Pardon My Take - Matthew McConaughey, NFL Power Rankings And The Cowboys Disaster

Episode Date: October 21, 2020

Cleaning up Monday Night Doubleheader, and the Cowboys are a dumpster fire. (4:50-10:40) NFL Power Rankings and Tua is now a starter. (10:41-22:10) Hot Seat/Cool Throne including Zoom dicks, World Series and John Wall poker. (23:15-40:12) Matthew McConaughey joins the show to talk about his new memoir, gambling, movie making, being cooler than everyone, and dorks. (42:12-1:37:37) We finish the show with Guys on Chicks. (1:38:45-1:51:11)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. All right, ready, Hank? Yep. All right, here we go. Three, two, one. Oh, Billy's getting his pictures in early.

Billy's going to take 10 pictures in the first few minutes. All right, on today's part of my take, Billy's got to take, how many pictures in during this show? I just wanted to take a picture. Just 21? That would be good. I think that would be good. All right, ready?

Three, two, one. How many pictures? You keep that in. How many pictures are you supposed to take during this show? 21. 21? I have 21. I imagine the 20 of them are going to be, or 18 of them are going to be in the first

six minutes. Over, under, was at 10 and a half. Yeah, he's going to get that done. The point is so I can get the film developed today, so I can, we'll tweet out the 20 pictures. Okay. We can rate Billy's photography. Perfect. So you can't just take pictures of the floor.

I know. I wanted to get a good one of them clapping. Beautiful. All right, on today's part of my take, we have Matthew McConaughey. We tease this interview. It's fucking awesome, 50 minutes with the legend. We talk about his new memoir that it's out now. It is awesome, awesome.

We got an advanced copy. I'm not going to take full credit for reading the book, but I perused it, so that counts. I read like 50 pages out of the book and it's an easy read because you just imagine that you're hearing Matthew McConaughey say every sentence and it feels like you're just being narrated the book. Very cool. Very cool interview. It was one of those interviews I walked away just smiling at how awesome it was.

So get excited for that. We have the Cowboys Dumpster Fire, a little Monday night football cleanup. We have Hot Seat Cool Throne. We're going to do some NFL power rankings after week six is in the books. We've got guys on chicks. It's all brought to you by our friends at the Cash App. The part of my take is always brought to you by the Cash App, not always the easiest place to send money to your friends.

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Now in the street there is violence and a lot of work to be done, no place to hang out. Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now. Download the Cash App from the Cash App and enter the referral code BARSTULE. You get $10 for free, $10 to the ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, October 21st. Matthew McConaughey on the show, awesome interview coming up.

But before we do that, the Dallas Cowboys are dead. DEAD dead. Mike McCarthy, it's very rare that you get a new coach who's an old coach, six weeks into the season and there's already a mutiny. He looks like he's given up. So, I think it was Jane Slater that tweeted out that the team was trying to keep things in house, trying to not let things out and they did the opposite. And they said, our coaches just aren't very good.

They don't know how to coach, they don't know how to make any sort of adjustments. But that's Mike McCarthy, like that is the story of his career. After the game last night, it was so funny watching him in his post game press conference because he had the look of a guy that was trying to like sneak in and out of an adult novelty store, like a porn store. He had this big jacket on, he had his cap pulled down like below his eyes, just hoping that he could get out of the building before he got fired that night. And he had the quote which is always, there's two things that will tell you that a coach

is in trouble. One is when they basically give the old fashioned like, my job is to coach this team, I'm going to keep coaching this team until someone tells me I shouldn't coach this team anymore. And number two is, you should have seen us in practice. And he had the number two. We practice great this week. We thought our practice was awesome. I mean, I made the joke.

It's the Mark Tressman. If you had seen the Bears, the 2014 Bears in practice, you would have thought that they were the 85 Bears. That's when a coach tells you that the practice is so much better than what you watch on Sunday. That's usually a good sign that things aren't going so hot. Well, the practice couldn't have been any worse than what we saw on Monday night. It was, I actually, it was bad. I felt bad and I went to sleep.

I felt, I was like, you know what, I'm not going to waste an hour of sleep to watch this fourth quarter when the Cowboys are completely dead. Oh, so for me, that's the exact opposite of wasting an hour of my life. That is the happiest I am, especially as a Washington. You have to wake up early. That's right. Yeah, you have a kid. Not me.

I'm 27 so I can stay up late if I need to. Yeah. And watching the Dallas Cowboys lose as a Washington football fan, that is my Super Bowl, seeing them get embarrassed. They're so bad. They're, they're ridiculously bad. But spin zone, Jerry Jones just had his birthday. They brought that up.

They're asleep already. But do you know how old Jerry Jones is? If you were to guess. 75. Yeah, he's 78. Jerry Jones, he is, he looks great for 78. If it's, if we're living in the time of the industrial revolution, he's somehow, as a billionaire, looks 20 years older than he really is.

Well, he's, it's the diminishing returns on plastic surgery. If you get plastic surgery is kind of like cocaine. Like the first one is great. And then when you keep having to go back, you're like, well, now my head hurts. It puts a smile on the face. Right. And you just have to just sit there and keep doing plastic surgery to fix the other plastic surgery until you look like Meg Ryan.

He looks, yeah, it's the Meg Ryan effect. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. He, it's a combination of that. And also just like pickling his entire body. His body instead of like formaldehyde, which is used to, you know, like keep mummies looking pristine.

He's just got Johnny Walker blue coursing through his veins and it's starting to seep out a little bit. It's bad. So much for the Andy Dalton will run the offense as equal or if not better than Dak Prescott. That is not true. I actually, it was so bad. I thought to myself, like what, what if they just put a really good cast on Dak and every time that he was about to get sacked, he just went down, like just let him stand there,

shotgun, throw the ball. I think it might have been better than Andy Dalton. Or just Dak sitting down Indian style. Like he's got a cramp. Right. He's got a lot of information just on his ass. I think that Dak Prescott not moving would be better than Andy Dalton. Maybe put like a walking boot with some wheelies underneath and he's just kind of wheeling around

throwing, you know, with one leg. I think that would have been better than Andy Dalton. Or what about just a wheelchair? Yeah. If you could play with a wheelchair, it would have been better than Andy Dalton. Never get tackled. Your knee never touches the ground. I have an idea though.

Uh, Ben DiNucci. Nope. Ben DiGucci. I have an idea. The seventh round quarterback out of James Madison. To fix the Cowboys. I think the Cowboys should trade for Ryan Fitzpatrick. Well, it's interesting you brought that up.

I've seen a couple of people suggest that. I was saying the same thing, but for the Washington football team. Anyone in the NFC East. Anyone in the NFC East should try to get Ryan Fitzpatrick. And the reasoning is pretty simple. You can maybe win the division at six and 10. Yes. Seven and nine.

You're a lock. Yes. And all you need to do is like hope that the Fitz magic times up perfectly at the start of the playoffs. So maybe you win two playoff games with a weird couple of Fitzpatrick games back to back. Your team's not going to get that much better in the short term where, you know, like wasting that potential high draft pick that you're not going to use on Trevor Lawrence. Because the Jets have a stranglehold on it. You might as well try to make the playoffs.

Get a couple more games in under the belt. And just kind of see you let the tips fall where they may. Well, more than that, it's just the Cowboys. They have no offensive line. Besides maybe Kirk Cousins, like the second worst guy to be behind a terrible offensive line is Andy Dalton. He's the everything has to be right guy. Ryan Fitzpatrick is the opposite. Ryan Fitzpatrick doesn't need an offensive line.

Ryan Fitzpatrick is run around with his head cut off, running over linebackers and throwing picks and throwing touchdowns. He's the perfect guy. Maybe Case Keenum. Maybe go get Case Keenum too. He's another guy. They just let him run around. Like you need someone like that, not Andy Dalton. It's the worst quarterback for that situation.

Yeah, I would say Russell Wilson is probably the all time goat. He's the all time goat of having a shitty offensive line. But yeah, guys that would be available, I would say. Yeah, Case Keenum is not bad. Alex Smith. What? Trade for Alex Smith, maybe. Behind a bad offensive line?

Did you see what he said in the interview with SVP yesterday? He was saying essentially what you said the other week, which was like he liked getting hit by Aaron Donnelly. He's kind of messed up that he warmed like a backpack, but he enjoyed that sensation for a little bit. Yeah, so the Cowboys are a dumpster fire. We didn't really learn anything from the Cardinals. The other game, now everyone is, we get the other side of being super fans of Josh Allen. Yes, he played bad. Yes, the Bills looked.

They have not looked great in the last two weeks. It's just straight up. They have not looked great. You know, he was not going to be the MVP now. He had a great start to the year. He's probably not going to be the MVP now. I think that's fair to say. There was, it is.

Bills got a, Bills to me are a team that they're building something and they're just not there yet. They got a circle of wagons. And they play, you know, they played the Chiefs and they played the Titans on the weird COVID Tuesday night game. They look bad in both those games. They got to get back. They got to get right. They got to play some shit. They got to play the Jets.

Get that swag back and then, you know, try to build off of that. Yeah. I mean, you're right. It was two very good teams that they've had to play and that they haven't looked good against. If you're a really good team, you have to be able to, you got to be competitive in one of those two games. And they were, they were kind of competitive against the Chiefs at the end. They like brought it back a little bit, but it never felt like it was close. No.

That was not a close. That score was not indicative of how the game went. I'm going to chalk this performance by Josh Allen up to the rain. It was, it was a blustery day and the precipitation was not conducive to Rocket being launched. So Hank, don't, don't, don't Hank, don't. Challenger. Say it was like the transfer. Yeah.

Okay. Bills, Bills are still like, they're, they're going to be frisky. They're going to be around. They're probably going to win the AFC East, but they need to figure out some stuff, especially on defense, if they want to be able to win some play. Okay. So that actually is a good segue because I, well, the Chiefs, by the way, well, let's do this. So I, I jotted down some power rankings. There's seven power rankings and I want you to critique and move around.

I'll let you have final say on where the teams go. So I have contenders, contenders with a pause, which is really just fraudulent contenders, but I don't want people to get mad at me for saying fraudulent. Can we do the, instead of contenders with a pause, can we rebrand that as how Chris Berman used to always refer to the Jags, the yeah buts. The yeah buts. Okay. The yeah buts. The yeah buts. Good, not great teams.

Bad, good teams. Uh huh. I know I got those unlocked. Good, bad teams. Yep. Just straight up bad. Mm hmm. And then the NFC East.

Okay. The NFC East is the seventh. That's just all the NFC East teams and the jets. That's like the circle of hell and Dante's inferno. That's just Satan's dick. Yes. So contenders. I only have the chiefs.

I only have the chiefs because I only feel like really, really confident that the chiefs, if we're doing yeah buts, I don't see a but with the chiefs, especially when they just decided they were going to run the ball better than any team has ever run the ball against the bills and be like, hey, we have Patrick Mahomes, but instead we'll just do this. And oh yeah, we have leaving on bell coming soon as well. So I don't know what the chiefs like. Yeah, maybe you could say their defense, but they picked it up last year, you know, when they needed to. Okay. So my, my only problem, my only problem with that is to be contender. Don't you have to have something that you're contending against?

Oh, the only team that can beat the chiefs is themselves. Correct. Like when they read, when they overlooked the Raiders. Like when Andy Reed didn't use any timeouts at the end of the first half and everyone was like, what's going on? So it's the chiefs against the chiefs. Right. As the contenders. So they're the contenders.

