Pardon My Take - Kirk Cousins & Bonus Football Everywhere

Episode Date: December 2, 2020

We clean up MNF and see the beginning of the end for Doug Pederson and Carson Wentz. (2:18-10:40) The NFL schedule is in flux and it’s bonus football season. Steroids on the Texans. (10:40-16:08) Hot Seat Cool Throne including Bill Walton and Billy vs Jake Paul.(16:40-34:24) Vikings QB Kirk Cousins joins the show to talk about a million different questions the guys had including Creed, Primetime, the Grill picture and tons more. (35:56-1:12:08) Segments include embrace debate (1:13:20-1:17:22) and guys on chicks(1:17:23-1:27:12)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, add free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, Kirk Cousins. Yes, Kirk Cousins is on the show. It was essentially a 30 minute roast. PFT and I had a lot of questions.

We actually said it during the interview, but I think Kirk Cousins is the guest that we had the most questions that were totally weird. Probably have never been asked of him, of any guest we could ever have. He handled it, well, you'll see. You'll see, he handled it admirably and it pisses me off. No, I'm gonna still make fun of him.

Well, of course I'm gonna make fun of him, but it pisses me off that I don't have the same level of hatred that I once had. He's a nice guy, he's a very nice guy. We have Monday Night Football Cleanup. We have Wednesday Night Football coming up. We have Guys on Chicks, Hatsy Cool Throne, Embrace Debate, we have it all.

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And then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're going to rock it down to electric revenue. We'll take it higher. Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now. Use code BARCEL. You get $10 for free, $10 to the ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, December 2nd,

and the Philadelphia Eagles fucking suck. They're dead. They're dead. It was a bird alert last night. The Seahawks crushed them. But the Eagles did cover in the last second. And which stunk for some of you out there. Oh, that was brutal.

DK dropped another touchdown catch. And we're beginning to think he might have a problem that maybe his muscles are too big, and they pushed the shoulder pads out. The ball hits the shoulder pads. He can't make body catches. Billy was saying that he's muscle bound and can't even cross his arms in front of his body.

But he did have a pretty good game. Darius Slay got roasted. The two-point conversion to cover the spread. It was a bad beat, but as math guys, we respect it. Because everyone knows we are math guys. It's probably the most advanced, sabrametrically advanced podcast out there. You go for two when you're down 14.

In my opinion, you just always go for two. Because two is twice as big as one. And so you'd rather have more points than fewer points. In fact, I was thinking about the whole Cam Newton situation last night. Because obviously the Patriots are going to have a decision to make. I don't think that they're going to re-sign Cam Newton.

Yeah, I don't think they have a decision. They don't really. I mean, maybe if he comes back in place for another like million dollars a year and they don't have anybody in the draft, they can get whatever. But what a smart team should do is they should just hire Cam Newton to be their all-time two-point conversion. Go for two guys.

Go for two every single time. Snap the ball directly to him. And he either runs. He does that little power run. Or he does like a jump pass. Or he can even, you know, he can figure out a way to score. Like Cam Newton is probably the best short yardage football player of all time, statistically.

Tebow would be the guy. Tebow would be a great guy. Tebow would be the guy. Except for the whole passing. Except for the whole passing. He's the one who could be cheap. No, but he could throw, you know, he could throw his little lob pass.

But so the big story though, coming out of Monday night football is Doug Peterson has officially started the process of getting fired. And I say that because Doug Peterson said afterwards he prides himself on calling plays, but for the first time, he's mentioned that a change in play caller could be on the table. And we've gone through this many times before.

But if you have a flow chart of a head coach being fired, it is always, it always starts, well, actually it starts with a long, hard look in the mirror. Sometimes that look in the mirror can last for a year and a half. Like Dan Quinn. Correct. And then it goes to play calling duty, shuffling the deck, or

you know, shuffling the chairs on the deck of the Titanic. He's passing the talking stick around. Yeah. This is actually, it's actually kind of nice that Matt Nagy and Doug Peterson, who are friends, are essentially in lockstep with their, you know, death, the death walk for the end of their coaching career because they both have taken that long, hard look in the mirror.

They both now are thinking about, or in Matt Nagy's case, giving up play calling duty. Yeah. This is the next step. It's like the end of the Titanic where those two old people hold each other's hands as it's going down and they're sitting in bed and everybody cries. But yeah, I don't think that Doug Peterson's getting fired.

I still don't think that he is because he's got the ace in the hole to play and the ace in the hole is going to be, we're going to binge Carson Wentz, Jalen Hurts is going to come in. And then if you show a little bit of progress with Jalen Hurts, then going into next year, you try to build something around. So I don't, I don't think Doug's getting fired. I don't think he's getting fired. This might just be my brain going, reverting to the fact that

he's a recent Super Bowl champion. He wrote a book called Fearless. So I, I don't see, I don't see him being fired, but it is a desperation move. I don't think he's going to get fired, but this is, this is the first step. When you have to do this, you're not long for it. You know what I mean?

Like there's never been a coach who's willingly said, especially an offensive, you know, genius who's been like, Hey, you know what? I'm going to let someone else call the plays, even though that's the reason why I'm here. And then for some reason they just coach for another 15 years for that franchise. Like that doesn't, that doesn't usually happen. So Doug Peterson and then the Miles Sanders thing that this is

similar to a Matt Nagy. They really are just like doing the exact same thing where I, I imagine Doug Peterson got off the field last night. They handed him the box score to do his interview and he looked at it and just panic and his face went red and he's like, fuck. I knew I was supposed to do something. Maybe give it to my most dynamic offensive player more than six times.

I just figured out a way to get the ball to Miles Sanders more. That's my favorite coach excuse of all time when they can't figure out how to get the ball to their best running back. Literally the easiest thing to do in the sport besides beat the jets. It's just hand the ball off to your, your like horse of a running back. It's so easy. Miles Sanders.

I don't, I don't think his job is in jeopardy, but I wouldn't be surprised. I wouldn't be shot. Carson Wentz on the other hand. He, if, if I were Carson Wentz, I would just fake an injury right now. I take, I take the Cowards way out and that's okay to say. I take the Cowards way out and been like, oh, my knee, it hurts.

Oh, I have COVID. Oh, I got to sit out and just be like, next week, next year we'll start fresh. We'll hope it's different. Yeah. Let's just take an extended break here. Forget everything that happened this year. It was the season from hell.

It's been the season from hell for a couple of years, but just, just do a full flush, fake knee injury, let Jalen Hertz go out there because you're going to, because here's the thing with Carson Wentz won his contract. He's, he's probably going to keep his job. And even if he doesn't keep his job, there's a lot of teams that would still be like, Hey, let's, let's, let's, let's create for him. Yeah.

Sign him and see what happens. I take him on the bear. If you're, yeah. If your team like the bears that's going to be in purgatory that doesn't have a starting quarterback that also is not going to get like a top 10 pick, then yes, Carson Wentz is your ideal solution next year. I disagree with you. I like where your head's at when it comes to faking an injury.

It's the Cowards way out. And I love it. I love that, but it can't be a knee injury. You can't like fake an in-game knee injury. The easiest things to do right now, um, say that you've had a sports hernia for the last like eight weeks that you're, that you finally need to need to get surgery on or go in for a shoulder scope or every per, every quarterback that's played at a high level has like some small amount.

Yes. Basically every, every American male that has been jacking off for longer than two years has some long-term shoulder damage just from that. So just go to the doctor, have them do like a minor little reconstruction of your rotator cuff. That's going to be five months, six months recovery time. And say that it's been nagging you all season long. Therefore you get to go back and blame all your bad plays on that shoulder.

Yes. Or call up Drew Brees and be like, Hey, Drew, how exactly did you break all those ribs? Tell me, tell me step by step how you keep breaking ribs, even though you haven't been on the field for three weeks. Try to do the self suck on yourself until you shatter your ribs. Throw yourself down the stairs and hope that something breaks. So yeah, that's that game.

The Eagles are done there. The Eagles at this point with the NFC East have made our jokes. I think that I would be totally fine with any three teams of the giants, the Washington football team and the Cowboys winning the division because I can get myself somewhat excited for a playoff game with those three teams. I cannot with the Eagles. I have done it long enough. I bet on them long enough.

I didn't bet on last night, which actually ended up fucking me, but I've thought that they were going to turn a corner for so many weeks and it just didn't happen that I am officially giving up and not expecting anything else. I mean, it was against the Seahawks, the Seahawks defense last night where they had Jamal Adams just straight up blitzing almost everything. That's all they do with them. And you know what?

Hey, were they turning a corner? Here's the weird thing. They've turned the corner. It might be turning a corner. I told you a couple of weeks ago they flipped the switch, but with Jamal Adams. That's mine. The turn of corner.

I said that they flipped a switch. Yeah. They're turning the corner though. Like I saw, I tried. I called it a little too early because then what game did they have? Was it the Bill's game that they got torched? But it's happened. It was a night game.

I think it was turn the corner. You know what? It was against the Cardinals. Yeah. That was when they flipped the switch. Yeah, they've turned the corner. They flipped the switch. They turned the corner.

And flipped the switch. But Jamal Adams isn't even that good at blitzing. They just blitz him a lot. Yeah. Like, yes, if he's not blocked, he can occasionally get to the quarterback. He wears too much tape on his arms. I agree.

