Pardon My Take - Ryen Russillo And PFT Has To Eat Poop (Probably)

Episode Date: May 2, 2018

The Raptors are a joke (Sorrey Toronto) and Lebron wins Game 1 even though he shot terribly (2:20 - 7:16). The Caps take a 2-1 lead and PFT is 2 games away from eating shit (7:16 - 12:35). The Celtics stopped the process in Game 1 and Kendrick Perkins tried to kill Drake (12:35 - 17:45). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including Gravity and Big Ben isn't retiring any time soon (17:45 - 33:46). Ryen Russillo joins the show to talk NBA, his life as a struggling screenwriter in LA, LA traffic, and what the hell will happen to Kawhi/Paul George/Lebron this summer (33:46 - 70:26). Segments include Mike Greenberg's dumb rules, hmmm for the Astros spin rate and Guys on Chicks. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have our good friend Ryan Recillo. He joins us to talk NBA, and also being a new Hollywood screenwriter in the living that LA lifestyle. We talk NBA playoffs, NHL playoffs, hot seat, cool throne, and guys on chicks. Before we get to all of that though, Devour offers premium frozen meals and sandwiches

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give $5 to the ASPCA. But there's more. Part of my take is giving away some cheddar, some guacamole, some cash roll a download the app and tweet your cash tag to app.pardonmytake and we will reward a lucky award-winning listener with cash every episode. Hank, who would we give it to? Joey Bessler. Okay, so Joey Bessler got the free cash and you can too by downloading the Cash App.

It's tweeting us your cash tag app.pardonmytake and we'll pick a lucky winner every episode. All right, let's go. Welcome to part of my take presented by Sangeet. Today is Wednesday, May 2nd and we're going to talk all things poop, including PFT eating poop, but first we got to talk about the poopiest poop, the Toronto Raptors. They're awful. The third quarter Toronto Raptors were pretty good, but every other quarter Toronto Raptors was trash.

Probably something to do with the exchange rate. The Kevin Love and LeBron James went 15 for 43, the Raptors had a lead, LeBron looked off. He dominated by basically whatever. LeBron, even when he shoots bad, he had 13 assists and was basically controlling the game that way. The Raptors are the softest team I've ever watched and having Fred Van Vliet take the game winning shot in overtime.

How do you have DeRosan and Lowry and you have these guys, they shrink in every big moment. They're so soft that they made Kevin Love look like the tough guy. It was big, bad ass Kevin Love coming at you. They made Kevin Love look like Dennis Rodman tonight. Kevin Love looks like he's lost all his ability to play basketball. Or care. And then all of a sudden Tristan Thompson is amazing and Jeff Green went 4 for 4.

Jeff Green stinks and he beat the fucking Raptors. The Raptors invent new ways to lose. Did LeBron make a three-pointer? I don't think that he did. I think he went 1 for 8. Yeah, 1 for 8. Exactly right, 1 for 8. It was a terrible, terrible performance by LeBron James for the assists.

It's as bad as LeBron James can have of a performance while still having a triple double and being the best player on the court. And the Raptors, like I don't even understand, and then you had Kendrick Perkins, punking Drake. Yeah. That's your one guy. Perk is the Drake stopper. Yeah.

That's why they brought him in. He wasn't even, he had a fucking suit on and Drake is getting exposed as a little, as a little, I'm not going to say. He's a beta. He's a beta. I was going to say the B word. Yeah. Yeah.

He's a little B. I don't think that Drake has ever fought somebody not in a suit jacket though. He strikes me as a guy that's never been in a street fight. He's more of a slapper. Yeah. Slapper. Slapper guy in like a nightclub. And I like Drake's music.

So this isn't a wow. But I do, but nice for what is fucking awesome, but he's definitely a slapper. Yeah. What do the Raptors do? Like they lost, I mean, this is game seven, they lost again. Yeah, another game seven. Yeah. They're setting the record for most game sevens lost in the first season.

Yeah. I don't see how, how they really come back from this because, well, I'm going to say this and then they're going to come out and score like 40 points in the first quarter of game two. But this is like such an emotional curb stomping that they took tonight. Like losing the way they did when they had a chance to win in regulation, had a chance to win it in overtime with some pretty easy shots too. Yes.

That they just botched. Yes. They had a, they had a layup to end the game and they just couldn't get it in. And actually the best tweet I got was someone said, the calves and the Raptors is like the caps and the pens on steroids, which is a nice segue to you having to eat poop. I don't have to eat poop. You do have to eat poop. If I eat poop, it's going to be because I want to eat, not because I have to.

So the capitals won a great game. It was, the OV goal was like perfect OV. It was the quintessential OV play. So he had, except he scored that part in the playoffs. I'm going to get, I'm going to get to that. Okay. So it would have been the most classic OV play of all time to hit the pipe, hit the woodwork as we say in hockey with a minute left in a tie game and then go on to losing overtime.

That would have been the quintessential Alexander Ovechkin play, like make a great effort on a breakaway and have a great game and just blow it at the last second. Well, guess what? Alexander Ovechkin 2.0 playoff, rebrand, playoff O, a remix, playoff, it's the worstly knocky. It is a playoff. That's a good point. Yeah, that's tough.

I'm going to call him playoff 2.0. Oh, showed up. Wait, so you're not even putting his name in the nickname? No, the O is the nickname. Playoff 2.0 showed up in that half second that the puck was deflected and he slapped it in. And the best was his celebration. Oh, yeah.

Now he's a big, he's a glass jumper. That's what he does after most goals. But he took a few seconds to scream at the crowd and then jumped into him and then he saw all the yinzers. There were probably eight or nine yinzers flipping them off at once. Oh my God, it was so great. I love the yinzers. It was so great.

Now, Pittsburgh definitely looked like the better team tonight. Uh-oh. I think, I think the caps got out shot. So we went away from our game plan, which is out shooting the other team and taking a million like shots from the blue line. Well, so it's two one capitals in the series and it's also two one capitals in games they outplayed the penguins. Correct.

But no, no. And yes, yes. Yeah, they outplayed them in their game one loss and then they had to do the math real quick and flip it. You know, it's a real shame that the penguins don't have a good goalie. They could have used a goalie maybe like they had on their team for the last couple years in Malchondra and got rid of it for some reason because Murray sucks. Yeah.

Murray sucks on ice. His glove hand stinks. And his glove leg sucks too. Yes, it does. That entire side is important. I think you had a stroke. Yeah. I think the left side of his body has been paralyzed.

So you're going to have to eat poop. I don't have to eat poop. There's no ifs ands or buts about this. I can't wait. Do you want to run the tape back from Monday? You can't wait a lot of this. I've issued a compromise. No, no, nothing I said on Monday.

What is your issue of compromise? I have to do that. You can't. Nothing I said on Monday can be held against me. I was coming off of Vegas weekend. You can't compromise. I don't even know where I was. You can't compromise something you said.

You said I'm going to eat. I think if we ran back the tape, I was like, wait, you're going to have to do this. And you're like, I'm going to do it. Well, I thought about it. And my thought is that the compromise that I issued was because this all came from Cleveland Sports. If the Cleveland Sports Talk host agrees to eat poop, if I eat poop, then I will eat poop at the end of the season.

There's a person that has a podcast that lives in Cleveland Count. No, it has to be somebody. It has to be somebody who's actually on the radio. Blue check mark over 50,000 followers. Wait, no, wait, wait, hold on. Yes. Yes, stop this. Let's talk about this.

This is how he does it. This is not even the four letter call sign in front of a person's name. I want him to be on preferably ESPN Cleveland. All I'm going to say is hopefully a Golic brother. If a Golic agrees to eat poop, then I will eat poop. It's all I'm going to say. If the capitals beat the penguins and you don't eat poop, that is the worst look that you could ever have.

Is that a worse look than eating poop? Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. Not eating the poop that you said you'd eat? Absolutely. You can sleep at night with poop in your stomach. Yeah.

But you can't sleep with no poop in your stomach. I poop in my stomach. You promised everyone. I poop in my stomach every night. If you actually love us. It's called having an healthy meal. If you love the award-winning list or you'd eat the poop? I don't know.

But my thought was- It all turns into poop anyway. True. You know what we'll do? It's the South Park episode when I start shitting out of their mouth. If the caps win live on the air, we'll call my mom and just see if my mom thinks I should eat poop. No.

No. These are- Listen. I don't even want to see- Look. The caps look good tonight. Thank you. Well, no, they actually look bad, but they won. Yeah. No.

You got to win ugly sometimes. Uh-huh. So 2-1. It feels like this is a year. Yeah. 2-1. Now, it feels good. We might be a little biased because we're all such big caps fans here.

Tom Wilson, not a scumbag. Well, Wilson, what are our thoughts on him? Because he didn't get penalized. So by the book, was it illegal? What happens is, I just think, like, he's a Shiano man. Right. And heads just always kind of end up in his shoulders. Mm-hmm.

He actually- He's got a shoulder cry on. He's a great friend. Yes. Yeah. Exactly. We all should be so lucky to have a buddy like Wilson in our life. He's a fucking great guy. Uh-huh.

Anytime you need a shoulder to get concussed on, he's got it for you. Have you noticed that Pittsburgh has the shittiest ice in the league? They have real trash ice. Oh, I want to say that- I want to say Edmonton might have the worst, but yeah. No, no, no. I think Edmonton has good ice. No, one of them's shiny ice. The shiny ice.

