Pardon My Take - Jerry O'Connell, We Had Field Yates Help Us Get Mike Florio Again + Bryson, Mets And Cut Day In The NFL
Episode Date: September 1, 2021We continue to watch Hard Knocks for the people at home (00:03:09 - 00:06:46). Cut day in the NFL and Cam Newton is no longer on the Patriots and Dan Campbell is going without a kicker (00:06:46 - 00:...25:44). The Mets Javy Baez fiasco was absurd on all levels and Bryson has finally gotten the name Brooksy to be illegal (00:25:44 - 00:31:01). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including Jake Paul fight recap and fake high schools (00:31:01 - 00:59:49). Jerry O'Connell joins us in studio to talk about fantasy football and we do a Mt Rushmore of fantasy draft picks (00:59:49 - 01:47:58). We have Field Yates on the show where we created a fake interview with Mike Florio to trap him into talking about his fantasy team (01:47:58 - 02:02:53) . We finish with guys on checks.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, pardon my take listeners.
You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
or YouTube.
Prime members can listen, add free on Amazon Music.
On today's pardon my take, we have one of our favorite guests,
Jerry O'Connell, back in studio.
It's our fantasy football preview.
So we do our fantasy football preview with Jerry O'Connell
and bonus, we have Field Yates and Mike Florio.
You're probably going to start listening to the Field Yates
interview and be like, what's going on?
Well, we got Florio again.
So just tune in because it's fucking awesome.
We are going to talk hard knocks, cut day, Bryson,
Mets, fake high schools, guys on checks.
A loaded show for you and it's brought to you
by our good friends at Dave and Buster's.
They are a new sponsor, presenting sponsor
for the month of September.
Dave and Buster's look at PFT.
He's got his busters bling.
Dave and Buster's adds more winning to anything
and everything from regular Friday nights to first dates
and especially to watching the game with the guys.
It all gets more ding, ding, ding at DNBs.
In this season, there's no better place
to watch football than at Dave and Buster's
because you get more of everything
that makes game day so great.
Dave and Buster's has 40 foot wide TV screens
that you can get the best view of every game.
Imagine watching the game at a regular sports bar, not us,
on a tiny 12 inch plasma mounted to the other side
of the room, not us.
Because we're going to Dave and Buster's
and DNBs has new menu items exclusive to this football season
like the new chef crafted blue moon pickles
and the beverage game at Dave and Buster's
is always at the top because they have cocktails
and beers to choose from.
The best part is they now come in a tailgate size drink tower
so all the fellas can enjoy.
Ever shown up to a watch party
and only find its standing room only?
Well, the whole couch is taken
and there's not even a place to awkwardly perch on an armrest.
Not a problem at DNBs
because there's more than enough space
to invite the whole friend group.
And if you got that one person
who doesn't want to watch the game well,
you're at a Dave and Buster's.
You're going to have a great time.
This is one of those advertisers that we have
that is seamless because you know,
we love Dave and Buster's, we talk about it all the time.
So go right now, check out, excuse me, Dave and Buster's.
I got so excited, I started to choke.
That's how much I love Dave and Buster's.
So go watch the game, big game at DNBs, new menu,
new beverage items, same old games, awesome time.
There's nothing better than Dave and Buster's.
Add more ding, ding, ding to your game day
with more food, more drinks, and more screen
only at Dave and Buster's.
Okay, let's go.
Boy!
Boy!
Now in the street there is violence
and then a lot of work to be done.
No place to hang out or wash in
and then I can't save all on the sun.
Oh no, we're gonna rock down to electric high venue
and then we'll take it higher.
Oh, we're gonna rock down to electric high venue
and then we'll take it higher.
It's part of my take presented by Bristol Sports.
Welcome to part of my take presented by Dave and Buster's,
the only place to watch football this fall.
Go check out a DNB close to you.
Today is Wednesday, September 1st.
Oh boy.
Somebody wake up the guy from Green Day.
Yep, football is back.
No wait, when is it?
Oh, it's when September ends.
Yeah.
And then also what's the Rod Stewart?
But make sure that you wake him up.
It's late September and I think I should be back at school.
That's my favorite.
So it is September 1st.
We've done it again boys.
We have Watch Hard Knocks and it sucks.
And I don't know what we're doing.
But we're here for the people.
That was right.
That is our dedication to you, the listeners.
It's 11-11 right now.
It's 11-11, make a wish.
I wish that Hard Knocks was over.
Yeah, and it is.
And there's still another episode we're not gonna,
they did kind of screw us
because they put all the cuts for next week.
Yep, usually traditionally
when there are four pre-season games,
we get to see a little bit of the cuts this week
where they walk into the office.
Hey, I love you.
You're the perfect football player.
If there's anything we can do to you or do for you,
please let me know and don't let the door
hit you on your ass on your way out.
They tease us with the cuts.
What was your mojo moment from this week?
My mojo moment was Mike McCarthy showing up
in his party shirt looking like a watermelon.
Yeah, yeah, the Mike McCarthy party shirt,
it looked like it was a hologram of an even bigger shirt.
Yes.
It was playing tricks on the eyes.
That's a classic example.
Like McCarthy's wife probably gets him
a $50 gift card to Coles every year for Christmas
and he just goes in blacks out
and goes on like a shopping rampage.
That's the shirt that he bought this year at Coles
with his new money.
Yes, also the other notable moment
was the standup comedy routine
where they tried to do standup comedy
with only inside jokes that the locker room would get.
Yep, there was also more.
We were all wondering how the whole contact saga
from last week with Juan Hardy was gonna finish up.
This week they had him in contacts.
The human body craves contacts.
Yes.
And Juan Hardy was like, you know what?
I'm gonna lose the goggles.
No more Eric Dickerson, he saw how he looked
and he played without goggles this week.
Oh, also Jerry Jones is able to wink.
Yeah.
I didn't think that was possible
given the Botox situation.
But he's only able to wink
when he's in the presence of Waterberger.
Yes.
All right, last thing before we go to all the NFL cuts.
Just a little warning, when you listen to Field Yates,
Mike Florio interview, the start of it,
you're gonna be very, very confused
because we're not part of it.
Just wait because we got Florio again.
We've gotten deeper.
He's going to have major trust issues
from what we've done to him this year.
But definitely listen and follow along.
Nailed him.
Yes.
Now, last thing before we get to the other cuts
in the NFL that we actually did get to talk about,
Jerry Jones, that was so, that was like,
when they put the cliffhanger at the end of an episode
and you're like, oh, I gotta watch it next week.
They just showed Jerry Jones talking about Waterberger
at the end and you're like, wow,
I really want some more Jerry Jones.
There were probably like nine or 10 different scenes
in this hard knocks, though, where I watched it
and I was just like, this is the stuff
they decided to keep in this week.
Like there was one time where a guy came up
to his defensive line coach.
It was like, hey, good meeting earlier.
They kept that in.
That's the gold stuff that we're getting.
So yeah, next week we're gonna see Gucci D'Nucci.
They caught him today.
No spoilers.
No spoilers, but Gucci D'Nucci gets caught.
Don't tell me.
Probably similar to the Cam Newton thing
where they're like, you know what?
You're gonna get a starting job somewhere.
So we want you to have the pick of the litter, Gucci.
Okay, moving on from hard knocks.
Cut day in the NFL.
I would say that the Lions going with no kickers
would lead the cut day stories, but Cam Newton got cut.
He did, yeah.
So that's, it's Mac Jones time in New England.
That's right.
Hey, Big Cat, have you noticed Mac is Cam backwards?
Oh!
That's the new Saber Matrix.
It's the hottest in the street.
Mac Attack is gonna be the starting quarterback
for your New England Patriots.
People are saying like, why did they cut Cam Newton?
I think it's actually because Bill was probably like,
hey, I think Cam could probably try
to get a starting job somewhere.
Maybe if somebody got hurt
or if there's a team out there
that's looking for a starting quarterback still.
So that's probably why they cut him loose
so that he didn't have to stick around as a backup.
Shout out to Cam Newton for being ever so gracious
in his Instagram message where he continued to use his font.
I really want to see how far he would go with that font.
Like if he was remembering like a tragedy,
if he was, I don't know, his tombstone.
His tombstone.
His obituary has to be written in that font.
Because like getting caught and being like,
hey, nothing but good things.
I was, I shouldn't have been shocked,
but I was a little shocked when I saw the font.
Do you think that if Cam, heaven forbid,
if he had like one of the STDs that you have to hit up
everybody that you've ever been with,
you think he'd send a text be like, hey, I got the herp.
Yes.
Might want to get that checked out.
Yes.
Yes, it would be that way.
I think he would too.
And yeah, he was gracious.
He actually gave one of the all time best high fives
that I've ever seen when Mac got,
he got pulled out of the game.
Was that Sunday?
And Cam just like stalked him on the sideline,
made him give him a high five.
Got him a high five.
I actually think Cam is a great teammate.
I think that he'll probably find a place.
If he wants to keep playing,
he'll definitely have a spot if he wants one later on.
I don't think he's a starter.
He wasn't good enough to be a starter.
I mean, he was a starter last year,
but he didn't play like one for the majority of the year.
Hank, what are your thoughts
before I give one last thought about it?
It reminded me of the Malcolm Butler Super Bowl thing again.
Like it was one of those things where it seemed like it was,
he could play, he could be on the team,
he could contribute.
Belichick just is, I guess his thing is just
the team comes first.
Mac Jones was the starter for the last few weeks
and proved he can be the starter.
And I don't know if it's because him,
I think what PFT was saying where it's like,
him and Cam have a good relationship.
Yeah.
So I've heard behind the scenes.
So it probably was Belichick helping Cam out,
but it seemed like one of those things
where it didn't make sense at all, really.
The one storyline that was utterly ridiculous to me
was people who were trying to shoehorn the vaccine into it.
Because...
You don't think that played any...
No.
None?
None?
No.
Here's why, here's why.
Hold on, here's why.
First, obviously we're a pro vaccination podcast.
We're all vaccineed here.
So I'm not saying don't get the vaccine.
Billy forced us into that.
Billy forced us to get the vaccine.
I'm sure there'll be one or two.
I think the Twitter handle was Simone Biles quit,
got mad at me, said I should shove the vaccine up my ass.
Last time I said, you should get the vaccine,
but let me just reiterate that.
That same guy was mad at Arian today.
Yeah, so Simone Biles quit, shout out.
I respect a great username.
Yeah, shout out.
Really bad opinions.
I think Bill Belichick would sign someone
who was like a super spreader of vaccine
if he was really good at quarterback.
Because all he cares about is winning football games.
And that's the number one thing.
I really do think he got cut
because he was not good enough to be the starter.
And he probably it's probably a little distracting
to have Cam Newton, former MVP as your backup
when you're trying to get your new starter,
Mac Jones, to get the confidence and go along
and start winning football games.
I know that obviously the best abilities availability
and Billy Belichick is telling people to get vaccinated.
But if Cam Newton was MVP, Cam Newton,
he wouldn't have been cut today
because he didn't get the vaccine.
If Cam Newton was vaccinated though,
this whole thing never would have happened.
What do you mean?
He wouldn't have missed the practices that he had to miss
which then put Mac Jones into playing with the starters
which I think he was gonna be the starter anyway.
So I think, but he wouldn't have gotten the reps.
He wouldn't have gotten the reps
if Cam Newton wasn't out of practice.
He was getting first team reps for that.
When Big Cat says though that like if he was the MVP,
if he was MVP, Cam Newton,
he probably would not have been cut.
But in this circumstance, it was probably like 50, 50
or 60, 40, who's the better quarterback
than you take into account.
Oh, I don't think it was that close.
Right now, right now.
And then you take into account
all the variables about it, which is,
one, okay, Mac's the younger guy.
So he's gonna be around for a while.
So like, yes, there's more of an upside
to playing Mac Jones right now.
And then also, like if Cam Newton isn't vaccinated
and he does come into those high risk contact situations,
then by nature, like he's going to be much more likely
to actually miss time.
So I think if it was even close to 50, 50,
that definitely would have made a difference.
So if you want to say a percent of Bill Belichick,
like it was, hey, if he was vaccinated, would it help?
I don't think Cam Newton's good anymore.
He objectively was bad for the majority of last season.
Like he was good in the Dolphins game.
He was good in that Seahawks game.
He was really bad, borderline unplayable
for a majority of the season.
I just don't, maybe it's injuries.
I don't know what it is.
I think he is not a good quarterback anymore.
And Bill Belichick is not going to keep
a not a good quarterback on the roster.
What percentage of him getting cut?
Do you think was his playlist?
I'd say probably Hank, like five percent.
You're going to go Zo?
You're going to go Zo on us?
Let's go Zolak.
Let's go.
Never go full Zo.
I don't think it was Zolak saying like he's playing,
it's because he's playing rap music on the playlist.
I think Zo was saying like,
he's not playing good rap music on the playlist.
Zo was like, let me get, play some soldier boy,
not this Drake shit.
I just really think that like Cam Newton,
again, he's a great quarterback in the,
one of the, actually I'd say it,
probably the best college football quarterback
I've ever seen play.
His last season at Auburn,
when he was playing with an entire offense
of guys who didn't play in the NFL
and took them to the national championship
is like Mount Rushmore of seasons in college football.
He was the MVP.
He went to the Super Bowl.
That guy is not, he's not that guy.
Oh, he just isn't.
Oh, I'm not disagreeing with you at all.
I just think that like it was,
the quarterback competition was like,
it wasn't like Mac Jones absolutely blew him
out of the water.
It was, it was Mac Jones played pretty well.
Cam Newton didn't do badly this preseason.
I think Cam Newton played very badly last season.
I agree with you on that.
But it definitely like, he definitely thought of it.
And also Belichick is smart enough
not to do what Urban Meyer did and publicly say that
because now they're opening investigations
to Urban Meyer and how much the vaccine played
because it obviously goes against some of the NFLPA stuff.
So that's the difference between Bill Belichick
and someone who aspires to be Belichick.
I just think we always like look into these things more.
Obviously the vaccine has changed, you know,
what everyone's perception of these things.
At the end of the day, Bill Belichick,
what he does better than anyone else
is a football coach that always wants the team to win.
Like he, he doesn't think Cam Newton's good anymore.
I truly think that.
I also like how Hank's brain is wired
to be like six degrees of Kevin Bacon,
but it's just six degrees of that Malcolm Butler
interception.
Like, you know, the Malcolm,
benching Malcolm Butler in the second half is Super Bowl.
Yeah, yeah, that's what he's referring to.
Oh, okay, gotcha.
Yeah.
Cause that didn't make sense.
No, you would have thought that Malcolm Butler
would have helped win the game.
Yeah.
But he didn't play him for reasons that still are unknown.
Yeah. I mean, what is Seth Wilkersham doing
if he hasn't gotten to the bottom of that yet?
That's really all.
I want that and I want to know about the destiny.
I'm gonna look up the Cam.
Jonas Gray type stuff too.
Yep.
Slept in through the alarm clock.
But that was that answer came out of alarm clock.
I think if Cam Newton was vaccinated,
he'd still be on the team.
Oh, I don't see.
I think that we forget how truly awful he was
at the end of last year.
Hank, that's what he had a good preseason.
All the reports are saying like it's a quarterback battle.
Everyone has a good preseason.
Yeah, I guess.
I mean, everyone is a preseason hero.
That's a great headline though.
It is like if Cam Newton was still vaccinated,
he would still be a New England Patriot.
And that would get some major clicks.
Cam Newton, he had one game in the last,
from week nine on, he had one game over 250 yards.
What?
He got COVID during that time.
Right, but then he came back
and he was playing for the rest of the season
and he had some like 12 for 19 for 69 yards.
Remember that game?
That was the Chargers game.
Remember how bad that was?
It was really bad.
It was really, really bad.
And again, he might be injured.
I'm not saying he's not injured.
Like he could be injured.
He could maybe somehow find that guy,
but I don't think that guy is there right now.
He definitely somewhat remembered
how to throw a football during the off season
because he looked different.
I watched the entire football team
Patriots preseason game.
Cam Newton, he looked not like a great quarterback,
but he looked a lot better in terms of his mechanics
than he was at those points last year
where it looked like he was throwing a hatchet.
Yeah, and obviously having him there
if you're trying to have,
if Mac Jones is starter, you said it yourself
where it's like, if you start with Cam Newton,
then you can go to Mac Jones.
If you start with Mac Jones,
then you can't go to Cam Newton.
So that eliminates the whole issue.
All right, other cuts.
Detroit Lions don't have a kicker.
I actually think that Dan Campbell forgot.
No, no.
Oh, no, I think he forgot.
Like he didn't do the math right.
And then maybe in a day or two,
he will re-sign a kicker when no one's looking.
Okay, so I could see that happening
if it was like he didn't do the math right
and he got done with all of his cuts.
And there was like one guy
that he thought would still be on the team.
They're like, hey, we're over the limit by one.
He's like, oh, shit.
All right, just get rid of one of these kickers.
We can always find somebody that can kick a football.
But what I love about this,
I absolutely love this about what Dan Campbell's doing.
He's like accidentally proving,
you know what horseshoe theory is in politics?
That the far left and the far right are exactly the same.
He's doing that with meat heads and analytics people.
He's gonna go for two every time without a kicker.
