Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S01 EP12: Alison Hammond

Episode Date: June 5, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP12: Alison Hammond Joining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lock down and beyond is the wonderful presenter, Alison Hammond.Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, I'm Josh Riddickham. And I'm Robb. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation. And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills. Each episode will be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to lockdown parent in hell with Josh Libbyan.

Josh Widdickam. Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Lob Beckett's a lot close to mine. I'll give you that, Rob. That kid really didn't want to be involved in that. Thank you though Natalie Corner for sending it in, but the kid didn't seem keen on us.

No, he wasn't that fast. That that is Natalie Corners three-year-old attempting to say our names and he wasn't actually interested but he immediately asked when he was going to be on the radio so hello to him. Oh yeah when this gets picked up mate you and me both brother um so so how you been Robb to the seaside the other day during the week it was really quiet, kids loved it and one of them did wake up at 5 to 5 and it was a really tough day but I took them down to the coast and they just slept in the car which is an absolute. Having a car and just banging a minute from to sleep is a game change. It does it. What do you do when they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. thi. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. to thea. to to to theea. the. thea. the. thea. the. the. the. the. thering. It does help. What do you do when they're asleep in the car? Do you just stare and think or you... Oh no, so what I do is loud music to get them off to sleep.

I've worked out if it's too quiet any extra noise will wake up so keep it loud at the start and then they get used to that volume and then when they're asleep, the podcast, but you can slide the podcast on, but too too too too too too too too too to to to to to to to to to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get the podcast to get the podcast to get to get the podcast to get the podcast to get the podcast the podcast the podcast to get to get to to to the podcast, the podcast, them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them their their their their their their their their their their to get to get to get to get their their their to get to get to get their to get to get to to to to to to to to to too to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to the the the the the too the talking's a bit is not soothing enough. Yeah, yeah. And but like you have to really be careful because sometimes you can slide a podcast on and you just see one little eye open. And another key point is make sure if you've got it on shuffle at no point ever does any Disney song come on because they will know what it is start. It's like putting come on I lean on at a wedding. The man out of nowhere. She's done nothing for five hours, not even gone to the buffet, but now she's back in the game. So yeah, you've got to wait until they're fully gone. What we should do is we should start our podcast with like

10 minutes of loud music and then we should just ease ourselves into the mix over the top of it, so the perfect things you use in the car. I mean. I th. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. thi, we're thi, thi, th. the. their th. the. Yes, we're their the. their their their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. to. to. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the the. the. the. the. th car. I mean it's a tough first listen to a new listener though isn't it? Yeah it would be a ide of chance. When are they going to come on? Rob it's been a big week. Best to say with the message I sent you. Well yes I suggested turbo shoes to help you get your daughter to sleep quicker to speed up the bedtime routine because she shuffles along in shoes, isn't she? So I suggest picking her up. So she wears my wife's sparkly shoes. Shows. To speed it up and this is what you sent me about how that went down. Quick parenting update.

Turbo shoes went down like a crock of shit. Yeah, it was a disaster. Let's listen to your reply. I would like to say it's probably in the delivery, knowing you. Well, I worried about that, mate. I did worry that I wasn't selling it. I'll come here, it's just turbo shoes. He sort of sound quite panicked. Maybe I didn't sell it right well. Talk me to me through it. What happened? So she put on the shoes and I was like, here we bloody go. Let let let let let let let let th. Let th. Let th. Let th. Let th. Let th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. t. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. tog. tog. tog. toge. toge. toge. toge. t. she put on the shoes and I was like, here we bloody go, let's just bash through this with the turbo shoes. So I went to pick her up and I said turbo shoes, but not with a bit more than that. Have you explained turbo shoes? Yeah, I said they're fast, the turbo shoes.