The shiny ice. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, the Blackhawks have pretty soupy ice, too. They do? Well, I wouldn't say that Pittsburgh's is soupy. It's just shitty. It's just, like, always chunked up, even when they have fast ice.

They don't even have a basketball team. They don't have a basketball team. Maybe that's a problem. Maybe that's a problem. They don't change out the floor. Yeah. Yeah. You're right.

That's probably- It makes it real difficult to see if a puck crossed the line in Pittsburgh. I'll put it that way. Mm. So, we just circle that in case we need that for later. Yes. We're going to set ourselves up like Skip Bills. By the way, Skip Bills, little King State Kings, in the first half was like LeBron James is one for five from free throws in the first half.

Like, he can find any stat. He can set up a narrative. He can get it at any point. Although, so this is going to be weird because we agreed with Colin Coward on Last Show, right? That was last week. Yeah. We finally agreed with Colin Coward about analytics.

I'm going to kind of agree with a Skip Bills LeBron take. And that's when LeBron starts off shooting poorly from the foul line, he usually ends up shooting poorly from the foul line. Yes. Like, he'll get okay in the second, third quarter, but he will miss, you know, the front end of a couple- He gets pretty shitty down the stretch if he doesn't get out to a hot start. And he was called for lane violation, finally.

Thank you. Finally. Thank you, NBA refs, finally. Now that we brought that to your attention. Yes. Because he was getting egregious with it. He was committing a traveling violation on free throws. Yeah.

It was out of control. They finally, now the cynic in me says they waited for him to miss one to call it. It's kind of bullshit. Like a warning. But they called it. They called it. They called it, man. They sent a message.

Yeah. And then in the other basketball game, the process is in trouble? I don't know. Should we overreact to the game one of the Sixers Celtics? Because I don't want to overreact, but the Celtics gave them an ass kicking. That was one of those games. You watched it. And even though it was like maybe 10, 7, they cut it a little bit, it never felt like the

Celts were losing control. I think Terry Rozier might be my favorite player. What? He's a dirt dog. Yeah. He is a dirt dog. You're right, Hank. He is a dirt dog.

He is a dirt dog. He's like a little Tasmanian devil. Marcus Smart's a real dirt dog. Marcus Smart's a little dirty though. Like, Rozier's just a dirt dog. Well. Not dirty, but he gets a little, he might flop a little bit. Good thing they don't play the caps, because Ovi's always washing that dog.

Playoff 2.0. Can't be a dirt dog around Ovi. So Hank, Ryan Reynolds. How are you feeling? I think this series is going to go 7. Like I said, if they can stop Ben Simmons in transition, they have a chance to win. That's keys to Hank's game. Brad Stevens, best coach of all time.

Yeah. Let's start fitting him for that. Coach for his job. Whatever weird color jacket the basketball hall fame has to give out to like eight, nine guys every year, and you don't know their names. Joe Prunty actually could probably get in the basketball hall fame. Like if you bring your binder, Joe, bring that binder filled with like bowling alley coupons to wherever, whatever weird city the basketball hall fame's in, and they'll let you in.

I think it's like being a retired cop. If you just stay in the NBA at some capacity for more than 20 years, you get the watch and you get the basketball hall fame. There are a bunch of dudes in the basketball hall fame that just spent like 50 years as a team assistant, not a coach. Yeah. The team assistant that just rebounds and then throws bounce passes out to players in practice. And then you get the narrative going like, ooh.

The one old school journalist has to write one article, one year being like, do you know what the secret to their success is? It's this fucking guy who's been rebounding basketballs for the last 40 years. And then it's a set in stone. You're in the basketball hall thing. Remember we were in Milwaukee and there was a guy like that out there, which actually brings up a good point. Jason Terry, hall famer.

Yeah. The jet. The longevity. I mean, he does the fucking jet. He does the jet. Hank, he does the jet. So he has, he has a, they named it after him. Yeah.

He's basically an Orville. Orwell. Orwell. Orville. Orville. What are the guys that created the plane? The Wright brothers. The Wright brothers.

I was thinking of Popcorn. No, no. You were on the right track. Orville and Wilbur. Oh yeah. Okay. So, all right. So Orville went into the popcorn business after he invented the airplane.

What a legend that guy is. North Carolina or Ohio. Or how? Embrace debate. Because they're born in Ohio, but they did it in North Carolina. People get pissed. People get pissed. Hey, but I want to jump back to what Hank said, because you were sounding very confident

in your Celtics, but then you said Celtics in seven. So you don't sound that confident. I think every game is going to be a battle. I think the Sixers are obviously more talented team. They're going to figure it out when a few games, but Celtics have home cornered advantage. So. Series doesn't start until somebody wins a road game. So if the Sixers win one game two, then it's over.

No. Okay. It's going seven. Okay. All right. And the Rockets haven't played in like seven days and a lot of strip clubs starting to get me going too right now. Steph Curry's back.

Yes. Yes. Best free agent signing. Yeah. So full disclosure. We're taping this as the Warriors games in progress. 15, 55 and a half. Okay.

But I'm going to say Warriors by seven. I'll say 15. Okay. Good. Because I mean I cover. Okay. There we go. Let's get to our hot seat.

Cool. Oh, shit. Breaking moves. We're going to talk about this is the most important game of the night. Breaking moves. But since he didn't, the NBA 2K league tipped off. Pistons defeated the Bucks. First game ever.

Can't believe we didn't talk to him. Okay. So what is this? The NBA 2K league. So we got to call Ravel. Yeah. So this is esports, right? Mm-hmm.

It's 11, 43. Are we still calling it 2K even though it's 2018? When do we stop just calling things 2K? How, how asleep do you think Ravel is? Oh yeah. He's deep in RAM right now. Phosphorus. Magnesium.

Hello. Hey, what's going on with the 2K league tonight? Huh? What's going on with the 2K league tonight, the esports 2K? Uh, let me tell you. Ah, just kidding, nerd. He's falling out of the spreadsheet. He sounded like he was at a party.

What is Ravel doing? I think he's probably watching like the MTV Spring Break Beach House. Yeah, exactly. Ravel, who's that brought to you by? Uh, Phosphorus, Magnesium, Potassium, Natural Protein. Those things are all found in Chocomilk. Not found in Chocomilk. Worcestershire Sauce.

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No. Yeah. Oh. I was ready to hear it. No, it's okay. I'll listen to the first part this time. Yeah. I'll tell it later.

I'll listen to the first part this time and then I'll go back and listen to the second part last time. Hot seat, cool throne. Hank, why don't you start? My hot seat is Gravity. Ooh, okay. So over the weekend, 300 flat earthers had a three-day conference and they determined that Gravity doesn't exist. That sounds like a hell of a conference.

Why was I not invited? What the fuck? The guy who came to the conclusion said he used a Nikon camera and an app to prove this. He conducted scientific experiments in his garden using the aforementioned app to track the movement of the moon across the sky. And that's really all it took to disprove years of scientific research and the law of planetary motion. So he stood in his backyard waiting for the moon to fall down on his face.

And when it didn't, he was like, Gravity doesn't exist. And he used the app. So the app. That's a good question, though. If Gravity is such a real thing, how come the moon hasn't hit us? Exactly. True. It's not a real thing.

I'd love to see one of these gravity nerds jump out of a window. All these gravity stands? Yeah, like, come on, dude. Just do it. Do it. You're fine. You'll be fine. I think their theory is that gravity isn't a real thing, but there's electromagnetic

force. Oh, classic. Who forgot about that? Which sounds a lot like gravity to me. Yeah. There's just an invisible force that pulls everything to the center of the earth. It's not gravity. It's electromagnetic.

That makes sense. That makes sense. And he had the app. If you had an app, I mean, Steve Jobs basically made billions off that. Just fucking presented the app meant something. Agreed. And then my cool throne is Indiana basketball. Yeah.

So they signed Romeo Langford, the number one recruit in the nation. His minister said that Romeo is like Abraham Lincoln. So, I mean, it's going to be huge. Other people said he's like, this generation's Oscar Robertson or Damon Bailey. He has four scores in 20 years. Oh, that's a good one. I love this because Indiana basketball being back has happened, I don't know, 10 times in the last 20 years and it always ends in a sweet 16 loss.

He's still going to wear the clown pants though. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, they're not back. Those people tailgating outside of his announcement ceremony. Normal. Well, it's Indiana. It means more.

So who's your state? People forget that. And then my other cool throne is Kanye because his album is probably going to break every record. Oh, are you sure? Yeah. Yeah. You don't think he's on a hot seat for everything he said?

No. He's strictly talking album sales here. Got it. Got it. Yes, that will actually, yeah, he'll break it. When a TMZ guy like dunks on you. I heard that was fake news though. I heard they recorded that after.

I don't know. Either way, Kanye, he's on some weird shit right now. He's got people talking. Dragon Energy is definitely some weird shit. He's doing that thing where it's like the invoke thing on Twitter now with the Flat Earth or people too. You can just question facts that are known as facts and then just say you have an open mind.

Hey man, I'm just asking questions. That's the other one. You can always ask questions. That's a little tip to all you aspiring bloggers out there. If you just ask a question in your headline, then it doesn't mean that you actually believe that thing. Yes. Is LeBron James a serpentine reptilian?

