Pardon My Take - Dungeons and Dragons, Goldberg & NFL Trade Deadline

Episode Date: November 4, 2020

We clean up MNF and talk about how lame the NFL Trade Deadline is. (1:56-15:45) Hot Seat/Cool Throne including the return of MACtion and way to stay relevant baseball. (17:07-31:55) Timm Woods returns to continue our Dungeons and Dragons quest. (35:08-1:17:26) Wrestler, Actor and all around badass Goldberg joins the show to talk about his career in Football and Wrestling. (1:17:28-1:37:47) We finish with guys on chicks. (1:39:07-1:51:33)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, we have the return of Tim Woods. Dungeons and Dragons is back. Very excited to talk to Tim. We pick up our adventure. That's the campaign everyone's been talking about.

We got a little bit of a recap as well to start, so everyone, if you missed it or if you forget what's happened, he recaps it and then we get into it. We also have Goldberg, wrestling legend on the show, a little Monday Night Football Cleanup, a little NFL free agency, nothing happened, Hot Seat Cool Throne, and guys on chicks before we get to all of that. A pardon my take is brought to you by the Cash App. Not only is it the easiest place to send money to your friends, it's the safest. Go download the Cash App right now.

Use code BARSTEL. You get $10 for free, $10 to the ASPCA. Cash App is awesome. Download it. Link it to your bank account. You can send money to your friends, family. You can buy stocks. You can do everything with the Cash App.

It is super easy to do. It looks great. It feels great. It is our presenting sponsor. We are in the Cash App Studio, which also looks great, feels great. We got to clean the other day. It's already dirty again, but that's what we like. So download the Cash App from the App Store or Google Play Store today and get involved

with our friends from the Cash App. Okay, let's go. Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now. Use code BARSTEL. You get $10 for free, $10 to the ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, November 4th. In 2020, we started CNN where Don Mr. Unlimited couldn't see the future coming, amigos.

And Chris Chet Hay said, Buoyakasha, Donald Trump, you're making me crazy, boy. You made me the one no mega girl. Joe Biden goes seek, took an afternoon cat nap, closed his eyes, and tried to count to 270. And meanwhile, Mike, the artist formerly known as Pence, had enough of these red states and blue states, said it's time for a purple rain. And water Melania is used to spinning seeds, but she sure took a big one and proved she wasn't barren.

Donald had his daughters on stage singing, My Trump, My Trump, My Trump, My Trump, My Lovely Lady Trumps. Check it out. All right, we weren't actually going to talk about the election, but it is actually 422. Yeah. So if you hear bias, you actually are making it up because we have no idea what happened. We figured this show will be like it always is kind of an escape for everyone. We have Tim Woods.

It's truly an escape. We're going to Dungeons & Dragons. We're going to a different world for this show. We're imagining ourselves in a fantasy land. Yes. Fighting against dragons. We're sexually assaulting Billy Skull. Yeah.

So couldn't be farther from planet Earth or America right now, but we have a regular show. Yeah. Whatever happened happened. And we're going to instead talk some sports, talk some guys on chicks. Nazi cool throne, fantasy land, Goldberg pack show. Let's start with Monday Night Football. Little cleanup.

Daniel Jones loves, loves, loves throwing interceptions. It's actually the verbal meme, old girlfriend fumbling the ball, new girlfriend throwing picks whenever he can. Oh, distracted boyfriend walking down the street. So the distracted boyfriend is Daniel Jones. And actually, I think it might be Daniel Jones, the model in that meme. Now that I think about it is where it's Brooks Brothers. He's looking over his shoulder and it says real swag.

And then the former girlfriend is no swag. Yeah. The, the Giants, and this is kind of, they're the perfect NFC East team that in the first half on Monday night, I legitimately said to myself, I'm going to bet on the New York Giants to win the NFC East because they looked great and their defense is frisky. If they wore those uniforms every single week, I would absolutely absolutely. And then the second half happened because they do play two halves. And I wouldn't say the Bucks won the game as much as the Giants lost the game.

And I don't, I'm not going to put like the Bucks, I still think are a very, very good team. They're up there in the contenders category. I, I'm not going to like ding them for that because that felt, you could feel it almost from the beginning that it was one of those games where the Bucks thought they could just roll it out, rolled the ball out there and win. So you didn't get a A plus effort from the Bucks and they still won with their C game, which actually is a better sign for a team that's like very good.

It was a trap game. This was a perfect trap game. It was a prime time spot, Billy, like you like that phrase trap game when one team shows up way more physical than a better team. Yeah. Sure. Joe Judge, he's got the boys ready to go out there and hit somebody in their mouth. They're not necessarily going to make all the plays, but towards the end of the game,

I was definitely getting major flashbacks to Tom Brady against the Giants in years past. Yeah. When Daniel Jones is running around on like fourth and long, making those crazy passes. Almost helmet like catches. Uh, he was throwing the ball like seven yards short and then his receiver would find a little hole, get the first down and then at the end it came down to that, uh, that last two point conversion. That was close.

Well, it's hilarious. It's hilarious because Daniel Jones is so bad that his passes are so bad. It was passing interference, but the pass was so bad. You're like, but it can't be passing interference because his pass was so bad. Right. It's like a quarterback that throws such un-catchable balls that it's impossible to call passing interference on them. They really did.

It was like, wait, that should have been passing interference, but no, because he actually threw it to such a bad spot that it was going to look like passing interference no matter what. Right. Exactly. Like can you imagine deeming a pass by Dwayne Haskins to be un-catchable? It's like, well, they all are. Yeah.

That's what they all look like. And at the end, um, it did prove Jason Garrett correct. He said that Daniel Jones' biggest weakness is his biggest strength, actually, which is the most Jason Garrett quote of all time. And I guess his biggest weakness is he's not accurate. So he threw the pass behind his running back and almost got a pass interference based off that. Yeah.

And it almost ended up working out for him. Um, I'm a little concerned with Bruce Arians, just with his, with his health. I don't know. His red face, his double glasses. He has, he's like a chameleon. He's turned, he turns into the color of whatever uniform that he's wearing at the time. Yes. And he turned bright, beat red.

His double glasses look great. Maybe it's, maybe it's a matter of just the, uh, the face shield that he wears magnifies the sun whenever he's standing out at it. So it gives him like a natural sunburn every time that he's out. Yeah. And he's, you know, the hat, the look was incredible. Um, I'm trying to think whatever, like it was a decent Monday night game. It was the, going into it, you thought it was not going to be a good game, but the Giants

did their best to make it a fun game. And uh, yeah, that was week eight fully in the books now. I feel like we're turning the corner. We had the NFL trade deadline today, which is the most boring trade deadline of all sports sucks. There was like pretty much the best or the most interesting part of the trade deadline was Will Fuller started trending and then he tweeted like waiting, you know, like see where I'm going to go and everyone said he was going to go to the Packers and then nothing

happened because it's the Packers. Well, more than that, I think, I think this is the first time that the Texans are really feeling, uh, the, the loss of Bill O'Brien because from all reports, the Texans were asking for way too much. Whereas if it were Bill O'Brien still as the GM, the Texans would have traded Will Fuller for like a six round pick. Well, what they were trying to do is they were trying to get the, uh, like the Brock Osweiler type thing where, uh, the money became an issue where it's like, we want you to

pay all of his salary as a team that's getting, uh, Will Fuller and the Packers like, no, we want you to still pay for Will Fuller, even though you're using it. So it was a case of like Green Bay expecting the tax, the ghost of Bill O'Brien to still be around to take on that, that terrible deal. But it is the most Packers thing ever. I can't remember the last time the Packers either acquired a player in free agency, like a decent player, like a big name player or traded for play. It just doesn't happen.

Like that in Green Bay, they just, they like players that don't know any better besides the Green Bay system, which is like, we're going to draft you, Aaron Rodgers is going to make you look good, or he's going to complain because his defense isn't good enough. And he's going to have to throw you the ball. You're going to have to deal with that. Yeah. You don't like players that have experienced life outside of Green Bay. Right.

Um, and then, uh, the Patriots Hank going for it, traded for Isaiah Ford. Are the Patriots all in? Is this a sign to the locker room that they're, they're committed to winning this year? I think so. The missing piece and it's getting on the flip side. The Dolphins. Wow. So the Dolphins are throwing it, throwing in the towel.

Yeah. So Isaiah Ford 18 catches 184 yards, zero touchdowns. Okay. That's the season. That's the season. Yeah. Yeah. How, um, how much does he weigh?

Uh, he weighs, I'm looking it up right now, 201 pounds. Okay. So maybe they're just planning on fatting them up, turning them into a tight end, 6121. Do you see Floria's article today? What about the Patriot way has lost its way? Oh, yep. Yeah. For reals.

Bill Belichick's excuse making could result in players making excuses. See, for us, not a football guy, because he doesn't realize that Bill Belichick is actually doing his best coaching job this year. That's true. And also he doesn't realize that, that Bill Belichick said, I'm not making an excuse, but this is the excuse. It is. It is.

The Patriots are paying. They're paying Brady. They're playing Antonio Brown still. I think they're still paying Steven Gosowski. They're like in dead cap space. So he's not, Belichick's not totally wrong when he said that. I don't know. I, the NFL cap makes no sense.

Contracts in the NFL make no sense. I don't know what's going to look like next year either, like the cap is supposed to go up year after year. I'm even saying just right now, like I don't, none of it makes sense. There's a dead cap space. People who are the capologists, I don't understand how their brains work, how they can understand all like the ramifications of cap hits, cap money that, uh, that is incurred via a signing bonus as opposed to like prorated cap hits.

And then there's offset cap is the, the, uh, all right, over the cap.com. The one team that I actually is, is kind of interesting is, um, I'm pretty sure the saints are like wildly over the cap next year, which makes me think that they already know the Drew Brees might retire. What happens if you're, yeah, they're, they're saints next year of $92 million over the cap. That's a lot of money. How's that even, how's that even real? How can you do that?

Well, what's the stop a team from just ignoring the cap entirely and being like, do something about it? Well, looking at it right now, like $92 million over the cap next year, that is pretty much Drew Brees has already told us that he will retire. So don't worry about it. This might be Sean Payton saying a big fuck you to the NFL too, because if he just continues on, if they, let's say they go into next year and there's still $90 million of the cap, then the NFL tries to either find them or, or, uh, like collect draft picks, take away

draft picks, do whatever you want to them. Then what happens if the saints sue the NFL being like, Hey, you're interfering with the free market. We should be able to pay people whatever we want. Then that case goes to like the Supreme court, NFL loses its monopoly. The saints could blow up the NFL if they want to your post-packed court. Are they packing it? I don't know.

How many people are. I don't know. It's a big stock. You have the pictures of $28 million in dead money. I don't know what that means. Seems significant. Dead money. It's dead.

It's dead. I think it probably still spends. Panthers have 50 million dollars in dead money. I would just, I guess I, my guess is that's players that are no longer on the roster. They're still paying. They're just dead or dead players or Aaron Hernandez. Does he count? Yeah.

Still dead money. Okay. All right. Should we do Hot Seat Cool Throne? Isn't it a nice tight, tight show, right? Hank. one note on Monday night, and it kind of bubbled over from the weekend.

I think we're seeing a record high amount of shin catches this year. That's a rule that I wasn't, I guess I had been aware of it in the past, but I was re-reminded of it. Well, I think what- A shin counts as two feet. I think what happens is, it's like when you buy a car and then all of a sudden you see the car,

your car, everywhere. Yeah, the red car, yeah. And you're like, oh my god, everyone has this car. There was one significant shin catch, it was either this week or last week, and then since then, it were so dumb as NFL fans that we know the rules, but we have to be reminded every now and then, so when we're reminded,

we pick up little nuggets, and now we're walking around telling everyone, you know, if the shin goes down before the knee, and the knee's out of bounds, that's a catch. It's a catch, the shin counts as part of the knee, I guess. Yeah, we love to go around pretending we're smart. It was digs, it was the cornerback on the Cowboys. He had the shin perception.

