Pardon My Take - Denny Hamlin And Michael Jordan

Episode Date: February 20, 2019

Manny Machado is the first domino to fall (there's only 2 dominos) (2:27 - 8:17). Antonio Brown has convinced the world that he's a free agent (8:17 - 12:39). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including Ethan Happ's incredible streak and John Wayne is cancelled (12:39 - 29:00). 2X Daytona 500 Champion Denny Hamlin joins the show to talk about Sunday's victory, big crashes, and calls Michael Jordan the GOAT (29:00 - 55:37). Segments include bachelor talk for guys that don't watch the bachelor, thoughts and prayers to AAF, just stop tweeting Kirk Cousins, drunk/high idea, and guys on chicks. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have two-time Daytona 500 champion and recurring guest, good friend of the show, Denny Hamlin, plus a certain famous person that he calls, yes, it was the most famous person we've ever talked to. Yeah, I freaked out. Okay.

So, we have that. Good interview with Denny. Great to see him coming off of his big win in Daytona on Sunday. We have hot seat, cool throne, and because it is Wednesday, guys on chicks, before we get to all of that, studies show that 52% of guys will experience erectile dysfunction or ED. A lot of guys think it's just the way they're built, but actually it can be the first sign of something a lot more serious, like high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart condition,

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To waive Roman's usual online visit fee, visit GetRoman.com or click the link in the description box below. That's GetRoman.com slash tape for your free online visit. Okay, let's go! Welcome to Part of My Tape, presented by our YouTube page. Go subscribe right now. Today is Wednesday, February 20th, and Manny Machado has signed with the San Diego Padres. Did he really sign?

Because I saw the GM said that the deal is not done. The deal is not done. Not till the inks dry. Not till the inks dry. The MLB offseason, which takes forever, and guys basically stay free agents until past spring training opens. Well, we have the first domino to fall, Bryce Harper's still out there. Yeah, there are two dominoes.

Two dominoes. Yeah. So, Manny Machado decided, guess what, ten years, $300 million, San Diego, where I can kind of just go chill. Like, this basically, he almost is early retiring. He's quitting. No, this is great. I mean, what a good contract for him.

$300 million, but to be fair, that's only like $170 million in California after taxes. True. If we're going to be the after tax guy. But yeah, it's a great situation for him because they're not going to win shit and he doesn't really care about winning shit. He's going to be able to stomp on all the feet that he wants out there. He's going to be able to dog infield ground balls. He's going to be able to slack off a little bit, fly to the radar.

I think this is a win-win for everyone. That's what I love about this because, you know, he was rumored to go to, he was rumored for the Yankees. He was rumored for the Phillies. He was rumored for the White Sox and Manny Machado who famously said, during the World Series, during the World Series, he's not Johnny Hussle and that he's never going to be the guy who runs out really hard to first base. Guess what, San Diego, perfect.

Just go fucking chill out. Be hop on a surfboard. I wish that more athletes just did that, be like, hey, you know what, I saw that Howard Eskin tweet to Bryce Harper and I really don't want to deal with a guy who's questioning my will to win because it's actually not that high. So I'd rather just go to San Diego and just kind of hang out. No, Manny Machado hit the lottery. This is all that you can hope for in life.

He played his cards perfectly. Never tried to beat anybody, but somebody, he never tried to beat anybody that he's not. He needed up cashing in big time and I got to imagine that this is going to tick A-Rod off. I imagine that this $300 million contract, we might see A-Rod pull like a Mr. 3000. Get back on the juice a little bit one more time, get that last contract, get a $301 million contract. Liam's pumping his fist.

Yeah, it is the biggest contract in sports history. That's crazy, but it's only going to be that way for like two more days because Bryce Harper, if you don't think Scott Borus is getting Bryce Harper $301 million, the crazy thing is there was a report that the White Sox offered $350 million and I don't know what fell apart there. He was afraid Jay Marriotti might come back. Yeah, there you go. You don't want that bright light shining on you.

It really does feel like Manny Machado was like, I'm in quality of life in San Diego. No one's even going to watch my games. I can just kind of hang out. Yeah, are they even, are they televised? Make a lot of money. It's going to be sweet. Where's that? Pecco Park?

Yeah, Pecco Park. Not a Hitter's Park. Well, yeah, no, they changed it up. So it used to be what Foul Territory used to be just like massive in Pecco Park, right? I think it's where you wanted to- It's where you wanted to- Not a Hitter's Park. Yeah.

But they tried to like- They tried to like- Bartol Colón hit a home run there. Is that where it was? Yes. Man, good for Manny Machado. I have no ill will towards him whatsoever for this, but you know that Bryce is a good- As big time Padres fans ourselves, we have no ill will towards us.

Well, no, we don't. I know. Arizona. Yeah. Fans of Arizona. Whoever else missed out on it. Yes. Do the Padres still do that, the camo night, military-

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You better not dog out any infield grounders you're wearing the camo, Manny. I'm just excited for Bryce Harper now because this is now- Like, we all knew it. It was basically they were staring each other down who's going to sign first because the next guy has to sign for more. And John Heyman's tweet turned out to be correct when he said that between the Phillies, the

White Sox and the Padres, one of those teams is going to miss out on the two free agents. Oh, that's good math on his part. Yeah. So one of the- One of these teams- One of these teams is not going to get these guys. No, it checks out. It's legit.

The thing is like Manny Machado, if we're going just strictly based on haircuts, I would see him being more likely to be a Philly or a Yankee and then Bryce Harper just joining the Padres and just like flipping his hair all the time, just chilling out, just sad doing everybody. Yeah. I mean, he is built for Cali. So the other news, the other free agent news, Antonio Brown, the biggest free agent out there who has incepted the world into, I've never seen anything like this at this point

where he, there's never been a trade that has talked about so much without the trade actually being able to take place for another few weeks. Yeah. And Antonio Brown finally managed to convince his own, the owner of the Pittsburgh Steelers that he's a free agent now too. Right. Right. I mean, had a meeting with Mr. Rooney.

Good for Antonio Brown. He's learned the secret. Just like act like, if you, if you want to achieve a certain level of success, just act like you're already at that place and then everybody will believe you. And so he just told enough people, he's a free agent that even the owner's like, yeah, that checks out. Yeah. Okay.

Antonio Brown also appropriated my culture this morning. So we know of Antonio Brown, the man. We know of AB84. Well, guess what? There's a third guy, Mr. Big Chest. Mr. Big Chest. And if anyone who has a Big Chest and can't get rid of it, I would appreciate it if Antonio Brown would just chill out with that.

Well, I would say that like, it's definitely one way to get Big Ben's eye to just like give yourself, to call yourself, Hey, I got some titties over here. Yes. Come, come get them. Yeah. But he's now a free agent. So who's, who's getting after the Big Chest? Well, my, the one theory that I see out there a lot that I really enjoy is the straight

up swap of him for Odell Beckham. Like that would make a difference on either side. I would much rather have Odell than Antonio Brown at this point in their careers. I think I would too, but they should just trade back and forth like every, every couple off seasons. It's just wife swap. Yeah. He also, someone's got to pay.

I don't understand how all the money works. It feels like I've heard a million. We should have ESPN if they were smart, should have just had a guy who's the capologist just for the Pittsburgh Steelers because he could have gotten content all year because we screwed up the Levy on Bell thing. I've heard multiple reports about how they can buy him out and there's dead cap and all. Somehow Antonio Brown is going to end up with so much money from this and probably in a

year and a half be like, I need to get paid. It's going to be the Redskins. So here's what's going to happen. He's going to join the Redskins. They're going to pay, I'll say four years, 79 million guaranteed and he'll play for two, well, one and a half. And then he'll just sit out the rest of the year and then I want to trade. Don't try to trade him and then they'll get nothing.

But you know what credit to Antonio Brown because this is a sneaky, very dead spot in the sports calendar where we have, you know, everyone knows about the day after MLB All-Star game and there's nothing that week. This one is similar. There's no NBA going on. We have college basketball. We have hockey, but there's not a lot like the combine still a week away. This is perfect.

It's one day before Duke versus UNC basketball. So it's like, this is the one day that he has before Dicky V is all over sports and tomorrow. Yes. 12 hours nonstop just screaming. Yes. So yeah. No, they don't know.

No. I know he's not on the game, but they still bring him on sports center all day to hype it up. Do you know what? I'm, this is going to be tough to say because I'm a big Dicky V fan. I'm okay. Capital A. Awesome.

I'm now okay that they've taken him off the game. I was not okay. I think they did it a little early, but I will give a little bit of a hat tip to whoever decided it. It was a very Belichick move. They took him off a little too early than a little too late because I listened to Dicky V on Saturday. It's fading on us.

