Pardon My Take - Keegan Michael Key, Stocks With Brian Koppelman, And Fyre Fest Of The Week

Episode Date: January 29, 2021

We're all now rich off Doge Coin and GameStop (2:17 -12:32). Deshaun Watson officially officially asks for a trade after Texans new Head Coach hire (12:32 - 26:18). Billy gets ready for fight week (26:18 - 30:31). Keegan-Michael Key joins the show to talk about his new Audible podcast, The History of Sketch Comedy (30:31 - 55:14). Brian Koppelman joins the show to talk about the Billions episode he wrote that essentially was today's financial markets, what will happen with Robinhood and shorting stocks (55:14 - 85:49) . We finish with Fyre Fest of the WeekYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, a two-fer for the people we have, the very, very talented, Keegan-Michael Key. Talking about his new podcast about comedy, he breaks down what comedy actually, where it came from, what makes us laugh. Yeah, he solved the ancient riddle of which came first, like chicken and the egg, the

fart joke, or the getting hit in the nuts joke. It was the fart joke. But he explains it. Spoiler. Well, he explains it, and it's very, very funny. He actually tells us. You're addicted to spoiling episodes of pardon my take. I mean, it was very funny when he told it, so you gotta, I mean, sometimes you gotta give

the people a little something to be like, oh, you think they're gonna turn it off? You better not. You think they're gonna be like, oh, shit, it was a fart joke? Yeah, the people that are, all the nuttap stands out there. No, it was very good interview, very funny guy. And then we have our good friend, Brian Coppel, I said that during it, Brian Coppelman. I always do that, where I say it in my head, don't fuck it up, don't fuck it up. You think about it too much.

Yeah, it's like, don't come, don't come, don't come. Yeah. And then you come in two seconds. Brian Coppelman, creator of Billions, he actually had an episode that was essentially what happened today in Wall Street and Robin Hood and all that, so we talked to him. He actually explains it to us very well. Like I love talking to a guy like that who's clearly smarter than us, but also not trying to bog us down with the nitty gritty details.

He talks to us like we're five. The only thing I don't like is he will not baselessly speculate on things until he's read up about it. It's like, come on, man. This is the podcasting space, you need to make bold declarations that you're ignorant about. Yeah, so we have both those. We have Firefest of the Week.

We're gonna have a nice Friday show taking you into the weekend, taking you into Superbowl Week. We have a member of one of the Superbowl teams ready to go for Monday's show. Before we do all that though, the Cash App. Go download the Cash App right now. The Cash App is the best app in the world. Links directly to your bank account. Super easy to use.

You can send money to friends and family. You can send money anywhere you want. The Cash App is the best, and it's $10 for free. $10 for free when you download the Cash App and use code BARSTULE. $10 goes to the ASPCA, the Cash App, the Cash App, the Cash App. We love the Cash App. We'll go download the Cash App from the App Store, Google Play Store today, and get involved with the Cash App support us, support the Cash App, support the Cash App Studio, the

world goes round. Okay, let's go. Welcome to part of my take presented by Cash App. Go download it right now. Use code BARSTULE. You get $10 for free. $10 for the ASPCA. Today is Friday, January 29th, and this may be the last episode of part of my take ever

because you are now listening to not one, myself, not two, PFT, not three, Liam, Bubba, not four, Jake, not five, Hank, not six, Billy, six millionaires who have gotten rich off of Dogecoin, Gamestop, and Amazon, or no, AMC, and Nokia in the last 24 hours. Blackberry, dude. We're going to retire. Don't forget about the trackball. Blackberry makes you come back, too. Goodbye, everyone.

We're so rich. If Hot Topic was a stock, if Pacific Sunwear, I'm in on all the mall stocks. We're fucking rich. Circuit City, I know it went out of business, there's got to be a way I can get in that. I'm shorting Robinhood, though, when they eventually go live. I don't know what, I do know what's happening, but I also don't fully know what's happening because I'm not what you call smart, but it has been a hilarious day and a half. The little guys fighting back, the big fat cats on Wall Street are getting their come

up. You know what they're doing? They're heading for the hills. They are. You know what we're doing? You know what we're doing? We're circling the wagons. We're holding the line.

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. We're holding the line. Now, billionaire, billionaire Billy. Blockbuster, bro. It was one cent when I talked about it last time. It is now seven cents.

What? Let's go. I called it. You did. You called it. Billy is a blockbuster millionaire. I am long in Dogecoin, though. I've had a number of assets that have been parked in Dogecoin, excuse me, in the Doge

space for a while now. So after six months, I think I'm up like 700%. And the brilliant thing about that is it doesn't exist. It's not a thing, but I put money into an account and then now there's a guy that's like, hey, your money is worth 700% more now. Yeah. Stock gambling kicks out. I don't think any of us actually made any real money off of these last 24 hours, but

it's fun to speculate what it would be like if we had, because that is just fun. And I love the idea that we maybe have a couple future, maybe more than a couple, future millionaires based off GameStop or Dogecoin. Like this is what tickles my fancy. Well, the idea, we're going to make the funniest class of millionaires ever, Bitcoin, too. Like Bitcoin, Dogecoin, GameStop, AMC. I need the quote unquote trolls of the internet. That's not what I'm calling them.

That's what the fat cats are calling them to be the power players and shift the entire dynamic. And like, guess what's going to become legal again, vaping. We're also going to mango jewelpods buying stonk is in those right jankos will be back. Fuck yeah. I've been hardy. I've been holding the line on jinkos for years now. Yes.

Like I want all this shit to come back. No, it's awesome. And it's really no different than if you look back like 100 years, 150 years, the oil boom, you get a shitload of new money, right? These are the people in the Titanic that were being looked down upon by the old money. And guess what? These, the Reddit millionaires are going to be fucking hilarious. They're going to be like Jerry Jones as a, he's a Reddit millionaire.

Excuse me. Reddit billionaire. He just happened to be born like 70 years before Reddit was invented. Yeah. Think about it this way. Like Rockefeller, John Rockefeller. Well, guess what? A new Rockefeller was born today and his name's Troy and he lives in South Tampa.

Hell yeah. Fuck yes. Let's go. I love how, um, John rule is getting involved in this too. Yeah. No, John rule is mad today. John, John rule was like, yo, this is a fucking crime with Robin Hood is doing. Do not sell.

Hold the line. What the fuck? John rule. And it's become like a Chappelle sketch brought to life. I saw this one dude. I don't know where they find these fat old sweaty, grumpy billionaires. They all look like they're, they're like ink drawings from a Hunter S Thompson novel, but they just roll them out of bed and they roll their greasy faces onto CNBC.

And this dude was complaining that he lost like a little bit of money. He's not as rich as he was yesterday. And then the crying at the bottom of the screen and said like, John rule says all these guys are frauds. It's like, fuck. Yes. That's that rule is actually, they do have a factory of those guys who, uh, all live in like the, you know, either Long Island or Montclair, New Jersey or like somewhere

in Connecticut. They all have the exact same blue shirts and they're all got the, the Robert Kraft like white collar on the blue shirt. They might not have hemophilia, but someone in their family does. They definitely have gout. Uh-huh. It's the gout crew undiagnosed type two diabetes. Yeah.

They just roll them out to talk down to the little guy and be like, this is wrong. This isn't how financial markets should work. Fuck you. I'm staying a little bit woke on it because these guys are too perfect. You know, like it kind of rules that if you're old and fat and rich enough, they'll just put you on television to be the most hateable person. But when I look at them, it's like too easy of a mark for me to hate. I just feel like I'm being manipulated.

I'm just all in for anything that has, uh, our generation and the generation younger than us just kicking the shit out of baby boomers up and down the field because that it's been, it, we've gotten the shit kicked out of us. It's time for us to start scoring a couple touchdowns, running up the score a little bit. And I know, I know it's rigged. I know this isn't going to stand. They're going to figure out a way to fuck it over, they'll fuck everyone over and all

the little guys are going to be screwed out of all their money. But today was a fun day on the internet because it felt like the tables had turned and everything had flipped for a second, except for the fact that Robin Hood just shut down all their trading and ruined it for everyone and all the hedge funds saved their money. Six words, two different phrases. Hold the line. We're holding the line. Right.

And then to the moon, maybe you say to the moon and off, you'll be a billionaire eventually. Yep. We're not leaving. We're not leaving. It's been a big day for just tweeting any random Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah. Still here. Even though that guy went to jail.

We're not leaving. They need to bring that retweets. You know what? Bring back Quailudes. Yeah. I'm just going to say it. JFK said to the moon, though, too, they shot his head off. That's true.

Yeah. Be careful. I just got addicted to the retweets because if you just retweeted anything that was like, it was, you could just yell anything. It was like a super drunk party where you could be like, USA, just fuck Robin Hood and everyone's like, yeah, dude, fuck yeah. You're on our side. I am on your side.

You're also addicted to the retweets. I'll admit this. In a weird way, it's kind of like it is bringing everybody together and it doesn't matter if you're on the left or on the right. I think that there's like probably 50 people that were all pissed off that all of America is mad at right now. Yes. It's actually great to have a common enemy.

I was saying that the only way that the USA could come back together and like all pull on the same side is if aliens came down to earth and started war with us, then we'd all be like, yeah, fuck you. We'll fight against you. I take that back. It's actually better just to have these sweaty weirdos and suspenders on TV that we can all get mad at. Yeah.

Bubba and I were talking about this earlier today, but do you think that today has been like the most active day on Twitter in the last year? No, probably election day or the day that the Capitol was stormed. Yeah. I felt pretty active. Yeah, that was pretty active too. But you should be able to bet on that. Yeah.

And when Twitter is going to be most active. Yeah. That would actually be good. Yeah. Especially when everyone is saying like the rich is stealing from the poor right now. But like them referring to the poor is like you said, like guys named Troy who are probably look just like me and they're like 24 years old and like, yeah, they put like 200 bucks in the game.

Right. Right. Yeah. The real poor people are like, wait, what the fuck? Yeah. They're not very highly leveraged. Yeah. You're officially part of the proletariat if you went to a state school.