Did you see, this is probably my favorite take quick of the year. This lady on Twitter said Andy Reed is the type of man that will make your thighs quake. Oh, yeah. Okay. I love that. Was it Andy Reed's wife? It was not Andy Reed's wife. Was it, was it like a chef at a steakhouse in Kansas City?

No, in fact, it's funny you brought that up because the only person or the only account that could tweet that out where it would make sense would be like a chicken restaurant. Yes. I don't know. Here comes Andy. He's about to demolish all this dark meat. Yes. No. It was, it was just strictly speaking about Andy Reed's dick game.

Well, we did have wet walrus Andy Reed, which is a, he's a sex symbol. Let's just call it like it is. He's a sex symbol. All right. So the next one is the Yabbutz. For my Yabbutz, I have Ravens, Packers. Now, these are all really good teams, but you can say like, okay, who the Ravens beat? Like they, they, they played the contenders on Monday Night Football and they got killed by the chiefs.

So the Ravens, the Packers, the Seahawks, the Bucks and the Steelers, my Yabbutz. I would bump the Steelers up to maybe contenders. Okay. I thought about this. Contenders, Astros. And I love the Steelers and I have a future on the Steelers to win the Super Bowl. I think that this, they will get bumped up if they, if they handle the Titans on Sunday. Okay.

Because they, if you look at who the Steelers have played, it's not a great, it's, it's the Giants. It's the Texans. It's someone to, Jake, pull that up for me. Giants, Texans. No, they're playing the Titans. They're playing the Titans. Oh, the Broncos with Jeff Driskell as quarterback.

And so I, you know. Browns. The Browns. Like I think, I believe in the Steelers personally, but I think that it's until you become a contender, you have to have like a signature win. That's why even the Bucks are down in the Yabbutz because they have a signature win, but they also have two losses. I did like Mike Tomlin's quote about like, I can't look past lunch.

Can't look past lunch. Which is the most relatable thing ever. At Titans at Ravens. So then we're going to find out. So the Steelers can easily be in contender phase after these two weeks. I think that that's fair to be like, Hey, this is, this team's very, very good. Let's see him beat a really good team as well. After that, their schedule is soft.

Cowboys, Bengals, Jags, Ravens again, then Washington. Okay. But I'll put them in the contenders if they go to an O here. And again, I, I mean, I, I have a future on them. I think the Steelers are very, very good. All right. So that's the Yabbutz. Good, not great.

This is where it gets tricky. Patriots, bills, Browns, Bears, Titans, Raiders, Cardinals, Rams Saints. You got too many teams in that division. That's kind of a whole NFL. There's a log jam in your good, not great division. But that's kind of the whole team. The whole NFL is that there. There are a lot of teams that certainly fall into that.

I would bump a few of those down into the, into the best bad teams or the bad good teams. The bad good teams. Yeah. So in my bad good teams, I would have the Saints. I would have the Rams. I would have the Patriots, the Browns and the Colts. Okay. The Bears, I'm putting Bears up.

I'm bumping Bears up to the Yabbutz. Don't do that. Bears are a Yabbutz team. Big Cat, they're five and one. So in my bad good teams, I had Colts, Dolphins, Panthers, 49ers. I think the Dolphins are more of a good, bad team. No, they're three and three. Yeah.

They're good bad. And Tua. Who'd they be? Tua's going to be incredible. Who'd they be? At San Fran. They beat at San Fran. They beat at San Fran.

That's their signature win. Smoked them. They did. Smoked them. With a hurt Jimmy G. Smoked them. Smoked them. Good bad team.

All right. So yeah, the good bad teams. I have the Texans, the Lions, the Vikings, the Chargers, the Falcons and Broncos. And the Panthers. I think the Panthers are a good bad team. I see. I think they're a bad good team. I think they're Teddy Bridgewater.

We don't respect them enough. No, they're a good bad team. The Raiders are definitely a good bad team. Houston is the best good bad team. Correct. Because they're the worst of those teams, but they're also the best potentially. And then bad teams are Jaguars and Bengals. And then the NFC East is seventh with Giants, Cowboys, Eagles, Washington football team

and Jets. Are they all five? The Jets are so bad I put them in the NFC East. They're an honorary NFC East team. Yeah. They should be in the NFC East. I think the Jets are almost in the division all to themselves. They're at the bottom of the NFC East, which is actually the worst place you could be.

I have a hypothetical for you. Do you think that Alabama football could beat the Jets if everybody on the Jets had mono? Would they be able to play? Yeah. Yeah. They're allowed to play. Even though the Spleen issue?

Yeah. So there are some players that could die of a ruptured Spleen? No. I think they would. I don't think they would. I think that a healthy Nick Saban coach. I think Clemson's better than Alabama. Okay.

So let's switch up. Would you think that Clemson could beat the Jets if they all had mono? Yes. Yeah, I agree. It's not Bama. I agree with that. Okay. What if Bama...

Trevor Lawrence is both QBs. All-time QB? Yeah. Jets win. Okay. Trevor Lawrence has mono and just straight up against Alabama. Alabama. Okay.

Everyone on Alabama is taking steroids except for their quarterback and half the players on the Jets. How many cycles? The Jets defense has mono. How many cycles? They've had three months. Billy? I think the whole college NFL thing is 100% just blocking, tackling.

What do you mean? Well, they invest so much more money in their bodies in the NFL that you have a lot of guys who are just so much more stronger, so much more faster. Well, and also they're like a roster, a college roster. Exactly. How many pros on it? A pro roster has all pros. Exactly.

Right. So it's also that. That's what you've got to take into account. Okay. Fully healthy New York Jets team versus Clemson, and Clemson's defense is taking steroids, but they're not getting caught for it this time. I think the most balanced way to play the pro versus college would be pro only can run like army's offense and college can do whatever.

Then that makes sense. I still would take the pros. Joe Flacco running the army offense. Yes. Still take the pros. I think that's more fair. That would be fair. That would be very funny.

No forward passes. Army still passes. Like three a game. Three a game. And you have to throw left handed. And two of them have to be interceptions. I would love to see the Jets versus the best college team just to like prove everyone who's ever had that debate for real so so wrong because it's a hilarious debate.

They just run power every time. They're just way bigger and stronger and better at every position and just gash them. Can you imagine how slow Joe Flacco would be if he had mono though? Yeah, he would be slow. He would be like my speed. Maybe he would know, but maybe sometimes you know when you get sick and you have that little you're starting to feel a little better and you feel like Superman, like maybe he's got that right after you hit the thera flu.

Yeah. If man I could run through a wall right and it just kind of expires. Well if Clemson like take a picture of yourself talking. If Clemson kills both all the quarterbacks that are listed for the game, then they have a chance. Yeah. Now we're talking murder. Straight up.

Straight up. So weakness. We do have Thursday night football to look forward to this week and it's NFC East special edition. The NFC beast. Thursday night NFL it's Giants and Eagles. I just think that Thursday night should be only NFC East games. Play two of them.

Yeah. I mean the double football games like when we go back to one Monday night game it's really going to suck. It really is going to suck. We need to keep the double Monday night games. By the way we should at least mention like do you like the two of them? I like them going to two. Yeah.

I like it. You might as well. Well not only that, but you thought you were going to suck. You don't suck. Now you get to have to play meaningful football, which is the best like that's the best case scenario for a rookie quarterback being in games that matter. And you get to put Ryan Fitzpatrick on the trading block. Right.

I bet you that in the back of Brian Flores' mind he was like you know what we might get some offers. I have a take that's going to hurt myself, but I think the culture would be better with Ryan Fitzpatrick. That would be wild. Wouldn't it? That would be wild. Now that you're saying it kind of makes sense.

Yeah. It kind of makes sense. It's actually great for Ryan Fitzpatrick because he wasn't able to have the balloon burst like usual. So now we all are just left being like fitzy, man. We're left with a good taste in our mouth for Ryan Fitzpatrick. Let's go. Yeah.

He should mandate that anytime that he gets to start he gets to play against the Jets and then that'll be his last start of the season and then boom another two year deal comes after him. Exactly. We should respect the Cardinals a little bit. Kyler Murray played well. He's getting shorter. No, he's definitely getting shorter.

He's getting shorter, but he's getting better. Ezekiel Elliott, is he fat? I think Ezekiel might be fat now. Well, yeah. When he starts fumbling, he is. Yeah. And also the nose rings got to go when you fumble. You got to take it out.

Well, you have to. Scientifically, you're getting less oxygen into your brain if you have holes in your nose. Not to mention you're spending a fortune more on cocaine if you're Ezekiel Elliott because you're just leaking like a sieve. Yeah. He, I almost feel like he might have just fumbled on purpose because he's like, I don't want to run behind this line.

Like just bench me. Yeah. Bench me. Well, it was funny because they did. I think was it Michelle Tafoya that interviewed him before the game? And he said, wait. Lisa Salters. Thank you.

Thank you, Jake. Jake. Jake moved faster than DK Metcalf when he heard me misidentify the reporter for ESPN. But Lisa Salters interviewed him and he said, yeah, I've had a couple fumbles, but I guarantee you I'm not fumbling again for the rest of the season. And then boom, two quick fumbles in the first quarter. Whoops. Whoops.

All right. So let's do, let's do hot seat cool throne before we do that. I'm going to chill out this weekend trying to chill out PFT. I've got a great way for you to chill out if you, if you're serious about chillaxification, I'm serious about chilling. Well, if you're serious about chillaxification, then you have to go with our good friends at 3G. We love 3G.

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I don't think he's on the hot seat personally, but our good friend, recurring guest, Joe Buck. I don't know if you guys saw this, but some rat from the Fox Sports Production crew leaked audio of Joe Buck and Troy Eggman talking like in between when they were on a commercial break, talking about the flyover and how it's like a waste of jet fuel. And it's, you know, that Joe Buck said that's your harder and tax money and tax dollars at work. And so it's one of the, it's more than he's on the hot seat because this is the time of year when Joe Buck does a game every single night for like three weeks straight.

So that's, you know, enough to deal with on its own. And now he has to deal with like all the backlash is going to come from this. So it's probably just, but he didn't say anything wrong, right? But you know what I'm saying? Like he has to do every single night. It's not like he had, it's not like a regular schedule where he has, you know, two games a week. He has a game every single night.

And then also it's one of those things where he didn't say anything wrong, but he's going to have to deal with it. He's going to have to deal with it. And it's just like, I don't get why someone would do that. Joe Buck, I'd like you to apologize to airplanes on behalf of America. Come on, Joe. There's some things that are just objectively cool. Like people are going to be like, you don't care about the troops type deal, but it's

not, that's all he's saying. Right. And it's also not like he's right that it is a waste. I mean, it's cool. Yes, it's cool. Flyovers are cool. But if you actually look at it, it's like, yeah, we probably, would anyone notice if you didn't?

No, but no change. I've also do it for big games. And this is, yeah. Big games. Like Army Navy, the flyover is awesome. This is when you get down to the weeds because some people are saying that like the pilots have to have a certain amount of training hours behind the wheel of a plane or the joystick or whatever it is.

So you might as well just have them flyover. Oh, okay. That makes sense. And if that's two birds, one stone type deal. Yeah. I'm cool with that. Also, I think that people would care less about it being a waste of taxpayer money. If I got to know personally which flyover my money was paying for, you know, like if

it was like, oh, this is the PFT Cometer flyover using his tax dollars. At that point, I would be like, oh yeah, totally good use of my tax money making, you know, making my balls shake with a Mach three flyover. And then it's just Hank's tax money and it's just like a wadded up piece of paper. Yeah. Yeah. So the 300 level. Yeah, Billy.