Yeah. I don't want to say it, but it is, he's kind of losing it. You know what? That's fine though. When you're talking about the math of like the, you've got to play an A plus game and Duke's got to be at their B minus game and against Louisville, Duke was a B minus, but then they were an A plus and Louisville was a D. He was like, anyone can beat, Duke can beat anyone if they play their A game, but also

if they play their B minus game, they can also beat people that if they play their B plus game, they also can be, it was just. Well, no, that's because Duke is graded on like an AP schedule. So you get that extra 0.5 in the GPA built in because they're smarter people. Right. What happens if UNC doesn't go to classes? Well, yeah, those are fake classes. So they count as a zero on the GPA.

So UNC, no, but they get credit for it. So UNC can beat Duke if UNC doesn't go, if all the UNC players don't go to their classes as is tradition. It depends if they have the good tutors taking the test for them. Which tutor is taking the test? Got it. That's how you can beat Duke. How weird it would be to be in a class with like Zion.

Like just sitting next to a guy who's like, Hey dude, you're going to have like $50 million in three months. This is wild. Imagine being paired up with Zion on like a group project and you're depending on him for like half your grade. Right. It's like a take home thing that you guys both have to work on and bring in. There's no chance that he's filling out that assignment.

It must be insane to just sit next to a guy like that in class and be like, can I have a dollar? Can I have $5? I don't know. Just give me anything. Really quick. Cash out me real quick. I want to jump back to Antonio Brown for a second.

The most concerning part about his Instagram live was the fact that he did it well on an elliptical. I don't like that. I don't like that in my wide receivers. I'm an elliptical guy. I want them in a recumbent bike. So you get your thoughts going. It's how you come back from a lower back injury like myself.

I want high impact exercises for my wide receivers. It's the Manny Machado of equipment in the gym. You just get on there and do half-ass it until you get a little bit of a sweat and you're like, all right, that was good. I don't like them. I like my wide receivers punching the fake MMA dummies. Have you seen those with the screens on them? I want something more aggressive out of those guys.

That's what would definitely do that. So Manny Machado signed. Antonio Brown's still free agent. Zion. Does not go to class. Does not go to class. Start the rumor. Started out there.

Hot seat, cool throne before we get to Denny Hamlin. Hank, why don't you begin? My hot seat is love. OK. OK. Someone had a bad Valentine's Day. Love is on the hot seat. Lady Gaga and her fiancee.

No. They broke up. You know what it was. Bradley Cooper. Bradley Cooper. Everyone saw that coming. Everyone saw that coming. And the other, you know, who could have seen this coming, but Tristan Thompson and Khloe

Kardashian broke up after Tristan Thompson hooked up with Kylie Jenner's best friend. Wait, so back up. He was dating who? No, he was married. He was married to Khloe Kardashian. He was married to Khloe Kardashian. I had a child together. I had a child together.

Yeah. And then. Tristan Thompson is low key one of the horniest dudes out there. Well, he came back for Valentine's Day. Did he already cheat on her? Yes. Well, yeah. Remember that video?

Yeah, that video with a girl who's ass looked like the Fibonacci spiral. And then apparently he was seen at the club hooking up with Kylie Jenner's like best friend who's like her sister, like lives with her, is always with her and shit. And with respect to Tristan for continuing to go to clubs with strange women. Like he's what, 6'10", 6'11"? He's, and he gets photographed every time at TMZ. Shout out to him. Wow.

Live your life like you don't give a fuck. By the way, love actually is not totally on the hot seat because did you see that story about who was it who met their wife before she was born? Fuck, I reach for that story. Tony Bennett, right? Tony Bennett said that he met his wife before she was born. The love is still buried much alive. He got to give you a, yeah.

It's not like an abducted and plain sight thing. No, no. He like met the woman who was pregnant and then they ended up, he ended up marrying her at a much later date. The lounge singer, Tony Bennett. Yeah. Who is connected to Lady Gaga? So love is a circle.

Love is a circle. My cool throne is shorts. Oh, okay. Okay. PGA tour announced that player appearance guidelines will now allow players to wear golf shorts during practice and pro-am rounds effective immediately. So big win for shorts, big loss for pants. I'm sure golfers are super excited, super pumped.

Also on the cool throne is nerds. Go on. In France, they are now allowing Star Wars lightsaber battles to be counted as an official sport. Okay. Whoa. Well, in France, everything is, surrendering is a sport. Yes.

In France. So like eating the stinky cheese is a sport. So like eating the quickest white flag, oh, very impressive. The fencing federation is like, it's basically an Olympic sport. Okay. We need to, speaking of, we need to get, what's his name back on? Jerry O'Connell. All-time censor.

Oh, yeah. Great guess. By the way, that is a huge loss for pants. Hank is absolutely correct about that. Yeah. That was a blow. That was the one thing that pants still had going for them was that golf was always going to be on their side and you've lost your most powerful ally.

Yep. Next thing you know. Baseball. Baseball. Yeah. Baseball. You got hold on strong. Tighten those belts.

They're going to have to stay relevant soon enough and that's going to be the next thing. The first thing you're going to see is managers lobbying to not have to wear the pants and when that happens, boy, you're in trouble. Damn. Like pitchers that aren't pitching. Yeah. Ooh. That's how it starts.

Mm-hmm. That's how it starts. Very slippery. Damn, Hank. Also, Phil Mickelson's calves. Weird looking. Did you see those? You think?

They looked like alien giving birth. You're just a Phil Mickelson's fill-in body part. Looks weird. Well, I think, I said that on the show like a couple of months ago and you guys started to defend Phil's bod. I mean, his bod is, I defend his bod because I feel like we'll all have his bod someday. Whoa. I'm probably already there.

You want to talk about chest appropriation. Well, your calves. Phil Mickelson and I should have them. Your calves at least look normal. His calves just are, they look like. You're going to have weird calves, PFT. Whoa. Whoa.

You coming at those calves? I got, that's the one good body part that I have, Hank. Please respect them. Interesting. Okay. PFT, what do you got? My hot seat is Peter Thiel because the FDA is warning against purchasing young blood. They're saying that doesn't do anything to get transfused.

So Peter Thiel, he's famous for getting blood transfusions from young men to keep himself young and to keep the, he says it reverses the aging process. Yes. So he is on the hot seat big time. I think if you just make, how much money do you think he makes a year? Like a hundred million? More. If you make over a hundred million a year, you should be allowed to just straight up vampire.

I could see how the transfusion process, you lose some of the juice. But if you can just, if you can bite it out of somebody and suck it, I'd say you should be able to keep it. Well, if you make a hundred million dollars, why wouldn't you just do a blood donation thing where it's like people will willingly give you, you could pay for everyone's blood. Right. Yeah. Like people, I'd, Peter Thiel, you want my blood?

You can have it. It's fucking thick. You could start a company that's, the entire point of the company is just instead of people working for you. Yeah. They just give you their blood. Right. And they're like entry level workers that give blood to the managers who give blood

on up, up and up until it gets to you at the top and you get the primo blood from all the successful people. You ever drank after giving blood? Oh yeah. The drunkest I've ever been in my life. Yeah. No, you gave blood. Oh, thanks for fucking being.

Are you an organ donor? Yeah. Probably not. And you probably killed a lot of people. Fucking hey man. But yeah, I had to get us one time. They said this will replace all the whatever that you just lost giving blood and no, it just got me drunk.

I drank while. You went out of your way to just go give some blood. Yeah. Yeah. It's called a blood drive. I don't know. I don't know how these things work. I mean, I'm a good human being.

I'm trying to help out other human beings. When did you do this? College? Did you get to do it? No, I did not. That's plasma. Totally different, which I also have done. Then you get paid.

Totally different. There are all these rules about giving blood though. They screen to make sure that you don't have like a high probability of malaria or AIDS or stuff like that. If you, I have like. They ask you how much Taco Bell you eat. I have during a given week. I have basic bitch blood though.

So it's not really a point of me giving it. Like if you have the rare blood, then you got to give it all the time be really help people. You're basically like a cow. Yeah. You're basically like a white girl, Becky blood. All right. My other hot seat is John Wayne.

Uh-oh. He's dead. So John Wayne is dead and he's also on the hot seat because he's canceled. There's an old interview with Playboy magazine that got resurfaced on the web. A lot of people haven't heard of it. I guess I'm the only one that listens to MDC. So I've heard of this before, but he was basically saying a lot of bad stuff about minorities, about gay people back in the 70s when they interviewed him, but the internet caught up

to it again. So they canceled him. Retroactively canceled. Okay. You know what I'm going to do? Because we stand, we don't stand for any type of hate speech. Correct. I'm going to say officially we will never have John Wayne on the podcast.

John Wayne, you are uninvited. You are disavowed from pardon my take. Sorry, pal. Although if we do go back to death and talk to death, we can then tell John Wayne that like to his face. Say sorry. Yeah. If you'd like to apologize, release a statement through death, apologizing.