He's gonna go for it on fourth downs
a lot without a kicker, obviously.
So he's actually-
Wait, you think he's actually gonna start the season
without a kicker?
I hope that he does.
I don't think he-
I would absolutely love it if Dan Campbell-
I think he forgot.
I would love it if Dan Campbell went into the season
with zero kickers on his roster.
I think he forgot.
I think he did the cut.
Like he probably cut Zane Gonzalez early in the morning
and he was just going down the list
and he meant to cut Fat Randy
and then he cut Fat Randy afternoon
and then someone in his office was like,
hey Dan, we don't have any kickers.
And then he was like, all right, that was a fuck up.
My mistake.
I'm not gonna re-sign someone right now.
I'm gonna wait a couple of days.
That way it looks like I did this on purpose.
Or maybe it's just like you have to earn your kicker
instead of earning that star on the side of your helmet.
One of the-
You guys haven't played good enough
to justify me keeping a kicker on this roster.
Dan Campbell is just breaking analytics.
All right, and then the other,
every team is,
every rookie quarterback is starting
except Justin Fields.
Trey Lance isn't.
Oh, that's right.
Trey Lance, you're right.
He's got a chip in his finger.
That's right.
Which I guess they're saying that it's just gonna be
like a week, which I don't think that's possible
to come back from like a sheared off bone in your finger.
Yeah.
I don't know, I'm not a doctor.
We'll have to get pro football.
Sounds like a fake injury to give Jimmy G one last chance.
Yeah, exactly.
Like, okay, Trey, just like pretend that you're,
you got a jammed finger.
Let's just say that you're gonna sit out
for a little bit on this one.
But yeah, Justin Fields, Andy Dahl is going to start.
It's basically the reverse of everything I said
about Belichick.
Belichick is like, well, what's the best way to win games?
Matt Nagy's like, well, I made a promise to Andy Dalton
back in March.
So I have to keep that promise.
You know what would actually be the most Matt Nagy move
is if he benched Andy Dalton at halftime for Nick Foles
in week one.
Yeah. I mean, Nick Foles, everyone.
No one wants Nick Foles.
They've been trying to trade Nick Foles.
I mean, the Colts, it would be so fucking funny
if the Colts are like, you know what?
Carson Wentz might not be ready for week one.
Let's get Nick Foles in.
He knows the system.
Carson and him probably get along really well together.
I just, I keep going back to, cause I know everyone's like,
well, you don't want to get Justin Fields killed.
I don't actually care that Andy Dalton is starting the season
in the fact that I think the Bears
probably aren't going to be good anyway.
So it's not going to be the deciding factor
between making the playoffs or not.
The part that I hate is that Ryan Pace and Matt Nagy
had Justin Fields fall into his lap.
They actually were going to play this entire season
with Andy Dalton.
Like that's the part that's crazy to me.
That is the evaluation they did at quarterback.
They went out and got Andy Dalton.
They were like, this is the answer.
And then they got lucky.
So I don't want to let them off the hook
that they got Justin Fields in the draft
cause he fell to him.
I want to remind people that these two morons
actually wanted to start Andy Dalton.
Nice guy, really nice guy.
They actually thought they were going to have Andy Dalton
be the starter for an entire year.
Big Cat remembers.
Yeah.
I think that Andy Dalton, he is, like he said,
a very nice guy.
Super nice guy.
The gap between him and Justin Fields
is like it's so astronomical that we're
going to start having this conversation pretty soon
is the players on the team, in order for Matt Nagy
to keep credibility with his locker room.
Because the players know who the best players position is.
In order to keep credibility and to make it legit like,
yeah, this is a football team where
if you're the best at your position, you're going to play,
they're not going to be able to keep Andy out there,
even though he is a very nice guy.
Very nice guy.
I don't think that they're going to be able to keep him out there.
He bought a house.
He bought a house in Chicago.
Good for him.
So clearly he's been promised probably the next decade
as the Bears quarterback.
Andy Dalton is too trusting.
I just, no, why wouldn't you trust Matt Nagy?
He's going through with his, he did a handshake deal.
They are starting Andy Dalton.
They said QB won, he is QB won.
You have to trust these guys.
These guys come through on everything.
Let Mike Glennon start.
Like they will always, if the Chicago Bears
is currently states, signs you to a contract in March
and says you're the number one quarterback,
you are the number one quarterback.
No matter what happens.
Word is bond.
Patrick Mahomes could ask the man to trade to the Bears
and they would still let Andy Dalton start week one.
Word is bond.
It's fucking crazy.
The other quarterback news is Deshaun Watson officially appears
on the Houston Texans death chart.
Yep.
As other.
Yeah.
There's the starting quarterback, which is Tarad Taylor.
There's the backup quarterback, which is blank.
There's the third string quarterback,
which is God knows who I forget.
And then there's other, which is Deshaun Watson.
So he's not even technically listed
as being like on the depth chart.
He's just like, he's a human form of an asterisk,
is what he is.
And then David Cully, that's a reminder,
if in case you forgot, he's a coach of the Houston Texans.
Cold dog.
They asked him today,
so what's your death chart going to look like
at running back?
And he said, I guess we're just going to kind of do
running back by committee,
which is something that we would say
about their running back position
after like week four when they're splitting the carries.
But you've never heard a coach go into the season and be like,
I guess we're just going to,
we're going to throw them all out there and.
Fuck it.
I guess we're going to play.
Yeah.
So yeah, I guess they're both starters in my book.
I appreciate that.
Yeah.
He's at least letting us know.
He actually is causing Matthew Berry
to have a little less stress.
Yeah.
So I also think that with David Cully and the,
well, it's not,
he's not really making personal decisions at Casero.
Is that the guys?
Yeah. Casario.
Casario, pervert down in Houston.
What he's doing is he's like,
he's developed a farm system for the entire rest of the NFL.
So he's got all these aging veterans on his team
that you hear their names and you're like,
Oh, that guy used to be good Rex Burkett.
He's a Texan.
Don't forget that.
And so like halfway through the season,
a couple injuries happened on a real football team.
And then they're going to be able to trade those guys
away over the course of the year and get assets back for them.
This year, they're just,
they're the Texans general store.
Yeah.
So if your team needs something,
go shop down in Houston, pick something up.
It's also, I mean,
I don't feel confident that the Dolphins
aren't going to trade for them.
Deshaun Watson,
cause it seems like there's a lot of smoke around that.
And Brian Flores did a,
like he,
he did the thing that you never want your coach to do.
And he came out was like two is our quarterback.
Yeah.
Like, yeah, this is,
we feel confident.
We knew that.
So it was your court,
we feel so confident that we're telling you how confident we,
yeah, like Bruce Arians,
isn't like Tom Brady as a quarterback.
Yeah. It's not a big deal.
He's, he's the quarterback guy.
Stop asking.
But Deshaun Watson,
if you want to get traded to the dolphins
and then put a bunch of asterisks in case you go to jail,
we'll do that.
Where do you think that Cam Newton is going to wind up?
I honestly,
he's going to hang out for a while until there's an injury.
I honestly don't know.
Cause like,
I don't know.
So the most likely landing spite,
a lot of people have said
would be the Washington football team,
but I don't think that's the case at all
because they had a crack at them last year
when Ron Rivera was being the new head coach
and they didn't presume.
So Ron would know more than anybody.
Right?
Plus if you're like,
if you're looking at two guys like Cam Newton,
Ryan Fitzpatrick,
they're both probably like,
I'd say Fitzsie has looked better recently than Cam Newton.
Dude,
Cam Newton's not good.
Even if they were equals like 50-50,
you don't go through a preseason with a guy
and then at the last second,
you're like,
we're going to bring somebody in who's exactly your level
and then get them up to speed
in a matter of like a week and a half, two weeks.
So I don't think that he's going to sign
with any team like immediately.
I don't think that's going to happen.
No, Cam Newton's not good.
I'm counting it right now.
Ready, Francesa?
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, 10.
10 games that Cam Newton played last year
where he was under 200 yards passing in today's NFL.
That's a backup.
Yeah.
That's a backup.
Now, to be fair,
the Patriots had like dog shit at receiver last year.
Sure, but it's still a backup.
Yeah, I'm just saying to be fair.
Yeah, I mean, look at Nick Mullins.
He'll fucking light the place up.
Yeah.
CJ Bethard.
In the second half.
Yeah, in the second half.
Yeah, give him anyone.
Yeah, what about a quarterback by committee?
Why don't,
a team should just go all in on the Mullins, CJ Bethard,
because if you looked at how they played in San Francisco
when they're on the same team,
sometimes they stunk for a half.
But if you absolutely fucking nailed it
and you had Nick Mullins in for his good half
and then Benson brought CJ in for his good half,
you could probably go 11 and six with that combination.
Yeah, absolutely.
You'd have to time it perfectly.
All right, so those are cuts.
Football is about to be back.
We do have Tom Fresneli on the show on Friday
to talk a little college football.
We're gonna do some NFL stuff next week preview.
I saw the schedule for this weekend in college football.
Yeah, it's great.
Holy fuck.
It's fucking great.
Badgers are gonna be good this year.
And that's me just probably ready for a fucking,
you know, sword in my heart on Saturday afternoon,
but I actually do think they're gonna be very good.
The Mets, we should talk about them really quickly.
So Javi Baez, this happened on Sunday
when I was heading to the Jake Paul fight,
so we didn't record late that night.
Javi Baez came out and said that the thumbs down thing
that he and Francisco Lindor and other Mets are doing
is actually in reply to the fans that boo them
when they do something bad.
So when Javi Baez and Francisco Lindor do something good,
they give thumbs down to the fans.
Okay, weird.
You don't usually see players openly saying
we're booing the fans, whatever.
Then the Mets came out and made a comment,
did an official statement from Sandy Alderson,
essentially saying, booing is every fan's right.
That's what they said, which I respect.
First amendment.
Yeah, which I respect, because it is,
and that they completely disavow Javi and Lindor
and anyone else who are actively booing the fans
with thumbs down celebrations.
Okay, so a couple of things to unpack here.
Number one, I love a good boo.
Yeah.
I don't think that we should be legislating boos
in this society.
Boo is a very productive thing to do.
It's a fun thing to do.
And at the end of the day,
it's just somebody making a noise at you.
And then it may be giving you a thumbs down,
but I love a good boo.
Boo's are underrated.
It's way better than if you go overseas
and people start whistling at you.
Yeah.
Hate the whistle.
Love the boo.
The boo, when a crowd catches a good boo,
there's nothing like it.
When maybe an ump makes a mistake
or a ref fucks something up,
or just something bad happens
and then the whole crowd gets a real deep guttural boo.
It's a very great experience close
to a whole entire crowd chanting asshole to someone,
which is also great.
Oh, I love the bullshit chant too.
Yeah, bullshit.
At the Jake Paul fight, there was a pussy chant,
which happened during the female fight,
which was a little awkward,
but it was because two guys in the 300 level
were standing squared up with each other
for, I'm not joking, five minutes without throwing a punch.
Don't like that.
Yeah, so everyone started chanting that.
But back to the Mets.
This is just so, it's such a ridiculous,
like everyone lost their mind at the same time.
And it just, all of it together is the dumbest story ever.
So it's funny because Sandy tried to come out
and say like, he thought that he was having the fans back
by telling Javi Baez like, hey, this is not what we do.
And then there was a backlash to that by the Mets fans,
who in their own sick, demented, twisted Mets brains,
were like, fuck you, you should have your players back
over us, even though we're the ones that were booing him.
And now you're saying that we don't want you on our side
if you were a good, what's his official title with the Mets?
I think he's the president of operations maybe.
That's a cool name.
Baseball ops.
That's a sick name.
GM.
They want him to have the players back.
They don't care if he has the fans back at all.
Which I actually kind of understand that line of thinking.
You know what they could have done?
It's our right to boo.
You don't have to agree with it.
You can defend to the death our right to do it.
But just let us have our say and you get the players back.
They could have just said nothing.
And it wouldn't have been a big deal.
Correct.
It really wouldn't have been a big deal.
And the craziest part is Javi Baez is actually not the one
that I don't think Mets fans are actually mad at Javi.
Because Javi is a rental.
You know what I mean?
He's probably not going to be on the Mets next year.
This is all Francisco Lindor.
He signed a 10 year, 300 plus million dollar contract.
He's Javi Baez's best friend.
He's been doing the thumbs down.
That's the guy that I think Mets fans are truly mad at.
And I really do think Buster Olney was apoplectic.
Did I use that correctly?
He was apoplectic being like Javi Baez has cost himself
a ton of money in free agency.
You know what has cost Javi Baez a ton of money
in free agency that he's hitting like 220?
Yeah, maybe swinging like a full hour ahead of a change.
That might have done it.
And if he wants to come back to the Cubs on a discount,
I would love that because I love him forever.
But I would say that if Javi Baez was hitting 350,
he could face fuck a guy's wife
and someone would sign him in free agency.
Like after he could walk up to the stands,
hit a home run, walk up to the stands,
and then like DX thrust into the front row,
like into someone's face.
And they would still probably,
the Dodgers will probably sign him.
They might, yeah, they might actually pay him more.
Yeah, right.
They've got that cap room coming up pretty soon.
I guess this is a theme today,
but I do think that I always love when big J journalists
think that like outside actions,
how many times have we seen teams,
they just don't care about anything but production.
Yes.
I would pretend that like putting your thumbs down
or even getting vaccinated really matters.
It probably doesn't.
If they're good, they're gonna play.
Right.
No, you're absolutely right about that.
Javi Baez has stunk recently.
So that's why it's become a big thing.
And then he actually won the game
with a Javi Baez play today.
The fans should have just said Bruxy, Adam.
That would be a much more appropriate way
to release your frustration.
And before anyone says that,
I know that baseball doesn't have a cap.
I know that, but I was trying to make a reference
to Trevor Bauer.
And the cap going up.
Cap goes up.
No cap.
No cap.
There we go.
Jake, God damn it.
Love it.
Who taught you that, Jake?
Who have you been hanging out with?
Should we talk about Bruxy?
Yeah, let's talk about which Bruxy are we talking about?
Are we talking about?
I think you can say that.
Come on, Bruxy.
So the PGA came out.
They issued a statement that if you say Bruxy
on a golf course, you're going to jail.
And I mean-
No, you're getting thrown out.
You're getting thrown out.
Maybe jail.
No, so Bryson initially tried to go to the police.
He tried, somebody called him by the wrong name
and he dialed 911 and tried to have people arrested
and they're like, hey, Bryson, that's not how laws work.
And so although we do appreciate freedom of speech
on this podcast, it is your right to say, Bruxy,
the Constitution gives us that right.
Thank you to everyone who fought for that right.
They're going to be kicking you out
of golf tournaments this year.
Yes.
And so I maintain with my initial standing
that I don't like Bryson de Chambeau.
There is 5% of me that feels bad for him
because he clearly can't handle any type of ball busting
whatsoever.
Every interaction he has is very tough to watch at this point.
But I did turn the corner a little bit on Bryson
when he said that he would valiantly donate his vaccine
to someone else who needs it badly.
So he's saving countless lives
by being out there on vaccine.
So thank you, Bryson, for that.
But I do, this is, it's become the no horns down ruling,
but on golf.
And by that, I mean, it's singling out one person
that gets preferential treatment.
You can't refer to any, you can't call Tony Fennel Zander
when he's out there on the course.
But you can, sorry, they won't throw you out
for calling him by the wrong name,
but you can't call Bryson the wrong name or else
you'll get kicked.
That to me seems, it's weird to make a rule like that
specific to one player.
It's just the best way to keep this going,
which we can discuss.
I mean, I think that we all agree
that maybe the joke has run its course.
That's my thing.
I don't really feel bad for Bryson.
I just don't think that the Bruxy thing is as funny
as it was when it first started.
Because he can't, especially because he clearly,
like on the 50th time that he can't handle,
it's like, oh, yeesh.
Like, you know, you say, when you're in an office setting
and maybe you make a joke and then someone flips out,
they're like, oh, okay, sorry.
It went too far.
I don't know, like, sorry for taking it the wrong way.
I apologize to all those who were offended.
Right.
You know what's just gonna happen though?
People, if you can't say Bruxy,
people are gonna find other words to say
and then there'll just be an ever-expanding list.
Like, after Bryson hits a tee shot,
can you say, way to go, steroid boy?
Yeah, way to go, big guy?
Yeah, or like, soon you won't be allowed to say that either.
I don't know what the in-game is here for Bryson,
but I think the only way that he can overcome this
is if he were to get on Dave's bag and Caddy for Dave
in the match against us and Brooks Kepka,
which is next Tuesday.
Next Tuesday.
That's really the only way out because it's not gonna stop.
No one, Bryson is a big enough douchebag
that he will give people a never-ending list of reasons
to make fun of him.
This guy, the people that should be in his corner the most
are like the people that manufacture his special
science fiction clubs from the future
that they spend like hours and hours every day
in a wind tunnel trying to make a driver for him
that breaks the laws of physics.
And even those people get thrown on the bus like Bryson
and they have to usually stay and be like,
hey, you know that guy that we sponsor?
He's a dickhead.
The only thing that Bryson does to help his case
is when he interacts with other people
and it comes across as so bad that I then have my 5%,
I feel bad for this guy because you're right.