Question mark. Question mark. You're good to go. Yeah, that's not labeling. You're good. Okay. Hank, you done? Mm-hmm.

Okay. My first hot seat is Jeremy Pruitt, head coach of the University of Tennessee Volunteers football team because there's a new sheriff in town in Knoxville. Yes. And his name's Kane. Mm-hmm. He's a rassler. Mm-hmm.

And he just won the mayoral primary tonight. Yeah. So I've been following Glenn Jacobs, I think is his name, the real name. Mm-hmm. But I've been following his stupid mayoral campaign on Twitter for like two years just for this moment. I got to say, not that great. What do you mean?

Like not great on Twitter? No, no, I just don't. Like I followed his stupid campaign tweets for two straight years. Which is platform. This is funny. Well, I think it's like I'm Kane, but without my mask on. Okay. Corporate Kane is basically who ran.

But I followed it waiting for like the big, you know, you're going to just like, oh, that was amazing. And then he won. It's like, all right. No, it would deal with Kane. Probably never be in Knox County, Tennessee. You know what? He should have just, his whole platform should have just been like, if you elect me, I'll

take my mask off. Yeah. Well, yeah. Or just be like, hey, my brother's undertaker. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's also good. Pretty fucking cool. Kane and Undertaker as a tag team.

Yeah. Or if you elect me, I'll bring Paul Bearer back from the debt. I just think that that professional wrestling has become too much like politics recently. Mm-hmm. I don't like it. Yeah. I had myself an idea. What if I just ran for some sort of office and I was like, hey, I'll take my sunglasses

off and eat poop if I get elected? Well, you're going to eat poop regardless. And then I'll watch on both of those after. Yeah. Yeah. No one can trust you anymore. No. I've definitely, there have been a lot of things that I said that I was going to do.

You think? I was actually thinking about that earlier today. Yeah. So the poop is like a monumental moment for you. Yes. It is. It's similar. My other hot seat is Tom Brady because he's not valued enough at work.

Mm-hmm. I don't know if you saw this interview that he did. Yeah. But he's... No, it was real. I saw the clip that was a screenshot taken by a cell phone of another person's computer. It sounds like it was a Kanye West tweet that you saw this. Look, the guy was just asking questions to Tom Brady and he said, and I quote, I plead

the fifth when he was asked if he was valued enough at work. And you said, and I quote, I will eat poop if the capitals be the thing. Don't make this about me. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. You're your hero, Tom Brady. I love this clip because it really does prove how crazy the internet is now to just get shit out there as fast as possible and never, ever get context.

What was the context of this? He just... It was the first sentence of like a four paragraph answer. Well, yeah. Praising the Patriots. Yeah. But I also heard the rest of his answer where he was like, sure, everybody would like to be appreciated more at work, I think.

Yeah. But he was very appreciative of Bill Belichick. And also, I think the way the question was phrased, I think the plead the fifth was about his, about Giselle. So it was like ultimate fake news. It was just classic like, we actually, I actually think we should do that. We should start doing this because everyone will click on a Patriots thing. If it's Tom Brady versus Belichick or Gronk versus Belichick, we just need to figure

out an angle so we can start reaping all these free clicks. I actually do think, though, that Tom Brady thinks that he's not valued enough at work. And it's not because of like anything that he does on the football field. It's because he's just such a weirdo that like, imagine sharing an office with Tom Brady. Right. And he's the kind of guy that like on your birthday, he's like, oh, we can't all have cake because I don't eat sugar, so bring in this sugar-free, super-lowest fruit log. He's a kid with fucking peanut allergy.

Exactly. So he's probably not valued enough at work. Well, and also the Belichick system values exactly what you're valued. And Tom Brady probably thinks he should be valued more. Like Belichick is so, you know, he's so by the book that he's like, your value is exactly what you bring this year. And he says, I have to show up, put the work in every day. It means so much to me.

I'm in as invested today as when I first started. I love team sports. I love being able to share with so many people. That's the greatest fulfillment for me. Can I ask a question? Sure. So this was after he said, though, that he pled the fifth. Yeah.

Can I ask a question, though? What the fuck is Tom Brady with? What's his deal with Jim Gray? I don't know. Like Jim Gray's basically kept his career alive just by doing this one. I feel like he does this every year. He does this conference with Tom Brady. And he did the decision with LeBron.

Why does Jim Gray get the big things? Jim Gray knows where the bodies are buried. It's wild. How has he, like, I need to talk to Jim Gray. How have you done this, Jim Gray? You don't do anything. You don't even work anymore. You just have, like, the three or four more powerful athletes give you exclusive interviews

once a year. It's not a bad gig. No, it's great gig. I think it's pretty good. My cool throne, I'm jumping back to billionaires. I'm putting them back on my cool throne. I put them on my hot seat for a little bit, but they're back. Specifically, Jeff Bezos is on my cool throne.

Because thank God he found out how he's going to be able to spend all of his $100 billion. For a while, that was a big source of anxiety and stress and frustration for him. It must have been awful knowing that he couldn't physically spend all the money that he had made over the course of his lifetime, unless he paid his workers more. But obviously, that is set aside. He figured out that the way that he's going to be able to spend money is by just building rocket ships and just going to different planets. That's the only thing that he can do to liquidate $100 billion in a lifetime.

So that's what he's going to do. He's doing that? I'm in. Space travel. I'm in. Amazon space travel. Fuck Elon Musk. Elon Musk, I guarantee you, every rocket he sends out up there, people are going to die.

Jeff Bezos, that guy, he probably already has. He probably knows where the aliens are. But here's the deal with Bezos. I don't think that he actually wants to follow through and build rocket ships and then sell tickets for it. I think he just wants to rest comfortably at night knowing that he can spend his money. And there's an easier way. It's the first there's millions.

Yeah, we could tell him, we should invent a new currency. We could be like, it's called space coin. And it's the way that you invest in space travel for the future. And one space coin costs $100 billion. But we'll take it from you and that way you're investing. I love it. So space coin. I love it.

Brought to you by part of my take. Yeah. Get invested. Only one person in her target demographic. Not affiliated with Bitcoin 2, Jim. Not at all. All right. My hot seat is us.

So for two reasons. The first is Guy Fieri has a restaurant on a carnival cruise and we haven't booked our tickets yet. Yeah, we can. So he's got a new restaurant called Guy's Pig Pigeon Anchor. How the fuck are we not booked our and the cruise goes from New York to Florida and back. Which is like the worst. That's the shittiest cruise.

Even when you do the cold weather cruise, you get to see like fjords and all that shit. With stopoffs in Wilmington and Daytona Beach and Newport News. What the fuck? So we've got to do it. Because he's got a restaurant. Yes, that sounds amazing. Now if they can find a way to do some synergy and have the Guy Fieri kid rock cruise combined onto one ship or just, you know how if you're in a lake and you're at like a lake party

on a boat, you can tie up with another boat next to you and chill. Best part about doing partying. Yeah, Guy Fieri and Kid Rock, they should just tie up their massive cruise ships. Yeah, little tip for all the youngins out there. If you're out on a lake and you see some, maybe some babes, you jump in the water and you swim to their boat and then when you get to their boat, you pretend that you're going to drown and that you're out of breath and you need to rest on their boat for a while. That's a good move.

Another good move. You're just like, I can't really swim. Another good move is taking out a really shitty boat onto the lake and then driving up next to the really nice boat and be like, hey, you mind if we tie up with you guys? Yeah. Yeah. Let's just drink. Hey, you got a boat?

We got a boat too. Yeah. Let's tie up. Yeah. So you want us to play our tunes or yours? You have a slide on your boat? We have a pontoon. Yeah.

We have this little fucking, we actually just put our iPhones in a cup. That's how we use a speaker. Yeah. But can you play yours? My other hot, sorry, the other part of our hot seat, us, I don't know if Hank has, but I just started last night. We haven't been watching the Jersey Shore. No, we haven't.

And it is incredible. I started watching the other night. We got to start watching the Jersey Shore. Was it the same cast? Same cast. No Sammy Sweetheart because she's kind of a bitch. She like just like their family left Amelia and she's like, no, I don't want it. I have my own shit going on and everyone and Ronnie was like, fuck her.

We don't want her here. And Dina was like, no, we want Sammy. And then Paulie brought like a 200 pound doll, a Sammy doll. And it was really weird because then they tried to drown it and it was making all weird noises. But that's whatever. Okay. So it's same cast.

He's out of control, Mike, the situation, he, he's going to jail. Oh no. What do you do? Tax evasion. Okay. So you can't drink. That was, by the way, that was a wild guess. Yeah.

So you can't drink. You go to jail for that? Yeah. Oh jeez. Oh jeez. This old, the can of worms. Only if you owe them money. Yeah.

So they can't, they can't put you in jail because usually tax evasion, you're like willfully just hiding a shitload of money from. Yeah. Over years too. This is just you being lazy and not getting money from the government. He probably made millions. They're okay with that. He probably made millions of dollars at the height of the Jersey Shore and just paid zero

dollars. By the way, when the situation came into the office, I offered him, picked you. I went up to him. I was like, you think you got abs, bro? And I was like, check this out. You don't have four nipples. You can do all the sit-ups you want, but you're not getting four nipples. And he was like, yeah, you make a good point.

