Pardon My Take - Dungeons & Dragons, Chris Paul To The Finals, Brooke Lopez Respect Tour, NIL & Fyre Fest

Episode Date: July 2, 2021

Brooke Lopez is our new King as the Bucks take a series lead (00:02:48 - 00:09:16). The Suns get to the Finals and Chris Paul's legacy game. Ballmer acted nuts and Pat Beverley went out with a bang (00:09:16 - 00:28:41). NIL talk and our first sponsored athlete, AOC (00:28:41 - 00:36:29). Bryson's caddy quits on him and the question of whether we should feel bad at all is proposed (00:36:29 - 00:45:27). Tim Woods joins the show to continue our Dungeons and Dragons game and we hunt and kill Billy, again (00:45:27 - 01:39:16). Fyre Fest of the week to wrap up the show. http://barstool.link/athletesYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have Tim Woods, the return, the return of Tim Woods, the return of Dungeons and Dragons. We have him in studio. It is awesome. We're going to talk some NBA playoffs sons in the finals, breaking down

the Patrick Beverly, Chris Paul ending, breaking down Steve Ballmer. Talk some NIL. We have officially sponsored an athlete. Bryson's caddy quit on him. Firefest of the week. But Tim Woods, Tim Woods is the way to go. We're going to send you off into the holiday weekend before we do all that. Speaking of this weekend, the Tomorrow War is now streaming only on Prime Video.

We are very, very excited for this movie. This episode is brought to you by Amazon Prime Video, and it is bringing the summer blockbuster home with a 4th of July weekend release of the Tomorrow War, starring Chris Pratt. This is the movie event of the summer. You do not want to miss it this 4th of July weekend. We're talking about today. Today you can go watch it.

Chris Pratt leads an everyday hero who is transporting to the future to battle a vicious alien life force and save his daughter, wife in the world from total destruction. It has everything in it, sci fi action, emotion, humor. There's something for you in this movie. It's funny. It has heart. It is epic in scale and action. And oh, yeah, aliens. I said aliens. So check it out.

It's time travel, sci fi appeal explores the idea that science and innovation are our only chance of human survival. And then guess what? It hits you with a little emotional, grounded story, rooted in family connection and exploring a father's implicit love for his daughter and a wife. Strong and significant, relatable connection built for a broad global audience. Chris Pratt also is just awesome. He's the man.

So go check it out. You can stream it now starting right now on Prime Video. If you don't have Amazon Prime Video, you are totally missing out. The Tomorrow War, go stream it right now. It is the event of Fourth of July weekend. Summer Blockbusters now can be watched at home with Amazon Prime Video and the Tomorrow War. OK, let's go. Now in the street, there is violence and a lot of work to be done.

No place to hang out or wash in. And then I can't play all on the sun. Oh, no. We're going to rock it down to electric avenue. And then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're going to rock it down to electric avenue. It's part of my tape presented by a bar school sports. Welcome to part of my tape presented by the Tomorrow War. Go stream it right now.

Right this second on Amazon Prime Video with Chris Pratt. Today is Friday, July 2nd. And oh, my God. Is it a bummer watching the Eastern Conference final without Yanis or Trey Young? I did it with the Price is Right horn. Bump bump. But oh, that's what it felt like. I watched like a book credit to the box credit to the box. Brooke Lopez is scoring what 33 points?

Brooke Lopez. What would I say? Yeah, no, I'm saying Brooke Lopez. I'm I'm repeating it. So that was like that was like a rapper. Like I'm I'm I am helping put some emphasis again on Brooke Lopez. You said Brooke Lopez. I say Brooke Lopez. Brooke Lopez dropped 33 tonight. Yeah, 18 of 18.

Brooke Lopez, absolutely dominant is John. It's a system center. I don't know. People are saying, but yeah, that's how that's how bad that it is. It's tough to watch. The series has become tough to watch. I was hoping every time I see what's his name, the masses at the club go is that his name? Every time I see him, I just keep hoping he'll step out on the court

and he'll be like five inches taller and 60 pounds heavier and way more athletic and just start to play like his brother. And I'll be like, oh, that's the attitude to go to win. He's just as good as the honest and it never works out that way. But yeah, it's it's tough to watch. It's not a knock on the box. Like I know some people will say, well, you're knocking the box. No, I actually think the Bucks deserve a ton of credit

because like they all stepped up. You had Drew play a great game. You had Chris Middleton, Bobby Portis, crazy. I Bobby Portis, who I still love. He played a great game like the Bucks stepped up. And when, you know, everyone's injured or when your main players injured to be able to survive this, you get credit for being tough and for for pulling out a win when you needed one.

I'm just saying from like a basketball perspective. And I think most fans, Bucks and Hawks fans should agree with it when you go there and you're like, even ESPN had, you know, they had their live like scoreboard right on the main page. It had Trey Young dribbling the ball with Yanis defending him. Like that's what they're still pushing as the series. And that's just not what we're getting. And it sucks as a basketball fan to watch it and be like, man,

I really wish both these teams were healthy. And we had Yanis going up against Trey Young. Unfortunately, that's not the case. Credit to the Bucks. I do think that if Trey Young doesn't come back in this series, I think the Bucks will probably win this series in seven. I'm going to say seven. So the Hawks will win another game, but it's just a bummer.

It just feels like a bummer. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like the Bucks probably win the next game too. I don't. Yeah, so it's honestly tough to when you all when it's all coming down to like the role players and who's going to step up, it is tough to expect teams to perform back to back in dominant fashions. And like the Bucks dropped, what, 123 tonight?

Like, I don't know if they're going to be able to. You can't rely on the role players getting you that many points again in the next game, especially like if it's in Atlanta. So it's really it's like it's a toss up to me. It's just it is a big bummer because every time I watch these teams out there, it's like I do I physically miss Trey young in this game. Like my eyes hurt watching the Hawks play with no Trey young. They're always looking like, Oh, is that guy Trey young?

Is that guy? No, it never is. The only reason that I say the Hawks will win game six. And I think I think the Bucks are a better team without, you know, they're a better team with Yanis. If you take out Trey young and Yanis, they're still a better team. The the Hawks just every single time it feels like everyone writes them off. That's when they come out. Like they have done that.

It feels like five times these playoffs where everyone has doubted them. And then they just showed up and did their thing. So I think there's a toughness to the Hawks that will will shine through in game six. I've been very wrong many, many times before. So it could be wrong here, but I do love Brooke Lopez. I love he just moves so slow, but he still is able to do some like he's still able to compete at this level. But it's it looks like, you know, the old saying like piano on your back.

He runs with the piano on his back. He runs like his both his legs are like huge redwood trees. And he's like, it's it doesn't make sense. But then he's out there and he just has nice touch and hit some threes and does everything else. And I don't know. Maybe Brooke Lopez will be your Yanis. Maybe Brooke Lopez will win finals MVP.

It's been the craziest playoffs in that regard. I actually think that the way that Brooke Lopez plays right now is probably going to be the exact way that Yanis plays when he's like 60 years old. If you could put Yanis in a time machine, go that far into the future. That's what you get with Brooke. He does. He does move like a tree. He moves like, did you see Lord of the Rings when the trees were like carrying the people through the forest when they're running

across the entire country? Basically, that's what that's what the Lopez wins look like. How is it possible that Stanford lost any games at all when they had both those guys? Well, it's crazy, too, because there was a time when the Lopez twins were kind of like semi-bust and they both have had nice careers. And I just I think my favorite part about Brooke Lopez is when you, you know, in today's NBA, especially guys are so quick and their first step is so quick. And Brooke, Brooke Lopez doesn't get to his like full speed until his like a step.

His first step is truly a like we're winding this up. It's it's almost like cranking an old car. Here's my first step. And then and then he gets going. But it's I don't know, maybe that's what we'll do. You know what? We'll just become Brooke Lopez guys. And that's where we'll find the enjoyment in this series.

Sure. Yeah. Watching Brooke Lopez excel at the tender age of 46 or however old he is. How old is Brooke Lopez? I feel like he's sneaky younger than we think. Let's take guess. OK, my guess, my honest guess is that he's 34 years old. I was going to say 33, 34. He's one of those guys where I find out how old he is. And I get depressed because I'm older than him.

He's 33. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's that makes that makes me feel awful. All time leader in Nets points. Yep. Don't you fucking forget it? A legend. Katie will surpass that in like, I don't know, November of next year, I'm sure. OK, let's talk sons, sons in the finals. Chris Paul legacy game skip challenged him.

He came through that second half when they came when the Clippers look like they were coming back and Chris Paul came back in the game. He ended up with 41. He ended up with an all time great flopping performance. He deserves all of the credit. He deserves, you know, all the accolades that are being thrown at him right now. Am I happy for Chris Paul? That was my first question for you.

Are we happy for Chris Paul? We are happy for Chris Paul in a very selfish way, because as a son's podcast, it makes us look smart for picking the sons. Now, if Chris Paul was playing on any team besides the sons, we would be like, that guy is a P word and he flops all over the place. So I think, yes, we are happy for him, but only as long as he can do something for us in return, which is in this case, make us look smart.

I also want to give credit to Chris Paul. There's two ways you can kind of, well, there's there's multiple ways you can have a professional sports career. You could win all the time throughout your career. That's great. You could win early and fade. That kind of sucks, but at least you won early. So people will say, well, he's a winner, the Aaron Rodgers method. Chris Paul, though, is doing a great method here in that

he now gets all the pent up. Did we underrate Chris Paul? Did we not appreciate Chris Paul enough? It becomes a Chris Paul love fest for the next two weeks, not saying he doesn't deserve it. He does deserve it. But I think that's just a beautiful thing. Like, I know he didn't plan it this way, but that's how that's a great thing to have.

And so, you know, it's the John Elway method is what we'll call it, where there's many years where people kind of shit on you and like, hey, he can't win the big one. And then if he goes all the way and wins this NBA title, the amount of love that Chris Paul will get, it will make it all worth it. Hank, were you going to say something? I was just going to say the other element of that is the fact that him and Monte Williams like came up together.

He was his coach in New Orleans. He was in Chris Paul's wedding party. So like there, it's, you know, they're player coach, but they're also like brothers and arms. So that's that's a cool story, too. That's a good one. Yeah. The completion of this would this be the completion of the banana boat gauntlet? Yeah. Well, I mean, we all agree

that the fourth seat that was left empty was for mellow. Jesus, you want a college title? He won a college title. There you go. That's wild. It is with the same guy who coached Buddy Bayheim this year. Yeah, the banana boat. Monte Williams, though, deserves a ton of credit. I did think like it, it felt like the Clippers. They were a tough ass team.

And I know that we listen, we love story lines, playoff P. He played great these entire playoffs, but he still is playoff P. And he still gets to be made fun of. He probably doesn't deserve it this time around. He actually doesn't deserve it. But those free throws were big cat. Yeah. Dude, you guys, he makes those free throws as a different series. That's just a fact.

He played well, but he also won the like he also won them games that he shouldn't have won. You know, like he Kawhi went down and it's been the Paul George show. And Paul George isn't like what I think I saw Emmanuel Acho or maybe Sam Acho was like, he's he's not an all star. He's a some star. It's like, hey, guess what? It's it's OK to be like an all star. And there's only what?

Five, six, seven guys who can be like one A. They're the best player on their team. They're the best player in the world at some point, that type of guy. Paul George is pretty good. He's pretty good. He's he is playoff P. We will mock him. I have no problem still mocking him when he fucks up and says something stupid. But I'm going to give him at least a little bit credit for the Clippers like losing Kawhi and still getting to this point.