That's actually not a bad idea. Oh, actually uncancelled John Wayne. Well, no, he's canceled for now, until he apologizes. Right. But if you... He's suspended. I will have him on if we talk to death. John Wayne is suspended from pardon my take.

I'm also canceling... I just went back through history real quick. I'm canceling Pope Urban. Okay. I'm canceling... Urban Meyer? No, Pope Urban. He did the Crusades.

The Crusades are canceled. Got it. In general. And just Vikings. All Vikings. Whoa, dude. Bad dudes. Right before Game of Thrones?

Yeah. Are they Vikings? Yeah, they're all Vikings. You're not. Beowulf also canceled himself. Because we're going to get him on the show. My cool throne is sweatpants. So pants were canceled.

Sweatpants are actually on the cool throne because fashion designer Carl Lagerfield died earlier today or last night. And he was famous for being a notorious sweatpants hater. But guess what? Sweatpants outlived his old ass. He said sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life, so you bought some sweatpants. Well guess what?

Fuck off, Carl. My waistband's electric. Whoa, it just died. My waistband's electric, excuse me, my waistband's elastic and your coffin isn't. Did, was he problematic too? Probably. Because. Anyone born before, I'm going to say Woodstock is problematic.

Because Jay Caspian Kang, who wrote the piece on us, we met him, very nice guy. He had a great idea. He said to everyone who Googled Carl Lagerfield controversy this morning before they tweeted their RIPs, Kang Korp is releasing a browser plugin where you can hover your cursor over someone's name and it gives you a problematic rating on a five point scale. I'd like to add an extension to that where if someone dies and you try to write RIP Carl Lagerfield, it auto fills in but and then you have to, and then you know, okay, there's something else we got to figure out here.

Because that's my favorite part about Death Twitter. When someone dies, even two minutes after, you got to let, you got to let the world know your takes very fast about how you actually don't like them. There should be a precursor to that that says, say what you want about Carl Lagerfield. Right. But. But. But.

All right. My hot seat is Kyrie Irving. Ooh. So Kyrie Irving was filmed talking to Kevin Durant. Possibly a troll job. I'm going to assume it was a troll job. Was this a deep fake? Saying two max contracts, which implies the Knicks in the tunnel before the All-Star game.

He kept on saying two. We got two max contracts. You know what I'm really excited? Well, because, oh, actually it's you Hank, Hank, you're on the hot seat. Whoa. You know what I'm really excited for? To see how James Dolan can fuck up Kyrie Irving and Katie together. Yeah.

That's never going to work. Never. All right. My other hot seat is Ethan Hap, forward center for the Wisconsin Badgers, who the most electric streak going right now that no one's talking about free throws. He has missed 11 in a row. Shut up. 11 in a row.

We said. Dating back four games ago. Come lately on the Ethan Hap free throw, missing bandwagon, 40% watching him on, was that last Tuesday night? Yeah. It was over six when he was shooting and they were not just normal misses. Like he was missing to the left and he's, he was hitting like the top of the box and he's like very good at basketball.

Otherwise it's makes no sense. But I feel like this is a streak we need to talk about more because over 11 is that's fantastic. Like that's now so crazy. I think you could blindfold me and I wouldn't miss 11 in a row. I'm a very bad shooter. You've seen my form. No way would you miss 11.

No chance would I miss 11 in a row. Just go pimp grip. At this point. Listen, Ethan. You play in Wisconsin. This is actually the perfect test case scenario for the pimp grip, which is what we've rebranded the granny shot as being. You play in Wisconsin.

You're kind of a corny, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, your white guy. No one's going to make fun of you too much if you shoot granny style. Yeah. You're Brad Davidson. Brad Davidson is going to be right there like slapping your ass after every shot. But seriously, we need, like when there's a perfect game watch, we need a live look-in every time Ethan Hap goes to the free throw line on every single sport channel. Like Ethan Hap, 0 for 11 is the last 11.

There's got to be a stat that we can cherry pick out of this too. He's probably the only player in the last 25 years at average. How many points does he average? Like over 15 again? He averaged 18 points. Yeah. If you average over 15 points a game, this is probably the longest streak of any player. Think about it.

He shoots 43% from the line. It's with the 11, like so, I don't even know. It's mind boggling to think that like 0 for 11, man. That's crazy. So, let everyone watch that streak. It is some serious, like that's probably the most interesting thing that's happened to Wisconsin basketball in the last three years. Also PSA to just fade Wisconsin in the NCAA tournament.

Nope. Because Greg Gard has finally figured out to just bench him at the end of games. Oh, okay. Yeah. It works. Turns out it works that if you just don't have the guy who shoots 43% from the free throw line in the game, you can maybe win the game. What are the, is it like hack-a-hack?

They literally do that. I mean, why wouldn't you? Every single time he gets the ball, why wouldn't you just foul? Yeah, absolutely. All right. My cool throne is me. So, I didn't talk about this last week, but I am officially on the cool throne with jury duty.

I've dodged it yet again. So last week I came home and I was like, I feel like I got a notice about my jury duty. I should probably check that because it's sometime in February. Turns out it was the exact day, like I was supposed to be there 12 hours earlier. So my internal alarm clock is just 12 hours off, recalibration time. But I called them and they said, yeah, you can reschedule once a good time. And I was like, well, it's about to be March Madness and Combine in the draft. So how about July?

So I'm now in July for my next jury duty. Well, when I get there, we will push it again to post Super Bowl round and round we go. I'm very woke on this because it just so happened that Big Cat's jury summons was right at the start of the El Chapo trial. So I think it was actually at the end, it was the last, it was the day after. Me thinks the lady doth protest too much. Wait, is he on trial right now? Yes.

See, you're playing dumb. No, I'm asking. No, this is very convincing. I am asking a question. I think the Big Cat was on the El Chapo jury. Let's get that rumor spread. That would be great. I would love that.

You convicted El Chapo. Congrats. No, when did he actually get convicted? He got convicted last week. Okay. I remember we talked about it on this show and then I looked and so I think I missed it. I would have loved to.

Actually, no, no, no. Are you kidding me? What am I saying? No, yeah. Fuck that. No way. Congrats though on convicting El Chapo. Yeah.

Hey, listen, you guys, if you need to keep... Of Brooklyn, New York. Keep going, keep going forward with your jury duty. Just keep saying that you have sports that you have to watch. Sports never stop. It works. All right. By the way, quick PSA.

For all you kids out there that might not have a job that you're tethered down to yet, maybe you're just a year or so out of college, start thinking about putting in your two weeks notice for next week because then you get all of March Madness where you can watch it all and then right after that is the Masters. Or just get a vasectomy. Or get a vasectomy. Yeah. That works too.

All right. Let's get to our interview with Denny Hamlin and you probably have seen in the title we called Michael Jordan, The Goat. We called him. It's unbelievable. So you're going to want to listen to that. I still can't believe it happened. Before we get to that, a quick word from the Cash App.

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Download the Postmates app right now and save with code PMT. Again, that's $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days. To start your free deliveries, download the app right now and use code PMT. Okay. Denny Hamlin and Michael Jordan. Okay, we now welcome on recurring guest and two-time Daytona 500 champion because he just won his second one two days ago. It is Denny Hamlin.

Great to have you in studio. Great to have you back on the show. Yeah, thanks. People have been asking for it. I mean, I would hope. Yes. They loved you the first time and now you are a two-time Daytona 500 champion. Has that set in, has the hangover stopped as well?

Yeah, I was just explaining that. I learned my lesson the first time. I got so out of my mind the first time I did this that the entire day I just spent throwing up in between interviews and I just realized I just can't do that anymore. I can't do it anymore. I got two kids that don't give a crap whether I'm hungover or not, so I straighten it up. Is there a drink that you drink right after you win, like at the Indy 500 you chug the milk?

Well, it's just a champagne. You just take the bottle and just take it down. Okay, I like that. Nice little bottle, Andre, some cold duck. It's totally cheap stuff, I don't know. So before we get into... It's meant to be sprayed. Yeah, right.

Yeah, before we get into some of the funner questions, I wanted to first talk about this particular victory, the Daytona 500, especially because they were doing the 11th lap for Joe Gibbs' son who just passed away and you're the 11 car and you're racing for Joe Gibbs. Was it emotional after you win and you get back with the team and everyone's there together? It really didn't hit me until I saw his kids. His kids were there. I saw him before the race and his wife, I saw her before the race and then when you see him in Victory Lane and they're crying, it's like, you know, I try to be strong, but

I mean it's also... He was a good friend of mine as well. He was the one that gave me my opportunity with that race team. So to hear Joe Gibbs say in the press conference that it was by far his biggest victory in anything sport that he's ever been in and this is the guy that's won Super Bowls, it was pretty incredible. Yeah, it was nice. So during the race were obviously a lot of wrecks.