If he were to have any type of sense,
he would be part of the match on Tuesday.
He'd have fun with it.
He can't do that.
He just, there's something that is,
the wires get crossed and he's not able to participate
in any type of back and forth.
We saw it on the match.
He did a can joke to start and then he ran out of material
and it was so like my,
I was physically cringing watching him.
So that's where I started to feel bad.
It's like this guy can't handle any of this.
So I don't know.
I mean, the PGA just fucked him even more though
by issuing this statement.
It's insane.
Bryson very clearly went to the PGA and was like,
hey, can you guys do something to put a stop to this?
So like, although I do think to joke,
like it's, I don't think it's that funny anymore.
Not because of how he's reacting.
I just feel like it's been, well, like four months,
three months.
Like I would not hate it if people moved on
from the whole Bruxy thing.
Find something new.
Steroid boy.
I still think steroid boys in play.
Steroid boy works.
And if he gets mad about that, it's like, well,
let's take it to court and you have to prove
that you've never done it.
And let's get discovery.
Yeah, let's get discovery going.
Okay, let's do some hot seat cool throne
brought to you by our friends at Coors Light.
Coors Light is the hot seat cool throne.
Summers always feels like the shortest season,
but we need to make the most of it.
We all just need to chill.
As the beer that's made to chill,
we want you to savor every second of summer,
rediscover, enjoy what makes summer awesome.
So when you need to slow down, just open a Coors Light.
It's mountain cold refreshment made to chill.
Coors Light is cold-loggered, cold-filtered,
and cold-packaged.
It's literally made to chill.
It's as crisp and refreshing as the Colorado Rockies.
Perfect for a moment to unwind this summer.
When you crack open a Coors Light,
it feels like the best moment in the summer.
We have like one weekend left, two weekends left.
I don't know when summer officially ends,
but Coors Light is the official beer slowing down summer
because as the beer that's made to chill,
we want you to savor every second of summer.
Get Coors Light in the new look,
delivered straight to your door with Drizzy or Instacart
by going to CoorsLight.com slash take.
Celebrate responsibly, Coors Brewing Company,
Golden Colorado.
All right, Hot Sea Cool Throw, go ahead, Hank.
My hot sea is Juju Smith Schuster.
Okay.
He did the Kray Challenge,
and Steelers fans are freaking out.
Did he win?
Did he fall?
He didn't fall, but people were just mad at him.
People like Juju Smith Schuster and Pittsburgh.
They're not a good relationship.
They're not a good relationship.
They were never meant for each other.
They don't understand content.
Juju Smith is all about the content life.
Yeah, it's not, it doesn't feel like it's going well.
Well, didn't he just re-sign?
I don't know.
I'm pretty sure he signed a new contract there,
like for a year or something.
One year, four million.
There it is.
So it's going well enough that he wanted to stay there.
Wait, one year, four million.
Sorry, four year, four million.
What?
What?
No, that was his starting contract.
Yeah, I was going to say so.
Sorry, I'll get back to it.
Okay.
Not better to be right than first.
There it is.
There it is.
My other hot sea just got frost.
Oh.
So there's a little bit of a follow-up from Monday's show,
but he had a press conference after the fact,
and he was talking about the offense at Illinois,
and he said about half of our game plan was out the window
when they lined up how they did.
Mm, okay.
So if you're a head coach and you're on the hot seat,
probably not something you want to admit
in a press conference.
He got outsmarted by Brett Bilema.
Yeah, well, in Scott Frost's defense,
like they didn't tell him
that they were going to do it like that.
Right.
So I mean, what is he supposed to do?
Adjust?
Yeah, like is he going to play, was it Uzbekistan?
Yeah.
Uzbekistan laying 14 and a half against Nebraska right now.
You're going to make Scott Frost make an adjustment?
That's not part of the deal.
They're Nebraska.
Do you think that Nebraska being so bad right now
is actually hurting Will Compton's chances
of getting signed to an NFL roster?
I think it has a large part to do with it.
It's like, where'd you go to college?
Oh.
Yeah.
Yikes.
Yeah, is there anyone from Fordham that's available?
Yeah, that's tough.
Actually, Nebraska has Fordham on their schedule.
Oh, I'm aware.
So they're going to kill him.
They're 40 and a half point favorites.
I'm hammering Fordham.
Yep.
Let's go Rams.
Although this might be the only chance Scott Frost has
to put it, because the point differential is important
for the end of the season.
Yeah.
So he's got to put up 100.
Style points matter in Nebraska versus Fordham.
One year, $8 million deal.
Okay, there it is.
So he did resign.
That's still really cheap.
I would think he'd get more.
Yeah, but if it's not one thing,
it's another with Juju, right?
Yeah.
But he stopped it.
He had 97 receptions.
He stopped dancing on the shield.
Yeah, he was good last year.
All right.
Your cool throw?
My cool throw is Coach Prime.
Yeah.
So, you know, hard knocks kind of sucks.
Not the most enjoyable thing to watch.
Coach Prime.
We're taping this before.
What if someone like gets hit by a bus
in the middle of, with a drone shot?
Highly, highly, highly.
And they managed to keep it quiet until it debuted.
With a drone shot.
Yeah, that'd be nice.
Usually there's some type of leagues like tonight's
hard knocks to me most watch.
Well, okay.
I didn't see any of that.
You're taking a risk.
I like it.
So, what I haven't seen is what they've shown us
in the past on this last episode of hard knocks
when they're at the cuts and all that.
They show like the last edits being made
and then like the videotape being like sprinted
across town by some poor messenger.
Yes, yes.
And handed to the HBO executives
at the very last second to be like,
look at all this hard work we put in for tonight.
I haven't seen any of that.
So, I don't think that there's gonna be any surprises.
Okay.
But Coach Prime, it's like a barstool version
of hard knocks, Dion Sanders, Jackson State.
Is it Jackson State?
Jackson State, yeah.
Do you got it?
Say it with your chest, big man.
I had second guess myself after I said it.
It's out now.
It started on Sunday.
It's coming out every day this week.
I think there's six episodes.
They're great.
It's an inside look.
It's like hard knocks, last chance you,
combine if you like that type of football series.
Love it.
It's all in the barstool sports YouTube.
It's better than hard knocks objectively.
No bias.
So, check it out.
Yeah.
And it's edited and filmed by our guy Dana Beers.
Dana Beers.
Zillion Beers fame.
It's got a whole crew.
Whole big crew.
Dana Beers is spearheading it.
It's because the cameraman was blown like a 0.12
in perpetuity the entire time.
Well, they have an actual real production crew
they're working with and they're great.
He has a drink when he's down in Mississippi.
Oh, he does.
He's all clean living.
He does clean living.
You can also see Dana swell up
over the course of the series.
Due to all the good food that he's eating together.
Is that it Hank?
That's it.
Good jobs.
My hot seat, the Kennedys are on the hot seat.
Kennedys are on the hot seat.
Tough break for them.
Cause it looks like Sir Han, Sir Han,
the guy that shot RFK.
The assassin's so nice they named him twice.
He's getting out of prison on parole after like 50 years.
And a lot of people are asking questions
about, Hey, was this guy actually guilty or not?
This is one of my favorite conspiracies
because people don't talk about the RFK assassination.
Talking about the JFK,
probably cause Ravel always tweets that one out.
But with the Sir Han, Sir Han one,
his gun held eight bullets.
And there are like 13 shots that you can hear
on the audio transcript.
No one's ever really talked about that much.
And so he's going to be getting out of prison.
I guess I hope.
Didn't they like tackle him though as he was shooting him?
Yeah. So he, the, I'm not saying that he didn't do it.
I'm saying that there probably was.
Are you the police officer's fire?
They're probably with somebody else.
No.
No, no police officer's fire.
And yeah.
So I'm interested to hear like more, maybe, you know what?
We need to have him do like,
he should be a guest on podcasts.
Sir Han, Sir Han, Sir Han.
I would like to hear him on podcasts,
explain what happened.
Cause that's one theory that I think
that we don't know the whole story about.
There also was a story.
I saw, I think the New York Post or someone was like,
JFK, one of JFK's mistresses came out and was like, yeah.
He was, we were together and then he got married
and he like basically left me high and dry.
So I'm canceling him.
JFK?
Yeah.
That's fucked up.
Because he got, wait, it was a second.
He was already married.
I'm going first count, adultery, second count, misogyny.
Okay.
Canceled.
Got it.
All right.
My cool throne is, I'm going to go with the NFC beast.
NFC beast on the cool throne,
namely the New York Giants,
because Dave Gettelman and all his infinite wisdom,
he's keeping two fullbacks.
Nice.
Not one, but two, he's going to have fullback
by committee this year.
Nice.
Which is a very Dave Gettelman thing to do.
You zig when everybody else zags.
What does he say about analytics?
It's like we got a bunch of computer guys,
like guys with computers that are working on this.
So I don't know which one of them.
The Geek Squad.
The Geek Squad is working on it.
He just went to Best Buy one day.
They're keeping two, it's the,
with Saquon Barkley, they've got the thunder
and the thunder and the lightning backfield.
With, is he back in week one?
I think so.
Dave Gettelman just went to Geek Squad one day.
It was like, you guys Giants fans?
They're like, yep.
They're like, okay, great.
You want to make some money?
You part of my team.
Yeah.
They just installed his big screen TV.
Yes.
That he just watches clear and present danger
on on repeat.
He's got him Yahoo mail.
Yes.
I've got one more cool throne.
The Irish, the Irish, or they're kind of back.
Okay.
The Irish, their population got over five million
for the first time since the potato famine.
So shout out to the Irish.
Shout out, Shamus Fleming.
Started the potato family.
It only took like 200 years of never using condoms
for the Irish to get their population back.
It's also very, it's weird to think that
the entire population was almost wiped out
just cause potatoes had a tough year.
Yeah.
And potatoes have like no nutritional value.
Like their entire society was subsisting
on like the least healthy thing until it got wiped out.
Well, we're all out of ideas.
Yeah, we kind of had her.
I don't know what else we can eat.
We kind of had our eggs in that basket.
Yeah.
What's that?
Billy looks like he's got a nutrition.
This is more the British.
It wasn't all the, it was the starving by the British
and stealing of food.
Okay.
Okay, nice.
Good point, Billy.
All right.
My hot seat is Billy football
because Jake Paul fought on Sunday night.
He won and I was there.
And I don't think you could beat Jake Paul on a fight.
Yeah.
You know what?
At this point, the train may have left the station
on that one.
Do you know what though, Billy?
There was an article beforehand,
which I'd like you to do a little research into.
It came out that there was no drug testing for that fight.
So Jake Paul probably roided up to the guilt.
Yeah.
I didn't want to say anything,
but in Caleb's interview,
you can see acne right around his like,
just really bad.
Yeah.
What about his nipples?
Very arranged.
I mean, everyone saw that.
What's your nipple analysis of Jake Paul?
I mean, anyone can see they were count.
Yeah.
Super count.
Absolutely count nipples.
You can fucking, no, but.
I do love Jake Paul, the speech that he gave
like right after he won the fight in between telling people
like I haven't been to the dentist in 18 months.
Yeah.
Like joined the club, Jake Paul.
I don't think anybody's been to the dentist since COVID.
By the way, thoughts and prayers of dentist.
It must have really been a tough year and a half.
It was, yeah.
Might have sold the lake house by this point.
But yeah, so with Jake Paul, he's already retiring,
which is great.
I love that move because then you're,
it's like a band that says that this is going to be
their farewell tour.
They sell a bunch of tickets for the last one.
Then you come, it's a classic boxing move to be like,
yeah, I'm going to retire from fighting.
And then that way you get a little bit more money
in your next fight back.
But then after the fight, he was also like going back
and forth with the tattoo bet.
Cause the bet was already going to be like,
Woodley had to get his name tattooed.
Tattooed, yeah.
And then Woodley's like,
I'll get your name tattooed if we can rematch.
And Jake Paul was like, yeah, let's do it.
Yeah.
It was very bad negotiating on his fault.
Did he get tricked into accepting a rematch?
I think so.
I think so.
I mean, it was an electric atmosphere.
It was an awesome, it wasn't great boxing.
Also, Tommy Fury is the most attractive man in the world
and a terrible boxer.
That's, that's my-
I think he'd fuck Jake Paul up.
I don't, I don't think so.
He fought someone who was like eight inches smaller
than him and he wasn't able to knock him out.
The thing is he's going to fight Tommy Fury next.
I don't think he will.
No, he will.
I think Tommy Fury was that bad.
Oh, he fought someone his size and his boxer.
Like he's a really good boxer.
I was shocked.
That should be the narrative.
I was shocked with how good looking Tommy Fury is
and how bad he is at boxing.
It's actually like they should trade spaces
and Jake Paul should be a professional boxer
and then Fury should just be a YouTuber.
Yeah.
That'd be perfect.
If you like reality TV, Love Island season five,
one of the best seasons of all time.
Yeah.
I think Bobby Lang could beat Jake Paul.
If they let, if they use Ruff and Rowdy refs, I agree.
Like if they just let you, you know,
do everything you're allowed to do in Ruff and Rowdy.
Who's the guy from Ruff and Rowdy?
The guy that runs it that just gets on
and like screaming at him?
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Let him do the playlist while it's going on.
Just blasting a little John on repeat.
Speaking of Ruff and Rowdy, my cool throne is me
because we had Pac-Man Jones on the show afterwards.
I don't, I think you guys weren't as scared
but our great co-worker Kelly was like,
he wants to kill you.
I don't know, maybe he did.
But after the fight, I went into his hotel suite.
I walked into there.
They were having a party.
And I got my thousand dollars.
I said, Mr. Pac-Man, I would like my thousand dollars.
Mm, good for you.
That most of it takes some balls.
It was a fun move.
What'd you spend it on?
I have not spent it yet.
Just put it in my pocket.
Did you have a chance?
Are you gonna do charity with it?
Probably not gonna do charity.
Probably just, I said I'd give him double or nothing
if he felt Bobby laying again.
That's smart, yeah.
I would like to see that fight again.
It wasn't a bad fight.
Like Pac-Man was really, really fucking quick.
And which was kind of to be expected,
given that he is a professional quarterback
but he was a lot faster than I thought it would be.
He doesn't know the rules of rough and rowdy
where anything pretty much goes.
Yeah, Bobby kind of ate his lunch
when they got in close.
We'd do some of the dirty stuff on him.
Right, also Pac-Man, they had a party all night
after a loss even.
And so I texted Pac-Man,
because we linked up after, got the money.
I texted him, he was texting me a picture
that we took, me holding the money.
I texted him a picture, he hearted it.
And then I woke up at like 7.30, at 7.05,
I don't think he had slept,
he had just texted me, ha ha, fuck you.
And I was like, okay, well, back in that, back in the blender.
Love it.
So yeah, shut up Pac-Man.
Guys talking shit to each other, what's not to like?
I told Billy this yesterday
that if he still does harbor the dreams
of one day fighting against Jake Paul,
he has to take the upper hand in the relationship
in some way, shape, or form.
I think that he should kidnap his robot.
Yeah, I met his robot.
I think Cletus would knock out his robot.
No, but if you kidnapped his robot,
and you're like, hey bitch, I got your cyborg.
Dude.
I think that's the only way to get his attention.
Cletus in the second round.
Can I just say real quick,
I spent some time with his robot when he was unrobotted.
The guy is a fucking mad scientist.
He was like, yeah, my next thing is
I'm gonna make these mini cannons
and have them fight each other and shoot each other.
He's like, but we don't need them to shoot it
at the velocity to kill a person
because that's bad for the insurance.
I was like, well, and also because it would kill someone.
Yeah.
And like, he had all these ideas
and Dave and I were just sitting in this locker room
before the fight were like, all right, robot,
go, can you go back to being a robot?
He just invented Battlebots.
Yeah, yes.
Which, by the way, I don't hate that.
Battlebots kicked out.
Correct, correct.
All right, Hotseat Coolter on Jake.
My hotseat is LeBron.
Yes.
LeBron is no longer the most influential player
in Cleveland Cavaliers history
because they signed Taco Fall today.
Oh.
So you might steal the spotlight.
Yeah.
Maybe a witness.
That's Tacos.
Billboard coming.
Yes.
Tacotown, baby.
I love it.
Very likable guys.
Very likable.
Nothing wrong with that.
And then on my Coolterons, Bill's Mafia.
So there's a proposal for a new stadium in 2027.
They must put a Wingnuts concession stand.
Yes.
Yes.
It's just like, it's a guarantee.
We will get an update on the shirts, by the way.
I've been meaning to do that, but we will get there.
PSA, if you're trying to order Wingnuts,
you've got to call ahead now.
Yes.
They're pretty much on a phone ahead basis.
If you come in after five minutes,
if they've been opened, they're sold out.
So yeah, take care of it and make sure it tip well.
Good people.
All right, Billy, your Hotseat Coolter on.
Okay, this one is a big one.
My hotseat is ESPN.
Yes.
I don't know why.
There is a very, very intense story.
So to start, on Sunday, IMG Academy played on ESPN
against a school named Bishop Sycamore.
Throughout the game, the ESPN crew started to
express much worry about player safety
as the school Bishop Sycamore was being blown out 58 to zero.
It was looking like the Civil War out there.
Guys were getting carried off the field.