Yes. Where he caught it in the end zone, and then his shin like bent, he had like a curved shin. Tony Romo was like, I think it's just a cramp. But yeah, it got down, and then yeah, I see it everywhere now. I saw it on Monday Night Football. I'm gonna be seeing it all year long.

It's like the little rules that are so much fun to like try to mansplain to no one. My favorite is the- Well, if you say it first at a bar, if you're watching with your friends, then you're smart as shit. The best one is on a punt, when the punting team touches it, and then the receiving team can't fumble,

and everyone loves to say it, because you see a guy like run in, streak in, and grab the ball last second. And you're like, why would he do that? It's like, well, let me tell you why. It's a free play, essentially. Or, what about you can't advance a punt that's been blocked? Yes.

I like that one too, because everyone's like, that should be a first down. Which I do kind of agree with, but it's fun to tell everybody that they're wrong. It should be a first down. I'm right, you're not. But it is fun to do that with rules every now and then to try to tell everyone,

Billy, you got any rules you think about? Making a football move. Yeah, making a football. Everyone talks about it. What counts as a football move? Did Grock make a football move in the end zone? Yeah. Oh, when they switched, you know,

it was a great moment in time, when they switched it so that you could push out of bounds? Yes. And everyone was like, wow. Like, oh, that's pushing out of bounds. No, no, no, no. Change the rule. Nope, they changed the rule.

You're thinking of college, my friend. Yes, sorry that you're too dumb to figure it out. They should make it. Could you imagine how many points would be scored in the NFL if it was one foot in bound? That would be amazing. Because the body control in the NFL is already so insane. And to have just one foot.

Oh, give it to us. When I'm watching a college game, I always look for players like, if it doesn't matter how spectacular the catch is, if a player only gets one foot down and bounds, I'm like, I'm going to dock that guy in my pre-draft rankings on my big board. It's not going to work in the big leagues.

Listen, that stuff doesn't play once you get out there on Sundays. Not on Sundays, yeah. All right, let's do Hot Seat Cool Throne. Hot Seat Cool Throne is brought to you by Bud Light Seltzer on the Cool Throne or Ugly Sweaters. Specifically, the sweaters we collab with Bud Light Seltzer. Available now at the Barstool Shop.

Speaking of Ugly Sweaters, Bud Light Seltzer has released a limited edition, Ugly Sweater Holiday Variety Pack. That's awesome. Available for a limited time with delicious Peppermint Patty, Apple Crisp, Ginger Snap, and Classic Cranberry. Mix that all together. It sounds great. That's the Ugly Sweater.

I love that. That's some holiday punch. They sent some of it. So they're going to send us some in the office. It's going to be great. I'm going to be drinking some. I'm going to go with the Ginger Snap. I like cranberry around the holidays.

That's for Billy. Yeah. Billy's the cranberry guy. Gets rid of the UTIs. Peppermint Patty. So we'll be drinking them on Cyber Monday, the Barstool Cyber Monday Telethon presented by Bud Light Seltzer.

So tune into that. I think we have something fun planned for that. Maybe an escape room. As always, get your Bud Light and Bud Light Seltzer delivered at budlight.com slash delivery. Budlight.com slash delivery. Check out the Bud Light Seltzer. Check out the new Bud Light Seltzer Barstool ugly sweater

collab in the Barstool store. Hank, we should have you remake the Dreams TikTok except with the cranberry Bud Light Seltzer. Boom. Done. Especially because it'll be like two months later. That's perfect. Go viral.

All right. Hank, hot seat, cool, thrown. My hot seat is the Warriors. The Golden State kind? Yes. The San Francisco Warriors. They moved from Oakland to San Francisco. True.

But yesterday, they released jerseys for this year that say Oakland on them. And in the tweet, they said, Oakland is and always will be part of our team's identity. And it's like the Oakland Forever jerseys. And it got Warriors fans really mad because they left Oakland. And apparently, there's like a lawsuit going on that the Warriors lost.

And they still owe Oakland like $40 million for renovations. They should rebrand this side. So kind of like a dumb PR move to be like, oh, yeah, you know, we're going to leave town and then be like Oakland Forever. It's like, yeah. It's kind of crazy. It's not talked about enough that Oakland lost two sports franchises in two years.

It is heartbreaking. I mean, obviously, the Warriors are right across the bay. So you can make the argument that they're like, oh, they're still right there. But still. It's just a frisco on the jerseys right now. That's bullshit. It is messed up that they did that.

Yeah. I just thought of a really bad Kate Upton boobs joke. Christian, you go there? Yeah. Yeah, Hank, you're right. That is fucked up that they did that even though they moved. Kind of like the Nets, even though they're in Brooklyn, they unveiled a new jersey the other day.

Oh, nice. Nice. Get it? New Jersey? Although I do like the Nets, New Jersey. Oh, yeah. It's awesome. They're sick.

Yeah. They're very sick. All right. Cool talk? My cool throw is Rock, Paper, Scissors. Yeah? I own in Hofstra. They are having their mascots play Rock, Paper, Scissors

shoot to determine who gets a home game this year. Love it. Are they televising it? They are doing it on social media. It's just one of my favorite things to argue about. Oh, I thought you were going to say. No, no, no, no. My only question was, I was not going to say that.

My only question, because we have talked about developing a Rock, Paper, Scissors shoot for the Play Barstle app, I'm just wondering what the format's going to be. Do you do? First of all, I think it should be Rock, Paper, Scissors. First to 10. Billy versus Jake right now.

Best of three. Rock, Paper, Scissors says shoot. Oh, I said Billy says no. It's Rock, Paper, Scissors. And Billy was late, and he still lost. I said say shoot. Why would Rock, Paper, Scissors say shoot? Stop saying Rocks.

It's Rock, Paper, Scissors shoot. I have no good reason. So go Rock, Paper, Scissors shoot. All right, best of three. Rock, Paper, Scissors shoot. Billy's up 1-0. Rock, Paper, Scissors shoot. Billy did Scissors every time.

Rubber match. Billy does Scissors every time. Billy does Scissors every time. Billy does Scissors every time. Oh, and he switched to Rock. Shit. He just do Rock. Billy did Scissors six times in a row.

Yeah, he doesn't know how to say Rock, Paper, Scissors shoot. That's true. I still won. All right, so yeah. Billy is officially the winner of that. Who's the better? You guys aren't either interns anymore, are you? I don't know.

I think Billy still is. And you are? Yeah, I got to graduate. OK, all right. PFT, your hot seat cool throw. My hot seat is sluttin' it up. Sluttin' it up is firmly on the hot seat. Halloween is over.

Spooky season. Spooky season's done. And Roger Goodell find James Conner and Juju Smith Schuster for wearing socks that were too low. They exposed their gams, their calves were out. Yep, can't have it. Victorian Goodell in the NFL says, no, no, no, no, no. You got to keep those calves covered up.

And so he levied a big fine. That's one of my favorite finds that the NFL does. It's like when your socks are not at the correct level. And if you go too high, he'll find you for that too. He's got to be right in the Goldilocks zone there. And my other hot seat is Darren Ravel. Because Nate Silver called him disqualifyingly stupid today. Darren Ravel got, he got disqualified from Twitter today.

That's how, do you know how stupid you have to be to get disqualified from Twitter? It's like everybody should, everyone is an idiot on Twitter. Right, do you want to be on Twitter? Yes. OK, you're disqualified from Twitter. It's in the terms of service. And so yeah, Darren Ravel got put into a locker by the locker.

But Darren Ravel got pulled into a locker by Nate Silver, who lives his life in a locker. He's like, hey, get over here. You're in here with me. My cool throne is baseball staying relevant. Baseball is relevancy. So Big Cat, tonight is the presidential election. Maybe the, what?

Maybe the biggest presidential election in terms of viewership and voter turnout in the last like 50 years. You know what baseball is doing tonight? Baseball is announcing their gold glove awards tonight during the election. Way to go, baseball. I could not make that up.

I'm pretty sure that when we talked about baseball staying relevant in the past, I'm pretty sure we made a joke about them doing something like this on election night. They did it last year on something very significant too. I think they are doing this on purpose. It might have been like the All Star announcement during NBA free agency. I don't know.

They're doing this 100% on purpose. It's insane. Yeah. I can't like, what the fuck? What are you doing? Unbelievable. My other cool throne is dynasties. Texas Tech.

Texas Tech continues their dynasty. Texas Tech won its 15th national meat judging championship. They are the world's best meat peepers. Shout out to Texas Tech University. Who is judging the meat judgers? No, they actually have a huge agricultural school where they judge what you mean by what you did. So we should send them a pick of Norman.

Yep. Yep. We should have it. The boner of judging competition. It's done with the Norman. No. Look at this loin. I'm happy.

You guys remember when I did all those niche podcasts? One of them was a Texas Tech grad who is a champion meat judger. He's basically like Billy for steroids, but just for animals. You'd actually be Billy. You'd be a great meat judger. You know, I've looked into it, actually. You should pursue that.

Texas Tech is the Harvard of judging meat. I like it. I like it. I just don't get who is judging the meat judgers. Oh, good question. They have to have judges. Maybe that's what Billy should do. You've got to judge the meat judgers.

Yeah, I'm guessing that person went to Texas Tech. Right. Right. And so Hank's right. This smells. It stinks. It stinks to high heaven. This isn't good meat.

Think about where's the beef? Mm-hmm. Texas. Yeah. Where's the beef? No, but do you understand what Hank's saying, right? Yeah. Texas Tech won for meat judging, but who's

judging Texas Tech to win the meat judgers? To give them 15 titles. Who's judging the meat judges? The panel of the best meat judgers? And where they go to Texas Tech? What has that most prestigious? Yeah, the best meat program in America. It's complete bullshit.

I feel like Oklahoma has good meat judging. Oklahoma probably hates Texas Tech. It's like Desmond Howard on Game Day saying Michigan is back. Yeah. Like, what are we doing here? They should recuse themselves like Herb Street and Chris Fallard is thinking that night's game. Yes.

Yes. That's I love it. You get a scholarship for it. For meat judging? Yeah. For like looking at a cow and being like that, animal would be good to eat. Well, no, it's once they're in the meat locker.

Oh, so after they're dead? Yeah, they're judging the meat from the meat locker. I mean, how hard is that? Just be like, that looks good. I don't think that's meat. No, Billy, I think you're wrong. No, no, it's the scene in Rocky. Yeah.

You know the scene in Rocky and the meat locker? Wait, is it punching it? What does it do? Yeah, I read an article and it was like in Sports Illustrated. They're all in white lab coats kind of, but like. Punching meat? They're checking out the meat slabs. I don't know.

I feel like it's an agricultural thing where you look at it in a live cow and you try to figure out which one would be the. Yeah, you look in their eyes and you're like, what would you be like? You're temperate. Google Belgian blue cattle. OK, well, actually, Billy, if you know what you think

about meat judging, you would know that the most tasty cow of all time is Heat Wave. And Heat Wave's bloodline lives on to this very day. And if you buy a direct descendant Google it, Heat Wave is the most billy cow of all time. Just Google Belgian blue cow. Belgian blue cattle. Cattle, cattle.

It's the jacked up one. Yeah, it's the one that's on steroids. But. Selective breeding for high muscle fat ratio. Who wants to eat the muscle? Texas Tech dubbed this spring by Sports Illustrator as the Alabama football of the meat judging world. Yeah, this guy's a fucking beast.

All right, I'm not going to say what I was going to say. Say it. Go off. I mean, this cow is like, what, 2,000 pounds? Probably like a ton. Norman still has a bigger dick than this cow. Well, it's not even close. I mean, that's a fact.

It's a fact. Like Hank's little 10-pound dog has a bigger dick. It was 20 pounds. Now, I should know. 20? Yeah. No. Penis to body ratio is way different than actual mass.

I think his dog's dick is as big as Leroy's dick. And Leroy's 20 times bigger. And Leroy's got a decent hog, too. But I should, in the spirit of getting this story right with the capital J journalism, it was an abbreviated season due to COVID. So, asterisks on this one. Important to note.