Was that the big one? That was the big one. With 10 to go, it was like, had to be 15 cars or so. I didn't count them all, but I saw it in the rear-view mirror and I was like, wow. At what point does it become the big one? I think anytime it's more than 10 cars, it's a big one. Yeah, we're still learning the NASCAR lingo, but so how much of avoiding those types of just like catastrophic collisions is skill and how much of it is just luck?

Wow. Great question. I'm going to say it's 50-50, but I mean there are some guys that wreck statistically way less than others and I think it's because they know where to be. They can sense it. I know that I was sensing it at one time, it didn't happen, but it was kind of in the middle of the race, I saw guys kind of starting to bounce off of each other and I'm like, I got out of here.

I was like, I'm just, I'm going to back off, caution came, I'll reset, we went, did some pit strategy, then I drove back through there. So you're afraid to contact is what you're saying? I'm not afraid to contact, but I knew if I wanted to win that race, I needed to still be around and if I had contact, it was over. That's a good point. So yes, so you, where are you statistically in terms of crashes? Low.

Low. Low, very low. Okay. I used to be high. My first like three or four seasons, like I would crash, every time I'd go super, I'd crash. So sometimes when I'm driving and I see two cars at the exact same time change lanes in front of me, I hit the brakes because, well, not, not into each other.

I'm just saying like, if they both get out of the same lane at the same time, I'll follow them because I'm like, these guys know something if they're both doing it together. I would take the opposite approach. You need to be a contrarian there. Okay. Is that true? Yeah. A little bit more.

Okay. So when everyone, when the, oh, it's like. Generally people are dumb. Yes. So if they, you know. Fact. Yeah. I mean, if you, if you're driving down the highway and I love watching people that watch

two lanes, it's jam packed and they see a couple lanes that it's going, the left lane is going right near the right lane, you're like, I got to get over there. That lane's moving. This one's not. What happens as soon as you move over there, your lane stops and then your lane takes off. So that's constantly kind of what we're doing on the racetrack is I'm trying to guess what lane is going to take off at what time. Maybe one time you just make a right turn instead of a left.

I've done that before. Yeah. Does that work out? Yeah. I wrecked a guy doing that. I got a dumb question for you. Do you ever zone out? Yes.

I would imagine because like you're driving for 500 miles and you know, when you, you know, everyone has it where they get on the highway and they're just kind of in the zone and they, it's not like you're not paying attention. I would say you kind of forget that you had been driving. I don't have it during under green, but under caution for sure. Oh, okay. Yeah. Under caution for sure.

Because under green, I mean, honestly, I'm trying to, you know, people ask me like, well, you're going in a circle, right? And I'm like, well, yeah, you end up in a 360 when it's all said and done of one lap. But I'm running this. So I'm going down the straightaway and I'm constantly thinking, how can I make this corner faster? Not just made the previous corner, but the conditions are always changing. So it's not like an NFL field that's always the same or the NBA court that's always the

same. Right. The surface is always the same. It's changing constantly. And with heat, you always want to find like the cooler part of the racetrack. So it's, I'm always thinking about that, but under caution, especially like the red flags we had on Sunday, it's just like, I actually fell asleep during a couple of weeks. So how, how, how different is it from the start of the race to the end of the race?

And like, what does that do to a car? This is, this is another dumb question, just purely like, how does it work that the track changes that much? Well, the track takes rubber. So you'll see the racetrack, it'll be like, you know, white at the beginning. And as we get running, the hot, the hot rubber of the tires lays down on the racetrack. I know y'all is brain, the wheels are turning. We got it.

We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. It's thinking like a UFC ring where there's like more land scan. Pretty much. But it's, it's rubber on the racetrack, but the tires, you know, they don't stick to other rubber very well.

Got it. Yeah. You can't use two rubbers. You got it. No, no, no, no, no, you got it. No, two rubbers, it's actually, the feet's the purpose. The friction. The friction.

I don't believe that. I mean, I wrote in a sprinter van here and I was absolutely terrified. This guy, I mean, just making moves and, I mean, but you know, the thing about people that drive in traffic regularly, like in New York, they at least know how to merge. Like you go to, I think it's the further south you go, the worse the drivers are. I like that. That's a good take. Yeah.

Because when we were in Atlanta, everyone, there was a little bit of rain and everyone freaked out. And it's like getting a trace of snow in North Carolina. It's like, right. Everyone just loses their mind. Yeah. You guys don't know how to drive in snow. This is crazy.

Like the last 10 laps of the Daytona 500. Yeah. All right. So the last 10 laps, it was, it was a thrilling. They had the big one. Then how many other stops were there? Like two or three? Yeah.

There was one, we had a big wreck with 10 to go and then there was another wreck with six to go and another wreck with three or four to go. So is the strategy, when you're in a big race like that, just kind of coast for the first 95% of the race and then the last 5%? You can't. You can't because you'll be in the wreck. So people think, it used to be, people would be like, oh, well, if everyone crashes, just ride in the back until the very end.

Well, when the very end comes, it's 10 to go. So what a point when you're running dead last and it's 10 laps to go, do you think, wow, I'm going to win the race from here? No. So everyone tries to go to the front at the same time and that's when everyone crashes. Interesting. So it's like right around 10, 15 to go that everyone's trying to get up to the front? Yes.

And that's why the crash always happens. It's just crowded and you can't go anywhere. It's a log jam. And so that's why I try to stay up front from lap one to the very end. You did that for most of Saturday. You were up front for basically the entire time. Yeah, we were the entire time. We had one little mishap, but other than that, yeah, I know I always like to be in front

to avoid the wreck that's usually my rear view mirror. So you were talking a second ago about how everything changes all the time, like the track conditions change, the positions of the cars obviously change. Do you do any sort of eye exercises or anything like that to increase your alertness? Not really. I just am born with amazing vision. I guess my doctor says it's like bioptical vision. Whoa.

You and Ted Williams. Like Wolverine. I don't know if the proper, but it's like 1310 or something. I can see stuff way, way out there. So yeah, Ted Williams had that. So usually when we're at a bar, my friends, there's a TV back there, like, well, what's the, you know, what's the score on, well, the score. That's obvious.

They're like, well, how much time's left? And it's like, yeah, you know, you three minutes left. Hank, write something on your phone and put it up so that we can test them. Good idea. Yeah. I have very good vision too. You do. Yeah.

Very good. Well, maybe we, yeah. I'll kick your ass. A little sight off. A little eye off. All right. So the Daytona 500 finishes, did anyone fight? Wait.

Oh, okay. That's really tough. That's really small, man. That's what you said. I see the numbers at the end, but they went, they want to end by 220. Boom. Got it. I got it.

Is that it? Yeah. We have 10 more minutes. Any fights? Yeah. So the only, you know, little mini one was Joey was mad that a guy, we don't say his name on the show, by the way, slowy, slowy, slowy, slowy, slowy, slowy, slowy, slowy. He was mad that a guy that was driving the same manufacturer of car.

It wasn't his teammate. It was just the, he was driving a Ford like him. He was mad. He didn't push him to the victory at the end. What? Oh, because the other dude had the same kind of car. It's like, when you see another Jeep on the highway, the guy, the guy, yeah, the guy said, he was like, it's not my job to push you to the victory.

Yeah. What does that mean? Push you to victory? So he's basically, so the guy had two people to choose from. So it was Joey Logano and Kyle Bush for side by side, and that guy chose pushed Kyle instead of Joey. And Joey was second behind me. Like physically push him?

Well, he got right behind him and that makes your car go faster. Okay. The closer they get behind you, the faster the front car goes. I thought that was drafting and so the back car went faster. It's the opposite of what you think because the air, they take the air off your spoiler instead of putting it on. So yeah, it works the opposite way. It pulls you forward.

So to go forward and NASCAR racing when we're in a pack, we are driving backwards. Like I'm constantly looking backwards, trying to put myself in front of another car. That shoves me forward. Interesting. That's fascinating. That's wild. I never knew that. So Joey was mad that the guy didn't pick him.

Now if the guy picks him, do you think that? No. Yeah. Where are we at with our rivalry, Joey Slogano? You know, I'm okay with Joey. He's, you know, you can have differences of opinions with guys. I don't like his face. Not to be personal.

To me, that story you just told tells me everything you need to know about Sloe. Like oh, why didn't the guy pick me? We drive the same kind of car. We should be friends. That's not how it works, Sloe. This is big boy racing, okay? Right. It's Daytona 500.

No handouts here. Joey. After you win, do you tip your pit crew? Yeah. I gave them each a $2,000 bonus, which I mean there's 20 guys, so it's $40,000 plus I give a tip to my pit crew. I offer them $200 a man if we can pick up one spot per pit stop, so that can really add up.

A little incentive. Yeah. Okay. I like that. So money always, people are always motivated by money. Is it just straight cash or you do like maybe like a gift? No. No.