It's one too many. Agreed. Just, I don't know. Personal preference. All right. Other NFL news. We have Wednesday night football, or Wednesday afternoon football because we had to watch a tree get lit up,

which is so ridiculous that that's actually the reason why it got pushed to the afternoon. Which is also what RG3 is doing to practice this week. Yes. Yes. The palm trees. Paganum. Actually, that's a good spin zone for the Ravens. Lamar is not playing.

RG3 is taking the start. They haven't been allowed in the facility to practice. All Robert Griffin needs to practice is like a bear tree and his wife. Greta? Greta. Just go out there and just fucking drill some palm trees with some palm trees. Watching him. Yeah.

So that game, I don't know what to make of it. Actually, it's weird that they should have just went with the 340 game and not said, oh, it's because of the tree lighting ceremony. Because I initially, when they said it was 340, I was like, oh, that's smart. They get the Ravens home at a reasonable time. You know, like it's good for player safety. They get back to the facility. No, no, it had nothing to do with that.

It was literally just because there's a tree ceremony. We got to watch the fucking tree get lit up. People want to watch a tree. Who cares? But bonus football. Yeah, it's great. Listen, Wednesday afternoon football, we wrote an entire song about it. That's going to make its debut at the end of this episode.

Yes. What a treat. The most exciting part of this year is just like getting random days of football. Like a surprise from the good Lord, but we're not having Thursday night football this week. But we have much double Monday and Tuesday next week. We have Tuesday next week and I'm scared. I'm scared for next Tuesday. I was fine going into it thinking that we were going to play the Steelers on Sunday

off a short week. Not in prime time. The Washington football team has not had, shall we say, the best record. Isn't it Tuesday night? In prime time games. Okay. Yeah. So double Monday, Tuesday night, bonus football, even though it's not bonus, but that's how

our brains work. We will be upset come witching hour. We're like, hey, where are the other games? It's going to be Monday. They're doing the Steelers and the football team Monday at 5 p.m. Yeah, but then there's a Tuesday night game. What's the Tuesday night game? The Tuesday night game, I believe, is the 49ers.

Bill's Niners. The original Monday night game. So then what's the Tuesday night? Ravens Cowboys. Ravens Cowboys. Okay, that's right. They're giving the Ravens more time. So then the other thing we had from the NFL is like the ultimate.

Oh, you think no duh. The Texans had two PED suspensions with Will Fuller and Bradley Roby. The Texans strength and conditioning coach is Brian Cushing. Yeah. No duh. And how bad must those steroids be? Yeah, right. Like to get poppers steroids in 2020 seems so ridiculous.

Yeah, especially if you're a wide receiver. It's actually, I don't, I don't pour shame, but it's a poor move. Billy, let's go to our, our, our steroids analysts. Fuller said he was prescribed by a doctor for them. So it's not, it's no, no, it's not a hundred percent certain if it's a PD in the way of like a body PD or like an adult or a methamphetamine type. Or even a, you know, we've seen like blood doping, red blood cell, oxygen increase. We have seen that.

Yeah. Verbal meme, live look at his doctor and it's that kid wearing the white lab coat. Yeah. Exactly. So what do you think? I'm still trying to figure out what I get on popped for. Yeah. Can you get us, make sure you by Friday show, I want a report.

All right. Let's do hot seat cool throne. Then we have Kirk Cousins. You know what? It actually all makes sense. Like the only season that will Fuller hasn't had his hamstring fall off. Yeah. He's got to be taking something.

Right. Of course. This is absolutely why he wasn't injured. He just got busted for having, he got like a horse's hamstring attached to his leg. And that's the PD. Yeah. No, it makes perfect sense. What do you say?

I think it might be a like HGH peptide injection. Oh, peptide. Yep. What's the difference between the peptide injection and the standard HGH? The peptides are the building blocks of the HGH as opposed to just injecting HGH. So HGH without peptide, you're basically like, you're putting like 93 octane gas into a Chevy Astro. Got it.

Amino acids versus proteins. Got it. Right. Perfect. Science class. So Jimmy John's, you get $5 off your order of $20 or more. Just use promo code PMT at jimmyjohns.com or with the Jimmy John's app through December 20th, 2020.

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Yeah. So, I mean, this is kind of a yearly thing with Bill, but I feel like the tide's turning a little bit on him where he has kind of, so he started doing college basketball games. He spent the entire time not talking about the games, talking about random stuff. Asheville and like, I don't even know the stuff he was talking about. Asheville Mushroom Club? Yeah. Well, so here's the problem with Bill Walton right now.

But he doesn't, the problem is he's getting into the point where he's not even talking about the basketball games at all. No, that's not the problem. He's not been talking about basketball games for a very long time. The problem is it's in the middle of the day. Bill Walton is exposed when he's in the middle of the day. There are too many people who are watching Bill Walton right now and don't, like when Bill Walton is not talking about basketball and he's going off on tangents, it's usually

11 o'clock at night and you're watching Oregon State versus Washington on a Thursday night and you shouldn't be up and you're watching it and it's pretty much just you and Bill Walton. Right now, the whole world's kind of watching because it's sports during the day and everyone's like, dude, is this guy high? Yeah, he's been high for like his whole entire life. It's just now people are paying attention. So we got to get him off of this daytime slide.

I think it's partially that and also partially people are expecting craziness from Bill Walton. You know, like he's become too much of a thing where it's, for a lot of people, their enjoyment of Bill Walton isn't as pure as other people's enjoyment, which is like he's just a creation of nature that is to be admired. You don't sit there like you don't go to the Grand Canyon and say like, tell me your regaling anecdote big hole in the ground. You just observe it for the beauty that it is already. That's how we need to treat Bill Walton and don't like don't try to make a judgment on

him one way or another. If he's giving good performance or bad, he's just Bill Walton and that should be enough to be thankful for. This was the clip that yesterday I didn't tweet out because I didn't want people to start hitting Bill Walton, but it was ridiculous. And he just goes on. It's like the leukemia problem. What do you get?

An addiction to leukemia? It's like, yeah, he had cancer pill. Yeah. It's not a leukemia problem. I like how you follow it up with you ever have any health problems. Today someone's having a different... Yeah, my prostate sucks. I had to take a couple of Z-packs back in the day to get rid of the drip.

Jason Benetti, by the way, is a pro's pro. He actually might be better than Dave Pash with dealing with Bill Walton. He sells his jokes so well. Today, Bill Walton said, have you ever been inside a sonic boom? Benetti said, I have not. And Bill Walton said, I highly recommend it. Okay. Well, and he also...

That actually sounds like great advice to me. Yeah. He also had... Yesterday it was... He was talking about a player on, I think, Texas. He's like, this is the best game I've ever seen him play. And Jason Benetti was like, well, it's his second career game. He tells no lies.

Yeah. He... It's more that... And if he's... Usually, Jay Billis is calling the Maui. So I don't know why. Yeah, I feel like it's just daytime Bill Walton. You can't do it.

You can't... I may have a theory because usually Maui is during Feast Week, right? Yeah. We have the Champions Classic tonight. He's probably on the call for that. Got it. Five to guess. So yeah, that is why.

But it's just... We need to get Bill Walton. We need to protect Bill Walton. We can't have him on daytime television where everyone's like, who's this fucking guy? He's been doing the same thing forever. You can't treat when it's 11 o'clock at night. It's not... It's basically like someone walking into your office and being like, you want to hit this

bong versus someone walking into your living room at like 10 p.m. Being like, you want to hit this bong. There's a big difference there. Then my cool throne is the Paul Brothers. Yeah. Everyone hates the Paul Brothers. I feel like it's one of those things where it's kind of like, I'm so sick of the Paul Brothers.

I'm so sick of the Paul Brothers. But the Paul Brothers cannot be hotter in the streets right now. Everyone's talking about them after the fight. Then Jose Canseco, he chirped Logan Paul's like, I want to fight one of these Paul Brothers. Logan Paul used to date Jose Canseco's daughter and he replied and was like, no problem. I love smashing Canseco's. Oh, that is a great response. That is a great response.

So it's just like the Paul Brothers are as much as people hate them. It's like you can't deny that they're just everywhere. What I love about the Paul Brothers in this particular circumstance is that like Jose Canseco is a 55 year old version of the Paul Brothers. He tries to do everything that they do and they're much better at everything that he does than he is. He'll do anything for publicity right now. It doesn't really know why.

He just likes having a camera in his face and people retweeting his lies. But like the Paul Brothers at least have an end goal to all their attention whoring. So yeah, I mean that's doubly bad if you're Jose Canseco that the person you want to be also was fucking your daughter. It's also tough because we did the rundown yesterday and the comment was made that like it's hot in the streets. Everyone is coming out of the woodwork saying they want to fight the Paul Brothers. Yeah.

They're the most fightable people in America. Billy is like this is big thing like he wants to fight the Paul Brothers. I think Billy is the best option you could have. He's going to fight Conor McGregor. No, he's not. Yeah, he is. If there's enough money, why wouldn't Conor McGregor do that? Beat his ass and make $10 million?

Because he doesn't want to train. I think, listen, boxers, fighters, you put enough zeros, they're in. They are. I think McGregor will do it. But you're right. It is like it's the most lucrative industry in America is challenging a Paul Brother to a fight. If you can't code, just challenge one of these guys to a boxing match.

