Pardon My Take - NFL Week 1, Recap Of Every Game, Fastest 2 Minutes, Plus Deion Sanders

Episode Date: September 14, 2020

ootball is back. Fastest 2 Minutes Week 1( 2:02 - 7:48). We recap every single game on Sunday, the Jets suck, The Bears and Washington Football team may be back, Let Russ Cook, the Aaron Rodgers fuck you tour, fat Randy Bullock and much more (7:48 - 84:05). Football guy of the week (84:05 - 88:56). Deion Sanders joins the show to talk about the big stories from Week 1 (88:56 - 102:11). Who's back of the week including the Nuggets beating the Clippers in a Game 6 that no one watched and chain snatching.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take NFL week, motherfucking one, we're back. We are so fucking back, we have so much football to recap, feel it, love it, it is so, so good. It was incredible. I forgot the experience of just having my eyes feel like they're going to fall out of my socket.

Football for 12 straight hours, we're back. We're going to recap every single game, every single game, so your team's going to get talked about, maybe not in the way you want it to be, but they will be talked about. Find another show that does that. We have Deion Sanders for 20 minutes talking about what were the big takeaways from week one. We have Football Guy of the Week, we have Who's Back of the Week, and of course we're going to start with the fastest two minutes.

Before we do all of that, part of my take is brought to you by the Cash App, not always the easiest place to send money to your friends. It's the safest. Go right now, download the Cash App. It's super easy to use. It links directly to your bank account. We love the Cash App. They're also giving away money left and right on Twitch, on Instagram, on Twitter.

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So go download the Cash App from the App Store, Google Play Store today, and get involved with the Cash App. Thank you Cash App. We love you. Okay. Let's go. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey. Today is Monday, September 14th. And we have week one. September 14th and we have week one. One. Week one. Football is back. We start in Hotlanda and you're gonna want to Carlos hide your kids hide your wife because Mr. Unlimited is in town talking to you future. Matt Ryan Racillo got quite an arm workout today throwing 54 passes and Calvin Cooley Ridley wasn't so silent with two touchdowns in 130 yards. Surprise surprise

DK Metcalf ran a straight line as the crow flies to pay dirt in this bird fight. Good thing Dan Quinn was wearing a mask because Skeet Carroll dropped a load on the dirty birds in a touching tribute to Jamal Anderson. Seahawks 38 Falcons 25. In Western New York Frank Al Gore took his giant balls onto his private jet and landed in the L column. Everyone in the Josh pit as Marsh Allen let the bodies hit the floor running for 57 yards in a touchdown. The jet's offense looked terrible but the one guy they couldn't de-platform is Jameson Steven Crowder who had 11 or 115 yards and a touchdown. Hey teach. Yeah boom.

First time all year. No one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills. Bills 27 touch 17. We go west to Detroit where David Fauntgummary was a great ball courier and acted like a Times New Roman swipe helping the Bears finish after a full 60 minutes of pounding. Deandre Taylor Swift said someday I'll be dropping a game-winning TD and all these hands will ever be is beat. Jamie Cutie's Collins acted very inappropriate for his age and the videos of the incident have no place on American television. The Bears are back 27. Lions 23. Some spread. Sticking in the NFC Norse Aaron Rodgers and Matt LaFleur are hashtag friend goals but

they should be hashtag pros before pros after putting up 43 points. Bissy Bistamina Johnson tried to work it but the entire Vikings offense would have liked to flip it and reverse it when it came to the scoreboard. You lost it Cousins Thielen. Oh that Cousins Thielen. You've lost that Cousins Thielen now it's gone. Gone. Gone. Oh and won and won and won. Oh and won. Pax is 43. The Vikings 34. In Foxboro the new look Patriots served up a bowl of New England Cam Chowder as Krill Belichick and James Great White. Game plan like a bunch of Japanese fishermen looking for to a fish but slaughtered a bunch of dolphins

instead. Ryan Fish Patrick was flopping around and Miles Gaskin Robbins played like 31 flavors of crap as the dolphins fall to the pats. 21. 11. What? Fumble. Down 95 to Washington. Some call me Redskins. Some call me Warriors. Some call me Red Wolves. That's not my name. That's not my name. That's not my name. The Eagles came out hot with their play with Spotify in the second half as Joe Logan Thomas and the team put a three hour long back and forth on tape until Carson Wynch eventually tapped out from too many body blows. Like a Phoenix Suns hotel room the Eagles were exposed to eight sacks. The Washington football team 27

Eagles 17. In Jacksonville where Gardner men shooter McGavin continues his quest for a gold jacket. Colts wide receivers Paris and Hilton were out of focus and might as well have been picking up phone calls when they were trying to score. Stop me if you heard this before Tige but Phillip Rivers was down late in the fourth quarter needing a score and Marlin's man Mack had to watch from the front row. The Colts fall short to Doovall 27-20. What? What? Standing on the corner James Winston down in Nola such a fine sight to see.

It's DB 12 my lord looking like a beat up fort. Maybe time to mix in a strawberry. The wide-out hamstrings Lucy. He's throwing hands like Bruce Lee. Hey Mike Chris Evans you're getting guarded like you're a pussy. The Saints go marching 34-23. Out west where Kyle Juicy J. Jusek and Jimmy Guapolo got caught in the trap as Kenyan anti-locked trikes made for a smooth driving experience for the upstart Cardinals. All the talk around the league this week was about Odell Beckerman Poo Poo but it was Pee Pee Patrick Peterson that came up with a big play making the Cardinals look like their number one.

The 49ers may have to clip Kingsbury a ball after this disappointing loss to start the season. Cardinals 24. Niners 20. We finish in Tinseltown where coach Mike Jenny McCarthy looked like an anti-Daxer refusing to take shots down the field. Jared Hasselgauff that's a joke teach get it. Jerry Jones might be needing his own lifeguard of his own after this loss. The Cowboys go down to opening night 2017. All right week one Sunday in the books. Holy shit football is all the way back. It felt normal. It felt normal. I know the fans it's weird but it once the once the ball got kicked off and once everyone turned on Red

Zone and they're like seven hours of commercial free football it felt normal. Right and that's what's great about football is that there aren't that many shots of the stands so you can suspend disbelief. You can be like we're fine everything's good. I was a little rusty at first because dealing with my new cable service I didn't know what channel the Red Zone package was on. I had a hard time this morning. I had to sit down for my TV. I made sure to sit down 30 minutes early get all my ducks in a row get my computers pulled up. You do not want to miss a single second the action. I had a great time today. Fuck yes

football is back and we've got two games. We've got the Sergio dip game. Yes tomorrow the bonus game tomorrow night so we're not even done. They should always have two Monday night games. Football is just not going to stop this year. No they should always have two Monday games. All right. So we're going to go through every single game. If this is if you're new to the podcast is how we do our Monday football Mondays we're going to go through the entire schedule talk about each game. I'll say it we're the only podcast that does that. Maybe there's others but we're the only one. We're going to say some things about

your team. You're probably going to be upset sometimes. You'll probably be happy other times but it's football Monday. We're going to have a great time and we're going to start. So we're going to start with Sunday night and then we'll go back to the one o'clock Sunday night football fast turf Cowboys Rams Rams win the fucking turf is a fraud. Let's just get that out of the way. I'm not so sure that it is. I think the turf is. It did look fast. It is the fastest turf on turf. Mike McCarthy you dumb fat fuck. Wow. OK. We're going right in that. Yeah. I'm going to say it. I'm going to go right into it. He is

dumb and he is fat but I don't think that he has sex. I actually dumb fat virgin. I actually don't hate. I will never like say don't be aggressive because I think most for the most part in the NFL there's too many coaches that are conservative and being aggressive in situations is always I'm always for it. But I don't understand run like you have Dak Prescott you drafted CD lamb. I get you know as you go it's great but you have a Mari Cooper. Your third and sixth if you're going to go for it on fourth throw the ball on third you'll probably get it because you've been throwing the ball all night. You've been getting

chunk plays and then also when you have fourth down don't have a route that is a yard short. Yeah that's that's football one on one. He's been out of the league for a couple years. There was no preseason. So for Mike McCartney the one bonus for Mike McCartney is he is not Jason Garrett. So he just he's that he sits on the sideline. He looks like he's in bad health. He never claps and he always looks pissed off and he looks competent at times. Yes. So he is the opposite of Jason Garrett in every way. So it was a little shocking seeing that on the sidelines. I don't think that this is that bad of a loss for the Cowboys.

They're on the road. I think the Rams also so cowboy. The Rams are going to be very good. I think the Rams are going to be pretty good this year. But you know being on the road have to do with the road has nothing to do with it anymore. But this is travel. This is a big thing. But you see this is exactly the Cowboys from last year where it's like oh everyone's talking about how great you are. Your offense is unbelievable. And then you just you know shit down your leg when you need it. And oh yeah you lost the game that you could have won. And I'm not taking anything away from the Rams. They look great in the uniforms. I love

those helmets. Jared Goff needs an asterisk on his one interception. Should not count. Yeah. That was hands to the face. I'm also going to throw a flag on you saying that the new Rams uniforms are awesome. Oh I like the gray ones. I like them. They just look like they're dirty. I like their helmets. I like their helmets. I'm not. Yeah. I'm OK with the helmets. I really like the gray uniforms. It's like come on. Now I look like a road. You look like the Padres on the road in nineteen ninety two which is a great uniform. Which they actually brought those back. It's an OK uniform. It's an OK uniform. But yeah I don't think it was

that bad of a loss. I thought that the Rams. I thought I think they're going to be a good team. Hold on. Time out. Time out. It's preseason for everyone. We have like the whole fun of the Cowboys losing is you have to be like that's the worst loss ever. I think I'm just and Jerry has to get and stand in a hallway and and not say that he's going to fire Mike McCarthy after one game but at least imply it so then we can talk about it all. I think that I'm numb to the Cowboys because they're just destined to be the world's best eight and eight team every year. Right. And sometimes they'll make the playoffs going eight and eight

and then we'll be like well maybe this is the actual time they put it together but I think that this is its classic Cowboys. Jerry Jones before the game put trying to put trying to locate his heart so that he could put his hand over it was very funny and then they showed Stan Cranky who by the way is not Stan Cranky anymore. He's E Stanley Cranky awesome to pay guy which is a great to yeah he's a great to pay guy and that I think he was upset because he's he's the richest owner in the NFL but nobody talks about him like he's the richest so he's like I have to come up with a name that sounds like I own a coal mine in the

1920s. So give me that first initial and then I'll put Stan Lee in there. Right. He went to war with the Rockefellers over like who could control the railways. He's a bear in Vanderbilt. Did he pay for his own stadium. No he did not. He's billionaire did not pay for his own fucking stadium. So I really do think though the Cowboys you're right that if you're a cowboy fan you shouldn't freak out because this is going to sound stupid but they only score 17 points but their offense look like it works. You know what I mean. There's times when we'll get to the bears but they scored 27 points and I'm like that was hard. That was hard to get. Right. That didn't

look pretty whereas the Cowboys made 17 points look pretty. They had a very yes they had a very good looking 17 points and this is like the classic mid 2000s Cowboys teams where they've got like three wide receivers who are all 6 to 220 pounds like big guys that can run really fast and their offense is going to be fun to watch but they're still going to find hilarious interesting ways to lose these close games. Yes. Who told Ezekiel that he should get that tattoo. The belly football tattoo. It said feed me. Yeah. Feed me on your stomach. Yeah. I kind of like it. Cool. Yeah. Cool tattoo. I mean it it that seemed to me like that was well he unveiled it in a loss. So that one sucks. Not great

and when he showed it after he got into the end zone it looked like it looked like a six year old going pee at a urinal where they like just like belly. They lift their shirt all the way up to their nipples and they're like I'm peeing like a big boy. Yes. So he I don't know about that tattoo. I think that one was a misstep. I think I think when you put on a little weight in like 30 years he retires. He's not going to play for another 30 years but and he has a feed me and you're like at the beach. Yeah. And now it's not like it's it works when you have the feed or feed me tattoo and you have a borderline six pack. Yeah. When you let yourself go it's not as it's not as funny because you know

he's going to be like I'm not fat. Right. But counterpoint I think Zeke is a great fat guy name. I think it's going to work for him more in his old age when he's like 300 pounds. He's like oh here comes big Zeke. But he you know he's going to be like no I'm not fat. Right. He doesn't seem like that guy. We're like going to be happy about it. He might just get a six pack tattooed on his stomach. That would actually a pretty sick move. So congrats to the Rams again. We're not counting that Jared golf interception does not count so everyone update your stats. A couple things about the turf out there. It is fast. It's sabrametrically proven to be fast. The green zone is greener in LA. I don't know if you

notice that but the hue of green was oh my God it was it was sexual. Also Alden Smith is back. I didn't realize that. After five years that's crazy. Chris Collins worth maybe not using the best choice of words when he said Alden Smith's just trying to drink it all in. That's absolutely. I don't think he just like he didn't just connect that he's trying not to bomb on his return. Yeah. Whoops. But that's crazy five years. Well Jerry was like I can't get Greg Hardy. So let me see if I can get on the phone with you. You think so. Yeah. I think Greg Hardy is having the time of his life kicking the shit out of people for a living or illegally neighing people in the face. Yes. That's that's the great

time. I think Greg Hardy actually sucks now. Well he because he loses by disqualification right. But his record is like one seven and one and all of his losses are just from winning too hard. Yeah. From just being a total asshole and hitting someone when they're down. Alright so Rams win column next game. So we'll go in order. Just when I read it off ESPN Seahawks Falcons. God damn it's the same old Falcons. Well and also Russell Wilson is. Oh yeah. No Russell. I'm the crowd. I'm calling it right now. Russell Wilson. I don't care what he does for the rest of the year. He gets the MVP. Yeah. Let Russ Cook worked because they had 38 drop backs in 20 run plays. They're finally letting Russ Cook 31 for 35 four touchdowns.

