Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - Now That's What I Call Parenting Hell - Volume 6
Episode Date: January 3, 2023While we're on a very short break to see in the new year (Happy New Year everyone!) here's a hand crafted selection of the finest tales and advice from the Parenting Hell podcast archives. Each one a ...guaranteed banger... (We'll be back for series 6 on Tuesday 10th January) TRACK LISTING: TOM PARRY (S2 EP19) First up, it’s Tom Parry on navigating nights with a newborn… NADIYA HUSSAIN (S2 EP17) Nadiya Hussain on bonding with her kids and their response to her post Bake-off fame… MICHAEL SHEEN (S2 EP5) Michael Sheen mulls over the merits of children’s TV… JAMELIA (S2 EP9) Jamelia talks about living with three daughters: a twenty-year-old, a teenager and a toddler… JOE SWASH (S2 EP13) Joe Swash reveals his favourite ways to spend his free time… JARRED CHRISTMAS (S2 EP21) And finally, Jarred Christmas shares a truly extraordinary panto story… If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: Hello@lockdownparenting.co.uk TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: hello@keepitlightmedia.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett.
And I'm Josh Winnockham.
Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent,
which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations
of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're
coping.
Or hopefully how they're not coping.
And we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice, and of course,
tales of parenting woe.
Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Looking for a collaborator for your career, a strong ally to support your next level success,
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Hello, you're listening to now.
That's what I call Parenting Hell, Volume 6. Hello Tom Parry.
Hey dude, how you doing?
Good, how are you?
Well, am I the newest parent you've had on?
I'm six weeks into being a parent.
Oh, yes, you are.
Yes, here I have, I haven't listened to the podcast because I have just been
come a parent, so it didn't apply to me until now. So yeah, I've just come off my, I've got a night shift at the moment, so I had, I've got
six-week-old daughter.
I had until five, and then I woke up about half an hour ago, so this feels like, it feels
like it's eight o'clock in the morning for me.
Right now.
So what are you doing in the early hours of the morning for those night films? Oh? I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I. I I did. I I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did I did. I did I did I did I did I did I did. I did th. I did that I did I did I did I did, I did the Tom Hanks Da Vinci Co trilogy.
Absolutely scraping the bell.
The first, I don't know, I don't know if you guys were the same, but like when,
when my daughter's called Gloria, when she first came along, I was like,
I'm going to watch all the best films with you you I'm going to talk you through all the best films it's going to be like rediscovering cinema so I
sat for the first week watching my favorite films but by now I've just ran
out of films to show her so it's just any old shit we'll stick any old
shit so so on it's like and it's like we can put her in this we've got this beside me cot and we can put her in that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the th the the th the the the th th the th the th th th the the the the th so th thus they to the to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the moment and it's like and it's like we can put her in this we've got this beside me cot and we can put her in that but we get less like Jane gets less sleep
because she's she knows she's up and down so instead like I get a bit I get three hours kip in the
evening and then I kind of get into this like night shift and then like every three or four hours I take her up for a feed and come back down. But I am absolutely loving it.
I feel like a student again because it's like I'm just staying up all night.
You can eat whatever you like and watched.
It's like four o'clock in the morning and you're like I'm gonna bang on a Kevin
Costner film.
You just think, oh I haven't done this since university.
Oh God absolutely loving it. Right let's th, what hours are you keeping?
I want to know your shift pattern.
Like about half, ten, eleven, till five.
That's kind of the shift on.
So I get three hours before that.
I go spend at about seven.
Get as much sleep as I can in the evening.
Then I get up about ten, then I'm on the mic shift.
I try and get through till five. Yeah I know I'm so happy. I'm so sleep deprived I feel like I feel like it's the final day of
Glastonbury it's just like every day it's just like every day it's got like this gentle hum to it where I feel like like I'm like
like slightly buzzing off my face because I just haven't had any sleep. It's amazing.
And then the other thing I do is I watch BT Sports.
I really want to work on a show that's like new dad sport report because I ended up watching.
The other day I cried at an Australian Rules football game. I didn't know who was playing.
I don't know the rules of the game. It was like there was like a last minute win
and it was just like, oh wow, the magic of sport glow. Gloria, this is what life sports all
about. It's just like, I didn't have a fucking clear what was going on. It's amazing.
When she sleeps, she's just fast asleep and I don't know if you remember the early.. the the the the the the the the rules the the rules the the the rules the the rules the rules the rules the rules the rules. the rules. I the rules. I the rules. I the rules. I the rules. I the rules. I the rules, the rules, the rules, the rules, the rules the rules, the rules the rules the rules the rules the rules the rules the rules the rules. I the rules. I the rules. I was the rules. I was the rules. I was the rules. I was the rules. I was the rules. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, the rules. I the rules. I the rules. I the rules. I the rules, how the rules, how the rules, how the rules, how the the rules, how the the the the just fast asleep and I just talked to her.
I don't know if you remember the early days. Because you're, how old are you?
Oh, five and three. She's three. You're through this bit, aren't you?
Because like, this bit, Tom, this isn't a normal thing that all parents go through.
We're not all sat up watching Fast and Furious or 5 a.m. Yeah, there's a critical phase where I've got one of those donut pillows, well Janus,
it's one of James donut pillows.
There's been several occasions now where Gloria, because like I've got like, I'm always a
bit overweight, but I've got a lot of weight.
I'm like, I haven't weighed it, but.
I'll tell you what, I'll tell you this how much right. I had to do a day's filming the other day and it. And it. And it. And it, and it, and it, and it, it, it, it, and it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it was the th, it was th, it I'll tell you this how much right.
I had to do a day's filming the other day and it was supposed to be filming in February.
And I've given my costume measurements.
And I went in and they said, so you said you were 36 waist and I said, yeah, but I
think I'm probably 38 now, so they gave me 38 and I didn't fit 38. I've been proper daddy.