I bet the pilots think it's really fun to fly. Yeah. I would say so. I mean, that's probably why they got into flying. Well, more than like a desert. Oh, yeah. No. Over stadium flyover stadium.

They don't they don't see it. They're like, oh, look, there's there's Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. No, I think they look down. I would be so hyped. The Army Navy flyover is incredible because they have like like helicopters going right over like low. It's cool. Like the cargo planes.

That shit's awesome. You know, be sick. If before a game when they did the flyovers, if it was in a bomber plane and they just released a football like like they were dropping a bomb and tried to land the football as close to midfield. That would be cool. I mean, that will probably be the future when when when Jeff Bezos owns the entire NFL and it's just Amazon drones dropping your packages right before the game.

Uh huh. That will happen. All right. Good hot seat. Hank. Thanks, Dan. My cool throw. No problem.

Very cool. My cool thrown is retro jerseys. Yeah. NHL is bringing back retro jerseys for every team in the league this year. So they're just, you know, jumping on the nostalgia train. Love it. But if you love retro jerseys, you're on the cool throne. Yeah.

Billy's hedgehog is on the cool. Canucks. I don't know if I just took that from you. If I did, you I'll save. I'll wait. But what is Billy's hedgehog do? He's hot. How hot?

How hot? 8 and 1. 8 and 1. Yeah, my hedgehog is going off. 8 and 1. That's pretty sick. His one bad take was when he took the Packers to cover. So he's pretty hot.

What's his name? Nostradamus. Oh, wow. He must be good. Did he also take, did he take the afternoon game of Jets and Dolphins? No, he didn't take that game. So you can just say like he's 8-no. Right.

Besides the afternoon games, like not in only the early games and primetime games. He picks his games. Yeah. Switch it around. Like Leroy's 5-0 in Monday Night Football games that start before 8.30. Right. Which is still pretty good. So he's on the cool throne.

Paid for himself. Nice. Good job. Good. Did he pay for himself? Yeah. Okay. Now he did.

Good pick, Henry. Thank you. Hank. Henry. My hot seat is, well, I'm going to save this one hot seat for Big Gac because I know that you want to dive into this one, but my hot seat is Bevo. Bevo, the mascot for the University of Texas, is getting sued. So you remember a couple of years ago when it was Texas, Georgia, the sugar bowl, I believe.

And Bevo went buck wild before the game and tried to get at Bevo. He ran into a photographer. The photographer tweeted out pictures of having scrapes and marks on his back. Oh, poor guy. And then a couple of years later, the photographer is suing Bevo. He's suing Bevo's handlers. I think he's suing the University of Texas. He's suing a lot of people.

But this is the storyline that you would expect in, like, a rejected season of Blue Mountain State, like suing a college football team's mascot. Right. But I'm very excited to see how it shakes out in court. I feel like Bevo is the type of cow to settle. He thinks so? Yeah, they're going to settle that. They should have Matthew McConaughey revise his role in Time to Kill as, like, the Lincoln

lawyer or whatever and represent Bevo in court. There's no chance that a jury in Texas would award a cent to that photographer. Yeah, no, Bevo's going to settle. I think Bevo's going to get an NDA signed, all that shit. Yeah, I just hope that they depose Bevo. I wouldn't be shocked if Bevo's got a whole list of NDAs. Yeah. You know, people who just get roughed up by Bevo.

I think that that's like an asset to have a college football mascot that's liable to just fuck some shit up at any given time. Absolutely. My cool throne is going to be Tom Brady. Oh. And just really the city of Tampa, because Tom Brady is bringing championships left and right to Tampa, or at least participation in championships to Tampa, Florida. Tom Brady is a good sports town.

Tom Brady is. Hank, you actually got that stolen from you. Did you tweet it? No, I sent it to PFT and then it manifests itself. It's like people were running, like Diggy V stole it. Mm hmm. They were running like a promo for it. I think there was a blog.

You need to get that out there. You're the first person I heard say it. Correct. Yeah. I mean, Fidelberg ran with the two. That's kind of like a parallel mind situations. We were kind of in the same same headspace, so and he's a blogger, so I was I had no qualms with that.

Yeah. My alternative theory is that maybe Giselle is just a good sports town also because she's she's Brazilian. They won a bunch of worlds. She probably doesn't live in Tampa Bay. They won World Cups. And then she was around for the first. Oh, man.

Boston. When Boston won those like 2002, 2004. Where was she in 2002, 2004? I don't know. Not in Boston. I don't know with Tom. Was she in Afghanistan while we were kicking the Taliban's ass? You don't know that.

Was she in Germany when Germany was winning World Cups? You don't know that. She might have been. I don't think so. I'm guessing she was in Brazil. I'm just thinking that that Giselle might be a good sports town, too. All right. My hot seats is Zoom and people masturbating on Zoom.

Jeffrey Tubman. Tubman. Tubman. Tubmeister. The Tubmeister New Yorker and CNN legal analyst. Our legal analyst would never masturbate on Zoom. He will pee on himself, but he will never masturbate on Zoom. Correct.

So what do we have a fine like a definitive he was 100% jerking off or was it he just flashed and didn't realize it? Was he hanging brain or was he it's a fine line between touching your penis and masturbating. Where does that where does that line even begin? Right. But did do we have like details? Was he just sitting there cranking it or was he like changing? All right.

So there's a little bit of research on this and allegedly what happened was they were the people at the New Yorker were doing a simulated election where all the different writers and personalities at the New Yorker were taking different sides of the electoral process and doing like a model UN type thing, which let's be fair. That's more masturbatory 100% than cranking your penis off until you ejaculate. But they broke out into like a little side session where the Democrats would strategize Republicans would and then he was representing the courts during the breakout session. He allegedly was touching himself.

And then when they came back, his camera was on and he was just holding his hog. Got it. And then some people thought he was jacking off. Who knows? He might have been he might have had an itch. So the only need to take care of the bottom line is if I think that if you work for the New Yorker in general and you're participating in one of these sessions, you got to assume that like this is boring enough where if someone's cranking off, who cares?

Well, the thing I don't really understand is he he sounds like a little bit of a pervert. Big pervert. Pervert alert, little sex addict, little dick, what do you get a sex addiction, addiction to sex. But sex addicts perverts, for the most part, they always you can always spot them because on their laptops, they have that little sliding thing that goes over the camera because they just assume that every time they jerk off, which is like seven times a day, they're being videotaped.

So I it doesn't the whole thing doesn't just it smells suspect to me. I feel like if he was a full blown pervert, he would have already had the means to to close out, you know, the camera. So Edward, Edward Snowden, big time jackoff, right, right? He like lives on. Jared Karabas. He's got one. Yeah.

Huge jerk off guy. Yeah. But there's a good rule of thumb is never jack off at a computer ever ever ever ever just use your imagination or just put it to the side. Back in my day. That's all you got to do. Just go back to buying magazines. Yeah.

But no one's ever been busted jacking off to a penthouse. Put it slightly to the side and you'll be set a hilarious story, though. I mean, ridiculous that like that was a real story, especially someone who I'm assuming considers themselves like very, very important and very professional. Yes. If your avatar on Twitter is a cartoon that was drawn for you by the New Yorker. Yeah. Then you're either you're either a sports writer that hasn't updated their avatar.

Like the my favorite is the sports writer that's 60 years old and they have the drawn picture of themselves when they were like 35. Like, yeah, this is me. No, not really. Okay. It depends on people know what the New Yorker is again. Yeah. Yeah.

My cool throne is Clayton Kershaw, playoff Kershaw. So we're taking this before the game one. He's pitching tonight. I'm just going to assume he shoved because he's awesome and nothing ever goes wrong from the past, but a little stat for everyone out there in the last 25 years, the only starters who have more wins than Clayton Kershaw are Andy Petpet, Steroids and Justin Verlander, Ashworth cheating. So Clayton Kershaw has the most wins in my book of any starter in the last 25 years since

the wildcard came around. So yeah, he's he might be the best postseason pitcher out there of all time. Yeah. What about the back spasms? He's been having some back spasm issues. Do those do those only flare up for him in the playoffs? I know he's he's dealt with them for a long time. Back spasms are one of those things that I don't really understand, but they sound like

they're the most painful thing of all time. Yeah, I have them. They suck. They're the worst. And yeah, he's he's been he's been having these for a couple of years now. It sucks. I hope he does well. We're rooting against Clayton Kershaw at this point, like we've kicked him enough.

He's been down enough. Let's just let's just hope he he does well. I'm agreeing with that. I'm rooting for the Dodgers. Yes. Yes. And Tom is sort of I did read the the clip four years ago. He said if the Dodgers don't win the World Series, I'll kill myself.

So I think that just still stands. And then also Mookie and Mookie is doing well. But spend zone. The Red Sox have enormous flexibility when it comes to their salary spending. Big time. My hot seat is Halloween. Oh, because, you know, as true it is to the hot seat, like it could go either way. Halloween could be awesome or it could suck.

What? And it's on hot seats. It could suck. There won't be like good parties or something. Well, like trick or treating like you can't touch stuff. This is a classic. Billy had his hot seat stolen by somebody. No. So he's filling in. Why have another hot seat?

A busted toilet. Who who listening to this right now? Do you think trick or treats? I don't know. Party out of anyway. Doorbells are going to be dirty. Maybe a lot of people who are doing the on the giving end of the trick or treating. Yes. There we go.

I bought a throne because you don't have to deal with. Then you get all the candy for yourself. Please take one. Well, yeah, my son is going to be ultimate warrior for Halloween. It's fucking awesome. I bought the costume. It's going to be sick. I mean, a little mini belt.

I need to figure something out for myself. I don't know. I don't know. Halloween. I'm going to like is like a family Halloween party. You go as a clown. Yes, you go as a guy on vacation. Tweet recommendations to us.

No, that was me. We're at the truth. Um, and my cool throne is Titans. Mike Vrabel for using a very crafty loophole in the book. Interesting. Interesting. I wish we had thought of this to talk about on Sunday night. Did you listen to us talking about this exact same thing on Sunday? We weren't going to talk about it. Anyway, do you know the hedgehog?

OK, I did listen on Sunday night. I did listen on Sunday for Monday. Like he said, the like classic. The show happened. Lay eggs. You just fast forward to the very end to see what the fun animal fact was. Because that's all you wanted to know. Billy's theory of mind is like, well, if I'm not in the office,

they probably don't do it. No, I listen to as much as I could. Billy, you are you are like a Mike Vrabel yourself because you figured out a way to bend time and do it. Exactly what we did on Sunday on Tuesday night. On my heels here, when like everyone's taken my cool throne, like who knew that it's good to have it on my head. Did you hear us making fun of Jake?

Because he was sitting in your seat. Yeah, you can think of an animal fact. That's true. That's true. I'm going back on. Love it. What about I'll give you a cool throne. Coaching search firms on the cool throne

because they make a lot of money for stuff that we could do. It's the best racket of all time. Good job. Yes, exactly. Coaching search firms are the best. And you're hearing like the various NFL teams talking about using them. And there's a formula.

Yes, Ernie, of course. Yeah, Bob and I were just talking before the show and we're like, there's it's a very specific formula. You have to have like the son of a former head coach. You have to have a head coach that's been out of the league for a couple of years who made a Super Bowl. You have to have old GM, Bill Pullian. Yeah, you got to have an old GM.