Yeah, important to note. All right, my hot seats is all other college football conferences, because the Mac is back. You're listening to this right now. The Mac is officially back. Maxion, six games tonight. We have maybe my favorite bet that we've ever created on the Barstool Sportsbook app.

It is Lights, Camera, Maxion, where you can bet on the total number of missed kicks and extra points and turnovers. In one game? In all games combined. For that night? Yes. 28 and a half is in the line.

Holy shit. If you bet it, you get a free shirt even if you lose. What I really like about the Maxion this year is that Big Cat has adopted the Maxion as that whole conference is now his team. So, because Wisconsin, I don't know if Wisconsin's going to play another game this season. So now you're just officially a Mac.

I know you've always loved it, but now it's official. Wisconsin's going to play another game. They're going to play another game. Don't COVID shame. I'm not saying maybe you guys want to call it football. Yeah, Toledo. That's true. I've got to pick up that key to the city.

So, yeah, bet it if you. Responsibly. Yeah, responsibly bet it. 1-800-GAMBLER if you've got a problem. But the Mac is back. And I'm very, very excited for the Mac. And also, Cooper Rush might be playing for the Cowboys from Central Michigan, fire up chips.

And one of the greatest Maxion games of all time that wasn't fully Maxion, the Bahamas Bowl, when they scored 34 points in the fourth quarter. You've got to give the Nutsch another chance. Yeah, maybe. So my cool throne is actually the Cowboys. The Cowboys are on my cool throne, and here's why. Cowboy fans, rest easy.

Everything's going to be OK. Stephen A. Smith has declared that it's not even fun to make fun of the Cowboys anymore. I disagree, Stephen. Stephen A. Smith said, Marcus Spears, let me say this to you. This is on first take. You know how I like to troll Cowboys fans? Because I can't stand those noisy and disgusting people.

I like how he's taking it easy. I just feel like these people are the worst. I can't stand Cowboys fans. They're the worst. But I didn't joke around this past weekend because it's not funny to me. It was so bad. It was so bad what I saw from them.

It was just a national embarrassment. I'm serious about that. So there you go. The number one Cowboy hater is officially laying down his sword and saying, rest easy, Cowboys. Well, it's because he didn't do his video that he normally does after Cowboys lost. He said that he decided to throw out a mercy rule.

It wasn't in my heart to do that to them because they're so pathetic. I actually felt sorry for them. But Stephen A. Smith is such a genius. That by saying this, this is the most, this is the most he could ever make fun of. He knows going into it that's saying you're not even worthy to be made fun of.

I feel so bad for you. I can't even make fun of you. That's the most that you can make fun of a Cowboys fan because really over the past 30 years, not 30 years, over the past 25 years, that's all you've been doing is been making fun of Cowboys fans for not being that good. Correct.

It's not like they've been awesome and you get to make fun of them when they finally fail. He is just trolling them by being like, I'm taking away the very last thing, the very last like smidge of relevancy that you have is me making fun of you when you lose. This is the meanest thing that we could ever do to you on ESPN is ignore you entirely.

Yes, yes. So Cowboys fans, sorry, but that's, yeah. I mean, I guess it's a good thing that you don't get made fun of anymore by Stephen A. Smith. Billy, you're hot seat, cool throne before we get to Tim Woods and Goldberg. Hot seat, Wisconsin. Don't COVID shame.

Because if they have one more game canceled, they're not eligible for the big 10 championship game. Are they still bowl eligible? Because everybody was supposed to be bowl eligible. Yes, everyone is bowl eligible. I don't know what's going to happen. I, whatever, it sucks. But you know what?

I'm worried about player safety. At least you guys didn't have a, you know, Heisman level quarterback this year. Oh, thank you for saying that about Graham Mertz. He's a sophomore. So we'll have him for the, and I don't think this year should count. So we'll have him for the next three, four.

He red shirted. So this, he'll have him for four more years. Perfect. At least the New England Patriots didn't have an MVP quarterback this year that they had to give up on. Am I cool throne? I think the Patriots still making the playoffs.

They do play the Jets on Monday night. So there you go. Oh yeah, do I have to go to that? Yes. Okay. With a GoPro. Yep. I think about that.

You gotta find the cat. You gotta, I'll be the cat guy. You can, I'm gonna dress up as this exterminator. Yeah, you can go, you don't have to go to the game. If you go to the Meadowlands and just find a cat.

So like, once you get the cat, you can go home. Just show up with like a bunch of tuna fish cans. Yeah. Open it up in the parking lot. A black cat. It's gotta be black?

Yep. Okay. My cool throne is humans. Walmart has stopped using robots to use, to do inventory because they realized that humans were actually just as effective and cheaper. So cool throne humans.

We're cheaper than robots? We've reached this point already that they're just as effective. Humans? Human robots? Yeah. The robots were Human error.

Just as effective. Robots don't make mistakes. Robocomputer error. No, but the robots were like six foot wheeling around like doctor who type it. Who programs the robots? Humans do. So there's human error in the robots as well.

But anyway, the humans, This is like a meat, greater, judge situation. Yeah, well, the humans beat robots. So you know what? Do you think, do you think that the robots are just gonna sit there

and take that? Humans coming in, taking their jobs? I don't know. Hmm. Any interesting to find out? Employment. Yeah. Employment in general.

All right. Good job, Billy. Yeah. This is a good job. Good job, Jake. Jake gave me that cool throne. Nice. Thank you for coming.

Yes. Good job all around. Good teamwork. Good job, guys. Good job. Very cool. All right, let's get to Billy's. When we're nice to Billy,

he gets so confused. He did a great job, Billy. He did a great job, dude. Nice of you to dress up today. Yeah. Election day. All right. Let's get to our interview.

We got Tim Woods, Dungeons and Dragons, and we'll have Goldberg. Before we get to Tim Woods, new sponsor alert. Me, me, me, me, me. Hyper Ice. Hyper Ice is a wellness tech company that combines science and technology

to create the future of health to help you move better. They offer a full suite of warmup and recovery products including the Hypervolt, which is the quietest, strongest, most advanced percussion massage device in the world. You actually, this is one of those sponsors that I have been using pre-sponsorship.

So you get my seal of approval. If you remember back before the pandemic, when I could actually play pick up basketball, and I tweet out a picture on Saturday mornings, I had the Hyper Ice massage gun, which was awesome. You basically use it on your thighs, your hamstrings, your IT bands, loosens you up. And also, we didn't even get this.

So we got boxes of stuff. I have my favorite thing. If you have a bad back, Hyper Ice has a chargeable, heated back pad, massage back pad, that if you play sports, if you work out, you can throw it on, you can throw it on underneath your sweatshirt. So it doesn't need to be plugged in,

you just charge it overnight, and it is awesome. So after I get off the court, I throw on my Hyper Ice back massager, and it is the best. So they have everything. I used it on my legs last night after I did a Peloton. It was my first Peloton in a while. Took a video, it's crazy, look at this thing.

Yeah, no, it's not. You've seen it on the sidelines. Every post sports team has them. Like guys will do it when they're off, it's the best. So use it on your hamstrings, what? Can I have one? Yeah, I'll give you some stuff. They also gave us orbs.

Yeah, massage orbs. I have an extra cool extra gun because I've been using it. So yeah, so Hyper Ice, awesome, awesome. If you work out, if you play sports, if you're getting up there in age, Hyper Ice, I cannot recommend it enough. It is great, great, great for before, during, after. Like even when I'm playing the game, I get off the court,

I'll throw it on, or I'll use the gun to keep loose. It's the way to keep loose and make sure that you don't get injured later on in life. No one, no one wants to be injured at work guy. That is an embarrassing thing to be when you're like 28 years old hobbling around because you pulled your hamstring. So use Hyper Ice, loosen up.

They're using professional training rooms throughout the NBA, NFL, MLB, MLS, and other professional organizations. And they very rarely offer discount codes, but today's your lucky day because they're offering the award-winning listeners a part of my take. A massive 10% off your next order. All you need to do is use code PMT at checkout.

That's hyperice.com, H-Y-P-E-R-I-C-E.com. Hyperice.com. Use code PMT for 10% off, PMT for 10% off, and you will not be hurt. It's a way to keep yourself on the court, way to keep yourself in the gym with Hyper Ice. It also just feels good if you just, even if you don't work out and you just wanna massage,

Hyper Ice is the way to go. So hyperice.com, H-Y-P-E-R-I-C-E.com. Use code PMT for 10% off. And now, Tim Woods. Ooh. Okay, we now welcome on our good, good friend. It is Tim Woods. It's been a little bit of a break

because we had football season to attend to, but Tim, I was- Congratulations. Yes, thank you. I'm glad they all came back yet. I liked it. Just a congratulations at footballs being played. I really appreciate that.

So, so we have, I absolutely like the tweet I get the most is like, so Wednesday Dungeons and Dragons coming back and we figured this is a perfect time. So, Tim, we need a refresher because- Absolutely. Yeah. Just give us everything exactly where we are and then we can hop right back into it.

For sure. It's been a while since our last game, so a recapt definitely an order. I will give us the summarized version of our adventure so far, which is we came rolling into the village of Greenist, completely saved the town, despite the betrayal of our ally, Berserker Billy,

who turned the dragon kind of against us. We did save the village of Greenist from the attack of the cult of the dragon, then kind of went after the cult to their home turf where we discovered that there were some prisoners to be freed. We did save a griffin whose name was Blake. We also fought a revived version of Berserker Billy

who had been summoned by the dragon cult against us, made short work of him at the end of the day. Wasn't it more of a long, torturous project that we had? We certainly took our time disposing of his corpse. It was, the battle was short, the disassembly of Berserker Billy did take some time, and actually I did wanna get a confirmation on this unless I made a mistake.

I believe it was the griffin who devoured Berserker Billy's head. If I'm wrong about that, you'd be so free to correct me. And did he pass the head out? Did he poop the head out yet, or is he still digesting that? It's interesting you should say that

because one thing I would note as we're starting today is that we are starting to hear a muffled sound from out of Blake, the griffin's stomach area. And depending on what actions we were to take, who knows what that sound might develop into. But it sounds like a muffled voice kind of coming from inside the griffin for sure. And in theory, we had managed to escape

not just with a new griffin friend and a disassembled Berserker Billy pieces. We did manage to grab from a creature known as the roper who is guarding this hatchery. We had managed to grab not one, not two, not three, but a total of eight dragon eggs. As various characters ran through, grabbing eggs on the way out.

We have escaped from this dragon hatchery with a total of eight different multicolored eggs, eggs of all different scaled hues. And at the very least, we know this, that we are escaping with a small fortune worth of eggs if we were decide to sell these items. Otherwise, there's many other uses that we could make out of these particular items

that we have just acquired, but we are high tailing it into the woods out of this kind of back exit out of the cult's hatchery. And by all accounts, we think that they have not, when we set the guardrakes, the minions that we had turned to our side after them, they were busy fighting those guardrakes while we made good on our escape.

And I would kind of start us today camping, as it were, after a long day of running from the dragon cult, we are now definitely safe from any pursuit with the dragon eggs in tow. And we're gonna have to make a tough decision as we sit around the campfire. This is where our adventure would start. And we've got Norm the Barbarian, Wayne the Bard,

Erlich the Warlock and Cake the Wizard all gathered around with these dragon eggs near the fire. And I will say that we're all number one, no longer level three. We've just bumped up from level three to level four, which gave us a few more hit points and a few more little powers that I'll highlight along the way.

I would start by letting us know that we're also hearing some noise. South of our campsite, there's kind of a crashing noise. We're also hearing a rustling from a very much closer bush directly to the west of us. Ooh. I would ask, what would people want to be doing right now?

Or what would you be discussing around the campfire? It might not be a bad idea to crack open one of those dragon eggs, make an omelet. Yes. Yeah, can we do that? Can we do that? You absolutely could go to one of the dragon eggs. Now I want to highlight, there's eight different dragon eggs. I want to point out that one of them is the color red,

one is blue and one is green, two are black, two are white, and one is a rainbow, a prismatic colored egg with all the different colors on it. No, I think what we do is, in effort of fairness and equality, I think we crack one of the white eggs and one of the black eggs, because we have two of both. So we're not losing, now we have all the colors in the rainbow and we've eaten a black and a white egg.