So, um, so I'll put on the way and now Gloria, there's nothing worse than when your baby
daughter stirs on you and truck like, I've got, I've got enough breasts for her to think
that there's milk in there.
So, the other night, she properly started trying to have a go out of my nipple because she figured there. Was there any milk in there?? there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi thi thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty to to to to to to to she properly started trying to have a go out of my nipple because
she figured there might be some milk in there. Was there any milk in there? Did she strike
gold? Well skin on skin is very important Josh they preach that. They preach it. I don't
if it was that back in your day but skin on skin is essential for bonding not just for the father that's what they say. Yeah. There's got to be a cut off a that back th th th th th th th th th th the th the th the th the the th the th the the th th the the th the th the th the th th there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the tho the tho. the tho. tho tho. tho tho. the tho. tho there was there was there was there was there was there was there was the mother but also for the father that's what they say. Yeah there's got to be a cutoff date though, isn't there? There's got to be a cutoff date though,
there's got yeah I don't know when I'm not going to pick her up from school topless. Yeah, quickly I'll drive you home because you're waiting to get your head in the game for A-levels, you know it's good to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their cut. their cut. There's got their there's got there's got there's got me there's got me there's got me their their their their their their their there's got there's got there's got there's got there's got their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's got to to to be toda. There's got to today. There's got th. It's got th. It's got th. It's got the old top round the end. Exactly, you need it just to get your head in the game for A-levels, you know, it's good
be a development. It's piggybacking it to school, skin on skin.
Yeah, but yeah, so, like I'm holding her, I hold her in like a cradle type set up, and then
there's a critical stage where I get her, I let go of her and put her on their on their on their on their on their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their then there's a critical stage where I get her I let go of her and put her on to the donut pillow that's around me so I can have both
hands free. Yeah yeah and that's like that's like the pivot talks if she doesn't
wait when I do that then I know I'm in for the good three hours a good three hours a good three hours just to yourself at night on your own in a way I'm just to get a the the the the to to to the to to to to to to to to to the to to to to the to to to the the to the the to the to the the to the to the to to to the the to to to the th the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the to the the the the the to th the th. th. the. the. the the the the the the the. the the the the the the the tho. the. the that's the. that's that's that's to the. I to to to to get slightly jealous of your routine. Oh, I've got like a routine is, that's the thing you crave.
As long as you've got some kind of system, then you can kind of get through, you know,
it doesn't feel like chaos. So like I have two flasks.
I have one from my right hand and a flash for my left just in case.
How much? You sound like one of them like 50 stone men. They don't know, but they've got that, let's just get that around them.
Yeah, that's how I feel.
A flask upon the, for the left hand, flask for the right, in case it depends on what side
I've got.
So what's in the flask?
That's water.
I've got a thermos, pint mug of coffee that stays warm for a good hour and a half. That's in front of me. I have two Satsoomers and a biscuit. Right?
Two Satsummers and a biscuit and then and that's me then set up. I can get to
the potter milk. I can get to get till five o'clock on that. And then like it's only when I know she's
entered into deep sleep like when both of her hands have come up by the side. her the the side. the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their th. I th. I th. I th. I to to to to to to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have I'll have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have to have to have to have to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I to th. I th. I have tip. I have tip. I have tip. I have tip. I have tip. I have tip. I have tip. I have to have to have to have tip. I have tip. I have tip But like, it's only when I know she's entered into deep sleep, like when both of her hands have come up by the side of her head. When, like, when
she gets into deep sleep, both her arms come up like she's celebrating. And like, that's
when you know she's deep sleeping, and that's when I can go for the crinkly wrapper. Two-e to end for the crinty rapper. There was a stage. There's, th. There, th. There, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. When, th. When, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, when. When. When, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, like, like, like, like, like, like, like I could get the controller in my hand and while still holding her and
that was a great moment but then when she got a bit too big for that it was terrible.
But that was a great couple of weeks.
You have to temper your celebrations I bet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
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So do you worry that what it's going to be like when you go back to, because presumably you're going to, everything's going to open up soon and so you're going to be away again. Do you think you'll look
back on this as a kind of a real period of bonding with your children? Yeah, we've definitely,
I think in all seriousness, I think sometimes we're ever going to get this time back and we've
been able to spend time together that we wouldn't have had otherwise. So like one thing I realized was that sometimes I've been so busy I've not looked in their
eyes and so sometimes I just hold it. Like I genuinely if you think about how busy we can get
sometimes how often do we just hold their faces and just look at their eyes. It's not like I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I don't. I don't. I hold. I hold. I hold. I hold. I hold. I hold. I hold. I hold. I hold. I hold. I hold. I hold. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm a 14 year old. Yeah, he hates it, but I love it. Yeah.
And Nadia, you've got like the thing I remember most about like the first time you rose
to fame is you've got the most kind of your eyes really like look at people.
Do you know what I mean?
Your eyes really stand out.
So the idea of you holding your 14-year-old's face and just staring into their eyes.
It's an arresting image, Nadia.
It is, but I also threaten him with taking him out of the inheritance if he doesn't look
back.
It's like, I would, I will cut you out the inheritance, look me in the eyes.
And that usually works, yeah.
It must be like, of all the people we've spoken to, in your children, the the their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their works, yeah. It must be like, of all the people we've spoken to,
in your children's life, your life has changed so dramatically
in what you were doing before.
I don't know how old your children would have been
when you did bake-off, what was it, six or seven years ago now?
Yeah, like it was, they were, my eldest was eight, so really little.
And has that effect, like, how have they adapted to that?
A lot of chill people who spoke to when they've had kids like their job
and their job and there's been the same throughout but did it change how you
parented and stuff like that? Of course I mean our challenges became
different you know going out whether it's restaurants or just down the
street you know when people recognize you. It's not as easy anymore because I think as they've gotten older,
where it felt like fun at the beginning, my eldest has become quite protective.