Whoa, whoa.
Just tons.
Now you're stealing Valor against the Civil War.
I'm gonna do it.
It's a football game, Billy.
And it was also about slavery, by the way.
So are you saying that this football game,
that was an expression.
Okay, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it.
It's funny.
Like the Civil War.
Very funny.
I heard it all the time.
Ken Burns.
Ken Burns, shut up.
Anyway, so then people started to look into this school,
Bishop Sycamore.
Now Bishop Sycamore sounds like many Catholic powerhouses,
Bishop Gorman, that tend to recruit players from out of state
and be able to put together great teams that could compete
with a team like IMG Academy that has multiple
four to five star recruits.
Because of this, no one really looked into whether Bishop
Gorman actually had the recruits and high class players
that they said they did.
If you go to their website, it's really just a blog
that talks about recruiting on a higher level.
So what they realized is that their coach at the time,
Roy Johnson, had a worn out for his arrest on fraud charges
in that many of the players who were not listed
on the roster given to ESPN had no names.
So they had no idea who's actually playing in the games.
So what they found out is that this roster might have been
put together of illegal players who are not registered,
may have not been the right ages using fake IDs,
older players, double, triple PG's
and not actually high school kids.
Then it gets more.
They looked into the registration of the school.
The school was a non-state funded,
religiously affiliated, non-charter school.
This is fake.
At what point does it just not even become a school?
If there are all those different options
that you can click for your school,
like at some point it should be like, well, this doesn't exist.
Schools.
Also, their name is BS.
Good point.
Like that was the first sign.
Oh, also there's no one ever in the history
named Bishop Sycamore.
Another's never been a big.
So the whole thing was faked.
The kids, I feel bad for the kids.
I do, I am always fascinated with like a guy
who created this, what was going through his head.
The fact that he got an ESPN is incredible.
But yeah, it seems kind of shitty for the kids, right?
Well, I'm gonna be honest.
I'm actually gonna put this on IMG.
Cause IMG is an independent school
in the Florida Athletic High School League.
So that means that they don't have a league schedule
so they have to set up their own games.
The thing is with that, as IMG has all these
powerhouse players who will injure your team
and roll over your team and blow them out,
it's very hard for them to find teams to play.
So if they find this team that's a bunch of
scrounged up players, you know,
recruited from already graduated high school kids
who like they recruit at these recruiting camps,
they're gonna get them to play them
because it's the only people they can get them to play.
So it's like in Alabama playing in FCS school.
It's like a spy game, yeah.
Exactly, and they played them the year before
and blew them out as well.
So it wasn't like they had no idea who this team was.
Got it.
So ESPN's blaming Paragon Sports, Paragon Marketing,
who's supposed to schedule the games that go on the TV.
So, you know, there's a lot of blames going around.
The whole story's wild.
Yeah.
So a fake team just made it onto ESPN.
So what Billy's saying is that essentially like
you can just create a school if you get enough players
and then make money by selling their games
against IMG Academy.
It actually sounds a lot like Firefest.
This whole school sounds like
is Billy McFarland involved in this at all?
So from the sounds of it, there was former players
who came out back when the school was called
Christian of Faith.
Yeah, which that was, yeah, Christian of Faith Academy.
Then they rebranded.
As fake of a school name as you can come up with.
Rebranded to Bishop Sycamore.
It's a sound more like a Bishop Gorman, like a powerhouse.
Anyway, it falls under the same jurisdiction of school
as like an Amish school on like an Amish settlement.
They don't use zippers.
Not state affiliated.
That's how they came into being.
So technically they are a school of sorts,
but they're supposed to report their attendance
to the state.
Got it.
One thing I'm absolutely certain of already
is that Bishop Sycamore jokes are gonna be made
by the least funny people in America for the next 12 months.
Correct.
They also played two days before.
Yeah.
Which that's the part where I feel bad for the kids.
It's very dangerous.
Turns out the kids said that they...
They're all adults.
Well, some of them are kids.
Yeah.
Not all of them.
There are kids involved.
So back in 2018, a player who plays their own...
The roster's not all kids.
Not all.
There's some guys who are like,
I think graduated high school, right?
Like double PG's.
Right.
Just regular PG's.
But then, but there are kids too, right?
There's 16, 17 year olds.
There was an interview with a guy in Complex today
who played at Bishop Sycamore for, I think,
a 2018 to 2019 season when he was 15.
And they basically said, like,
yeah, we've got the state of the art facility.
They brought the kids up there,
said that they were gonna be like on Netflix and everything.
Like a last chance.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
In your type situation.
Yeah.
And it turned into them just having to live in a hotel
for like five months.
So it's definitely run by somebody who is like,
probably the coach who then fired...
Did he fire himself?
No, the founder fired him, but he's claiming...
The founder might be the coach.
The founder definitely has his hands cleaning all this.
He's like, wait, this is not what Bishop Sycamore stands for.
His name is Andre, the founder.
Something, so that's different than Roy Johnson.
Right.
Who has an arrest warrant.
Got it.
And by the way, Mike Richards also got fired.
Yeah, you did get fired.
I think, did he also fire himself
for being an executive producer?
I think so, so yeah.
Got another one, another one bites the dust, right?
Yeah, tough.
Yeah.
All right, good hot seat.
Crazy story, insane story.
I don't know how they get up on ESPN, but...
It was very funny to see the announcers in real time
just like start to turn against the broadcast.
Yeah, cause they didn't even give a real roster.
They just handed them a piece of paper
with like names on it, nothing else.
No names?
Yeah.
All right, you're cool to run.
Urban Wildlife, they found an 80 pound cougar
in the Bronx yesterday.
So reminiscent of the tiger story
with a guy who had a tiger and a crocodile in his apartment.
Remember Tiger King?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
How big is a cougar?
About the size of a puma.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
Which is about the size of a mountain lion.
Yeah, okay, got it, got it.
How many turtles stacked on top of each other?
16.
Okay.
What would a cougar eat in like an urban environment?
Rats.
They should release more cougars onto the street.
It was being kept as a pet.
So they call it Fleet Week, guys.
Got it, got it.
All right, should we get to our interview?
We have Jerry O'Connell.
Awesome interview in person.
Jerry O'Connell's the best.
Before we do that, PFT,
you got a quick word from our sponsor.
Yeah, HelloFresh.
Love HelloFresh.
They are the absolute best.
With HelloFresh, you can get pre-measured ingredients.
You can get fresh ingredients.
You can get mouth-watering seasonal recipes
delivered right to your door.
If you're out there and you're wondering
how do I simplify my life,
there's a very, very easy way to do it.
That's using HelloFresh.
A lot of us are on diets right now.
Maybe you're coming down from a summer
where you've had a little bit too much to drink,
not feeling at your healthiest.
If you're looking for an easy way
to get back into shape, to get healthy,
and in affordable way, you gotta look to HelloFresh.
It's America's number one meal kit.
I don't know if you guys ever experienced this,
but if you go back to your apartments
and you walk through the lobby or wherever they keep
the packages that have been sent to people in your apartment,
when I walk past a HelloFresh box,
I get very jealous because I know
that that person's gonna have a tasty meal
and it's gonna be an easy meal to cook.
HelloFresh cuts out stressful meal planning
and grocery store trips with less prep, less effort.
It's got minimal cleanup too, that's a big one.
So you can enjoy cooking and get dinner on the table
in just about 30 minutes.
Got calorie smart options,
so it's easy to enjoy tasty locale meals this summer
without scouring the grocery store
for ingredients and the web for easy recipes.
You can choose from 50 menu and market items each week
from vegetarian meals to Kraft burgers,
extra special gourmet options.
These are all available.
There's something for everyone to enjoy
with all recipes designed, tested by professional chefs
and nutritional experts.
They can get the produce from the farm
to your door in less than a week.
That means you get fresh, high quality ingredients.
We love HelloFresh on this podcast.
We have a special deal for you guys.
You can go to HelloFresh.com slash PMT14.
That's promo code PMT14 to get up to 14 free meals
plus free shipping.
That's a crazy deal.
Go to HelloFresh.com slash PMT14.
Use promo code PMT14 to get up to 14 free meals.
We love HelloFresh.
They are America's number one meal kit.
Now here he is, Jerry O'Connell.
Ooh.
Okay, we now welcome on one of our favorite guests,
recurrent guest in studio.
I think we're the only show
that does their fantasy football preview like this.
I think this is the third or fourth year in a row.
It is Jerry O'Connell, our favorite.
It is so exciting to be back here.
I mean, I don't even know what to tell you guys.
Ever since I was on your show,
those who might not recall last year,
I talked about, it was around this time exactly last year
and I was talking about draft strategies.
And I said, I have a lot of like ticks and OCDs
when it comes to my teams.
And I have to have a few Browns on my teams
because the last time I won,
Braylon Edwards and Derek Anderson were on my team.
I have to have a few Jags on my teams
because last time I won, Maurice Jones Drew
was my running back.
And I have very weird ticks.
But this year I made a very long list
as to why I can or can't draft players from teams
and positions and ticks that I have.
Oh, okay, well let's get to that list.
So you're trying to change yourself?
Well, it's not that I'm trying to change myself.
It's just that,
commenter, it's like when you're in a relationship, okay?
And it's not working out, you know?
And you just try and you keep trying
and you keep trying to make the relationship work out.
And it's not working out.
Enough is enough.
It's big that you're trying to demonstrate growth,
that you're self-reflecting.
No, it's not growth.
It's time to move on.
Blow the whole thing up.
It's time to move on.
Sometimes relationships work out
and sometimes they don't.
You're like hiring a whole new GM in front office.
I love this.
You know, I was making more of a relationship analogy.
Sometimes it's just time to call the lawyer and say,
I want out.
Yeah.
How do I do this?
Get me a good deal.
Get me the house.
So let's start with the browns.
Wait, wait, before we do that,
what are you doing these days?
Let's plug something.
I'm on a show called The Talk.
It's a talk show on CBS.
It's on weekdays at 2 p.m. on CBS.
I'm the first male host on the panel.
It's groundbreaking.
Yeah, breaking barriers.
It's Jackie Robinson.
Finally, we have someone.
I'm breaking the, not the glass ceiling.
I'm breaking the, yeah.
Finally.
I'm breaking the plexi floor.
My two-year-old son can look at the TV and be like,
look, as a white man, I can someday make it to TV.
That's exactly what's happening there.
You know, so it's really fun.
I have a fun time doing it.
Awesome.
It's a good show.
I start officially in two weeks.
Oh, you haven't even started?
I haven't even started.
See, you haven't even broken the ground.
You're standing with the shovel in the hard hat.
I filled in for a month.
I was abjectly unemployed all through the pandemic.
I'm sorry, I got really quiet in here.
Sorry, everybody.
But...
Wait, are you just making up a show to plug
so that you don't seem like losing your talk?
No, I'm gonna be on TV every day on CBS, network.
No, it's a real television show.
It's just, it's not your demographic.
You know, it's a daytime...
No, but you're a friend, so we will support it.
And we will get everyone to support it.
Mills love us.
Yes.
Yeah, I mean, it would be great maybe to have you guys on.
It's like...
Great, done.
I don't know, like a grit...
We could do like a grit week thing.
By the way, thank you for closing out
grit week with me.
This is the end of the week.
Yeah, this is the official end of the week.
Absolutely, guys are the best.
Wait, so wait, are you moving to New York?
No, it shoots in Los Angeles.
Ah, I thought we were gonna get a best friend
moving into the neighborhood.
No, but I'm back often.
They always say that.
You always say that.
So Jerry, I think you might be pulling a double cyc on yourself
or double cross, excuse me, double cross on yourself
because this is the year you've decided to blow everything up.
You've decided to change your draft strategy.
And this is the year literally everybody is saying
that the Browns have the most talented roster in the NFL.
I understand that.
And listen, you're gonna find out with a lot of my ticks
that's where I go wrong is that I quit them right before
it's like breaking up with someone just before they...
Hit a lot.
Are you okay?
No, no, no, no.
Are you okay?
Are you going through like a...
Let's be realistic.
Is Rebecca doing okay?
No, everything's fine with our marriage.
We did it.
We made it through the pandemic.
I didn't think we were gonna make it, but we did.
I have to be honest with you, and it's not just me.
It's my wife and I looked at each other like week three
when it was like, oh, this isn't gonna be two weeks.
Week three, and we had blasted through Love Island
or whatever.
Tiger King, yeah.
Tiger King, and we realized we weren't designed
to be together all the time,
and this is gonna be really different,
but we made it through.
I'm not gonna say we made it through stronger.
I know people say we made it through stronger.
Weaker, you made it through weaker.
But we actually, we're a touch weaker, not a lot weaker.
We made it through a touch weaker,
but we are still, we did it.
Yeah, congratulations.
You sound really happy.
We do have two 12-year-old daughters who just got phones,
so that, but that occupied them all the time,
so it was great.
Thank you for holding out that long.
We did.
We held out.
That 12 feels like it's,
I feel like kids get phones at like seven now.
You know what's funny?
You have about a decade before you have to deal with this,
Kat, but all of their, it's so funny.
I grew up with, I went to a girl's house.
I grew up actually in this neighborhood, believe it or not.
I went to junior high about five blocks from here,
and I went to a girl's house at the Chelsea Hotel.
You know that hotel that they were doing on 23rd?
And she was kind of an arty kid,
and I recall walking through her apartment,
and she didn't have a TV.
And I said, where's your TV?
And she went, oh, we don't have one.
And I was like, what?
And my kids at 12, not having phones,
were like that kid without a TV.
Right.
It was like, it's a part of their social life,
but now they have the phones,
so they were nose deep in the phone the entire pandemic.
Like TikTok, if you're a parent,
and you don't want to deal with your children.
TikTok.
TikTok is like, it's just so addictive.
They just do it all the time.
It's so awesome.
They're just gone.
Just scroll, scroll, scroll.
We're on TikTok.
Well, our strategy with TikTok is Billy,
who's not here right now.
Sure, Billy.
I do have a question about Billy.
Yeah, go ahead.
Because I do, I really, I'm not kidding.
Like the thing I respect most are veterans,
are people who, hold on a second.
I'm actually, I want to be serious
on your show for a second.
I really like going away from your family,
serving your country, risking your life.
It's more than a job.
It's not a job.
I'm not joking.
I'm being serious here.
It's really, it's putting, not only your life,
it's putting everything on the line
for everything that we hold true and dear.
So we can play fantasy football.
So we can play fantasy football.
I'm really grateful.
I'm really one of those people who,
I don't care, I don't care how many times everyone said it.
Thank you for your service.
Yes, thank you Billy.
If, if.
Thank you is almost not enough.
If by the grace of something,
I'm given a business class seat
and I see anyone in close to anything that's camouflaged.
Green, anything.
I'm saying, you know, this is yours.
Smart, yeah.
But.
Yeah, he's a special, special guy.
Is Billy a veteran?
Of the war on Christmas.
Yeah.
Yes.
So he is not a veteran?
No.
I have a big problem with this guys.
Well, hold on.
He's not a veteran per se,
but I think you could say like Billy
would have made a great Navy SEAL.
No, no.
So is it really a.
No.
It's kind of a technicality.
He wasn't actually a Navy SEAL.
He also said that he would trade it all to become a Navy SEAL.
This is actually when he didn't even have a job here.
He said he traded all,
which was trading nothing for the Navy SEAL.
So he's a commenter.
You cannot tie Army issue shoes to your backpack
and walk through the streets.
Like you just got off of a plane leaving Kabul.
I know.
And you just served.
It's not okay.
It's like those freak shows
that drive fake police cars down the street.
They are freaks, man.
They are a danger.
They are a menace to society.
And they're actually dangerous.
Because you slow down.
Yes.
The Crown Vicks with the big mirror on the side.
They make believe they are officers of the law
to make people respect them.
It is really messed up.
It's actually a mental problem.
Yeah, I think so, Billy.
No, I agree.
He's not doing it intentionally.
He's just over the years accumulated
so many things that are military adjacent
because I think subconsciously
he wants to be in the military.
Right.
You play enough Call of Duty, you end up in the military.
Is that really stolen valor?
Yeah.
It's not stolen valor.
It's actually a mental issue.
Yes, I agree.
Stolen valor is saying I did this.
This is my medal.
I did that.
I accomplished that.
He's actually, he's got, I'm not joking.
He needs to go to betterhealth.com slash PMT
and type some of this stuff in.
He needs to talk to somebody for sure.
Well, thank you.
I wish that Billy was around to hear that.
I think he needs to hear it from somebody face to face.
Yeah, he's on a mission right now.
Can I talk about why I've broken up with the Browns?
Yeah, let's do it.
So let's do your fantasy football rules
or whatever you prepared for.
So I used to always have at a minimum
two Browns on my teams.
And then last season against the Raiders,
I know it was a hail storm,
but the Browns scored, I believe, three points in a game.
Yes.
The Groppel.
It was a Groppel storm.
Yes.
A Wettel storm?
Groppel, I learned that word last year.
So Groppel is a mixture of like hail, sleet and snow
and rain a little bit.
And they have a special word for it.
It's like a German Midwestern word called Groppel.
I don't care.
Like, I can't, I've been with you for over a decade.
You can't score three points in a game.
You can't do that to me.
We watched that game here because we fire up.
That's what you really need to do.