Yeah. Well, I'm talking about for the candidates that they'll pull up. But yeah, Bill Pullian is on the search firm. Right. He's like the guy that directs the search for. But these are the names that would be like the son of a head coach, a former head coach that made a Super Bowl, a secretary of state.

If you want to add in Condoleezza Rice or Henry Kissinger, you're feeling spicy. And then like one college coach who would never in a million years say yes. And then a wild card that you end up hiring because he wowed you in the interview. Yes. Which would be Joe Brady out of the box.

Joe Brady is my guy who's going to wow somebody during an interview. Yes, yes. Another cool throw for you, Billy, is rough and rowdy. Rough and rowdy this Friday. Yeah. You can use the play barstool app to make your selection. It's going to be awesome. Four.

Yeah. The event. Yeah. You win $25,000. Why would you not take less than 60 seconds? How many how many how many fights do you have to get right? Five fights. Five fights.

You got to get a break from. Five fight tens questions. Awesome. Bobby Lang is probably the best fighter we've ever had. Yes. He is a monster, an absolute monster. He beat Travis Turmin. All right.

Let's get to our interview. Awesome interview coming up. Matthew McConaughey before we do that. Express. Express is the all new and all about you with a fresh assortment of casual, versatile, and super comfortable styles. I actually just went on Express and got myself

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I'm going to try to be a turtleneck guy. Nice. Nice. To make my neck look. Yeah, yeah. Barsal Sports Advisors. That's the joint. Wait, he's on Danny Cannell's joint.

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Woo! OK, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest. It is actor and now author Matthew McConaughey. He's got his memoirs out October 20. It's called Green Lights. It is, I'll say it right now, the coolest memoir of all time, because it is his life experience teaching you about how to live life, how to be cool.

But more than anything, you wrote it. You had a journal for 35 years, and then I read that you wrote it by going to the desert for 52 days without electricity. Is that true? The first 12 days without electricity. So I had a generator on me. And I pack up these 36 years worth of diaries.

I put them in the navigator. I buy 21 and 5 eighth inch rib-eyes. I zip lock them. I get my long branch. I get three five gallon jugs of water and a generator and my laptop and a printer. And I headed out to this cabin in the desert. So for the first 12 days, that was me.

And then the other places I went after that were in the desert. But I did leave the generator and got some AC power hookup. So I had a little electricity. Well, what was that like going back over the course of your life? I mean, most people don't keep a diary since the day that they're 15 years old or however young you were.

Like going back and reading that stuff, was that the first time that you'd sat down and read your thoughts? Yeah. Yeah, it was. I mean, I write this in the book. I always write things down not to remember. I write things down so I can forget them.

So I can go, oh, jot that down. Cool, now I can forget it. And that's what I've been doing since I was 14. But I'll mind you, the early stuff at 14, I'm a 14-year-old kid going to my training for this reason that most people go to their diary to write about the shitty stuff. To write about, oh, Gretchen broke up with me

or Kathy Cook won't go out with me or this worked out or I got to second base last night or some kind of thing like that. And then in my early 20s, I had a time where I was kind of rolling, catching a lot of green lights. I was in college, my relationships were good, man. I would think I was making a little money, had a little money in my pocket.

And I said, you know what, McConaughey, go write in your diary now while you're rolling. Go dissect this success you're having right now because you may get in a rut again, which I did, which we all do, and you can go back and look at, what was I doing when I was rolling? Who was I hanging out with? Where was I going?

What was I eating? What was I drinking? How was I seeing the world? So that was something that I was happy I've done through my life is try to write things down when things are going well, because another rut's always coming. And if you keep track and make a little bit of this,

there's a science to some satisfaction. There's some habits that I've found that I've had that have helped me be more satisfied and they helped me get out of some of those ruts. What, so I'm very jealous that you've kept a diary for that long and you could go back and kind of read your own thoughts from each phase of your life.

What phase of your life or what age did you look back on? You're like, ooh, kind of a loser or I'm embarrassed by that. Cause I always think like, of myself as 23, I'm like, you did not know anything and you thought you knew everything. Yeah, well, there was, that was part of the, to answer your question a second ago, that was part of the fear of going back

and looking at these diaries. I was like, man, I'm going to be embarrassed. I'm going to be ashamed of this. I'm going to be, see where I was an arrogant prick and thought I was a no at all, but actually, you know, was silly as could be or was a foolish, was foolish about it. And look what happened in sitting down

with the diaries and writing the book, a lot of the shit that I thought was going to be embarrassed about actually just laughed at myself. A lot of the stuff I thought was going to be ashamed about actually forgave myself or found that, oh, I had already made amends for that. And a lot of the stuff that I thought I would arrogant about, I was and I was like, well, good for you

at that age of thinking you were a no at all. And you ended up stepping in shit because you thought you were a no at all. But look, you know what? You stepped in shit again and that was okay. So I'm glad you had the courage to think you were a no at all at that time because look at you, you ate shit

because you thought you knew it all. And that was good, you know? Was there a specific thing that looking back over your diaries, you were like, man, I was really wrong about that. And it actually ended up working out, but not for the reasons that I thought it would. Let me think, man.

I mean, do you guys read that scorpion spring story? Where, where, where I go, I get this, I get offered this, I was, I was in Hollywood. I'd already done days confused. And I was about a year where I wouldn't get in work. I was getting the first callback, second callback, third callback, but I wouldn't get in the, wouldn't get in the job.

And it's cause I was tight. I was a little, I was a little, I wouldn't take enough chances. Well, I get this blind offer to do this role. It's a one day role. It's of this guy who's a drug runner down on the south border and the coyotes are going to bring over his drugs. And instead of pay for him,

he's going to steal the drugs, kill them all and move on. Well, I get this bright idea in my head at the time that I'm not going to read the script. I'm not even going to read the scene. I'm going to go back to how I first learned acting. Days confused, man. There were only three lines. They were just throwing me in the middle of scenes

and I improvised and worked for three weeks. That's back when I was a natural, you know? And at this time in my life, when this happened, I was like trying to really study acting. I was like, forget this study and I'm going back. I'm not even reading the script and I didn't read the scene. So I show up on the set, having not read the scene. And I said, I'm just going to be my man.

I'm going to do what my man would do. All right. And right before we were about to say action, this PA comes by and goes, do you want to see the sides of Mr. McConaughey and the sides of the scene that day? And I decided I want to see him looking back, because I was getting a little insecure

about this grand plan I had, right? Well, I open up the sides, I look at them. There's one page, two page, three page, four pages of a monologue in Spanish. And I'm like, oh, shit, man. And I felt this beat of sweat come up on the back of my neck. And I'm like, can I get 12 minutes?

And I don't know why I said 12 minutes. I remember in my mind at the time, I thought 12 minutes would be like not enough time to inconvenience the crew, but enough time for me to go learn four pages of a monologue in Spanish, because hey, I took Spanish one semester in the 11th grade. Yeah, great.

Well, guess what? Neither, I did not, it was not enough time to learn it in Spanish. I've never seen that movie. I went back and did the take and was fucking embarrassed about that, man. It was uncomfortable. I was stressed.

I felt horrible about it. And that actually, that moment is when I said, okay, bullshit, from now I'm gonna over-prepare. I'm gonna out-prepare people. I'm gonna come in so prepared for scenes that you can call an audible, put a blindfold on me, wherever you wanna drop me off in the world, press record, I'll be my man.

And that embarrassing moment is what made me really understand that hey, you gotta prepare to be free. You gotta do the early work so you can do the early work so you can play on the day. Yeah, it's interesting. You put that in your book. You put it in the same way as sports.

Yeah, you said be conservative early so that you can be liberal later, which I took to mean put yourself in a situation where you have structure, you have boundaries as you're preparing to do something. And then when you're in the moment, you've got all the background already prepared for. You've got the guide rails that allow you to really...

That's it. You know, if you wanna take the guide rails off later, you can, but it's better to have those in place than to just freewheel everything. Figure out the general set of rules up front. You know what I mean? If you wanna do backflips in your sandbox, we'll go rake it and check for glass and stuff first

and then blow in the wind. You know, you wanna... We look at it in sports, man. I mean, you get a new defensive coordinator coming to a situation and he's got all these complicated schemes. He's got great athletes, but if he's only there in year one,

you see those players hesitating on the field because they're thinking. You don't wanna be thinking when it's game time. Now, so have the time to take the time to really understand the rules and sort of what the general boundaries are. You spend enough time doing that, then you're free to play.

Then you can do your backflip, rake naked in your sandbox. Then you can call a model, but then you can have your instincts. You don't wanna be thinking when you're in the game, whatever that game is. It's absolutely true. Do you see it all the time in sports

where the best players, they're not thinking they're just reacting and they're just doing it second nature. How many times, I didn't see this in the memoir, how many times you somehow omitted this, but how many times during your diary going back where you like, I think this is the year Texas is back. Like I'm really feeling it this year.

You left that out. I didn't see that part. Nice lead into these current times too. Yes. Well, they were back quite a few times. They were there. They were present along my writing. I've always been a Longhorn fan

even since I was 14, started writing. I was keeping diaries when we won national championship. I was keeping diaries all the way through when we got to the national championship against BAM as well. And I still keep them. So we got work to do as a team to get back where we need to be.

Yeah, do you ever, when you give a pump up speech, when they actually give a pump up speech, let it fucking rip man, which was maybe the coolest speech ever and you guys beat Notre Dame. Do you feel extra pressure? Because if you give a great speech and you give like the Matthew McConaughey,

let it fucking rip man, and then they suck. You're like, well, what the hell happened here guys? Yeah. Well, look, me giving them a speech is not a magic bullet. I mean, it's not, it's not, I'm not a magician. I don't know. That let it fucking rip speech, that was a magic bullet. Let it fucking rip, man.

Let it fucking rip. And then we scored some points and got off. Yeah, we looked like we were off the chide and we were about to roll through the season didn't we? Uh-huh. Yeah. Here's the deal. Here's the thing about talking to the teams, man,

is you gotta, for me, there's two things. I wanna know, I like to talk to the coach first because I don't wanna go in there and talk about conservative, liberal late and getting players confused. You don't, I don't wanna go in there with a completely different message than a coach has been throwing at the baseline

as a baseline message to the team. I don't wanna think I'm like, well fuck, wait, is this a new plan? Is this a new way to go about things? So I wanna get generally what be sort of synonymous to what the coaches are going for. I also could try to get a read of the team. Look, man, the speech I'll give to the team

after a 45 to six loss is different than what I'll say to the team going into the big 12 championship. You know, you get to a big 12 championship, your team's confident. They don't need the rah-rah, let's get up. They're gonna be amped. You know what I mean?

Let's just let this one be about, hey, take, maybe take, everyone make sure and take 15 minutes tonight to think about how you got here, to think about your brother, sisters, mom and dad, grandmothers who watched you play, why you love the game of football. Think about it for a minute and think about this. So maybe it's a calming thing

that is still challenging them. Well, but after a 45 to three loss, I remember this. I went to talk to a team early in Mac Brown's career and we'd just got our waxed by UCLA. And I remember being at practice and the team's confidence was so low, man. And in practice, the team was applauding clean handoffs. And I was like, applauding and clean handoff.

And I remember Mac saying, man, the team's morale and confidence is so low right now. You know, I mean, a completion for two yards, we were going, good job. And he built them out of that. Now that's very different than talking to the national championship team about to go play USC. That team's rolling, man, highly confident.