I can't touch that. Yeah. And that guy's going to prison. So he's just like a bummer because he, all he does is like, he can't drink, he can't do anything. He just talks about how he misses everyone and there's a situation and they all have had plastic surgery and it's just, it's just awesome. We need to start watching.

Okay. It's just fucking awesome. We got to start doing reviews on this Monday nights. I don't know what nights Thursday, Thursday, Thursday, Thursday, Thursday, Thursday, Thursday, Thursday's are back. Yeah. Thursday. So all right.

And then my cool throne is the walking boot. Ooh. Big Ben says he wants to play three to five more years. Okay. How good is that? So that's, that's, he's just saying that because they drafted Mason Rudolph. Of course. 100%.

But it's so fantastic that Big Ben, the guy who was contemplating retirement last year is now like, yeah, you know what? Pencil me in for five more years. So I saw something on Twitter, someone sent me a picture of the actual Big Ben. The actual Big Ben is in a walking boot now too. Yeah. It's got scaffolding all over it. Yeah.

That's perfect. So perfect. So yeah, we're, we're good. We got, we got years left of Big Ben. Five more years of, of making the same voice for his walking boot. I, like, I can't even imagine what the NFL will look like with, like, we already lost Peyton and you lose Brady, then you lose Big Ben, Breeze's next, Phil Rivers. Like this can't, they need to space this out.

They need Eli Manning's dumb face. We lost Rome. Oh, like they can't, we can't lose all three of those guys involved in that draft. Right. At the same time. Right. Like all these guys, it's like saving private Ryan. Right.

When the mom loses like two of the brothers. Right. They keep the other ones safe. We need to put Big Ben in a hyperbaric chamber in the off season. Or just said, yeah, Tom Hanks needs to go to San Diego and just be like, follow Phil Rivers. Yeah. You know what Big Ben's doing right now?

What? He's extending a play. Yes. He is. For three to five years. The longest play. Yeah. Um, okay.

Let's get to our interview. We have Ryan Rosillo. We talk NBA, have a lot of fun with him. Also, he's a screenwriter now, not to brag. Uh, and oh wait. PFT has an ad. Oh, you sprung that one on me. Um, this interview with Ryan Rosillo is brought to you by 1-800-FLOWERS.

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And now, Ryan Rosillo. Alright, we now welcome on Hollywood screenwriter Ryan Rosillo. Ryan, thank you for joining us. You have lived in LA in Hollywood for a month now. Why do you think liberals hate our president? Well, now that I've gone to a lot of lunches and pitched ideas and talked about this space, I do think that when you see a tagline for Lost in Space where it says, this is us, meets the Martian.

I mean, how do you not watch that if you don't like science fiction? I think a lot of it has to do with just the creative handcuffs that maybe the creative people in this world feel like are just being handed out left and right. The arts. I don't think that has anything to do with ISIS. Yeah, the arts. The arts. Alright, so real talk.

I had to... Oh, that wasn't real. I mean, you did text me today and you're like, hey, I have bad service in Malibu. So I had to bust your balls a little bit about moving to Hollywood and being a sellout on your entire life and leaving all your fans behind. And friends. Yeah, and friends. Mostly friends.

Well, I didn't have any friends, really, and then if I had sold out, I don't think I would have done what I did. I think I did the opposite. Just whatever. If you had sold out, you wouldn't have moved to LA and became a big-shot celebrity. You know what? I'm not the most basic chick ever. Like, I'm gonna move to LA and make it.

Ryan's gonna start treating up some of him wearing yoga pants and going to matcha tea shops. I'm by Coastal. I also live in New York. Hey, Ryan, let me ask you this. Have you put that little plane emoji in your Twitter bio yet? What? I'm waiting to see it again.

Have you put the plane emoji in your Twitter bio yet? So it says NYCLA. Dude, you know what? You know what? This is why you guys are so good. Because I haven't done that yet. That's not good for my brand if people don't know that I travel on a plane sometimes from one coast to the other.

You have an airport spot. I have a tank top that says my dog is my therapist, though, and I wear that. That's the worst start. And you don't even have a dog. We can build on that. All right, let's talk real NBA because that is why you're on. You're one of the best in the biz. But with that said, do you realize what's at stake right now?

You have the chance to be wildly wrong about the 76ers twice in one year in totally different directions. Yeah, this is incredible because my sixes take is the worst take I've ever had in 15 years. Probably, you know, what 12 at ESPN. And I still feel totally justified because I don't think like the weird thing about this sixes team is now that people are just going like, well, yeah, dummy, like Simmons and Embiid are really good.

And I just I constantly like anybody that I talk to you. You understand how incredibly unprecedented this is a group that basically didn't play together is now maybe the favorite or feels like the best team to come out of the east. And when you watch them against Miami and then you factor in, okay, Boston's ridiculous what they do, but still hurt. This is the worst LeBron team in eight years. Toronto, nobody trusts. So, you know, they have the two best players in that series with the Celtics.

And it's it's really simple to just go, you know, I'm totally enamored with these guys because, you know, who knows, Boston could have lost in Milwaukee. And now, because I picked Philadelphia, and I actually did say I thought Boston would win game one and Philly would still win the series. But yeah, now all the Boston guys think I'm this jerk who's like just fallen in love with Philadelphia. So I've managed to piss off two of them, the angry look, they don't need any assistance being pissed off people from Philadelphia or Boston because I've lived in one and been

to the other. But now, yeah, like if Boston wins the series, it's somehow that I'm a moron for overrating the Sixers team, which I couldn't have been more dismissive of before the season started. Either way, you're wrong. Yes, that's a very rare trait to be able to pull off in sports meetings. So, so thank you for your service for raising the bar. Well, I just I don't want to brag because you guys know that. I mean, correct.

But this would be that I almost think you guys should make a shirt. I don't even know. Maybe we can come up with some jokes later, but we'll see what happens. Put the shirt. Line Ryan. Yeah. Yeah. Line Ryan. Thank you. Yeah.

But he spells his name like an ass. I know, but we'll change it. OK, all right, so tell us what happened in game one and how you see the rest of the series going because Brad Stevens, I think, is no surprise is probably the best coach in the NBA. So even with, you know, their top three guys out, they're going to they're going to play tough in every single game. But still, at some point when Rosier is somebody and I've gone through this, he was probably

the ninth guy for the Celtics team in the season started. He was 17 minutes per game in the first half of the season. Then he had becoming first in minutes per game in the second half because Kyrie goes down in his great is Rosier's look this whole time. You know, they got almost 90 points from a rookie and paid him who I love. Horford and Rosier in game one. And I actually thought Philly got great looks in the first quarter and they didn't hit any of them.

So I think what you're going to have to do is continue to get it to indeed, who has moments in the game where he's like enough of this crap like none of you guys can guard me. I'm just going to do something stupid and get to the hoop and score. And I think Simmons has to be a little bit more aware of how they are handing him off defensively and how they are preventing him in a much more like it's a team defense where they they cut him off on the half court drive. Like in transition, you can't do anything with Simmons. You can't.

You can try to get from doesn't matter. He's incredible. His handle is athleticism. But what you can do is kind of cut him off with a wall as a team defense. And I think the Celtics actually did a better job of that as opposed to Miami, who was just really physical and really hacked the hell out of sixers the whole time and kept them in the series at least in the beginning. And then Philly's like, wait a minute, these guys aren't that good.

Like, let's just beat them now. And you could see that happening to that team. So I think Simmons will go into game two going on. I have a better understanding because he's incredibly smart even for a rookie of going, you know, I need to, I need to not give up the possession here. Let's embrace the bait. You think you're in the Simmons as a rookie camp, huh? I'm going to go ahead and say yes, but I'd like to hear your, you I don't know what your

angle on this. My angle is pretty simple. Yeah. It's he's in his second year playing in the, yeah. And second year in the organization. Yeah. Because it's the second year, Donovan Mitchell is my rookie of the year and it's not even close. Okay.

It is. That just triggered him so bad. And so mad right now. No room for debate on this. I pointed out that he's not even close. Period. Yeah. You know what?

After somebody says it's not even close, you can't even say anything. No, no, because then you sound like a moron. Yeah. You're like, dude, I told you it's not even close. What about the Sixers real rookie fault? Is fault's going to play at all? No, I don't think he is. I think he's still, you know, this is one of those things that coaches do.

And I think we do it in sports, probably too much now is that, oh, you know, mentally, you would hate to just throw him out there. I don't care. Maybe, maybe he gets so overwhelming and ridiculous. He's not even thinking and he gets out there and plays like I remember watching him at the end of the regular season where one of the best outside shots he took was with two seconds left in the shot clock and he didn't even have any time to think about it and he just, he hit it from 15 and it's one of the best

jumpers he may have had all season long because he wasn't thinking about how broken it is because he still was somebody that was getting to the hoop. And he was, you know, he was productive in short bursts, but I'm sure this is more of a mental thing where they don't want to throw him out there and have him fail on the playoff stage. When I would say, you know, you never know. I mean, look at George Hill, like Van Gundy was basically saying on the broadcast like, I don't know about this move.

And then it totally worked out. Now Grant Hill's been around, not Grant Hill, George Hill, uh, it's been around a lot longer, but can I present something on the rookie thing that the NBA could do? Yes. But before you do that, I would, you do agree that Folts needs to at least take the hoodie off because he looks like he's been kidnapped whenever they shoot to him on the sideline. It does feel like a scene from prisoners.