Yeah. I don't know. This day was fucking fun. It was fun. It was just fun to watch on Twitter. It's fun to watch any of the people who like have, I just imagine Wall Street is just a big room that only a few people are allowed to go to and it's just big levers and they just hit it over and over and like, oh, print more money for us.

Print more money. Oh, hedge fund. Boom. More money for us. So to have the levers break. Buffalo wild ones. Yeah. Pretty much.

Yeah. It's pretty much the, it's the overtime lever. It's just the print more money. Oh, it's a quarterly again. We need to pay out our investors print more money. So for that to stop for one second was kind of fucking funny. It would be pretty hilarious if we reenacted Occupy Wall Street. If there was like Occupy Wall Street 2.0, but just online, we didn't have to get off

our couch. Either that or it was just like a bunch of just middle class people that went down there. Yes. Kind of like Woodstock when they revamped Woodstock and the second time it turns it turns into like a big corporate event where you've got like a Mastercard stand set up to sign you up for, for a credit card exchange for like a Philly's blunt t-shirt. Yep. Like if we just all had like a middle class Occupy session down there.

Yes. Yes. All right. So we were going to talk about it more with Brian. A compliment. A compliment. A compliment. Brian, compliment in a minute.

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Okay. The Sean Watson. Well, let me back up. The Texas have a new head coach. It is David Cully, who you might remember from such hits as the Baltimore Ravens passing game these last couple of years and dynamic. And also the year that the Kansas City Chiefs had zero touchdowns thrown to wide receivers now, their wide receivers weren't great.

But well, he was wide receivers. They did have Dwayne Bow at the time. They did. Dwayne Bow was good. But yeah, that was the 65. It was the Alex Smith days. So my favorite conspiracy is that I'm seeing this report as being a stop gap to get them to Josh McCown as their head coach because they interviewed old Joshy boy as the head

coach. They were like, we might give this to Josh. You're saying that David Cully is like going to be the interim head coach. Maybe they've accepted having a Deshaun Watson walk out the door. And then when they need to rebuild the franchise, you get Drago immediately in the door. And to me, that's a Jack Easterby because I know that Josh McCown, he's a big not jack and off guy, Jack Easterby. When he was like meeting with the McNairs, he was like, let's pray for a next head coach.

I feel like Josh McCown is that guy. Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. You end up on a plane to Omaha. Yeah. I thought you were going to Detroit. Uh-huh.

I'm looking at his resume right now and I'll give him a benefit of the doubt, whatever. You know, good luck to him. I'm not rooting against him, but a red flag. I'll throw it out there. He was a wide receivers coach in the NFL from 1994. Just wide receivers. That's the only thing he coached. 1994, 2010.

It's passingly. It feels like a long time to be a wide receivers coach and not get a promotion. So he's an expert. He's an expert. He's a wide receiver whisperer with wide receivers like Hollywood Brown and that's about it. I'm trying to think of any other good wide receiver. Des Bryant. Des Bryant.

Oh, no. He was a wide receiver for the Eagles, so Fred X. Okay. Yeah. Great. He did that. T.O. T.O.

That ended up really well. He made T.O. Kept that team together. That's what you need. Claimed a thing. He made T.O. T.O. Even though T.O.

Was very much T.O. Before you got to Eagles. Is there a quarterback that's like demanded a trade that's been at the stature of Deshaun Watson in history? Jay Cutler. Jay Cutler. Jay Cutler was a pro bowler. No, I mean, it's been, yeah, it's been, I don't think so.

It's I'm trying to think of like I'm going through in my, in my memory, the, I mean, Brett Favre was a lot older. Matt Stafford right now is obviously going to be traded Jay Cutler. That's Jay Cutler. I think that's the only one I drew blood. So when Tom Brady took over, got traded. Yeah. I mean, it's not like a long, long list of guys because Payton Manning, Peyton Manning,

he got cut. Right. Right. Yeah. So yeah, it's not a long list of guys. Sean Watson definitely is the youngest best of that group. I don't know. What do you give for him?

I'd fuck. That's the thing too is I saw the Bears. There was a tweet that was like the Bears are planning on being heavily interested in Deshaun Watson. Okay. Like, and I want to have a six pack. What about this? Like, what the fuck are you talking about Bears?

What about this? What about Matt Stafford for Deshaun Watson and like two first round picks? God, that would suck for Matt Stafford so bad. Yeah. Jesus Christ. That would suck for John Watson. Yeah. Everyone loses.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what it's going to take to get him. Well, he's got a no trade clause too. So he can kind of pick his destination a little bit. I guess a lot of, it would be such a, the Bears would do it too because they would give up like four first rounders like, well, you could have just picked them. But no.

And then that's the thing is it's a very odd thing for Deshaun Watson to be, to demand a trade knowing how much it will take to be, to get like his services. So you're essentially saying, I want to be traded to a team that then will give up a bunch of draft capital and then hurt my ability to play for a winning team. In a way. Like he's almost kind of, he's kind of shitting in his own house and then buying the house. He must really hate Houston. Yeah.

But don't you, don't you think like if, if you're a team that has to trade, let's call it three first rounders. That's a lot. Like that is a lot in terms of impact players that mean something to the cornerstone of your franchise. You know, when you're drafting, when you're giving up, you know, if you look at teams that, that are successful in the NFL, they don't go many years without missing a first rounder, whether they're picking or they're not, when you look at teams that are just

abject failures, it usually can be like number one point be like, Oh yeah, they missed three first rounders in a row. Yeah. But they sucked. There's no shortage of teams out there that will convince themselves that they're one quarterback away. Right. I'm just saying it's a very interesting dynamic because he is kind of ruining his own house

before he gets there. Yeah. But I think he's good enough where it won't really be that much of an issue if he can find a team that he likes and I smart franchise. Yeah. Smart franchise. But then when you look at smart franchises, not that many of them will be in the market for a quarterback and not many of them will do a trade where it's a lot of draft picks

for like to Sean Watson is an incredible talent to Sean Watson is worth a lot. There is a point where you're, you're fucking yourself over and you're like, what, why would we trade for this guy with four first round picks? I don't know if that's what it is. But if you're like, Hey, I wouldn't do it for four first round picks. Would you? Me personally? Yeah.

You would? Yeah. No chance. You could draft a quarterback. I think that you would be screwing yourself so royally over for the future if you give up four first round picks. I'm in win now mode though, big cat. But there's a championship window and you got to hit the window and then you got to

pay him too. I mean, I know he's got a big contract. We got to pay him. I wouldn't do it for four. I would do it for unlimited. Same. Your price is what I was seven. Seven.

Sure. No. I'll give you my next seven. Okay. I'd love to do a deal with you. I don't. Is there a rule in terms of like how many first round picks you can give up? I think Sean McPhee has gotten up to that limit.

That's true. Yeah. They had to put the lit. They had to Robin Hood them. They had to. They'd be like, Hey, dude, you can't just riding every single pick. All right. Anything else?

I hope he just goes. I hope he stays in Houston for a little bit just so we can get another six months of Photoshop's. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the Photoshop's are great. I mean, what is the, what's the prevailing like thought for how much it will take to get just how much?

I think it's probably like three first rounders and like our two and two, two first rounders, two second rounders. I don't have my draft value chart in front of me. Yeah. There's been eight trades where the two first rounders were involved for a player. Okay. You want to relist them? Khalil Mack to Chicago.

That juries out. Like, I mean, it obviously the Bears defense is great, but it does hurt that they don't have first round picks. I would do that again. Laramie Tunsel to Houston from the Dolphin wouldn't do that again. If you're, if you're the Texans, Texans, yeah, definitely wouldn't do that again. So that's, so let's call it one for one, we want to call it one for one, but they might because they're going to, they might get those picks back.

No, no, but that doesn't count. I'm just saying it. No, no, that doesn't count. You rented to Sean Watson and Laramie Tunsel together for a year. No, that doesn't count. This was July 7th, 27, 2020. So something happened this year. It's not on here.

Ricky Williams to Miami, 2002. No. Now, although the Wildcat was sweet, Jamal Adams to Seattle this year, definitely wouldn't do that again. J-Color. Although you also have to take, you have to take into account that if you're the Jets and you have more first round picks, that's giving more fireworks to JPP. You're going to screw those up.

It's best if you don't have them. The color one, I actually, I might, we gave up Kyle Orton as well. I would, I don't know. It didn't work out, but I also, for two first round picks, all right, let's just put that in like the side. Right. Right. And I mean, the defense was still good for a few years there and he got Johnny Knox

out of it. And he did. And he did break his, his thumb on like the, the team that I thought was the best color team and when he was playing his best ball. So I would, yeah, I'd do that again, actually. I remember being so excited. I was in my Avalon RIP and just being like, whoa, this is sick. Jalen Ramsey to the Rams.

Okay. Jury's out. I guess. I guess the Rams, the Rams might do that again. Okay. I think the football team also gave up essentially that much to get the second pick to take RG three. Keyshawn Johnson to the Bucks.

Okay. That didn't, that wasn't, they won with defense. Like they didn't win with Keyshawn Johnson and then Joey Galloway to Dallas in 2000. Yeah. It's really never worked out. Right. That's what I'm saying is this is, and we're talking about two picks, not three picks. Like, I just think there's a point where I would do it for two.

I don't know if I'd go more than three. I'd do it for two and maybe a couple of second rounders. This is different though. Cause it's happening now. I would, you know what I would want to do is I'd want to minimize the hurt to as, as small a window as possible. So I'd be like, Hey, we'll give you our first, second and third rounder this year and a first rounder next year.