Stop it. Oh, the Applebee's thing? No. Okay, all right. Plus they get any Jordans they want since I'm on that deal. That's right. So you're a big team Jordan guy. Yep.

Did you talk to MJ afterwards? He texted me at 9.20. Shut up. The NBA game was going on. It's his birthday. Uh-huh. The race is over. I look at my phone.

He's like, man, I'm so happy. Do you call him? Yeah, that's awesome. I don't know. Let's call him. He's actually a friend of ours. We've talked to him a few times. Best friend.

I don't know. You think he'll answer? No. I don't think so. I'm too nervous. You know why? Yeah. Don't waste your phone call on him.

I think we're tight enough to text him and be like, hey, go on part of my team. You're actually calling Michael Jordan. What the fuck? I'm going to just blame it on y'all. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. I wasn't prepared for this phone call.

He's like, please call him in my life. MJ, I'll call him. No. Stop it. Who are you going to trust for the final shot? Oh, my God. What's up? That's Michael Jordan.

Good job. Congratulations. Thank you, man. All right. So here's the deal. I'm on part of my take on Barstool. And we're talking about you and how good of a friend you've been to me my entire career. So I just want to say thank you.

I love you. I love you, Michael Jordan. And the guys here love you. That's all I want to say. Hey, man, I'm proud of you, man. We're the bounce back after a tough year last year and started off right. So I expect at least five wins this year. That's the number for me.

There you go. Five. There you go. Five and a half. You got it, my brother. Well, thank you, man. See you. I love you.

I love you. I really do love you. That was... Okay. Was that actually him? Michael Jordan. Come on, man. Of course.

That's amazing. I can't believe the answer because we rarely, rarely talk about it. He's definitely like, why is that guy screaming? I love you in the background. Yeah. He was pretty pumped to hear from you, though. I almost punched PFT when he was like, are you the guy? I was about to take him.

I was about to take him out. Yeah. That was awesome. No, but I mean, you know what's crazy to me. This is your... It's 2014. It's the final NASCAR race and I'm in the final four. I have a shot to win the championship.

He texts me and says, you know, hey, you mind if I bring the family down and like, you know, spend the day with you that whole day. And I'm like, sure, I think we can arrange that. So he's hanging out on my motor home before the race. You know, I'm getting ready. I'm suiting up and everything. And he's got his crew there. And so he watches the entire race, you know, on my pit box.

He's standing there behind the pit box, just pacing back and forth. And he says, you know, he was nervous. He was nervous for me. And I was just like, this is weird that this guy is amazing and everyone is in all of him. But he's going to watch some NASCAR driver try to go for a championship. But when I didn't win, which sucked, you know, he was no longer friends with you. No, he was there. Everyone had left the tire.

The stands were completely empty and he was there. He had his arm around me and we walked up pit road. He's like, you know, you got to just keep digging, man. You're going to go through things like this. How much do you think he knows about the sport of NASCAR? How much do you think really? A lot. He asked me all the time questions about certain races.

And so that's how I initially met him. I was at a Hornets game and he actually stopped me and said, hey, you know, I'm Michael. Nice to meet you. And I was like, you know, this is amazing. And so he's like, hey, you know, take my number real quick and we'll kind of keep in touch. So we're texting through the second half of this game. I know this sounds completely made up. This is insane.

It sounds completely made up, but it's not. You know what? This is good, though, because sometimes we get accused of like, oh, yeah, we're just texting with JJ. This is a new level of like. So he said, yeah, I said, really? So he asked me, he's like, what happened in this race two weeks ago? You know, you did this or that. I was like, oh, you watch NASCAR?

He's like, buddy, he said, my dad used to take me in NASCAR races when I was a kid and I just latched on to racing ever since then. He says, I watch every week. How often have you played basketball with them? Never. Really? Yeah. Because you have your basketball league? I do.

I do. So explain that real quick for anyone who forgot our first one. Yeah. So well, I mean, well, we play Monday nights. I dropped 31 last night. So I was still hot. I'm still hot. Now, hold on.

Heat check. Five seconds in the game. Hold on a second, Danny. 32 feet. Throw it up. It's in. Okay. My dream is if I ever get rich, I want to basically have a basketball court in my house and then I can pay people to come and play with me and let me drop 31.

That's not the case, though. You just win the Daytona 500. You show up. It's all your friends, I assume. Well, these are people that are racing against too. Austin Dillon, those guys, you know. So how long in the quarters are we talking about here for 31 points? 40 minutes.

Two, 20 and a half. I mean, that's a lot. Running clock. That's a college basketball. I mean, it runs all the time. So you don't think you were giving you? But you were keeping score for yourself. No, no, no.

We keep stats. We have a website. We keep all the stats. But you've got somebody whose job it is to like observe. Yeah. So we have a guy on the shot clock. We have a score for just the game clock. And we have two stat people.

So one for each team. And then we have an observer that will call out the stats for these guys to write down. You should have somebody that writes in like the scores of your games to the paper and just get like your box score in the sports section for Danny Hamlin. I mean, we see our box score on our website, but nobody sees that. Yeah. I'm happy about that sometimes. It's a little cooler if it's in the paper. You get your ink under your fingers a little bit.

You're like slam magazine. Yeah. Danny Hamlin, breakout stars. So I mean, I see your shoes all the time. I mean, what is, equate your game. My game, it's the guy down low, play defense, rebound, can't shoot. Don't pass it to me. Can't shoot beyond where?

Two feet. If it's a good pass. No, I can shoot a little. But what my problem is when I get a good pass, like a two, a two good of a pass, it's just rock hands. But yeah, I am, I actually think I'm a good teammate to play with because I, you know, when you play pickup, guys want to shoot. Right. And I don't need the ball and I'll play defense and I'll box out and I'll help. And so maybe a guy will play off of you, which gives you that open layup opportunity if you got a guy that drives.

Right. Exactly. And then I'll get tired and yeah, I'll space the floor by standing in the corner. Perfect. But you know, I'm just trying to get out there and let my teammates put my teammates in a good spot. That's right. Yeah. So I'll get out there and wait.

How many pairs of shoes do you own? Oh, I don't know. I mean, I get one of everything Jordan makes. So I mean, hundreds, hundreds. I mean, I get a shipment every month in my garage, just boxes and boxes. Do you think you're better known for being best friends with Michael Jordan or being Daytona's 500 champion? That's a good question, actually. I think after today probably for being best friends with Michael Jordan.

At this point. I can't imagine he picks up too many phone calls in a day. No. Probably like one or two. Yeah. He might not pick up another one. Yeah. You should text him to be like, sorry, those guys are holding a gun to my hand.

Did you, have you gotten in a fight after an Ascar race? Have I asked that? Um. Fist fight? We just had a little shove and thing with Joey one time back in the day. Well, fuck him. But yeah. Is it good for the sport?

Absolutely. Yeah. Okay. So. I mean, 1979, Daytona 500, that's what, I mean, there was a fight after the race. There was a clip during the caution. That was a turning moment for NASCAR back then. Right.

So you think like does NASCAR, how do they approach it when a guy gets in a fight? Do they do suspensions? They secretly are high fiving. Yeah. Which is a good thing. It's like baseball is the same way. Baseball should want that. You know, you don't want anyone to get hurt.

They'll put out there that, you know, we don't like it. No way. It's like Daytona White. They love it. Right. They love it. Great. Gets eyeballs.

Gets people interested. Who's the most likely to get into a fight? Oh. Well, actually, Joey, as you, or Slowy, where, him and Kyle punched him last year at Las Vegas. They got into this fight. Oh, we were there. We were there. Yeah.

I mean, Kyle had a bloody face afterwards. I think he got hit. I think one of his crew guys got him down on the ground. Yeah. Definitely. Then there was the Brad Tislowski, Jeff Gordon won a few years ago with Harvick, you know, and Brad into the melee. I mean, it's been a while.

It's been a couple of years since we've had a really good one where it's knocked down, drag out. The reason that is because they temper, they started taking the pit crews away. Oh. So, you know, you would always go in there and just throw in haymakers and inspect your crew guy. You better be, you know, you better be like a couple seconds behind me just in case I start getting wailed on.

Right. Right. Basically get a pit crew that's just all like ex-MMA fighters. I like that. They fight every week. Where do we stand on Jeff Gordon now? I feel like there was a period of time where a lot of NASCAR diehard fans and a lot of the drivers were kind of out on him, but is he back in the good graces now?

I think so. I mean, he's doing Fox thing now, the broadcasting, and I think he does a great job. I mean, he still actively helps promote the sport and stuff, so I like Jeff. We got a good, you know, we had a good respect factor working with us when we drove against each other. Okay. All right. The car, when they say the car is good or bad, I don't understand that.

