Pardon My Take - Dungeons & Dragons, Drunk Tom Brady, And Russell Wilson Being A Weirdo

Episode Date: February 12, 2021

Tom Brady got drunk on a boat (as he should have) and we recap the Bucs parade and lingering funny story lines from the Super Bowl (10:19). Russell Wilson clearly wants a trade after his Dan Patrick Show appearance and the GQ article (10:19 - 25:37). Urban Meyer take swap (25:37 - 30:52). Timm Woods is back and we continue our saga on Dungeons and Dragons with some incredible current events woven into the story (30:52 - 93:27). We finish with Fyre Fest of the week.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, the return of Dungeons and Dragons. Tim Woods, it's great to have him back. It is great to have our what is it? Epic. Is it an epic? It's a saga at this point. It's a saga.

I need a saga. What's my saga? We jump back into the world of dragons. Awesome, awesome way to break up post football life. We also are going to do a little bit of Tom Brady being drunk and the Bucks Boat Parade, Russell Wilson, probably wanting to get out of Seattle. Every quarterback wants to trade at this point and then Firefest of the Week before we get to all of that. Verizon, you've heard us talk about it.

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Again, check it out. This is the 5G that changes the game. This is the 5G built right only from Verizon. OK, let's go. It's part of my tape presented by Barstool Sports. Welcome to part of my tape presented by Verizon. Verizon 5G. Go check it out right now. Today is Friday, February 12th, and Tom Brady has gotten drunk on a boat gasp. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

It's Tom Brady, a bad role model for getting that hammered and playing around with his participation trophy. It was it was awesome to see. I like seeing Tom Brady. This is like his his second going off to college where he gets to kind of go away from home for a while, get away from the taskmaster up in New England, just kind of cut loose for a couple of years. It was fun to see. And I love the knee brace.

I love Tom Brady like an offensive lineman wearing a preemptive knee brace during a football game. He goes out and gets drunk and he puts a knee brace on before he does it. That's thinking ahead. That's the difference between him and all the other quarterbacks. Yes. And, you know, unless it's your rival that wins a championship, I think every fan can relate to just soaking up like the videos that come out, drunk videos, the post game celebrations, the celebrations on the field.

I watch it all. I love it all. I think it's the little boy in you that's like, Oh, imagine if I were on a Super Bowl winning team, like how sick would this be? I there's something about all these videos that just it's it's why we watch sports. It's why we enjoy sports. So I thought the the boat videos were hilarious. The I mean, I think it's very funny though that like Kronk and Brady have had so many Lombardi trophies that they just a man handle that trophy because they're

just so used to it. It's so like they they toss that thing around. I saw a Gronk swinging around and I was thinking to myself, what happens if this like, does it float? I don't think it floats. So like, remember when Gronk put a big dent in it when he when he swung it as a bat, it's it's so they're so nor the Lombardi trophies so normalized for them that it just becomes a party accessory. Yeah, they've just got them laying around their house. They're probably sick of them.

They don't have anywhere to put them anymore. You can't you can't fit seven Lombardi trophies in a room besides your living room probably. And then your wife is like, hey, can we can we move these somewhere else? It's a little bit gauche to have all your awards out here. It's it's crazy. They've won seven or Brady's won seven trophies. So we pointed out on on Twitter earlier today that the odds of Tom Brady winning a Super Bowl are about the same as the odds of Steph Curry hitting a

three pointer. Jesus. And any given season like like him taking one shot from three is about the same at the start of the year as Tom Brady winning a Super Bowl. That's that's crazy to me. The other take I had from the boat parties is and I've said this before, I'm most notably when we had Jared Goff in the van a couple of years ago, but whenever I see athletes like that are just in great shape wearing t-shirts,

I'm like, man, I wish I could look that good in a t-shirt. It must be so cool to just be like, I'm going to throw on a t-shirt and look awesome. They all look just so like Tom Brady looked awesome in just a regular t-shirt because they all have great bodies. And that's I I'm I'm comfortable saying that I'm very jealous of every athlete who just walks around in a t-shirt and looks awesome. Yeah, I mean, hey, him being on a boat, wearing a t-shirt and looking the best of anybody on a boat when that's normally a shirt off occasion is not fair.

He was not fair. He's wearing an orange t-shirt like Ray bands. I wouldn't be surprised if that t-shirt costs like seven hundred fifty dollars. Yeah. Backwards hat. Yeah. Makes it look cool. I wear a backwards hat. My face looks fat like fuck this. Yeah, I need my hair to give me volume.

Are you getting jealous, Hank? Like watching Gronk and Brady have such a good time down there. Yeah, I mean a little bit, but you know, I'm happy for a method in the day. I do have one question for you, though, PFC. OK, as someone who's made a career out of purposely spelling things wrong. What do you mean? Do you think that Tom Brady's tweet was a drunk tweet or he did that on purpose to make it seem like a drunk tweet?

OK, so I'm very woke about the drunk Tom Brady tweet thing because I think it was on purpose because it had like misplaced capital letters here. Yep. He was having fun with the fact that people thought he was too hammered to walk after he got off the boat. That guy, I don't know who it was. It was escorting Tom Brady. He just back up QB Brady just always attracts like different West welkers

to be around him at all times. That guy looked like it's Ryan Griffin. Yeah, it looked like a six foot four West welker. And he was just like holding on to Tom Brady. I think they were doing it as a joke. I think the guys were like, hey, let's pretend that Tom, you're so hammered that you can't walk. I'm going to hold you and walk with you.

Tom Brady saw that clip go viral. Tom Brady has gotten so good at the Internet in the last three years that you know this dude was out there with multiple burners before he ever officially grabbed the at Tom Brady handle. I think he was fucking with everybody. I actually thought the minute I saw it, I was like, Tom, come on, dude. We, we, we did the Spongebob meme reply like two years ago. I thought that's what he was trying to do with the, with the weirdly

capitalized letters. The, the best part about that clip though was two things. One is Tom Brady wearing a knee brace while partying. I will absolutely admit that I've worn an ankle brace while partying before because sometimes you're like, you know what, I, I don't know what this days where the stays going to take me. I just want to make sure I don't come out of it injured. And then the reporter who screamed out a question while Tom Brady was

clearly blackout drunk and was like, Hey, Tom, Hey, Tom, how awesome was that? I was like, that's exactly what I would ask. Good job. We didn't get the question in. Tom, talk about the party today. How are you feeling? What are your thoughts? One other note, uh, our man playoff Lenny, maybe the greatest follow on Twitter

right now. He was drunk tweeting from the boat talking about JPP's, uh, hands and I went and I follow him on Instagram now and his Instagram stories were so funny. Just essentially every, he was just a bunch of, uh, videos of JPP, uh, and Leonard playoff Lenny being like, how are you holding your phone right now? How is it? How hasn't it dropped out of your hands? Yeah, no, it was awesome.

He was made, he made like two jokes about his fingers within the first 20 minutes. Like playoff Lenny has been waiting all season to be able to uncork these. He's had him stored up a bit to his draft folders, just full of hands jokes. And I mean, he's an easy target because what's, is he going to tweet back at you? It's going to take him like 60 seconds longer to fire something off. He has to do like the hunt and peck method with his index finger. And it's very funny to watch Lenny go off. And it was also very clear watching the, um, mic'd up Superbowl video that

like they all love playoff Lenny so, so much. He was the guy that they were all rooting for when he would get carries or get a big play. It was very, very clear, like just watching that and watching the mic'd up on the sidelines. Oh, uh, one person that did feel very envious of Tom Brady was LeBron James. Yes. And Bron was like, he was so jealous that he didn't get to get that drunk

after his playoff win. And he was probably drunk when he was tweeting at Tom Brady. I did see that like during the Superbowl, LeBron was tweeting at Brady saying like, Hey, just goat talk, respect as the greatest of all time. So he's moved on from dad to dad. Now he's going goat to goat with, uh, with Tom Brady, but he was, he was so, so jealous that he couldn't be as hammered as Tom boys, uh, after his big one. So one day LeBron will schedule, just take like a day mid-summer.

You know what, instead of the all-star game, just get hammered and just walk around your neighborhood, throw yourself your own parade. Yeah. And it's actually very relatable for him to be that drunk. Like we had when we had talked to Brooks on Wednesday, like we watched these guys play, we watched these athletes perform, but at the end of the day, they still get, they want to get just as drunk as us and have a good time. So it was pretty cool to watch.

Um, the other news we had quarterback news, Russell Wilson seemingly wants to be out of Seattle. So Russell Wilson did their, let me start with this way. Is there anyone who's more coordinated with their media onslaught than Russell Wilson when he does his media, like, do you think his PR team thinks they're being sneaky? He did this a few years ago when I think he went on Fallon or something, basically negotiating for his new contract.

This time around, he goes on Dan Patrick's show a couple of days ago, essentially says he's sick of getting sacked. And then today comes out a GQ piece, which was, I don't know if you read it, but it was Banana Land. It was, he and CR are trying to, uh, come across as the relatable married couple who are just trying to like, you know, have their relationship out there. And it was the, the quote that I, I, when I read it, uh, it said, they, they talking about the CR and Russell Wilson, they take the challenge of the perfection

projected onto them by others and say, okay, sometimes they speak like the victorious teammates they are giving post game press conferences at the lectern of light, we're just grateful that we get to spend time together every day. Wilson says, every morning we wake up together, it's a blessing and we get to smile from ear to ear and know that, you know what, let's go, let's go do this. Talking about their marriage. I, I'm going to take back everything I said about Russ Wilson. He's no longer corny.

This is just who he is. And, uh, I think he's, I think he just doesn't have any sense of reality. So it's not even like, it's not even worth being like, Hey man, come back, come back to reality. He's, he's gone. He's long gone. This is just him. So this was one of my favorite quotes from the article.

It says, or this is Russ Wilson talking about just being in love, just love. It's always a blast that we get to do love together. Wilson says, he's in his hyperbaric chamber, laid back on a pillow, the white tent around him, gently wheezing inside. Like there's nothing, there's nothing relatable at all in this article, but I actually think that for celebrity couples to work, you actually both have to be weird as hell. Yes.

Because if it's just, if somebody's too normal in a celebrity relationship, like Sarah, if she was just like married to a normal dude, she couldn't be like, Hey, honey, can you change the kids? I've got to go scotch tape my, my dress to my nipples. Well, three million guys jack off to me at this award ceremony. Like it doesn't work. You have to have two different parts of crazy in a celebrity relationship. I think to actually make it, make it work in the long run.