And he's, you know, he's bigger than I are, you know, he's bigger than me.
If he, if he doesn't like what I'm saying, you know, he just grabs me around the waist,
picks me up and he just picks me up. I, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thinks, he's thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th, th. th. that, that, that, that, that, the the the the the the to to to to to the to to the the the to the the the the the the the the the me back in the kitchen. He just picks me up. I could not say in the 50s dad.
He never says, he doesn't say anything. He holds me around the waist,
picks me up off the ground, takes me in the kitchen and walks out, shuts the door and he's gone.
And so it's it's really it has changed as they've become older, it's definitely changed.
Like they had this my eldest had a task to talk about somebody that inspires them,
somebody in the public eye that inspires them,
and I said, so you're gonna be writing about me,
he goes, don't be ridiculous.
So he couldn't, like, so for them,
they couldn't care, like the boys do not care what I do.
They don't wanna be a part of it, at all. The idea that I do this, it makes no difference to them. But I remember really early
on when they were having this in school when we'd just move them, because we used to live
in Leeds and we'd just move them to their new school. And the teacher asked him, what does
your, what do your parents do? It was a question they were asking all the kids. And he didn't know what to say and I remember we always have this
conversation that's really funny because like so much has changed in the last
six years and he was like and she he said miss can you come back to me so he
couldn't work out what I do because like I don't have holidays it's just it's a
bit it's freelance isn't it so for him he was like I don't really know what she
does so he couldn't put a name up to it and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. So the. So. So. So. So the. So tho. So, so I's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the th. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, so. I the. I the. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. So, the. So, the. So, to. So, does, so he couldn't put a name up to it. And then he just said, um, as she follows her dreams.
And I was like, oh man, like, oh wow.
Just throw that on a pillow, man.
That genuine, when he said that, I was like, and that sticks with me, that stays with me forever.
And ultimately as parents, you know, what we do doesn't really matter as long as they believe that we're following our dreams in the
hope that they'll follow theirs and that's ultimately what I've always
ever wanted so the fact that I do this job means nothing to the boys but my
little girl can I say she loves every second of it every
every second when we would go out to town and people didn't recognize me, so we'd
be walking past and if people don't look at me or recognize, she watches, she watches, she,
she watches to see who looks, who twitches, who might turn back ground. So she's out there, watching,
looking, she loves all of that. And she, when one day we were walking past, nobody
recognize me. I was like, great day, we can get on and get stuff done.
And she, in the middle of the town center, turns around,
walks up ahead of me about 10 yards,
stands in front of me, turns around, hands on her mouth,
and says, oh my gosh, is that Nadia from the Bake-off?
Everybody turns around.
Oh, it's funny. Then I'm st thine thine thi thine thine thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the their the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their their, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. towa. tomea. tooomorrow. tooomorrow, toomorrow, toomorrow, toomorrow, toomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow. tooomorrow, towa. tow around. Oh, it's funny. Then I'm stuck in town for an hour signing things, taking selfies.
And I was like, whilst I don't mind any of that, I try to stay away from it when I'm with my kids.
Yeah. She just stood there.
And I bet the Vakov crowd take ages to take a selfie. The age demographic, they've got leather cases on their phone, they've got their thumb over the camera,
they're a bit doddery, some of them, it must be a bad angles, yeah.
That's Mary Berry, never mind everyone else. So what kind of stuff she into is you watching a lot of
pepper pig or CBBs? A lot of pepper pig at the moment. There's a lot of pep. I mean I am a big fan. Are you are either of of you doing the the the the the the the the the the the the the th to do th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. Do in th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do to do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do to do to do to do to do to do to do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. th. Do. th. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the th. the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. I mean I am a big fan. Are you either of you in it, are either
you doing any kids voices? No, I've never done one, but we interviewed Doc Brown and he'd
done the, is it Jack anora, it's not Jack and Orries. It's the bedtime stories. Yeah, which
a lot of people want to do. Would you do any of them, Michael? Yeah, absolutely. I could see you appearing in a, you know, an episode of Justin's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. to to to to to to to to to to do. Would you do any of them, Michael? Oh yeah, absolutely. I could see you appearing in a, you know, an episode of Justin's house getting pied in the face or something. I'd love
to get pied by Justin. Well, I mean, what's the deal with Justin? Because he's on it? I mean,
there's young C.B. B. B. B. B. theyb's or something. What's that all about? What's Justin's house, they do Mr. Tumble, I think Mr. Tumble's the best one.
I mean that's great. He does the game show where he plays all the characters. Is that the skit
show? Yeah, that one's one step too far that is that he's jumped the chart. I've got a theory on that one. I've got a theory on that one. I reckon you know when like someone's got a th. Someone's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. the. the. the. the. the. I reckon you know when like someone's got a lot of power at a channel and he's gone if I do another series of Mr. Tumble you have to take that
sketch show I've been pitching to you. Yeah yeah because it's good but it's not
vintage. No it's not classic it's good it's all good don't get me
wrong. Talking about bedtime stories you know it's always a little bit of a thrill to go oh who's doing bedtime story today to to oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh to to to oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh th oh th oh th oh th oh th oh th oh th oh th oh tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that's tho tho tho that's that's that's that's that's th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the that's that's the that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho tho tho tho the the tho. the thi the the the thi the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thoday? Oh look, it's Tom Hardy, or you know, it's some odd people show up.
The big gig for that, I'm guessing, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day.
Oh, yes, who did Christmas Eve and Christmas Day?
Who?
Bloody Justin, both of them.
Because he's just not on enough.
He only comes out for the big events.
I'll do Christmas age.
Oh wow.
Leave it to me.
Night before Christmas, that's mine.
Because he actually did the night before Christmas.
That was a big gig and he got that.
But I mean all that, I mean, I do think his show is amazing.