I mean, do you want to hear the realistic situation? Yeah, sure. Let me hear the realistic situation of you fighting Jake Paul. I mean, we might have to cut this because it's legitimately like it's going to sound too smart. Okay. We are. We frequently do that.

We do by the way. Hey, get your finger on the edit button. Get ready. We're going to have to cut this. Yeah. It's the classic Billy's. We always cut Billy's smart things. No, seriously.

No, seriously. Hypothetically, we need to promote the Barstool Sportsbook app in a new state where it's launching. We do this event sponsored by the Barstool Sportsbook. We have plenty of sponsors that could be incorporated. Exactly. We have Woop sponsor video series. We train. Here's the body armor.

Okay. Can I interject real quick? Yeah. Yeah. It's for your side. It makes sense. Right. But that would get.

The Jake Paul side. No, no, no. I actually think it makes sense from the Jake Paul side too. I'm getting to it. What? Because all that sponsorship money pays for Jake Paul to make the fight worth it, dude. Like there's a, like. He's got.

Jake Paul is going to make a lot of money on his next fight. Right. And obviously it's like relying on. The distribution and media network to actually distribute the fight. But he just fought an NBA, like a well-known NBA player. Don't you think? Every time I saw, that's the thing. Every time I saw the Nate Robinson, like hype, I was never, it was never like interesting.

There was no hype on Nate Robinson. All right. Fine. You know what? I'm being polite. I want you to. I want you to. I want you to.

Yes. Look, I know. I'm serious. Me by myself. More fights than they did for Nate Robinson. Basically. But if we had a little. Yeah.

We could hype this up. No. But that's not going to happen. It would be. I'm so confused with this. It's not me. And I'm just, you know, just the tip of the spear. All right.

You know what, Billy? You're right. That was too small. I'm the tip of the spear. Can I, can I, can I throw one last? I'm trying to be positive. I'm just like. I'm just like.

But can I just throw one thing out there? There's a lot of money to be made. I will pursue this for you. I will work to try to get this done. And by that, I mean, do nothing. But. I'm like, you could pay me nothing to do it. It would make more money for the company.

I need you free. I need. I wouldn't fight for free. I would. Negotiating wizard here. I'd fight for like a contract. How much? No, like.

Like 20 bucks. Well, I actually have a contract. Oh, like a loser leaves town. No, no, no. I'd fight for like a contract. Like. Like a technical. How about this?

So you'd fight for health benefits basically. I legitimately have a fight for health benefits. How about this? I might have rebies. You'll fight for health insurance. And if you beat him, then he has to be your replacement internal part of my take. Yeah.

And you get to go live the life of a Paul brother. I don't want to live his life. If I won that fight, I would legitimately. You're such a liar. Here's my concern. I don't want to live the Jake Paul life. Here's my concern, Billy. We just make a bajillion dollars doing nothing in LA.

No, but like everyone like, I don't know. He just, he's like, he's, I don't like his moral compass. I do think you should go to the suicide forest. That's Logan, right? And go there and be like, I'm here to avenge you for being forsaken by the Paul family. I know. And then do the same thing he did.

Yeah. But on their side, like getting revenge for the following against the Paul family. Billy, I'm in. But here's my problem. Here's the only, here's the only last thing I'll say. I feel like we would actually get this done. Like if we, if we got this done, you would then send a text on

like a Monday afternoon and be like, Hey, bros, sorry, but my parents really want me to graduate. So I'm going to have to be out on this Jake Paul fight. I mean, by the time it gets settled, it, I'd probably be graduated already. It happened. We could make the best Rocky style montage of you training in your barn, chasing the chickens around.

I mean, like, I'm just getting your hands strength going with frog frog. Yeah. I have a frog on every finger, but reaching into the stream, catching a fish with your bare hands, which I believe that you can do, Billy. You can. Anyone can.

I mean, I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. Say no more. I'm in. Let's try to do it. Billy, one thing you need to learn a lot more about is when to stop talking when you're at the last five minutes after

big cat has said, yes, I'm in. You've just been continually weakening your case. I don't want to steal from you, Billy. We're going to talk about your bat on your hot seat cool throne. I forgot. You already have a hot seat cool. Oh, yeah.

Go ahead. Last night we were, uh, we were playing war zone and Billy's like, fuck, shit, guys. I'm going to get off the bats are back. I thought they were hibernating. So I sealed up. Don't eat them. Don't eat the bats, Billy.

Don't eat the bats. We don't, we've been through enough already as a society. All right, Billy. I'm in. I'm in. I'm be a right man. I just like, I think like Billy, yes. For me, I'm doing stop fucking talking.

We already, we told you seven minutes ago. My hot seat is zoomers. Zoomers are firmly on the hot seat. Forbes came out with a 30 under 30 list today and, uh, they put football players on it. So basically rendering the entire list. Moot. Here's my, here's my 30 under 30.

Patrick Mahomes, Joe Burrow, not Taysum Hill. He's too old. Uh, Lamar Jackson's on there. Darren Ravel still. Um, uh, yeah, that's about it. So people understand like the 30 for 30 lists are essentially like whoever you basically hit up the person who's writing the list, like, Hey, I nominate myself.

Yeah. Anyone that, that is actually truly on a 30 under 30 list that isn't a professional athlete is probably a huge loser that's not going to be on the 40 under 40. Yes. And we count ourselves. We count a couple. What's up, Billy?

We have some breaking news. Oh, breaking news. Jake Paulson agreed to do the fight. He's on the 30 under 30. This is sick news. Actually, no, this will resonate with the Zoomers. Um, Trace McSorley has been activated for the game tomorrow. Hell yeah.

And Trace McSorley is one of the most famous, uh, cordbacks on TikTok. Can you sing a song? There's a very, uh, my source is Jake pointing, poking me and saying, look at my Twitter and, uh, can you sing a song? Can you sing a song? I can't do the math right now.

How much is Purdue up? 32? Yeah. All right, go ahead. Can you sing a song? Um, it's a really good song. Check it out. Check it out.

Fallen. Throw it on a dime. Like I ain't even trying. Name is Trace McSorley. Anyway, it's a great song. All right. That'll be electric. That was breaking.

That was breaking news. Everyone's talking about, oh, Trace McSorley. Trace McSorley is going to back up RG3 on Wednesday. Well, that's the thing. Like RG3, we talked about this before. So RG3 is absolutely going to get injured. I hope that he doesn't. But I mean, I've never been so confident.

People out there who are as excited as I am. Okay. We need to get Billy some headphones so he knows when, when he's talking that the microphone. Your cool throne. Uh, my cool throne is Christmas trees. Christmas trees back on the cool throne big time. It is Christmas tree week in America.

Always happens the week after Thanksgiving. I used to be a Christmas tree salesman. I'll put out a Christmas tree buying guide this year. I feel like that's, that's something that America could use right now. All the do's and don'ts when it, when it comes to finding the perfect holiday tree. But bottom line is get yourself a Fraser fir. Don't go for Douglas fir. Don't let them talk you into a fucking spruce.

Worst of all, go with a Fraser fir as a former Christmas tree salesman. I can tell you, actually you're not, no one's ever a former Christmas tree salesman. I'm just in between selling Christmas trees at the moment. But I'll put out a buying guide for you because it is, it's the most magical time of the year. My hot seat is 2020 because we were finally in the last month and it's starting boys. It is starting. We're back to, this is the last month.

And once we get to 2021, all of our problems are solved. I'm so ready for this. Objectively 2020 has been a shitty year. Yep. But once it turns January 1st, guess what? See ya. We are living high on the hog. Dude, I just love the tweets of being like last month, we've almost made it.

To what? The minute it turns January 1st, we're still going to be in this hell scapeable world. Positive. Yeah, positive vibes, positive vibes, positive vibes. We are one day closer to a vaccine and being back to normal. There we go, Jay. There we go. We're one day closer to Billy football getting his skull caved in by Jake Paul.

Fauci said it's, it's possible we could have full NFL stadiums by September. Hell yeah. So when he said that, my heart sunk because it dawned on me how we've completely fucked this entire season up. My mind, I was still the mindset like maybe in the playoffs we'll have full stadiums and things will be rocking. No. It'll be a massive Creed halftime show at the Super Bowl. Nope.

Nope. Not going to happen. He said quote, it's possible by September according to Florida. Okay. All right. Let's go. Positive vibes only. All right.

My cool throne is Tyler Hero Jersey, the city Jersey, Miami. Miami just keeps, the heat just keeps releasing city jerseys because I think they're like, these colors are so cool. We'll just do a new one every year. But that Tyler Hero city Jersey is going to be the most worn Jersey at Lollipalooza, whenever Lollipalooza comes back or all the EDM festival. It's pretty sick. It is a sick Jersey.

And then also Bob Stubbs on my cool throne because he's back. Lincoln Riley has mentioned that Bob Stubbs is actually helping out with practice because the coaching staff at Oklahoma has been hit with COVID. I love that. I want, there's no, I love old coaches coming back. It's a Barry Alvarez move coming back for a game, just filling in. It's a great, I hope he coaches. I hope he's the head coach on Saturday.

It'd be awesome. I love it when they just, they go back to practice and just stand on the sidelines for a while, just to observe practice. We welcome back our, our old coach. Remember he was in the back of Vanny Woodhead, not too long ago. Huge balls. Yes. Massive balls.

