Pardon My Take - Tom Segura, Pete Holmes, Tiger Is Back And Baseball World Series Picks

Episode Date: April 8, 2022

Tiger Woods is officially back. We talk some Masters with a sidetrack of Lebron and we're trying to stay positive about Max Homa. (00:02:10-00:11:41) We make our World Series predictions for baseball opening day.(00:11:25-00:19:44) Comedian Tom Segura joins the show to talk about his tour, comedy, and the injury that broke the internet.(00:21:00-01:10:20) Pete Holmes joins us in studio to talk about his new show, his past show ending, and more. (01:11:55-01:46:03) We finish with Fyre Fest of the week. (01:48:07-02:04:09)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, we got a twofer for the people. Little something different to very funny comedians in studio. Tom Segura first, and then we have Pete Holmes after Tom. Two great interviews. We're also going to talk about the Masters opening day, Firefest of the Week. All of it is ready for you on a great Friday. And before we get to all that, Priceline. Priceline is a leader in online travel deals with deep discounts on flights, hotels, rental cars. If you're not using Priceline to book all those things, what are you doing? Because with Priceline, you can save up to 60% on your favorite hotels,

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your trip and make sure that you are having that extra cash you can use on vacation this summer. Priceline.com. Check it out today. Okay, let's go. Priceline.com. Go check it out right now. Get more out of your trip. Hotels, flights, car rentals, all at priceline.com. Today is Friday, April 8th, and Tiger Woods is officially back. He looks awesome today too. Now, I think he's what, like four shots back at the lead. Who cares? Who cares? He's in that perfect position where when he's tied for like 10th or 11th place, they still show his name on the leaderboard as being the first person in the group of like 40 guys that's one under. So he's in and around the leaderboard.

The pink shirt that he's wearing right now, the mock turtleneck short sleeve tight shirt, people are going nuts over and you're going to see a lot of guys that try to pull off this look that Tiger's got right now and it's only Tiger that can pull this off. If you or I showed up, it would look like we got like a big tuba cookie dough that got left out in the sun for three days. Spilling out of it would be the word I would use. But yeah, no, it's Tiger Woods. Even if you're not, like I have conflicting feelings over Tiger Woods over the years, but once he's out there playing at Augusta, you get swept up. Like immediately you become a huge Tiger Woods fan. He is probably one of the only athletes who has that ability to do to any person who casually likes golf,

diehard golf fan, anyone. You see Tiger. He's making incredible shots. He's back in the mix and all feels right with the world. So people were saying earlier today that there's a lot of like Tiger haters out there, people that root against Tiger Woods. I don't really think that there's that many people that root against Tiger Woods. I think that when he gets out there, like he said, any plays, everyone really hopes he wins. There are some people that, you know, maybe hoped for a while when it was like Phil Mickelson or Sergio Garcia that were starting to be like the big competitor to Tiger. We're rooting for all those guys just because we hoped it would make Tiger Woods play better that we could root for him harder.

I think it's also he's in that that I don't want to say twilight of his career because who the fuck knows with Tiger Woods? I mean, he's amazing. Every time he's like on, it's just a joy to watch. But let's call it the twilight of his career. I think there's something different that happens in the twilight of your career when you're an all time great, where people are going to appreciate you like how we appreciate LeBron on this podcast. Like that happens. It's amazing what he's done. Like the fact that he's been in the league for 20 years, made the playoff so many times, played in the Olympics so many times, and he's still out there willing his team to almost victories night after night. I as a quick sidebar and LeBron, I tweeted that

picture of him with the tweet that he tweeted and people got really upset at me. You were doing LeBron a favor. And I was like, wait, I'm just posting his tweet that he told me to keep the same energy about. It was very bizarre. Like I wasn't saying anything pointed. Obviously, I'm not a LeBron fan, but man, the LeBron stands came out fast. They were very, I think it was maybe just because they, they, the Lakers lost was a Wednesday night, Tuesday night, late Tuesday night to officially be out of the playoffs. And all the LeBron fans and Lakers fans, no Hank, no, I'm sorry, they're not, they're not even in their teams that make the playoffs. Even though the Lakers are 30 and 24 this year. No, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't even realize that. I think

all the LeBron fans woke up the next day on Wednesday and being like, we have to defend this, this man to the ends of earth, which I respect. I always respect going to bat for your guys, but I just, all I did was repost his tweet. Well, we're also, we're respecting his wishes. This was a request from past LeBron to hold future LeBron accountable for past LeBron's words. And we respect past LeBron almost as much as future LeBron. So our hands were tied. We had to do it, but I'll say something nice about LeBron. He has waited till the perfect time to miss the playoffs because this, you know, like if he missed the playoff, let's say six years ago, there would be a hole in the playoffs like, Oh man, it sucks at LeBron. I'm excited about the NBA

playoffs with or without LeBron because there's so many good young players and so many great young teams that good job LeBron. You waited until the league was in great hands and then you bowed out. Much like Bruce Arians, LeBron decided that now was the time to step away from the game and put the spotlight on some up and coming players that might not be able to get that much attention if LeBron was still around dominating the conversation. I'm also excited to see which teams LeBron snuggles up to as the playoffs proceed. Oh, I know because he's going after Steph Curry. He's like, man, it'd be a dream to play with that guy. It's going to be fun to see which teams, well, I'll just spoil it later. It's going to be the teams that win that LeBron is going

to be like, man, imagine imagine if I was on that team. I'll just call my shot right now. He's going to become the biggest John Morant fan, baby Bron, because, you know, John Morant will do something insane in the playoffs and he'd be like, Holy shit, this guy I love to play with him. Can we get him traded to the Lakers? It would be funny though if LeBron, the clip of LeBron saying he wanted to be on play with Steph and Steph reacting to it. It'd be funny if LeBron went to the Warriors because we found out, Oh, there we go. Cubs just hit the first home run of the season. It would be funny to watch LeBron be second fiddle to Steph because that's what happens in Golden State. Steph is the man we saw with Kevin Durant, who is, you know, a better basketball

player than Steph. But guess what? It's Steph's team. So I would like that. What if LeBron went to the Nets? That would be funny too. That would be very funny. I think wherever he goes next. I think if LeBron, if he's mature enough, he can decide to go to the Nets, swallow his pride, come off the bench, be like the sixth guy, get out there and provide a spark. If LeBron does that, I would actually respect him. Now there's no chance in hell. No, I think that he would ever do that. That was a sidebar LeBron. We kind of got away from ourselves. But Masters, Tiger's back. It feels good. Now we are being positive about Max Homa. I thought he had the most fun of anybody out there today. Well, I was going to say, I'm positively pissed off that he bogeyed 18. Okay.

I thought that you fucking bum. I thought Max did okay. He had a smile on his face the entire time. He was behind the eight ball coming out there today after what happened to him at the par three contest where he had a pin in one, which many people are saying is more difficult to pull off than a hole in one. He hit the pin, but because Dude Perfect and Bryson DeShambeau went out there and stomped all over God's creation and ruined some of the undulations in the green, he didn't actually get the hole in one. So he's probably feeling a little pissed off that he didn't get credited with that, but he's still in it. Max is still in it. We're still in an update, by the way, for the spreadsheet. We decided we put it all on all $50 of winnings and also the initial

investment of $2,000 on Max to be top 30 in the tournament. Now, Billy wanted to do just a hand of blackjack. This actually is, I had one year where I lived very close to Wrigley and we sold, we had a parking spot and we sold parking for Wrigley and me and my roommates put all the money on a week one bet and we just lost it all. So it was like, oh, we did all that for nothing. This kind of feels like it could be similar where it's like we pumped ourselves up and it's a big group bet and we're all saying we and then Max is not even going to make the cut. I'm staying positive. But Billy, how are you feeling? I had a thought last night. I had a thought and I was like, what if I just kept the money and just didn't put a bet in? It was a thought fleeting.

It fled and I put the bet in, but we'd still have the money. Did you now, did that thought occur to you as long ago as like before the NCAA tournament? It would have been way easier for you to just not put any of that money in and just give us 50 bucks. You seriously could have just lied to us the entire time and put up fake spreadsheets like accounting fraud and being like, okay, here's where we're at. And then just giving us $2050 back and we'd be very happy. Billy made off. That would have actually been so much easier than what I did. Yeah, just fakes a bunch of returns. That's the last time you'll ever work hard. Billy just realized what a Ponzi scheme is. But I do think though that Brooks is in a good position going out there later on in the day

once the courses softened up a little bit. His fresh legs getting out there. I think that it's nice for him that Bryson, Bryson's really a big story. We should have let off with Bryson to Shambo today shot four over par. He's three over now. Three over par. Well, no, he's that would be eight over par because he says it's a six par 67. Bryson's absolutely shitting himself out there on the course day. So I'm just going to guess conservatively that Brooks goes to under par today. Yeah, to under par to under par. Wait, 67 to under the normal person. Okay, not not the not the steroid part. That would be awesome if he went 65. Well, I'll be I'll be pleasantly surprised if that happens. Yeah, so the Masters, I mean, this is this probably has never happened before

where Masters and opening days same day. Great sports day. We needed one after it had been almost three days since we had a major event. This really is the perfect sports day for dads. Yeah, I bet you that there's some dads out there that took today off, mowed the lawn in the morning, then came in and watched the Masters and baseball all day had a hot dog, had a beer, baseball is back. Do we want to do our World Series predictions? We never did that. We should do it. Baseball is back. I'll say, Oh, man, there's a lot of teams out there. There's a lot of teams. The Dodgers feel like they should be good again. The Dodgers will be good again. It's going to take me a few weeks to get into baseball most there that

NL team with the most consecutive playoff appearances. It's a fun fact. The Dodgers versus the Mariners Dodgers win. I'm going to go. You like that Mariners haven't made the playoffs in 20 years. I'm going to go Phillies in the World Series. Oh, I like that. Shit. I forgot about the Phillies. I like the Phillies team that hasn't made short playoffs in the longest amount of time. Yep. Which is crazy. Man, Hank just series fun fact on top of fun fact might have been dozen questions I was on recently. So yeah, I like the Phillies a lot. They have the rating MVP who's also on the Seamhead Express. I might add Bryce Harper and they have Cassiano. They've got Cassiano. They have Swerber. Yep. Good team. A lot of sluggers. I'm just going to all sluggers

this year. I think it's going to be the Phillies against the Padres in the World Series. Oh, okay. Well that. Yep. Yeah, I'm aware. Okay. I just think it's those are the two best teams. Right. So they're going to face each other in the NLCS and then the winner of that. I'm going to say is the real World Series champion. But no, out of the ale. You know, a lot of teams. A lot of teams. I really think this year the Yankees get it done. A lot of teams. I think it's going to be the Yankees. There we go. The Astros. The Astros. Hank, give us your World Series prediction. I'm thinking. I'm thinking the Reds. Okay. Good rebuild. Good pick. Good rebuild. You know, they got a lot out of the sets. They,

you know, they got rid of the fat and they kept some of their better players. Tons of cap space. Tons of cap space. Tons of potential. A lot of room for the prospects to really play to their potential. It's a great, is a great Major League Baseball. There's no log jam. There's no log jam in the Reds organization. If they get a good player, they can come right up. Yep. We will have someone. We'll have a guest on in the next week or so to talk MOB. Maybe Dan here. What about the Orioles, Hank? You want to do the Orioles? I was actually thinking the Orioles. People are mad about that wall though. They're mad about that left field wall. What's going on with the wall? They changed it. So they moved it out. I want to say, hey, Jake, you can double check. And they

also raised it, which makes no sense. I don't really understand. That's, you know what that is. It's just literally the Orioles being like, our, our pitching is so bad. Right. That we have to change our, we have to build that wall to keep all the home runs contained within it. Let's go with Tigers. Maybe also taking away some seats so that it's less capacity. I don't know. Yeah. Javi Baez. Tigers. Niggi. Can you find it, Jake? What, what exactly they did? The wall was raised from just over seven feet to 13 feet. And did they move it back? Libcat. Internet. Build that wall. Your anti-wall. No, I'm pro this wall. But you're saying people are mad about the wall. People are mad about the wall. It is a big, beautiful wall, like no one's ever seen. It's the gorgeous wall.