So what is your game plan? Know that, you know, finish every single play to, you know, until that, things like that. So the speeches are different for each time. Yeah. How do you time that out? Because if you're not familiar with the city of Austin, their practice field is right underneath the I-35 overpass.

So it's not exactly the quietest part of town. It's pretty noisy. Do you have to wait and say to yourself, like we have to do this after rush hour? Or are you just out there like screaming over cars? Ah, it's whatever our man. When we're in that, it doesn't matter if it's, if there's 10,000, 18 wheelers coming down at 35.

All the focus is right there on the field. And I'll speak over it. Yeah. I have one fact check to pull on your book. I don't know how much fact checking went into it, but you said towards the start of the book, I have a lot of proof that the universe is conspiring to make me happy.

How can you possibly sit there and write that as a fan of the Washington football team? That's a good point. Doesn't add up. Oh, right. Hey, we got time. It's 100 year war. 1,000 year war.

We got time. 1,000 year war. Washington football team. You know, I've been a fan of the now called Russian football team up until recently, what was called the Washington Redskins team. You know, I grew up outside of Dallas. I was the only, at that time, Redskins fan in Texas, man.

I mean, I would go to, I went to Texas stadium in a chamois. You know the chamois you drive your car with? Mm-hmm. You know, I went with a chamois wrapped around my waist with nothing but my underwear on under it and a rope wrapped around my waist. Painted burgundy, head to toe with a headdress on and was on the 50 yard line in Texas stadium

when the Redskins played the Cowboys. Was that four years ago? I wouldn't sneak out of church. Yeah, actually, I was about, I was in 1978, 79. I was at the last game at RFK. I have a Mason jar with burgundy soil, grasped from the soil from the end zone last game of RFK. First game at Jack Kent Cook, first game at FedEx Field.

I've, you know, I grew up wanting to be John Riggins, man. Mm-hmm. You know, 3.4 yard to carry the diesel name Desire, Mr. October, man. In the backyard, you couldn't get me down because I was John Riggo Riggins, man. I grew up with a fun bunch. I hung out with, I chased down as a kid, Daryl Green.

You know, look at what the Redskins have done. Look at what they did with quarterbacks. Look at what Joe Gibbs did with quarterbacks from Jay Schrader to Ripon to Doug Williams. Not journeymen that came in and were the right man for the job at that time. Yeah. And along with the 49ers, I mean,

what was it, the 90s or the 80s that we basically sort of owned with the 49ers? Yeah. Hey, we're here we go. Rebuilding again. Let's see, man. We got to, you know, get the culture right over there. Now with the now called Washington football team.

What's the name going to be? What's the consensus out there? I'm pushing for Red Wolves. I'm pushing for the Washington Red Wolves. I just think it'd be cool that you got the teeth. You got all the fans in the stands is making big howling noises. If they play a game when there's a full moon,

that'd be incredible. You can't bet against them then. Here we go. I like that. I just think that there are no professional football teams named after dogs. And everybody loves dogs, right? Yeah, but you got to walk.

I mean, Red Wolves pretty aggressive. I mean, you can't have the poodles, you know what I mean? So, I mean, you still got to have some, you still got to go out there and have a pretty intimidating name. Yeah, Red Wolves for it. Call him the Wolf Pack. Yeah, we were actually talking to the president

of the Washington football team because I was born and raised in Northern Virginia. So, I grew up, you know, watching those teams. And you're right, Joe Gibbs does not get enough credit because I think he's the only head coach probably ever, probably from now, even until the history of the NFL is written that took three separate quarterbacks to three separate Super Bowl titles.

That's pretty much impossible to do, especially now. And those quarterbacks didn't go on to be, they weren't like First Ballad Hall of Famers. They weren't like guys like, they weren't Brady's and Baton Manning's. No, they were guys at the right time. Second stringers that took the opportunity around with it. Yeah, this might be a weird question.

I'm sure you've been asked it before, but when did you find out that you were just cool? Like, when was that moment? Did you know early on, like, I'm just cooler than people? Like that laugh was cool. Man, I mean, look, I looked up to my, I looked up to my big brother, Pat, and he was the coolest man.

I mean, I write about it in the book. He was my inspiration for Wooderson and Days Confused. Now, to this day, was he that guy, and he's like, you know, comes to me, thanks a lot, man. And I'm like, no dude, here's, it was you. I remember mom and I went to go pick you up at school because your Z-28, which is super fucking cool, was broke down, and we were picking you up from school,

and we couldn't find you because you weren't, you were supposed to meet us. And I'm in the back of the station wagon, and I'm looking out, and I see this silhouette of this dude leaning against a wall, brick wall, in the shadow section of the smoking section at school. He's got his left leg up, boot heel against a wall, hanging a cigarette in a lazy right hand, bringing it up,

token it. And I go, there's Pat, and I had to stop because I knew mom, he'd get in trouble for smoking, but it was my brother. And man, in that image of my eyes outside the back of that station wagon, he was cooler than James Dean. He was 10 feet tall, man, he was the stud.

And so that's who sort of Wooderson came based on. We've been taught, look, I think what's cool, here's what's cool, being yourself and being cool with yourself and just not trying to be everything to everybody or trying to, you know, I got no problem with nerds. I just don't like dorks. A dork tries to be everything to everybody.

You can't really trust them. I know some nerds that are real cool. I know some very cool nerds, but I'm not a fan of dork. Give me an asshole before you give me a dork. At least I know where the asshole's staying. You know what I mean? Assholes can be cool too. I like that.

By the way, you told a great story in your memoir about your brother Pat, who was adopted and your parents said every year, like, let's, you know, go see your adopted, you know, your birth, your birth parents. And he said, no, no, no. And then when he was 19, he's like, all right, let's go do it.

He shows up. He goes inside, meets him, comes back out in two minutes and your parents like, what's going on, Pat? And he's like, I just wanted to make sure my dad wasn't going bald cause I'm starting to, my hair's starting to get bigger. And that was it. That was the only time he saw his birth parents.

That's cool. We'll see him again. All right. That's cool. That's cool. That's really cool. One of the coolest things that you wrote in this book, was a story about when you, when you traded in your truck, you thought you had all the answers at that point.

You realized very quickly that you didn't. I actually think that story, it's a, it's a nice allegory, not just in sports, but in life. But if you want to like kind of give the background of what you learned from that, I think that's really, really interesting. Yeah. So let's, this, this is a good topic on cool too, on what's cool and what's not cool.

So I got a truck in high school. I've been the guy who parks in the first parking lot. I got a speaker down in the grill in the front of the truck in the morning when all the students are going up to the, come to class through the first parking lot. I'm the guy that's down there going, oh, look at Kathy Cook's jeans this morning, looking good, you know, and everyone turns around and go,

where's that coming from? And Kathy Cook gets embarrassed and we all laugh. Then I pop up and they know it's me and we're all having fun. I'm the guy that danced at the party. I'm the guy that no matter what time we got to the concert, I'm going to work my, we're going to take my date. We're going to work our ass up to the front row and go rock. Well, I'm driving down the road one day

in my truck and I go by the Nissan dealership and I see this candy red 300 ZX sports car. I said, I just got a pull in there and have a look at that. Well, it was hot shit. And then the guy was really motivated to sell it and I never had a sports car. And on the spot, I traded him in my truck for that red 300 ZX cut to the next day.

I'm not parking the first parking lot. I parked in the third parking lot. So, you know, nobody opened the doors and dent my candy red ZX man. I'm also noticing that I think my car is such hot shit that I'm just going to get out and lean against that son of a bitch and just be cool and go look at me and my new red 300 ZX with T tops.

How cool am I? You became a dork. Well, the girls got disinterested, huh? You became kind of a dork when you got the cool car. Became kind of a dork, relying on my car, you know? Looking in the proverbial mirror at myself, letting my car to do the work for me. Well, the girls got pretty disinterested pretty quickly.

And when I'm saying in after school, you want to go ride around with me and my red 300 ZX with the T tops down, they're like, no, we're going to go muddin' with Trey Hickman, like we used to do with you. Well, after about a month and a half, things dry up for me, man. The chicks are not digging me and my red sports car

that I'm leaning against in the third parking lot. And I realized, dude, you coot-a-grod yourself. You outfoxed yourself. This fucking red sports car is just talk about, it's blue-balling you, man. You got to get rid of this son of a bitch. So I went down and traded it in, back in for my truck, drove my truck back to school the next day,

parked in that first parking lot, got on my megaphone and started chasing and being the fun guy again, engaged, and I was back in with the girls. That fucking red sports car almost screwed me for a while, man. I love that. I was trying too hard.

I wasn't working. I wasn't hustling. I quit hustling. And I got the red sports car. I thought I could do the work. I think it's a great story. It reminds me of what we talked about on this show with Ryan Fitzpatrick and the Dolphins.

You could put two in right now. He's your sports car. But Ryan Fitzpatrick's fun. He's a truck. You never know what you're going to get with him. Don't take Ryan Fitzpatrick away from us just yet. Run him until he's got 300,000 miles on him. Then go get that sports car out.

Right, right. Heard, heard. We're going to get back to McConaughey in just a second. But first, this interview is being brought to you by our good friends over at Roman Swipes. Most guys have tried different ways to last longer in bed. But counting backwards from 10 doesn't always work.

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let it dry, and you're good to go. That's it. So go to getroman.com slash take. Get your first month of swipes for just $5 when you choose a monthly plan. That's getroman.com slash take. And now, more Matthew McConaughey. I have a question.

You've done a million movies. They're all, I mean, you've done some unbelievable movies. You won an Oscar. You had your rom-com stretch. Did you have a moment where you're like, I'm just gonna start making, I've done the rom-com thing. And now I'm just gonna make kick-ass movies

that everyone's like, these are incredible and I'm an incredible actor. Did you have that moment in your head where you flipped the switch? No, here's what happened. Here's what happened. So I'm rolling the rom-coms. They're very successful.

I'm the rom-com guy. I took the baton from Hugh Grant years before and ran with it, right? Yep. They're fun, they're easy. I like doing them. They're paying well. They're paying for the rent of my house on the beach

that I'm running around surfing shirtless on. I'm not going, hell yeah. But around that time, I've met Camilla, my now wife, and we made a baby and had Levi's. So I got a newborn. All of a sudden, man, my life is more full than it's ever been. My life is vital, man. I've had a newborn.

I'm finally a father. I met the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I get, you know, I laugh louder. I love harder. I get to have more rage. I have more joy. Life is just full, man. And the ceiling and the basement

of how I'm feeling, life is alive. But in my work, I'm feeling kind of like, eh, I could get another rom-com. I could do that tomorrow morning. I wasn't feeling the vitality I need. I wasn't feeling challenged by it. So I said, I wonder if I can find some work that can challenge the vitality of my life

that I'm living in right now, and the man I am in it. Well, the work that I wanted to do to challenge that was not getting offered to me. Those movies I wanted to do, they were like, no, not with you, McConaughey. You're the rom-com shirtless guy. We're not gonna let you do this movie. Okay.

So I said, if I can't do what I wanna do, I'm gonna quit doing what I've been doing. And I remember talking with my money man saying, hey, I'm about to stop doing rom-coms and those things that are offered to me. How do I handle my money? Because you handle your money well, you can take off work for a while.