Huge balls. Ball sack four days. All right. Let's do Jake. Why don't you give us a hot seat cool throne? Thank you. My hot seat is. He always comes prepared folks.

Yeah. My hot seat is Jim Schwartz. Yes. That's good. We surely mentioned it. Schwartz on the hot seat. We didn't mention this. Recurring guest DK Metcalf and him, I guess, got a little post game comment.

Pre game. Pre game. Sorry. Yeah. And DK responded with a Jordan meme. Yes. I took that personally and he balled out. Yeah.

It was a 10 for 177 or something. Yeah. Well, what he took personally was Jim Schwartz saying, you're kind of like Calvin Johnson. You're not quite there yet, but you're on your way, which he took his disrespect. I like that from DK. I don't. He's not mega. He's Pegatron because it'll fuck you in the ass.

This also reminds me of, I feel like this is Jim Schwartz. Now, Jim Schwartz is a dickhead, but I feel like he didn't say that. I feel like he probably went up to DK Metcalf and was like, you, you remind me more than anyone I've ever seen of Megatron. Oh, it was a million percent a compliment. Yes. That he was paying him. Yes.

Yes. And DK, all he heard was like, fuck this guy. He heard like, what's his name? Lebradford. Yeah. Yeah. Being like, I think I can score points against Michael Jordan on defense. All right.

And then, uh, my cool throne, not meant, not meant to be political walking boots. Yes. Joe Biden's in a walking boot. And anytime someone with big, uh, stature is in a walking boot, just the picture is interesting. It is. Yeah, it is. He's okay.

He's getting injured too. It's crazy. Yeah. All right. Nice job, Jake. Billy, do you have anything that you miss on your hotspot? You know what I need? You know what I need?

No, you're fine. I need Dr. David Chow, pro football doc, replying to like Joe Biden tweets with his diagnosis that you have to pay extra money for of how long it's going to take him to heal. That was, that was the worst thing that I've seen when he was like replying to Joe Burrow. Yes. Like Joe Burrow being like, I'll be back. And he's like, here's a replay of Joe Burrow getting his knee broken behind a paywall and here's my diagnosis.

Yes. Yes. Billy, what was your hot seat going to be? Real quick. You were, no, it was a good one. You were talking about this basketball game. Billy's hot seat was going to be, uh, Mormons. And why were Mormons on your hot seat, Billy?

BYU was playing in the Roman swipe classic against the Trojans and I was, didn't think that would, uh, really be good for their celibacy. No, use protection. Use protection. They soak. And Billy, you know what soaking is? I did not know what soaking was. But now you do.

I don't. You're about to tell me. You just lay in it. Yeah. You just put it in. And then you just, you stand perfectly still and it's not considered fucking if there's no friction. Where?

In it. Inside of. In the hole, dude. In that hole. Great to know. Yeah. The top, Billy. The top hole.

Yeah. You get it. John Smith was a revolutionary. There we go. Um, all right, Billy. Good job. You didn't talk too much. All right.

Let's get to Kirk Cousins. Kirk Cousins. Before we do that. Know what makes this time of year wonderful? The music. And I'm getting my holiday music fix with Amazon music simply having a wonderful Christmas time. Now you're going to hear that all the time.

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totally totally free when you go to Amazon.com slash take it is so stupid. Why wouldn't you do it? Amazon.com slash take for free three months, all holiday season, Amazon.com slash take. Okay. Here he is. Kirk Cousins. Okay. We now welcome on a very special guest.

It is quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings, Kirk Cousins. He has a cereal out, cinnamon, like Minnesota snaps. You can get him at high V grocery store online at plbse.com, Kirk Cousins Foundation. We actually are in the cereal game too. So now we're competitors. We just released our own part of my flakes, Kirk. So thank you very much for joining us. Just so that we're put all of our cards on the table.

I'm a Bears fan also Wisconsin grad PFT is a Washington football team fan. So we've said some things. Do you want to do the hard questions first or the easy questions? Your call? Well, I grew up a bear fan. So I grew up in Chicago. So I'm with you. You know, I know what that life is like and it's not good.

Let's go. Let's go hard first. I can be flexible. Okay. All right. What the hell were you doing with your grill when you put the tinfoil down with the stakes? You know, I like my stakes to stay juicy. I don't like when the juice just drips into the grill and the grill absorbs it.

So I figured I like to keep my stakes as juicy as possible. Now I've since been told that I need to sacrifice that to be able to get that true grill flavor. Yes. That was the last day I used aluminum foil ever. But that was my thought. But apparently it was a flawed thinking. Okay. Yeah.

You're coachable. You don't get the taste of fire if you've got the aluminum foil boat down there. Because we might have said that you aren't a franchise quarterback solely based on that. Yeah. And rightfully so. Right. I mean, it was my fault. But the good news is I was able to fix it.

You can pivot. Yeah. From my mistake. And since then we've been doing just fine on the grill. Yeah. That was probably my hardest question. I've got a couple of hard ones. I did say on yesterday's show that you were a perfectly nice quarterback.

You were a fine young quarterback, I think is what I said. So I've come around a little bit, but I have said some bad stuff. So I'll get this off my chest. I said the worst part about Kirk Cousins making $84 million a year is that he's going to spin it on lame stuff. He's probably just going to stuff it in mayonnaise jars and bury it in his side yard. Is that true? Is that true?

How much do you use mayonnaise or like our light mustard jars? You know what? You got to diversify. So as many different jars as possible, you know, you want to spread your assets out, cast a wide net. Yeah. You know, I'm probably not up the biggest spender. I'm not going to blow all my money.

If that's what you want to see me do, I'm happy to entertain some ideas of how I could blow it. But yeah, I'm probably going to try to save more than I'm going to spend. Yeah. You got me pegged correctly there. Well, you did have the story and I would love for you to retell it for our listeners that you once inquired about getting Creed to play a private party, Creed the band to play a private party for you.

Now that is a good use of money, I would say. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. Being understanding. Yeah. Not even Creed. Creed would probably be too pricey, but Scott Stapp, just the lead singer, I was interested in getting him to come in and do a private concert just with an acoustic guitar for just

my, you know, private custom audience and a custom set list and he would have to do it. I just wanted to know, you know, is that possible? And they told me, yeah, for a price, anything's possible. So they got my wheels turning, but and it could still happen. You know, down the road, maybe, maybe you'll be invited. Who knows? Yeah.

I would love to happen. I would love to be there for that. I mean, they're going on a reunion tour right now. I think there's talk. Are they really? The band getting back together. Yeah. And I knew that.

You knew that. No. I didn't know that. I know my dream is even more likely, but I may not have to bring into my house. I may be able to go see him in a town near me backstage or even better. I saw your high school scene clips that went viral on Twitter the other day. Maybe we can get you on stage singing back up for a higher or arms wide. Which song would you want to sing with Creed on stage?

That's a tremendous question. It's like trying to pick your favorite kid. Yeah. I'd say harder. You know, I have two boys. It's hard for me to say that I like one more than the other and Creed songs are kind of a similar, similar thing. But yeah, with arms wide open, higher, one last breath, I mean, my sacrifice, I mean,

how do you pick? You can't. But going back to those singing videos from high school, if you thought I was embarrassed about having aluminum foil on my grill, that's nothing to seeing yourself 15 years later singing songs from high school and having to relive that. And then every few years it comes back up on social media and gets recycled. That's far worse than aluminum foil on your grill. I was actually surprised that you weren't bad when you were singing.

So when you started saying, I was like, yeah, that's embarrassing, but I wish he was worse so that I could laugh at it more. So that was the line all my teammates said. You know, they brought up, they laugh and then they're like, you're actually okay. So it's hard to, well, then maybe I'll be good enough where Scott Staple see it. Yes. And when he comes and does the private concert, he'll let me do wet on a few of the hits. Well, so speaking of embarrassing things, what about the sandals with the toe sandals

with socks? Yeah. I mean, again, that one I'm not going to feel as badly about because I got up that morning, I put on socks. I was in a hurry. I couldn't find my shoes. So I throw on sandals and I said, that's, it's going to be that way. You know, I'm not going to care too much.

So it wasn't my best fashion choice, but it was functional and got me through where I needed to go. We got the job done. We got to get you some crocs. Put those in sport mode. Ooh, you definitely could do that. Actually a lot of Vikings quarterbacks in history offense to wearing crocs. Yes, that's true.

Big time crocs. At one point, I did accuse you of running an illegal dog fighting operation out of your house in Virginia, because you put up a bunch of pictures of you holding the dogs that you were fostering at the time. And in one, it looked like you were threatening to just spray it with a hose. I guess you were giving it a bath or taking care of it or whatever, but it looked like you were waterboarding it. So I wanted to give you a chance on the record to refute the fact or confirm it if it is true

that you were fighting dogs in Ashburn, Virginia. We were definitely fostering dogs. We had kind of a revolving door with fighting or fostering. I heard, and then Tim. We were definitely fostering. OK, fostering. Got it. And that was at Pet Supplies Plus, and they had a little dog washing area where we could

go with the hose. So the dog didn't enjoy getting a bath, but it was far from waterboarding. Here's one. So we don't have to get into the pandemic, but if I die, I think I did reply, if I can't mock Kirk Cousins, then I also do not care if I die. So I said that. Stand by me at one. I'm glad I've given you guys so much material.