And they're definitely both crazy in their own ways. They're both crazy. And I just don't buy it. I don't buy it. Like I'm sorry. I, I'm sure they have a great relationship. It seems like they work on it. Great communication.

But you just can't, you can't tell me that at the end of the night, like if Russell Wilson rips a fucking fart in bed and CR is trying to fall asleep and catches a whiff. She's not like, what the fuck dude? Like they fight. They fight just like a, like when Russell Wilson wants to go play golf and, and, and like there's three kids like screaming and crying at the, at the breakfast table. You can't tell me that doesn't start a fight.

That's what, that's what baffles me with pieces like this. It's okay to say that, you know, marriage is hard and there are relatable moments in this where we do fight or we don't communicate instead of being like, yeah, every morning I get in my hyperbolic chamber and she sits next to me and we're never, we're never in the, you know, you know, in a different room. And every time we're away from each other, we FaceTime date and all this shit. Get out of here. Just stop.

You don't need to be perfect. No one expects anyone to be perfect anymore when it comes to celebrity couples. I also did love the new introvert extrovert. People who are like, Oh, I'm an introvert and extrovert. You know, like sometimes I like to sit on my couch. Sometimes I like to go to a rave is Ciara saying, I'm such a homebody. Ciara says, but I also was very blessed to travel the world. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, I'm a real homebody. I'm the kind of guy that can either, uh, like go to, uh, to Burning Man for six days and trip balls on LSD or just sit on the couch and watch Netflix. That's kind of me. I'm just kind of one of those weird guys like that. But here's where it, it ties back to football. It's pretty clear.

Reading between the lines, both Russell Wilson on the Dan Patrick show. And then in this article, if you notice the part where Ciara is like, you know, I've had to really work hard to love Seattle. And like, what are the, what's those things? Like I think the quote was, I've had a lot of Lake experiences. Yeah. She was like, I've had a lot of Lake experiences. There's a lot of, uh, it's rainy here, but there's, there's some sneaky natural

beauty that comes out of place like this. It was painful for her to say like safe, like three nice things about Seattle, Ciara. And I just think this is all calculated to either get more money or ready for this, become the starting quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. Interesting. Interesting. And you know what happened just like two days ago, Jack Prescott said, I'm not

happy because I wasn't featured in the team montage video that just put out. That was like, and three days ago. Yeah. And if we're doing like serendipity in terms of doing our boomers on Sunday nights in the, in next fall, the Rain City Dax really works. Oh, it does. Yes. Fuck yeah.

It's all coming together. Maybe they figure out a way to get Dax to Seattle and, and Russ to Dallas. Yeah. Russell Wilson's war, the Texas Congressman lobbing missiles, throwing bombs. I'm just saying it's just, it's going to be very interesting where all the chips fall here because you have obviously to Sean Watson's out there. Yeah. Carson Wentz, which it seems like we, the, the, uh, Twitter, like news that came

out last week was maybe a little, it was pushed a little bit hard by some people who weren't as in the know as they thought they were, because now that we've get the dust has settled a little, it looks like the cults have offered a couple of second rounders, maybe, which seems like the fair price. Like if the bears want to offer a second and third rounder for Carson Wentz, I'm cool with that to take a shot. I've always just been, if they offer them a first round or maybe even two first rounders, what the fuck are they doing?

So you got Carson Wentz, you got, uh, DeSean Watson, now maybe Russell Wilson. It's Jamis Winston, Mitch Trebisky. I'm going to throw out some more pro bowl names out there. Um, there's going to be a lot of quarterback movement. So with Russell Wilson, it was, it was interesting how it worked out because the story was that Russell Wilson not happy with, uh, the Seattle team's front office and then the Seahawks leaked a story like two days later, they're not happy with Russell Wilson being not happy.

So now it's just a big, like circular, we're not happy with each other moment. Uh, I think Russell's probably trying to get more money or at least maybe pressure them into drafting or, or, or, uh, signing some free agent, offensive linemen, as opposed to just building them out of the, the fart from Tom Cable and some duct tape and some wire and string and shit. But I think that, I think Wilson's going to stick around in Seattle. It's going to be tough to pull Sierra away from the natural beauty of Seattle. She loves it up there.

She does. So I heard that when the Eagles were saying, like they were, the connection was going to Chicago that the Bears were going to pay like a first round pick and a second round pick for Wentz. I think it's just all the Eagles leaking that stuff out on their own because there's also reports being like, uh, the Eagles feel like they're not getting enough value, uh, in terms of their offers for Carson Wentz. And it's just them trying to drive their own price up.

I think they're, they might've leaked that bear story just to get other people to bid on it to drive up the price. But, um, And Ryan Pace is dumb enough that he'd be like, wait, I offered how much? Maybe I should sweeten the pot here. Yeah. Let's get this done now. Three first round picks if we get it done now.

Yes. But one other thing though, reading that article in GQ, which was insane in the picture spread is almost crazier than the article itself. Um, I think, I think Russell Wilson is one of those guys who's so 100% sober that he just acts drunk. Like almost like a dude, perfect type guy who just like, they get so into like being like optimizing every second of their life that they overdo it. Like you would not expect a sober person in the dude, perfect analogy to be like,

I bet you I can knock that drone out of the sky if I like this tennis ball on fire and then hit it with a lightsaber. Like this is, this is the product of idle hands and a sober mind is really the devil's playground. Well, it's the old Brian Cox, never trust a man without a vice. I think Russell Wilson's vice is being like as big of a goober as he possibly can be. Like his, he gets, he's addicted to saying cliches and being overly nice and having everyone think that, you know, it actually, now that I'm, I'm like playing it

all out in my head, we, like JJ Watt, like we went after the wrong guy. Russell Wilson is, is JJ Watt to, to a millionth degree, like JJ after we met him. And since we've gotten to know him, like, yeah, he even admitted he, he sometimes he will try to be Captain America, but he's a normal dude. He really is like, he's a normal dude, you know, and he's just trying to do his best. Russell Wilson truly does think he is Captain America. Yeah. Verbal meme.

That's the same culture. Different. No, same, but different. No, they are not at all. They're not at all. JJ Watt, you can, no, no, no, JJ Watt is a normal person when you break it down. Like after we met him and when he like kind of copped to like, ah, you know, like I tried a little too hard sometimes.

Like he, JJ Watt is just very nice. And he's, he's, he, that Russell Wilson is nice. And he thinks he's solving the world's problems. And he also think he was like, I think he probably thinks he's a profit. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, I disagree. Hank, JJ Watt is Jim, let's, no. Wish we could have won more for you this year to Sean. No, no, no, I agree with Big Cat a hundred percent.

JJ Watt. You just, that's just because JJ Watt, like he came around. Just because we got to know him. And yeah, yeah, yes. You know more about it. I'm sure if you got to know Russell Wilson, I guarantee you, if we got to know Russell Wilson, he'd be the exact same person. Yep.

This is just, he just did a GQ piece where he's supposed to be showing like the inside of their relationship. And it could have been more cliche and bullshit. Yeah. But that's also, there's probably some Sierra element of like that. Why are you, why are you standing Russell Wilson so hard? Yeah. He's like so weird.

I'm not named after two different. Oh, you think he's going to go to the Patriots? No, I just, it's the same picture. No way. No way. Hey, Hank, do you remember this? I don't think that JJ Watt would ever do something like this. Back on, it was a woman crush Wednesday.

Russell Wilson got on Twitter, wrote a poem for Sierra and said, I kissed her, she had honey sweet lips that were lilac soft with a loving and affectionate personality. And then he tagged Sierra. He just Googled how to describe a beautiful woman. Somebody typed in Google how to describe a beautiful woman. That's the line that came up. He just like ripped it off of a search and JJ Watt would never do that.

JJ Watt would write like extremely long embarrassing love letter to her mom and be like, thank you for raising such a beautiful woman. Right. He would not be happy in pieces. Totally different. Hank, I'm going to send you a video after this because I, I couldn't make fun of it in this moment and I still probably can't make fun of it because it was Russell Wilson after a game.

I think it was after they clinched the NFC West. He put on a Kobe jersey and did a like 10 minute video in the end zone of in Seattle being like, this one was for Kobe. And like, I was thinking about Kobe when I was throwing these touchdown passes in like black and white. Do you remember watching that? That was insane, dude. That was insane.

That video was insane. 10% luck, 20% scale of that. No, he was just vibing out. He was vibing out, Hank. It's totally different. The fact that you can't see the difference actually make like, you don't understand the human element. You don't understand human beings and personalities.

What are you doing? You don't. Hank, Hank is short circuiting. I don't, I don't get this, Hank. Like it's very clear the difference. JJ, they're both fucking. No, that's not it. They're a little, they're a little cheesy.

I bet Russ Wilson, I'll put it this way. Russell Wilson would be a great stay at home dad. He would be, he would be, shut up, Hank. Shut up. Quarterbacks are here. No way you can have a real conversation with Russell Wilson. No. You can absolutely have a conversation with JJ Watt.

Hank, we know, we've, we've met celebrities before. You know the celebrities that are like, even when you're just sitting there having a conversation, it's like, they can't turn it off. JJ Watt could turn it off. I mean, I, I think there, I think Russell Wilson probably could too, but I, I think they're equal. Like you're, you guys are giving JJ Watt a little too much credit. I think we're comparing him to Russell Wilson. It's, it's actually pretty obvious that JJ Watt is half human.

Russ Wilson is just like, I don't know if he's a robot or a computer program, whatever he is, he's not halfway as cool as JJ Watt. And I'll say, I like JJ Watt. I like JJ Watt. He's a good person. I think JJ Watt, uh, JJ was like, I don't dislike JJ Watt. That's all I'm saying. I'm just saying they're both fucking corn balls.

JJ's Jimmy Carter and Russell Wilson's Pete Buttigieg. That's the best way to describe those are sick political references. All right. That was a good discussion though. I was, I mean, just watch that video though, the cobs. I threw it for cobs. I was thinking, I think even said, like when I went back in the, in the huddle and I went back and through that touchdown, I was thinking Kobe.

JJ Watt at the end of the season, when all the cameras were on, went up to the show offices and I wish we could have one more for you, man. That was actually real. Oh, there happened to be a camera behind the camera. Yes. The camera, but Hank, the difference is JJ knows when the cameras are there, of course, but he didn't do a 10 minute video about it. Like being like, man, I was 10% locked 20% skill.

He went after practice and that was hard knocks. He admitted that that was corny. He admitted that was corny. He was like 24 years old. You should rest the case there. He admitted to us that that was corny and that way he cringes when he looks at that. If you showed Russell Wilson his videos, post game videos, where he's like doing a monologue, he'd be like, yeah, that's fucking sweet.