Jake's fighting a paywall right now. Oh, no. I hate that wall. He's, he's fighting through. Jake's hitting the back wall. Damn. So, uh, yeah, back about 30 feet. 30 feet. That's crazy. That's a crazy change to the wall park, especially I don't make baseball more fun. Yeah. Like, hey, what should we do? Less thingers? Well, they did make the bases bigger, which I'll be the first to admit I'm looking at these bases. It's getting to me. I like it. They're huge. Big ass bases. Is that a bunk? I don't think so. I know. I just like to turn on by the bases. No, I just those are big ass bases. Do I have to go to a stadium and fuck a base now? Yeah, I think you might want to. I will. I'll fuck a base. I'll get to third base. There's more to,

more to hold on to now. I'll just lick the base. Yeah. Yeah. What are you gonna say, Billy? Yankees braves. Oh, Yankees braves. Yankees in six. Classic. Yankees in six. All right, then Jake, why don't you finish us off with the nice work? Let's make sure we cover every team. White socks. Okay. Jake's taking this seriously. Well, I want to, yeah, you want to be right. I don't want to, well, after what happened doesn't matter. New Orleans. Yeah, try to be right. All right. White socks, Phillies. Okay, we got two Phillies. So I really do like the Phillies. I don't, I'm kind of joking about the Yankees because they're obviously going to win like 90 games and then they'll lose in the playoffs. But I like the Blue Jays too. Yeah, no one said

Mets. I parlayed the Yankees and Mets team total unders. Oh, okay. The Mets, not a great start. It is the most Mets thing of all time that before the first pitch of the first game, there are two aces are both out with like questionable shoulders. I think Sharers is going to start game two though. Oh, yeah. That's good. Yeah. New York City as a sports town is a joke. It's, it's the entire time we've lived here. It's been a joke. It's been like that for like a decade. I know. I think it was the first decade in the history of New York that no team won a championship. New York FC. Yeah. No, I'm saying real sports. Real sports. Yeah. And real sports. Memes remains, they're the Red Bulls. No, there's two. They're the ones that play in the Yankee

Stadium with that and they have that little banner that look like a tablecloth. Now Memes is very hopeful though that like every free agent wide receiver that's becoming available is going to want to go to the Jets. Why wouldn't they keep dreaming? Keep dreaming. Yeah. Debo Samuel actually removed the logo of the 49ers from its Instagram bio today. So trouble in paradise. Another is this league. Yeah. It'd be funny if the Niners just removed his name from the website just like going back at the player. Yeah. Alright, let's play this game. Hit for tat. Yeah. Take away his locker. And then DK might be on the trading block as well. I don't know. I don't know what's going on anymore in the NFL. This league never sleeps guys. No, it's crazy. Everyone wants to move

everywhere. And we, I mean, when's the draft coming up a couple weeks? It's like two weeks. I feel like it's like April 17th to 19th. No, 28 or 30. There we go. In Vegas. Yeah. In Vegas. That's when we'll get back into it. But yeah, this is a, it was a nice, it's a nice sports day. The Masters. I'm excited. We'll hopefully have our good friend Scott Van Pelton on Monday. Talk about Tiger's win. Yep. Whoa, man. Imagine if Tiger won. I'm just going to say we are, I think we have the power to do this. If Tiger wins the Masters, you all don't have to work on Monday. Yeah. Everyone that's listening to me right now, the day's off for all America. Congratulations. Take a day to celebrate Tiger. Yes. If it doesn't make the cut,

you have to take a driver's ed glass. Well, Darren Revelle, I think has to get in a cage with a tiger, which he'll fucking skate out of that one. Imagine if you actually had like a suicide bet for Tiger to win. Tiger would then become the most beloved athlete of all time. He would get in a cage in a smaller cage inside a bigger cage. So you could say that technically he was in a cage with a tiger. Or the tiger will be so well fed that it'll be sleeping. Maybe, maybe a dead tiger. Maybe he'll kill it. Yeah. Or bore it to death by telling him lame anecdotes and then step into the cage. Showing all of his memorabilia. What do you say, Billy? You had that thought in your face. Well, maybe he just gets in a

cage with Tiger Woods. I don't think Tiger Woods would not anywhere near him. Tiger would probably fuck him to death if they got into a cage with others. I don't want Tiger doesn't want anything to do with him. All right. Great, great Friday. I mean, it's a great sports weekend. Great, best nap of the year. Yep. Saturday and Sunday. Would you say Saturday's naps better or Sunday? I think Sunday is like tier one nap. I think Saturday's better just because Sunday, you kind of have to pay attention if it's like heating up. You know what I mean? Like if it's if it's if it's good and there's a few guys in contention, you don't really want to nap. That's more like a 10 minute nap. Saturday, you can go like hour and a half. There's also the the raise

and pitch and cadence of Jim Nance's voice very slightly on Sunday because he's a little bit more excited. Yeah. He says imagine dragons. It comes out a little bit, you know, more splash and pizzazz on it. Everything feels a little bit more tense. But I'm happy that August is back. All right. Let's do our interviews. We got Tom Segura first, then Pete Holmes second, two great comedians on today's show. And we're brought to you by our friends at Mugsy's. Mugsy's the most comfortable men's jeans on the planet built with a proprietary stretch denim. These jeans have the perfect fit and they feel like you're wearing sweatpants. I wear Mugsy's all the time. Don't sacrifice style for comfort. One Mugsy customer said I used to hate jeans. Now

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Use code take for 10% off the most comfortable jeans. Okay, here he is. Tom Segura. Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. We've been circling it for a while, finally here. That's our fault, by the way. Please. It's Tom Segura. You can find him anywhere on, he's got a podcast, Your Mom's House. He does a podcast with Burke Kreischer. He's on tour right now. Yep. So you're coming everywhere to it, right? I'm coming everywhere. You're coming everywhere to our tour. I think we're going to run this next week after the national championship, but where are you stopping on the tour so we can get people to come out? It is, it is an overwhelming daunting schedule. So when you say like, where are you going? I'm like, do you have time to list

Do it all. 200 cities? I don't know. You're doing 200 cities? More. Holy fuck. How long is this tour? It started in August of 21 and it ends in April of 23. You're just talking about life now. You're just talking about like you live on the road. Kind of. And I have kids. What? And like they remind me. Yeah. They're like, you're our dad. And I'm like, I know. That's a tough conversation to have. I imagine like I don't have kids of my own, but having your own child be like, Hey, are you still my father? Yeah. Must be like a real humbling experience. I can tell like when things are good, like when I come home, sometimes they're like dad. And I'm like, Hey, and then sometimes I come home and they're like, Hey, he's back. How old are your kids? Six and three.

Okay. Yeah. Because the age they need you the most. Right. I have, I have a two and a half year old and a 10 month old and I'm, I'm struggling with the like we went on the road for March Madness a couple of weeks ago. I come back. I'm sure you feel this. I'm sure every parent knows this. You come back and like my two and a half year old son is like, I'm kind of off you. Like where have you been? So then the last two weeks, I built it back up and we're like best friends again. And now I have to go to New Orleans tonight and it's like all this building we've done. Do you bring, do you bring shit back? I do. I bring gifts. Yeah. Every time, like when I walk in the house, sometimes I'm like, Hey guys. And I just expecting like a dad moment. And right away

they're like, do you have surprises for us? Do you have gifts? I go, yeah. And then I don't. Yeah. They're like, where are they? I go, they're being shipped. They were so big. I had to fucking ship them. And they're like, Oh, what are they getting here? I'm like, I'm in the next few hours. I think I'm like, go buy something. Do you live in Austin? I do. Yeah. So there's a, there's a pretty decent, I think it's a Cinnabon in the airport, right? You can pick up some Cinnabon on the way back. Bro. Like look what daddy brought. You may have just changed my whole life. Yeah. There's a lot of stuff in that airport that's like, you're going to have just a billion Keep Austin weird t-shirts that you pick up at the very last minute. Yeah, I should start,

you know, but the thing is once like your kid's two and a half, he's going to be three in June. Okay. So what happens is like, after they turn three, because my guy, three years, almost four, and then I got the six year old, they really like, there's an age where you can give him anything. You're like, this is a sticker. And they're like, yeah, they don't know. But once they start to like get their preferences down, like I'll come home. One time I bought my little one likes cars and the older one doesn't. So, but I bought two toy cars. And the other guy goes, I don't like cars. He likes cars. And he just threw it on the ground. And I was like, Oh, he's like, where's shit that I like? I don't know, man. But Cinnabon. Cinnabon. Yeah. That's

a depressing thing though to do. And I've done it as someone who likes to eat, but like getting food when you land in the airport. And you're like going to a hotel and you're like, I'm just going to pick up some McDonald's while I'm leaving the airport. That's a rock bottom move. It feels depressed. I mean, last week, I did Vegas and landed in Austin drunk. And I was like, Hey, man, like we got to get food. Like we have to. So I go to Starbucks and you start buying like breakfast sandwiches, multiples. They're like, how many people are it? I'm like, it's just me. I just need, I need multiple sandwiches right now. You ever get that like the sad cold container where it's got like a hard boiled egg that's

been sliced in half and then maybe grapes. Yeah, three. Yeah. It's got the grapes in there all the time. Maybe a slice of cheese. I think it's called a protein box. Yeah. Protein box. It's just like the worst shit that doesn't go with anything else. Yeah, it smells. It really smells. They should call it the fucking stink box because you open it and it's just like, it smells like eggs and cheese. Yeah, but that's, it's very, very exciting to go on a tour. But I feel like what you're doing right now, is it even a tour? I think it's just like you are constantly just doing shows. Yeah, you know what? This is what happened. My agent's here and he's probably watching in the green room. This motherfucker, he called me during the pandemic, right? So you're

at home. I'm used to being a comic that tours regularly, like meaning like every couple weeks, you know, you're doing gigs and you're home, right? You're home that first month and that second month and then it turns into like, there's no tour. Remember touring shut down, right? So it's like a few months in and he's like, I think we should get ahead and start locking down dates for when things open up and you're like, yeah, yeah. So you're sitting at home and they're like, how about this offer? Because that's the way it comes. You get an offer, right? You want to do the beacon and you want to do the Hulu and you're like, yeah. And they're like, how about the next day, new work? You're like, yes. And how about, and they, and you're sitting at home. So everything

that comes in, instead of like thinking rationally, you go like, yeah, dude, I'm not working. Right. Like book it all. Right. It's all theoretical. And then this is how you end up with a two-year tour. And then all of a sudden you show up to August and you're like, wait, what's going on? And they're like, you're about to do 400 shows. Oh my God. So how does that work in terms of the material? Do you have to change things up a lot? Or is it like, okay, you're going to do the same material for, you know, this month, then you'll go home, write a little bit, come out, do something different. No, it happens a little, like it doesn't happen as calculated. So at first you're building it and then you're doing it. And then you start to feel like, all right, like I have it set. But

then you, as the person performing it, get bored because you get bored of the jokes. Telling the same story. And just like, organically, you'll start to drop. You'll like, you'll drop one night, someone will be like, hey, you didn't do that bit. And you're like, yeah, I'm just not. And then you'll automatically replace it with something new. So like, if you see the show tonight and then you see it in six months, you'll be like, you dropped this, this, and this. And then you added this. And it just happens throughout the course of a tour. Can you tell almost instantly if it's a good crowd or not? Like, okay, this is going to be a great night because the crowd is giving me energy? Sometimes. It's not a foolproof thing. Sometimes a crowd is so hot, it's almost overwhelming

at the top of a show that like, they, they've burned themselves out with their, like the high, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, they're so excited that you're like, this is amazing. And then it just like, there's this slow wind down and you're like, hey, I thought we were, thought we were good with each other. Yeah, I thought we were having an awesome night. And then sometimes you start slow and it goes, but I think there's this thing where if you say something when you open a show, like out of the gate, you just come out and you say something off the top of your head and it gets a laugh. It almost changes the energy of everything. If it's organic, like truly off the top of your head, that almost sets you up for a great show every time.

Wow. I never like, so, so do you try to do that every time? Like, it's not a, it's not a plan joke. It's just, this is what it is. It's, yeah, it's like, Jeff Tate calls it riff energy, where you just like go out there and you just say whatever. Yeah, look at this fucking guy. Any, like, anything that's happening, like current event, like, you know, you just like say it. Right. Like, I did this show in Topeka, Kansas a couple of weeks ago and the Westboro Baptist Church was there, the people that protest, you know. Yeah. And so talking about them, they're, they're just outside. The audience saw them and, and they're also like kind of national. Everyone kind of knows about them. Yeah. So you talk about, I talked about them for like a couple

minutes. It's just like, it was pandemonium in the room and then your show is just like on this ride. You know what I mean? That's a, that's a good cheat code. I feel like they fell off though, the Westboro Baptist Church. Man, let me tell you something, man. They're coming back. They're coming back. They are? Yeah, they're dope, dude. They're going to get through this. They're going to get, yeah. They have a remix coming? Dude, they have their eighth member now. They're growing. They need to like collab with somebody that's hot right now because they, they had a moment there. I'd say like 2005 to 2015. Yeah. They were everywhere. I feel like that maybe the pandemic hit them especially hard. They did. I think they needed to go like Avengers with the

circumcised people. Oh, I love those guys. The people who walk around with the red blotch in their pants. They're like, that's the kind of energy if you get both of them. I've been mutilated. Yeah. Right. Those type, those type of crazies put them together. They might be able to accomplish things. Well, you know, Westboro Baptist Church protests dead soldiers funerals. Yes. So maybe, you know, we get involved in another little scuffle. Yeah. Internationally. Then you get pumped. They'll get their numbers up. Yeah. The circumcised guy, I got into a debate with him one time outside the Super Bowl because he did have like the blood stain on the stretch and he was, I realized what he was so mad about. He thinks that his own dick sucks.

