yeah. What was it? The half lemonade, half sprite.

Oh, I see. It's fucking delicious. I'm not. I wasn't even versed on his drink. I should have been looking. But like that's a nice move, though. That's the coolest thing is like you just win an NBA championship. And what do you do? You go eat a shitload of fast food. Yeah, that's my dream.

Yeah, that's me coming back from a road weekend in San Diego. That's how I celebrate seven shows is getting fucking fried chicken. He's the man. We're going to get back to Stavi in a second before we do is brought to you by Sling TV. There's a lot happening in sports right now. And Sling has it all for the absolute best price to start with. Capital ones, the match is going to feature Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers teaming up to face Patrick Mahomes and Josh Allen.

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Rooting for Aaron Rodgers. Yeah, that's that's what I was getting at. OK, so I guess I guess Hank's going to do that. Hank's rooting for for the enemy. We're rooting for the good guys. That's fine. The events are going to be on ABC and simulcast on ESPN3. Sling will let you stream TNT live, whether you're at home watching or on the go, then starting June 2nd, you will be able to follow NBA finals

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All right. Now here's more stuff. Um, I also appreciate you being a Baltimore guy. I feel like Baltimore needs more visibility. We really do. We really fucking do. I'm from Northern Virginia. So anything, anything in like the remote DC, Maryland, Virginia area, I claim vicariously, but I've always had like an affinity for Baltimore because I used to go up there.

The Orioles were a team when I was like a little kid before we got the Nationals. And people, if it weren't for the wire, nobody would know shit about Baltimore. Ray Lewis in the wire, Ray Lewis in the wire. But like, nobody really knows anything about the Baltimore culture outside of what they saw in those five seasons on HBO. So when you talk about it, it's it's it's hilarious because like Baltimore is one of the weirdest places on earth. It's truly bizarre.

And I grew up in I grew up in Greek town, which is like a fully isolated, like little neighborhood that's like that's like all Greek people. And but like it's bordered by the most trash you've ever seen in your life. Like it's totally like, yeah, you have like Baltimore white trash, which is a beautiful blend of white. These are the people who wear the the. Oh, yeah, baby. The fucking ravines fucking go.

Those fucking guys, the guys that are like, yeah, Lamar is good, but something about Flacco that I missed. I can't quite put my finger on it. But there was something I trusted more about Flacco, like those fucking guys. Traditionally, there was something about him, just a pocket passer. This guy's a fucking running back that we're going to let him throw the fucking ball. Like those guys, very I love those guys. Those those pants are my favorite thing.

It's the purple camo is unbelievable. It's I don't think that they were the only team that got them. I think that was one of the like NFL initiatives of like the mid 2000s. Yes. Like, OK, our merch idea this year, because it was like right during the Iraq War, it was like big USA stuff. And they're like, OK, we're going to put out every team's colors in camo shorts. And every other fan base was like, you know, these suck. These stink.

And then Baltimore was like, fuck, yeah. Baltimore was like, oh, these look pretty good. Yeah, I'm about to wear these to my child support here in after this. Yeah, we won. Ray won this one. I'm about to keep these for good luck and that bitch ain't getting a dime on my money. I love those guys. A bunch of those guys were all like, oh, my God,

they were so funny. There was like counter protests in Baltimore going on when Ray Rice got suspended, which is like, is there a more completely open and shut? Fuck this guy thing we've ever seen in our lives. And these guys were like, this is I'm bullshit. You know, put Ray back on the fucking field. It was like, I had, you know, I had a cousin that worked over there at that elevator. Shit didn't go down the way you think it was going down.

You know, yeah, you all believe anything. The fucking media wants to tell you, you know, like it's so funny, these fucking idiots. But yeah, the Ravens. I mean, I love it. Yeah, so I don't even know where to go from the rate. I can keep doing Baltimore. Yeah, I mean, I was going to say, just keep. I was just I would love.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just keep hitting the cloud. Like just keep pulling the string. I don't have a question. I want to pull these guys. What's the best dive bar in Baltimore? Ooh, best dive bar. Interesting. I really like the crown, which is like this old abandoned Korean mall that's on like it's on the second floor of this Korean mall.

That place is sick. Club Charles. Those those are my two those are my two go to is real hipstery type shit. Like Natty Boe. Oh, yeah, you got to Natty Boe is it's a really interesting beer because it doesn't exist outside the city. But yeah, nobody knows. It's not good. It's not. It's not.

It tastes exactly like every light beer you've ever had in your life. But it's like shitty beer pride, but people in Baltimore absolutely love it. But it's never made its way outside of the city. Yeah, yeah, that's true. I guess I don't really see it here either. I mean, I don't think they have trucks. I don't think that they ship it anywhere. No, no, no, no.

It's a guy on a bike that just takes around all the bars and drink up guys. Yeah, 100 percent. Yeah, dude, I fucking I mean, I was the truth is I was such a fucking like I was just doing comedy constantly. So it's like I was hanging out wherever there was fucking wherever there was just comedy shows. And that's why I love those two places. But I mean, there's some there's some hilarious.

I mean, I do love fucking Baltimore so much because because of those guys. And then it's just like, I don't know. It's just such a hilarious characters are the best. And I was honestly, I was all football, you know, sorry. I know what fucking podcast I'm on. It was a little bit of the like it was like, damn, these owners really don't treat the fucking players right. The Colin Kaepernick chick, you know, he's he's fucking blackballed

and a guy who hits his wife is, you know, suspended two games. A guy who gambles or suspended the fucking whole year. I was on that type of shit. And then we drafted Lamar. And I was like, whoa, I was watching that draft being like, this is over. I'm done with football. Just don't draft Lamar.

Because there was like that little bit of like he's going to fall. He might one in a million change is going to fall. And then he we got him. He's better than you ever could have fucking expected. The Ravens are just they are the model of consistency. I know, like I know that the Patriots obviously have had more super roles. But like when you look at the Ravens, it's crazy how year in, year out, you're just like, even this year's draft, where it's like, oh, they got

it, they got a center and a safety. Yeah. Hall fame. And those guys are going to be fucking awesome. Yeah, right. It's just every year they just know what to do. And even after Ozzy left, like that's the other thing. It's like that was the point where I was like, oh, we're fucked. Because that's that's that's how these things go. There's one guy who really is the architect.

They figured out how to for that institutional knowledge is there, which is annoying for me, because I can't be on my SJW shit. I have to keep watching football. Right. I have to keep watching football until Lamar is gone. Yeah. The second they draft like some shitty quarterback has replaced me. They go like four and 13. You're like, you know what?