I think it's a I don't understand QBR. No one does. But or no passer rating. I'm sure it's a perfect passer rating. It's just some guy. It's like Nate Silver sitting in a like a soundproof room and he just like put some decimals in there and in college it can be higher than it is in the pros. But yeah it was a perfect game. I should actually back up it. He went 31 for 35 for 32 yards. I think the way passer rating works is if he had gone 30 for 35 it would have been a perfect passer right because there is a point that whoever decided passer rating is such a mad scientist that there's like a diminishing returns where the more completions are like well that's too many completions. Now you get dinged some points.

Right. It's like just chill out dude. You're doing too much. Dan Quinn needs to chill out a little bit too because he's breaking into the Dan Quinn bag of tricks a little early after the game when they asked him about this game. He he got into his like I'm mad as hell and it hurts like hell and there's nothing worse and I'm doing I'm going to do everything that I can to turn this damn team around. He dropped a lot of a lot of casual swear words that would be allowed on Stephen A Smith's Twitter page right after the game. And that's how you know that Dan Quinn is starting to panic a little bit. Well here's the question which I never understand how this works. But you have a guy Dan Quinn who was on the hot seat

all last year fights for his job wins his job. He starts week one back on the hot seat. You don't get off the hot seat. It's not like you just hired a new guy and you're like Dan Quinn we love you man. You got five years to turn this thing around. You're week one hot seat. So that's why he's going right back to his bag of tricks. He's basically starting the season midway through last season where he's fighting for his job week to week. Dan Quinn just might be the best second half coach in the history of the NFL just enough to keep his job. Yeah or just be an excellent interim head coach. Yeah wherever he goes. The so when I say same old Falcons they had 506 offensive yards and they were 0 4 4 in on fourth down and just like the few the Falcons are the

best team in the world to put up stats and points and then always mess up the one or two game changing winning place. You know what it is. They're the turbo Cowboys. Yeah. They're like a really good Cowboys. They're everything that the Cowboys aspire to be which also means that they lose harder than the Cowboys. Yes. So whereas the Cowboys will always finish like eight and eight the Falcons will be around seven and nine six and 10 but they'll put together a couple winning streaks here and there but they are. Yes. They're an awesome team. The Falcons are the best team in the NFL that sucks. I have a take because everyone loves the Patrick Mahomes no look pass and oh my god Patrick Mahomes and Patrick was incredible. I still for my money

think that Russell Wilson doing the drop in the bucket floater which he did the DK Metcalf on fourth and five for touchdown is the prettiest passing football. Yeah. And I don't care who catches that pass. It's always Doug Baldwin. Yes. Yes. Yeah. It is. DK had Tyler Lockett a little bit because they're he Tyler Lockett is Doug Baldwin. Right. He's the new Doug Baldwin. They're the same but when DK caught that pass I was like that is a Doug Baldwin catch. So Baldwin's back but it is the prettiest pass in all football when he does that arc it like scrapes the roof and drops right in the bucket right in their hands. I love it. I love it. You see DK took one step to the side on that route. Yeah. He's learning. He's like robots are learning. It's

like when Raptors in Jurassic Park figure out how to open doors. Watch out if DK figures out how to run anything but a nine route the league's in trouble. Yeah. The Falcons are going to be they're definitely in my tickler file for pinky teams if they can get a couple wins if they get one win in the next two weeks they can go one and two. Were they your pinky team last year. Was it last year or the year before I think it was last year was last year before it was a Texans. So the rule of the pinky team is it has to be after week three and it's got to be a team that had hopes of going to the playoffs and had a slow start. Yeah. I still think that the Falcons will be good but the Falcons didn't go to the playoffs last year. Wow. They've had hopes this year.

They had hopes because they everyone has hopes because how have you seen. Did you see the offense like a team that regressed. We're a team. It can't be a team that regressed 10 out of 11 of their offensive starters or first round picks. That doesn't mean anything. No. Ha ha ha. Todd Gurley. You don't know football. You don't know football. They scored. Yeah. Listen. They had Julio Jones 157 yards. Calvin Ridley 130 yards. Russell Gage 114 yards. That's the one who's not. He's the only non first round pick. Yeah. And he even got over 100. That's incredible. So he's played his way into being a first round pick. Yes. All right. So next up we have Jets Bills. The Jets fucking sock. I'm so sick of Adam Gase. I'm so sick of the Sam

Donnell. I threw this out there on Twitter and I actually it was a lot of responses. But why we were Josh Allen guys. It might have started ironically but we are truly Josh Allen guys. I love watching him play. He's like he goes full tilt all the time. Just everything he does is just full fucking tilt which sometimes leads to fumbles but whatever. Like Twitter kills Josh Allen. And yet they think Sam Donald is some prospect and I get it. The Jets have no offensive line. They have no weapons. But still how can you say like how can you sit there and be like Josh Allen is costing his team or Josh Allen is holding his team back which is I take a lot of people throw out there and also be like Sam Donald is going to be a franchise quarterback. Just you

wait. Well the reason why is because Twitter exists three years in the past. Everyone is stuck on Twitter defending things that they said three years ago at all times which is why I love the website which is why a lot of people think that Hillary Clinton is president on Earth too. But in this case I think that people are just hanging on to this one little theory that they had that Josh Allen would not be good right NFL. And they had a theory that Sam Donald would be good in the NFL. So they're they're busy fighting against ghosts of the present and they're never going to be right especially like during a pandemic. Are you going to trust a guy with Sam Donald's immune system or a guy with Josh Allen's very robust immune system. I listen. You could

tell me that there's something I'm just not seeing with Sam Donald but I just don't see it with Sam Donald and Josh Allen. Yeah. Sometimes a little raw. The fumbles were bad today but he has all this fucking raw talent that's incredible and it's starting to you see it starting to come through where it's like getting more consistent. And I don't it just baffles me that anyone the thing that really baffles me is everyone makes fun of or I'm not talking about everyone but like draft Twitter and you know the right draft Twitter off their tapes in the past. They make fun of Josh Allen because it's like why would anyone fall in love with it. And then they fall in love with Sam Donald for the same fucking reason because he's a fucking tall white guy who went to USC. Well

that's any through the interceptions at USC. You're actually talking me into him right now. Is it just because he hasn't come on the show that Sam Donald has a lot to do with it. Yeah. Dude I'm done with it. I listen to Adam Gaser. They stink. The Jets are the Jets and will continue to be the Jets until they're no longer proven to be the Jets. That's just they are the Jets are never going to be good. Maybe I'm being harsh on Sam Donald here. Maybe I should be more harsh on Adam Gase because I don't think Adam Gase actually practiced. I don't think he held a practice in the off season. The way the Jets started that game. I don't think they practice. I think Gase is is right up there for the first coach to be fired this year. Oh he's but and Matt Patricia I could

also see Adam Gase getting like two more head coaching jobs after this. We've said it before but Adam Gase is the smartest man in the world because he put himself next to excellence in Peyton Manning and everyone was like whoa Adam Gase must have something to do with that. Well a great thing that happened to Gase was last year when Sam Donald went out sick with Mono for what like five six weeks because he could you can't count last year of Sam Donald's progression right against Adam Gase. He gets this whole year to like I wouldn't be surprised if Adam Gase went over to his house and made out with him. It was like hey I just gave you Mono. Yeah this is going to be good for both of us. I actually and sometimes we'll we'll say things on this show

where you know that like you're going to piss off the fan base of that team. I actually think most Jets fans probably agree with me right. Yeah they're sick of Adam Gase. They're definitely sick of Adam Gase. They're probably borderline sick of Sam Donald like they're probably still hoping kind of like with me and Mitch like you obviously hope for the best and you know you invested in a guy so you're hoping for the best but deep down in your head you're saying I don't know I don't see it like I don't see it. 22 yards in the first half I swear to God they didn't practice. Right and what Adam Gase does so very well is he just he doesn't get any good backup quarterbacks that people want to root for to see in the games. The only quarterback he got this year was Joe Flacco who

I think is paralyzed from like the shoulders down there at least for the next two months. He's not even able to play yet and so Gase is doing a very good job of being like well you know I can't bench I can't bench Donald because I don't have anybody to put in for him so I guess we'll have to ride this one out and so it's what a lot of smart coaches do when they're just trying to keep their jobs. Right. They pin all their hopes on like one guy and then that one guy gets to blame if things don't go well. What the Jets I mean the Jets are going to be and we'll get to the Jags because everyone obviously thought the Jags were actively tanking. The Jets definitely have a chance to be the one of the worst teams in the league this year. Also they're playing the 49ers next. Hats off

to Levy on Bell for for getting all that money. Yeah. Going to New York and for some reason like New York is the like media capital of the United States. It's where all those big city J's live and nobody really looks into Levy on Bell not really being a difference maker up there. Yeah. He's getting paid a shitload of money and I don't think he cares that much and I probably don't care that much either. Well everyone knew that at the time to the Jets even Jets fans were like we have way too much cap space. That's not a good thing. Right. Like we're just going to sign someone to sign someone and it's not going to actually get us wins. Whatever happened to the Rams because did the Rams ever get under the cap. They're just they're just saying that they're doing