Those are the two that you have extra in your year. There we go, perfect. Yeah, perfect. Tim, can I just say that I've so dearly missed you saying the word absolutely. Yes. It's music to my ears. It's always a pleasure.

I tell people all the time, D&D is a fun game where we just affirm everything we're going to do. Never a wrong answer. There just might be interesting consequences. And in this particular case, as you are approaching these eggs and picking them up and then carrying them over to the campfire with all intents of you're either going to just crack these open right now or maybe cook them or something,

suddenly you do hear more crashing distantly from the south and then from that bush to the west, there's actually a voice calling out of the bush, crying out, no, no, no, the egg, please, please, don't, don't. And it's a female voice, a human woman is emerging from out of the bush. She is wearing these whitish, silverish robes. Doesn't look like she's been traveling

through the woods for a long time. Her robes look really nice. And she reads out and says, please, please, don't, don't, just break them, don't just destroy them. They're, they're valuable, they're precious. Can she hatch them? Like Khaleesi? Ooh, ooh, good question, Hank.

So can, can she sit on these eggs for us? She, when you ask her that, this woman laughs and says, no, well you don't, well you don't sit on them. Here, watch, watch, the white egg, you should place far away from the fire. If you want it to hatch, it's a cold dragon. It's not going to light those flames. And that black dragon egg, I can help you with that.

She reaches for the egg. Are you offering up the egg? Yeah, are we just giving it to her? Yeah, dude, trust her. Is she cool? She seems pretty down to clown. Is she like a cool ass chick? If anyone is not sure whether they trust her,

you are free to roll a d20 to make an insight check. I want to do an insight check, I want to do an insight check. I want to just be like, PFT is trying to kill the vibe. TarenFT. Yeah. 10, I got a 10. Jesus, man.

Call the police. And Wayne, it looks like your insight skill is plus zero, I'm sorry to say, so you just got a flat 10 on that. As far as you can tell, she just cares about these eggs. She seems trustworthy. She seems cool. Yeah, here's the egg.

Okay. I also, she's attracted on the record that I would like to tell her sorry that PFT the Bard just bothered you. I just want to say that to her. Absolutely, she shrugs it off. She's just staring at the eggs. She seems to be barely even paying attention

to like anything people are saying to her. She just says this, this poor baby. Oh, well, we need some kind of marsh gas or swamp water or something. What gas? Marsh gas. And he's twin brother over here. If we can get some kind of swamp water,

that's really the environment this egg is going to want. You weren't planning on eating this thing, were you? No, no, no. Can I just tell her that, I'll just say like out loud to Wayne. You're Wayne, right? No, I'm Norm. You're Norm.

I want to say out loud to Norm. Norm, it's so cool that you know how to handle this egg because you got a baby at home and you got to make sure that you're taking good care of it. I just want to let, I want to let Norm know that in front of the girl. Mm-hmm. That's absolutely, she seems like she's focused

on our eggs right now. And it's in fact moving over to like grabbing some of the others. Okay, so all right, so we need some swamp water? Is that what we, now I don't want to give all of our eggs. I will give, I'll side with PFT a little bit. Let's let her try to hatch a couple of these.

Let's not give up every egg. That feels dangerous. Absolutely, she's gonna hopefully try to take the white and the black egg that you were about to do something with. And she's moving the white egg far away from the fire right now. Now the black egg,

you see her starting to like dig a trench almost. And it's obvious that she knows exactly how to hatch these different eggs. She's looking at the others, making plans in her head. Wayne the Bard would be able to tell that even with a 10 right now. But with a 10, you can also tell this,

there's another crash to the south. And then she turns and looks in that direction. And she says, did you all hear that? And with a 10, you know, she's asking us if we heard that, but she heard it very clearly and she knows something about that crashing that she's not saying right now.

It sounds to me like, you remember in Jurassic Park when raptors would hunt and there would be one to the side that distracts you while the other one comes at you. I feel like this chick is bad news. Uh-oh, okay. She's bad news. And he would, since you only got a 10 on insight,

anybody else could try to roll insight as well and see how they do on that. Otherwise you could try to like persuade her or intimidate her if you want her to spill more info. Right now she seems like she's being honest with us. Okay, I'll roll. Very worried about that crash.

15, 15. And with a 15, I know you've got a little bit of bonus on that. It looks like a plus two on this norm. And not only a plus one, but still a 16 is enough that, yes, you can tell that she knows exactly what the crashing noise is to the south.

She's very worried about it, you can tell. Sincerely, you think she's worried about it, but she's not saying more about what the crashing noise is because she is hiding something from us. You don't know what, but she's hiding a secret. You want to, you want to like a sign? At least she knows what that thing to the south is. You want to send our journalists there

to see if you can do some reporting for us? Yeah, why don't you go in there? Is Jake's mic on? Test, test, there we go. I will go into the field for the team. Yeah, let's send you, let's embed you with this woman. Go find out, Jake.

All right, let's do it. You start to head to the south where that crashing is coming from. Keke, is that right? Yeah. If you're approaching cautiously, you could either use your stealth, which is only a plus three,

or you could use your perception, your perception is also a plus three, my mistake. So either way, you can roll a D20 plus three to see if you can approach this noise without being seen or heard yourself by whatever it is. Here we go. Yeah, D20 plus three.

11. Okay, and is that before the plus three? 14. So it's a 14 total. With a 14, you are moving into a clearing where you see some trees have been knocked over, and there's a hazy green gas that is floating in the air, it seems.

That it was not in other parts of the forest that you were moving through, and then suddenly something poked its head out from around a tree. It is a dragon that is the size of a large horse spreading its wings, stepping out from around the tree. It has green scales all over its body, and kind of a very dinosaur-like fin

kind of growing out of the top of its back. It is a very Jurassic Park type moment as you realize that this dragon has you in its sights and is starting to slither closer to you, moving on all four of its limbs. What do you do, cake? Do I have any powers? Sorry to say you got spotted.

What powers do I have? You have a lot of spells at your disposal. I want to warn you right now that if you start moving full speed, you'll move quicker. If you move and then also cast a spell, you'll move a little bit slower, but maybe you'll slow this dragon down,

and you do have ice magic spells that can slow creatures down. You have fire magic spells that usually deal the most damage. Also, since you've leveled up, you would have access to new spells, including a spell called Earthbind that anchors flying creatures to the ground

that you can try to use that. Yep, we're going for that. Yeah. Absolutely, you're noticing things starting to spread its wings, and you think it's a lot faster flying than it is on the ground. So suddenly you start to cast your Earthbind spell.

These yellowish tendrils come leaping out of the ground and wrap up the wings of this creature, and now I need to roll a saving throw as the dragon struggles. It is trying to break free of the Earthbind spell. I am sorry to say, cake, that I just rolled a critical hit in natural flying on the die.

The dragon, with barely any efforts, flexes its wings and there is a popping sound like rubber bands snapping, and your Earthbind spell is completely broken. The dragon says in Draconic, which I know your character speaks, well, that didn't go so well, and starts laughing at you.

You can tell that this is a female, young dragon, and if you want to know more facts about it, you do have very good arcana. If you feel like information right now is important, you still have a chance to roll an arcana check before your turn is done. Yeah, let's learn more about this. I just wanted on the record,

this is a timeout real quick. Billy is in the room. He's obviously dead like six different times, but Tim, he has his headphones in him. When you said it's a very young female dragon, his head popped up. Okay, you noticed that? I would say we noticed from inside the Griffin's stomach,

like there's a lump that's kind of turning. That's his bone. Like something inside of its stomach, the tension has been really short. A little internal boner. Depending on how much, what exactly we feed the Griffin will determine whether or not the Griffin bombets up any items,

but so far it is only muffled noises we are hearing from the Griffin. Take, you could try your arcana check. You have a plus five. Actually you have upgraded to a plus six on this now. All right. That's a crazy toss. Five, crazy toss. A six.

I'll tell you the basic information with a plus six you've gotten 11. So the basic information is this. This is a young green dragon and you believe that green dragons are poison dragons. They are forest dragons, but their element is poison and that means they breathe a poisonous breath.

That is what these green hazy fumes are in the air and they are immune to poison. So you know not to use poison damage against a green dragon, but that is the only information you know so far about this dragon. And since the dragon has spotted you, I'm gonna need us to roll into initiative now.

I'm happy to say the dragon rolled bad on initiative, but each of us are gonna need to roll a D20 and I will tell us what bonus to add. Most of us actually all of us have a plus two bonus on this except cake has a plus three bonus on this. 20. If everyone rolls a D20 and check out their results. Ooh, Wayne, was that you with a 20?

Yeah. Then you got a 22 and Wayne, you'll almost definitely be leaping into action first. Okay, I got a 10. Six. A 10 and that's a 12 total for Norm then. That's good news. And how did you do cake?

Six. He's bad at this game. Ooh. Straight up. We're a team. I'm literally sacrificing my life for you guys and you're treating me like SHIT. Just be better.

That's a nine total. The good news is you'll go ahead of the dragon, but not ahead of your teammates. And let me ask how early the warlock did. I got a four. Oh! Again, you're going ahead of the dragon. That's the good news,

but right now of the teammates, you are gonna be the last to react. Yikes. Good job, Jake. Now, Wayne, on your turn first, you would be leaping into action. I would say that right now, cake is kind of one move away from you.

So you could use your move to catch up to him, then you have your action to cast a spell or do an attack, and you still have your bonus action to inspire somebody if you would like to inspire anybody in this situation. So who's it? I think it's you. Is that me? Yeah, that's that.

Oh, okay. Wayne, the bar. Okay, so yeah, roll the 20. I'll sleep. I think I would like to, I really want to still impress this chick. She seems like she's cool. Can I, can I-

This woman's running after you? Can I tame the dragon in front of her and show her like, you know, I'm a, like a wild stallion has been tamed underneath my spells, and then she'll get really impressed and want to go, you know, hang out with me, maybe get a couple of flagons of ale later.

Absolutely. So I'll ask you, there's two ways you could do this. You could either try animal handling the skill, which would probably very much offend a dragon who is a talking sentient creature. You could try to persuade it with your very good deception skill,

or you have one spell called suggestion, charm person, your normal spell for hypnotizing people doesn't work against dragons, but suggestion would, and that's exactly like Jedi Mind Trick, basically. You go, I think you should do this. And as long as it's a reasonable course of action and the dragon fails its saving throw,

then it is going to obey whatever that suggestion is. You know what I want to do? I want to introduce this dragon to Blake Griffin. I want to introduce him and maybe try to set them up together. I feel like maybe they would get along really well. All right, yeah. I mean, so far you can tell,

cake did determine this is a female dragon. Blake is a male Griffin. You're not sure how that works, but we'll find out if it is a reasonable suggestion in just a moment. And so you're trying to set the two of them up. Do you have a specific wording on what you're saying to this dragon?

Yeah, my friend over there thinks you're really cute. Okay, that's great. Like, excellent. All right, so let's see how the saving throw goes. And with a total of an eight on the saving throw, that is not a success against your spell saved DC. The dragon looks and then does a double take. And then you see her raise one eyebrow

and she doesn't say anything, but you know, she is considering, why does this, why does this Griffin like me? And she starts to spread her wings to make them look more majestic. She's turning kind of like a cat showing off different, like, oh, my scales are quite gleaming, are they not? And it seems like she is more intrigued

than definitely interested, but curious about why exactly this Griffin might be feeling this way. We've got the dragon very distracted to say the least. And depending on what we do on our next turn, we could get this dragon more on our side or deeper into this relationship, perhaps. Which interesting is Norm would be up next.

Now, Norm, you don't have to do anything. In theory, you're maybe not the person to be leaping into persuade the dragon, but you could try if you want to talk to this dragon and not make the, you know, put us back into a fight necessarily, but up to you, whatever you'd like to do. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I am the,

if the dragon wants to eat us, I'm the first person in line, right? In theory, Erlich the Warlock is very bite sized of all of our characters for sure. I'd also point out that Erlich is our other very persuasive character. So yeah, I use my, wait, is it my turn? No, whose turn is it?