I really, I really disagree with my morals again. I disagree with how they're falling under the couch. The flyovers is a waste of taxpayer money. Yeah, they are. Yeah. Even even this like it is. And I love Lamar, too, because he's out of his fucking mind. Like that's what you want out of an athlete. It's just like you want to only be good at one thing.

Every time Lamar talks, it's like, what the fuck are you even like? He kept getting he got covered like eight times. He keeps having to shit himself and he's still in credit. Like that's that's why the buddy pregnant. Yeah, I was like, once a week, because it's so fucking funny. He's the best. He's so fucking good. I'm a little bit worried about Lamar on the Ravens.

Oh, I feel like going into your fifth year. Yeah, it's like they they haven't given him an extension. They haven't really made any progress. Oh, that's the thing. He's his own agent. Yeah, but I don't know, man. I get the feeling like they're weird about how much time he's losing with like diarrhea and he would just be announced like last second. Oh, Lamar didn't practice again today because he was.

Yeah, cholera. Yeah, he's got he's got equal life. Basically, every day, he's just shitting himself and the team was like real weird about it like they didn't know about it. So I'm truly worried about him like working on his own thing and like them not paying him. It's like, pay the fucking guy. He's that fucking good. I don't want to hear any bullshit about how he's like I know.

I mean, that fucking Titans loss was whatever. But it's like, that's the problem with football is that it's one game. You know, the NBA people can fucking shit the bed all the time. It happens within a series. No one really pays attention because it's seven games. But that can that shit just happens sometimes. And they that was a better game plan. And I think if Lamar doesn't get hurt this year, I think they they have

as good a chance of the fucking piece of shit bangles. They can suck my fucking dick and the whole division. Oh, you fuck, Joe Burrow, you know, how about you burrow underneath my fucking nuts and take a suckle, you little pretty boy motherfucker? Sorry, he took over my body. Oh, I feel like I'm getting a seance. We are Joe Burrow podcast. I know, but I'm listening.

I know you guys are. But what the fuck? I was going to come in here. We're in purple and not take a shot at him. I had and also fucked the Steelers while I'm at it. Yeah, you fucked Ben Roffelsberger, you know, go to hell. Look, I do love the Steelers fans having to to like come to grips with the Sean Watson being on the Browns being like, this is not fair.

It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Ben Roffelsberger. Look, I respected what he did in that bathroom, but he was on the field. He was a dirty player. That's the problem. He has with them. Boys will be fucking boys. Got let off a little steam, but on the fucking court, on the field,

you got to stop being a fucking dirty player. OK, I would do a I would do a Steelers preseason game one year. That's the year they had like Michael Vick as their backup quarterback. And there was a massive protest outside the stadium. I love that. And there was this there was this lady that was holding up a sign that said like, hey, Michael Vick, this is what a real quarterback looks like. It was a picture of Ben Roffelsberger.

I swear to God, swear to God. And it was like, I thought, I thought it's so good. I thought I was looking at like an onion on like an actual person who was the onion. Incredible. I was like, this is are you doing a bit right now? He's so fucking good. Like, are you here for the same reason I'm doing? Are you doing a bit too? Yeah. And she was like, no, it's just disgusting.

I don't think that like the league should not have any room in it for any player that would hurt a dog. Fucking idiots, dude. And fuck the Browns too, obviously. Sorry, I didn't say that. And that is the annoying thing about Burrow is that it's the first like Steelers wholeheartedly hated with my whole heart, right? Not even an issue.

Rapist quarterback like I'm that sucks that it happened, but I'm glad I got to root against him, right? And he should be in jail. Now you're just going to give us another rapist court. It almost feels like too easy to like hate the Browns, of course, they just keep employing our rivals, keep employing rapists. So fuck, yeah, fuck them. And then that's the hard thing about the Bengals, like, Burrow is cool. I have to admit that he's fucking sick.

Like he's a good dude. He's good. He's fucking he took that. Like that's a that is a legendary run. Like, yeah, like football is hard to get there. Like it's really hard. And it's like everything did kind of line up for them. But still, you know, that it was because of him. That fucking line sucked, Dick.

So it's tough to have a guy that it's like, no, I'm not rooting for anybody to come out with anything about Joe. Let me put that clear. And you can cut that. You can cut me soliciting bad stories about Joe Burrow. It doesn't have to be sexual assault. It could be something else. It could be inside a kid's autograph.

Exactly. He spit on a child. It doesn't have to be. We don't have to go full Rothesburger with it. But give me something to hate the fucking guy with. Let his hair start falling out. Let that with the honesty. Then I would be like, all right, he's he's on the team. Burrow was balding and just had to fucking had to do a comb over.

He got like real bad acting like cystic acne. Yeah, give me some. The fucking guys got it too easy. He does have to live in Cincinnati. Fuck that place. So does the theory about coaches being like good at fucking? Does that hold over to the NFL as well? That's very interesting.

I haven't given it as much thought, but we can do it on the fly here. Because I don't I don't think that they're if you look across the league, they're like maybe a handful of guys that would be competent. McVay, McVay winning a Super Bowl this year would maybe help you out. Because he definitely you know what I say? He seems like a little like too much show, not enough go when it comes to fucking. Well, he's he's he's got like he likes to take a shirt off and do a dance. Like, you know, like Patrick Bateman.

Watch yourself in the mirror. He can only come if you can look at his face. Yeah, if you can look at a play sheet. He's just reciting old plays from 10 years ago while he's trying to come. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like he'd be like a jackrabbit to just like real fast. That's true. Like he only cares about himself. Yeah, true, true, true.

The Harbaugh's I mean, we were good friends with Jim Harbaugh. Yeah, we're pretty sure he just has sex just to procreate. That's the problem with football and football guys in general. Yeah, they love football so much, they don't get pussy, right? Which is crazy because it's like as a football star, that's kind of the the gateway in. They get you get all your pussy in high school. It's a football guy. You fuck all in college in high school and then you're done.

You're like a cinema on cinema. Yeah, but they are like football coaches. They they basically only have sex to just create more football. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's all they're doing. Two Scroodans out there somewhere. They're not doing it for pleasure. They're like, we just need to keep filling these football. I need someone to run some cover two drills.

That's why I'm busted inside you tonight. Don't get any ideas. It ain't happening tomorrow. Just asking his wife when she's ovulating. Yeah, we're saying that that John Harbaugh just gets a boner like once a month is like it's time. A big win last night. I don't have winning babies.

I don't fuck after losses. You don't want that juju on your nut. I'm a fellow check gets it done. Yeah, he knows all the tricks. I exactly. He's a guy who studied like the comma suit. He knows he's watched those videos where they teach you how to make a woman squirt over and over. Bill's just like, assume the position.