Something like that. Before you picked him up. The moment I said the words turbo shoes, she was like, no, these are sparkly shoes. Oh, okay, yeah. She's very precise on what is and what isn't. So if ever I reword a song that she's aware of, she absolutely comes down on me like a ton of bricks. Oh really? Yeah. If I was to do the theme tune of Sarah and Duck, so should it with her name put in there, she's like, no, it's Sarah and duck.

in there. Should I go, no, it's Sarah and Duck. And so this, she couldn't comprehend these sparkly shoes turning into turbo shoes because she's too literal. Yes, could you then say, oh my, oh look, this is, okay, this is Mulsion too. Okay. At your sparkly shoes, they're doing special sparkle power because then you're owning the sparkle, but it's essentially okay in all sense of purposes it's turbo shoes but you just say sparkle shoes as you run with her from the bathroom to her room to speed it up. Okay I'm gonna try it tonight I'm very excited to try it. Oh look at the sparkly shoes with their special sparkly power yeah I'm gonna bet that will be fine and in the moment my hands touch her sides she got absolutely freak but we'll see how it goes. Could I suggest something in the build-up because it's all about the sales pitch before you deliver the sparkle turbo shoes is she goes, is you go, look are they your sparkle shoes? And she'd be like,

yeah, and then you get your like your wife into go, oh look, look, are the splucing? And the spluck, they, oh, oh, they, they, they, they, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, th, th, th, th, th, th's all, their their tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th's, th's, th's th's all, thi's all, thi's all's all's all thi's thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.. tho. Because it's then go look what they do and then as you're doing it Rose is gonna be like oh yeah and then I mean it's a lot of effort isn't it just might be worth watching a shuffle in but that's what I'd be doing but but now I've got to try it I've got to try it very excited do you know mean think of those shoes is a side of a bus three hundred and fifty million million the the the th the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thousa thousa thousan thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousa thousa thousa thousa thousa thous thous thous thous thous thous th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thousa thous thousa thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand to to thousand thousand thousand to thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand her the message she wants, not the truth. Thank you, Dominic. Now, it's also been a big week for another reason, she went back to nursery for the first day yesterday. How was that? So the drop-off was quite tough.

Oh, I bet. But luckily, they would only accept one parent and my wife did the actual drop-off and she... Oh, so you're not worried about how your daughter was, you just did have to see it. Luckily you are there. I'm an old hand at seeing parents with their kids flipping out. There's always one in the foyer. I don't even know whether they go to the nursery or they just have a freaking out child to make you feel better in the foyer. They just keep a their child their child their child their child their child their child their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thethere to lose their shit just to make the other parents

feel great? It makes me feel much better on walking on air by the time I leave. I didn't know that. You see how sad that kid was? Thank God it weren't mine. Anyway, so that wasn't good, but she had a lovely, lovely day. But it was what was weird was coming back to an empty house for the first ti. ti. th. th th th. th th th th th th thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, th feel th feel. th feel. th feel. th feel. th f. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the the the the the the the that, the other that, that. that. that, that. that, that. that, lovely day. Oh, that's nice. But it was what was weird was coming back to an empty house for the first time in too much.

Like my house, it felt so much bigger. Yeah. I made toast and then I sat down and I just watched a repeat of Frazier that was on Channel 4, that I must have seen five times already. And it was just bliss. It's weird that the thing I've missed the most is doing pointless stuff. I do find there's too much pressure though

on you to be like, right, I've got this day now. What am I gonna do? Like, I feel sometimes you can panic and put too much pressure on you to be like, right. I'm gonna drop that off at the post office do that and then you find yourself like we've just stuff all over the floor and then it's like before you know at 3 o'clock you've got pick them up and you've done nothing apart just get stressed all day. Totally. Trying to try to do stuff but I think you did the right thing. It just feels empty the house doesn't it about kids. It's amazing how empty it when they're there. Yeah. And then the moment they're at nursery, you feel an overriding guilt that you've done

this. But they love it. They do enjoy it. They absolutely love it. She hung out with Javie who's a main carer who's absolutely, you know, she loves and they had a great time. Chavvy? The, yeah, exactly. Teach them about triangles with his passing, that's the way it works.

Tick-y-tack a parenting basically, isn't it? I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber1 for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for $0.00-$1% $1%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% th3% th3% th3% th3% th3% th3% th8% th8% th8% theats.00 theats.00% theats.0000% that's $88% that's $8% that's $8% that's $88% th8% th8%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.%.00%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% to $1.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00. It's $.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00 up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber 1 for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month.