You really have. This is a roast now. I don't know if you realized you walked into a roast. We're going to talk football in a second. We're just getting it all out of our system, but it's only fair. The last thing I want is for you to do this interview and for you to somehow like us, and then everyone sends you all the bad stuff we've sent. Right.

Wait, these guys wouldn't say that to my face. That's a nightmare. No, we'll say it to your face. So we're saying it to your face. Are you a data guy? Are you a stats guy? Am I a stats guy? Yeah.

Do you pay attention to data? Yes and no. I mean, at the end of the day, not really, but at times, if you have a discerning eye. Okay. I ran some data. I did a little number visualization thing. You might have heard this story. It came out a couple of years ago, how James Harden, when he plays on the road in cities

that have the biggest strip clubs, he has worse games. And I don't know if there's a correlation, but somebody did some research on that. I actually did some research that said that when Kirk Cousins plays on the road in cities with the largest mega churches, you're 10 and 15 as a starter, as opposed to 31 and 25 in cities without the mega churches. So do you think that's a problem? Do you go? Do you sip too much communion?

Do you get exhausted spiritually from spending too much time on the road in these churches before you play games? You know, I like that stat. I mean, talk about having a discerning eye. Now that's a stat you could really draw something from. Yeah. You know, the mega church, you should know which cities are considered to happen and which cities aren't.

And maybe with that information, I'll be able to try to write that stat a little bit. Yeah. It was like, it was Charlotte, Chicago, Dallas, and then, but a lot of those games were the prime time games that people have given you grief for over the years. So there's like a little bit of, there's some overlap between prime time and mega church games. And with that, by the way, do you hear the prime time stats? Like, does that ever, is there anything different or is it just, you know, it hasn't worked

out sometimes and it happens during prime time? Yeah. I mean, you get asked the question. So that's when you hear it is when they ask you, but I think it's more of just, you know, didn't get the win. And, you know, it's, it's a stat I wish was different, but it is what it is. And hopefully going forward, you know, we can start to win those games consistently and start to kind of change that narrative.

I think you actually are trending in the right direction because you obviously, you beat the bears in prime time this year. The Seahawks game last year, I want to say we're, or no, this year where you guys, that wasn't like on Kirk Cousins, that was just Russell Wilson at the end. So I think it's trend, trending in the right direction about this Vikings team though. You guys had a tough start. Does it feel like we can make a push here for the playoffs? And that was actually a great, we're taking this on Monday, a great game winning drive

against the Panthers on Sunday. But how does it feel knowing like you guys can't really lose any more games and you got to keep the momentum going forward? Yeah. We don't have a lot of room for error. I mean, we started one in five. So even if, you know, you have a great month in November, you're only back to, you know, we're not even 500 yet.

So we have five games left. You know, we're going to have to play our best football in these last five, but it's nice to be in the hunt, you know, because when we were one in five and going into our bye week, we weren't in the hunt. And so it's exciting to know that we're going to be playing meaningful football in December, but we are going to have to be playing our best football too. When you played the Cowboys, not to like knock you, but I lost the Chevy Silverado on that game.

You, you guys lost that game to the Cowboys. Did you know, could you feel playing that game that Mike McCarthy had smashed a watermelon the night before in a pregame meeting with his team? You know what? I didn't know that until you just told me, but I didn't think they played with a lot of energy. I thought it was just because they were coming off a bye week, so they were fresh, but maybe it was the watermelon.

It was a smashed watermelon. It absolutely was. You should see, you should have like, someone should have figured that out and told you guys beforehand be like, Hey, listen, they smashed a watermelon last night. We're going to get their best effort. That's the kind of scouting report that would have made a huge difference. And I, I'm disappointed that our scouts didn't get that information back to us before kick off.

Mike Zimmer is an all time football guy. We love them. We got to meet him just real briefly more than anything. We just saw his truck in the parking lot, which was just filled to the brim with, with red man pouches in the center console. He's a big football guy. What does he do? That's kind of along those lines of, you know, a pregame meeting that he has and he needs

to get you guys fired up. Has he ever like pulled out a prop or done anything crazy to get you guys amped up? You know, that's not really his style. I don't think he's about the theatrics. I think he's about ball. And so he's a man of few words. It's about just, you know, a few words, you know, let your play do the talking and, but he wants you to be physical.

He wants to run the ball and impose your will on people and you feel that from him, you know, and I think you guys know him, you know, he's a no nonsense guy. And, you know, if you have red man in your center console, you probably are a no nonsense guy. So that's who he is. I've always had the theory that with Mike Zimmer, he doesn't really like any quarter back. And so his quarterbacks always want to play hard to kind of like gain his approval because

if it were up to him, he just played defense the entire game. And that's what he loves. Do you feel that same way that it's like, I really need to show out to make Zimmer appreciate what I'm able to do because I know he just hates my position. You know, I've never heard it put that way, but there's no doubt that, you know, you want to keep coach Zimmer happy and he's a defensive coach. So it's going to be hard to keep him happy, but it also doesn't help, you know, because one of the best ways to keep a defensive minded coach happy is just protect the football,

you know, just don't screw it up. And so earlier in the year, I was leading the league in Interceptions. That's not where you want to be. So you thankfully, you know, the last few weeks, we've been a little bit better, started to get on the right track, but, you know, hopefully I can get back in his good graces. This is a weird one, but we have a theory that you look shorter in purple. Have you noticed that? When you're in your all purple, you look shorter.

Well, I'll tell you what guys, I'm learning all kinds of stuff right now. So thank you, thank you for all this information coming at me. I'm having a hard time digesting it all at once, but, you know, they say white, you know, all white, which we wore against your bears on Monday night, they say makes you look fatter. You know, I thought all purple might make you look a little slimmer. Obviously, I'm actually trying to look fatter with how skinny I am. The linemen have a different opinion. Yeah.

If I look a little shorter, OK, you know, as long as I still am what I am, height wise, I'm OK with that. Just look, just check it out. Well, next time you guys play at home, just check it out. Like look at yourself in the mirror as you go out there and be like, wait, I do look a little. Do you maybe it's a helmet? The helmet is so like big. I feel like your helmet doesn't fit all the time.

Yeah, because you're always you're always sprinting up to the line of scrimmage. You have a lot of energy on the field. So every time you get a first down, I always see you moving quickly up there and always bobbles a little bit. Does it does it fit? It actually is pretty snug. Maybe it's not the helmet because the helmet is what it is. You know, for everybody, maybe it's my face.

Maybe that's the problem. Yeah, just my head and my face that I face around her. Yeah. I think my my head and my face are the problem, which harder to change. You have a great jaw line. Say something nice about Kirk Cousins. Great jaw line. Yeah, we're going to get back to Kirk Cousins just a second.

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Use promo code, take at checkout, 5% off. 3chea.com. Promo code, take 5% off. Must be 21 to purchase. And now, more Kirk Cousins. I also say something else nice. I love whenever professional athletes bet on themselves. So when you're going through that and you're betting on yourself and you're playing on

the franchise tag, was there an element of nervousness like, hey, if I get a really bad injury or something bad happens, I'm kind of screwed. Not screwed because you're still making a lot of money, but screwed in the long term that you don't have that security of a long term deal. There's always risk. You understand that. But there's risk even if you have a contract in place for long term that things can change. So I didn't feel like a long term deal was suddenly going to just make everything better.

And I didn't mind playing year to year. It didn't bother me a whole lot. Purchased an insurance policy just to be smart. And then you go play. And I had talked to players, even in other sports, who had done a similar approach and they kind of helped me understand the best way to go about it. Yeah. I do love it.

And obviously, when you became a free agent, you were heavily courted. He actually had Vaughn Miller on this show and he called you Rihanna. So he loved you. And I know that you guys, during that off season, they say, find somebody who appreciates you the way Vaughn Miller appreciates Kirk Cousins. He was in my corner and when you have one of the best players in football in your corner, it's a good feeling. And the New York sports media hated your guts.

So you like, they did, they were like, oh, he used the Jets, which I don't understand that argument of how like you can, that's what negotiating is. They just were upset that you negotiated, but that, that had to feel good going into free agency and having multiple teams be like, yo, we want Kirk Cousins right now. You know, it was, it was just a great thing to have a fit here in Minnesota, where you felt like you were going to a team with a great locker room, great coaching staff, great facility, great fan base, I mean, I can go on and on. It was just the right fit, you know, you were hoping that you could, you know, find a great

fit, but you didn't know until you really got to free agency. And then you see that, boy, this, this is a home run. Um, you know, I'm just thrilled that it all worked out. How many steak dinners did you make people take you out for during that whole process? Was there a team where you're like, you know what, I already know I'm going to the Vikings, but I could use a night out at Ruth's, Chris, like maybe the Tomahawk sounds pretty good to me tonight. Did you like just one of those on at the end?