Yeah, it's weird. Like I, I'm fine. We're wearing a hoodie, but like when you're on the sideline and they shoot you, it's like, whoa, are these, are they holding him against his will right now? Like what's going on? It's just very odd. Hockey players don't wear hoodies. He needs to look like he's wants to be there a little bit more.

You know, I'm not, you know, I'm not the body language expert. Hey, you guys are big in the body language. Like you've been some of the best in the business on it. And I, I, I defer to you when it comes to reading that stuff, but he has throughout the year, I've always been surprised. Like imagine how much of a bummer it would be to be the number one pick. And the reason you're not playing is cause people think your brain is like your mind is broken.

Like forget your shot being broken. Like it's just weird. Okay. Yeah, I'm just going to kind of take like a mental break from this. And it was sad, but okay, he was great as like a bench teammate. Not winning games because of it, but I would be so depressed all season long if that were happening to me. And yet he was really like getting up and cheering guys on and high five.

Like it felt read like real. I didn't feel like a rod top of the dugout stuff. Sorry. Wait a minute. Whoa. Sorry. Whoa, be careful. Whoa.

Edit that out. Thank you. When you say bench teammate, do you mean like a spotter? I know you're a big weightlifting guy. Is that what you mean? I've heard he's a terrific spotter. I heard he doesn't touch the bar until he feels like you have no shot at the last rep and he's very anti-help off.

Okay. Give us your rookie idea. Why can't the NBA just come up with hoodies that say he stayed back? Wait, what do you mean? Simmons, because like, did you guys stay back? PFT didn't. He's too smart. Oh, he stayed back a year.

He's a hold back guy. Oh, got it. I love the hold back guys. They're the best. Yeah. The guys that like, after a big dunk, they just kind of stick their arms out and keep the team from getting technical fouls. Yes.

No, no, no, no. I'm talking about in grade school, like growing up. Yes, he's talking about Simmons being the rookie because he stayed back here. I like my idea better, but that's a good idea too. Yeah. Yeah. Why can't we bring that back? Because we all have friends that stayed back and I, I remember when I was really

skinny playing basketball, my father was asking my mother if it was okay to have me just repeat a year. I love, I love parents like that. Yeah. Um, I want to dig into something that big cat said earlier and you didn't disagree with it. So I'm going to assume you agree that Brad Stevens is the best coach in the NBA right now.

Um, the new debate that we're having right now is would you rather have Brad Stevens coaching your team for the next five years or LeBron James on your team for the next five years? The next five. Yep. I'm going to go ahead and take whatever LeBron is probably for the next three knowing that year four and five, I would imagine at some point this dude is going to slow down.

Uh, as great as Brad is, I still think that this is a player's league. And, um, I just can't like Brad Stevens success and what he's able to do, despite all of these teams that like last year's team wasn't great and they were the one seed and it was a one seed that was historically weak and they may have lost to the Bulls. Shout out. Um, that's because Rondo got hurt. If Rondo didn't get hurt, the Bulls might have won the championship.

I don't, well, I was with you. Oh, I got you to pie. I just got, I got you that knee bend right there. You just kind of like stuck. I did a little stutter on you and you got it for a second. Hit you with a hezzy. Yeah, but think how bad the pick would be if they'd won the championship. True.

Yeah, true. They wouldn't, they wouldn't have the grin, uh, the grim feet, Finn Reaper. The, you can, you can finish anywhere, but not in my hair. Don't finish on my face. Yeah. Um, but seriously, like when it comes to Brad Stevens, how much of those young guys on Boston that you mentioned is actually like, how much of their production is from them and how much do you think Stevens has actually been able to, to

coach them up and put them in a better position to be successful? That was a good question. I kept waiting for the joke there. It was a legitimate question. Um, you know, Jaylen Brown was a massive Cal. I don't know if you guys remember watching him. Uh, it was, it was terrible. And you know, some of that's on Cal.

I mean, you could even sit Simmons at LSU towards the end there. It wasn't very good either, but, uh, I, you know, I think the most important attribute you can have, the most important skill you can have as an MBA coach. And we can blame millennials here if you want to, but it's your personality. You know, I think most of these guys do understand X's and O's. I think most of these guys understand like good shot, bad shot, but if, if the team doesn't listen to you and if the team, like, if you want to be constructive and, you know, criticize a little bit, you have to do it in a way now where the

guys don't totally shut you off. And he has this unbelievable, like passive confidence that is, it's like the perfect combination of personality to be a head coach in today's NBA. So, you know, they don't, they didn't put Jalen in spots where he would be exposed last year and he's grown from that. So I think that's part of it too. It's not just, Hey, get in the gym and take more jumpers or dribble it this way or here's a box out technique.

I think it's a development that is, let's not put guys in situations that they're not going to be comfortable in. I've even thought they were too, to like holding back Tatum at times where I'd be like, let Tatum just go and learn how to, you know, break down an entire defense here and some of these regular season games. And they wouldn't do that. And, you know, I think that whole approach is what makes them so successful, but this league is still player first.

It is, you know, like, I don't, I just couldn't, even if they beat Philadelphia, you know, we throughout this kind of question on the podcast was just how many players would you draft before you would take Brad Stevens to start your team? And I love it when people were like 15 idiot. You're like, well, that, you, I don't think you got the question. Um, you know, I, I still think it's probably like 15 or 20 players and other people think it's like five players and then Brad Stevens.

So would you take Jimmy Butler or Brad Stevens first? Yeah, I would have always said Jimmy Butler. Thank you. So he's top 15 of these guys. He's top 15, but, but I don't know. Like he makes me second guess, even saying the player all the time. Um, all right. So moving off to Celtic Sixers, uh, why don't you tell me how right I am for

canceling Russell Westbrook and calling the Thunder trash. Cause I know you agree. Let's bash the thunder for 60 seconds. Okay. Uh, I don't know how any player would want to play with Russ. They can like him personally. Um, I don't think he's a bad guy in that sense, but it's very much like Iverson that Iverson was this incredible fan favorite, this tough guy put up

huge numbers, but at the same time, the style of play kept your franchise hostage. And for the most part, you weren't going to win. And now we've watched this two years in a row. And I think the Thunder honeymoon was last year. Cause Katie left Russ decided to stay. He's your guy. I get it. It's okay.

So this is your one team and you love them, but you're, you're, you're lying to yourself. If you watch game five, even in a win, as is remarkable as that is, and see the same approaching game six and go, yeah, this will work. Like I would ask thunder fans this, I go, just because you love him, doesn't mean you're right. And if I told you, Hey, in the next round, you can play these two teams in the playoffs, one team has a guy that runs isolation.

The team passes at the least of any team in the NBA. And you always know what they're going to do on offense, or you can play this other team that moves the ball. Everybody's a threat to shoot. Everybody's engaged and everybody's involved. Which team would you rather play? Like of course they're going to pick the first team and that's who their team is. Um, so if we wanted you to come on, to just repeat what you say on your

podcast, we would have just played your podcast. Oh, all right. No, that's, that's a segue to a plug. Reiner still has one of the best podcasts out there. So you should download it. You did make that point though. And I listened to your podcast and you made that point and it's exactly right though, but it is, it's exactly what you want me to do.

Give you the, I think it's a fresh take minutes on it. You give us a subway, subway hot take, fresh line, whatever the fuck it's called. I don't think I don't know, but you're absolutely right. No. And in Russ, like it's, it's this, it's this conflicting thing on Twitter, especially because it's hard to be like, Russ is unbelievable, but you can never win doing that.

And people just can't see it or they, they fight you on it. And it's like that, everything we know about basketball, you cannot win when a guy's taking 43 shots, right? But is he taking all those shots because his teammates are trash? Well, that's good. So there's, here's a take that I haven't heard from you. What's up with Paul George? What do they do?

And like, is he going to stick around? Because that, you could possibly say that Paul George, it's playoff P and the P is for passive. Yeah. I've watched the P tape and he sucks. You have the P tape. Yeah. We do.

Yeah. The playoff P tape is bad. Yeah. He's down as well. You guys know what's going on right now? No. You guys like know what my day is consisted of? No, tell me, like surfing, wake up whenever, bro.

You write an avocado sandwich, you go to, you go to, uh, like a really cool coffee place and you're like, Oh, I have writer's block and everybody's going to go back to the screenplay and then yeah. And then you go around and you're like, yeah, you got big time meetings and you're like, Oh, have you seen my screen? But you're just walking around handing people your screen. I was like, dude, we've seen it. Yeah.

You go see like its way around Hollywood. We're fucking sick of this screenplay. Stop shoving it down our throat. Yeah. You talk to everybody about astrology. You read their charts. Yeah. You, you pretend you're, you pretend you're in, uh, uh, swingers all the time

being like, yeah, let's go to Vegas, baby. Vegas. Oh wow. And then you name drop celebrities that haven't been relevant for 10 years. So yeah, that's, we do know what you do. It's fine. It's been incredible. No, he wasn't.

He was terrible and true detectives season two. Russell left. I liked it. I liked the whole theme. You're never going to make it in this business. You don't even get it because you're not in cinema. Yeah. You got to start calling them films now, not movies.

Yes. Yeah. And then you repeat yourself on podcasts. That's the full day for a fresh juice today before the workout. And the guy was so friendly behind the juice counter. I didn't know what to do. I thought he was, I was like, what is this guy's plan? Was he trying to deal?