The problem with playoff Paul is that he's he's paid like he's a Mount Rushmore guy, but he's not even a JV Mount Rushmore guy. If you're looking at like top eight players in the league. So everything with him is graded a little bit on a curve. Yeah, he had not a lot of help around him and he wasn't able to do it on his own. So I'm not going to get off that narrative just yet. It's too much fun to just. No, I agree. I'm not telling you to in that box.

I'm not telling you to get off to playoff P narrative. I'm not getting off to playoff P nerve. I'm hitting a quick pause. It's like almost like a save by the bell freeze and be like, you know what? Playoff P, you did OK. These playoffs and then back to real life, you're a bum. I'm going to take a picture of your ball of your dog of your dog. Dogs, not you while you're sleeping. Yeah. OK. So I agree with where you're at one minor tweak to it.

I think that you should be in the scene with playoff P and then you hit pause. Then you tell the audience, listen, this guy is still kind of a bum. But in reality, he kind of impressed me the bare minimum, this playoff series. Then you go back to the scene. So he doesn't know that you said anything nice about him. Not only that, let's build off that. I say, hey, listen, pause scene, playoff P, pretty good playoffs. I, you know, I'm going to don't tell anyone I said this,

but I think he proved this year that he has some toughness to him, that he has some fight to him that maybe he didn't have the years past. And then before I unpause, I put a banana peel right under his shoe and he slips and looks like an idiot. And then I immediately tweet out, God damn it, playoff P did it again. What a buffoon. OK, I like that. The audience lapsed rockously and then Mr.

Belding calls you into his office, you go in there and he grabs your dick and it's being played by still Steve Ballmer. Dude, that Balmer clip, Steve Ballmer, do you think that Steve Ballmer tells the guys like, hey, listen, fellas, four seats, feet on the wood tonight. Games six, Western conference. Only thing I asked if shit gets wild, I'm going to jerk off your leg and smack you in the balls. It was it was honestly watching pornography.

They had sex. That was that was a sexual act. Like there was contact between the hand, the genitals. There was gyration. I think that's just sometimes dudes get pumped and they just grab each other. You've been in a situation where I'm sure dudes just gotten really excited and grabbed your leg and then jerk your leg off. It happens all the time. Like at a sporting event.

That that poor guy on his right who credit to him for even putting up a little bit of a fight, the guy on Ballmer's left was just like, listen, I signed up for this. These are six seats. I'm friends with Steve Ballmer. I'm probably going to go on a private jet later. Yeah, Steve, just rub my leg down and jerk it off. But the guy on his right was like, hey, Steve, I'd rather not get my balls smashed in by you, but he even still like it wasn't it wasn't that much for protests.

And Steve Ballmer, I'm going to say it right now. He's got to work on a stamina in the off season because I've never seen someone get so gassed after jerking off their two friends' legs. Quite like Steve Ballmer. I know I've never seen that before exactly what Steve Ballmer did. But I have to imagine that going skiing. Yeah, I'd have to imagine I'd have to imagine that other people, if they tried that maneuver, wouldn't be completely out of breath and falling down into their chair.

No, I mean, AJ Titties was standing on her feet all night long when she was on sidelines, so I think that Steve Ballmer, if I were in that position, well, first of all, let's think about the the ratio of the broadcast time spent not on Steve Ballmer and then the amount of camera time where Steve Ballmer was in the frame, probably about what, like a 300 to one split on that. And for that one tiny moment happened to be the time when he was caught jerking off the two guys next to him. You have to wonder how often that happens during a game when the camera is not on him.

This might be just like from starting starting whistle to the final buzzer. He's probably just rubbing off his buddies. And he just happened to get caught this one time. The Clippers should absolutely in their package, their local package, if they want to become a Clippers town, should sell a Ballmer cam for the entire for the entire game. I even like, you know, it happened. I was just laughing my ass off. I fired off a few tweets.

I saw one person was like, how about we talk about the game and the players in the game? Like, how about we don't? How about we talk about Steve Ballmer being a fucking weirdo and just smashing his boys' balls because there was a sick dunk in the game? I'd rather talk about that because that was one of the most shocking things I've watched. Yeah. And if you're that guy tweeting at you, telling you what to talk, that guy is spending all this time telling other people to stop talking about the guy jerking off his friends.

He should be talking about the game instead of talking about that. And then, OK, here's the other thing. If you're sitting next to him and he reaches over and just smashes you right in your dick, he's a billionaire. He he owns Clippy. He is Mr. Microsoft and he hits you in your ball sack. You're on TV. How do you not take the opportunity to just fall down on the ground,

call an ambulance over immediately, but put a neck brace on. You get transported to the hospital. That's that's your moment to shine. Like if that happened to me, I would be filing a lawsuit before I got off the ground. Like my the swelling would not have gone down to my testicles before I'd be rejecting my first settlement offer. I also would be wearing a cup. I'd wear a cup.

I'd wear like some type of like fireman pants. So if the friction gets too hot when he's rubbing you down, at least you have protection on like I'd be wearing a ring. I'd be wearing a NASCAR fire suit with a cup underneath all of my regular clothes. If I sat next to Steve Ballmer to get that's actually my goal. So I want to sit next to Steve Ballmer at some point when he had a place where he's likely to get excited and I'll be wearing just like one of those dog training suits where they can jump up and bite you anywhere and hang on.

I'll just be wearing that underneath my jeans hoping that I get hit in the nuts. Then I can cash in and take it's probably worth like if he actually damages one of your testicles, you could probably take what 25 30 million off him. Yeah, easily. You also could do the alternate version is like a boxer. You could just Vaseline up like a like you go see your cut man in between. Not a problem. And you just make sure that you're just lubed up to the point where if he grabs

you, he's not holding on. Mm hmm. Yeah. Listen, that was the highlight of the game, by the way. I've never seen that. And then well, well, let's let's talk about that real quick. Because I this is a weird situation for me, because I'm seeing one thing and it feels like everyone else is seeing something else. Frank Kamisky basically beat the fuck out of Pat Beverly like he manhandled him. He went up to him.

He shoved him so hard. Wisconsin tough like that was it was it was crazy. I actually am shocked that the NBA hasn't find Frank for what he did to Pat Beverly. Everyone was talking like he didn't do enough. I thought he went too far. I actually I was nervous because I was like, do I even know this guy? Like I consider friend.

And I'm like, I've never seen anything like that out of him. He doesn't know his own strength. Like what's going on here? It was it was frightening. It really was like I was I saw him do that. And I was like, I think, you know, a guy used to be a co-worker. Like that could have been me that he did that too. I was around him all the time.

And if like that, that could have been my face going like straight into the air next to where my face used to be. And that would have been just brutal. PFT, I woke my son up. It happened at like 11 p.m. I woke him up and I was like, hey, listen, if you were thinking about watching Game Six of the Sun's Clippers, don't because Frank Kaminski, that was an act of violence.

It was rated R. Technically, as are we still co-workers? Can we say that? Like, I don't feel comfortable even saying that he's a co-worker. But I don't think we are. So he's a recurring guest. I think we should I think we should find a friend of the program. I think we should find him, send him a message.

Well, then he made up for it by chugging that beer in the parking lot. Because that's a fucking good ass, dude. If I was Frank, what I would do, I would I would just self impose the two games of suspension. Yeah, from the from the finals. Like, hey, listen, I don't want to be distracted from the team. I lost my cool. I'll take this one on the chin and for the for the health and well being

of my opponents and my respect for the game, I'll sit out the first two games on my own. I got two other things about that. Pat Beverly, Chris Paul, which really it was the Frank Kaminski show. That's how I'm going to remember it incident. One is everyone acting like, oh, my God, how could Pat Beverly do this? I love this from Pat Beverly. I know he's a heel. I know that people don't like him.

But what does a heel do when they lose? They act like a five year old and they're like, fucking it. I don't care. I hate all of you. Like, this sucks. I'm going to push everyone. I don't know. I thought that was I feel like that's better than Pat Beverly, like shaking everyone's hand afterwards and being like good series. No, he went down in flames because he really dislikes everyone.

And that's the edge that he plays with. So I had no problem with it. No one got hurt. Yeah, it was a cheap shot. Yeah, it was lame, like, you know, in terms of the cheap shot part of it. But like Pat Beverly being like, fuck it, I'm just I'm going out in a blaze of glory. I'm getting ejected. I'm pulling off by Jersey.

That's how I want my heel, like, you know, tormentor guy to go down. Yeah. So my whole thing is there was a technical debt that had been accrued on the part of Chris Paul over the course of that game with the flops. So he had acted like he had gotten shoved a couple of times. When there was no contact made and he had gotten some calls. At that point, you should be allowed to shove him and actually get your jollies in, make contact with him to even up that that debt that exists because he's got

rewarded, you haven't even gotten to hit him yet. So I think if you if you pretend to get hit and you get the call for it, you should at some point get hit later on in that game. And I don't know if you guys caught this, but Chris Paul, he like can't. He can't break character because he got shoved and it was a cheap shot. And he went down and then he still flopped. I don't know if you saw, but he grabbed his head like he had gotten shot in the forehead and then he like had a moment of realization like, wait, we're up by 20.

It's the fourth quarter. We're going to the finals. He popped back up. He smiled. He like flexed, but he still, even in that moment, couldn't stop flopping and had like an extra, he put a little extra, extra like cheese on that hot dog, extra muster on that hot dog. That's what I'm looking for with that, with that little extra like, oh,

my head hurts now too, because I got flopped like he's Chris Paul. If you ever, God forbid, anyone ever gets an offender bender with him. He probably drives around with a neck brace in his passenger seat. Yeah, just ready to go always. I think that I think that Pat Beverly, you can't expect him to do anything different in that moment. Like, what is what is Pat Beverly? He is he's a firecracker that you toss into like the middle of a group of cats,

right? That's what he's going to do. He's always going to cause the most chaos for whatever situation he's in. He's not going to go quietly into the night. He's going to he's going to fuck around. He's going to try to injure somebody. And actually, like it was a pretty it's pretty dirty shove. Oh, yeah, I like I like Billy's initial reaction. And I wanted to hear a little bit more from him on that because Billy was the only

person right now in the moment being like, that is totally understandable by Patrick Beverly and people got mad at him. I was just thinking like if Tom Wilson had done something like that, they would have buried him underneath the court. But Billy was the only person that was like standing up for the right of Pat Beverly to be Pat Beverly. So I wanted to hear a little bit more from you on that, Billy. I love how Pat Beverly plays.

So when I was watching the game, I saw him guarding Chris Paul and Chris Paul was just flopping the whole time. And when he finally shoved them, I was kind of like, yeah, I can see how that happened because he plays with emotion. Like he wanted to get his legs. That's what I'm saying. Like he you can't ask Pat Beverly to be that guy and then stop being that guy. Just like you can't ask Chris Paul to be the flopper and stop being the flopper.

Like that whole interchange outside of Frank Kaminski almost killing Patrick Beverly was like everyone kind of finishing their story arc of the series where it was like, this is how it went. Like Patrick Beverly was going to end up getting ejected. Shoving Chris Paul, Chris Paul is going to flop even on that shove. And then the Suns were going to win and go off the title and hopefully win the title because we are a Suns podcast permission to go there. Yeah, go there.