I check with my agent, I check with Camilla, man, drop many a tear on her shoulder going, I'm about to stop doing what I've been doing. And I don't know how long I'm gonna go with that work. This could go on for a while. I'm gonna get wobbly. You know what I mean? Geez, am I gonna, you know, with no work

and no significance to pursue every day, am I gonna start wanting to have a drink earlier in the day? You know what I mean? What's gonna, I'm gonna need to keep my, stay on the rails here and I'm gonna need your help with just not being able to work. You know what I mean? And man gets significance from his work.

And I'm choosing to say no more work. Well, for six months, nothing came in but rom-com offers. And I gotta tell you a funny story about this. So like how puritanical was I about not doing these? This one comes in for $8 million offer. I read it, it's pretty good, but it's a rom-com. I say no, comes back to a $10 million offer. I say no, comes back to a $12.5 million offer, dot, dot, dot.

Mmm, no, comes back at a $14.5 million offer. What do I say? Let me read that some of it again. No, I read it and I read it and it was the exact same. Same words as the original one, right? But man, it was better written. It was funnier, more dramatic. I had more angles on this thing.

I could make this work. It was the same words as the original offer, but a much more well-written script at that offer. Anyway, I passed. When I passed on that, Hollywood sort of got the signal. Okay, McConaughey's not bullshitting. He's not doing the rom-coms or the action comedies anymore. So another year goes by, nothing comes in.

I talk to my agent every couple of weeks and it's just like, nothing, nothing. A total of 20 months went by and all of a sudden, killer Joe comes my way, mud comes my way, magic mind comes my way, paper boy, true detective, I can get Dallas Byers Club made. All of a sudden, these movies and this run that I went on come to me, so why?

Well, I unbranded in that 20 months. You didn't see me, the industry didn't see me as a rom-com guy. You didn't see me in the tabloid shirtless on the beach. So all of a sudden, Matthew McConaughey, for this dramatic role, is now a new novel, good idea. And a good idea that I wouldn't have been 20 months prior. So I unbranded to rebrand, basically.

Did you have to know how long it was gonna be? Yeah, I mean, that takes a lot of guts and it takes a lot of like $14.5 million. I will say you still have a little bit of the brand because I was looking up your IMDB. And the third thing you're most known for is habitually taking off his shirt. Yes, guilty.

You're a shirt-off guy, you're a shirt-off guy. And we'll be in YouTube. I mean, and I was a shirt-off guy since I was born. I never wore a shirt as a kid. I mean, ever. I remember I used to play in the front yard in Uvalde on Getty Street, it was a busy street in town. And I'd be out front and I'd be in my diapers,

no shirt, no shoes. And I was kind of a chubby little kid, right? And my oldest brother, Rooster and his friends, knew at this time of the day, I would be playing out front. And I'm like four years old. And he had this Chrysler and him and his buddies would get in it and they'd drive and they knew I'd be out in the front yard. So about a half a mile down driving by, they'd start going,

na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, until they got right in front of me and go, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, fat man. And I'd jump rocks out there across the street. And they'd drive by calling me fat man to the Batman theme man every damn day. Yes, if I can go to weather where I don't have to wear a shirt,

yes, you're damn right. So did you have to consciously make an effort to like when you leave the house, you got to put a shirt on today, Matthew, because you might get your picture taken and then boom, you're the romcom guy again. Well, I mean, you know, shit, I became conscious that at that time, that became a thing. All right, I didn't don't regret doing it.

And I was going, you damn right, those romcoms I'm doing, I said, pay for the rent that let me live in a house that's on this beach where I can go shirtless. No, I don't know about you and you're on the beach. Don't you like going to shirtless? Yeah, so do I. So that's what I was doing. Now, I noticed that it became a thing though.

And when it became a thing that the industry, and maybe even most of the public, excluded me from thinking I could be right for the other roles, that's when I was like, OK, I'll hang on a minute. Let me be aware enough to go, maybe I need to recalibrate here and play this game a little differently. Like I said, I didn't do what I wanted to do, but I said, OK, I'm going to quit giving them that

because that's feeding into that pigeonhole that they're putting me in. So I consciously said, all right, I'm going to play this joke of God, I'm going to play a different hand here. Yeah, as far as the movies that you've been in, do you watch them in theaters? No, I haven't even seen all my movies, man. I love making them more than I love watching them.

This movie you probably don't get asked about often, but I have to ask, two for the money. Two for the money, yeah. Did you do any research? Yeah. So we actually work with the guy who it's about, Stu Finer, who is Chris Al Pacino. We do the sports advisors show.

It's actually a parody now of the original sports advisors where we're terrible gamblers, but we give out picks every week and it's ridiculous and it's stupid. And Stu, we basically brought Stu back from the dead. Did you watch any of the original sports advisors to get like a feel of what they were doing back in the day? Yeah, I did. I watched a lot.

I interviewed a lot. I talked to my brother. I got a story in the book about it. My Pat, my brother, middle brother in PAT, he had it. He had this one guy that he went on a 27 and two run. He talked about it hot. And I saw him and I remember when someone told him in the middle of that run, you don't want to find out

their picks when they're 27 and two. You want to find out their picks when they're like 6 and 0. And then right up, well, we were all going to PAT going, hey, what are the picks, man? And he was rolling. And obviously when you're rolling, you start betting more. And I think it was that 30th game after 27 and two that he loaded up on an absolute diamond pick, man.

Absolute diamond lock. We bet the house. Bet the house. And the team got, it was like a 17 point favorite and they got waxed by 20. Well, Stu's still doing his thing. He's still giving out mortal locks. And they're not doing well, but he's still doing his thing.

We'll get it to you. It's a trip to watch him. Because it really is kind of a parody of what he used to do, but he used to do it for real and what the whole movie is about of guys trying to get other people to buy their picks and to be like, I got the lock of the century. Don't worry, like I've done all the research when really it's just kind of making shit up as you go along.

Well, I've heard things of, you know, you know that story about which team and let's put two bowls of dog food, see which one the dog goes to after the line. I mean, after Vegas makes that line. Now, there are, I talk about in the book, I love the intangibles. Yes, yes.

I don't like going to a talent service because I just want to sit there. I like the fun of when I think and believe that, you know, Miami is going to be jet lagged against San Fran. And they come out slow in the first half and end up in San Fran is up covering. I'm like, I can do it. Didn't know shit man jet lag.

Man, they're constipated. They can't run around. They flew in late. They flew in on Saturday instead of last Wednesday. Or Brett Favre, dad just passed away. Oh, he's playing for more than the game. He's going to be unconscious tonight. Boom, well, you know, I love going.

Knew it. Yeah. Yeah, one of the best, one of the best bets I've ever made in my life was after Bevo passed, whichever the last one was. And you had to bet on Texas when Bevo passes away and they won. That's it. Bevo passes away. Good reason to win.

Sylvester Stallone opens up Lincoln Stadium for the Philadelphia Eagles. Yes. The Brandon Stadium. Do not bet on Philadelphia on Monday night because all the attention is on Lincoln Rocky Balboa. And wow, isn't this stadium cool? And none of that shit has to do with the game on the field.

But you, I actually have a tweet. I went and looked like I Google searched how many times I've mentioned you. I have a tweet. You fucked me when you wore your orange tuxedo against Kansas State. And I have a tweet being like, could someone have told me McConaughey was sitting on the fucking bench

in his orange tuxedo? My bet is fucked. Like you were the motive. The minister, what is it? The minister of morale? Yeah, you covered. Minister of culture. I was fucked.

You fucked me on that one. Yeah, I was bringing about a four and a half point advantage there. Yes, yes, yes. Absolutely. There's a part of the book that it says that you bet on the Buffalo Bills and the Super Bowl. Oh, oh shit, fire.

Yes. You remember this? What went into that? What intangibles did you crunch in your head? They're statistically good. You were just like, they're two, right? Yeah, they're two. They can't lose again.

Yeah. I mean, to the charm, Jim Kelly, Andre Reed, Thurman Thomas. They got waxed last year. They made it back this year. The Cowboys, they're calling the Cowboys like this dynasty. And the night before, my brother and I had rolled on the Blackjack table. So our pockets were full, relatively speaking, for us.

And we were going to let it all hang out on this day. So the line was huge. And while we were there in Vegas, the line jumped up even. We found this one place that the line was two and a half points more than anywhere else. I think it got up to like 12 or maybe even 14. I don't remember what it was. So we load up on everything, the Buffalo Billionaires you could.

I mean, eight to one. Thurman Thomas will have more than Emmett. Andre's going to have more than Irvin. Zack, six to one. Jim Kelly or Akeman, 12 to one. I mean, everything. Bruce Smith, the MVP. And the bills come out looking good.

I think they were up, right? And we're dancing behind doubles, man. Not just for us, for the whole damn bar. Lock. Well, as you know, the second half of Coway's came out and waxed him and covered. And I remember walking out of there. You know that numb feeling?

Because we got so high with the, we've done it. We knew it. We figured that we were going to win. We're going to dance our way back. We might even upgrade to first class to fly home. And then all of a sudden, whoop, and two quarters gone. And I remember we get out, we get out, and we're now catching a cab back to the Holiday Inn

where we're staying. And this dirty, dusty-ass cab pulls up. And we get in the back. I'm looking at the back left window. My brother Pat's looking at the back right window, just kind of licking our wounds, man. Now the buzz is turning to hangover. And we're getting really tired.

Break is starting to sweat. Kind of, I'm not even hungry. Our stomachs are too turned to eat and eat. And we're like, ah, get dry mouth. This sucks. And all of a sudden, we hear this voice. This guy goes, oh, you bet on the bills, did ya? We look up, and it's this cabby.

Big beardy kind of dirty. He's looking in the rear of your mirror. And he goes, eh, fucking losers. I could have told you that. Anybody betting on the bills against a cow is your fucking losers. Cowboys were a walk. My brother Pat just goes, oh, yeah, motherfucker.

If you fucking knew it, what are you doing driving a fucking cab? Yes, yes. It was like, oh, man, it was such a moment. My brother was so hot, but it was really an opportune rude comment at the time. You can't say that to somebody. If you can tell that they just lost,

you can't be like, yeah, it was a lock in retrospect. You just described basically every day for me on Twitter. Because every day after a game kicks off, everyone's like, you bet that, you fucking idiot. Like, this was guaranteed to go the other way. Well, thanks, man. It's already the third quarter. Well, after the fact, we all knew it.

You know, that's what's funny about gambling. You know, after it's done, sure you knew it, you know? So you don't put any stock at all in animals betting, because my dog is 3 and 0 on Monday Night Football right now. 3 and 0 in games that start before 8.30 on Monday Night Football. So if you're looking for somebody to tail right now, I feel like my mastiff is off to a hot start.

He might go 27 and 2. I trust animals. Give me some tips, man. I trust the animal instinct to a certain point. We had a goldfish that went 60% a couple years ago. Over the course of a whole season. Whole season. You can make a living on that.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. There was one quote that you put in your book that you did not expand on. And I'm curious to hear the entire backstory behind this. You just kind of, this is like a throwaway line. If you're Matthew McConaughey, this is how cool you are. You can just toss this out here and forget that you even said it.

You said, I've done peyote, enrailed the Catorce, Mexico, in a cage with a mountain line. Yeah. And you just moved on from that. What's the story? How did that go down? Well, Enrailed the Catorce and I'd gone off on a sunrise walk with the shaman.