His fucking wife gets on all fours. He's got like a special fuck pillow. With this, he's got he doesn't he can come on like he can wait forever. Yeah, come like he has a control. Yeah, he's like, nope, I'm not done. He does. He does like cock kegels. He knows how to put that little vein in your cock. He knows how to open and close it on command for sure.

Without question. That could work. Yeah. Um, what I like, I feel like comedy has like right now, everyone wants to be a comedian. Does that feel does that feel right? I don't know, dude. It's interesting. That's I don't maybe I do think there is like a I do think there's maybe a little bit of

like a comeback because I think for the last like 10 years, no one really gave a fuck about comedy. It's weird that like everyone like cares this much about what comedians have to say. Right. Like to me, again, I take the view like we're clowns. We're the lowest form of show business. I'm doing this because at 19, I didn't want a job. Right.

Like that's the only reason and that's honestly most comedians is like the good ones just like kind of fell into it. We're fucking idiots. We learned how to tell jokes, but like I've gotten dumber every year since 20 without question. Yeah, I was pretty smart in college and I just forgot everything so I could learn about like calling. So saying someone's asking someone in the front row the last time they ate pussy.

I know like the way the way like Ed Reed would watch film and be prepared for every possible answer. That's my brain on when it comes like sexual crowd work. And so I don't fucking know what's going on in the world. Right. I have a basic idea of like we should treat people better and the fuck we're a fucking with the richest country in the history of the world. Nobody should fucking be homeless and shit like that.

I have basic ideas, but I don't fucking I don't go out there and like, you know, try and make points or everything. So I do find it very funny that everyone gives a fuck like Ricky Gervais, right? I haven't seen the last thing he's doing the trans shit. I'm sure it's dog shit. Like I'm sure it's just hack and it's just like hateful and it's the kind of thing you have to do to get a rise out of people. It's punching down.

And that's the problem. Like I think people at the end of the day, like comedians, if you people can tell when you punch down, they can tell. They can be like, hey, that's me and you're punching down. Gervais has always been a guy that's like, I'm going to go out and I'm going to shock the world. Right. Exactly. He does look at himself as like we were talking earlier.

We're the last truth tellers out there. Exactly. And we're not. I'm going to say some things that will make you uncomfortable. He's saying out like full page ads. Yeah. Being like fuck trans people. Does that offend you?

Exactly. And that's shit you do when you're 20, right? And Norm MacDonald had a great line where people he said this, where he was like, RIP, one of the best ever. We were people like people say comedians are the modern day philosophers. She's like, you know, I think our modern day philosophers, philosophers. Like we're still making them. They're still going to school.

They're reading about philosophy. They're not getting drunk and trying to get pussy from a waitress. They're whole like, you know, 20s. So it's like, A, I think like, like I do think comedy is cooler again. But I also there is a little bit with that where it's like I'm back to come down a little bit where it's like, I, you know, I joke about it being whatever. But it's like, I don't want to be fucking read your race like 60. And he's trying to shock people.

Right. That's pathetic. Right. You know what I mean? Like I want to fuck it. Like that's a young man's game saying the dumbest shit in the world. And that's a little bit about come as much. I love it.

It's like, you know, I'm fucking 30 when we started this house in my mid 20s. I was living in a windowless room. I'm 33. You know what I mean? Like you're rich. I'm rich. I have money. I've like, I have a window now.

You know what I mean? Like I have multiple windows. One in my living room, one in my fucking bedroom. You got a door in your apartment now. Yeah, dude, it closes and everything. When you get that first door, that's a big step up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That first non cardboard door.

I was just like opening it and closing it. I was like, this is incredible. Have you guys. So I just want to. So that's so that's the like and comedy should just be like fun and a good ass time. Like hanging out. That's what I think my biggest skill is like, I'm just a good time. I'm a good hang fucking listen to a podcast.

Talk to me on stage. Watch my special. It's going to be fun. You're going to have a good ass time. And that's what I'm trying to do. I'm not trying to make you fucking think. Yeah, I'm trying to make you laugh, bro. You're and maybe suck my dick after the show.

You're a hot girl. Those are my two aims. No, you're absolutely right. I put that one first. Yeah, that really is the reason I do. Yeah, if I could, would you enjoy doing stand up comedy if it was just hot chicks and they didn't laugh at all at any of your jokes? But you were on stage and then you were definitely going to get your

penis sucked afterwards. That's still got paid. You get paid, but nobody. No one laughs. Now, this is tough because remember what I said? I'm not a philosopher, but I'm going to give it a shot. This is this is a philosophical quandary. And I guess it would depend how good the top was.

Is there a way I could know? But that would get old, right? Like I would assume after like a week, the laughs. You're right. There is a party that wants, but like you just want attention. You're a little attention hog. You know what I mean? Like that's definitely who I was when I was a little kid.

And it's who I am now. And they're both kind of the same thing where it's like you just want attention either from the masses or from like one hot girl. Whichever way. Yeah, give me either or I like I like I like a sampler. Yeah, I mean, I want a little sampler pack. I don't want one or the other. What's I mean?

I love your you are spot on that. Like being a good hang is like it's you know, it's not rocket science. It's like people want to hang out with you like your good time. I like hanging out. Right. I don't. That's my job. That's I went. I like to think of it as like I went pro at hanging out. That's what a fucking.

I like that's what I feel the same way. That's what comedy is. Yeah, you guys definitely are like that. And there's different like directions to take it. You know, I was actually going to hit you up about the Bulls buck series to see if you'd want to do a live stream. But the Bulls were such a joke by the end of the season. Yeah, I was like, I'm not going to do this.

But what you should I would I would love you should come hang for NFL Sunday. That would be very, very absolutely a big Ravens game. I would love to get for that. Oh, maybe a Raven Steelers. You versus Jersey Jerry. We got a character here. Jersey Jerry.

That is he wears Pittsburgh. He wears Steelers gear like almost every day, like literally. He'll come in on a Tuesday. He's got the Steelers shoes, shorts, like loves them so much. He DMs their best players on their birthdays every year. To DM his wife when they got when they signed like, you know, you remember that we had him, we have him on every now and then. And he he like totally unironically did the exact same thing as Mac

and always Sonny with Chase Utley. He did that with TJ Watts. Also where he was like and when we when Mitch got signed, like one of our colleagues Caleb is like best friends with Mitch. And he like he basically was like, I don't really want to interview Mitch. I just want to maybe have a catch with him. See how it's fire looks dead serious, dead serious. Like I'm not even reporting.