Savings may vary, eligibility and member terms apply. Back to school signals a fresh start for students. New classmates, new teachers, new lessons. Change is in the air. But one thing hasn't changed. The forward government still isn't investing in public schools. Six years of cuts mean our students aren't getting the supports they need. They can't wait another year.

If the forward government won't change, it's time to change the government. Our kids are counting on us. Join us at BuildingBetter Schools.CA, a message from the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario. Great. So, Rob, as you know, you've been giving me advice. You've been giving the nation advice. You are the nation's agony, aunt. We have someone looking for some advice.

Don't be scared to use a device. The timeout step can be your ally. Don't be afraid to say no to your kids. No to your kids. No to your kids. It's okay to apologize as a parent. Apologize, apologize. Never hit them, but don't let them think you won't. You're listening to WWD. What would Rob Beckett do?

This is from Alex coming. Right. I have a... I love it when people write 1.5 year old and a 4 year old. We, of course, along with many parents across the world, are spending even more time with the kids, which is, and the most part, wonderful. I, however, have found a real issue with my four-year-old's antics. He's really into calling us the names of characters from movies or books, and I'm starting to lose track when it changes. So, for example, in the last month I have been, Tin Man, the Lighthouse, and many others. The Lighthouse is an absolute, I'd love to be called the Lighthouse. It's a great name, isn't it? That's quite a cool nickname, isn't it? It's quite a strong, stable and bright within the darkness.

Just like, it sounds like a crusader. If I get my name wrong, my kid's name wrong, anyone else is it? They will completely lose the plot. An additional problem has arisen this week with my new name, Silk. Silk's another good name, isn't it? Sounds like a stripper. Silk is a cat and if I don't exclusively meow he also has a four-year-old strop. Rob, what do I do? It sounds like, have you ever watched Season Milan, a dog whisperer? Yes, yes I have. I feel like this kid's the pack leader. Yeah. Yeah, this is a classic prison bitch situation. They will take the piss kids, because they think it's funny.

And you know, and you don't want to be horrible to them because they're your kids. Like, can't just fool someone to meow because you're a kid? So would just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. I can't just just just just. th you can't just thi. thi. thi. thus. thus. thi's just thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. this this th. th. this is this is th. th. th. th. this is th. thi. this is a this is a this is a this is a thi. this is a this is a this is a thi. this is a this is a classic. I this is a classic. I this is a classic. I this is a classic. this is a classic. I tired or hungover I was, Josh, or what kind of vibe I was. Because I'm weird, I can do that and I'd role-play and be a cat all day just for a laugh. I'll have me serial on the floor, looking it out at the bowl if the kids are messing about laughing, but... You'd be like George Galloway and though, isn't it? Because you want to play along, but they can't loot, they can't cry about it, can they? I think that's the thing is the moment you let them get their way exactly like that, then you've lost the battle. And I say that as someone who's lost that battle.

What I've learned is you, and they'll just scream, to thrown, they, they, they, to, to, to, they, to, they, to, to, they, they, they, to, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, they, tho, they, they, they, tho, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, their, their, it was too cold. At no point was it hot and then she went I'm hungry I went eat the sandwich. She went no and then she was like oh I hate you and stormed off and screams and screams and screamed and I went look if you're hungry you eat the sandwich or you don't eat. Yeah we've all done that and it does work. It does you know you've got to do that. Sometimes you're not going to starve if you know if you have got people over or there's an electrician in the house or something's happening, you just go, all right then here's another sandwich. But like, yeah, put it under the grill, just make it hot, fry it, whatever. But like, yeah, it all depends on your situation. But if you can, I think sometimes you've got to just ride it out. My friend, his girlfriend was pregnant before that, their first kid and I was talking to him about someone's kid or something. And he said, what you've got to do with parenting is you've just got to set boundaries and stick to them.

And I was like, yeah, you haven't got a child. It's so easy to say that. Theoretical parenting is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard in my life. Be anything, this is what I'll do with coronavirus? Oh is it? I'll test more. Do you think the government are going, we can do more? Oh, don't bother. We only said 200,000.