Bitcoin. Yeah. Yeah. Though they're in crypto for sure. All right. So yeah I don't I'll soften my take on Sam Donald slightly and lay more blame and Adam Gase's feet. I agree with that. He's a bad coach. I'll put it this way. If Sam Donald went to a new team let's say Sam Donald went to the Bears next year. You'd be like so I'm a second. You'd be like he's a first round. Oh my God. He's a tall. He's you watch the Rose Bowl. Yeah. Dude this guy can sling it in college. I know how bias I am. If Sam Donald goes to a new team you'll talk yourself into Adam Gase went to a new team. You'd be like what the fuck is this team doing. Yeah. Adam Gase. Yeah. No it's Sam Donald definitely has he's not so bad. He's not and I I still like Josh Rose and I still wish like someone would give

him another chance but he's not that he Sam Donald will have either get the fifth year with the Jets or someone will give him another chance and I'm okay with it because again his offensive line is trash. His his weapons are trash and his coach is an idiot but still I just don't understand how anyone would be like Josh Allen's a joke and Sam Donald's a fucking up and coming guy. Adam Gase man. Good for him. You know what I'm always in favor of people getting money and Adam Gase has gotten a lot of it just based off what like two years fail upwards. Yep. There you go. All right. Bears Lions. The Bears are all the way back kind of. Yeah. I listen. I know deep down that what I watched today was more about the Lions than it was about the Bears. Well I don't know

fantasy stud Mitchell Trebisky. He had he had more points than Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson. Yes. Oh yeah. Yes. He had more. He was three touchdown zero interceptions. He was six for six in 82 yards and two touchdowns in the fourth quarter the last two drives when we needed a touchdown. I just know I'm not going to go crazy. Well he's a lion's Matt Patricia is unbelievable of blowing fourth quarter leads. Yeah. Seven last year and remember the last year the week one when they tied the Cardinals and they were up 24 to six. That was an all time. Essentially just a repeat of that except that they lost the game and like going for a fifty five yard field goal which was crazy. And of course Deandre Swift catches that ball we're having a different

conversation. Right. I mean give credit to the Lions that they find out more heartbreaking ways to lose every single week. It's actually on one hand I feel bad for Lions fans because I mean you've gone through so much shit and the ways that they find to just blow it in the last second are endless. But on the other hand they're very entertaining to watch them come up with these new it's like art. There's a real saying in Detroit same old Lions. Yeah. The S. O. L. like that's actually something that that Lions fans will say will mutter to themselves and you get it like you get our friend World of Isaac had a tweet that was like it was legitimately depressing. He was like this team it's unhealthy to root for them like they caused me pain heartache

like we I deserve better. Damn dude. It's true. It would be pretty hilarious if Adrian Peterson retired tomorrow. Dude Adrian Peterson looked great. He looked he looked really good. He's going to play forever. So I like that Matt Nagy still ran the ball. They committed a little bit more to the run. I understand like I did Mitch the first three quarters and he had clean pockets and he was just missing throws. I don't maybe it's just maybe you just have to tell him that it's the fourth quarter right away and like we're going to play up tempo. I still don't understand why the Bears aren't always going up tempo. I had the first 12 scripted plays go not good. That's bad. Nope. They went three and out and I want to say not good. Yeah. So I don't

know I'm I'm realistic. I know that there are big problems still. All I'll say is as a fan all you want is to be able to keep the hope alive for as long as possible. We talk about all the time in the hunt graphic in December. Yeah. So going one to know in that fashion was awesome felt so good and it keeps the hype like next week I'm legitimately excited to watch the Bears again whereas if they lose 23 to 6 to the Lions on week one I'm like holy fuck this is the worst thing I've ever watched. Right. And you know we always say like if the season ended today which is a real possibility this year if the season I'm just saying don't say more so than any other year if the season did in today the Bears I think would probably be first or second in the NFC if we're

going based off points scored as a tiebreaker which we are in this discussion right so congrats on your fourth quarter points scored fourth quarter points scored my tiebacks the Mitsubishi you are the number one seed by far. Did you see what Matt Patricia said after the game. They asked about his coaching. They should and they asked him about they asked about blowing these fourth quarter leads and his response was I think I've got one of the biggest plays in the fourth quarter in the history of the NFL where I think I did a pretty good job so I don't think that it's my coaching. So he's talking about the Malcolm Butler interception. He's taking credit for the Malcolm Butler interception in the Super Bowl. Seven. He's got the pedigree. He's got the pedigree. He was

the defensive coordinator and he was a defensive player. He single handedly won the Super Bowl for Malcolm Brown. Matt Stafford. Sorry. Lions fans deserve better. Matt Stafford deserves better but I'm not going to apologize for the Bears pulling one out of out of their ass today and and keeping Club Dub was open. Yeah. Dub was back on the road again. Officially back up. Ryan Pace and Matt Nagy gave the entire team a new pair of Jordan fours. So we got some team chemistry going. Well like it's a bowl game. Yeah. They go on the road. They're all in sweatsuits. Yes. I can't take anything worse for somebody to hand me when I'm already getting on a plane fully dressed in another pair of shoes. But this is what you have to do when you're trying

to save your job. Matt Nagy and Ryan Pace know this is it. So they're like well what can we do. And then everyone and everyone's shoes. Everyone's getting on the plane holding a shoebox. There's no room in the overhead compartment. Then you just have to take a flight with a shoebox in your life. The Bears are going to pay their players and best buy gift certificates and watches. Oh headphones. Headphones and a gift certificate to Outback. You guys are great. Shout out to Jamie Collins for getting kicked out of the game for headbutting a referee. Went full as in a den Zedan on it. Dude that ref was so soft. The ref the ref needs to stand his ground a little bit on that one. It was like he initiated the contact. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever like gone

over to a house that has too frisky of a cat like a cat that comes to greet you and just bounces their head. That's basically what Collins did. Yes. Yeah. Just kind of try and nuzzle up in there. All right. So Mitch I'm back. I mean I was already back in but I'm all the way back in. Guess what. I'm all the way back in. And also I I know there's probably new people out there but I had to do a PSA. I tweet with my heart not my head. So when you think you got me when I say the Bears fucking suck in the second quarter they did suck them. And then when they're back they're all the way back. Superbowl super bears like what do you want me to say. That's between with my heart. That's being a fan. Yes. All right. If you're the Lions though you never you never

tweet out like the Lions are in. This is it's Superbowl. No. We got this. Because you know I think we're tweeting like they're on the back of your head. He tweeted that Superbowl bound. Yeah. It is. This is what you do if you're and I kind of count the Bears the Lions like there's a there's a whole group of fan bases that what you have to do to get yourself through life and cope is is kind of the false bravado. Enjoy the highs too much because you know the lows are coming and they're going to be abundant. I feel like even though recent years Philly is in that category as well. Yes. Especially like today you see it. Yeah you got to just get so over the top hyped about a win. Like I was so happy about this win and I was so like I texted everyone's like holy

shit dude we're back. I know we're not back. Falcons are in that group too. But I want to just say it. I want to let me let me live. Let me say it. At least when the Lions lose they lose hilariously. Yeah. And in new creative ways that make you feel a little bit alive as in like I can't believe this is happening to me. Same old Lions. Yeah. Same old. You know we talk about score a gami. Yeah. It's deplore a gami. It's the worst ways. Always. But being creative with. Yes. All right. Here's something to bum me out. The Packers kick the shit out of the Vikings and Aaron Rodgers. I was very afraid of this. I think he's going to go on the fuck you tour this year. Mm hmm. It pretty much couldn't have worked out better for Aaron Rodgers today and the fact

that he torched the Vikings and Mike McCarthy looked like a fat bumbling idiot on Sunday night football. So he was definitely watching. Nice day for Aaron Rodgers. He he looked very very good. The Vikings defense has some big time problems and Kirk Cousins. Wow. It was it's so funny when it's so transparent when it seems like we have to do everything. I mean the Bears do this all the time like we do everything to make sure our quarterback doesn't throw the ball. Kirk Cousins threw the ball five times the first half and he would have thrown the ball four times but they fucked up by mistake. So they ran the ball on that last drive of the first half before that last drive he was two for four for 32 yards before halftime. That was a stat line and then they tried

to kill the clock with a running play and they accidentally got like 17 yards off it. I love when that happens and then they're like I guess we better let Kirk try to throw what's the worst thing he's going to do. Throw an interception at the 50 with five seconds left. He connected on I think it was like a 25 or 30 yard pass and then they ended up kicking a field goal I think to end the first half which which boosts the stats up to like three for five for 57 yards or something something along those lines. But yeah it was the perfect Kirk Cousins game because they were never it never really felt like they were in it but in the third and fourth quarter Cousins got to go out there and throw a couple touchdowns. Well they kept on scoring and then giving up touchdowns.

I the Vikings are going to they're miss they're definitely going to miss digs and that defense is is young and not good. Like right now I'm not obviously they have some guys injured coming back and I trust in Mike Zimmer being a very good defensive head coach but when you get torched like that like it felt like when we were watching Red Zone like the Packers would just go deep shot deep shot deep shot. Yeah I mean bad news for you is I think the Packers are going to be very their defense thinks kind of but Aaron Rodgers is pissed off so I was really hoping this was the year that he sucked. Aaron's got those two moods disengaged and then mad at everyone and he seems to be in mad at everyone mood right. Right. Speaking of Scorogami

and a palindrome 43-34 and a Scorogami. Very cool Jake. Very cool. The 1,055th unique final score in NFL history. Wow. We have to run out of these soon right. How many numbers can there be in the universe. By the way we shouldn't even be talking about numbers because when the Rockets got their butts whooped this weekend I think that's the official nail in the coffin of combining numbers and sports. Yes. Darryl Morey you're not allowed to talk about numbers. He should not be allowed to own a calculator. You know how when you get convicted of a felony you can't own a gun anymore. Yep. They should not let Darryl Morey operate a spreadsheet. Ray John Rondo's brother being named William is also just the funniest wrinkle of that. Yeah yeah when it's like a cool

interesting name and then Bob Russell was fighting with Ray John Rondo's brother William Larry Rondo Bobby Bobby Rondo. Get the Rockets out of here. They're done. Billy Rondo. Get him out of here. James Harden is how could anyone be a James Harden fan anymore. Honestly if you like numbers if you if you in the regular season it's I think lefties there's still some self-pause out there that are like they identify yeah it's but it's great like Russ I can still understand because Russ he cares and his heart's in it and he's going like balls the wall even if he's not very good anymore or not at that Russ you know MVP. Harden is just you just know he's gonna in the playoffs he's just gonna loaf around look fat and not show up. It is pretty sick though when he

does that thing where he dribbles between his legs 20 times in a row and then shoots a and then passes it and then gets the ball back right away. Yeah or shoots like a 35 footer. Was that not the most predictable thing ever though the the Rockets like meekly going out of the playoffs. The Gentleman Sweep. Town by 20. I have a prediction. All game just like yeah we we're just we gotta get out of here. For your Lakers I think that the Lakers might go through the entire playoffs losing the first game and then Gentleman Sweeping. We got to we got to bet on them against what we'll get to the Nuggets or the Clippers. Game one we got to bet against them. Remind us to do that. All right PFC you got you want to do the 3G add real quick. Yeah we're gonna get back to the games. 3G is awesome

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at 3C. That's the number 3CHI.com and at select retailers around the country. You have to be 21 to purchase because again it's going to have you feeling really nice. It's the number 3C.com so 3C.com and you can use promo code PMT. Get 5% off. You can get gummies. You can get tinctures. You can get oils. You can make your own homemade edibles. Go to 3C.com promo code PMT at checkout. Get 5% off your order. You must be 21 to purchase. Thank us later. Send me a nice little tweet saying hey PFT I appreciate the heads up on 3C. I'm not a drug guy but I really enjoyed their Delta 8 THC. Okay let's get back to the games. We have Patriots 21 Dolphins 11. Canary Cam in the yellow tuxedo. He looked like Curious George's Pimp. Yeah he did. He looked like the mask. Jim Carrey from the

mask getting on the Mayflower. Everyone should have seen that and been like okay well Cam Newton's back because you don't wear that if you're not like feeling 100% healthy and have a chance of losing. I was shocked with how much Cam ran the ball 15 times and I'm very excited. You know it's coming PFT. Someone in the media is going to say well Josh McDaniels did take Tim Tebow to the playoff so I think you just said it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it but he didn't throw any passes I think on the outside ran the ball 15 times. He's a lot better than Tim Tebow a former MVP but someone's going to say that. I mean well Cam didn't start over Tebow when he was at Florida. True. So you tell me. Still laptops. Yeah still laptops. But Hank did you say somebody sucked me.