Norm's turn. Why are you right now? You got Norm on your brain. Yeah. You got Norm on his brain. You should just smack him. Yeah, can I keep him in line? Keep him in line.

Like an open-handed slap. Erlich's getting out of line right now. No, I want to, I want to, I want to kill this dragon. You can definitely leap into attack the dragon. I'm gonna defend like I think. You're distracted by the griffin still a little bit. So you can still attack her. I mean, we have dragon eggs.

Yeah, but you're C blockin' Blake. Yeah, but I don't want, I don't want, Hank's right, I'm trying to, I'm being a good team player. Hank is at risk. He's a little bitch and the dragon could kill him in like he's bites, he's like a little bite sized muffin. He's in Amu's bush and Billy is inside Blake's stomach right now.

I would almost like for Billy to see this new dragon get re-horny again and then have the dragon just absolutely roast him and kill him again. I want Billy to keep getting his dead. Billy's dead. Yeah, but he's inside Blake's stomach. So what do you want me to do? That's fine, kill it.

No, no, I'll do whatever you want me to do. Let's kill the dragon. I'll do whatever you want me to do. Do you want me to cut? Can I cut Billy out of the griffin? You want me to cut him out? No. I'll cut him out.

I'll cut him out of the griffin stomach. So now I'm killing the griffin. Are we cool with the griffin? We saved the griffin, we're pretty cool with him. He helped us in a fight in the hatchery. Don't kill the griffin. Potentially punch him in the stomach and see if the head just doesn't pop out.

Yeah, maybe gag him too. Norm could gag him. Norm could definitely gag him. So see if we can gag him and get Billy out. You know, the griffin, since this is what you're doing on your turn, the griffin had been commenting, you know, I don't feel so well. One of those bites didn't go down so well.

So he actually appreciates when you kind of like, you know, give him the hand down the throat as it were and go ahead and roll with a plus six on athletics to see if you can, whoo, right in the stomach. 16, 16. That is enough that suddenly flying out of Blake, the griffin's beak, there is a round object that is still wearing a horned helmet,

but it is the mostly digested skull of Berserker Billy, which lands at your feet. There is a single bit of flesh around the eye and one eyeball that then rotates around to look around at us. And in theory, that can speak. I would like to just, I would like to legit just poke it in the eye.

Just one good poke. Yeah. The eye immediately pokes back in through the skull and like falls through the eye socket. So there are no, no eyes anymore. I can't see any of that. That's good. Good, good, good.

All right. Do I have anything else in my turn or is the next person? In theory, that, that'll say was your action probably. Unless you want to do another attack, you kind of have more than one of those is a frenzy bar. No, someone else go. Yeah.

Excellent. You certainly got the head in your hand if you want to grab it. You can. Okay. Yeah. I'll hold, I'll hold Billy's skull in my hand. That's kind of badass. Yeah.

Now at this moment, you're holding the skull and that is from when, from out of the woods, another figure suddenly comes sprinting. They were watching apparently from further away. They are not quiet because they're wearing heavy plate armor but it seems like they are rushing towards this green dragon as though they are trying to save us or rush to our aid.

And as he flips up the visor, we recognize the face of Sir O who has followed us from the village of greenest apparently. He said, let's get this dragon. We gotta go now. Now, if you want norm at this point, since you, all you did was grab this head and get the head out of the grip

and you could shout to Sir O. No, we're not attacking the dragon right now. If you wanted to, you could call them off if you wish. And then that would bring us to cake's turn next. Or you could let Sir O do what he's doing which apparently involves jumping up onto the dragon and trying to put it in a headlock seems to be his plan.

That seems pretty cool. Wait, is it me? No, it's a big guy. You get to determine what you want Sir O to do and then he goes to Jake. Yeah, headlock. I would let Coach O cook. Headlock him.

Headlock his ass. Then I'm gonna let you roll for Coach O. The number he needs to beat, the dragon rolled a one. The number he needs to beat is a total of like a six. So please roll for Coach O. 14. 14, Coach O has this dragon in a headlock and he is just flipping all around

like someone trying to hold onto a loose fire hose. And this dragon is whipping him around back and forth. He is not letting go. He is riding the Bronco right now. And he shouts, go Ligers! As he beat his grip upon the dragon. And that would bring us to cake's turn, cake. What would you like to do?

Okay, just make sure no pictures of Coach O riding that dragon get out on social media. Yeah, I'm a team player. But am I hurt from my last turn? You're always hurt. You are not hurt actually. You haven't been attacked by the dragon yet. All right, I'm going for him again.

Absolutely. Were you gonna use an attack against him? Was that right? Yeah. Oh, were you gonna try to use the earth bind spell upon him again? Is that what you wanted to do? Yeah, doubling down.

Going back to the earth bind? Yep. Or you could use a spell that deals damage. Or I would also point out that you also could have the spell suggestion potentially if you wanted to try to hypnotize this dragon additionally. Yeah, let's do that. Let's do that.

Excellent. So already we've got this dragon agreeing with the suggestion that that gripping over there likes you and maybe you should do something about that. She's taken that suggestion. You can build on this now. What would your suggestion be? Let's try to keep setting them up like Mr. Commenter said.

Can you put some music on? Like what's it good across the room song for somebody to like look at and you know the world stops and you just zoom in on them. Like it's sexual healing? Sexual healing? Magic dragons. Oh, there we go.

Thunder? Nice. Thunder by, can he play Thunder by Imagine Dragons? He starts to play Thunder by Imagine Dragons to set the mood as it were. The name of the spell is Suggestion. I feel like that's enough. I feel like you have created a highly suggestive atmosphere

and so I'm going to roll a saving throw for this dragon and the dragon has rolled a total of a 12 which is not enough at the very least to have a spell save DC of 13. And the dragon, you see she had one raised eyebrow and she was trying to fight officer. Oh, she turns to the gripping again. She raised an eyebrow and then she raised her other eye ridge

and you see that her eyes start to get a little sparkly and you're starting to think that to her this gripping looks very heroic is cutting a very impressive figure and that she would like to talk to this dragon and she says to you, cake, who is that? Who is that gripping? What is this creature?

Who is he? And she's asking you now, right now, you've still got your move. You could roll a persuasion check on her right now to convince her of whatever you want. All right, let's roll in regards. Hopefully high. I'm due for a high roll, so.

Absolutely. Your technique on roll is so bad, Jake. Jake's just a little off the table. Jake's never, ever rolled anything ever in his life. Do you know how to roll dice? How to cast a die? Just go with one hand. Do it for one dramatic effect.

All right, all right, go ahead. Don't. 10. There you go. Good roll. No, wait. Can you roll twice? Do now.

Do the your way too. Let's see which one's better. See which one's better. 12. 12. OK, all right. I'm getting some respect back from my team. Stick with your way.

Absolutely. So we got a 12 on that one. And unfortunately, I'm sorry to say, you only have a plus one on this. With a 13, you are definitely getting her to admire the Gryphon even more. But it is unclear what she is going to do to Ser O in just a moment.

It still looks like she might tear Ser O off her neck and throw him in her efforts to go talk to that Gryphon, which brings us to Erlich's turn just before the dragon gets to do anything. And Erlich, you're the most convincing of maybe any of our characters in some situations. You have high charisma, same as the Bard. What would you like to do right now?

But I'm also closest to getting attacked, right? You are kind of in theory. Well, I also want to point out that while you're the most bite-sized, you don't have the least hit points. You have 31 hit points, and Cake the Wizard has 26. So it kind of like, in theory, Cake the Wizard might be in a little more danger than you. You're just Gryphon.

I was thinking, yeah, I was thinking of using my turn to dip set and just get out of dodge. But I guess I will use my turn. After I try to save you? I'll remember this. I said I was thinking about, it's called fight or flight. I think both things, I'm going to fight. I'm going to, I guess I'm going to use my powers

to cast the convincing spell on the dragon. Absolutely. Since you also have second level spell slots at this point, you would also have access to the spell suggestion for argument's sake. Let's say you have that right now, and what suggestion would you like to make upon this dragon? Well, I would like to know, I have a sneaking suspicion

that this woman that PFT is trying to smash is actually in cahoots with the dragon. I'm not trying to smash, I'm just, I think the woman and the dragon are in cahoots to steal our dragon eggs. I think she's a very interesting person. So I would like to find out from the dragon if her and the woman are in cahoots.

Absolutely. I will roll the saving throw versus suggestion as you ask that you should tell us that information. The dragon, ooh, the dragon roll of 14, which I believe against your spell save DC, which has just become 15, that is not quite enough. And the green dragon turns to look at the human woman who has rushed into this battle after us,

watching this whole scene kind of hanging back behind us. That dragon says, ha, ha, working with her, a silver dragon who disguises herself as a human. Oh my God. I would never. So the woman's a dragon after all. I hate silver dragons, she says. Damn. Okay. Now you still can make a persuasion check upon her

right now, Erlich, if you wish to. Yeah, let's do it. I'm sorry, no, no, no, you've used your move to get here. You just cast a suggestion spell. You still have your bonus action, which means you can command your little familiar, your imp, I'm trying to remember the name. Bob Costas was the name, yeah.

Well, Bob Costas was the name of your little kobold who is following around and he's one of our minions. I want to point out you had an imp that you had recently acquired. You had named it after your cat, I remember Hank, but I'm wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely, excellent.

So you've got your imp. Baby bronze. Yeah, it's the bronze. Excellent. So you got your little imp with a scorpion tail. If you would like to command this imp to do anything, it can turn invisible and do things just so you know. Yeah, it's called game seven.

Oh. Roasted. It was actually game five against the Mavs. So roll, roll, roll and then decide what one you want. 21, 11, they lost in a second. You could give it specific instructions. If you wanted to do anything, it could fly over and sting somebody

or it could whisper in somebody's ear or something or it could do nothing right now. You could keep it hanging back on your shoulder. Yeah, I don't know really what it could do. Like I don't think the imp is gonna be able to kill the dragon. Maybe if it whispers to the girl, like let's fuck this dragon up together.

Absolutely. So you're having your imp. Why doesn't the girl just turn into a dragon? I was like, girl is a dragon, Hank. Well, is it a girl or is it a dragon? It's a dragon disguised as a girl. Right. So we should get the girl to turn into the dragon

and then fight the other dragon. But it is a dragon. You're saying reveal yourself as a dragon. Yes. Yeah. I got you. Okay. Yeah. I would let you roll a persuasion check for your imp

who has a pretty big bonus. I think it's at least a plus three, but you can roll for your imp to see how persuasive your imp is when it whispers that. 20. Whoa. That's funny. So you do it, Jake.

Your imp whispers and your imp is like, don't worry, I'm great at this. And when your imp flies over, it starts guilting this human woman like, don't you feel like real bad for all this trickery? Trickery is not very nice. And the imp is, of course, a master of trickery, knows how to mess with people's psychology.

And you see this human woman start to look bad. She lowers her head and then she, with a roar, suddenly begins to grow. Her silver robes transform and suddenly before us is a silver scaled dragon that is decidedly larger than the green dragon. It lets out a roar and the green dragon immediately starts cowering

and says, this isn't fair. What are you doing here? And back and forth, they start to talk in draconic, which means that cake, at the very least, you would be able to translate. And what you're able to pick up of the conversation is that the dragon, the green dragon, is highly confused by our suggestion spells

and is explained to the silver dragon that, well, I was originally here looking for something. I was sniffing something out that I was searching for. I'm working under orders. I'm looking for something right now, but now all I care about is that damn griffin over there. I need to know why are his feathers so golden and his crests so majestic.

Why does he like me? And the silver dragon just begins to laugh and chuckle to herself and then whispers to us, well, well done. I think that this green dragon could follow us for quite a while without realizing that we have her under magical spells. Congratulations.

It seems that she is well taken care of here. This green dragon is an evil creature, but you have tamed it most impressively. I am sorry for my deception. My name, well, you can call me Elia, but the moment that I sensed your dragon eggs, I immediately had to seek you out before she was able to catch you.

