Pardon My Take - Super Wild Card Weekend Recap, Fastest 2 Minutes & Mike McCarthy's Dumb Brain

Episode Date: January 17, 2022

Super Wild Card Weekend is in the books and we start with Fastest 2 minutes. Recapping every game from the weekend.  ( 00:02:11 - 00:06:31) Steelers/Chiefs (00:06:31 - 00:26:54) Raiders/Bengals (00...:26:54 - 00:46:42) Bills/Patriots (00:46:42 - 01:10:18) Bucs/Eagles (01:10:18 - 01:25:42) Niners/Cowboys ( 01:25:42 - 01:45:11) Preview of Rams/Cardinals (01:45:11 - 01:48:49) We finish with who's back of the week.. (01:48:49 - 02:09:49)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen, add free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, super wild card weekend, full weekend of football. We watched, felt like football forever and it wasn't enough.
Starting point is 00:00:21 We got another game on Monday night, which we will talk about. We have Who's Back of the Week, we have Fastest Two Minutes, we have a great Monday football Monday show for you and we're brought to you by our friends at Coors Light. There's only one beer out there that's literally made to chill and that's Coors Light.
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Starting point is 00:01:46 Boy! Now in the street there is violence and there's a lot of software to be done. No place to hang out or wash in and then I can't blame all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock it down to electric high venue. And then we'll take it higher.
Starting point is 00:02:12 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to electric high venue. And then we'll take it higher. It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports. Welcome to Pardon My Take presented by CoorsLight. Today is Monday, January 17th. Super wild card weekend. What?
Starting point is 00:02:34 What? What? What? What? We start in Cincinnati where TJ saved the drama for Uzama, opened the scoring in this game as Mike Tarrico was looking down upon his Italian brother, Rich Piscicchia.
Starting point is 00:02:50 Huh? Huh? What? Huh? What, boom. Zatovan Jones and the refs lost their sense of hearing as Jerome Boger, McFarlane will be watching the rest of the playoff games
Starting point is 00:03:02 from his own special seating. Evian McPherson was wet from range and the Raiders had one last chance to tie the game late. But Jermaine, ooh baby, I like it like Pratt. Touch me, touch me like that before I turn into this Cinderella, this Cinderella back into a pumpkin. And the Raiders fall short,
Starting point is 00:03:21 send that text message, Bengals fans. We did it, Joe. Bengals 26, the Raiders 19. What? In Western New York where Josh Allen popped his Viagra and warning, please see a doctor if blowouts last longer than three hours. Dawson, nox nox, who's there, boom?
Starting point is 00:03:42 I'm oh, I'm a who. I'm hoping to get in the end zone as the bills kept the clowning going all night. There must be some kind of way out of here as Dante all along the Watchtower contemplates retirement after his showing Saturday night. The game was well out of hand when Hunter Henry Biden dropped a touchdown
Starting point is 00:04:02 like it was a laptop filled with incriminating emails. The bills in or out. And no one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bildos. Bills 47, Patriots 17. Down to Tampa Bay where key Sean Ricky Vaughn proved he belongs in the major leagues. The Bucks and Hit Me Brady one more time
Starting point is 00:04:24 are looking to repeat his champs and Mike Sean Evans was a hot one on Sunday going for 117 and a tutty. Giovanni Bernard Sanders did his best on offense to hold back the Crimson Tide Red Wave Jalen Hertz and Philly is consoling themselves by taking enough shots of Jalen Ragermeister to forget where they are.
Starting point is 00:04:45 Beer before liquor, you'll never be sicker. Jalen before Justin, you just drafted a busted. Bucks 31, Eagles 15. That was very mean. What? What? You just saying what we're all thinking of them. What?
Starting point is 00:05:01 Over to the Big D where Placebo Samuel had more of a psychological effect on the game than Cowboys fans would have liked. It wasn't all losses for Cowboys fans though as it looked like Elijah Mitchell-Trabesky would run away with the MVP. But Gack Prescott was the one who got slimed. When you're on a long drive and your line jumps offside,
Starting point is 00:05:22 that's Samarae. Cooper couldn't do enough to offset all the flags and in a touching tribute to my good friend, John F. Kennedy. Mike McCarthy also lost his mind in Dallas. Too soon, boom. Niners 23, Cowboys 17. We finish in Kansas City where they played a game of whose watt is it anyway as TJ Derek Watt
Starting point is 00:05:44 got the scoring started for the Steelers. Nice hit, Hank. It quickly flipped Kansas City's wave with a Byron Pringle touchdown. Because once you pop, you just can't stop unless you run out of fireworks. Lake Travis Kelsey got Austin Translation to end the half with a breakdown in Steelers defense
Starting point is 00:06:02 costing them before intermission. It looked like the Chiefs could put up 100 as big man Nick Allegretti-White found the end zone. Let us be the first to wish Big Ben a happy retirement. There's a warm PF Chang's booth waiting for you, Ben, with your name on it. You deserve it, Ben.
Starting point is 00:06:21 You deserve it, Ben. You deserve it. What a treat. Yeah, make sure you wear your motorcycle helmet. Chiefs 42, Steelers 21. All right, super wild card weekend before we get to the games. PFD had a quick word.
Starting point is 00:06:36 Yeah, before we jump right in, I got a question for you, big cat. Yes. Do you think about saving for retirement much? All the time? Do you ever ask yourself, what the heck am I gonna do with the $75,000 I just made from today's PMT episode?
Starting point is 00:06:48 With inflation 82. Well, I actually don't think about 75,000 because it actually got bumped up to 84. But I've been thinking about it and I found out about something super cool that's gonna help me out. It's called Alto. If you're like me,
Starting point is 00:07:01 then you don't only want boring stocks in your retirement portfolio. What about crypto or artwork? NFTs, how about investing in startup? I actually, I got my NFT of the Alex Caruso chased down block autographed on Twitter by Alex Caruso himself. It's probably worth 20 times what I paid for it now.
Starting point is 00:07:18 That's my understanding. Let me tell you about a great idea I have for startup. Alto lets you invest in crypto, real estate, artwork and more. The best part is, it's tax advantaged or it can even be tax free. So let's start a retirement convo earlier. Let's do it all together with Alto.
Starting point is 00:07:34 It's never too early. If you ask someone who's in their 30s, 40s, 50s, what's one thing you would change? They'd say, I wish I'd started saving for retirement earlier, get the compound interest going. Go to altoira.com slash PMT. That's A-L-T-O-I-R-A dot com slash PMT. You can get started for just 10 bucks.
Starting point is 00:07:54 That's A-L-T-O-R-I-R-A, excuse me, A-L-T-O-I-R-A, altoira.com slash PMT. All right, super wild card weekend in the books. It was a great weekend of football. Well, there were some moments. There was a lot of games that weren't great. I would like to say to the people that are saying we should not have a seventh playoff seed.
Starting point is 00:08:18 You're wrong. Fuck you. I can do it in verbal meme fashion, which is Winnie the Pooh is saying we should not have seven playoff teams. Tuxedo, Winnie the Pooh saying, maybe we shouldn't have the 18th week because if we didn't have that last week,
Starting point is 00:08:34 these matchups would have been better. It probably would have been like the Chargers playing against the Chiefs and it probably would have been maybe even the Saints. It's like when they did, when they expanded the NCAA tournament to 68 teams and everyone's like, why the fuck do we need these first four games?
Starting point is 00:08:49 And then you watch them and you're like, well, yeah, in sports, I'll watch it. I don't care. What do you want me to say? Next week, the games might be closer. Yeah, there were some blowouts. I don't care. I want more football.
Starting point is 00:09:01 Yeah, it's more football. Period. I'm excited for more football. We have a game tonight, which is incredible. The fact that we have that sitting for us after a full week in a football is awesome. So yeah, dummies, you're just playing the results. One year, a seven seed will get hot
Starting point is 00:09:16 and they'll beat the two seed and everyone will look like an idiot. Well, be careful what you wish for because if you root for a team that's borderline that would be that seven seed and we get rid of that seven seed, you're gonna hate yourself because just making the postseason means so much.
Starting point is 00:09:32 I speak as a team that's like, that's our ceiling really. Is a seven seed just like you and the Bears last year, right? Like just getting to the playoffs, that's absolutely worth having that extra seed in there. It's a whole week to get excited. So we'll start with Sunday night then we'll go back in time to Saturday afternoon. Big Ben, the finale, it's over.
Starting point is 00:09:55 There was a moment in time when TJ Watt returned that fumble for a touchdown and Hank thought he had just won $3,000 off a $25 bet because he thought he bet TJ Watt first touchdown. He actually bet Derek Watt first touchdown, which Hank, are you okay now? Yeah, I'm doing all right. I'm just gonna quickly explain my logic.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Okay, I know on the show, I don't know if I've said it on the show, you guys know this, every primetime game, I bet the quarterback to score the first touchdown and I usually pick one player from each team. I knew Big Ben wasn't gonna score and I was looking at the odds and at the very, very bottom,
Starting point is 00:10:29 like all literally at the very, very bottom, it said Watt plus $12,500, crazy odds and I was like, oh, Derek Watt, TJ Watt's defensive player of the year, they must have thrown this on knowing that, he's defensive player of the year, who knows? So I was like, fuck it, those are good odds. It's TJ Watt, you never know what's gonna happen.
Starting point is 00:10:47 And we also talked about TJ Watt scoring a touchdown as being part of the formula for success for the Sears. Would you jump in on the spot show? I did, yep. And so Hank, Hank listening to us in part of my take, that seeps into his mind, but then it becomes an age-old battle of Hank against the English alphabet.
Starting point is 00:11:05 And you just, you saw Watt, you didn't see, you didn't even read the first thing. I didn't even read the first thing, I didn't even think about it. It was such a long shot and then all of a sudden TJ Watt gets a fumble six and I was paralyzed with excitement and hope. Big Cat was pumping me up, everyone was gasping me up.
Starting point is 00:11:19 I was so excited for you. And then I tweeted out and someone that was with us at the stream was like, no, it's Derek Watt, not TJ Watt. Our touch grass moment of the week for people online, I got tagged in a thread where people were saying you just made that whole thing up and you were acting and you knew it was Derek Watt. You have to understand, we were very stupid.
Starting point is 00:11:38 That was all authentic. I don't think we could pull that off. Go watch it, we'll put it on the part of my take Instagram. It was from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows, but that moment is perfect for this game because that moment happened and the Steelers were playing the Chiefs to a draw in the first quarter.
Starting point is 00:11:58 And it was like, okay, the Steelers are doing everything they need to do, minus the fact they couldn't get a first down, like their defense is all over the place. TJ Watt has completely wrecked this game. He had a basically cause and interception, got that fumble for a touchdown. And there was that glimmer of, ooh, this might be magic. Like the Steelers might actually do this.
Starting point is 00:12:19 This is gonna be crazy. And then, I don't know how it always works this way, but the opening, you know, the scoring finally starts off a stalemate and the Chiefs woke up and then the Chiefs just went into full blown, fuck you, where the Chiefs mowed for the rest of the game and scored so much that they ran out of fireworks. They went super gremlin on everyone.
Starting point is 00:12:38 Did they actually ran out of fireworks? They had a message on the video board that was like, sorry, we've run out of fireworks. I do not understand, that's on the Chiefs for underestimating Patrick Mahomes. And also you're the Chiefs. I think there's a big enough body of evidence here to say that, yeah, you should go to Costco for the fireworks.
Starting point is 00:12:53 You should buy in bulk. Yes. You're the Chiefs. If you had told me actually like going into this game that the Steelers would score 21 points, I would say that's incredible. They got a chance. That's incredible. They scored 21 points because their offense,
Starting point is 00:13:06 most of the time, looks like it's basically Big Ben hands the ball off. Sometimes really late. Yeah, late. He does pump fakes on the handoffs where he second guesses himself, takes away and then puts it back. And then other times he'll just like drop back three yards,
Starting point is 00:13:21 stand perfectly still and then just throw the ball down the sideline and hope. You know what it's like? It's like, not even if you took a child playing Madden calling the plays, it's like if you took a European child who plays soccer their whole life and then you give them a game of Madden to play
Starting point is 00:13:38 and you're like, okay, try to run an offense. That's essentially what the Steelers offense looks like most of the time. It's the most confusing thing to watch because the Steelers offensive line is their weakness and they like great coaches. And this isn't really, I wouldn't say it's on Mike. Tommy's not the one calling the plays,
Starting point is 00:13:55 it's Matt Canada. But great coaches be like, all right, this is what we're bad at. So let's figure out a way to overcome this and game plan around our weaknesses. They do the exact opposite. And they're like, all right, our offensive line can't block.
Starting point is 00:14:09 Let's make sure that every single play takes a really long time to develop. And it's either like a play where receivers run out and then come back to the ball and they throw it before the sticks or it's a deep pass. And Big Ben can't move really because his legs are shot. And it's basically a Hail Mary to Chase Claypool when he's double covered.
Starting point is 00:14:31 Those are the only plays and then run the ball into the line for like a yard nap. Yeah, the runs into the line are set up. They're even slow because Big Ben doesn't go under center. He goes in shotgun, which you would think you can just get the ball and hand it off immediately. But when he turns to the side,
Starting point is 00:14:44 it's like a Midwestern person scooting past you in a supermarket. Be like, oh, sorry, let me just scoop by it real quick. Like he slowly rotates his body, hands the ball to Najee and then Najee's getting tackled immediately. They probably run the most plays that go for exactly zero yards of any NFL team. What was his final stat line?
Starting point is 00:15:02 Cause I predicted it beforehand. I said it was going to, he was going to be 27 for 64 for 127 yards. Oh, so he picked up some yards at the end. So wait, was it 29 for 44? Yeah, 215. Oh, it's not far off. Yeah, he maybe didn't have any.
Starting point is 00:15:18 92.5. Yeah, so I mean, and that's kind of indicative of like Big Ben season where if you look at his stats afterwards, you're like, oh, he's still got some come back and then you watch it and you're like, no, no, no, no. There's not a lot there. And I, in a weird way, it's like, obviously,
Starting point is 00:15:34 I mean, the stills weren't going to win the Super Bowl. It's almost better that they lost this way. But he's like, it really is over. Like it's done. We've said our goodbyes. Shout out Mike Tomlin for calling that last time out with 11 seconds left so that Big Ben could try to end on a touchdown,
Starting point is 00:15:48 which would have been a hilarious like. They almost got us tight and killed on the last play too. Yeah, but a hilarious, we're cheering a touchdown when we lost by 14 in the playoffs and it really wasn't that close. Cause the Chiefs like, they went into full like clown mode. They were throwing to big guys. They were doing the shovel passes.
Starting point is 00:16:04 Travis Kelsey threw one. Like they basically just opened the playbook and they're like, yeah, they can't really stop anything. Let's just have fun. Well, it's crazy that Andy Reed was using all the fun plays this week, knowing that they have to play the bills next weekend. So like imagine what they have in store.
Starting point is 00:16:17 If this was the cute stuff that they had drawn up this week, they probably got some crazy stuff on deck for next week. Yeah. And it was, I mean, it's a very, it was a very good reminder that the Chiefs are still like, I mean. They're still the Chiefs. We're not going to, we're not going to, we're not going to, well, no,
Starting point is 00:16:31 cause Rable wants us to, to not give the Titans any credit. No, the Chiefs are still the team to beat. The Chiefs are, yeah, they're the team that you don't want to play still, even though they've been the team that they're, they're in like year five of being the team that you don't want to play. Also tired kill, like the only thing that anyone
Starting point is 00:16:46 who's rooting against the Chiefs right now is like, oh, tired kill might be banged up. And then he did a Somersault in the end zone on a, on a score that wasn't even a score. A back flip. Back flip. He did a round off with about back hand, where back hand spring.