Do you think that's the line that the mask said. No I was watching the Will Dickey show Dave this weekend and he he'd got in in his show he got dressed up in the yellow suit from the mask and then like in the show he's like I got to go viral somehow so he put on that suit and stood up and goes somebody suck me. Okay and then in the show it goes viral blah blah blah. Okay got it. All right that makes sense. Aloha is hoping that you thought that the mask said somebody sucked me. That would have been that would have been a nice tree for us. Cam had a great spike today and it's actually got me becoming a spike truth or because I think that there's there's something in the turf in New England that makes the balls bounce higher which is why

you saw Gronk dominate the spike. Don't tell me it's faster. No it's not it's bouncy turf. I've already been hurt once. It's bouncy turf and then Cam goes in there spikes it how high did it go. 27 feet although there's a chance that that math is incorrect. So Hank watching that game Patriots are really really good or the dolphins suck. I think the Patriots are as good as they ever were. I think they're Super Bowl. Yeah Super Bowl contenders no reason why they won't win like between 11 and 14 games AFC championship. Super Bowl contenders barring injuries and such. I also my big takeaway was I wanted to start taking the under because if Josh was going to have Cam Newton run the ball and Cam Newton is still you know all the injuries and everything that's

happened he's still probably the scariest guy to tackle. I think he's the biggest guy in the field. He's insane. He's the biggest guy in the field. He's the size of defensive ends. When he goes forward it's like how is he how would anyone want to touch this. Yeah it's insane. He did look a hundred percent healthy today. Yeah in fact I mean the Patriots offense looked better with Cam Newton than with Tom Brady but I I am going to take the under because it feels like they're going to do a lot of ball control play defense run the ball and yeah give me the under. I don't know if they have like the weapons that like explosive offense but they definitely have enough to win these games. They got Jules which is nice. They're doing the thing where they run

like seven different running backs. They just get everybody a touch back there. They're trying to make Nikhil Harry happen despite all his efforts to not make it happen for himself. I think Nikhil Harry may have done the one thing that can get you benched on the Patriots besides sleeping in. What did Gray do that one time. Yeah. What was his name. Gray. Jonas Gray. Jonas Gray. On the cover of Ford's Illustrated after scoring three touchdowns. Four I think. Four touchdowns. So the one thing besides sleeping in that will make Bill Belichick want to bench you. Well and also Malcolm Butler for whatever reason. For yeah we're not going to talk. You can you can murder somebody and Belichick will wait three days and be like I don't know if we're going to bench him

yet. But Nikhil Harry fumbled the ball like the two yard line and it went out of bounds for a touch back and Belichick fucking hates that. Still the worst rule in sports. Disagree. It's fun. I really do think they should. We've moved on from my hoop idea where they have many hoops. But I really do think you should get to keep the ball. But you go back to the 25 yard line. You get first and go from the 25 or whatever down it is because every rule out there benefits the defense and there are special rules about controlling the ball in the end zone. If you're on offense like all you have to do is just reach out and break the plane. You don't need to get to feed in or anything like that. So everything favors the offense. So why can't there be one

weird end zone rule that favors the defense. It's just stupid that if you fumble out of bounds anywhere else on the field it's just out of bounds. Yeah but play is never over. I hate that rule. It's also an over killer. I like that. That's why you don't like it because it kills the overs. I think maybe the reason I do like it is because everybody else hates it. Okay. So I'm glad we're I'm glad we're all putting our guards on it. We've gotten it out. Not great Fitzpatrick. Just put two in. Just put them in there. I want to see two let to a cook cook. We should team that let to a cook. Yeah. We start tweeting that. I think that Fitzpatrick didn't even do anything fun and Fitzpatrick enough to make me want to see him. No he didn't. He didn't. He even had a chance

to when they were driving late and he threw an interception. He scored a pretty cool two point conversion. But it was only cool because nobody expects Fitzpatrick to be able to run. He didn't even do the thing where he picks like the lightest defender and truck sticks him. Yeah. He loves doing that. He didn't even do that today. That's the one thing I want. Come on Fitz. See if you're in there do that. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be mean to you Fitz because I love you. I don't even think you listen to the show but I just want to put it out in the universe that I love you Fitz. But just do something stupid. Do something fun. We actually have to get him on the show. I have I have his number. Yeah from the from the Rubik's Cube guy. Yeah. Wow. I didn't even I mean I've

never I think it would be weird to that was one of the you know sometimes you'll get put on a text but the other person doesn't really consent to it. Uh huh. That's what happened with that one where it's like hey we're linking you guys and it's like but he didn't really want to be on a text. That's a text. I've never texted him. That's a text that you can just ignore right in perpetuity if you're that guy. Yeah. Listen I watched the two weird documentary slash biopic slash you did sob story that they put out on on Saturday night. I was the sob story that the house Sabin got his family was only well they had to pay taxes on the house that Sabin bought for them. It's pretty tough because it was a pretty sweet house but I want to now like he got me hyped up for two of

this. It was awesome. And he's going to look sweet in those candy ass Miami Dolphins color. He actually will make them less candy ass because they'll just look sick. They'll go from being candy ass to being turbo. Also to a low-key fat ass. Yeah. Real nice ass. Big time. Fitsy's got a fat ass too. Yeah. But it's like an old man. Yeah it's a dad. Looks like he's wearing mom jeans. Yeah he got that fat ass from washing all the cars every Saturday morning. Right. Tua's just got a big dog. Picking up these nine kids. Tua does the Instagram videos where he's just doing like a million squats with the leggings on. They should make a rule where they allow Tua's entire family to be the only people in the stands during games. So it would be like basically what

Kansas City had this year. Yes. Yes. It would be like 30 percent. Yeah. All right. Next up the Washington football team with a huge win. Excuse me. The Washington football team. River Boat Ron is officially back. We'll get to him for football guy of the week but going for it fourth and four under six minutes when he could kick a field goal. River Boat Ron baby and that the defensive line now the Eagles had like no one on offensive line like Lane Johnson being out sucked. That was bad for them. I mean still the Eagles are also that's like midseason form for them where they have all the they're starting running back was out their left hack was out. Now I would I'm not going to ask for an apology. I'll accept one. You don't have to give it but I'm accepting

it on your behalf because I told you that my Eagles pick was Bird Alert this week. Okay. Put them on Bird Alert. I'm going to do that for one bird team every week I decided. Okay. The Washington defense is fucking nasty. They're they're really really good and I think they had eight sacks on Carson Wentz. I didn't even know that was possible but at some point if you're Carson Wentz maybe it's on you. Well Carson Wentz Carson Wentz is definitely good for like two or three spinning the wrong way sacks again. Yeah. Where he took that sack out of field like to get him out of field goal range. That's a sack you take if you're this your second game in the NFL. You've been in the NFL for a long time for a while now Carson Wentz. You can't take a sack that gets you that far out

of field goal range. I also I was thinking about this. I'm so happy that Carson Wentz exists in Philadelphia under the circumstances that he exists because when the Eagles won the Super Bowl they you know that's a that was a franchise that was so passionate that had been waiting so long for that big moment and you will always worry when a team wins something when a franchise or fan base wins like that that they'll change who they are. But the fact that they did it with Nick Foles and then Nick Foles out of town. So now they still have the quarterback who is technically on the team who won games that year but they can still hate their quarterback and their quarterback can still divide the city because if if Carson Wentz had won that Super Bowl you can't you can't

in the city of Philadelphia be like Carson Wentz is a bomb. Right. But it's so perfect that they won a Super Bowl and they still get to have quarterback conversations every fucking day in the fall about whether or not Carson Wentz is good. Yeah. Like if Carson Wentz and Nick Foles walked into the same bar in Philadelphia Nick Foles getting all the drink spot for him. Yes. And so the Philadelphia fan base getting to have a Super Bowl and still have a quarterback that they can be like on given the given the how the game goes. They want to kill them or they love them. I just love it. Yeah. I've noticed this about Carson Wentz. He's very bad at falling when he's getting tackled. Yes. He's a bit spinning out. He spins the wrong way. Yeah.

Sometimes that but also when he gets caught from behind very awkward fallers. Some quarterbacks are really good at falling. Some aren't. Robert Griffin I would say is like the all time worst falling quarterback ever where like he'll dislocate a kneecap just taking a sack. Do you know who's actually really bad to Teddy Bridgewater. Yeah. Every time he slides I think he's going to pop his knee. Yeah. Me too. Kyler Murray. Good faller. Unbelievable slider. Great faller. Russell Wilson. Good slider. Very good slider. But yeah. Carson Wentz when he falls his limbs kind of splay out and he always keeps the ball away from his body when he's falling down. So he gets a lot of fumbles when the ball is like an inch off the ground. He was not. He was not good and it's it's especially

cruel. The Lions had this. The Eagles had this to start the season red hot in the first two quarters and then have it all fall apart because you have that brief moment where like are we the best team in the world. Eagles fans were thinking that. Now I might be severely overreacting to this because I think that the Eagles lost to the former R words when it was McNabb's first game on the team because as we said they always start out the season playing to this somehow and then we overreact and we're like OK I think that they're good and I think the Eagles are bad. So this might be just a really shitty take on our part. The Eagles will probably end up being a pretty good team. But right now the Washington football team that defense like that's a that's a very very good

defense. It's the Eagles offensive line is needs to get figured out because they I mean they hit Lane Johnson going out. The minute that happened it was like OK well that's huge because he's I mean they they just can't afford that. It's hilarious seeing the the end zone in Washington now that says Washington football team and then whatever the NFL like end racism sponsored by Verizon wireless messages underneath so much letter. But there's so much letter in the end zone. People are saying like the football team was coming up on some of the scorebugs where it was just listing the logos or the mascots of each team. And then for Washington it just said football team on it. I think it's great. I've reached the point where I'm like you know we play football. We're not going

to name our football team after some candy as bird. We don't need a cartoon mascot telling us I cheer for a football team that plays football next week will be a real test against the Cardinals and Kyler Murray who I'm now a full believer I'm done. We'll get to that. But yes good start for the Washington football team. All right. Next up the Raiders and the Panthers. Teddy Bridgewater actually wrote it down. Teddy Bridgewater every single time he slides. I think he's going to his knee sock is going to fall out which is weird because we never actually saw the video of his initial injury but someone puked someone puked confirmed everyone puked I think the Raiders they're running attack is awesome. Yes they have an awesome offensive line. Josh Jacobs had three

touchdowns but I think the Panthers are going to I'm circling the Panthers as my scrappy underdog they're going to be in every game team because Joe Brady's an awesome coach what he did at LSU and Teddy Bridgewater like Teddy Bridgewater is not going to lose you games so I'm circling the the Panthers is a team that's going to be like they're going to they're going to fuck someone up late in the season and also like $10.00 and Matt rule he coached the Big 12 so we can score. Yes that's all I know about Matt rule. He does look very funny on the sidelines. Did you see his like look today with the giant oversized sunglasses. Yes he looked like Doug Morone if you just shrunk his body but kept his clothes the exact same size. Yes they look like

sunglasses that you'd buy for $15 at a gas station which I actually like on coaches. Yeah I don't break like two seconds after you pull out. Right like Cliff Kingsbury I don't like his sidelines look where you know everything that he owns looks like it costs $500. Agreed. Matt rule got dressed on the way to the game that day stopping in various rest stops. John Gruden had one of the worst visuals on the sideline ever. Oh yeah. His hair was like his hair was like blowing in the wind and it just looked like he was bald. It looked like it was bad. It looked like he got run over by a lawnmower. Look at this. Oh my god. Yeah it looked like someone just took a weed whack. Oh no John Gruden. It's over dude. Save your head. Congrats to Derek

Carr though. Derek Carr is just going to be living his life in one week spurts trying to make John Gruden not want to kill him. Well good news next week is going to be fun because they open up the New Vegas Stadium Monday night football against the Saints defense that looked very good today. Derek Carr is going to sock and it's going to be awesome to watch John Gruden chew him out on Monday night football. That's going to be great. Nathan Peterman. But yeah, Mariotta's hurt right. Yeah Mariotta's hurt. No duh. Yeah. Oh you think. Peterman is next in line but all Derek Carr has to do is just not make John Gruden want to kill him. So he's going to play very conservative. Just audible to runs. Just hand the ball off. Yes.

Just give the ball to Josh Jacobs because I guarantee you Gruden will not bench you for handing the ball off too much. He will bench you if you throw a single interception. Yes and this is also now they have a couple you know a couple threats a deep threats. They have one of the best offensive lines in the NFL. I don't know if there's any. I think it's just I'm pretty much just talking to David Carr right now. But this is as close to a perfect situation as you can get with an offensive minded head coach. Like this is it for Derek Carr. This is it. This is the best situation because you know how we we oftentimes do it with quarterbacks. We just did it with Sam Darnold. We're like well the situation sucks. So who knows if you can have everything right.