Okay. So it's like the future, you know, in three years now, we have all of our picks back. So you're kind of hurting yourself for maybe this little small period. I think any team that trades a consistent amount of picks for the future, like you're really like, look at the Texas issue. They're kind of fucked themselves. Now, do they do cash considerations in the NFL ever? Like what if, what if the team was like, we'll give you two first round picks and we'll

pay half of JJ Watts remaining salary. Okay. I could see a franchise like the Texans, like a cheapish franchise that might not have all their shit together in front office. He's being like tossing Brock Osweiler and we're good to go. Well, it would be interesting. You know, the, the Cutler trade, Orton was thrown in, obviously Kyle Orton, I love him, but he wasn't, you know, a franchise quarterback, but you could throw in, like if you're the

Jets, you could be like, we'll trade you Sam Darnold. You know what I mean? Sam Darnold in two first. I don't know. At least gives the Texans a jumping off point for what their future might be. Yeah. Or a head coach. Or a head coach.

Or a GM. To the Texans, they keep the enemy Texans send to Sean Watson and they, the Texans take Patrick Mahomes. Would you trade, if you were the Kansas City Chiefs, would you trade Patrick Mahomes for to Sean Watson? If the Texans also threw in three first round picks, wait, say it again to Sean Watson for Patrick Mahomes. Yep.

The Chiefs also get three first round picks from the Texans. No. Okay. I wouldn't. I wouldn't trade Patrick Mahomes for anything. Nothing. I mean, it's, you're pretty much guaranteeing that you're going to the AFC championship game for the next like 15 years.

I know. I actually had this thought the other day. Do you think, do you think, maybe not every time, but do you think Ryan Pace has at some point shed a tear while watching Patrick Mahomes? Just a little cry. What kind of car does he drive? I definitely would cry because we all joke, like, you know, everyone makes a joke at Bears fans expense.

Oh, you could have had Patrick Mahomes. Well, let's be honest. I couldn't have done anything. Ryan Pace literally could have done something. Do you think he could? I would cry a little bit. He probably, he probably has just a little in a moment of truth, like maybe a, his wife walks in and he's just like, no, it's just dusty in here.

You know, like, uh, it must be allergy season. Yeah. But it seems like allergy season only happens when Patrick Mahomes in the playoffs. Do you think that John Gruden is looking at the Sean Watson a little bit? This is like a wet dream for John. Yeah. Man, it's going to be fun. It's, it is the weirdest.

We have Dijon Watson, Matt Stafford, uh, Phillip Rivers, hopefully if he comes back out of retirement, James Winston, Mitch Trebisky, Lotto, Lotto Pro Bowl quarterbacks out there. Yep. Lotto Pro Bowl. All those guys are great. Uh, yeah. It's going to be a wild off season. It's going to be one of those things where, uh, next year there are going to be so many

quarterbacks in new places and so many first time head coaches, coaching teams. Yeah. Like seven first time head coaches that will be, uh, leading teams like you, the guy from the Eagles. I like his story because he basically got hired for his first coaching job because Todd Haley saw him wearing a mountain union shirt at the YMCA and Todd, how come no one's talked about Todd Haley is off season? We should get him back in the side.

Todd Haley has a proven track record of success everywhere he goes. Yes. We should get him back in there. Absolutely. Um, all right. So here we do, let's do, who do we do first, uh, Keegan-Michael Key. Sure. Let's do Keegan-Michael Key.

Then we have Brian Koppelman nailed at that time, uh, afterwards, uh, we might cut this out before we do an ad real quick PFT, uh, Billy, why are you asking Kevin Bonner if, if you can carry a gun in a casino? Oh, it's, it's not for me. It's not for me. Okay. That doesn't make any better. Yeah.

No, okay. You're laundering somebody's gun question. No, we can keep this. We can, we cut this because my trainer is a former police officer and he has a concealed carry permit. Okay. But why does he have a gun in a casino? So he's going to have a former, he's going to have a gun at the, at the fight in case

shit pops off. No, he, he's, he's licensed to carry in all 50 stages. He's licensed to carry. It doesn't mean you have to retire. He's retired. Right. So I told him to leave his gun at home because he can't bring into the casino. But then you asked like, why can he, can he, can he bring his, I just was wondering so

I can tell him cause he's, he always carries his gun. He's got that look in his eye, like he wants to bring his gun with him. You can tell. He always brings his gun. Yeah. Leave all this in the podcast. No. I mean, look, I don't fuck around.

I got some great trainers. They always stay strapped. If they're really great boxing trainers, wouldn't they not need a gun? Right. When their weapons be their hands. It seems to me like you are basically planning. If you lose, you're just going to shoot Jose Canseco. No.

Look, I'm not going out. I wouldn't be like, I'm not losing like, no. Like a chump. You're going to shoot his ass. No. Think about it. Think about it. Like for me to lose this fight, it would mean I'd like, he'd have to like knock me out

because I'm legitimately the way I've been trained. Or, or like, I'm not losing a split decision because I'm going like balls to the fucking wall or and or find a way to steal the gun from the cop and empty the clip before. No. It actually sounds like Billy's planning an ocean's 11 style heist to the casino. Billy's like, hey, can I bring a gun into a casino, bring a gun in a small Asian gymnast and an old guy that's really good at impressions. Look, if he asked me, if he asked me, yo, like, what's the concealed carry laws in this casino?

And I'm like, okay, let me ask my guy and let me ask, what do you know that? Yeah. Oh, good point. Former cop. Former cop. He's a retired police officer. Got it. He's the man, though.

Like, don't. No, I mean, yeah. He's literally the man. I would not say really bad about him. The dude wants to carry his gun 24 seven three 65. I'm not saying bad shit about him. He literally can't go anywhere without his gun. You guys don't understand.

Oh, no, we understand. I'm just curious how much fertilizer I'm allowed to bring into the box. No, it's not like that. It's not like that. It's for personal protection. Yeah. All right, let's do the ad. We're going to keep all this.

I just know everyone pretend like they didn't hear that. Don't tweet anything about that. Yeah. Yeah. But Billy, you know what? You should actually bring with you. If you really want to keep that motherfucking thing on you when you roll to the casino, I'm doing an ad read right now, Billy.

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Okay, we now welcome on a very, very special guest. It is Keegan-Michael Key. He's got a new podcast out. It's called The History of Sketch Comedy and it's an audible original, fascinating idea, something I don't think anyone else has done where it's a combo of a podcast but also skits and sketches. Great to have you on. I guess the first question I had to ask was, is there a part of you that you're actually

ruining comedy because you're explaining the joke in a 10-part podcast? You know, that is a really good question. I'm glad you asked that. Thank you. That's fantastic. I am of the belief that you can't ruin it by analyzing it. It's funny. It's W.C. Fields.

He's the one that said, he goes, I can't tell you why some... I can't tell you what... I can tell you what's funny. I can't tell you why and my thing is part of my fascination with comedy has always been trying to figure out the why, trying to figure out the science of it. But I think that the science of it, still the way that jokes are constructed and sketches are constructed, you still don't always know what the person's going to say. Even if you know what the construction is and you actually, guess what?

You already know the rules because it's just storytelling. Any story that was read to you as a kid, any story you read to your kids, there's a certain way that things are set up. So what happens is, you know when you're in a movie and you hear that guy behind you and goes, okay, I know, she's going to break them up. You know, like you're watching a movie about two guys are in a band and one of them meets a girl and you go, oh boy, here she is. She's the one who's going to break them up.

That guy, you get pleasure from that because you know what the movie is or you know the trope of the movie or you kind of know the direction the joke's going in, but you don't really, you don't know exactly how it's going to be executed. Look, they're going to run a jet sweep, but which guard is going to pull? I don't know yet. You know what I mean? Or is the center going to pull? I don't know yet.

So the origin of this whole thing, the origin of this whole thing was my wife, Elle, and I having conversations about jokes over the years. So that's how this thing came to being. That's fascinating to me. One thing I've always wondered. I don't know if you touch on this in your podcast or not, but when people laugh, why do we laugh? And I'm not talking about like the mental recognition of the joke or the unexpected

punchline that hits you in a different way. I'm saying like physiologically, like why does my chest convulse and why do I make this weird sound out of my mouth when I think that something's funny? So here's the, it's crazy. I just, you asked me that question just made me realize how much of a nerd I am. There is a philosopher. I can't believe this is happening. I get to actually answer this question after all these years.

Yes. There is a philosopher, a French philosopher named Henri Bergson, or you and I would say Henry Bergson. And Henri Bergson believed that there's this social contract that we have with each other, this malleability that we have with each other, like, you know, when you walk down the street and you and the other person go the same way, you go, oh, excuse me. So you go, excuse me. He goes, excuse me.

Then you both go the same way. Then you go, oh, sorry. And you go the same way again. And then the next thing that happens is you go, it's a release. It's a release from the fact that you broke a social moray, right? Two men get, if two straight men get too close to each other, it's like, sorry about that. That's where laughter comes from. The interesting thing is when we're babies, we don't laugh for that reason.

When we're babies, we laugh out of joy. When we get older, we laugh out of uncomfortability. So your, your diaphragm contracting and you pushing air out of your body is a release of social tension and uncomfortability. Okay. I usually just kiss the dude, but that sounds like right away. Dude, if we're locked for more than a second, just kiss. You got to break the tension.

That's, that's permission. Right. That's just permission. Right. What you just described was Andrew Luck. Like Andrew Luck gets tackled. He gets sacked and he laughs at people. Like he laughs.

He's a good hit, but that's not because he thinks it's funny. He's just tense in the pocket and then he gets hit and he's releasing that tension afterwards. That is exact. Other guys are laughing to try to get in other guys' heads. Andrew Luck wasn't trying to get in their head. He was trying to release that tension, right? When you're, when you're throwing, you keep, if you're a quarterback, you keep your elbow in and then everything off is a whip, right?

Throwing a ball is not that different from a golf swing. So if he can keep loose and keep loose and stay in the pocket, he's going to be more accurate and have more zing on the pass. So you're absolutely right. That was why he would laugh. That is why that particular athlete would laugh. Makes sense. He probably went to science class at Stanford.

What are you going to do? Yeah. So I don't want to give away the whole, everyone should go listen to it, but part four I saw you talk about Prairie Home Companion. I love that show. I love listening to that show. Why is that show so genius? Did you get into it?