You need to come with us on a Sunday.
Come here.
We have all the games on.
We sit for seven hours and watch all the games.
But I think we all had the over
because it went down to like 33 or something like,
how could we not?
And then they just never scored.
It was very upsetting.
So I actually, I broke up with the Browns.
I will no longer be drafting Browns.
That was it.
That was them stepping out on your marriage.
I may in a defensive player pick up Miles.
Wait, you have a lead with defensive players?
Yes, they're so, I'm in a league.
It's a freak show.
Actually, I got to tell you.
You're in the freak show.
I'm in a league with complete nerds
who know nothing about football, nothing about football.
And I entered this league thinking,
I'm going to win this every year.
This is easy.
I mean, I guess we're allowed to talk about gambling
on the show.
That's all you talk about.
You know, I thought this is easy money.
And last season I came in last place.
Oh, no.
And I had to pay the penalty for last place.
What was that?
It was $200.
Wow.
It doesn't matter.
I can afford the $200 because, you know, I mean,
I'm on the call.
You got a real job and everything.
I had to resell, like, all this bar stool stuff, the bag,
the goodies bag that you give me on the day.
What are the residuals on Stand By Me?
I mean, they're not, they're not.
I don't think you can make a living from it,
but it's, I mean, they still come in, you know.
You get a check every quarter?
It used to be paper checks.
Everything's gone pretty much wireless these days, you know,
for the environment.
That's gotta be kind of a bummer though,
because I would imagine that walking to your mailbox,
collecting a check for something that you did 40 years ago
has got to feel pretty good.
Yeah.
I think the actual act of like going through them,
like when I go to my mailbox, I'm like,
wow, are we still doing this?
Yeah.
That's what I feel like it's,
and when I go to the post office, you know,
shout out to all USPS workers, love them, working hard,
saw your dude coming up here,
and dropping off packages and everything.
But it does seem like a, wow, are we still doing that?
It's, it's like going into a post office is not,
you know, there is a very nice post office here
in Midtown Manhattan, but the post office where I live,
I love everyone who works there.
It's like, it keeps moving from like strip mall to strip mall.
It's next to a massage parlor now.
It's like, really, it gets shady in a post office.
They should serve beer in post offices.
Yeah.
They should just put a bar in.
Or deli meat.
Both, yeah.
Like if you take a number, you might as well
get some deli meat out of it.
Yeah, I think financially they're having a lot of problems,
the postal service, so I'm not sure they can,
it's not like an Ikea, they can't get away with like
giving away meatballs or something.
You can get John Taffer involved and have it be a crossover
event, a post office and a bar restaurant at the same time.
Yeah, but he would only feed you late at night.
He'd call it the mail room, M-A-L-E.
I like that.
And it's a gay bar.
Yeah.
I do want to say, as you know I'm a huge listener
of your show, I got to give a shout out to a restaurant
in my area, the Six Chow House, when they serve wings,
you can request only drumettes, which is what I'm a fan of.
Okay, now the flats guy, huh?
So you just go, you go like a dozen drumettes?
I go straight drumettes.
Straight, all drumettes.
I say all drumettes, please.
What's the difference between a drum and a drumette?
Is it a female male thing?
Drum is the leg, a drumette is the wing.
If it's the leg looking part of the wing.
Yeah, got it, got it.
I'm a huge drumette fan, but I did get very hungry
for wings listening to your show the last couple of years.
Yeah, they were incredible.
If you ever go to Buffalo, which I know,
a man of your stature I don't think ever goes to Buffalo.
And no, I do, I've been to Buffalo.
Listen, I'm all about the Lehigh Valley up there.
I love, I love, I was in Buffalo a couple days ago.
How about that?
What?
Yeah, shocker, right?
I swear to you.
What were you doing?
You're lying.
No, I am, I'm not sure.
With the Labradoodle, I, no, I was working in Toronto
and I flew out of Buffalo.
Ah, so you gotta go to Wing Nuts.
I didn't, I went straight to the airport,
but next time I will go to Wing Nuts.
You're gonna go say J.I. to Ed.
I've been thinking about it for the last week.
I know, you guys really painted a picture.
All I want, I'm thinking about it right now.
Wanna move to Buffalo, across the street.
All right, so let's do some fantasy football.
Okay, I also, I told you I had to always have a Jag
on my team ever since I won with Maurice Jones Drew.
The Jags are also, I've broken up with them.
They're dead to me.
Good, that's probably a smart move.
Until Trevor Lawrence gets, like, you know, settled in,
I think you wanna avoid them.
Last season, you know, I don't know about you guys
in varying degrees of relationships and stuff and such,
but I can't watch Thursday NFL, Sunday morning NFL,
Sunday afternoon NFL and the morning,
that's what we have in Los Angeles.
And then Monday NFL.
I have to pick, I get two of those.
No, yeah, that's not relatable to this job.
I get two of them.
So Thursday night's games are typically
not the most exciting games.
They're skippable for you.
Color rush, though.
The uniforms are slightly different.
Oh, really?
Yeah, on Thursdays.
Oh, you don't even know.
Yeah, I know, but I need, like,
I'm only given two slots a weekend.
Right.
And I can't waste it on, you know,
no offense to these teams.
I can't waste it on a Titans Bengals unmatchable meal.
No, that's fair.
That's fair.
So last season, I plugged in DJ Shark,
who a great, great receiver.
I believe this was week two.
The Jags played Thursday night
and I was feeling pretty confident.
He's a wide receiver, one-ish, like he's up there.
And he was a game time scratch.
I was not watching the game.
I was at dinner with my wife and I came back
and there was a zero there when I checked my phone.
I try not to check my phone during dinner.
And I was, I really took it out on my children
for the next four weeks.
I mean, I was a different person.
It really changed me.
And I remember looking at the television
and seeing, you know, DJ Shark on the sidelines.
He did suit up.
He just didn't go in the game.
And I remember thinking, I was looking at the TV
and I was like, that's it, Jags.
Never again.
I'm done with you.
They do play, yeah, they play a lot of Thursday games.
You should just, you should make one of your daughters,
the general manager, like the acting general manager.
So you can go out to dinners.
You can do all that stuff.
I mean, while she's making sure
that you're not missing any open spots in your game.
I should, I don't trust anyone.
I don't like partners in my leagues.
I don't send that email or that link to be like,
hey, let's be a co-manager.
I don't do that.
It's my thing.
Right, right.
Also, some of my team names like at work
are like a little offensive.
So I don't want that ever getting out.
What are we going with this year?
Physiquial Elliot, how about that one?
Physiquial Elliot, I really like that.
It's mostly like work jokes where I work.
It's like I make fun of people who have been let go,
gotten in trouble and stuff like that.
I don't want to mention it
because I'm sure they'll listen to this and stuff.
And then I'm typically asked by a superior
to change my name and it becomes like a funny thing
because I blasted out on an email.
Right, okay, I love it.
But nothing like highly official.
No, no, no, just more inside jokes.
Inside jokes stuff, yeah.
All right, so let's do your fantasy rules.
Okay, I will not be...
How many rules did you write?
No, I wrote a lot.
I have highlights and everything.
This is like a coach Staley clipboard.
Don't put this in the hall of fame someday.
I'm no longer drafting any Giants wide receivers.
I am from the New York area.
I like to watch Giants games.
I won't be after Darius Layton
who I started last season in week one
had two touchdowns in that first game, if you recall.
And then for the rest of the season,
he only had one touchdown and the Giants receivers
are dead to me.
Yeah, okay, that's fair.
That's all it takes, yeah.
That's fair.
So not a believer in Daniel Jones.
Yeah.
I'm just not touching their receivers
so I don't even care.
Like it's like, I gotta tell you,
it's like relationships commenter.
It's like, you have to, if you break up with somebody,
it's like, I don't care what you do.
I'm not gonna check your Instagram.
I'm fine, I'm fine.
It's just I get very, like this is an exciting time
of year for me.
I've done a number of mock drafts.
I actually had to bite the bullet
and join a fantasy guidance site
where they, I've been doing hundreds of mock drafts a day.
You're like the biggest mark ever for a person
who makes their living coaching
other people's fantasy teams.
You're like the white whale.
I landed cereal gone.
I have joined a number of those fantasy sites.
You know, when I came in, I'm really upset
because I came in last place last week.
Yeah, that's embarrassing.
And it's people who know nothing about,
like nothing about football.
And I'd say the embarrassing part, if I may,
not to like really rub salt in this wound,
but you came in last and you tried
because usually the last place.
No, I tried my hardest.
Yeah, right.
The last place guy usually is like,
oh, he just didn't pay attention.
Or he leaves slots open.
Yeah, right.
And it just, it really, it's, I gotta tell you,
it really, I'm actually, I made a betterhealth.com
back slash PMT joke earlier,
but like, I obsessed over it all year long.
Yeah.
I think you tell us that.
I'll stay with you.
So we're gonna do it this year.
So no Giants.
No Giants receivers.
Yeah.
Everyone else.
These are specific.
The Jets, I'm from the New York area.
I like to watch Jets games.
I said on your podcast that I like to draft Jets.
Last season with my third round pick,
I picked Levion who played,
I counted, he played three quarters all season long.
He played three quarters.
Honestly, I've totally forgotten.
He didn't play three quarters.
Yeah, for a second I was like, wait.
Oh yeah, he was on the Jets.
He was really good for a long time.
So then he went to the Chiefs and I was like,
oh, here we go.
Now I got you guys.
I'm gonna be like the Yankees.
I'm gonna come in the home stretch.
Here I come.
By the way, at this point, I'm not playing to win.
I'm playing to not be in last.
And I was getting excited about it.
Last season really messed me up.
So I will never be drafting Jets again,
although I may draft Corey Davis
and I may draft that guy Carter.
Just because.
Okay, so no Jets except for two Jets.
No Jets, but they're gonna be on my bench.
This is just a personal thing.
I don't draft any Steelers.
I'm sorry to tell you guys.
I didn't like when Rudolph, that quarterback,
I thought he egged on Miles Garrett.
Yeah, he had a comment.
I thought that everyone was like saying,
oh gosh, how could Miles Garrett do that?
But no one talked about what Rudolph did.
It's his face.
So we have a theory on this show.
His face, he's got too big of a face.
It's very.
You see his face and you're like, I don't like it.
I don't know what's wrong with it,
but I don't like it.
Very punchable.
He's got like the Kool-Aid lips too.
It looks like he's got like a red ring around him all the time.
Big ass head.
Just kinda wanna punch him.
Yeah, I don't want any smoke with anyone,
but like you guys are obviously creating,
but I just thought he, I can't deal with the Steelers.
So no Steelers.
Can I give you just a real quick piece of advice?
I know this goes against your no Steelers rule,
but if you're playing in a league with defenses,
a good rule of thumb is just like draft a Steelers defender
because they're usually not bad.
They'll usually end up being like worst case scenario,
average.
I do have like O.C.
I told you I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder,
especially with fantasy football,
betterhealth.com backslash PMT,
but I have to have the Baltimore.
I have to have the Ravens defense.
I have to.
So no matter where they are.
You'll draft them first round if you have to.
No, I won't draft them first round,
but when I see the Rams going,
or what are some other defenses out there,
the Steelers,
that's when I might not take Corey Davis or-
You gotta have the Ravens.
Or Michael Carter, I might take a Ravens defense.
Kind of the same way about the Seahawks.
I just assumed that the Seahawks defense
is always gonna be good because the Legion of Boom,
remember that?
Sure, of course, sure, sure, sure.
Suggs, Lewis, Lidarius, come on, Ed Reid.
The Bears, I gotta get to the Bears.
I'm so sorry, Cat.
I think 2017 I drafted maybe with my first round pick
of running back named Jordan Howard.
Yeah.
Only to watch another running back,
Karee Cohen, get pretty much every red zone pass
from six, seven, Mike Lennon, Mitchell.
Yeah, Mitchell was there, yeah.
The MVP.
That was a very bad Bears offensive season, yeah.
And it's just so painful when you waste a first round pick
and then-
Oh, you took him in the first round, Jordan Howard.
I believe he was up there.
He was up first or second.
He's not on the team anymore though, hasn't been.
I understand he's not on the team,
but I can't look at the Bears.
I can't look at their running game at all.
You know what, I'm not gonna fight you on that
because I've watched too many Bears games
where the offense is just putrid, so I agree with you.
Another running game, I can't look at Vikings running game.
And I know that's like crazy
because they have superstars on that team.
I just, I don't believe in,
I didn't know what switching your children was
until I heard a running back from that team talk about-
Oh, it should be your children's.
Yes, yes, so they're off for that.
And it just, it really, like it really shook me.
It shook me.
And I can't look at any of them.
So what about the Chiefs?
Chiefs are okay.
You got a sliding scale of-
Chiefs are okay.
You can draft any Chiefs.
Got it.
But they got, oh, you're talking about Tyreek Hill.
Yeah.
You can draft any Chief that you want.
I'm okay with Chiefs.
So sliding scale, that's okay.
I'm okay with all Cowboys.
What about Panthers wide receivers?
I'm okay with all Panthers.
So again, all Panthers.
Sliding scale, honestly.
I would never draft a Panthers quarterback
because last season, when I came in last place,
the opposing team I was,
the team I was up against for last place,
I was playing against someone who did not play a quarterback
because it's a two QB league.
So you can only have two QBs.
He stashed Bridgewater.
Oh.
And I was like, you gotta dump Bridgewater
and pick up a quarterback.
And he was like, this is collusion.
You can't talk to me.
I'm not even playing you.
And I was like, I need you to win this game.
And he wrote back on stashing Bridgewater.
So my name in that league is stashing Bridgewater.
So I will have nothing to do with any Panther quarterback
or now any Broncos quarterback.
What about Patriots tight ends?
Patriots tight ends are fine.
I will never touch Patriots wide receivers.
No one knows who they're, who, I mean, who do you draft?
I will say Patriots running backs.
I am okay with especially now
that there's more of a clear leader, Jamie and Harris.
But last season, it was a bye week
and I was in desperate need for a running back.
And this was not collusion.
I talked to someone else in the league
who was in desperate need for a wide receiver.
And I, for a one week swap gave him Nelson Aguilore
for Rex Burkett.
That's not collusion.
That is collusion.
No, it's a one week swap.
That's the definition of collusion.
It's a one week swap.
It was an even Steven swap.
He needed a wide receiver.
I got Rex Burkett, I got Rex Burkett
who had two touchdowns in that game.
Was it a handshake deal or was there?
Let me ask you this.
There was no paper trail.
There were no emails.
That's how I know it's collusion is
because you went out of your way
to not leave a paper trail.
Did you feel a little dirty?
Because you knew it was wrong.
No, not in the slightest.
I looked and saw who needed a wide receiver.
And I said, you have Rex Burkett sitting on your bench.
Hey, how about Nelson Aguilore for a week
and I get Rex Burkett, ha ha.
It was a joke.
And then next thing I know, I got a request
and I hit confirm.
And then the week after, I sent him the request back
and it was fine.
It was a big deal.
Guys, relax.
Slow down, summer, core's light, guys.
Come on, take a chill pill.
Let me ask you this.
How many leagues are you in right now?
I'm in five leagues.
Oh my God.
Are you looking for another?
Because we have a fancy football league
that we're in, this is our second year in a row,
with C.J. McConnell.
A column.
Sorry, C.J. McCollum.
OK.
And Julius Randall.
All right, yeah, you need to do it.
I'm in, I'm in, I'm in.
You don't have to go through the whole thing.
There's Julius Randall.
And there's Turtle from Entourage.
Exciting, yeah, sure.
Jerry Ferreira.
Jerry Ferreira, yes.
We have a team.
Would you like to manage our team for us?
Maybe even draft for us.
Now it's a high roller-buying.
It's a $1,000 buying.
Holy shit.
We've got that covered.
We've got it covered.
So you just have to be our general manager.
Do I have to do something for that money?
Are you guys going to make me transport something?
We'll count this, we'll count this.
This is your payment by just hearing on our show.
Just don't lose.
Yeah.
I'm in.
All right, perfect.
Love it, we'll love it in the last.
Just know there'll be no fucking Browns or Jags on this.
Yeah, just understand that.
I want you to be you.
Except for two.
Or bears or stealers.
No Cardinals running backs either,
because last season I lost to Kenyon Drake, an opposing team.
He had two touchdowns in a game who I just couldn't believe it.
No Houston Texans running backs, because in 2016
I drafted Lamar Miller, and that didn't go too well.
I believe I drafted him in the first or second round as well.
And every season, with the 15th round,
Jerry takes Duke Johnson, Jr. It's a nightmare.
I can't wait till when this airs.
We're going to air it next week, but when this airs,
and some AWL has the time to put this all together
that you basically are drafting from a pool of like 30 people.
Um, yeah, I mean, yeah, it's a very, it's what I'm comfortable with.
And this has been years of fantasy.
I'm coming out of, it's almost like, I feel like it's a rebuilt,
like last year, now I'm in the rebuilding process,
and I feel like I'm going to rise out of the ashes.
By the way, just to say, when I quit those Browns,
and like, and I said, like, unlike that famous movie,
I can quit them.
Um, they lost to the Raiders, which had the worst defense.
I mean, that was going to be what was going to put me over the top.
Right.