Starting point is 00:16:59 Yeah. And then a back flip and he stuck all of it. I think his heel is just fine. And he didn't even score on that play. And he didn't score. He came down like an inch short of it. And I was thinking back to before the game when Big Ben was saying, no one's giving us a chance.
Starting point is 00:17:11 You know, we might as well just go out there and have fun. And everyone was like, oh, Big Ben's being sarcastic trying to get his guys. I actually think Big Ben was being completely serious. Oh, yes. He was like, hey guys, you know, the media's guys is double digit underdogs. We can't throw intermediate passes.
Starting point is 00:17:25 Giante can't catch unless it's tennis ball. They're saying all this bad stuff about us, you know, like I'm reading that like, I'm physically incapable of running an offense right now. I think it was just actually being dead serious. Yeah. I don't think that Big Ben's sarcastic at all. No, he was being dead serious and he was exactly right.
Starting point is 00:17:40 And this game was never, I mean, it was, like I said, for 18 minutes, it felt like, oh man, they're doing, like you check the boxes, turnovers, defensive touchdown, like, you know, getting off the field on third down. And then once TJ Watt scored that touchdown, it just, it was an avalanche. The end of the half situation where the Steelers literally couldn't get a first down to just go into,
Starting point is 00:18:06 they weren't trying to score. They were just trying to get a first down so the Chiefs wouldn't score. And they weren't able to do that. And then the Chiefs did score. It was like, all right, it's over. Like there's nothing we can do about this. They couldn't even control the clock in that game
Starting point is 00:18:18 because you couldn't get a first down. Right. Their offense was just that bad going into it. It was, it was frustrating for your Steelers fan. Mike Tomlin told you to cut your eyelids off before the game. So at least we got a good Mike Tomlin quote out of it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:29 And I cut your eyelids off. We don't want guys that are blinking out here. I think. Just selling them shut in a weird way. I don't know if that's, if there's like a, there's a couple games that happen this weekend where like, and we'll get to the Eagles game, but I don't even know if you're like sad
Starting point is 00:18:45 if you're a Steelers fan. And you're sad because Big Ben, it's over. But if you had said halfway through this season, like the Steelers are going to make the playoffs in a crazy week, 18, like string of events to get Big Ben one more playoff game, you wouldn't have believed it. So it was all house money at this point.
Starting point is 00:19:03 And yeah, they got killed by the Chiefs, but everyone expected him to get killed by the Chiefs. And I don't know. It's like, you know, you know, you got to move on. You know, there's a shitload of like decisions to be made. You need to figure out who the quarterback's going to be going forward. I, if I were a Steelers fan, I don't know how.
Starting point is 00:19:18 I don't think I'd be that sad today because you were never, you were never close. You know what I mean? You were clearly the most like hampered team in the field. I think if you're a Steelers fan, you've been sad all season just because it's been very tough to watch football. Like it has never been pretty,
Starting point is 00:19:33 never been anything short of just like, wow, I hope that we can string another one together with duct tape and string somehow. But going into this off season, I think it's not like, you're not sad that you lost this game. You're sad that you have to completely do everything differently on offense next year. Right.
Starting point is 00:19:50 Literally everything. Naja Harris. He should say. And you actually have good wide receivers. Yeah, I love Harris. He's a great player. I actually. You've got two good wide receivers.
Starting point is 00:19:57 I mean, like that's the craziest part. You actually, I mean, Firemuth is good. Chase Claypool's good. But you gotta. Deontay Johnson can't catch, but when he can, he's good. And Juju Smith-Schuster might be back as well. They have pieces on offense. They just need a quarterback and an offensive line.
Starting point is 00:20:14 Yeah, Deontay Johnson, in much the same way that Ben Simmons is a great basketball player, if there's no basket, Deontay is an outstanding wide receiver, if there's no football. Right. He will absolutely get open. You just need to completely redo your offensive line and the quarterback.
Starting point is 00:20:27 Yeah, right. But in terms of, if you look at the entire NFL, the Steelers are not in a bad, like. No, you could be doing a lot worse. It wasn't Big Ben with it. His last ride was with all his guys, old guys, old team. It was just Big Ben is really, really old.
Starting point is 00:20:42 And that's, I mean, like if they had a mobile quarterback tonight, someone's throughout the name, Trebisky during this game, I was like, Trebisky would have fucking been awesome on the Steelers this year. Yeah. He would have. No, Trebisky's gonna be a name that people talk about.
Starting point is 00:20:56 He gotta save. You gotta quarterback save this weekend. You gotta quarterback save. I also, one last thing about this game. I think we need the new scoregami. This is my personal scoregami. I love whenever a game has just touchdowns and no two point conversions.
Starting point is 00:21:09 Cause it's rare now. Field goals and two point versions, like 42-21 is just a cool score. It's like a cool score scoregami. A lot of special teams guys around the league have the weekend off when they play it, right? Bill's punter. Yeah, but I just love, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:21:23 I just love that. Like if a game ends 28-21 or 30, maybe it's just my simple brain being like, it's cause you can look at it and you can immediately deconstruct how the game went. Right, right. It's just fun. It's just fun.
Starting point is 00:21:35 42-21, yeah, right, I like it. Also one quick thing. I told Hank this earlier to your point, the over hit from the first touchdown to the over hitting in 21 and a half minutes of game time. That's crazy. Cause you would have, if you watch that first quarter, you're like, the Chiefs will probably figure out a way
Starting point is 00:21:53 to score a few touchdowns. The Steelers will never score a touchdown. And then it all just, the floodgates open. 10-41 second quarter and then 4-10 third quarter. That's insane. One from zero to 49. Also bad news if you're the rest of the AFC, but it looks like the Chiefs have another good running back
Starting point is 00:22:07 in the playoffs. Playoff to Jared, maybe. Who like, it was so mean that Al Michaels or maybe it was Chris Collinsworth was like, Jared McKinnon, you remember him? He was on the 49ers where he was injured for two years. It's like, well, that was nice. The only thing I wouldn't be so nervous of,
Starting point is 00:22:22 cause he was saying that Clyde Edwards layer should look over his shoulder even when he gets healthy because Jared McKinnon is going to steal his job. I don't think that you can lose your starting running back job to a guy that wears number one. No. A guy that wears number one
Starting point is 00:22:34 is always going to be a change of pace guy. He's going to be a guy that'll catch the ball. Like a screen specialist. Third down back. I also, I don't know if you can trust a guy that wears number one and pass protection. Yeah, you probably can't. I also, like in playoff football,
Starting point is 00:22:48 I don't think you can have enough running backs. You know what I mean? Cause you just keep them fresh, keep them rolling in and out. Like look at all the team. I mean, he saw it with the bucks today. You obviously saw it with the 49ers. Have a bunch of guys running the ball.
Starting point is 00:23:00 Packers have a couple of running backs. I think that's actually a great thing instead of being like, hey, we got one guy who's just going to get 30 carries. Why not have two or three guys who get 10 to 15 each? How many plays do you think Andy Reed has drawn up that has a different guy that just in a goal line set delays, delays and then runs up the middle
Starting point is 00:23:19 to get a shovel pass? Yeah, there's a bunch of different iterations of it. His entire offense inside the five yard line is based around one guy running directly up the middle of his offensive line after catching a shovel pass. One last thing. So, Eric Bieneme obviously is going to get,
Starting point is 00:23:36 or he should get a head coaching job at some point. If he wants one. Yeah, like why would you want one if you're him? It's almost, I mean Brent Venable is now obviously in Oklahoma, but he was the defensive coordinator forever at Clemson, cause he got paid a ton of money. If you're an offensive coordinator and you have Travis Kelsey and Tyree Kill
Starting point is 00:23:53 and a bunch of speedsters and Patrick Mahomes as your quarterback, I don't know. I just be like, this is kind of sweet. Like pay me enough money that I'm not resentful and I'll keep doing this cause it's fucking fun. You're not really going to find a better situation than you got in Kansas right now. And you maybe can wait it out.
Starting point is 00:24:09 What's that for? I just shook his head at us. I'm just saying financially. Yeah, no, I'm saying pay me enough money. Like Brent Venables was a case where they were paying him enough money that he didn't get resentful. Obviously it's crazy how much more money
Starting point is 00:24:21 you can make as a head coach. But if you get paid enough money that you're happy and your situation is great, I don't know. What is the old saying? Heavy is the... Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Right, like you don't have to be criticized much. Andy Reed gets most of that blame.
Starting point is 00:24:37 And Andy Reed might have whispered to you, hey, I'm going to retire eventually. It can be yours. Patrick Mahomes going to play for another 15 years. That would be a pretty sweet setup. Pretty sweet setup. That'd be incredible if Patrick Mahomes played for another 15 years.
Starting point is 00:24:50 It also would be a great move by Eric Bienamy to actively be like, I never want to leave and have a handshake deal with Andy Reed, but also have the media be on his behalf, being like Eric Bienamy should get a job this isn't an injustice. Keeps lobbying for him. It's great.
Starting point is 00:25:06 That's a win-win all around. Would you rather, and I don't know his salary right now, but would you rather be the offensive coordinator for the chiefs and make, let's call it $600,000 a year? Or be the head coach? Definitely more. More than that? Yeah, because I mean...
Starting point is 00:25:20 Let's go on a million then. Let's not be an easy number. There's college guys that make a million plus as coordinators. So you make a million bucks as the offensive coordinator of the Kansas City Chiefs. You have all the toys that one boy could have. Or would you rather be the head coach
Starting point is 00:25:34 for the New York Giants? Yeah, or the Chicago Bears, or the Miami Dolphins. They're just dumpster fires of franchises. In New York, you make, what they pay them, probably like $3 million, two and a half million a year. Let's call it $3 million a year. New York taxes. And you also lose every game.
Starting point is 00:25:49 Yeah. I'd rather stay in Kansas City and have everybody be like, that guy's a genius in Kansas City for another three years until you either get a job that opens up that you actually want, or you get the keys of the kingdom. You could have Andy Reed be your boss, where...
Starting point is 00:26:04 You get to hang out with Andy Reed. Every disagreement is squashed over a burger or a rib eye. Or like three steaks. Or you can have John Mera or George McCaskey be your boss and just creep you out all the time because they're fucking old and they have dumb brains and they whisper with their stale breath in your ear that you're not doing a good job.
Starting point is 00:26:25 Their teeth fall out when they're berating you after a loss. Pretty easy choice, right? The whole office smells like death. Or would you rather hang out with a fat, jolly guy that wears Hawaiian shirts and shorts all the time? Who's like, I'll take the blame? Yeah. Like, don't worry.
Starting point is 00:26:37 If we lose, people will just blame me for timeouts. The only thing that would drive, the Jackson Holmes factor. Yeah. I would get sick of him showing up and telling me what to do. Maybe everyone loves him there. We thought about that. What if Jackson was actually like the world's nicest guy? And everyone loved him?
Starting point is 00:26:51 Yeah. Maybe. Chiefs, though, are awesome. They're, this game on next Sunday night is gonna be incredible. We'll get to Bill's Patriots. Let's start. Let's go back in time, though.
Starting point is 00:27:02 Bengals, Raiders, the Cincinnati Bengals win their first playoff game in 31 years. Incredible, incredible afternoon for the Bengals, for their fans, for Cincinnati. I said on Sunday morning, there's no better feeling in sports. Obviously maybe winning a Super Bowl. So besides that, there's no better feeling in sports
Starting point is 00:27:23 than playing the first playoff game or if it were like a tournament game, if you played in the round of 32 on Saturday afternoon and then getting to watch stress-free football or basketball for the rest of the weekend, being like we're in the next round. That hat, like waking up on Sunday morning, if you were a Bengals fan,
Starting point is 00:27:42 you probably got super fucked up, rightfully so. And then you got to sit on your couch and watch a bunch of teams and be like, well, they got to struggle to get where we are. Now, this is an awesome weekend for Bengals fans because you got to get hammered before the game. You got to get hammered after the game. You got to extend your being drunk
Starting point is 00:28:00 into watching football all day Sunday. You probably have Monday off for MLK Day. This has been an outstanding weekend for any Bengals fan and you honestly deserve it. The entire city of Cincinnati should get a ring just for winning a playoff game. It's crazy. Because it's been 1991.
Starting point is 00:28:15 Was that the last time? 1991, send the text messages. Send the text messages. You had so many years with Marvin Lewis where you were kind of like at the door for a long time. Good, but never, yeah. And you never got over that hump. CJ Uzama, I feel happy for that guy
Starting point is 00:28:30 because he was around for the Marvin Lewis days and he got to see what, he must feel like he hit the absolute lottery. Having to seem just completely changed around him. Going through like a big pile of shit for a few years there in the middle. I'm just happy for people and since everyone gets a ring in Cincinnati.
Starting point is 00:28:45 It was, well, everyone gets a game ball because Zack Taylor went out afterwards. He actually had a, he had CJ Uzama go out as well. He gave a bunch of, he gave a few game balls out to different players and was like, go give these out at bars, which is such a cool move.
Starting point is 00:29:00 He went to a bar, he promised that if they won a playoff game, he would give a game ball to the fans of Cincinnati. So he went to a bar, it was sick. Like imagine just being at a bar after your team wins a playoff game for the first time in 31 years. You're drunk and the coach walks in
Starting point is 00:29:18 and everyone's like, wait, is that the coach? I don't know what he looks like. And then he presents a game ball. That's pretty cool. Yeah, no, it's actually a very smart strategy to get the drunkest people in your city to be huge time supporters of you. And know your face.
Starting point is 00:29:31 Yeah, those are the guys that will be calling for your job on Sports Talk Radio. If you walk in and shake their hand one time after a playoff win, they're like, that, he's actually a really nice guy. I like that guy. They'll have your back. This is, I was thinking about it because
Starting point is 00:29:44 the fact that Bengals won, they get to play again next week obviously in another big game. And this is essentially the world is doing when you get your new iPhone and you have to like rotate your face so it can recognize your face for the lock screen. We're doing that with Zach Taylor.
Starting point is 00:30:01 Like we're gonna see him enough that we're now gonna be able to pick him out of a crowd. You wait, you did that. Because I'm not fully comfortable. You gave Steve Jobs your face. Yeah, of course. It's the fucking best technology ever that you can just open your phone with just looking at it.
Starting point is 00:30:12 I never do it. I give like... Wait, you unlock your phone every time manually? Every single time. I get the passcode in there. Dude, because they don't have everything from us? That's what I'm saying. The crazy part is like I've got
Starting point is 00:30:22 all my credit card information stored in there. I've got my home address in there. Everything, they own us. I've got literally everything about my personal life in there. But I'm like, not my face. That's like... It's not like my face is not out there anywhere else. Well, it's like doing the clear technology.
Starting point is 00:30:35 People are like, oh, you want the TSA in them? They own us all the time. I gave them my face too. They have everything. I give a lot of face out to a lot of people. You play Pokemon Go. But I will never give face to Steve Jobs. It's the best technology ever.
Starting point is 00:30:47 Never. You just fucking do it. I will never do it. But I just won't. Every man's got to have a line. And mine is... That's a terrible line to have. I will not allow my phone to scan my face into it.