Explain that joke? I did. I love, you know what? What I explained about Prairie Home Companion, that again, that was my, my wife's idea, my wife and partner because she's my writing part. She's a really brilliant director and she's like, you should talk about things from your personal life. And that Prairie Home Companion story popped into my head and I was like, oh, I should

talk about Garrison Keeler. So what makes that stuff work is the running order of the show. So sometimes, not necessarily even laughter, just the running order of the show. Like you're like, oh, and now a song's coming. Oh, and now the monologue's coming. It gives you that lovely sense of familiarity that makes you, listening to that show, right? Didn't that show make you feel like you were putting a warm blanket on? Yes.

Yes. That feeling where you know, here's the intro, then he's going to do the introduction to the guests. He's going to do a couple of jokes, then a sketch, then a song, then another song, then a sketch, then the monologue. And you just knew, we know every Saturday night at 11.35 on NBC, there's going to be a political cold open, right? Then the host is going to come out and say, I'm so happy to be here on Saturday Night

Live. And then we usually go into what's called a credential sketch or a commercial parody. One of those digital shorts, that's the next thing we go into. You just, your brain knows it because you've been watching Saturday Night Live since you were a kid. Yes. There's a certain amount of comfort. Now if they break that pattern, you're definitely going to laugh.

You're definitely going to laugh. They're going to go, oh, oh, no, I thought they went to a real commercial, but it's actually them. Oh, that's good. That's good. That's good. Yeah. So, yeah.

So the thing that gets you the most excited is something super clever and also breaks a pattern. Breaks a pattern, right? Well, the reason we giggled is because you said, I usually kissed the guy. You broke the pattern. This is fascinating because we love comedy, but we consider ourselves this podcast for the most part. We are not as smart as the smart people, but a little bit smarter than really dumb people.

So we're right in that range. We're like, I could understand, oh, that's funny, but I don't really know why. And someone like you who's smarter than us can tell us, hey, here's probably why. And I never even thought of it that way, but you're right. Well, it's also, it's just, it's not, here's the thing. Here's how, here's what I think about smarter or not smarter about people. I just happen to have a passion for this thing. And however I was raised and where I was raised and who I was raised by and same thing for

you, you have a passion about something. So there's definitely, as much as I enjoy sports, I'm going to gamble that you know. No, no, we're dumb across the board. Across the board. Legit across the board. We could talk about sports, but we're dumb about it. We're very, very savvy. We thought the bills were going to kill the chiefs on Sunday.

We're very savvy investors. Yeah. We're more of like finance pros. So if you have any questions about that, yeah, Robin Hood, you're really more into mortgage back security. Yeah. Synthetic CDOs, basically, yeah, Dogecoin, you name it. What was the first joke ever told?

It's got to be a guy getting hit in the nuts, right? Or fart joke. No, it's not. It's a fart joke. It's a fart joke. Yeah. The first recorded joke, the first recorded joke was from the 19th century BC, 1900 BC. And it's a Sumerian joke.

And it's something, I mean, trust me, bro, we're gone with the context. The context is long gone. But it's about a young, something about respect for the young bride who farts as she sits on her husband's lap. Okay? That's funny. No context needed. I think you're looking too hard for subtext.

And see, this is where being too smart gets you into trouble sometimes, because you're trying to analyze why the bride farting on her husband is funny. No, no, no, you can just stop the sentence there and it's like, that's just. You just said it. That's the entire sketch. Yeah. Yeah. Could have been a queen.

Yeah. That's funny. That's funny. That's funny. Right. That's funny. It is. You just said it and I just started to laugh.

You also, there was a, um, one of the episodes you talk about working medieval times. What did you do for medieval times? Oh, no, I didn't work at medieval times. I worked at a Renaissance festival. Okay. Sorry. Renaissance festival. Yeah.

Yeah. So I did, I did at the Renaissance festival. I did a comedy show, a comedy sword fighting show. So it was me and a guy and a woman and the woman plays like the damsel in distress and the two guys fight over her. And then at the end she takes some guy in the audience, you know, like we would busk for a crowd. You'd get a crowd.

You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, come here to see the comedy show. And then, you know, you get like a crowd of like 50 or 100 people around and then you do the thing and then you pass the hat afterwards. And so we did, you know, so I learned how to, my, my, my boss at the time, he taught me how to sword fight, taught me the moves of sword fighting and tiger roles and asymmetrical roles and judo roles. So he'd like throw me and I'd tumble and get up and it was great. And then, you know, you grab someone's hat or fanny pack out of the audience and do bits

with them. That's kind of how I started learning bits, how to do street theater and physical bits, like, like when people come up to you at Disneyland and stuff like that. It was that type of humor. And I would watch all the other shows at the Renaissance Festival, the juggling shows and how they did the timing with their jokes and like guys would do tightrope shows, but they always had jokes in them. And you could tell they've been doing this for 15, 20 years and that they just knew the

timing of how to get to this person. They knew what person to pick in the audience. Like I learned so much from that experience. And then obviously like Key and Peele was, it was a big part, I think, of a lot of our comedy experiences growing up. I think probably for a lot of our listeners, our audience out there, they probably, you know, watched a ton of you on television. My biggest question for you when it comes to that show is how did you determine who

got to go first in terms of Key and Peele? Oh yeah. Absolutely. We said, let's just keep this as simple as possible. Let's just go alphabetical. Let's not. It's no drama this. Let's completely no drama this.

And had his name been Dieter, it would have been called Dieter and Key. That sounds like you wanted your name first and then retroactively you're like, let's just do an alphabet. Oh wait. Yeah, that's crazy. K comes before Peele. Weird. Well, I will tell you the first time I said, I said, there's a sketch comedy show from

the 80s in England called a little bit of Fry and Laurie and the Hugh Laurie from House is a member of that sketch of that team, that comedy team. And they used to call them Fry and Laurie, Fry and Laurie. And to be honest, it's like, can you say it quickly? Can't peel. Can't peel. Peeling. Peeling key.

Yeah. I couldn't even. I couldn't even get out the person. Peeling key. And Jordan, who is just about the most even keeled guy you're ever going to meet. He was just like, works for me. Yeah. Yeah.

Now I'm going to go over here and win an Oscar. You know what I mean? I mean, he just, he's just, he was sneaky. He's like sneaky genius, you know, because it doesn't talk a lot and then all of a sudden get out happens. Everyone's like, what the hell? Where this was that? This is the comedian guy.

Yeah. And the thing is, he's, it's, it was just for him. He was like, I'm great. Can peel sounds good. Let's do it. Uh, I, the real reason we actually had Jan, though, is that, uh, I want to get season three of friends from college. What the fuck?

No, seriously, like I, I love that show. I might be in a minority here because I, I actually rewatched it like a few months ago during quarantine and it's still, I sat there at the end and being like, what the fuck? I want to see the next season. So can you do that? What do we have to do? I don't know. I honestly don't know.

It's like, it's, it's not in my purview and it's, it's kind of above my pay grade, but uh, that's bullshit. Yeah. It did. And, um, abruptly. Yes. Yes. That's one way to put it.

Definitely. How does that, how does that work though with it, with a project that ends abruptly? Is there, obviously it has, what, I don't know, been four or five years. Is there a part of you that's like maybe someday they'll come back and be like, Hey, let's do another season. Or is it just totally dead out of your mind gone? I have to, the thing is I have to move on and if it were to come back, then it would be a pleasant surprise.

Like it, you know, for that kind of work, because I really love the people I work with on the show so much and, uh, I had really great rapport with everybody and I, so you, you, you, for me, you kind of, it's like, it's like the last loss, right? Okay. That was, we took the L got to move on, got to move on to the next game, got to move on to the next game because you have to get it out of your head and then start to really give all of your attention and all of your focus to whatever the next project is. And I've been very, very, very, very fortunate in my career that those, you know, that you

hope that those next projects come along because you got to give them gusto. That's the thing about our job is you got to make sure you give a hundred percent to everything you do so that you can know that if it goes well, it's because you gave it everything. If it doesn't go well, you'll have solace that you gave it everything. See, I need it to be more like sports though. I need you to be able to be like, I'm holding out until they do another season. Like I will not do anything else until they do another season.

I need some backing here. It's funny because you, you could hold out, but then what happens is Netflix will go, but here are the algorithms. You know what I mean? Dang it. I can't beat the math. I can't beat the math, you know, but we could pump it like, yeah, we could pump it up. I mean, we basically have just made everyone millionaires, billionaires from GameStop,

which actually we had nothing to do with that. But we could pump it up. Everyone go watch Friends from College. I highly recommend it. Two seasons on Netflix, get the algorithm going and we'll, you'll do another season. Guaranteed. Who knows? For free.

You never know. For free. Right? No. Out of the question. I'm sorry. Now I have to put my foot down. I mean, as much as I love those guys.

So you're all holding out for money then. Yeah. All right. So you're all holding out for money. That's fine. That's fine. I've always wondered about you because you obviously are a trained actor. You're a very passionate speaker.

So when you talk, you, you speak with a purpose and a lot of your comedy comes, I think from the inflection that you put on the words, but you're also a writer, your comedy writer. I was wondering about your process when it comes to writing a sketch, whether it's for Keampiel or whatever it is. And if you know that something's funny after you read it out loud, or if you know something's funny just by writing it down. For me, being a performer primarily, it's always about, it's always about you have an inkling that it's funny when you read it, but the proof is in the pudding.

It's when it's delivered because you don't ever know exactly how it's delivered. The interesting thing about plays or this Audible series for that matter is that it is being written to perform. That's what we used to say about Shakespeare. People that, you know, be like Shakespeare analysts would be like, and then what, what he meant here by this phrase was this, and what he meant about this is this is his, um, his reference to the teapot dome scandal or to the gunpowder plot. I don't know.