Yeah. So he was protesting. He's like, my parents took away 14 separate functions and sensations from my penis when they circumcised me. I was like, dude, just admit that you think your dick is bad. You got a small dick. I got a small dick. I don't know if it's small. I think his dick, he just doesn't feel his own dick. You know what? A guy like that, you need to be like, have you ever been with someone that doesn't have a gag reflex? Because it is remarkable. I remember this girl. It was Savannah, Georgia. It was 2002. And she let me touch the back of her throat with my fingers. And I was like, why are we using my fingers? And like that'll really, it'll change your life. So I have a question off of that. You do a podcast with your wife.

Yeah. She knows the story. I was going to say, is that ever, I mean, it's a hilarious concept. I listen and it's like, it's great to watch two people who are married just be so open about everything. Has there ever been a moment where it's like, okay, that was like after the show, like, all right, let's not do that again. Not about, like we've had moments where we're, like we're, you know, having an argument. But it's not because like I said something gross or shared. She doesn't get mad about this kind of like, you know, this girl from this, it'll just be like regular marriage stuff. Right. Where like, what was that? You know, that kind of thing where you're like, no, what did you mean by that? And then we stopped because

we go, it's not fun to do the show with like, like, you know, like combative energy. So we'll just stop recording, talk away. I used to know what you meant. Okay. And we do our show. But like, as far as sharing some crazy like old sex story, I mean, I love upsetting her. Like, I feel like it's a thrill to see her get grossed out. Right. So I always do that. And, and, you know, it works. Like, it's just, she's the kind of wife that you can tell those stories to. Right. And she's also a comic. So it's like, right, she knows how to roll with stuff too. It's a very cool concept. And then obviously your other podcast with Bert was going to be a different, a different type of energy. I mean, where he's, has there ever, has there ever been a time when you're just like, Hey dude,

like just chill out, like you're, can I talk, you mean? Do I get to talk today? Yeah, there is funny because we've had him on twice now in the last couple of months and people are like, he's such an awesome guest. And then like the 10th comment will be like, you guys weren't even on this show. Oh yeah. I mean, it's funny because he is the sweetest. He, people don't know this is a sweetest guy. Yeah. He's so fucking funny. He is really a remarkably funny dude. But like this, like, to his stream of, he doesn't even know sometimes like how he's being, you have to, like, I'll tell him for, like, I'll allow him to just over talk me. And it's just, for whatever reason, like, I just, it just works. I'm like, I'm not bothered. But if there's someone else, like, and if we go

to dinner, I'd be like, you have to let them talk. I would pull them aside. He'd be like, oh, really? Because he's so unaware of himself. Yeah. Are there places that you know, I think we said when he was on the show that he's kind of like a gun. Like you'd like to, he's fun to play with, but you have to be very cognizant about what environments you bring him into. Oh dude. And who's around, are there certain places that you have said, okay, this is, this is not a Burt place. Yeah, indoors. Like, yeah, dude, last time I took him to dinner and with Primo with DJ Premier and a bunch of people. And Burt was already, he had tied one on already. Like, we showed up and I was like, how much have you had to drink? And he, and then he just like starts, you know, I think

he finished like four bottles of wine to himself at dinner. And then he goes, we're just sitting around talking, shooting the shit. And he goes, Hey, Primo. And I'm like, and he goes, I hope this isn't offensive. And I was like, Oh my God. I'm like, what are you going to say? And he goes, I just want to get something out before I black out. And I'm like, Oh fuck. He's the worst fire. And I'm like, and I really, at this point, I'm like, where are you already in? I don't know what you're about to do. And he just goes, it's just such an honor to have dinner with you. That's what you fucking say before that. That's perfect. Yeah. Yeah. He's out of his mind. We should ask, how are you doing physically? Physically, I'm doing well. I had

a fucking nerve transfer. It's pretty wild. They took a nerve from here, and they moved it here from your wrist to the back of your wrist. Yeah. So you have two muscles and nerves underneath on the underside of your forearm that allow you to pronate, right? Okay. So they, so one of them, they figured out you don't need to do that. Huh. So they took it and they put it here where a nerve wasn't firing. Is this because of the injury? Yeah. Holy shit. And they didn't know I needed that when I initially had surgery. So when I initially had surgery, they put a pin and screws in my humerus, like the upper part. And they're like, Oh, your nerve stuff will just come back. That's the way it works. And at about seven months in, they're like, Hey, this thing's not firing, right?

And then they did a surgery on my arm where the fucking surgeon, I was like, how like, this sounds like wild shit. And he's like, Yeah, I've never done it before. I'm like, What the fuck? And he goes, Yeah, it's a new procedure that this Brazilian doctor discovered. And I'm like, Okay, and I'm having it done. That's, that's wild. So you like that injury. And everyone has seen it. Yeah. Yeah. Let me see. But the, I always think like, I, you know, as an adult, when you get injured, it's such a different experience. Like athletes get injured, but they know that injury is part of the game. When you're an adult, you get injured. Yeah. No, you're gonna send me something so gross. I actually love this shit.

Oh, I love looking at like terrible injuries and horrific things. Yeah. So none of this, like, I like, I watched your injury so many times. Oh, yeah, everybody. Oh, look at that. Oh, my God. That's fixing the nerve. Awesome. Oh, fuck. Oh, all the way. See, I could watch this forever. How many beers like this in puke videos are just endlessly hilarious to me. But, uh, your injury. So when I saw it initially, and I was like, Oh my God, the worst part about this is like, there's something about getting injured as an adult that like the shame and regret you have right after is so like all encompassing. I just wish I hadn't done that. There's so many like, like, there's so many little moments. Yeah. That becomes

so vivid. Like that period of time, you know how you have memories of whatever the last during your life. Right. Some of them are like fuzzy. Some of them you're like, I remember that girl or I remember that like that place we went. I remember that vacation. But like that time period from getting injured to like recovery is like it happened yesterday. It's like vivid memories, you know? Yeah. And I remember the week before I've told us before the week before I'm in Oklahoma City and I'm doing the road and I have Josh Potter, who's a comedian friend of mine with me. And I go, you know what we're doing? What Bert and I are doing next week to film for art. We were filming this for our New Year's live show that we do. He's like, What are you doing?

I go, We're gonna do basketball. And we're walking from the hotel to this coffee show. I mean, I remember like it was yesterday. And he goes, Oh, basketball. And I go, Yeah, man, because I used to play a lot. I just play high school basketball. I used to play club basketball. I did pickup games in college. I used to play pickup games when I got to LA. I go, Yeah, I used to play a lot of basketball. So I'm gonna fuck them up. So that's why I picked basketball. And he goes, I don't know, man, he goes basketball. That's how guys in their 40s get fucked up their knees or Achilles. And I just went like, whatever, like, but I just I was like, Yeah, all right. And then we went and got caught. I just remember it like so clearly. Yes. And then that day too, I remember, I remember

jumping in my office. One of the guys was like, I bet you can't hit the ceiling. And I jump and I like smack the ceiling. And I landed. And I was like, That felt weird. Yes. And then I didn't really say anything. I was like, That felt weird. And then playing, you know, just like, but we're having fun. Right. You're having a good time. Not thinking you're doing something reckless. Or you know, we're stupid. Yeah. And just going up for that one and it feeling like a fucking gunshot, you know, it's wild. It's the worst feeling though, because it really is like, like I said, getting injured as an adult, you just know like, Hey, I'm an adult. I could just live the rest of my life just doing things where I don't get injured. Why am I doing this? Like last time I

got very injured playing basketball, I hurt my back and the same thing where it's like, it tweaked. And I was like, Oh, I'm fine and played like an hour more pickup. And then five minutes after I finished, I couldn't move. Yeah, that kind of shit. We're like, Why, why would you do that? Dude? And then like, why? And you know, Bert was there. Yeah. And Bert goes like, I still remember him going, You okay, buddy? Right? And I'm sitting with my arm facing the other way behind my back. He goes, buddy. And I was like, call 911. I guess it's good that it got caught on camera though. It would have been such a waste if it wasn't filmed. Telling that story, not the same without like, I remember telling when I'm in the when I'm in the house, first I'm in the emergency room,

and then I'm in another room in the hospital when they're finally getting me ready for surgery, surgery is going to happen in like a day or two, right? But I'm in a regular, like my own room. This trauma surgeon comes in and he's like, so we like, how did this happen? And I'm telling him and he's like, okay, I can see that he's like putting it to the other end of his head. And then I go, you know, I have it on video and he goes, I'm sorry, what? And I go, I have it on video from multiple angles. And he's like, why? And I go, well, because we're filming for this thing, he goes, you know, I really like to see that. He goes, I could show that to people. I go, I think he'll just get the link. I think you'll

see it everywhere. And he's like, okay. And then I showed it to him and I gave him my phone and he goes, oh, and I go, wait, you're shrugging at that? Like, he goes, yeah, that was terrible. I don't want to see that again. That's the worst thing I've ever seen. I mean, you'd have to say like a net, not good for your life, but good for your career. I mean, everyone talked about it for a while. Like it was big news on the internet. I monetized it, like I made millions of dollars off of it. But I also, but I also was like, people were like, yeah, but I was like, well, dude, like if you go, hey, would you rather that not happen and give that money back? I'm like, yeah, of course.

I think it's one of those things though, where if you had asked, if somebody asked you a hypothetical question 20 years ago, like, would you take, you know, X million dollars in exchange for breaking two body parts on camera trying to play basketball, you would have said yes, probably then, but then maybe, but if they were like, by the way, you'll also already be making millions of dollars. I'd be like, oh, okay. Yeah, that's actually, I think I'll put those aside. Yeah. Yeah. So is there was, I don't want to like make you relive it too much, but I've wondered since I saw the video, if you disfigure two parts of your bodies at the same time, is there one that hurts more than the other? And if so, does your brain only focus on that thing? You're 100% correct. Yes. So what

happened was I didn't even know for days that my leg hurt, because the arm pain was so substantial and so much more. And I asked that question in the hospital. I'm like, I don't feel like my legs injured. And they're like, you will. They're like, it's just that the arm pain, your brain picks. It supersedes. Yeah. So I was just like, oh my God, my arm is so fucked. And it was shattered. So I was like, God damn. And they were just giving me fucking dilotted into my neck. I was like, give me more. It was just so amazing. I have big fan of drugs. And that shit is amazing. I mean, that's medical heroin. And like, it makes you want to try heroin. It's so good. It's tough to poop after though. Bro. Do you have some poop issues? Yes. Yes. And then I also, when I finally,

when they fixed my arm and my knee started to hurt, I was like, God damn that fucking hurts. And then they put a nerve blocker in your leg. So they inject you and it kill, like it numbs that nerve. So just like numb that pain. And yeah, I was fucking, oh my God, dude, I was having different nurses finger me. And you know, give me suppositories. Right. One of them put like, her whole hand in my, this little Asian chick had these little fingers. And I was like, how much is in there? And she's like, well, I have small hands. She's like, wiggling it around in there. But it was, it was a, and I couldn't wipe dude. Yeah. You know, because like, this was so fresh that I was like, how will I, and one guy actually came in and gave me wipes and I had to tell him

that he was going to wipe and he was like, he was like, what? And I go, no, I can't do it. And he was like, oh, like I saw him break. He was like, oh no. He's like part of the job. I mean, they didn't even offer a bidet or even an attachment to put on. No, they're just like, people will help you. It was horrible. It was really horrible. Wait, so as you said, as a big fan of drugs, what's your favorite truck? I lauded that. That is the greatest thing I've ever experienced. I mean, it was really, that's crazy. I remember I go, when I got to the emergency room, I was with Bert and great guy to be with at that moment. He's, by the way, he's a germaphobe, germaphobe. And like, he doesn't handle high stress. Well, he was just like, he was sitting there. He's like,

I don't know what I'm doing. I just know that I love you. And then they're like, I'm in, I mean, you know, it's like trauma, right? I'm like, I don't know what's going on. And the nurse comes in and they had given me, I don't know, fentanyl or something. And I don't feel any, any of the effects. I mean, like so much pain. And she goes like, okay, so what would you rank your pain level? And they have a chart on the wall. Yeah, the faces. Yeah. And they have numbers. And I just go, nine. And then Bert goes, it's 10. Say fucking 10. And I go, oh, yeah, yes, 10. And he goes, why wouldn't you say 10? I'm like, I don't know. You want to leave yourself spaces. Like, you can always get worse. I wanted to be like, yeah, it'll be worse. And then they,

they try to avoid giving you dialogue. I didn't know that. So they're like, how about this? How about that? I'm like, no, dude, it's not working. Yeah. And then they're like, all right, we're going to bring out the bit. And then they tell you that they go, by the way, nothing is stronger than this. This is the max we can give you. Holy fuck. And then as they give it to you, they go, you might feel a warm rush in your chest. And it's like a countdown. It's like three, two, and you're like, oh my God. And you feel it. And you're like, yeah, dude, this is great. That's it. Holy fuck. I was asking for it. Like, they're like, you just took some. We have to give you a little break. And I was like, you don't have to.