Everything's easier just saying it like that. Yeah, do you know what I do? I'd bend that free kick into the corner from 30 yards. That's what I do. I don't know why they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't th the the the the their their that the. I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I theat try. try. try. try. try. try try. try. thoooo. theat theat theat. I the an the't take corners straight onto the head of the guy. It's insane, it's such a bad decision. If it was me, I'll just score top corner from kickoff every time. You're always one ahead. I'd get to the point of stuff that way. And this one, and actually, I'll just, fuck off. Leave me alone.

But I do feel like that is how every piece of advice you give should end. So if you want to get in touch with us, this is how you get in toucest. Email us hello at lockdown parenting.co. UK or we're on Twitter at lockdown parents. So this week Josh our guest is the incredible Allison Hammond star of this morning she was in Big Brother as well we didn't cut we didn't come in Big Brother I'd have happily talked to her about Spencer and Kate Lawler and was it Johnny the firefighter and that was it hot Alex the model he who yes got angry that Johnny had pissed in the shower oh nostalgia Bancere I just realized what a waste of an interview that we're about to broadcast.

I can't believe you'd ever brought it out. We should have asked her, do you piss in the shower? We don't ask that. I can assume no. But Allison's amazing. She's so lovely, loving mum, to one, one teenage boy. So it's an interesting listen. and enjoy. Alison Havoured, welcome to the show.

We finally got you on with me and Josh. Hello. The tech situation got a bit hairy. Well, we should tell the, we should tell the distance that basically we've had half an hour of tech troubles. And about 28 minutes into that, I'd given up hope that it was going ahead. So I'm not got my game head on. You was either. I know it was done. I was cooked mate I never I was that last attempt I thought this will never work and then you plug something in Alison

and you went yeah, it was perfect I was like oh what's happening to the last 48 did it? I literally I was like a technical genius well. Well. I went to import and outpour, I was all over it. Allison, could you give the listeners a quick rundown on your setup at the moment, your kids and where you're living and what's happening? So I'm living just outside of Birmingham. It's quite rural. I've only just moved in January. And I've moved to a house which is nearer to my son's school, just to make things a little bit easier for him because we lived about eight miles from the school before so we were doing the school run and it was I

had to take him to school every single day and it was like oh I can't take this anymore. How long was the drive? I did it for about four years but it's only seven miles but imagine that at rush hour it takes about an hour through rush hour honestly. Two hours of your day. Yeah it's I th I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th. It's I th. It's I th. It's, I th. It's, I th. It's, I never th. It's, I to th. It's, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I th. I th. I th. I had th. I th. I took took took took took took took took the school tak. tak tak the school. took took the school took took to to to to to to to took takes about an hour. No way. It's about an hour through rush hour. Honestly. Two hours of your day. Yeah, it's, well, I never used to pick him up. He used to always get the bus home. But I used to always take him to school every single morning. But I did it for four years and I thought, that's enough now. And this is his final year and I've got round to moving. He moved and it's his final years he'd done it for four years and then he moved.

I know what was the point I know what was the actual point but honestly I can't tell you how much it was actually doing my heading that commute every morning just imagine I had to get out of bed it's terrible I had to get ready you get dressed you weren't you weren't allowed to drive this school anyway because of lockdown. So that was pointless. You've done it for about four weeks. You spent five years at this school doing an hour about. Thanks for that Rob. Great. Yeah, yeah, I've got into debt.

I've got a bigger mortgage. Yeah, thanks for that, Rob. Thanks for making me feel so much better. Okay. And my workers, a lot of my workers gone, I've got no money, great, thanks. You're working from home, Alistair. We've seen you and actually your son, he's about how old's age and 15, is he 14, 15? He's 15 now and he's homeschooling. Yeah.

He's your cameraman. He's my cameraman, but I do have to pay him, babie, it's not just like, do you? Yeah, yeah, we negotiate, I think five pounds enough, I think for a 15 year old, you know, five pounds a shot. For a child. Yeah, get up out a bed. He has to get dressed, he has to come and film with me, obviously. If we're filming in the garden, he has to get ready, he has to have shoes on, have a shower, because it's like work. But we negotiated £12.75 and that's what we're going to go with.