And he, and he goes, Oh, what's your name? And I was like, dude, I just want to kill smoothie. Like I'm trying to fit in here. Plus it's like a 10 minute conversation. You're like, it's Ryan, but it's not like an asshole. So actually it's California. He probably just writes R-Y-E-N. He probably just knows.

I just go, I go with it. And then he goes, Ryan, he goes like Ryan Gosling. Like the whole line is looking at me and they're like, wait a minute, that's not Ryan Gosling. That guy's way too big to be Ryan Gosling. Oh, okay. And, uh, no, and I was like, yeah, that's cool. Like I love Ryan Gosling.

So back to playoff P, Paul George, what's going on? Oh, well, I, on the podcast, I feel like, you know, whenever it's one of these big free agent decisions, there's usually a little rumbling, rumbling there. And on George, there's been nothing like he and his camp has done a great job of keeping this under wraps, like what the plan is. And I think if you're in OKC, the, the, the hints out of there that he's actually going to stay.

But, you know, I think George does a really good job. Kind of like saying what he's supposed to say, but, you know, I don't know how much I would trust any of that. I don't really blame him for saying what he's supposed to say. But I had talked to a source, uh, yesterday that was like, oh, you know, among players talking about this thing that, that he's gone. And I brought that up at the podcast in the beginning thing. This is the first time I've heard from anybody who's definitive about

saying that he's leaving. And I was doing it in a conversational kind of setting. And then the guy that I talked to wasn't even able to come up with like a destination. So I just sort of left it at that. And then slam magazine came out with a thing today saying I was reporting he's gone. So my phone is blowing up and now people are freaking out that I reported

that he's already gone, but you're reporting that it's a possibility that he's gone, that you're hearing what would you say. So actually, I wanted to, I wanted to get the, your thoughts on three guys gone to your head. You got to pick where's Paul George going to be next year. Uh, I couldn't tell you on which team. I think he's going to wait to see what LeBron does. And I have been probably one of the only people that still thinks Cleveland

is a very likely, uh, scenario here. Uh, if anybody is telling you, they know that LeBron's already decided that he's going to leave, then they may get it right, but they're guessing right now. And, you know, I've been pretty good on the LeBron stuff. And as of now, I, the way I understand it is that Cleveland is very much still in play in this whole thing and that it's a different decision than it was, you know, eight years ago.

Um, and I think, depending on what he does, like, I think you're going to see another summer where these dudes try to coordinate a way to all team up, whether LeBron want to play with Kauai or, you know, thinking that they had Paul George last year on the calves and hoping to maybe do it again. So if George decides, you know what, I do want to play with LeBron and you guys get to figure out a way for me to opt in and then you trade and you know, all these things, like there's all sorts of things that can happen with this league when these players get on the phone with each other and just decide to start

dictating it. And the teams are kind of at their mercy because they go, well, I can end up losing you for nothing or I can take some sort of asset back. And that's why the Chris Paul thing last year was kind of surprising. And then when you look back on it, you go, all right, well, he just called a shot and it kind of makes sense. So I can't tell you the team with Paul George, but, um, I mean, that one's, that one's really, really hard to leave.

Here, here's an idea for you. San Antonio, you get playoff P and then you get Kauai Leonard. I call him playoff DNP. Yeah. We think about that. That was a good one. I love that, that the Spurs were saying now he's legitimately hurt. And then you're like, wait a minute, but you're, you're having a team

intervention with him, so he's not, not, he just, he bailed on your team. Like think about what kind of public equity you have to have for us to not crush you as a player. Cause you basically said, I'm good. Well, you have to be in San Antonio and you have to be a robot. So I don't know if we even said, if we said anything bad about Kauai, would it even register? He, he can't have feelings.

Maybe it's just a hypochondriac. Yeah. I think he just spends too much time on WebMD. Mm hmm. Imagine if he's like, why do I have a rash behind my right shoulder? Well, I was always just hoping that maybe Reggie Rose was consulting with him and Reggie Rose is behind every player, like not coming back, even though they're healthy.

Well, I've got a leg injury. Oh, it says, uh, that's actually, I had a stroke. Yeah. WebMD tells me I can't play. So, so you think Kauai, Kauai's got to be gone, right? No one around the league thinks he's going back, nobody. And then the first thought of it is that they're just going to be able to like, hug it out, bitch.

And is that still cool? We've got still going on to Raj on the podcast. Or is that just me? I apologize in advance. Oh, wait, we couldn't hear you. Cause you were breaking up your landline, your landline Malibu service was breaking up. Say it again.

Say what you're going to say again. Are you, are you still recording on to Raj stuff? It's still breaking up. What'd you do? Did you move? Did you move your seat? No, I've been sitting here the whole time and maybe the waves. It's probably the waves.

We can hear the waves and you're fucking call back again. Yeah. So the thing about Russell is like, he's. I can't believe someone that strong is that smart. Right. It's unbelievable. There needs to be a writer to the crazy part is he's bald, but like he wears bald.

Well, he looks like he was naturally bald. So it's just like, that's his look, which is great. Oh, shit. Oh, hey, fuck. Hey, Ryan, are you back? Oh, shit. Did you hear that? No.

What were you guys saying? Oh, nothing. Don't worry about it. Okay. I think the other part about the Kawhi deal is that his camp. Okay. And there's this uncle that's involved. They look at the shoe money the last few years and they're like,

this is a joke. So if you look at the numbers, and I think I have this right, but you can get Ravel to confirm this. It's half a million dollars a year that he's made from Nike. Okay. For the last four years. And this is somebody who wins the finals MVP and is a standing of a dude as a top five player in this league.

And he's like, wait a minute. So I'm making half a million. Like that's a joke. And I can't even get a signature shoe. And apparently they had a deal that was like 20 million per with Nike over four years. So he's going to make 80 and then that deal fell apart. And I think the belief is, is that, oh yeah, Kawhi spurs way, you know, team first, not having any individual brand.

Like they're tired of this stuff. And they feel like this dude's a stud and I'm not making any of this money. So if those are the real things and the real resentment there, then the spurs thing does sound like it's over. So that makes sense to me. Yeah. And it's about the money. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know how you're to do. Yeah. All right. So you, all right. So it worked perfectly there, but then all of a sudden it just stopped right after you finished. So we got it, but what the fuck keeps happening? All right.

We did a little time traveling because, uh, Fru Fru Rocillo is living the Malibu lifestyle. We had to get a better phone connection. And in between getting a better phone connection, we watched the Raptors melt down as only the Raptors do. So we might as well ask you about game one. Are the Toronto Raptors the softest, weak minded team in the world? I actually think it's the wizards.

And that's why that first round matchup was so incredible because they were two teams I don't believe in. Um, I mean, Marquis Morris being like, Hey, we're the better team. You're like, dude, you're not, you're not. But yes, if you want to doubt the Raptors and doubt their toughness, there's tons of evidence. Like anybody that counters that, he's like, where's your evidence? It's non-existent.

And even though Toronto's the better team, I just couldn't pick them. I couldn't pick them and have Cleveland beat them and be so mad at myself for backing them and anything. And, you know, when you watch them in this game, they get up to the big lead. It's typical LeBron like, all right, let's just see how this is going. And they were so bad on offense to close the game. You know who the Raptors are? The Raptors, your buddy that like went to Hoops camp and then tells you

all these sick moves he's been working on. Yep. And then you played a real game and he just dribbles right. Yeah, that's me. It's the same crap. I am the Raptors. Yeah. And no, that's the Euro step that Frank Kaminsky taught me.

And then I tried to break it out on my Saturday morning hoops. And it was the first time anyone's ever called a travel in pickups. I learned a crossover, a different crossover that is like more than a 90 degree crossover, but instead, like when I'm actually playing, I'm just going to continue to drive to the basket. Right. Do you ever notice with like old guy hoops that you can have really good moves? But if their reflexes are so shot that they actually stay in defensive position

because they never moved on the first move. You can't cross that guy up. Yeah. That guy plays rock solid. It's like when it's like when the poker boom happened and all of like the Doyle Brunson's and Johnny Chan were like, oh, we can't, we can't get a read on these new guys. They don't play by the book.

That's kind of how it feels like when you're out there like, oh, and then they're just stuck in time and they can play great defense because they just never move. Give that man his money. Yes. Alligate a blood. What's the story with the Cavaliers in the third quarter? Because they absolutely suck coming out of half time.

Is Tyron Lou that bad of a coach? Um, yes. You know what's funny? Yeah, I don't know. I don't think he's very good. You know, I'm trying to be nice about it. I think there could be, I'm not reporting this, but I think there could be a change there whether LeBron stays early.

Joe Prunty? Joe Prunty? Take out the word not when you cut that out. Joe Prunty? You know what I would love is the Prunty's agent leaked that he may leave the buck to pursue other opportunities. Wait, hold on one second. Isn't Joe Prunty the perfect guy to coach LeBron because he's just a pushover?

Like LeBron will just push him over and then get him fired halfway through the season when they go on like a five game swoon. Joe Prunty will just take it with a weird face on and then his purple on purple. He's like, he's like David Blatt without any sort of a spine. Right. He's like, if David Blatt sat out half a year like Steve Kerr because of the lack of a spine. Right.