It's a 10. It's an 11. Yeah. Big news, guys, you can now listen to the SXM app at home or anywhere you are. You can stream it all on your phone and stream it online. 425 channels are waiting for you on the serious XM app. Enjoy ad free music channels for every genre, artist dedicated channels, and much, much more. Never worry about missing any games because the SXM app has live play-by-play of games from every major sports league like the NFL NBA MLB and NHL. You can stay informed with world class news from every angle. You can hear the brightest stars and entertainment with original talk and exclusive comedy only on the SXM app. The SXM app exclusives include ad free extra music channels, podcasts, including serious XM app originals, and on demand video of

in studio performances and interviews. Subscribe now. Get your first three months for free of the SXM app. Visit seriousxm.com slash pardon my take offer to sign up. Offer details apply. Again, visit seriousxm.com slash pardon my take offer to sign up today. I was trying to figure out when I first interacted with you online and I realized that I think it was, you love college football like you just said on the yak. I think it was over our guy Robert Kikua may he rest in peace, the Hawaii announcer. Do you remember him? No. He was the big guy who would announce Hawaii games with the huge Hawaiian shirt. Okay. And it was essentially like if you knew who the guy was, it's like you watch either gamble too much myself or you watch too much college football

and you're up at like one in the morning on a Saturday. How hardcore are you of a gambler? I like to gamble a lot. A lot. Yes, every day. And like we're talking like you throw like major money. Yeah. Yeah. It's my only hobby. But that's not just a, I mean, that's a rush. Yeah. I mean, it really is like. That's like the dialogue of living. Yes. Yes. With money. I always say like it was, when I was, I think 11 years old, I won $100 at a turtle race in Key West Florida and that was like, all right, this was fucking awesome. And you gamble too? Yeah. I don't throw around as much money as Big Cat does, but I bet. What's the biggest bet you've ever placed? For me? Yeah. I don't want to say my number. Yeah. Come on. Come on, dude. What do you think people

think you're poor? The game of the year has gotten a little substantial. Yeah. It's been a while. That's one of the game I'm down. I'm gonna have to believe that out. Believe it out. Your reaction tells everything. That's the most I've ever done. That's a substantial bet. It is. Wait. So do you gamble? I mean, very passively. You know, I mean, like I don't do it online really. I go to Vegas to do shows. Sometimes I'm walking by the sports book and you know it's a certain time of year. It's more fun for me if it's like I'm with friends. Yeah you all bet on a game together. That's awesome. That's kind of fun but like you know I rarely like I don't know the ins and like if you bet a lot you start

really knowing all the little details and lines and like this and push. I'm like yeah dude I'm just like who do I think we'll win. Right. That's my level of betting. Which probably would make you better than me. I doubt it. Yeah I mean that's sometimes. Wait did you. That large bet did you win that. That one I did win. You did. What did that fucking feel like. That felt awesome. I also had to run a couple months ago where I went 10 and 0 on 10 straight days which was sick. Of wins. Yes and that was that was very. Do you bet or do you do like you know Blackjack and crap. I like playing Blackjack and I'm not a big crap

guy. Did you ever. Do you ever. You may have already covered this. Dana White's run at Blackjack. No it's one of the. You haven't looked this up. No it's one of the wildest things to look this up. Dana White is banned from almost every man. He lives in Vegas. Right. I'm almost every major casino playing Blackjack because he has taken them. Listen to this. He has taken them for millions. Wow. Millions. He counts cards. He's got like a system then. He has a system and they like one of the casinos I forget which one just like they gave him a belt and they're like you are the champ and you are no. Never coming back. That's the nicest way to kick

someone out. Holy shit. This dude. I mean there's videos on him doing this. It's insane. I don't know what his system is and we're talking walking out with like hey I want a 1.3 million dollars playing Blackjack. They're like please don't come here anymore. We've had them on a bunch. We got to bring it up. You got to bring them up. Wait so who's your who's your college team for college football. I mean I'm a longtime FSU fan so it's been a rough couple years. Yeah it has. I don't waver from it. I'm just. It's been bad. It's been really really bad. It's been really bad. You had James though. That was a fun run. That was a fun fucking run. And I went to

that game. I went to the national championship game that year. That was a thrill. And like you know you have to accept it if you're a hard. I don't know who your your big bachelor. Badgers. Badgers are my college. Like especially if you have a team and they win something really big you have to accept like the cyclical nature of it. And you know for me I actually get so fucking angry that sometimes I remove myself from watching things. You know I mean like if if they're if all of a sudden they're like one in four I'll be like you know what I think I probably shouldn't watch the game this weekend because I'm not going to get any fucking fulfillment out of that. See so

I have a little bit of a different take because you know my teams don't win often. You know the Cubs won and the Blackhawks had a nice run and obviously you go way back and like the Bulls and stuff. But I I have found later on in life that I've enjoyed the rod. I've been able to enjoy the ride a lot more if you get in on the bad times. Yeah like Wisconsin basketball this year. You know I always knew they were flawed but they had a year where they overachieved and it's like they're probably going to lose in a heartbreaking fashion in the tournament like they did. They went one for twenty three or something on three but it's like the ride the stops on the ride watching them every three nights that's the

fun part. Yeah I'm enjoying that. I guess it you know I come and go with it. One of the things that happens too is because of the nature of doing stand up. I'm always working on a Saturday. Right. So I very like you know I'll record something and if like I see the highlight before and it's like they lost fifty six to seventeen I'll be like I don't know if I'm going to watch this one. Jacksville State this year. Yeah that was bad. That was really bad. It's rough. And also now you have Deion just taken which Travis Hunter that was one. Florida State fans got really mad at me because I hopped in one of those Twitter spaces and I was like they all they all Florida State fans are convinced that Barstool is funding Deion to buy recruits

and it's like my my response is always like if that were true like Dave would just be getting everyone to Michigan like he would he has no allegiance to Jacksville State. That's a fun conspiracy. Yeah so they were all so mad because I hopped in and they were like well I'm a big fan of them and I'm a big Deion fan. I did not get mad at that. Yeah I'm like this is this is the game we're playing right you know. And also that dude is I think he could convince a lot of people yes to make that especially a cornerback. Yes. If you're the the number one recruit in the entire country coming out of high school as a cornerback who else would you want to play for to get ready for the NFL and has created this whole environment of like this is the play this fun. We're going

to we're building something here and like I mean I know we're seeing snippets of it but you watch it as a fan you're like yeah it looks like he's building something fucking cool. Yeah that's I mean so your career like you know I've read about like when you started out and it's got to be similar to Deion like that do you ever look back fondly on those days when it's like I'm in this you know comedy world. I don't know if it's going to work and like that grind of because you're there now you know you're very very successful. You have a seven year tour going on. Yeah I mean the memories that we talk about the most are of the shitty times. The climb yeah. Yeah that's literally what we talk about the most. Remember doing that bar show where that guy puked and laid

in it and on the front row like you know not getting paid on a gig that you're supposed to get paid on staying in awful fucking comedy condos like those are the things you you laugh about like the shitty gigs that you do by the way for years right years right and then people are like oh you know you're overnight or whatever you're like no this is a 20 year ride. Yeah no it's true because it happens with us too like we are speaking of Florida State we you know we do a college football show now and it's we're now at a point where like we fly in it's like thousands of students come out to see us yeah fly right out. Yeah Dave and I always joke like we did a we did a dumb and dumber two promo ad deal where we had to dress up in the tuxedos and we did a college football show outside

of frat at Florida State where we had to wake the dudes up at like nine in the morning it was like 20 dudes pissed off standing behind us like fuck you guys yeah and like those are the funny stories those are like the moments that you remember not like oh this is sick now we have like I love that you guys are like you're like banned from NFL activity oh yeah yeah oh they have they've got our pictures our names yeah can you even go to a stadium yeah we can't we can't go to any like NFL media event we can't go to uh like any anywhere the commissioners yeah and like a geofence I remember just like peripherally watching didn't you have like one episode of it yes yes yeah yes well no it was sick that's not necessary we had like one and a half we filmed we filmed the

second part of the second and how did you get like you got pulled it went well the first one yeah it went okay yeah it was on it like two in the morning and it was after on a Tuesday I can't remember on ESPN what is the phone call this isn't working out you're like it's aired once oh we didn't get a phone call we got no no that's not why we got a phone call that's so the reason why we like aren't bitter about it is it wasn't it was out of our control it was people at ESPN basically being like we don't want to be associated with bar stool fun cool people right yeah right people who really you know I'm sure they're doing I'm sure they're very happy with their life creative coming up with cool shit all the time just ripping out you know someone else's dream but that was the

part where it was like at least we didn't get canceled because it sucked so I talked to uh John Skipper who was the president of ESPN at the time the guy that fired us he and no he did not like give us a phone call or anything like that I think you talked to him Erica we were in his office he the two of us were in his office he's like he looked at us and was like I got your guys back yeah that's why we talked and then we're actually filming episode two and we're in the middle of taping so cameras are running we're in this shitty little like basement looking set and um big cats phone rings and it's Erica and he puts on speaker and uh Erica goes hey guys I got bad news ESPN is canceling the show and so you get to see that much like your basketball

experience yeah you saw two hearts break at the same time and we just kind of like slumped down we're like oh fuck but I talked to Skipper uh not too long ago yeah and I asked him about the experience and he thought that he had called me and talked to me I was like no no no that's hilarious and he goes he goes well what happened was I had never been to barstoolsports.com the website and so all these people came into my office saying you should see the stuff that's on their website so he typed in barstoolsports.com looked at it and the first two blogs he saw on there one by a guy named Jerry Thornton who writes about like teachers that get arrested because they had sex with like their high school student and then the second one that he saw was from her good friend uncle

Chaps and it was just a picture of a pumpkin and the pumpkin looked like it had a butthole where the stem was yeah and he goes do you think this pumpkin wants the pipe yeah and so he was like so I saw like a guy I wanted to have sex with a pumpkin and then some teacher had sex with a student and I was like I can't be in business with this yeah so that's but that's that's on him though because of course it's on him it's like if we had gotten fired after five shows that's probably because our show right this is like somebody one that's looking up who they're going to bought tickets to go see you know that's go look at that and we were we were very naive at the time and the lesson we learned I wonder if this has ever happened to you in your career like in

terms of uh whether it be like a show or something to try to convince you we spent so long trying to get ESPN comfortable with us we should have realized like now I have the radar up where if someone says they want to do something with us and they're like well I got to just check with this person like nope I'm out because I like I know if you're not all in right away from day one it's there's going to be a moment where you're like I don't think this is right what's happened is that you do you've you've stayed like doing the things that you want to do and you're not trying to you're pleasing yourselves right by doing the show you want to do and and it's successful and what that buys you is the ability to be like no if you don't want to fuck with me on this I'm fine and I love

it because it definitely like I feel like comedy recently in the last whatever three four five years and you especially because you've had your podcast for a very long time like it's got to be freeing knowing that you are now at a point where and I hate using the word cancel but fans of comedians can find their comedians they don't have to like there's nothing behind it there they can just give you you can give your fans what they want without having someone like putting an ax over your head yeah I don't I don't like answer to anybody it's awesome I mean like I I tour so I own my tour I own a podcast network that has a number of podcasts we're announcing another one next week watch do right now it's so good too wait when it went when next week for real uh next week um

where are we it's it's yeah in April yeah so wait so just we're not gonna run this till Friday next Friday next Friday yeah so just announce it okay uh good good publicity that's true so we signed Danny Brown Danny Brown is a rapper and a super hilarious dude's like one of the best guests this is whenever our younger uh producers nod I'm like this is good yeah you did good because I'm like a 37 year old dad I'm like I don't know but he's he's nodding so he's right to my public let's just run this tomorrow yeah on tomorrow's show but Bruiser Brigade man he's so fucking he's like one of the funniest dudes I've we've ever had on and like he's got a great fan base and he moved to Austin and we were shooting the shit and he was like I'd do a podcast if you

produce it and I was like done so how many people do you have working for you now um it's probably equal to parcels a couple hundred no it's um you know we have our studio it's like um staff wise I think we're close to like 10 staff there that's I mean that is like it's our own thing you know it's like you're you're living the dream in that respect we just put the shows out we want to put out and it's great I wanted to tell you this because of your skipper story is that when the pandemic struck is the first time um we try we we realize you know there's no touring so we're like what are we gonna do and so we did a live show I don't know if you ever saw that we did these things called it called YMA's live and what it was was a show that we could put together

uncensored and that we would also shoot sketches so basically try to raise the value of a it can't be like hey we're just doing our podcast but make it worth a ticket price so we were like all right we'll do a $10 ticket it's like a really accessible price and then we'll show these sketches that we shoot and then we'll show things that we can't show on our youtube show meaning like uncensored and then we'll do a segment called the heavy segment which will be like wild shit like really crazy deep dark internet shit we don't know what's gonna happen and it's just an experiment like when you just try let's see if this works so we do it on a friday tickets go on sale and as the show's starting I get a message from the guy like the web master guy he's like