You could do that? Would you be good as a kind of children's, Mr. Tumbumb, Mr, Mr, Mr, Mr, Mr, Mr, Mr, Mr, to, to, to, to, to, to, thuu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to, to, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, to, to, th. Would you be good as a kind of children's Mr. Tumble actor?
I don't know about that.
When you're watching that, are you seeing the craft?
Do you know what I mean?
Well, we have a lot of conversations about it is a real skill
to be able to do the, you know, talking to kids on TV without, on the one hand,
sounding and condescending, but then on the other on the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the one hand sounding patronizing and condescending but then
on the other hand coming a cough across is really creepy because a lot of
actors I've noticed a lot of actors go on the bedtime stories thing and they
clearly gone right I'm not talking down to the kids I'm not talking down I'm just
gonna speak to them straight they come across really scary
and I think it's a real skill to be able to do that a lot of I are their I are they are they are they are they are they are they are they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to to to to to to to to to to th to to to to to th to thi to thi to thi to they they they they they they they they they they they it's a real skill to be able to do that.
A lot of them are really good.
But what I do find myself doing, and this happened with Lily as well when she was little,
and essentially really had made a difference to my career, because I, people now think that
I'm very good at, you know, I must have been good at doing impersonations and that kind of stuff when I was growing up. I was terrible. I couldn't, think th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th.. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thiiiiiiiiiiiii. And, thiiii. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi, thi, was growing up. I was terrible. I couldn't do impersonations. I wasn't that person at all.
I couldn't mimic anyone or anything like that.
And then when Lily was really little,
she would watch, you know,
Disney films, Pixar films, whatever it was.
And she would then want us to tell her stories,
you know, tell her non-judgmental, I would just have a go at doing the voices of those characters.
And slowly, over time, I found like I was quite good at doing them.
Like I get really quite close to the voices and stuff.
So it eventually ended up to the point where it gave me the confidence to have a go at doing Tony Blair and that kind of stuff. I wouldn't have had the confidence to do it. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I tho, I tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, I tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and th. And, and th. And, and tho, I, I tho, I tho, I tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, to to to to to to tholy, and tholy, and tholy, and tholy, and tholy, and tho, and tho, and th kind of stuff. I wouldn't have had the confidence to do it had I not done if you hadn't done, you know, Woody from Toy Story or whatever.
Exactly, yeah, yep, Sully from Monster Zinc, all that, yeah, and all seven dwarves, all seven dwarves,
yeah, she used to, she'd go to the point, yeah. and then she would make me be all seven dwarves doing stuff and she would
slowly get quieter and quieter so she wouldn't add anything to it as snow
white and the seven dwarves would just have a conversation around her that's
what she enjoyed the most I was exhausted by the end of it
so great people must have been easy then by the end
yeah exactly but with Lyra what I'm finding now is because we watch so much like C.Beebs and all that kind of stuff.
I do find myself, because you were asking, do I do the voices of any characters?
I don't, but I do find myself trying to have a go at all of them, all the pepper pig characters, all the moon and me characters, all in the back, and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoes, tho, tho, tho, I, I, I, I', I'm tho, I'm tho, I'm tho, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I do, I do though, I'm, I do though, I do though, I do though, I do, I do, I do, I do, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I do, I do, I do, tape, I'm, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, And in the back of my head, I'm like, yeah, I could do that.
I could step into that.
If old Derek Jacoby decides to give it a miss, I could pop in that.
Could you give us a line or two of our children's Cibi-we-we?
Well, I mean, Moon and me, I think is's a wonderful, wonderful shot. I've not seen Moonami. Oh, it's so good. I have to give it a while.
Yeah, it's fantastic.
Your kids are a bit old for it now, I think, maybe.
Oh, really?
It's shot so beautifully.
It's like a good in the night garden.
Yeah.
And it's also, they should swap it around. Because in the night garden, because it's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is is is is a th is a th is a th is very relaxing. So I think Moonami should finish.
Anyway, anyway, that's all the-
In the Night Guard, it reminds me of the weird bit of Glastonbury.
In the Nightgarden.
I mean, is it you go in that one field?
You're in there for two minutes, nah.
No, no, let's go back.
Kilers are on. It's a fucking lunatic. It's the ninky-dom. Not for me.
Rob, you've got this to look forward to.
So we've got this thing in our house called Shark Week.
Have you ever heard of Shark Week? Do you know what that is?
Is it on National Geographic?
Well, they show show.
It is also a show on a National Geographic.
But it's also what, I think a came up with it, by the way,
what some people call being on your period.
But when, I know you guys and you don't want to talk about it,
but you've got girls and you're gonna talking about it.
Yeah, yeah, you're gonna need to know this.
Something to do with the moon,
please get someone to emailing or whatever, you know exactly what it is. But something to do with the moon causes all the females in the house to be on their period at the same
time. My husband, my husband, like he goes to be in queue for like eight hours. But you all acknowledge it and you've called it shark like that's a good way of kind of.
Yeah, there was a there was a point where at first my husband was like what the hell is going on and then
and then we kind of realized it.
I mean we'd always known but it wasn't like it wasn't a thing but when you're all on
lockdown you can't help but it be a thing and yeah and so yeah periods of something that we just talk about and it's just like yeah okay so this is happening this is why I'm being an
absolute B and you know and not not you just have to deal with it but just let
can everybody just tread carefully yeah so it's sort of like an accepted
thing and then that way he's not gonna get in trouble for moaning and then you're not doing defensive it's sort of another thing it's all going to be a a a a a a a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a bit to be a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit a bit t. I'm a bit a bit t. I'm a bit t. I'm a bit t. I'm a t. I'm t. I'm t. I's t. I's t. I I's th. I I th. I I th. I I I I I to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be th. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I thing. I thing. I thing. I thing. I'm not going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. It's not going. It's not going. It's not going. It's all going. It's all going. It's all going. It's all going. It's all going. It's all going. It's all going. I'm not going. It's all going. I'm not going. It's all going. It's all going. It's all going. It's all going. It's sort of an o'clock thing. It's all going to be a bit tetchy this week. It's sharp week. Let's just keep your heads down and plow through it.