Dude, he sends hype videos to his kids every day. That's cool. Do that too one day, big cat. Just wait. Actually, there's some pretty cool sin and hype up videos. Yeah, except that's a dad. That's a dad move. That's the other thing.

JJ was on a dad yet. Wait till like, you don't think he's going to turn. Oh, you think that's you think that's what it is? The corn levels once he becomes a father. Oh my God. All right. Let's get to, uh, let's get these onto the dragon. Oh, one other thing.

Football thing. I now am fully changing my take on Urban Meyer. I think he's going to be very successful in Jacksonville because Urban Meyer hiring Chris Doyle and being like, fuck you, world. It clearly is urban show. That tells me right there that this is urban show. He gets to call the shots. He hired a dude who was fired like six months ago for, uh, very racist things in Iowa.

And that to me like says that Urban is going to just because if there's ever a person who will just hire based on, uh, how they can get their team to like closer to winning and nothing else with character, it's urban Meyer. And this hire right here tells me that he has carte blanche with who he wants to hire, who he wants to bring in to just win football. That's, that's fine. But you remember there was another famous college coach that tried doing this like my wear the highway thing back when he went to the NFL and didn't work out for him.

Nick Saban, the players fucking hated Nick Saban in the NFL. It's a little bit different. It's a little bit different. This isn't my way of the highway. When you got, no, no, I'm saying like, I understand your point of view, which is urban Meyer is saying, I'm calling the shots. This is my program and there's nobody checking them. So he's going to do everything that he possibly can to win.

What I'm saying is that the person that he's bringing in, it might have been effective when talking to student athletes in college. When you're talking to millionaires in the NFL, it might not fly the same way. But by all, by all accounts, he's a phenomenal strength and conditioning coach. And what it tells me is less like, I don't think urban is going to tell everyone it's my way of the highway. What, what that hire said to me was urban Meyer is back in terms of he will hire whoever he has to hire to win football games and they could be terrible people, but it doesn't matter

because all he cares about is winning football. So I mean, I hear that, but I can also see like a first time NFL coach. That's a big shot used to not having anybody check them ever and being, you know, the warlord of whatever college town they're in at any given time. Coming to the NFL and realizing pretty quickly. Wow. I can't tell everybody how to do everything all the time. So we flip takes.

Yeah. Take swapped. Yeah. Take swapped. Okay. We're freaky Friday. Take swapped. Yeah.

We ended up on the other side of the table. All right. It's what, it's what this is beautiful because now we can both be right. No matter what happens, both right, both wrong. No matter. No, no, we'll ignore the wrong parts. Yeah. Yeah.

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You know what, fellas? You haven't gotten your wife or girlfriend a Valentine's gift. Get her, get her, get her a 12 pack of Coors Light and just be like, let's chill out. She'll love that. Do it and say it's from us. All right. Here he is. Tim Woods.

Okay, it is time. We are going to continue our journey on Dungeons and Dragons. We have our favorite person in the entire world. Tim would back with us. Tim, great to see you. It's a pleasure to be here. Yeah, I wish we were all together, but we can't be right now. But let's do it.

The people have been clamoring for it. And we said, as soon as football ends, we're going to get back into Dungeons and Dragons. So can we get a refresher of where we are in general in terms of our journey and who's alive and basically a quick background for everyone in case they forget, which we all forget. Absolutely. Of course, it's been a long time since our last game. So to get us caught up on where we kind of left off in our story. In the real world, of course, we were finishing up the Super Bowl.

But in the world of Dungeons and Dragons, we had just been learning about the upcoming Dragon Bowl, the competition between groups of dragons, where they sometimes compete in the skies in order to decide who will be the greatest team of 11 dragons to compete in the Dragon Bowl. And we had discovered that in addition to two dragons that we're now hanging out with, kind of near the town of El Terrell, we had set up camp and discovered that there were two dragons whose attention we had gotten. A evil green dragon whose name is Nyelaptia, Nya, we can call her for short.

She kind of was chasing us. And then with the help of our wizards and our weapons, we had managed to take her down. She surrendered and then let us know that she could help us in the raising of the dragon eggs that we had acquired from the dragon hatchery at the end of one of our recent adventures. We have a total of eight dragon eggs that we had acquired. And Nyelaptia, the green dragon was going to help us, but she's an evil dragon. Luckily, there had been a human woman who had shown up who turned out to be a silver dragon named Elia in disguise.

So now these two dragons have been kind of taking care of the eggs for us. And kind of as the months have gone by, I would let us know that the first exciting detail is that all eight of our eggs have hatched now. So there have been these young dragons who have been growing up around us. Very Game of Thrones style. And I would just want to let us know a little bit about these newborn dragons who are going to be our upcoming team, as it were. We've got a red, blue, and a green dragon.

We've also got two black and two white dragons who have hatched. And one multicolored dragon, a prismatic rainbow dragon has hatched. And in theory, the prismatic and the blue dragon were the only two male dragons. The rest were all female, except for one of the white dragons turned out to be born as non-binary. So they are, in theory, all hatched now. And they are fighting amongst themselves and kind of like clawing and playing with each other. And they are very, very hard to manage. But all of these newborn dragons are very excited for the upcoming Dragon Bowl.

I don't know if we wanted to take any time naming any of these dragons, or talking about how we are going about raising these dragons as proud new fathers of a dragon brood. There's a lot of work to do to take care of these dragons. So I'm thinking maybe the three different colored dragons. They can be Mellow, Leangelo, and who's the third? Well, we've got a red, blue, and a green. Lonzo. Lonzo.

Lonzo. Yeah, forget about Lonzo, the best one. So Lonzo, Leangelo, and Mellow, maybe, for those three. Absolutely. So Mellow, Leangelo, and Lonzo will be the green, blue, and red dragons respectively. That sounds fantastic. Excellent. And they are some of the strongest of the dragons that have hatched actually. The red dragon is in theory the fire-breathing dragon,

who is the strongest among our hatchlings, with the exception of the prismatic dragon. We don't really know anything about prismatic dragons. And this guy's pretty strong, it looks like. I'm going to do, for the two black and two white, I'm going to do a callback for people who have been listening to part of my take for all five years. So I want the two black dragons to be Skip One and Skip Two, and the two white dragons to be Steven A. One and Steven A. Two.

Those are our formerly deceased frogs that we have. How about Steven A. and Steven B. Steven A. and Steven B. Here we go. Yeah. All right. Absolutely. You got Steven A. and Steven B. for the white dragons and Skip One and Skip Two for the black dragons.

Love that. Absolutely. Perfect. And then for multicolor, we should just, well, I guess we've got to figure out what we're going to do to it. I was going to say, let's name it Jose Canseco and kill it right now. Well, I mean, it seems like it's pretty jacked up. It seems big, right?

Like maybe an asteroid dragon. The rock. It does seem like a rock to me. Dwayne? It's powered by magic. What about Dwayne? Dwayne's a great name. It's powered by magic.

We could go with Blaine. Oh, or Irvin. Yeah, that's true. Let's go Irvin. Magic. Yeah. All right. Irvin will be our multi-color one.

I love it. Is magic. Irvin, the prismatic dragon. Love that. So we've got names for all of our dragons. You can see that Nyeloptia and Elia are raising their eyebrows, but just shrugging their shoulders as we give these names out. The dragons seem to love them and they are definitely like flying all around us,

landing on our shoulders. They are affectionately treating us like their parents for better or worse. And it does seem like this is a good team to get ready for the dragon bowl. But Nyeloptia and Elia, who have kind of become the den mothers here, they are letting us know that if we're going to get this team ready for the dragon bowl, there's going to be a couple of steps we're going to need to go through. And the first thing they want to let us know is that there is one entity in particular who approves teams for submission into the dragon bowl.

It is a powerful undead wizard known as a lich who lives at the top of a mountain. All teams who make it into the dragon bowl are approved by him. And if you're even going to meet with this lich, you have to offer a gift. And the green dragon explains that she hands us a ruby, a massive ruby. She says that this ruby is what you're going to offer the lich, but it's empty right now. What needs to be contained in this ruby, if you are going to make this lich happy and get our team entrance into the dragon bowl,

is you are going to need to store inside of this gemstone the soul of your most powerful nemesis and enemy. And then they look at Blake the Gryphon and Coach Oh, who are still hanging, Sir Oh, who are still hanging out with us right now, and Blake the Gryphon burps and a little piece of a helmet comes out of his mouth. And he says, I think I already took care of their greatest enemy. And the dragon explained, that's no problem. Because if the soul of Berserker Billy is missing, they know how to go and get it.

They have found out through magic that his soul is currently bound in one of the nine heralds known as a furnace, where apparently, according to their magic, all they know for sure is that right now, Berserker Billy is locked in combat with some sort of a fiend in a never ending battle that goes on for eternity. And that fiend is simply known by the title of the chemist. That's all everybody knows their name. Okay, interesting. So Billy is locked in a eternal battle with the chemist.

I was going to say sobriety, but that's fine. The chemist as well works. I think we just I think we just let Billy fight it out just for eternity. Now PFT, do you think though Billy's not here because he told us two minutes before everyone who who says we're mean to Billy Billy told us two minutes before we're supposed to tape that he can't make it. So I'll just ask you PFT instead. What do you think?

What do you think Billy's mindset would be going against the chemist? So like legitimately going into the chemist like I was I thought he was going to be bigger than Billy, but it turns out that Billy actually had reach on him. So he's like a little bit longer arms. But legitimately you have to get yourself in the mindset of like I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him like I was I would be ready to kill him if I was Billy. And legitimately like he hit me and legitimately like I swung back at him and I beat the fuck out of him.

Like you say to put like legit I was ready to murder the guy. Perfect. That's the thank you. I feel like Billy went into your body to give us that answer. I started I started to feel the spirit and had to testify. I was like in a Pentecostal church. Yeah. Yes.

For a moment you were possessed by the undead spirit of Billy for sure. In fact, they did a little spell he channeled through your mouth and you're hearing a little bit of this fight happening somewhere in the nine hells. You are definitely aware he is locked in combat with the chemist and the chemist seems like he's putting up a decent fight right now at least. Okay. Okay. Great.

So what do we do now? Now the dragons explain they can open a portal for us right now if we are ready. And if we pass through this portal we will end up in the nine hells in a furnace specifically the top layer of the nine hells and will be face to face with the tower of the chemist. So if we want to do anything beforehand we can get ready but otherwise they can open up the portal for us right now and we can jump through and be on our way to the tower of the chemist. Let's fucking do it right. Let's go full send on their ass.