You're not even joking. That's awesome. But yeah, no, you're right, though. Hang like you are very, very good at that. What what's the closest? Have you guys ever come close to like being quote unquote canceled or have like the fire come your way and what was your reaction? There's that's the thing.

It's like there's nothing to take from me. Right. I'm putting my special out on fucking YouTube. Right. Like believe me, I wish I was cancelable. I'm a guy with a fucking podcast. It happens to make a lot of money, but it's not like I'm not, you know, like what happened to Shane is fucked up. I think that was completely what, you know, that's a very simple as an oversimplification of who he was.

He's a hysterical comic. One of the best people, honestly, one of the nicest guys in comedy, one of the nicest guys I know, period. So to take this shit, he said when he was like struggling and like just kind of podcasting, trying to figure something out and take it out of context and make him lose the biggest opportunity in comedy, whatever you want to say about SNL, it's the biggest show. Like, you know, you launch your career off that show.

Right. Shane would have been a fucking he still is going. Oh, his his he's fucking hilarious. Oh, so funny. Hey, but he wouldn't like they took something very tangible away from him. I don't got NBC trying to give me a fuck. You know what I mean? They're not trying to put me on SNL. No one's trying to put me on TV.

I think it worked out for Shane, though. Yeah, I think that well, he was going to be fine because he's so funny. But, you know, he also there's like boxes that you have to play in there where it's like, you can't do this, you can't do that. And you also have to like, you know, it's not going to be your sketches that get made every single week there. Right. Right. So I feel like what he's got set up is actually it's kind of like when when Big Cat and I got fired at ESPN two after half a show.

I was yeah, I remember that because I I did been an out. I'm you know, I was in you were in the heavy rotation. Now, I just don't listen to podcasts as much. But I remember that entire saga. You guys really got your ass as fucked on that one. But it's it's similar to shame where it's like the yeah, I enjoyed it. Yeah, we're booting holes are you are a couple of power bonds. I'll give you that.

No, I've always said it's it's like the lesson learned from that is like, it's like the mob trying to go for real. Right. Don't get out of your way. That's a great point. And like you like that's what I love about you guys. You guys have your audience and you have your audience. And like you now can live in a world where it's like your audience is enough and you don't have to step out and play by these rules that everyone wants to put on everyone else. Like yeah.

And it's like, look, I just I just want to fucking put my like I want my comedy out there. And then like I want to do other shit too. Like I'm interested in acting. I'm interested in like, you know, making my own stuff. But it's like, you know, I'll just make my own shit, right? I mean, and it's like at a certain point, it's also like I do. I have to think people have to realize like words aren't the fucking problem.

Right. You know what I mean? Like a joke, a truly a joke is not the issue. Again, comedians are not who you need to be fucking. I don't want to get too political, but it's like, you know, there's some real there's some real actual shit going on, you know, like in our country that we could actually put some of that. But I think that's also people are so powerless now that it's like we feel like we can't do shit. So it's like, well, why don't we take this guy's fucking?

Why don't we make sure this comedians family can't get health care? Because we said something we didn't like. That'll make us feel better because we don't have the balls to assassinate a politician. The culture wars are like so much easier to go after. It's like they're more readily accessible. It's like I can go online and yell at a celebrity. And those people just keep coming online being like, why is my life hollow? Right. Right.

All day trying to ruin other people's lives. And I can't find happiness. How's this not working for me? I know. And the nice thing is, is like, I true. Like it was a little bit like when you first get any kind of like online fame. It's like it is a bit of a shock and it's like can be a little desensitized. You can fuck you up. But like, honestly, I feel like I kind of got my vaccine where it's like that

happened early on in come town. I don't look at shit anymore. Like I my YouTube channel is another thing that I want to plug. Like please go watch it. I stand up every day. I put a clip every day and then I also put two longer clips there a week. And that's where the special will come out. It's just my name, Stavros Halkus.

I'm really like, you know, I really want to fucking put a lot of energy into that because I just love stand up. I want people to see more of it. But I don't read a fucking comment. I don't read my Instagram account. I read a tick.com. Like that's over for me. I don't go on red. I don't even know how to use Reddit. We perfect. Yeah.

We I had the same path where it's like early on, I would read everything. And then you get to a point you're like, what am I? Why am I doing this? Because now it's affecting my own creative. Like energy where it's like, I feel like low at the end of the day because I'm reading, you know, 10 positive comments, but one negative one. And then you just cut it all out and it's so freeing because it's like none of it really matters.

They're yelling to avoid. And I love the people who care enough. Like they obviously are fans. Exactly. But every fandom, every online like interaction goes the same. It's like starts as a fan and then just is like, these guys suck now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the evolution of everything. It's like Dennis or Randy Quaid in Major League, where he becomes such a big fan and he goes to every fucking game.

But he's gonna have to be like, wild thing, you stink. Yeah, I stink. And he's got like a big X on. Yeah, every. And it's like, I don't even blame him because it's like, yeah, if you listen to something forever and you and you have that and you like try to talk about it every day, you're going to eventually just be like, yeah, these guys suck because it's not fun to say these guys are awesome all the time.

But that's the thing is like, why do you have to talk like, why do you have to talk about it? I'm a fan of shit. Yeah, I'm a fan of shit. I don't fucking talk. Yeah, I just enjoy the thing. Yeah, I mean, like I do listen to the podcast, you know, or like other podcasts that I like to listen to. It's like, I don't fucking think about their personal lives.

You know what I mean? I just enjoy. I enjoy the fucking thing they're putting out. And the other thing is I there's ways to like interact. Like that's why I do love going on the road, even though it's like grueling. And it's like, you know, you're just you missed like I've been on the road nine months, I'm getting fat as fuck as a result. I'm just my whole life is nothing but, you know, comedy, fucking chicken tenders

just like trying to get my dick suck. And that that can take it's not a bad life. But listen, if there was a pill I could take where I didn't gain 60 pounds every time I went on a fucking six month tour, that would be heaven. Yeah, but it's like, I feel my body, you know, I'm fucking I'm I'm hitting the big and tall store. You know what I mean? I'm dipping my little nuts back into the big and tall store.

It's always tough when you have to go back. You're like, I thought I was done with this. Oh, dude, I've talked about I had to size up this last year. And the worst part for me was like all these people send me free shit, which is great. I'm not complaining about that. So having to hit them up and be like, hey, double XL now. Yeah, yeah, like, hey, do you guys make three? Yeah, like you sent me a bunch of free shit.