Are we sure that Pat Beverly is a good defender or is he just like really fucking annoying and he doesn't stop? Well, he's a little older now. So I think like there's there's the debate of like, I mean, is he a good defender? Now he's not he's not what he used to be. Yeah, he used to be very, very good. But he's 32 years old. Like it's it's I think he's about to be 33.

So it's clear that he's on the other side of like in his prime. So he just he seems to me like a guy who he's better at being Pat Beverly than he is at playing defense. Well, he still knows how to be. Yeah, he's great at being Pat Beverly. Right. The age takes away his athleticism, but it doesn't take away his brain and his ability to be Patrick Bevere. Right. He's like like a turbo.

What's his name? Deshaun Stevenson. He's like a turbo version of that guy now. Yes. Yes. There you go. Shout out to Pacers. They were going to make it in here at some point. Yeah. You remember when it was it was like Deshaun Stevenson versus Gilbert Arinas and then it was Deshaun Stevenson that his new rival was going to be LeBron. Deshaun Stevenson, he's great at fomenting rivalries against people who are

seven times better than he is. Just just I mean, it's it's actually genius because we're still talking about him to this day. I think we're probably the only podcast that brought him up. But it's it's it's a little, you know, lesson for everyone out there. Find a rival that's significantly better than you and everyone will still remember your name. Absolutely. OK, so Sons and Four is our prediction for the NBA Finals. This many big guns and four.

Give Chris Paul all the the the accolades that he deserves. Give my man Cameron Payne all the accolades he deserves. Garrett Payne, that guy never lacks in confidence. I love that part of his game. He still thinks that he's MJ whenever he's going to the hoop. And he's like, I got this. I got this. But yeah, the sons have been really fun to watch.

And I'm yeah, I think we're all rooting for him. We're sons podcast, but they're a fucking fun ass story. Also, campaign makes Hank look like he's got the chin from American dad. Campaigns, Chen is. Oh, that was a shot. Is that because of the. I was saying because of the picture. I was saying that Hank's got a great

shame compared to campaign. But putting him on that. Thanks. Thanks, Tubby. Preview. All right, let's talk some name, image and likeness. So the world was on fire today. College athletes finally get paid. Barstool Sports is becoming a name, image and likeness.

I don't know, like we're I don't know even know what we are at this point. We're just signing everyone, which I'm down for. If you are an athlete, a college athlete, doesn't matter what level hit us up. I think the what is it? Is it what's the email address that we're doing? It's a URL. Oh, there's a URL now. Yes, that's right.

There's a URL now. So we'll put it in the I'll put it in the episode description. So if you are a college athlete, hit us up. We unfortunately aren't. We don't decide it personally. So don't DM us. Do the actual thing of going to the Google Doc and signing up. It's barstool.link slash athletes.

So we're signing basically the entire NCAA. I don't know where this is going to go. I think it's either going to come. Yeah, it's going to either become barstool save the world or there's going to be like a rule set out there. And then no one's allowed to play sports ever again because of us. But either way, I'm excited for it now. We are also going to sign some exclusive special PMT barstool athletes.

So they have to be in the barstool affiliate first and then we will elevate them to it's like kind of it's like I never saw the Avengers, but I'm just going to call it the Avengers where we just decide the select few Hank gave me a look like that was way off. But I feel like I nailed that. No, it's it's like it's a lot like the Avengers or it's like, I don't know, when you get hired to a company and then sometimes you get bumped up to the company's softball team and we're like the company softball team.

Yes, which sponsors maybe even stockball athletes. So we have one already. We're going to it's going to be select. We're going to roll them out throughout the seasons. Hank, would you like to because Hank actually ink this deal, Hank, would you like to announce who the first PMT barstool athlete is? Yeah, this person reached out to me earlier.

I was honored given everything that they have going on in the world. So much, so much responsibility and stuff. It's someone whose values I've represented and been with the whole time. Someone who I really believe in and I'm happy and proud to announce our first PMT athlete is AOC. Yes, Alex O'Connell from Creighton. Creighton basketball. Yeah, love it. So print the headlines.

PMT endorses. PMT officially endorses AOC. We understand the value of the worker. Yes. Yes. Alex O'Connell, welcome. You are number one. A1 can't wait to root for you at Creighton. But yeah, we're no pressure.

No pressure either. No pressure, but we're going to open it. It's going to be guys that we have like existing storylines with guys that we've talked to before talked about before. So we're going to keep it as more of a running thing here, not just everyone. And hopefully get them into some content too. Yeah. So I tweeted out last night that I was right when the announcement came out. I didn't think I just tweeted like I would like to personally I would like to

sponsor a fullback in college football. I think I think every single college fullback and blocking tight end. DM me yesterday. So I've got we've got a lot of applications to go through. Yes. So we're going to take it slow. We're going to make sure that we pick the right athletes, the ones that will embody the PMT brand that will carry that that that shining light on their shoulders.

And we're going to we're going to definitely have a lot of fun with it. I think that the best the best school so far that I've seen has been LSU in terms of just like straight up embracing it. Yeah. The second that they announced it, they put out that video that was in LSU. They were ready to go for it. And it's I think that that's the correct mentality to have. Like you can fight it.

You can like complain that, oh, this is going to give certain teams certain advantages or whatever. But at the end of the day, you're still going to have to deal with it so you can either fight against it and lose or you can try to be the very best at it. Oh, you're missing a crucial, crucial third thing you can do. You can retire like a coward and take your ball and go home and fake that you have a back injury and you want to spend more time with your 25 year old great granddaughter. No, I think isn't she like 30? I don't want to do that too.

I don't want to make everyone do a farewell tour on the way out. I don't want to miss any more of her adult league dodgeball games that she's that she joined up into the city. She just moved there. My granddaughter is is has a wedding next summer. I don't want to miss it. So yeah, the teams that the teams that embrace embrace the NIL are clearly going to be the best at it, but it's it's kind of ridiculous because there are no rules, really. It's just like as long as you fill out your forms and get your taxes

all squared away, you can you can't do business with certain companies. Can you do like good porn hub, just straight up sponsor and athlete? Well, the BYU released something that basically was like no gambling, no adult entertainment, no alcohol, no coffee. And I was like, well, fuck BYU forever. So that was in their list. I also I do think there are rules. I just don't think anyone's read them.

I don't even think that the people that are in charge of NCAA compliance right now are going to read them because it's the rules. Someone else. I don't think anybody does. I think I I don't think there is a rule. I think that it's just literally every man for himself at this point. Yeah, it might have been more a big cat. What?

It might not even play sports anymore. I know it just might be just everyone's got a strong dude's with sweet haircuts, taking checks from like America online to tell their grandparents to sign up for a free city. I don't know. I don't know what it's going to look like. Local, local Chevy sponsorships and, you know, the Chick-fil-A down the corner, you're going to you're going to sponsor their sweet tea. And that's it. That's sports. I kind of I'm cool with it.

Yeah. The SEC on CBS this year is going to be like, Hi, I'm Luke Del Rio for smoking vape shops only and only found on 8th Avenue, downtown Jacksonville. Come on by. Blow it out. What were you going to say, Billy? Technically, players can't have deals according to the NIL with regarding alcohol, legal drugs like weed, tobacco, adult entertainment or gambling. That's all. But coffee.

Coffee. Yeah. But all the other stuff now. OK, we're not a gambling company. Yeah. Or a coffee company. OK. All right. Let's last thing before we get to Tim Woods. We have a great Dungeons and Dragons coming up. Just another quick reminder. No show Monday.

So don't say, where's the show? Hank, where's the show? Also next week, Hank and Liam are taking a vacation, which they are much deserved. So we're going to have film producers Jake and not Jake Marsh, Jake Lasofsky and Youngstown Bob. So that's going to be fun. You get get those guys in the mix. We'll have a new show Wednesday.

We have Stu Feiner and John Morant. And then Friday, I think we're going to have our good friend, Racilla, on. So we will have Wednesday and Friday shows next week. No show Monday, Wednesday, Friday. We back at it. Everyone have a safe 4th of July. What are you going to say, PFT? Just for Wednesday show, we should do guys on chicks with Munchtown Box. And just girls, any questions that you have about about tongue stuff?

That's yeah, that's the day that you're going to want to get those questions asked. He's going to he's got you. OK, he's not going to get tongue tied. Last thing. I. Everyone just hates Bryson. I feel bad for him at this point. I his caddy.

So if you missed it, Bryce, this caddy quit right before a tournament started today, which I asked everyone around who knows golf. And I guess that's not something that happens often, because I genuinely didn't know, turns out the caddies don't quit the day before a tournament or the day of a tournament. Are we? Is there a moment where we're going to start feeling bad for Bryce? I would say I'm five percent feeling bad for Hank shaking his head. He's like, dude, you're soft.

Absolutely. I'll admit that I might be soft. Yeah, I might be soft. You are you have been leading the charge. Wait, no. Come on. Yeah, you've asked this question too many times for you to not be feeling it at this point. I believe I said it. Hold on. I believe I believe the exact quote was that if Aaron Rodgers and Bryson were playing Hitler and Osama Bin Laden,

yeah, I stand by that rooting for Hitler and Osama. Correct. Now stand stand by how you feel bad for him. No, I said, I said, is there five percent of you? I said there's five percent of me. Dude, the guy's caddy can't stand up like that. That's no duh. Yeah. Yeah. That's like Hitler and Stalin turning on each other.

That's like, yes, big head. This should not be. No, we do not feel that way. OK, whatever. In fact, I'm happy with the only way that I will become team Bryson is if Bryson disavows himself. That's the only way like his caddy. I said it's never too late to do the right thing in life.

That's a good lesson for everybody out there. Just because you're going down a wrong path doesn't mean you can't redeem yourself by changing course on that. His caddy. Yeah. He was Bryson's friend for a while. I helped him win some Mickey Mouse Astro tournaments. But then he left because there's a right thing to do. If Bryson at some point comes out, it's like, I'm a fucking dork and I suck.

And I don't like myself at that point. I'll be like, you know what, I think I'm team Bryson. He makes a lot of good points. You guys are getting confused. I will never in my entire life be team Bryson ever. I'm saying, is there a small part of you? Like at some point you win so much, which is what we do. We've beaten his brains.

His caddy can't stand the thought of them. At some point you've got to be like, you know what? Let's just let him go. I mean, look, we did it with JJ Watt. We did. We did. Hank thinks that's a soft move, too. But that's because JJ is different. JJ has shown a good side of himself and we like him now with Bryson.

Listen, it's kind of a beta mentality that you've got back. You think that Tom Brady just wakes up one day is like, you know what? I think I think five Super Bowls is enough. Hank's shaking his head. No, because Hank knows. No, you go out there and you're all about the next. Listen, if you want to call me a beta if you want to call me a beta because at some point I'm like, hey, maybe we shouldn't bully this guy to just like disappearing because it seems like we're on that road.

Then I'm a beta. That's fine. Well, his catting, quitting and us bullying are not related whatsoever. I mean, I just know it's more about like the fact that the guy's life is falling apart. I kind of you know what I want to do because I want to do because of you. He needs to look in the mirror, make I guarantee you his next catty. He'll be a little bit nicer to like his cat. I won't quit his kind of quick break. He's not going to be nicer to his next catty.

He's Bryson. He can't change. He's not. He's going to be terrible bad for him. I mean, who's who's left to be Bryson's going to be like his mom because no one else wants to work with him at all. Like, remember what Patrick Reed brought his girlfriend out there because he couldn't find a catty to actually take the job. That's that's the level that we're at right now with Bryce. I will not.