Yeah. And we kind of crosses our arms like she doesn't like this devilish magic. However, I point out that Hank your warlock earlick this kind of magic is your bread and butter and as they open up this internal portal your little imp friend Lola who is on your shoulder right now whispers in your ear. It's going to be weird for me to go home. I never thought I'd be talking to any of these people anymore. So just just I think I'm going to stay hidden for a while.

It'll be awkward if I ran into former coworkers and stuff. And so Lola's getting ready to kind of hide and play play a little down key as it were while she's amongst her kind as it were. But otherwise this portal opens and you're going to know a lot about the nine hells. But as we jump through the portal, boom. Suddenly the first thing we're noticing is the temperature changing. It is boiling hot in this realm as we see rivers of lava flowing around us dead ahead. There's this jagged tower rising up into the air with an open doorway in front of it.

But it looks like once you go through the open doorway, it just drops down into a pit of lava as far as you can tell. And in the distance you're seeing things like a giant statue that seems to have five dragon heads rising up in the distance on one side and a huge skull half buried kind of doom style in the sands in the distance. This is not a nice place to be. We spent too long here. It's going to start hurting us we think this realm.

But we've got a job to do. The gem is glowing and it seems to be pointing us up ahead. They warned us that we're going to need to store the soul of our enemy or an equally powerful soul. So we're here to get Berserker Billy or some other soul that might be as powerful as him. But up ahead you are seeing this tower and it looks like as we get closer, there's just a drop off into lava and then these trains that are going up into the air towards the higher levels of the tower.

Unfortunately there's not one chain decline to get up to the higher levels of the tower. We're going to have to jump from chain to chain and climb them. It looks like and if you fail, there is a pit of lava waiting hundreds of feet below and these creepy tendrils keep emerging from out of the lava. So I would ask what are people doing now at this point? We've got some magic spells at our disposal. I would want to remind the wizard and the warlock, earlick and cape that in theory you've got some magic that could be helpful here such as the spell featherfall.

If somebody falls you can cast featherfall real quick to kind of like catch them and slow down their fall. But we don't have any magic that makes us fly or anything like that. So what's dragons would people be using here? What about the dragons? Can we fly on the dragons? Absolutely. So it does seem like these young dragons while they're not fully grown are just big enough

that two of them could work together to carry one of us. No problem. They would be strong enough to do that. So does anyone want to declare that they're taking two of the dragons to help them fly around? I was just thinking that if we didn't want to use the dragons, like which one of our characters would be, it sounds like an American Ninja Warrior event, like a course where you just hang upside down and crawl across it. All right.

Do any of us have like superior grip strength? Yes. I would point out that Norm the Barbarian has amazing athletics as a skill. And if he is raging, then he gets to roll his athletics checks two times and take the higher numbers. So he's even better at it. I'll leave it up to you, Big Cat. Do you want the dragons or do you want to just go?

Well, no, why don't I try to get up on my own just being an athlete skills, just like be the inner athlete that I am. I'll try to get up on my own. And if, and then you guys can go dragon and magic on the way up. Absolutely. Okay. All right. So am I rolling now?

What 100% you're going to roll the D 20 and because you could rage, I would say there's so much attack kind of stuff happening around here. This is a dangerous situation that you could rage in. And if you rage, you get to roll two times and take the higher of the numbers. Before this roll, I want to talk to you guys about Roman or good friends at Roman. Most guys have tried different ways to last longer in bed, but counting backwards from 10 doesn't always work. Thinking about baseball doesn't always work.

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It's on wizards.com. So we're going to click it. It's a game of integrity. So we're going to click it and go with whatever we get. So I'm going to do it twice. So here we go. D20, first one, 12. 12.

That's a good one. Yep. Second one, 18. Let's go. And to that 18, you get to add a plus six. So you got a 24 total. You are climbing up these chains, no problem. Swing from chain to chain Tarzan style.

And in fact, you climb so high up these chains, you're actually starting to grab onto not chains, but as you get higher up in the tower, you're grabbing these tubes. They seem to be almost like medical tubes with some sort of substances flowing through them, it seems. And they are like this milky mixture of potions that seem to be flowing through. And you're like grabbing these tubes and hoisting yourself up until you are reaching almost up to a trap door.

Now this trap door has spikes and stuff poking out of it. Are you going to climb through the trap door or are you going to wait for the others to show up first? What do you guys think? By the way, maybe those tubes are Regeneron. I could use some right now. It could be Regeneron. It could be Bleach.

Yeah. It could be something real good for you. What do you guys think? Just go just bust through the door. All right. I'm going to bust through the door. It sounds like a champ. Yeah.

I mean, I then everyone will join me. Yeah. Okay. Busting through the door and then it's no check to just bust through the door, but I am going to need a dexterity saving throw to make sure you don't get hit by any of the spikes that you could be kind of crashing into a little bit as you force your way through the door. So you're going to make another set of D20s. And because of your barbarian danger sense,

you get to roll this two times and take the higher number again. All right. Here we go. First roll, seven, second roll, 13. Okay. With the 13 and you have a plus two on your dexterity saving throw. So that's a 15 total. Just barely.

You get scraped a little bit by one of the spikes, but it doesn't hurt you at all. And you are able to climb your way through bashing past all these spikes and forcing the door open. Hell yeah. As you climb up onto this level, you can see up on a stage in the center of this chamber, two figures fighting. One of them seems familiar. One of them is someone you have never seen before,

but you are noticing that all of the tubes you were just climbing up that went through the floor seem to insert into his body at the elbows and at the shoulders and at the neck. Bane for Batman style. He's got a mask on and it seems like there are these tubes that are just attached to the mask. And since you asked about like this mixture, I'd also let you normal one time to see if you know what this mixture would be that's flowing through the tubes. This is not your strength. So it's just in our panic check.

You have a plus zero on this. So roll and see what you get on the dot. So I'm rolling here. 18. Okay. With an 18, what you know for sure is that the mixture flowing through the tubes is a strength enhancement potion. Whoever were to either drink or get injected with this potion would have their strength enhanced by it. Do you think?

It's Regeneron. I was right. Recovery water. Correct. What I just said. Yes. And that's your turn then. You have climbed up to the level.

No problem. But as you climb up to here, you see these two figures fighting ahead and then below you, you are also hearing a flapping calling sound as though there are these bird creatures that have seen you climb up. And now that you have climbed past them, they're flying out to kind of look around for more people who might be climbing up or to come after you, Norm. And you don't see what they are. You just hear flapping and this strange calling sound. But who would like to try to climb up next or take a dragon? I feel like we got to take a dragon out there.

And I'd like to take Lonzo because like... Two. You need two. You need two. I need two. One for each arm basically. Because I was just thinking like it sounds like there's some pelicans that are after you. And if you want to just absolutely destroy the pelican, send Lonzo over there.

He'll take care of all that shit real quick. So we can get Lonzo. And should I take Lamello? Yeah. Yeah. Leave Leangelo behind. Yeah. He needs time to develop.

I'll take those two. Absolutely. So you're taking the green and the red dragon. They are definitely strong enough that they can carry you. And you can tell the green dragon isn't having a great time. She is a poison dragon. And the red dragon is having a great time. She's a fire dragon.

And so she is not bothered at all by the temperature here. And so they are flying up past all the chains with you. I would like you to roll one time for your two dragons just to see if they are carrying you up effectively. And they get a plus four on this. Okay. You can actually roll two times because you've got two dragons carrying you. So first roll.

Roll to 12. Second roll. 18. 18. Yeah. Let's go. Let's go. With a plus four, that's a 22.

You also are before the flapping gets too loud at all. You think you see shapes emerging like gargoyles from the corners and like the alcoves of this hall of chains, as it were, and tubes. As you fly past the chains and the tubes full of strength potion, you are able to get up to the same level as Norm now. And you see the two combatants, Berserker Billy in his barbarian helmet, the lion size just slamming away trying to fight the fiend known as the chemist. And it seems like right now Berserker Billy is winning this season.

Okay. You said that we could get like the spirit of either Billy back or somebody that's just as strong or maybe stronger. Maybe stronger. Is there like a Jake Paul type character that's maybe a little bit bigger than Billy that's fighting down there as well? It does seem like above the two of them, there is one giant fiend head who is looking down at both of them like it is judging this fight to see

how it goes. And just based on the shoulders that are emanating from this fiend head, it looks like that guy is the strongest of all of these combatants. Frank the Tanki. Hank you up. And Hank, which dragons would you take or do you want to use like magic to get up somehow? Are the Stevens still available? Steven A and Steven B?

Absolutely. Both of the Stevens are available. Your Imp Lola can't help power you, but she can fly on her own and both of the Stevens are available. They are not our strongest dragons, but together they can absolutely power you. What I would like to see is 2d20 rolls with a plus two added to each of them. Roll one is a seven. Roll two is a five. Oh, I'm sorry to say that if you got a seven, that's a plus two.

That's going to get you to nine, but if you're flying up and the white dragons, the Stevens that you have gotten a hold of, they are ice dragons. So as they fly into this lava filled chamber, they are sweating profusely. They're starting to get weaker. And because you rolled a nine, you can tell they are slowly losing altitude, not gaining altitude. I am sorry to say. And when that happens, you are noticing these gargoyle shapes, four of them coming souping out.

And I'm going to roll to see how many of them are looking at you. Two of them are looking at you right now. And they look like little gargoyle creatures with spikes all over their bodies, like porcupines. As they look at each other, two of them wink at each other and then look down at you with a dirty look. And Lola whispers in your ear, those guys are real assholes. And as she says that they fire off of their tails, nasty spines that hurl in your direction. I am so sorry, Erlich, but you just got hit two times by these spines.

The first spine is hitting you four. Norman is not happy about that. Norman is not happy. Five points of damage as one kind of like spears past your arm. Five points of damage is going to take you down to 26 out of 31 HP. I'm sorry to say that was the attack that hit you. The next attack is a critical hit. It goes right into your neck.

Dude, they're taking skip. That's going to hit you for seven points of damage. I'm sorry to say. Right now you're down to 19 out of 31 HP. It's embarrassing. We're down but close. Can I just say something real quick and like no. Oh, Big Cat, you're cutting out.

So no, you can't say anything. The gods of Egypt have spoken. It was not meant to be. It was not meant to be. Well, certainly Erlich has been hit pretty badly. Now, Erlich, you have some options. Those dragons just tried to carry you a little bit. Sorry, Big Cat, you're back now.