Although last season, I did have my first 200 point game ever,
which was a lot of ups and downs last season.
Um, but of course it was with, uh, I had, um, uh, Will Fuller.
Um, when he and, um, uh, gosh, it was like one hell of a game a year
that you gave to Sean Watson.
Yeah, to Sean Watson, uh, when they had that, uh, I think it was
like a Thanksgiving day game where they just lit up against the Lions.
Yeah, it was my first 200 point game.
And then I was like, something bad's going to happen.
Something bad's going to happen.
And then literally like a day later, Will Fuller was like,
Oh, I'm gone for the rest.
Yeah, that's usually how we go.
That happens.
Yeah.
And, um, so, uh, I will not draft, um, any, no Texans running bad.
No Texans at all.
No, no, no, no, I will draft Texans running, but I will draft Texans,
wide receivers and quarterbacks.
Okay.
They've, they've done well for me.
Okay.
I have no idea what's going to happen there.
Who's going to start there?
Yeah.
Just to put a pin in it, um, no Vikings running backs, Texans quarterbacks.
Okay.
Texans quarterbacks.
Okay.
Vikings quarterbacks.
Okay.
Vikings wide receivers.
Okay.
You have to look into this.
Giants running backs.
Okay.
Um, uh, Cardinals wide receivers, Cardinals quarterbacks.
Yeah.
Totally fine.
So I mean, it's just, it's like a specific groups that I can't touch
because they burned me.
Okay.
And you know what?
A Fuma can't be fooled again.
Yes.
That's right.
Yeah.
So next Wednesday at, I think it's eight PM.
That's when the draft is.
That's when we're going to run this.
So today, as we say today, a couple of players that are of value.
I think they're out there.
Mike Davis running backs in Atlanta.
You can have, we don't give our entire strategy away.
Oh, okay.
It's a Higgins.
It's going to be a very valuable, very valuable wide receiver.
T Higgins.
Okay.
Value.
I love a good value.
Right.
And I think like players like Mike Davis, Corey Davis, T Higgins.
These are Jalen Hertz.
I think you're going to be able to get in like the sixth round.
I think these are, I love, I love a value in fantasy.
Okay.
Give me the official Jerry O'Connell sleeper of the year.
Hatchimal Homes.
I mean, I think with injuries down there now, I think it's not a sleeper,
but no one talks about James.
I can't believe I'm talking about a Jack.
Yeah.
Oh, no, you can't do it.
You can't do it.
I'll take some.
I might take James Robinson now that there's been injuries down there and everything.
One injury to Travis ATN.
And you're like, all right, fucking no, Jack.
I'm back.
I'm back.
Marie Chung's true.
Never forget.
I'm back.
I love it.
Um, sleeper of the year.
I don't know.
You know, I would normally would say like Damien Harris up and like it's,
but I have no idea who JJ Taylor is.
I know nothing about him undrafted.
That other running back, um, uh, sleeper of the year.
I'm not ready to say yet.
I'm not ready to give it out.
I will say this.
Never draft a bear's kicker ever as long as you live ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.
Cairo Santos is, is good.
Ever, ever, ever, never, ever, ever, ever.
It's the moosh.
It's what will ruin a team.
It will bring down, it will bring down families.
It will bring down dynasties.
It's like even a very, very good team that like looks like it could
go all the way, never, never the moosh.
Um, what else?
Oh, I, I love, I love all dolphins.
Oh, okay.
I love Gisiki.
I think Gaskin's going to be a value running back value.
Okay.
Okay.
Also, I want to defend, uh, hard knocks.
You guys were like kind of knocking it a little bit.
I'm really enjoying the season and that drone shot.
I thought was one of the most awesome things I've ever seen.
Yeah, it was.
Is missing like, I don't know, waiter bringing out a table
for Jerry Jones at midfield.
A hundred percent.
That's really funny.
That's a good fellow's reference for all you kids out there.
But, um, I was, I mean, that's incredible what they do
with those drones.
And it was, um, it's so, everything's so big in Dallas.
It's just, it's so big.
Him coming in the helicopter.
It's just, they're so smart.
They go to Mexico and get players.
All of Mexico is going to be instantaneously.
Why don't the jets?
Why don't the bears have, uh, like go down to other countries
and get players?
I mean, I don't know because they stink.
They can't get players in America.
They got to start that first.
Um, I think that, so you make a good point.
There, there are parts of hard knocks that are good,
that are entertaining.
I would actually be happy if they just made last week's episode
just 30 minutes.
No, I, I totally didn't hear what you were saying.
And take out maybe all the contact lens.
Yeah, that was like, that was like, that was like saw.
That was like so gross.
I can't deal with people touching eyes.
Oh, it's so gross.
It was like soft.
Yeah.
It was the grossest thing I've.
Just do drone shots.
The card Dr. Jerry Jones and Trayvon Diggs son.
Yeah, but, but that Rex Beck stuff was really fun.
It was really, uh, um, you know,
I will probably stay away from, um, Cowboys.
I was a little upset with the Cowboys last season.
I thought when, um, Andy Dalton was going to come in,
you know, to quote Michael Fabiano,
he was given the keys to a Ferrari.
I thought for sure that Cowboys were going to make a,
a run for it, but, um, man,
they got to do something about that backup position.
That was really, uh, and I mean, I mean that,
we're just talking about the last episode of hard knocks.
Leave it to the Cowboys to throw an interception in the fourth quarter.
It was like, oh boy, it was just like, oh yeah, that's,
you guys are making me laugh so hard,
wasting prayers and preseason.
Yeah.
I mean, it was true, right?
Pulling out the God card.
That was really funny.
It was a little too early.
Like it would be like you, you using God in your,
in your mock drafts.
You don't want to do that.
No, no, no.
Save it for the real season.
Save it for the real draft.
I told you I'm using guidance this season.
I've narrowed it down to one site.
And, uh, it seems there, there are some of those,
some of those fantasy, um, like assistance sites,
some of them are really busted.
I'm, and like no offense to like Eastern Europe or something,
but I can tell like it's not, they're not fantasy.
Yeah.
It's like, you can tell they're cutting and pasting stuff.
And it's like, it's almost like a make believe website.
And I can't believe I plugged my credit card in there.
Yeah.
It's just like deep web shit.
Yeah.
And it's just like, yes, this player, very good.
He run fast.
You pick in second round.
You would take Thurman Thomas.
He is very good at running.
You should just log into like chat roulette
and just ask random people.
Yeah.
Then you catch like jacking off.
Hey, hey, what do you think about Miles Harris?
This is your, you're basically like the famous drill tweet,
which you might not know, but it's like, you know,
someone please help me with my budget.
And Jerry O'Connell is like, I've, you know, $20 on drumettes.
Right.
$15 on flights.
Right.
$10,000 on fantasy football guidance.
How, how am I poor?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's, I, I agree with you.
I'm not going to disagree with you.
It's good.
I feel like I got a lot out.
I really wanted to come back and just tell people
how I've moved on from certain relationships and fantasy.
Yep.
It's, I mean, we love having you here.
So let's, let's finish it with the, with the Mount Rushmore draft.
Oh, great.
We had the Mount Rushmore of fantasy draft.
Sure.
Order.
Position.
Position.
No, no, no, order.
Order, yeah.
Order.
Sure.
Which was maybe the dumbest thing we've ever done.
Sure.
So we're going to try to go even dumber.
Okay.
We're going to do the Mount Rushmore of fantasy positions.
Okay.
It can't be as bad as the, the buildings one you guys did.
That was, that was.
Yeah, people didn't like it.
People didn't like it.
That was pretty painful.
Yeah.
Yeah.
People didn't like it.
All right.
So you're, you're, you're our guest.
So why don't you start?
Okay.
I'm going to, I think we talked about it earlier in, in the show.
Just a defensive player.
An individual defensive player.
That's your first thing.
Okay.
That's my first thing.
One, one.
That's your first pick.
All right.
No, no, no.
Not, not defenses.
Right.
Yeah.
Individual defensive player.
You're talking about like taking a linebacker.
Yeah.
Yeah.
First.
Yeah.
I, I will, I will probably be taking a brown.
I know I said I was breaking up with them,
but it's just a defensive player.
So it's just.
Totally different.
But I am a, I am a huge Miles Garret fan,
and I will be taking a brown.
It's different than anyone.
Because of what he did to Mason Rudolph.
Not because of what he did to Mason Rudolph.
Obviously violence.
No one should choose violence.
But I thought that he took the blame for something
that was not entirely his fault.
Right.
I think we only saw one side of the story there.
Many fine people on both sides.
Right.
Right.
I didn't say that, commenter.
I said, I just don't think we heard his story.
Right.
Okay.
All right.
My, I'll go next.
I'll go QB1.
All right.
That's a good pick.
Thank you.
But.
Shit it.
But a lot of people would say, Matthew Berry would say,
why are you taking a quarterback in the first round?
I love taking quarterbacks.
I mean, he, he fell on his face with that Mike Vic thing.
Yeah.
A few years ago.
Never, never forget that, by the way.
Yep.
All right.
My first pick is going to be.
You have two picks.
Or no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Yeah.
My first pick.
You know what?
I'm going to go flex.
Okay.
Love flex.
Yeah.
Love to flex because you got to,
you got to always have in the back of your mind,
all season long.
And if you have a flex, then nothing is off limits.
I always guess wrong though.
Your season is never truly over.
If you have that flex spot.
Yeah.
All right.
You took that one from me.
I'll audible here.
I'll go kicker.
Whoa.
You have two now.
Guaranteed points.
Get a lot of points.
Not from the Bears.
Not from the Bears.
You get a team that's not a great team.
They have a bad quarterback.
Yeah.
Can't convert in the red zone.
You're going to get a lot of points.
Minimum like 10, 12 points per game.
That can win you some games.
Counterpoint though.
Sometimes if you're winning your match up,
going into Monday night,
you might preemptively bench your kicker
so that they don't give you negative points.
So could that really be a Mount Rushmore spot?
It's his Mount Rushmore.
Well, for sure.
Definitely just based off the numbers.
There's really only so many spots on the Mount Rushmore.
I don't even think we're going to get 12.
No, we go bench.
But yeah, I'll go wide receiver too.
OK.
Wide receiver too.
I'm about to blow.
Wait, no.
No, Jerry goes back.
Now you're trying.
Oh, OK.
Yeah.
Wait, now I got to figure out what Jerry was about to pick.
You'll never guess what I was going to pick.
All right, you pick BFT.
I'm going to go running back 2.
OK.
Because my running back 1 always sucks.
Yeah.
My running back 1, it's a Jordan Howard situation.
I draft somebody that all the magazines tell me to draft.
Let me tell you who is the most exciting RB2 in all of football,
maybe in all of history.
And this is why we play fantasy football.
It's for the juice, OK?
Naheem Hines will score you, I mean, 0.5 points,
pretty much 15 out of 17 weeks.
But for two of those weeks, he'll have a three touchdown game.
And that's why we keep coming back.
That's that RB2.
When you, and when you.
Naheem Hines.
Yeah.
And when you actually have that running back 2,
and you're starting.
Oh, God.
You feel like a genius that way.
Oh, God.
You just feel it's euphoric.
It's the best feeling in the world to comment there.
It's the best feeling.
My pick, I'll go with tight end.
I like having a good tight end, especially
if you have a really top level tight end.
It does feel every year like there's two or three tight ends
and it just completely falls off a cliff.
And you're playing tight end roulette for the entire season.
Kosiki, value, value.
You're going to get that airline value from Mike Kosiki.
OK, you have two picks now.
Oh, you guys ready for this?
Yep.
Oh.
When you play in an ESPN league in the 2020 season
and you hear rumors that a tight end on the Saints
is possibly going to start a QB and you lock him in a tight end.
And then he's announced, that's a QB, but you locked him in
and they can't kick him out.
And the whole team is going apoplectic
because you have a QB in your tight end slot
and they're saying it's not fair, it's not fair.
And you block them all from your email
and you play a QB in your tight end slot.
So I'm going to say tight end.
Who is actually a QB?
Thank you, Taysome Hill.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
We're going to predict that.
That's great.
Yeah, I was not going to choose that one.
That was incredible.
Like on the other hand, you also can have a JJ Watt
who can play tight end from defensive standpoint.
Right.
Yeah, right.
And if you have him in a defensive player league,
money in the bank.
Yeah.
So money.
All right, so your next pick.
You have two.
You have one more.
I'm going to go with if you're in a two QB league, QB two.
Oh, OK.
QB two.
Nice.
Good pick.
I can't believe it's still there,
but I guess I'll scoop up RB one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you're kind of going chalk here.
Well, I mean, yeah, it's still there.
Yeah.
RB one.
Good value.
Yeah, I love my RB one.
All right.
So I'm going to go with kind of a Swiss army knife position.
I'm going to go with the one that says like W slash R slash T.
That's the other flex.
That's a flex.
No, but there are some leagues where
flex is just wide receivers and running.
This is a different flex.
It's a weird flex, but OK.
Well, we're running out of positions.
But isn't a super flex?
No, no, you can go bench.
There's still wide receiver one, defense.
Don't tell them.
OK, sorry.
No, I'm aware the defense is still on the board,
but I feel like a super flex is a thing.
OK, then I'll get a super duper flex for my next pick.
No, it's OK.
Let me let me Google super flex.
We're talking about a standard league ball.
OK, all right, that's fine.
You can have it.
You can have it.
If you're going to complain about it, I'll change my answer.
I'm going to take defense.
All right.
There's your boring fucking pick.
It's defense.
You can have super flex.
I'm taking the Ravens defense.
Sorry.
No, no, no, no.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Wow.
I knew it.
I knew it was going to go.
OK.
All right.
I'm going to do a little little handcuff in here.
I'm going to go T.E. one and T.E. two.
Wow.
Wait, I have a Titan one.
Yes, Titan.
Oh, fuck.
All right.
T.E. two.
Well, he got a T.E. two.
But he had QB two.
Oh, yes, QB.
I know.
I had Titan, who is a quarterback,
and you refuse to take him out of that slot.
And the whole place goes crazy.
And then when it's announced that he's not going to be starting.
OK.
You write an email back like, oh, sorry.
Specific, yeah.
Just getting these.
OK.
All right.
So Titan two.
I'll take another kicker just in case.
OK, perfect.
Love it.
Love it.
That's auto draft.
Yeah.
You take two kick.
You have two kickers on your team.
Well, it's an auto draft.
Well, you know when you auto draft,
and it just loads up all the spots?
You can never have too many kickers.
Yeah, that's a fact.
No, that's a fact.
You can never have too much leg.
You can only have one kicker on your team.
No, no, he's right.
He's right.
You can never have too much leg.
Unless you have, who was a stud last season gay?
Who was like the player who was the amazing kicker?
A blanket ship?
Like, I mean, you should never have more than one kicker.
It's his draft though.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I'm cross talking.
I apologize.
OK, for my last one.
I've had a fancy football podcast for a few years, Jerry.
That's true.
Are you still doing that, Hank?
No, Steven Chen and Ben Minsar.
Nice.
My last one, I'm going to take another defense,
but it's going to be whichever defense is playing
against the Texans.
That's a good pick.
Second defense, a great pick.
So every week you have a variation of it, and that way
you can free up an open roster spot for somewhere else.
You don't have to spend a high draft
pick on a starting defense.
And by the way, I looked up Superflex.
Superflex is becoming one of the most popular formats
in fancy football.
Have you ever used it?
I did.
Yeah.
When?
Last year.
What league?
My old league.
Oh.
With the buddies.
We also do an auction draft in that one,
which I don't care for.
Oh, god, because it's nine hours of your life.
I mean, it's nine hours.
I don't have nine hours.
I spend all my money in the first three picks,
because I just don't want to do it anymore.
All right, I'll go with Bench.
OK.
You want to add anything to that?
No, I mean, I just, you know.
That's every position.
Yeah.
All right, so I'll go Bench.
So you want me to go specific?
I'll go Bench.
The guy, it would actually be kind of a Darius Slayton type.
The guy that you pick up from, you look through,
like, who has the most, you sort it, who has the most points.
And he had all his points in the first few weeks.
And you're like, oh, he's had 60 points this year.
I'm going to pick him up.
And he averages, like, two points a week afterwards.
Right.
So that will be my Bench guy, who I pick up
I think I got a steal, but it's not even close to a steal.
All right, it's my turn.
Jerry's on the clock.
I was going to say defensive player two,
but I haven't seen a league with two defensive players yet.
OK.
I'm going to go with Bench player,
but let's get into specifics.
Bench player, who is a player that is, like,
really in his last days in the league,
but was on one of your winning teams about 10 years ago.
So you just recognize his name.
It's the Andre Johnson spot.
Yeah.
And you just want him, you just want him on your,
you just want to see his name.
You want to give him a ring, another ring.
Yeah.
It's like the Lakers giving Kobe that contract
towards the end of the run.
Yeah.
Thank you for all that you've done.
You keep a spot open for one of your old guys.
Jimmy Graham is another spot for that.
Yeah, that's it.
You're like, man, Jimmy Graham, this could be a resurgence.
Is he at the Seahawks now?
No, he's still on the Bears.
He's still on the Bears right here.
Right.
Right.
Yeah, I'm going to keep it.
That's going to be my next pick.
OK.
OK.
All right.