Okay. Exactly. Exactly. But yeah, as I said, you've got that to go forward to it.
That's a great term. Yeah. I cantunami of shock.
Do you find it more difficult to talk about your teenage daughters than you would about
a three-year-old or stuff because are you worried about what you would say about them in public?
In a nutshell, yeah.
Because I kind of, well, first of all, I know my kids are going to listen to this because
they love the show as well.
So yeah, I am definitely conscious of what I say. But the thing is as well, like, I would like to think
that I communicate enough with my daughters
for them to know exactly what I think of them,
you know, and how much I love them
and how amazing I think they are.
And also as well, I'm their mom, they're so used to me being outspoken and saying thaged and saying thaged and saying thaged and saying thaged and saying things and embarrassing them and like oh my god did your mom really say that?
And it's just like yeah she did. That's what she's like you know so um yeah I don't I don't think
they'd be you know too too upset I hope not anyway. No I think that's it isn't it.
If you're being honest they can't come home and you know, I think that's so much of the battle, isn't it? Definitely, definitely. Communication is key. That's, yeah, number one,
apart from with the toddler. That's, I mean, as you know, it's just probably.
That's very much about number eight with the toddler, isn't it?
Do you feel like she gets away of a bit more though? Like, how your parenting change from a 20 year old to like a three year old now?
Like are you a lot calmer and more laid back than you were with your first ball?
Yes, definitely.
I think with my 20 year old, I say this all the time, like my 20 year old and kind of
my 15 year old, they were kind of tester kids. And then my, I feel like I feel like like like like like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can't like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I can like I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I like I like I that I like I like I that I that I that I that I that I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. th. th. th. the. I th. I the. I th. I th. I th. I th. I kids. I feel like I can give my best to my youngest just
because I feel like I know what works, I've tested what works and I've tested what
doesn't work. And also my eldest two are very different to each other so I've
got a feel for I feel like two ends of the spectrum and so yeah with my
youngest, I mean let me tell you one
thing lockdown has definitely changed I was that parent that my child is
never going to even touch an iPad until she sticks and you know and I was that
parent and and now she's you know I've got an iPad but it's more or less hers and
and I just oh my gosh I saw this wicked quote the other day and it said,
if you're worried about your child watching too much TV, put it on mute, put the subtitles on,
and then they're reading and I thought, do you know what? That's a shout.
Exactly. I was right, I do think though, if you're worried about your kid watching too
too much TV, then the reality is you haven't got too many worries in your house. I mean, growing up, he watching too much tea was the last thing
and no one was worrying about with what was going on. That's really, you know, he's not going to
be Marcus Rashford's next campaign. No, exactly.
The problem is, because for me though, I was going, I'm all right.
I think I couldn't even read me two odds about seven or eight.
But I'll say that to the Lou and she looks being disgusted, but it doesn't make it okay.
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If you've got a day completely to yourself, right, for whatever reason, like to come at a the the their their their their their their to be to be to be their to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to yourself right for whatever reason like a couple of one night full day for night what would you do with yourself Joe what would be your
day do I have to be is it we've or without Stacy let's do with Stacy
without Stacy what would you do? Oh you know what I haven't gone to the gym in
about two years so I'm getting really fat I'd like to probably go gym I go gym in the morning and I love my fishing I go fishing all day just by myself no to the the the the the the the the to to the to the to to the the the the to the the the to to the the the the the the to the the the the the the to to the the to the the the to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the go gym in the morning, and then I love my fishing, I'd go fishing
all day.
Just by myself, no one around me, I'll put my rods in and just freaking zone out.
And golf, you like golf as well, don't you?
I was talking to Josh about.
Yeah, we went.
We went.
I took, Josh, I took, I took Becket golf right. on your hottest day of the year last year. 35 degrees. And we did have no sunsound lotion.
I've never seen someone, and I'm the ginger one.
I was glad.
I've never seen someone go so red in my life.
Honestly, Becky, didn't we think you had heatstroke at one stage?
Yeah, at one point I had to lay down on the buggy, didn't I?
You like a bit of golf netgy didn't I? Just to be a shame and you put a water in my head. You like a bit of golf now didn't you? Yeah I've started now I've tried to explain to Josh
it's a great way to get away from kids. Yeah. I'm, you know what, this fishing
sounding good because you don't actually have to do anything right? I love it. You know what? I've only just started getting into it, um, last three months with my to to to the to to the to the to th. th. to th. It th. It's th. It's the th. It's to to th. It's to to to th. It's to to to to to get to get to get to get to get to get to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the the. the the. the the. the the the the. the. the place up in Essex where you get a little cabin
and in the cabin you get like a little TV and a couple of beds in a little fridge they bring
you over your breakfast, your lunch and your dinner and you just put your rods out
and just sit by the river.
I have a chat.
Listen, I've been fishing for three months.
I ain't called one fish.
But there is not one bit of fishing equipment I haven't got mate.
I literally, I'm literally, if you was going to draw a picture of someone with all the gear,
no idea, it's me.
But you know what it is, Beckett, you know what it is?
It's a step up from golf because golf gets you out for about three hours,
d'n't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the fishing, the fishing gets me out for like two, two days, man.
I'm out for like two nights.
Well, my father-in-law was talking to my mom about it.
Anyway, yeah, I go down to the coast and I get down there and I get my sandwich out, my firmus, and I got my chair, and then, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, I'm they, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th, I'm th, I'm out, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm for, I'm for like, I'm for, I'm for like, I'm for, I'm for like, I, I, I, I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I'm like, I'm out, I'm out, for, for, for, for, like, for, like, like, for, for, like, for, like, for, for, for, for, for, I'm out, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, I'm like, like, like, I get my rods out, I just sit there for the day. Honestly, it's brilliant. We get a little fire going.