Nobody cares, bro. I just want to see, does the good guy win? Does Hamlet kill his uncle? What, what, you know what I mean? That's a Romeo and Juliet live. That's all we care about and no, they do not live, but you hope and pray that the performer can make it interesting enough that you think, are they going to live this time? That that would, you know, so what interestingly happened in the podcast or in the series is

that my wife, she wrote most of it. She's a really brilliant writer, brilliant writer and has been writing for years. She wrote most of it, but she's also writing for my voice. She's writing for what she thinks will be fun for me. You know, she's like the offensive coordinator. She's going, Oh, this will be a fun play and I'm, and I'm, and I'm Brady, right? So, you know, so she's Arian's and I'm Brady and she's, but she'll sometimes write something and go, uh, I'm going to write this and I know exactly how Keegan's, what the inflection

and the syntax of this phrase is going to be and know how he's going to do this. And then I try and I'll say it and then other times I'll try to surprise her so that it's this really great collaborative, uh, effort between the two of us because she's going, she hears me in her head and that she starts typing based on my rhythms and my inflections. Yeah. What I was thinking of specifically was the substitute teacher sketch and, uh, the word churlish, right? Because when you see the word churlish on a piece of paper, it's not funny.

It's just, it's a plain looking word. It's kind of like an oatmeal word. When you say it out loud, though, and that's the, that's the best, the best punch line in that entire sketch. It's not even a punch line. It's just you saying an English word with a funny inflection on it. Right. And, and it's interesting.

That line is one of two improvised lines in that scene. Hmm. Every other line that scene is written. Those that line in subordinate and churlish is, is improvised. And to be honest with you, I think I improvised it in the moment because it was literally in the moment I had discovered something about the character right then, right then I was like, this guy was in the military. This guy was in the military.

It was my thought. And I went in subordinate and churlish because you would only ever hear the word in subordinate from a, like a sergeant. Right. You know what I mean? He went AWOL in subordinate. And then churlish, I got to tell you, came out of my mouth because of what you just like, it wouldn't have been written on the page.

No one would think to write that unfunny of a word on a page. Right. You know, so it just kind of came out of nowhere. And so when writing sketch, really, or writing the, the, the series, it's the same thing. It was just pretty much a 10 hour monologue. So she's writing a 10, she's writing this little moments inside the piece are little sketches and she's like, he would enjoy this. Oh, he's good at doing that.

So very often you come up with ideas of what would be fun for you. And as you're writing it on the, now, I don't know, Jordan wrote the East West Bowl, all starting sketch from Tien Piel. I imagine as he was writing it, when you come up with a name like Jack Merri, Jack Marius Tech Theratrix or La Carpetron Duke Marriott, that he must have found it funny in the moment. I imagine him going, yeah, right, you know, but then the, the execution enhances it, enhances it. Yes.

I'm a simple guy. If you show me a video of someone puking, I laugh. Why? Because again, it's something out of the ordinary. It's breaking up social, it's breaking up the social contract. Nobody would do that. If you see it, it's a, when things bend, here's another thing from Henry Bergson. When things bend, we giggle.

When things break, we laugh. So falling on a banana peel, boom, and then shred on your ass is a break. That's not a bang. Falling on a banana peel, slightly humorous to pull, right? But if you go ass over apple carts, we laugh. We're releasing that tension. We're releasing that tension because we actually feel bad, but we're releasing that tension. That's right.

Sometimes we'll have to come from that. That's, that's his, that's his theory. I was going to say, it's just holes. Like if something comes out of a hole normally goes into humor, that's where it gets interrupted. Yeah. You should do it. Episode 11 on holes. The funniest holes.

What do you think is the funniest hole? The funniest hole? Yeah. H-O-L-E. Yeah. The funniest hole. I'll start. Butthole.

Butthole is really funny. Yeah. Again, something we don't talk about. Oh, also that release, the release comes from, we didn't think, we didn't think what you just said. We didn't think that was funny when we were four. Three. You walk around the house.

You fart. Nobody think. It's the day that you start noticing that your parents notice you when you do it. Ah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, why, why, why did you look at me? And then. And then look at you again, wait, well, what's happening? Is that because of what I just did?

You said, saying, you don't know there's anything quote unquote, wrong with flatulence. You just do it. Yeah. No more is put on it. We can, we have, we have the opportunity for humor. What about, what about dogs? Do dogs get, get jokes? Dogs do not get jokes.

That's why they just fart whenever they want. Yeah. So we just be walking on the street, you know, you're like, what is it doing? We laugh at the dog because the dog has no shame about it. No shame about it. Right. At all. So if I was, we would laugh.

Yeah. So I want my son to be a comedian. I need to just laugh at everything he does. Well, I guess, okay. So let's go back to, to Berkson, to the, to the philosopher. You would actually teach your son all the, all the things that people don't find acceptable. And then he'd want to do it. That sounds terrible.

That sounds like the worst parents ever. Yes. Don't do that. Yeah. He's got scissors. That's hilarious. Yeah. Yeah.

Fire. Funny. Show your son comedy and let him, let him absorb sketches. Let him absorb stand up jokes. And then I have friends who have, uh, uh, children, they, they say, um, Fred Savage from the actor, Fred Savage, who was in, uh, friends for college. Yeah. He told me one day he came to work.

He was beaming. And I said, what's going on for it? He goes, my son, August, he said, he just has this appreciation for humor and it just lights up my heart because I watch him starting to get jokes and understand jokes. So if you expose your son to jokes, my feeling is that he'll start to go, he'll start to figure out the architecture. He'll start to figure out why it works or he'll start to be able to disseminate the difference between the setup and the punch line.

And, and, and it's really a, uh, apparently a fascinating thing to watch a child start to understand humor. Yeah. Get jokes. He said that he, when he was a baby and he would puke, I would laugh every time. So he probably will start puking all the time. No joke. My puke on me.

I'd laugh. Is there something about it? What about Jackass? Why is, why is Jackass? Good question. Because I think that Jackass, you, people have varying opinions about it, but I honestly think that you could show Jackass to anybody that's ever lived in any society and any civilization and they would laugh at it.

I agree. I agree. I agree. It's, it's the most basic thing. It's again, it's that thing. The only wrinkle with Jackass is that they are voluntarily and willingly doing it to themselves. Yeah.

But if you take that part out, if take all the preamble out, that I think you're absolutely right. From the Sumerians to today on pardon my take, it's just primal. Uh, all right. Keegan, Michael Key, this has been awesome. We really appreciate it. You have to come back on, uh, at some point and maybe hopefully when we can actually do interviews in person, you can sit with us for a while.

You're in New York. We're in New York, but everyone go listen to, uh, his new podcast. It's out the history of sketch comedy and audible original 10 parts, fascinating stuff. We really appreciate your time, man. Thank you guys so much for having me on. Yes. I'd love to, love to be able to do this on purpose. That'd be great.

Thanks man. Awesome. That interview with Keegan, Michael Key was brought to you by our great friends, our new presenting beer sponsor at Coors Light. We love Coors Light here. The big game is right around the corner and everyone's pumped not only for football, but for the commercials. Coors wanted to create the most refreshing ad of all time.

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So that's CoorsBigGameDream.com, sign up, check it out right now, experience the first big game that only runs in your dreams. Celebrate responsibly 2021 Coors Brewing Company, Golden Colorado and Fort Worth, Texas. Now here's Brian Cappelman. And now for something completely different. OK, we now welcome on our good, good friend. It is Brian Cappelman. He's got a compliment.

I don't know why I said compliment, compliment. Brian Cappelman. He's got the you watch billions. We you've been on a million times. I don't have to introduce you the same way. We wanted to have you on because yes, the financial world is in ruins. Twitter is a flame. Everything is upside down.

And you kind of predicted all this, right? You're the Simpsons of this scenario. Well, you know, LeVine and I, obviously Dave Levine, my partner in Billions and I and our writers room, we've been watching this stuff bubble up. And yeah, I mean, here we had a little run where where acts on the first half of the season, the half that aired, you know, it's been even in the scene. Comments are on, right? We we have acts at the head of Goldman Sachs about buying his digital bank.

And that's because acts sort of starts to see where all this stuff might be going and is aware of this stuff. But to me, the hilarious part has been just everybody. I mean, you guys have seen it like these thousands of people coming up with billion scenarios to include this whole thing. And you both understand the mechanics of how to short things, right? Because I know trying to explain that even on the show where like the fourth episode of the first season is called short squeeze.

And it was so hard to find a way to explain what this means to sell something short. So I've loved the sort of financial literacy now that like people are talking about Robin Hood and this shit, the way they talk about betting lines. But you know how if you explain to somebody who's not a betting person, how hard it is to even explain the over under to somebody, right, right? Totals or like someone calls it an over under and someone else calls it totals. And the third person is like, what the fuck are you guys talking about? That's what this has always been like.

But but it feels to me like now people are kind of understanding the language of this. And maybe part of that has to do with that they've watched our show a little bit. Yeah. So we do understand it, duh, like we're smart guys. But if we weren't able to understand it, um, you tell us what has gone down in the last 24 hours as you see it, and then we'll fact check you when you're wrong. Good. No, I mean, it's the thing, right?

I'm a like, like, like you guys, this isn't what I do to make my living, but I had to become really educated in order to tell stories about it. Like I was just interested in, uh, Dave and I were both just interested in people willing to kind of put it all on the line the way that these hedge fund people are willing to, but this whole idea of short sound, the way, the best way to explain it, and I was able to explain it with props and a couple of people at home is you're, if you want to bet that the price of something will go down, there are a couple of ways you can do that.

One is to buy options. This is not exactly short selling, right? One is to say, I want to buy what's called a put option, meaning I want to say that at a lower price in a month from now, I can buy this stock. That's, and that's, there's some of that going on with this, but this most of this traditional short selling, which is I would say to you, uh, big cat, I would say, Hey, can I borrow your iPhone? And you'd be like, well, yeah, you can borrow my iPhone, but for how long?

And every day you borrow my iPhone, you got to give me a couple of cents. I'd be like, that's fine. Let me borrow it. And then I take that iPhone and I fucking sell it for $10. Bies the iPhone from me for 10 bucks because I believe there's going to be a glut on iPhones, there are going to be so many more made, or that particular one's going to become obsolete. The new one's going to come out tomorrow.