Yeah, like if that's, I never thought of that current theory. I always thought it was physical. I didn't know it was mental. Well, the David Blatt thing even goes even further because it's like David Blatt love to tell everyone like, oh, yeah, I was big overseas and everyone like, we don't give a fuck. And Joe Prunty can be like, well, I was a great assistant coach. Like pop, you know that.

And they're like, we don't give a fuck. That was amazing when Blatt used to do it. And guess who liked it? Nobody. Nobody used to be like completely unprompted. Like if the three of us were out at a dinner and you guys were talking and then I just interjected and said, do you have anything free and free? Yeah, like I had a record for pullups in junior high and everybody would just

look at me and be like, what? Well, who gives a shit? Right. So yeah, I know that you have the record for pullups in junior high though. Because I think that's actually true. You probably check that. Probably on Google. It was probably a spreadsheet.

May have a certificate line around. Let me look. Um, when, when LeBron like wants somebody that, you know, you look, your theory of like he'd rather have somebody he can kind of dictate here and not push back. Well, that's great until you can't figure out how to do rotations. Right. Um, and in these rotations, and I've tried to give Lou a little bit of a pass because there are so many injuries that he had 40 players that he's trying

to figure out how to work in, but the rotations are still a mess. And, you know, they weren't very good in the finals last year either. And I don't just do the, oh, you lost. You stink as a coach, but the best teams usually come out in the third quarter. Like look at third quarter split and the Warriors and the Pelicans game tonight. Now granted, time traveling here throughout like granted, like those good teams always come out and like double up or 30 to 20 outs for the opposition. So that's what makes us even crazier is that they keep coming out and playing

such terrible third quarters and winning these games. Um, all right. So the C key question, you put in promo code, take you $10 off your first C key purchase, put in promo code, take the C key question is why did you, retweet Kanye when he said that slavery was a choice? Because much like Kanye, I was kind of like trying to get me like, I don't even know if you can get fired. Okay.

So Ryan didn't actually retweet that. I just wanted to put him in a jam there. The real C key question is tell us the path for James Harden beating the Warriors. All right. That gets heard again, 31. Uh, I don't think they can trade Chris Paul because Daryl wouldn't do that. Um, I think what'll happen, I don't want to just do the, hey, make more shots because I, you know, I love when like former players tell us how bad we are

talking about hoops and then you're like, dude, all you said was make more shots in the free game. Um, what's, what's going to have to happen here is that, you know, Golden State has at times five different guys that can handle the basketball key five, not like, not like sort of one or two dribbles. We're talking like sometimes five different guys that are okay, you know, the basketball and that's what makes them really difficult, um, to match up against. But what Maury has done with this rocket team is that he has kind of

mimicked their like defensive players and that they have guys that can defend multiple positions. So I imagine they're just going to switch everything. And what Houston runs is not real complicated. I mean, it's a high screen with shooters around Harden and he either drives on his own or jumps into Capella. So maybe they keep catching Golden State in this spot where, you know, they kill whoever the point guard is, uh, defensively, and then they feel like

they're kind of playing five on four as the point guard is, is out of position because what you'll see teams do defensively in the spurs that this gets the rocket last year is they'll send two at Harden. But now when you do it, because you think you're disrupting everything really far away from the hoop, now when you're doing it, Chris Paul is out. You're like, all right, I guess we'll just pass it over to this other top player in the NBA. So it really changes what you've been able to do against this system.

And that's why the Paul thing in a way is probably underrated in that position because it solves that whole problem. So, you know, maybe they, you know, Golden State gets too aggressive trying to cut, cut James Harden off at the start of the possession. And then Paul initiates it and has, has better, you know, better numbers on his side of it. So, you know, I still think Golden State is better. Um, I'm not buying in any of the stuff that happened at the end of the

season and Alex finished. They didn't care about her, it wasn't playing, but I'd imagine that they would burn them, you know, the first couple of games. And then maybe Houston's up to, oh, at home because Golden State hasn't figured out it's not that initial action. They were hard. Do you believe in analytics? Colin Cowards, analytics, that the rockets putting up all these numbers

in the regular season doesn't really matter when you get to the regular, when you get to the playoffs, it's not about analytics. It's about analytics. Can you explain analytics to me before I, can you give me a little more about what's, yeah, actually, we call it fratistics. Yeah, it's the, it's the fire in your eye. It's one of those things that Colin Cowards said and it sounds ridiculous and everyone on the internet was like, Colin Coward, what an idiot,

analytics, he's such a buffoon. And usually it's something that we lampoon on this show. But when you actually break it down, his point is correct. It's like, you can do everything in the regular season. You can put up crazy offensive numbers, but when the games get tough and the competition is at its highest, it actually is guy on guy, not like, you know, the type of videos I'm talking about, guy on guy. Like, are you, are you mentally tough enough to take down someone in a seven

game series? What if you had somebody like Darryl Morey say, you know, we, we were past PR and four, we're just way more into analytics now. Well, I think, I think, I think Colin's point is the rockets Darryl Morey is a nerd and he's never seen analytics. If it was slapping him in the face. What does analytics smell like? It smells like the Toronto Raptors or the laughter of the Toronto.

It's the smell that you get from the, from the Toronto Raptors stinking that tells you that it's a real thing. Yeah. No, a man, a guy who has high analytics, much like a dog, smelling fear would smell the Toronto Raptors and just start biting everyone. Do you think if you were the 12th guy on a team in like a blowout game in March, you'd take a swing at Drake? Yeah, I would do, I would do like the Jason Kidd come bump into me

while I'm holding a soda. I don't know why I'd be holding a soda on while I'm playing, but whatever. You know what I mean? Guys, guys don't really drink soda. Yeah, I would, I'd do something where it's spill on him. If you're the 12th man coming off, you have to establish a brand for yourself and being the dude that attacks the other team's superfan, that's going to earn you another like three or four years in the league.

Doesn't that make you think when you watch Drake that he's never played sports? Like you've all had that guy, like as soon as you get to college and you go, oh, superfan guy for four years. All right, right. That's cool. I guess. Yeah. While he was on Degrassi, I was playing soccer like a man.

Right. His character in Degrassi, though, was great, great basketball player. Was he? Yeah. Then he got shot. Oh, shit. Way to spoil it, dude. Sorry.

God damn it, Hank. So it was weak. I haven't watched it yet. Just bought the DVD. Um, I have an analytics question too. Um, this is a real popular debate in the streets right now, Ryan. What costs more money spending $20 on gas once every week or spending $80 on gas once every four weeks?

Oh, you drive a Prius now that you're out in California. So you don't have to worry about that. No, actually, I do. It's awful. Everything's so expensive here. I don't know how I don't know how people do it. Hey, hey, hey, Ryan, is it? Hey, Ryan, is the traffic bad?

You know, it's crazy. Traffic is bad. Yeah, I mean, I heard about it and all, but like, I, I do, I get lost all the time. And then everybody always tells me there's a back way. And I go, there's no back way. It's just less familiar and takes as long as it doesn't. There's no, there's like, there's a, I don't know how many millions of people there are here.

Like if there was a secret way, somebody'd know. Ryan, thank you for joining us. We appreciate it. Any last words? Anything else you want to complain about Hollywood? We hope your script gets picked up. I did too. I know the first one I sent you, you must really love cause you never finished it.

I did finish it. So I actually did because I felt bad when I saw you in Colorado and I was so high and you were like, did you finish it? And I hadn't, you know, when you get so high and you can't lie. That was when I was stuck in that moment. I was just like, uh, he's going to ask a followup. I'm going to be fucked. But then I think you got lost for so long and then you said, I mean, I'm done.

I'll see you in New York. I was like, well, I moved and we're literally a hundred yards from each other. So I think we're going to be okay. I mean, and then you saw the person in the, I got lost and I like talked to people along the way, all throughout course. And then we retraced our steps after I found Ryan and like people were like, oh, you found him, like, oh, you found him. All these people were like, oh, good, you found him.

Like, yeah, like I was really lost. Well, I don't know if you know this about me and big cap, but we've had it. We've got a couple of movies that are, um, there's a lot of interest in them. I think a couple are optioned. I think that's a word that you say. We're also very close to Peter churnin. So if you want to pitch us your screenplay in 10 seconds or less, I'm willing to hear it. Okay.

Are you ready? I can do it first. It's good will hunting on Martha's vineyard. No, that one is already been passed on. Oh, that's what I read. Yeah. Okay. Um, Godfather for who interested fuck.

Yes. I mean, right? Who doesn't want to see that? You want to spoil it for us? No, I can't. A good guy dies still. Okay. Now there's still notes that I have to finish.

Okay. Well, Ryan, thank you very much. We appreciate you joining us and hopefully we'll see you in LA sometime because you're never, ever coming back to a cold weather city. We know that. Probably not. That interview with Ryan Rusellio was brought to you by Hems. You know, Hems has all these great products out there.

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This would cost hundreds if you went to a doctor or a pharmacy. Go to for Hems.com slash PMT. That's F-O-R-H-I-M-S dot com slash PMT for Hems.com slash PMT. All right, let's get to some segments. Hank, I had a question for you that I forgot to ask you to start. When can we start hating Yodelkid? I don't know. He just came up with a new song as a banger.