this is selling insane right now and I'm like really and it's like like thousands of tickets and I'm like wow so we do our show and then it stays on sale because if you don't catch it live you can watch it afterwards and he's calling me like monday he's like dude it's like this is bananas and then he calls me he goes hey the platform that I found to air this just took it down and I go why I thought you said it was selling like crazy he goes yeah they told me 24 hours ago that it broken their the record for their site and I'm like so what's the problem he goes dude there are multiple investors um that like you know like that support the site and one of them is the nfl and the ceo of this thing is terrified that roger gedel is going to find out that the

thing that is selling well is two guys getting fisted by a guy and having their prolapse anuses fall out and I go you don't know if he likes it yeah and they're like they're like he's not gonna like it so they we just what we did we're they took it down we couldn't put it back up and then we found another platform that would host it and they're like we don't give a fuck what you put on here and that's where they lived out that's crazy they would he was scared of roger gedel yeah and that's I mean that is how it works it's it's really there's like every time we talk to people you'll have allies in different companies and the in the normal people will be like this is awesome this is funny you guys make jokes and then they'll be like someone's sitting in a boardroom somewhere

where it's like I don't find this funny yeah and that's it and they can make it just wild to that that's the guy like that's what you find out to in comedy like you do you pitch a show to a network and it's just fucking sally and jim who are like we don't like it yeah who are what do you do yeah and they're not comedy or did you write do you write comedy yeah have you ever performed oh you you just get to decide they personally don't like it yeah so they're like this is yeah yeah they get like 10 tweets and they're like yeah we're getting blowback we don't want to deal with it what yeah and I feel like some of the people should wear you know different colored jackets and you're like what you know like they're just deciding things like their own personal taste it's crazy it's crazy

but I I mean that's awesome but you have I mean you're very very successful but you guys are like the you know the inspiration like you guys are the example of it of like guys who just did sports the way they want that wasn't like the and we'll be back in three right and and with like the same takes you know what diverse you have to be able to deal with different struggles during the season and these guys if you fumble you're not going to win this game like what the fuck are we watching like you know what's helped us a lot is that um sports have gotten a lot smarter like people know a lot more analytics everything but at the end of the day like the reason why it works for us is that we are inner meatballs like if yeah if I'm like thinking like okay yeah you should be a guy

in a baseball game if you want to send a message like that's or like you should get in a fight and hockey if you want to rally your team like those things that are now becoming like those aren't numbers like that doesn't help the team it's like there's stupid things that we think we're like yeah run the ball run the ball and you'll win play defense it's like no that's proven not to be correct but right it is in our mind yeah and it's like you're talking the way that honestly a lot of guys who watch sports want to hear somebody speak you know it's like what it's like the why we all get so excited about an athlete who doesn't give like those you know soundbite answers yeah like we just hope that um you know if we play as a team we'll win you're like Jesus Christ like

you want the fucking psycho who's saying wild shit because you're like this is entertainment just make it fucking entertaining man yeah I truly believe that every NFL team should have at least two fullbacks on the roster even though there's nothing there's nothing that you can quantify to say this works but I also am barely smart enough to realize that I'm dumb for thinking that NFL teams should run the ball with their fullback more often yeah so we can make fun of ourselves for being like big cat said meatballs for time to time and then people it doesn't matter if you like you agree with our inner meatball or if you agree with that voice in the back of our heads that's telling our inner meatball to shut up like there's something for everybody a

little bit but at least we're honest with people yeah of course and then and that big key is that you're honest with your take and then we do this too it's like you know I might say the most inflammatory wild reckless shit and then you go hey I'm open season to it you can make fun of the way I look the way I speak the fucking things I do like you just make fun of me fucking breaking my leg and I'm trying to jump yeah I don't care yeah no the whole world did yeah they did so what I noticed reading about you earlier today is that um you have a connection with a player that we've talked about on this show since like 2016 oh yeah Cassius Marsh yeah so Cassius Marsh you may remember him if you're not familiar he's the guy that did the karate celebrations and he

bought or he had $50,000 worth of magic the gathering trading cards stolen out of his car back in like 2016 so he bought your house he bought a house that I owned yeah yeah did you did you get to meet him at all yeah we did a podcast together what's he like awesome absolutely fantastic dude I so at first this is funny I'm in LA you know in LA it's kind of I guess like New York where you can get a call like you know who's buying your house it's fucking just one of those cities right yeah so at first my um realtor calls me she goes hey um I think an NFL person might buy your house and I go who she goes oh I don't know I'm like this is not a good call get me the fucking give me the name yeah and and then she calls me back she goes do you know uh I think

his name is Joe Namath I'm like yeah I know Joe Namath I go he's buying my fucking house and she goes no his daughter but uh she um she might buy the house and I'm like all right and I go that's fucking cool I'm showing up to that fucking closing yeah um and then she called me back she goes oh she fell out and then she calls me and she goes um another NFL player might buy your house I'm like are you only showing this to NFL players she goes no and then she tells me Cassius and we actually started to just DM and like I was telling him like if you need this for the house like tell him stuff about the house yeah and then he you know he would like message me about some comedy stuff and about football and then the reason that my that studio which is an LA

where it was where where it is is because of a proximity to the house he bought so one day I was just like hey man do you want a podcast so he came over great podcast I actually didn't realize I read a blurb like a buy like a wiki thing I see like something magic so when I had him on I was like so you're a big fan of magic and he was like what and I go you love magic he was like magic the gathering I'm like it's like so do you do shit like magic shows and shit and he was like are you fucking with me right now and I was like are you fucking with me he was like no magic the gathering and I was like abracadabra I don't know what you are you gonna do a trick or something he was like do you not know what I'm talking about I was like no I don't he had the most expensive

collection or one of the most expensive collections in the United States I think he he is so deep into like trading cards memorabilia magic the gathering NFT like he knows that and he is actually doing so incredibly well in that because he has a business like he actually has a place that like specializes in this he told me and this is on a podcast that's why I don't feel weird saying it he goes I will make more from all that stuff than my NFL stuff like not even close like this for in the season good for him um all right so you got to go uh this has been awesome rowback question last question okay uh we we have rowback gear if you want to if you want any free stuff okay I don't know if you like free stuff uh rhoback.com use code take for 20% off your first purchase rowback

q zips and hoodies yeah whatever you guys want wait so what's your last last question what what is your NFL team all right just hear me out okay I was born in Cincinnati okay I left when I was nine okay it was the year they went to the Super Bowl and lost to 49ers 88 which which yeah 88 twice and yeah now three times um so left we went to Minneapolis fucking nine-year-old kid this is like the war you're gonna you're just doing a tour of the worst franchise I swear before holy I'm going to fucking Vikings games okay two years later we moved to Milwaukee Packers are playing half their season season at Milwaukee County Stadium two years three years later we leave there we moved to Varrow Beach Florida two hours north of Miami start going to fucking Dolphins games

the answer is whichever one of them is doing okay I'll do I'll be like so it's Packers yeah so wait were you Packer this year were you Packers fan or Bengels fan oh no Bengels yeah okay yeah all right good yeah and actually like you know they've been depressing to be a fan of for a long time yeah but it's fun it is rad to see them actually it's very cool yeah that is funny though like if you hadn't mixed in the Packers area it would have just been like so your team's just awesome it's just all me dude yeah wherever I go they're like we're gonna suck for you we had a we had a question on our show the other day of a couple that had a kid and one of them's a Lions fan one's a Browns fan and they're like who do we rate what do we raise this child and we came to

conclusion like I think you just raise them both the Lions and Browns fan because if you say that to someone they're not going to be like oh you can't root for two teams they're just gonna be like oh I'm sorry yeah I maybe pick a different sport yeah maybe I would do with that family yeah okay do you like fucking hockey yeah maybe switch it out do that yeah yeah the Red Wings had some nice years yeah there it is boom done done but thank you so much for joining us thanks for having us and go see Tom he's gonna be every city in America for the next eight years I can't list the dates TomCigura.com and listen to his podcast one with his wife and one with Bert and then also the new podcast coming out soon Danny Brown that's what's up cool Tom Segura is brought to you by our great

friends over at Chevy it's almost draft day and everybody's got an idea of what their team needs and if you're looking to give your own team a winning season you need the new 2022 Chevy Silverado from the popular LT model all the way up to the top of the line high country these new 2022 Chevy Silverados have a redesigned interior it gives a cabin a spacious and more premium feel available in 13.4 inch diagonal touchscreen that's a big screen that they got in there you feel like you're riding in a spaceship it's got a great great interior and it looks tough it looks strong on the outside we love Chevy Chevy is the official truck of part of my take it's also the official truck of the low man trophy and the fullbacks everywhere strap on the cleats get off-road

and Chevy's most capable off-road pickup it's the first ever Silverado ZR2 it's got next level off-road capability right from the factory it's got front and rear electronic locking differentials that ensure max power goes to all the wheels Silverado is as strong and as dependable as the people who drive them my buddy bought a Silverado got to check it out last summer got to check out again when I was back in DC back in December it is awesome it is as advertised it's a pleasure to drive awesome to look at very fun to hang out in the official truck of tailgating as well put some muscle on your team and make your story a strong one in the new 2022 Chevy Silverado and now here's Pete Holmes okay we now welcome on recurring guests oh Pete Holmes hi it's been a

long time yes it's been in the catchphrase pardon it's been what mug into the gram yeah get right into we say it to start every show we say pardon pardon pardon me everybody but we're back with a long time we're recurring guests yeah 2018 anything happened in between those years you know quite a bit there was a there was a national actually sort of a global thing happening we were just saying off mic I just got the coco maloco yeah you you were I've had it three times I think you have not yeah two documented in the third yeah you can't get it three oh yeah you can listen you kind of collect them all it's like Pokemon I got it I got it twice in about a three week period which is crazy to the point where I got an email from like someone at the CDC being

like hey we'd like to talk to you yeah figure out if this is possible yes because I'm living like I'm in the 90 day invincible period yeah but by the way everyone in New York is also living as if they're in the 90 day well you're also like fervently anti-vaxxer and yeah well I'm anti everything I believe we let it's a flat earth we landed on the moon yeah right that sort of stuff but no I got the vax the vaccination and it was very mild that's good if my COVID was a salsa it would have been pico de gallo okay so yeah you're not even it's just there yeah it was just yeah it's just there you're not really going to dip into it but it looks pretty on the table right you maybe like do one with a chip and if the chip the chip breaks yeah yeah you need a spoon I didn't

pico with a spoon yeah but uh yeah we just wanted to do something as a family to get COVID yeah that's nice we all got it together yeah but we never had a fever you know I do have some people in my circle that are like anti all that stuff and I don't this may be silly to say but I was like hesitant to tell them how mild it was because they're gonna be like see told you see told you like fuck yeah yeah and they're like can you get back straight yeah it's just cold yeah damn it where did it be crazy I was actually thinking this the other day wouldn't be crazy if literally everything that Alex Jones has said for the last like eight years ended up being exactly perfect well that was the plot is a reptile yeah exactly remember Tommy Lee picks up the the tabloids and he's like

these are the only realness yes like that would be hilarious if we're just like well that's egg on my face that's the world we're living in yeah turns out the the Illuminati Anunnaki's uh they're here uh which of you are either of you a lizard a shapeshifting lizard I just want to know who I'm talking about Billy is oh I knew it I know what he is for sure lizard oh he just did a don't do that he'll be a youtube video and we'll play it in slow motion he's definitely he's definitely sexually attracted to them wait this way and then he blinked this way speaking of men in black were you were you one of those comedians that was like uh Will Smith could have killed Chris Rock and this is am I Judd actually came in the next day I know we made fun of him I saw Judd last

night he's he's one of he's the best I uh I you know what I actually think is the funniest thing about it is how comedians make it about themselves that's what we do and we're like I'm gonna be slapped now yeah this friendly crest toothpaste motherfucker he's gonna be up there getting slapped like it's it doesn't seem to be the issue you're right this is starting an epidemic I can smell coming I'm I'm next yeah exactly I mean Will Smith wasn't at a comedy show first of all yeah I tend to I don't I don't perform at the Oscars right this is why I was funny like guys work in the circuit work in the funny bones are like am I gonna get attacked yeah right no no in fact I'm I'm an optimistic I'm kind of like I think you're less likely because we've seen

how like absurd it looks yeah absurd yeah absurd's a good word but it was so sad yeah you know what you mean it's not like a movie if that wasn't a movie like violence in movies we're like yeah and then you see real like even though it's you know it's a slap it's not like in hardcore but it's mild violence it's violence and we're all just kind of like I feel sad yeah like what was that like it wasn't it wasn't cool right right I do think it's weird though how Hollywood is like there's all these things that come out in the news like in Variety saying that Will Smith is losing jobs and that no producers will touch him right now is that true yeah to me that makes no sense I feel like now would be the time to get Will Smith everyone's talking about him I don't