So the price of the one I gave, I sold for 10 bucks is going to go down. If I'm right, let's say it goes down by $5. I go back and I'm like, look, dude, you're stuck with that iPhone, but I'll buy it off you for the market price of $5. He says, yes, gives it to me back. I've given him, uh, now he paid me 10 bucks for it. I got it back from him for five. I made a $5 spread.

I still have to return the iPhone to you. So I return the iPhone to you and I have $5 and I have made $5. But where people can get fucked in this is unlike on a regular stock. If I buy a stock that's $10 and I want it to go long up, I know the worst it can do is go from 10 to zero. Right. So I know what the worst I know that on one share of stock, the most I lose is $10.

The difference between 10 and zero. Okay. But when you take a short position, because I'm obligated to buy that thing back and return it to you from whom I borrowed it, I have to buy it back. Right. So if, and especially if you decide you want it back and you call that thing back, now what if it's worth $40? I haven't just lost 10 bucks.

I've lost $30. The difference between 10 and 40. And so a short squeeze happens when a bunch of investors know that one investor or a smaller group or a different group of investors are betting that something is going to go down and they decide, no, no, no, for a period of time, even if the fundamentals look bad, we can make it appear that this is a good stock. We can all buy it. And as we buy it, the market adjusts and the prices go up and we can squeeze

that short seller and cost them so much money that perhaps they will have to go out of business. And that is what happened here with Robinhood and these hedge funds. How'd I do? Yeah, that was great. Well, Robinhood then shut it off. Right. That was, well, then the pressure from the, well, then, then, now this is the

part nobody actually knows yet. Meaning, yes, Robinhood stopped people from being able to buy more of that stock. They still let people sell it. But what they said was they're protecting. And so one of the dangers of this, right? If you took them at face value is because the fundamentals of the stock are bad and like it's probably a taller stock, the fact that it was at 300 means at some point, like the tulip bubble, you know, of 200 years ago, at some point, the

bubble will burst and then all these people would have lost so much money. All these people still holding the stock would, would lose so much money. But what people believe and what, what I tend to believe, knowing the way that the conspiracies in this world can work is that a bunch of the institutional investors behind Robinhood leaned on Robinhood to sort of try to protect the status quo, meaning protect the fat cats, the rich guys. And although it was funny today to watch your rich guy go after the owner of the Met, Steve Cohn, because for the regular guy, because, and your, your guy

cracks me the fuck up, though I was with you, Kat, big cat on the Trump interview. But a crap porn, it cracks me up. And I, I, I find him hilarious and so fun to watch, but watching him have decided the little guy against Steve Cohn, even though both of them are so wealthy, was pretty entertaining. Did you think so? Yeah, yeah, it was. Steve Cohn's on a different status.

Steve Cohn is a billionaire. And when he dropped the line, you know, I'm just trying to be out here making a living just like you are. Yeah. It's like, yeah, I think, I think we've passed that point in time where you own the Mets. I think your living is pretty good. Like, you don't, you've made it.

You're not, but I would say when people ask me, what is, when people want to know, like, where, what do other, what are the rich, what are rich people think is rich? I think Portnoy, if you have a hundred mil, you're, to anybody, you're rich. So I think Portnoy qualifies by anybody's definition as a rich. Are you worried? Uh, are you, are you afraid that maybe somebody's going to come out with a TV show called trillions and then you're like, well, yeah, what am I going to do?

You got, I mean, I think you, I think you might have pitched me that the first time I was on the show. Trillions. Yeah. Because if you have the option to watch trillions or billions and you're watching billions, that's, that's indicative of a limited mindset. And we're, we have unlimited mindsets on this show. That's clear that you do.

But listen, if, if trillions needs any kind, when they get that thing together, maybe they'll need some sort of a consultant and maybe they'll find a little role for Dave and me to play, you know, we'll just contribute what we can up at that trillions, at that trillions level. So what about the idea that I pitched you yesterday that I wrote about on, on Barstool, which is that maybe in a future season, Bobby Axelrod gets like, he shorts Olive Garden and then he gets his fattest friend to go with him and then just eats all the breadsticks and soup, knowing that the stock price is going

to go down a beating. I think it's more of a, here's what I think. I think there's a law and order episode for sure. And a guy who thinks he can beat the buffet and this guy is murdered on the subway and you find out it's because he's been beating the buffet at some small restaurant in times, you know, next time square. And that guy wants that restaurant. I was like, fuck it.

I'm killing this guy because I'm tired of him beating the buffet. It's more, I think it slots into like a law and order kind of a thing than, than billions, but I encourage you to continue to pitch me. That's why I, I, that's why I come here on your show. So, so in billions for people who don't watch it, we both watch it, obviously. Um, what was the exact like conclusion to this situation that's happening right now? Cause you, you did have an episode that was very similar to what's happening in

real life. So how does it play out? Did you guys see, did you guys sit down and be like, all right. So how is this actually going to play out in real life? Oh yeah. Well, these things play out a few different ways. Um, that there's a great, I can't remember the name of the book, but it's fucking great about these, these two, that's a great book too.

But know about, um, Bill Ackman and Carl Icon, you know, huge, multi, multi billionaires, and they had a giant war, um, over one of those, this company that Ackman thought was a multi, um, level marketing scheme and watching the way that that kind of short, uh, the herbal life, right? They were arguing about herbal life because Ackman was publicly shorting it. And another example of that is Tesla. You know, there are some very famous guys who've shorted, um, Tesla and continued to short Tesla and have lost billions of dollars of their funds

worth because they think it's a con and Elon has taken shots at them online. And although it's not officially a short squeeze, meaning, but, but he, you know, every time that stock goes up, uh, he's killing these guys who are short on the stock. So it can go one of two ways. Either the, in the end, if the short, here's what happens often. If the short is, if the person short is in that position, because they really believe it's a con, like Enron is an example where there were short

sellers who even as our Enron was going up, they realized that it was a scam. Like really, not just a bad company, but they realized it was, um, actually a fraud if you, so if you know in your heart and your head, like, oh, that's a fraud, you might be able to withstand losing the money for a really long time because when it shows up, you're going to make an absolute insane fortune, billions of dollars when, when you're right. And so if a short seller has the stomach to stay in, they can get incredibly wealthy in fewer trades.

So like long sellers, long buy, people who buy stocks long, they're traditionally in many more stocks. People who go short, they're short fewer positions, but when those positions pay off, they're huge fucking wins, but it's a very dangerous fucking game. And I mean, I'm, you know, I would be terrified to really take any substantial portion of my money and play it short because I had no confidence. I could predict the psychology of the market. And let's say you're right, man.

Let's say it is a fraud, some company, or that they are cooking the books in some way, what makes you think the market is going to react rationally to that? Like people can just decide they love the company and it doesn't matter that you're right and you could still get killed. So I find short sellers fascinating to watch. We've had acts make a lot of short plays and it is a fascinating and fun thing to watch somebody fuck around in that area because they have balls of steel to do it, but it's high, high risk.

Because you're also betting against the general trajectory of the stock market, which is over time, historically, the stock market has gone up. So you're picking this one stock out and saying, not only is the stock bad or overvalued, but it's also overvalued compared to the trajectory of the market as a whole, right? Hundred percent. And also everybody hates you. Like the guy betting the don't pass line in Vegas at the craps table.

Like even though that's actually, you know, like the smart enough bet, they, people hate you for betting the don't pass line because they want the mojo. They believe, right? We're here at the table. We should all be rooting for us to make the points and make the numbers and go. And this one fucker is sitting there betting against everybody. And, and so short sellers are often really wildly disliked. And that's why they often get other groups of people to want to go against them.

So short sellers are very strategic about when they reveal. Here's where it also gets fun and tricky. If you're a short seller, you don't have to declare that you have a short position, but if you start badmouthing the company publicly, you have to declare. And so it's a real question like, all right, is it time yet? Are we, are we positioned enough yet that I can start shit talking the company? Cause if I do, I have to admit I'm short. And then if people hate me because of a deal, this is what goes on in the

Herbalife book, which is amazing to the billionaires doing this. One guy felt another guy had fucked them over 10 years before in a deal, having nothing to do with it. And then when he heard that this guy was short, he was like, this is my chance for revenge, almost like the princess bride or something with the sword. He was like, now I can get my revenge. And he gathered all these forces to short squeeze this guy and fuck him over. Like he carried the grudge for 10 years.

So releasing the idea that you have a short position can get you screwed. On the other hand, if you don't make your position, if you don't publicly point out what's fucked up about the company, then maybe your short never comes in. So that's also a very dramatic sort of a moment in the life of somebody doing this stuff. And it's part of what, why the narrative of all this is so fascinating to be in a minute. Yeah. And so now today though, uh, there was an extra element of it really feels

like the Wall Street, fat cats, hedge funds, essentially like the gig is up. Everyone knows the game's rigged. They literally rigged it in plain sight and said there's nothing you can do about it. Does that, is that a fair assessment? It does feel, I would say this. Uh, because of what I do, this is the shit that I will read super closely. And I'll talk to a bunch of reporters. It seems like it to me too.

I'm very, I really do want to talk to the primary reporters and be like, what do you think? And then I'll, I'll probably get to talk to a couple of the investors around it and piece it together. Yeah. Man, everything I know about this tells, like everything about these people tells me that they were all like, hold on a second, like the Dukes almost like the Dukes in trading places being like, turn those machines back on.

Right. It's like, they're almost, you get the sense that the fat cats are doing that. I think that's very likely, but I do, I, I, I do want to do my own work and find out, which we'll know, man, people are going to report on this. And it's crazy. And you, you feel the way folks are following it and, and everyone seems outraged at the same time that suddenly when these investors are, the, the, suddenly when Wall Street bets, Reddit investors are winning and the hedge

funders are losing, that that's when they push pause on Robinhead. I totally agree that that does not seem like an umpire calling balls and strikes. It, it seems like an umpire as a guy's about to get the first base, just fucking knocking him back until the shortstop can pick up the ball and throw it to first. So I agree. That's what it feels like. It would be like the Yankees pausing a game in like the seventh inning and

then adding a bunch of all stars and being like, okay, let's go back on. That's what Darren Ravel said. Darren Ravel said it'd be like, if the underdog was winning at half time in the Superbowl, then they'd let the other team play the second half of like 12 players on the field. Yeah, it did. It's a feels that way. Now that's what I'm saying.