Starting point is 00:30:56 But yeah. We're doing that with Jack Taylor. That's my point. We're figuring out Jack Taylor. He's being a... Real leaders do their best work in beer halls. I like that he's going in there and he's making friends with the locals
Starting point is 00:31:08 and especially catching them in a moment. This is just an outstanding win for the city of Cincinnati. I'm happy for them. It's about time that they got to celebrate anything. Yeah. Absolutely. After Harambe. After Harambe.
Starting point is 00:31:20 Our sweet prince. The game sucked in terms of like flow. It was a ref show. It was also a field goal show. There's eight field goals made which tied the record, playoff record. It was like, it was basically stalled drive after stalled drive.
Starting point is 00:31:34 And then the ref show got very bad. The whistle that people are complaining about. Two things can be true at the same time. One, the whistle I do not think had any impact on that play. If you missed it, there was a whistle that was blown at the very end of Joe Burrow's touchdown pass to Boyd. And by rule, if there's an inadvertent whistle,
Starting point is 00:31:59 the play is just dead. Like they just have to redo the play no matter what the outcome is. So if you watch it, it happened at the very last second like as he was about to catch the ball. The fact that the NFL is like, it happened after he caught the ball. Do they think that we're all so stupid
Starting point is 00:32:16 that we can't just watch the replay like he didn't? It happened right before he caught the ball. It's like 1984. When they're telling us what happened, history is controlled by the winners. It's crazy. They're saying like we have always been at war with East Asian.
Starting point is 00:32:28 We're like, no, I remember like I was cool with those people two weeks ago. But yeah, they're telling us that we did not hear the whistle. There was a fucking whistle there. It was a whistle. It happened before the catch. It didn't have anything to do with it.
Starting point is 00:32:41 If they had flipped that result over, if they had said, okay, we're going to replay that down, I would have been fucking pissed off. Even though they're right. There was a whistle. You should not call that playback. No. Sometimes I'm okay with big brother
Starting point is 00:32:53 lying to me a little bit. And in this case, I think I'll just, I'll let the lie wash over me like a warm blanket and I'll be happy with it because nothing should have changed about that play. Nothing. But they're gaslighting us. They're gaslighting us to think
Starting point is 00:33:06 that the whistle happened after. It's like, we all have eyes, ears, and a brain. We know when the whistle happened. Again, it had no impact on the play. The play should have stood, but it happened before he caught the ball. It just did. Like you just watch it and it did.
Starting point is 00:33:22 It was Joe Burrow's coming out party. I think that's fair to say. He's officially now in my book, at least an elite quarterback. The guy has ice water in his veins. The shirt's Barstle Store, Joe Burrow Elite. Good point, Jake, yes. Yeah, where is it?
Starting point is 00:33:36 Where can they find that? Thor.barstlesports.com. Joe Burrow Elite shirts, yeah. So cool. He is fucking elite. He just, his heart rate never gets higher than like 50. Anytime there's a pass rush coming out of him, he'll do that really cool little like side step out of it,
Starting point is 00:33:51 keep his eyes down field. He's unflapped. It's a perfect case study in like what a franchise quarterback can do for an organization, for a city. The Bengals didn't have a playoff win for 31 years. Joe Burrow has been a bangle for two years and half of it he tore his ACL for
Starting point is 00:34:09 and he still has got them with a playoff win for the first time in 31 years. Like that's, if you draw it up like, hey, we just need our guy, this is what it looks like. It looks like Joe Burrow coming in, like obviously they made some moves. They had a decent roster decisions on defense and free agency, Jamar Chase,
Starting point is 00:34:29 but it starts with Joe Burrow and like what he does to change an entire like swagger of an organization. That's what it is. That's what it looks like. He's so good now that I feel like we almost have to start doing the nitpicking thing that we do. With the best of the best,
Starting point is 00:34:44 where we find something where we're like, hey, this is actually what I don't like about you. Well here, I have one. I have one too. I have one just because he played, they lost to the Bears this year and he threw three interceptions and three straight passes and I still don't know how that happened.
Starting point is 00:34:59 Okay. So that one I still like, I'm like, wait, how did that happen and I'm watching him and he's like the best quarterback ever and the coolest guy ever. Spindzone, I actually liked the fact that he threw three straight intercepts. Three straight passes.
Starting point is 00:35:11 If he had thrown two straight interceptions, then I'd be like, that sucks. He sucks. But since he threw three, it tells me he's got a really short memory. Like maybe the shortest memory where even after throwing two consecutive interceptions, he's like, fuck it, Jamar's down there somewhere.
Starting point is 00:35:26 I'm gonna try it again. Do you know what's crazy? That when we went down to Baton Rouge for LSU Bama when LSU didn't score and like we watched Joe Burrow and that was his first year at LSU and he was a good college quarterback. But you never in a million years watch that
Starting point is 00:35:45 and you're like, that guy's gonna win a national title. That guy is going to win a playoff game for the city Cincinnati for the first time in 31 years and it's all gonna happen in the next three years and he is legitimately like a upper echelon elite quarterback that I just love watching play. You know what's crazy is that game reminded me a lot of the Chief Steelers game tonight.
Starting point is 00:36:07 In terms of how LSU's offense looked, you know who the offense coordinator was. Matt Canada. It was Matt Canada. Maybe this is a Canadian problem that we're dealing with here. But he didn't have Joe Brady on the Steelers tonight. Correct. Maybe he should have brought him.
Starting point is 00:36:20 He should have brought him with him. So bottom line is Joe Burrow is, I think it's safe to say he's elite. The only thing I was gonna nitpick about him is he seems to be addicted to cigars, smoking cigars. He loves them and they asked him about smoking cigars again and he was like, yeah, I love smoking cigars. It's really cool.
Starting point is 00:36:35 He's right. It is cool. Actually, maybe it's actually a good thing. No, that's a football guy move. Because maybe he gets addicted to smoking cigars. The only way that he can smoke more cigars is to continue winning games. Yeah, win, win, win.
Starting point is 00:36:46 Is actually, God damn it, Joe Burrow is perfect. Yeah, he is. The glasses was a cocky move. It played. He will do a cocky move that we will have to call out if he just keeps going down the line of I'm gonna wear more and more ridiculous stuff. I think these played.
Starting point is 00:37:00 I watched, I looked at him, I was like, he's fucking cool. He looked like Al Pacino playing a younger version of Al Pacino. Yeah, but he's gonna do the Big Ben when Big Ben wore Fedora. And you're gonna be like, Joe, no, don't do that. That was an all time hilarious look when Big Ben wore the three piece suit.
Starting point is 00:37:15 Dick Tracy, yeah. Dick Tracy, he had the Fedora pulled down over his eyes because that was right when quarterbacks were starting to dress cool. And it was like a very awesome thing that you could do as a starting quarterback to be like the fashion guy. And Big Ben was like, yeah, you know what I'm, I consider myself a bit of a fashionista myself.
Starting point is 00:37:32 I've got this hat that looks like I'm a lawyer trying to track down someone who kidnapped Dalmatians. Yeah, he, yeah. It was, yeah, it was an all time look. But with Joe, I think he's kind of like Fitzy, like Fitzpatrick in the way that when Fitzpatrick wears like the chains and he puts onto Sean Jackson's. Yes, no, it plays right now.
Starting point is 00:37:49 It looks good when he does it. I just know like if you get addicted to fashion, we've seen it, you know, like when Cam Newton would get in front of everyone a couple of times, you're like, wait, what, what are you wearing? Is this real? But you can do it after a win. I don't think that's the way that Joe's go.
Starting point is 00:38:03 I think like Joe finds one piece of flare that like per week and he's like, you guys dare me to wear this in my post. And they're like, yeah, you should. He's like, cool. I thought the glasses look cool. But then he pulls it off. It looked like a, like a superhero
Starting point is 00:38:14 when they lift their glasses off, lasers shoot out of his eyes. Yes. We should talk about the Raiders. So the Raiders, like we said on Friday, I kept on saying alligator blood. Like that was the Raiders. They, like the game felt like it was out of,
Starting point is 00:38:28 like they were going to lose the game by a million when that fumble happened. They kept on holding the Bengals to three. They kept on making big, big plays. And then you get to two minutes left. It's like, wait, the Raiders have a chance to tie this game. How the fuck is this happening?
Starting point is 00:38:43 They're on the 10 yard line. How are they doing this? That was, that was basically the entire back half of the Raiders season where every time you thought they were dead, they would just like rise back up. Like the Undertaker putting his hand through the fucking buried alive. Like, no, we're still here.
Starting point is 00:38:58 We're the Raiders. I hated that spike that Derek Carr did. Yeah. You should not have spiked that. I was watching the game. It was a panic spike. I was watching the game like, do not spike it. You got to have either a play called
Starting point is 00:39:07 or something for that exact scenario where you know you're going to run in a panic moment. And he went up and spiking that you, he got rid of it down that he thought he wouldn't need. So he ran out of clock before the game ran out of clock. Yeah. Like his, the downs were more valuable
Starting point is 00:39:21 in that, in that circumstance. Fake spikes there would have been. Fake spike would have been awesome. I feel like that's very unchristian to deceive your opponent. Yeah. Derek Carr probably wouldn't want to do that. He wouldn't.
Starting point is 00:39:31 I also thought the bonehead play of the game, the doidoi play, excuse me, that the Raiders had was in the first half when Peyton Barber took that kick off. Yeah. And stepped out of bounds. That's what I mean. They were dead.
Starting point is 00:39:41 Like the Raiders were dead. They were dead. And then they just kept on coming back and they, it was one of those games and if you're watching it, you think the whole game, the Raiders have no chance. And then you look up in the fourth quarter and you're like, wait, okay, they're only down 10
Starting point is 00:39:54 and they got the ball. Oh, they're going to kick a field goal. Wait, how are the Raiders are stopping a score away from going to overtime? Yeah. And I love, I love Max Crosby. They call him the Condor, which I think is a pretty sick nickname.
Starting point is 00:40:04 Mac, baby. Because he's got that huge wingspan. Yeah, Eastern Michigan. But I read something about Max Crosby that his wingspan is actually not that wide compared to other players that play defensive end. But maybe I think he's just got like, maybe a short torso and long arms.
Starting point is 00:40:21 And he's got two X's in his name, which is cool. Max, yeah, Dos Aquis. When they do the measurements of the wingspan, they just go fingertip to fingertip. Yeah. So if somebody has like a narrow chest or narrow shoulder diameter, then they can still have the long arms
Starting point is 00:40:36 and have a big wingspan. Right. Proportionally. I think that's what we're looking at with him. But he's- You thought way too much about this. I did because my eyes were lying to me. I was like, this dude has what must be
Starting point is 00:40:46 an incredible wingspan. He's named after a bird. Really? He's just all limbs. Yeah, all legs and arms. He's got long arms. Neuro torso. Yeah, Rich Pesicchia should get
Starting point is 00:40:57 the Raiders head coaching job. They should give him a two-year contract, three-year contract. I don't know what more you could do. Like with a team that went through all of that and had flaws and Derek Carr, I mean, he didn't play great, but he wasn't. I mean, he had a great, like,
Starting point is 00:41:13 I still can't believe the Raiders were in the playoffs. Like they were not a playoff team with everything that happened to them. And starting December, they were not a playoff team and they found a way, I don't know, you just, I think you run that back. You try to fill some holes and you run that back. Yeah, he's got the pulse of the team.
Starting point is 00:41:28 No one's gonna be able to step in and be respected by the players immediately the way that he is. Because they love him. I saw a clip before the game of him going up to, I forget who it was. Zay Jones. Zay Jones.
Starting point is 00:41:39 He pulled him in and goes, a coach, you're doing a great job. We whispered it into his ear. It was like, fuck yeah, thank you, I appreciate that, man. I think they might try to make a run at Harbaugh. That's what it looks like to me. Yeah, but that would be so stupid to me. Like they, I don't think,
Starting point is 00:41:53 if John Gruden keeps his job, I don't think they make the playoffs. I really don't. Because he fades every year and they would have made some bonehead games and everything. Like he, the Raiders deserve a ton of credit for being in the playoffs this year.
Starting point is 00:42:05 They deserve a ton of credit for being the alligator blood team that just wouldn't die up until the last fucking second. I would be excited, if I were a Raiders fan, I'd be excited if they brought him back. Yeah. So, and I think, I would too because it, because the players
Starting point is 00:42:18 would be excited for it. And then the question will be, Derek Carr will get like Linger, you know, people throw his name out there because he does feel like the veteran quarterback that could fix a team that is on the cusp. Who's their offensive coordinator? What's that guy's name?
Starting point is 00:42:34 Oh, Greg Olson. Greg Olson. That guy. The other Greg Olson. That guy. With the slip back hair. That guy is a fella. That guy, he looks like a loan shark
Starting point is 00:42:43 that's a bit of a hothead. He's been around forever. That gets the whole crew into trouble, you know? His temper is just, he like curbstomps somebody because they're a day late on their payment. Yeah, Greg Olson. He's, I feel, yeah, I feel like he followed John Gruden around for a long time.
Starting point is 00:42:57 Maybe that's wrong. He's, John Gruden's like henchman. He takes care of the dirty work. And the fact that his name is Greg Olson is crazy. Yeah. What was Gruden on the bucks? Not 2008, right? No way.
Starting point is 00:43:12 Was that post Gruden? That was probably, yeah. He was on the bucks, 08 to 11, yeah. So that, yeah. And then the Raiders since 2018. Okay, so he's been with the Raiders for a while. That's what I'm thinking. I don't remember when Gruden finished with the bucks.
Starting point is 00:43:27 Might have been right around there. See, he finished with the bucks. 2008. Oh, so there it is, yeah. So he, yeah, he's a Gruden guy. Do you think Gruden, I was thinking about this. Do you think Gruden will ever coach again? Do you think he was rooting for the Raiders?
Starting point is 00:43:40 Yeah, probably. I think he was. I think he still likes his guys. I think Gruden will coach again. I think he'll go through like a phase. He's gonna like write a big, what if John Gruden gets like really woke and then comes back and just like apologize.
Starting point is 00:43:53 He's like, I've changed all my ways. He, Michael Scott kisses Carl Nassib on the lips in front of the whole team. Yep. He's like, look guys. Yeah, do it to Rod and Gadel. Yeah. He's like, I got no, I got no bad bones in my body.
Starting point is 00:44:08 Yeah, I was thinking about that. That's kind of a, maybe a college. Maybe a college would be like, fuck it, we'll give it a shot. I think he's gonna have to go back to a high school that he's donated so much money to that they basically have the field named after him. And then Peter King will write a story about him
Starting point is 00:44:22 being like John Gruden's doing great things with these kids. Yeah, he'll rehabilitate his image and then probably get like a Mac job maybe. Yeah. Come back up that way, finish out his careers like a defensive coordinator or not, probably quarterback coach, I would say.
Starting point is 00:44:37 I don't think he's gonna be a head coach again at the NFL. I think there's some crazy Raider fans that probably blame the whistle, but I think most Raider fans know that that was, like that you can't walk away being like the rest of the room in that game. It was a rough show. Jerome Bogart literally got banned from the play,
Starting point is 00:44:52 the rest of the playoffs. Well, that usually, you're done. That usually happens to Jerome Bogart. Yeah. Where once every 10 years that are like, okay, Jerome, we'll give you one last, last shot at it. Oh yeah. That's why we don't hire this guy to do anything.