know like you think that he's going to flip out on set or something like that no news good news I think I think it's like a like the safest time to fly is after playing crash right I was just gonna say yeah and so like if you want Will Smith to not slap somebody now is the time that you bring Will Smith around imagine if he slapped another person that I almost told that he does yeah I kind of hope he does too because then it'd be like his thing like what are you gonna like you can't if he slaps I think if he slaps one more person it's probably like oh this is a troubling issue but if he goes and slaps like five people you're like I think he's in control he knows what he's doing and then you can't get mad at him going forward if he slaps you because

it's like you knew he was a slapper right like he knew he was a slapper yeah like you can't be like oh how could you slap it's like no dude that's what he does yeah he slaps you knew yeah you knew you signed up for it if you've ever had like a troubled animal and you're like oh my god he never bites this is crazy I can't believe that he did that and then like three or four more and then you got the vest on him yeah and then you got the muzzle yeah I actually had a dog that kept slapping me yeah um we I did a bad job of intro you because you have a new show yeah I do have a new show that's what I'm here to promote how we roll which is so I always say this it was my favorite job and to work on it's been so fun I missed my cast I missed the crew so we're promoting the hell out

of it one because it's a great and funny show but two I really just want to see those I want to see those people again yeah so please watch how we roll CBS 930 when does this air on Thursdays I think maybe tomorrow okay so watch it on streaming who and then it's on paramount plus paramount plus I believe the CBS have an app Kate we don't yeah CBS paramount plus paramount plus I went with the mountain I just downloaded paramount plus I also watch Paw Patrol so that's I also have a child and Paw Patrol is the worst here's a pro tip Paw Patrol the movie not as bad as the show is the show is mind-numbing put on the put on the movie because it is Paw Patrol did they did a little bit better Paw Patrol wasn't that like it was part of stuff because it was pro police well there's one

cop and then there's also like a firefighter and a dump truck dog chase yeah chase yeah I don't I haven't learned there's one cop to dance we know the name it's actually it's actually very funny because they all have these jobs and then there's just a bulldog who just drives a dump truck that's right yeah I think we're saying that like in order to counterbalance that there should be like a left wing dog on the program like anti-paw yeah and he's going out there like attacking yeah yeah bricks of people yeah you put anti-paw together yeah yeah um well I think we talked about it like three years ago I think it's one of those things like you ever have something that you said like a while ago that just stored in the back of your brain yeah and then all of a sudden like somebody

touches it three years I'll go anti-paw and I'll think I came up with yeah no it's how it works that's how comedy works no I won't even know that's what I mean it'll just come out so so the show how we roll my my first question when I saw the um the you know little video that I watched today it's a guy who basically says you know what I'm quitting everything his family pushes him to start bowling as a profession yes and actually that's a good first of all it's based on the real life story of Tom Smallwood who's a real bowler okay that's a little bit of a spoiler okay I'm playing Tom Smallwood we know in reality Tom Smallwood is a professional bowler right so do you do you bowl would or was it one of those situations we're like I'm a huge athlete yeah we're like

Wesley Snipes had to learn how to play basketball Wesley Snipes had to learn how to be a daywalker yes yes and eat drank blood right a lot of people not a lot of people talking about that look at instagram yeah Billy's looking up right now but do you bowl your face was shocked I bowled because I'm from Boston a candle pin okay remember candle pin is like a hard tiny one yeah the hard yeah it's for it's it's more of a kid sport perfect for birthday parties but then when I got out to California I did start doing more of the ten pin didn't know that's what it was called ten pin you want to sound cool it's the ten pin so you did have a little bit of bowling and then Robert Smith not from the cure Robert Smith in the cure did come by set once but we just gently wept for a little

bit Robert Smith the professional bowler came by and he taught me how to bowl he was the second guy we had the first guy we had on set I forget his name but he was a professional bowler too this was for the pilot he was like just bowl just show me how to like how you bowl I was like okay I don't want you know stick your foot out kind of finish I try it this is in front of everybody he's like 50 background people all the cast is there I do it and he goes not at all I was like aren't you supposed to like you lead with encouragement yeah right okay that's where we're starting he would just like made fun of me and that was all the time we had that was the first lesson luckily we reshot the pilot and in between that and the and then and the series being picked

up I had more proper lessons and it's interesting like it's little things it's like here I'll give you a tip because you can see me I'm used to doing this on radio but like you might bowl like this right you got your fingers in here and you hold it like this he's like just do that yeah just that to spin and it's more to let the weight of the ball so instead of like moving your arm to throw it back let the the ball is heavy right it's like a 10-pound ball let the ball do that while you're walking for little Fred Flintstone for little steps and then it comes out and you start throwing strikes I'm not saying it's easy it's not easy I had a pro literally giving me like bonsai tree micro adjustments but then I would throw I think I threw four in a row whoa which was really cool

but thank you for that I do want to concede and say if you're in a rhythm it's way easier right it's just like basketball in the same way that like bowlers have to throw twice then they sit right and that slows you down you can't just get into that muscle memory right right right but yeah yeah that's I the I assume a lot of people had that exact same thought when they see the show and they're like wait did you learn how to like because bowling is one of those things if you could be good at bowling yeah it's kind of like golf like if you're good at it it's a lot of fun if you suck it's the worst yeah no and you have to you have to stay interested yeah that was always my problem everybody's starting bowling is like I'm gonna really do it I'm gonna bowl a perfect game I'm

gonna go for it and then like five frames in your little you're a little drunk you're a little bored your hands are greasy and like you give up yeah it's all about sticking with that's the problem for me is when I go bowling if I if I get through like five frames and I haven't had a beer yet I just get bored and I'm like I think I need to drink the the lightest yellow color beer you have in the in the most plastic pitcher that you sell yeah and they can do that it's like it's like on the Simpsons he's like go to first base check a beer go to second base check a beer yeah we know how to play softball what's the best game of bowling that you've ever rolled you know since I've had the lessons I haven't played because of the Coco Maloco we were gonna have our rap party at

pins this bowling alley in the valley and none of it happened our rap party was me and Katie Lowes who plays my wife like watching the show sadly alone with our families but that and then we got it anyway yeah yeah but you mentioned something that I that I think is important about the show is it's like crashing the show I did before this was about like it was very lone wolf right it was Pete I want to be a comedian I'm alone I have no friends but I'm gonna make it and and honestly that's a little bit what it's like being a comedian yeah it's a little bit like being a pirate like you're just like I'll go steal the booty like raps but this is about a family and friends together so it's like a really great for me post quarantine show the show the script came through while we

were in quarantine I was like this is what we need I feel like so many people during quarantine were like even if you had a great job like you guys I'm sure we're like wait what would I change right you know I mean you had that almost monastic period just washing a dish look at Instagram right now he's just kind of thinking about his yeah Billy bought a barn yeah no he's he actually is similar to a monk he he bought his own yeah barn he lived in a barn he collected animals he drank nothing but beer this is what you did during the quarantine those his dad's barn but yeah okay well see this is my point Billy went his own way yeah he's very similar he's very spiritual but even like I'm my dreams came true but you know I'm a comedian that was always my dream and still during the

quarantine I was like what would I tweak what would I change and so many people in this time came out with a dream that they were like I'm gonna follow it like fuck it we all we all die someday I'm gonna go for it and this story isn't just about somebody going for a dream it's about what happens when family and friends support it his wife isn't like get a job like that was the first thing I looked for and she's actually as you said she's the one that pushes them and that I just feel like kind of in a Ted lasso way yeah like you want something to root for you want a group of people point it in the same direction there's some salty jokes it's got some edge but at the same time it's like a friendly optimistic show so you mentioned crashing and I I loved the show um I was

sad that it didn't get renewed for what a third season what yeah uh I know but I so do you hear this the the thing I'm wondering is put on hi it's on hey it's coming back the thing I'm wondering is it wasn't picked up for the fourth season fourth season no it's all good how do you ever like did you love my ego just there like I couldn't let that go oh no I'm sorry yeah they're worth you had like you've had like four or five different shows that you've created get picked up but like yeah you're very very accomplished but do you ever do you ever like dream about or daydream about like where the character was going to go first of all that's for I'm touched that you still remember it still like it all that stuff and what a generous question I this is gonna

sound like bullshit pardon this is gonna sound like bullshit but if we had done a fourth season because we got it was on the wind right that we weren't gonna come back like HBO was always cool they weren't like I don't know but we just had the sense that things were wrapping up and so that's why it ends so tight like we were like let's let's get these people together let's get like that but if we had done a fourth and we were working on it uh Pete would have started to become successful right and the show was called crashing it was it's supposed to be about those to me I wanted to make a show that was about what it's really like to be a comedian and what it's really like to be a comedian especially for the first 10 15 years is these micro achievements it's these little things

it's like oh I'm accepted at this club that's where crashing ends he's accepted it at the comedy seller that's a huge deal so when we started thinking about the fourth season we looked at my career and we were like well maybe he does Conan and maybe Conan is like give this kid a talk show as soon as you do that it's not crash yeah what about what about uh Pete gets a podcast and then the company that paid all this money for his podcast starts deleting a lot of the episodes did that would be cool wait what is that Joe Rogan you mean just Spotify yes Spotify yeah that'd be cool so wow I I struggled like he gets cancelled that would be great if in season four you get you get so big that then you get cancelled the other way I think yes those are big stories

we were always dealing with those little little stories and I'm proud of that yeah I know that sounds cheesy but I'm proud that it was like as soon as he has a podcast or he's canceled or he has a talk show now you're watching entourage and I like entourage but like crashing was always now I'm really gonna sound up my own ass but it's about how what you want is on the other side of something you don't want right like that and I think the reason I like saying that is because I feel that that's true in reality and I'm not shoehorning this in that's what Tom Smallwood did he got laid off on crashing I got divorced but on how we roll my character gets laid off and that thematically is true I don't just mean for TV I mean for our lives like we had that some of us

had that for the quarantine like I'm saying you reevaluated in some way I in real life had that with the divorce I've had that through all sorts of it's why would you ever make a change in your life if it's working right that's just not how human animals are as animals as a species if it's working keep look to our parents I'm assuming for other examples of this you see old people you get those grooves in your brain nice and deep yeah you think the same things you say the same things this is why 80 year old 90 year old they're always saying like inappropriate shit it's because that's their stuff right and it works right what do you mean I say they've been running the same material for years the same the same the same so you want to be fresh water you want to keep it moving like

a river right but here's the thing we can say that but I feel myself atrophying all the time as a dad my life is so much less about me so that's why we make dad jokes is because we're not even thinking about how to keep ourselves fresh we're giving our lives to our children that being said whenever shit is disrupted shit like I'm a bad boy whenever shit yeah bleep it bleep it please I mean like take crash and getting cancelled like these things that you don't want shift you around yeah shake up the bottle and that's who and that's what you want you want your bottle shake yeah so you can continue to grow continue to change yeah and that's what how we roll is about I think at its core well in crashing you kind of alluded to this if he had gotten the

the big talk show at the end I what I always liked about the show is that it was very high stakes about very small events in this person's life so it's like step by step trying to break through to the next step like get a couple laughs at an open mic night or like go on the road and have a successful event that you put out and if you if it becomes something big then the show is totally different it would be very funny I'm curious to know your take on this like as a comedy writer is it possible to make a show like that or like Ted Lasso where the main character is you're rooting for him the entire time yeah generally good guy that that's easy to get behind is it possible to have like a finale to that show where it does take like a big dark turn like maybe

your character in crashing had been plagiarizing the entire time and hadn't written any of those jokes or in like Ted Lasso maybe Ted Lasso is like a serial killer like you know like it switches up entirely the vibe with is it fun is it possible to pull something like that off and make it funny without completely pissing off your audience really interesting question I think the answer to that question really depends on what's going on in the world like the art that the culture makes is a reflection often unconsciously of what's going on in the culture my example is like remember the game cards against humanity I really like that game it's fun but it got less fun as the world got more cards against humanity right you know what I mean right

this is an exaggeration but cards against humanity will be like what's your least favorite race and you're just like yeah this shit's too real like it's not funny anymore to talk that way when the world is like collapsing in so many regards so I don't think now is the time for Ted Lasso to be a serial killer you know what I'm saying right yeah TV shows are like the dreams we're all having together and and dreams are often things that you want like aspirational like it's like what if there was a soccer team a football team that was rooting for each other that was under dogs like we want we want Rudy right now we don't like my joke was like before the pandemic all the TV I was watching was was pretty dark right like I was watching I love Breaking Bad I'm not putting down