Every time he films for me it's £12.75. I'm actually filming tomorrow on the show and they want me to do a picnic. And they were asking if Adam wants to join me. I just said no. I just knew he would want to. He's happy behind the camera, not in front. Yeah, but this morning I've got a lot of money. Well they're not giving it to me babes, they're not giving it to me. Imagine if he was on a bigger fee than you. Does he get excited by the factor on TV, Allison? He really doesn't, Babes. Josh, he doesn't care. I think he's proud because I've seen him, I did Rocky Horror Show last year and I was the narrator and I saw him

in the audience and you know when you can just tell someone was really proud of you? I see like glints of, oh that's my mom. I think he's really impressed with like how I do things. He says I love your Instagram mom. You really might make people interesting. It's really, you like make something out of thin. Yeah, but also from a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tine tine out of them. Yeah, but also from a teenage boy you don't get much out of them and never mind any sort of love or admiration at that age do you? So anything's a plus or something? And then do you find that? It's hard to get stuff best friend you don't mean like

I go cycling with him and he always says yes okay do you want to go for a bike ride and some people would find that I think some kids would find that really like who wants to go around with their mom on a bike but he loves it he loves it. He loves it. They don't go very far because I get really tired. We normally just go around the block and then I'm like I'm tired now I'm going back but he always comes with me just enjoys like my company. I'm thinking of getting an electric bite now because honestly I'm just knackered the whole time just go around the block. I want to go further I want to go into the countryside so I'm thinking of getting one of those electric bites house nearer there that's what you normally do when you've got a long journey to deal with. Yeah but he worried about his school baves he's got a year left at school. You saying he's not going back mate

read the news. How's homeschooling gone? Are you a good teacher? I'm a fantastic teacher I'm amazing. He doesn't listen to me but but I am amazing. I think I'm a brilliant, I think I'm a really good motivator, I can motivate, he just doesn't listen to me. So what, how does it work out? Take us through the school day? So in the morning he does have a sleeping, I'm not going to lie, but I've just had an email to say he's got a lesson at 1125. So I would wake him up an hour before and I'd say say go say say say say say say say tell me no he's not having a shower today. I go, okay. And then the computer goes on and I just listen to the teacher teaching my son and then afterwards she goes, go off and do this assignment

and I have to just make sure he does it. Once he's done it, he can go and do whatever he wants, which is normally a game console. What game? It's the one where he kills lots of people in the street and the tax people. It's obviously escapism. Do you miss it though? Do you miss him being little? I do, actually, yeah. Of course I do.

I loved when he didn't answer back and he just sat there looking at me, Doey eyed. I miss everything about those times, feeding times. I used to love doing food and mixing different things, broccoli with a bit of meat, put a bit of seasoning in, I'll be like, wonderful lights, I used to love my food. And then he'd go to our places and he was like, you know, I'm not feeling that it's not seasoned. I always seasoned my baby food. My baby food is on point. I should have sold that baby food it was amazing. I should have I should have sold it. What would you season? Salt pepper? No I put a bit of

all-purpose seasoning and he used to absolutely love it. I used to have like mashed potato, sweet potato, a bit of chicken, broccoli, little bit of all-purpose seasoning and he used to absolutely love it. All purpose, but what other purpose is there than seasoning? It's all-purpose? What else you do with it? Bullspot on someone's edge? All-purpose? All-purpose. I've run out of toilet paper, don't worry. Once this goes out, they rush on all-purpose seasoning and Tesco is going to go absolutely mad.

Anything just becomes amazing, a steak, bit of all-purpose, chicken, bit of all-purpose, mincemeat, bit of all-purpose. It comes out as if you're a chef, honestly, I'm not even joking, there's absolutely no reason why anyone should be cooking any bland food around here now. Did you know I'm a bit of a chef now guys? Well, I know you've got an ingredient. I'm aware of that, yeah. You've got one ingredient.