Starting point is 00:45:04 Yeah, it was. There must be no refs out there if Jerome Bogart still has a job. Yeah, I mean, we have Hockley's son. That's it, we're just, I mean, it is a terrible job to have. Who would want to be a ref? Not me.
Starting point is 00:45:16 Not me. It is impossible. It's a terrible job to have you. You know how fast those guys are, it sucks. You can't see shit. The best case scenario, if you were a ref, is that at one point right before you retire, like Al Michaels has a nice 45 second story about you.
Starting point is 00:45:35 And then the worst case is all the fans in the NFL find where you live and like send you death threats every single day. Yeah. So that's really, that's kind of it. You know what the ceiling is for just the refereeing profession in general is Charles Barkley gives Dick Bavetta a kiss
Starting point is 00:45:49 when they're doing that sprint back and forth up and down the court thing. That's as high as it gets. It's a thankless job. It's crazy how they don't have to face the media and go on the podium afterwards. Well, they have the poor reporter. But everyone should be able to ask.
Starting point is 00:46:03 They're gaslighting us. It's crazy. Again, the whistle did not affect the play, but it's fucking crazy they're saying it happened after the catch. It kind of is a nice thing for Raiders fans to have though because you have something concrete that you can point at and be like, look, NFL rigged, the league is fucking us.
Starting point is 00:46:20 They're lying to us about this. And then you get to do the math where if that touchdown hadn't counted, if they had blown the whistle, then we would have won the game. You can at least say that to yourself. That's kind of a nice gift that you got out of this game. You can convince yourself that.
Starting point is 00:46:32 All right, before we get to the next game, cross country mortgage. Oh, and the Bengals obviously are playing against the Titans next week on Saturday, correct? Saturday. Yeah, first game. That's just they keep disrespecting the Bengals, throwing them on Saturday afternoons.
Starting point is 00:46:46 I would say that's disrespectful to the Titans. Both of them. Nobody believes in the Titans. All right, cross country mortgage. Football players make football plays, but they also make plays off the field. Like experts over a cross country mortgage, they might not be doling out concussions or breaking bones,
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Starting point is 00:47:58 Okay, Saturday night. Bill's 47, Patriot 17, what were you gonna say, Billy? I got some insane stats. I've got insane stats. I think we got the same stats. So we'll start with, hey, which one do you wanna pick from? One, two, or three? Two.
Starting point is 00:48:19 Two, Josh Allen had more touchdowns than incompletions. He was 21 for 25. Four, by the way. That was our callback. Yeah, four, four, four, four games. He was 20 for 25 for 308 yards, five touchdowns. What do you want next? Three.
Starting point is 00:48:36 From 2001 to 2019, the bills, or sorry, the Patriots, sorry, the bills beat the Patriots three total times. Since Tom Brady has left, the bills have beaten him four times. So they've already surpassed the last 20 years. And then one, they had more touchdown drives than third down attempts on Saturday night. That one's crazy. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:49:03 We got crazier ones. Oh, okay. So for the first time in NFL history, this was the one time there was a game with no kicks, punts, or turnovers by one team. Damn, that's crazy. That is crazy. The drives were nine for,
Starting point is 00:49:19 here were their opening seven drives, which is a funny thing to say, opening seven, because there's the whole game. Nine for 70, nine plays 70 yards touchdown, 10 plays 80 yards touchdown, 10 plays 81 yards touchdown, four plays 89 yards touchdown. So that was a little, did that one quicker. Six plays 58 yards touchdown, nine plays 77 yards touchdown,
Starting point is 00:49:43 three plays 39 yards touchdowns. The bills have not punted in two straight games against the Patriots. And yeah, the only reason that they didn't score their final drive, they just kneeled it out. Yeah, I'm sure. I think that drives shouldn't even count. So Hank?
Starting point is 00:50:00 Yes. What do those stats do to you? I sat here on the show one week ago on these very airwaves and said I wanted the smoke. I wanted the bills. I watched the Mandalorian during my COVID break. How are you feeling by the way? In, I feel good, I feel better.
Starting point is 00:50:16 I only had symptoms for a couple of days and I was just kind of chilling, playing video games. But I did watch Mandalorian. It's a similar thing, gladiator versus gladiator. You don't want to lose to, let's say you lose to the Bengals and then you can always say like, oh well, who knows who the East is. We got the bills head on.
Starting point is 00:50:32 They shit down our throats. There's no takeaway from that game other than like, the East is the bills for what, 10, 15 years. There's no reason why they shouldn't be beating the Patriots for the next 10, 15 years. The, you know, blueprint from 2001 was like, you know, young quarterback, not great, great defense, they're going to carry to the playoffs.
Starting point is 00:50:55 Those stats, you know, explained it all. That clearly didn't happen. So even if, I don't even blame Matt Jones, even if Matt Jones played the best game of his life, they still probably weren't going to win that game. That's the first thing to say. Absolutely. Seven drives, seven touchdowns, no sacks, no fumbles.
Starting point is 00:51:08 Matt Jones wasn't on the field for those. Right. But it's still fun to ask like, should they move on from Matt Jones after this loss? No, the Patriots defense looked old, like it looked old. They had guys that looked like they were running in sand. I have a very stupid take from this game about Bill Belichick and his,
Starting point is 00:51:25 the face mask that he was wearing. Obviously it was like five degrees there and windshield was like negative five, which as far as I'm concerned, if you're out in that for three hours, you should probably die. That's like dying weather to be out in that type of environment. But Belichick's mask covered up so much of his face
Starting point is 00:51:41 that his players couldn't even see his emotion on the side. All you could see is just his eyes. It's probably a good thing. You think that's a good thing overall? Yes. I would like, I don't know, I'd like to be able to see some of my coaches emotion occasionally.
Starting point is 00:51:54 But he's not an emotional guy anyway. Like it's not like he's going, he's boisterous to begin with. Yeah. Did Steve Belichick was his face out? I think it was. He should have just had his mouth cut out so you could see him licking his lips.
Starting point is 00:52:04 Yeah, I don't think Bill Belichick's facial expressions had any bearing on the game. Probably not. That's why I prefaced it by saying he's a stupid thing. Yeah. But it just struck me as like kind of odd that he went full Darth Vader mode for it. He probably thought this was going to be a long ass game
Starting point is 00:52:21 because Josh Allen, like right now, as we currently sit here, owns a Patriots. Like what he's done besides the game that we went to that was crazy elements, like they just run all over the Patriots. Quick note about that game because I got a lot of people, a lot of people reaching out.
Starting point is 00:52:40 Saying some not so very nice things. Yeah, reaching out. You know, sending me a welcome in to see how you're doing. Well wishes. You know a lot of people pinging you. But among those tweets and DMs or like enjoy week 13 Super Bowl, you fucking bitch. And I was thinking about it.
Starting point is 00:52:54 I will always enjoy that week 13 Super Bowl. That was a great night. We went to Buffalo. We had wing nuts. It was a fun game. Like, and I was talking to Dave about it afterwards and it's like, we're probably, you know, we're going to have to just take the next 20 years
Starting point is 00:53:07 and we're probably not going to win for the next 20 years. And I'm okay with that too. Like, I'm okay with being like, you're just resigning the fact that like, you're not even doing this as a reverse jinx. You're saying, we're going to stink as long as I'm alive. But think about it. But the thing is, and if we do stink as long as I'm alive,
Starting point is 00:53:24 the three Super Bowls and obviously there was three before that when I was like 10 years old, but the last three Super Bowls have legitimately been three of the best nights of my entire life. All three of them individually, if I was going down a list of like the 10 best nights of my entire life, like those three are high on that list. So we can suck forever, but people are like,
Starting point is 00:53:41 oh, you know, the past suck now, enjoy those Super Bowls. Like, yeah, I will, I will enjoy those Super Bowls. I will look back fondly, like I don't, whatever it sucks, but like winning three Super Bowls in nine years is insane. It is crazy because, you know, the Patriots got demolished, but what can you, like people can kind of dunk on you. And they did. But you, you did just come off probably the greatest
Starting point is 00:54:08 like dynasty that football, modern football will ever see just because it's going to be so hard to ever duplicate that. So it's, it's kind of like, I don't really know. It's like, you, like you just said, you actually put it perfectly. Like you had, you went to three Super Bowls for your team. Like, like Bengals fans, you think Bengals, Bengals fans won a playoff game
Starting point is 00:54:27 and it was like the greatest thing ever. I would love to win a playoff game right now. Like there's definitely elements where the party feels like it might be over for the Patriots, but you still had one of the greatest parties of all time. And the bills have to fucking win the Super Bowls. I'm coming. That's true.
Starting point is 00:54:43 That is true. You have that. I'm telling you, I think they acted like it was over after. But they were just, they were just like high stepping on you personally. Yeah. A wild card game. You do the Patriots play wild card games.
Starting point is 00:54:53 No, I actually, no, I agree though. Like the thing that makes me nervous about that game is it felt like 20 years of pent-up anger coming out in one night where the bills played the perfect football game and they beat the bully and it was fucking rocking there. Like it was incredible scenes. Not even sold out.
Starting point is 00:55:13 It's hard to, it's hard. What? They're selling tickets for like three dollars before the game. Yeah, but that's because the Canadians that usually go to the game, they can cross the border. Right, sure. Um, are you a candidate or a truth-er?
Starting point is 00:55:25 No, I mean it's the Buffalo Bill. Tell me more about the Buffalo Canada Bill. We don't need multiple, you know, areas to sell out our games. Definitely not, not to New England Patriots. Nope, nope. It does feel, it does feel though like there could be, like I know it's crazy to say a let down in the playoffs,
Starting point is 00:55:40 but that's such an incredible win for the bills and how they did it and like who they did it against and everything they threw at them. It was the perfect game. It's hard to have a perfect game twice in a row. I know what you're saying because you can look at this two ways. You can look at it as like have the bills
Starting point is 00:55:57 played their best game. Right. Was that it, was it, are we gonna be like, these bills could win the Super Bowl and then they won't have anything left. Or you can look at this as like, this was an official monkey off the bat game. Well, it's not the same because college football
Starting point is 00:56:12 is very different in the fact that like there's two teams, three teams every year that are just so much better than everyone else. But I did see Seton from the Dan Patrick show made a decent point that I didn't think about, but it felt a little similar to Michigan beating Ohio State. And it's like Michigan beat Ohio State.
Starting point is 00:56:30 That was an incredible day. They finally beat the bully. They kicked the shit out of them. It's hard to, it's hard to get back up. You know, they beat Iowa, which is a flawed team, but it's hard to get back up in that next spot after you spend like the whole week being like, that was incredible.
Starting point is 00:56:45 I still think that the bills. And it feels different. I still think that the bills will win the Super Bowl if they make it to the Super Bowl. They're an incredible team. I think that if they get to that game, they can beat any team in the NFC in that stadium. The bills are essentially designed
Starting point is 00:57:00 to win a Super Bowl in Los Angeles. They also, like the Josh Allen experience is so much fun to watch. It's just, because you could tell, they were like, it's the playoffs. And we talked about this on Friday. And I think it wasn't a novel concept. Like everyone kind of knew it.
Starting point is 00:57:17 It's the playoffs. You're going to run him without any fear because like you got to win the game. You're not worried about like, oh, 18 week season. His entire like arsenal of everything that he has is so much fun to watch. Just running the deep bombs, the short passes, the rifles into places.
Starting point is 00:57:39 He's a very unique, like there are very few quarterbacks. It's probably Patrick Mahomes, Aaron Rodgers and Josh Allen, maybe throwing Russ where it's, you know, you're watching something totally different and it's so much fun to watch. Like, no, obviously no offense to him, but he's the best of all time. But he's like surgical and it's almost boring
Starting point is 00:58:00 how good he is. Josh Allen, you just don't know what's going to happen next. Down to that play where he was, it looked like a throw away to Dawson Knox that was just like, holy fuck, how did he do that? That was a mirror image of the catch, the Chris Berman catch in San Francisco. It was almost identical of a play,
Starting point is 00:58:17 almost identical of a location where it was caught. I gave some thought and I'm getting off the Josh Allen nickname hunt because that'll work itself out in time. He's just Josh Allen. But there's a spectrum, there's a meter, like how I had the flacco meter for his elitness. With Josh Allen, it's all based around profanity.
Starting point is 00:58:34 It's like on here on E, it's goddamn it, Josh Allen. Right here, it's holy shit, Josh Allen. Here, it's Josh fucking Allen. And then over here, it's holy shit, Josh fucking Allen. And he was holy shit, Josh fucking Allen last night. Yeah, and you know what I'm saying? There are certain athletes that it's not just greatness. It's also you're watching something that is like,
Starting point is 00:58:59 just something about it is so different than everything else. Like watching Steph or watching Yanis. Like you're not only watching greatness, but he's doing shit, you're like, what the fuck is going on? This is incredible. He feels like a drug sometimes, watching him. He makes me, you know how we were talking about,
Starting point is 00:59:15 Dan Campbell makes you wanna punch a stranger in the face, as Teddy Bridgewater said. Like Josh Allen kind of has that effect, where you watch him and you just wanna like get up and you wanna just chest bump your body. Yeah, you wanna get physical. Yeah, I want Billy to like hit me in my stomach. I can't wait till Raven's fans are like,
Starting point is 00:59:29 but Lamar, they're gonna say that. After I went on that whole speech about those quarterbacks. But Josh Allen, like the combo of running and throwing is so crazy. And when he, you know he's gonna cock back and like throw a deep one, it's fucking awesome. And he hit Stefan Diggs with that one. He's like, this is gonna be sick.
Starting point is 00:59:49 That brief second, it's almost like, I mean, we don't surf, but it'd be like the brief second before you catch that wave. How do you know I don't surf? That brief second when a quarterback, a really good quarterback steps back and you know that a big ass play is coming, it's gonna be sick.
Starting point is 01:00:06 Right after. It's the best feeling in the world. I think my favorite part of a deep bomb is like the instant that he lets go of it. Like when the elbow reaches full extension, the ball comes right out and you know it's gonna go 70 yards. I can't wait for next week
Starting point is 01:00:20 when it's Patrick Mahomes, Josh Allen, just peppering the field with these deep bombs. It's gonna be incredible. And the Bill's defense was awesome. The Bill's defense deserves a lot of credit. Micah Hyde, that pick was like, I was this world good. Yeah, or do you think the game's different if they call that holding play?
Starting point is 01:00:35 I mean, that holding play, that touchdown. It's seven, seven now. It was egregious. Who's to say? It was an egregious hold that they put on the edge. Josh Allen screened the ref. That's what it was. Oh, really? Yeah, if you, the angle like Josh Allen
Starting point is 01:00:48 was perfectly screening the guy that was holding. Intangibles. Did they say anything about it in the post-game pool? Did they ask the refs about that? It wasn't really one of those games where you're like, I can't even see this pool to justify this game being bullshit. Well, the whole game changed on that call.
Starting point is 01:01:02 He did the Olay and the guy got passed and then reached around, grabbed both shoulder pads and just dragged. It was the most blatant call that like, usually when you're watching a game, unless you're, you've singled out one specific pass rusher that you're locked in on, you don't really see the offensive line
Starting point is 01:01:18 holding calls until the replay. On that, everybody was like, that's a fucking hole. That's a plain hole. And then you just kept waiting for the flag to be thrown. It never was. Hank, where do you, like, where are you, where's your mental state going forward? I, can I say something that, like a thought
Starting point is 01:01:36 that popped in my head that I think was dismissed almost immediately in the post-game conversations, but like Bill Belichick will retire at some point. Yes. And it does feel like it will be sooner than later, but I, who knows, he might just coach forever. Has that thought popped in your head? Not really.