I appreciate it, but it doesn't fit. Oh, dude, I'm so fucking loopy. But but like, that's also why I like being on the road is because like you interact with people in a in an act, correct, which like I'm on stage. And I stay, I meet people afterwards because like it does. Like that's how I want to interact with you like a real human being. And it's like, you know, obviously it's not forever, but I'll try and chat a little bit with people.

And it's like that's like that also is the problem with internet, too. I mean, we all we've gone through it a hundred times. Yeah, but that's why I like the live shows more because it's like, I'll shake your hand. I'll thank you. And I'm being sincere, too. I love that people come out to see me. That's my favorite part of all of this is performing live. Right. And that's, you know, that's just a better way to interact with somebody.

It blows my mind every time we go out and like we'll do like a meet up and it would just be like, Holy fuck, like there's this, you know, we went to Buffalo last summer and we were like, Hey, we're going to be at this bar for two hours. I don't think we took pictures for two hours straight. And then you walk away and it's almost refreshing. It's like, Oh my God, there's an entire world out here that they don't give a fuck about whatever war barstools in at this moment or like whatever controversy is going on.

They just want to laugh. Yeah, it's the best feeling ever. And they like you guys personally. Right. You know what I mean? Like 99.9 percent of the time, they're awesome people. Like just very normal, regular people that I love hanging out with. Totally. It's actually, it is refreshing to see that experience like face to face, as opposed to just like somebody replying to a tweet

being like, yo, the audio is off from this fucking episode. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, it's nice to know that like people care about you. You care about them. Yeah. I think it's a more healthy way to like experience comedy, too, is face to face. That's that's the whole fucking thing. Press play, listen to it on a machine and then stop.

Dude, a hundred percent. And that's what's weird is like, I don't like, I didn't have the air until I was like fucking 14. Yeah. No, we're the last. Well, how old are you? I'm 33. Right. So we're both 37. Oh, he's more like 27. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah.

But no, I think we're the last this like 30s, mid 30s to late 30s. Depending on how poor you were. But it's the last I don't have a cell phone until I was 18. Yeah. Yeah. Like, so it's like the last like Facebook was invented when I was like a junior in college, like it's the last. Now, I remember my cousin in college showing me Facebook and me being like, you dumb bitch, you're putting your name on the Internet.

You know, now it's like now it's like I have thousands of hours talking about how little and fucked up my dick is just on the Internet. That's it. It's like, I like my, you know, my family. So I'm having like nieces and nephews and shit like they're going to be like, that's like, oh, fuck, that's all out there. You know, I was joking about your uncle was joking about his dick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, man, it's it is fucking wild.

Well, this has been awesome. Everyone check out the special. We'd love to have you back on. Dude, anytime maybe talk some NBA basketball. I'd love to talk hoops. I actually do know about hoops. I fucking I love it so much. And when Yannis is back in the mix and then, yeah, fucking bring me out for

for a big Ravens game. Yes. I'd love to do that. That would be must watch you versus Jersey Jerry. All right. So we got one last question. We got the row back. We got gear for you if you want it. Oh, I love it. RHO, BACK use code take for 20 percent off your first purchase.

Q zips, hoodies, everything out there. Actually, should we get Billy in here to ask a question? Yeah, because Billy in stuff. Let's get Billy in here. I'd love to interact with Billy. Yeah, Billy. I don't know what. And don't tell him. Just get him in here. Because when he doesn't know, he has to ask a question.

It's the we had Ryan Whitney on who's, you know, a co-worker. And we I just was like, Billy, ask him a question at the end. And he just goes, so how was your Saturday? And it was Wednesday. That's fucking awesome. His brain just like stopped working. What was the last one? Yes, he was like, what is what does your shirt say?

Yeah, it was just a brand. It was like rustle athletic. So it's rustle. What a fucking broadcaster he is. He's got he's got it. He's got the in factor. He's got it. All right, let's see.

Billy. Oh, he's tired. Looking awesome. He's looking very tired. See, this is the guy that I said was unironically dressed as tough, man. You look you look sick, dude. That's a totally. Billy, you have a last question for stop.

Yes. What's up, dude? How you're extremely successful podcast. Oh, wow. I just want to wind up. He's trying to find his words to end this play. Usually he'll say quick question. And then they'll find another like five

seconds to stop and think, well, I just would like to know, like, if you had to give any advice to young, inspired, aspiring podcasters, this is a really good question, Billy. This is something I've never been asked. Youngest. Wait, was there a question? Yeah, well, if I had to, what would I say? Well, I guess I would I would ridicule the person who asked

me that question. That would be step one in this hypothetical if I had to do it. And then I would say, don't do it. Get a job. Go to community college. It's not going to work out. I think those would be my main takeaways. But you understand Billy's asking in this specific

situation, how does he get me or PFT debt? Right, right, right, that's all he's asking. How does he kill? He's not asking young, aspiring podcast. I see. How can I kill? This is a big cat without anyone knowing. This is Barstool's succession right now.

He's Kendall. We're trying to get you guys. We joked about it the other day in the car. We were just like, I don't know where we were doing or where we're going. But we're like, what would Billy's reaction be if one of us died? And they're like, we all were like, let's get Billy in the chair.

And they're like, oh, that's interesting. And then everyone round on me, I just got to raise. It's like when your dog starts to eat you when you die. That would be Billy. Well, yeah, he'd go to the door for a little bit, like sniff around, see if anybody's coming, and check for breath, and then be like, I got to eat too. So he really is dead, huh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I guess someone's got to sit here. Billy, let me ask you a question. Something I've been wondering is, do you eat pussy? Oh. Because you've got a big neck. You've got a thick neck. It seems like it could handle some pussy eating.

But something about you, maybe the camo crocs is what it is. Tell me you don't eat pussy. So let's, can I ask you that? And what would you say? It's not Keto. It's not Keto. It's very Keto. What are you talking about?

Pussy juice is Keto, bro. Too many calories. So that's a no, huh? Tough. Well, you know what, then you're not getting the podcasting. The only people who get podcasting advice are the guys who eat pussy. You've got to have it.

Yeah, it's true. I'm withholding. Come back, let these guys know you ate pussy, and then I'll give you the advice. That's good. That's fast. Can we check in? Can you let me know what he's eating pussy?

It's also like that's how you get podcasting points. You've got to have a little pussy in your throat. I've got Michael Douglas' pussy throat cancer on purpose. If you listened to me six years ago, I had a higher pitched voice. I had to bring it down to the radio. And that's what, yeah, you're a little nasally, Billy. How many pussy just for the sound alone?

He's got GVN and septum. Billy might actually choke on pussy. He's so uncomfortable right now. He's so uncomfortable. I've just been in the woods and solitary. Actually, I shouldn't say that. You want in solitary confinement. I really can't say since without incriminating.