I want to like do the work of figuring it out, but it fucking feels that way to me. And if I were one of those Robinhead investors, I would be fucking batshit pissed about this and I would feel like, wait a second. I was, so yesterday I was a big boy or girl and I could fucking, uh, I can take my risks, but today because I'm winning, I can't take my risks. You're suddenly protecting me. I would totally be outraged if I were one of them.

Yeah. And it seems like, um, at least this is the, uh, the attitude that some of the billionaires that I've seen on television are putting out, which is saying that, uh, they're treating this like a casino. They're, they're treating it just like it's a number on a screen when in reality us investors, we look at companies and try to build value in them by injecting capital to me, that is the biggest load of bullshit of all time. The stock, like the rules that the stock market is set up by does make it a

casino, essentially for people. That's what it is. You put your money in, you take it out later. There's no rule saying that, like, you can't do this day trading for fun. You can't try to predict what's happening and they do fucking, uh, high frequency trading on things. They've had an edge for the last, what, 15 years, 20 years when this, this whole thing started when they had the data, like milliseconds before other traders

would have it. So they had their edge. They were trying to make, you know, short cash in cash outs. And the second that normal people start to, what happened was they underestimated the ability of the public to band together as a giant hedge fund and their ability to compete against the other funds out there and having more spending power, if enough investors act together as one. You're a hundred percent right that that kind of language is what, um, those

institutional investors always use when the truth is very few of them believe that a hundred percent, uh, they, in fact, they want all they want. If you speak to them privately, it's for there to be a lot of dumb money in markets, dumb money allows them to have an edge, right? The more uninformed and dumb money is sort of, you know, spammed out into the market, the better in poker terms and people talk about spazzing into a pot. The, the better that is for the smart investor who now has an edge, right? Supposedly, and they do traditionally have an edge and that is all they want.

They will tell you hedge funds are harder now because there's less dumb money. So they wanted all this Robinhood money in there when they thought it was dumb money, suddenly when it's smart money, they're not that interested in it. What's to stop a group of people from getting together? Hypothetically, let's say they just pick a stock. Let's call it David Buster's, right? They pick Buster's stock hypothetically, hypothetically, and you have, say, millions of people that are involved in this group.

I don't know if it's a winking or not, or if it's written down somewhere, if that makes it illegal or whatever, but you, uh, you buy the stock and then it's agreed that everyone else that will purchase this stock, like there will be 10% of you that will be able to cash out, that should cash out your earnings within six months, and then we'll get more people in. And then the stock keeps going up and up. That's a Ponzi scheme. You can't do a Ponzi scheme.

Okay. Why not? What if everyone knows it's a Ponzi scheme though? Yeah, we've, we've, we had that idea. Now you're into this multi-level. No, you guys got to, it's all, that's all, uh, proving a Ponzi scheme is difficult as the Herbalife thing showed because in the end, the courts never said Herbalife was a Ponzi scheme.

That's why I'm not saying it was. I'm saying one investor thought it was, a lot of investors thought it was. Um, but in the end, the courts did not hold that it was a Ponzi scheme and it's hard to prove that something is a Ponzi scheme, but collusion, uh, market manipulation is not allowed. And so if a group of people are intentionally manipulating the market, uh, and that can be proved, uh, that, that is, uh, finable and punishable. Okay, I did, we'll erase everything I just said.

I will say like, I've, I've read a lot about that, but not in the last couple of days. So what, what's, what's going to end up happening is probably like a couple of the small guys are going to end up getting dinged up for this and all the fat cats are going to walk away free because they're going to be like, well, you manipulated games, stop. Yeah. Like, oh, you can't do that.

Even though they do know how to do this. I don't know if this is market, man. Yeah. I don't know if this was market manipulation. This wasn't secret. So there are a bunch of things that make it in my head, not market manipulation. There weren't, they weren't hoarding prior, uh, I am educated as a lawyer, but I'm not speaking as a lawyer right now.

Cause I've not read all this in the last couple of weeks, but they were not, um, conspiring secretly to manipulate the market. They were openly talking about what they were doing, meaning anybody could have gotten in on it. Yeah. At with them in this group. So I don't, I do not think they were market manipulating in the, in whatever the sort of things would be that, that, that, that would make it market manipulation.

Uh, but yes, I think it's very close to market manipulation and, and, and, and could people claim that and will people claim it big cat? Yeah. People will claim it for sure. Yes. I look, look, I'm on the small guy's side here. I don't think that they did anything wrong. I just know that the game is rigged.

The pause button was hit. Yeah. They're trying to figure it all out. The, the fat cats in wall street are basically going to figure it out. Going to blame the small guy, going to, going to make new rules. Like we already seen it. I think Robin Hood even said, oh yeah, we're going to, we're going to, we're going to start, uh, letting you guys buy these stocks, but with a cap, they're

going to make new rules and they're going to be like, all right, you guys can't win anymore. Fuck all of you. It's, but it's still capitalism. Nothing I've seen in my life tells me you're wrong about the way the system is going to try to work and who it's going to try to benefit here. Unless the Robin, unless the people making those investments in Robin Hood suddenly become really wealthy and then, you know, they're in

the game making on me too. And, and you know, then they'll just switch. By the way, they'll switch sides too. Right. That is what also happened. Yeah. Yeah. They'll rig it back.

Yeah. No, that's, that is fascinating to watch. Oh, well, that shit happens. So, but this is why it's so great to make a show about all this stuff. Yeah. And the other side of billions is the district attorneys, the Southern District of New York. You've got Southern District.

The first couple of seasons and now it's the Attorney General's office. Yeah. So I saw today that there are investigations that could be happening into this entire situation here. But if you're, if you're writing about those people and how they're able to go about investigating this fraud, if they're, um, if they're looking at market manipulation on the side of the hedge funds, like what do they have, what power do they have?

Could they just be like, Hey, this looks fishy. Um, so I'm going to ask you, did you tell anybody to do this or not? Well, the market manipulation would, would be on the side of the, of the Robin Hood investors in the client, I think, and what you would say about the other people is that that's just like, uh, in shutting down, in shutting down Robin Hood, I'm not sure what the cause of action is, but yeah, it's like fraudulent collusion and depriving these people of their opportunity. I mean, what they, uh, I mean, you should have somebody call in and tell you

what the cause of action against the, against the institutional investors in Robin Hood, but I bet you that what they really did is broke their user agreements. I think it's really basic, right? Robin Hood, if Robin Hood shut down and stopped you from being able to trade in violation of the user agreement you signed, I think the damage is against them in a civil case are fucking extraordinary enormous damages. Yeah.

Yeah. So they must have had, if that's indeed what happened, they must have had a lot of pressure being put on them from the other side to shut things down to realize like a, a class action lawsuit would be cheaper than, uh, the cost of letting these trades continue and having, you know, all the people that essentially do the real funding for our app shut us off. Correct. I mean, that feels, I mean, it does feel like that's the shit that happened.

Yeah. Um, well, I had one last. It's hard, right? You're good. Yeah. Well, it's just a day off. It's hard to know. If you wrote this, uh, you did, you wrote, you know, the, the episode of

Billions is very similar, but if you were to write a movie and you went to your script partner or, uh, Hollywood exec and you said, we're going to name the app Robin Hood, would you get laughed out of the room? Yes. Like it's way too on the nose. I know everyone made the joke, but it does bear repeating how ridiculous it is that Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives to the poor. And these guys are just flipping everything on its head.

I mean, I would say that if I weren't the guy who showed up billionaires, it's called fucking billions. So I don't really have a leg to stand on. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. Yeah. And also we're going to beat you with trillions. So, um, I, right.

And then trillions is going to come along and make me completely, um, obsolete. Uh, I was actually just thinking that there should be, no one's really gone on the side of the grift to be the one to go out there and stand up for billionaires. Like I haven't seen anybody become the public face of defending the fat cats. I feel like there's some money to be made there too. If like, if this is, uh, uh, the verbal meme, it's, you know, the, uh, the daughter that's sleeping at night and then the soldier taking bullets for it.

And the daughter is billionaires. And then the soldier is also billionaires. And then I'm next to the soldier licking its boots. Like that's, that's where there's some money to be made right now. I think is defending the billionaires. So I might swing to the other side just to, just to make a brand for myself. This is your brilliance. I mean, this is, this is why I'm here with the two of you, uh, right now.

Cause that's the, I also think that it's a big red flag to me that if somebody's a billionaire and they don't own a sports team, it's like, what are you doing? What, what has all this been for? If you're not going to spend money on something cool, well, or you're trying to go to Mars. Yep. You do one or the other or build a tunnel to your girlfriend.

There are sports team remark, honestly, I think you guys are right. The bill, one billion isn't really necessarily. Couple, you're right. The show is not called billion. It's that billion would suck. It's harder now for a single, like a billionaire who was worth one billion. Probably could have bought a sports team. Even when like Mark Lazarie bought the box, but I think he bought the

box for what 500 and now they're worth like two bill. Yeah, maybe in a shell team, probably. Yeah. Probably the hurt. Like, or, or like a look, a lacrosse, like a lacrosse, we're just regular guys, we own lacrosse teams. Yeah. So it's not a big deal.

That's a good investment. I would, I would go in with you guys on a lacrosse team if you want. Um, all right. I had one last question. What was the losing hand in rounders? That's really a good question. And, and, and, and here's the thing, I will answer that question. If somebody will post a, give me a hundred thousand shares of

GameStop yesterday's price. Okay. There we go. We got there. Make it happen. You know, and I know you're a listener. Yeah. Come on.