It is, but I fucking hate. You know what? I'm not going to say it. So he's a kid. You don't like Drake's music. You know, like Yodelkid's music. You don't like Kanye's music. Oh, that's PFT.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. But once again, I've put off like I've gone out of my way to not click on any Yodeling kid videos. It's just a kid that yodels. Am I missing something? He's in Walmart. OK, so.

But he's OK. So Erica, he's a kid that yodels in public. Yeah. And that's weird. And so people are like, oh, look at this kid. It's more annoying than weird when you actually think about it. The internet is like trying to shop on a Saturday afternoon. A kid just yodeling.

I'm concerned that the bar for Internet fame is getting way too low these days. Yeah. Well, I just I bring that up because the Raptors did like a Yodeling kid thing tonight. And now that's where we're at, where it's like the in when when you become part of like an in arena entertainment act. That's a little too far.

That's when it's gone too far. That's when the normies have found you. Yeah. Oh, big time. Big time. Right. Not only in arena entertainment act, but a Canadian arena. Right.

Yeah. That's pretty bad. Yeah. OK, that was a purpose of nothing. He's a 11 year old kid. Let him live. I don't hate him. I just you hate him.

It's OK. Jaws, bangers. Song is actually pretty awesome off the check. It's auto tune, but it's awesome. Like it's very heavily auto. OK, Yodeling, auto tune, kind of a cool thing. Yeah. You know, all right, let's get some segments.

We got a couple of guys on checks. The first is Mike Greenberg's dumb rules. Mike Greenberg, we joke about this. So we joke about protect the shield. Mike, Mike Greenberg dead serious because he said, I'm dead serious. The NFL should have a host for the draft like the Oscars or the Espeys. Sending the commissioner out there to get booed merciless, mercilessly in every city is doing is not doing anyone good.

OK, so have to get up. So just have a have a host is what he's getting at. You know what he wants? He's basically saying Roger Goodell's like feelings are getting. Mike Greenberg just wants Billy Crystal to host the draft. No, or he wants Mike. Greenberg to host the draft. Well, he basically just said, here's a new idea.

And oh, wait, who's the perfect most vanilla guy to do this? Well, would you look at that? They should have Greenberg. You know what my idea is? They should have somebody come out there in a stable relationship that's friendly to sponsors and just take all the heat from Roger Goodell. Yeah, anyone that you can find out there that might fit that description. Right. I actually I don't even have a dumb rule to counter his dumb rule

because this is actually the pinnacle of dumb rules because. Buying Roger Goodell is one of the greatest things about the drafts, one of the greatest things about the calendar year. And Mike Greenberg is like, guys, kind of mean, although it would be great if just Greeny announced the draft pick and then every football player that came out to the podium just got to make fun of Greeny for never playing sports. Oh, now we're talking.

Yeah, now we're talking throwback. Yeah, that would actually be good. I could do that or Greeny announces the draft pick and every single one is just an ad for something else. That would also be great. If the NFL is in trouble, then you can do that. The first of my big board is Johnsonville Bratz. Right. The NFL is struggling for dollars, which they aren't,

but people will pretend they are. Do this. Every single pick sponsored by something. I'm on board. Yeah, I'm sold. All right. Our next segment is this is for Trevor Bauer and the search for the elusive spin rate in Houston. So someone asked, are Astros doctoring baseballs or throwing spitballs? Look at spin rates of Verlander, Cole, Morton,

increased dramatically pitching in Astros uniform. They probably using a substance or like chewing gum like Morton did like postseason. A lot of likes there. Chewing gum also spitballs were reduced spin theoretically. Anyway, what a weird coincidence you've discovered. And then Trevor Bauer replied with a bunch of the thinking emojis. And he went on like a big tweet storm.

It's basically saying that the Astros are doing something with pintar. Well, I am on board with this theory because well, I think science actually proves his theory about spitballs or chewing gum wrong. I think this can all be explained away from science. I believe the spin rates are getting if a pitcher goes from like V Justin Vlander went from Detroit to Houston, right? So we went from up north to Houston.

There's a reason why like all the NASA sites in the United States are closer to the equator because the earth spins faster. Correct. Closer you get to the equator. So it's cheaper to fire a rocket there. So I think the fact that it's in Houston and further south means the ball spins faster. I just want to use this to note that Trevor Bauer,

while he thinks he might be on to something, we need to always just like be telling people, hey, Trevor Bauer, whatever you say, you're the guy who tried to grab a drone with your pitching hand, your million dollar pitching hand. Yeah. Drones are dangerous. Hank also did that, but Hank's not a pitcher. I have a woe for Hank. It was. Hank, true.

Hank, this is this kind of long lines of the earth spinning and the equator and all that stuff. Have you ever looked at a record playing? And it's a record. Yeah, an album. Like a 45. Oh, a vinyl. No, I haven't. No, I haven't. OK, but on a CD or on a record,

even though the record is going like the same revolutions per minute, the point on the outside of the record is traveling like way, way, way, way faster than the same point on the inside of the record because they have to create one has to go like so much further. But they're going to be, but one's going way faster than the other. But when I just download the song on my phone. Yeah, that's a good idea. All right, let's do guys on chicks.

Speaking of woes, this chick sent this in and said, got a wolf y'all after I just said, whoa, I allowed when I learned it. The people in the royal family in Great Britain don't have last names. What? That's not even a whoa. That's a what Prince Harry, Prince Charles, hold on, Prince Albert. They have last names. It's like of Windsor. That's the last name Prince George of Cambridge. He's given the territory that becomes right.

They don't have last names. How is that possible? It's because they were all in bread. So it was better if they didn't know that they were related. Prince Harry's name is Henry Charles Albert David. So what's the latest thing you can get? Holy shit, this changes everything. It's crazy. Fuck.

Anyways, if I have a sugar daddy, does I need me to prostitute? No, I think it just makes you some source. Yeah, it makes you very resourceful and intelligent person. Yeah, resourceful. I wish I had a sugar mama. Yeah, how do I get men to stop licking my gums when we were making out? Stop dating dogs. What?

Stop spreading peanut butter all over the inside of your teeth. What? Not to PFT. PFT had a funny joke, but what? To this person getting fucking their gums licked. That's bizarre. No advice. Maybe I'm at the point now where someone could tell me that, like,

that's a new thing. They just lick each other's gums. Maybe she has delicious gums. Yeah, that's true. Maybe, yeah, maybe she's maybe she's just eating really good food. And it's like, it's a compliment. We'll wrap it up. What's up, boys, especially hung like a horse, Hank?

Oh, it's a good one. Why do guys like playing with our nipples when you guys have your own? Because they're not our own. I'll play with anybody's nipples. There's a male or female. Yeah, I play with my own nipples. But it's funner to play with other nipples by far. It's a different you get a different angle on boobs that aren't yours.

Right. Also, well, no, I was going to say they're bigger. But for me, sometimes they might. Hey, guys, sup, PFT. So I had this fuckboy and he's recently re-entered the picture. I mean, both know we're awful toxic for each other, but also summer's coming around and he's fun and really good in bed. Do I call it a loss to my sleep? Slash, sanity slash liver in the sake of summer fun,

knowing it'll come crashing down by September, or do I find out what other fuckboys there are in the sea? I think you go back to the fuckboy that's fun. It's the old saying, the fuckboy you know over the fuckboy you don't. Yeah, because you got to do it. You're not going to get any new diseases from the guy that you're already fucking. Yeah. Why? Why not find?

Why not do a little both? You know, just fuck all the fuckboys. What does a fuckboy mean? That's not what I thought a fuckboy meant. What do you think a fuckboy means? Well, it depends how it's spelled, right? F-U-C-C-B-O-I means like someone you disrespect. F-U-C-K-B-O-Y is a boy you're fucking.

Yeah, so I guess it is an asshole boy who is into strictly sexual relationships. OK, so that is what a fuckboy means. All right, last one. Sup, boys, welcome back, Bubba, you pansy. My boyfriend has had my boyfriend has had three sums, both 2V1 and 1V2, but I never have. Am I missing out?

How do you like, how's he breaking those up shirts for skins? No, 1V2 means it's two dudes. Oh, yeah. OK. Am I missing out? Have I been playing game seven like it's game one my whole life? Thoughts? Oh, good reference there. Yeah, you are the pussy raptors.

Yeah, that's pretty much it. I gotta give a shot, right? Yeah, you have to, especially knowing that he has because that's something that will definitely like that's something in 20 years will be brought up just randomly when you're like, you know, just having a nice dinner. Like, you know what?

It really bothers me that you've done a 2V1 and a 1V2 and then you'll probably break up. So I just get it out of the way right now. The 1V2 sets it over the top. We agree, right? Like, if it was just a 2V1, that's like, OK, you can chop that up to one crazy night. Yeah, wild time.

But you did a 1V2 as well. It's a threesome guy. Yeah, you are a menage guy. All right, that's our show. We have the white Randy Moss, the original Randy Moss. What are we, you know, is the original Randy Moss? We'll say the original Randy Moss on Friday, Derby Picks. And I don't know who else we have, something up our sleeve.

Maybe not. Maybe. Maybe. Who knows? I don't know. Love you guys. Love you guys because love you guys. I love you guys. I'm in love. I am in love with everyone here. Love you guys because you know that if I ever promised you so much, I would actually love you so much that you would not want me to eat poop because that's so much about me so much because I love you guys.

Love you guys. It's part of my take presented by Bar Stool Sports.