When you talk about, you know, being courted, it would have been fun to kind of have it be drawn out for two weeks and everybody tell you how good you are for two weeks, whether they believe it or not. But, uh, honestly, it happened so fast. I mean, free agency now in the NFL is a quick turnaround and the news breaks seemingly right when free agency starts. And that was, uh, you know, pretty close to my experience. So I only visited the Vikings, um, you know, the deal was pretty much done before I even

touched down in Minnesota and then the next day signed the contract to make it official. So it was a quick, quick process, but, uh, but honestly, that, that was a good thing to just, you know, be right to business, get it over with and then go get to work on building your team. Yeah. When you got there, how excited were you that you had a general manager that knew what your first name was? You know, uh, I'll just, I'll punt on that question.

If I can get one. I'll put on that. It's fine. I listen. I've got family in McLean. We do have that accent where sometimes you say Kurt instead of Kirk. It's a difficult, it's a difficult first name to say. And I'll, I'll agree with that a hundred percent.

So you have an unreal rookie wide receiver and Justin Jefferson. How quickly did you know like this is a dude? Was it almost instant or did it take a little bit of time? You know, that's a great question. And I'm disappointed to tell you that I didn't realize it as quickly as I wish I did. Um, in my defense, I don't know that we all realized it as quickly as we should partly because we didn't have preseason games, didn't have OTAs. We had him in the slot, you know, playing that slot position, which is really what he

played most of his final year at LSU. And we moved him outside to the X position, uh, week three. And that's when I realized, oh my goodness, he's, he's the real deal. He made some plays in that game that were, um, that were serious. So, and he's never looked back and, um, you know, we're lucky to have him thrilled to have him. There were several other first round receivers in the draft and, um, you know, I'm just thrilled that he's our, he's on our team.

So when you, when that moment happens, when the light bulb goes off, is it, uh, he makes an incredible play or is it you make a pass that wasn't a great pass and he makes you look good? Both, right? I mean, if I make a pass, it's not a great pass and he catches it. That's an incredible play. So it was a, a go ball on third down that I threw to him versus man coverage. The ball was a little bit under thrown.

He adjusted to it and high pointed it and, uh, came down with it for a conversion. I just said to myself, I'm literally talking to myself at this point out loud saying, he's really good. And then later in the game, he caught a, uh, a deep route versus man coverage, separated, made the safety miss and scored a touchdown that was, you know, maybe 60, 70 yards. And again, you say, you know, not everybody can do that. So, um, you know, and it was just great. We never looked back since then.

He's been productive, uh, every week in and out since then. So that was week three against two, Tennessee, Tennessee. All right. We're going to go find that. That's, I mean, that's cool. It's, it's cool to have like a moment where you can look back and be like, Oh, that's exactly what he was talking about. We're going to find that.

Was there one of those moments this year, you know, you guys started one in five after that, was there, uh, an instant where you realized like things might be clicking or things felt different where you got a little bit more optimistic about the rest of the season? Well, you know, the way the games played out, I was pretty optimistic all the way through because we, we lost week one, but we moved the football well, scored 34 points. Uh, week two, we got it handed to us in Indianapolis. That was a disappointing effort. Uh, week three played Tennessee and it came down to the final play.

And so, and you knew Tennessee was a good football team and we knew that we were one play away from having to win against them. So we felt we're a lot closer than it feels at Owen three. And then we went and wanted Houston and then we went to Seattle and played Seattle down to the final play. We knew that that game was, was one play away from it going a different way at several points in the game. So, you know, you started to say, boy, we played some undefeated teams where, you know,

we were right there on the final snap of the game and just didn't get it done. And so at one in five, we felt like we were closer than the record would suggest. And we had a bi week. We had a chance to kind of regroup and evaluate and then, uh, have had a, have had a much stronger November. Um, this is a really weird one. You probably don't even know this, but December 30th, 2018, did you happen to look in your Instagram comments right around that time?

Uh, no, not that date or any before or any after. Okay. Cause there was, um, I don't know how this happened. It was very, very strange. There was a bunch, there was so a bunch of Brazilians were commenting on all your posts saying that this guy, Claudio Cardosa, who I guess is like some fat guy from Brazil, beat you in football, in college football. And you were literally getting like cyber bullied by these people saying free Claudio

Cardosa. Do you know Claudio Cardosa? Do you know who that is? I don't believe I do. I don't know him by the name. Uh, they're saying he beat me in like a throwing competition or like a video game or, uh, so I'm looking at it. So it was, I think this is free Claudio Cardosa's fraegues, Claudio Cardosa.

And then someone said, what the hell is going on with this hashtag? And someone replied, some guy in Brazilian, uh, AF group said that he beat Kirk Cousins while playing in the NCAA. But the guy is so unathletic and short that it's obvious that the story is fake, but Brazilians in the internet are Zueros and the Zueros never ends. So we are mocking Kirk for losing to Claudio Cardoso, aka the goat. I am all about that hashtag free Claudio. I am.

I'm up on that. It was so strange. And it just made me laugh so much that like some group of Brazilian people on the internet were like, we're going to go after Kirk Cousins today. I'm totally okay with that. Random's good. It was one of my, the, the funniest, like weirdest random stories. And yeah, around late 2018, Claudio Cardosa was coming.

The rent was due and he was coming for your ass. I love that we're teaching you things about yourself that you might not have known because like this is our lives as a fan. Like we observe everything around the game. And as you're actually playing the game, you don't spend time worrying about stupid stuff. Like does my helmet make me look short? It does.

Yeah. You guys got a lot more, I got a lot more swing thoughts now. Let's just put it that way. Yeah. Yeah. But who knows? Maybe they'll be helpful swing thoughts. How much do you actually, cause every, every, you know, quarterback says, oh yeah, I don't

listen to that stuff. I tune it out. And I do think that there is some truth to it. I do know we've talked to guys and it's clear that they are able to tune it out. But at some point you hear some of it, right? Like how does that work? Is that just the TVs on or someone, your friend says it? Or do you have like a strict policy don't bring outside noise into my head?

Well we have an NFL mandated time to speak with the media every week. So it makes it hard to, to not hear it if they're literally asking you about it. But outside of that time, I am pretty ignorant. And you know, there was a moment last year where a player on another team and, you know, made a comment about me and I played the entire game and knew nothing about it. And after the game, it was the first question I was asked and I said, I wasn't even aware that he said it. So ignorance is bliss.

I believe in that. And as a result, I try to stay as ignorant as possible. My wife and friends and family know that too. So they're not updating me. But obviously, you know, there's certain things that you're going to hear it because you're talking to the media two, three times a week. Well here's, here's how you can spend all your money instead of putting into mayonnaise jars.

You could hire us to be your like security team. We will give you a briefing once a month like, Hey, there's a fat Brazilian dude that's saying he kicked your ass in college. What do you want us to do about it? We could do that. Well, you guys would be worth the money and then you can go take care of the problem and make it go away. We'll solve it.

Yeah. You can notify me and erase the problem. Now you're really worth the, the, the page. Okay. That's actually easy because we're like the mafia because half of the problems are us. We create them so we could just silence ourselves and be like, we got to Kirk, we'll stop saying you look short and you're purple. Basically, I would be, basically I'm paying you to talk nicely to me about me on your

show. We'll be like, that sounds, I think good idea. Don't say it that way. Don't say it that way. Today's daily briefing. Uh, there's a five foot eight weird looking guy with long hair that keeps saying that his dumb intern looks exactly like a, a stronger version of you. I'm going to make that stop immediately.

Yep. Don, off your plate. Don't worry about that. You guys are on the case. Yeah. Um, I'm just curious. Do you remember back when you, uh, obviously remember when you got married, but your wedding registry went public back in DC and a bunch of people bought you presents.

Do you remember getting a lunch pail from somebody and do you still have said lunch pail because I got a very nice thank you note back. Yes. Then I absolutely remember. I'm sure my wife was the one that sent the thank you note. Uh, yeah. I said the handwriting was too. I said the handwriting was too good for it to be a franchise quarterback.

Too feminine. Yeah. But, uh, I definitely appreciate that. I remember that, you know, the whole wedding registry, the fact that fans would do that is just awesome. And it says a lot about, you know, the NFL and fans like yourself who, who do fun things like that. So, uh, yeah, we got some great gifts and, uh, uh, we still have a lot of them.

Do you mean that though? Like was it really awesome or was there a part of you that's like, this is kind of strange that I'm just having boxes show up from strangers that, that just know me from, you know, watching me play on TV. Well, it's strange, but I'm totally okay with it. And honestly, it's an honor to get something as a gift from somebody I've never met. So I, I appreciate it. You're too nice.

Yeah. I don't like this. You're too nice. You know what? He's doing this to us. Yeah. He's doing this to us. I don't like it.

He has to pay us to do it because he's doing it. Do you have a photographic memory? Not that I know of. I don't know how to test it, but, uh, well, let's go viral. Um, uh, week 12 last play before the touchdown to Chad BB. What was the coverage? This is going to be crazy because Kirk has a, well, so the last play before the touchdown, it was a five man rush.

We got man coverage, right? Yeah. Yeah. What about the touchdown play? Walk us through that touchdown play was, I believe 44 man coverage and, uh, safety came downhill. Everything was pretty recent. So you guys are giving me layups here.

That was incredible. Dude. All right. All right. Here's one, uh, 2011, uh, four seconds left against Wisconsin, uh, there's actually no question here. He clearly didn't go across the line and you know that, you know, I appreciate your biased fan approach, but I'll never forget when ESPN literally drew a red line vertically from

the end zone up and the ball had crossed it. So that was Brent Musburger, no, no, well, guess what? Ball don't lie. The big 10 championship game, which that had to be, even though you lost, uh, to Russell Wilson, that had to be a fun game to play. That was one of the best, like college football games back and forth. Just craziness. Did you, like when you're in those games, do you, do you feel it?