You know what? I don't, I don't know how I did it, but I'll be honest with you. Allison, can you help us? that's your boy's older now. We're struggling to get our daughter's potty train. train. train. train. train. train. train. thine. thine. thine. thine. thi. to thi. thi. to thi. to thi. thi. to get to get to get to get to get to get thi. thi. the to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get. to get. to get. to get. to get. to get. I's, to get. I's, to get. I's, to get. I's, to get. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.'t know how I did it, but I'll be honest with you. He just started going to the toilet. It was the weirdest thing ever. He used to wake up in the middle of the night and just go to the toilet. For one day, he just literally went from wearing nappies.

I put him into this. Literally started going to the toilet. I was like, oh my God, I am supermom. I am supermind. I don't mean to make you feel bad or anything like that. It just happened. I was like, oh my god. But have you ever seen an adult who doesn't go to the toilet? So the thing is, I don't think think, I think, I think, I think, I thn't thin, I thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't tho, I don't thin, I don't tho, I don't th. I don't to to to to to to to to to to to to m. I. I. I. I. I don't to to to to to to to to m. I. I. I, I. I, I don't th, I don't th.. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin, I don't thin. thin. thin. thean. thean. thean. to me to me to to me to to to me, I don't mean. I don't the. to the toilet. I'm not worried, Alitin, I'm not worried because I know that will happen but I want to know how long I've got to pick up human shit for. Don't you find it weird that your child's human shit is okay? All you've got to do Rob, it's very simple.

Just add a bit of all-purpose seasoning, it's totally fine. Honestly, but it's weird, isn't it, when it's your own child and you're picking up there poo, it doesn't matter, does it? It's like, but if it's someone else's, I'll be like, I'm leaving it right there. Yeah, yeah, I mean, no, I'm not going to pick up a random one in the park. the park. And he was on my own, but I just went back home. How was that? It was all right because I went back home to my mom's and let her do it. I was like, mom, I want to come home.

And she was like, babes, your room is always there. Went home. And there was some nights, she said, shall I do literally should do the nights because he used to be up every like say two hours and you give him a little feed and then he'd go back to sleep. It's like every two hours it was like relentless so he was really tired but my mom was amazing she like literally was there for me the whole time. I was really lucky actually because I was working through when he was really small as well but you know I I do a day here a day here a day there so so so so so so. so. so. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. to to the to the to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to their. I I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was. I was. I was I was I was. I was I was. I was. I was I was. I was I was. I was. I was a the the th. I was a th. I'm. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a the a day there. So I can remember two weeks after I gave birth to Aidan, I was doing an interview with Will Smith. I was there wrapping with him, chilling, got on the train, went to London, did the interview and then went home. So I've got a lovely job in that sense where I'll just go and do what I've got to do what I've got to do and then I'm home by like like by like by like by like like by like by like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like the the like the like to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to do to do to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do the the to the their to their. their their. I'm their their. I'm their their their their. I'm their their their. I. I'm the the the the the too. I. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to three o'clock in the afternoon. Do you think you'll start to do more now? He's older, because it does feel like you did less

because you always wanting to get home, which I think is really admirable, you know, when you've got this opportunity, of this big career on TV, and you pick and chose in to be home, in order to get home to him. As soon as I've finished work, I'm like, I've got to go back home. I know I should hang out and do the socializing thing, but I just don't. I always just want to go up. I'll do like a couple of pictures and then I go, I go now, I've got to get back to

myself. And he's not bothered at all. He's like, mom, I'm to. to. to. to. to. to say. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to too. I too. I too. I too. I too. I to too. I too. I too. I too. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho. I tho. I tho. I just just tho. I just thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. I toooo. I just't want me here. He loves being on his own. He absolutely loves it. I said, what do you love about being on your own? What do you love about being on your own? What do you think? Oh, he's on the Xbox, babes. Honestly, I listen to his conversation. It's so boring.

It's all about Xbox. It's absolutely boring. start playing it with him, like get an Xbox on my own and try and like get into his little games and start playing and like get really good at it. Oh, he doesn't want that, mate. You've got too confident on the bike. If I go into his room and pretend to be interested, he gets really excited to show me all the moves and everything. Maybe we could do a YouTube channel where it's just me and him playing. Yeah that would make him feel cool at school I think. Yeah.