So if Superflex is a real thing,
Frank Gore, that is the Superflex.
For me, that's Frank Gore.
Yeah.
Always Jeff Frank Gore.
Well, Frank Gore, he's still in the league, right?
Did he restart?
He's still in the league.
No, he's an RB2.
Yeah.
Well, we have to have Frank Gore.
Frank Gore.
That's our rule.
What's Sages?
What's Sages, Luke?
We're going to let you.
But we have to have Frank Gore.
A shot for the groceries.
OK.
Yeah.
Because you're going to be cooking the dinner,
but we have to have Frank Gore.
Jake, let PFT have Superflex.
If it's something that's real now, then I'm out of date.
It's real.
Never had it.
It's a very real thing.
So it's QB.
It's QB.
It's the Super League of Flexes.
It's a QB.
Any offensive player.
RB.
Any offensive player.
I think that's what a Superflex is.
OK.
And also the word Super is in it.
It sounds cool.
Yeah, that's true.
Really, the only reason that I took it.
Yeah, but Wednesday night, Jerry, you're free Wednesday night.
Yes.
You're going to be doing our draft for us.
OK.
Can we stream it?
Sure.
I have to go to a place where I get internet.
My kids are on TikTok all the time, so I can't do it at home.
And it's just me just yelling, like, get off TikTok.
Get off TikTok.
And I don't want to do that if I'm streaming.
So if you recall, last year I was at a park.
There's a park.
There's a 5G tower at a park near my house
that I do a lot of streaming and stuff under.
Jerry will be out at night in the park by himself on a phone.
It might be West Coast, so it'll be daytime.
But there's a park right on, it's got great 5G.
If you guys ever need, if you're in a pinch
and you're in Calabasas, I know the perfect spot.
OK, that's beautiful.
I mean, hopefully, I don't think so.
Like, I believe in science, but if it has anything to do
with COVID, that 5G stuff, I'm in trouble, you know?
Yeah, deep shit.
So, all right, you also need to come up with a name
for the team, though.
Not to put you on the spot.
We can talk, we can dialogue offline,
as I say, in the business world.
Maybe something with Billy and Stolen Valor.
Oh, yeah.
Billy's boots.
Thank you for your cervix.
Yeah.
We don't want it to be too offensive,
because it's going to be public.
Public, yes.
Agreed.
All right, well, Jerry, it's always great to have you.
I love you guys so much.
I feel like I really, like, just let it all go.
I was on the couch and I was a little,
you could tell I was a little tense when I first got in here.
But you got it.
I just felt to get off my chest.
And football is back.
So excited.
And you're doing great in all your relationships.
And you have the talk.
I'm on the talk on CBS.
You're, you wouldn't know what I'm talking about if we...
The most real show on television.
Yes.
And thank you so much for letting me close out Grit Week.
That was such an honor.
Yeah.
The grittiest guy we know, Jerry O'Connell.
Love you guys.
Jerry O'Connell was brought to you by our great friends
over at Roman.
Now that the world's opening back up,
so many new thrills are on the horizon,
and whether you've been in a relationship for years,
or if you're just getting started,
even if you're just excited to get back out there
and meet new people,
when the moment comes, you want to be ready.
You got to get Roman ready.
If you go to getroman.com slash barstool,
you can talk to a U.S. licensed healthcare professional.
With Roman, you get a free online evaluation
and ongoing care for erectile dysfunction,
all from the comfort and privacy of your own home.
If you're Roman ready, means you've got confidence.
You've got the confidence that you know
that you can rise to the occasion in the moment.
We're looking at the summer of love,
and Roman wants to make sure you can participate in your way,
whether that's as a single person or a couple
that would still rather stay in with each other.
You're going to talk to a U.S. licensed healthcare professional.
They're going to work with you to find the best treatment plan.
If medication is appropriate,
they're going to ship to you with free shipping,
two-day shipping.
The whole process is straightforward.
It's convenient.
It's discreet.
Getting started is simple.
Just go to getroman.com slash barstool,
complete an online visit.
Take care of ED without ever leaving your home.
Complete an online visit today
to connect with a U.S. licensed healthcare professional
and take care of it.
And now for something completely different.
All right, great to be joined by Amanda.
Anybody who follows Football Knows, he's Mike Florio.
He founded the website Pro Football Talk,
and you can hear him every morning, Monday through Friday,
first from 7 to 9 a.m. on PFT Live on Peacock TV,
and then 9 to 11 on NBC Sports Network.
And Mike, also in just about six months or so,
your book, Playmakers, will be released.
It's out on March 15th.
You can pre-order it right now.
How's everything going, Mike?
Well, you know, I and Field, it's great to be with you.
I just got the final version on PDF of the book,
so it's becoming more and more real every day.
And now I have to proofread it yet another time
to make sure there isn't a typo in there.
It is like looking for a needle in a haystack,
but the search for the needle continues.
Well, I've seen you break down contracts
and legal situations in the NFL,
so I know you'll find any last-minute edits there.
So while the world is seemingly in a little bit further ahead state
compared to where we were around this time last year with COVID,
I don't know that we're out of the woods in the NFL.
Do you think it's possible that COVID could play
even a more impactful role this year on the league
than it did last season?
Well, I think it definitely will, Field.
We've been talking about the unvaccinated players,
the fact that there's still 7% or thereabouts
who refuse to get the vaccine,
and the reality that they are tested every single day,
the fact that if they have close contact
with an infected person, they're automatically out five days.
There is this possibility of key players being gone
at any given moment.
I don't think we're going to get to the point
where we've got so many players who are out
that a team can't play and we have to move games around.
We could get that.
I don't think we're going to have a game that's wiped out.
Well, I could see a day or two movement like we saw last year,
but this notion that maybe a game will be completely scratched,
I hope is not going to be an issue.
Now, the league wants to test vaccinated players more frequently,
going to a one-week testing protocol.
The union has floated the idea of doing it every day.
If they would ever test vaccinated players every single day,
then that could get very interesting
because if everybody's tested every day,
and the restrictions aren't in place for the vaccinated players
to move wherever they want to move,
and they potentially can get infected,
and that could get to a point
where a lot of guys would be out at any given time.
So the more often they test the vaccinated players,
the more guys I think will be out on a given game.
But look, it's whatever the rules are.
People don't like the rules.
The rules are what they are,
but the more often they test the vaccinated players,
the more disruptive it's automatically going to be.
It feels like around this time every year,
we're seeing the same tune.
The defending champion is in a good spot to succeed and repeat,
and yet it hasn't happened in nearly 20 years.
Could the Bucks be the exception?
It hasn't happened since Tom Brady was quarterbacking the Patriots
all the way back from 2003 to 2004.
It feels, I think what's so funny is that the fact that it has been 17 years
makes us wired to say, can't happen.
I can't happen.
It's been too long.
It doesn't happen anymore.
I remember when I was growing up,
but you just kind of accept the fact
that the king of the hill stays on the hill for a couple of years.
And it was the exception when somebody didn't repeat,
and now we've gone 17 years.
They brought everyone back,
first time since the late 70s,
that all starters are back on both sides of the ball.
They addressed an area of kind of need.
G.O. Bernard there.
Last year it was a little Sean McCoy.
It was Leonard Fernandes kind of ping-ponged around.
Now that they're very happy with him, everyone else is back.
I picked the Buccaneers to win it last year.
Just dumb luck, close your eyes, throw a dart.
I thought they'd play the Patriots in the Super Bowl,
so I was half right and half completely nuts.
But I'm getting closer and closer to the moment of truth field.
I'm probably going to pick them to win it again.
I can't think of a reason not to.
You definitely have to pick them to get there out of an NFC
that isn't nearly as heavy as the AFC.
The question is, can they win against the best team
that the AFC has to offer,
and that should make for a great Super Bowl in Los Angeles?
Yeah, a repeat Super Bowl would probably be
very entertaining to most football fans.
All right, Mike, I want to ask you about your last
and favorite topic here, your fantasy team.
How many fantasy teams have you played in this year,
and how good is your team looking?
Come on, give it a run.
I get the shakes.
I get the shakes anytime this comes up,
because you know what the guys on Pardon My Take do.
They find creative ways to get me to talk about my fantasy team,
so they can say nobody gives a damn about your fantasy team,
although they use other language than that.
I've got two leagues, if you care, and you probably don't.
But the drafts are coming up.
I like to do the drafts as late as possible,
because you never know when injuries are going to happen.
So don't worry about your family being a piece of shit.
We don't give a fuck.
No one cares, Mike.
I was set up. No one cares.
I was set up, you motherfuckers.
You motherfuckers.
That's good.
You let that fuck.
That's good.
You've solicited help from the outside.
Oh, yeah.
You bastards.
Good answers.
Everybody buy Playmakers.
Order as pennants for what you've done to me.
I want a big push for everyone,
all of the award-winning listeners,
to pre-order Playmakers right now.
No, but don't order Playmakers
until you've read Quarterback of the Future
of your first novel.
You're not going to find that.
That's gone.
I think you have the only copy.
I think so.
Playmakers is going to be available to anyone who wants it
and many who don't.
I can't believe that you even said,
hey, the guys on part of my take always fuck with me,
but here's my fancy being set up.
I shouldn't have.
What are you doing?
Well, she's got my answer to the question.
Who expects Field to allow himself to be used this way?
Credit to Field.
I thought about it for like a few weeks.
I was like, who is the perfect guy who is trustworthy
that Florio will fall directly in the trap?
And he did it again.
You did it again.
He sets me up for a fantasy show.
If Lake said it's a fantasy show.
Actually, since we have you both here and Mike,
you know, we don't really care from you,
but Field, can you actually give our listeners
some fantasy sleepers and some advice?
I hear it.
Don't do it, Field.
No, no, no, no.
No, we want to hear from Field.
He's an expert.
I will do this, by the way.
And I first time that I reached out to Mike,
which was late last week,
you responded immediately in a way that made me think
you were on the sense a little bit because you were like,
sure, I'll join, but what's it all about?
And I was like, fuck, all right.
Now I got to think of something creative enough
to make sure that you will maintain your obligation
on Monday afternoon.
So if we do want fantasy sleepers,
I think I might just pander a little bit
because I'm trying to go through it.
Of names that people either know or names
that people have no idea about.
And because there's so much interest in the NFL,
a lot of names are not necessarily sleepers.
They're just undervalued names.
So Dan, Darnell Mone, with the Chicago Bears,
big guy obviously knows all about him fast.
If Justin Fields takes the reins sooner
rather than later, I think that offense is good enough
to maybe have two relevant wide receivers.
Jacobi Meyer for the Patriots,
if they get much better play,
and Florian was just telling us about how Mac Jones,
as we all have seen, has looked good this free season,
has a chance to lead the way, as I can see him,
just about to vomit on part of his computer.
Dan Arnold from the Panthers, a tight end,
and I'll give you two more names that you already know.
AJ Dylan from the Packers, second round fake last year,
he's just too good to keep off the field.
Aaron Jones is back, maybe a couple of years from now,
it's AJ Dylan running the show by himself,
but I think AJ Dylan's gonna run through defenders
all season this year.
And then Kenyan Drake for the Raiders,
everybody knows them already obviously,
but they're gonna have to find some way
to score points this year,
because their defense is not stopping anybody,
and they paid Drake too much money to not utilize him.
So those are my sleepers.
I got them off from Florio,
so if they don't want me, I can play with him instead.
That's great advice.
Yeah, good advice.
That's great advice, Field.
Appreciate that.
I've been burning up over this one.
That is like salt being rubbed into the wound.
I have to witness him talking about fantasy football
after you guys have burned me again,
I got to sit through an actual legitimate fantasy football.
I am a fucking kid.
Field's an expert.
I actually, Mike, I texted Field,
my exact text was after the reveal,
we're gonna ask you some real questions
right in Florio's face.
So that's this portion of the interview.
Field, I had a question, like, I'm trying to struggle,
I'm struggling with whether or not
I can trust any Panthers wide receiver,
given like, is Sam Donald gonna have a year?
Like, am I gonna be able to trust that offense
to score points, or is it like,
stay away from DJ Moore at all costs?
I think I would actually be more in than out this year
on the Panthers wide receivers.
I'm a little bit nervous
about the overall volume coming down.
Robbie Anderson had like the quietest 95 catch season.
He really did.
NFL history last year,
but Christian McCaffrey played just three seasons.
So McCaffrey, if you assume he's on the field,
probably gonna have like 120 or so targets,
which you take away the volume a little bit
from someone like Robbie Anderson,
a little bit more from DJ Moore.
But as much as Sam Donald's a huge question mark,
after what he did during three seasons in New York,
it's not like he's, you know,
taking over a job from Tom Brady or something.
He's replacing Keddie Bridgewater
and PJ Walker from last season.
So I think there's actually a lot of reasons
this care line team could be sneaky.
Like, I don't think they're good enough
to compete with the Bucks
or even make a playoff push at all,
but they're going to score a lot of points this year.
So I'm actually sort of generally speaking
in on this offense.
All right.
So last question for you field.
So I assume you've done a couple of fantasy drafts.
Who did you,
who did you take in your first round
in one of your, one of your drafts?
Yeah.
So I've done too many too.
It's really kind of a pathetic excuse
of a life I lead over here,
but it's depending on where you go.
The first five picks are probably most drafts
going to end up being
Christian McCaffrey, Dalvin Cook,
Alvin Camara, Derek Henry and Zeke Elliott,
likely in that order.
With Zeke on Barkley not being a certainty for week one,
there are some people that are concerned
about using a high pick on him.
And so I think usually those are the first five picks
that I've seen.
So that those have been a couple of the guys
that I've been targeting.
But specifically like your, your,
let's say your, your,
the league you care about the most,
who'd you end up with your quarterback?
So I've got, so we have,
we play in this war in league.
It's a 16 team league at ESPN,
all the names that you know, people involved.
It's most competitive league that I play in
and probably in part because of the pride,
more than anything else.
I've got the 14th pick on Wednesday night.
So I have not, I mean, I've got a lot of research to do.
Florio, if Florio talks to me ever again after this,
then I'll also look at a couple of thoughts there.
But I need some help.
But do you have any teams?
50 or in it?
Have you, had you have any drafts that you've done?
I'm specifically like,
who do you have on your team right now?
I'm interested.
I haven't done any,
I have not done any drafts yet.
Okay.
For leagues that are being played,
like I've done keeper leagues or dynasty leagues
where you do them earlier in summer.
Who'd you keep?
Who'd you keep?
How can you ask these questions?
What do you mean?
Shut up, Mike.
Shut up.
I want to know who we catch.
What do you want, Florio?
Shut up.
I've got one team where,
sort of every league has a different setup
in terms of how many keepers you have.
Dalvin Cook is my,
there's a league where I get to keep one.
Dalvin Cook was the keeper there,
not too much choice.
Effort went into that one.
I love it.
Joe Mixon and Kyler Murray were my two on another
that I was able to keep.
And then I've got a couple of dynasty leagues
where you keep everybody, right?
The only way that you lose a player
is if you cut him and then he,
if someone else picks him up,
he's there forever.
So you've got a league where it's like,
my team is like Kittle and Odell.
I love it.
And David Montgomery and players like that
that are mine in perpetuity.
If I keep them every year, that's my right.
If not, then they're onto somebody else's roster.
I could, I don't know about everyone who's listening right now.
I assume they all agree with me,
but like I get listened to Field talk about his team.
This is awesome.
I'm having fun.
Listen, you are never going to get me again.
You're going to have to get Roger Goodell involved.
You're going to get the ghost of Pete Roselle involved next time.
Last year I got your son involved.
You don't think I can get you again?
The only way it's going to happen
is if you get Goodell.
That's it.
Okay, that's it.
Okay.
Mike, you are underestimating us.
Yeah.
We don't have many tennis players every time.
This is good.
I didn't even, I didn't even feel that.
I didn't feel, I would have never expected it
of all the people in the business field
as the last one I would have expected it from.
The best part about this is,
is Mike, you're just going to be walking around paranoid
your entire life basically.
Anybody that even mentions the word fantasy to you,
you're going to be like those sons.
Where are they?
Where are they?
You know, when you're tweet from the other night,
if I was smart, it would have given me the clue.
When you sent me your lineup and asked for me to give you input.
What did you think about that?
What did you think about my lineup, Mike?
Well, I don't know.
It's as bad as mine's going to be.
All right.
But I should have realized,
I should have realized that this was happening.
I should have realized I need better spider sense.
You don't even, you don't realize any of this
because I know when field asked you to come on
and I then texted you about something completely unrelated
an hour later, just to give you a little like,
oh, in communication about something different.
So it's always a pleasure, Mike.
Yeah, great.
Thanks.
I think you field your champion field.
We appreciate it.
We'll have you back on to talk fantasy.
Okay, let's wrap up the show.
We've got the Roback question.
It is the last question of the show.
The Roback question.
Use code PFT on roback.com for 20% off your first purchase.
R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com code PFT.
They make the best performance polls,
the only performance polls we wear.
And for our guests today,
we'd like to gift you a Roback performance Q-Zip on us,
our guest being Hank.
Because Hank, my question to you is,
do you have the guys on checks ready?
I do.
And I do also have a lot of Roback gear.
I've been playing a lot of golf.
And the golf course I go to is kind of like,
I just play by myself and get paired up with random people.