And he was in a very cool way that a shaman can do, slowly disseminating the peyote as we hiked up this huge mountain that took hours to hike up. And it was an awesome walk and it was an awesome return. And when I got back down on the property, there was this, he had this mountain line and this cage. And I get up next to the cage

and under so set of influences of such peyote, I'm getting on the same frequency of the mountain line. And the mountain line's getting on the same frequency as McConaughey. And so now this mountain line's up next to the gate and kind of just sticking whiskers through and I'm scratching this under valley. And so I get confident that me and this mountain line

are on the same frequency. So I move over to the gate and entered so said cage, mountain line jumps around. I move very slowly, making sure to stay on the same frequency as so said mountain lion. I move over to the corner, slowly sit down. For about an hour, this mountain line parries back and forth and slowly starts getting a little bit closer

and a little bit closer and a little bit closer until he comes up next to me and gets very close to my hand, wanting to get some more itches under his chin like he did when I was outside of the cage. I slowly give him a little scratch. I don't intrude his space. And I lean back.

Now after that, that's some of the bitches sitting in my lap purring. And I sat there for another hour and a half. So it's been about four hours total in the cage, then slowly got up and went my way and it was a really incredible experience. Is that one that you look back on in the diary and you're like, you're scared for yourself in the past?

Reading it sober? No, no, no. I mean, no, I was, you know, I don't know if you've ever done a peyote trip with just peyote and water. And if you do it the right way with the shaman, I would say I was incredibly sober. I wasn't out of my mind at all.

If you think I was more in tune than normal. That's a great thing about peyote done the right way. No, I don't look back on that at all. I look back on that and go, if anything, if you look through the book, there's times I've taken what would be considered risk that absolutely paid off. I would have regretted my instincts

that I could make that work if I wouldn't have gone in. And you're- It's like that wrestling match in Africa. If I wouldn't have said yes to that challenge, I'd regret that to this day. And by saying yes to that challenge, gave me, he's given me gifts since because of the people I met, the lessons I learned,

all kinds of stuff. It's also, you kind of have like an out there where if things go wrong, and Matthew McConaughey dies tripping on peyote by a mountain lion, like that's pretty much the coolest way to die. You're a legend forever right there. So there's nothing but upside.

Yeah, I mean, you know, and to be part of the food chain. Right. If I can go, I hope that's how it is. I hope it's not by a random drive by. Right. You live forever. I'd rather not move on as part of the food chain. Yeah, you live forever in that respect.

There's probably also an element of the mountain lion just understanding that he was, this was Matthew McConaughey, he's pretty cool. Like, oh, this guy, this is the dude from the Lincoln commercials. Yeah. Yeah, this guy sits in his car and looks at Longhorn Bulls in the middle of the road

and doesn't go around him. He decides to let them have the right of way, turns around and goes his own way. Yeah, yeah. Plays pool while everyone's sitting at a dinner party and he's just cool about it. Sinks trick shots in the other room while the rest of the people are in there

having a dinner party. Do you have anything to do with the creators of those? Because it's very McConaughey to do an ad where you'll see guys do ads and you'll be like, oh, they're selling out. You somehow do ads that are like, oh, that's just McConaughey being cool. I didn't even realize it was an ad.

Well, that is the goal. I mean, look, we got together. I do work on those ads with them. I mean, we got together early on and said, look, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna play a cool McConaughey hands. I'm gonna move deliberately. I'm going to move slowly. Me, like the Lincoln needs to,

I need to move deliberately. I need to move with identity and confidence to always take my time. And so then that led to, well, let's not be really loud in the commercial. Let's not make it really packed. We actually looked at the market and said, all the ads out there are so loud.

Can we make something that actually cuts through all that with the silence? And I remember the first ad we came out with, you know, playing them on, you know, Sundays during NFL football. Ah, then all of a sudden, dropped down and I remember at a bar and I remember people turning around to the TV

like they were interrupted by the silence of the ad. And then all of a sudden we're drawn to it. And so we got fortunate that they stuck and now, you know, they can come on and in about three seconds, you kind of know, even before I show up, oh, this is gonna be McConaughey Lincoln ad. Yeah.

You know, just by the sound design and how quiet is the tone, the pace of the shots, you know? Well, I want to thank you personally because I have a running joke that I'm trying to get Jeff Fisher another job coaching. It's been going on for probably about four years now. And I use the, sometimes you got to go back to actually move forward for every single one.

It's always the same. So that has, if Jeff Fisher ever gets a job, you're part, partially to thank for that. Via you. Via, well, via you. Okay. Via me. Via you, via me. Yeah.

Okay, via us. It's perfect that, I don't know. I actually got the idea because someone, it got taken down, but someone made that with hardball when he went back to Michigan, because it was like the perfect, after he got hired, they made the hype video. Sometimes you got to go back to actually move forward.

And I was like, oh my God, this is like, I have chills up and down my spine. And so then I was like, let me just do this for Jeff Fisher, even though he has no relation to any of these teams. I just fucking threw it in there being like, yeah, just because there's something about the glory days when you're trying to recapture,

like a team's, you know, it could work for Texas. You're trying to go back to move forward. You're trying to get those glory days back. Go, but like I was saying earlier, man, about writing diaries about not only when you're losing, write them down, write stuff down. When dissect the success, right? Go write in your journal when things are going well.

So you can look back and go, oh yeah. I see what I was, oh, I'm not doing that anymore. I took that for granted. Oh, I'm complacent in that area. Oh, I see. It can be a good map for going, how do I get back on track and have more success or satisfaction?

Yeah, I've tried to journal in previous careers. It was like highly recommended to me to keep a diary, keep a journal every day, write down what worked, what didn't work. But there's nothing more daunting than just sitting down and looking at an empty page. And then it's like, where do you start describing your day? So when you start describing your day in your journal,

are you just like listing out the things that happen or how much writing does it take for you to get into the real introspective parts? No, I mean, sometimes it's just a word. It's something I'll hear somebody say. It's something I'll say that off the cuff and someone will go, oh, and I'll go, what did I just say? And I'll go, well, let me go write that down.

I didn't even think about saying it and I said that. And it's a phrase that'll capture something. That's why I love when I talk about bumper stickers. Bumper stickers don't, they're kind of informal, cool ways to, they let you know who the hell's behind the wheel, man. They tell you their politics. They tell you if they got a family.

They tell you what denomination they are. They tell you if they're pro guns or not. They tell you if their kids are an honor roll student or a bad ass. You can learn so much from a damn bumper sticker. It doesn't tell you what to do. And it's a very informal way of learning a lot through a certain sort of bumper sticker

or stereo type of situation. And then pull up and have a look at the people in the car and see if they match what that bumper sticker looks like. How much did they match what was in your mind about how you thought they were gonna look? Or you see people next to you at the red light and you look at them and you get an idea of who they are and then they pull forward

and then you look at their bumper sticker. Does it match what their bumper sticker is? You know what I mean? So I'll have ideas and work off of, that's what I call bumper stickers in the book. I'll have a one liner that I'm like, ooh, that applies to a lot. Let me take that out into my life

and see how I can apply that aphorism. Once you know it's black, it's not near as dark. Well, that's basically a bumper sticker for saying, hey, COVID sucks, let's admit it sucks. It's here for a while. So let's get on with it. Cause I know it's black. Now that I am admitting it's black, it ain't near as dark.

So you can apply it to many things. Yeah, blew my mind. How many times a day do you say things and then have other people tell you what you just said should be a bumper sticker? Cause I've just picked out like four or five. I'm told I'm pretty good at. Yeah.

I mean, I'm told, I'm pretty good at slogans. I know I'm good. I've always been told I'm good at nicknames after I get to know somebody. I don't know. I love boiling things down. I'll read a story. I'll read, you know, an article.

And then I love deconstructing down like, what is three words or a one liner or a cool way to phrase that entire article in a way that is affirmative, that feels like a verb, that feels like a bumper sticker. I love to boil things down and deconstruct things down to a one line, a one word, you know, and that's not musical.

I like lyrics. I love music. So like I think of them as like lyrics, you know? Are you a book guy? My what guy? A book guy. Do you read books? No, not really.

Mostly like a very, very slow reader. And I haven't read many books actually in my life. You know, we weren't really pressed to read by my parents. My mom was very much a, you know, we couldn't watch TV. You really couldn't read a lot. She was always like, why read about or watch somebody do something that you can just get your asset then go do yourself.

She was always real active. Go out and go do it. Go experience it. Get into life. So we weren't raised to read much. And then as I got older, I tried to read and I still do read, but I'm a very, very slow reader. And the reason is, I think say if I'm reading, you know,

philosophy or some motivation or something, I'll read men. You ever read Emerson's essay on self-reliance? Yeah, I did in college. Dude, it's wicked, bad ass. It's so damn good. Well, I've read that twice, but it's taken me 20 years to read it twice, even though it's only like 15 pages.

The reason is I'll read one paragraph and go, whoa, that's heavy dude. I'm gonna take that paragraph into life every day and see if I can apply it and see what the reverb is. See if it pays me back. See if my life changed a little bit. See if my interactions changed a little bit. See if the way I see the world changed a little bit.

And I'll work on that damn thing for a month. That one paragraph before I can move on to the next one. So I'm a very slow reader in that respect. So I would assume though, green lights, your memoir which is out October 20th, there's gonna be an audio book which will be the greatest audio book of all time if you narrate it, correct? I performed it, yeah.

I mean, that's... I just did it the other day. I just did it the other day. I don't know how that's not like the best audio book of all time already. Just with your voice telling your stories, I would imagine that's, I mean, that's, how do you not get that?

How do you not get that? It was fun, man. It was fun. I get to play, you know, like all these stories and most of these stories of the book, I performed them, I tell them at dinner parties. I tell them around the campfire. I've told them, I've performed them.

So you're getting my innuendo and my voice goes up and you're getting my voices when I do the Australians, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But then I had to go to the written word, you don't get all that. Right. So I thought right in the book that I could record myself telling the best version of the story

and just transcribe that to the page and that would be the best version of the page. It was not. It was 30% too long. The written word, the written stories are 30% shorter than the performed vocal stories. So when I did the audio book, so I got to play the voices, play the characters,

give you the little pauses, the non-verbal cues, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, whatever that is. Yeah, so being able to perform it, the stories was a whole lot of fun. It was probably my favorite read of the book for me when I got to read it out loud. Yeah. And read those times and perform all in sequence

through the entire book. I'd imagine. All right, so I had one last question. I found this, I love the scene in Wolf of Wall Street when you do the chest bumping. And then I read a story that you, that actually you do that before you go and act every single time to pump yourself up.

Yeah. So can we do that once? Can we just do it? You want to do the Wolf of Wall Street one? No, or the one, or just the Matthew McConaughey, whatever you're feeling right now, because you said you do it in a different like tune or whatever you're feeling.

Hold on. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Okay. Hey! Hey. Hey.

Such a turner. Huh! Huh! Haha! Huh! Um-hmm. Yeah, we can do that all day. That was bad.