All right, well, good question, Billy. Thank you, Billy. Great question. Would you like row back? I've already been off for row back, and yes, I'll take it. Thank you, Billy. All right, stop. Thanks again.

Thanks, guys. We've got to have you back on. Anytime. Broke the seal. I can already tell this is going to be a fan favorite interview. I love it. I love it.

Yeah. Everyone, please watch the special. Just turn it on and just keep playing. Turn it on. Keep fucking playing it. Put it with just a little bit of volume. Let it fucking play over and over again. June 5th, Sunday, 8 o'clock Eastern, 5 o'clock Pacific.

I'm going to do like an actual premiere where I'll be in the live chat fucking around with people in the thing. It's apparently good for the numbers if people watch it the first in the premiere, or at least the first couple days after. We'll hop into. Please hop in. I would love that.

Part of my take account will be in the early. I hope you've eaten pussy by June 5th. OK. Would you like to hop in on TikTok with these guys? No, we're not doing 30 minutes. OK, what about what about 15? No, we'll do it. So much so behind on TikTok.

OK, well, that's you. Really fucking rocks, dude. He's just shitty at his job begging on, begging on the air for his bosses to help him. You just summed it all up so perfectly. You've been in this office for one hour. You are a truth teller. Maybe you are the truth tellers of America.

Oh, my god. All right, thanks, Tom. Thank you, boys. Thanks for having me. Stav was brought to you by our great friends over at Movement. Movement Watches is an American watchmaker that sells watches, as well as sunglasses

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and you can save up to 40% off for Father's Day for that big gift for dad. Join the movement by going to mvmt.com slash pardon. Get up to 40% off at mvmt.com slash pardon. Okay, let's wrap up. Let's talk some hockey. We have McDavid versus McKinnon starting tonight, which I'm so excited for that series.

Oilers versus Avalanche is gonna be fireworks. Last we talked, the Oilers finished off the Flames in one of the best five-game series I've ever watched. Yeah, they're crazy games. I think they broke a record in that last game with four goals in a minute and a half, back and forth, but now we get the Oilers and Avs in the West, and we get the Rangers and the Lightning in the East,

and we have our darling Nines here, who is rock bottom. Please let us know, because we actually started taping with a period to go. What happened? Give us a breakdown of what happened in that Rangers, Keynes, game seven. The Keynes got skull fucked. Hard.

By who? The Rangers. Have you seen the absolute scenes going on Central Park right now? No, I have not. Matters of just a bunch of homeless people. Okay, we'll get you there. Yeah, we'll get you there.

It's gonna be great. We actually decided before this that Memes is gonna go to Central Park for a watch party and make a video that won't be released. It will just be for us to watch. I think you should have to wear full Rangers gear too. Ooh. Like really blend in.

That would be nice. Now Memes, maybe a big picture question for you. This was supposed to be the Islanders, now you're an Islanders fan, right? Yes. The Islanders championship window. They went to the Eastern Conference Finals last year. And the year before.

And the year before. Now the Rangers, a very young team that their championship window, some may say hasn't even opened yet, have already equaled the best Islander seasons in what, like 30 years? Yeah, about that. But the nice thing is like,

you've got an awesome coach. Barry Trots, he has proven playoffs. That's what I just mean. Like you've got to ride with him, right? Yeah. Like this is a guy that, he got the capitals to win a Stanley Cup. This guy's money in the playoffs.

So like, he's not going to let quality decrease. As long as he's there, I think the window is still definitely open. This is so mean. What? No. Oh, is he not there anymore? Yeah, they fired him. Oh, well, all right.

They fired him. Fine. All right, so that might have happened. But you guys still have the best home ice in the entire NHL at the barn. The barn's so nice. At the Nassau Coliseum. The barn's not there.

Oh, what? Oh, no. What happened to the barn? It's gone. It's gone. Brutal. The place that you play now is all the soul of the old place, right?

The old arena. It's loud. It's old. It's new. It's new. Okay, so it's not old. All right, so what do you think the Rangers are going to get?

Cause you also, we watched the game together and you went through the entire range of emotions where in the first period, memes became a shoot the puck guy. He was just like, the Canes just don't shoot the puck. They need to shoot the puck. And then you transitioned into,

I heard you just mumbling, this is a disaster. And then you kept on saying, the Lightning are going to kill him. Yeah, so that's accurate. So the Lightning are going to kill them? Yeah, four or nothing sweet. Really? No, that's probably not going to happen.

Okay. It's a rest versus rust situation. What will happen if the Rangers do win this series to you mentally? Just bad, bad, bad, dark, dark, bad things. All right, any last words? No, everyone at this company is just a Rangers fan all of a sudden.

So that's, that's fantastic. Yeah. And they're scumbags. Oh yeah, the worst. Terrible people. Don't you guys root for the same football team though? Well, some. Some.

Some don't. Yeah. New York is confusing like that. Yeah. They should just have one team for everything. Yeah, agreed. They should contract New York City. You realize all your teams would be the ones contracted.

You're Mets Islanders Jetson. Yeah. Don't do not vote for that memes. Keep, keep your team. Steve Cohen though. Steve Cohen. Yes, that's true. I think the Mets are incredible right now.

I have a fun stat talking about the, the, you know, New York team should have just one team. Oh, this is coming from Dave Portnoy's Twitter retweets. No, this is just Boston Sports Info. It's the guy. Boston. Making their 19th finals appearance in this century, the most by any region in that span,

perspective, New York, who has two teams per sport, Yankees, Mets, Jets, Knicks, Rangers, Islanders have just 10 appearances. Yikes. So that's twice as many appearances, half as many teams. That's just New York City. But again. They had in the Buffalo teams too.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, good point. And again, you didn't count the Buffalo teams. They've been, none. A lot. No Sabres. It was that two, no, that was. It was the Sabres having been in centuries.

No, they went to, they went, am I making that up that they went to? I don't know. Sandicup final? I don't know, but Memes, like it seems bad. Hasek went with someone else. But you still got John Tavares. And as long as he's there leading the guys,

like I think he's shown the stability that you'll need. You're the worst. To rebuild. Okay, well Memes, thank you. We appreciate it. You're, you're, I'm sure you'll be fine. You're not totally in denial or anything. Yeah, definitely not.

Yeah. The hate fuels back up on Wednesday. Oh, is it Wednesday? That's a quick turnaround. There you go. 98.99 was when they won the conference. So I was close. I was very close.

I do remember them going. Okay. Thank you, Memes. All right, let's finish up with one of the best stories. Maybe the story that will bring baseball back, which is funny because it needs football to bring it back. But Jack Peterson and Tommy Pham over the weekend, if you missed it. So Tommy Pham on the red, Jack Peterson on the Giants.