Breaking Bad I'm just saying like when I go home after the end of like a pretty the country being tense in so many different ways I'm not like let's watch a pot boiler right now yeah I'm like what I watched during the pandemic was uh Frazier you know what I'm saying yeah no you're right the office I would just rip through the office yeah we watched the whole thing in the office yeah I watched the whole thing of Frazier we watched the whole thing of Raymond and it was so funny here I was going back to multi-cam comedy and that's when they offered to do a multi-cam comedy came in and I literally was like these things have a place especially in America it's such an American thing my whole life I didn't know what I had like a kitschy nostalgia for

and I'm always worried this is going to sound like I'm just towing the company line and trying to push my show but I really mean this I didn't know it was multi-cam comedies sometimes like millennian crawl they'd be talking about like mash or Alan Alder just in general they had this like like really deep appreciation or Conan always talking about the original Batman series with Adam West and I was like I just don't have that Billy I just don't have it I don't know what my thing is right like that I have like an like a like an exaggerated love for it turns out it's a kitchen with a swinging door the beers say light beer on them and they have water in them they add that later and and and talking to my tv wife who's acting like Katie Lowe's did a great

new interpretation of it but like we're still in a ceilingless building with the lights in the audience and I was like oh my god this is what I thought show business was when I was 13 big comfy couch you're the stairs right behind the couch you have the stairs I don't even know yes I was just going to say when I saw our set I was like they did it I'm home I'm home yeah you're searching for Al Bundy you're facing the cameras and that's where the tv is yeah and the tv's flown out so it's it's assumed to be there the stairs are right behind I got my little son running up the stairs he stops on his mark and says something yeah it goes up to his room we all know it is comforting all those yeah the whole time this is why I'm like really promoting it I just I really want people to love the show

and I really love making it I want to be back I have like this second house now like this other little house it's a fake house sitting in a car like a pretend car that doesn't run and just like somebody's literally going like this to make it bounce up and down I'm like this is so much closer to a talent show at a summer camp than it is uh like a movie and I mean that in the best way possible and it it turns out that's all I wanted yeah you guys must feel that you come here and especially as a dad you dump out all of your look at me all of your specialness you get to shine and shimmer and then the rest of your time you can do whatever you want but this is your home base yeah like you must have I hope you do and I hope you're appreciating it like the fondness

for these guys for this these walls yeah it's ours yeah your little clubhouse yes your little tree house absolutely with crashing we didn't look I'm not putting down crashing I loved it but we'd get up at 4 a.m. and drive to Long Island to shoot one scene right there's no home base there's nothing that you come back to yeah that's interesting this is like we all I parked next to Katie get out of the cars it's a good morning Katie yeah let's go over here do you ever do you ever run into somebody that's like oh you're a comedian I don't I don't like comedy I'm not a fan of jokes like someone that that hates to laugh do those people exist I was just talking to Aaron who did uh my hair and makeup as you can tell this looks great we were talking about I was watching Jack Reacher did you

watch Jack Reacher no I never watched it no I really there's a series I'm familiar with the vibe of the show yes what's up you liked it Kate liked it I really liked it too I just like impervious men who are never wrong that is the guy fantasy it's Sherlock Holmes was the same thing it's like I noticed you're wearing a hat with a W on it and I'm always right yep we did a sketch about that on the Pete Holmes show making fun of Sherlock Holmes where it's like like he notices somebody he must be an alcoholic because the base of his phone has scratches when he's looking for the to plug his phone in it now and but in ours we had Matt McCarthy playing Watson and he's like no no it's just those are little holes it's hard to get the plug it never happens in Jack Reacher he's always

right all right like this type of grass only grows here and it's like that's why the killer is you it's never like no that's that's fake grass right you're wrong but but men in particular like stuff like that but here's to go back to your point Jack Reacher doesn't dance tough guys never dance and tough guys often don't like laughing they don't like comedy and I think both of those are related yeah dancing is like am I cuck for me letting another man make me laugh right you nailed it I thought you said cock we said cuck yeah like it's fellas is it gay to laugh at another man's jokes buddy I really think something powerful subconscious is going on let's start with dancing right you don't want to dance because that's surrender to music like you decide how you move

right and then someone's like come on music takes over to the conga and you're like yeah and you and you you merge this is like I'm not saying I'm saying feminine energy men and women have it but feminine feminine energy can be more merging more open right flow right so that's more okay for women to dance and tough guys don't dance I actually think this is I would have loved it if Jack Reacher danced if he was out there kicking ass being decisive always right and he was just like of course like I are you fight what is wrong with this this is my jam back to laughing it's the same thing if I'm doing comedy and there's someone in the front row with their arms crossed and they're daring me yeah to invade them it's an alpha right there that's an it's a it's always a guy yeah it's

almost always a guy I've seen some women do it and typically women can be nightmares at comedy shows for different reasons but typically women are maybe it's it's conditioned maybe it's a cultural thing but they tend to be more okay with giving their the control of their consciousness I right now this show is invading consciousness yeah our thoughts are now your thoughts right yeah right think of it that way but like think of the lone guy like Jack Reacher is not driving around listening to podcasts right you know what I mean he's not and he's not going to comedy shows and laughing his ass off and and he's not dancing but I wish we could not just masculinity but for everybody specifically because I'm a man I know that burden I'd love to see more models of like

why is it weak to laugh your ass off it's some funny shit like why is it more masculine to not laugh and then steal that guy's joke now now you're now I'm flying the plane you know what I mean that's like fuck off right let's enjoy each other work did we learn anything from this pandemic no no one learned anything that is a fact that is an absolute fact like maybe in like Sweden no but no chance that we learn anything people are just like that the everything that we said we were going to do and you know the first over month no it's like New Year's resolution yeah pretty much I was gonna say like oh I forgot what it'd be nicer to each other let's be nicer okay and we're all in it together yeah yeah that we're not for about two weeks two weeks now it's

selfish yeah now we actually did learn how to hate each other more easily yes we've gotten much better at well it is a great luxury to be able to be dismissive and judgmental of your friends and neighbors it's great isn't it it's wonderful and now that we have it back yeah you know what's gonna bring it back it was gonna bring back kindness is the three camera sitcom yes well okay so the home base isn't just for me it's for everybody that's what that's what I realized watching multi cams is you're not you're not just watching ted lasso I know that's not a multi cam but you're visiting the locker room right and on cheers you're visiting the bar and unless we have our bowling alley and we have tom's house tom's mom's house these are places like the human I don't mean we're dumb

in a bad way I mean let's take advantage of the fact that you see it and you kind of start to believe it so you got to be careful with that if all you're watching is like dark shit kind of I'm not saying don't do that I'm just saying you'll notice that you kind of start feeling a little Vincent price you know right and when you watch shows like how we roll Thursday nights nine thirty after you start to get some of that warmth rubs off on you and again just to restate it it's like a funny show but it's also about people coming together my joke is it's not even a joke it's how we roll it's not how I roll it's about a family and I feel like we need we need that right now you're right about what you watch and how it affects you like if you watch enough you know episodes of

sopranos you're like more likely to get into like a fight over a parking spot that's right yeah like see you know start yelling at people that scene yeah where the couple is fighting on the street and they come out and the guy's like not a mob so he's kind of connected and you go are you okay yeah to the girl and then he like kills the guy yeah you're like oh no yeah we're so impressionable I'm now less likely I'm not saying I wouldn't but you you'd have a hesitancy because you'd be like the world's fucking insane I saw it yeah right someone might kill me yeah you didn't see it yeah you did not but you did see it right that's that's why man talk about these are the dreams we have together when you have a dream like I've noticed if I have a sex dream I'm horny all day that's how

we are if we are kind I used to think it was stupid that would say like have a good weekend hey have a good weekend right that's a nice sweatshirt right I mean it that's a nice sweatshirt this shit you're trying to fuck me ah the fact that you think that I'm like a cool guy that would try to fuck like what we say to each other really matters yes words matter they're like little spells if I say those are cool sunglasses which they are those are cool or you seem nice you're good at your job let's fuck yeah you guys both took it right that's what we do on this show that's what you're trying to do no you're right no words do matter um just say you want to take your pants off listen you guys found the ruin my my Ted talk I'm sorry that was a beautiful Ted talk what's

great is everyone knows where I was going yeah what we put in comes out but yeah I think after this we'll we'll all have sex all right so Thursday uh 9 30 how we roll last question 9 30 yes uh uh it's the row back question what size are you we'll get you some row back gear beautiful gear what is your look great it's it's a good question it's q zips and hoodies uh and it's the best stuff in the world our ho no our ho b a c k dot com that is though that's a really good sweatshirt use code take for 20 off your first purchase I have a bone to pick with you with something I heard you say recently um and this would be the last question yeah you you own to pick you said that uh if ice if you live forever ice cream wouldn't taste as good yeah and I think

that's totally wrong well neither of us can try neither of us can give that a word that made no sense when you said it because I do love listening to you because you do actually have like some really profound thoughts and then when you said that I was like wait shut up Pete that's stupid that is like ice cream would still be awesome I agree with you first of all I I know what I'm trying to say I'm exaggerating a little bit to make a point I'm trying to embrace that I don't think in my spiritual worldview that the clock on the game that might be a better metaphor meaning that we die imbues this moment fuck ice cream this moment the fact that we know that that we're a room full of flowers we like to think that we're that we're all jack reaches but

we're flowers we're delicate and we're only here for a time imbues this moment with a richness that wouldn't be there if I was like I live forever I'll be back 20 times guys this could be it yeah okay all right that way the way you're putting it there I think it was just specifically the ice cream part I was like god damn it here's where I'm wrong yeah and this is good this is what I'm talking about I'm letting the music manipulate me I'm letting your opinion you're right ice cream would always taste great I just when you overdo it there's something about the way that the universe works that feeling good all the time doesn't work yeah have you ever noticed that yes like heroin has dire consequences like if the point was to feel good all the time these things would be great

life action would be like all right just get me an IV drip of heroin and while I'll just roll around like holding it yeah it's not how it is it's supposed to be this and death is part of that and and one of the reasons is because this is a sports place a basketball game without a clock is absolutely joyless right and in the same way I love that you brought it up because it brought me it put the needle on the record for me everything's a little clearer everything's a little bit more urgent and vivid because I remember Pete stop you think you're doing press I'm going to do this I'm going to go over there do another show it's just this and it could just be this yeah it could just be this that's a good I like when you're happy you're sad when you're sad

and that's how you feel the most happy overall yeah well you need well that's another idea you need the contrasting energy when when you're down that is what makes up up but we want just one side of the coin yeah no you don't it's like when you get sick and you said you added mild for COVID but like when you get sick when you get the flu or something happens to you you appreciate the health a lot more and you and and how we are at least how I am you feel like you'll never be well again right and then when you are just like you were saying about the quarantine you immediately forget that you were ever sick yes and you just go around I'm invincible yeah getting ice cream tastes like shit because I'm never gonna die yes I'm trying to I'm trying to say something the

stakes of death are what give life more value and I would say yep make ice cream a little bit more delicious because ice cream is this sort of indulgent it's not healthy but you know you're you're taking a little bit and ah it means more that you know you it might be your last all right I'm on board now um Pete this has been great it's great to see you thank you and uh everyone go watch the new show yeah thanks for letting me get the word out how we roll yeah on CBS Thursday nights and you can rewatch it on paramount paramount plus it's the mountain one yes the one with the one with the one with the one with the yellow it looks like chorus light the one with the yellow stone right yeah yeah yellow I believe for copyright reasons we can't say that but yes

okay got it Pete Holmes was brought to you by tailor made are you ready for the ultimate giveaway don't skip through this ad because we are giving you stuff we're teaming up with our friends from tailor made for the ultimate season opener sweepstakes and giving 50 prizes to 50 different winners prizes include everything from a grand prize a full bag of new tailor made clubs to a new stealth driver to TP5x golf balls and everything in between Hank you just got one of their drivers right the stealth have you taken it for a spin yet I have taken it to the simulator I got to take it out to the course uh how to hit hit hard hit hard hit straight hell yes fast swing notably fast swing big sweet spot on it Hank's raving about it you will too you should get some clubs bft I should