I don't understand how a car can go from like their cars. So explain it to someone who's got basically no knowledge of NASCAR or cars how like your car this weekend coming up, right? Do you already know if it's a good car or not? So how does that work? I know it has speed, but can it make the corner fast and can it make it faster than the other guys? Right.

So if I push it to the next level, is it going to make the corner or not? So we're constantly pushing our car to make the corner faster than the next guys. That's pretty much what it all boils down to, and a bad car sucks. It won't make the turn. If it does it, you know, maybe the back end is too loose or whatever, but that's why we need the crew chief and the team to make our car handle the way that we have no on-board computers. The driver is the on-board computer, so they're relying on you to give them the right information

to make the car good. Can they fix it in mid-race like at a pit stop or not? Not always. So you're kind of fucked. If it's screwed from the beginning, like majorly, then no. What does it feel like if like the back end is loose? How do you know that? So when we say the car is loose, it means the back end wants to spin out.

When the car, when we say that... That's got to be scary. Yeah. So that's tougher to drive. When it's pushing, it means, you know, you ever like hit ice, turn the wheel, and your car, your front end goes straight, that's pushing. So what do you do if you know you have a bad car and you have 150 laps left? Are you...

Is there an element of, all right, we're not going to win today, we're just trying to finish? We have to do it on strategy. Right. So then you got to mix up your strategy and say, all right, whatever they're going to do on pit road, we're going to do the opposite. If they pit, we're going to stay. You know, just do the opposite.

And on Sunday, when you won the Daytona 500, did you know you had a great car the minute you got in it? I knew when we got down there because our cars were... I've had a winning car there, you know, every year. I just haven't always won. It's just there's so many circumstances that plays into it. But I mean, I knew when the race started, it was like, yeah. This is fascinating to me.

So is your pit crew, are there certain tracks that you know your pit crew like can get your car better than other tracks? Yeah. It has to do with on Friday though, when we're tuning our car on Friday in practice, it's whether we can get it close enough to where if it's screwy on Sunday, can we get it back where it needs to be? Got it. Interesting.

Cool. Yeah. I mean, this car is a sport. I'm not very... I mean, there's 550 employees building these cars. This isn't just some, you know, in Joe's garage, you know, putting these things together. Right. So you tell your crew chief, hey, I need this adjustment made, and then he tells like two

other people, and then they tell like one other person. So it has to filter down. So everyone's got to be like... It's engineers. Literally, they put in... All right. Your car's doing this at what point of the track? Right there?

Okay. And they put it in the computer and it goes... All right. Put this in the car. Are there experts in your pit, like for each part of the car, like an offensive coordinator, defense coordinator? There's a guy who's the tire guy. Yep.

That's nice. I mean, there's a person for everything on that car, for sure. And are you good friends with your whole pit crew? Well, I have a new pit crew this year, so I'm still learning everyone's name. Oh, wow. That's wonderful. The first time. Yeah.

I'm still learning everyone's name. Dude, you didn't have to pay them the two grand. You could have been like, you know what? Well... We do it at the end of the year. No, I feel... No, you're just... Like I say, I like being the good guy who...

Who motivates his team. So wait, you're learning their names? I am because our roster is completely new. That's wonderful. You know, from top to bottom. Now, what about the NASCAR video game? Can you learn their names by playing that? Do they have like the whole roster set up?

No. Because those guys, they just switch teams, you know. You're a crappy driver. They're like, we're out of here. We're going somewhere. We can win. Is this going to be a big year for Toyota? Should be.

I mean... That was the other thing. We got, you know, four great drivers. Yeah. That was the other thing I picked up when they were... When they went to break. They were like... Toyota's are killing the Fords.

I mean, we were outnumbered. Yeah. And Fords had way more cars. Competitive cars. But we only had, you know, four or five cars. But we found a way to finish one, two, three. Yeah. It's like the 300 with Sparta.

Joey Solgano finished fourth? Yes. Fuck yes. Yeah. You got past the last second of our teammate. What's the difference in money on that? Uh, third to fourth, I almost estimate $150,000. Woo!

Oh, soccer. Love it. Love it. You're a Redskins fan. I grew up a Redskins fan. What do you want to see them? How do you want to see them mismanage the draft this year? Um, I don't know, perhaps Dan gets lost somewhere on an island, loses his cell phone

coverage. Does Joe Gibbs ever talk to you about the Redskins? Every now and then... So he'll bring in a coaching story, right? Mm-hmm. He's like, listen, in sports, you got to have a plan. You know, he hates it when we don't have a plan. He's like, what are y'all doing this weekend?

We're all just, yeah. He's like, what? What's wrong with you people? Yes. You know, so, uh, he brings up some, some football stories. I mean, dude, he's seen guys that have been out of control. So... Riggins.

You're on one. Yeah. He said his favorite story about him was that he went to his house. He was wearing something ridiculous, you know, barely anything on. And the guy says, you know, they were fighting over money, whether he was going to sign them or not. And, and John says, let me tell you something. If you sign me, I'm going to make you famous.

There you go. And Joe says, okay, let's get that done. Yes. You sure did. Absolutely. All right. Uh, Denny Hamlin. Two-time Daytona champion.

By the way, there's, this was written on your prep sheet, so this isn't even a question for me. This is the last thing. Uh, it said you should invite yourselves to Denny's house. It does say that. Invite yourselves to his house. I didn't say it. It says...

You know, come on. You know how to get a hold of me. Come to Charlotte. Okay. All right. We're coming down. We're going to play some basketball. We're going to get into that.

We have a racing simulator. Go-karts? Yeah. We can run go-karts in my basketball gym. Fuck yeah. Listen. I have, you can see on my Instagram, I think Nellie came over about a month ago. You think Nellie came over?

Well, it was a month ago. I was trying to think how long ago it was. Yes. But we ran go-karts on the inside, the basketball hoop, and then we have, we got a golf simulator, full golf simulator, full racing simulator. You would enjoy that. I mean, it's got the... We're coming.

Great week. We're coming. We're coming. Done. Yeah. Hell yes. I like that. Okay.

All right, Denny Hamlin. We'll see you there. Two-time Daytona champion. Two-time, pardon my take, guest. Yeah. Thanks, guys. It's been awesome. Do it again.

Congrats again. Thank you. That interview with Denny Hamlin and Michael Jordan was brought to you by Peloton. Do you want the convenience of joining a live group cycling class in your home whenever you want? Well, don't let a busy schedule keep you from getting in a great workout. Are you looking for something different this year to help you to continue to beat your goals?

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That was crazy. So we did not think that Denny Hamlin was going to call Michael Jordan. In fact, you didn't want him to. I didn't because I wasn't ready for the moment. And I kind of wasn't either. Like when he said it didn't feel right. Right. So let's go for it.

We barely even asked. It's like, you remember maybe when you were really nervous to ask a girl out in high school or something like that, and you just kind of wanted to bail on it halfway through. Right. That's what it felt like to me at the time. It was wild. I mean, I kind of blacked out. Credit to us though.

Well, Denny, he is the man for doing that. He also was very, very smart in never thinking that it was appropriate to have us be part of the conversation. Right. When we do that thing where someone calls, when someone wants us to actually talk to them, they'll kind of put the phone in front of us to be like, here, you're on with the guys. Denny was smart enough to never even imply that we were going to be talking to Michael

Jordan. So we knew right away. It was literally just a yell a couple of things and hope that we don't screw it up too bad, which ended up being just me saying, I love you and PFD having the most restraint in the world to not say LeBron's a goat. My flow chart went, I wanted to ask if LeBron was the goat, that was number one, number two. I would have slapped you.

To ask how big Scottie Pippen's hog was, and then I said, nope, not going to ask that. And then third one was asking about the Hanes commercial where he had the big collar and the Hitler mustache. Nope. Didn't bring up any one of those. Credit to us. So good job by both of us. Hank fell out of his chair.

He did. He fell. He literally fell out of his chair. I mean, that was, yeah. And you know what? Neither one of us looked over to make sure he was okay. No. We were just like, whatever.

Michael Jordan's on the line. If he's dead, he's dead. Oh, man. Jenny Hamlin's a man. God damn it. I want to go to his house. Fuck Joey Logano. So bad.

Joey Logano sucks. All right. Let's do some segments. First up, let's do Bachelor Talk. Hank. Oh, let me do it this way. Hank, I got a question for you. It's the Seat Geek question.

Promo Code Take. You get $10 off. Seat Geek Purchase. Go check out Seat Geek right now. Hockey, college basketball, NBA coming back. Seat Geek, promo code Take, $10 off. Hank, what happened in the Bachelor? Well, you don't watch.

Definitely. Definitely didn't watch last night. I saw you live tweeting it, though, which was kind of strange for somebody that didn't watch. I do that sometimes. I was live tweeting people live tweeting. Yeah. You were live tweeting Twitter.