I don't want to go down this path to get. I think that price was a question. I don't feel bad. OK, all right. If he keeps having everyone in his life quit on him, I will. I will continue silently. I won't bring it up ever again, feeling a little bit bad for the guy because I have a heart. Sorry.

I don't not in this case. Now, when it comes to Bryson, I'm sorry. I also I was thinking about it like, you know what, never mind. I was it's what I'm just saying for every time maybe we should have a podcast. No, I don't want to have another podcast. I said, I didn't want to have another podcast. I said, I said, the only way we'd have on the podcast is if Jake Marsh asked all those questions and it was all our questions, they were just super mean to

Bryson, my journalism, reputation. It would ruin your journalism reputation for every tiny bit that you feel bad for Bryson. That's actually a little bit of your heart that could be going to feeling good for Brooks. And I feel great for Brooks. I always root on Brooke. They're not they're not like you can. You can. No, no, actually, you're wrong. That's actually wrong because you're spending so much energy hating Bryson. I'm using my energy for love for Brooks.

Putting my guy up and also Max in my head. Max, I only have to put in the energy twice twice a week because he never makes a cut, but I'm putting some energy into Max's Friday and Saturday and Thursday and Friday. Those are big days for for me and Max. It turns out that Bryson's caddy was the one that was living rent free in Bryson's head. Apparently he he got mad at his caddy because like Phil Mickelson the day before pretended to bend one of his clubs and Bryson was like, yo, why'd you have my back on that?

And then there was another instance where it like Bryson went over and started signing some autographs for fans, like his two, both of them were there. And his caddy forgot to like bring his putter between the 10th and 11th green. And so that was the final straw. They got an argument or whatever. I don't know how much that's true. I just also have no room, no room in my heart for Bryson's. No Bryson's allowed. This is a this is no Bry zone right over here.

OK, it's also like just being, you know, like at midnight for the Instagram, making your caddy stand there with his iPhone flashlight battery on so that he can he can hit shots that are not going to help him beat Brooks anyway, because Brooks beats his brains in every time they go one on one. But yeah, I mean, I do feel for the cat. The caddies welcome to come on the show. We'd love to hear a tell all. But yeah, I I'll just I won't bring it up ever again.

I'm not even saying that I'm going to stop hating Bryson. I'm saying if there's a small part of me as a human being that's like this guy, it sucks to be him. Hmm. Man, being a being a father, big cat has really. Yeah, I think other people sometimes so rich is once in a while. I think about other people besides myself. I am sorry. I'm sorry.

The guy makes millions of dollars playing golf. Yeah, well, he makes millions of dollars. He has a fucking friend in his life because of himself. That should be a wake up call. See, he does have friends, big cat that you don't watch his Instagram videos like I do, his buddies in the background, shirtless in his garage, hit the Nautilus machine super hard. Those guys, those aren't his friends.

Those aren't his friends. Those are friends using him for his resistance bands. Yeah, they're using them so that they can fucking get some protein shakes and some gains on. It's pretty clear. Billy would be his friend if he if he could use his gym. He absolutely would. You know, I don't think I don't think Billy would ever lower himself to to using a Nautilus machine.

Yeah, that's true. That's pussy shit. Oh, Billy. He has terrible curl form. Like he doesn't actually work out like he doesn't use half those machines. You can tell. Also, what one thing I've noticed about Bryson, he doesn't even look that big when he's not wearing his stupid, stupid dropkick Murphy's hat.

Yeah, he looks when he does look less. Yeah, beefy. Yeah, his head looks smaller when he's wearing a normal person's hat. I think I think he's pulling the wool over his eyes. So I'm out on Bryson. You can I am to you guys are totally misunderstanding what I'm saying. I'm still very much out on him. I still very much don't like him.

I want him to lose all the time because it's very funny. But I just I have a small piece of me where I'm like, man, this guy, no one likes him, no one likes him. You see you see like Jeffrey Dahmer and you're like, you know what? You yeah, you're right. Yeah, a guy who ate people. You're right. Good, good analogy. He was good around children.

That's how you got to try to find the yeah, you're right. That's exactly. No, you're like, you're like, look at look at old JD. You like to make people laugh. So not all bad. Damn. Oh, you're right. You're right. I I'm too soft. I wish I could be as hard as you guys all the time. Yeah, me too.

All right, let's get the Dungeons and Dragons. We got Tim Woods. This is a very good episode. Cors Seltzer Summers finally here in Cors Seltzer is going to make our summers even better with their brand new limited edition flavor, orange cream, pop, reminiscent of the summertime ice cream. Enjoyed on warm days. Cors Orange Cream Pop Hard Seltzer is a nostalgic blend of orange and vanilla

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OK, it is time. You read the episode description so you know it's back. Dungeons and Dragons with our very, very special guest and good friend. And Dragon Master Tim Woods, who is back in person. Dungeon Master, Dungeon Master, Dragon Master, Dungeon Master or Game Master? Game Master, Dragon Master, though. Also, Tim Woods, strong, strong vibes, verified on Twitter. Yeah, Tim. All right.

Yeah, claps sold out. All right, Tim, our boy. Yeah, I love it. OK, so Tim, it's been a while. Mm hmm. We have the whole crew here. Absolutely. Wait, wait. Can we just can we start with a good absolutely, Tim? Ab so. Lutely, 100 percent. OK, so it's been a while.

Good to be back. People probably don't remember where we are in our journey. And by people, I mean, we don't. I mean, myself included, it's been a while. We're going to jump back into things kind of after a long session. But I do know that we ended things on an exciting cliffhanger. And that's picking things up. The game never ends.

It's just always going on. All right, so give us the synopsis recap like previously on Dungeons and Dragons. Absolutely. So on our previous episode of D&D, we had made a journey where very few adventurers, especially at level four, end up going into the nine hells because we were pursuing somebody who is not alive, somebody who is facing off against a powerful demonic creature known as the chemist, our old companion, Berserker Billy, we know is having a bit of a showdown in the nine hells at the top of a very powerful,

huge tower where this demon waited and we made our way to the top of this tower successfully with the help of some of our baby dragons. I've put a smattering of little dragons on the map to show that our little dragons are here. They flew us up to the top of this tower successfully, where we saw a confrontation culminate between the chemist himself and our old friend, Ternemesis, Berserker Billy. We saw the chemist as he rose up to have a great confrontation. Seemingly go down pretty easily.

All things concerned, the chemist has fallen without too much of a fight. And now Berserker Billy stands triumphant over this enemy. I want to start things off by just saying that we are all level four right now. But Berserker Billy, to keep things interesting, I want to reward you for your successful battle against the chemist. I didn't see anybody else fight the chemist. So Berserker Billy, chemist took a dive. It's debatable.

It did seem like he had a lot of more hip points, seems like he had a lot of more hip points and he just fell over the chemist. He's lying prone at the top of this tower and Berserker Billy, you are level six right now, whereas the other characters are only level four at the moment. Now they are on the very cusp of level five. Anything that we might do could level us up to level five. But right now, Berserker Billy, you're standing a step ahead with a little bit more hip points.

I don't like that. You killed him like six times. He is dead. He's like the Kenny of South Park of our D&D game. He's died every episode. He is now a Goliath in his infernal afterlife form. Technically speaking, you are not a Goliath at all, but really a devilish creature who has still the form of your original life.

OK, so he's a dead level. He's a dead level. The hollow level six, because I was going to say, toughest ghost. If this somehow turns out that Billy wins this game, you're in trouble in real life. OK, just want to say we're armed and dangerous. Fake weapons. All right, so this is exciting. So the chemists and Billy, Berserker Billy, have gone at it.

We're sitting there watching and we're ready to roll. It seems like as the chemist went down, first of all, a wave of Regeneric's fueled energy is flowing out from him. And all of us are back up to full hip points and full spell slots. We don't need to worry about anything that we did in previous sessions in terms of taking wounds. Erlich, notably the warlock, had taken some wounds, I believe, from some flames. But, Erlich, you are regenerated back up to your full hip points at the moment.

We have all of our resources, but that goes for Berserker Billy as well. No, Hank is trying to get the mask on. He's got a full face mask, like a helmet covering everything. The headphones are an issue. I don't think they really thought of podcast recording when they make a podcast helmet. Yeah. Yeah. OK, so where are we starting? Absolutely. In theory, we are looking at Berserker Billy standing

triumphant over the form of the chemist, which is rapidly dissolving before us. And I would be wondering, we kind of left things on the note where we were going to maybe have a confrontation potentially against Berserker Billy. However, if we were to do that, it just became a little bit tougher. We were going to try to take him down. Also, keep in mind, we have a mission here. We have a gemstone that was handed to Erlich that was given to us by our dragon friends who are helping us take care of all these dragon babies.

And we were told that this gem needs to be filled with the soul of one powerful spirit. One powerful spirit is now being defeated before us. And we could try to bind that one. But there's another person here who qualifies as a powerful spirit. And if we want to bind anybody here in the nine hells into this gem, we need a price that will be paid to the mighty undead wizard who's going to make armor for all of our baby dragons so they can fight in Dragon Ball. So right now we need a soul.

Dragon Ball. It's our choice. Dragon Ball. We're going to be training our team, but they need uniforms first. And if we go to the undead wizard, he's not going to give us those uniforms unless we have a soul in this ruby that was entrusted to Erlich. So we're going to need one soul, but it's up to us which soul we want to grab. Billies, we could we could get billies. How how badly after this fight does Berserker Billy feel like he needs to take

a break because he might want to just volunteer and leave our journey for a while and kind of lay low, maybe just like put himself into the gym. He could sacrifice himself and just jump into the gem and you could be traveling with them. It's one of the ways you can get out of the nine hells. It's not the worst thing that could happen to you. That'd be kind of a cool bro move. I'm looking at the gym right now and it's it's pretty sick. Like if I were to be trapped in my soul for all eternity,

that's a pretty bitching thing to do. You don't know what it would be like to be in a gym. So in the gym, what exactly would I be doing? It's unclear what would happen to you if you were in the gym. Just be chilling. You don't know what it would feel like. Maybe you'd have no memories of it. Maybe you would only remember coming back out of it like when you're asleep

or it could be horrible. Could it revive me? It could revive you potentially depending on what they do with the soul once they bring it out of the nine hells. We're going to soul fuck you. I'm not getting in the gym. I will only get in the gym if you guarantee it. I just want to be honest, Billy.

I will fuck your soul. It's occurring to me. I might stay in the nine hells too. Potentially, I'm staying in hell. Yeah, OK, don't we get it? Decide you in theory know, Erlich, having studied this ruby that it does have the power to trap a spirit, but only after that spirit has been defeated, after its hit points have been reduced to zero.

OK, I say we just we just steal a soul. We just steal a soul. We just we push them in on a sensual soul stealing full hit points right now, Billy. Just give up, Billy. Did I just heal everybody? No, you did not wait to take credit for Tim's work. No, but didn't I just release healing for everybody? The chemist when defeated by you released a wave of healing energy.

So he took a dot. I healed everybody, but he took a dive. So you didn't beat up the chemist to heal us. You did it because you wanted more. You want I did it because the chemist was going to jump. What? Oh, are you serious? How much was the chemist was going to seduce big cat's boss's wife?

Yeah. And so that's why you beat the chemist up. Right. Yeah. That only for that reason. You did it for my honor, which I appreciate. And in time, yeah, I will say I will like this. That was that was me. We're still grieving.