I feel like this is just about as right as you can get. So David Carr if this doesn't work out for your brother shut up. Yeah you know he is talking a lot but there's no real Derek Carr fans out there are there. No absolutely not his kids. Are they. Yeah you're right. I'm thinking back to hard knocks last year. He just oils them up. What is it about. It's something about Derek Carr more than it is about quarterbacks that just throw interceptions because what could it be that John Gruden keeps bringing back Nathan Peterman because he is the exact opposite of quarterback is what Gruden. I think it's like he's he's the one wild stallion that Gruden would like to tame. The one that throws all the interceptions. Like what if I could just make him change his ways. Yeah. Nathan Peterman

also strikes me as not like he's not boisterous. He's probably a slightly beta kind of just sits there and you know teachers pet like sit there and just taking the information not really talk a lot. So that's probably got to bother Derek Carr because you have a guy who won't talk a lot just sitting there being like I'm just here to do my job. Like I'm just happy. Thank God that I'm here. Like actually thank God. That's got to drive you nuts. Listen I just I consider myself lucky to go out there on Sundays and throw four interceptions in the first quarter. He was like what the fuck. Gruden probably can't be upset at a guy whose attitude is like that where if it was Carr whose whole thing is like he wants to be that leader so very badly yes that he will

oil himself up and get eyeliner tattooed on his eyelashes. We're speculating that like Gruden will get mad at that guy for making a mistake but a guy who admits openly like hey I'm in way over my head right now. That's kind of lovable for me. I'm just happy to be here. Like if Gardner Minshew was the backup for the Raiders it wouldn't work. No because he would be what he'd be like I'm going to have my shot soon on the guy. Nathan Peterman every single morning when he pulls into the facility he's shocked that his key card still works. He's just like thank you so much. He's shocked that he wakes up in the morning. Yeah he probably washes this is awesome. He probably washes some dishes at the facility just to chip in. Let me help out a little bit here. I'll clean a couple

toilets. All right Colts Jags Phil they really got to make the Colts games in the afternoon because it really I thought it would be okay but when he went down in the fourth quarter and it was during the true witching hour it didn't feel the same because it was it was like half focused. There's too much stuff going on right. Yeah you're right in the afternoon games when it's like him and then the Cardinals playing against somebody and I don't know maybe the Raiders losing to somebody else as your three options then it's so much fun to watch but it got swallowed up in the excitement of other quarterbacks doing the same thing. Right so I think it had two interceptions and one was called back that was also very bad but this is the Phil Rivers experience. This is

what you get. T.Y. Hilton had had some dropsies and credits of the Jags like they are by by every account tanking almost actively tanking and they win this game and Gardermenshu was 19 for 20. He looked really good too. Jay Gruden QB Westbrook. I wrote down I'm only going to do one thing that Gardermenshu makes me want to do and it's this week I wrote down he makes me want to catch a squirrel with my bare teeth and then throw a Molotov cocktail at the moon. But he but he's starting to become a game manager so I think you got to dial back what he wants you to do. But he still makes that's why I wrote one thing. Yeah okay that's fair that's fair that's totally that that will be varying week to week but Philip Rivers I don't want to exaggerate so I'm just

going to say what I truly know exaggerate. He makes me believe in God. Philip Rivers makes me believe that God exists because I'm happy to exaggerate not exaggerating because it he's so perfect. I just love him so so very deeply and seeing him on Sundays like this is just it makes me feel alive inside. It gives sense to the world. Everything makes sense when Philip Rivers is doing his Philip Rivers fourth quarter thing. There are very few things in life that you can be absolutely certain of and set your watch to and this Philip Rivers struggling to win the game and then getting upset when he doesn't it's it's just nice to have something that you can depend on. And he looks normal in the Colts uniform. Yes Brady looked weird in the Bucks uniform. It's I

think it's a combination of the Chargers have blue in their color scheme and he went to a blue team and also the Colts just always have big tall white immobile quarterbacks right so it kind of works. I saw him and I was like oh yeah that looks normal. Philip Rivers is a Colt. What do you think Philip Rivers would do if if he won a Super Bowl. I don't I kind of don't think that he would like it. I mean he wouldn't. Yeah he's not going to but no no he wouldn't win one. Right that's what I'm saying. Yeah but if he did I don't I'm not so sure that he would really truly love it because he lives to get pissed off at stuff. Yeah it's true and it's hard to get pissed off when you're king of the world. He would he would definitely retire and have like four more kids that night.

And then come back like six years later. He's no he's gonna be a great we're gonna get a story about him 20 years being like the best high school football coach in like North Carolina or like second best like he loses the state championship every single year. He just loves it. Browns Ravens it doesn't seem like the Browns are gonna be good again. Well they are playing against the Ravens. The Ravens are very very very good. Mark Andrews is so good. He made some catches but yeah the Ravens are really really good. Silver lining though this is the exact opposite of how they started this season last year. They beat the Ravens in the first week last year. Did they? Yeah it was one of the first. Browns have it one week once. Oh that's right they lost the Titans and

then they beat the Ravens. Yeah but it was essentially the same Ravens team that they beat in week two so it's maybe it'll be the opposite of last year. I do like what what Stefanski did in that first quarter when he tried the dumbest possible punt fake ever from their own what like 15 yard line. So Browns. I mean that's that's rugby's fault. Yeah it is rugby's fault. The punter wasn't a rugby player. He would not have tried that because they saw Lamar Jackson do a rugby pass earlier in the quarter and they're like I'll see your rugby and I'll raise you rugby. But I kind of like the fact that he did it even though he's dumb as shit and executed even worse than the idea because it was one of those like if you go to jail you got to do something crazy

and try to fight the the biggest dude there on your first day. Stefanski's first week he's like okay we're going up against the Ravens who are really good on special teams and a great team so I'm going to do the dumbest possible fucking thing so that way every other week from now when coaches are game planning for me they're always like this dude is liable to do something that's just insane as shit. Yeah no you're absolutely right you just set it up where everyone's like whoa we saw that on film. Yeah you can't game plan for insane. Yes yes it's true. I'll do silver lining for Browns fans they can run the football and if you can run the football you'll at least be in some games. I mean you played the Ravens. They're the best team not named the Chiefs in the AFC.

That's very very clear. I also. Wow that was big of you. I know I've said that. You didn't even come close to the F word. No they're not they're not this year. I don't think they are this year although no they're not. You could be talked into it. Oh yeah I can actually. If they lose to the Titans you will be talked into it. No if the Ravens have a game where they have to play from behind and their offense doesn't look like I'm not going to say the F word. I'll say a different F word. They're front runners. Okay. They play with them. They're great with elite. I would like to see them down late and see what it looks like. You know what I mean? Like down 14 late in the third quarter. Right. The Chiefs have a totally different gear where the Chiefs are never out of a game. Right.

They're backshotters. So that that would be my only thing but they're very very very good. Harbaugh's I mean one of the best coaches in the NFL. Lamar Jackson though. He is going to buy pure luck. Someone is going to get him when he does the like jump step back move. That's eventually someone's going to get him. You got to try to hit where he was not where he's going to be. Because that move makes everyone look so stupid and I bet you someone's going to be like I'm going to just sell out for that move and not even try to actually tackle him and that will be quite a hit. Yes. He gets everyone on it and also when he's running out of bounds and he just like sticks the ball forward at the very end his last like step and a half out of bounds is very slow. No

I'm faster than Lamar Jackson in that step and a half between like you know two yards away from the sideline and the sideline. So yeah Lamar Jackson is awesome. The Ravens are awesome. J.K. Dobbins is a sick addition to their team. They have like seven running packs. Mark Andrews running everywhere. Hollywood Brown. They're good. They're very very good. But I the Browns don't get so down on yourself yet. If you lose on Thursday to the Bengals time to panic a lot can happen. If you're Odell Beckham you have to come out and have a bigger game after a week of people talking about you getting your chest shit on. You have to come out and have at least 50 yards. Yeah. Oh and a special fuck you to your co-host on The Dozen on Sirius and also Tuesday and Thursday

on YouTube and Twitter. Jeff D. Lowe Brown's fan who 10 to 6 muttered or it was 10 to 6. The Browns just said this this over is cruising and they cruise and they missed. That's a very it's a very Jeff D. Lowe word to you as well. They miss the extra point as cruising came out of his mouth and how you can't make those mistakes week one. No you can't say an over cruise. We didn't have a preseason gamblers and have a preseason brutal brutal. So he's on the hook for that one. You owe me one. Jeff D. Lowe Chargers Bengals. I have a question. So we'll talk about Joe Burrow but did this game prove that Philip Rivers is bad luck because the Bengals lost in a charger's way. That was a charger's loss. Yep. And Phil Rivers is no longer on the chargers.

I think so. I think we've established that just the Philip Riversness follows Philip Rivers. Right. Like if you said to me a week ago the chargers are going to get a pass interference call against them on a game winning touchdown and then miss a 31 yarder in week one. You'd be like yep and that's already happened hasn't it. That's a very Chargers way to lose. That's completely different from a lion's way to lose by the way. A lion's way to lose is you have the touchdown already and either by force of Roger Goodell or the laws of physics it gets taken away from this. The chargers they always lose on strange technicalities. Right. And so yeah it was a reversal and then Randy Bullock went out there missed the like 31 yard 31 yarder. I have a take about kickers.

I think that the preseason well no this the whole lack of fans I think is going to affect kickers more than it's going to affect anybody else. Right. Because sometimes kickers pick one person in the crowd to try to hit the ball at. Yeah. Kickers not having those preseason reps. I think it affects them way more often having like actual under pressure kicks. There were a lot of miss kicks. Yeah a lot of miss kicks today. Randy Bullock also faked the injury I assume which I'm always I'm always a fan of that move. If you have something embarrassing happening. Wait. Hold on. I just put this in my hand. This literally was sitting right here. Are you kidding me. The key. So Billy football

handcuffed himself. He found a pair of handcuffs and what's the first thing that you do when you find a pair of handcuffs. You see if they work by putting them around your wrist. Billy didn't realize they were real handcuffs. So he's just stuck in these for about two hours. I just started playing with this with my hands like out of here to this was sitting right here. Billy had to cut his way out of handcuffs. No. Thank you for not telling me you had those. Billy didn't cut. Billy just broke the handcuffs to get out. I do. I didn't. This was sitting on my desk. I just started playing with it. We can go back and watch. Okay. It's whatever. I'm glad that you I'm glad that you enjoyed. Watch me struggle out of those

hand. Billy this will find the will find the clip of the moment that I started just playing with this. I didn't pull it out of my pocket. Who sees handcuffs and just handcuffs himself. No. I did not think there'd be real handcuffs on the table. Sorry. What was I talking about. Oh. The Randy Bull. I'm always a fan of a player who fucks up and then immediately fakes. Yeah. I think it's the greatest move you can make as a professional athlete and especially as a kicker. He had the best instincts ever because the second the ball left his foot. He just grabbed down towards like his mid shin. Yes. Oh I think I pulled my tibia. There's something here doc. Yeah. I'd love to see pro football doc try to analyze what that injury was. He could be working

for like 16 hours trying to figure out what's wrong with Randy Bull. I bet you the the because I would imagine kickers don't have the actions. No the team doctor. They like the team doctor doesn't look at a kicker. No they've got like the water boy looks they've got a soccer trainer that has that that wet Brazilian sponge in the bucket. They bring out doctors got way bigger things going on. So like the the the ball boy came over and just looked at it and Randy whispered to me like just just milk this for a second. Just like look at it like I'm going to go down. Randy Bullock also I hate to say this as someone who struggles with my weight but when you make a mistake and you're fat you're it's not funny anymore. You're just fat.

You're just a fat kicker. It's not a funny fat kicker like the Georgia Tech puncher. Did you see that guy. Thick boy. Thick. He was like 280 pounds wearing shorts. That's funny because he didn't fuck up. If he fucks up now he's just fat. Randy Bullock is a thick boy too. Also just the name Randy. Yes it's so perfect. If you hire anybody to do a job correctly and their name is Randy you fucked up in the first place. This was this was such a shock for Joe Burrow too because going from Baton Rouge where every game felt like you had 90,000 people living and dying with every pass or every run that you made and then going to nobody in the stands in Cincinnati and Cincinnati Ohio must have just been like completely bizarre world but Joe played good especially in the second

half. Yeah he played really good and nice drive at the end. I guarantee you that if A.J. Green went to LSU instead of Georgia and he did that little push off at the end there's no chance that the refs call him for that in Death Valley because they are not going to walk out of Death Valley alive. So I think having no fans actually lets the refs get away with a lot more hanky-panky. True true that's a good point. No one likes to get booed. I will say the only criticism it's not of Joe Burrow it's of the coach Zach Taylor. Yep by the way he could coach in the NFL for seven years and we'll say the Bengals coach Zach Tyler. Yeah you could hear the confidence in my voice was at about 25% when I said his name. Seven seconds left on the 13-yard line. I know you

have no timeouts but Joe Burrow can you can trust Joe Burrow that he'll give him one last shot. Seven seconds you have enough time for one last shot and Joe Burrow is the number one pick and he's a smart guy like let him take a chance there instead of playing it safe and trying to kick a field goal and having Fat Randy show up. Fat Randy waddle out there and then and then tear his tibial plot. Fat ass Randy. Yeah god damn it Randy. God Randy. All right Saints Bucks. Is Randy short for anything? I think he got Randall. Randall Bullock. Randall Bullock. He I think he probably just when he I don't know what age you become aware of your name fully but once he became aware of his name he's like I have no I have to eat I'm Fat Randy. It's actually