Well, yeah, I think it's because I was moving with the background. Frank, the tank is just taking up so much bandwidth. All I wanted to say was Hank, like no offense, dude, but you low-key suck at this game. Yeah, I mean, I'm throwing right now. This is bad. I got no excuse. I should have, other than Stephen A's fault.

Stephen A and Stephen B's fault. You can blame it on the Stevens. It was you're just rolling for them. They apparently were sweating too much right now to carry you. But I would have liked to know that there were ice dragons before. I rode them into the volcano. But I wouldn't have said that would give them a penalty. But since you rolled a nine, it worked perfectly as it were.

So unfortunately, as they're getting closer to the lava, they're getting ready. The bad news is really that if it comes to them touching lava or dropping you, they'll probably drop you before they ever so much as lay a tail inside that lava. But you get one more chance. You still have your action. You could either launch a spell to try to fight these fiendish creatures that are attacking you or you could urge them onward.

And if you roll well on your check to urge them on, you might give them another roll to carry you up the rest of the way. Can I use my demon Lola who's familiar with this space at all to help me out of this sticky situation? Absolutely. In fact, Lola gets her own turn. So you can say what you're doing, but also Lola can either encourage these dragons to work better

or she could send her after these two enemy fiends. All right, let's let's cast a spell. Let's not go on the offensive. Let's play a little, you know, defensive, try and try and get my HP back up. Absolutely. Love it. I'll warn you. Unfortunately, I don't think you have any healing magic available.

So you wouldn't. Is it one of our don't we have a healer on the squad or no? We did have a healer on the squad. The hero was Berserker Billy. I had a healing magic. Not to be fair that he ever used much of it. He was a war priest, not a healing type priest. But at the same time that would end.

End of sorry. I should say our bard also has a little bit of healing magic available to him. That is a warlock. You command dark magic, not really healing magic. Great for the offense, but not so much for the healing. So should I roll a d20? Absolutely. You could roll a d20 to encourage the dragons to to to to fly a little bit better

if that's what you want to do. All right, I'll do that. Absolutely. So you're using your action, your charisma check for this. If you're trying to persuade the dragons, that would be a plus three. But I want to let you know if you are a little stern with the dragons and kind of like really like kind of, you know, bad cop a little bit like tough coach type situation, you could get a plus five to intimidate them into flying better.

I'll do that. You're a little harsh with them, but still probably the better strategy considering you had a plus five on that. Sturma fair. All right, I'm rolling fucking seven. Dude, is there an option, Tim, where he can just KYS? So I'll say this. You certainly you always can certainly just like let go and drop yourself down.

Oh, yeah, I know for the team. You remember you remember the opening that mountain climbing movie where it's like one one life or two where they're hanging by a thread and one guy just kills himself so the others can survive. What kind of that situation? Nope. You're talking about Sly Stallone and cliffhanger. I'm talking about vertical limit.

Yeah. Great movie. Good one. Good one. Everyone knows that. I don't know. We're the same age. 50.

I don't I don't know. I don't remember that one. Hank, just just take one team. No, survive. Hank, you know, keep fighting. I'm going down fighting. I don't care. Yeah, you did get to add a plus five to that seven.

So it wasn't a two that became a seven. It would go from being a seven to a 12. And with a 12, I'd let you get one more role. You encourage one of the two Stevens to fly a little bit better. You can roll one more time with a plus two. And if you can get a 15 or better, then you fly up to where the others are. But otherwise, you are continuing to sink as it were.

Or if you get a tenor higher, you're at least not. But again, no, he didn't. He got a bad score. I got a 14. No, you didn't. Okay, you liar. I did. He said I needed a 15 or better though.

Team master Tim. Was that a 14, including the plus two the dragon gets? That's a 14. I'll send a picture of you. You frauds. Is that before you added the plus two for what the dragon gets? Yes, it's a 14. Does that mean it's a 16 total then with the plus two?

So with a 16 total, that is enough. You are able to fly up to where the others are. These dragons like dropping you off on the top layer of the tower. We see a giant horned fiend looking down at Berserker Billy and the chemist battling each other. Well done. This is like the scene in Almost Famous when the plane doesn't crash.

Like, oh, yeah, we're happy you're back, Hank. Touchdown. Very proud of you. Yeah, good job. We always wanted you to keep fighting. And that means we got two of us, I believe, on this layer so far. And we need to get Wayne and cake up to the top layer of the tower as well. Luckily, you've got the spell that if somebody does fall,

you can catch them with feather fall, but I'm wondering who wants to go next. I feel like I should go next since Jake is the last one. He can always save us from below. That seems like the right move here, right? Correct. Okay. Yeah, so I'll head up there.

And are you taking any particular dragons with you? Uh, I don't like, I don't like how the Lamello and Leangelo, I don't like how they responded. I might take magic. Can I take magic up there? Irvin. Irvin, excuse me. Absolutely.

If you take Irvin to your surprise, Irvin the Prismatic Dragon can carry you by himself. He is so strong. Even though he's not the biggest of the dragons, he grabs you by the shoulder, picks you up, and you are carried by just Irvin. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

But Irvin's just going to get one roll in that case. And if he's carrying you up, you can roll a d20 plus five. Okay. Here we go. I'm rolling right now. I got a 10. So plus five would be 15. Okay.

15 is just barely enough. You see the kind of gargoyle fiends as they're souping around, but you are just barely able to get up to the same level as Norm and Erlich now. And Irvin's obviously working pretty hard, but does seem to be immune to fire damage as he is carrying you up to the top layer of the tower and dropping you off there. Good stuff.

And just so you know, that was your move. But to get up there, you can also use an action if you want. You still have your action available, and you can use your bonus action to inspire somebody coach style. Okay. I think I'd like to inspire Berserk or Billy. I want to play, can I play Let's Go by Lil Jon? Absolutely.

You start playing Let's Go, and you see Berserk or Billy just start like swinging to the tune of the song, basically, like he's getting into it. And the chemist is getting a very frustrated that seems as he gets inspired. Well done. And if you want to cast any spells, you certainly could with your action. Just a reminder, Wayne, you have spells like disguise self to make you look like a different person. Thunderwave blasts people back.

Unseen servant creates a little invisible friend who can move things around for you. And feel it's important to mention vicious mockery. You insult someone so bad that they get a little psychic damage. I mean, I think I think I'm going to have to go with vicious mockery. I'd like to I'd like to mock the chemist considerably. I'd like to mock him very hard. Absolutely.

Are you saying anything particular to the chemist to mock him? Y'all be like, Hey, tell me the story about how you didn't sleep with Madonna again. That that really true one that we all remember. Yeah, tell us that story about how you're a genetic freak, even though you spent the last 40 years doing steroids. Yeah, I'd like to say all that. Absolutely. He failed his saving throw quite fittingly against that insult.

You get to roll the D4. That's going to be the die kind of at the top of the dice roller. And let me know how much damage you get on that. D4. I got a two with two points of damage. The mighty chemist almost completely falls over. But he doesn't know. He seems like he's going to go down in a single hit.

But instead he is getting a little insulted, takes the two points of damage and then roars. But you can tell his attacks now. He is taking disadvantage on them because you got in his head and he's messed up right now. Tim, quick question. The chemist, do you think that it does punches have power? I mean, they do seem to have some power.

But not as much as you would have expected. He wrote a lot of stories about the chemist. And he almost just went down with two points of damage. And you're thinking that Berserker-Billy is actually doing really well in this fight. I mean, you can roll an insight check on the chemist to see if you think he's intentionally not doing as well as he could. But it's hard to tell right now. Can we roll an insight check on Berserker-Billy

to see if Billy is like actually ready to kill this guy? Like what kind of mentality he's in in the ring? 100 percent. I will let you do one insight check. This will really be maybe for the dragon who carried you up. He still has his action. So you can go ahead and roll. OK. Yeah.

And let me actually just see what your insight check would be, Wayne, just to make sure it wouldn't be better than the dragons. If so, I'll get. No, the dragons is better. So you roll with a plus three and the dragon will be letting you know if he thinks Berserker-Billy is giving it his all. OK, so I'm rolling. Is this D 20?

There's gonna be a D 20 plus three. OK, D 20 is an 18 plus three is a 21. So I can I just predict what I think urban magic. The dragon would say 100 percent. What does he say? It will be very exciting to see what happens when Berserker-Billy steps into the ring with a chemist. The chemist is a former MLB all star and Berserker-Billy.

Well, he's got the part of my take as on a side exclamation point. You can tell he's letting you know. The only thing that's making Berserker-Billy so powerful is the encouragement of his friends. The moment he saw all of you, he's like, oh, I really got these guys now. And he is absolutely swinging way harder. OK, cool. Definitely.

I love it. And he gave inspiration to Berserker-Billy certainly. So you know everything that Erwin is saying is absolutely urban saying is absolutely true because he's using your inspiration now to get himself a little bit stronger. Love it. And then that gets all of us up to the level except for take. Take in theory.

I think you were up next to fly up to the top layer. Yeah, let's do it. I got to join the squad. Absolutely. Now, Kate, I do want to let you know that you do have the feather fall spell in case you fall. You've got the best way to kind of save yourself as it were. And you can do that as a reaction if you want.

But how would you be trying to initially get up there? You don't have the fly spell yet. You're close to getting it, but not quite there. But what would you like to do in theory? What other options do I have? Absolutely. You could take the dragons if you want. And in theory, I would also say that there is a second level

spell called levitate that you might have. But levitate doesn't just carry you up and down. It kind of makes you like zero gravity a little bit. If you have levitation cast on you, then it's kind of like being in the space station. You can only bounce off walls. So levitation is sometimes a little dangerous. It's kind of like if you're stuck in the middle of nowhere

without anything to touch, you're just kind of floating of the outer space style. All right, we'll try taking the dragons. Absolutely. A little bit safer maybe to take the dragons. And do you want to take any dragons in particular up with you? Who are the options left? So far, it looks like the red and the green and both white dragons

have already been taken on a ride. So we've got the two black dragons, skip one and skip two. And we've got the blue dragon, the Angela. What do you guys think? Should we bring the ball brothers back together or leave them hanging? I say leave them hanging. I think their bosses, I'll be honest. Yeah, move on from these dragons ASAP.

All right, so we're going back to skip one. Absolutely. So you're taking skip one and I presume skip two as well. Yeah. Absolutely. The two black dragons, skip one and skip two are acid dragons and are actually not having the worst time in the pits of Avernus. There's a lot of like acid rain and stuff here that they're ignoring.