OK, so they could get back together. Could I just like can we just like leave me alone? No, no, no, I mean, you got to put one of the people who want people want. People want us to soul fuck them. What are you? What are you going to do? Let me ask you this. If we did leave you alone, what would your plan of action be? Like if you were like, can I come?

Can you come like chill and help us? I'd be like, yeah. So you do whatever we ask. Yeah. Would you lie to us? No, I'm literally in hell. I don't have that many options. Yeah, we're still going to soul fuck you. Yeah, let's soul fuck Billy.

Your soul is going into the ruby. Yeah. Sorry. Do I have a choice? No, no, no. Sorry. Yeah, your choice would be to defend yourself. You can't get trapped in the gem as long as you have hip points. Guys, I really don't want to fight you guys. Well, too little to fight your ass. And just I don't want to fight you guys.

Just do it. Yeah, then just give it to us. That's the easy way to do this. There's an easy and a hard way. We can either take your soul or you can give us your soul. But I would end up killing at least one of you by the time you don't know that. You don't know that. I'm a level six. OK, well, let's find out.

Hey, roll the dice. Try us and find out. Fuck around, find out. Yeah. OK, I'll just get into the gem. All right, OK, let's go. I'm in the gem. But you better let me out because I am the strongest one.

You just signed on the knife. So you guys are going to watch out. You're right. OK, all right. So we got Billy's soul. I'm trusting you. We have stolen his soul and his soul. Tim, who gets to carry the ruby? Is it on a chain?

It was given to Erlich, but only because Erlich's the warlock here. You're the master of dark magic. If anyone can trap a soul, we've got Cake the Wizard as well. But in theory, this is kind of demonic magic or speciality. So I was handed to you. What we do with the gem is up to the team. It would be a real shame if you misplaced that soul. Maybe drop it.

How much is there like a black market? Yes. Oh, there's a huge black market for souls, depending on how powerful they are. The black market goes pretty far down. Also, there are beings that consume souls that eventually those souls are getting like sold to. Yeah, what's it going? Let's sell his soul to Deloitte to Deloitte and make him an accountant for the rest of his life. I was going to say, can we sell a soul to Bleach Report to the other game going?

It would be worth a lot of money. It would be worth over 10,000 gold pieces. So we're talking about more money than we've ever gotten in our adventure. Hell, yes. Berserker, Billy, clarify for me. You said you were willing to get into the gem, but I want to be clear about this. You would have needed to be like either somebody come attack me or drive your own hammer, you wield a hammer, so crush your head or something like that.

Oh, so wait, can I just run away? No, no, you already signed. I didn't sign. You said you were getting into the gem. Yeah, you got into the gem. No soul back. Wait, tell us how you did it. Can I just run away?

No, but I didn't run directly into the gym. No dice were rolled, so I didn't see any damage happening. I heard you wanted to get into the gem and I would have wondered what you did. Billy, we were just joking about all that stuff selling his soul. I just want to run away. Just let me live in hell. This was a test, Billy. If you had willingly gotten into the gem, we would have been like, OK,

we're setting you free. Yeah, and we will. We will set you free. Honestly, that like you gave me really no confidence about the gem. So that was just a prank. Yeah, I'm just going to run away. It's all a test again. There was some time you would have had to walk to them before you could have gotten

in the gem or hurt yourself or done anything. And at some point you've started to get suspicious. You can try to run away. There's not many places to go but back down from this tower. When we see him start running, what would the rest of us be doing? I would be telling everybody like, hey, do we have bow and arrows? This guy's soul is worth less money now because he's proven to be a lot.

It's actually valid. Yeah, yeah, what? Wait, so he's running deeper into hell. It seems like he's trying to run deeper into hell. You can descend down the tower the same way we let him go. Let him go. Have fun. Yeah. Yeah. All right, see you, Billy. No one's taking a taxi as you run away, Billy.

Do you run for the trap door? Is that right? The the door that leads back down? Sure. Yeah, absolutely. As you run for that and no one's trying to stop. It's like a spring break. Oh, Billy's negotiating with so bad. Let him go. Let him go.

Oh, no, it's the rum spring. Oh, no, don't go, Billy, please. Please don't go deeper into hell. I would like for you to roll a d20 to climb down the tower. Oh, shit, I hope you don't get a high roll. Wait, guys, I'm going to chase him. I'm coming after you, Billy. Roll a d20.

You have a plus six on athletics. Wait, roll it on the ground. Sixteen. Oh, no, he's deeper than a plus six. You climb down the chains and tubes of steroids that were hanging from this tower. And you're able to jump and you see just a sea of lava out before you. But but I have to be fair, there's still an open portal. But you don't know if you can take it.

There's an open portal about 200 feet away from the tower. And then just hell, that's it. Just all of the plane of a verness, one of the top layers of hell stretching out before you, you don't know what will happen if you had devilish spirit. Try to go through that portal. So there's a chance that I don't have to go to hell. You know, you could go out through hell and we'll see what happens there. Or you could run for the portal.

The portal might not necessarily be hell, right? The portal definitely leads out of hell. You can see hell and then one little window of like green forest. But they can use it because they're still alive. You're dead and in hell, technically. You don't know what will happen. I get I get out of hell. Run for the portal.

So he makes it for the portal as you run for the portal with that athletic check. You're making it sprinting. The others might be able to watch you as you're running for this portal from the top of the tower as he sprints for the portal. Are we doing anything or just letting him run? Can I do like like the Wiley Coyote? Like I paint over the door so it's just like a cement wall that he runs into. You can't.

But somebody here has illusion magic. Bard can do this. I'd like to paint a tunnel like a train tunnel. So so I want to be very clear. You'll make a train tunnel appear. Yeah, he might not know it, but it won't actually stop him. It'll just be an illusion. Yeah, that's why I'm straight in the wall.

So all you see Berserker Billy is as you're running for this beautiful forest window leading out of hell back to the material plane. Suddenly it changes into a train tunnel and there's a boom boom and like a train is rushing at you, roll an intelligent saving throw to see if you can figure out what is really going on here. You have a plus zero on this, I'm sorry to say. If you want to roll on the floor, turn up. Can I also drop an anvil on his head?

That'll be an illusory anvil hurling down on him. Yes, here we go. 100 percent. You got to jump through or else you got 20. Natural 20. It turns. Thank you so much. It turns translucent. You can see right through it.

You know an illusion. You see one. Maybe it was the anvil above where you're like, this doesn't add up. And you are able to see these don't aren't real. And therefore if they hit you, they can't hurt you now that you know they're not real. And you could jump right through this train tunnel to get through the portal. You think to the material plane. So does that mean they can't see where I go in the portal because of their own

illusion? Yeah. Yeah. Actually, their own illusion is currently concealing the portal, although you can see through it because it's your illusion. OK, yeah, just go through the portal. So you jump through the portal and Berserker, Billy, I want you to roll a d 20 to see how successful your return to the material plane is double hell. I literally just might die right here.

You're already dead. We'll double die. So we got that is a 10. We weren't adding anything to that. So it's the perfect average result I predicted. You come flying out of the portal. You made it. Somehow this portal allowed you a damned soul to return from hell.

And then you look at your body and it's not your body. He's rolling now. Did you lose all your games? You have what is happening now? All right, here we go. I'll even put on my book next time. She could help us. A critical hit.

You know exactly what you have become right now, Berserker, Billy, because you've seen it before. Your friend, quote, unquote, Erlich has a little minion known as an imp named Lola. You are also an imp right now. Yes, you do not have any of your spells. You don't have any of your stats. You only have the same stats as an imp.

Tim, I have a quick question. I've heard that imps, they primarily dine on vegetables and fruits and seeds. They don't really like eating meat. Is that true? What's interesting about that is technically they can eat whatever they want, but they're punished in such a way that the only things they can eat are things that they didn't like eating when they were alive. So it's always the food that they didn't like.

So no meat. If they loved meat when they were alive, then you can't even eat it. It's poison and imps can't imps can't procreate, right? Well, imps don't have like a kindle down there. You do, however, have a scorpion tail, Billy. It can poison people and you can turn invisible and you can turn into a raven, a spider or a rat. Am I still a level six?

You are not level six anymore. I'm sorry to say you're an imp instead. Come on, Billy, you said you're a vegan. I just kill myself. You might want to. Oh, he's stronger than I can kill myself. I kill myself. If you kill yourself, all that will happen is your return to hell and you'll stay

an imp. Oh, oh, an imp in hell. Damn. This is like the worst decision ever. Yeah, yeah, you. You are currently in the material plane. I'm going to say that at the very least, our bard Wayne can see you looking at yourself and maybe screaming in a horror. Would any of us be doing anything as this information is traded around laughing at him? We don't have we're laughing at him.

Yes. You also don't have a soul right now, but the body of the chemist is still disintegrating. I want to highlight that and Berserker, Billy, I'm going to say you were a cleric in life, the God of the Goliaths, the God of competition and sports, the God Kavaki, the Ram Lord may take pity on you. You can roll one more time to see as you try to figure out, is there a way to restore yourself from your imp form? Oh, I'm going to take a break from Dungeons and Dragons to talk to you guys about

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Go to liquiddeath.com slash take liquid death.com slash take. Get a free set of koozies with the first order of any case of water. Just grab some at any Whole Foods or 7-Eleven or go to liquiddeath.com slash take. All right, more D&D. Another critical hit that would make three today. I think that is unbelievable. Whoa, you know, there is a holy site somewhere nearby, actually, in the mountains that is sacred to Kovaki.

And if you can make it there, he may restore you to life. And if you do a good job with it, he may even restore you at level six potentially. I will let other people hear what would you what would you be doing when you make that realization? It's given to you as a vision from Kovaki. Just try to get there as fast as possible. You start flying there. I will let everybody here try an insight check on the imp to notice that he seems

to have a plan as he flies away on the other side of the portal. OK, which dice am I using here? Oh, here we go. I got some D20. Yeah. And I got a D20 here for all rolling. Yeah, I'll go. I got a five.

Not great. Not great. We need at least a 15. That's exactly what I got. 15 absolutely. And you're getting to add your arcana or history bonus. And I think you do have at least like a plus four. So that's I got a three arcana.

I've got a three history. OK, excellent. So with a 15 plus three, that's an 18. Oh, sorry. Not this is an insight check, I should have said. So do you have an insight bonus under your skills? Insight I have. No, I don't see no insight still with a plus zero.

You are able just barely to tell that imp has a plan. If anybody got a 20 or higher on their insight check, yeah, give it a roll. See if 20. OK, that means Erlich the warlock. Guess who else knows about sacred sites in the mountain? You know where he's going exactly right now. So you don't know if you can cut him off at the pass unless you have some kind of a plan.

He you know exactly how fast he is. He's as fast as your imp, which is faster than most of us. Not faster than your imp, ironically. So if we have a and maybe not faster than our dragons. Oh, Jake, you want to be able to keep. Can you roll? Yeah, I rolled a 10. Absolutely. With a 10, you are kind of privy to some of this information. OK, with a 12, you kind of saw him fleeing,

but you're hearing from the others that he has a plan and you know where he's going. When and we are at the top of the tower in theory, our main quest here was to get a soul so we could still grab the soul before we leave and chase Berserker Billy or we can do whatever we want here in theory. Yeah, when we get on the dragons, cut him off. We need to kill him. We need the soul, right? Because we got to make the uniform.