you can't be hot Randy and also Randy doesn't work. Also Bullock is a good Fat person's last name Bullock. Yeah Bullock. Bullock. Yeah it's very guttural. I'm Randy Bullock and I'm an Instagram model. No that doesn't work. Like I just imagined second grade Fat Randy sitting there and they're like doing roll call and like Randy Bullock and he's ding. I might as well just start eating Cheetos now. I'm Randy Bullock and this is my diners divans and drives episode about just different meat cutting stations at Golden Corral. I'm Randy Bullock and Johnny Knox here's Johnny Knox will kicking me in the balls. I'm Randy Bullock and Steve I was going to fire a t-shirt can filled with baked potatoes at my gut. I'm Randy Bullock we got a slow-mo we got a slow-mo camera we're

going to watch my fat ripple as they hit me with a sledgehammer in the stomach. I'm Randy Bullock and I'm going to do a three-quarters gainer off this diving board into a kiddie pool full of gravy. They're not they're not I just want to make it clear they're not laughing with me they're laughing at me. Oh that's a great Randy. God damn it Fat Randy. Uh Saints box Hank. Yes. How do you think your boy Tom Brady looked. Uh he looks pretty old. Use the O word. It's the truth. Did he look. I no longer have to you know mask my truth. Okay let's do a time. Let's do a the exact same game happens last year. He's on the Patriots. They lose exact same way. Same stat line. Hank. Offensive line stinks. He does think he does have

a really bad offensive line. It wasn't his fault. No I mean he had to throw the ball. Yeah right you're asking me what I'd be saying. I would be saying it wasn't his fault. It was the offensive line's fault. The pick six was touching tribute to James Winston like seven yards behind the receiver. It was nice to see that coming from the box a little little sense of like a throwback to last year. But yeah he looked he looked pretty old today. Well it actually proved that Tom Brady Drew Brees on by the way. Oh yeah you're right. I am I am officially Taysum Hills the better quarterback there. Maybe even James but Taysum Hills electric Drew Brees. He had one good deep ball but they I think they averaged four yards uh a play which for Sean Payton Drew Brees offense

yikes. He figured out every single possible way to throw the ball within two yards of the line of scrimmage in the first half. Yes. So Tom Brady I think officially can convince America of anything because I thought all the Instagram pictures and everything that he posted in the off season of him practicing with the box. I said to myself well Tom Brady's basically been working with these guys non-stop. It's going to be that he knows the system. They know the system. Everything's going to be great. I'm taking the box. Turns out that's not the case. Turns out running around in a field in Tampa is not the same as playing the New Orleans Saints in the Superdome with that defense. Also shout out to Drew Brees. He broke another record. There are no more there

can't be any more records left for Drew Brees to break. Are there like Aaron Andrews had a football and they're not even giving out the shitty paper plate awards that he got last year. It was just a football with like a CVS receipt wrapped around. You're saying you've had the most attempts of passes. Congrats Drew Brees. Your defense sucked for 10 years. Here's an award. So at some point he has to have the record for most records in the NFL. Right. And I think that's why I think he's second. Brains will explode. He's in second place right now to Brett Farve. Yes. He's coming up quickly. So Tom Brady didn't look great but he also clearly didn't isn't like in tune with his wide receivers and offensive line. I don't know. I mean I don't

really know. I did say before this game I said whatever is going to happen in this game the opposite is going to happen for us here. So under that circumstance Tom Brady is going to look great for the rest of you. Yeah. I'm just the overreaction. Right. Absolutely. I'm just very glad that Tom Brady lost and that the Patriots won like we talked about. I think it was last Friday. I needed some some sort of opposite thing to happen with those two teams so that I could make a bold take on who made the right move either leaving or moving on from Tom Brady. It's Aaron Rodgers, Michael McCarthy. We got friction. Yes. We have friction between between those two franchises. What's up Jake. I just command F the NFL individual records and Breeze

has 62 of them. And who has the most. I can do that research. Probably Sammy Farve. Sammy ball probably for like punts and interceptions. Farve has around 40. So what about Peyton. 46. What about Brady. 49. This is really good. Look up. Look up. Sammy. How do you spell that. B. A. U. G. H. 14. Sorry. Look up Randy Bullock. Yeah. Fat Randy. Fat Randy. Yeah. So I don't I don't think I don't think the Bucks are going to be as bad as they look today at times. They had a pretty hilarious weird play. A very I don't know if it's a weak one weird play but they they had a face mask on that Sanders touchdown. Yes. And then the resulting kickoff which was taken from the 50. They just kind of popped it up in the air and the guy who wasn't

supposed to run it back came over and grabbed or tried to grab it turned it over and Bruce Arians is probably like you're you're staying in New Orleans. You're not coming back with a team. Those are the plays that Tom Brady has to what what just happened that doesn't that's never happened to my team. Yeah. He doesn't he's not used to those type of things. Bruce Bruce is probably going to leave himself in New Orleans. Like I'm going to spend the night on Bourbon Street. Billy as the number one Rob Grimkowski fan in the world. Are you worried. I'm actually a little worried. He won. He didn't run with the ball well to his blocking was subpar. He got blown back. You broke down the film. I was watching the game. How many plays did he have

on blocking. Well he got driven back a couple times. OK. So he was in the backfield a lot. He definitely the weight loss. What do you think he needs to do to fix that. I'm not sure. He's got to get his what are those pants called and get Zubas Zubu pants on. We need you to be the the Gronk film guy every single week. I will check it out. Just watch the Bucks and just watch Gronk. I will. Did he do anything sweet today. No. Nothing sweet. I was kind of disappointed. That's a bummer. Yeah. He's going to be bummed out about that huge. The Saints defense is awesome. It looks awesome. And I don't know. I can't wait to go back. He's going to just disappoint them in the playoffs. I can't wait to

listen to all these takes that we have in six weeks and be like wow we nailed everything. Yeah. All right. Last game is last game Cardinals Niners. I'm on the Kyler Murray hype train. I'm officially I want I wanted to see it once this year because I always am wary of the team that everyone talks about being like oh my god I'm picking the Cardinals. We had even the this intern sitting in the gambling cave all day like over my shoulder just chit chatting and he was like I love the Cardinals this year. And they're my dark horse. I was like yeah dude you and everyone else. So that's not a dark horse. But I'm still I'm now on the Kyler Murray type. He's fucking awesome. I'm not. Yeah. I'm leaning back in my chair and I'm waiting.

I'm saying Cardinals do something to impress me. I think I think Kyler Murray got shorter this off season. He might have. He looks shorter this year. Harder to tackle. Yeah. That's true. There's less of him to be hit. But yes he's very fast. Yes he's a good quarterback. But I don't still I still don't think he's good yet. So the two big takeaways I had from this game. Well three actually thank god. Greg Kittle is not hurt. I was very very scared for him. He's a beast built different. Brian Baldinger. Do you think he has stopped coming from the Trent Williams block. No he never he's going to be like Sting and just tantric nutting for the next 10 weeks. Yes. That's Jeff Schwartz is sitting there like this is this is the greatest

Diplo concert of all time. Yeah it was an awesome hit. If I were the 49ers social media team I would have done like the Quentin Nelson thing. Yes. And added screams on it. It was just like it looked like he got shot out of a giant boomerang that Wiley Coyote would build for himself when he was lighting up rocket roller skates. He just went directly at this dude and laid him the fuck out. That's what Trent Williams does probably like five six times a year. And I don't want to talk about how he how things ended in Washington because it makes me sad. That's OK when we should have gotten at least the first round picked for him. But yeah he is he's probably the most fun left tackle to watch in the NFL right now. Incredible incredible block. That's going to be there's

going to be a lot of Bix pens pointing at that being like look at this. Yeah a lot of Tuesday a lot of videos that are shot from a cell phone of someone's computer screen. Yes where you see like all the smudge marks and dirt and then a pen pointing at the screen tapping. I'd be like I love this guy. Yes this guy. Yes. And then my other big takeaway was I don't want to just make this a Bash Houston show because we talked about the rockets now they have to blow that up. But Bill O'Brien the reason why you don't trade Deandre Hopkins even if you hate him even if you can't get along with him even if you know you have to pay him you don't want to pay him the reason why you don't get rid of him is every time he has a good game you get dragged because he had a career

game. I think he had 14 catches for 151 yards and everyone was like bill reminder Bill O'Brien's a fucking moron. So that like that should be reason enough to never let a guy like that go just because it's a constant reminder every time Deandre Hopkins going to do something. Yes Clio McAfee. I mean this is why Belichick is Belichick whenever he lets someone go he knows that they're on the other end so he doesn't have to deal with that. You let Deandre Hopkins go when he has years left and every single game that he plays for the Cardinals that he does well you're going to be called an idiot. How awesome do you think Larry Fitzgerald feels that he knows that he doesn't have to go out there every Sunday and die and basically die so that they can lose

by two points. Yes like now he's like I got this dude next to me and I'm going to chill out and let this guy go off. And his hair is awesome. And his hair kicks ass. He's got like a mohawk of dreads. It's incredible. It's amazing. I don't know how he did it. No I could not pull that look off I don't think. I guess that's all that money buys. Yeah sick hair like that. Dammit. Are you are we worried about the 49ers. No I'm worried about Jimmy Garoppolo. I'm worried about him. Jimmy what's going on. What are you afraid of. Do you need to settle down. You can go to counseling. You can talk to somebody. He's seen ghosts a little bit a little bit. I say I know I noticed he looked uneasy at times in the pocket. I am also worried about Kyle Shanahan's hat. It's getting bigger.

It's bigger than it was last year. It looks like I'm pretty sure that Kyle is wearing the dad hats that MLB came out with that have the cargo shorts on the side because the girth on that dome it looks like one of your pictures of Joe Buck. Yeah. Just when it's straight on on him. Good news for the 49ers is they get the Jets next week. You'll be fine. Best medicine in the world. Damn are the 49ers back. No they played the Jets. OK. That was great. There's all I made one more note. Yes. This is an important note. There's too much red on the screen. Yeah. It's too much. A lot of red. Chill out with the red. A lot of red with those two teams. I would smash my television. All right. Those were all the games. That was fun. That was great. Let's do football guy the week. Then we have

Dion. Then we'll wrap up with the couple who's who's back and Billy's list. So football guy the week week one presented by the Philips Norelco one blade. The only tool that can trim edge and shave any length of hair. Pick up a specially marked one blade barstool pack nationwide where you could win up to one thousand dollars to the barstool store. Every pack is a winner. So you get your barstool merch while supplies last in stores near you. Your style made simple Philips Norelco one blade. Go right now. We love our Philips Norelco one blade. I've been using it for a long time. You get a real nice trim. A lot of guys have trouble with their facial hair. Can't get it trimmed exactly how they want. Philips Norelco one blade takes care of that for you. Go right now

you can win up to one thousand dollars to the barstool store. Every pack is a winner. So get your barstool merch while supplies last in stores near you. Your style made simple Philips Norelco one blade. All right. Philips Norelco football guy of the week. We have nominees. Actually Jake why don't you tell us the nominees. Why don't you go through it. We'll react. You did the research you get to shine. We're going to start off in Mississippi with Brennan Pugh. He's a high school coach who rented a lift to watch his team's game while in quarantine. Now was he sick. He was quarantining so either contact tracing or him. This is the guy fucking Revell. What. He said football guy. Oh yeah. Yeah. I saw that. I saw that and I got into it with Revell

because he tweeted football guy 30 seconds before I tweeted football guy. It's like and I told him this is not your content Darren and then he responded in some nonsensical fashion. He's too busy like collecting Abraham Lincoln's pubes drinking non alcohol. Yeah. $81,000 for the auction for Abraham Lincoln's hair. I tweeted out a picture of Abraham Lincoln's hair. I don't know what it is about this guy and collecting pieces of presidential hair with brain matter on them. But he's fucking like putting out Abraham Lincoln trading cards on Twitter on Sunday morning. So I'm trying to get amped up for football season. Shout out to Darren Revell though. I'm gonna say something nice about Darren Revell on Friday. I was pleasantly surprised that he didn't put an