I do that sometimes. Yeah. Tayshaya told Colton that she heard Kailin and Cassie saying they're only there because they want to be the Bachelorette, because that was a big drama like. Oh, wait. So they're only competing on the Bachelor because they want to be the Bachelorette? Yeah, they weren't there for love. They were there for the wrong reasons.

Oh, so Colton was doing a whole investigation trying to get to the bottom of it. How could anyone do a reality show with bad intentions? A whole lot of she said she said going on. That's crazy. So wait, wouldn't you rather be on the Bachelorette if you're a girl? Isn't that the ultimate winning of the Bachelor if you get your own spin off? Yes. But the point is that you're supposed to be on the Bachelor for love.

So Colton was just trying to get to the bottom of this. Colton introduced Hannah B to his family, which was a big step, but then he sent her home later in the date. Okay. I like that. That seems like he's almost taking a shot at his own family. Like I want you to get attached to this person and then cutting them right in front of your face.

I like that. And then Kerpa, who was kind of, you know, Kerpa? Kerpa. Kerpa. She was in Colton's ear about the whole Kaelin's There for the Wrong Reasons thing. She got sent home instead of Cassie after Kaelin told Colton that the Bachelorette rumors weren't true. So backfired on her.

I'm going to say right now, just from based off what you tell us. I don't think this is a very good Bachelor season. A girl eliminated herself. Yeah, it's not a good season. She was just like, it was the girl that's never been kissed before and she was just like... This sucks. Yeah.

Colton doesn't bring the noise. Hank, I have a question about this season. I saw people tweeting last night about a fence jump. What's a fence jump? Well, that's, they teased the first episode. If you remember our Bachelor Talks where Gaston watched The Bachelor. Don't. I don't at all.

In the first episode, they teased this whole big like Colton jumping over a fence and running away. And it was like a big tease. Oh, like him escaping the compound. Yes. So people have been waiting every episode like, is this going to be the fence jump? Classic. Like one of Bin Laden's wives.

Classic. Still hasn't happened. Got it. Okay. So maybe that didn't ever happen. The ultimate cliffhanger. We're going to have to find out. This season stinks.

I'm canceling this season. All right. Let's do thoughts and prayers to the AAF. So the AAF is already in money problems. Yes. So apparently they had trouble making payroll on week one. And they told them this issue. Yeah.

They told everyone that the payroll was coming. It was just, uh, they were switching services or something classic, classic case of a new league just not having money. Then they had, uh, the Carolina Hurricanes owner invest $250 million, which now he's the commissioner. Right. Yeah. You know, your league's in really good shape when an NHL franchise steps in to help you

financially. Right. And I can't wait till someone else steps in for $500 million in a month and becomes like the czar of the AAF. Yeah. They just keep it. Yeah. Head guys.

I can't understand what happened. Like what, at what point were they like, how do you miss payroll one weekend? Um, I think maybe you just, uh, well, you've been paying the players before the season started, right? Okay. To practice. Yeah. I'm not exactly sure how this works.

Yeah. I think they were just hoping somebody else would do it. Everybody was just like someone else has. Do they think they were going to like sell out or maybe like the tweets would like, where's our money for all these tweets about, you know, Mike Bervage, Chichi or whatever the fuck his name. Yeah. The GIF.

The GIF money was supposed to hit the banks by last Friday and it got delayed. Damn. Yeah. Because they call it, they pronounced it GIF when it's really GIF. That's insane. Or they were just like, uh, they basically thought that maybe they were going to get bought out like a weekend. Yeah.

If the NFL would see the first weekend, be like, man, these guys are good. Here's a billion dollars. Yeah. I think the product itself just didn't sell as fast as it could. Trent Richardson. Mark. Trent Richardson. Was it worth 250 million or whatever the fuck?

Not yet. The second is actually priceless. It's coming. Yeah. Uh, I thought, so like I said on Monday, I thought Marvin Lewis was the commissioner because his handle was at the AAF. Right. But I guess he wasn't.

Who is their commissioner now? Like I guess, now it's the hurricane. Yeah. Yeah. Now they're owned by a hurricane. Yes. Correct. Okay.

So they need you to want to save them. They need to bring Jerry Richardson in. Yeah. This is a bad scene. Yeah. Gene's Friday for everybody. This is a bad scene. That's how you make money in this one.

So the AAF, and remember, we are the podcast as, as much as we love football, we did warn you. We warned you after the first weekend that as much as we love seeing extra football, we've been hurt before the XFL did not last very long. We've been hurt before. Whenever someone promises you more football, just be wary, although it's just not, just focus on getting us more bowl games. That's an easy fix.

There's money to be made in the AAF though gambling. I was right. I was all over that Hackenburg. This is just last week. That is so much disrespect to Christian Hackenburg. This is, this is, no one can figure out how more football, it should work, but it doesn't work. All right.

They should just let us gamble directly with the league. That's how you make your money. Yeah. The entire league. The league should be a book. Should just be a bookie. Yeah. Right.

All right. The just stopped tweeting Kirk Cousins. So this is a new segment we came up with last week. And guess what? Kirk Cousins continues to tweet. So he, I guess, is in Miami on vacation, which is totally normal. And he tweeted out, in 2010, I was mad at LeBron. James for leaving Cleveland, but I've been in Miami for a total of five minutes and now

I totally understand. Okay. So a couple of questions here. Kirk Cousins has not been to Miami from 2010 to 2019. Correct. Okay. I don't know if that makes any sense. Probably.

Well, here's my biggest question is what is Kirk Cousins doing in Miami on vacation? That also, that is like, did he get lost trying? You're more than Orlando. Yeah. I was going to say he got lost trying to go to Kissimmee. Yeah. Like, is this the medieval times? Yeah.

No, sir. This is a strip club. Oh, shit. I better get out of here. So he got like 900 replies saying, please delete this account, basically saying, if you love it so much, just go down there. We won't miss you. All these kinds of things.

So this is our offer to Kirk Cousins. Kirk Cousins, you need to come on part of my take. We need to straighten you out. We need to fix this for you. Social media boot camp. This is, this is becoming a problem for you and you seem like a very nice guy, but Twitter is just not working for you. It's just not.

So we got to fix it and we are open invitation to come on part of my take and let us fix it. Please let us discuss. We've helped people in the past before. Help us help you. We can help you, Kirk. Yes. All right.

Before we get to guys on chicks, we got a drunk idea slash high idea. Hey, did you have one too? Nope. Okay. PFT, you go first. Okay. Here's my drunk idea. All right.

And I'd be shocked if this doesn't exist somewhere. Probably in Prague or a European city, maybe somewhere. You've been on a hot streak of inventing things that have already existed. I know. Like I'm basically Thomas Jefferson. I have one of those too actually. Okay. I haven't even told you guys about this.

By the way, have I talked about Thomas Jefferson being a fraud on this podcast before? Yes. Okay. He's on my fraud watch. Anyways, my drunk idea is a cocktail that has a human egg in it. Why? Like a woman's egg in it. Why?

Unfertilized. I'm just sure that it exists somewhere. I'm sure that's gross. Yeah. I know. It's pretty nasty, right? That's a really fucked up drunk you were. Yeah.

Well, there, I mean, there are cocktails that exist. You're just drunk thinking of drinking woman's eggs. No. So I was riding on a subway and they have those advertisements for, you know, freezing eggs if you're not trying to get prego for the next like 15 years where they'll actually freeze an ovum, an unfertilized egg. So it's not like it's a little baby or anything like that. And so I was just looking at that and being like, oh, it's frozen, kind of like an ice

cube. I'm sure that there is some weird cocktail bar in America. Yeah. So I'm going to ... That puts an egg in there and says something about the benefits. I mean, there are drinks that you can get that have breast milk in them. Wait. So I'm going to step in here and just say this is the worst drunk idea of all time.

Okay. Unless your drunk idea is it exists, just simply it exists. Yeah. I'm not saying that ... It's not a drunk idea. It's a drunk ... I'm not saying I would like to order it. It's a drunk revelation.

It's a drunk revelation that I'm sure there's a cocktail bar in America that has it. Okay. We cleaned that up. That was scary there for a second. Maybe I would try it. Okay. But I'm sure it exists. Hank, what was your drunk idea?

It's more, it's not really a drunk idea. It's just an idea that we should do for content. I don't know. Maybe we'll cut this afterwards. Nope. In light of all ... I was watching the boardroom with Kevin Durant and it's like the barbershop which is all these guys sitting around talking with dramatic lights and cameras on sliders. In our new office, we should just put a round table in our studio and get some lights, make

it look the same and just call it the round table. I like it. Instead of the boardroom, the barbershop, the round table. The round table. A King Arthur. Yeah. A Camelot. I like that idea.