I love it. I love it. And our life, what we do as well as a job, we're so busy and we're always
sort of a hundred mile an hour and everyone's like in your face and you've always got to be happy
like he said, always got to give the best side of you and stuff like that. And I think there's the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th is really really really really th is really th is really thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thin thi's thi's thi's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to be happy like he said, always got to give the best side of you and stuff like that. And I think there's nothing better than just to do nothing and just really just
fucking just think about real things for a little while. Yeah, totally agree and just sort of like
re-energised rather, right? I'm just giving out energy the whole time. Exactly. One second. Let me just put this kid in the bath. Wait there. Wait th. Wait th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's just just just just just just really thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, really just really just really just really just really just really really really really really really really th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to tot. tot. tot. tot. tote. tote. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Just just one second, stay there. Okay. This is great. This is live parenting
in an interview. Yeah. I'm doing it. Oh, is he actually getting in the bath? Yeah, you know what?
He was, I had a bath. He was going to get in it, but he didn't. And I've just sat and he's
chucked everything there, all the deodorants, the brushes. So let him just play with the bath. It's easier. Yeah. He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He th. He th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's. He's. He's. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's t. He's t. He's t. He's t. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's. He's. He's. He in the bath. It's easier this day. Yeah, exactly.
Fair enough.
Do you do shifts with Stacey then if you've got work like, so like you'll have wrecks
now from half ten to half two and Stacey can do some work or whatever.
How do you split it up or is it?
No, I mean, we just sort of take it as it is. So like yesterday Stacey was at work. to work. they. they. that. that. that. to. to. th. I have the baby all day we go for walking the forest and stuff have to do
breakfast and lunch and then and then when I'm at work she'll do the same
but during the day when we both haven't got work we there's no timetable
to it but like Stacy will go I'm just gonna have a 10 minutes and you have 10 minutes so it's an unspoken things so it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's the the the the the the the the the th I I I'll th I'll th I'll to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they they they they they they they they'll I I I I I'll I'll I'll th I'll the the thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the I I I'm thi to to to to to to 10 minutes. So it's an unspoken thing, but yeah, we do sort of do shifts of such.
What would you do, Joe, if you and Stacy,
you've got a day together, no kids around?
Oh, I think I'd think I'd.
You can take her fishing?
I'd love to take her fishing.
She's not having it at the moment. I think, me, they's, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi, they. they. they. thi, they. they. that, they. that, they. they. they. the the thooooooo. the together, thooooooo. too. too. too, together, together, t up, cook a breakfast, then we'll go for a little walk, and then
we'll have a little bit of time together in the afternoon, and then we'll have some dinner.
And then we'll have a little bit more time, mate, on that night.
You know, just some lovely time.
There's been a lot of that time recently. No, see a lot of time you had time time. When was the last time you had time? Where was the last time you had time together?
Mate, honestly, in it bad, man. I don't even know. I don't even know, but yeah, just, I'll be getting
the time in as much as I could. Yeah, fair enough. I've got my final question always ask everyone, Josh.
And what would if Joe
sorry why don't she say no I thought you're genuinely talking to me then
no no Joe one final question joke we're so similar me and Joe swash I know
that's why I get it it's just all I can see just big curly ginger air that's
a problem is there something that your partner does in the case Stacy
something Stacy Stacy does that as a parent annoys you athere something that your partner does in this case Stacey, something Stacey
does that as a parent annoys you a little bit that you can't really say about being a row
obviously it's taken that Stace's an incredible mother but there's something that she does you disagree
that annoys you a bit that you can't bring up because there'll be a row but if she did listen to this she would hear it and go yeah maybe he's right, the' he's he's he's th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thee th, thee, th, th, thi, thi, thi, the, thee, thee, thee, thee, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their, their, their their their, their their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi, their thi, thi's thi's thi's thrown, thi's thrown, thrown, thi's thrown, the an the an thee, thee, thee, thi's thi's Stacy lays out certain rules, pairing rules, that we've got to follow.
But she doesn't follow her own rules. So like, for instance, I'll give the baby a little bit of orange juice in his cup, yeah.
And she's like, oh my god! You're getting a voice teeth, you're off your head!
She'll make a big thing about it, yeah, and I'm like, a week later she'll be like,. And then like, a week later, she'll be like, oh, should we let him have a little bit of
honours juice? I think sometimes it's the hypocrisy of her parenting that does me in. It's the
things that she's allowed to do that I'm not allowed to do. But apart from that like he said, she's amazing. And what would you and what would she say about you? What thing annoys her about the way you parent?
Yeah, she hates it. I've got this thing where I'm a little bit lazy when it comes.
Because sometimes you have a little smell, you like, is he had this shit? Is it not a poo? I don't know. And even I've got to take all this clothes off off, if if off off off off off off off off off off off off, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. I's th. I've th. I've got tho, I've got tho, I've got their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, I. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'm th. I'm thee. I'm that. I'm not. I've thoooomoomorrow. I've thoooooooomorrow. I've thooooooomorrow. I've th. I've the. I't a pillow and put all his clothes back on. So I like now just to dip my finger in.
So I just I just find a little gap in his baby growing I work all right down and I'll find
little gap and I'll dip my finger in and then I go and I'm like no he's all
nothing but on a lot of occasions you're like,
you don't have to smell your finger, you're like, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, the orange juice isn't the issue there, Joe.
I'm more on Stacy's side than you there, mate.
I think Stacy's got a point just put in, you know.
What? No, you can't just, come on. risk to put your finger into potential human shit just to save a bit of time.
Come on you must admit your own child's shit is not I look at Rex's shit like
like it's Play-Doh do you know I mean because it's he is because it's come from him
could you love him so much you don't mind your shit is that I could be I could be I could be
be elbow deep in your shit and I'll be like oh it's all
I don't think there's a person who's spoken to loves their kids as much as you Joe
and I think it comes across. I've got an off-topic question about restaurants, Jared. Oh, love it.