Starting point is 01:01:53 I would say my current state of Patriots fandom was kind of, you know, accepting that this new era is not going to be like the past 20 years, you know, maybe the cockiness and the, you know, I can't blindly be like, oh, we're the fucking Patriots. We got Belichick and Mac Jones, where it used to be Brady, we got this. And cause, you know, the past 20 years, that worked.
Starting point is 01:02:13 Yeah. You could just blindly be like, we got this shit. And you guys would be like, no, the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then the Patriots would beat that team. I don't know that that's the case anymore. Oh, I get your impression to this. That is what I'm saying.
Starting point is 01:02:22 Well, I mean, you could fill in the blank with like 10 people in the past 10 years, and you'd be like, whoa, blah, blah, blah, the Steelers, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Jaguar, split board, split board, split board, split board. Those days are over. The bills, you know, they have the East for now. And, you know, we'll just see.
Starting point is 01:02:39 Now we're back to being the underdogs. The reason why I thought of that, and it's obviously the difference between Bill Belichick and like regular human beings, because Bill Belichick is addicted to being the best coach of all time. And like he, he clearly loves football on a different level that no one could ever understand.
Starting point is 01:02:53 But I was thinking it because if I were in his shoes, and I watched my team get smoked like that in five degree weather, and I was whatever, 70 years old, 65 years old, I'd be like, enough of that shit, I'm going to Florida, and I'm fishing all winter, like this sucks. You've accomplished enough in your career where I don't think you have to go stand
Starting point is 01:03:12 and literally freeze your face off. That's why we risk your life. We're quick guys, yeah, we're definitely like. Quit while you're ahead. Yeah, this is, this has all been fun. It's time to just go and chill out and live in Arizona or something. Yeah, imagine doing this podcast
Starting point is 01:03:27 if we had to do it outdoors in Canada. Fuck that. And we had been doing it for 25 years at number one. Yeah. And we were 60 years old. No thank you, no thank you. I do like that Hank has learned humility really. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:40 I guess I'm gonna have to learn how to be an underdog. That's gonna, I'm looking forward to underdog Hank because the level, if you thought that you were able to channel like all this seething rage towards the people that you perceive have like agendas against you when you're really good, yeah. But imagine how many more enemies you'll be able to develop and nurture as a true underdog.
Starting point is 01:04:02 Where he's not gonna be. Literally no one believes in you. He's not gonna be a true underdog. Yeah, yeah, we're the underdog. Because he's still got the six ranks. Like he, if you get in a conversation with him, you know, like, all right, it's gonna be like, you'd be like the Bears in the Washington football team.
Starting point is 01:04:15 He's like, yeah, but we just won six superlatives. Fuck, right. Hank's got the three rings that he can, that you really remember, right? Well, I remember the other ones. He won, he won the other three. Yeah, I was physically there for the last three and I was drinking, partying, doing the whole celebration thing.
Starting point is 01:04:28 I was like, I think what, nine, 11 and 12 for the first three. He went to jail for Brady. I would agree. What do you think about the idea that, because I know a lot of Patriots fans absolutely hate the uniforms that they wear right now. The only reason that they're good uniforms
Starting point is 01:04:42 is because he won so much in them. Do you think that now's the time to rebrand the Patriots to get all new uniforms in and just let those old ones belong to the dynasty? Yeah, well, you know, that kind of speaking of uniforms, I've had some thoughts about the vest. Oh, that stays in the dynasty. I think you gotta frame it though.
Starting point is 01:05:02 That's the plan. Obviously, and I wasn't even gonna bring this up except I just brought it up out of nowhere. But if we ever get in a situation, obviously these things come up. Tom Brady, if I ever get in a situation where I can be with him and appropriately ask him to sign the vest, I would do that.
Starting point is 01:05:18 I would frame it and that would be it. It stays with the dynasty. The one saving grace you have though is that if this is like a big transition, I mean, Bill Balochuk's the one guy that you'd want to be at the helm. That's when you would panic. I think if you were a Patriots fan,
Starting point is 01:05:35 like if Bill Balochuk retires, that's the panic day. They need to keep... Up until that happens, you're like, well, he's got this. Beg that he has a job. And he probably still has, he probably does have it. Like, that's the thing, he probably does have it. He probably has a plan in place.
Starting point is 01:05:47 Yeah, don't probably be back. And it's probably a super secret plan that he's told Ernie Adams about that. Ernie Adams. They've got a scroll that's hidden behind a bookshelf where if you move a statue's head, it opens up. And here's the line of succession for Patriots' coaches. But he definitely is a guy that would have
Starting point is 01:06:03 his successor anointed and already picked out. You just gotta hope that he sticks around to help with the transition. And becomes like a behind... He almost would become the Ernie Adams of the next guy. Cause he's the... Like you said, he is football. Bill Balochuk's...
Starting point is 01:06:21 Football is not just his life. He is... Football. His body is football. I just think that if that were me, that loss would have been like, yep, that was fun, but I'm out. Did they ask him about his New Year's resolution?
Starting point is 01:06:32 He did... No, but he did say that he's gonna be back. So that was put to bed pretty quickly. Grass the Buffalo Super Bowl champions. Great seasons. Oh, they... It is true, Hank. You get to play the role of,
Starting point is 01:06:44 if you don't win the Super Bowl, it means nothing. Is that incorrect? No. No. I think it's not... That's not fully correct. It's not incorrect, but it's not... It's somewhere between the truth and a despicable lie.
Starting point is 01:06:56 I think it's pretty correct. And because of... I'll tell you one thing. I'm sure it's fans will not be celebrating seasons that we didn't win the Super Bowl. Well, you also won six of them. But that's... I think the bills, given where they were
Starting point is 01:07:09 just even a few weeks ago... If they lose in the divisional round and they're acting like that was a good season, like that couldn't be made. No, I think that part's correct. I honestly do. If they lose this weekend, it's a disappointment. That part is correct.
Starting point is 01:07:20 If they make it to the Super Bowl, then... Soupy's a soupy. Soupy's a soupy. Speaking of soupy, they were drinking chicken broth on the sidelines too. That looked delicious. I don't know why more teams don't do that. Oh, also Ryan Fitzpatrick was there.
Starting point is 01:07:32 He took his shirt off. What a fucking legend. God damn it. He did tell us when we had him on, that Buffalo was his favorite city that he played in. I'm counting as a win for the Washington football team in the playoffs. There you go.
Starting point is 01:07:41 Our quarterback was there. We fucking beat the Patriots. That was sick. Billy? Dildo. Yeah! Good call. Dildo.
Starting point is 01:07:50 That was awesome. Good call, Billy. It was great too. He looked at it and it was like, that's a fucking Dildo. Look, it was his Dildo game. The Dildo was there and they had the greatest offensive performance of a team probably ever.
Starting point is 01:08:03 You foretold this prophecy. I don't know how it happened. Also, you were just, on Friday, it sounds like you do know. You had a Dildo premonition. No, I just thought this would be the game they'd bring the Dildo out for. So I saw a tweet from Ross Tucker saying
Starting point is 01:08:17 that there were multiple Dildos, or was there just one magic Dildo that was thrown? There was one Dildo seen on TV. One Dildo seen on TV. I don't know how many Dildos were in the stadium, probably a few. But wouldn't that be really sad if you brought a Dildo and then you didn't throw it,
Starting point is 01:08:33 especially in that game, and then you had to take the Dildo home with you? Oh, I think the saddest would be bringing the Dildo and not having a strong enough arm to reach the field. Yeah, you hit somebody in the throw-up. That's the saddest of all. If you hit someone and then you get kicked out for throwing a Dildo,
Starting point is 01:08:47 but didn't even get on national television. If you don't throw the Dildo, do you throw it out in a trash can on your way out, or did you take it home with you? Just leave it at the seat. Yeah. You suction it to the seat itself. Yeah, just see you later.
Starting point is 01:09:00 That's their last game there this season. Maybe. No, I mean, if the Bengals... Oh, yeah, I forgot about the Bengals. And you're already discounting the Bengals, yeah. If the Bengals win and the Bills win, the Bills will have an AFC Championship game in Buffalo. That would be so fun.
Starting point is 01:09:14 Which would be very, very fun. I predict another Dildo if that happens. If that happens. So you've got to predict the game first. You say that's going to happen. It's going to happen, and if it does, the Dildos will come out. We also put to bed, finally,
Starting point is 01:09:27 wind is the only weather that matters. Because it was just as cold, if not colder, than when we were there. But there was no wind, and you saw what happened. So wind matters, which I think everyone knew, but we just, we had that brief stint for a couple of months where we were just climate denialists. Denialists?
Starting point is 01:09:46 Denialists? Yeah, we got Greta Thunberg. We didn't deny climate change. We denied climate in general, that weather didn't exist. We denied climate effects. No, just weather doesn't exist. Yeah, so I actually think that the, I don't think rain matters.
Starting point is 01:10:02 I want that on the record. I think wind occasionally matters. I think snow matters, but in a different way, where snow gives certain football players incredible abilities, like Shady McCoy. Tons of rain matters. Yeah, tons of rain. Rental down for matters.
Starting point is 01:10:14 Yeah, I mean, if you're playing the game in a swimming pool, it's an issue. Like that Colts 49ers game this year. But I think that, like snow football, definitely there are guys that know how to run in the snow better than other guys. Yes, absolutely. All right, let's go to the next game.
Starting point is 01:10:26 Sunday, Bucks Eagles, the Bucks killed the Eagles. This was a game that was like walking into it. I was like, this is the Super Bowl champs playing as a team that has not beaten anyone good. And then it happened. And the Bucks reminded everyone, kind of similar to the Chiefs, they reminded everyone, oh yeah,
Starting point is 01:10:47 we're a really good football team. The regular season, the ups and downs of the regular season don't really matter. It's all about just January. And their defense looked awesome. Fully healthy first time. They have like pretty much everyone back since week one. And they demolished the Eagles.
Starting point is 01:11:05 Like the score looks a little bit closer. This game was a complete snooze fest in terms of competition. Like they, I think the stat was the Bucks in nine drives through three quarters, the Bucks forced four, three and outs. And only one of those nine drives, the Eagles got more than one first down.
Starting point is 01:11:23 Yeah, they said nothing. The offense just looked incompetent for most of the game. And going into it, you know, like Jalen Hurts stock actually took a big bump in this game because the last memory that you have of him was, well, one of the last memories was him walking out of FedEx Field in the stadium falling on him. And his reaction to that actually made me like him
Starting point is 01:11:41 a lot more, seeing how he was like, he played it cool, took some pictures, made sure everybody was okay. That told me like maybe franchise quarterback. But you thought that the way that you saw him progress through the season, you were like, I think this might be maybe the guy going into next year. We've got three first round draft picks. We can build around them.
Starting point is 01:11:59 And then this game happens and it really highlighted everything that people said was wrong with Jalen Hurts. Well. And you're like, maybe, maybe they're right. Cause at some points in this game, I was thinking like they might put Gardner-Minshew in. Yeah, absolutely. It was bad.
Starting point is 01:12:13 Like the Eagles got demolished. The Bucks defense was just, they had every answer to what the Eagles were trying to do. Jalen Hurts did do a all-time vet move though. He got in the walking boot. Oh, he did. So he got in the walking boot after the game and he said he'd been dealing with something all season.
Starting point is 01:12:29 A true veteran. Like go get surgery even if you don't need it because that's a smart move. Yeah, I didn't realize that. So he got in the walking boot. So no sooner than the game had ended than his last game then he puts the boot on, which he had not worn this year. Yes, correct.
Starting point is 01:12:44 That's a smart, okay. Now I'm back it. Now I'm back again. So smart. Between his reaction to getting hit by a stadium and then how he deals with the loss in the playoffs. Smart guy. That is a smart, smart heads-up quarterback.
Starting point is 01:12:57 Tremendous situational awareness. Yeah, I mean the Bucks defense is scary good. Like this is, they won the Super Bowl last year because of their defense. And it feels like their defense is gonna be back to where it was last year. And it's gonna be tough for any team to battle with that for four quarters,
Starting point is 01:13:12 especially Todd Bulls is awesome defensive coordinator. This was, there's very rare times where you like go into a game and you kind of feel like a genius. But this was one of those times for me because I was like, the Eagles haven't, they had a nice story. It's crazy they made the playoffs. Nick Serrani deserves credit for that.
Starting point is 01:13:29 But they're just not on the same level as the Bucks. Yeah, sometimes this might just be a lesson that we need to take for all two, seven games until we do see a seven seed like compete. Yeah, sometimes when you watch a game, you forget, like you watch it as somebody who just watches games on TV, like that's where all our analysis comes from on this podcast is what we see
Starting point is 01:13:50 when we're watching games on TV. And you forget that there are some people out there that are capable of analyzing the game as being one of the guys that's actually on the field that knows what they're talking about. And Booger made a really good point saying that going up against Vita Vaya, Jason Kelsey just doesn't have the ass to go against him.
Starting point is 01:14:10 We're like, their offensive line is very good on the Eagles in certain situations. But when you play against dudes that are just huge and big, like that's a line that can get bullied around. And there was absolutely nothing happening with the running game. And it was just as simple as, again, I mean, you don't apologize for making the playoffs,
Starting point is 01:14:29 but the Eagles didn't, they got to the playoffs because they beat the Washington football team and the Giants and like, they beat a bunch of teams that weren't good. You know what I mean? Cowboys. What? Except the, yeah, I know.
Starting point is 01:14:40 Like, but that's a, I mean, but the Cowboys released competitive in their game. Like the Eagles were not in this game. So it was... I wish the Saints had been playing the Bucks. That would have been utter chaos. No one would have known which way to go with this game because according to the eyeball test,
Starting point is 01:14:56 you'd be like, well, I mean, the Bucks are clearly the best team in this game. But then you're like, the Saints just have their number for some reason. It's actually, the tired wired is like tired people complaining about how there shouldn't be seven seeds and wired, it's just, well, we just should have had the Chargers and the Saints.
Starting point is 01:15:13 Exactly, that's what I'm saying. That extra week fucked everything up. If we had just gotten either the Colts or the Chargers into the playoffs, instead of Steelers. You got the wrong two seven seed teams. You got the wrong two seven seed teams because there were better teams for those matchups out there. And I don't think that like the Eagles season
Starting point is 01:15:29 that has to be viewed as a positive. Now, Nick Siriani playing Rocky Clips the night before, that's gotta be the dumbest thing ever. That's a fucking, that's a college coach move. Like you can't, you can't play Rocky. That's Siriani trying so hard to be from Philadelphia. That is, I saw that. I was like, what are they, what is he doing?
Starting point is 01:15:50 Like I, you can't tell me that guys in that locker room weren't just like, what are we doing right now? We have a NFL playoff game and we're watching Rocky to get us pumped up. All right, this might be a controversial take, but Rocky won is pretty boring. Except for the fights, except for the fights. It's a boring, it's a boring movie.
Starting point is 01:16:11 I assume he played them Rocky for. I assume that's the clips that he used. But who knows? Maybe, you think Brady was Drago? Maybe, yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah, the champ. Yeah, but this is, it's classic Siriani.
Starting point is 01:16:24 And they have to go for an away game. Siriani is the friend that you know that like went overseas in college and did one semester abroad in England. And now he comes back and he like, he loves football, but he's talking about soccer. He says cheers to everyone. His emails are signed, cheers.