Group discussions. This just popped in my head. What if we did the round table but instead it's just like us just looking at each other. Maybe there's a big like, okay, today we're talking about this and then it's just a perfectly timed, very loud fart and then it ends. Every single episode. It just clears out the room. Yeah.

I have a great idea. Okay. It's a cocktail that has a ... Yeah, exactly. Boom. Round table's over. Yeah. All right.

So my high idea. Have you guys heard of the movie Roma? It's on Netflix. Yeah. People are talking about it. I haven't watched it but apparently it's a producer and he's doing it partly of his own life, like his own childhood. So here's the idea.

Are you ready for this Hank? We make a movie. It's a ... so maybe it's Steven Spielberg. He makes a movie where it's a movie about his life. So the opening scene is you're coming out of the camera and it's Steven Spielberg being born and it goes throughout his whole life and then it gets to the point where he pitches that he wants to make a movie about his life and the last scene is him walking up to the camera being like, okay, action.

And then it's the first scene of the movie. And then the movie never ends. Yeah. So you get literally just a never ending movie. I like that a lot. What do you think about that? Whoa. Whoa.

Like literally you just can't leave because it just keeps going forever. Can you imagine how much popcorn you would sell? Yeah. It's a circle of life. Yeah. Yeah. It just starts right back up. He goes, all right, three, two, one and then boom, right back in the first scene.

It's like a vine. Yeah. Pretty much. But you just, yeah, you end up trapping people inside your vine. Just looping forever. We just described as kidnapping somebody. And the only way to get out is for Jim Rome to show up. Smack your vine.

Slap your vine. Cut this guy's vine. Cut his vine. This movie's trash. All right. Last up before we get to guys on chicks. Just chill out, man. Trevor Bauer.

So I haven't read this story. PFT. Well, you tell me what's going on here. So Trevor Bauer is just the most hilarious baseball player of all time. Your own accident, Trevor Bauer. Probably unintentionally, but he is like the perfect baseball buffoon. It tells you everything you need to know about him that he cut his finger riding a drone. Like what idiot would do that flying a drone.

He tried to grab a drone out of the air. Loser. Yeah, exactly. You have to be a moron. Who would ever do that, Hank? Yeah. So what I gathered from this article is that all of his teammates hate him, like current and Twitter haters.

Everybody hates Trevor and Trevor has reached the point where it's too much work trying to figure out why everybody hates him. So he's just in, fuck it, I don't care, everyone's gonna hate. He's basically like if, the best way I can describe him, if Patrick Reed stopped listening to Imagine Dragons and instead listened to only Joe Rogan, then you get Trevor Bauer. He's essentially the guy, everyone knew this guy in college who was like, I just told the truth. Yes.

He was brutally honest and then made all the girls cry at every party and were like, bro, you're kind of just a dick. Yes. Yeah. He's like, sorry, I'm honest. I believe in being honest to people and sugarcoating stuff. So amongst the other things that he does, when he's learning a new pitch, he like electrocutes his own brain.

He's a big junk science guy. Okay. I'm on board with that. So he just like fires electrodes through his brain that will help him learn how to throw a change up a little bit better. One cool thing that he did, he went out one, I think for one inning this year and he used a fake like pintar substitute thing just so that he could see, just that statisticians would be able to notice an uptick in his spin rotation on his pitches for one inning

as like an outlier. So he cheated. So he cheated for one inning just so that as a social experiment, as a Marshall Henderson social experiment, so that people would be able to pick up on it and call him out on it later. Haha, jokes on you. Wow. He fooled all of you and he has probably the most ridiculous part are his three rules for

dating. Okay. First rule. If you're going to date Trevor Bauer. First of all, ladies, I know there's a line of you out there waiting to date a guy that's missing a finger because he amputated it using his own. And who's brutally honest. I'm going to tell you if you're 10 pounds overweight, sorry, I'm just honest and I don't

care about your health. Rule number one, no feelings. Once you start to develop feelings for him, he's going to dump you. Check your feelings at the door. Be honest with you upfront about that. Okay. Number two, no social media posts about me. So I actually kind of, I can understand that.

Number three, I'm going to sleep with other people just so we know that going into it. Ladies, this guy's single. He's going to go out there and sleep with other women as long as they don't also develop feelings. Damn. Okay. Trevor Bauer. What a catch.

I'm sure women are lining up in Cleveland too. To me, this is, it's a pretty clear case of Trevor Bauer having a bad dick. Yeah. So if he's able to sleep with like dozens of women at a time, none of which are developing feelings for him, you got a pretty shitty dick Trevor. That's true. And a really bad personality. Yeah.

Also, he loves 420 jokes, but he's never smoked weed. Oh, what a fucking narc. Yeah. Damn. He just thinks that they're funny. That's fucked up. That's what we call the Darren Ravel right there. Yeah.

Yeah. So he, yeah. Trevor Bauer. Trey Burns. Sorry. Trey Burns. So the thesis that you can give after reading this is, is Trevor Bauer is the smartest man in baseball according to Trevor Bauer.

Jesus Christ. What a fucking wacko. All right. Hank, guys on checks. Go. What's up boys, especially Hank and Frank. Yes. My boyfriend recently started manscaping and I think the hairless look is kind of creepy

like little boys. Yeah. He also likes to tell me he has less hair than me now. What do I do? That's a weird thing. I think you got to grow a bush. Yeah. You got to go hard the opposite direction.

That is a, I mean you're basically going completely hairless. That's you're, you're basically trying to be in a porn. Yeah. You got to go like 70s Harry. Yeah. Make it look like you got Bob Ross in the figure four leg lock. Maybe just, actually just right in next week and tell us his name and we'll shout it out. Also to me, doing the like full manscaping, shaving thing screams bad dick.

Yeah. How do you, how do you, bad dick has been on your mind. No, I'm just saying dovetailing off the Trevor Bauer thing. I can imagine. You okay? I can imagine Trevor Bauer having like. I got some Roman that I could help you with. A bi-weekly waxing appointment down at the spa.

All right. Next. Hey PMT, why does my skin break out right before I get my period? Your boyfriend's got a bad dick. Hmm. I don't know. Actually, I don't know. That's, that's way above my, the moon.

Yes. That's, those don't make sense. The craters on the moon bring out craters on your face. Try washing your face. I don't know. Is there a good way to tell if a guy is circumcised without seeing his penis? Is he wearing a yarmulke? I don't think he's circumcised men, but I don't want to randomly ask them.

Yeah. If he has a European accent, then he's not. If he's got a very Irish name, he might not be. Mm-hmm. His name's Quinn. Are you dating a Quinn? Yeah, I don't know. I don't think there is a way.

I think what you have to do is you have to mention the animal anteater around him and just see if he reacts in like a weird way. Or be like... If that makes him think about his dick. Or maybe be like, can you roll up my sleeve real quick? Mm-hmm. And be like, haha, it's kind of like, and then he'd be like, no, I'm circumcised. Yeah.

It will seamlessly work. Hey boys, why is it whenever I say I listen to your show, guys don't believe me, or ask if I'm actually a dude? What would be your best response back to them that I could say? Hmm. That's a good question. Suck my dick. Yeah.

Just be like, I don't know, that's offensive. You know what? They would assume that women, and we have many female listeners, so back off, dudes. My mom. How about all PSA to all AWLs, they come in all shapes, sizes, colors, even the 17-year-old dude from Wisconsin, the Esquire kid. The white guy. So just everyone, if you see someone who listens to part of my take, just be like, hey, secret

society, you know? Mm-hmm. Don't say suck my dick. Yeah, don't say suck my dick. This one, some boys, especially double-doink cat. Oh, that was mean. This weekend, I had dinner with my in-laws. We were a little late, and my mother-in-law said, you better have been making my grandkids.

Oh, that sucks. We weren't, but my husband said, absolutely not, we haven't had sex in weeks. Oh, double! The rest of the dinner became a sex ed class from my in-laws. How do I tell them to stop discussing our sex, or lack thereof life with his parents? Oh my God, that's a double whammy right there. That is tough. I think you've got to get more graphic than your in-laws are.

I think you've got to start talking about their sex life in front of your husband. You'd be like, so how did you, what was it like the night you made me? That kind of thing. No, you made him. What you do is, yeah, you get them talking, you threaten your husband, and you're like, listen, if we don't start having more sex, I'm going to continue to ask your parents about their sex life in front of you. That's good.

But yeah, that sounds like a terrible dinner right there. That's the Trevor Bauer, I'm just going to be brutally honest. Don't need that. So everyone, just a little lesson, sometimes, just not telling, like, just sometimes sugar coating things, like, hey, I'm not saying, hey, we haven't had sex in three weeks. You don't have to do that. No, you can just say, no we weren't, mom. Or the guy, I'm on my period.

That's it. Always get you out. I've got a bad headache, and I've got bad acne. Yeah. Had too much pizza last night. No sex. Okay. We'll see you on Friday.

Love you.