Do you have a moment where you step back and you're like, fuck, this game is awesome. Just like you said, it was a great game, two great teams, great players all over the field. Um, and it was the inaugural big 10 championship game. So to kind of kick off the first ever big 10 championship game, the way that we did, it was in Lucas oil where the Super Bowl was going to be later that year. It was a game, I remember the rest of my life, unfortunately, it was also one of the most heartbreaking losses of my career being that we had dreamed of going to the Rose Bowl and we were, you know, a matter of yards away from going, but, um, we obviously lost to a

great, great team, great players and, uh, um, like you said, I guess ball don't lie. They won the game and went out of the Rose Bowl. I think you do have a photographic memory. How about, how about this one, uh, December 26th, 2015, it was the Redskins and the Eagles. There's six seconds left in the second quarter and you're on the, you're on the six yard line. What's the play call there? Well, that's a fascinating question at, uh, off air, I could maybe talk to you about

for a little bit as a Washington fan, but, uh, part of the problem was we didn't have a play call. Okay. Yeah, you do have a photograph. That led to, uh, led to a lot of confusion and, uh, not my best moment as a player, thankfully the second half we took care of business and won the game and it kind of disappeared into football history, but, uh, that was an all time, uh, you know, not a good play on my part.

This is crazy. Took the knee there. Yeah. You remember everything. You remembered it so quickly. Um, all right. I had one last question. Uh, the final question is brought to you by cross country mortgage America's crazy good

mortgage company. Go to ccm lens.com slash take to learn more about your future home, buying experience or refinancing needs, equal housing opportunity. So everyone go check out, like I said, cinnamon snaps, uh, Kirk cousins, uh, cereal. You can get it at high V grocery stores. It goes to Kirk cousins foundation. This one I don't understand, uh, Rob Parker and you, when you were in college, just as decided to just create a rumor that you beat up the Michigan state hockey team.

And then you came out and you're like, no, I was at church with my dad. Why didn't you just say, yeah, I did. I fucked them up. Like I beat up the entire Michigan state hockey team. So I was probably at a mega church that day and wasn't able to make it to the hockey house for the party that turned into a fight, but, uh, I think, I think what happened was it, one of the people involved in the fight was a part time quarterback on the team and wasn't the starter.

And so I'm sure through rumors, they just assumed it must have been the backup. That's Kirk. It was Kirk, but it was funny because my teammates thought it was so funny. I mean, you guys are already getting to know me like probably not, probably not going to be Kirk. That's probably not the best guess. If you're guessing, you have a hundred players in the team. And so my teammates would go to class and a, you know, a sophomore and college girl would

look at them and say, I can't believe Kirk beat that guy up and then started laughing. Like you've got to be kidding me. And at one point, uh, they were going to sell t-shirts on campus that said Kirk cousin or I party with Kirk cousins on the back. It was going to say late nights and hockey fights. Oh, that's good. Yeah. I mean, Rob Parker just totally made it up.

So it's, but that's what I would let that just, I'd be like, yeah, that sounds vaguely familiar. Rob beat up the entire Michigan state hockey. If you remember that was, that was the same roster it had Brian Hoyer and Nick Foles on there. So I guess it was probably Brian Hoyer. If we're looking at between those three guys, can you confirm that? It wasn't either of those names either.

But, uh, uh, yeah, it's crazy how loaded our quarterback room was back then. Drew Stanton just graduated, went on to a 13 plus year pro career. Then Brian is in year 12 now. Nick has been a Super Bowl MVP and, uh, and so it was a loaded room and, um, you guys must have won several national championships and big 10 championships. That's right. That's a great roster. Um, I got one last thing.

Then we can let you go. Uh, this is probably my favorite Kirk Cousins tweet of all time. Uh, you said, in my opinion, the best movies do three things. Oh boy. Oh boy. Take all your funny bone, tug on your heartstrings, blow your mind. Agreed. Do you stand by that?

Because I think that they do. I think great movies also make you think. And what movie was that about? So my favorite movies of all time are the ocean series. Okay. You know, I kind of like how there's some intrigue, there's some mystery, but it's really a comedy. And uh, they probably don't talk on the heartstrings as much as they could to fit that criteria.

But those are, those are my favorite movies. And then, um, you know, I just think anytime a movie kind of leaves you, you know, laughing and crying and kind of makes you think too, I mean, I don't know how you beat that. So that's my criteria and I'm sticking with it. Probably could have worded it a little better than, than I did in that tweet. No, it was perfect. It was a perfect tweet. You got to be, you got to be you because this is actually, I'm going to give you a ton

of credit here. This is probably the most like loaded, uh, rapid fire questions we've ever had for someone we've interviewed because we have so much Kirk Cousins history. And you, you, I've given you so much ammo for so many years. I mean, I'll say the quote again, if I can't mock Kirk Cousins, I also want to die. So yeah, you have done, you have given, you've given us a great service and we thank you for that. Yeah.

You really do. Anytime, anytime I can be your doormat. I'm happy to do it with you guys. I'm an easy target and, uh, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. I, I hate you because you're making me not hate you. Don't do that.

This is the worst way that this interview could have gone. I would, I would rather you come on here and you just call me an asshole. You cut the meeting off early and you're like, I'll go sell my cereal somewhere else. I don't need you clowns. Yeah. But instead now I kind of like you, which sucks. Yeah. We'll send an invoice though when we, uh, we start bashing you again and then you can

tell us to cut it out for, but just remember that if, if that happens, you guys now work for me. So ultimately I'm with true. We're compromised. All right. That's fine. No problem with that. Thank you so much, man.

Really appreciate it. Good luck with the cereal. Kirk Cousins Foundation. Uh, and good luck with the rest of the season, man. Thanks guys. Blessings to you. Have a great Christmas. Thank you.

You too, man. That interview with Kirk Cousins is brought to you by simply safe. There's almost always a rise and break ends during the holidays. That's why simply safe home security is having a huge holiday sale, 40% off any simply safe system and you get a free security camera. Recently, US news and world report called it the best home security of 2020. So whether you're traveling or you're staying put for the holidays, check out the 40% off plus free security camera deal before it ends this week.

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You've probably heard people talking about it already, big cap, but as we know, the Olympics are always in the process of figuring out whether or not to add new sports, what those new sports are going to be. Well, one of the ones that's on the docket for the Paris Olympics is parkour. Parkour the ancient art of trespassing, where you just kind of jump off things in the street. Now it's not so simple to just make the debate is parkour an Olympic sport because the parkour society is actually protesting it and asking the IOC not to allow parkour into the Olympics. Why you might ask?

Because there's been a hostile takeover of the sport from the International Gymnastics Federation. So gymnastics is trying to make parkour a gymnastics sport in the Olympics, gymnastics event, whereas traditional trad parkourers are trying to keep it more of like a street sport. Got it. So what's the debate? So embrace debate.

Should parkour be an Olympic sport? No, but the tag should be. Like JJ Watts tag? Yeah, the parkour tag or parkour tag. What's the difference between parkour tag and tag? I don't know. Like they have you ever watched those videos where they're in like a box and there's a bunch of like rails and and and different things they can jump on.

And it's like a confined area and they just run around. It's Florida's lava. You're talking about the floor. No, it's it's park. It's basically parkour, but with an element of tag. That's an Olympic sport. It sounds like a double dare because parkour. I don't give a fuck.

I don't care about another sports where there's stupid judges telling you, I want a sport where if you tag a guy, you're there you go where there's a winner and there's a loser. Yeah. Yeah. No, I agree with that. I think I think it'd be hilarious to see parkour in the Olympics, though, just to get like the parkour athletes thinking that they're on the same level as like Olympic sprinters. Right.

World chase tag. This is it. OK, it's fucking sick. Yeah, that looks awesome. Yeah, it's basically parkour. They're just running around chasing each other in a box. That should be an Olympic sport. Can you imagine a guy like having the national anthem played for for himself after winning

first place in parkour? Yeah, it sounds so shitty. This sport, this tag sport is 10 times the sport of handball. 10 times. What's the sport that's that's kind of like a combination of tag, but also you have to go across the other teams line and then make it back. Red Rover. No, no.

Capture the flag. No, it's a fuck. What is that called? Capture the flag. Do you like get steal the bacon? Yeah, steal the bacon. That's what I'm thinking of. Steal the bacon would be actually electric.

What about hide the salami? Hide the salami would also be electric. Actually, you know what? That's just talking. Fucking. We're just back to talking. Fucking should be in the Olympics. Soaking.

What? Gaga. Gaga. No. It's fun. It's like dodgeball. You hit your hand and you hit your leg. You're out and you're a little in a little square.

It's a sleepaway camp game. I think that fucking should be an Olympic sport. Yeah. Prove me wrong. What what nationality do you think would have the best fuckers? France. What? France.

Yeah. I don't know. Athletic sex. I don't know the answer to that question. I think you got to go France or Italy. No that's I feel like like one of those old school USSR countries too. There was an old Trojan. Romania or some Yugoslavia.