Starting point is 01:16:40 Yeah, cheers. Rick. Yeah. Yeah, that's just a clown move. I mean, it's a college coach move. I remember Fred Hoiberg did that with the bulls he was playing, he played the clips of Animal House to lighten up the mood.
Starting point is 01:16:50 You know, just go back to college, dude. They're grown men. Why would you do that? You know, the only person that was more upset than we were that we were watching this game are actually the fan base of Philadelphia Eagles. They did not like watching this game. They were just screaming the entire time
Starting point is 01:17:07 about Jalen Rager, which now I get it. And now I actually do think that using the words Justin Jefferson in the city of Philadelphia, that's a slur. You should not be allowed to say that. It's crazy too, because like you can point to any draft. And obviously I know very well, you know, with the Patrick Holmes and Sean Watson stuff.
Starting point is 01:17:26 But the fact that it was same position back to back picks and they were, Justin Jefferson was trending. And then I saw the video, they replayed the video of the Vikings war room when Jalen Rager got picked and they were shocked. And they were like, well, that's awesome. Justin Jefferson's our pick. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:45 The fastest pick ever made. They laughed. Mike Zimmer never laughs about anything. Unless like Kirk Cousins gets a devastating injury. That's the only reason he was like, he was cackling when they, when they didn't take him. So yeah, that's the J word now. And feel like you should not be able to say
Starting point is 01:17:58 Justin Jefferson. So the, so the Eagles though, like every, all things considered, I think it's a win of a season in terms of fact, they weren't expected to be good. They made the playoffs. They, I think Nick Seriali is a good coach because he was able to figure out how to like get the most out of his team besides the Rocky stuff.
Starting point is 01:18:17 And they have three picks. And I know that we were sitting with some Eagles fans, Smitty and Ronan Fran. They're like, but it's Howie who's going to make the picks. Do we trust them? I mean, three picks, a lot of picks. And there's guys like to Sean Watson with Derek Carr. Who knows if he'll be Russell Wilson.
Starting point is 01:18:35 Like there are quarterbacks out there that can be had. James Winston. James Winston, but like for, for picks. I'm saying like they have an ability. If they don't think Jalen Hurts is the guy and they don't think there's a guy in this draft, you can go get a franchise quarterback with your three picks. Baker Mayfield.
Starting point is 01:18:51 Baker Mayfield. So yeah, the nice thing is, if you're an Eagles fan, the three picks, even if Howie whiffs on two of them, like you're probably not going to whiff on all three, right? That's basically impossible to do. This is what Eagles fans are like tortured right now listening to this. You gotta be three, you just hit on one of them.
Starting point is 01:19:08 That's all you have to do. Just get one. I would draft three quarterbacks. Why not? Yeah. Why not draft, why not use three picks on quarterbacks? Maybe, maybe not this draft. Two quarterbacks, one rod receiver.
Starting point is 01:19:20 But if you get two quarterbacks, one wide receiver, and you've got Jalen Hurts, that's enough talent at positions that matter where you're going to, you're going to hit on something. Something, something good is going to occur. Just trade all three for Russell Wilson. Does it, well, is that on his list of places his wife would allow him to play?
Starting point is 01:19:39 Yeah, but like that's, I don't know, you have three first round picks. You could, like that would be an incredible move because you're not mortgaging the future, you're mortgaging right now. Right. For an incredible franchise quarterback. It's not even really a mortgage, you're paying cash.
Starting point is 01:19:52 Right, exactly, like boom, let's go, transaction over. Yeah, I'm curious to hear Jake's take on this, but Troy Aikman, he enjoyed watching this game less than the Eagles fans even did. He hated it so much, he, he got high. Like his eyes were, especially, it looked like big cat on his birthday when his grandmother calls, but I'm curious, RIP.
Starting point is 01:20:14 I'm curious to know your point of view as a professional. Troy Aikman taking shots at having to call this game. Yeah, I think that was just taking shots of the NFL because I, I don't know who makes the decision is the NFL or the networks. But it'd be weird for Troy to complain about that because it's just more money for him. Like maybe it's just more money for everyone.
Starting point is 01:20:35 To the Cowboys, which I get. Yeah, no, that's what he was mad at. He wanted to do the 49ers and the Cowboys, which would have made a lot of sense. But then CBS had that. They gave him, which is fucked up. Like those two teams should never play on CBS. Right, yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:51 Would you ever, would you ever slander your assignment on the air? No. But he's also, he has so much experience where it's like- You can't even be mean to Troy Aikman. You're not gonna be mean. A younger slash not experienced broadcaster wouldn't make that comment.
Starting point is 01:21:11 Hmm, yeah. I don't think. I thought it was a bit unprofessional of Troy. Yeah, agreed. They're not gonna pull him from the air for something like that. I would've pulled him to pull him. I'd pull him right from the air. If it was a newer guy, maybe.
Starting point is 01:21:21 I know for the remainder of that game, yep. You're out of there, hit the showers. Spend him for the first quarter of the next game. I imagine they- That'd be hilarious. Yeah. Joe Buck and Joe Buck Solo. Solo. In Green Bay.
Starting point is 01:21:31 Yeah, for first series. Just the first series. Just the first series. YouTube solo. Yeah, yes. Joe Buck, you got a tight five. You can just handle yourself up there in the booth. Um, yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:39 All right, last thing on this game- I also want him to read like an apology. I want him to go- Yes. Full tap. Brennan on us. Um, last thing about this game. Tom Brady, uh, this game was his 35th playoff win.
Starting point is 01:21:55 Who is second and how many wins? Of all time? If you know the answer, don't say it, Billy. Why would you- Why would you do that? It's gotta be like big bad. It's like 12. 36 playoff wins.
Starting point is 01:22:03 That was his 36th. Are you sure? You're 100% sure. Oh, Billy just- He just checked you? You're 100% sure. Wow. No doubt about it.
Starting point is 01:22:11 No, he's doubting. Well, you guys are figuring this out. Tom Brady owns Philadelphia, so congrats to him. Two and one now in playoffs. All right. Good note, good note. Uh, I'm- Are you positive, Billy?
Starting point is 01:22:22 Because you stopped it right there, and you made a point of it. Yeah. I hope you're right. Uh, what time did the game start today? What? What? What?
Starting point is 01:22:33 It started at one. You added the extra. Jake, can you please find out how many confirmed the exact number of playoff wins that Tom Brady has? Who is second and how many wins? Okay, I'm going to guess. Ben Rappier said at 327 PM, after the game was pretty much decided,
Starting point is 01:22:54 this will be Tom Brady's 35th playoff win. Okay, so Billy, you want to say sorry to me? Now Billy's got no time. This is not a fact check. Oh man. Never mind. Okay. Are you going to be an apology?
Starting point is 01:23:06 No, you said never mind. Well, I was going to say- I knew you were the second go. Yeah, I know. Don't say it if you know it. It's not as fun. Who's number two and how many? 35 playoff wins for Tom Brady.
Starting point is 01:23:19 Joe Montana. Yes, that part is correct and to be expected. The second part is not. How many playoff wins does Joey M have? Joey Cool. 17. I'm going to say 14. 16.
Starting point is 01:23:34 Tom Brady has 35 and second place has 16. That's fucking insane. Yeah. That's insane. How many teams made the playoffs when Joe Montana won? That's still insane. It's over two seasons worth. Payton Manning doesn't have like,
Starting point is 01:23:47 I would have thought he'd have more. I don't know. It's just crazy. Well, he had to play Tom Brady. Yeah, that's true. But I'm just saying like 35 to 16 is such an insane gap. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:58 It's also- It's crazy to think that any of these great, like if Joe Montana had to play against Tom Brady in the playoffs. No one would know his name. Yeah. No one would ever know who Joe Montana was. Never.
Starting point is 01:24:08 But that's just that. I saw that stat and I was like, holy fuck. Well, first I said, what's on the game end? Let me make sure it's 35, not 36. And then I was like, holy fuck. No, what time did the game start? Start.
Starting point is 01:24:19 For some reason, that was the question. Sorry, Billy. You'll get the next one. I had a better stat for the Bill's Patriots game than me. Yeah. I don't want to discourage Billy from chiming in because I think the show is better when Billy's like, unafraid.
Starting point is 01:24:31 But he's got to be right. To do stuff. No, it's actually better. I think when he's very wrong. Yeah, on my notes, it just has Tom Brady's 36 playoff win. Okay. So I saw that. You're blaming the notes now.
Starting point is 01:24:43 Yeah. No, but the things I saw that someone else made that mistake. It's like when his tennis player misses the ball, he looks at his racket. Like, what did it do wrong? No, somebody else snuck on to Billy's notepad when Billy was out of the room. And someone else made the mistake.
Starting point is 01:24:58 Billy copied that person. Yep. And then now he's saying that that person should be blamed. Oh, yeah. Billy, did you ever get in trouble for copying off somebody in a test that got their answer wrong? And you got mad at him? Billy, here's what I'm going to do for you.
Starting point is 01:25:08 I got Jersey Jerry'd. I saw the stats online and I just took them. Here's what I'm going to do for you. Well, no, I think you saw 35 online and then you add it. This, I'm going to find this. That would make sense. Because you asked about the game time. It's in Billy's name to blame someone else.
Starting point is 01:25:22 And he's like, oh, Jersey Jerry did it too. Remember that. Billy, if the box win next week, I will let you announce that it says 36th win. I need to find which blue check mark. Tweety things. No, I'm angry. No, I'm angry.
Starting point is 01:25:35 No, it's the libs. It's the libs. Oh, yeah. Billy is first. Actually, you're the first one to report. Is there Tom Brady as 136th? Congrats, Tom Brady. That's on the box next week.
Starting point is 01:25:46 Moneyline. It's in the box. That's Billy's premonition for this week. It's guaranteed. All right, before we get to the last game, quick word for our friends at Owens Mixers. Owens Craft Mixers gives anybody the ability to make a high quality cocktail right at home.
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Starting point is 01:26:50 Owensmixers.com. All right, last game, Niners Cowboys, Mike McCarthy. I mean, I'm so mad at myself for thinking the Cowboys were going to overcome Mike McCarthy. Mike McCarthy versus Mike McCarthy is a tale as old as time. Oh, slash Mike McCarthy versus Mike McCarthy versus time. Mike McCarthy's brain is favored by 25 points minimum
Starting point is 01:27:17 against Mike McCarthy. He's, okay. He's at war with himself. Like, he lives in his own head. Yes. Which is doubly bad because his head is filled with trash. I can say this because I struggle with my weight and I'm at times, I think, technically obese
Starting point is 01:27:35 if you go by the letter of the law. You can't do BMI, BMI is horseshit. Mike McCarthy, and so I am this person myself, which shout out to Twitter because I said I'm done, I'm hashtag done with the Cowboys and hashtag done with myself. And then I got an email being like, just checking in. We saw a cell phone on your Twitter timeline.
Starting point is 01:27:54 So, no, I was just mad at myself that I've been on Mike McCarthy. He though, when they zoom in on his face, I'm like, he's so fat that he just thinks slower than everyone. Like, that's what I think. I'm like, he's not processing at the same speed. He's like an old outdated computer.
Starting point is 01:28:13 It's like, it doesn't matter how fast you are computing. That computer cannot think fast enough for what's going on. He's getting wider and he's getting redder. He's slowly turning into Alex Jones. It's, he's like, he's complaining like Dak Prescott, he free-falled at the speed of gravity and the reps didn't get over to him in time.
Starting point is 01:28:35 They're putting slime in the water, turn the frogs gay. We're not even talking about the last call, which who knows who called that, the Dak Prescott run that Cowboys fans like, whoot. What? It wasn't my, it was his analytics guys. Oh, it was analytics guys. That's what he said.
Starting point is 01:28:48 Well, Cowboys fans blaming that the refs got in the way. Like you ran the ball with 14 seconds left and no timeouts. Now, that is your fault. Now, now Big Cap, Mike McCarthy did say on the final play with 14 seconds remaining, they practice that each week. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:29:06 So they practice having their quarterback run for 17 yards, fall down and then have the ref be able to keep up with Dak Prescott as he's sprinting down the field. Best case scenario for the Cowboys, you spiked the ball with exactly one second left on the clock. That's best case, but they practice this every week
Starting point is 01:29:26 and he's blaming New York. He's blaming the league. He said that he was told the New York review was likely to put more time on the clock at the end of it. Did you see the, did you see the play as it happened? They were like two seconds late on that spike. No, no, no, it wasn't even close. Like they, they ran the ball with 14 seconds left.
Starting point is 01:29:44 That was the game. It was over, but it's not even that. It was the punts. It was the fake punt and then like, which was actually a great call by him. And then doing like whatever the fuck they were doing where they took a delay, they took a five-year penalty after that
Starting point is 01:29:58 where they were not putting the other team. They didn't, for a second, Mike McCarthy looked like he was discovering a genius way to play football, which is you run a fake punt, you get up to the line of scrims, you don't substitute. So the defense doesn't substitute.
Starting point is 01:30:13 And then you try to run another play or to make the other coach burn a time out. And for whatever reason, Mike McCarthy, he just froze on the sideline. His punt team was like, what do you want? Do you want us to punt it now on first down? Or we can try the exact same play. That's really all we know how to do as a punt team.
Starting point is 01:30:29 It was crazy. His brain, it wasn't a brain fart. It was like a brain burp. I'm telling you, he can't think fast enough. His neck just expanded until it reached the collar, which then cut off the air circulation to his head. And he just froze. They got a delay game penalty,
Starting point is 01:30:44 which is one of like 14 penalties that they had today. Yeah, that's the only thing. They had 14 penalties, completely undisciplined team. Just, it's a joke. Like they were, they had all the talent in the world. And I guess this is every year with the Cowboys. They have all the talent in the world. And it just doesn't, like it doesn't end up
Starting point is 01:31:02 mattering in January because Mike McCarthy is your fucking head coach. And you're going up against Kyle Shanahan, who the Niners, the first drive for the Niners was like an, like that was football porn. The game was over. It was crazy how they were able to go down the field. It was, it was like the runs, everything they do.
Starting point is 01:31:23 You want to block me for football porn? You said the P word. Oh, okay. That's, yeah, that's too far. I've been bonked for long. The, but it was crazy. If he's on full edge about the bonks.
Starting point is 01:31:35 Oh, so, he's so triggered about bonks. He's been bringing it up like just casually, like in the office. I regret bringing it up. I was thinking about your bonk list and here's something maybe you should consider putting on there. I regret ever bringing it up.
Starting point is 01:31:45 I will never say it again. I just got, I got mad yesterday. Yeah, because the Skyline Chili, they were doing shots of Skyline Chili to celebrate Cincinnati's win. And then people were bonking me because I tweeted that out because there was a girl in the picture
Starting point is 01:32:01 that was a waitress that some people thought was hot. And so they're bonking me. You didn't notice her. I was looking at the Skyline Chili. Yes. I had some sense. Forget, forget, forget about the bonks forever. I forget ever bringing it up
Starting point is 01:32:14 because it has like broken a little piece of your brain. So we'll stop bonking. Okay. You'll stop. I'm not. Okay. I will stop. I will forever stop
Starting point is 01:32:23 because I don't, I want your brain back. Only when it's appropriate. Okay. You're going to get full horny PFT now. Go for it. I don't care. He'll bonk you, but I won't. All right.
Starting point is 01:32:33 I've got five more minutes on the dildo situation. Yes, yes. But it was crazy how good that first drive was. It was insane. And they just, the Niners looked like the better coach team, the team that had a plan. Devo Samuel was awesome.