I always wear Roback and they always compliment me.
They love it.
They're like, what is this Roback?
That's high quality, super comfortable,
long sleeve, short sleeve, just perfect.
It's literally a perfect golf attire and regular attire.
And a little tip for everyone out there.
I've been on the black t-shirt diet.
And my black t-shirts are almost all Roback.
So if you're like, oh, you're looking skinny.
Well, it's the black t-shirt, but it's the Roback black t-shirt.
What do the cart girls have to say to your Roback gear?
Do you want any drinks?
Yeah.
Is that what they're calling it?
Yeah.
I like you want some of this liquid gold.
Weird.
Yeah.
Also, I'd like to point out real quick.
So weird.
Before we get into it, the fancy football thing with Jerry.
So change of pace.
We're not doing the draft tomorrow.
I just found out the text thread in CJ McCallum's league
has been going nuts.
It got moved to Saturday.
So it won't be today, which is what we discussed with Jerry.
So it's going to be on Saturday.
And also breaking news from that text thread.
Jerry for our turtle.
When I told him that Jerry was going to be drafting for us,
he just replied, LMFAO, I've been in like 400 leagues
with Jerry since 2004.
And I was like, has he ever won?
And he goes, no, I don't think so.
Oh, no.
No chance.
No chance.
All right.
Guys on checks to finish us off.
And sorry, Florio, but he's never going
to trust anything we ever do ever again.
He's like constantly going to be flinching around us.
But we will get him next year.
Hey, cat, commenter, cake, Hank, Bill, and Bubba.
I just started a new job and suffered
from terrible anxiety, which caused
me to not be able to swallow my food when eating
and start choking.
What?
Any advice on how to consume food more effectively?
Soup.
Very easy answer.
Soup.
Soup, you drink it.
You don't have to chew it.
Is this?
I couldn't tell if this was one of the movie ones.
I want this anxiety.
Like, give me that so I just can't eat.
I would say just embrace the fact that you're
going to be skinny and hot for summer 2022.
I also think that that could be kind of an advantage
in certain business situations.
If you go out to lunch with somebody,
and you're like, no, I'm not going to have anything.
That throws somebody off, puts them off balance a little bit.
Never order first when you're at a lunch for work.
Always let the boss order first,
because then they set the tone.
Whether you're going steak, beer, whatever it may be.
You'd never want to be the guy who's like, yeah,
I'll have the 40-ounce porterhouse and a beer at 1 o'clock.
Is this a real thing, though, that you lose the ability
to produce?
Was it?
You can't swallow?
Yeah.
I've had a couple girlfriends that I think had bad anxiety.
Tons.
New work anxiety.
I work for a very blue-collar company,
but in a managerial role.
Some more white-collar, day-to-day work.
I have a mechanic who reports to me,
who smells like complete ass.
I have discussed the issues at length with him
and don't know what else to try.
I talk to him.
He's better for a few weeks.
Then goes back to smelling like shit.
He does good work, and solid diesel mechanics
are hard to find these days.
All of my other employees come to me with, hey,
how much longer are you going to allow this to continue stuff?
How much longer are you going to allow this to continue type
stuff?
What do I do?
Side note, I know why he smells.
He has a makeshift farm with 25-plus dogs
and other animals living in his house.
Side-side note, he drove to another state a few months
ago to buy a miniature bull.
Oh, Billy, yeah.
All right, so here's my tip, because this happened to us
at Barstool Sports.
I'm not going to talk about anyone who smells bad,
because everyone smells great, but did you guys
get surprised by the new automatic air fresheners
in the bathroom?
Yes, I didn't even know that.
I went to take a piss, and all of a sudden,
the back of my neck was wet.
And I was like, what the fuck?
And I turned around, and there's clearly
there's a big industrial-sized air freshener
that I think just automatically goes off every 15 minutes,
install one of those in that guy's house
when he's sleeping with his 25 animals,
and maybe buy his workstation, because that scared me.
Probably just in his workstation.
I actually think that if you're a diesel mechanic,
it's probably a good thing.
That means that you're the best diesel mechanic
if you don't smell good.
I think it's the animals.
You know how Billy smells?
Yeah, I know.
I get that for sure.
But I don't think I want my diesel mechanic
to be smelling fresh.
It's like I don't want to walk into a restaurant
and there's a skinny chef.
I want somebody that looks like they live and breathe
that shit.
That's true.
My boss is a good friend of mine.
He actually helped me get the job.
We golf almost every weekend, and when we ride
in the same car, he will constantly ask me about work shit.
Usually, he asked me if I had completed a task.
Usually, I hadn't, so it caused me to make a call, text, email.
Usually, I try to just change the subject or act
like I didn't hear him, but is there any other way
I can get out of the work talk on the golf course?
If you guys could tell him to fuck off, that would be great.
Also, because he tells me what to do at work,
he will always ask me to help him find his ball
or to pull the pin for him.
That's got to stop.
Whoa.
That's just sportsmanship, to an extent.
Pull the pin for someone.
You've got to be careful.
Find his ball, though?
If they're both like...
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah, but I guess how I want it.
If you lost your ball, I would help find him.
But I wouldn't be like, Hank, go get my ball.
No, no.
Right, if that's what's happening.
If you weren't looking and you made me look,
that would be different.
He's got to be looking with you.
I think you have to stop playing this game
and you have to just fake an injury
and then just golf on your free time.
Because that sounds miserable.
Yeah, that is, or start betting him
like a lot of money per whole, responsibly.
And then that way you guys are just talking shit to each other.
When you step on the course,
it should be just like a locker room
where it's, okay, it's shit talking time with the boss.
We're not on the clock.
You need to make a move that really sets it aside
as being guys' time.
Either like shotgun and beer on the first hole,
get it started right off the bat.
You know, that's play time.
Or just make a very large bet with him,
get his mind focused on something else.
Or just try to kiss him in the middle of your round
and be like, I always get horny when I play golf.
And then he'll never invite you back.
Something about the holes.
This October will be my 10th year working
at my engineering firm.
What percent raise should I be asking for?
I don't know what engineers do.
They lose the train people.
They solve all the world's problems, I think.
Do they make bridges, right?
Boston Dynamics.
They make bridges, but it's from making bridges
to deciding where the toilet goes in a big building.
You are a cruise ship.
Yeah.
Engineers are very smart.
I have nothing but respect for engineers
because I know they're way smarter than me.
What about software engineers?
I feel like that's stolen valor.
That's also very smart.
It's very smart, but I think that engineers
to me implies that you're building something tangible.
Have you guys ever met an architect in the wild?
I've met architects before,
back when I was working in real estate,
but have you met an architect in the wild?
I don't think so, no.
They are rare people.
Like, you've met doctors, you haven't met architects.
My neighbor's grown up with architects.
Okay, so that counts as one.
What do you say, Billy?
They're also like sometimes assholes.
Architects?
Yeah, I think they're like artists.
Oh yeah, they are.
They're God of their building.
Correct, yeah.
And they also like-
They're blueprints for days.
Oh, you know what I really wanna do?
Like, I would just like to at one point in my life
walk around with one of those giant tubes
that has a blueprint inside of it.
You look super fucking important
if you're walking down the street with one of those.
Yeah, rolling out a blueprint on a big conference table,
that's the shit.
That's what you go to architects before.
I wanna do that, roll out the blueprint
or be at a table that's got a map on the table
and I'm moving things around like strategy and logistics.
All I remember from architects is they always wore sweaters
and they always gotten fights with the general contractors
who would be like, this building doesn't make sense.
Like, none of this is gonna make sense.
They'd be like, well, this is my vision.
So, what was the question?
Oh yeah.
How much are you asking for?
I don't know.
I don't know, what is your-
50%.
Okay.
Love it.
Is that like a 10 year thing?
And if they don't give it to you, lean in for a kiss
and then if they kiss you, just say sexual harassment.
50% raise, ask for the kiss
or be like, you don't have to give me a raise
but the next building gets named after me.
Oh, I like that.
That way your name lives on forever.
I think that's how Trump started.
Yep.
When do we get to see Coach Dugs again?
This was just in the questions.
Oh, that's not a thousand checks, but yeah.
He's been on a barnstorming tour.
He's throwing up first pitches.
Yeah.
Did you see Madden out of the college mode for 10 teams?
They had that.
Oh, not to brush it off.
What was the big announcement tonight?
Yeah, they've had that
and you basically get to be like the quarterback for Oregon
and you get to play two playoff games
and then get drafted.
Got it.
There's a chance, I've had a couple conversations
with people, people in power here
who would like to see it come back, we'll see.
I'm never saying never.
It's, I'm not gonna urban Meyer retire on you guys.
I'm gonna be honest and say
there will probably be another season.
It's the last dance.
It feels to me, and I don't wanna step on toes here,
but it's something that you would bring back
when it's not an actual football season going on.
Correct.
Oh no, definitely not during football.
No, no, no, absolutely not.
Here's a guys on chicks on checks.
Hey, PMT boys.
Lady boss.
So I accidentally fucked my co-worker's dad
at a bar this weekend.
Accidentally.
And it also turns out.
How do you accidentally fuck someone?
Well, you can fall down at just the right angle.
On the dick.
It also turns out he's my dad's cousin.
Oh, wait, wait.
Wait, that means that he's your cousin.
That's your second cousin.
That's a great example of just like complete,
you're in complete denial, right?
Yeah.
He's related to my dad, so that's kinda fucked up.
I barely know my dad.
So your co-worker's also your cousin?
Co-worker's dad.
Yes.
Your co-worker.
Yes.
No, your co-worker's your like third cousin
or second cousin once removed?
Cause you're, the guy you-
Why don't you get into that parents' cousins
is when things get so confusing.
No, but you fucked your cousin.
You fucked your co-worker's dad.
Yeah, but that's your cousin.
Your dad.
Who's cousins with your dad.
That would make you also cousins.
Second cousins, I believe.
Isn't that second cousins?
Second cousins.
I can never get the cousins removed.
Yeah, that's like, I've been to family events
where it's like, this is my dad's,
like this is my cousin and they have kids,
but they're never like, this is your cousins.
I think it's like-
Did you fuck any of them?
Third cousin, no.
That's weird, big cat.
That's weird that you're taking such a-
That is a weird question.
That is a weird question.
Interesting sex life.
Where is the once removed-
That's what I'm gonna look right now.
Yeah, I don't know.
I just-
What is, oh, is it a divorce?
I don't know.
No, I don't think divorce has anything to do with it.
I just think like,
that means that you haven't fucked yet
if you're once removed.
Second cousins, it means that the closest ancestor
that the two people have in common is a grandparent.
If they were any more closely related,
they would be, wait, second cousin means,
okay, so John, wait, fuck, this doesn't-
I think that's first cousins-
Yeah, what the hell?
Yeah, first cousins share a grandparent with each other.
First cousins share a grandparent with each other.
Second cousins share a great grandparent.
Three Jets, that's right.
This is first cousin once removed.
This is your cousin once removed.
You fucked your cousin.
No, this is your second cousin.
It's your dad's cousin.
So that means they-
They're cousins.
Share grandparent.
Yes.
So that means-
Yeah, you fucked great grandparents.
Yes.
Yes, that's second cousin.
Okay.
Yeah, that's-
Once removed.
No, I don't think there's a removed.
Still better than FDR.
We really give FDR a pass.
What about Einstein?
But more importantly, like, can you-
He's the smartest guy in the world
and he fucked his, he married his cousin.
Can you imagine if somebody running for president today,
they were married to their cousin?
Yeah, actually, could.
That would probably-
Actually, unfortunately, I could.
That would probably nip the campaign in the bud.
But Einstein, dude, didn't he marry his cousin?
Yeah, he did.
He's the smartest guy in the world.
Smartest guy in the world.
Maybe he knows something.
All right, so there you go.
There's your answer.
Einstein did it, and look where he got.
Smartest guy ever.
All right, last one.
Hey, guys, it's Snacks, code name.
Snacks?
I'm the new guy at work
and started using the refrigerator in the break room
and when lunch comes around,
I go for my sandwich and it's gone.
What do you guys think I should do?
I'm the new guy, pretty quiet about it,
but it's really starting to piss me off.
I love you.
Any advice?
Thanks, guys.
We do this to beat.
We do this all business.
You gotta lightly poison it,
not to an extent where it'll cause serious permanent damage.
But put something a little gnarly in it.
No, you don't even have to do poison, quote unquote.
It could just be some shit that causes diarrhea.
Oh, it could be some flat liner sauce.
Just spread that on the inside.
That's good, really hot.
And that way you'd also be able to tell
exactly who ate your lunch.
Also, the person who's eating the lunch
be a respectable human.
Like what we do to all business peed,
if we eat his sandwich, I think Roan does it a lot.
He just leaves a $5 bill in the fridge.
That way it's not even like you're stealing it.
Yeah, right, it's totally fair.
Billy, you looked like you had something to say
about the lunch gate.
Lock all the doors, no one leaves until you find out.
Ooh, I like it.
All right, Billy, give me the top level recap
because this is a long show.
Did Dan Campbell keep a punter on his squad
when he cut two kickers?
I think so.
So is that who's gonna be kicking the fables?
That would be a good move.
That would also be a big Dan Campbell move
to be like, you kick a ball, they kick a ball.
What's the difference?
I didn't also be like, this is actually efficiency
because I'm saving a roster spot
and then the punter misses every extra point
and whoops.
Dan Campbell probably also saw that highlight clip
from the Texans pre-season game
where they had the safety kickoff.
He's like, we're just gonna do that.
We're gonna do that.
Have a real football player do it.
Genius.
Shout out, Chef Donnie and Bobby Lang
for big wins at Ruffin Rowdy.
Yo, shout out.
Should've done that on Sunday.
She's at the risk.
Oh, did you get in trouble?
No, I meant to do it on Sunday, but I forgot.
Anyway, Oscar Pistorius gets out.
Shout out Billy, by the way, for, he was,
I did nothing.
He was drunker than Chef Donnie
after winning the fight.
Yeah, and after.
Chef Donnie told me that you were like a great guy
to have in the corner.
Yeah.
You were in war mode by proximity.
It was great.
Story of your life actually.
It kind of means that you want to get back in the ring.
Oh, Billy definitely wants to fight again.
And we want, except he's looking a little small.
I'm, who says I'm not going down a weight class?
Oh, there are no weight classes.
Jay, Billy, oh, Jake's dad came in to the office today,
introduced himself to Billy.
The first thing he said was you look a lot smaller
in person than I thought it would do it for natural alpha.
When you move out of your house
and start like paying your own grocery bills,
like it's very hard to maintain the.
Mass.
Yeah.
You're blaming your parents.
It used to be that no one could spot you
in your kitchen squat rack.
Now you have been minutes and now you're saying this.
Well, I'm trying to get up there.
Billy, I will buy, I will fund your milk budget.
Oh, perfect.
Will that help?
Yeah, that will help.
Okay, so you get.
I'm going back to whole milk.
You get as much milk as you want.
You tell me at the end of the month,
I want an itemized, actual receipt of how much milk you drink.
If I expense, can I expense more?
No, no, no, I'm saying you're expending it to me.
So at the end of every single month,
September 1st today, at the end of September,
you come up to me and you have a list of every milk
that you purchased and drank, I will pay for it.
Perfect.
That's going to be a lot of milk.
I know, I just want to see the list.
I want to see how much milk this guy fucking drinks.
The only limiting factor is that we know that Billy
knows that it's physically impossible to drink
more than two glasses of milk in an hour.
Correct, it's, you know that challenge.
It was from that Parks and Rec episode.
Oh, okay.
All right, Jake's dad has 25.
83.
99.
69.
18.
I can't wait to see how much milk you drink.
What's the over-under?
Camels can swim.
What's the over-under for gallons?
I think Billy can go through 20 gallons of milk.
Can we do any dairy products?
No.
Wow, this is really exciting.
I want ice cream.
Yeah, okay.
That's what I have been buying.
I said I pay for your milk.
You're going to buy Ginny's ice cream
and you're going to buy the most expensive goat cheese
in France.
Make your ice cream, okay?
Burn it.
Or just drink so much milk, you don't want your little
cumballi of milk as in, doesn't want any ice cream.
Or just go outside when it's cold and chug milk.
Same thing.
Turn it on.
So Blake Griffin was in the studio today.
He might have sabotaged the Lotto machine.
Uh-oh.
Oh, wait.
I forgot.
All right, here we go.
99.
8.
Jake's dad has 25.
Jake's dad hits this.
Billy, you have to drink skim milk for the entire month.
Defeats the purpose.
Yeah, I died.
64.
64.
So close.
Jake, has that scored a gami?
It's not, but he's going to be mad at himself because that's
probably a second number.
That was the year he was born.
Oh, damn.
We need to talk to your dad.
Sorry, Mr. Marsh.
Wait, is his name.
His name's not Randy, is it?
No.
That would be so cool.
That was Randy Marsh.
Love you guys.
Hey, come on.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me.
Take on me, take on me
I'll be your
little child
By the time you hear the next pop
the folk shall be within you
Take on me, take on me
Take on me, take on me
I'll be your
little child
Take on me, take on me
Take me on
Take on me, take on me
Take on me, take on me
Take on me, take on me
Take on me, take on me
Take on me, take on me