They're not feeling great about it. Absolutely. They're tripping balls. They're swimming around in circles. Like look at that. So that's pretty cool. That looks crazy right now. And you, as they are carrying you, get to roll 2D20s

with a plus three added to each of them. These are not the strongest dragons, but they're a little bit stronger than the white dragons. A little bit weaker than the green and the red dragons. All right, first roll 13. Okay, so far so good because you have a plus three on that. That's a 16. So it's going to get you there.

Let's see if you do any better on the second roll. 14. 14. All right, with a 14 plus three, that's going to be 17. That is enough to carry you up the rest of the way. So we are all gathered now, blended on the top floor of the Tower of the Chemists. And we can tell that those gargoyle themes

who are below us right now are now flying around, crawling at each other. And they're getting ready to fly up through the trap door and come after us. So as they're getting ready to fly into the room, we can hear them on the way, but they're not getting to attack us just yet. And that's their move right now.

Meanwhile, Berserker-Billy is going to get to attack the chemist on his turn. So I would ask that anyone here want to be responsible for rolling for Berserker-Billy, or would you like me to roll? I'll do it. I'll roll. I'll roll.

Absolutely. Now, Berserker-Billy. A one. Hey. Damn. All right, Berserker-Billy. No, actually, I did just roll. It was a three.

I swear to God, it was a three. Okay, it was a three. I did just roll. He has a plus five on his attack with his warmer, but an eight is not going to do the trick. Damn, no. The attack glances off the kind of shoulder plate that the chemist is wearing,

and then Berserker-Billy winds up and with his divine strike ability, he does get to attack one more time. So if you want to do another attack for him, he could. He is naturally good. Four. I swear to God, four.

With a nine, once again, the chemist just knocks this attack back unless, with that nine, you could invoke the inspiration that Wayne had given. He's just not listening to his friends encouraging him on right now, and then Berserker-Billy just missed

with both of those attacks. So that would bring us to the chemist's turn next. And when the chemist goes, the first thing he does is let out a roar. He is feeling really bad after the insults that were thrown at him by Wayne the Bard. He obviously does not take that criticism very well, and he grabs a lever on the floor,

and with one roar, yanks the lever. And from the walls, we see the tubes that are emerging from the walls behind him suddenly start to fill with a mixture. It races through the tubes, and then as it enters his body, Bane-style, he starts growing bigger and bigger and bigger, and as his muscles grow before our very eyes,

he is soon towering over Berserker-Billy, and he is going to swing two attacks at Berserker-Billy, both of which miss. And so he's swinging, Berserker-Billy is knocking Berserker-Billy's attacks aside, but neither one of these enemies has injured each other just yet. But Tim, isn't the chemist really big?

And so when he punches Billy, you think that would legitimately hurt him? Absolutely. If it were to connect with Berserker-Billy, it would probably throw Berserker-Billy back. It looks like one of those attacks got very close to hitting Berserker-Billy, but he just barely knocked the attack out of the way.

But depending on what we do next, we might be able to influence this fight a little bit. Seems like they are truly locked in eternal combat near them really hitting each other just yet, but up next, Norm or Rob, we're not worried too much about turn order today, but Norm, if you want to go next, you are the first to get up here.

Okay, here we go. Rolling. Five. Yes. Absolutely. Norm, would you be rushing up to attack either the chemist or Berserker-Billy, or would you be trying to stop the flying fiend

who are trying to get into the room with us? Shoot, what should I do, guys? So the only thing I'm thinking is, we might just try to make the chemist and Berserker friends, because they have so much in common. Yeah. Can you do like a friend? I should fight the other things,

the things that are coming up and bothering us. Okay, so I'll fight those. Yeah, because the more that they kind of stay in the same location as each other, fighting each other, I think there's a good chance that Berserker and the chemist become like real close. Okay, so let me fight the other things that are coming up at us

and leave them to just like bro out with each other. 100% love it. That's perfect because there is one of these winged gargoyle fiends coming flying up through the trap door right in time for you to swing your great sword. So far, you said you had rolled a five, but let me ask you a question.

Would you want to make that a reckless attack? If it's reckless, then you get to roll two times, but if the fiend attacks you, they're also going to get to roll three times and take a higher number. All right, I'll roll again. I'll roll again. I'll see you roll one more time.

18, great roll. Fuck yeah. That is going to be a hit against the fiend. And if you want to go ahead and roll two d6s and add plus five for the result, that's going to be your total damage for the sword. Okay, here comes roll one for the d6. One, not good.

Roll two, two, also not good. So not good. So three damage. And yeah, you don't have anything to pump that up, but three plus the five damage you get for raging, that's eight damage against the fiend. Unfortunately, as your sword cuts through this fiend, you think you are only for some reason

dealing four points of damage instead of eight, as though this fiend is resistant to your weapons, it seems. But still, four points of damage injures this thing a little bit. And then you still get to swing again with your bonus action if you want. You're a frenzying barbarian,

and so you can do two attacks per turn. Okay. All right, so am I rolling the d20? You're rolling another pair of d20s because you are still reckless right now. 15 is the first one. Five is the second. Okay, so we'll use the 15.

You're getting a plus six on this attack roll, and that is absolutely a hit again against the fiend. So go ahead and roll your damage again now. 2d6 plus five. Okay, all right. Three. Okay. One again.

God damn it. Okay, so four plus five is going to be nine damage. Half down to four again means that so far the fiend has gotten eight damage on them. The fiend looks like they are more than halfway down, but not quite down just yet. As they fly to the room, they look down at you, Norm,

and they get a teeny little pitchfork ready like they are planning on stabbing you with it as they caught you and threaten you with their spiky tail as well. Unless somebody attacks this fiend, they are going to be attacking at the end of our turns. But so far, that's Norm's turn, and they're going to target Norm.

It looks like his Norm has gone reckless. He's easier to hit now. So who would like to go next in theory? The second person to fly in, I think, had been Erlich? Yeah. Want to help me out? Yeah, I'll go next. Hank, are you sure you're able to get off the ground?

I do, you know, I wouldn't really want to help the cat, but he said some pretty mean things about letting me go. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. One turn ago. What are my other options? Big cat, it's my turn, please. Norm, sorry. What other besides playing defense,

what other options do I have? Absolutely. You could try to fight these fiends who are swarming up from the trapdoor. You could also get involved in the fight happening between the chemist and Berserker Billy. I mentioned this because both you and the Bard have high charisma for influencing

people's thoughts and stuff. So if you're trying to make someone feel worse in this fight or the two of them to become Buddy Buddy or something like that, you have a plus five on Intimity for threatening people and you have a plus three on Deception

for tricking people or things like that. I guess I'll be the bigger warlock and help defend Dan. I don't like, Hank, I don't like how you're holding that over our heads, though. Like you're making it seem like you're at your own just for going along with your team. I am.

All right. Well, yeah, you guys tried to kill me. You guys told me to give up last time. We didn't try to kill you. We just suggest that you kill yourself. Right. But I'm not. Yeah, that's not.

I didn't. I didn't. I wasn't rooting for you to die, Hank. I said, at some point, you're just so bad that you should just. Yeah. K.Y.S. Yeah, I'm still alive.

We were just rooting for you to finally get it so that we didn't have to come out and actually tell you. All right. I'm going to I'm going to de-up Gyro D20. Absolutely. What you can do is you know

that against these fiends who are resistant to weapons, your Eldritch Blast attack will deal full damage to them. So if you want to, you can do Eldritch Blast. And if you really want, you could use your bonus action

to put a hex on one of these fiends. In theory, there's only one in the room so far. But if you hit a hexed fiend, then in theory, you deal a little extra damage. Do you want to use up a hex right now? Yeah. Let's throw the kitchen sink at him. Absolutely.

Then you roll a D20 plus 6 to see if you hit. Oh, fuck yeah. It's a 20. With a natural 20, that's a 26 total. You hit this fiend right in the face. And as it's getting hit by your Eldritch Blast, your patron who is a devil themselves. In fact, maybe we even hear a booming laughter

from the top of the tower, as though it's that giant face who is giving you this extra power. You see it grow bigger and bigger. And it is going to be probably exploding this fiend from within. Let's see your damage. And your normal damage

will be 1D10. Now it's going to be 2D10 because you critical hit. And for a hexing, it will be 1D6. But that becomes 2D6 because it's a critical hit. So 2D10 plus 2D6. I just want to say I never stop believing in Hank. Look at the dance.

What are you doing? Hank, is that a gamer chair? Yeah. Do you have a chair designed for gamers? Well, I mean, there's not like podcasting chairs, PFT. What else would I get? It's just called the floor. Yeah, it's called your mom's couch.

Yeah, I'm good. I'm good with that. All right. So where are we at? Good job, Hank. Thank you. Thank you. My name is Norm, though.

I mean, I'm not. No, I'm Norm. Thanks, Erlich. I'm the one with the raging boner. Yeah. And Erlich, if you want to roll your damage, your damage is going to be 2D10 for the eldritch blast.

And then for the hex that you cast on this feed, you get an extra 2D6 added onto that. So roll the D10. You're going to roll the D10 two times added together, and then the D6 two times added together. And that's your total damage. All right. D10-1 is a 6.

D10-2 is an 8. Eighth 14 so far. And then the D6 you said. And then the D6 two times because you critical hit. D6-1 is a 4. D6-2 is a 2. Eighteen became 20. So with 20 damage, that feed explodes.

And sends spines, porcupine spines, hitting the rocks and the walls all around us. Well done, Erlich. You have finished off that feed. And I'll just ask at that point, if you want Lola to do anything. Lola says, I don't want anything to do with those feeds, but I might mess with those two over there.

But she follows your orders. You can tell her to do whatever you want. Can I have her like go up to the dead bodies and like teabag them? Just insult the injury? All right. She has a scorpion tail. So she's invisible,

but you know that what she's doing is dipping the scorpion stinger into the mouth of this feed. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And that is eternally amusing to her because the spined devils are a little bit stronger and tougher than her. So this is a fun opportunity.

Well, face-titting. She loves it. Love it. Absolutely. And that will bring us then to Wayne's turn next. Wayne, what would you like to do against these? Either involved in the fight that's happening between Berserker-Billy and the chemist,

or with these three remaining fiends who are about to come swarming up to us. Good question. So part of me feels like we should cut our losses now that Hank's still on top. Like Hank just had the turn of his life. And he's like a running back that like, you know, he has a great season.