I should get some clubs what if I just decide like you know what I think if I practice hard enough I can become a professional golfer you think I could do it yes I think you could do anything you say your mind too thanks Hank how many strokes behind do you think you are 50 just 50 exactly 50 strokes now through may 10th go to tailormadegolf.com slash barstool sweeps to enter and celebrate the season's first major and the unofficial start to the golf season the sweeps is running across a number of podcasts within this barstool network and we want our loyal followers to win we want a part of my take listener to win this I'm personally becoming competitive about this I do not want anybody that listens to mean girls pod to win I want you guys

to win the sweeps is running across these podcasts go to tailormadegolf.com slash barstool sweeps right now for your chance to win and be sure to let them know you heard about it from us we want the part of my take listeners to win I don't want a macro dosian to win I want a part of my take listener to win tailormadegolf.com slash barstool sweeps right now for your chance to win okay if you are playing golf this spring or summer book your t-time win the barstool golf time app love it thank you Hank hell yes um all right firefest the week Hank how was your week my week was okay yeah busy week it's good week good week a lot of meetings productive a lot of meetings uh just racking up hours in the meeting room nothing bad clocking in clocking out

is there's no I don't think so well it's it's Friday today so you're gonna go home you're gonna kick your feet up on the couch you can probably take your tie off have a nice one cold beard fall asleep no nothing bad happened this week okay cool you've already forgotten it that's fine wait I don't even know I mean we literally have like the best chip over Hank's head for the rest of our lives because we retired his coach oh I forgot about that was this week that was Saturday no that was this week that was this week I'm trying to move on I will say I was just talking about it uh to Rudy and on camera and and I said it we talked about it on Sunday but and it set into me instantly the second we left the stadium but there is a big difference between

your team losing there's like the stages of grief it's maybe a few days and then you move on and then it's like all right we got next year we got we got the future we got everything going this loss was different because for the rest of time whenever I'm happy whenever anything goes good in my life yep whenever I'm feeling good or like something you know Patriots Celtics whatever it may be I just know that this guy to my right Daniel Katz is gonna just at any chance he gets be like hey remember when we killed coach K in the final four and and UNC B Duke in their last two games and it's just gonna bring me down so that I'm actually I'll actually set it instantly and it just it's every time I think about it it's a downer right now here and now Henry someday when you

decide to get married to some fine woman I will make sure that my gift is a commemorative like framed plaque of that game that's very that's very nice guaranteed maybe signed by coach K in Mickey Sheshevsky and then I I do also like I'm I'm just moving apartments because I feel like again fests are yeah my apartment like doesn't have AC again huh you can buy an AC like a window unit and my window doesn't really have that type of window you don't have the capabilities to oh you're too high up no I just it's not like a it's a it's a long window talking about a door you got you got a yeah sliding I don't have a normal square window it's not like floor to ceiling either it's just probably like you know skinny like maybe maybe four feet in length I'm on

the third floor so yeah penthouse nope there's so I'm in the middle what's the plan you're gonna move again I'm gonna move Jersey City it's been real but it's just not wow it's just so oh you're no different than Shaheen Halloween yeah no Jesus Christ so you had a little bit of success and then you're out the door now Hank is the sliding door thing that you have I used to sell portable air conditioners I can set you up with one that might fit that door how many square feet is the room I don't fucking know probably at least 14,000 BTUs is this because I think my apartment's like 600 square feet total is this because now that you're uh corporate you can't be seen in Jersey City no it's not Jersey City it's my building it's my building are you sure

I'm positive are you moving to Westchester I'm not I'm gonna stay in Jersey somewhere corporate Hank's going to Greenwich Connecticut moving to Trump Tower but the other thing you guys know you know I love the summer summer is my time of year I love you know living on the ocean big fan of boats uh and and Blake Bortles recently got cut from or he chose to leave uh is that what we're going with no that's that's actually what happened he said you know what I'm going I'm going to spread my wings elsewhere so the the same sign Andy Dalton and Blake decided to leave and Addison Ray who's just a content creator uh you know great Twitter personality has really interesting tweets you should follow her does she have any other jobs uh she's a tiktoker she's a

brand whatever representative she's a movie star she's all that she was a journalist she was all that she was a journalist for USC yep uh so more accomplished than you pft I don't know what that type of oh wow but she tweeted and I saw it on my timeline it just said we need to appreciate boats more and coming from a dual action boat appreciator both Blake Bortles and you're buying a boat aquatic I'm not buying a boat this is a very long way of Hank explaining that he's not horny and pft bongs me and and and publicly tweeted and was like oh I'm you know I'm bonking you for liking a tweet and and that was just too much from the guy that's no I would never be saying that I don't jack off and memes is like coming at me for being too horny I I don't know why I was

catching those straights I don't think I'm constantly saying that I think I said it one time off camera in a private moment that was on it was on PMTV it was on PMTV PMTV I'm not horny it was on it was on PMTV now Hank has successfully steered this conversation towards me where's the firefest well this is I'm just out here trying to appreciate boats and Hank is just delivering a monologue yeah a monologue saying that he's not horny what does that have to do with you moving well I didn't want to make my firefest every week about my apartment sucking so I didn't do that oh I didn't mention that I chose my other firefest I see if he's bonking me got it got it okay side note I do hate my apartment and I'm moving yeah okay that's not my firefest I don't want to just be a

you know an apartment complainer no yeah no no those people suck yeah all right pft what's your fire well my apartment just jacked up my rent my rent so I'm moving back inside the official lease although I did negotiate them down a hundred dollars a month just for the record but no my real firefest is uh that my body is now fully recovered from New Orleans but it's not yet I I'm of the mindset that you know how like underwater divers when they work on places to like weld super far beneath the ocean surface they come back up to to surface and they spend like three days in a decompression chamber before they go into the real world or else their their body like literally explodes there needs to be a city that's maybe adjacent to New Orleans that you go to to ease

yourself back into the real world well I was saying because my firefest is that I just have not recovered and I just I my body is is in shambles um and I just can't I have no bounce back whatsoever uh anymore but I I was thinking that we need to have legalized like you can be put into coma for a few days yeah because then I won't eat like put me in yeah put me in a coma I won't eat I'll get some sleep I'll wake up and I'll be like maybe maybe even get that um when someone gets in a really bad uh tackle and they they they cool their core cool my core down put me in a refrigerator for an entire week and then let me come out of that and be like all right you've lost 15 quick pounds you slept for a week you're ready to go so yeah I agree I think I just think

it there should be one location that's known as this like in between reintroducing you to society place maybe that spot in Arizona where they keep all the frozen heads that Ted Williams had yeah the knocked over yeah maybe they have just like a a jv version of the cryo chambers where they temporarily freeze you that just like four days that um that like reintroduction into society is so hard on Wednesday I woke up felt like shit still feel like shit but like I had that momentary thought I was walking my son to school and I was like man you know it'd be great as if I could just crack a beer on the street here and just stand on the street like we were doing that on Sunday night we were just standing in the street drinking beers and it was like and just talking

with it with guys it was just like we're just hanging out and it's like this is awesome we were starting to use the word y'all yeah we were just like getting really into New Orleans yeah it was just like the vibe of it maybe we just it's that it's that feeling you have after a bachelor party when like the Monday or Tuesday and you get that little lull the the depression where you're like well it'd be so sick if we just if I just could live with all my best friends and like you realize that's not real life but you have that moment where you just want to go back and uh yeah I've been struggling with that all week and also I feel like a sausage that needs to be popped so can I give you some advice what's worked for me is and this usually works for hangovers in general

jerking off well no I don't do that uh spicy soup spicy soup and yes I will prescribe soup for anything but spicy soup it makes you sweat and whenever I sweat anything when I'm feeling bad I know it's not medically true but I feel like everything that I'm sweating out is all the stuff inside me that's making me feel bad in the first place so it would leeches on it would work for me normally but for the specifically for New Orleans I the the thing I'm struggling with so much is that I just took in so much salt that I just need to like I was at the end of that trip I was we went out to dinner on that's Monday night and I was I was eating gumbo like it was a glass of water it wasn't even I didn't even order gumbo as like part of the meal it was more just like oh I'm going to

eat the gumbo and then I'll start the meal no god yeah gumbo was the table's entire like pre-appetizer it was yeah it was like it was it was it wasn't even it wasn't even like bread it was like breadsticks you know when they drop off breadsticks and it's like one sliver of a breadstick that does nothing for you that's what gumbo was I couldn't even get high off gumbo fortunately for us we have we live in the best gumbo city in America that's true New York City and Manhattan specifically Jersey City's gumbo is a little too spicy for me yeah I like the New York City gumbo I actually posted a picture of just I don't know if you saw it but uh last night I was going through gumbo withdrawals so I posted a picture of the shittiest looking like clear water and boiled

chicken and and rotini noodles and I was like made my own route and I had to look the entire city New Orleans got triggered by it um I'll put the bail in next time but yeah we are I think as a podcast you love you love trolling food Twitter I do it's the best we're all like finally approaching normal on this podcast I feel I feel like Monday we'll be back you know what it's going to be I'm it's I'm at 65% it's going to be the master's nap this weekend that brings you back yeah you know it is I'm very excited to hang out with my family and just chill but yeah no I'm I'm 65% I was Tuesday I was like five Wednesday I was maybe like 25 so I've had a nice bounce back but I'm not there I got another group firefest for us we all followed an anonymous hot tip and put money on

Siwu Kim because we were told that he was he should be the odds on favorite to win the master's one of the dumbest messages ever sent the guy said his numbers says that Siwu Kim should actually be minus 140 I pointed out that peak tiger the greatest golfer of all time at his absolute best was like plus 200 to win math you know major tournaments and he's got Siwu Kim at minus 140 in his calculation I don't even he's not gonna make the cut Siwu Kim's like four over right he's not gonna make the cut so I looked him up this morning because I wanted to find out more about him before I drove over to New Jersey to place the bet uh this is the guy that I was very excited to root for number one they call him the soul streaker because he's from Seoul South Korea

yep so last year at the master's he finished tied for 12th but he did that without a putter on the back nine because he got so mad that he snapped his I remember that and threw it away this is a guy that I was I was born to root for it turns out he stinks yeah oh well oh well good tip gotta take it Billy what's your firefest so I took the brick of cash the bank yesterday uh and you know they're counting all out and it came out to 2049 dollars so you lost a dollar I don't know what the dollar went the system has I feel bad for you so then I was like I had to give dollar for my pocket oh no which isn't that bad but it was like crazy I was like where the hell of that one dollar go wait you had a dollar on I thought you didn't like cash wait you had a dollar

on you and that was probably the dollar where the dollar well the dollar I think we got to the bottom of this no that one the dollar was in my wallet right the brick of cash was a brick of cash right anyway so I don't know where that dollar went and uh my knees are shot they just hurt no Billy you don't get to do that you're still too young my knees hurt no you don't get to and you weren't in New Orleans yeah you and you weren't in New Orleans you don't get my knees I hate to be the guys like you're not old but you're not the why do my knees hurt because it's raining true that's always how it goes torn a couple times you probably haven't been squatting recently either no I have been that's what I don't think you have might be why they hear how defensive you got right there

because I've been squatting I don't know it sounds like Captain May you're good Billy you're still fucking peak athlete how old are you 24 23 it just turned off you got you got your prime in front of you your body's got like four more cycles to go through before your joints actually start no seriously peak athleticism is like what 27 28 I was out there we're talking about that the other I think 27 yeah is when I can say I peaked athletically yeah so you're good Billy uh Jake finished off very very low peak yeah my firefest actually involves you guys uh so last week we got hogs for the cause down in New Orleans we're enjoying should we leave you there no oh no uh I'm you could have totally said like you guys just left without me and I'm like whoops yeah it was a

mess there yeah a good mess no it was a lot of fun great cause uh and we were drinking some margaritas responsibly and pft and a bunch of others just started telling me that there was thc in it and I started freaking out I'm like wow it's the night before the final four and I'm just gonna have to be paranoid you're gonna be so panicking the rest of the night you'll be so hung over for the games yeah not even hung over just like damn this is the night before the final four I'm gonna be just bugging out sitting in the hotel room can't do anything you need to have mental clarity what if you don't get unhigh right like tip-off happens and it's like what if you just spend all the ball for the ball tipped and it won't come down like I don't know uh yeah but it was like 20 minutes

of panicking until I found out you guys were just busting my balls it was a good prank it was a good prank we got everybody involved I would have done that too I wasn't I appreciate yeah Hank and Liam and kft were part of that I would have said it was heroin yeah it was great though because Jake was like he was asking me all these questions like how how is my body going to handle this which should I be prepared for I guess he somebody told him I had experience in that for some reason and so I was like walking him through and he was like I'm just gonna have to like sit down and just like stare straight ahead and just try to keep it together for the next couple hours I was like Jake you can do it let me know yeah plus like we were there representing the company I didn't want to

like I actually heard through the grapevine you were fucked up yeah wasted here's possibly yeah so I mean Dave was saying on the live stream he's like I like Jake but like every time I see him that kid's just messed up so we can't have him on live streams because he'll just say whatever yeah he said to me he pulled me aside and he was like just when when I say uh we're gonna take barstool to the moon why does Jake take that literally every day sounds like I don't know yeah but it was a good prank worked out yep here we are yeah love it it was fun it was all good fun Jake yeah all good all right um numbers and and good luck this weekend and all your masters bets and whatnot I'm gonna take 67 to 25 22 in honor of par for Bryson the usual you have to

say it for to count you can't because like it's it's a played out joke so you have to keep doing it I know yeah you can't be like the usual I'm gonna make you say 69 every time to it's been three years two years you have not oh you got it once yeah yeah any no I got three times kept in a barn for seven months no 86 oh my god 86 let's see everyone monday dingos are descendants of domesticated dogs brought by aboriginal peoples love you guys you hey

uh I'll be coming for your lover, okay? Shire away I'll be coming for your lover, okay? I'll be coming for your lover, okay? Needless to say I've already said it It's about to be stolen away

Slowly learn about yourself, okay? Say after me It's no better to be safe than sorry Say after me It's no better to be safe than sorry Take on me Take me on Take on me

Take me on I'll be gone All the things that you say Yeah, is it a life or just a thing Don't worry the way You're all the things I've got to remember I'll be shining away I'll be coming for you anyway

I'll be coming for you anyway Take on me Take me on I'll be gone I'll be gone I'll be gone In a day