It comes out a report that Tommy Pham's, Pham slapped Jack Peterson in the face before a Giants Reds game. There was a weather delay. And after the game, we, the reporter talked to Jack Peterson. He doesn't deny any of it. Neither does Tommy Pham.

They ask why, and essentially it boils down to they were in a fantasy football league together. Jack Peterson was stashing guys on the injured reserve. Tommy Pham didn't like it, got upset. Jack Peterson then shared a meme that was disrespectful to the Padres. And then we get the scene on whatever it was Friday, where another grown man slapped another man,

two pro athletes over a fantasy football fight. And then, and then Jack was like showing the text exchange for reporters afterwards and be like, here's the gift and question that I sent. Yes, I did send a disrespectful meme to the guys. And then I guess Tommy Pham was like, you don't know me well enough to make jokes like that. Cause we've all been like in groups with guys like that,

that get overly familiar a little bit too quickly. So like you, you see kind of where he's going, memes palling us, memes palling us. Yeah, Jake, this manning Hank last week. But I, I absolutely love the story. Cause this is an unreported side of fancy sports. Cause you've always got like Matthew Berry does his little video sequences about like the funniest

punishments, like some guys to wear a dress and stand outside holding a sign being like, I suck at fantasy football. He reports on those all the time, but we don't get to hear the dark side of fantasy football because I'm sure probably like nine or 10 people get murdered every year over fantasy sports debates, things that start in a fantasy sports debate.

That's what I want to hear more about. Well, so I initially, when Jack Peterson explained it, so it didn't sound like he did anything wrong in terms of the rules, but there is always that guy in every, everyone's fantasy league, that the guy who's like, he's the guy who's very, very active on the waiver wire to a point where like, he sets an alarm at three AM.

He's the guy who will send out trade requests every week where it's like three of his shitty players for your best player, just hoping someone accidentally hits accept on it. He's that guy. So nothing he does is illegal, but everyone knows that guy and they're like, he's kind of annoying. Like you just, it's just a fact.

But then the fact that Tommy Pham got upset over a gift, I then swung very hard back to Jack Peterson's side. Like, that was just a funny gift. Yeah, it was a fair gift. It was like three weight lifters. And then you get the Padres one fucks himself up. I think like you should be able to bust balls like that in a fantasy group chat.

Otherwise, what's the purpose of having the chat? Yeah. And then Tommy Pham also said, we had too much money on the line. So I look at it like there's a code. You're fucking with my money. Then you're going to say some disrespectful shit. There's a code to this.

He broke the code. Chill out, dude. Like you're a professional athlete. If you're playing for so much money that you have to slap another man, maybe take a step back and be like, this might not be for me. Jack Peterson just should have sent him the crying faces

and be like, who did this family? Yeah, yes. And then Tommy Pham, the best part about this whole story is Tommy Pham got suspended for three games and he didn't appeal any of it. He was like, yeah, I slapped the fuck out of him. Probably worse than for Tommy Pham.

Like there's nothing like unloading a good slap. I'm not here to say whether or not the slap was justified. But when you connect on a good slap, it's more satisfying than knocking somebody out. Yeah, absolutely. Because you're my bitch, too. I put in a request to try to get Jack Peterson on the show because the way he was doing his interviews,

it feels like he'll tell us everything. Like he was, he just explained it all. I want to know who was in this league. I want to know how much money it was for. Like give us all the details because this now, like this fantasy league, this should be a fantasy league that we all can watch happen in real life.

Like I'd love to see this as a bottom ticker on CBS, on Sundays, being like, Jack Peterson has got 145 points. Tommy, they should have to go head to head every season. Yeah, just pick a match up. I want to get into a league with Tommy Pham. I like the most dangerous game. And then I want to talk shit to him

and then maybe I'll get slapped one day. It'll be exhilarating. Like I'll be looking over my shoulder everywhere I go. Like fuck, I really, I really roasted him in the chat last night in front of the fellas. I'm probably pretty sore about that. Just send him the most disrespectful trade offers.

Oh, yeah. That's how he just cracks. Exactly, yeah. Just absolutely roast him, just laser in on him. So open invite to Tommy Pham. I want to be in a league with Tommy Pham next year. Yeah, or Jack Peterson. Yeah, I think Jack Peterson seems like a pretty cool guy.

Like I know that he was probably, although once you get slapped, you're allowed to share the text messages. The way that he was like describing, he was like very somber when reporting on like the different language that was used in the group chat. And he was like confirming it.

He sounded just like a lawyer that was talking his client through a guilty plea. He was like, yes, there was indeed a disrespectful meme that was shared. He was like sad about the whole thing. I want him to be just like, go on the offensive a little bit. I want him to defend himself actually

against allegations that he was being a dickhead on IR. Cause I do think he was. Cause he didn't deny that. Yeah, I think he was being that guy in everyone's fantasy league where it's like, dude, just relax for a second. Like, you know, you don't have to do this. The guy who basically makes the fantasy league

his like full time job. And he just is always and then send you the trade request and then like 20 minutes later text you trying to convince you. And like basically every trade request becomes a mini game of a shark tank for him. Yeah. Where it's like, just relax.

Okay. Well, I'll get to it when I get to it. We do need updates though. I need to know how the rest of the league goes. It's, it is the best baseball story so far. And it is because of football. Yeah. Thank you.

Football King again. NFL's King. It's like, I was thinking about the whole story. And I was like, the best part is that the NFL has made baseball relevant. So you're welcome. More, more seriously though, someone, we should fucking do it.

We should fucking figure out a way to get these guys to like go in a pick off on the Barstool Sportsbook every Sunday. Tommy Van versus Jack Peterson. I just want to, I want to see them fight. I want to see them. They should like, if you get slapped, there's an element of surprise that goes into a slap

that you can explain away and be like, I was not prepared to defend myself against a slap. Cause he could be a sneak attack. He needs to go after Tommy Pham next time he sees him. Yes. Like there's some, there's some unfinished business there. I will judge Jack Peterson very harshly if he does not even try to go after him.

Like you can't just tuck tail and walk away after getting slapped. Unless he won the fantasy league and he won all of Tommy Pham's money. That's true. Then he gets the last slap. That's true. How much do you think this actually was like-

So that 10 grand? How much would it be for you to get so mad over a fantasy league to slap somebody else? Well, so I was thinking about it. If it was 10, if each guy paid 10 grand and the winner got all 100 grand and like you were, it was, it was a situation where you were called, although this was like week five, he said.