You don't want to pay him a lot of money because he'll probably never reach that peak again. Can we, can I encourage Hank to go on a vacation? Erlich to just go leave for a while? You certainly could. Generally because you're rolling a persuasion check on another player, I kind of leave it to the other player to say like, I will be convinced with a 15 or higher,

or I will be convinced with a 20 or higher. I can't control what Hank does. So you might want to ask Hank how likely he is to be. Okay. Actually, no, here's what I'd like to do. I'd like to encourage Erlich to go produce the show that Berserker, Billy and the chemist are coming up with together in the ring. I feel like they should go to like,

go move to Florida, some place sunny. I'll take the KMS option. If that's the case, I would like to jump head first into the lava. All right. Here's what I'll actually do. I'd like to try to kill the remaining things flying around. Now you said that magic had immunity to something. It seems like they are not resistant to magic damage.

It's weapons that they seem to be immune to. Now you can also roll an arcana check to determine what you think could hurt them the most, maybe, and you have a plus three on arcana. Okay. Otherwise we think magic works okay on them. All right. So my dragon, Irvin, he's a magic dragon. So I think that he will...

I'm just going to go with him. Let's roll with his magic. Absolutely. I want to let you know that right now you say, Irvin, go get him. You have magic. And he goes, I'm not fighting anybody. Go ahead and roll a persuasion check on Irvin to make sure that you get to use his attacks

instead of your own. And so go ahead and roll. Your persuasion is you got a plus five on this. You're very persuasive. Okay. D20, right? And you hatched him. So roll two times and take the higher number on a D20. First one's 17.

Pretty good. That's going to do the trick, but let's see if you get a critical hit. Second one was six. Six. Okay. So we'll take the 17 plus five. That's a 22. Irvin goes, I'm not going to...

All right. Fine. Okay. And you see him fly over to... You said the rest of these fiends you wanted him to attack. Is that right? Yeah. He's able to catch all of them in a cone breath weapon that when he opens his mouth,

rainbows of light begin shooting out. And it seems like the red light hits one of the fiends and covers it in fire. Some of the purple light hits one of the fiends and that seems to create like a sort of sparkling effect around them that melts them. It's like it's causing all their veins to like wiggle up. There's a blue light that's hitting

that's causing ice damage. It's all kinds of damage, but I'm going to roll saving throws. For each of these fiends, one of them got hit really bad. The other ones are doing okay on their saving throws, but go ahead and roll six d six worth of damage against these enemies.

And you can even kind of like on the virtual dice roll or move it so that it like adds up all the six d sixes for you. You can like use the drop down menu or just roll the d sixes and add them up. Okay, that might be too challenging for me. I'm going to roll six. Okay, first one, first one, three. Second one, one, four.

So we're at eight, two. Two, that's 10 and we're two thirds of the way there. Four, four, 14. Another four. Another four. So 18 damage, finishes off one of the fiends. He just falls through the sky. That'd be the one who took ice damage probably.

And then that'll be the one who took the lightning damage from the yellow beam because they are not immune to lightning. And then the other two seem like they are taking nine points of damage from that. And that is almost bringing them down, but not quite. They bear okay on their saving throws against that breath weapon. But well done. Urban takes out one of the fiends,

and there are two reps who are badly injured now at this point. And that used up your move for sure. You still have your bonus action, and you could cast a spell if you really wanted to. Up to you. I'd like to, can I inspire Kake on his next turn? Yes, you could. Absolutely.

Kake is now going to be inspired. So Kake's a journalist, right? Great move. Great move. I'd like to buy him a Diet Coke. And let him know that Bruce Springsteen actually wasn't over the legal limit for his DUI. It was a cop that put his foot on the scale a little bit

and gave him an extra 0.6 points. Absolutely. You're handed the Pepsi, and you feel inspired, Kake. Absolutely. And you'll get to add some extra bonuses to your attacks or saving throws when you need them. And that will bring us then to your turn, Kake. Now, Kake, you also got landed up here.

We're all in the same room now. You can do something in relation to this fight that's happening, or you can do something about the last two fiends we're trying to come in and attack us. I think we should finish the job. Yeah, because this could be the last turn for this session. So let's let's choose wisely here, Jake. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm going to finish the job and try to knock out those fiends. Absolutely. You got a couple of spells that could finish off these fiends. Your magic missile spell, you could launch magic missiles and send two at one of the fiends and two at the others, or you could hit them both at the same time with a thunder wave blast. You clap your hands and a sonic boom sends them flying backward. Do you have a preference between those two?

Yeah, the sonic boom sounds fun. Absolutely. Sonic boom is probably an element that they are not resistant to. And I will lower their saving throws. They both failed their saving throws this time. And Kake, you get to roll 2d8 damage, unless you want to charge this up to second level. And then it would be 3d8 damage instead.

That's triple charge, yeah. Absolutely. Go ahead and roll 3d8. Those are the dice that look kind of like two pyramids stacked up on each other. Yup. Seven. Oh, great start. One.

One. Five. Five, absolutely. That is enough that both of the fiends, as they try to fly up through the entrance to start doing their attacks right after your turn, the two of them get thrown backward, crash into spikes on the walls,

and then fall down into the lava below. And are not seen again. We took care of all of the fiends. Yes. They try to attack us. Well done. And then in that case, Berserker-Billy would be up next. Would you like to attack for Berserker-Billy?

Yeah, sure. I'll do it real quick. I'm doing it honestly. I'm doing it honestly. Six. Six is good with another plus five. I'm going to bring him up to 11. That's not quite going to be a hit unless he uses his inspiration,

which he could be. Okay. All right. No, fuck that. Do I roll again for him? You can roll again for his second attack. 16. Shit.

16 is going to be with a plus five, a hit with a 21. Well done for Berserker-Billy. He'll get to roll 1d8 plus two damage against the chemist. All right. He's rolling a d8. It's four. All right. With four points of damage, the chemist think gets hit in the shoulder

by this little hammer blow. Uh-oh. And immediately falls over on the ground. He's lying all the way around. His muscles seem to be shrinking down as these tubes got knocked off of his body. Not by Billy, but just by him falling over kind of. No, no. And Berserker-Billy seems ecstatic.

He's jumping up and down. There's a light in his eyes, a childlike glow that you have never seen before. And it really does believe that he is so excited to have defeated this. This question knocked him out. I will ask, are we doing anything to either influence his enthusiasm or to the chemist or anything like that? No, Billy's got enough enthusiasm. We're just kind of ignoring him for a little bit right now

and hoping he's having a fun time. And then I think we just send the chemist back to his car wash. Absolutely. It does seem like the chemist should have a lot more hit points, but he's just lying there and seems to be dragging himself away from the arena. And Berserker-Billy turns to us. And it seems like he feels so powerful now after that fight. He's ready to charge each of us.

However, we do know that he is not Berserker-Billy in his body. We are looking at Berserker-Billy, the soul who is descended to a furnace. And right now, if we were to point that ruby at him, we could try to trap him in the ruby ghost buster style. Is that what we'd like to do? Let's, you know what? Let's leave a cliffhanger. Let's decide when we come back next time, we'll have Billy in attendance.

And we'll, I don't want to kill Billy for the 10th time without him being here. Well, as you were saying, it might be that to trap him like a Pokemon, we need to actually like fight him a little bit. So next time when we have Berserker-Billy, we will end with him turning to charge us. And I would assume it would be Ehrlich, probably who would be the best one to be holding the ruby to try to trap him. This would be a warlock magic in particular.

And he's going to be the best equipped to trap Berserker-Billy, but we're going to need to fight him first. Excellent. Perfect. Well, Tim, it was great to see you. We miss you. Yeah. Let's not wait so long.

Yeah, you're the best. You're the best in the biz, Tim. We really appreciate it. And we'll, yeah, we'll see you soon. We'll do another one within the next month. I appreciate getting to come back. This is fun. Absolutely.

Looking forward to seeing you all again. All right. Thanks, Tim. Thanks, Tim. Take care. Have a great evening. Bye. All right.

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on their website. Check them out at manscaped.com slash excuse me, promo code TAKE. Promo code TAKE at 20% off. All right, let's wrap up. Firefest of the week. I think we got some big ones. PFT, would you like to start?

Yeah, sure. Well, first of all, grocery façade. It's Lunar New Year today. We didn't say that at the top, but I just realized. So you're the ox. You're the ox this year. Yeah, my Firefest is that Darren Ravel doesn't look like

he's going to fight me anymore. And I wanted to make it happen. I told Barstil I said I will do it for zero dollars and I removed all stipulations. Anytime, anywhere, I will fight Darren Ravel. Anytime, anywhere. Turns out that Darren, I don't even know if he talked to anybody.

David said he didn't talk to Darren, maybe called and spoke with somebody else. But Darren is saying that the fight's off. I don't know about all that. You just tell me wherever to show up, I will show up and fight Darren Ravel. He just loves being talked about. He's addicted to being discussed

and he loves the attention. And so I, me personally, I know that we banned him from the show. I'm going to ban his name from the show. There we go. I listen. I, I feel like I know this guy so well at this point because he's been playing the same tricks over and over.

He's the loophole king. He's the talk about king. If people followed the line, I'm going to have PFTs back here because I know that he's, there's got to be, isn't told me, but there's got to be some frustration with how this played out. Ravel essentially just came from the clouds

and said, I want $2 million to fight PFT. Ravel said that. We didn't say that. PFT didn't say that. Ravel said that. Now, of course he wants $2 million because what he really wants is for Barstool to talk about him and keep him relevant for six months.

And guess what? Whether you, you think that that's fair or not. You know, I understand the argument. I want to see this fight. I get it. Unfortunately, they are a competitor. We're in the gambling world. He's in the gambling world.

We're not going to give someone else in the gambling world six months of free, you know, run. And especially not a guy who is going to take advantage of it and be really annoying every step of the way. And then on top of it, all of that, give him $2 million. So it makes sense in my eyes. And remember, he was the one who came out of the clouds and started this whole thing, not PFT.

I want to fight this fight. I want to make that very clear. I want to fight Darren Ravel. Darren, if you want to find a different place to do it, any time, any place, I will show up. I will fight Darren Ravel. I need maybe like an hour notice just to get my shit together, get my fighting shoes on.

But no, no, no, no, here's a butt. Here's a butt. When he tweets us tomorrow, we have to ignore him because the biggest mistake we made was even engaging him on Tuesday night when he started this whole thing. Because the minute you engage him, the minute you give him, you know, credibility here, and then he just talks about it and talks about it and talks about it.