Yeah, I don't know if this is the forum. We'll soon find out. You once told me. What the hell are you going to ask? Yeah. You once told me about Priscilla Presley taking you to a restaurant.
Yes. And it remains one of the best anecdotes I've ever heard in my life.
I know it's off topic. It is off topic. Can I just ask? Do you know what? Let's sit up normally. Jared have you ever been to a restaurant with Priscilla Presley? You should get a chat show Josh. Is he sly? That was so slick. Well funny you
should say that Josh. That's weird that was my next question. Oh well yeah I did
Pento with Priscilla Presley. What was she like? She was amazing. She was genuinely amazing. Look, she's such a big
celebrity that everyone was really, the first rehearsals, everyone was really
nervous of what she's going to be like and stuff like that. They're basically wanting us
to, you know, tread on eggshells around her until we could figure out, you know, what she is like.
I had to do a photo shoot with her and Warwick Davis at the Savoy Hotel.
And I am, I'm aware that, like I was third billed in this Panto, but I'm aware there's a big drop from second billing to
to...
Right? You guys know me. I'm a realistic bler from second billing to the third billing.
You guys know me, I'm a realistic bloke, right?
You know when a football team have spent all their money on Rinaldo?
Yeah. And then there's, there's some good players in the team,
Thomas Graveson turns up. There's some solid players in the team.
Yeah. But Priscilla Presley is selling the shirts. Big time, big time. And you the the the the the the the their their th. And, and you, and you, and you, and you, tha work work work work, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, thi, thi, thi, thoer's, thoomk is thoome is, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, thi. I's is thi. I's thi. I's thi. too, too, toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I's, too, too, team. Yeah. Yeah. But Priscilla Presley is selling the shirts. Big time, big time. And you know Warwick's selling a bit of merch too. You know.
So we're in the Savoy Hotel and they've got paparazzi there. I'm talking like 30 photographers.
And I, you know, I knew what was going to happen. And it happened exactly how I thought it would. And so Priscilla goes out and they're all clickinging. their their their their their. C. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. their. th. their. th. their. their. their. their. their. War. their. their. their. their is. their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I's. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I'm. t. I's. I's. te. te. te. their. their. so Priscilla goes out and they're all clicking away, clicking her name and stuff.
Then Warwick goes out, clicking away, shouting her name.
Then I walk out, one click, we're done now. Right?
One clicks worse than zero.
Mate, is it though? I got a zero click at the NTAs. I was behind TELISA and it was like every single flash of every
come and went off when TALISA walked past and then I stood there and they went, yep keep
going. I went yeah, very enough. So I've been no clip so one click. I'll take that Jared.
Mate one click and then I stood there and the PR person said, do you want to take any more? And I said, no, no, I think I'm done. Thanks, guys, thanks.
When I used to support Stephen Merchant on tour,
and we'd go out afterwards,
and there'd obviously be loads of people out the back of the theatre,
and they'd all cue for the photo with him,
and then occasionally someone would ask for a photo with me and it'd be embarrassing.
But worse was occasionally someone would say, do you want me to get a photo with you?
No, it's a pity.
Yeah, a pity off, they're offering me.
A pity photo, is there anything worse?
So you've been one click, you're in the Savoy with Warwick Davies in prison?
Yeah, one click. And then we go into this other room to have interviews with journalists.
And you know, all the big papers are there. And then I'm in the corner with the Wimbledon Gazette.
And the journalist guy says to me, do you think I'll get a chance to interview Priscilla?
And I said, no. And he was like, well, th, th, like mate there's a reason I'm having an interview with you I don't even want
to be you know I'm not looking over at the guardian going I wonder if I'll get a shot at getting
an interview with a guardian let's do the interview and let's go and get some lunch mate. It doesn't matter. I really want to talk to Priscilla Presley and like yeah I want
to be in the telegraph. Come on mate. Just realize where you are in the world, all right? And
they, Priscilla Presley had a fake apple and she says, do you want me to bite it?
Do you, she said something like, do you want me to actually bite it?
And I said before, without even thinking,
only if you want to fucking die.
And there was silence.
And then Priscilla started laughing and everybody did that really annoying,
sickophantic sort of, once she started laughing,
everyone was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that's spoken like a real comedian.
I felt that feeling before.
Oh, but those, that silence for a couple of seconds where everyone's like, oh my God,
I can't believe you've just said that. So she was great skill. She was awesome.
And this is just, this has taken me a long time to get to the story you wanted me to tell you. But I loved, I loved the story on the way. I didn't know there was more.
Oh, there's been a hell of a journey with her. It has. In the panto I used. I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her hen, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, I was her, the the the the the hen, the hen, the hen, the hen, the hen, the hen, the hen, the hen, the hen, the hen, the hen, the henchmenchmen, I was her henchmenchmenchmench is. I was the one who was meant to murder Snow White but I didn't. So every time I went on stage I would improvise a new a new name for
her. Hello my queen of anything negative that was in the story in the news I
would try and spin it in each time. And there was one time where I went on and called her the Queen of Awkward Family
Photos.
Do you remember that website?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I called her that.
Yeah.
It was popping off in 2013.
It was popping off on Bebo.
And my space.
It was all over my space.
And so I said that. And she, thi thiiii that, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and she, and I that, and I thin, and I thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, to to to to sp. And, to sp. And, to sp. And, to sp. to spin, toed, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s. to-s. to-I. to-s. to-I. to-I. to-s. to-I. thin, thin, th. th. thin, on stage just turns to me and says,
what did you say?
And I went, uh, queen of awkward family photos and she said,
what photos have you seen?
And in my head I'm going, oh man, that she has taken this.
She doesn't know about the website awkward family photos.
So I'm just panicking on stage, looking at her thinking,
I thought this was a pretty safe bet this line, but it has gone into murky waters.
And then I said, I haven't seen any photos and she said, we'll talk about this.