There's an old Trojan ad campaign where it was that concept sex Olympics. Oh really? Yeah. When you're like in middle school and you're like googling stuff on YouTube because you're trying to see boobs. That's what comes up. How do you google something on YouTube? That's okay.

It's alright. It was fine. You're doing a great job. I actually think Hank I'm being positive this morning. I think we figured out the podium. I think it's Brazil and gold and then probably Italy, silver and then France, bronze. Too much hair in France. Hank guys on chicks.

Sup guys especially dog dad of the century PFT. I need a lot of help on this one because I haven't looked at my boyfriend or our dog the same since hearing this. My boyfriend and his friends love to reminisce on their glory days in high school. This is a typical occurrence which are just them saying they'd go D1 if it wasn't for that one injury etc. Billy can probably relate. While we're smoking Billy can't relate and eating a plethora of snacks.

My boyfriend's best friend brought up their first time smoking. To all our surprise he tells us how my boyfriend got so high he spread peanut butter on his balls and had his dog lift them off. My boyfriend didn't deny it and actually found it enjoyable. I know this because I have done the same thing as the dog did to him. I am mortified. She loves peanut butter. How would you suggest I move forward with being someone Eskimo's sisters with my boyfriend's

dog? That sounds, this whole thing sounds made up to me. Billy do you have any advice for us? Rescue the dog. Just get the dog out of there both, call the ASPC. You know what it could be like a Thelma and Louie situation. You just drive over and pick the dog up and you guys just leave town together. I'd like to opt out of this conversation.

That's gross. Alright well here's one maybe that's more. Billy's comfortable with it. Here's one that's more up your alley, big cat. Sup big cat PFT and honk. What are the rules for hooking up with a dude with man boobs? Oh fuck you. Some guys like nipple play but I feel like if you do that to someone with actual tits

they might get embarrassed. Don't. I'll hang up and listen thanks. Don't. Are they sterile nipples? I'm thinking about it. How funny would it be if I got breast reduction? I don't think it'd be less funny.

No it would be funny to be like I need breast reduction. That's like me saying how funny do you guys think it would be if I got shin implants and went up to six too. That'd be pretty hilarious. I think it's funnier if you're a little shabbier. But you're sure. I mean my breasts I have no problem with them. You have a problem with your shortness.

No I don't have a problem with my shortness. Sounds like you have a problem with your shortness. I'm thinking about getting reduction surgery. No it's a joke. A mastectomy would be fucking if I got my tits cut off. Just like me. How would that not be funny? Like me wearing the shoes as a joke too.

Right. Where are they today? I don't wear them every day. Why? I don't wear them every day. I feel like this is the first thing you have. I'm confident in myself. Let me see those shoes.

Are those special? These are running shoes. Let me see them. They're running shoes. There we go. Okay. Yeah. Next.

Hi. I have a guys on chicks question. So my boyfriend and I were having sex and he started sucking on my ear when somehow he ended up swallowing one of my earrings. My favorite pair that my mom gave to me. I can actually believe this. Is it wrong that I'm considering wearing after he know shits about it? Oh no.

Yeah you can. Yeah absolutely. Yeah clean it up. I don't think it is going to like I don't think it's going to come out solo like you're going to have to like mine it out of the shit. Correct. You'll have to get a metal detector. Well he's got to do that.

He's got to start shitting on a paper plate and going to work on it. Oh I'm not. It's his fault. I'm kind of curious like the makeup of this. Does he have teeth? How was he able to like accidentally suck out an earring? I would imagine he was probably drunk. I feel like you could do that if you're drunk enough.

Yeah. Just kind of forget that you're sucking on an earring and then it's boom earring. Hey Billy. Just check under your bed. Here's a call back and it's a compliment to Billy. Hello PMT. I formally wrote in asking how to attract people like Big Cat and not like Billy. However, I realized I may be biased because Billy is younger than me and after reading

his blog today about boxing Jake Paul that was hilariously ridiculous I want to let him know he's a catch. You guys are gaslighting me. No we're not. Billy you are like I would give a fuck enough to make up guys on chicks. Billy I have it right here. It is real. I'm going to say two things one I love you you know that to other people love you.

I don't know who but someone else out there has to love you notice Hank and PFT aren't speaking up. Billy I think you know what you just get the next question why are we dwelling on this. You're a great friend. You're going to make somebody else so happy someday. You're a nice guy. You're a really nice guy.

You're just going to make you're going to be a great friend to someone else. Oh God. Billy you're trying to make fetch happen. Hey PMT. You guys you should figure out. Hey PMT. I met this guy that I'm currently talking to around three and a half years ago at work. We became pretty good friends and I started liking him right away.

But he had a girlfriend so he's never went anywhere. We're both now recently single but I think his breakup was a lot more recent than mine and they dated for about three years. It doesn't feel like a rebound we've been getting really close and I'm really starting to like him. How do I know if this is a rebound or if it could be something more. How soon is too soon to start getting serious with someone. I think you don't know that it's a rebound until afterwards.

Yeah that's a good point. In the middle of a rebound it just feels cool. Yeah I agree with that. That's a good take. You can't be like oh this feels because even if it on the surface of rebound a rebound could end up being something bigger. So it's really got it's got to almost go through an outlet pass. Well it needs to go through like you need to it needs to happen and and then you look

back and you're like shit I was a rebound. Yeah so a rebound it could always be just a put back dunk until you hit the ground. So you haven't hit the ground just yet so it's impossible to know how to score it. I also think that anybody that goes into a relationship right after getting out of one saying like this is going to be my rebound that's just somebody that's trying too hard to have a rebound. Right. It's not even going to end up being a rebound.

Yeah like yo bros this is just a rebound don't worry about it. Yeah don't worry I'm just going to yeah hit it and quit it. Yeah. All right last one a little bit of a sentimental one. Hey Buster's boys any advice for getting a tattoo I won't regret. My brother 25 recently passed away and I want to pay tribute to him but I know he would hate the idea of a cliche. My brother is dead tattoo PS y'all are awesome especially Billy and PMT brightened my brother's

life. He got me hooked a few years ago and it brightens my to rest easy Kyle and go Red Sox. That's I mean that's kind of a serious question. Yeah it is. I'm sorry to hear about your brother first of all that sucks. One thing that I've seen done that is not bad is if you like have something that's hand written from him and you want to take a word that he wrote and then get that word in his handwriting like a love or something like that on your body.

I think that that's a pretty cool thing to do sometimes. In all seriousness I saw that and this is kind of in the same vein. If your brother ever drew a picture of you when he was a little kid and it was like a really bad picture and he wrote his name on it that tattoo. Yeah. I also think when you're getting a tattoo for a family member like you're never going to regret that. It's not like it's not like a dumb like no you have a Larry tattoo.

I do regret that. Oh you do. I regret the placement of it. I actually well first I regret the size of it. Sorry for your loss. Also I'll just say it for the rest of us can you just if your brother's phone is still active can you just make sure he's downloading the episodes still what no it's a good point. I mean he would have wanted that right like that's kind of a nice thing that goes for

everybody out there with somebody. Just make sure that it's auto download every now and then you might have to go in and just be like do you want to keep downloading yes right even if they were like a Bill Simmons fan after they die steal their phone and then unsubscribe from him subscribe to us yes and two I've been thinking about getting a tattoo I really want one. I don't know what to do. I think I'm too old. No you're not too old not too old yet.

One thing I would caution with what Billy said though if you do end up getting like a picture that he drew when when he was like six years old be prepared for a lot of awkward conversations be like what the hell is that on your eyes and then you having to be like my dead brother drew it and then them being like oh my god I'm so sorry. You should get a mustache tattoo. Oh that way when you shave it. No. So face tattoo my first task is going to be a face.

Dive right in. No I just I think I'm too old but I do want I want a couple of tats. What about what about the dolphin on the small of your back or angel wings a tram stamped that would be sick. If your brother had a sense of humor which he listened to the show so I'm sure I assume he did you should just get a skull emoji and then your brother's name that would be cool too because like that's not lame it's not cliche people like what's the skull emoji for my brother he's dead thoughts and then you can be like thanks for asking asshole

that's a you basically have eliminated small talk for the rest of your life that's a that's a beautiful thing. So all right we got the song we got the song Wednesday afternoon football hell yeah PMT song featuring Frank the tank and coach Doug's yes all right let's do a number and then we will play the song great song here we go on eight eighteen sixty nine I'll go forty three thirty nine William has thirty three whipped tail lizards are all girls and reproduced without dudes sixty four nice no dudes sixty four sixty four we're never gonna get it how is this possible can someone do the math Jake makes no sense we should hit by now six percent

chance in here is one percent each no but that doesn't feel the right why is that feel all right I don't know Wednesday afternoon Thanksgiving night wasn't a bite everybody got the COVID it was quiet aside Sunday was a no go everyone at cocoa Tuesday we're in slow mo now it's time for the show AFC North there's no love lost Wendy can you get to get a record book in twin it's Wednesday afternoon yet you know what that means tell your boss to shove it because we're balls on the screen hum day hum day what a day for football hum day hum day let's watch football hum day hum day what a day for football Wednesday afternoon means it's time to watch them football tell the night the lights of the tree get lit we had a food and football game

so that's why we're taking off that 340 Ravens and Steelers on my TV oh can it be much better when these two teams gather they eat each other's guts that's quite nuts