And he loves the fact that we're talking about him right now. And it makes me sick to my stomach, but we're here and we were forced into this. So I've had the policy of just ignoring him for a very long time and it's worked great. I will not be replying to him. The only thing I will say is anytime, anywhere, if he wants to fight me, I will show up and I will kick his ass.

And I will do it with a smile on my face. This is actually a fight that I really wanted to have happen. I even told Dave, I was like, whatever you can do to make it happen, please make it happen because I want to fight him. So it looks like it's not going to happen, but you're right. Darren is like, he's like a homeless neighborhood cat that shows up on your porch, starts meowing really loudly

in the middle of the night. You open up a can of tuna one time for him and you put it on the porch. Next thing you know, he's spraying your windows down with his butt cheeks and then your neighbors are walking by being like, why won't you let that cat inside? It's really unhappy and seems to really love you. Well, guess what?

Not mentioning Darren Ravel's name ever again. We've got Jake. Jake Marsh has made Darren Ravel obsolete. The only thing that Jake can't do that Darren Ravel does is catch these hands. And Darren, time and place. Anytime, any place I will show up and hit you. I will punch you.

He's going to keep like baiting you. I'm done. No, I'm done. The only- Are you though? Are you? You've got to be really done. Like he's going to bait you on Twitter

and people are going to be like trying to get you involved. You're not going to be able to handle it, right? Only further communication I will make with Darren Ravel is catch these hands anytime you want. No. Anytime. That's already the wrong answer. Can't deal.

Let's go through a simulation. Yeah. Okay. Let's go play. Two months from now, we don't say anything. Getting no clout. He's feeding some clout. And he says, hey, PFT, I heard you're too much of a coward

to fight me. I tried to. And you guys are the reason we didn't. What happens? Okay. So what I do is I reply to him at Darren Ravel anytime, any place. But then at the last second before hitting send,

I delete the at Darren Ravel. And I just tweet to nobody in particular anytime, any place. Okay. All right. Good. I also was going to say, maybe you just need to kick the shit out of Jake to get this out of your. No.

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Darren. You guys hired me. That's not true. That was that's a coincidence. What if I what if I just took Jake hostage and I was like, Darren, for every week that goes by that you do not fight me, I'm going to break another one of Jake's bones. We need, you know what we need is we need Jake to give you

the Robin Williams. It's not your fault speech while you break down. And you're just like, right. It's not. It's not. I'm listening. I'm fine. I'm just done replying to him.

It sucks. I hope you're right. I hope that's true. It looks like I didn't want to play because I want nothing more in my life. What he does. He's the king of loopholes. I was the king of tricks.

And when I said King of semantics, you just got to ignore. When I said I wanted to wipe his account off of Twitter, I was doing that to try to raise the stakes a little bit. And the second that he made it clear that he would not accept that, I'm like, fine, let's just do it your way. I will give all that up. You can get paid. Whatever you work out with Dave, you name the time and the

place. I'll show up and beat you up anytime, anywhere. Can't do it. He's the king of loopholes. Just forget about him. Jake, your fire fest, are you going to get beat up by a PFT now? Maybe. I'll take it though.

You can use it as a punching bag. Very cool. So we're obviously working from home this week. I've had this box in my apartment unopened since October. It's just a chair, like a lounge chair, extra seat if I ever have guests. And I kept putting it off for four months because I didn't want to put it together.

I finally opened it today and it was all put together. I literally just needed to open the box for four months. No, no. Construction was needed. No way. How big was that? That's like a fire fest though. Like that's fire.

It's like a reverse fire fest. Yeah. I think this is like this is fire. Yeah. That's amazing. Holy shit. I have the chair folded and the no construction was needed. That's awesome.

Yeah. All right. My fire fest is I have covid. Yeah. It's pretty straightforward. It pretty much sucks. It's low key, not a great time. Like I know I don't want to be the seven millionth media person to

be like, Hey guys, I got covid. It's no joke. Take it seriously. But it is no joke. And you should take it seriously. A peak athlete like myself, I've had trouble breathing all week. It has not been fun. I've been we've been I've literally just done this show.

And after we hang up, I'm like gas beyond belief. So it's no joke. Have you heard that that people who smoke cigarettes actually have a better time with covid than people that don't? Yeah, I don't I don't know if that's true. I just know that it sucks. And I really wish I didn't have it. And it sucks not seeing my family and it sucks being sick

and being out of breath. And yeah, this thing is no joke. So there it is. I know I sound preachy, but guess what? I'll fucking say it. This thing is no joke. They also said that it can lead to erectile dysfunction down the line. I don't want you to think about that, but I already have low T.

I'm gonna have nothing to talk about. No T can be taken out of my body. More T Hank, what's your firefest? My firefest is there's a petition. People are people are calling for my resignation as commissioner of stool streams because we can't get there is because I sign it. I texted Hank the other day. Like it makes me very mad.

People are people are busting my balls on Twitter, which is relatively fair. Like, I don't it's funny and it's like, you know, it is what it is that we can't do championship until we get COVID clear. But Jake is like actually upset for me. Yeah, NFL got it got it season in. What's your problem? Yeah, that's what they got it in, but they had to make some schedule adjustments.

Right. Yeah. But they got the soup bowl in when the soup bowl was scheduled. Okay. Because they didn't have any COVID issues. Yeah. I mean, no, they just they buried them. Like you should have killed me before I had a chance to get COVID.

Yeah. So these people need to back off, Hank. He has no control over who gets COVID. So relax. Who would you want me to add him to the list? You want me to add him to the list of people that I'll shame. If I die, I'll die in their face. Please. Those people listen.

If you sign that fucking change.org, you better hope I wake up tomorrow morning. Because if I don't, it's on your fucking head. There it is. The first one is getting thrown around my death at people's face all week. It's been great. Change.org first result when I type in Lockwood, get Mr. Lockwood fired. Oh, no, this is just this is a middle school principle. Petition to students of Paul Revere Charter Middle School to get Mr. Lockwood fired.

Also, it's interesting because the people who are complaining. Jeng is not happening are probably the same people who are commenting. Nobody watches this. Right. Of course. Of course. So, I mean, the reality of the situation is that Hank is probably the best person at Barstool to get something like this pulled off with his organizational skills. Like it's funny to think about.

But Hank actually is, Hank is one of the more. I'm trying to give you a compliment. I'm saying like, I mean, what do they want? They want to like young page views will surely be able to get this tournament. By the way, the one thing that I've had to like reckon with this week is that maybe I shouldn't joke all the time because I've had multiple people. Florio being the biggest case of Florio text me and he was like, do you really have COVID or is it a bit?

And I just want to be like, I have, I have warped this person. Mike Florio's brain so much that when he sees that I have COVID, he probably thinks I'm trying to get his fantasy football team out of him. Yeah. Like that's a bad place to be. So I'm going to have to reassess some things after that. No, just do you, man. I think, I think you're fine.

Oh man. It's a good, it's a good way to just tell people to not be mean to you about, I mean, I did that tweet on Wednesday night. I was like, I'm going to sleep because I have to fight COVID in my sleep. So if Wisconsin loses to Nebraska, like, don't be mean about it. You're going to make me die. I also don't have COVID and I'm, it's a pre-firefest for when I do get it. Yeah.

You're low key heated about it. Right. I'm telling you, bro, you don't want it. Once we, yeah. I mean, I'm not going to say I want it, but like. It sounds like you're saying that you definitely sound like you want it. Yeah. I'm nervous.

I would like to see how the way things are going. I feel like I'm going to go back to the office next week and then there's going to be, I'm going to like get it. And then we're going to have to push tool troops off again. Hank, this is something that you say now, but I would sacrifice my health. No, no, no, no, no. Take that back. No, you say, you say that now, but post mostly you would look back on this and be like,

it was not worth it. Yeah. Hank, if you die, if you get COVID and die, I'm going to like make it my personal life's mission to have the Jenga championship never take place. We're making Jake so uncomfortable with this conversation. He's named the trophy after me. I'm like the depth jokes. Jake, you better hope I don't fucking die tonight, dude.

Just name the trophy after me, please. Yeah. Jake, you what time are you going to text me in the morning to make sure I woke up? 9 30 a.m. Okay. All right. All right. Should we do numbers?

Do you have the numbers? No. I'm sorry that the only way I can deal with serious issues is to just make more jokes on top. Go on 18. Whoa. 13. All right. Double 18.

All right. I changed my name. 73. I want to see what Jake's back. 99. 888. Oh, am I pulling it up? Yeah. Oh, I can do it.

I can do it. I think Jake's the most trustworthy. I wouldn't. I mean, the honor system like with Tim. I would actually believe if I lie about this and I deserve to die tonight. All right. Here we go. Everyone got their numbers?

99. 18. What was it? Eight. 13. Liam. 73. Yeah.

16. 16. 16. September 22nd, November 17th. Three feet. All right. I guess everyone have a great weekend and we'll see you all month. There's a great Lunar New Year.

Yeah, Lunar New Year. Watch out for the winter storm. Is it, is this one named? I don't know. Winter storm football team. Yeah. Sorry that Billy wasn't here and he couldn't tell you about his fight, guys. Oh, it's turkeys believe in God.

Love you guys. When I got, I went into war's warm mode. Because I got in the ring. War time. I was in, you guys don't know. I was literally like in war time. I literally went into a mental state. And like when Jose like punched me, he didn't have a lot of power.

And I just knew like I was low key. I was just as tall as him. So like legitimately when you get into a boxing ring or somebody, you legitimately, like I thought that the only way out was I had to kill him. Like I was. That's why I brought that guy with a gun. That's the mindset that you have. Like you guys don't know because you weren't there,

but like you have to flip a switch and you have to be like, I'm going to kill this guy. I'm actually going to kill him. Like I was prepared to kill him in the boxing ring. All right. See you everyone one day. Love you guys. I don't know what I'm to say.

I'll say it anyway. Today is another day to find you. We're shying away. I'll become up for your love. Okay. Shying away. I'll become up for your love. Okay.

Take on me. Take on me. Take me on. Take on me. I'll be gone in a day or two. So needless to say it. What's the end? So I might be stumbling away.

Slowly learning that life is okay. Say it after me. It's no better to be safe than sorry. Say it after me. It's no better to be safe than sorry. Take on me. Take on me. Take me on.

Take on me. I'll be gone in a day or two. All things that you say is delightful. Just to play my worries away. You're all the things I've got to remember. You're shying away. I'll become up for your love anyway. You're shying away.

I'll become up for your love anyway. Take on me. Take me on. I'll be gone in a day or two. It's part of my take presented by Bar Stool Sports.