Starting point is 01:32:46 But then the last like four minutes, it was basically a race of who could, who could lose the game in the more tragic fashion. Jimmy G's interception, which we all knew was coming. Like we were just like, he's going to do it. He's going to do it. He had that. He almost,
Starting point is 01:33:02 they almost had the kiddo fumble, which thank God Jimmy G threw such a bad pass that it wasn't. It was a Cam Newton pass. It was one of those ones where somehow the ball is pointing downwards as it's traveling forward and wobbly. And yeah, he skipped it right to him. Cause that would have been, I would have felt very bad for a friend.
Starting point is 01:33:18 It would have been very bad. And then they, they, they didn't go for it on that fourth and one where it's like, you're Kyle Shanahan, you're the 49ers. Like just run the ball. You'll always get it. Then they have the Debo Samuel play, which like they basically atoned for not,
Starting point is 01:33:31 for punting on fourth and one by having that great play on third and 10 to end the game that didn't end the game cause they were a half yard short. And then they get it off sides or whatever it was. Like it was just an insane ending. Like the game was close, but the last five minutes was essentially like, who could be worse at football to lose this game.
Starting point is 01:33:52 Watching those two coaches square off and they've both been hurt so much in the playoffs that they, they're both scarred for life. It was, they were playing a game of reverse chicken where if, if two guys got in cars and instead of driving directly at each other, just sped off in opposite directions until one car ran out of gas.
Starting point is 01:34:10 And then the other guys, the winner. And Kyle Shanahan was like, he was deep inside his own feelings too. For a while, they had some real questionable decisions in terms of when they were going to kick field goals, when they were going to punt. It was crazy. Robbie Gold, that guy.
Starting point is 01:34:23 Unjinxable. Holy shit, unjinxable. I tried my very best to jinx him. Jim Nance tried his very best to jinx him. So did the Romo. Just unjinxable. He won that game for the 49ers, if you don't include the fact that the game was over
Starting point is 01:34:36 after the first drive when they. In the rest. The 49ers basically pulled their nuts out and said, okay, we're just going to run the ball. See, right there. Big head, you can't do that. You can't say that you're going to stop and then go tell on me to Hank.
Starting point is 01:34:48 I didn't. The teacher, PFT drew a dick on the table again. It was funny because it was the next one. Yeah. But yeah, the game was over as far as I'm concerned after that first drive where the 49ers were like, we're going to do the thing where we're going to deputize Greg Kittle as an offensive lineman before the game.
Starting point is 01:35:06 He's going to stay in and block and he's going to love doing it. And we're just going to be more physical than you. And we're going to run from like six different angles. And we're going to kick the shit out of you. We're going to run that little, the counter toss that we do, which is. Straight back.
Starting point is 01:35:18 I think that's unstoppable because I don't think I've ever seen the counter toss where the entire offensive line motions to one side, then you hit the running back, usually debo the wide back, excuse me, when he's already cutting back to go against the grain. I've never seen that play get fewer than five yards. It's watching the Niners when they're humming on offense. Like you're watching a different sport
Starting point is 01:35:37 than like what we watch with the Steelers. It's just a beautiful thing to watch. It's why I'm obsessed with Kyle Shanahan. And I'll always think like the Niners, even if they have no one, it's like, well, it's Kyle Shanahan, he'll figure it out. The other things from this game. So the Cowboys are just a joke.
Starting point is 01:35:56 Like the fact that they have this fucking stadium that has the sun just like blitzing everyone in the eyeballs, then the, then the punt hits the fucking video board. They have like 10,000 people trampling over each other to go stand and watch a game seven hours before it starts. It's like, it's so perfect, Jerry World. Like the whole thing is just such a joke. And I also saw the stat that since Jerry World opened,
Starting point is 01:36:25 the Cowboys are three and two in playoff games and I'll be on football is three and own playoff games in Jerry World. That's crazy. Yeah. I mean, they just don't win the playoffs. The Cowboys just have never won in the playoffs since the mid 90s.
Starting point is 01:36:38 You can point out like that fluke that they had a couple of years ago when it was Dak and Zeke and Zeke basically put the team on his shoulders. They beat the Lions at one time. They beat the Lions at one time. There were a couple of blips here and there, but the Cowboys have just stunk at the playoffs for about almost 30 years.
Starting point is 01:36:55 It's crazy. Almost 30 years. You could say like the Cowboys haven't been good since text messaging was around. And it would be more or less true. Yes. Yes. And it showed today.
Starting point is 01:37:05 Like all the guys and it just doesn't show up. So Jerry Jones after the game said he essentially, you know, I love how he gives press conferences after the game. He does that in its capacity as general manager by the way, not as owner. But he said, when you get this combination of players, you need to have success.
Starting point is 01:37:23 So Jerry has graded himself as general manager with an A plus for the season, graded his coaching staff as an F. The crazy thing is Jerry Jones is 100% correct. Yeah. Jerry Jones has built an awesome team. He might be sneaky, a great talent evaluator. They are like, they have everything they need.
Starting point is 01:37:44 Obviously the offensive line wasn't like totally up to snuff at the end with all the holding calls. I do think Trayvon Diggs like had all those interceptions, but he got burned again today with with Brandon Iook. Like he gets burned all the time, but they have an like a great defensive line. They have a franchise quarterback, insane skill positions. And it's, what does it get you?
Starting point is 01:38:06 Fucking first round exit with Mike McCarty. Like, do you imagine having to sit in a room with Mike McCarthy after a loss like that? And like have him mumble his way through an explanation? I mean, you can tell everything. Twitter would ban me because I'd put a bullet in my head. You can tell everything that Mike McCarthy is thinking because he went to the podium and just like denied, denied.
Starting point is 01:38:26 He's like, no, I called that game perfectly. The ref screwed us over. We actually ended that game with plenty of time to get a spike. This was just, Mike McCarthy got up to the podium and essentially just said NFL rigged and he rigged quit the press conference. Mike McCarthy knows deep down
Starting point is 01:38:42 that he completely fucked us up and I don't know what else the Cowboys can do from personnel standpoint because I think that they've got maybe the most talented team again. They have like, if you just judge by, well, actually I mean the Niners have probably more blue chippers if you went like just straight off
Starting point is 01:39:03 like who's, you know, the guys who are elite guys at different positions, the Niners do have an insane roster which is like, you kind of forget how good they are. And I hope, I hope Boase is okay. I hope Warner's okay because that's big for their defense. The Miko Ryan's deserves a ton of credit as their defense coordinator. But yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 01:39:23 Like the Cowboys have all these fucking guys and they get nothing for it. I do have a question and someone who's way smarter than me about football will probably correct me and tell me this is the dumbest take ever. But why is Kellen Moore decided as like this next genius? Cause I feel like every time I watch the Cowboys offense like it's boomer bust and it's clunky as fuck.
Starting point is 01:39:48 Because that's what happens to the Cowboys offensive coordinators because they always have the shittiest head coaches. That you have to have somebody right beneath the head coach where you're like, that guy is the head coach in waiting because the guy that's currently in charge is an absolute dunce. It goes back to like when Jason Garrett
Starting point is 01:40:04 was the understudy for, was that Parcells? And it was like, this guy's gonna be the next one up. And so everybody points at that guy and they're like, just wait until Parcells leaves. Jason Garrett, he's our guy. That's what they're doing Kellen Moore right now. And again, someone's gonna correct me and be like, it's Dax Fault or it's the offensive line
Starting point is 01:40:21 or like a million different things. But I've watched the Cowboys offense enough to be like, I've never thought, I've always thought it has not reached its potential with the amount of playmakers they have and the different things that they can do. I've just always been like, that doesn't, they have guys, they're not as talented as the Chiefs
Starting point is 01:40:43 because Patrick Wilhom is better than Dak Prescott, but they have C.D. Lamb who's a burner. They have a Mari Cooper, they have a good tight end. They have great running backs, like they have everything. I don't get it. Yeah, it makes no sense. They're, I mean, this is classic Cowboys. That's all you can say about it.
Starting point is 01:40:57 This is a classic Cowboys season from beginning to end. And the fan shots of them like crying. There was a lady that was sobbing tears with four minutes left. So good. There was the guy and the girl that were holding each other, consoling each other. The dudes all dressed up in Cowboys like weird regalia.
Starting point is 01:41:14 You would think that for a fan base that is so used to crushing disappointment that they would be better at it. I think they're not in the 90s. Every time, it's a brand new thing. Yeah. And they have the MVP, 81% of the vote. MVP, yes.
Starting point is 01:41:26 Dak Prescott, Dak Prescott, congratulations. Democracy is still alive. We were worried for a second. It was a late start, yeah. The voting was being stolen from us. The voting system, it was in shambles. I don't know what software system they were using to tally the votes.
Starting point is 01:41:40 We didn't even know if our votes were counted. But they clearly did. At first, they absolutely counted. This was, this is like, if my pillow guy comes around, run because we hacked this shit out of this voting system. I also, like, I know we clown at the Nickelodeon game, but like the whole time I was like, I kind of wish I was watching this with my son
Starting point is 01:41:58 because he would definitely be more into it. Even though he has, I had a big breakthrough where he actually said on Saturday, he was like, dad, I watch football. I was like, yeah, we're gonna fucking watch football. You're damn right we are. That's cool. Yeah, I like that.
Starting point is 01:42:13 And he was watching for like maybe three minutes. I was like, all right, I'm done. I like the fact that they just have neon colors and they've got slime. Like, we are essentially, at heart, we still have the same brain that we had when we were four or five years old. You would have loved it.
Starting point is 01:42:26 When all you want to see on TV is like a cartoon and then maybe a neon green color occasionally. You just want to, you want to watch your things and then every now and then I have a little mini acid trip. That's nice. Is that too much to ask? Nope. The slime monster popping up,
Starting point is 01:42:40 you never knew when that guy was gonna show up. It's crazy. The field goal thing is very funny. The field goal. Spongebob frowning and then smiling. I love that. I like the field goal thing too, but I would like, you lose the ball
Starting point is 01:42:51 as it goes through the uprights. I don't like that. You need to figure out a way where it goes into Spongebob's head and gets stuck in there and then he spits it out or something. Yeah. But yeah, they did, I thought Nickelodeon did a great job. As always, the MVP award is going to Dak Prescott.
Starting point is 01:43:06 By the shirts. The NFL tweeted out, congratulations to MVP Dak Prescott. They deleted that tweet. I'm thinking maybe Dak is trying to reject this award. You can't. You can't. You cannot. It's bestowed upon it.
Starting point is 01:43:21 Your MVP for life. Can you check his Wikipedia? MVP. Because we need to put the Wikipedia. MVP for life. Update that. No, not that. Pro football references where it really matters.
Starting point is 01:43:31 That's where they put it for Mitch and it was incredible. Because pro football references where I want it there. Well, we need to DM that guy. Get on that. I don't see it on Pro Football. Okay. Because on Mitch's, go to Mitch real quick.
Starting point is 01:43:44 I'm pretty sure it is. Which that's when it's a real award. Career highlights and awards in Wikipedia. It's not currently on there. It's pro football reference. Why don't we fuck that? It's pro football reference. No, but I want it.
Starting point is 01:43:55 I want it. Now, I almost said defacing. Enhancing his Wikipedia. Pro football. Time Pro Bowl 2021 MVP. That's funnier because pro football references like the official record keeper of all football awards and MVP being on there will be so fucking funny.
Starting point is 01:44:12 But yeah, the Cowboys, you suck. I'm so mad at myself. I don't know why I fucking thought. I just got swept up in all their names and stupid, just stupid. I did love watching the fights after the game. The Cowboys fans were just fighting each other. There were like seven guys wearing different versions
Starting point is 01:44:30 of the Michael Parsons jersey, just swinging on each other in the stadium. One guy's pants were falling off. That's when you know it's like a real ratchet fight when a butt crack makes its first appearance. And nobody, and the guy keeps fighting. Don't do it, Hank. Don't do it.
Starting point is 01:44:47 You know what I'm talking about. It's nothing. It's always, it's always the longest butt crack. It's a guy whose pants like had no chance of staying up. As soon as he started moving a little athletically. The butt goes up to like almost in between his shoulder blades. And he's still swinging. But yeah, I lost my credibility on this game.
Starting point is 01:45:07 Didn't have his credibility to begin with. But yeah, still got my reputation. There you go. Can always bet that. All right, let's, before we get to who's back, we'll wrap up any predictions for Rams Cardinals. This, I actually have no idea. Like this is one of those games where I'm going into it.
Starting point is 01:45:25 And I feel like both teams have faded in the back half of the season. Yeah. Maybe Rams? Rams. Oh, it's Rams. It is? It's the Mimble.
Starting point is 01:45:36 It's really Rams? I'll put my credibility on the Rams. Okay. Are you sure you want to do that? Yeah. And once it goes away. Someone on this podcast has to have some. And I'll put mine on it right now.
Starting point is 01:45:44 There we go. Okay. There we go. There's gambler on the show. Okay. That's true. So Rams. Rams?
Starting point is 01:45:52 Rams. I was looking at the deep numbers going to this game. We've had a lot of brothers playing this weekend. Yes. It's been a ton of brothers. We had the Diggs. We had the Kelsies. Now we've got the Watts.
Starting point is 01:46:04 Wait. They're three Watt brothers. I know it's confusing because two of them plays on the Steelers. Which team is the other Watt brother on? Oh, they're two of them. Rams. All right. There are two that play on the Steelers.
Starting point is 01:46:15 Yeah. It's confusing. Yeah, no, I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.
Starting point is 01:46:23 I know. Yeah. But a lot of the players don't have the very fucking bottom of the screen. But in terms of all the brothers that play on separate teams, one has won. One of their teams has won. The other has lost. So I'm going off that you would bet on the Cardinals. Oh, yeah, true.
Starting point is 01:46:39 The Watts are due. I'm done with the Watts, Rams. Yeah? Yeah. I was never really like a huge fan of that, I know, whatever. Yeah. Now, I'm done with that. You just never a huge fan of their family?
Starting point is 01:46:53 I had a robbery with you guys I used to bust his balls and you kind of cater to him, but like now now fucking Here comes the Patriots anger. It took a while to bubble up. No, he's right listen in my old age You gain perspective on things sometimes John Cena taught me that and JJ watt is I think he's a good human being Well, he's also changed it. We made we some may say that we made JJ watt changed to us Some went some may say I say most people would say no we talked to JJ and he goes hey guys Let's cool it out on the comedy. Yeah for a little bit
Starting point is 01:47:26 Yeah, we got and he was right all the time. He was right and then he lifted up his purple gloves And we're like wait, dude, are you wearing a fucking costume right now? How many lives has JJ saved? So what's reading me? They were like I like how we carry the hurricane What he cured that he beat the fuck out of her game by himself So what should it be the other day of the century? John Cena gave great perspective About the fragility of life and like all these things and then on Friday's show Pft and big cat like joked about having a game where Brandon Staley killed the Chargers fan in every game
Starting point is 01:48:01 And I was like correct. Yeah. Yeah, that's what we do Yeah, no, like if you thought John Cena's speech changed us I think we discussed Bolt man hanging by his neck from the rafters because Brandon Staley didn't get a fourth down More about death. Yeah, that's really what it changed. It's like the fragility of life like Yeah, the Cowboys maybe want to kill myself today. So shout out Twitter for saving me But it's good that you can openly put that out there. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, done with myself Stop hiding it in the darkness. It does sound suicidal When I did the when I did the mayo mac and cheese on Twitter so far the funniest
Starting point is 01:48:40 Yeah, the funniest response by far amongst all the quote tweets was I just got an email from Twitter being like, are you okay? Yeah, because somebody and that mac and cheese was so terrible looking that they thought I was gonna kill myself All right, let's get to who's back. We'll end with who's back before we do that. You got one last ad Yes, I want to talk to you guys about a very new exciting product here. It's called wood We're introducing wood. It's a new men's grooming line offering products across hair body Beard and shave with wood products. You're gonna look your best You're gonna smell your best and you're gonna feel your best Now all you have to do is live your best wood is for the guy that knows that his best life doesn't just come to him
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Starting point is 01:50:39 Fellas like using moisturizer on your face, especially after you shave. Don't just use aftershave use moisturizer Stop those wrinkles right there in their tracks feel good smell good look good feel good wood All right, who's back of the week Hank Most back of the week is the masters Yeah, oh, yeah, I noticed there was a commercial commercial. Yes. Yeah. I was home for break I was watching a lot of tv saw my first masters commercial. So you're home for break. That's what you're calling having Wait, were you actually sick?