Yeah. Um, Alison, I wanted to ask, did you have any parent who fails? Like little things you did? Obviously, you know when it's your first kid and things like that that you look back on and think, oh, what was I thinking? I'm just so happy more than anything that he's alive, more than anything else, to be honest yeah. There's a couple of times I trapped his finger in the car door once and I just felt like the worst mom in town. I took him to hospital. He was fine and he was tiny as well. I took him out of the car, put him in the car and shut the door and his little their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the door and his little finger was there and he was just like, you know when they're crying but nothing's coming out of their mouth because they're that in shock. Oh that's the worst crime.

I was just like, and then I was like screaming and I was like I felt so, so bad. I thought I'd broken his finger but he was fine. There's a moment where he's been on my bed and he's rolled off. I thou the moment the moment the moment the moment he he he he he he's he's he's he. I he. I he. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I tho. I was just just just, th. I was just, th. I was just, th. I was just, tho. I was just, th. I was just, th. I was just, th. I was just, th. I was just, th. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was just. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin. He've all had that. It's horrible feeling. Oh God and he landed like face down in shock he didn't even cry. I was like oh my gosh baby. I'm just so grateful that he's alive like the amount of times that you make mistakes like that but he's so normal isn't it it is? Yeah it is well that's what this podcast's about, really. Yeah, our daughter fell off the bed. And I think every child's fallen off a bed,

and the thing with a child falling off the bed is they just disappear. I know what I mean? Over the horizon, like a ship. Oh, I've just gone. I've lost lost him. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him. I've lost him, I've lost him as the the the the the the the the the the the the their their the the their their their their their their theumatic experience of my life. I was calling him I was like Aidan, Aden, Aden and he was hiding in the middle of the clothes rack and he was loving it. He actually was getting off on me shouting. He was like laughing. He was finding it really funny. I think it was about four. He's about four years old and I was like, besides my baby? I was like, is anyone see my baby? Has anyone seen my baby? Hey don't! The more I got wound up, the more he was finding it funny. And I eventually, someone had eventually found him in there and he was like laughing

his head off. He found it hilarious. Oh, that fear is awful. Isn't it? What happened once to us, where like, the side gate was left open, like on our house and I thought one of my kids was like in the house of me and then I thought it was in the garden I walked out and I walked out and they were just in the other room hiding and I was like in the running across gravel got ah! Ah! It's not funny! Allison is there any like advice you'd give to people to people with kids like to me and to me and Josh really and other people with kids our age that is that brutal... to to to me. to me. to me. to me. to me. to me. to me. to me. to me. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. their th. th. their their their their their. I's. I'm just. their their their their their. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's just. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I I's. I's. I's. I's. I I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's their. I's their. I's their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their the other. I's the other. it's that brutal time they're really young and it's non-stop like any advice you'd give to those sort of parents. Oh guys, I just think you know what don't take advice from anyone and just go with your instincts more than anything else. I just I don't like to give advice because it makes out like

I know what I'm talking about because I actually don't. I just think go with your own instinct. You spend the first th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. th. thi th. th. I th. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi thi thi thi thi that to that to to that to that the that that that that the that that thi that thi the first five minutes giving us advice on how to cook. So should I discount that as well? No, I know about cooking babes. I know about that. I've just ordered a kilo of all-purpose seasoning I'm gonna have to spend that. There's no one who's just go with your gut. Every human is completely different. How can I give you advice? I can give you little tips like,

I don't know, put pull-ups on, if you're potty training, put some pull-ups on them so that they start feeling the wetness around them. Maybe that's a good idea. But I just think as a parent, you just know, it's your child, it's those instants. Sometimes I don't have go with the flow, go with your gut. I just went with the flow of Aiden, do you know what I mean? I think that's what you have to do. You have to kind of just go with the flow of your child. Totally agree. Totally agree. My son had a dummy until he was five years old.