HD 4K version of the Twin Towers coming down on his Twitter feed. Thank you. Thank you Darren. Expected that out of you. What was the average ticket price on American Airlines that morning Darren. I fully expected Darren and Darren Revell to bum us all out like he did with JFK assassination in HD at like 7 30 in the morning. But I do respect a show restraint dude. Back to Brennan Pugh the football coach. I like I like his resourcefulness that he went out there and rented a scissor lift a cherry picker cherry picker and left it. We're going to have we're going to lift is you can't say it anymore. Why. Scissoring. OK. It's hot though. But you can't do it. OK. I won't say I won't say the S word. But I do think that we're going to see a football

coach at one point this year do like the lawn chair and balloons thing where he just ties a shitload of yes of like birthday. Yeah. He goes up and just hovers above the football field. David Blaine said he can watch you. Hugh Freese is so mad about this move. He's going to do it. Ron Rivera probably the favorite in this week's contest got a planned IV at halftime while fighting cancer in order to continue coaching in his debut with the Washington football team and following it up with an upset win. This is you could have just said hey guys you want to feel like a pussy this Monday morning. Ron Rivera is battling cancer and winning football games and getting IVs at halftime. He's used up your toe and complained about it for a week. Yeah. I mean

I'm telling you this this Washington football team. I don't know. It's all this crazy stuff going on at once. There's something going on there. Peter Aghabi the University of Charlotte 49ers linebacker for showing his excitement in insane fashion before kickoff to pump his team up. This is more of a visual but this guy just like the warm. It was like the worm on steroids. He lost his mind like it was like a dog rolling around in trash. Street dance where they bounce on their back without like using their arms or legs. Yeah. Was he was he crumping. Is that crumping. Yeah. Crumping. Crumping. You can't say that. Well we can't. What's crumping. That's a gang shit. Oh what's what's the thing that chicks do with their hair. Blutting. Oh no what do they do

with their hair. They cut their scalp so they could water their hair. Crimp. Crimp. Yeah I think Billy can't say that Billy. God damn it. Cancel Billy. All right. Go ahead. Sorry. And then our final nominee similar to Bren and Pew Denny Sheridan a 71 year old fan in Cincinnati who put up a ladder on top of his pickup truck in order to watch a high school football game. So good. So good. Interesting visual as well. Yes. So blog will be up 9am and then we will tweet out for you guys AWLs to pick who the football guy of the week is. Thank you Jake. That was great. It's great to have football guy the week back. All these things are just makes me feel alive. It's so nice. It's so nice to just have this. It's just so nice. We have we've got two games.

We got to get by the way to show you two games. If Mike Tomlin doesn't come out wearing a welding mask as his personal protective equipment. I'm going to be very upset. I forgot to mention. Did you see in the pregame they were talking about Mike Zimmer has a tinted face mask and he read face mask but he couldn't read the play cards so he didn't wear it. He can't read the play cards anyway. Right. Yeah. But he looked like Donald Sterling's girlfriend. Remember when she walked around. Yes. When she was like hiding from the paparazzi. Yes. Yes. It was awesome though. All right. Let's get to Dion Sanders. We have Dion Sanders on for 20 minutes to talk about week one before we do that. Body armor. Body armor. I know you're drinking body armor all

summer. Well guess what. It's a fall drink too. Body armor is the best way to stay hydrated. All fall long body armor has no artificial sweeteners flavors or dies is potassium packed and full of electrolytes with all the things you need to keep you hydrated during the summer months or fall months and it tastes great. I love strawberry banana. That's my favorite body armor. It's so goddamn delicious. So go right now. Drink body armor dot com or order any other flavors on Amazon right now. OK. Dion Sanders. OK. We now welcome on our good friend Dion Sanders. We're going to have him on on Sunday nights for about 20 minutes. Catch up on the NFL slate prime. Good to talk to you. I want to start with what will probably be the big story coming out of Sunday.

The Bucks losing to the Saints and Tom Brady maybe looking a little old. What was your takeaway from watching that game and how Brady and Breeze looked. I didn't think he looked old. I think they didn't execute. I know what Brady demands from his receivers. I know what he likes from his offense and what the lack thereof of a running game. And remember when you were here I told you those Saints corners those two corners are really good and you know Jenkins paid dividends. I knew he would. He's they have two number one corners man. And they made it hard on those receivers outside for the Bucks. OK. And so a follow up question which I thought maybe he didn't look old but I thought an interesting part of the game was the Bucks making mistakes that you never saw

the Patriots make. And you probably played on teams that were you know buttoned up and didn't make the small mistakes. You probably played on teams that did make the small mistakes. How does that affect you as a player especially one of the best players on the team to maybe see those mental errors happen. We saw it on the kickoff. The mental errors happen that that kind of deflate the locker room and deflate the the momentum you're trying to get going. One thing about it when you collect what's 53 50 or 60 men's in one in one room is going to be some stupidity that happens. I promise you you're going to see some stupid stuff that happens. The thing that I'm alarmed that the most is where was wrong. Did any have anybody seen wrong. Can somebody find

wrong please. Because it's no way you don't make him a viable asset to your offense especially in game one. These guys can't deal with Gronk. He did a great job blocking but you didn't bring Gronk back to be a darn blocker. Put another lineman out there to do that. Let Gronk be Gronk. And I noticed that almost right off the bat they got into with Mike Evans and Mike Evans is a dude that he's got into fights against the Saints before. That's kind of in his past from your perspective as a as a defensive back. If there's a dude like that out there are you thinking to yourself like I'm going to try to get under this guy's skin early and make him commit a dumb personal foul. Well he was going to get one of the pro bow type corner as well. And these guys

have a personal battle. They play each other twice a year. Anytime you play another person twice that's a caliber like Mike Evans. You got to try to get in because you don't want him having the middle of the edge like a man I'm going to hope you for the rest of your career twice a year every year on the year. And that's the kind of battle that they have. I love it. It's respectful but they go at it. Each and every game they play against each other. They go at it. It's always funny because those guys they throw punches at each other while they're wearing helmets. And I always laugh when I see that. Have you ever been hit like with a closed fist when you're wearing a helmet. It can't close when you see my hands. Yeah. You see the hands look. That means I'm

putting them hands on some people in my life. I'm pretty good with these things. Were you able to ever injure somebody just by punching them through their helmet. No that don't. Because you're hitting the helmet. You're going to break your hand on a face mask or something like that unless you real accurate up under the chin. Mayweather like. Yeah. All right. So the other big story we're going to have Tom Brady's old team Cam Newton look good. Random ball 15 times though. Do you what was your takeaway from that game. And do you think like that can't be sustainable. It's good to see is healthy. Running at 15 times means he's healthy full fully healthy for the first time in a long time. But if he's running at 15 times a game that's that's a lot of times in 16 game

season. What I saw today glaringly was the defense the Patriots defense is not the defensive last year. What I saw offensively I love what they did with camp. They allowed Cam the plate the whole game between the hash marks. He barely threw the ball outside the hatch barely took shots vertical cam played everything safe and sound right between a hash mark. And I love the great game plan. That does not look nothing similar to the old Patriot offense. That's Cam Newton's offense that they're running. And I'm happy they made that adjustment for camp. Yeah. I actually think with Cam Newton he plays his best when he's having fun. And so you get him going by letting him run the ball. And by doing you know on fourth and one when they had Tom Brady up there they

would just call that QB sneak over the center with Cam. They're like OK we're going to snap it deep to you. Let you get a running start hit somebody then you're going to start to be comfortable then then maybe we can't expand the passing game once you start playing with that sort of confidence. Did you see Cam start to like come alive at the end of the game. Well anytime you let Cam the RPOs run past options man is unbelievable. That's so tough. You don't block the end the end has to go with the back. He got to stay out there for Cam and Cam is just reading one is a one guy read and they did they executed it perfectly today. Cam was Cam the day that's what we wanted. That's what we thrived on. That's what's going to take this team to the next level. But I pray to

God that defense steps up even a little more. They play good but not like we're accustomed to seeing them play. Right. You and I strained some stuff out last time that we talked. You are on the record as being an elite tackler. So if you are faced with Cam Newton coming downhill at Dion saying there's a man who carries a hit stick in his pocket. How are you taking out Cam Newton. Well most likely if I was playing against Cam I'd probably be on the best receiver. That's what I was paid handsomely to do one on one. But if you want to take me off him to elevate my game even more so I would try to just blow his knee cap out. That's what I would do full speed. All right. So what was your other bigger biggest takeaway. Do you want to say that you were wrong

about Mitch Trebisky. If I say I was wrong about Baker Mayfield at least for one week. First of all that was a garbage game. That was a trash game. Which one. That game that you just mentioned Detroit versus Chicago. Great game. Mr. Forth Porter. Like scoring. I'm a defensive guy. I don't like all that score. Great game for Mitch Trebisky. You say I think it was a garbage game. I think both teams tried to figure out who could outstink each other. Just like San Diego. What's the quarterback name like. Tyrod Taylor. What does he break. I like Tyrod. I really do as a person. But I've never sat there and say man I can't wait to see Tyrod play today. Does he make them better. Why. Why wait. Put the other guys in

like the dolphins. Man put the guy in. Yeah. Why are we waiting with Fitzpatrick. Man put to it in the game. What are you waiting on. That's kind of nobody in the crowd. What how worse can it be. That's true. That's what Fitzpatrick and Tyrod do. They are they're like the perfect bridge quarterback. Well your rookie quarterback is learning a system for the first like three four games. You put Tyrod in and then you take him out and then now your future's here. That's what Tyrod's done for the last what like three and a half four years. But you're not going to win. You know it's not like it's not exciting. All the receivers are mad because they're not getting their numbers. They're not getting a stat. Speaking of that. How's Baker doing. Okay. That was a bad

game. The Ravens are really fucking good. They're really really fucking good. No. No. Don't just say the Ravens are good. Can you say that guy that sits behind the center. Can you please say he's J.K. Dobbins. He's very good. I like J.K. Dobbins. No. Mark Jackson is very very good. Baker Baker was not good. I don't I mean the Browns. I don't know why I believe maybe you know that's a tough game to play. They're playing against the best team outside of the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC. Right. That's a tough game to start with. Not not not from what you guys said the other day. I tried to tell you that but you didn't want to ride with me. I had a horse and buggy all sitting up. You know the big motorcycle with a little motorcycle seat on the side. Yeah. I was

in welcoming you to jump in there. All right. I'll hop in with you now. Can I hop in. Is that seat still there. It's still there. OK. It's still there. What what so so the the Browns now play on Thursday night. And why why would we want to see them as a nation. It's a battle for Ohio. Right. Yeah. The idiot that put the basketball playoffs against the NFL ain't nobody care about basketball anymore right now. Seriously. I had no idea that game was even being played. I was shocked when the Nuggets won. I was like wait five hours later like wait the Nuggets won. That was crazy. Ain't nobody care. Why who was an idiot that decided to go against the NFL in week one. I agree. I agree. It's a lot of sports. There was hockey going on and everything. All right. So

what other what other big things did you know. I mean overall did you think that the level of play was was like pretty good for no training camp. It was good. It was really good. The level of play was really good. It wasn't a lot of this bad football. It was some good football out there. I love the bills. I told you I love the bills. I love what they bring to the table. I really think they're going to win that division. Shoot Russell. Last name Wilson. Did you see the yes when you take a shot on fourth down fourth and five. They took a shot for six. Oh my god. That was beautiful. He had the guy running the cross around on first down but to get the first down but he took the shot deep man. I love it. They're going to be stuck to deal with. Yeah.

What about the Washington football team. Deanna heard you speak a little disrespect on the Washington football team. You're very disrespectful. You are also disrespectful to the Eagles to be fair but but I do see why you see why I also think that the football team has football players on defense eight sacks today. Is it am I am I going to hurt myself by getting my hopes up because I'm thinking I'm thinking seven eight and one minimum maybe even eight and eight. So I've got very lofty expectations. No stay right there. Okay. Seven eight and one stay right there. That's where we're at. I told him about Philly and I told him why I would not ride with Philly unless unless you bring folks back. I'm not riding with Philly and you know why. Yeah. And you

Carson Wentz was very bad back there and take eight sacks. Who sits back there and say hey come sack me eight times. Yeah. Who does that. Yeah. Go to them all the way now. I don't even tell you the text man. My phone is bouncing man. Right now would receive his call. All right. So all right. I have one last question. Did you did you talk to Odell after today's game. Was it. Did he say it was it was similar to getting shit on your chest. Anything like that. I mean it's got to be the same feeling. Hey the kid wants to win man. Like really bad. Like it's frustrating when you constantly losing and the kid wants to win. That's all I will disclose. The kid really really wants to win and it hurts. Like it really hurts. Yeah. He's got to do something different. Maybe if he hasn't

been getting his chest shit on maybe now it's time. Switch everything. You know they throw him the ball. You know something like that. You know that's true. Yeah. You know accurately something like that may help one or the other. Yeah. All right. So we're about to. So Dion thank you for joining us. We're about to watch Cowboys Rams. I'm going to give you one last chance to say that the turf actually is in fact fast between you and I Dave. I really think my picks are really going well right now because I don't know where we stand because you know I used to win it. I don't know where we stand but I'm pretty sure my picks are really going well right now. Well any pick that I lost both loves you. Well Dion has the old NFL network thing where he doesn't pick against the spread.