Starting point is 01:51:14 Home with my sick home for q Home for break your home You're home with a With a it's actually fatal. I don't want to take last week off Uh, no, but the masters are back. Do you see what uh, mike zimmer said about kelin bond? No, what is that? It was crazy My other who's back of the week is interviews. Oh big week for interviews in the nfl Yes, uh, it's always fun. Also to the patriots defensive woes
Starting point is 01:51:44 Uh They're they're fucked you're on mayo's fucked with his interviews now like imagine being you know, he's gonna get He's got I heard he's gonna have some interviews this week That's gotta be a tough one to walk into be like, hey You just let him pump for games. Yes. So they didn't so uh, they didn't pump Imagine if you're the texans and you've got two interviews lined up first one is with mayo Second one is with brian dable. Yeah, who you gonna hire right? Yeah. Yeah. Do you think that maybe Mayo's like he was thinking ahead to his interviews didn't prepare enough
Starting point is 01:52:13 Who knows I don't know what happened But it's not not not a good look for him But this is a big you know over the next few days every every candidate is going to be interviewing with different, you know organizations and stuff People like bears fans and and these people that need have a coaching vacancy get excited over the interviews But I'm not excited. I like that. We're gonna hire someone. I've come to a bad Excited. This is the most exciting time. Yes, but I've come you've heard me say it. I've come to a bad realization um with with my wisdom in life is that
Starting point is 01:52:42 It's not the coach. It's the organization like whoever gets hired is going to fail because the organization will fail them so Jim Caldwell It doesn't matter you can name anyone and they will probably Like 90 chance will fail because the bears are a broken terrible organization. I hope you guys get Jim Caldwell That would be funny for the jokes. I hope I get brian dable. So I could that would be excited about that Someone not retread Like just fucking who cares just fucking do something. I don't care
Starting point is 01:53:15 We've done everything my the mark trustin the john fox and the fucking who cares My favorite part of this season is is the official team accounts tweeting out updates on their coaching search Like we have officially concluded an interview with brian flores and then the post is like sponsored by bowing. Yeah, great It's I mean it's it's they keep kids up up up to date with every single interview It's like we just tell us when we fucking hired someone it's just like a series of seven teams Trying very very hard to get a retweet from adam shefter. Yes. That's that's all their social teams are trying to do Yes, um also shout out to jimmy g for uh, that was my who's back My who's back is jimmy g. I'll just look cut in line. My who's back is jimmy g because adam shefter
Starting point is 01:53:54 Um tweeted this morning. It was just a total tweet from his brain just from what he does He's never taken a shit. Yeah, we're just thinking about it He said during the second half of this season jimmy garoppolo Simultaneously has raised his value to both the 49ers and to other teams in the off-season trade market 49ers would not be where they are today without him Well, that was written by adam shefters or sorry jimmy g's agent and then forwarded to adam shefter and he said Any changes you need mr. Editor? So all-time tweet like out of nowhere just hey jimmy g has before the game before the game jimmy g has the same agent as tom brady
Starting point is 01:54:30 Let me tweet this out hoping that I get some tom brady scoops It would have been very funny if if rap sheet had seen that tweet and it was like oh shit Now I got to tweet something out about about jimmy garoppolo and then he like rephrases a little bit jimmy g has taken Amazing steps forward this year and it is expected to be a significant part of the 49ers in the near future I want someone to do this adam shefter. I'm pretty sure His contract is up soon. Oh, yeah, someone needs to do this for shefter We should do that jake. You should do that be like it's crazy what adam shefter has done for espn this year Why don't I schedule it?
Starting point is 01:55:04 Um, I don't know. What's he doing his interviews? Yeah, let's see. We've got to get an update on his interviews We should actually do graphics for adam shefter has just completed interview with mgm. Yeah with yahoo. Yeah The action would not be where they are without adam shefter Tomorrow monday. It's just that was such a wild tweet like he I guess i'm in a weird way like If shefter just went full heal and was like, yeah Like no more fourth wall here guys I'm just tweeting out whatever an agent tells me so that I can get more shit
Starting point is 01:55:36 It's actually better for adam shefter now that everyone is caught on to exactly what he's doing because he can he can be more Blatant with it right and it's almost like a joke now when he tweets out like hey, uh jimmy g It turns out that the trademark it looks like it's three first round picks right now if anyone wants him It's great. He can he can get away with more now because we're all in on the joke I think that I think shefter over the last couple years has gotten Like he's not a journalist anymore. No, we can agree. Yes. He's he's an information broker Yes, he's essentially just like a a guy that collects dirt and will play to whoever the highest bidder is And the more he leans into that I think the better for him when he like
Starting point is 01:56:16 He should stop pretending that he has any sort of journalistic integrity At all because I think he's going to make a move where he just goes to a gambling company It's fine. I don't care. He's like i'm the man with the information that you need I'll give it to you when I feel like it Suckered yeah 669 99 for my will play exactly. Yeah. Yeah shefter. I think he's actually going to do that And he's probably going to get paid twice as much as he would to be a journalist Why not why not should sell out everyone should be you know looking for that big day, but he's get wood.com. It's it's crazy that he's uh
Starting point is 01:56:48 It's crazy that like he doesn't even change any of the wording Like I'm I bet you that was literally sent to him in an email from jimmy g's agent And it it was like one of those suggested things to say And he just copy and pastes like I'll just fucking do that someplace Include yes here. Yeah And then I'll send it. Yeah He probably just starts typing like jimmy garoppolo and then lets the suggestive text finish the sentence You ever do that? Yes, that always takes you on a wild ride. Um, all right, uh
Starting point is 01:57:20 You're who's back pft. Uh, my who's back is coach k Coach k's back after taking a couple days off He um He had to he saw that wake for us had a good record and then he came down with an illness Well, he lost to miami first Yeah, he lost to miami and then he saw that he had a game on the road against a ranked wake forest team So he decided that he was going to come down with real quick illness and then uh, turns out The blue devils beat the fuck out of wake forest
Starting point is 01:57:47 And then they beat nc state over the weekend Some people are saying that john shire should coach the team for the rest of the season based on the performance against wake forest Not me, but that was trending that entire sentence was trending on thursday night. So, um, he's back though He's back coaching the team trying to keep his players from driving drunk Uh and failing at that, but I like I actually really do like this do team. I know we joke around about saying like if coach k Doesn't lead them to a national championship. Then it's an utter failure But can you name a more talented team? Yes Who do you think is more talented? Um, bamma
Starting point is 01:58:21 No bamma It was in trouble, buddy Auburn has been fucking insane Game against tennessee on saturday. They scored like 107 points. That was the bill's page. They had like the perfect Like yeah offensive game. It was crazy. Yeah, if the season ended today, where would the blue devils be? Uh, they're fringe one seed right now probably Probably two. Yeah, what if would have shire was coaching them? Oh number one overall. Yeah, yeah, exactly. They're better with shire. Auburn's really really good
Starting point is 01:58:53 Yeah, check out bruce pearl interview on bench mob. Yeah, there you go, jake. I was on the show too big cat coming on back on on Yes, yes I love I mean i've been i've been hot in college basketball. I fucking love college basketball so much new game today saturday Yeah, perdual and oil big game big game huge game. Yeah huge game. Illinois is kind of back They are a little blip. All right. That was our college basketball talk Um, do you think that actually coach k has done a bad job? Like the whole palo banchero thing. Do you think that it's just that uh In italy, it's more culturally acceptable for their youths to drive drunk. Mm-hmm
Starting point is 01:59:31 Yeah, and then coach k just has done a bad job teaching the rules in the united states That's probably true because over there if you can if you can drink a bottle of red In parallel park of fiat in one of those tiny little streets. That's basically a national sport that they have. Yeah In the united states, it's like their rules. You got lost control. You need somebody with a You know with a strong sense of wanting to teach the kids. Yeah when they come over especially from a different culture Just a pot. He's completely lost control of the locker room Hank or
Starting point is 02:00:02 This is like a three month old thing that you're saying the exact same things you said three months ago. That's true Jake think it's it's more true now. Uh, my who's back is tennis We don't need to get into the politics of what's going on with no back joke of it. It's bullshit. Yes He was deported from australia He did nothing wrong. He cannot play for his body his choice his 10th australian open title So we're still three-way tie at 20. Is there a chance that this is uh, it's maybe he's the power like people in the shadows Roger federer's paid someone off to give them these Roger and raffer. I don't know making this seems a little convenient All right of like court stuff. I don't know but the thing I wanted to point out is uh, so
Starting point is 02:00:43 They had to replace him in the draw He was the one seed and what they do. It's an official term called the lucky loser So one of the alternates from the loot the they losing the last round of the qualifying round Gets it. Yeah, that's awesome. They could are called the lucky loser. Holy shit. That's so all backups should be called lucky losers That's the most australian term that I've ever heard though. Yeah. Yeah, it's a sport-wide term the lucky loser damn So What did Federer do Federer just like falsified a document? I don't think Federer had anything to do with his paperwork or not not Federer. No, you're right. Yeah, Federer falsified
Starting point is 02:01:20 Novax documents saying that he had not been to Serbia when in fact he had He yeah, I think he might have um, you know what? I'm just gonna say this is mickey mouse championship Yeah, mickey mickey mouse major. Well, here's all I'm gonna say is if a professional athlete You know Accidentally leaves out some details about whether they've gotten the vaccine or not They should get a second chance. Like that's bullshit that people are upset at him. Well, the crazy part is it was like he might have said I'm it was a technicality, right? Like he was implying that he had done something right
Starting point is 02:01:52 But that's on you for assuming his implications and then like australian people like oh, you should go to prison or jay as Get a life. Yeah, your whole I fucking get to play. That's what you should get your whole island is a prison, right? It's bullshit. So your history. I don't know. It's just it runs me the wrong way. I think it's uh Yeah, I think people are being very biased. Could you imagine if they deported rogers in a different country for this? Oh, you're talking who if the Roger Federer No, what did you say? Like he's implying that Roger's horns be the baseball player. Who are you talking about rogers clements that
Starting point is 02:02:29 Like his wife was one doing steroids like multiple roger clements is yeah rogers. I'm already rogers on the pack Yeah, I'm already rogers. He did that. Yeah jail Yeah, yeah any packer. Um, all right, billy wrap us up I got two who's backs first one is Leonardo DiCaprio. So uh, Leonardo DiCaprio's ex-girlfriend Camilla Morone. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead Uh, do we talk about this before? No, I keep going details the worst day of my life with the actor He rented out a whole cinema and made me watch every single star wars movie
Starting point is 02:03:03 Well, he ran around with his lightsaber pretending to fight bad guys. That's crazy. If true That's nuts That was the only thing that we all was in the news for I'm missing something. Yeah. Yeah He was getting in a handjob in in the ocean from his girlfriend. I didn't know that I didn't see that picture. What did you talk about? Oh, what are you talking about that entire story is a hoax Oh Yeah, no, there was a picture of him when his girlfriend was like very clearly like
Starting point is 02:03:33 Was like behind him and like very clearly like a like a reach around. Yeah, it was wild It was like the jeff goldblum pictures, but wait. So you got hoaxed again. Yeah hoaxed Damn, that was that was debunked quickly. Oh my god, Billy. What? I mean even the headline itself Like read the headline out loud read it again Breaking All right, sounds legit. Yeah, it's 130 a.m
Starting point is 02:04:02 You did those notes Somebody else did those notes back Football guys hold on go back. What just read the headline. What did you do? I pulled this up during the show Oh, so you didn't have but you already said that you want to back up who's back. Yeah Who's back? Yeah, but I wanted to bring something more to the table. So you already had it though Yeah, so they wanted to do you want to go above and beyond Other who's backs football guys. I know we're not doing this week But Mike Tomlin had a great quote. Uh, if you're blinking we're gonna cut your eyelids out
Starting point is 02:04:38 Metal bro is metal We also I think we talked about that in the show. It's all right. It's late almost sunday Happy mok day guys. Yeah, happy mok day. Look at this Like bloody I mean she could be doing anything. You don't know that he's getting jacked off It's just so funny. Maybe he's choking on something and she's trying to give him the Heimlich Oh It must suck to get just paparazzi like that Like you're just you can't even you're standing in the ocean getting a hand job
Starting point is 02:05:10 And you got some fucking creep in the bushes taking pictures I think that's not even in decent exposure because everything's beneath the water, right? Yeah, no, that's that's you should be able to get jacked off anywhere as long as your belly button's up to the Up to the tide That's a fact And I'm happy that we've reached a new world where we can say these things freely to each other We can be open with your Hank will judge us, but that's fine. Yeah can judge us in his own own world I'll just say hand jobs are great and they need to make it come
Starting point is 02:05:37 I'm just putting let's put our cards on the table. I lost I lost our hand jobs Get a bad. It's like listening to baseball on the radio So It's nice jacking off ahead. It's nice. Just because we're hd doesn't mean you don't want to listen to ballgame on the radio every now and then It's a good talk about what happens is the hand jobs are the coolest thing in the entire world from Sixth grade until like 11th grade 10th grade and then They become the lamest thing in the world
Starting point is 02:06:05 For about seven years and then people just had that stuck in their head like yeah, oh hand jobs equals bad Turns out no hand jobs are great. They're lost art. They're dying medium Hashtag bbhj. Yeah giving or taking. Yep Doesn't matter love is love giving one to yourself Boom, it's good practice. Yeah, all right numbers real quick bill. Are you good? nah, bro 44 maybe a little more prep work. That's fine. I know you're gaslighting me. Yeah I don't know
Starting point is 02:06:38 Give me an eight writing stuff on like 69 88 on on paper. You don't have a paper Plate this time. So yeah, uh random number. All right. I'm gonna do 22 memes has three Is he always you three? I'm so excited for tonight's game 83 dolphins have huge brains 83 not
Starting point is 02:07:07 Not chris greer third time Chow frank spending enough time with frank in a day. Oh one last note. Uh I like I love the nicolodeon broadcast, but fuck young shelvin. Yeah, that nerd ruins the entire thing all over us Love you guys Shining away Oh, I'll be coming for your love of cake Shining away Oh, I'll be coming for your love of cake
Starting point is 02:07:55 Come on me Take me I'll be Back to you Oh Oh Anyway Take me
Starting point is 02:09:40 Hey Take me I'll be Come

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