We do need a soul and he should be a strong enough soul contained within that import. So let's just get him. Yeah, but could they have used the chemist's soul the whole time? They could have used. What the fuck, guys? This poison bad soul. Yeah. It's actually the worst soul. He's soulless. Yeah. Let's get this in soul so we can make our uniforms.

Absolutely. With your dragon's help, they could try flying you through the portal and try to run down Berserker Billy, the M, but each of our dragons are going to need to make an athletics check. So I'd like each of us to roll 2D 20s and take the higher D 20 for our dragons. They only have a plus zero really on this 20 18 natural 20. You're doing fine. Don't even worry about the second. I can't do any better.

Five, 20, 20. Another 20. Excellent. Both of you are going to have to see your role in a second. That means probably not that good. 18, 18. Absolutely. Seven, seven and 20. You are noticing Berserker Billy as you fly for the mountains in your inform. You think you're doing great.

Then suddenly in bursts of elemental energy, poison, fire, light and these dragons are coming through the portal. They are moving full speed towards you and they are moving so fast. And with the wind, they are overtaking you unless you can also roll a D 20. I just say real quick, just chasing after impass. Billy is just so fucking funny. Oh, I'm having a great time.

I love how Billy could have just gotten into this, but he's like, no, you know what? I'm just going to leave you guys. You said you were going to what were you going to do to my soul? We're going to I was going to fuck it. I was actually going to exploring the options. I was going to take in the other soul the whole time. No, but your soul is younger and tighter. I would have taken your soul.

I would have given it to my team of dragons before the Dragon Ball. Let them pass you around a little bit. Get loose bonding. Phoenix sons, 18, 18. That is not quite enough, unfortunately, because we had a critical hits. You are good job. Because your total is a 21 and they got critical hits, but technically, they only got 20s.

I'm going to say this, they haven't caught up to biting range or melee range, but they can breathe their elemental blasts at you. So I am going to ask a question. Let's see the three people who got critical hits. That was let's start with you, cake, cake, the wizard. Which dragons would you have taken? Your choices are, again, Irvin, the prismatic dragon. We don't know what they would he shoots out of his breath weapon.

You also have the two white dragons, Stephen A and B. You have the black dragon, skip one and two. You have the green dragon, Mellow, the blue dragon, Leangelo and the red dragon, Lonzo. Which would you like to take? Those are some great options there. I liked you need two dragons to fly you because they're little dragons.

OK, I'm going to go with Mellow. It's a wild pick. Absolutely. We're going to go with Irvin, the first one. Absolutely. Irvin and Mellow. Then I'm going to say they're the first to catch up with you right now. Berserker, Billy, are you telling them fire all breath weapons? Try to take him out of the air. Absolutely.

Then first of all, poison shoots out of Mellow, the green dragon's mouth. She is upset as it has no effect on an imp, unfortunately. So that breath weapon didn't work. But then the prismatic dragon shoots out poison and fire, neither of which does anything and then also lightening and cold and other energy that does hurt this imp. I'm going to need to see a saving throw for you, Berserker, Billy, to see if you can avoid this blast.

You have a plus three and as long as you can get like a 15, you'll take no damage, sorry to say, with a 13. Go ahead and roll. This will be about 2D6. If you haven't eaten this, perfect. I'm going to pass this over to you. Actually, I know how many hit points you have, but it's 3D6, unfortunately, coming your way.

So it's going to be all three of those. And tell me how much damage you end up with. We're going one at a time or all three added together? All right. You're going to have 15. Two, four, six, two, four, six. So that's already 12 out of 15 of the hit points that this imp has right now.

He is almost down. And then we still had two other people who are catching up right now. Were you catching up? Yes, I had a 20. Yep. Absolutely. Then I would like to see what dragons were you going to bring? I'll go with Stephen B. And skip two.

Absolutely. So it's like Shannon and Max. Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. You are getting skip two. Stephen B, a white and a black dragon, and they are shooting cold and acid energy. The acid isn't dealing full damage, but the cold is dealing full damage. And so roll one saving throw against both of them. Honestly, if you don't pass this one,

the combined damage is going to be enough. You only have three. You should just give up. Like you're probably not going to get it. I want to die. I'm going to Ip. Yeah, you're simp. Critical hit. No damage.

The fucking movie. One more chance. Erlich, what dragons are you taking with you? I think I'll take Leangelo and Lonzo and make LeVar's dream come true. All the dragons on one team. Absolutely. Love it. The dragons come swooping in. The blue and red dragon are the two most powerful of the Wormlings, except for

that prismatic one. We don't know what's going on there. But those two dragons as they come cruising in, breathe fire. Fortunately, no damage for the fire. But the blue dragon breeds lightning. Roll a saving throw versus the blue dragon's lightning because it is one of the strongest dragons. This will take you down if you know about it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I just I just want this to be over.

It is over. Oh, vaporized by a blast of light. Could you slowly, though? Absolute. It is electricity. The dragon is able to shoot out a thin stream of lightning. And then just keep tasing you for the better part of it. Yeah, bro. That's very much so.

Yep. And then Erlich, as his body starts to vaporize, it's only an imp spot. It's vaporizing very quickly, unless you roll a dexterity based check with a plus two, you're not going to trap this soul in time. Go ahead and give it a roll. But you knew your dragons were helping you out here. You can roll two times and take the higher result. Stice, stice, stice, stice.

Two. Two. Hmm. Stice, stice, stice. Ten. Ten plus two is 12. And that is just barely enough. Yeah. Trap is over Billy's soul.

Inside the gem, the good news is in the gem, suddenly you find yourself a sixth level cleric once more of the Ram Lord, a goliath looking at yourself. But everything is red. It's like you are immersed in red light and it's very like Twin Peaks vibes. You're standing in what looks like a checkered floor with pillars all around you that disappear into darkness. It's just everything tinge red as you try to leave this room. The floor just keeps moving.

It's like any direction you move in, it just goes on forever. As you look around, you can see the edges of the gem wall, but you can't reach out to them. But Tim, let me just just in this room, there are there are no cores light, right? There are no alcohol and beverages whatsoever. And so wait, he's in a gym. Are you are you making that sound like a gym? Like can he work out? Um, yeah, I in theory fitness.

If he works out too hard, there's a lunk alarm that goes off. Yeah, you get smashed. Do I just kind of be just left alone in this gem, though? You are. So here's a safe kind of in a certain sense, if you are safe, if they want to affect you in any way, they need to get kind of creative at this point. But there are ways that earlick in particular might be aware of that this soul at the very least can be put into something else.

I have a quick question here about about the soul. Could we, in theory, take the gem and then feed it to the chemist and then re like invigorate the chemist with Billy's soul? Yes, 100 percent could try to do that. The chemist's soul is somewhere still around hell, just defeated. And if you go find him, you might be able to revitalize him with power. I would like to have the chemist on our side because he's bigger than Billy. He's probably way stronger, taller, yeah, way taller, heavier.

So if we could roll with him, but like with Billy's like soul inside of it, rejuvenating it, that might be cool. Seems like it would really empower him. Yeah, you guys want to hang out with Jose? Yeah, yeah. And his daughter is kind of sweet. Yeah, he's pretty awesome. Low key 40 40, man.

So how do we do that in theory? You can go bring this gem back to the portals already open. No need to open another portal. Your dragons fly you through once more to hunt down the soul of the chemist. Whoever has the best arcana score here. Oh, but I do have to give advantage to the warlock. See if you can track him down with an arcana roll. The warlock would have advantage, but you have the best arcana.

Plus six, plus six, exactly. If you want to give it a roll, I'll let you know if you think you know where the soul would have gone. All right. Seventeen, seventeen. And was that including your six twenty three? Oh, twenty three, the twenty three total. You know exactly what to do here.

His soul is still in the tower right now. In fact, if you were to come back into this room with the cool arena stage where the two of them had faced off, you think underneath that stage, there had been that archway, there's going to be a stone embedded in the tower or maybe a piece of bone. Some sort of a phylactery that's containing the essence of this devilish creature. And if you were to go there, put the gem against it and do a quick ritual

that one of you could do with an arcana check, then you would be able to reinvigorate the chemist. Would you like to go through the portal and do that? Let's do it. Absolutely. You get back to the tower. All the devils who were there before scatter when they see us this time. They've learned better. We've defeated the chemist or we in a sense.

We did. Yeah. And then as we flew in, we do in fact see it's not a bone or a stone, but a strange like pillar that is shaped kind of like a needle a little bit poking up. And then you are noticing that this is where his essence has retreated into. You can roll another arcana check or the warlock to see this will actually be plus your spell attack bonus, which is still a plus six. Doesn't make a difference. Here we go. Five plus six, eleven, eleven is not quite enough.

It does not release him, but it doesn't suffuse his power. And you hear the chemist getting angry within. He is starting to rise up and he's starting to like regather a form of some kind. You could try again, but it would be with disadvantage unless you want the warlock. I'm going to hand it off to my teammate. Absolutely. Good call. Warlock, you would have advantage. If you roll two times, you'll also have a plus six on this, but you have advantage because this is your speciality to you can roll a second

time now with it. Come on, can I give him inspiration? Yes, you can. It's hard. I'm doing. I'm doing the thing where the guy holds his teammates chin up. Roll a D six to see how I'm sorry about that, my bet, to see how much you are giving him as a bonus to. Plus two, so you can roll another time now with an extra plus two. So it's a plus eight.

Uh oh. Four, four, OK. Four was still the higher role, but with the plus eight, it's a 12. The chemist is getting angrier. We have one try left. Now that means you could try weighing with your arcana. You only have, I think, a plus three or plus three.

So you could try it or you could try it cake with disadvantage or you could try it with just one roll, Hank. It would be up to you if you want to risk it or you could try it. Both of you would get one roll, but at this point, you would get disadvantage. I'll do a LeBron James at the end of the game. I'll pass it off to my teammates. Absolutely love it. Yeah, good team.

Let's see how it goes. All right. You're the part. So maybe you can convince this devil to receive this energy. Fourteen. OK, 14 plus three. Plus three, 17, 17 is just barely enough. You are able to convince the chemist to feed upon this soul energy.

And the next thing you know, Berserker, Billy, you are being pulled like a fish on a hook out of the gemstone and into this giant silver syringe and then bursting out of it. It shatters and standing in the center is the chemist. Once more, spreading his mighty wings, flexing his beefy muscles. But you can see embedded in his chest, a helmet with horns sticking out of it. Like it's stitched into his body and then inside the helmet, these eyes light up. And what do you say, Berserker, Billy?

Wait, where am I? You are inside the body of the chemist right now. You can't move. You're just a head again. He boofed you and you are implanted on his chest. Kind of like that little guy in Total Recall. Jesus, a crang in Teenage Mutants. Yeah, that was a much better pull.

Thank you. I love it. I'm just like. Departure, whatever. Absolutely. You say whatever and he roars with laughter and says, I live once more. He grabs these two tubes, just jams them into his body. You see his muscles growing even bigger and you feel juiced up as well, except you don't have you only feel his arms.

You don't you don't have any ability to control them. OK, you don't think you do. Would you like to attempt to control the body? Can I just be left alone? Yeah, you're going to just say, can I just remember? Like, what was our original? Like, what were we supposed to be doing? We got to go get the Dragon Ball.