He just picks winners. Yeah. And then one person gets like the top dog award. Yeah. Like I went 95 on the season. I'm amazing at this. You win or you lose. Give me five yard head start. Like they don't race like that. I don't do that. All right. So but you're on the record saying that the turf is not fast. Is that what I'm hearing. Yeah. He doesn't think it's fast. You don't you don't understand that he thinks studies on this turf Dion. They know the type of rubber pellets that exist in that turf. It's faster. I thought it was from tires like oh good you're tired. Yes. Yeah. From really fast tires. Yes. My race car put fast grass in your front yard then I might just run run laps back and forth and show off. You should do that. I think that

to be expressed. Why didn't you guys disclose that 40 that was run that I saw. Oh yeah. He Dion. Hey. Hey News Flash. Dion's faster than every blogger ever. Yeah. Good job. That one coming. Was he quizzing. Did you see the running form though that he had. How can you guys not give me that tape before. That's not fair. You got to teach us how to run. Okay. You'll teach us how. I don't need any help from Dion. I'm fast. I would like you to teach me how to run. Dion. Thank you man. We'll see you later this week. All right buddy. All right. See you man. That interview with Dion was brought to you by a Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter is the smartest way to hire. I want to tell you guys a story about Monica Starks. She's a real Zip Recruiter

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you want to do Who's Back of the Week real quick? Sure. I got a bunch of Who's Back. So we talked about it quickly, but Game 7 basketball is back. People, for whatever reason, they decided to schedule Game 6 at one o'clock on the first NFL Son of the Year. Yeah, shout out to Nuggets. Shout out to the Nuggets. I really hope they don't win, though. Like, that would suck. As far as I'm concerned, this game didn't happen, so I'm going to be very confused if the Nuggets, what? If the Nuggets win, they deserve it. Yeah, but it would suck. Why? Lakers, Clippers. Everyone wants it. Yeah, but if the Nuggets beat the Clippers, they have, I don't know. Do they have the right? Do the Nuggets have the right to advance if they,

just because they beat the Clippers in a seven game series? Fuck it, I'm rooting for the Nuggets now. That would be a virtual guarantee for a five game gentleman's sweep. Yeah. No. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. That was crazy that they did that game, then. How can you, how would you not do, like, it would be better to do that game on Monday afternoon? Yeah, a million other times. Also, with the NBA, this league, just, like, Giannis Giannis, unfalling all his teammates on Instagram, Russell Wilsberg, trying to fight Ray Gianrondo's brother. This league is back. This league is so back. I actually had a this league as well that was not about this league,

but did you guys see Dan Orlovsky's tweet the other day? I certainly did not. I must have missed it. It was ultimate. Well, okay. I mean, I, I only noticed it because it was the ultimate this league. He, oh fuck, I gotta find it. I've never seen someone tweet angsty or like teenager stuff. Was it about house? No, I don't know. No one knows what it's about. It was, it was the cryptic tweet that everyone replied and be like, dude, someone got a radio show that he was one. Yeah, something like that. Cause it was like, everyone was like, what are you talking about right now? What's going on, man? Uh, I think he's, I think it was like, don't ever forget those that lied to you or something like that. And it was like, what? Let's go, Dan. Yeah, this league, Emo Orlovsky.

Yeah, get it, Dan. This league, baby. I have an update to a why they may have, uh, made the one o'clock game basketball that you're not going to like this. No. The US open final was always slated for four p.m. Oh, here's my tennis. Yeah, but it was a game seven. Dude, tennis is Oh, it was, uh, never forget the ones that lie to you. I won't. Oh, wow. Everything okay, Dan? This motherfucking league. Uh, then my other last quick who's back is Melatonin. Uh, we were sitting in here in the studio earlier, getting ready for the show. No one was even talking. Billy just said this. No one even answered him or said anything to him, but I just wrote it down because I kind of wanted to wait to follow up. He just, he just goes, uh, apparently people are

vaping Melatonin now. I, I was scrolling through my Instagram and like one of those Instagram ads and they were like, vape Melatonin, get tasty Melatonin to your brain and faster than a pill. And I was like, yo, they're vaping Melatonin. Melatonin is one of the greatest hoodwinks that so yeah. Oh, I can't fall asleep without four pills of it, but they give you fucked up dreams. No, I guess you can vape it. You can vape it, dude. And I definitely can fall asleep without it, but I tell myself I can't. I have never enjoyed a single dream that I've had on Melatonin. Is that why? Does it fuck up your dreams? Yeah, it messes up your dreams big time. Yeah, some poppin' melly. Three dream was better, much better. That's right. Yeah, true. That's it.

If a company wants to really get their product moving off the shelves and they're asleep aid, just say like 90% of the time you have sex dreams on our product every night. Every single night and during the day. Yeah, it just turns you into a 13 year old dude. It's virtual reality sex. Yeah. All right, Pifty, who's your who's back? My who's back of the week is drunk ideas because I had a drunk idea when I wasn't even drunk. This is this is actually a good one. I hope you guys weren't drunk. No, it's September. I didn't even four beers. I drink one beer. I had two of mine. Sounds like you've been drinking more than four years. I had two of mine. There are IPAs. There are IPAs, double IPAs.

I'm at two on the month, but the one that I had on Friday was 36 ounces. Okay. But it was one. It was one bottle. Mine was my one on Friday was three high noods. Okay, nice. I drink it fast enough. Mine was just ever clear. Oh, okay. That's one of my favorite types of beer. But my drunk idea from Friday was I'm getting really into eating full pints of the low fat ice cream all the time. What is it called? There are like seven different lines. That's one of them. No, that one's bullshit. Don't eat that. I'm not doing free ads. No, just don't eat that. It doesn't taste like shaved ice. But here's what my idea was. This is a perfect idea. Tell me how it could possibly go wrong. Come out with a low fat ice cream, say it's like 250 calories per pint, but just put

real ice cream in it. And people are going to be like, holy shit, this tastes amazing for low. Yeah, it is. Who did that? And what? What episode was that? Froze yogurt. Froze yogurt episode. Oh, well, I'm talking about the new low fat ice cream crazes where it says that it's ice cream. Just fill it up with real ice cream. And then everybody be like, Hey, this tastes like real real ice cream. And nobody would ever catch you. Yeah, that's a sign filled up. All right, I just wrote a sign filled up. There you go. I don't want to I don't want to get empty is also what you're describing because it looks to let you eat to lenti ever. What's that? It's it's basically I think it's it's got it's got the clear container. It looks like an ice cream

that looks low fat, but it's not mine. Okay, yeah, I have seen that mine was briars low fat locale. Yes, see, to lenti doesn't even say low fat locale. It just looks it looks classier. So you assume that it's not. Uh huh. And you can see the ice cream when you can see it, you're like, Oh, that can't be ice. Basically water. Yeah, right. And then it's like pretty much Ben and Jerry's. Okay. Yeah, I have seen that. I have seen that, Jake. Yeah, that's yeah, it's a lot too. Okay, I'm in. I don't want to see regular ice cream. Yeah, you can also do the same thing with non alcoholic beer. Yes, he'll be like, I love this stuff for some reason. Not drunk, but drunk. I can drive better on it. Feels good. We'll save it for another time. You guys can

remind me, but I'll just I'll just kind of give you a quick pitch. Tesla for tables. Tesla. So there's never any wobble. Tesla. What is Tesla? I'll explain later. Tesla. Continue PFT. No, for tables. Think on it. You can't just think on it. Is it a napkin? Is it electric so it always balances? Tesla can feel the road so it knows where to go. It's not like it goes right or goes left. It feels feels like it's surroundings. Adjustable tables. But it's technology. So it's like not like adjustable tables where it's like you can raise it or you can lower it. The table itself feels the surface around it and then adjusts so that there's never any wobble. Okay, I don't want to be at the restaurant has tables. All those tables

wobble. All the all the ways that you have to fix it aren't as good as mine. But I don't want to be poor here. But once you have a table and you put it on, like you don't really it's just there. So you can fix it. Like it's not like when you drive with Tesla, you're driving new roads all the time. Like if you buy a table, you put it down. Oh, this isn't this isn't flat. Okay, let me fix it. Then you fix it for that table be flat for the next 50 years. How come every restaurant I go to, I have said a wobbly table. You got to go to better. You got to go to better restaurants or start. Yeah, start bringing your own sugar packets with you and put those underneath the legs of them. How about invest in Tesla hope the stock goes up and then you

can afford better restaurants. No, fix is the exact same problem or the next Tesla. Chicago Italian beef sandwiches all the time and use your elbows. Yeah, just stand for elbows. Stand and you eat it kind of over how many restaurants do you know? How many of them have tables? I can make seven restaurants off the top of my head. Five guys, Chili's, Dave and Buster's, that's two. Soon enough, people go to restaurants unless they have these tables. You can get in now. What about just a matchbook or that's old? That's the old that's the old caveman way. Listen, part of the pitch idea is you got to poke holes into it. I think that I've sufficiently poked all the holes in it.

All right, Tesla for tables. Done. How much does each table cost? It depends on manufacturing. Okay, working on that. I got a couple of close $15,000 and they all break right away. That would truly be Tesla. All right, my who's back is no hitters. Alec Mills threw no hitter for the Cubs today and no one knew because it was a no hit one. Same thing as Dallas Brady. We actually were laughing because it was the least swinging misses for a no hitter or perfect game since Dallas Brady five, which is such a backhanded way of saying like you got a no hitter, but you kind of suck. Bapip was really low. Yeah, but credit to Alec Mills, the Cubs are back and yeah, no hitter. Another bonus who's back is

American Ninja Warrior being on TV while we're getting delirious at the end of my take. Yes, yes, yes. There's no way that they're making new episodes of that, right? Kristen Leahy, I've never seen on it and she was just hosting that one. No. You've seen her? Yeah, always. Oh, I guess you're paying attention a lot more to her than I am. Oh, there's that. There's that Zeke Bill. No, I just hear later on Sunday nights. I watch the runs and then the reruns feed me. It looks like you got a fanny pack tattooed across his navel. Go, Billy. My who's back of the week is chain snatching. There's been some chain snatching the NFL, Crabtrain, Talib, if you remember. They tried it on Cam Newton. They tried it on Cam Newton. Thank you for

taking my who's back, Hank. Who tried it on him? That was pretty mean, Hank. Yeah, I was waiting. Who tried it on him? No, I'll take that back. Thank you. Okay, so Cam Newton, they try to snatch his chain at the end of the game. Oh, is that the kind of annoying? Did it work out? Yeah, no, they didn't take his chain. He said the two chains and they were, you know, that's why Cam Newton was going nuts at the end of the game, if you saw. And he was getting like trying to fight half the team and it was kind of like, what are you doing? But someone tried to snatch his chain. I think I'm on the side of the dolphins here because if Cam Newton just runs over your face for 60 minutes, like you'd at least want to take home something to remember it by.

Yeah, grab whatever you can. So that's why who's back the week. Good job. All right. That is our show. We have Dan Patrick on Wednesday. Big show. Football is back. This has been an honor and a pleasure. I feel so reinvigorated guys. Yeah, feels fucking great. God is real. Oh, thank you. Oh, yeah, we got to pick one number. Pick one number. Billy, do you have a seven? I'm going to go. Big Cam PFT are playing Jenga today. Yeah, we're playing Jenga at what? 1 p.m. to 30. Got it. Billy, do you have an animal fact? Yes. So sharks never sleep and they always swim. But dolphins sleep with half their brain and they use the other half to be awake and they shut off half at a time. So they also kind of never stop. Is that fucking 17? Oh my god,

I was going to be so mad. That's a short seven on the front side. I didn't say 17. I usually do. Love you guys. I'm getting there when you must be thinking about my tongue. Oh, your clit and switching back and forth. Switching back and forth from my day to my time. Switching back and forth from my day to my time. I'm getting there when you must be thinking about my tongue. Oh, your clit and switching back and forth. Switching back and forth from my day to my time. Switching back and forth from my day to my time. you