And anyone who used to say to him, you don't need that dummy, I'd say, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, 't, I tell you what, Allison, you're a lovely person, you're such a kind-hearted, but I wouldn't want to be on your wrong side when it comes to your kid. I think you could turn. I think you're one of them. I'll tell you what, my new next door came around yesterday to t side of the drive and he wanted to put these lights. And I've only just met him. He's a brand new like tenant next door and he's just coming and he's just said to me I'm gonna put some lights down there and he's standing there, this guy I've never met before right, he's standing there with

a chopper in his hand, an axe in his hand. I thought he was gonna kill me. I thought he's gonnato me, mate, do you realize you're holding a chopper in your hand? He went, oh yeah, I'm going to be banging the lights in down the side. I said, I thought he was coming here to kill me? He says, no, no, no, no, no. I said, maybe you should axe but when you keep saying chopper I think of his knob I don't know like chopper's a word for knob no one's says shopper no no I can think of it is going to his knob out just smash his bell end onto their nails to get the lights it.

Oh Alison this has been amazing so obviously you've got a teenage boy slash near man in your house all day with you. You've got to look after make sure he's doing it with this and that cooking and clean. What would you do if you had the day completely to yourself? No Ada, no one. Just you in the house and you could do whatever you wanted. What would you do? Oh I'd rip out his Xbox out of his room and smash it up. And then when he comes home, right, when he comes home and go like, oh my God, how did that happen, babes? What's happened? I'd like, just play dumb. I don't know what's happened? This is crazy. No one's been in the house. Maybe it was the next door neighbor

with his chopper. Brilliant. Thanks, Allison. Thank you very much, Allison. Oh, thank you guys. That was Allison Hammond. Rob, you're, I mean, we are both big fans of Allison Hammond, but you're a particular. Oh, huge, huge. I think I'd say on one of her greatest fans. I think she's, she's funnier the most ians on the circuit, I'd say, but just doesn't, doesn't have a set. But she's so good and I did a pilot with her, with her and Melvin O'Doone where we did pranks around the country. We were attr should do that. But I think a lot of it is, like she was saying, she's had to not

do stuff like that because she's a single parent and she doesn't want to be away from her son for too long. But now he's like a teenager. I think he's going to be quite in favor of that. I think that's such a kind of a decision I've never, me and you don't have to kind of confront because you feel like, well, if I'm working, then that's a good thing for the family. And you don't think, but who's going to look after my child if I take this gig. Well, Catherine Ryan, like as a single parent, would always have to take her to geeks and festivals and stuff. And that's that's that's that's that's thiiiiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thoui, thin, thin, thin, thouiii. and thin, thi. thi, thi, thi and festivals and stuff and that's so hard trying to get your head around what you're going to do and do your job and knowing that your daughter's just side a stage at a festival at like eight or something and you just hope their like the compair looks after your kid soaring. So, imagine struggling on the soul sapping from their eyes. Oh no. There she goes here.

Ever getting their respect again. Or even if you smash it, then you just walk off and they go, I don't understand what happened there. You are just talking and they laugh. How does that work? One thing we need to bring up, Josh, I'd say is, but next time we interview somebody who's got a teenage child, more so a son, we need to double check they're not playing fortnight online and rinsing the internet because the connection sometimes it's an absolute, oh it's paper thin. Yeah, thank you Dr-Alison, absolutely brilliant. If people want to get in touch, do leave reviews. We've cleared 3,000 now. We're way beyond 3,000 which is pretty unbelievable Is that what we're in it for? Number of reviews? I never thought that was a bromer.

Is it a braubber? That's the only reason I've got into comedy is for my iTunes reviews. That's the only thing I cared about when I did my first gig. Let's not get into Sandy Toxfix, putting out one episode of her fucking podcast. Join us on Tuesday where we were joined by the amazing Daisy Cooper, the writer, star creator of the amazing this country.

That's a banger, in it, she's having a nightmare. Great for me. Oh, it makes you feel better that one. I felt great after that. I'm a bit worried about, oh, but I'm the top of the world. You know it's a good one, you have to send them links after. This helped me out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. the world. You know it's a good one you have to send them links after. This helped me out. Really like an African fucking G. See you next week. Bye.