And she's kind of whispering this to us while the green dragon cannot hear us. Do we have anything to say to Elia, the silver dragon? Ho's mad. That's what it sounds like to me. I don't know. So it sounds like there's a little rivalry going on

right here. Yeah, they've been, we're in the middle of this. Yeah. There's a cat fight. Yeah. Greenie, meanie. I feel like we just got to, we lose our focus sometimes as a unit

when there are female of any species involved. I feel like we- Are you pointing the finger at yourself? We got to get back to basics. We got to get back to growing out. Yeah. Go back to our man cave. We got all these eggs.

Yeah. And we need to stop collectively die-shaming. Yes. We need to die- Die-shaming? We do have to start rolling better dice, yeah. We'll start, we'll stop shaming when you start getting higher rolls.

Yeah. Okay. All right, so let's, what should we, let's figure out like one decisive action that we can then leave for the people. So like, what's our next big decisive action? I want to hatch,

I want to hatch my own dragon, like our group dragon. So we have collectively a child that we're raising now. Can we make them fight each other? Can we make them fight each other to the death? Can we be like, yo, you should have, you should have heard what she was saying about you before you showed up, dude.

You could absolutely roll to make these dragons fight each other right now. Elia is suggesting that she could probably convince this green dragon to maybe keep following us around. That's such an Elia thing to say. Yeah. She, Elia needs to have like one little hanger on

that tells her that everything that she does is great. Her hair always looks awesome. And meanwhile, it's all about Elia, Elia, Elia. That's no, I want them to fight. I want them, I want there to be a blow up. And then I want to go back. I want to, I want to hatch our own dragon. And then we'll have a son or a daughter to look after.

Absolutely. Go ahead and roll then the check to see if you can convince Elia to fight this green dragon. That's another 20. That's another 20. Fight, fight, fight. Absolutely. Elia says, I am absolutely ready to show you

that I can fight this dragon because I agree. We shouldn't try recruiting a green dragon. They can't be trusted ultimately. Magic sure can control them, but I don't trust that dragon. And I'm going to show you how we good dragons take care of the evil dragons. I am a silver dragon and we are one of the good dragons. And when I defeat this dragon,

I'm going to show you how it goes and then I'm going to explain to you why it is I among the silver dragons who should be helping you hatch all eight of the eggs that you have. Because if we have me and get rid of this green dragon and then have all eight of those other eggs under our control, those hatchlings,

then that means that we are only, and she starts counting eight eggs, plus me, we just need two more dragons on our side. And then we might have enough of a force to take on the enemy dragons. I sensed your eight eggs and that is why I came to seek you out because I have never seen so many eggs clustered together that we could hatch.

And together we need 11 dragons to accomplish something. I need all of them. Again, stay team of enemy dragons. And if we have your dragons on our side, then we can maybe offer a group of contenders in what we call the dragon wars, but among humans and elves, you have a different name for it. You call it the dragon bowl.

And if we can get our eight dragons that you have, plus me, plus two more dragons, she looks at the green dragon and says, no, I'm about to fight her, then we might have a team that we can assemble to fight in a dragon bowl. Okay, so now, do we wanna kill this green dragon now? Now we probably say, hey,

let's keep the green dragon for roster depth because it wouldn't be bad if we had 12 in case someone gets hurt. Yeah, I mean, you can always go next man up if we have a dragon get hurt now, but is that gonna mess with team chemistry? Is that a lack of room cancer? Can we just, can we, yeah, can we end maybe with that?

Can we like ask the green dragon, like, yo, you're gonna be chill about this? Like, are you gonna do your job? Are you gonna buy in and be a team player? You see, first of all, Elia, like, oh, this is good. We're gonna recruit this person just like we're recruiting the eggs. And we see the green dragon start to look around confused

and go, sure, yes. And coach O is shaking his head and offering some warnings that he does not see team chemistry really coming together with that adult green dragon. Is that minimum plus incentives? Poisoning it. So it's a low risk.

I mean, coach O can recruit them to buy in, right? Like, we can get this guy to buy in. Yeah. Coach O, sir O says, I'm gonna need to talk to this green dragon. I'm gonna really need to convince it and get it, you know, working as a team unit. But I think you let me talk to that green dragon.

I'll be able to take care of it. I don't think we trust sir O. I don't know if I like Juco transfers coming into our squad though. I think we trust sir O to get this dragon to buy into the team and be like, hey, you come here, we can win some championships. Okay, tell you what, we'll give it a spot.

Yeah. But we're gonna keep it on a very short leash. Okay. Can we have cake put, like, just one of those earth binds on it so it's actually on a short leash? She says, if you let me talk to that griffin, then I'll let you cast an earth bind spell on me.

Okay, we'll keep her happy with the, keep her sedated with Daddy Dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, try it, try it. He's having a long talk with the griffin while wrapped up in these yellow magic bands. Okay, okay. And then, so yeah, so where do we leave this off? How do we leave this for next time?

So Ellie is gonna let us know that it sounds like if we're recruiting this green dragon, who introduces herself, she says her name is Nyelaptia, our latest recruit. Then she says we're only missing one dragon to fully flesh out our team. We've gotta hatch these eggs and I'm gonna help you with that,

but then there's one other thing that we need. If we're gonna be contenders in the dragon bowl, our team needs to go to dwarven mines where a certain crystal grows by which the armor, which the dragons wear are made, we need our team uniforms. And right now, we don't have any uniforms, so we're gonna need to go get our team

some uniforms next time. I like this. Color rush, yes, color rush for sure. Alternates, throwbacks. Yeah, yeah, let's do it all visors, yeah, yeah. Let's do it all. Next time we'll have to decide uniforms or are we getting our last team member

or are we just going into dragon bowl? Okay, awesome, awesome. Well, Tim, thank you. We're excited. Also, just to make sure that I understand, I'm still holding Billy's skull, right? You are still holding it. All right, I wanna smash it.

I wanna smash it. Absolutely, we're able to smash it on the ground. It explodes. There are noises coming out of the shattered skull that they are now muffled and withered. I'll take a little piece of it with me, that's it. I'm gonna take a little piece in case we wanna reanimate him later

so we can kill him again. Yeah, like a necklace. Can I, yeah, right. We'll take one of those. Little pieces of skull. Can I just crush up a little bit of his skull and just snore a little and then piss on the rest? Yeah, absolutely, yeah.

Okay. All right, Tim, thank you as always. We really appreciate it. We'll see you soon, all right? Such a pleasure, see y'all soon. All right, thank you. Thank you. See you, Tim.

Bye. That episode of Dungeons and Dragons is brought to you by our very good friends over at Norton360 and they've got a great new product right now. It's Norton360 for gamers. Before you get your gaming on, you should know that hackers

might be attacking your devices with malware and taking over your webcam. They're likely interested in obtaining your user account credentials like your username and password or maybe even worse exposing you as a slider's dork cheater. So you don't want anybody hacking into your devices

while you're playing. Best way to prevent that is by using Norton360 for gamers. If hackers get access to your gaming account, they can then steal your in-game inventory. They can steal your entire account. Get your username, your password and all those items that you've collected during gameplay like weapons,

cosmetics, skins and virtual currency. They can then sell those for real money on various websites. Don't let today's cyber threats bring upon a real life boss fight. You need Norton360 for gamers. Security for your PC and devices. It blocks cyber threats.

You get a VPN for your online privacy. Get dark web monitoring for your gamer tags and more. All with fewer notifications. No one can prevent all cybercrime but Norton360 for gamers. It can help you level up your protection. Get Norton360 for gamers at norton.com slash gamers. You can save 20% on your first year

by using promo code PMT. That's norton.com slash gamers. Use promo code PMT and get 20% off. And now, Goldberg. And now for something completely different. Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. One of the baddest men alive. He's got the Georgia Bulldog Cup.

It is actor, wrestler, podcaster, Bill Goldberg. Football player. Football player, you know him as Goldberg. Football player. Football player. Let's talk actually. We got the most important part. Yeah, let's talk football first, Goldberg,

because we're football guys. This is a football podcast. You know, that's our bread and butter. You're Georgia Bulldogs. They just are so disappointing year in and year out. What's up with that, man? Yeah, it's amazing how they hover up to, you know, in the top five or top 10.

But I mean, obviously it's a weird season, man. They didn't have the best showing last weekend. They pulled it out, but Auburn's a tough game. I mean, after playing them four different times throughout my tenure, let's see if they got some Cajones this weekend. I like that. But you like him.

You like him against the Auburn Tigers. Raking up and this is, I'd say the scariest thing in the world is to have a zoom break up with Goldberg. Cause I can feel the, the, I can feel the frustration on your face and I'm terrified of you. I've always been terrified. No dude, it's all good, man.

I do this podcast in my sleep. You know, it's all good. It's all good. Getting ready for the weekend, man. I can get nothing else to do. My most mo 220 years. Whoa, that sounds pretty awesome. That sounds incredibly relaxing.

Hold on. Do you have a playlist for that? I do not. I do not. I just like to listen to the, to the great outdoors, man. Okay. Well, we got a, we got a guy who's got a playlist so we can maybe get you on the one.

Got a little bit of everything on there. So we'll hook you up with that. You got my most important question for you is, I think that, I think you're an all time traps guy. I think you have, you have the best traps maybe in the history of the human race.

I think that's fair to say. What's your trap secret? I just have a horrible neck from the onset of your football career. And you have to do traps every day the rest of your life. So it's like it's compensating for not being able to work out your neck.

You just get the traps muscles to become so big that they kind of blend into your neck. Well, it's in addition to the neck. You know, you got to do one, if you don't do one, you might as well not do the other, but you know, it's a support system, you know, for those shoulder pads.

Yeah. Okay. I mean, you do have incredible neck muscles. Your wrestling career, fantastic. I was always a fan. The spear was electric. It was, you know, when you had the WCW versus WWF wars going on late nineties, early aughts. You started though, 173 and 0.

People are saying there should be an asterisk with that. Do you, what do you say to those people? Why should there be an asterisk to it? That would be my first question because I was a guy and did it as opposed to a girl doing it in the WWE. No, they said that maybe it was a little, like you got 173 wins so fast that, you know,

it's almost impossible to go 173 and 0 and do it as quickly as you did. I mean, I watched a lot of them. You speared guys quickly, but do you think sometimes maybe it was a little too much too fast? Oh man, I was on the road 220 days a year my first year. So, I mean, I don't think it's out of the,

out of the ordinary that it could have happened the way that it did, but, you know, the streak was a whole, it was a creature in and of itself, you know, as good as it was coming down to its demise, you know, it was a tough thing to get out of. So, as honored as I was for being that guy to go 173 and 0, it was a huge burden

every night at the same time. Yeah, like you said, you're a football guy first, you know, you played in college, you played, you had a cup of coffee in the NFL. At what point did you realize that you could make the transition to becoming a wrestler? And was that ever like a backup plan for you? No, never a backup plan.

I mean, I had, my older brothers had ties with the wrestling industry, you know, when I was three or four years old, my oldest brother roomed with Paterra and my other brother had a house with Rick Fleer. So, ironically, it was in my life way before I actually even knew it. But, you know, what got me to do it was the fact

that my accountant called me one day and said, you know, you weren't an all pro, you surely didn't bank a lot of money, you might want to get off your ass and go figure out what you want to do the rest of your life. And I had no plan, you know, I had zero plan. The only thing I aspired to be was an NFL football player. So when that got taken away from me because of an injury

and mostly because of my lack of talent, you know, I hit a brick wall in 180 miles an hour. So I had to figure out what the hell I was going to do. I really didn't have a backup plan. Even though I had, you know, was a psychology major, it doesn't mean that I was going to go out. It started telling people how to run their lives. That would actually be fantastic to watch you be

like a therapist or have, you know. That's a television series right there. Yes, yes. And then you, and then like, if the person starts, you know, getting too emotional, you just spear them and you're like, pick your life up, get back to work, or I'll spear you again. Yeah, I'll give you,

I'll really give you something to worry about. I do love how your signature move was the spear, which is essentially, it's just a tackle. So you were demonstrating that you're a football guy through and through, you don't need like a fancy gimmick. You just, you just hit the shit out of somebody. When you were starting your wrestling career, did anybody suggest to you, hey, you might want to come up

with something that's not just a tackle or were they just straight up impressed from the fact that like the perfect form tackle is always going to be something people want to see. Well, I'll just remember the first time I was, you know, getting ready to go out and we were taping at Universal and the guy looks at me and before I went out and he goes, what's your finish?