So it was early on. I'm going to look up how much money Tommy Pham makes. I don't think he's, I mean, he's been around for a while. I hate him just cause he was a cardinal. So he signed a one year, seven and a half million dollar contract. So maybe it's, maybe it's like 50 grand each. Yeah.

That's probably worth a slap if you lost 50 grand in it. Yeah. And it's also like, it could be theoretically that you, you know, you know how we always do the math where it's like you could lose, you put in 50 grand, but if you lose the league and you feel like you got wronged and you should have won it, it's like I lost 500 grand because that's what I would have won.

You know what? The commissioner of this league's been mighty silent. I don't even know who it is. I don't know either. They need to investigate because I'm going to start doing some investigation. Because the, the IR list thing, that, that's on the commissioner.

If somebody's abusing it to step in and do that, like of course you're going to take advantage of all the rules. And by the investigation, I'm just going to text Rizzo and be like, yo, were you in jock's league? Yeah. And he's going to be like, no, or not reply. And that will be the end of my investigation.

But yeah, Tommy Pham. But I'm going to be on it. I'm going to be on it for the people. Open invite to both you and, and jock, I would like to have you guys both in a fantasy football league with you next year. We will set, you know what? Well, here's what we'll do.

Tommy Pham, jock Peterson, we will, we will be in a fantasy football league with you two guys. It will be the part of my take league. There's enough of us now that we can get an entire league together and we will all tank our teams to make sure that you guys are wanting to and playing the championship. That is our promise to you. I like that.

We will field the worst possible teams we can field just so that you guys can go mono and mono. Yep, Blaine Gabbard, 1-1. How great would that be? I would love it. I would love it. Open invite. We'll make sure that they're, but it's winter take off.

But it would be great too, because it would be, people could watch us and we would have a pact between everyone in this room that you, we have to play starters, but we have to see like, we'll actually do a reverse winner. Whoever can field the worst team of starting players every week will be our winner. And then jock Peterson and Tommy Pham will be the ultimate.

It's surprisingly difficult to do that. I think in 2014, I started a league called Fantasy Failball. And that was the goal. But you would shock yourself. There were some weeks when you'd be like, OK, I'm going to start John Beck. So I'm definitely getting negative points out of him. But it's tough.

It's harder than you might think. All starters, yeah. OK, that's our show. We have no show tomorrow. Back on Friday after game one of the NBA Finals. Are you going to be live streaming Hank? Nah, let's not agree to anything. Maybe we will be.

You're going to touch wood? Maybe we will. Well, the first games in San Francisco. I mean, I can just do it for my apartment before we go. One last question, Hank, because I know, I thought of you when this happened. Was there a moment where you were very confused how the Celtics didn't have home court?

Yes. When I saw that the Warriors were the 3C, the Celtics were the 2, I was like, I know my man, Hank. This man, he's going to stare at like an article for at least two minutes being like, how is this possible? Yeah, no, yeah, all right. Yes. Was it when the announcer said whoever wins this move?

No, it was before the game. It was Heat Celtics, but it said Warriors vs. both of them. I was like, that makes no sense. I thought it was like it said that because they're waiting to see which team it was. Right. And then it was going to reflect correctly. Right.

And then I realized after the Celtics won that that wasn't the case. Now, did that affect your handicapping of the series? Because you said Celtics in six, right? He knew it now. But there was definitely, because it would have been Celtics in five, right? That's how inner twine we are on this podcast

that the first thing I thought of when it was like Warriors game one in San Francisco is like, Hank is definitely going to be very confused and very mad about this situation for at least five minutes. Yeah, you're not wrong at all. Very correct. Liam, were you the same? Were you like, what the fuck?

Absolutely. Yeah. It is kind of stupid because the seating, like you're the two seating, they're the three seat, but it is record. So OK, that's our show. We'll see everyone on Friday. Numbers.

Six. 91. 69. 19. 26. Damn it, Hank. 25. Maybe that's why you keep losing, Hank,

is because you keep taking the reciprocal of my number. Except for what? Because Hank's never gotten it. I said 26. 20. 20. New number. All right.

Go, Tommy. How many have we got left? Six, 26, 27, 29, 51, 78, 88. So what's that? Seven numbers? Seven or eight, yeah. Wow. Incredible.

What are we going to do when we hit all the numbers? Billy's got to be vegan. Billy's got to be vegan. No, dude. Possums are huge in the battle against Lyme disease as they eat ticks. Shout out Kyle Long for saving four of them this weekend. Oh yeah, Kyle Long texted me who was like,

hey, should I send Billy some food because he keeps complaining he has no money? I was like, no. What? Why do you keep saying that? I don't. Are you implying I text Kyle for money? No, no.

You just say it out loud that you're going hungry because you don't have money. But wait, why are you preventing Kyle from sending Billy through? Because I was like, you don't have to send him food. Well, no, this is fabricated. I do not hit up Kyle Long for money. No, I never said you hit him up. I think you just say it places.

He texted me. It was like, hey, is Billy like that down that he can't get, he can't eat? And I was like, no. Well, I was broke for like two weeks because of the IRS. OK. That was hard. Yeah.

I was telling Kyle, don't feel that bad for Billy. He's just putting on. Billy's low key mad because you just stole meat out of his mouth. Exactly. That could have been the last media. Weirdest texts I've ever gotten. Like out of nowhere. He's like, this Billy really can't eat.

I was like, what? I like to imagine that maybe Kyle Long has, like maybe he's hunted something. He's got a surplus of meat. If that's the case, I will make sure you get it. Or is he like, is he asking about like, should I go to the grocery store? Yeah, I don't want Kyle Long just buying Billy meat.

You know how expensive New York City is? Yeah, but buying you meals is crazy. That never happened. There was one time I literally, the state of West Virginia, took out a ton of money from my bank account and I was waiting for it. All right, I'm going to rectify this. I'll tell Kyle, I think he does hunt. I'll be like, please send like a shitload of bison meat.

Yeah, if he's got something in a freezer, that's fair. I'm going to be eating meat all of July. Yeah. Love you guys. Oh, I've been coming for your love, okay? Take on me. Take me on. I'll be gone.

Take on me. Needless to say, I'm all to say to this, but I'll be stolen away. Turn and learn, but life is okay. Say out to me, it's the better to be safe than sorry. Take on me. Take me on. I'll be gone. In a day or two.

All the things that you say, yeah, is in life, oh, just to play my worries away. You're all the things I've got to remember. You're shying away. I'll be coming for you anyway. Take on me. Take me on. I'll be gone. In a day.

I'll be gone. In a day. Take on me. Take on me.