We needed Jim. We need a soul still. We haven't gotten a soul yet. Now it's about the friends we made along the way. It's about the friends we made. That's the important thing. I have a question. So one of my powers that I have, my spells is the zone of truth. Absolutely. So it's just like you have to be honest. You get a saving throw, but you know if they pass the saving throw in as long as

they fail, they have to tell the truth. Yeah, I would like to know how good of a teammate exactly cake would be. How good his sportsmanship is. Would cake sacrifice his soul for the good of the rest of us to go play in the Dragon Ball? Absolutely. Or is he just being polite when he would say something like that? You're asking cake the wizard this. So cake the wizard with a you don't even know his role or kind of you know a zone of truth spell when it gets cast.

You're asked to step into the circle. Would you willingly do this? Gladly sacrificed for the sake of the team. Now, you have the option to just say I'm failing the saving throw and automatically fail it so that you'll have to tell the truth. Do you want to do that or do you want to roll to see if you can lie? Whatever is best for the team. I'm not a liar.

Absolutely. So you voluntarily fail the saving throw. Now, anytime it's like a liar, liar. Anytime you try to tell the truth that a lie, the truth will come out instead. And what do you want to ask cake? You do you ask him if he'll be a good teammate? Cake, will you go ahead and sacrifice yourself? Will you will you slit your own throat and hop into this gym? Absolutely. Wow.

And that is the truth. Yes, absolutely. That's awesome. I mean, cake, to be fair, as the wizard, you'd know the kind of thing where it's like if we needed to, we could get my soul back and put it back into my body. You know magic for doing that. But the only reason I ask is it sounds like we're kind of out of. We're also I'll cut his neck.

Absolutely. No, that's so he doesn't do it himself. That's the new cone of truth. Which how do you want to die? Whatever gives you the most pleasure. How do you want to cut your neck? OK, you can cut my neck. Absolutely.

And I just want to check cake. Is there any reason you would want to make an arcana check to see if you know before you get your neck cut, whether there's another soul we could grab somewhere around here or are you just any signs of betrayal? Absolutely. Lovely. Just making sure. Check, check to see, check to see. Maybe there's another soul.

There might be other souls we could grab. It could be one nearby, Jake. Are you being honest? Yes. OK. Well, you know what I think would be best for the team? If Jake at least showed a little bit of curiosity to know, like, hey, maybe I don't have the best, then I will do it. That's what the team thinks.

Absolutely. So they test the test. Yeah. The team is going to ask you to cut your neck. You are going to be putting your soul into the gem. Is that right? Yes. Absolutely. Well, wait, wait, we just got superhuman with Billy and Jake combined. Wait, Jake, are you are you saying that you don't want to cut your own neck? I'm so confused.

So I will cut the neck for you. I'm just curious to know if there's another soul around. Jake didn't seem that interested. But I think that Jake, or excuse me, cake should be interested to know if there's a soul. So you want, as a team, wants cake to be interested in us. Is that right? I just like him to be. I don't really care about the result.

I just want him to be interested. You like to roll an arcana check? Absolutely. Get a 15 or higher. You might know about other devilish spirits around here. Eighteen. Eighteen. That's before the arcana bonus. Plus six twenty-four. Wow.

You absolutely know with the twenty-four that this region of hell is not run by the chemist at all. He is just a prisoner here in this one tower. This whole sea of lava in this domain is ruled by an evil archdevil called Zahriel, a fallen angel. But she has a lieutenant somewhere nearby. A lieutenant who is kind of a winged creature that dual wields short swords,

who is a little bit of a roguish devil who lurks around here. He's powerful enough. He's a good target and he'd be by himself. If you wanted to hunt this guy down, you could bind his soul instead, or you could offer up your own. Either one would be fine. Zahriel sounds kind of hot.

Is it an X or a Z? Z. Oh, it kills you. Absolutely. Zahriel to the main stage. Zahriel. She's got a vibe. She's got a real vibe.

What do my teammates want? I just want you to want to live, Jake. Is that too much? Then I want to live. I kind of want you to kill yourself. Well, we've got a split point here. Hank? Hank?

Your third? Oh, boy. Henry? Oh. Take him out. Shocker. So, Hank, you know what's funny is. You are the one person who,

if you put your soul into this gem and we hand it off to the lich and he's like, thanks for the soul, throws in the vault with all the others, you might be the one who could escape potentially. And so, this might be a smart investment and we don't need any soul. I do what I was doing.

I'm just trying to help you. So, we're doing this for you. Yeah. Just to help you. Right. We could yoink you back, we could help with that, but also you're a wizard. It's the kind of thing you might be able to do yourself.

I absolutely will. And it might even be. Billy, I won't. You, I won't. It also might be exciting for you to be kind of loose in the Undead Wizards Tower potentially without him keeping tabs on you or knowing that you're there.

So, now you're in many ways stowed away inside this gem. It's an opportunity. We're keeping you safe. And you are sacrificed that if you do it as a ritual, there is no role necessary. Your soul is transferred into the gem and you experience the same thing that Berserker-Billy had experienced.

Except I got people on my back. Yeah, we got them back. You can look out, you can wave and you can see them kind of like waving at you sort of outside the gem and you know they're giving you like a thumbs up. Yeah. Got it.

Excellent. Fantastic. All right, so now we gotta find the guy and give the gem to him, right? Yeah. In theory, yes, we would be sent off at this point. We knew that we were trying to bring the soul back to our two dragon friends, Nyelapdia and Elia,

the good and evil dragon who are helping us kind of raise this team of dragons and they were gonna help us in the dragon bowl. If we bring the gemstone to them, they will let us know where to go meet this lich and we can set off on that journey. Okay, let's do that. Absolutely.

As we set off, they let us know that we're gonna need to go high into the mountains. There is a windswept peak at the top of which there is sort of a tower with a skull carved at the base and that is where our accomplice, our ally, the lich, awaits us demanding a soul in return for uniforms.

But as we are getting closer to that mountain, we are seeing a shape appearing in the sky. I would like to see perception checks for everybody. Here we go. 12. Five. I got another 20. All right, hey. Third of the day, no big deal.

You can tell, I love it. Is he cheating, Tim? What you are? Like just based off how many 20s he's rolled. I also saw a lot of D20s from Berserker Billy and I saw every one of those. So I never, never challenged. It's asking a question.

I'm not making any accusations. It's asking to see your mitt, your hat. You know what? I'm just happy that we can have such a cool observation of what is in the distance because we are gonna have a special mini in just a moment. You are seeing what appears to be a massive dragon but I would like you to make a history check

to see if you can notice what seems strange about this dragon. Eight. Eight and you have a history bonus of plus four, I think? Yep. That is just enough with a 12. That you can tell what this is. It's not a dragon.

It's too big. It is some sort of a massive machine. No, wait. It is a dragon but this dragon seems like they are wearing some sort of massive set of armor. And then you realize it's like a dragon mech suit of some kind. And as you realize what this dragon would look like if they were smaller and not made of metal,

you realize just barely with a 12, you recognize them. This is the blue dragon, Lennathon, that Berserker Billy once jumped on the back of and rode away from the village of Greenus. She has returned. She is wearing armor and she looks big. Oh, what's in the box? Shit.

What's in the box? Oh, fuck, yes, Sam. Oh, fuck, yes, Sam. That's thick, hell, yes, thick, girl. Bearing down, she's bad. I see what Billy saw in her. As we are flown through the air, she is easily twice as big as when we last saw her.

Let me see from behind. Yes. Look at that cloaca. Yeah. Quick spin, absolutely. You can see energy and flames bursting out from the cracks in her armor, as though it is just elemental energy inside

that she is using to control this suit. But she is flying towards us as we are carried by our dragon allies. They say, oh no, we'll try to keep her busy, but you're gonna have to go into the tower without us. Okay. I think that's a good start. And that is where we will end today then.

Oh, hell yes. I hope everyone is excited. I have one extra. Can I, before we go, can I issue a retroactive apology to Billy for trying to fuck that hot ass dragon? What? I wanted to issue a retroactive apology.

When did you try to fuck the dragon? No, you tried to. Like we did. We made fun of you for trying to fuck that dragon. Yeah, dude, I know. Okay, so I'm issuing a retro, here, I'll roll. She's the reason. She's got a real glow.

I rolled an 18, 18 apology. Dude, she's the reason I'm in this position. That's true, that's true. Tim, you've done it again, that was incredible. Absolutely. And of course, Berserker Billy, you're with us, but so is the chemist. So maybe you'll be rolling as the chemist next time.

Dude, me and the chemist are gonna go like, chill somewhere else. And who left the room? You can talk to him, convince him maybe to do something else besides help this team, but right now, they're pretty happy, he's pretty happy you brought him back. He fought him, not you guys.

No, the chemist is sweet. Like we like hanging out with him a lot. Absolutely. Where's cake again? He's in a gem, but he's in our gem. Got the gem. Okay, got it. Absolutely, and next time we will be picking up

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Okay, we're gonna wrap up. We got FireFest. Hank, why don't you start? Reminder again, no show Monday. Yeah, so my FireFest, all I had to do yesterday before I drove home was basically clean my apartment and just drive home. I basically procrastinated for the entire day,

like I think eight, nine hours. I sat down, I was like, I'm gonna make a sandwich, I'm gonna clean. I turned on like Nick Merck's stream and I just watched the entire stream for like eight hours. Didn't end up leaving until 9.30. And at 9.30, if you guys were around, obviously it's the Northeast thing,

but it was raining and thunder and lightning, like I have never seen before. It was truly, I was going on the FDR like 20 miles an hour, 10 and two, just scared for my life. I had, I was listening to the game on the radio and I don't even know if this makes sense, but I had to turn the radio down to make sure that I was driving correctly.

Like it was, it was that type of situation. Wind shield wipers were going as fast as they could. I still couldn't see anything. The whole sky was like lit up with lightning. It was, it was terrible. And I could have just avoided it if I, if I was on top of my game. Well, how was the stream?

Yeah. How sweet was that? It was cool. Yeah. It was, I mean, it was one of those things. I was like, I'll turn it on while I eat lunch. And then I, it was, it was six o'clock. I was like, oh my God, I still haven't done anything. When was the last time you drove? I drove like Memorial Day.

Drives? Yeah. I'm a driver. Do you drive on the highway? Yeah. Oh yeah. I've noticed a lot of people recently, like an abnormally large amount of people that have been like, yeah, I drive. No, no, no, you just work with Gluttony Balls.

Those are the special characters. And Frank and Frank, you just work, you work in a weird spot. That's not a real thing. No, I was watching Uncle Drew the other day. And one of the ladies that was chasing after him couldn't get on the highway. The worst movies of all time.

I actually, I had it on the wrong channel. I was waiting for the game to come on. And I thought it was on ABC. I thought they were playing Uncle Drew on ABC when like prime time turns out they would never do that. And I was watching like, I don't know, USA or something. He was on the cell that came out

and I tried to like fake like the movie. I couldn't even get through it. We do work with just the weirdest people. So that's not, we can't, you can never be like, I've noticed a lot of people are doing this and then use your, you know, your test case as coworkers at Barstool Sports. Cause they are just like Tommy, Glenny and Frank

just being like, yeah, I don't drive on the highway no matter what. It's just the weirdest thing. But just once you let me on a road that has more than two lanes, I can't, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. It might as well be trying to read French. And then actually later on today,

I saw Glenny walk around the corner and he got Tanner from like this morning to the afternoon. Like after lunch, he was more tan than he was this morning. He was like, yeah, I don't know. I just, I walked down the street for lunch. We do, we work with a bunch of real weirdos, but I love them. Yes. Yes.