And I said, what do you mean? What's my finish? And he goes, well, whatever you do, it's got to be spectacular. And so I went out there and I told Manny Fernandez in the ring to tuck his head between his legs and kiss his ass goodbye and I hope you trust me. And that was the birth of the spear.

You know, the jackhammer came from Sarge down at the power plant. You know, I guess Malenko had done that overseas in Japan and he did it from the top turnbuckle. And so I obviously was never going to climb to the top turnbuckle. So I just put my own little flair to it, made sure I could do it to everybody, 400 pounds and under.

Although there was an asterisk there with the giant or with the big show. But yeah, I thought it was a pretty good combination but it, you know, it paid tribute to my football days. Yeah. And it was something I didn't have to learn. Yeah, and you were, I mean, you were amazing at it. Was there one spear in particular that you look back on

and that was like, that was the most electric one. That's the one that, you know, if they could remember me by, that's the one. Oh, I'd say, I mean, the Christian spear has been played, you know, millions and millions of times. I'd say that one was picture perfect. There were a number of people that I did it on that I was very appreciative of.

So that might have given me, you know, positive feedback for myself other than the quality of the spear. But I'm watching the Christian spear back right now. That is so fucking good. That's so electric. Just perfectly timed up every second of it. I mean, that has everything to do with the success

of the spear is the guy taking it too. Yeah. Yes. That's a good point. What's the trick to selling a spear? Just like letting your body go limp and just letting, letting you just cut them in half? Absolutely.

I mean, it's, it's all about relaxing. It's all, you know, one little trick is you get the guy to elevate. Steiner taught me that one. He's like, let me jump before I hit you. I'm like, you know, that sounds kind of cool, but dangerous at the same time. But, you know, like I said, it was, you know,

10% Goldberg and 90% of the guy taking it. Are you still vegetarian? I was never a vegetarian. I don't know where that came from. That was like the biggest rumor I remember back in the day being like, can you believe Goldberg's a vegetarian and he's this fucking jacked? So that's fully debunked because.

Absolutely. I got, I got 20 long horns on my property for God's sake. I'm not a vegetarian. What's the longest you've ever gone without eating meat? Probably at two hours. So you were a vegetarian. You were the number one vegetarian in the world. You're the most famous vegetarian for two hours at a time.

Exactly. So I am a vegetarian just in shifts. Yeah. In between my cannibalistic eating. Well, you eat humans? Oh. Did you just admit to eating humans on our podcast? I liked that.

Yeah. Throw me on the list of other wrestlers that during Corona are making up stories about themselves. It is, it is the new diet, the intermittent vegetarianism. I do it for several hours a day off and on, off and on. Yes. What, did you hate Gilbert? I did in the beginning that, you know,

I had no sense of humor. I didn't really, in the beginning, I took the business way too seriously. I mean, I mean, I did and I didn't. The fact that, the fact of the matter is, I had to be Gilbert, you know, like 24-7, you know. I had to psych myself up and I had to be that guy. And that guy didn't come with the many niceties.

But once I understood why people do the things that they do and looked at that more so as flattery than it was an insult, you know, I got it. I didn't want to rip his head off when I met him. He was a good dude. Yeah. And I'm happy that I was able, that they were able to provide him a job

throughout, you know, making fun of me. Right, yeah. And you had a very long, obviously very successful career. In terms of football, you know, your career usually peaks. I think you peak athletically in the NFL between like 25 and 28 somewhere in that range. But in wrestling, even though you were, you stopped playing football because, you know,

you had an injury, you didn't make the team, you go into wrestling and you peak a little bit later and you have a longer career. At what point do you think wrestlers peak athletically? It's all, it's all relative, man. I mean, I went through the ringer and football. I never thought that I'd be able to lift again once I retired.

I tore my abdomen off of my pelvis. Yeah, I never thought I'd squat again. Never thought I'd do anything. So it's all relative. You know, everybody's got a different story going in. A lot of the guys like myself that were beat up going into the business, you know, I was, I was, I was literally one of the luckiest people

that ever laced up boots. It wasn't a passion of mine. I wasn't obsessed with it. I looked at it as a business. I was successful. I was in the right place at the right time. The right package, I suppose we put together. And, you know, I suppose I was worthy at the time

by being there at the right time to have that streak. And the fact is that if I had to get beat up all the time and, you know, truly have year after year of 220 days on the road, I wouldn't be in the physical condition I'm in now. So it's all relative. It's hard to say who's gonna peak when at what age because everyone has a different story coming in.

So how did that work with your recruiting to Georgia? Were you, you know, did you go on a bunch of scholarship trips? Were you deciding between a bunch of different schools? Because that's kind of an aspect. Yeah, dude, I was the top defensive lineman out of Oklahoma. College was a completely different story. Right.

You know, college was, yeah, that was different. I mean, yeah, I could have gone just about anywhere I wanted to. I wanted, ironically, as I sit here in the state of Texas, I wanted to go to UT. But after my trip to Georgia and after meeting coach Acres, the last place I wanted to be was in Austin. So, you know, the lineage at the University of Georgia

and coach Dooley, you know, being recruited by Ray Golf. I mean, it was a wonderful experience and I couldn't have gone to a better place. You also, I mean, I grew up in Oklahoma, right? Yeah. And I was right down the road from OU and they were within the top five. Switzer was the coach.

If he would have been the coach anywhere else, I would have gone, but there was no way I was gonna grow up in Tulsa, Oklahoma and go to college an hour and a half, two hours away. I just wasn't gonna do it. Huh. That makes sense. Cause yeah, I mean, I've heard a ton of stories

about how Barry Switzer was such a hell of a recruiter. I'd imagine he, you know, just his personality made you want to reconsider, but I understand not wanting to be like in your backyard. I'm going to Georgia. Yeah. Within five minutes of Switzer being in my house, he had his shoes off with the crown on the rocks

in his hand, laying on my couch. So yeah, Switzer was the guy, no doubt. Yes. Did he show up wearing his, like one of those robes? You know, he would have those like almost Creole Deville style for the coach. I do remember that year. I do remember that year or a year before him recruiting

a picture of him recruiting Troy Aikman on the sidelines of Troy's game, wearing a full length main coat and having some of the OU cheerleaders with him. Yes. Yes. He was, yeah, he was like, I can say those were the days.

Yes. Yeah. Do you still hate the University of Florida? Oh, absolutely. Tell up till the day I die. No question about it. It's just one of those things. They and Georgia, them and Georgia Tech.

It's crazy looking back on your last year at Georgia. You were the only player on the team to be drafted to the NFL. That's got to be, that can't happen many years for the Georgia Bulldogs. No, that's just, I mean, yeah. That's absolutely amazing to me. Yeah.

I mean, I just looked it up and I was kind of shocked. The final question is brought to you by Cross Country Mortgage America's crazy good mortgage company. Go to ccmlens.com slash take to learn more about your future home, buying experience or refinancing needs, equal housing opportunity. I had one last question.

So you do work with ASPCA. We do as well. You're a big cat guy? Are you a cat guy? No, no. I'm a dog guy. Okay. I mean, I'm cool.

I'm cool. All domesticated animals, man. I went on the hill and spoke about dog fighting and cock fighting about 20 years ago. And I'm a big, big, big, big advocate for the dog and cat, man. I love it. I love it.

Bill Goldberg, cat guy and vegetarian. Cat guy, vegetarian. Too scared to go to Oklahoma. Yeah, there's just a lot of things out there. Do you still have goat burger? Don't tell me goat burger. No, man. Unfortunately, goat burger, he passed away

and we gave him back to his family. And literally the day we gave him back, some dogs broke in. But you still love dogs for this day? Yeah. I still love dogs. Well, they weren't my dogs. It wasn't my house.

So I can't take control of it. Poor goat burger. God damn it. That's tragic. That sucks, man. Sucks. But we, you know, we, look at my Instagram. We had a three legged sheep here.

We had a little bird that we saved. You know, we, man, I live in Texas now at a place called the Misfit Ranch. We've got, we've got zebras. We've got kite. We've got donkeys. We've got long horned steer. We got all kind of stuff out of here, man.

You're Tiger King. So we'll take them all in. I love it. I love it. What's next for Goldberg in the future? Like obviously we're going to do that sitcom where you just beat the shit out of a bunch of tech bros. But then after that's over,

where do you see yourself like 20 years from now? Are you, are you still going to like get back in the ring every five years? Oh no, man. I have a, I have an expiration date on my wrestling days and it's, it's a couple of years from now because of the slow pace that I'm going at it right at this moment.

But you know, I got, there's a movie on the horizon. There's a television show on the horizon. It's just, you know, when we get back to some sense of normalcy when we're going to shoot again. Yeah. Do you, how much do you bench? Oh, who knows? I haven't benched in 30 years.

Oh, so vegetarian cat guy doesn't bench. That about sums it up. Mm. Just dumbbells, man. You don't need to bench. All right. How much do you curl? How much do I curl?

Like for a max or something? Yeah, max on curls, right? So it's 30. Yeah. I don't know. I work out with 45s on each side. So I work out with 135. So I mean, you know, I'm weak, man.

I'm an old man. What about in your heyday? I can still squat 700 pounds. Oh, okay. How much do calf raise? I don't do that. You see? Never done that.

What about in your heyday? What, what could you bench or what could you curl? I did 525 for three reps when I benched, but I kind of dropped it on myself and would throw it back up, you know, that cheating stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

Trampoline chest. I don't know, back in the, I, yeah. I could, I could squat a little under 800 pounds. And other than that, man, I never really did any big lifts. Yeah. That's, yeah. Same with me. I don't do like other than like squatting under 800.

Just, I don't do the big stuff. If I go above 800, I get worried because the bars that we have in my gym, they bend too much. And so I'm afraid I'm gonna snap it when I do it. What an outrageous thing to say. Yeah, a little under 800 squatting, but I don't, I never did the big stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. No, man. I mean, I wasn't that big. I mean, I was, I was a big weightlifter and I still am. I train every night, but I'm not a, I'm not a numbers guy. I don't go in there to see how much I can lift.

As long as I can, you know, use 200 pounds and I can crush that thing for 10 to 20 reps, I'm good with anything. I don't care about it. Well, you're, you still look like a beast. You're still a legend. And we appreciate the time. Whenever you're back up to New York,

whenever all the sends, we'd love to have you in studio. So we don't have to deal with the zoom. And maybe I would let you spear me. He's soft. It'd feel like, it actually feels very comfortable. Like pillow. Massaging your traps. I think the zoom cut out again.

Hey guys, big time. I'm in New York. I'd love to stop by. It was a pleasure. And you guys be well. Have a great week. All right. You two men, take care.

Yes, go dogs. I bet on them. Thank you, Goldberg. Appreciate it, man. That interview with Goldberg was brought to you by our great friends at Roman. Most guys have tried different ways to last longer, but thinking about baseball doesn't always work.

Maybe you've got something stressful coming up. Maybe you've got a big rock, paper, scissors competition coming up against a rival basketball team and their head coach. And you need to figure out a way how to last longer in bed, hypothetically, if you're a NCAA basketball coach out there that might be in the market for something like this.

You should use Roman swipes. It is the secret to longer lasting sex. Roman swipes are a clinically proven way to last longer in bed. They're effective. They're easy to use. They're fast acting. They don't require prescription.

Roman can chip swipes to you in discreet, unmarked packaging. And each swipe's packet is small enough to hide in your wallet for whenever you need it. They're super easy to use. You just take the swipes out of the packet. You swipe it on, let it dry. You're good to go. That's it.