Yeah, that's fucking sick it's a I'll do that before you know Before I'm gonna go give a speech. I get you get nervous or something try it'll get you out of your head and It'll sort of also doing that on your chest will lower your voice Relax you and it makes people go. What the fuck is he doing? Which is also a good tool because they think you're out of your mind Which is usually somewhat true which gives you an advantage when you go do what you do Could you feel like you're on an island? Also, just the human body craves contact. Yeah, you start slapping yourself around a little bit

You're like, okay now. I'm living. Yeah, this is like blood flow Love it. I love it. Well, this has been awesome Matthew everything we wanted and more Everyone go buy green lights out October 20th your memoir Great read great listen when the audio book comes out and thank you so much. We really appreciate it, man Enjoy it man. Y'all have a great one. Let me know those pics wherever your dog picks for Monday night football All right, Jeff Fisher comes around. You know, I'll tweet it at you and good luck trying to get Texas back I don't know if that'll ever happen, but you'll see and we'll make the Red Wolves happen. Yeah. Yeah We be in process we'd be in process

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Change your life. Check out the dude wipes. Check out the dude bombs use promo code take 10 get 10% off your order at dudeproducts.com that's dudeproducts.com promo code take 10 you're gonna get 10% off Okay, let's wrap up the show guys on chicks Henry away you go Sucks at the bachelorette is on Tuesday nights now. Yeah, I'm gonna watch the bachelorette tonight. You know what I might do Fuck it. Your boy might fuck around and write a bachelorette blog. Oh, wow You're going in on Trent's turf going back in it. Well, I'm gonna do it differently in Trent

Okay, I'll let Trent get his out first. No, I'm just gonna do it. I'm gonna approach you a little differently. Okay, I Could never I could never touch luggage guys blog Go Hank Why I guess I'm not doing a blog anymore since big cat made me feel like shit about it Well, no, I know I won't log it. No, I don't want to be there. I don't want to this office that they're like I don't want to that's their life. I don't want to I don't want to approach on Trent's blog I just thought it would be good to You know what blog it on Thursday. Yeah, I'll do the DVR

Yes, there Maybe I'll review Trent's blog. That would be good, too Okay, boom and then it's just a bunch of hyperlinks back. There you go The ecosystem feeds on itself this comment by Trent was really spot-on. Yeah hyperlink train. Yeah, my countdown of the 10 best parts of That's perfect Why when my husband goes to grab slash slap my butt he's always tries to slip a finger somewhere I feel like a little grab and go would suffice Hmm. He's a little credit card swipe with a finger

The fingers different a digger wipe. Yeah dig. Yeah. Dingleberries. He's just checking checking the oil Take a look at the dipstick. Nothing's nothing's more Romantic than checking your wife's butt for dingleberries. I honestly think that he's this is him trying to just like Slowly push the boundary. Yeah until you accept other things. Yeah line stepper I think you got it. If you're not into it, you got to shut him down earlier or else. I'll never learn. Yep Should I tell my boyfriend yes to having a threesome? Yes But then say you met with two guys, right? Done makes a difference. Just flip it on. I'm like, oh, that's not the type of threesome you wanted. Okay

But yes Sup boys just be cool about it Just do it Why not? It's such a weird question to ask your wife. Yeah It's a it's just a weird question in general. You got to ask that we have a threesome I think I'm going bullshit on what girlfriend not wife Yeah, but it's also like threesome is I think you either know you don't like you I don't think you have the conversation like hey Let's have a three they can see they're like, hey

This is something that will be in the cards or is in the cards or it's not but you know what? It's it's the perfect excuse to get out of relationship, right? Because if you say yes, you want a threesome and then you have the threesome then you'd be like, you know what? I'm not cut out for the single life right now, right? So if you're looking to get out then yeah, maybe get laid one like go out in a blaze of glory Have great sacks and be like see ya. I like it. Sup boys, especially Jeep Wrangler hating Hank. Is that true? Yeah, remember no rush more. Oh, yeah I'm single for my birthday to call back

I'm single for my birthday this year and I'm turning 26 in about two weeks Pfts age any tips on how I can finesse a guy into sending me flowers slash food send to yourself Yeah, it's a power move send it to your own office in yeah in the office setting. Yeah, let everyone know send multiple. Yeah, I'm dating around But you can have some too send yourself like a order of cookies or cake. Yeah, and then share that with everybody Yep, send yourself a card with like a thousand dollars cash in it. Mm-hmm. Wow. This is awesome. What a birthday Big cat lonely at all Send yourself money go to the ATM pay a four dollar withdrawal fee send yourself five hundred dollars cash Hey big cat playoff PFT and frog lover Billy my boyfriend and I play together in a co-ed softball league

He's a really great loving guy, but he gets way too competitive at these games Oh, you think he's also blowing our budget buying arm sleeves eye black batting gloves sunglasses and his mullet haircut So he can look like Chris Bryant the problem is that he's one of the worst players in the entire Always makes mistakes in the infield, but he refuses to give up position Oh, he gets on base. He points and blows kisses to the sky like he's big poppy Yesterday, he struck out and I saw people laughing at him. I have not played competitive softball at any level and yet I have not struck out at all this season Last week he almost caused us a forfeit when a batter hit the ball too hard back at him and he refused to keep pitching until the guy apologized

He's been thrown out of two games this season and it's really embarrassing having to leave with him while he's still young at the Empire from the parking lot. I feel like I should say something, but I don't want to crush him What should I do? How do I fix this? Please help at this point? I actually think what you just described he might be it might be a cry for help He might be like I'm I want to stop playing. I keep trying to get kicked out of games Striking out like someone say something this guy actually seems like the coolest guy ever. He's like Kenny Powers Exactly. He's been watching too much. He's bound down. He's he's also delusional I would actually I'd recommend dosing him with either some sort of sedative or maybe

3G maybe just like weed before the game try to mellow him out a little bit Yeah, just get him in a video game. So at least when he's you know spazzing out it happens within your own house Yeah, the worst the worst guys in Intramural sports are batting glove guy who sucks and Mouthguard guy who sucks in basketball like if you're one of those guys, it's just you can't do it You can't do it. You got it. You got to pick something else because everyone's laughing I've got another guy that really stinks the high sock guy and kickball. Yes. Yes big time big time Hey guys, how do I slash should I even bring up to my boyfriend that I don't like a girlfriend of his because I'm convinced

She's in love with him. I've never had an issue with those with any of my boyfriend's other friends But I have felt the same way since I met her a year ago She had a boyfriend for a sec, but doesn't anymore now She's used my boyfriend more than I do because we are long distance and they live and work in the same area Also, can I unfollow her on Instagram? Thanks? Yeah, so you're not as sneaky as you think you are because the guy Absolutely already knows that you hate this girl It's so easy to tell when a girl is talking about one of your friends that she does not care for because

She will have the smile on her face that makes her look like a serial killer from a movie Oh, that's so cute that she's coming over and Just he knows he knows I think the only solution here is that you got to have a threesome with them and then afterwards be like She kind of sucked at sex That's the only way mm-hmm Needs an input from PFT. My boyfriend has been in our words Wft team his whole life and every week he tells himself he won't get upset at their games But still does we recently moved to Baltimore and he always jokingly says he will switch to a Ravens fan

But hasn't yet. I think he should switch teams now the frauds franchise, but he tells me he can't any advice PS go Duke. Okay, would you rather have a Washington football team fan that like kind of gets a little bit upset But is used to losing for three hours a week on Sundays or a guy whose entire lifestyle becomes Wearing purple gray and black camo cargo shorts like six days with me online You're fighting with big cat online and just getting pissed off and and just smelling like crab chips all day and mispronouncing his L's because if you switch to becoming a Ravens fan, that is um, it's a much It's a much heavier commitment. Don't forget. Don't think I'm hating the residents Ray Lewis

Oh, yeah, then you have to you have to have all these counter arguments ready for when people bring up Ray Lewis or Ray Rice It just becomes exhausting. It's a lot. That's a lot of work. Yeah, he's gonna have to get a Joe Flacco poster Yep, it's a lot of work. I would I would much rather just deal with having a football team fan that Has false hope every Sunday. Mm-hmm My boyfriend is partially deaf. How do I get his attention when he's watching football without screaming and pissing off our neighbors? I Feel like that's something you should figure out gotta get a laser pointer and just shine it in his eyes occasionally Yeah, pots and pans or just laser and shine it on to your nipples. Yeah, that's good for a lot. We're just turn off the TV Mm-hmm sup boys, especially Kate. Have you heard about this new CIA device? I read about this last night

This this it's crazy to blow your mind the CIA and the Russian version of the CIA the KGB Has this new weapon where they can fire it at somebody and it gives you like pounding headache and makes you throw up But you can't hear it. You can't feel it. They can hit you from like outside of a building with it Christ, so yeah, you should get one of those hangover weapon period. Yeah, it gives you PMS It gives guys PMS when you hit him with it get one of those those got a question No, weren't they doing that in Cuba? Allegedly, there was some like sound type stuff that they were using but yeah, it seems pretty bad ass China, too. I found a drawer full of bottles of piss in my boyfriend's dresser

I'm too afraid to ask him about it. I assume he's too lazy to go. Yes late at night What sort of ass rid of them? Yeah, like hey the only question rid of them Well, the only question you should ask is do you need me to throw out your piss for you? Mm-hmm. That's really the only question there There's no other question every guy has a drawer filled with piss bottle and a rug that they jack off on I actually have a briefcase. I have a briefcase full of piss. I mean, I might have went around I I had a Piss bottle or two that kind of fell down between the bed and the wall back when I was in college That's what I like college. I remember it because it was like the bathroom was really far away. It really

Depends. College is disgusting. It really depends how far away your bathroom is like. Yeah Caleb and Ron do these the concussion protocol videos and like they're on campuses and they'll have b-roll of these college apartments And I just like shutter and I remember like how disgusting My college apartment was that's just you just don't realize it at the time. You don't care. Why would you care? So just let them women Progress in life a little bit faster than men. Let them have his piss drawer Hey boys, mainly handsome Hank. My boyfriend is pretty out of shape I don't know why you mainly attacked me, but not a fan not fat

But he has love handles a small gut and pretty skinny undefined arms. It couldn't be me Whenever I suggest he works out. He claims that he has functional athleticism It doesn't need to work out because he's good at sports. Uh-huh. Yeah, none of this can not be me He says that guys who are jacked are bad at sports and that's the reason they work out. Is there any truth this? Yes? Yes, yeah, well guys who work out too much suck at sports again shoot a basketball Muscle bound absolutely true the problem with your boyfriend here is His functional athleticism was that wasn't high school. Well. Yeah, exactly. It's like he thinks he has it But he might not have you need so really?

Yes, he is right, but you need to basically give him a Test like an aptitude test once a year to make sure he still has his functional athleticism Because if he doesn't he will then go to the gym But if you if you have him if you throw a ball to him and he doesn't catch it He'll be like oh fuck you need to put him through a combine. Yeah boyfriend combine. So Rhea Here's what you do. You just test him once a year Maybe when you're on one of your vacations and you have him play beer die and spike ball And as long as he doesn't injure himself doing either one of those two things

Maybe Wait, can you ask this person that with like 16 year olds how long it's been since he won a regional wiffle ball tournament? Because if it's been longer than a couple years Corona this summer it didn't happen. Uh-huh. How many 16-year-olds did you beat to win that? We actually be you guys old in us, but we ran through a few I've ran through a few like 12 year-old Championship All right, is that it that's it. All right, let's do a number to end the show great show We're sticking with a by the way. We did a handshuffle. So Okay, eight eight eight eight eight. Well, so the lower numbers went up to the top. Oh

Wombats poop cube shaped poop. Can you hit this? Can you hit this? Side by the way, can you hit it eight eight eight? I'll go 44 of the button hit one 44 44 I've read it 49. Will we ever get it? Oh Oh, oh two bars 39 38 38. Okay fuck. All right live to see another day. I see everyone on Friday. Love you guys Anyway Oh Oh

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