Elon, I think that's like 30, I think that's like 30 mil. I, for 30 mil, I would, that's your price 30 million. I'll answer the question. Perfect. Perfect. Do a go fund me. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Well, thanks so much, Brian. Appreciate it, man. Ellis, you're the best to see it. Brian Koppelman was brought to you by ZipRecruiter. It's finally a new year and the perfect time to take your business to the next level by hiring the right people, but finding a qualified candidate can be very challenging and ZipRecruiter.com slash PMT will make it easy for you.

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Firefest of the week. Let's do it. Uh, you can't have guns in West Virginia casinos. Okay, good. So we got that figured out. That was a very funny part of the show, by the way. It's surprising to me. I feel like if there's one place on earth that you should be required to carry

a gun would be in a West Virginia casino. Yeah. Oh, you cannot? Yeah. You can. Oh, you can. Oh, all right. So your trainer can, by the way, we're not, we're not, we're not knocking

your trainer. We're knocking just how ridiculous you are as a human being that you're certainly not going to text also. Aren't you flying? Yeah. No, I'm taking the bus with you guys. Uh, oh, yeah. We'll see you on the bus, dude.

I'll save you spot. Yeah, cool. Yeah. Just, Billy, if, if, if I'm not on the bus when it's about to leave, just don't worry, I'm under, I'm underneath, so don't worry. I know you guys can go. I gotta go down. I gotta go down for the way.

I know. Um, all right. Firefest of the week. What do we got? Who wants to start? I'll go. All right. Uh, my firefest of the week is dipping dots.

I bought dipping dots. I bought like $400 with the dipping dots. DDO. DDO. I'm heavily invested. You bought the dip. I bought the dip. I bought it.

Dude, you gotta hold. Uh, and well, I'm holding now. I already bought into the dip. You buy the dip, then you hold. And the only problem with this is dipping dots are obviously delicious. I love dipping dots. But now, um, I did not realize that they were going to be shipped to me in these two industrial size, like two gallon plastic bags that you have to keep at

negative 40 degrees centigrade. Uh, it's essentially like a vaccine. You have to store it like you're hanging on to the COVID vaccine or else it just melts. And so I had to bring them all into work today and they just melted into a puddle within like two hours. So my ice cream does my investment. Yeah.

My ice cream of the future, which is literally melted ice cream. Now I realized that you got, you got shocked by ice cream. I got shocked being ice cream. I didn't. Well, no, I didn't because I thought of 40 is crazy. I thought that I, and it's negative 40 Fahrenheit. I think it was in a styrofoam cooler. Eventually that runs out.

Yeah. But most, most ice cream you take out of the cooler and then if you don't finish all in one sitting, you put in the freezer and it's good to go. Our freezers don't get that low. That's why I was saying it's like a vaccine. It has to be stored in a very specific environment. Um, so that's pretty much why dipping dots never worked. Yeah.

That and also no one goes to amusement parks anymore. But seriously, like you can't buy, if you can't buy it and freeze it in your own freezer, then it doesn't work. No, but that's how they get you because it makes you always want more. And every time that you see it, you're like, Oh my God, I got to get this. I might never be able to have it again. I can't, like the old meme, uh, like we have dipping dots at home. You go home and home dipping dots is just a puddle of sad liquid and a plastic bag

on the floor. Yes. So, um, I guess I, I don't want to say I wasted $400 on dipping dots. No. But, uh, it's the memories, it's the memories we made along the way. And, um, I learned a lesson, which is dipping dots is a depreciating asset. Yeah. Absolutely.

Um, no regrets, Bubba. Um, couple of weeks ago, I ordered a new pair of shoes, kind of just like impulse bottom and I have a pair that looks like almost identical. Like I don't, I don't know if I just forgot or something. Yep. And if you like the original, yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking. It's a dad move. I like to do that.

Yeah, but also it's like dunks and they literally make them in like every single color and I bought a pair that's like almost identical to one that I have. I buy the same pair of shoes. Like that if I like a pair, I'll just buy it and buy it again. Yeah. You know what? Now you have one that's clean all the time. Yeah.

It's like one you can wear to work and then one for special occasions. Yeah. Yeah. One for play, one for party. Uh, Billy, what do you got? I had to take an HIV, Hep C and you have a test. Yeah, but no, that's the thing. Like when you take the test, you're like, I don't have it, but then there's

part of you that's just like, yo, there, there is a chance every time you take a test, you know, so what they say, what? So I'm negative. I'm negative. Okay. Well, yeah, frogs don't carry HIV. So you're in the clear on that. No, but it's just like, have you ever gotten a test for HIV?

Yeah. I mean, isn't it just an STD test? No, no, it's not. You get some blood tests. I mean, I had to do it for the boxing, but it's just like, right. Cause you were like, okay. Hypothetically, like, right.

No, I got you. So you're fired best as you don't have AIDS. So if Billy took a pregnancy test, he'd be like, am I pregnant? Yeah, there's always a chance. He's not. He did not dispute that PFD. What was the outcome? There's always it's, well, the thing is, I think some dudes can't

piss on a pregnancy test and it comes up with a false positive. Like I think that is a thing. I think that's a sign of cancer. Oh, okay. Believe it or not, not a doctor at it again. No, I'm serious. No, we know you're serious. That part we know it's the none of it's actually true.

There's always a pot. Like, I don't know. Like imagine if we got a false positive. That'd be like fucking scary for pregnancy. Yeah. Okay. Jake over the last 24 hours, I can't stop shocking myself. Whoa, why?

Cause you keep listening to yourself swearing. No. I mean, I was just sitting on the, you do pushups or something. We were working from home this week and I just sit on the couch. Everything I touch, I shocked myself. Are you an X man? It's annoying. You have a crazy rug.

No. I don't know. Okay. I think there's, it's shock season is what it is. It is. I, I used to be very, I used to be very scared that every time I would get out of my car and fill up with gas, that I would ignite the side of my car with an electric shock on Wednesday.

Maybe I shocked the world with my words. Yes. Oh, you know, you need to do what I do is I just wear a rubber socks everywhere. Rubber socks. Yeah. How much do I have to donate to watch Jake do three chi on camera? Billy's already spending his money.

Yeah. Billy, how much of your Jose money have you spent? How much have you spent? I've spent, I don't spend any money really. Yeah. Okay. Uh, Hank, you're five. My, my fire fest is plug related.

So I'll give you this chance to, uh, to opt out if you want. Uh, no, we're opting in play bar. So play bar. So we're coming out with a, I gave you a chance. I gave you a chance, but this is, this is, I thought you were going to say weed, like weed plug related. No, no. Uh, I mean, I gave you the chance.

This is a legitimate fire fest. So it's not like me plugging just a plug. Oh, of course. So we, no, I mean, I do do that. So I gave you the opportunity. Sometimes I do it. Sometimes this is actually what, like my biggest fire fest of the week. Uh, Davey day trader, our boss, he, he does a daily stream.

We built a Davey day trader play bar stool game. It's ready. We were talking about launching it this week, but we postponed it to next week. So it's like, we're going to be promoting it during the fight and stuff. And then today, because of all the stuff that was going on today was supposed to be like, like the first day that it aired and launched and was talked about. And Dave had like 45,000 people watching him this morning and like 30,000 people watching him today.

It's that you're, uh, you're over since selling your pumpkin futures in mid November. Mm hmm. Yeah. So that, that was just one of those things I saw those numbers. I was just like, fuck, like that's obviously not going to be the case. You know, next week when it launches, but it was just, you know, that's my fire.

You never know though. You never know what on the streets. Davey and Busters might be popping next week. True. Yeah. That I mean, you got to admit that's a, that's a, that's a fair fire fest. Yeah. No, that is very fair fire fest.

It was, I saw a stream. It was fucking crazy. It would have been nice. It would have been nice for him to like in the middle of that. Be like, hey, go down on the app. Did you, were you furiously texting him? No, God no. Um, all right.

My fire fest is that I just, it just dawned on me this week that, uh, we should be heading to Tampa on Sunday, but we're not. It just sucks. Cause Super Bowl week is also, is always one of the, uh, highlights of the year. Not only because it's fun to be somewhere, uh, a little warmer, except for the year we went to Minnesota, but it's also like, there's a, definitely a group of people that we don't see all year long. And then we see them during the Super Bowl.

So yeah, that sucks. Dan Marino. Dan Marino. Yeah. It's always that one time. It's always great to sit down next to like, uh, I don't know, like Vinny Tester Verde talking to you about Firestone tires for three minutes. I miss it.

I do. I miss it. There's something nice about Super Bowl week. And also it's the one time a year that we get to do, uh, we get to feel like we're in real world when we show up to the house the first day, oh, this place is sick. And then we remember that like 45 people are sleeping on the floor. And we were going to get kicked. Well, we were actually going to sneak in to media day this year by building

like an army of people that look like us. Robot army. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. You could just send me as the real big J. Okay. Jay, cool, cool that you get credentials.

You think they would kick me out? No, probably not. Because like, what is he going to do? Ask him like, what, what's your, what's your plans? Uh, what, how do you think the big game's going to go? No, you forgot the, uh, talk about the big game. No, they would definitely not kick you out. I think they would know they'd hire you.

They'd be like, wait, is that Jake from part of my take? Like, yeah, he's, he's, what is he going to swear? Yeah. Yeah. No, you would, you would definitely go. It would be actually, actually, you know what? That's what we're doing next year. Sending Jake.

Yeah. And just having him be a regular reporter, totally owning them. You'd be like, we got our fucking exclusive idiots. I think Jake and Billy together. No, Billy would get kicked out. Yeah. But why would they kick me out? Because you're Billy.

You would, you would speak. Do they think, what would they think I would do? Billy, you asked an NBA final player, how does it feel to be the first loser at three different levels? That's right. Yes. Oh man. All right.

Numbers. Eight. And 99. 18. 20. How many days have we done this? I have a 30th. Yeah, no, it's incredible that we haven't gotten it right.

Only Liam and, oh no, 41. 41. Great. Good. We'll win some Neil. Love you guys. See you on Monday. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wales. You can fit six people in the Wales of John. Sick.