And we're giving you a sweet discount. Go to getroman.com slash take. Get your first month of swipes for just $5 when you choose a monthly plan. That's getroman.com slash take. And get that first month of swipes for just $5 when you choose a monthly plan. All right, let's finish up with guys on checks.

Guys on checks. Hey, big dick daddy Hank, PFT and Big Hat. That is true. I'm a big dick daddy. I've been exclusive with the guy for five months, but don't know if he'll ever ask me to be his girlfriend. P.S., we live 350 feet apart from each other. Please help.

Is this like a stepdad situation? Yeah, what's going on here? 350 feet apart. College. College, so if you're exclusive with somebody for five months, help me translate that. Does that make you? They be fucking.

Somebody is somebody else's boyfriend or girlfriend. It sounds like you think you're his boyfriend, but he is like, hey, we're exclusive, but we're not dating. That makes no sense to me. Move dorms next semester and see if it's just ease of access. Move 500 feet away from him.

Mm-hmm. Yes. Although this is the old genie bus, Phil Jackson, the key to love is to live close and visit often. That's true. Maintain separate apartments. Yeah, there you go. Hey guys, so I've been dating my boyfriend

for about three months now and so far everything has been going great and he's amazing in every single way. Cool. He's in AWL and recently got me into the show. I even get along great with his family and friends. However, I have become slightly concerned about some of their guys being dude's behavior,

specifically what they have slated as beat jokes and with a capital T, so BEA capital T jokes. Emphasis on the T. I still don't totally understand that part, but it's what they say. Anytime anyone mentions anything along the line of beating something, they completely lose their shit

and get go like school children. It's gone to the point where we'll be scrolling through Netflix and my boyfriend will replace the titles of the shows with beat related items. Example, Pirates of the Cara Beaton, Dallas Beaters Club, Law and Order, Special Beaters Unit and so on. It's even to the point where all their fantasy football

names in the league are beat jokes. I, by the way, that's not a, it's even to the point. That has been the names of those teams for a very long time. Those are dynasties. Those are franchises been around for like a hundred years. Where he will send me new beat jokes that he finds in his everyday life. Should I be concerned or is this just a phase

that will pass with time? Please send help. It's increasingly difficult to have a normal conversation without him or his friends slipping a beat related jokes. It sounds like the beat, I mean, this happened to me. The joke has become the joke right now. Like it's become one of those things where it's funnier to see the different places.

How far, how much time you can spend in making a beat joke is now funnier than the actual joke. And can I just, I feel like there are a lot of people out there that are just as confused as I am right now. What does, what does BEAT capital T mean? Do we know? Well, I mean, I think it's beating your meat,

but is it something different? Is it? That's what I assumed it was. Billy, this is why you're here, Billy. Still beat though. It's like, I don't know, I think it's like if you sleep with someone and then they are like- It doesn't matter how sex.

Yeah, it's like it's still beat though. They will also like every, every phase that a guy has ever been in, they will grow out of. Because that is, it's like everything in life. Like we're men are half brains until they're 25. I think is when your brain fully develops. And so yeah, like you think back to anything that you thought was the funniest thing

in the world 10 years ago, probably not doing it. You probably do callbacks. That's why my Twitter name is Henees. Why? Because me and my friends used to do that with like, knees. With knees? Knees, like the body part? I thought it was the part off of-

Yeah, I thought it was the alcohol. No, it was like, it was like knee padding. No, like we would call each other like knee padders. Like if you said anything that's like sucking up, you'd be like, oh, you got knee pads on. Oh, got it. You'd be like, oh, what up, Dan Knees? Like P.F. Knees.

Yeah, nice. And then when I just make my Twitter, I'd be like, oh, you know. Henees. Yeah. Okay. Got it. Oh, that's vulgar.

I know this guy. I just never change it, yeah, Billy. Yeah, sure, if you want to figure out a way for him to stop doing it, I don't know. I didn't get a tone from the text that she was sick of it. Just yet, she's just kind of, she's puzzled by it a little bit. She's got to join in this fun. If you're sick of it and you want him to stop,

then you have to get in on it. And then he'll be like, oh, chicks are making the joke? Correct. I'm not cool anymore. Chicks are talking to me about sex? That's gay. Yeah, not going to do it. Hey, Big Cat P.F.T. and Norm's dick holder.

My boyfriend has recently won a lot of money gambling during the restart of sports. To keep me at ease, he tells me that it's going towards my future ring. Nope. Should I believe him? Nope. Thanks and take Norm to the vet.

Nope. Nope. I mean, does Johnny Sins go to the vet? No, I'm saying no. No, he goes to the vet there. No, good point, Hank, but nope. It's not going to your ring. Ron Jeremy's never been to the vet.

He's called the hedgehog, bro. I'm pretty sure he does not go to an MD. Hey guys, recently I found out, oh, this is a crazy one. All right. Hey guys, recently I found out the guy I've been dating doesn't come when we have sex. I figured it out because one day I was doing laundry

and picked a cum rag off the floor and it wasn't hard. I said something to him and he started freaking out and explaining how hard it is for him to come and that he's been faking it for a while. He told me he used to throw the condom out the window with his ex-girlfriend so that she never found out. He then started crying and apologizing. It was a super awkward situation and now we never have sex

because I'm no longer interested. What? Because he didn't really move the needle from me and clearly nothing is happening for him. He now cries when I say I don't want to have sex with him. Is this normal or should I run? And not crying like complaining, crying like actual tears come out of his eyes

when I say I don't want to have sex. First of all. You're the dick. This sounds like the weirdest episode of CSI ever. She's like going through the hamper, extracting the washcloth out, putting a UV light on it. And it's like, no, it's not crunchy enough yet. There are some medications that do that.

Well, I was gonna say maybe flush his anti-depressants down the toilet too. Yeah, I think like SSRIs do that. And then he might start coming. That's why he's crying is because first of all, he's depressed, second of all, he's not nutting and then you're making fun of him for not nutting and being depressed.

Yeah, this is fucked up. You're fucked up. I stand with this guy who can't come. Never been a problem for me. Yeah, Billy? Spit. If you're a guy who can't come, just spit. Yeah.

Spit on the back. Oh, yes. Oh, because as everyone knows, the only place to come is on a woman's back. On the, just spit on the back. Aim for the dolphin tattoo. She'll never see it coming, baby. Hey guys, sorry big cat about the badgers.

How can you tell if a guy is serious about having a relationship or is just trying to fuck? What's the difference? I think if you're asking, then it's, he's just trying to fuck. Like this is like the old, like if you ask, if you ask, you can't afford it. If you're asking if he's into a relationship

or just trying to fuck, he's probably just trying to fuck. Cause you probably would know if he's in for a relationship. I think you gotta fuck to find out. Just fuck around, find out. I think it's like, if you keep fucking, that's how 90% of relationships get started is you fucking off and then eventually you start to like the person that you're sleeping with.

Or if you want to have a relationship and he doesn't just get pregnant. Or fake a pregnancy. Yeah. Grab that spit on your back and put it up your pussy. Okay. All right. Last one.

This is real. It's one of the best ones we've ever gotten. Okay. Hey guys, especially buff cat. Probably fake. It's very real. So it's from big cat. When I was a baby,

I was separated from my identical twin. We got in touch with each other about six years ago after I saw an exact lookalike of myself in a picture on Facebook. We've been speaking ever since and even got a chance to meet in person about two and a half years ago. As you can imagine, I had a very rocky childhood

and I don't talk about it much. I've been dating my boyfriend now for seven months and he has no clue about my sister. I've never had the courage to tell him about the situation, but I do like him a lot. Enough to finally reveal her to him. Me and my long lost sister were hoping to meet up this weekend at my apartment

while my boyfriend is there and surprise him. Is it fair game to scare the crap out of him or way too early in the game? Oh my God. Identical. It could be Lindsay Lohan in the parent trial. Yeah. But this freaky private, full house.

Scare him. I think you got to scare him and here's the thing. If you don't record it, then it's worthless. Then you're just like pulling a prank on him that's mean. But if you tape it and get his reaction, I think the clout that will ensue after that, he'll be willing to overlook that. Yes.

And then maybe just hint at the fact that maybe one day he could have a threesome and never give it to him. Just keep him happy with that aspect. You should also try and do, if you're gonna do it, you should try and do it like where your sister wears like the same thing, but a different color. And then like, you know, you leave the room

and then she comes back and like see if he notices, type dude. Yes. Yes. Yes. I want to see this video. Even if you don't want to share it virally. Just text it off.

Send it to us. Or you can ask your identical twin sister to bring her boyfriend over, have them hanging out like in the house when he gets home. And then she'll be making out with that guy and then get to see his reaction. Then you walk out. I mean, this has the opportunity to be like the-

A murder? The all time posh. Yeah. Yeah. PFC just scripted a murder. Uh-huh. Always be like a too much said. Oh man, do it though.

Just have Ashton Kutcher walk out. Do that. Do that idea. I love that idea of having you making out with, your sister making out with her boyfriend and he walks in and then you walk in right behind and be like, what's your problem? That, oh tape it.

You gotta tape it. This is like a once in a lifetime opportunity. Shit. All right, that's our show. Friday, by the way, we have- 56. NFL preview and we also have a great interview with Robert Eiler, who you may know as AJ Soprano.

Fucking awesome interview. He's a great guy. Awesome interview. All right, numbers. 56. Stickin' with eight. 69. Are you sure you don't wanna pick 45?

I wanna go with 69 every time you pick because- I thought 45 was your favorite number. And even when I'm not here, I'm still picking 69 because 69's gonna come on. No, you don't get to pick what you're doing if you don't come to work. No, I- 16, 15.

No, eight, I'm sick with eight. I'm just sticking with 69 and if it hits on a Sunday, I'm not here, I'll be so pissed. What did you guys pick? 56. 18. I have 16. I hate that everyone's picking the same numbers now

because I don't like- No, Hank, you gotta float, we need a floater. Well, if 69 hits- I know, but if 17 hits, I'm gonna be so pissed. I always pick a different number. Here we go, here we go. Here we go, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight. Rex Grossman, baby.

25. Shit. And still alive. It's performed on August 30th. Whoa, okay. All right, let's see everyone. Well, my fun fact is that bats can actually see into the future because they predict

where the insect- Nevermind. Everyone's gonna have coronavirus. Yeah, do they see the pandemic coming? Wait, I want you to expand on that. So bats use echolocation to locate their prey. And bats have gotten so good at using echolocation, they can predict where an insect is going

by processing the spatial information. Billy, that's like, as a quarterback, when you see a receiver running across the field, you don't throw it to where he is, you throw it to where he's going to. You do that too. They say that they predict the future. I guess that's predicting the future, though.

I can predict the future. It doesn't mean I'm right. So any good quarterback can predict the future. Daniel Jones cannot. I think it's more like watching tape in basketball and knowing that this is the move the guy's gonna go to. Like at the end of a game. Like LeBron is definitely going to go right, flop.

But so quickly in real time. Yeah, so he's talking about real time. More like fast simulations in their brain. That's what you do when you drive a car. That's what you're doing the entire time. No, no, no, echolocation. Yes, but you're doing it with your eyes. You understand echolocation, PFT.

I don't get it. I read an article. That's dangerous. I wasn't able to synthesize in a smaller bit. No more articles. Too many words. Yeah, love you guys. OK, so my first morning and mornings.

Good morning. Good morning. Oh, you're speaking from the very amulet being boxed myself in my bag. We're talking away, I don't know what I'm to say, I'll say it anyway Today's another day to find you, Shying away I'll be coming for you love okay, take on me Take me on

I'll be gone in a day or two So needless to say, I'm all to miss, but I'll be stumbling away Slowly learning that life is okay, say after me It's no better to be safe than sorry, take on me Take me on I'll be gone in a day or two So needless to say, I'm all to miss, but I'll be stumbling away Slowly learning that life is okay, say after me

It's no better to be safe than sorry, say after me It's no better to be safe than sorry, say after me Take on me Take me on I'll be gone In a day In a day