We'll talk about this offstage.
The audience are wetting themselves, right? Because I am... I was shitting myself, but I was aware I was on stage,
so I was really playing up the panic as well.
Yeah.
And in Panto, if things like that happen,
people just think it's part of a show.
So they're just laughing and going with it.
And we go on, we walk off stage after that scene, and she says, I'm not talking to you, and just, and just, and just, and just, th, and just, th, th, and th, and they, and th, th, th, th, and th, th, and th, th, and th, thi, and then, and then, and then, and then, thin, I'm, th an, th an thi, thi, thi, I'm, I'm, thi, I's, thi, thi, thi, thi, I, I, thi, I, I's, I's, thi, thi, thian, thi, I's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, threat, threaten, threaten, threaten, threaten, threaten, threaten, threaten, threaten, threaten, threaten, threaten, threaten, threaten, threaten, thto you, and just walks off. I was like, oh man, oh man, and then I had like 30 minutes until my next scene with her,
where she's in a harness and she's being poised it up to fly across the stage, right?
And I think, I'm gonna talk to her before we go on for this scene.
Oh God, this is- So she's getting hooked't even the story asked for either. I'm sorry.
This isn't what the podcast is about.
It's funny though.
This is unbelievable.
I genuinely, I'm in a spinny chair
and I've had to turn away from my mic because I'm too awkward.
So she's getting hooked up in this harness to fly
and I go up to her and you know, I just say, Look Priscilla, I'm really sorry... I thi. I this harness to fly and I go up to her and you know I just say
look Priscilla I'm really sorry I didn't mean to offend you about that
awkward family photos there's a website called awkward family photos and it's
you know people have just putting in their own family photos on it
and you know a lot of them are from the 80s and it's all about their hairstyles.
And you know, some people dress up in the same jumper and it's just, you know, I'm just rattling
on she's just staring at me and then she slowly starts getting lifted up, slowly starts getting
lifted up and then she just says to me, yeah, I know what it was, I was just winding you up. Ha ha ha ha ha! And then just gets taken on st taken on on on st taken on st taken on st taken on st taken on st taken on st taken on st. their on their gets taken on stage and I was like I cannot believe
she just played me for 30 minutes I was sweating man. Oh my God. She actually went
on stage giggling. So she was a lot of fun and she came out she came to Nando's with us a few times.
Turns out her favorite drink is Red Bull and Vodka.
I know, awesome.
So the story you want me to tell, the story you want me to tell,
she invited me to lunch with her and her assistant in between shows,
and she said, we've found this great French restaurant in Wimbledon Village.
And she said, I just love it, The ambience. It's just genuine French.
It's so good. So we get in the car and we rock up to Cafe Rouge. And I'm kind of getting
out of the car thinking, oh, I can't believe this. And we sit down and I say to her, what is it about this place that you really like?
She said, it's just so authentically French.
And she said, you know, we ai' here the other day and I had quite an incredible beef bourgeois.
And I'm staring out the window at the Carluccio's across the road thinking, why couldn't she have gone there?
And so we eat the meal and I didn't want to be the guy who popped the bubble the bubble the bubble the bubble the bubble the bubble the bubble the bubble the bubble th th th th th th thuuuuu that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that'sthere? And so we eat the meal and I didn't
want to be the guy who popped the bubble about it because she was genuinely
delighted about it. You can't in that situation. You can't. She was dropping
French to the theatre and I said, thanks for lunch.
And she was like, oh, that's great.
We should go back.
We should take some other people back there.
I'm sure they'd love it.
And she said, it looks, you know, that maybe if we take a big group of us there,
though, you knowiscilla, it's a chain
restaurant. There's loads of them. And she said, I don't believe you. I don't
believe you. And then I just dropped it. I dropped it. And then probably three
weeks later, we were standing in the wings about to go on stage.
And she hears her cue line and then just turns and looks at me and she says, Cafe Rouge is a chain restaurant. I'm so disappointed.
And then walks on stage and does the scene.
That's it for this special best off episode.
We'll be back next week.
Josh, you fancy going for a beard?
Maybe like the 14th of April.
I can't do the 14th of April, Rob. How come comes?
We're doing the Parenting Hell Arena tour at Manchester Arena.
Oh, okay. Yeah. How about the 19th of April?
Oh, no, I can't do that, the Parenting Hell Live Tour in Nottingham. What about the 20th?
Cardiff? Ardiff, Arena. 21st? 21st of April? No, I can't do that either. London O2.
27, 23rd of April?
I can do the 22nd, we've got a day off.
Uh, 23rd, yes, yes, Wembley.
What about the 28th of April?
I'm in Birmingham.
Do you know what, Rob?
Perlin and Hell?
Yeah, but we'llthere's a live tour of parenting hell. And I cannot wait. It's genuinely going to be an absolute thrill to do. And do you know what
it would make? Perfect Christmas present. Two of those tickets. Oh, great Christmas present. Or father's day present. Exactly. See you there! Hello Tom Allen here. And Susie Ruft. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. that thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. That. That. That. That. th. That. That's. th. That's. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. theea. theea. the. the. the. a podcast called Like Minded Friends. It's very much
a celebration of, I don't know, what would you say, Sue's being queer? Being queer, but also
chit chat. There's loads of straight people that love it, so I think that you should
come along and listen to it. There's something for everybody. It's been described as
white noise for gays. But also we had a lovely section about glade plugins. So why don't you listen to it? Search, like-minded friends, wherever you get your podcasts. That sounded quite professional, didn't it?
Mmm.
If you are not in the queue and you are waiting, then step to the side!
He got in touch, you said, yeah, sorry, mate, you didn't seem like yourself the other day.
You've only met me three times.
The self-service checkout. I don't in those stupid jester hats. I glanced at a tampon.
Two pound sixty nine for a bottle of water. Why is your Wi-Fi code? Ten characters love starts
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