All right, PFT, your firefest. So my firefest of the week is I'm fat and Hank isn't afraid to show the world how fat I am. There were some pictures that got put out of the Dungeons and Dragons episode. I'll be the first to admit, I put on a little bit of weight recently, which I've been trying to take off. And I thought I was taking it off with my all broth diet

that I was working on a couple of weeks ago. But the picture that came out is one of the tougher visuals that I've had. It had that red line across the middle of my stomach from where I'd been sitting down and my stomach had folded in and it collapsed in on itself for a while because my posture sucks too.

But it looked like I had just gotten out of like major organ removal surgery with this red folded line. And then it was hanging over my belt a little bit. And yeah, it just, it looked really bad. And so thanks Hank for, I should be thanking you. It was a wake-up call. So I appreciate you showing that side of me

to the entire internet without cropping the image because I think I think in the end it'll make me be a better person. Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, if I like, it's not like I'm taking these candid photos. I walk over with a camera and you pose for it. You know, what do you want me to do? Here's the thing, PFT, I said this last week.

You put on a, you took your shirt off and put on the night's armor. You could have just put on a shirt. Debbie, that's true. I said this last week though, I think that you have to just realize, and I've had this realization many times over, that it's not the pictures, it's just you as a person.

Like I, when Hank takes a bad picture of me and I look fat or ugly, I'm like, man, that was mean to Hank. I'm like, no, actually that was mean of me to my own body for being a gross slob and a piece of shit. So like the problem with being fat is all pictures just tell you that yes, you are in fact fat. I just didn't need it today.

That's the only, because like today is the first day of my beach house for July. And so now I have zero comp. I'm gonna have to wear a shirt at the beach. That's gonna be tough. I don't, I don't feel fat, but I am. Does that make sense? Like walking around, I'm not walking around being like,

hey, I think you're gonna be okay. You're gonna be living in denial. You're gonna be okay. I don't think this is gonna phase you that long. Okay. You, I mean, you, Hank's right. You popped off your shirt like without any, like, it was just like, boom, shirt off.

So I don't think you lacking confidence is something that ever needs to be worried about. Okay. Well, hi, my name's PFT. I'm fat, but I don't care. Well, care a little. All right. Hi, my name's PFT.

I'm fat. I'm a little self-conscious about it, but at the end of the day, it could be a lot worse. Yes. There it is. I've seen much worse from you. So there's bad. Yeah.

I mean. Oh, thanks. Remember the Canada picture? The what? When we put on the, we put out, this was like five years ago at this point, Canada boys days. And we, you guys are modeling the Canada sweatshirts.

That was bad. That was bad picture. Yes. Okay. I do remember that. I caught feelings about that one too. Oh yeah. You did that.

You did that. I got the net. I got the net. Deleted it. All right, Jake, you got a firefest? Yeah. My firefest is the existence of potholes around New York city.

Two Ubers, one city bike this week. I've just gotten bad whiplash from a pothole. Not good. Could have been bad. Damn. But I didn't fall off. Holy shit. No, I didn't fall off, but they're just,

Are you okay? There's some big potholes around the city. You got to watch out. How's, how's your, You should go to the, you should go to the state house. Yeah. You should, you should complain.

I don't know. I won't Karen this one, but I'm just telling everyone around the city to watch out. There's some big potholes. You don't want to get hurt by the potholes around Manhattan. You know what we should do? You should make an app

where you can log where the potholes are. I like it. They have that for public toilets around the city. It's called flush. It just tells you all the public bathrooms. Maybe I'll just make it for potholes. I, I'm going to say right now, if you, if you have a problem

taking a shit in a public bathroom, you're a pussy. If you got a shit, you got a shit. So my app would just be, my app would be like, take a shit anywhere. Who cares? Every bathroom is good. Wipe it down. Thank you.

Don't think about it. You should be allowed to shit into potholes. Yeah. I'll bet you they get filled up pretty quickly. Once people start pissing and shitting in them, you'd see city workers go out post haste and, and repair them. So maybe that's probably a two prong solution there. All right.

My firefest is, it's weird because I know that you won't, you guys won't believe me, but I'm telling the God's honest truth. I think I saw another kid break his arm today. So I was at, I was at a restaurant with my son eating lunch. We're in a booth. The, the booth next to us had another two year old and with his,

what seemed like his grandmother, two year old start looking at each other like, Oh fuck, like it's almost like dogs seeing each other out like on the street. They're like, whoa, I didn't know another one of you existed. Kids leering over and he just fucking falls out of the booth. And they had to leave the restaurant in the middle of lunch. And I'm like, I saw the fall. I would say a 75% chance he broke his arm.

And I don't know what it is now. Cause like now I feel like I'm cursed. Now I'm just going to watch Pete kids break their arms every day. Did you tell them, they like coming out beforehand? Yeah. Hey, you look like you're a future Olympian that will finish forth. Someday, you know, I, yeah, I'm bad juju.

Yeah. It was bad. This kid in the adjacent booth has tremendous posture. He's got great balance. No chance he falls. Do you think that your son might believe that he had something to do with it? Like what, what if your son has the force? No, he had made that kid fall out.

He was at one point, he was kind of low key laughing. So, um, no, I don't think he felt bad at all. Like I had to tell him like, we're not laughing right now. I haven't, I haven't seen Star Wars as we discussed, but if he had the force and he was a bad guy, he could have made the kid fall out. That's what I'm saying. Do you think your kid is dominating other children via the power of his own mind? That would be cool.

I have said before, I do think there's like a, maybe a 5% chance that he's an X man because he's called, he says the word hot for every type of food. Like I could hand him ice cream and he'll say hot. So I think maybe like his, his mouth is always burning and he's got like fireballs ready to go. So, um, yeah, yeah, it's, I wouldn't rule anything out at this point. I'm just, I'm just sick and tired of watching little children break their arms. Cause that's twice in three weeks now.

It's kind of what you get for tempting the universe. When you're like, I really enjoy watching injury videos. Yeah, that's true. So ever since you put that thing out there, which is, but to be fair, it's, it's something that we all think about, but you were the first to be like, I like watching sports injuries. Hold on. That is very, but hold on.

I like watching, I will stand by that. I like watching injury videos. I don't like watching in real life injuries. Okay. Put me on the other side of a computer and I'll feel okay. You could also just be like a walking, breathing version of that movie, the ring where like somebody see like a kid sees big cat and you know that within 30 seconds, he's going to break a bone.

Yeah. Fuck man. It was bad. It was bad. A lot of crying, a lot of just, and again, my son was laughing. So it was, it was a bad scene altogether. Uh, Billy, you want to wrap it up? You want to give us your firefest and any recap?

Yeah. So with all these NCA, D three, D two, D one, everyone's, you know, selling merch, being a Twitch streamer and making money off of their likeness. Um, even though I am not anywhere close to guys like Reggie Bush or, but there was a time I was in college, right? Correct. Whoa, big, big about using my NCA eligibility being, you know, using my likeness on the internet and, uh, kind of pissed that this happened

so many years later and not when I was in college. So I could literally the next year, like maybe you were the, you were the curse. Don't you have eligibility left? I have one year I could go back and do someone actually know. I actually don't know how I have eligibility, but I mean, I don't think you're doing so bad. Like you basically everything you just said, you've done that and then gotten a full time job at it.

True. Yes. I'm not complaining, but that's the firefests. Yeah. So like some of these, some of the athletes are getting sponsored by Barstool Sports and making a little bit of money every month. You get a pay, a full paycheck. Right.

No, I'm not a full paycheck and you weren't Reggie Bush. I know, but I'm just saying I sold merch in college like back in 2017. Guess what, Billy? You can do that right now. I know. So we should make, we should make a crazy jersey. Just spends the next year, like they're like at the end of the year, like Billy, you haven't come up with any merch ideas.

It's like, dude, I'm not in college anymore. Like, what do you want me to do? And I, there was like a split second where Billy is like the solution. This problem is for me to go back to school, play another year of football, and then try to get a sponsorship deal from Barstool to make less money. Billy, you, so that was your firefest. It wasn't that you had some side effects from the vaccine. No.

No, you didn't get the vaccine or no, you didn't have any side effects. No, I just really wish I could have made a Billy football jersey in college. Oh, OK. So we're avoiding this. This is good. This is like the whenever they ask a professional athlete and they're like, it's a person, it's a personal decision. I don't want to talk about it, whether or not I got the vaccine.

So to wrap the show up. It's why are you so embarrassed about this, Billy? Anal retentiveness. It's such a weird thing to be embarrassed about. You got vaccinated. Billy, you saved you saved lives. Anal retentiveness. Oh, no, Billy, I'm a retentive person.

I wouldn't want anyone to think that you got vaccinated. Such attention to detail that it becomes an obsession and maybe an annoyance to others. Who is this person? Say it again. You seem to be mumbling. Is that a side effect from the vaccine? Only half of his face is working. An anal retentive person.

Basically, it's Bryson DeShambo. That's how his high school teacher. That's how his high school teacher described him. And it literally translates to having something up their ass. Yeah, it's true. Well, I mean, yeah, that's where the phrase anal comes from. The anal stage. Go back to Freud.

But yeah, you're right. He's got something on possessor, right? Yeah. All right, Billy. I'm happy you can still read with all that poison in your body. And there's a speci of a mortal jellyfish. What was that? There's a speci of a mortal jellyfish that just lives forever. How's that possible?

Jellyfish, bro. See, I don't think that's a real. That's just that's just trash in the fucking ocean. You just describe God. There's no way there's a jellyfish just lives forever. It does. No. How do jellyfish even live? Yeah, they don't have brains.

They don't watch sports. They don't have skeletons. Yeah, no nerves, no eyes. They don't fuck. Is this a dream for you from the vaccine? Anyway, that was a great show, guys. Oh, jellyfish also don't have spines. Yeah, spineless.

Pick a spineless like getting the vaccine but not telling everyone you got the vaccine. Sixty nine. I got it four times. Why does anyone need to know my medical history? Eighteen ninety nine. I'm looking it up really. It's called the turotipsis don't Dornie.

And it's real. Yeah, it looks to be real. The turotipsis tops is Dornie. The only immortal creature. Boom. No, it says in theory, it could go on forever. Yeah, I don't know. Do you have the thing, Jake?

But they can still be eaten. Yeah, I mean, I mean, yeah, I mean, if you kill it, it dies. But anyway, I mean, what was it? Thirteen, thirteen, lucky unlucky. That's twice the last like three weeks. Thirteen is the second time. Thirteen was last picked May 11th. So yeah, that's your lucky number, Billy.

Yeah, I was born on the 13th. That's right. We had the same conversation. Yeah. Mm hmm. But that was when you were on backstage. Yeah. Yeah. That that really fucked up my whole day. Oh, no.

You're day. You're day. How much how many big things did you have that you had to push off your schedule? I was going to blog the Patrick Beverly shove and then I literally couldn't get out of bed. It was worse than actual. It was too vaccinated to blog worse than the covid.

I got when I was trained to fight. Jose, I could train through covid. This like put me out for the count. Billy, Billy, Billy, 12 years later, now Billy has autism. Well, I probably had it before. But what if it cured it? We all are on the spectrum. All right. See everyone on Wednesday.

Love you guys. That's. It's the living ta-ta, take me on It's the living ta-ta, I'll be gone It's the living ta-ta, take me on It's the living ta-ta Me, let's take our pots and pans But I'll be stolen away

Turn and learn that life is okay Say out to me Time It's the better to be safe than sorry Shine away No, I'm coming for your lover Time It's the living ta-ta, take me on

I'll be gone Turn and learn that life is okay Time